Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Annie and Esther and The Groundskeeper

Episode Date: April 13, 2021

Thank you to our Sponsors:   Adam & Eve - Go to http://AdamandEve.com and use code BLOOD for 50% Off 1 item + Free Shipping in the US & Canada. *Some exclusions apply*  Manscaped - Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code BLOODBATH at https://www.manscaped.com Subscribe to our YouTube! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons Trash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPod Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudio Trash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: George Kimmel & Pete Forthun Editor: Gabby Galon --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/trashtuesday/message

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Again, visit adamandeve.com and use code BLOOD for 50% off one item and free shipping in the U.S. and Canada. What should they try? I just, listen, I don't need much. I just need one vibrator with maybe 50 different settings. That's it. Is that true though, Annie? Yeah, like a Swiss Army knife, you know?

Yeah, I'm a very simple gal as well. I like things that are compact. Yeah. I like things that are a little bit more discreet. But like i don't i like medium power yeah medium is a good level yeah you don't want light i go full blast out of the gate 720 horsepower how can you be ready for that i'm like i feel like when you go straight forward i'm like like need a bill. You want your dildo to give you foreplay? I've never had a dildo. Have you?

Well, I just think you can call them all dildos. I had a dildo and it was, it was like a suction cup dildo. And I was like, I guess you're supposed to like suction cup into the wall and bang the wall. But it's like, how do you look yourself?

You just back up into it, right? You back up into it. That's very performative. That's like for someone else. But I mean, are you sure it's the wall or not the floor? I mean, you could do the floor. I mean, you do your Asian squat.

Yeah, that's a very easy move for me. I don't have the pelvis of a Philippine. Of a Philippine. Of a Phila. I'm so hot, but my arms are so fat. What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?

It's so hot. I'm so sweaty. I'm so comfortable. Whitney, listen, I was in Whitney's pool. She took all these videos. She's like, can I post these? And I was like, Whitney, if you post these, I will fucking, you will be dead. You'll be floating in that pool by the end of the day.

It's, I just, listen, I've been on quarantine. I've been having a good time. It's all good. But, and you can, I feel good, right? And I think I hold my weight proportionally. I did weigh myself and I went, okay, I'm no longer even in Oscar De La Hoya's weight. He's in a lower weight class than I am at this point. Are you a welter now? I, I'm, I'm, a lower weight class than I am at this point. Are you a welter now?

I think I'm a sumo at this point. It's very large. And I'm like, wow, that number doesn't match up with what I see and feel. But then when you get a sunlit video next to someone who's got a perfect body, I mean, I know this is a scary, this is the worst word I could say to Esther in our friendship. I started a fast, a cleanse. A cleanse, not a fast. Esther gets scared when I do these. I'm very anti-

No, I'm doing a cleanse. Fasts. It's not a fast. What cleanse are you doing? It's called, well, I don't want to give them a thing because I just randomly bought it, but it just was one thing I bought randomly. M it no hold on mouth it with your i'm just put my tampon in here um i just had one smoothie so far well i knew that maybe you were thinking

about doing a cleanse because she sent me this thing on instagram she was like look at this amazing natural beauty and it she thought that it was a video of a 65 year old woman in Bali doing some type of like skin thing where she was like, how to get rid of your frown lines. And it was a video of this like wellness coach. I was like, oh my God, she's aging gracefully. She's not getting Botox. Look at this. And she's massaging her frown lines like this. Remember that, Annie? And then I immediately, I was like, no, I guarantee you that woman is younger than us. And sure enough, she was like 34, 35.

And apparently she had gone, listen to this, Esther. She's famous because she went on a year-long dry fast, basically zero water. Why did she do that? And she says that, oh, all the, you know, the juices from like fruits, coconut water are far more like valuable to the body than just plain water.

I was in shock because I said- I'm literally getting thirsty hearing this. I'm like, I need to drink. Drink a Snapple. I'm so thirsty. She's like, this is my fruit juice. It's a peach Snapple it's really good though actually who am i kidding there's no sugar in it it sucks it kind of sounds like your baked goods

that you made me i was like did she mix salt instead of what is this you bitch i sat there and i ate it all and pretended i liked it though. I want to try your vegan cookies, Esther. Thank you. You can. I would rather you be like, this sucks in the moment. I know. I forgot who you were as a person. But here, how about Annie?

Since she's in a fast, the best way to have people like something is to give it to them when they're deprived. So I guarantee you, if you make the same thing when she's on her third day of fasting, it's going to take- No, no, no. It's not a fast. It's a cleanse. I'm having smoothies and salads and stuff. But that is a fun is a fun fact but i want to i want to use that on myself to like i'll be really

hungry and then i'll try like shrimp or something i don't know that's her big you should get cinnamon toast shrimp no i don't know what what what is gross to you that you wouldn't want i oh i guess i could have crickets everybody's mad at me look you guys i went down sorry i didn could have crickets. Everybody's mad at me. Look, you guys, I went down. Sorry, I didn't want crickets. Yeah, were you cricket shamed? Everybody's mad at me that I didn't want to eat the crickets. I'm scared of bugs. Four comments. Even though they live on her hair.

There were four comments and underneath were like 70 comments of other people being like, we love her. What are you talking about? Let her be. I'm afraid of bugs. Okay, sorry. That's like my evolutionary history where I'm afraid of bugs. Well, you don't want to eat your own. My bugs. Well, you don't want to eat your own.

A spider ate my grandma. What? You don't want to eat your own. Anything that I'm challenged to do, I will probably do. I can't say that I won't enjoy it. What? I love that about you. You're the only one who would stid the durian challenge.

And that's a good part of my people. I liked it, though. I think about it. I liked it. It was the most disgusting thing. That's one thing I won't eat, Esther, ever again is durian. Ever. I won't even have it near my house.

That was really hard. Oh, that's a bummer because I did bring some here today. I pop it out. It wasn't a tampon the whole time. It was durian. Have you guys ever watched porn with a lover? I mean, of course. Yeah.

