Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Aloha Hawaii

Episode Date: December 14, 2021

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Hello, everyone. It's your girl. And I'm coming to January. That's not a place. In January, I'm coming to Salt Lake City. I'm coming to Nashville. And then we're going to Raleigh, North Carolina, Austin, Indianapolis, and Philadelphia. Get tickets at EstherOnIce.com. I cannot wait. Hey, slugs. Come see me live. In January, I'll be in Edmonton, Canada.

I'll be in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I'll be in Namonton, Canada. I'll be in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I'll be in Naples and Tampa, Florida. And then in February, I'll be in Springfield, Missouri, Washington, DC, and Westminster, Canada. There's a lot more dates coming up. I'll be in San Francisco, Austin, a bunch of other places. You're going to go to Annie Letterman.com slash shows to find those out. Can't wait to meet you. Can't wait to sign some shirts for you let's go carlos what are you wearing your vaccine band-aid that's why i just asked her proof that she doesn't actually shower is right there it's proof that she doesn't shower or that she's faking getting the vaccine and is like trying to it's a a show off. It also looks like a fake.

Does it look like she made it herself? You're reminding me I have not showered since the vaccine. Well, actually, I don't shower. I take baths. There's no bath in the hotel. It's actually a problem. Can I take a bath at this woman's house that we're at? Ask her.

She's already asked if her husband will look at our vaginas and see if we're good candidates for... A little backstory, guys. We're here in beautiful Kailua, Oahu. Welcome to our very special Hawaiian episode. Dude, fuck this. Wait, this is my camera. I do not feel good here. I don't like Hawaii.

Esther, do you realize that there's about to be rain for five days straight? This is the only sun we're getting. Nothing's happened. What do you mean you don't like Hawaii? I've never sneezed and stuffed up more. I feel like shit. I landed. I got my period.

It's like kind of hot. I don't know. It's just my allergies are so bad. Nobody cares or believes you. How does that feel to have no sympathy? It feels exactly like my childhood. I really am trying to like muster like an ounce of sympathy for you but somehow can't get there tell me what is your honest reaction then about what i just how i just complained just being very

she's probably very not surprised very this is to be it's on brand okay yeah you're my little baby okay yeah and i gave you allergy meds. Thank you. When those kick in, it's going to be rock and roll, baby. I gave her allergies. That's so weird. I said, Lord, make her suffer. This is like being with mom and dad. Like, you guys give me the-

Who am I, dad or mom? Your dad, for sure. I'm big mom energy. Am I father? I don't know. I'm stumped. I'm dad. Yeah, she's fun dad. I'm like- No. I'm my father. I don't know. I'm stumped. I'm dad. Yeah.

She's fun dad. I'm like. No, I'm Maury. Because Maury, you guys do the. You go do the crime. Yeah, you do the. Yeah, you do the show together. Yeah.

All right. So, Kyle, where are we? We took Kalilah Airlines. My big joke at 5 a.m yesterday she's been saving she hasn't she hasn't spoken to us or hung out with us because she wants to save that joke for when she sees us i wanted to know that so we got in yesterday we flew in on the 7 a.m flight esther almost missed the flight i didn't i look i don't miss really becoming the late person no no no no i don't miss flights also.

Even though I thought I was going to be late today, I was there before you. Oh, but you woke up to work out. You guys have this secret workout? Well, here. Here. You and I were supposed to go on a walk this morning, but then it was followed up with a I'm really not doing well with my allergies text. So I was like, hey, Annie, we're working out.

Wow. I didn't know. First of all, I'll be second. That's fine. I can work it alone. I don't need first of all I'll be second that's fine I can work it alone I don't need you were invited on the walk what of course you were you were you were to be invited on the walk I thought it was to be invited I thought it was a family walk but yeah everybody you bailed so then Annie I'm like we're not gonna go on a walk yeah we're gonna go work out she showed up and by the way to work out in Crocs that's how little she respects you

she just doesn't give a shit. Well, she's like, I don't know. She's an island girl. She's used to just clinging to trees with her feet. Oh, and on my way to the workout, a really hot boy on a bicycle hit on me. You made him sound very young just now. You called him a boy? A boy on a bicycle.

He was like, I work at a coffee shop that just opened. It's called Brew and Foam. But he was tall. We got to go to Brew and Foam. I think we have to go find this hot boy. We're foaming for that. I think I know why you like Hawaii. Why? Because you, if I was a person on vacation in Hawaii, you're the person I would want to have sex with.

Why? Okay, so she is a person on vacation in Hawaii and she does want to have sex with her. I didn't mean it like that. The numbers crunch. I just want to say that this is day two. I was. Kalilah. Now Kalilah does come out here.

I do. Does people know that Kalilah comes to Hawaii once a week? One time a week. Kalilah comes to Hawaii. She flies back just to do the podcast. I think that's just about right. It's cool. I support it.

But I thought there was going to be, I'm not a red carpet, but like I thought there would be some sort of plan of, Kalilah was just gone. Okay. Kalilah got a different ride from the airport than us. Like she wasn't with us. She's not in our hotel. We found out. She set us up to stay at a hotel and then she's not there. She's not in our hotel. We found out she set us up to stay at a hotel and then

she's not there. She's not in the same hotel. She set me and Annie up at the same hotel but she's staying at a different one but we find out when we get here. Tell me that's not shady. It's shady? Okay wait not only is that shady but we booked these flights. I don't get first class to stay with these stupid

fucking scrub bitches. We did sit together though. We did sit together. Well me and Carlos were back in the last row. Now okay now Kalilah had the window seat. Todd and I were in the middle seats and then there was one empty seat because Jules was

supposed to come and couldn't come. That seat did not get filled. Esther came up and she goes oh I'll just switch to here and Kalilah said no that's for my feet should i ditch carlos and larger items please no these are for my legs and that is so good that is so good because i do think my feet and esther are like equivalent that is true aloha spirit right there. But then she really did use them for her feet.

And I thought it was like funny. We'll be chatting over her feet. She was watching cartoons the whole time. She eyes everyone out. Watching cartoons. And you were talking to me while a very important character was dying. I did look down and I saw it did look. I went, ooh, I am interrupting quite a part.

But I tried to talk to her the entire flight. You did. Yeah. I was excited. We're going to Hawaii. Kalilah has all this stuff planned. I can't wait to hear about it. This is why she didn't want to talk, but nothing planned.

I do have things planned for myself. You know, what's great though, is that I don't want to do shit. So I'm like, hang loose. Awesome. Look, the weather just isn't in our favor. Well, it's perfect right now. It's been almost perfect the whole time, actually. Todd and I went on a beautiful hike yesterday. Did I not send you there? You did. I just wasn't present. No, she wasn't there. I thought she'd be at the top. I thought the lighthouse was you. I thought, wouldn't that be a fun surprise? You popped out. I was chasing the sun yesterday. So as soon as I got here, I was like, oh, let me see if I can get a dive in.

Because it's going to be raining the next four days. And so I drove to the west side. And it was rough. And so I couldn't get a dive in. But that's the reason why I ditched you guys. But she was like, it's so beautiful out here. She sent me a picture of the west side. We didn't have a car.

The water was rough. She rented one car. Okay. She was like, no, that's enough for all of us. We did have to. We had to steal the car. We had to pry it out of George's life. We didn't have a car. The water was rough. She rented one car, okay. She was, no, that's enough for all of us. We did have to, we had to steal the car. We had to pry it out of George's life. Last I fucking checked, I'm not production. I am talent.

Okay, George. These motherfuckers, I rented the car. I got every, all of these locations. I set up all of these locations. Somehow, I don't get production money, which I feel like I should at this point. I just want to make note. I have not complained. No, she did.

