Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Baring It All for Art Class

Episode Date: February 21, 2023

Thank you to our Sponsors: Athletic Greens - Go to https://athleticgreens.com/tuesday and get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase.Shipstation - Use promo code TRASHTUESDAY today at https://shipstation.com to sign up for your free 60-day trial Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 Annie Freaks Out Over Esther’s Outfit8:19 Strange Things in the Middle of the Night10:42 Keeping a Physical Part of Your Ex in a Jar16:10 How to Navigate a Menage a Trois17:50 Insecurities We’ve Had About Ourselves 20:44 Issues With Ozempic25:44 Esther’s Question About Anne Frank’s Diary27:35 Esther’s Poem About Her Dog That Died & Using Humor to Cope 45:02 Being Vulnerable With a Guy51:44 Khalyla’s Recent First Time Ordering at a Drive-Through56:22 Would You Rather Bare It All for an Art Class or Do Stand Up Comedy?59:47 Baring It All With Open Windows1:02:53 Huffing & Embalming Fluid1:06:21 Middle of the Night Behaviors & Sleeplessness 1:10:54 Annie’s Master Cleanse Backfire & If Esther Took Ozempic  Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 My Pleasure - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-pleasure/id1494518220 AnnieWood - https://www.youtube.com/annielederman Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera Editor: Bryce Hallock

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esther esther can what the name is miss esther why don't you stand up and show them what you've done to young women And older women I just want to say That I am a victim No no no no Oh what Are you going to blame Your parents for this one

Yes I am I am a victim of Not being able To leave high school And when something That I wore in high school Comes back in style I have to

I'm leaving the show I'm done This is my last episode I have to Yes Low rise Do you see the brand are they van dutch you stupid bitch you make your ass look good that's the the pants fault not mine i mean i was watching jennifer's body and i was thinking like we did we sacrificed the ass

for the low rise yeah i'm not look i'm wearing this outfit you look today and i'm on a workout plan i'm doing good but any you're hot no no i'm listen i got no problems there i'm very into myself there's a there's a a pooch situation if i were to wear a low rise it would be a bubbling over everyone has been through this we all know that but there are ways look no but can i just say hang over it it's disrespectful and i want you to look into the camera and apologize i apologize that i can't leave my childhood behind and then i'm also wearing y2k era tiffany's jewelry from high school and last night is that actually from high school yes oh that's cute thank you and last night i was trying on my old juicy couture zip like i'm you know i'm mental illness okay i'm here

sponsorship with juicy they were asking me over the pandemic but i couldn't they were like what are your sizes i'm like it's the who asks people their sizes over a pandemic i don't know my sizes you lost track the hell are you talking about i i'm gonna be like i had sex with my high school boyfriend while wearing this i resist your some of your looks because i don't want to be a poser off of you but i will be we always why we always call each other i thought that was our thing no it's your thing you do me i don't do it back. No, I will be wearing those burn victim arm things. Esther, there's a juicy collab right now with Aries. Just FYI.

That's really cute. I got some very cute stuff coming in the mail. I was talking, I don't think, did we talk about it on air where I've been waking up in the middle of night and shopping? No, not on air, which I thought about this yesterday when i went home after talking to you because there's something to me that is so romantic and like the coolest thing ever to wake up in the middle of the night and do something guys okay we're done we obviously talk about mental health here a lot we're gonna talk about some fucking solutions okay your doctor's gonna fucking okay when you wake up in the middle of the night and you're spinning you open open an app okay open a revolve open a free people open listen you need a budget and

anxiety budget okay you put it to the side so you're really gonna buy yourself and honestly if you can't afford much buy a pair of fucking socks bitch i don't care like you buy one article a thong or add to cart fill a card sometimes i'll fill a card up and do nothing with it no you must have something there's has to be a there has to be a final product arriving to your house i want to talk about what strange things we've done in the middle of the night because i have a list what is it oh is it gonna be about your crusty is it about your crusty, itchy pussy? You guys.

Is it still crusty? It's not crusty. It's just hemorrhaging. Isn't that funny how mean it is to call someone's pussy crusty? I don't think that's mean. You wouldn't, would you? No. Wait, can we? Okay, I want to talk about the hemorrhaging, but also before I forget.

She won't let you talk. I came in late. No, listen, I want to talk about this because I'm also bleeding out. Before you do, can I wear one of your tracks? tracks yes but can we explain why my track is like so busted the dyson the dyson air stuff just dries everything out i returned it what it's trash for me i think it works for other people for my hair and for hair that doesn't have real moisture in it, it just sucks out the moisture. Okay.

That's freshly washed. What are your... I was just going to say, you said that men should be the only ones that have to wash their hands. Yeah. We're bloody diarrhea monsters. Get a baby wipe. There's no...

I can absolutely change a tampon and not need to wash my hands after. Esther, I need you to wash your hands it's not about you and your comfort it's about our comfort level around you you stinky nasty tuna pussy why are you you've never smelled my vagina come smell it and tell me i haven't had to try esther yes i have smelled your vagina no you haven't from right here i can smell it. Come here. Put your nose in there and you tell me what. Don't turn this into a fantasy for you. You're asking for it.

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I can't wait to see you guys. Meeting you guys is so fun. I cannot wait to see all of you, each and every one of you everywhere I go. You can see me this weekend in Washington, D.C. I'll then be in Seattle, Washington, March 10th and 11th. I'll be in Tampa, Florida, March 17th and 18th.

Those two are going to sell out immediately. I. I'll be in Tampa, Florida, March 17th and 18th. Those two are going to sell out immediately. I'm going to be in Toronto, Canada, April 21st and 22nd. I'll be in Raleigh, North Carolina, May 12th, 13th. I'll be in Salt Lake City in June. I'm going to be in Calgary at the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival with Andrew Schultz. In August, I have a lot more dates that are being added. So please make sure you check Annie Letterman dot com slash shows. And as always, on Thursday, you get a little extra dose of Annie each week at Annie Wood. It's so fun. I love it. It's my little baby. So come babysit with me. See you then. Now, Kalilah, what are some things that I didn't know you worked at the Prada store? You got a making that a job. That's so cute.

I am serving up employee. No, it's a little bit of like stagehand or usher. It looks like you work at a mini golf course. I look like an usher with big boobs. Wait, isn't that how footballer Ronaldo met his wife, Georgina? I think, no, she was working at the prada store or something like that and they're so you always do think they're flirting with you there was like hi miss annie yeah she worked at the haven't been here for a while it's a gucci store yeah see she was an employee there's

hope esther for what un futbolista you're gonna find a woman at the gucci store lesbian i can't believe what she revealed last week i've said that those things were not revealed i was with the fans that you were gay baiting let's recap this whole time i was like she's queer baiting she's faking wait what's the recap what last recap is she said she was like when i was little i was so worried i was gay i became suicidal like so you're a lesbian so you are a lesbian i'm not coming forward with a label. That's my decision. Her fiance has a cute lob.