I don't like doing that. Why don't you like it? Yeah. I just don't like to. I don't know. We're there. I don't need to have another couple there. I do feel like it's a little dated what do you mean i like that was the cool thing like eight years ago no in the 90s maybe or in high school we were like oh let's watch a porn

together let's rev our engine simultaneously but i don't feel as though like i would rather he watch his own on his phone i watch my own on my phone because we have different preferences. Or are you like going? Is there a double headed dildo in between your buttholes and you're going outward? Or are you? Bonnie and I go ass to ass. Just like Requiem for a Dream. That's our style.

Or do you go like you go watch your porns and then you meet up? You're like, let's meet up in like 20. Yeah, I'd rather do that because my preferences are so different. The stuff that I like to watch could possibly turn them off. What? Forgive me, Jesus. But I am into cream pie gang bangs. Like I like one woman strapped down and 10 guys cream pie in her in a competition to see who impregnates her that's

what i mean i accidentally cream pie today well first of all i have to i have to come clean with the way i bang now i have this is like an esther i'm really i want to give this to you because i feel like with your effort level you'll enjoy this but i have i call it like i call it a geriatric bang what it is is you take like i have a hospital bed like an old people bed where you can like you can live up and down or the back or the back so i hoist on the the edge of it and todd controls the remote and lifts me up my vagina up to where the remote yes but it's like and then i'm there but so that's a slow bang that's a very slow bang no no no

it's not like that's not the movements I mean the movements but that's just to get the positioning yeah and then when we're done

I am almost like if he's not holding on to me I will fall backwards because I'm straight up in the air so as I'm rolling back some of it

goes into my butthole oh so I had an accidental cream pie wait wait you're wait wait he's going in you yeah i'm on my period he's going in you yeah i'm on my period you know what i'll be real i tell everyone connor be safe i tell my niece that but yeah i'm a cream pie queen also my sister-in-law is watching this but we've been and my mom is watching but what are you on birth control i was for a really really long time in fact i got pregnant on birth control oh this is that's how big the cream pie was are you're off it now yeah

i'm off it now what does that mean are you the pregnancy she's off the pregnancy. Are you? I just know my days. I don't participate in adventurous coitus during my ovulation cycle. How do you know? Someone said you can tell by the stuff that comes out of the vagina. I don't know. Bobby doesn't have projectile sperm. He's more of a small, a light dribbler. None of us are surprised. Yeah, he has no like torque

like oh you're saying his sperm doesn't go on sprints and run or it just kind of you know it does that um so it's hard to tell but i will say that as he's getting older he's complained about a leaky dick which means that he has more like pre-cum than normal um which is why i really really am careful during my um you know yeah my hot eggs day or my hot eggs week and how do you track it i have a eve sponsor sponsor us oh i've been using the period tracker app you don't ever just like scoop in and then play with your fingers and see what you would do that to me i feel like well she's like do you want me to try if you were not every once in a while you have like you have rubber glue pause if you were not on your period i i would scoop into your vagina and tell you what part of your cycle you're on

i like vaccinated i'm not on my period esther wait only fans guys only fans stop only fans oh my god i realized what i just said that you only offered annie i would much rather do it to you i honestly i don't want to like be a fomo person but i feel like you have to do it to both of us at the same time do you think oh my we have to is this for only this is for only yeah yeah i'll gladly give you my pussy. No problem. Oh my God. I'm getting that asshole. She gets the pussy. I want to scoop in there and see if I can tell what part of your cycle you're on. Yeah.

Climb on board. Ovulating is really a dangerous game for me because I find everyone hot when I'm ovulating. Everyone is fuckable and attractive. Like the grimy taxi driver is absolutely on the menu. So your birth control is, you know, when you want to fuck, you can. Maybe you're right. I just am really bad at tracking that stuff. But I do know what you're talking about.

Like there's definitely times where you're more in the zone. Yeah. I specifically plan girls weekends when I'm on the week of my period, when I'm really fat and bloated so there's just no chance my self-esteem is very good that week i know i'm so low self-esteem right now are you on your period i'm on my period i just can't believe he went go-go in you he does go go-go it's a not a no-no to go go-go i go-go in you because i because i know you're so afraid of a pregnancy right that's why

i let him do it when i'm on my period but that's not that's like a myth you can still get still get pregnant for sure you're like we'll see roll that dice annie i don't think you should be going go go on you without you there okay x esther yes to exhume the grandparents is a big thing I want to hear from you. Okay. So I went to my parents' house last week and, you know, whenever I'm there, I always am very curious about my grandparents who passed away before I was born because I'm their only grandchild. You know, my dad was an only child and they were, they had just written off that he would never have kids and, you know, they and you know my dad will sometimes like tell me little things about how much they would have loved me and like how you know how I missed out on like all the relatives and family stuff so this is

like really affected me like ever since like I was little I would like stay up at night crying like thinking about it and I was also raised in their house and I have none of their belongings. Inside their urn. It was really weird. Very tight in there. But she's tiny. They work today. I have none of their belongings because when my grandmother passed away, my dad was like, oh, well, I'm never having kids and I don't need this stuff. So he gave everything away. And like she had some, she had like a Rolex. Like he just gave it all away. It was like, who needs this? And so I had this like and again like just wanting their stuff is pretty like you realize like oh well that's not going to bring

them back like it's not that nothing is going to cure this like deep sadness I have from never knowing my only grandparents that would have loved me because my other grandparents is complicated um maybe you should take the hint from that one that the other ones wouldn't yeah those ones know me and they don't like me so i'm just kind of putting a lot of eggs in the basket of the ones that don't know how do you do have like my grandparents it's annoying it's like how dare you not like me you do have a living set of grandparents then my mom's parents so i know my grandma and she's pretty much done with my shit uh and my I have a grand my grandfather passed away about four years ago and that was my mom's stepdad but like he was my grandpa for all

was it like right before you were gonna visit he's like it's time and uh my I met my biological grandfather once he was in a trailer park he has a tattoo of a naked woman i'm half white trash i popped out of a tuna can um what did you think of him i was i met him when i was little i was just confused i was like what is this is he still alive can we go see him my mom claims he's still alive but we haven't heard like she says that if he died we would know but she hasn't spoken to him since we saw him whatever 25 years ago 20 years ago those are dudes with the best stories i don't i'm not interested we like don't like him right he's like a bad what because there's a naked lady no if you were a tattoo person there would be so many naked ladies on your body by the way no we don't like him because he's like we love the our our real grandpa who you can have both. Really?