It was in the room to me. She goes, if this is a work vacation, why am I paying for it? I'm like, because there's no studio paying for this. It's all us. The production is us. I was asked for my favorite person right now. This is the least difficult of everybody here. That she wanted you to

pay for her for her trip no i didn't ask me for it so i'm happy who did you think was gonna pay for it no i would all i said was mr mr hollywood it's a work trip but i paid that's weird can i talk about let me talk about the flight more so there was a moment where esther came up i bent her over the and this is, people are still getting ready to go. So this is like still tense. Plane is still boarding. The plane's boarding. The stewardess have shit to do.

They're called flight attendants. Stewardesses. I'm not even trying to pick a fight. Tell me what stewardesses. Stewardess implies that you had to be a certain age, a certain height, and then you had to be unmarried. Isn't that crazy?

I know you didn't know that. Do you know their requirements? I know that. And now I say stewardess more proudly. Okay. Cause they should be a little younger. Up until recently, the Philippines still had the rules.

So for Philippine airlines, you had to have a look. You had to be a certain height. I think you had to be like at least five, six or five. Where are you going to be one? Am I? Oh, that's that up in you.

It's just a fantasy. It's a role play fantasy you and I have. I'm sorry. Are you upset because you were too short to be a stewardess? Is that what you're saying? Of course. Yeah, I'm too short to be a rock cat. And that's why I have this podcast with you now. But you make a great rock. A little pebble. Look at her. Pebble in my shoe. That's what my dad calls me. A pebble look at her pebble my shoe that's what my dad calls me a pebble a pebble in a shoe oh no that's what he calls never mind that's what he calls my sister so we landed and the first thing esther says the first thing esther says when we land is i got my period i'm not doing well and i do think while that is a terrible thing to happen on day one of vacation. Thank you.

I think it's a gift. I'd rather be on my period. Than about to get my period. Than about to get my period. I guess it's like the fear of not knowing when it's coming kind of sucks. But day one is my worst day by far. I like, it's emergency mode all day. So it's just, and I'm still recovering now from day two is recover from day one I don't know periods here's here's my favorite part about it so Todd and I go by the room thinking maybe we can

just like get them to go to dinner with us or something like we're here together right let's do something so we get to the room okay Carlos and Esther are tucked in tight. Okay. They're not, there's not even, they're not going to a vending machine. Okay. Nothing's happening. And they're watching of all the things you can watch the news. They're just bleeding out, watching the news,

watching COVID cases on the rise, school shooters everywhere. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no like no no no this is the worst vacation but to Esther this is a so an upgrade to last week when she was here I'm gonna go ahead and make the conclusion that the three of us have very different vacation styles yeah um I like to have fun correct what kind of fun new things anything yeah you are I'll do anything anyone tells me to do I'll go open your Open your mouth and close your eyes. You're.

Let me shower first. You hit the ground running, Annie. You are somebody who was like, I want to do it all. Jam pack my day. I want to just, you know, live fast, die young. And I love that style. Esther, I would say you are the complete opposite and antithesis to her entire existence. And I would say you're on the, you're on the phone trying to get that ticket back. Yes. I don't even know how to vacation. I there's three places. There's three cities. I'll be in LA, New York. And I guess Skokie is technically a village,

a village. You didn't know Skokie is the world's largest village. Wow. that makes sense takes a village to raise an ester to raise a slug you got to beat those three places and nothing really does for me I will say this California Los Angeles I do believe and come at me Texas we know you hate us is the best place I love where I live. I love my home. So when I travel places, I'm always like, huh, I could be in Malibu. Well, my dad nailed it last night,

or two nights ago on the phone. He said, Esther, you can't appreciate Hawaii because you live in LA. He said, come spend the winter in Chicago and go to Hawaii. You will have a great time. I beg to differ. Oh, I think because I've lived in LA so long

is the reason why i cannot get enough of this island it's just la is so fucking dry it's a chaperone over here your skin is good the hair is good you're moisturized i don't need to wear chapstick i can dive whenever the fuck i want to dive not in cold water the water here is warm i listen i would love to do all those fun fun things that you do here. Annie, I have extra dive gear. I'm coming. We'll dive. Alright, I'm wearing my extensions. In the rain and get

staph infections. I'll do it. Alright. I'll staph infection with you. Carlos, get the bed ready. Carlos, what are you huffing and puffing on over there? Time for the tuck in. Oh, that's right. Carlos is with us guys. He's here in a different capacity as Esther's handler, but he us, guys. He's here in a different capacity as Esther's handler, but he's here nonetheless. He really is Esther's handler. And this is the fights I used

to get in with you. This is what I was like. She was slowly pushing me into handler mode. I was not. You pushed yourself there. No, how could I push myself when I'm wheeling you around in a wheelchair? I'm hands free. Carlos, what is it? There's no hands free with Esther. What does a job entail? I need both your hands available. It's like getting iced coffees and me being like, oh, I'll take one too. And is it also like, is it also, is there a little bit of like cleaning up period blood

out of like the top corner of the bathroom? No, but it's existing. No, it's more staying away from the period my favorite thing about carlos is he's divorced and he gets to hang out with ester and he gets all of the worst parts of being married it's just like seeing period everywhere just dealing with the whining and marriage like prepares you for this i imagine you're also just a human pillow on the plane oh i have a video of it and she goes i drooled on you and I looked down I was wearing navy pants there's like it looks like a

cum stain I listen I we know it wasn't toothpaste um I walked back to try to find you guys couldn't find you no offense Carlos you're a little short and then I was like where are I was like I don't see them so then I waited and I went back again Esther was

laying on you like you were breastfeeding. Like you had fallen asleep breastfeeding her. And it was, I have a video of it. Roll the clip. It was wild. But I will say this. So before we, when we were all still boarding, I bent Esther over and I was butt banging her into the seat.

I had her ass up face down how I like her. And the flight attendant stopped and she goes. Did you say ass down face up? Yeah. Or ass, yeah. Ass up. Ass down face up. I do not like that.

That is not how I take my ass down. That is not how Esther would like it though. That's how I like it. Or the ass down face easy wow Kalilah really loves that joke wow jealous

interesting you should try comedy Esther it feels good can you just show us what that would look like Esther yes it's very easy Esther's so skinny

do me I want to just sing that song it's like if I die young bury me in sand we should do a fake funeral for you like in Rex Manning Day

what was that show? Empire Records I did that one year that wasn't an ass down face up I was thinking on all fours with your head up like a hyena with your ass down I thought it would be more like this like what Violet and I did earlier

where does the penis go? like a hyena with your ass down i thought it'd be like more like this like like what i did earlier with your tuck with your ass tucked in like that's what i thought that's also a yoga pose it's a randy no one um one holiday uh i i think it was thanksgiving my mom asked me to help set up, which actually maybe she didn't. She would never do that because she doesn't like me. Doesn't want to be disappointed. Yeah.

But I did set up like pictures of me and candles because I thought it would be funny if we made the house look like it was like my Shiva. And the house burned down? No. And that's the last they saw of the house. You sit in with the dead, right? Shiva is awesome.

Shiva's the number one, my favorite Jewish thing. It's like after the funeral, right? Shiva is awesome. Shiva's the number one favorite Jewish thing. It's like after the funeral, you just go to the person's house and there's like a bunch of candy and food and you just kind of like party. But they cover the mirrors, right, for a week. Don't they cover the mirrors? I don't know the technical rules because I wasn't raised. I am more Jewish than you. Well, I doubt that. I went to like Jewish school and stuff, Jewish preschool.