Let's just say that. I don't have a decision. I'm a creature. And then you were like, is it weird that I really was like attracted to this lesbian and then she transitioned into a man? Oh, that you're attracted to a woman and not a man? There's nothing weird about that. There's literally nothing weird about that. I would like to know what Kalilah does in the middle of the night when she

wakes up when she gushes blood well um you guys know this i one time well a couple things the first time i ever had anal was in the middle of the night wake up um were you involved where did you consent um there was ambient involved it was ambient consent but you squished the ass you pushed the ass up yeah yeah yeah but it was on ambient and i in the middle of the night like you're you feel a little witchy you're like i want to do something different and so at that time it was anal other things i've done since um i woke up a friend a platonic friend and had sex with him wait i like that you said witchy because that is very like Wiccan. Like I feel like the Wiccan girls were always giving their butt. They were giving their ass a lot.

Don't you feel like the Wiccan girls were always like, come here. I thought that was Catholic girls because they can't do vagina. I thought it was Muslim. I thought it was a religious thing, I think. What? Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

Let's not go there. You were saying, sorry, I interrupted. My bad. yeah oh yeah let's not go there sorry i interrupted um yeah so like it's just a witchy hour and you do things you wouldn't normally do when the sun is up with your guy friend that you're in bed with and he didn't say no and then i cried afterwards when i came to my senses and i was sort of in like this like lucid dream i was really horny he just i knocked on his room and i was like just started making out with him. And then we had sex. He just let it happen. And then I went back in the room and I started crying.

And then the next day I cried to him. I said, I don't know what that was. Like that'll never happen again. Oh, poor guy. He'd been waiting years. He had been waiting his whole life to get that. He was a roommate. It was really not good on me.

Maybe we should have a sleepover. Wait, you know what I was thinking? I was just talking to Bonnie McFarlane about this today because I ran into two of my exes last night and I was like- What? At the same time? Yes. Lucky girl.

But the thing is, it's like, and all good. But like the reason you shouldn't fuck comics is not because of what happens during the relationship. It's just that you have to see someone you used to fuck every day. That is high risk. It's not about, because I see someone you used to fuck every day. That is high risk. It's not about, cause I always thought it was like, you don't want like the reputation of being like a girl who dates comics.

And they're like, you know, they always say they write your jokes for you and stuff, even though I'm not gonna name any names, but a lot of their punchlines. That is true. I've always dated people that were just not a part of my work circle or so out of it.

So like when it's over, it's over it's over i probably will never run into any of them again why am i like i love that i run into my exes at work you're sick like i love it's such a pleasant surprise to be like oh there's so and so you could easily be like a jeffrey dahmer like you could so easily be someone that like chops people up and just keeps their body parts yes if you were big enough to like roll a barrel i think you would be like a like a chunk of body murder we'll give her a couple more weeks with

body by cassandra and she might be able to roll a barrel it's yoga by christina yoga once once a month and it won't be a few weeks it will be a little bit longer than that because we do go once a week but i it's funny you say that annie you're not totally wrong because i have this thing with dave where often i'll say like my end goal for our relationship is to have him in a jar and just like have him in a jar well he has arthritis i feel like he could fit in yeah the day is coming that is kind of sweet um i'm doing my makeup if there are body parts that you would want to keep as uh for everything in a jar but you can have the whole body like what parts would you keep of a guy of a guy of an ex let's say okay let's say we lived

in a world i don't hate them i don't hate them let's say we lived in a world where if you broke up with someone you'd have to give a certain body part away. Of your own? You have to. If you are in a committed relationship and you let's say you go Facebook or Instagram official. If that relationship ends, you are obligated by law to give one body part away. Who chooses? I need my parts.

He chooses. No, you can choose. Or no. Yeah, the other partner chooses. But it cannot be the genitalia because obviously they'd have to carry that on into the next relationship i'm trying to be nice to people and let them live i'm taking toes fingers oh that's thoughtful fingers and ear tongue for the artists i love art maybe we swap tongues you know what that's a good body part too i don't want your little ass tongue

like what would you actually want besides lips and tongue, right? Does the... Like what are, no offense, like what are Dave's eyes going to do in my next season of life for me? Well, this is actually interesting you brought up the eyes because I did pay for Todd's LASIK, so I do feel an ownership. this is actually interesting you brought up the eyes because i did pay for todd's lasik so i do feel an owner i'm like do you have you ever bought the ability of like sight for someone like do you know how powerful i feel wait that's so cool i want to do that i bought him vision imagine if he were to ever fuck over i put it on my american express imagine if he were to ever do anything to be like his eyes out no you you almost have the right to you could give them

back i'm like what porn are you watching i now have control over that yeah you gave him sight annie i gave him sight that honestly we're on to something i like this sorry i'm doing they the people have asked for a makeup list hey this is a get ready with me with me. Yeah. Oh, my God. Get ready with me episode. Sorry, guys. Do you want me on time or not? You got to make some choices. I'm a busy ADD bitch, okay? I almost feel like you're better when you're in this makeup.

Well, also, here's the thing. You can't do it. If you want me to. You'll never get to the makeup. If you guys want me on time, that means they have to wait. Like, I'm not like. Sometimes these bitches are like, you're never going to know, okay? I know what I am.

So I go, I give full permission for people to start without me. Okay. So no one is taking any body parts from their exes. No, I hate the question, to be honest. Okay. No, what are you taking? Bloody pussy. My bloody pussy.

It's very pushy. She fucking raped her fucking roommate then told her it was a mistake she slept raped him what really surprised me about that is that he did not even resist a little bit not why does that support you need that mirrors bitch you got like a fucking playhouse mirror that makes you look fat. That was it was kind of hot, though. He was like half asleep, too. And he just like went with it. All I can think about is all the men I've had sleepovers with and shared beds with in my life.

And this has just never come close to happening. No roommate, no man has ever in the middle of the night made a move on me. It's so funny that you're like Randy's size. Like you're like the size of my own dog in my bed with me if you're there like i wouldn't even think do you sleep at the foot of the bed where do you sleep are you you sleep i only know you as like a couch sleeper i've never walked in and seen you sleeping in your are you a side sleeper uh are you like an inside sleeper are you separate are you touching during sleep are you no we can't touch because Dave wears his mask.

You can touch. You can't fucking touch me. Yeah. No. Did you give him sleep apnea? You just started shoving things up his nose at night. He's like, I can't breathe. You guys don't touch at all?