Yeah. My mom was adopted and she never met her family because she didn't want to make her parents feel. But I don't think her adopted parents would have cared. I think that was like she was worried about that. Really? There's enough. Yeah, there's enough love to go around, I think. I'll have to talk to my mom, but I don't know. That's like a weird vibe.

But yeah, in theory, I have a biological grandfather alive who probably has no idea who I am and doesn't give a fuck. That's so exciting. That's right. A lot of people don't. Like a storyline undiscovered. Like you don't know. Like what if there are parts of you where you're like, oh my God. What if he's like really hot and cold at the same time

and like hungry and wants things? Yeah, like from a genetic standpoint like i'm that's where my curiosity would be like yeah we're gonna see parts of like yourself in them something tells me those characteristics are from the jewish side yeah i guess you're right but anyways so all that i have my grandparents is where they're buried and it just got me thinking like what were they buried with like i don't even know is there anything in there that like is a memento and like a treasure map like what are you looking for like and adam and eve they were around 50 years ago a dress or like uh but you would take the dress that the

corpse is in and take it for yourself if there was something in there she would take the corpse let's be real you're not leaving the corpse esther first of all is it i'm curious is it legally if i'm next of kin is it legal for me to exhume i think um i am the wrong person to ask because i in the philippines it's like what the wild wild west and we just exhumed our um one of my uncles because we couldn't pay for the um plot anymore with uncles because we couldn't pay for the plot anymore. My family there couldn't pay for the plot. So they were like, oh, let's just move him to the backyard. And so they exhumed him.

And it became like a whole family drama and fight. Wait, what? Don't you have to pay it up front? Oh, no. What it was is they were selling the plot. They needed money. For money. For money.

Wow, the plot. Because the plot was a really it's a really nice nice um area it's a very like uh it's kind of like that rolling hills right here on the freeway of the five yeah the forest it's really pretty i feel like i feel like forest lawn is they have their own street that's like if you're buried there it's you're pretty much famous it's really nice there it's probably it's probably very expensive my dad is actually he has his dad left him a bunch of graves and my dad's currently trying to sell them so if anyone in the chicago area is looking to buy some graves dm me um you should find another short person to and you can split one grave save your money but so i don't know i just had me

curious if i could legally even exhume them and if i could would i to see what's in there but my dad has claimed that that there's nothing there like that they were just buried in their clothes like he he wouldn't bury them with julie but my dad doesn't remember anything and i know he was very you know traumatized during it so he could have put i think there's a chance my dad could have put some mementos in there or the wrong person yep but what is disoriented you open it up it looks like bobby like oh my god but i again i'm chasing something that's not there right like i just want any piece of them like i and i no no no i've done ayahuasca you're chasing something that is there but it's in there you're looking for something outside of you but it's actually in you your grandparents all of our relatives are in

living in us through our veins so your grandfather that lives in the trailer park the trailer park you can avoid him if you want but annie and i are meeting him he's hot i'm actually very attracted to him already trailer park naked lady tattoo i'm still younger than her dad still everyone's younger than my dad joe biden is still younger than my dad you guys let's talk about a little company that we love have you guys heard of adam and eve have you heard of we are ribs i was eating ribs last night i was thinking i love the story of adam and eve and then i got horny and i went and I got my own Adam and Eve product. You guys, they've been around for 50 years. You guys know that?

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Just download the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. About the jewelry stuff. Aren't you afraid of like cursed items? I'm always afraid to take things that belong to the past. The past, sometimes they need to be buried with that. Like, you don't know what happened when. Because my grandmother on my dad's side is buried in Tunisia. And word on the street is she was buried with a gigantic ruby ring.

Like, and it was, I mean, we could go on like uh you know we could exhume her but i'm just saying i don't want to touch that because i i think she lived a painful life i have an idea like she deserves to like die with that red jewel i have an idea i think we should make a treasure map to your grandmother's grave in tunisia yes and we should um we'll do we'll release some riddles each week on only fans and if you guys can put it together dig it up it's yours okay on the show here's another clue we have apparently it's near sophia lorenz old vacation home well let's go this is this is the philippinesines no no tunisia okay so we're gonna start with your grandpa okay that's that's our first point but just our treasure quest to your point i feel

so much ownership over my grandparents that i feel i really believe in my heart that if they had something down there they'd want me to have it and that my friends is called entitlement would you would you wear the dress on the show if i yes i would i don't i wonder what it is because she was old you know so it's not like i feel like i wore it on her birthday episode could you deal with that though like looking at um like bones in the soil like are you okay with that stuff yeah it does feel i went to my i was my grandparents are buried in connecticut and i was doing a weekend in hartford i don't know three years ago my mom was I was my grandparents are buried in Connecticut and I was doing a weekend in Hartford I don't know three years ago my mom was like oh your grandparents are buried so I went to the

and I I went to the graves and it was unbelievable it was so amazing and there my mom was adopted so it wasn't blood but it did still feel that same way and I was so like I was so moved I missed my grandfather it was so good to see him and then the groundskeeper was just like walking around. And I was and I just started talking to him as I do talk to everyone. Usually anyone creepy enough to look like they're walking around a gravesite. I will be talking to. I recently had an encounter with the groundskeeper too. But keep going.

He knew my grandfather. I told him who I was and he goes, I know your grandfather. Because like the lineage of the family had been buried there. He knew my grandfather. I told him who I was and he goes, I know your grandfather. Because like the lineage of the family had been buried there. And he had come in and would go visit them and stuff. And he has like my grandfather's writing in a log. He opened it and I was like, how fucking incredible is that? How did he have that? Because that's what they do.