Why don't you know anything? Because I didn't, my dad, we're Jewish culturally. You're the ish. We're anti-religion. Tell us the story of Esther. Okay, Esther was the beautiful queen. And she was a Jew, but she was beautiful. And the king wanted the pharaoh.

The pharaoh, okay, the pharaoh fell in love with queen esther and queen esther was like i'll seduce you pharaoh but you have to let my people be free and he was like okay for you and that hot pussy i'll let your jews free they should teach that in hebrew school yeah do you think he thought she said juice the whole time she thought it was a squirter thing and then he was like oh fuck i have to release all these juice so esther they thought you were gonna be a queen your brain i was born on purim which is queen esther's holiday and then also my grandmother's name was esther wait is purim the same as uh does it call something else no purim is like uh they do the Sukkot.

They do, you go outside. I don't know. We're not religious. Purim's what we used to call when I used to go to bar mitzvahs and pour more shots of Manischewitz. We used to get so drunk off of that nasty shit. No offense to the Jewish community. Better help. Listen, sometimes the islands give you the blues, huh, Esther?

Well, you know, there's allergies, there's stress, there's period emotions. I need my better help. And honestly, being friends with you, I need my better help. More power to you. Listen, guys, after you have vacation with both of these girls, you're going to need better help. If you thought vacation was going to fix your problems, boy, were you wrong. You're really going to need someone to talk to. And thank God we can access them while we're here on the road.

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you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday. Join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp h e l p.com slash trash Tuesday. I'm glad we're talking about this. Because you know what Todd bought a quip without me. He did. If I'm in a relationship with you and you get a new cool toothbrush, you better bring me a toothbrush. I two toothbrushes i'm a two toothbrush kind of girl manually brushing your teeth with no

electrical charge behind it is really for um it's very 90s wouldn't you say annie it's time to up your game guys yes uh bad breath is not the business we're not into it Esther I'm glad we brought you here today The thing I love most about my quip is just how sleek And cool it is It really is And they mail you your refills So you never have to think about it You're always going to get a refill of toothpaste

And you're going to get a refill of the toothbrush heads And then on top of that You know how most toothbrushes you have to kind of mount On your counter It comes with a beautiful cute little pouch holder no and it sticks to your wall it's so cute also i am going to say this i have had boyfriends in the past that do not replace their toothbrushes you know when your toothbrush looks like it has a middle part that's the guys i've dated before and they all needed a quip because you need quip to just remind you with that package of that refill you guys from celebrations

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you'll get your first refill for free. That's your first refill free and up to 40% off bundles at getquip.com slash trash Tuesday spelled G-E-T-Q-U-I-P.com slash trash Tuesday. Quip the good habits company. So I have a question for you guys. In about a couple hours, we're going to be taking a tour of a very special place called the Shangri-La where there are artifacts. I don't think they're stolen, but artifacts. They're about to be. Get your purse. And I want to know what your expectations are of this place. Have you looked it up? This is an activity I planned, Annie.

I think it's going to suck, but I'm excited for it. It's true. A museum. I'm like, oh, God. No, it's an estate. That's cool. The fact that it's like an estate, we're going to see how someone fancy lived back in the day. You are such, you love rich people.

It's someone's home. It was someone's home once upon a time. Old, dead rich people. And you can be nosy around. And I am in control now. Do you love a place where it's like how the house was, but they just have the thing where you can't go in and you have to peek around?

Yes. This particular activity, I will say I had you in mind for. But Annie, I will take you to the Olamana hikes. Hell yeah. The three peaks. I feel like that's more your style. Well, one of my ultimate dream vacation goals is I want to go to Graceland, Elvis' house,

but I want to go in and see his room. We can. How? Only Nicolas Cage got to go in when he married Lisa Marie Presley. Oh. Can we get a Marianne? Kaleida, seduce her.

I can try. We have to Marianne. So what would you say your your vacation style is like what's a couple how would you describe what's your elevator um description of your vacation style i haven't figured it out yet i'm i just started trying vacations that i don't like them yet i have to be working. It can't be like a full vacation. I don't want time off. The ranch, when I went to that place where they make you- That was a rehab, right? Go on hikes. Yeah. So rehab is not vacation. Rehab is her vacation style. A nurse- Because they take care of you, right? Yeah. Someone says, wake up, go to bed. Going

into a coma is her favorite. That's her- Okay. So rehab is your vacation style, Annie. Actually, you are a good coma candidate because. Well, you said in the car that she'd be a good nursing. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Because I think instead of being a nurse, Esther should be like the patient. What is it? The acting, the crisis actor.

Like I go for the nursing school. I go and I pretend I have a disease so that the nursing students can learn how to start a podcast with me. We actually don't deal with, we only deal with dummies. Wait,

I think I see a lizard and I just want to see if it's a lizard. Is it a gecko? Yeah, I love geckos. The green one? Uh-oh,

we lost her. We lost her to a gecko. She sees her cousin. Yeah, you know we have massive alligator lizards in California too, right?

You like those? Oh yeah, no, I see those. I love them. Yeah, yeah. I see lizards in my yard. I love geckos and lizards. Sorry. Sorry, I had to enjoy my vacation for a moment. You love lizards and geckos? Yes. Have at me. You've just been keeping this a secret. That's your thing? All Esther's getting from me. You know when you're like a kid and you're like, I like pigs and then everyone just gets you pig things for the rest of your life? Esther's only getting lizard attire.

And there is lizard apparel. You have some competition. A lot of people like geckos. What was the one animal that you told everyone was your favorite animal when you were younger? Dog. Okay. Pig is a joke. But yeah yeah i always had pictures of like

my dog or something on my shirt oh that was like a fun present you used to wear a necklace when i met you that said pig on it yeah and then you quick then you were like i'm not wearing it anymore yeah what was that journey the journey was i got a nameplate necklace that said pig which I thought was funny and it was funny oh bless my little baby's heart she's struggling somebody give her a nappy Carlos come be in front of her when she sneezes breastfeed me

breastfeed her oh there's a second one only geniuses sneeze in twos there she goes I'm struggling I wouldn't call sneezing a struggle should I sit this one out it's one eighth an orgasm The second one, only geniuses sneeze in twos. There she goes. I'm struggling. I'm sorry. I wouldn't call sneezing a struggle. Should I sit this one out?

It's one eighth an orgasm. You should be so happy right now. Wait, you sitting out has been an option? My God. Get on the bench, bitch. You should be thanking God for every sneeze. It's a bodily release. I know.

Sneezing is so fun. Sneezing is a delight. Taking shits and sneezing. Here we go. But these type of sneezes suck. Thank God this time. Reframe your mind. Oh wait, can I finish? Let me finish the story about the flight attendant. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

I push Esther's face into the seat where Jules' ass would have been. I just shoved her down. I'm just anally raping her on the flight. And the flight attendant comes up and she's like, oh, excuse me. And so Esther goes like all the way into the back where the toilet is to go stay

in her seat and i go to the woman i go oh sorry like thanks for being cool with us like and she goes that's all right i have i have children your age and i'm like ma'am pushing 40 i don't think you understand uh the age that we are do you know that one time my neighbor goes to Dave, sometimes I hear your children play in the yard. It's so fun. Dave's like, oh. Okay, so he thinks you're my kid and your friends are also my kids. What do you do in the backyard? I don't know what she does.

What kind of sounds are you making? She's crying about the smell of the fire. Maybe I'm like, ooh, a lizard. Ah. maybe I'm like ooh a lizard ah or maybe Carlos and I are playing like dogs in the yard

or she's like Dave get me sugarfish wow she calls her dad Dave by his first name I could see it I could see you being one of those people that calls your parents by their first names no that's how you can have more control over them it's a power move a kid can do.