Not like at sleep. Yeah, Bobby had a weird thing about that. It's like even if my toe would like graze up against him, he would like move away and it would really hurt my feelings. So now because I'm so programmed to not touch a partner during sleep, that like the last person that I had like a sleepover with, a boy, I would be really careful not to like touch any of his like his feet or anything he's like what's what's going on and if i would by accident i would pull away he's like

what is that i was like oh i think i thought you were gonna yell at me for maybe i sleep i have a controversial opinion about threesomes that i would like to share and get here i have been thinking and i look i'm a very open person i i think everything in life is fluid i think like whatever but i actually believe that sex should only be between two people at a time i don't think threesomes make any sense i've never had one everyone i know seems to have had one i feel like it's so complicated. Like someone's going to feel left out. I just, I don't think they should exist. As a pillow princess, you should really lean into that.

You lay back, you go, you do that. You just have to be the one that's doing nothing. Oh, I didn't think of that. You have to be the one that's being serviced. I will say this. The first time you get into a threesome with someone, it's the same way. It's as if you're hooking up with just even one person for the very first time. You bang teeth. Things are awkward. Things are not choreographed well. You don't know how the other moves. I'm like, that I know. Okay, banging teeth. I've never had a successful threesome until I did it. Every day. Every day.

You domesticated it? Yeah. And like the first time it happened, it was like maybe in theory it was hot. That's why I was turned on. But it didn't become like a well-oiled machine until we did it over and over and over again. Okay. And then it was fun and then it's like oh this is starting to get really creative and who was the well and who was

the oil as both i can't um not to shift gears in a really big way but i've been doing some thinking and i want to pose a question and get your guys' opinion on this. Should you get buccal fat removal? No, bitch. I almost got that in my 20s. I'm glad I got it. Oh, my God. If you did that, you would actually, like, your age would be sad.

I was so insecure about my cheeks forever in my 20s. Like, I just hate them so much. Me and Jenna would, like, look up the surgery and talk about it and send pictures. I didn't even know it existed back then. Because we have a friend that got it done. Oh's right yeah yeah yeah a girl you don't know right yeah yeah yeah you don't know her but it's a it's a friend and and maybe she loves it maybe she doesn't i just think that as your face i always i was always told and it was always reinforced that like my big cheeks were a great thing and i never thought because i have obviously my mom has like

massive she's very cheeky my whole family's big on the cheeks and i remember i always knew one day that it would it's like you just look at it and you're like oh this is fat this is fat on my face like this looks youthful like why would i ever try to that was that out that was ultimately why i didn't do it because i was like, I think I will regret it later. I'm just going to stick this out. And I'm glad I did. But I totally, a big part of it was one of my first few dates with Dave. He was like, oh, I saw this video you made where you talked about things you don't like

about yourself. And you mentioned your- Did you send it to the, does that what you do on dates? Look at this first. And he was like, you mentioned your cheeks. And then he, I like look at this first and he was like you mentioned your cheeks and then he I'll like never forget the moment he was like I think your cheeks are beautiful and I was like oh like because I've never felt that way about them and so now I'm like okay anything works it's such like if you think it's such a baby thing to be like upset

about like we it's like insecurities of when we're so little you know yeah like I remember when I was really little looking down and being like my thighs are fat and i i was always friends with grown-ups obviously as a kid weirdly and my like 30 year old friend was like you think your thighs are fat like you're nine it's like you just like it's like little things that you like no it's like baby stuff that stays in your head forever which the the main takeaway should be that like no matter what you're insecure about someone else will like it so just fucking pretend that it's oh i saw this thing on tiktok that was like that this girl's therapist said pretend that exactly who you are and what you look like is the standard of beauty what if you were the standard of beauty? I am. It's so sad. You have to pretend. That's not fair. You are.

So pretty. Fuck. Blonde, blue-eyed bitch. But it does help. Hi, Hitler. Hey. Oh, wait. That transitions to my next topic.

Oh, boy. What happened to you? I don't know. What happened on, now we're going to the segment called Trash Jews Day. All right, Esther. esther what happened don't make me laugh so hard i will bleed into this yellow couch what happened to our little jewess i have a question for you that you're gonna be surprised by it's more of a debate to consider oh is it about semi-glutides what's that also you so crazy to just say that

talking about yes we were talking about semi-glutides no like ozempic oh i wish i was guys everyone's gonna be dead in a month really why everyone's gonna be dead in a month from the bird flu or from ozempic ozempic who is why are we and by the way why are there just like fat men missing legs that can't get ozempic what's going on well it's because it is like you it's it's a privileged thing to be able to get ozempic there are a lot of people that actually need it who aren't getting it because you know i have a weird team indy kalings her is it a weird team hoarding it i was i i fucking have been seeing commercials for ozempic so i don't feel anyone who's taking it

that isn't supposed to be well then why is it being advertised to the average American like that's I'm not mad at the or diabetes yeah oh yeah I know dude you know what I'm not stupid I know I'm not it's not if you're if a doctor will give it to you it's not your fault but it is like you're like I think it'd be dropping dead you really think lisa marie was on opiates in her thing in her autopsy it was like opiates and ozempic it was if you're losing 25 pounds in two weeks that's bad for you no that's not good and it's not good for your face either but do your thing i don't i have friends that are on it i don't judge it i don't judge it but i definitely would be personally scared and i think people should like do that i think it has weird like interactions with things and stuff

look i'm just gonna do some setups do you know what i mean or not well what you're the nurse what's your take i just don't like how there is like it's disproportionate um in its distribution right now where it's like people that actually need it that's everything in our society right right but also it's not just like a supplement it's like a fucking yeah it's a shot that it's crazy but then i would say the same argument about filler about like anything that were people just do and that there's no like historical research and now people are having trouble dissolving all the problems are like this is like going into yeah you're you're dealing with something systemic when you're talking about like cosmetic stuff that's i mean of course there are um side effects like serious side effects that can happen you can get an occlusion when you um have a filler you can cause blindness those are

the really really rare side effects like your filler can move yeah it can botox but yeah those are still recently those are still relatively um i don't know it's like a small okay smaller and rarer side effects and something that happens when you have like systemic body changes that affect all of your organs if you're losing 25 pounds in a month and i don't know people will always stand by it because it is obviously a very effective drug i'm just curious to see how this is all going to pan out like long term what are your people who don't need it who are using it but also isn't it like isn't it like a weight suppress or a appetite suppressant which that i've never been hungry when i'm eating when i'm

gaining weight it's not because i'm satiating hunger that's the same i always eat for taste i don't eat for hunger so it's like i'm not like if i'm if i'm becoming obese it's not because i'm like hung i'm like oh it's lunchtime let's eat yeah i mean so i'd be the bitch that that eats through it probably i think just not to like seems shady and scary i definitely i'm like oh i think my sister should go on ozempic no there are a lot of people that could probably benefit from bleep it no don't bleep it but that's what i'm saying is i do think for people who struggle with their weight i'm like why can't they but what do you think is going to go wrong with it um i mean i just like annie said like there is you have girls who are already of a normal bmi right by whatever standard and these are girls who are generally healthy but who are

looking at the waif skinny trend who are like oh no i want to do that so now they're taking a medication to fit a trend and And I just can't see. I'm sorry. Like that seems like only an insane negative outcome can come from that. You're right. And then if you get off of it. Yeah, you're not. You're also not treating the root cause of why you're.