They just do. He had like a whole like log. My grandfather came in and would like sign it. And he had all this stuff written out. Like my grandfather's wishes and would like sign it and he had all this stuff written out like my grandfather's wishes and stuff it was awesome now have you never met your biological grandparents your mom's my mom never looked for them or anything my mom was what she knows about her birth parents was that her mother was like in like art school or something like a young so you have lost grandparents too what was the name of your grandparents do you know

her she's abigail but her name was marnice gleesner if she on her birth certificate marnice she would be named marnice gleesner why did do you know does she or you know why she was put up for adoption because her mom was young and i think she wasn't with the dad wow but and it's cool because my mom's a really good artist and then i'm a good artist it's's like interesting. And but my brothers and my dad are bad artists. You are a good artist. I have a feeling your experience with the groundskeeper was very different from Annie's. It was. It was when we were filming.

He thought you got out. He was like, oh, my God. He was like, there's an empty grave. Get back in. I get in. Okay, sorry. Good night. I get in.

Okay, sorry. Good night. It was when we were filming Alone together and we shot a scene at Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Love that place. Me too. It's so beautiful. It's fucking awesome. And there was a groundskeeper and we had time in between because we were waiting for it to get dark.

And I was just a young Hollywood starlet and he was but a groundskeeper. And I hopped on his golf cart and he showed starlet and he was but a groundskeeper and I hopped on his golf cart and he showed me around and took me on a tour and Judy Garland had just been exhumed and moved to Hollywood forever from New Jersey because I guess Liza Minnelli like wanted the family to all be together so he was like only families let in but I'll let you in and he took me into her little cove um and we just wow there was there you said you weren't molested there was a vibe if he just drove you off of the he drove us into the water i have a question for you kalilah because you're a nurse you're not not anymore can we stop saying

that i can't you're a working nurse i not. I couldn't even get the vaccine early. That's how un-nurse I am. And I get squeamish very easily. I was very squeamish when Annie re-pierced her nipples. And you were not. You were into it. Is there anything that grosses you out or makes you squeamish? After all your nurse experiences, is there anything still that will?

Yeah. What? or makes you squeamish after all your nurse experiences or anything still that yeah what i have i don't like the smell of this thing called c diff and it's a hospital acquired um kind of diarrhea and it's it's you will not miss it you walk in and you're like that c diff it only smells like one thing it's uh you get get intractable diarrhea from it. Is that when it goes in? What's intractable? Intractable means like you just shit.

You can't stop. Like it just keeps flowing out of you. What you had the other day. I know. You had pasta. I've been on a pasta diet. That thing I will, it smells almost like,

I think that's why I was so sensitive to durian because it kind of like smelled like that plus toe jam plus shit plus all the nasty things like put together i can't do c diff um it's a type of diarrhea it's a type of diet um yeah it's a type of bacteria that gets into your guts usually passed on from like hospital patient to hospital patient especially if they've been there a long time. Another thing is I'm not good with phlegm. Ooh, phlegm is not my thing. Will you throw up phlegm? Yeah, like even, especially when you like,

when it's a trach patient and you have to do like the suction and stuff. That's really rough for me. You get used to it eventually, but it's not fun. Is there something that's really gross to most people that you're completely comfortable with? I think I'm just comfortable with everything besides those two, I think.

I don't know, what about you, Annie? I don't like watching like surgeries and stuff on i don't like that like dr dr pimple popper like i'll it's a cutting situation for me like it's it's suffering it's like sour candy yeah it's like why am i but there's nothing sweet at the end of it there's no i'm not like happy when it's over i'm horrified i do think it's a good diet plan if you just eat your meals in front of that show but or in front of this show that's true good point i think that dr pimple popper if it's like a cyst that's like gooey stuff coming out well it doesn't gross me out it doesn't excite me i need the blackheads the blackheads is where the thrill is the deep how when you have to work for it and then there's the release at the end. Yeah, and you see how deep it was

and now it's just a giant hole in someone's body. That's a real thrill for me. What if I was like, Klyla, I really need to wax my asshole and I can't reach. And I was like, can I just stop by? Will you do it? A thousand percent.

I'd wax Pete and Andres' asshole today with permission from their wives. There's very few things um what what else there's one thing that i don't like oh i'll tell you what i don't like i don't like eating pussy yeah i i've i've had um many experiences and i just that's how i know i might be yeah i might be fully wait Oh my God, Esther. She leans forward. Excuse me. Wait, what are you talking about many experiences? You've never had an adult situation with a woman?

No. Have you tried? Have you even? How do you even? She can't try because she'll have to get a divorce. You, when, what do you mean many? Many times you've hooked up with girls? Why are you mad?

Are you mad that it wasn't you? What are you mad about? Are you bisexual? No, I don't think you like me or not i already i already said you could scoop my my shmeg her snail trail my snail trail i know annie has too i know annie has recently with one of my friends yeah i mean she's still my friend. The way you said it is I don't have friends anymore. Yeah, my friend and I went to, this actually is one of my favorite stories. Me too. I used to tell her name and then she was like, why are you telling?

I was like, I thought she wouldn't care. She was like, um. She's a famous comedian. We were, we had just both moved here from New York. She grew up here and we were both having a similar situation with dating guys where we couldn't get we would go on dates with guys or like go on a couple dates with them and they would give us that sort of like you want something more serious than we want and we're like what are you talking about we're busy we're like really killing

it in comedy we're not like trying to have a relationship we're trying to fuck but they like wouldn't fuck us because they thought we were trying to like date them or something we were just having the same experience so we're like you know what fuck this we're gonna go to venice one night there's santa monica and we're just gonna pick up some surfers and we're just gonna like bang some surfers or some skaters and just and we're gonna so we were having it we're having it we're having a sleepover in her like high school room at her parents house where she was her parents house yeah you're trying to just make me jealous yeah at this point you're really yeah we were wearing tie-dyed sweatpants and it was cool clayton did our hair and um no but so okay so we were like we're just gonna go out and we're just

gonna like find the hottest guys and we're just going to fuck them and never talk to them again. And we're going to bring them back to her house. So because honestly, it is fun to, I don't like watching porn with my partners, but I do, not anymore, but I did for a while really like, like that sort of high school-y college-y thing where you just hang in the same room. I don't know. We were just like. Side by side worldwide.