This is an epic story that Annie told me when we were in the pandemic. And I want you to tell Kalilah. So you were working with a writer and it wasn't going. I had this opportunity to do this, like, write a pilot for Fox. Okay, so this is, like, a real job. That's, like, a really big deal for when this was. It's a really big deal. I was, like, three years into comedy.

Hey, it's hard to be a girl in comedy. It's so hard. But anyway, so I had this opportunity. So they were pairing me with a writer. And this was, like, the third writer. Like, the first, there was, like, always a problem. There was always, like, a scheduling thing or whatever. So,

but they were, the idea was that you were a young comedian that, that Fox was like, we want to do something with her. Let's pair her with a more experienced writer. Someone who knows what to do. Yeah. And so they paired me with this woman who,

um, she just didn't like me. Like she just didn't like me. Like she just, like me like she just it was so it was just like vibe off where and she kind of like looked like right if I was a right if I had gone into writing it's like she literally like there was like a thing so maybe she was annoyed like who is this like fucking girl who's been doing comedy three years who's getting this opportunity and like is not so there was one time I had to be late right because i had a meeting so i don't want to ask interrupt when you're with someone and they don't like you what happens i go i something turns on

like you think i'm already on you know people are you always on no i'll show you double on the minute you start rejecting me it just goes faster faster, faster, faster. It just speeds up. It's louder. Like Kalilah knows when she was ignoring me on the plane. I was like, it's not going to stop. I was like, Vander is actively dying right now. I'm on episode four and Annie is playing with my toes. Sucking on my toes. sucking on my that was Esther anyway so I'm you know I'm being the most annoying I can be but I have to be late

for this so I call her ahead of time I go I'm gonna have to be late I have a meeting the last night meeting she was okay so I show up and she goes what was the meeting for I said oh I met with a literary agent they want me to write a book and she goes no offense but you're never gonna write a book and I was like okay you hate me also I never wrote the book but um but it was just like okay and it was just like

it was always like a weird like just tension of a woman who hates me and then I have to tell her my craziest stories so we can write this fucking thing right yeah so I'm just like yeah and then so he's fingering me on the airplane or like whatever. And she's like, just hates everything I say. So then we like sit down to like get to work. I sit on her couch. We're just like we do like an hour of work or whatever. I stand up to go to the bathroom. I have period blooded. I bled through her couch like it was a white couch. I bled through her couch. Like it was a white couch. And it's just like, there's no scenario where there's the right person to do this to, but there is a scenario where it's the wrong person.

And this is it. It was so fucking crazy. Like it. So I just go, there's nothing I can do. There's nothing I can do except go. I have bled on your couch. I am so sorry. I am, do you have hydrogen peroxide? I'm like, I know you didn't think this could get worse, ma'am.

I know your nightmare has just, you just realized it's an inception of nightmares. So I have to go, I'm like scrubbing. I'm like, he's like trying to scrub it out. There's no way to get it out. And she's like, oh, I was going to get it reupholstered anyway. Nobody's ever getting anything reupholstered. That's not a thing. It is. And, but she was not. Yeah.

There's no way. She was like, it wasn't like her house was like in construction. Like it was like done. Everything was white. It's not like she was like, I got to get this white couch turned black. It's like,

no. I kind of maybe feel like she deserved it. Oh, that's interesting. That's interesting. Because she was mean to Annie. She was mean to me. And it's like, it's not even something that you did on purpose.

My body was like, we're taking this bitch down. God was trying to put a punishment through your body and into her couch. It's like when this happens to a guy you're fucking,'re getting the exchange but she was getting to have a job with fox i mean it never happened but let's be real things got a little the let's just say the calls went a little quiet after that so i am like so embarrassed i remember grabbing her wrist and being like we're bound for life we're bound for life we're bound for life oh no no i'm like we're bound we're bound for life now this is the blood pack she's're bound for life. Oh no, no. I'm like, we're bound. We're bound for life now. This is the most, she's like, no, it's fine. It's like, whatever. Um, and then it just never, it completely fell through the project. And then

years later I texted her and I, I just out of nowhere, I was like, Hey, I just want to apologize. I think I was like very immature in my career. I didn't know how to work with people. I didn't know what day of the month my period started. I still don't. I currently don't say no, but I was like, you know, I just was like, I really want to apologize. And like, I just want to clean that up and just let you know, like I do apologize for the way that things ended. And I hope, you know, on my part, there's no like hard feelings or anything. And I hope you're doing well. And I do also want to tell you that every time I stand up for from a chair, I hope, you know, on my part, there's no like hard feelings or anything. And I hope you're doing well. And I do also want to tell you that every time I stand up from a chair, I think of you. And she never wrote me back.

My God. She never, I never talked to her again. But she's doing good. How good? I checked up her IMDB. Yeah. She wrote a hit Disney movie. Oh, really?

Yeah. I feel like we should prove her wrong and just get you to write that book. Yeah. Yeah, no, I'm going to write a book. About her. And have a chapter. There will be a chapter in there? Yeah. I feel like we should prove her wrong and just get you to write that book. Yeah. Yeah, no, I'm going to write a book. About her. And have a chapter. There will be a chapter in there. Yeah.

There will be a chapter. Blood on white upholstery. I know. Should I ever? The dedicated to. Yes. Because sometimes, you know, that's where the villain arc starts. And I was so broke.

This was when I was living in my car, too, the first time. And so I was like, couldn't, I wasn't like I could pay for her like there was I had no money yeah I was like oh I gotta get out of here she was like you can go you could always call her now and be like I do want to find her number and like hit her up and see if I can get her I want to like chase her you want to get away from me bitch we're bound for life I already told you I'm coming for you bitch i also okay so this is another thing i like to do on vacation now that i'm no longer living in my car i like for the second or first time or the for the yeah the third time will not come third time you're it's that's it yeah no it's definitely not the second time where you should realize so something very interesting happened on our car ride over we were propositioned any which one of us yes to possibly have a two-day rumspringa um two nights down is what

they called it with a certain somebody who is going through a divorce but who is a prominent figure let's just leave it at that if you put any other information okay we can't say that they were related to oh you guys my camel toe has a fucking heartbeat right now let's just say they were one of the most famous people in the world right now it may have been the leader of our land at one point oh you i thought we're not allowed to say i'm not they don't know what leader of the land means okay you're right so the proposition hey, he's going through a divorce. He's essentially royalty, related to American royalty. Correct.

And our reply was, well, none of us are going to do it. Let's offer up George's wife instead. No, what happened was George said, oh, shit, he's related to that person. Don't tell my wife. But you know what honestly george has been a little busy preoccupied with this family we're gonna get rid of your family george we need we need full attention all right so we're marrying i had to get george coffee this morning you know what i'm saying that's a good point i'm gonna make you know how he's a producer and he's production but i had to get him coffee this morning wow what's going on also Also, why am I recording right now?

I'm starving. I am so hungry. No one fed me my breakfast. I'm so hungry. My baby had three bottles today already. He's had two naps. I'm a little distracted. I've got to be honest.

George, we're hungry. I'm so hungry. I'd offer you a tit, but there's barely any. Wait, is your wife breastfeeding? No, no. She's done. Oh, okay. All right, so back to you.

Oh, my God. There's only one way to make this up to us, George. Give us your wife's tit now. Is the woman whose house we're at, is she breastfeeding still? She might be. Would you like some of her gold? I've never had breast milk.

Me either. Well, not since I was four and a half. Not since she was 14 and a half. I've had two things. I just want to go on before you go. I will drink anyone's breast milk. So will I and I'll tell you I drank my best friend's breast milk and I breastfed her baby.