Imagine all the people already with eating disorders now, now they have this magic thing that they can take without having to purge, without having to deal with any of the hiding or any of that. Now they can just, boop, that's it. I'm gonna be way thin. And I don't know. It's just, I think they'll probably find

that like losing weight that fast is pretty hard on the heart and- Yeah, it's gonna hurt your organs or something. It's got to. Yeah. It's got to. it's got to no you guys are right i'll go i'll leave but no can i get to my real i have a real serious question and i want serious answers okay i don't believe you this better be serious i'm gonna fucking punch you if it's not serious okay and i want you to really think about it. Should the world know who Anne Frank is?

Oh, it is trash juice. Because think about it. Are you about to say she lost? If you're a little girl, do you want the whole world to read your diary? My dad got me Kurt Cobain's diary for Christmas one year. And I was so uncomfortable. I was like, I don't want to read this. Itirk cobain's diary for christmas one year and i was so uncomfortable i was like i don't want to read this like someone's diary i think that it's amazing and obviously we've learned so much and like it's really cool and it's been good for the world but

as a once as someone who was once a small jewish girl with a diary i don't want people to read that or know about it the dairy of anne frank right here um esther what what was on there um that you i never read it what i didn't read it either would you want how about the real questions would you want the world to read to know your diary and after your if you guys want to read my let me just give you a little hint of what my diary is okay it goes dear diary today i woke up feeling and then i completely forget i'm writing on my day i go then it's it's a few more lines it's picked up in a different pen and it says buy tampons and then it goes and then it's a couple more lines in a different pen and it goes um dad's dick question mark i want to work on a bit it's all put together there's nothing well the saddest thing is if you actually did read my diary from elementary school

it would be like my weight and what i ate which is really that's so sad oh how hot that girl was that sat near you i have an announcement to make i have an announcement to make and esther we can take this out if this is too personal for you but i know um annie you think you know we've we've made fun of me on this show because i wanted to be a poet once upon a time and i really really thought that that's where my life was going to take me um i just found out that little esther here also had some poetic aspirations once upon a time. Okay. I have to say that I am a hypocrite. And when I was, I was projecting when I made fun of Kalilah's poems, because my sister recently sent me a poem that I wrote after my dog died. And it was, it was a poem and I wrote it. I want to admit something though. When I first read it,

when I first read it, I thought it was about a boy until one line you said, I'm going to miss you running across the lawn. Up until that point, until the very end, I was like, oh my God, this is about her ex-boyfriend.

They don't miss her running across their lawn. Are we allowed to read it? Sure. Oh my God, read me this piece of shit i can't wait to hear it needs to be serious the way you guys made me read my dog though okay yeah but hers was about a dog yours was just like emo emotions but this is just you know what oh this is so embarrassing but whatever who cares okay yeah i'm locked in i have a, but it's good. It's also really long. Oh, this is so, I'm so cringy.

I need it. I need support. Give me a pep talk. Esther. You already suck. Nothing can get worse from this. Okay. You're dressed like you work at a fucking store. Waiting for Ronaldo.

Okay. Also, I was sent via email from my aol screen name bella dancer g um oh that's so pc compared to what i thought your email i had some other ones that were mine was anne frank fan 69 was it really i have that yahoo email address lucky girl mine was pop that pussy it was it was those are legal to have yeah and then my second was tickle me 702 at gmail.com and they said she asked for it all right here we go i'm just gonna make it fast i really can't explain the sadness that i feel it's hard to think a day will come when all this pain might heal few memories exist in my mind where you do not appear making it hard to believe you are no longer

here throughout my childhood you were the only one always there you listened to my secrets when no one else would care oh my god this is the dog did not carry killed himself jumped in front of a fucking car he's like i don't even know these bitches secrets and never can i remember us having a single fight you even reassured my safety every single night because of your existence i never felt alone looking back at our lives together i can't believe how much we've grown whenever you ran away i'd always think i'd die for him throwing myself in front of cars to assure you'd safely get back in oh you have that in common with him up until this point i still thought it was about a boy i love that he ran away by the way your dog was like get me away

from this girl she was a runner were you like um were you like like what's the almira yeah were you like i squeeze you i love you i was yeah he i don't think he like come here mr gazelli that girl. The weirdest part in all this is that there is no going back. Who else will get up in the middle of the night to join me as I snack? Middle of the night. Everything makes sense. Walking in the house without you there to greet me will forever be so painful that I almost guarantee I miss you tons.

It hasn't been even one full day. I don't know how I'll live going on this way. And every time I think, wow, he's really gone. I wish I could take you for a walk or watch you race across our lawn. I'll always look back fondly and probably shed a tear because it seems impossible that you will not be here. This is heartbreaking. I know. I really love Dusty.

This is like also so adds up to everything from the therapy episodes. Like I had no one but Dusty. Uh uh-oh my bully is looking at me you had everyone lean into the fact that your parents are alive and love you esther they're gonna be dead okay we have to forgive love i do forgive and i do love but look this is like when i called my dad listen when i called my dad esther that was beautiful thank you when i called my dad and i i called my dad that was beautiful thank you when i called my dad and i was like i think i'm dyslexic he was like annie what are we doing at this point it's like let them just you're lucky look at the good the good no i'm looking at the good but i actually it's it is this when your dad was at the casino i'll give you that was this casino

time period we had a dusty um the Dusty pass of old age? Yeah, he died when I went away for freshman. Oh, yeah. I was older than you might think when I wrote that poem. I was 19. She was already doing comedy. She was dating Tony. I would be in two years.

Oh, my God. I was two years from being a comedian dating Tony. That's so dark. I was a child. Don't flip that. No, you were too grown to do the poem. I'm not too young to date a person. Wait, so.

I was a child. Wait, so how did Dusty pass? He had Cushion's disease. Oh. And were you around to say around when i came back to say goodbye yeah and then my dad took us all to mangiano's and we each got to get our own dessert for the first time the night that putting your putting a pet down is quite possibly uh a wound that never heals well do you watch like do you go in and watch i watch yeah my my last dog sprout

i went in and i watched when he didn't sprout did he i cannot have this conversation is hell you have to have it but i think there's something that um ram das says about death that like really really rings true for me and it's like there is no like death is like as true as life gets like there is no bigger truth than watching someone transition like nothing is more pure nothing is more i watched my father take his last breath. I watched Sprout take her last breath. And it allows me to recognize that all the love that I feel that, and it allows me to kind of know that the grief that I'm feeling is really just love with like no place to go. And I lean into it.

I'm like, okay, I don't want this wound to heal. This is a love that will never go away. So this is a wound. I'm okay. Not healing. They have,

there's this poem, this line from a poem, this girl that's like similar to that, where she's like, every time you run across my lawn, it's this wonderful poet. I'm very, a little older than you'd think.