Yeah, side by side worldwide. That's me, my best friends, my best friends and I, like that's our motto, side by side worldwide yeah side by side my best friends my best friends and i like that's our motto so you're like am i the only person who never had a life i've never done that you are and you just realizing this is wild those four comments noticed let's let's say that i went back i read the comments i went back there were so few it was so funny maybe you deserve to be crooked shamed after all sir i need i need a new second childhood you guys need to take me out on the town you need a rump reiner what is it called it's not called what's the thing where they let you like you need a rump springer yeah you need dave needs to let you go out it's um when the amish when when you hit a certain age in the Amish community. Is that what it is, Andres?

Is he Amish? No, but he's George's best friend. George is basically Amish. Like he was full Amish. Like you guys can't see, but she looked at Andres like he was in a full, like he was on a buggy right now. He was churning butter. But that's, George grew up LDS, you know, so he wasn't allowed to drink coffee. Well, he wasn't LDS.

He was, I'm sorry. He was a seven-day Adventist. And so he wasn't allowed coffee, wasn't allowed to dance, wasn't allowed to eat meat. He does scream, I've never danced. We'll say that about George. There's something about him. Not allowed to dance. So, yeah, when you're... What would you have been

if you weren't allowed to twirl? Wait, Esther, maybe we should give you a rumspringa. Yeah. Ask Dave if this is doable because in the Amish community, you have, I think,

one year, is it? Or is it three months? I'm not sure. Where you can just go hog wild. Fuck any... Like, you could be on Girls Gone Wild. Yeah, you really could.

There's a show about it. And then you can come back if you show about it and then you can come back if you want and after you come back to the community because you've gotten out all your sins your temptations are all now um um lived out but god you come back to that community with every std think about that you're just like you're bringing it to the to the village your pet crabs wait there it is rumspringa rumspr. Rumspringa. Rumspringa. Rumspringa is a rite of passage during adolescence translated in English

as jumping, hopping around used in Amish communities. Hopping around. It used to be called a rumspringer but then we had to... Annie, can you finish your story about your surfer dudes?

Okay, so then Esther needs to finish. She needs me to finish so she can finish so we go out and we literally were i mean we were we looked gorgeous it was just such a win night like it was just gonna happen so well and so we go the first we went to like a wine bar first which we thought was a mistake and maybe it was maybe we should have gone to like this shitty like dive bar first but we went to the wine bar first and there were these guys that were like good looking but they looked like they had

jobs and they had like boring you know like they just like guys jobs aren't as good in bed yeah they certainly aren't us sir no you gotta the best you gotta go for broke baby there was this guy the best sex i had um when i was like you know sport baby. There was this guy, the best sex I had when I was like, you know, sport fucking was this guy we called Homeless Julian in Santa Fe because he was so, he wasn't homeless, but he was. Do you know what I mean? He did have a place, but he's just like, but he, yeah, I used to say he fucked me like I was going to make him a sandwich, you know, like I was going to buy him a meal.

He had a, he had like this monster truck with no doors on it. And he would take me. He called it romping. He would take me into the Arroyo. And you put the seatbelt on. You'd just be going straight down, straight up. That sounds romantic. And then, yeah, we made out on the top.

But no, he gave me bacterial vaginosis. That's not romantic. Yeah, that's a bummer. Yeah, that's a bad smell. BV. It was really bad. I went down on a girl with with bv and i think that's why i'll never eat pussy again i could have just stayed a lesbian yeah it's not it's not fun guys and then she was just so rude and unaware and granted we were all drunk but the smell um stuck to my nose hairs for about two weeks and i i think that's when i decided that i would never go down.

I would never have sexual relations with women ever again. And it's really not women's fault. It was her fault. She could have been like, hey, beep, beep. She could have honked her horn and said, hey,

the jingis is happening. There is this, I mean, obviously like dicks have smells. Feminine the jingis. The jingis. Isn't that how they call it in movies? American movies? What? Yeah, it's how I learned. Isn't that how they call it in movies? American movies? What?

Yeah, that's how I learned. Is that what they call white people in Mexico? The jingies. But that's how I learned to say it from American television. It's like if stuff's not feeling up to par down there, you just say, oh, I have the jingies. I heard it from a movie. I think it was a scary movie.

That was a parody movie. Well, you know what? It taught me all I know about America. That makes so much sense why this podcast is so disgusting. Yeah. We were all raised by like the wrong things. Hang on, Annie. And so what happened?

So we go to the first bar and the guys were handsome, but we got cocky. We're like, we can do better. Could we not? Okay. So now we go to the next bar and the guys were handsome, but we got cocky. We're like, we can do better. Could we not? Okay, so now we go to the next bar and it's too late. We're there. It's like last call is approaching us. By the way, I'm completely sober in this. Like she's drinking, but she's not wasted, but she's drinking.

I'm dead sober. I had already quit drinking. Like there was no liquid courage to get me through this. Okay, but we had made a deal. Did you have the liquid courage to get me through this. Okay. But we had made a deal. Did you have the jingies or not? I didn't have the jingies the next day maybe. Anyway, so we go to the next bar and this guy comes up to me.

I had moved from New York. I used to do a comedy show at the restaurant I worked at, this place called Life Cafe that no longer is in business because everything I've ever been involved with goes out of business. Watch out, bloodbath. My college, everything. But so I used to do a show there and like every Friday or every Thursday or something and randomly, but that had been like five or six years before I even, maybe four years before I moved to LA this guy this kid comes up to me who's not that hot comes up to me and he goes um oh my god I saw your show I've come to your show

before in New York years ago whoa and I was like we've got a fan and this was like this was huge okay because I counted them on my hand that I can't do is fuck someone who knows me from something. Oh. It's got to be. Okay, go ahead. But they. No, you can't. Why? Because they like respect you too much? I'd just be like, this guy knows like everything about me.