And the baby suckled. When you say anyone's breast milk are you like coming from like a place of is there something I don't know about where people are discriminating over specific breast milks? No but it's not like some guys will be like she's hot I'll take her breast milk. I'm like, no, I want milk.

What part of the internet are you on? What subreddit are you, what is going on here? Breast milk has a lot of benefits. I know. There's like a whole series on Netflix about it. On Netflix? I thought I'd say it. Isn't it called like Netflix?

I love it. Netflix? Back to her prominent figure. Two night stand. No one's taking the offer. I don't like a two night stand because here's the thing. If I'm going to like shave, there will be razor burn by the second day. I can't deal with you thinking I'm having a herpes outbreak on the second day.

I do hate that though. Why is that? I'm getting lasered. By the way, any laser company that wants to pay for it, I'm down. I got my first bikini wax since before covid for this trip and why did you get it for this trip because i thought we were going to be like on the beach and in swimsuits and i was like i just don't want to think about it i don't want annie to see what really happens i have seen but like in front of people when whitney no in front

of the most famous people we've ever met i forgot whitney had like a pool party at her house over the pandemic which is just Whitney gets sent like the weirdest ugliest swimsuits all the time. Some are cute and some are like shockingly the ugliest suits I've ever seen. And that's when she calls Annie and Esther over. Let's do a photo shoot of you guys in ugly bikinis. So Benton

like does our makeup like drag queens. We have like huge like crazy makeup and then Whitney puts us in like these horrible swimsuits and then invites over like Olivia Munn Amanda Cerny like the most beautiful famous people Amanda like this was when we were first meeting Amanda Cosgrove they've had a kid you don't know that they are they actually did bond very fast those two yeah they're cute but anyway so it would this was the first time we were meeting everyone and Esther had a bush down to her knees.

It was like boy shorts of pubes. It was crazy. I'm Jewish. See, you think you're more Jewish than me, but you ain't. I do. I just take care of it. Mine grows down there too.

I'm more Jewish than you. It just looks maybe it's not appropriate to say it but I always say that it looks like there's a terrorist face down below and why is their tongue out? now did you think Annie and I were going to pass judgment when we saw your

bearish hair on your lips? this trip at one point looked like it was going to be a lot different than how it's It is going to be. This is day two and it's sunny and beautiful. The birds are chirping. We're doing everything. A blizzard.

There's a blizzard warning. The world's first. Yeah, for Hawaii. That's so funny. This is very on brand. You know, God was not going to give us a perfect vacation. You guys, attitude. The best. The best. My favorite. It's so good. I never thought sleeping on bamboo would feel good. The dirty little not so secret about

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trash. Okay, guys, I want to let you know another part of my vacation now that the money flows to us. I want to spend tons of money. So I went shopping while Esther was cramming Can I shine your shoes? While Esther was cramming tans.

I will shine your shoes for $5. With your tongue? With your pussy lips? With my ass listen there's nothing on your body that could shine me will you buy me will you buy you a lap dance i'll sell no i'm gonna sell you a lap dance to me of you on me i will pay you to get away from me well here we're going to strip club tonight aren't we we're gonna go to a strip club this is gonna be a great crazy fun vacation yeah we're going to strip clubs a strip club. This is going to be a great, crazy, fun vacation. Yeah, we're going to a strip club. Tonight is the night, Esther.

I will say this though. I did go shopping without you guys. Look at her face. She's pretending like this is the worst news on the planet. Well, I just woke up at 4 a.m. today. Why? Then take a nap when we get back.

Okay. Why? No, I'll go to the strip club. Why? Because I'm fucked up. I'm sick. I'm having my period and I'm going to sneeze again.

No, if we go to the strip club, you know I'm coming to life okay good oh my god the girls are gonna go on stage with blood all over their legs from Esther fucking snail trailing do you think that we'll go on stage yeah what do you mean

are you trying to outshine the dancers I don't want to outshine the dancers I've seen her outshine Natasha Bedingfield she's an outshiner I'm just wondering like what experience do you think the strip club will be like? What is it like here? It depends where we go. If we go to Ballerinas or Rockza or Femme New.

We'll see. We'll do a little. Femme New. We'll skip around. We'll see. That's on that. Lesbian. What really, you know, speaks to the heart.

Can I just say something to all of our lesbian slugs? We love you, by the way. Same. Lesbos are coming out. I love you're hot they're all like girls sitting on each other's laps in the audience and stuff it is i i will say this on the road guys i'm never more flattered than when a lesbian couple slides into my dm and say we want to innocently but not so innocently meet up with you while you're on the island is very tempting offer so that's interesting that's happened to you that's super same yeah wait you guys i read todd's dms today i was like todd i'm reading your dms and i look

there's nothing in them it's so sad like i'm like no girls ever slide in and say anything he's like no i'm like there's nothing well he's not on a podcast every week he's not like a celebrity podcast oh i forgot you don't get any dms oh my god have you been getting some since our last episode came through and i just want to say i appreciate you guys you got dick pics no no dick pics and i don't i'm like like handpicked hands but oh that's cute I calf pics a lot of really sweet men were like hey

like we just want you to know like we think you're pretty too it was and it really did and we have given all of your names to the authorities you pedophiles

okay and you're going down we're checking your your I'm a taken woman I cannot respond but I just want to say that I appreciate it

Who are you taken by? I'm surprised by the taken And the woman part But I want to show you guys What I did buy yesterday Yes please This is my first Hawaiian purchase My shopping purchase

I feel like it's going to be sparkly Something sparkly And very not. Oh my goodness. Oh my God. Yeah. Ew. Ew.

It's so weird. Annie, can you wear this tonight to the strip club? Is that steampunk? Ew. I hate steampunk. It's scary. I love this. Isn't it so funny?

Oh, Bobby would love this. I went back. I window shopped it. I went back. I priced it out. It's from Chappelle Hats. It is so back. I window shopped it. I went back. I priced it out. It's right. Chappelle hats. It is so good.

Dave Chappelle hats. Dave Chappelle hats. And ironically, it looks great on trans people. So that is a weird thing. OK, what are our outfits tonight? Should I've gotten all? We know what Annie's are. Do they have to wear this tonight?

OK. You know what my outfit is. The airport outfit. You're looking at it. Which is a triple XL t-shirt. Something with blood leaking out of it. Sweatpants so I can really feel what they do. You're bringing in the band-aid vibe? You're bringing the band-aid.

You want them to feel your boner? Yeah. We got to get her some mesh shorts. Oh, I have some mesh. Esther does look like she played some recreational sport. Really? It's funny. You dress like someone that's like my new fashion like vision board style

inspiration is sleazy guy at a strip club or at a casino like that's like annie has nailed that over the years i know obviously esther's whatever your vision board is what i'm already doing copy me copy me but you're not steve i'll bring a steve bannon twist to it that you'll never be able to have you know what you add to that vision board you don't want just any sleazy guy at the strip club it's the guy who's gonna wait for the breakfast buffet at the strip club because they have buffets yeah at a certain hour oh i love crab legs i love legs with crabs in between them i just love it all i love it all now i would like a stripper. Strippers have tried to teach me to twerk before and it never works.

They say it's about the heels. Tonight is the night. Yeah. I do go in very educationally. I go like, teach me. Can we have a lap dance contest after like we'll go to the strip club. We'll kind of like get maybe we'll get some and learn and then afterwards the three of us have to see who gives the best lap dance.

Take this one, Annie. I know you're foaming at the mouth. It's just. Should we call Dave and just end the engagement? Why? You're gay because you're gay. You're gay. Do you want to leave him now or later?