She said, roses are red violets are blue i miss you where are you i miss picking up your poo um yeah but it's like grief is just um love in a heavy coat thank you yeah i don't know sorry girl i don't know what your name is, but it's a coupon. Thank you. Yeah. But I think that it's different for everybody. But I find relief knowing I'm there till the bitter end. And sometimes... I like that. Yeah. And I imagine it would have been harder for me to not have been there when my father died. Do you know what I mean?

Like if it was like sudden and I didn't have time to come home. father died do you know what i mean like if it was like sudden and i didn't have time to come home but it made it a lot easier for me to know that okay like i was here and like we're good i i see how i see how we went who else was there uh my mom and my sister and my best friend and it was really weird because my best friend was like she didn't had never seen anyone in that state before even really sick and we were teenagers and my dad had like a gangrenous foot because there was no more like blood perfusing to his legs. And so his toes were like black basically. And she had this weird coping mechanism.

Like we were cry laughing, like when we left his room, it's like very cathartic because she, as, as his, you can see his like things, all his machines start to kind of, you know,

go out. She was like, just playing with his black toe like what that was her way of coping she was just kind of like hyper focused on the toe and yeah it was like really strange and then i remember like that image of her like it's just so like comical to me and such like i don't know like i i think about it fondly like it was sad but also fucking funny because i was watching my best friend like unable to deal with a situation and just like choosing a toe to kind of like pet i love it i i think i actually love that you have that funny silly thing that's a part of that memory like i i think that is like how we all cope i

know we talk about this a lot but it's like i the the big laugh that dave and i shared at my grandfather's funeral is like one of the best memories of our relationship it's like my aunt gave this speech that was nonsensical and like so long and fucking stupid yeah that's right i'm saying it on camera i don't care anymore and after but after she gets down from the pew or whatever she just gave this speech about her father who passed away my she walks past my grandma and in the nastiest tone my grandma just looks at her and goes way too much and like me and dave just lost our shit it was so funny and like obviously my aunt said too much but it's like grandma like her dad died like fucking let her like you don't have to be a bitch at the end i don't know it was it was hilarious i think you need those moments of levity my dad's funeral there was a woman um sister cleo who sang amazing grace and she saw saying it's so

off you read your tarot cards too um but she sang off key the whole time and you know like when you're in a classroom with someone and you're trying to like not laugh and it only gets worse and it'd be the laugh becomes bigger you have to excuse yourself out the classroom that's basically my sister and i like those really are the best fucking moments i know they're so hard not to like shove your like sleeve in your mouth like trying to yeah when that happened to me in college it was funny like you're very grown to be having this happen i'm like i cannot stop laughing look we had merch once we had merch for three days and we will three days. And we will have merch again. And we will have merch again.

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I put it in my water, I shake it up, and I chuggity chug chug chug baby. And it's so mild tasting. Yeah. You can add it to your smoothie. It doesn't overpower the taste of your smoothie. I like to add a little bit of apple cider vinegar and I use my little matcha stirrer, put a little bit of ice and it is so good you guys. You know I was a chugger in college. I can't chug much. I used to chug Jaeger. Now I chug Athletic Greens. And it's a really fun way to start my day. I feel more energized. I feel I'm doing something really nice for myself. I have to say, I do feel like amongst all the successful people I know, Athletic Greens is the thing that they all have in common. Successful people take A1. Not ignoring you when you try to talk to them?

Well, that's also there. Second on the list like as a person that can be you know lean more towards disorganized lifestyle ag1 makes it so simple like all the nutrients nutrients that i'm looking for are in one place one powder all in one fell swoop not having to like mismatch like yeah i don't have time to be like how many milligrams of this thing how many of this how many pills of this it's like enough and you guys it's just one scoop of powder mixed with water once a day and every scoop is packed with 75 vitamins minerals and whole food sourced ingredients of the highest quality that give us major benefits like gut and mood support boosted energy and even healthier looking hair skin and nail and if you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a free one-year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase.

Go to athleticgreens.com slash Tuesday. That's athleticgreens.com slash Tuesday. Check it out. After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time, all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's the catch? But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online. They don't have retail stores or salespeople. Instead,

they deliver premium phone plans directly to you. As you guys know, our friend Rick Glassman, he uses Mint Mobile. I learned about Mint Mobile through George Kimmel. George is a busy guy. He takes the most business calls. And the fact that not a single call is ever dropped. And you can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan

and bring your phone number along with all of your existing contacts. Say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with plans starting at 15 bucks a month and all plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. That is such a steal. To get this new customer offer and your new three month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month.

New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Yeah, this isn't a funeral, but my this podcast it could be if you keep up your behavior if you keep wearing low-rise pants you fucking bitch i'm out by the way mark my words if she wears this again we're done this is not fair fair. You need to be mad at trend cycles. Not me. I'm a victim of the trend cycle. You're basic.

That I know. I want to be basic. That's not a bad thing. Dr. Drew said simple and safe. There's nothing safe about you. Your parents aren't safe. You're finding new things they abused you with. No one's safe around Esther.

She's got to justify her. That sounds like the tagline to a horror movie. And it is a real Esther in that movie. You look like the girl, by the way, the orphan. Oh, I know. Okay, so my brother, okay, so when my brother got married, my twin brother, my mom was in charge of the rehearsal dinner. My mom had just had a high school reunion with her girlfriends from

her boarding school where one of her friends was like a folk singer with her husband and they did like silly songs. Now, if you're meeting up with your girlfriends from high school and they're singing, it's funny, right? It's like, okay, silly, funny, like sex innuendos in these songs, funny right it's like okay silly funny like sex innuendos and these songs whatever my mom hires her to be the musical talent of my and my brother's used to my mom's shit okay my sister-in-law dana is a is she's a real regular beautiful person that's used to regular normal life okay my mom those people it's like wrong family bitch um we love you dana you make us a little normal but so she so my mom hires this woman and it's like her it's in a restaurant first of all where they're like can we turn the music down in the whole restaurant the restaurant's

like no so they're like through like there's like you know like third eye blind it's playing in the background and they're like have a little keyboard. And they're singing, like, weird, like, the fish go upstream. They have, like, movements and stuff. Like, it's just so cringe, so ridiculous, so embarrassing. Like, everything's a sex joke. It's, like, these old people singing this to just, like, my sister-in-law's family and my family. And I think about it. And it's, like, if my mom had gotten like a band that ruled, we

wouldn't even think about it. Right. It's like we wouldn't even remember this thing. Now it's fucking amazing. Yeah. But it's like, I guess like so like you do want someone to talk shit at a funeral. You do want someone. You know what I mean?