Like there was a thrill. I want someone where I can tell him who I am and lie about it that night. Yes. He'll find out the truth when he smells your dajingis. You know? Yeah. my name is anastasia you know yeah like my name is anastasia on the jingis yes exactly and that's that's how i want it i don't i don't say my real name at the club your real name at the club but go ahead go ahead i mean is that just so they can hear what your name is it's probably hard in a club to explain kalilah to people oh i don't say i don't say my name at the club ever my name's jess yeah something really snuggle michelle i um okay so i so he starts

talking to me and then his friend starts talking to our our other friend and they're like talking and he's like they're they're fine they're not ugly or anything but the other guys were like kind of statuesque and we really blew it we just really were i don't know at the wine bar you mean yes i don't know why they were like these like super hot guys anyway so these these guys were fun they're funny they're cool they're hanging out and just by the end of the night we're like i guess these are our guys you know like it wasn't like what we had gone out to do but we you know we were doing it so um so we take them back to her place and pull her mattress off so like she has like her there's like an extra mattress so there's a mattress on the

floor for me and her guy i think her dad was saw us walk into i'm pretty sure her dad was like smoking weed in the front but um so we go in into her room and me and my guy were taking our shirts off we're like starting to make out and then her guy freaks out it's four in the morning at this point and her guy like sits up and he goes i have an emergency i have to go and i'm like that emergency had to have been a tiny penis like he probably just like didn't think there was going to be that many people there right he was like i've got to go and he just like runs off too much of an audience right yeah so he runs off and then we're all just like partially undressed so we're just like i guess we should all just like and he was just the friend of the guy like it really was just like

so but and he knew me which kind of defeated the purpose already of this anonymous night but we end up like going on her bed and i'm really not like i go i used to do a bit about this because i was like you can tell who's the better friend by who says what. So I go, I'm like, okay, I'll like, I'll go down on you while you go down on her. Yeah. Like that's really nice. Right. And then. But then you're just getting face fucked.

No, but then when she says she goes, come all over her face. So. You guys, let's talk about Manscaped. Do love it i love it i love it it's trusted by over two million men worldwide so why not trust it for your man too it's a great gift idea it's below the waist grooming and hygiene and they have technology that you're gonna want they have forever changed personal grooming with their performance package. The performance package kit comes with the Essential Lawn Mower 3.0, waterproof, cordless body trimmer, the weed whacker,

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at manscaped.com with the code BLOODBATH. Your man will thank you. So I just was like, I could have just been a sock. Like they could have 69. There's no reason for me to be there at all.

I was like, what? It was like my whole idea. I was like, okay, I'm done. Like I don't want to do this anymore. You were just a wet towel. I was like, what? It was like my whole idea. I was like, okay, I'm done. Like, I don't want to do this anymore. You were just a wet towel. I was the wet towel. And then in the morning,

I called her and I was like, do you remember when you, and she was, I was like, do you remember when you just told him to comb my face? She was lost her shit. She laughed for like an hour. It was so funny.

Like, there's not another way I would have wanted this to go. But anyway, so then, so then obviously like he's texting next day and I'm like, block, block, block. Like, bro, it's done. Like, you're never talking to us again. What was he saying?

I think he wanted to hang out. And it was like, we're never hanging out again. Like, this is a wrap. Like, I will run from you if I see you again. I will do everything in my power to erase you from my mind so I don't recognize you. And if I do, you'll never see. So then I don't hear from him, block him on everything,

don't hear from him for a year. All of sudden I'm on my ways app my fucking driving directions app and for some reason I didn't even realize you could request people to be your friend I got a request to be friends with this guy and I was like why would I want you to know where I why like you're the last person I want to know where I am in traffic. So, like, I'm stuck in a traffic jam, and then he rolls up next to me, rolls his window, just jizzes in my face one more time. Oh, Annie. But it was so funny. That's a sad one.

I mean, it's a fun one until the very end. Did you do anything? Like, my brother's going to watch this. Did you do anything with her? No, I think we kissed a little. I heard that they're just curious no but you made a specific face no i'm just curious what would you have done with her i don't know i'm first of all i'm not like attracted to my friends yeah me neither but wait

wait you're not i'm just curious i wouldn't want to like make out with my friends are you asking i don't know do you guys what did you guys think unless they're into it making out is so it it doesn't mean anything like i don't know it's just it's just fun to know it just doesn't it's like it's so a nothing thing but i just. Yeah, I was like, I don't want to finger my friend. I just had no interest. Like when we kissed, I was like, all right, let's just. That's why I don't understand why you guys had a threesome.

It was supposed to be a foursome. Yeah. And then we left. Poor guy. I mean, look, I had a threesome with my friend that I worked with at Abercrombie at the Glendale Galleria. that I worked with at Abercrombie at the Glendale Galleria. And we both had sex with a friend of mine

who had just come out of the military. He was stationed for a long time. And it was really sad because she like threw up all over his dick because she was really drunk. But then she took a break and went, and he was drunk and she went back. She didn't even like bother wiping his dick, back it was it was really just a traumatic experience um and yeah annie's uh

threesome story i think um is as good as it's gonna get because all my ones are just horrible i feel well they're never that good it's not it's not natural yeah i don't think unless you're in a weird throuple i don't know i was in a throuple i had two guys i was in a relationship with for years together all three of you yeah we were in like a relationship i had sex with two guys all the time for years we lived together what the fuck are you saying that's not a threesome they called the relationship mud bath like i love the attention from one guy and i just can't believe you were getting it from two. It was. In your whole life. In that regard, it was really the best. It feels like a lot though.

It's a lot when you take the sex out. Like emotionally, you're now in an emotional relationship with two people, which is a lot. What does Bobby think of all this? He couldn't shut up about it. Like when I first told him, when we first got together, that's all he did. Like on all his podcast rounds, he's like, like i'm dating a chick she needs two dicks to come that's all he said like that was his um that was his material i was his material the first couple months that we were dating what he said no i a breeze a light breeze

can make me come i'm very easy i'm very easy lucky girl esther's finally had an adult lesbian experience esther now do that while you're checking her um this is a very sex heavy episode we should probably switch gears i know should i tell my brother and i we're gonna call my friend too should we not call him no let's call him wait this is the guy okay so when i was 11 our next door neighbors moved in and this boy was so fucking cute like i could not believe i'm in umbros i look fully i'm like in my full taylor hansen like i look so like a little boy and then this kid moves in and i'm like he's so hot I was like such a crush on him we were the same age and um so we just had this thing we would like sneak out together at that we would go meet up at the park and make out this was like when we were a little bit older but I had such a big

crush on him he ended up like hooking up with one of my friends and I was mad at him I think there was a knife I would show through the window chase him with or something and then but I always had this huge crush on him I thought he was so hot. And he was only there every other weekend because it was his dad's place and his parents were divorced. And I was like, wait for him to be there. And then we started being friends again

when I was like 16. And I gave him quite a blowjob. One of the worst. But how old were you? 16. Quite in a bad way? Yeah. Why was bad about it?