Ooh, candy. You're gay. I am. My sexuality is a spectrum and it doesn't always have a word. Divorced? Can I borrow that top tonight? Sure. I feel like that's a great shirt. For the lap dance contest?

This is a good top for you. I need to buy a new outfit though. Let's go shopping. We should go shopping. This is all I've been saying. You're the real Jew. You keep that coin purse so tight. No, but I'm here to, Esther

and I are both here to open your coin purse, okay? I'm going to fucking open it. And money's going to squirt out. Let's spend money. Let's spend money. I don't like spending money on myself. No, but let's do it. Let's just change that for this trip. I'd have to buy you guys an outfit. Okay, but we'll buy each other's stuff. And then you buy's do it. Let's just change that for this trip. Let's just have this trip. I'd have to buy you guys an outfit.

Okay, but we'll buy each other stuff. And then you buy me an outfit. Yes, yes, yes. That's the only way it's going to feel justified. Because I just feel like- Wait, she's so a liar. This is the one that when we said, let's get gifts for each other,

she's like, no. You're right. I don't want to spend that on you. Also, let's just be real, okay? When we're all excited about the money we're making, Kalilah's looking down at us with her tiger belly money going. You guys think this is a lot? Also, let's just be real, okay? When we're all excited about the money we're making, Kalilah's looking down at us like, with her tiger belly money going.

You guys think this is a lot? I'm literally like, I can't wait to spend my paycheck. That's not how I see it. Look at her hat. Her hat says it all. I want to see you and what your home looks like in a year or two when you're a multi-millionaire. Yeah.

It's going gonna be the living in the tesla you're gonna have to get you're gonna go through a lot of gates to get there you know there's that plate on labrea they have that junkyard where it's like just a fun like circus lights and everything i feel like that's what your home would look but mine would be like the clean stuff not the new not the old stuff mine would be like brand new made i'm not getting any of your fucking hand-me-downs shit that place is like dirty that's you and me yeah i would like like if it's a if it's a cool antique but i'm not going i'm not i'm hand-me-down queen you know what i've been doing custom made since i've been getting high is like i like i realize that when i get really in the high zone i like to like transport myself to different decades.

Oh, no, this is too embarrassing. But like my house is that I live in is really old and has never been updated. So like sometimes I'm in my kitchen and I'm just like, oh, I think about like the 1950s Chinese doctors that lived here and before me and how they would have liked. I like how everyone is a doctor, by the way. In every fantasy, there's a doctor by the way in every fantasy there's a doctor that would take care of you no no no they they're not there i'm just pretending to be them living in their home you're pretending to be a chinese doctor speaking of doctors um arlene who is very graciously allowing us to record in her home. Her husband is a urologist. But at some point, he did labiaplasties.

He switched to the vag. So I just thought, we're here. Let's just have him take a look and see what he would do. You begged in there. I've never seen anyone beg so hard for anyone to look at her pussy. I've never seen her beg for a man to see her vagina before. That was really. It's not like I was wanting that.

I'm like, he's here. We're here i want to see how much would it cost what would it look like what would you do what what's your rating would you do it now if it was a perfect looking pussy but they said um you lose about 25 sensation no first i would never do it period i would never get no no the labiaplasty so if they said let's say you were so insecure you hate and you're like this is the pussy here's your uh trophy pussy but you're gonna feel a little less no i'm too selfish for that yeah me too feeling is more important feeling is all important yeah klyla

what do you like look you what you guys hate about your vagina i feel like i just gave myself labiaplasty with these pants. Annie and I did come in cowboy boots, and I know that's maybe not the expected Hawaiian look, but there are pantyholos here. Cowboys are a real thing here on this island, or everywhere in Hawaii. Listen, I just was like,

I want to come to this island and cause a scene. And I think I did yesterday in my outfit. You did hike in cowboy i hiked in my cowboy boots and my short shirt are you serious yeah was it hurt hurt it was hurtful yeah no it was good it was good i um she flashed some tourists yeah todd was taking a picture of me on the top of the mountain and the wind was just blowing my tits you know i almost flashed you on the plane oh because you because i when I took my shirt off because I want to Clyla to look at my armpit to see if the booster made me swollen.

And then you're like, oh, your boobs look small. And I almost pulled them out and rubbed them on you. Like how small? She wanted to throw it at our faces. Your body's looking great, Esther. I mean, just ridiculous. Yes, Esther. Really?

When I'm making fun of you, I'm not being serious. When I'm giving you compliments, I am being serious. You know what you look like? It's very easy. What do you think? If I'm being mean, I'm kidding. If I'm being nice, I'm telling the truth. Because I think you've been looking good too.

Well, I've been working out every day. I don't know what the hell you're up to. Your body looks like someone who's removed that floating rib. You're very curvy. Yeah, there's something going on. Like, did you stop eating a genre of food? Are you like done with rice or something it just feels like you like eliminated something did you go vegan or something no i just my walks are like

my number one thing in life like i love them so much you don't consider a hike a walk i don't want to hike i want to walk i'll do a little bit of a little hill but my walks i'm like i'm creative i'm i'm spiritual i'm they're so wonderful i'm i'm entrepreneurial it's just weird that that weed made you skinnier that is suspicious but i like that because you're using it for what it's supposed to be used for which is like to expand but you know what i think that smoking it and eating it gives you a different effect because a lot of people who smoke it say the same thing that you say but you I broke the eating though I I don't I just stopped doing I just stopped but why don't you want to eat your weed it's less it doesn't feel as controlled for me and it feels like it lasts longer than oh I would have to agree with Annie um an edible for

me is such a different experience for some reason and it's more of like a physical high that i'm not um in control of but with weed also with with joints i realized mostly with weed it's not about the high for me it's because i miss cigarettes so i like smoking joints but also we're from the the class of you know what i mean or late late 90s early 2000s where it's like blunts blunts honey blunts bitch yeah no it's blunts forever well i don't really break the law so i've been trying to not i've been thinking though i want to not smoke because i've been being so healthy in all the other aspects of my life that i'm like why would i be just like putting smoke into my lungs that is true i've been working out i'm so happy this was like my goal was to just get in as good a shape as i could for hawaii did love our little 15-minute session this morning?

It was nice. Because sometimes that's really all you need is to just get the heart rate up. I think that's interesting that you guys planned a whole little workout this morning. We were. And I was completely left out of it. And I'm. There's no way. That's a big TF.

There's no universe where you were coming. You know what that is, Esther? That's big TFTI energy you're doing right now. What's TFTI? Thanks for the invite energy. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it.

I was happy. This is absolutely pathetic. No, no, no. This moment is pathetic. Why? Nothing that happened before except you just begging her to forgive you. I like it. I like that you guys went without me.

Are you so grateful that we didn't invite you to work out? Yes, I am. I like that you guys went without me. Are you so grateful that we didn't invite you to work out? Yes, I am. That's why I was in TFTI. N-T-F-T-I. I, what? And he doesn't know letters. And he can't make a comment because he doesn't know

what letters are. You know what is funny? I am not good at, like my dad can fucking throw one out. Like he knows, what is it called? My dad knows letters. That's letters, but I don't.

That's why our last name is Letterman. Don't fucking talk to me about not knowing letters. That's my life. Listen, I was late to the podcast I was at already. Yes, you found a way. We came here together and yet she was still late. I will say this. I met George's son for the first time.

He's eight months old. He's smarter than all of us. He's smarter than all of us. He's bigger than all of us. He's so cute. He's such a good baby. Those fucking Raycons worked. He cried like three times. There was a hint of it.