Like you want things to go wrong. Someone to wiggle your dad's dying toe or whatever. I'll tell you, like, we never remember perfect weddings perfect birthdays we always remember the ones where shit went down I need shit to go down not maybe like traumatic shit but some shit to go down another like favorite most imprinted Christmas memory was the year I got an iPod video and I immediately uploaded the Pam and Tommy porn on it sorry Sorry, I know that's wrong of me, but that was what I did first. And then I was looking at it and from across the room

my mom shouts, whose dick is that? And like that was a quote. So she was present? And paying attention? On Christmas. So yeah, whose dick is that was a quote for a long time with me and my sister.

I never saw that tape. Really? I didn't have a computer or internet. Come on over. My dad was always watching all the celeb porns. My dad was on first. Yeah. Well, my brothers would like go like buy porn from people like down the street. So when they caught my brothers buying porn, my mom just had my dad dad get playboy and then all of the kids could just take it oh yeah yeah yeah so that they wouldn't like spend their money banana thank you so i was so surprised by you last night i didn't see you in the corner um i this is why i cannot be dating by the way can i give you an example of why i could possibly like really chase a boy away if i were to yes please so um i was i was with a boy

and um my period was right around the corners i was feeling extra emotional you know how it is where you're just all of a sudden unearthing all of your childhood core wounds. And I said two things that I fully regret now that my estrogen is back on the rise. I said two things and with full tears in my eyes because I asked them, I was like, do you like crows and ravens? And he was like, yeah, like I like them. They're like cool birds. And then with full tears in my eyes, I was like, like i like them they're like cool birds and then with full tears in my eyes i was like because i think there is a crow inside me crying and i had to explain to him like my connection to corvids why i think i do ayahuasca there's nothing weird about anything i know i'm like literally yes there is a crow inside you bitch i'm so turned on by that i'm

like tell me more like i love this about and then the next day even now closer to my period i tell them a story about how i used to crack rocks as a child looking for certain crystals and i spent six months before my sister's birthday like um collecting what i thought was the most precious rocks that i had ever cracked and i put them in a really fancy box. And on her birthday, she opened that gift last. And all of my mom and my aunts and everyone, they were like, what is that? And Kawinna was like, oh, Kalilah cracked rocks for me. And she gave me her most like precious crystals.

And they all laughed. And they were like, what? You're a fucking entrepreneur. They were like rocks. And they all like cackled. And I remember feeling so humiliated and feeling like I just spent six months like collecting these rocks. And my sister chased me upstairs. She's like, I love them.

I love them. I swear. And I was really embarrassed because I was only nine. And I told this story to the boy again with full tears in my eyes. And I was like, I used to crack rocks. Really crack, like precious rocks and i i honestly think as long as you didn't smoke them bitches but i know people that cracked rocks am i allowed to be this vulnerable this early on in a thing because i think i'm just gonna people are gonna think i'm insane don't you remember that headline from a few months ago was like the clingy girls were the right ones it's like if you we know

someone who didn't forget that one did you did you hang it up like it was about you framed it be yourself like yeah you're that's so interesting what you just said and also that's such a core wound that you carry and it's so good to like let out. And I'm glad you shared it with us because like, I have things like that too, where I remember when I, this is why I don't know how to ride a bike because one of the times where I was being taught like, what,

what a car full of, you don't even know what I want to say. Was it a car full of me laughing at you just several me I'm in every seat laughing at you it was a car full of cool guys and they looked at me and they laughed and then I was like I can't I'm not doing

this I'm never learning to ride a bike I'm a cool guy laughing at you oh god that is so funny so Klyla I just think we have so much in common and like we should really like. Kiss. Thank you, Esther. Be yourself always.

Always be the crow that you have in you. Thank you. Yes. I want to say one more thing about crows. Who is this old and can't ride a bike you're nothing you're nothing thank you but i watched this or i listened to this whole i don't know if it was a hidden brain but it was uh one of the npr ones about a girl who just like in her 30s 30s decided to join a community of people who don't know how to ride bikes and they all get

together and they learn i think you should do that so there's no humiliation of doing it alone no i think you should do it on here and we should humiliate or or i think humiliation is what she likes a little bit i think i'm not humiliated anymore it's i'm scared okay one more idea i don't want to get hurt one more idea how about we all get hurt we pick a day of the week we wake up at three in the morning and we teach esther how to ride a bike i mean why we're gonna give it three is in the middle of the night but also if you make one more plan with me bitch that you don't follow through on i'll fucking scalp you i will be wearing your hair.

I said yes. I wasn't the one who said no to steak dinner. I said yes whenever. What are your sides? A twice baked potato would be my first choice. Gummy bears, jelly beans. What sides would you be going for? Definitely, I don't like spinach.

Before, spinach caused um extreme you know gi pain for me it used to be like cream spinach oh that's not um or i love boston market yes oh my god that feels like a boyfriend from middle school like i'm like oh so you know my one of my biggest my boyfriend from middle school worked at boston market i think maybe that's i love boston nostalgic for me it's one of the biggest. You've met my boyfriend from middle school, worked at Boston Market. I think maybe that's why. I love Boston Market. It's pretty nostalgic for me. It's one of the first American things I really enjoy. Guys, the fucking, the ice skating rink, all-deer court ice skating rink that I used to like make out with boys at closed down.

That's painful. Where are the kids fingering each other now? They found another cut for sure. Yeah, where, where do they finger each other nowadays? I don't think they finger. Do they finger? They finger. Do they wait until they're old enough to write a poem?

About a dog when they're 19? Well, it's like the little toddlers watch porn nowadays. So it's like they probably just go straight to face fucking. Do you know that when you read that poem, I was like proud of you thinking you were like finding all these rhyming words at five? I was like, oh my God. I'm finding all these rhyming words at five i was like oh my god i'm gone long gone we'll do it it's close enough i think we all have late bloomer qualities in our life i extremely maybe flip with the sex stuff i felt like early but almost like forced early yeah not like good yeah not in a good way early um but with other things oh my god such a late bloomer there are a lot of things i'm just learning even at this age that i'm just like what the fuck i didn't can i tell you what i did for the very first time

i'd like to admit something and this might sound really silly i went through a drive-through for the very first time three weeks ago my first time alone which what and it was i was all the way in corona because i was like visiting this like factory out there and i was falling asleep and i was like i just need something to drink so i went through a starbucks drive-through and when i got to the thing i was like i don't know how to do this i've never works count i've never done this before how have you never i don't know how to do this. I don't think Starbucks counts. I've never done this before. How have you never? I don't know. How do I know you?

How do I host a podcast with you? You've never had done a drive-thru? Myself. I've been through a drive-thru with other people as like the driver or a passenger, but I never have done it alone. Are you getting triggered? Are you remembering a certain Taco Bell order? What?