Well, let's find out. We're calling him? We're calling him. Yeah. Yeah. What's up? What's up? All right.

So I was trying to tell the blowjob story on my podcast. I thought about it all day, which is also amazing. You thought about it all day? Oh, you're welcome. So you've been jerking off with fake teeth in your hand? So I was trying to talk about it. And then Esther goes, like, why was it bad? And I was like, well, let's just call the source.

We just went upstairs. I don't even know how we got upstairs. I think we were just going to bed. And then I just felt like you were very still and not moving like your head or your body well maybe you should have fucked my mouth dude now i'm getting defensive i mean you're my oldest friend and i feel bad telling people this but it was the worst blowjob it was like my second or third so I'm okay with that

it was just I don't know just lots of teeth I knew it very teeth forward it wasn't very good well do you want more teeth more movement does anyone ever want any teeth no no no

only if it's a light gray no but it did i will say it did make it did turn us into friends it was so bad it ended it ended anything romantic between us thank you for forgiving me for that blow job thank you matt thanks very enlightening i don't know about that but all right i love you i'll call you later all right bye oh you're so sweet my friend my scottish friend used to call this one girl jimmy jaws um because she really really led she was very tooth forward like she could not i don't know if she just had a big big mouth with big teeth, but she was very, very injurious to penises during blowjobs.

So I mean, that happens. I can't imagine it was even remotely that. I don't think it was painful. I think I was just very slow and cautious. Are you on the up and up with Chet Hanks? No, who is that? Can someone tell me? It's Tom Hanks' white rapper son. And why are we all giving him so much attention what's he's hot oh really not really but kind of he i just celebrity movie star kids i'm just like you if you got it all man but also he's jamaican that's what he claims his alter ego

is jamaican wait that's what he looks like and you think he's hot? No, no, no. Can you pull up a video of him talking in pigeon? But he doesn't look like his parents. No, not at all. But he is theirs. Because Colin Hanks and him are not. Not at all.

They don't look anything alike. They don't look anything alike. It's like a Sacha Baron Cohen character Do you think when Tom Hanks was Shooting Joe vs. The Volcano He's like one day I'll have a son And he will make me so proud banana these are actually not as bad as they usually are what is what did i get something really great if it's bugs no it out what is it it's a scorpion

why do we keep doing this to me you're making the audience mad you know what now you're gonna get scorpion shame that's a problem i like scorpions i don't want to eat scorpions why am i bullied if it's also gross let me see let me see no what is it. If it's also gross. Let me see, let me see. No. What is it, Pete? It's chocolate covered scorpions. This is crazy that I'm getting- I wanna try one of those. This is supposed to be my home.

My safe space. It's her home. You're a gas bitch, eat the scorpion. These are for you. Have you ever had one of these? No. Are you gonna eat those, Annie? It's not on my cleanse, but'll try it are we too old to um

pants or friends or people we know so his pantsing's still a thing i think that's like in this day and age sexual assault to rip someone's clothes off of them but in a very non-sexual way i think it's so funny i todd pants me weren't you on the phone with me when and you loved it you loved it it's very fun and i was you didn't see me it was like my phone was towards the tv i think you saw the pantsing in a reflection on the television and it caught me by like a very fun surprise i was like oh wow he just ripped her pants off it's the most humiliating thing someone can do i don't know. It's so embarrassing to me. It's just, I find it to be the most unacceptable thing.

My best friend did me so dirty on our walk. We were walking through a casino into a club in Vegas. And I was wearing a tube top. And she only meant to pants my skirt. But the tube top got caught in it and she pants me i didn't have a bra or anything and then the underwear got caught in the skirt so she pants me from top to bottom and i was in the middle of the casino i i'm telling you if you run the if you run your tapes i'm not gonna say which casino if you run your tapes from the year, maybe, what year was it? Maybe like 2008.

You will see a very naked and shocked me in the middle of a casino just with my tits out and my bush out. It's so sad. It's so, but. Sounds a lot like my blowjob with Matt. But I retaliated so hard with her. And I pantsed her when she was wearing these like baggy jeans, but with high heels.

I don't know what style she was going for at that time. That actually sounds cute. But I pantsed her when she was wearing these like baggy jeans, but with high heels. I don't know what style she was going for at that time. That actually sounds cute. But I pantsed her. Her heel got caught in like the bottom of the jeans. And when she tried to walk, she tripped over herself and she fell forward. And like she scraped her knees and her chin. And it was the most triumphant one of my life. But I think we should bring pantsing back.

What is that? Oh, that's a scorpion. Chocolate covered scorpion yeah i'm guessing it's probably gonna taste just like chocolate like crunchy like sweet and salty give me the other ones with no chocolate six piece manchurian scorpion oh that one you can actually see the little guys scorpion esther you've grown so much to being able to hold that honestly these scare me less than the crickets but obviously i don't want them and i am sorry that i have a fear of bugs

go harder they're wrong you're right you know what i love scorpions you guys i'm a scorpio i'd be eating myself you want to do at the same time wait do you want to do that oh this actually makes me kind of sad because i i love scorpions you love scorpions no like i love them as animals they're kind of well they're already dead they're not gonna come back wait let me that's the are you this one's chocolate mine's not okay you're gonna do it yeah that one's chocolate you want to talk i know i feel like you you should have yeah you need the crispy crispies okay you get the real scorpions it's more oh wait annie there's a really big one in there wow i want everyone to know i don't i'm

not like thrilled by all these things but i feel like i have to do it may i just ask where you guys are purchasing these did this gross you out oh really maybe we should have andres on camera it doesn't smell good you fucking eat this you. You guys bought this shit. I'm going to film. Is it going to like pop on the inside? No, it's going to just get crunchy. Think about it as like a chip. So my two co-stars are about to try actual crispy, crusty scorpions. And yes, I'm the little bitch not participating.