I felt nothing. I heard nothing. I will say I talked so much on the plane that George's baby did ask to have his seat changed. It was rude. Do you know that I got pretty woman two weeks ago? George's baby did ask to have his seat changed. It was rude, but do you know that I got pretty woman two weeks ago? What's that? And not in a fun. This happens to me too.

Wait, not in like what a fun way that you might think. I got pretty, like pretty woman. Like as when, as like the scene where she goes to Rodeo drive, I get treated like shit. Wait,

I've been doing a joke. She just told me a story. Are you kidding me? Dude, this chick, everything I picked up at Aritzia, your shop. I love Ar like shit. Wait, I've been, I've been doing a joke. Are you kidding me? Dude, this chick, everything I picked up at Aritzia, your shop. I love Aritzia.

I went to Aritzia and this girl was so rude. Everything that I pick up. Can I get that for you? Yeah, you can start a fitting room for me. She goes to the fitting room, goes right behind me. There were so many other people there.

Granted, I did look like absolute trash. I was dressed like you at the airport and just full on. Same she was wearing at the airport by the way like extra you know what nobody pretty woman's me because i look confident i look like a slob like you work that they think you work there and then by the seventh item you guys she was just are you gonna take that are you gonna buy that which one what city glendale oh i At some point, my mom comes over and she was like, she's like, are you, is she doing that? I'm like, yeah, she's doing that.

And I couldn't fucking wait. I bought so much just to prove her a point. I racked up my bill just so she could ring me up and then I could look away while I handed her my card as if it was nothing. Like I just had, I didn't even want those things. I didn't even want to buy all those things. But now I had to do it just to prove her that I could afford it.

So the store wins. She won. She was brilliant. She should get a promotion. She should get a promotion. What if we find out, I bet you she was just a fan. Wait, what is, what was your story? Oh, I was, okay, so I was in La Jolla.

By the way, thank you everyone that came out to La Jolla. Sold the shows out. It was so fun. Thank you, thank you um but la jolla has like a flea market type thing and so i bought something at every table okay so like i bought like i bought like a wooden thing that you open and like a wooden snake comes out and close it goes back in i went to the next table i bought like a a prism crystal thing to go in the window. Then I get to this like really gaudy jewelry. Okay. I know they're the best. And this is one, by the way. So, okay. So then there's like this gaudy jewelry and I go, what's the most expensive

thing you have? And the girl goes, no. And I go, I just want to see like, what, like, what are all of these? Like what? And I go, well, like, is, is this the most expensive? And she's like, what are you going to buy? And are you going to buy something? Cause I don't want to see like what, like what are all of these, like what? And I go, well, like, is, is this the most expensive? And she's like, what are you going to buy? And are you going to buy something? Cause I don't want to have to explain all this to you. And I just was like $500. But I was like, started like, I went, I went, you know what? It's really weird.

I need to see things before I buy them. And I don't understand what the hell this is. I have a lot of money and I would have spent all of it here. I bought stuff at all of these people's places. You're literally the first place I'm not buying something at. And I walked away and I was like, did a meditation to try to drop it. And I walked back and she apologized.

Oh, she did? What did she say? She was like, I'm really sorry. I was like, I just need, I just think it's my right as a shopper to shop. I don't need, I don't have to promise you. Annie's platform from Miss America. But I don't.

I'm not a shopper. But I don't. But why do I need to tell you what I'm buying before I've seen it? No, you're absolutely right. It was so weird. It was her mistake. And you're doing nothing. No one, it was the end of the day.

She should have just closed her store if she was going to be rude like that. But it was just weird because I was like about to buy something. And you know what? But she did apologize. Here's what it is. I worked retail for years. And even if I thought someone was stealing, I just let it go. I'm not.

That's not my job. I'm there to fold shit and get you your size. I'm not there to play police or be a secret shopper. So I was just really bummed out that someone thought that I looked that fucking penniless. You know, it's also racism. You never looked poor. Yeah, maybe. Because one time I went to

I forgot where just a convenience store or something with Jenna a place where I always went and she came with me once and the fucking store owner followed her around. I was like this fucking sucks. I was like this is weird. I hate this. He followed her around. Maybe he follows Kevin Bacon.

Do you know Kevin Bacon? Are you the girl? To be fair I did steal a lot when I was younger and maybe this is karmic. I did bring wire cutters to places. You have wire cutters? Well, yeah, if you want to steal shit when you want that fucking baby fat jacket in the late 90s. Can I tell you, if anyone works at Bloomingdale's corporate in Pennsylvania, I will pay top dollar to get the Polaroid of when I got caught shoplifting when I was 14. Like, I want that picture so bad. My dad and I have gone into the back of Bloomingdale's, like just walked into the office part and been like, where can we find this picture?

And they're like, it's in a warehouse somewhere. If one of you works in that warehouse, the Willow Grove Mall, I will pay you money. I want that so bad. I was so upset. I was so scared. We would have all been a good team because in high school, I didn't steal, but the cool girls did. And then they would give me the shirts and I would give them to my mom.

And I'd be like, mom, because you'd had to rip out. Is it the leaf? Yeah. While I was talking. Surprisingly, not as big of a reaction as Annie and I anticipated. Things follow me all the time and I just keep going. Are you that kid who got smacked by the ball in the face all the time? And then you best believe I went to the nurse's office for it for no reason. I asked to go home. And I also never had to participate in swimming in high school.

I don't, okay. So basically how the girls would steal is they would rip the hole in the shirt and they'd pull the sensor out. So then I, they would hand me the shirt and my mom was like, she could sew. And so I was like, mom, like Shannon's older sister works at Abercrombie

and they just give away all the ripped shirts. And so my mom would sew the holes in the shirts and then we'd give, I'd give them to all the girls. You you know i worked at abercrombie what if they arrested your mom for hearing this right now there's just someone at your door what are the laws regarding this us admitting um things we've stolen george notice that i didn't admit anything just artistic freedom guys these are all just anecdotes these are made up made up stories i was a no but i had someone else once i got yeah i know i like you you're like the pretty girl no bitch you were like get that they're all just anecdotes. These are made up stories. I was a thief. No, but I had someone else do the stealing. Once I got, yeah,

I know I like you. You're like the pretty girl. No, bitch. You were like, get that, get that, get that. They like go to prison. You're like, I don't know. I never met them.

I know I, once I got caught, I didn't do it again. Wow. So it really does work to slap on the wrist. I was like, well, I just didn't want to

disappoint my parents. Oh, I did that shit for a while. Surprisingly enough, I don't like disappointing my parents. I remember like, well, I just didn't want to disappoint my parents. Oh, I did that shit for a while. Surprisingly enough, I don't like disappointing my parents. I remember this girl that I went to high school with. She was so cool. I actually loved her. She was so badass. She was like, I got caught stealing.

And I was like, what did your parents say? And she was like, they just said, why didn't you ask us to buy it for you? And I was like, that's so cool. No, that was not an option for me no i know same remember echo baby fat yeah rock aware all of that stuff oh i never had tommy did you guys shop at rave i like i did shop at rave wait what's rave like super cheap chintzy like yeah i was always i was a baby songs for three dollars i was a baby slut so i did deb rave um charlotte ruse was my charlotte ruse 20 for those god awful clogs i stole one of my sister's thongs out of her underwear drawer and i like kept it in my

underwear drawer and just like would wear it sometimes were you a whale tail on your face that is disgusting i still am a whale tail queen by On your face. That is disgusting. I still am a whale tail queen, by the way. Whitney's party, we went to Whitney's Christmas party, all of us at separate times or you guys went at the same time? I saw her for two seconds. I saw her on my way out. Which was also your way in? Esther can really pop in and out, can I tell you? There's always a

photo booth and I see Esther and then I turn around and she's gone. I'm like, just one picture, bitch. You know what I was really upset about? Is that we all went to the same party and all missed each other. Yeah, that sucks. You guys were long gone by the time I got there. It was fun. I imagine that's where you got there right on time. I got there like 15 minutes early. I was, which is my style. My style of party goer is I go about an hour in. So that's when I arrived and you guys were on your way out. You and Carlos were on your way out. And then I guess as soon as I left, you got there. Yeah, I got there around like probably 9.30.