Wait, what? Do you remember when you ordered so many things on taco bell that you got that everyone hated me you got bullied yeah now i can handle those things come for me i don't care i have annoying ass orders i get it but i'm special but again i'm 38 and that was the first time i ever did something and i remember i drove home with so much like wind in my sails what'd you get what order did you get yeah I got the sous vide egg bites. And then I got a breakfast sandwich and a decaf coffee. And I drove home like listening to Maggie Rogers

and thinking, am I an adult? And I felt different all because of a drive-thru. I actually relate to that when I was in high school, the first time I did a drive-thru myself, like you do feel like a grown-up I mean I had it a better like more appropriate time and I did get a chocolate cake shake from Portillo but you drove yourself there yeah and it's like so empowering right guys I don't know how to relate to this I mean i was like we were getting taco bell every day what is

but by yourself is a big deal by yourself i do like a nice road trip by yourself you know what i do at taco bell bathrooms you know i have a good time i wake up i get ready to write some papers and drive you know well that's the thing it's like i've traveled alone so much in my life like i've done so many things so long to go i'm like how the fuck have i not done this basic ass thing technically you're not alone they're there helping you yeah it's a connection thanks annie I've done so many things solo. It's fun to go alone. But I'm like, how the fuck have I not done this basic ass thing? Technically, you're not alone. They're there helping you. Yeah.

You're right. It's a connection. Thanks, Annie. Yeah, I do like a drive-thru. It does piss me off when you are walking by a drive-thru and they don't allow you to walk through it. I always thought the same. It pisses me off.

That's a little silly, isn't it? It's just like, come on. I have money. You have food. I've been on the pegs of a bike and I've been served at a drive-by. You have? Yeah, on a bicycle. Wait, that's alone?

You know how to ride a bike? No, on the peg. On the peg. Yeah. On a date? No, it wasn't a date. Did you fall off? That's a very like cholo culture thing.

It's really cute. Thank you. I've definitely been on a lot of pegs. Yeah. On bikes. Yeah. Have you ever been pegged? I've just fucked in the ass like classic way not pegged have you ever pegged no have you i haven't i had to wear a strap on for girl code once that was exciting yeah i mean i'm open to it but all the producers like I I posted like a clip of me talking about

it on stage because I was like put the strap on and I was like slapping everything off tables I was like slapping them in the face like I was slapped like I went crazy I was like oh my god guys like I get it I see why you guys have to put your penises places like it's crazy it's like a you have a sword and um and so the I posted it and then all of the producers who are like still following me like we were there we were slapped slapped, this happened, this is real, validated. Which one's mine? Your sexual, when you assaulted everyone with your fake penis? I did.

They put it on me. It's their fault. But I think that's a really silly thing when people like don't allow you to just go through a drive-thru. I don't know if it's like a, it's like a, oh, maybe it's, they think it's dangerous because the car is going to like come by and like, you know, knock you from the, I don't know. That's like a it's like a oh maybe it's they think it's dangerous because the car is going to like come by oh you know knock you from the boat i don't know that has to be it yeah yeah but it's like you're losing money i want to but also the people who work there don't care about the money but don't you think it's a little bit classist yeah because it's like

i don't fucking have a car to drive through here and i'm listening i'm barefoot and hungry and sometimes the drive-thru is anything that's open and not the inside no i know it's like i hate when it's only the drive-thru yeah let me eat i'm hungry i if it's the choice between going inside the drive-thru how are you ever not just choosing drive-thru i will go in i need sometimes you just need to be like can you get this for me waiting in your car it's like you'd have less control oh the car is the safe space there's some ultimate control there's people to meet inside people to chat with after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers if we've learned anything it's that there's always a catch so when i heard that for a limited time

all mint mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's the catch? But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online. They don't have retail stores or salespeople. Instead, they deliver premium phone plans directly to you. As you guys know, our friend Rick Glassman, he uses Mint Mobile. I learned about Mint Mobile through George Kimmel. George is a busy guy. He takes the most business calls.

And the fact that not a single call is ever dropped. And you can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all of your existing contacts. Say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with plans starting at $15 a month. And all plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. That is such a steal. To get this new customer offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday.

Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash tuesday 45 up front payment required equivalent to 15 a month new customers on first three month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan additional taxes fees and restrictions apply statement mobile for details i have a question okay oh shoot i think it's mostly for kalilah because it doesn't really apply to us but like would you rather be a nude model in an art class or do stand-up comedy um today yeah well not with like your period shouldn't affect the decision but um probably a nude model really yeah stand-up comedy is is is it's absolutely terrifying it's not it's not for me you don't think i've tried going to open mics and bobby was like you should just try

it just to see how i feel and so i would go a couple times and i'm like i fuck i don't have i don't feel that thrill i don't feel that pride i don't feel like that w and you like no it was it was absolutely awful for me i think that makes sense like i feel like that W and you like, no, it was, it was absolutely awful for me. I think that makes sense. Like, I feel like most people would say that I was thinking about it. Cause when I was in my first year of college, I did like a nude naked modeling for an art class once. And I like.

That was everyone arrested for their drawings. This is Kitty Bourne. What is this? I, what. Did they all use like those little like golf pencils well it actually goes back to something you were saying at the beginning of the episode wait before that how are you posed how many poses i think it was two poses and they were i was bread bowl i think i just kind of like stood there like i actually i think i was like

like this or something. Because I remember my one leg was forward. Did you spread or did you tuck it high? I did not spread. I did not spread. Were you feeling self-conscious and regretting? So I was really nervous about doing it. She can't ride a bike.

She's naked in front of a whole class. Okay. But I had read in Madonna's biography that she had done this when she was like a struggling singer, dancer. And I was like, I have to do everything Madonna did. And so I signed up and I was nervous. But I was like, I can do whatever. I'm just going to do it. And while I was there, I think I was fine.

Obviously, standing for a long time is a lot harder than I thought it would be. But then at the end, they're like, oh, you can like walk around the class and see what everyone drew. And the most distinct memory I have is fucking looking at my thighs and being like, oh my God, they don't really look like that. Like I was like mad at the students because I was like, I can't believe they, because my thighs looked like real thighs and not sticks.

Were they high school? No, it was college. It was the college kids. But yeah, I don't't but now i would never do that again i would be so scared i um i used to go to the like drink and draw this thing in brooklyn where it was like my friend tim kent amazing artist was my teacher there he's so fucking good um i will buy something from you one day i promise but he um so it's like you would go to this place in brooklyn and you would pay ten dollars and there was like unlimited paps blue ribbon and like chips and stuff and i

don't know if you brought your i think they had the the drawing supplies and stuff and they would just have like a nude model and it was so fun but i never was the mom i would rather be fucking shot in the head yeah and have the bullet turn around and go back through the hole same hole yes that you can draw that hole you're not drawing i just don't like for me it's like i'm like i am naked a lot and my windows are open and people are seeing me naked often but the idea that everyone is staring at me naked and the details and they're and they need to look at yeah there's no like um this is my side you know i find that really interesting that um

i kind of feel similarly when my windows are open and like i've been with people in house they're like khalilah you're naked they can see it i don't care either there was they used to say that i'm like look if he's looking out his window that's him looking out his window trying to look you know what i mean it's like it's not right i i don't feel as like conscious about it because it's just like it's like just living life i have no relationship with this kid i'm not related to him i'm not gonna molest it like there's nothing it's one of the best they want to see it's probably the best case scenario for him to just see the the but you know what i was thinking about you know on friends how they have like they had like the fat naked guy no i didn't watch friends it's

weird we're a seinfeld house you never watched no i didn't watch friends it's so weird we were a seinfeld house you never watched friends i don't think you can be both you can't be oh i think it's friends are seinfeld it's christian and jewish that is true you're both but but um i think you should watch friends i think you would like it it's really good it's really funny i don't know it crazy. I remember being in fifth grade. Like, this show is so good. My teacher was like, your parents let you guys watch Friends? Oh, that's weird.