Well, too bad. All right. Ready? One. Hold on. If I go into anaphylaxis, hospital is not very far. Are we doing all at once? Whole thing?

Swallow it down? Or are we savoring? I was going to go half and then half. But you want to take a shot? I'm going to do the whole thing. Let's do the whole thing. Yeah, let's just do it. All right, ready?

One, two, three. Mmm. Oh, my God. Again, it's like so unscorpion-y there's like no flavor what does it taste like do you can you feel it tastes like sunflower seeds what's it does it's like it's kind of like it tastes like mothballs what's the uh consistency in your mouth chewier the new thing i'm not chewy um crunchy crunchy crispy can you feel it's like the little pieces of it like the tentacles it honestly tastes like um a salt crystal like a giant salt crystal it doesn't

taste like you do do you ever eat sunflower seeds and just eat the seeds the whole thing it tastes like eating the shell but it does taste uh very stale so it doesn't no shout out to pete or andres because that shit was stale yeah where, none of it tastes good. Where are you buying this shit? You guys need to get us fresh batches for my girls. Yeah, it tastes like an old shoe. This is going to turn into Esther being a weird dictator of us, like having to eat those things. A dick-tator. My girls.

The dictator. Come here, my girls. I've got a treat. I will be eating this banana to... Wash it down. I am glad I didn't have the chocolate. The chocolate would have been like nothing well the chocolate and scorpy is just so fucked up to me on so many levels like if you're

gonna eat something like face it look it in the eye and feel don't dip it in fucking it's hidden in there yeah it's like look there's no respect for the animal there's something slightly more respectful about looking an animal in the eye and saying, okay, that's a thing I killed and I'm going to eat that versus it being plated perfectly. Not too bad, Annie, right? It tastes like a cricket. Just stale.

It tastes just like a cricket. Once again, you guys have failed to disgust Annie or I. It's just not good enough. What if we loved it and that became our thing? I can't keep eating myself. I love scorpions.ions i'm a cancer don't bring me any of that crabs you love crabs i do love crabs kyle said you were shoving um crab rangoon in your face on your ig live oh that was the most embarrassing i didn't tell you this esther what i was doing a live um on instagram and i todd brought home chinese food i took like two crab rangoon

and i was like hey guys do you think i can eat it all without biting it and was like shoving them mouth and kyle from barry's barry's boot camp had just commented right as i was like like i was a normal person and he commented and then i was a big fat monster pig right as i saw his comment i was like oh my god kyle and i had it still in my mouth and then he was a big fat monster pig right as I saw his comment I was like oh my god Kyle and I had it still in my mouth and then he texted me right after and then my phone died I just got on Annie's live and she was stuffing her face with crab

rangoon and he's like I could not believe my gay eyes it was the timing was perfect let's just say that I love gay men i guess friends with you i feel like we've had a really productive day a lot of sex talk a lot of grave talk um i feel like this was just another good classic episode of bloodbath where you really regret sitting down with a meal esther do you think that dave could just give you like a hall pass for a day

just to see, just to see if maybe you like? I don't think so. What if it was for Ethan Klein? I think he would actually be so excited to give me a hall pass for Ethan Klein because then he'd be like, oh, she really is attracted to me. Yeah, it would be. That's who she wants because he doesn't, he's like's lateral move yeah what about me the guy who sings gangnam style is that my fucking hall pass imagine if that was bobby's rules you you can have sex with anyone

they have to be my variety of ugly that would boost his confidence who else oh i would i would really dig deep i wouldn't just go for a commoner. I would go for like Korean stars in Korea. Kim Jong-un. Kim Jong-un. Oh my God, Esther. The power, the evil, but all in that little Bobby Lee body. I would offer up that asshole so fast.

And he would never give you stale scorpions. He would never give you stale scorpions. They would be live. You would be screaming, no. It would be so good you guys thank you so much for listening or watching this and please we're we really want to be the prettiest princesses on itunes so please give us five stars if you haven't yet and obviously we won't be on youtube so we'll have to be the pretty ones on itunes and obviously if you're on youtube make

sure you subscribe we really want to on YouTube, make sure you subscribe. We really want to grow our subscribers. Make sure you subscribe. Make sure you like the video. Comment below what was your favorite topic we talked about. Don't be mad at Esther. She tries her hardest with these foods.

I swear. I'm coming to Phoenix for stand-up April 29th. You can get tickets for that on standuplive.com. I'm really excited to do stand-up april 29th you can get tickets for that on standuplive.com i'm really excited to do stand-up and be crazy and i have a clothing line sleepover by esther.com and i have a solo podcast esther club what else what do you wear you ladies oh what's this we have i want to plug this what is it it's beautiful artwork by none other than our annie that's what my mom calls her annie um and it's her mask where can we find these annie you can find these on my well we'll put it a link in the uh description on youtube and also you can find it in my links on my in my bio

my link tree and my bio on Instagram. Those are so funny. We're going to make Annie rich for a week. Is that the plan? Yes, guys. I haven't been pushing my masks anymore, but they are fucking hilarious. And I love when people buy them and take pictures and send them to me.

I always repost them. It's hilarious. It makes me laugh. So buy these, repost them. It's boardwalk humor. I've got a lot more boardwalk humor merch coming so follow me on instagram humor hot topic no it's different because hot topic is like has bands involved boardwalk humor it's like the shirt where you're like a fat guy on the t-shirt oh lady i see yeah

or like when fat guys wear the shirt of the bikini lady. Yes. Vice versa. Interchangeable. Yeah. Or like, you know, the little shorts on Venice Beach that say like, fuck me on the butt or something like Jesus Christ. I feel like, can we wear those and then take pics? We should do a boardwalk photo shoot. Boardwalk photo shoot with boardwalk humor. Fuck me bottoms.

Well, I'm going to be making a bunch too. Yay. Ingenious. I'll make my board I'm going to be making a bunch too. Yay. Ingenious. I'll make my boardwalk humor line. That is a good idea. No offense. For you, that's good. She's shocked.

Well, thank you guys for watching. We'll see you next week. Bye. Thank you.