But did you see Sarah Tiana's baby? So cute. I want to meet him so bad. He's really cute. You guys may know who we're talking about because it's the young boy that Whitney is like mouth kissing. On Instagram. Very aggressively on Instagram. Very aggressively.

If you bring Whitney like your child or your puppy her mouth gets involved my dog's mouth was inside his head was inside her mouth within 10 seconds of her meeting it anyway I um it was very fun but what was I going to say about the party your whale tail oh Troy Conroy was there taking pictures and so my costume my Christmas costume was that I had a black sheer shirt on black pants but I had a red bikini top and then I had a green thong. So I was just going to have the thong coming out. So I was like, true. I take pictures of me bending down, pretending to look at like the Christmas sweaters.

And he took them and we're all laughing. But when the pictures come out, Whitney sends, they send you like all of the pictures. Like they send you a link. So everyone at the party, like Chrissy Teigen, John Legend, like all of the pictures like they send you a link so everyone at the party like Chrissy Teigen John Legend like all these random people are getting this these pictures of my I look like a full stripper like my ass is fully out so it's like pictures of Sarah Tehan and her kids like different people and their kids and then a grown woman a grown like a like a woman who's like pushing it you know what that is. That's slug behavior. That's how I was feeling. I was like, no apologies,

baby. Let's do slug behavior at the strip club tonight. We will. This is how I feel about my whale's tail, though, too, because people complain about it or they'll go like, you're under... My thong has been shrunk since I was 14 years old. You need to manage your emotions around it. Yes. Exactly. Bring back the whale tail for everyone.

Yes, whale tail's back. We should make th whale tail by the way yes whale tail's back we should make thongs by the way emily radikowski's book like she kind of makes this point like why my whole life did everyone tell me like i had to cover up my body like why can't you just deal with how you feel about my body by yourself yeah i'm a nudist at heart look i get it i think we all are and i would have to agree with that statement i will say i have one more thing to say is um i want to know three things that you want out of this trip so i make sure that i deliver on all of your wishes annie i know one of yours you want to dive with me yes let's die i was gonna say gucci brada i want to dive I want to go beautiful. I want to go to a place that's beautiful.

Okay. Like an energy vortex. Yes. Okay, good. Good food and coffee. Okay, but he's more specific. And nice fancy dinners. I want to drop money with you guys.

I want us to spend money. So you want to go on a dinner date with us? Maybe seaside? Beachside? Yes. Okay. A luau or something? Good poke and sushi.

We already, yes, okay. Fun, exciting coffee. Oh, gosh. I feel like we have already checked off my list. Everything's in the hotel she wants, by the way. She's like complimentary towels. One more thing out of the box, Esther. A little shampoo and a conditioner that comes in the room.

Only things I like are eating fresh pineapple. So let's go get nice food. Okay. And a really fun strip club experience lap dance maybe even an escort there's this gay bar right next to where I'm staying that I really want to hit up maybe before we go to our strip club adventure

so today is jam packed day? I think so I'm starving let's go eat let's go eat yeah let's eat i want to go shopping i want to get nice outfits so no we're saying no to the buddhist temple i want to do buddhist temple okay and you're steampunk can i answer after we eat yes yes let's go eat guys let's go get shaved ice too shaved ice is not breakfast and it's really weird to me that you think it is oh also by the way we get into hawaii this is kalilah's And it's really weird to me that you think it is. I beg to differ. Oh, also, by the way, we get into Hawaii.

This is Kalilah's island. She's so excited to show us around. I was not born and raised here. You live here. You're a resident. Kalilah is a resident. Kalilah's like,

Todd and I can't wait to go get seafood or something. We're like, we're in Hawaii. It's going to be so fun. Kalilah's like, yeah, if you want to meet up later for an acai bowl,

a dinner acai bowl. I'm like, is it brunch in LA? You guys have not, you know what, if you've not had the Cove acai bowl, then you want to meet up later for an acai bowl, a dinner acai bowl. I'm like, is it brunch in LA? You guys have not. You know what? If you've not had the Cove acai bowl, then you wouldn't understand why I offered it. I want it. I want it too.

Can we get it now? Can we get it now? Yes. I want to go to the North Shore too and get shrimp tacos. Yeah, North Shore we could make a whole day out of it. I can't wait to North Shore. But we're recording in North Shore for one of these episodes. Oh, we are?

Okay, so let's make a day out of it. You guys know that when I was in Hawaii, I was 17. I worked at the Koala Basin Marine Mammal Lab, which I want to take you guys to. But I was 17 years old. I was here. Everyone was old. It was like I had like a British Bobby.

It was like a woman who was in her 50s who was a cop in London. This like Asian guy that worked for the EPA in D.C. And he was like very like nerdy and like didn't want to hang out with me. So by myself at 17 17 I got on a bus and I went to the North Shore and I just like read my little paperback book and ate Hawaiian food

on the beach. It's so fun up there. We're going to make a day of it. Yes. George is waving a food at us to try. Pete got that for you. Snapping turtle jerky. Snapping turtle jerky. I turtle jerky I know I feel guilty How do I feel about this snack?

I feel scared to eat a turtle My mom used to give us snapper soup when we were little And once we realized what it was Where's the vegan option, Pete? Where's my banana? Oh fuck Where's my fucking banana? Of all the places to not have a banana break Where's my banana? Oh, fuck. Where's my fucking banana? Oh, my God. Of all the places to not have a banana break.

Where's my fucking banana? He managed to have his banana-colored glasses on. We know we should change it to papaya break. Where's our fucking papaya? I can't make it through without... What the fuck, George? You see what I'm saying about production? All these people and their fucking kids.

It's like, we get it. So you would rather be on this trip with Rick Glassman? I can't be on a trip without other Jewish people. So you would rather be on this trip with Rick Glassman? That's wrong. You're right. I want you. Thank you.

You almost hurt my feelings. Also, one more thing. We should probably plug Arlene's documentary. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So we've been hanging out in this beautiful home. In what part of? Kailua. Kailua. So we're saying where she lives. We we're gonna give you the address guys come by no but we've been hanging

out with these beautiful adorable eight-month-old twin babies having so much fun babying it up and you're so good with babies both of you are really good oh i love babies not as good as me but very good with babies annie you might be better than me um no because i don't you know the right things to do i i feel it i just comment below who you'd rather have hold your baby the three of us i mean i'll hold your baby but if there's a shopping opportunity beyond your baby that baby's getting dropped okay if there's something sparkly i can spend too much money on that I'll wear once, I'm dropping that baby. Anyways, Arlene's documentary is called Nurse Unseen. And it's about nurses during the pandemic.

It sounds really interesting. I think it's Filipino nurses too. Yeah. And why there was a big migration of Filipino nurses in the United States. But you guys go support it. I think there's a website for it. And she's been really wonderful to have us here. And we can't wait to watch it.

And we love all our nurses. All of those shows on the road have been incredible. You guys coming out. I know we got a lot of nurses. We got a lot of different people from different parts of the world. It's great. It's so fun. And we'll link all that info below.

And also don't forget to check out our new merch at slugfam.com. Let's go get shaved ice for breakfast. That's not breakfast. We're going to have it. She doesn't have a choice. It's not. It's ice.