It was really good. But they had, like, this fat, hairy, naked neighbor that they would always see. Was their name Esther? I just feel like that's the kind of character her name has. No, but I'm just saying, like, no, it was a man. It was, like, a balding man but um who's maybe could be an esther but i realized like i am i'm that now you're not naked naked neighbor so far from i still feel like they're lucky to see it but i was a cheers home oh and a frazier home that was my grandma you were a Frazier home. That was my grandpa's house.

You were a Frazier home? That is such a grandpa. Yeah. That's because your dad was old. Yeah. Frazier, that is the first sign of old sperm if you're a Frazier. And Norm from Cheers. Yeah, Cheers.

Wow. Also friends though. But also Seinfeld. So a little bit of everything. That's why this show works. I'm telling you to the to the death i'm on my so-called life bitch if that show had gotten a fucking did you ever watch it yet no my sister watched i was always waiting for the tv while that was on i was just todd will like bring up

jared catalano or jordan catalano like it's like a thing you can just bring up without like sending me to a whole new world jared leto i am not attracted to. Jordan Catalano is like, I'm fucking kegeling right now, guys. I am so in love with this illiterate, greasy-haired, fucking high school asshole. It's like crazy. I just, but oh. That's imprinting.

Like how crazy. He imprinted on you that hard. But it's not the lean. That's me. I see me right there. You're so off bitch there's nothing me in a flannel and a choker he can write bro that's fucking me esther i'm so sad for you it's like you are pretty like i think you're you don't know that you're pretty but that is a

different level i did watch romeo and juliet again was it still good baslerman one it when something imprints on you it's never not good i know i used to go to the library and was i stealing i think i was stealing yeah i think i would go to the library and i would steal yes i would oh this is bad to steal from a library guys but i would go to the library the magazines for pictures not for reading for pictures yeah yeah yeah reading read the magazine there was one article about huffing that i remember cutting and me and my friend it was like 17 ym my um yeah my friend and i had like a joint book that we would send each other and it was like we made this pact we would never huff. Because it was like someone died from huffing in People magazine.

That was a really sweet childhood promise. No huffing. No huffing. No huffing. I just tell you, I did not follow through on that one. You huffed? I'm a huffer. What is huffing?

It's like whipped cream. I don't like paint and huff. But if there's a whipped cream bottle around yeah it ain't coming out with air it's huffing also with the um no with like paint i don't like like duster and stuff i don't do that shit okay i don't like things that make your brain squeak it squeaks when you squeaky sounding like smoking wet like weed that's dipped i know can you look at what wet is because it's not like actually formaldehyde but that's what they said it was it's like cp right yeah but what is it dipped in actually

it's not actually formaldehyde that's sherm sherm pete knows but but we called it But we called it what? We called it what? Oh, that's just putting like weed. Embalming fluid? And tobacco. Yeah, and embalming fluid. Jesus. Yeah, that's what he used to smoke. Really?

So it's basically a spliff dipped in. I don't know that we actually had cigarettes, tobacco in it. Oh, there was no tobacco in it? No, you can, but I'm sure most people just use weed. Yeah, we were just. And my brain felt brain feels squeaky. Doesn't it seem like embalming fluid would be like a good alternative to Botox? Like if it keeps you as you are, you dab it on. Well, you already have some in your room for all the body parts.

Esther's like, I got some handy. Do you think it'll help? We find out Esther's secret. Why she looks so young. Those baths are not with water. I'll tell you that. Those monthly baths. Do you get embalmed weekly?

That would be sweet. You're coming in quite greasy after your big thing about how you are clean now. That's so unfair. You put pressure on yourself. I literally washed my hair yesterday. Why is it greasy already? Because you're doing a lot of this and in your hands are real greasy. How often do you wash your hair?

So I'm doing this new thing where I don't really do things like how often, you know, I just kind of like as I remember, as I feel it. You're starting this now? She's doing intuitive washing. Are you trying to play it off like you had a plan before? Well, my whole life I always was like, am i a person who bathes at night or in the morning am i a person who bathes every day i totally know what you're saying yeah yes it's so annoying do you remember i think with like eating stuff too it's like how fucking hard breakfast always was

yes breakfast was always like this thing i had to just like release breakfast like yeah breakfast like jesus christ i think that's like um one of the signs of any disordered anything is like ritualistic like what am i how do i identify as either this or that you know like there's always like a ritual involved it's like if you feel some type of way just jump in the shower who cares but that's what i'm back up when you wake up in the middle of the night if you have the cash don't like spend your savings i'm gonna try that tonight it feels so good because you're told to not impulsively do things in life you know like people are like that's like bad but i'm like i'm leaning into every fucking impulse and i'm just gonna see what happens

please don't leave every impulse i i don't want to like burst your guys bubble about what you think of me but my my impulses are not violent or negative it's just funny to make fun of you and threaten your structure your small structure i hope you have an impulse i like to make you feel unsafe on earth i do wonder that annie because like like my whole life i've fought impulses because i can be super impulsive and i've just i've prided myself and being like i'm less impulsive now i'm grown but i'm like have i robbed myself off of there's a bunch of shit i want to do if i wake up in the middle of the night and i'm like spinning and i go you know what i really want to do i want to buy a jacket look at me now bitch the fucking epic outfit this was this would not be a purchase during the day okay this is a

midnight purchase and todd's always like todd like oh god she's shopping oh that's cute but it's great and then they come and i'm excited and it's fucking great there's no like i'm a grown-up there's no one telling me not to do this anymore so i'm just gonna see how it goes and then i but then it's like if it becomes too much of a habit and i'm like oh i'm not liking the things i'm getting then i won't do it but how often are you waking up in the middle of the night like what time do you wake up to i usually have a second wind how often are you waking up in the middle of the night? Like what time do you wake up to? I usually have a second wind. I usually go to sleep. A second wind in the middle of the night is so funny.

I'm so energetic. It's so weird. It's just so weird. This is the crazy thing about you. I'm telling you, like there's been periods of times in our lives where I feel like I talk to you late at night and then at 7 a.m. you call me the next day and you're like, I already had a day. And you pick up too much

a girl um yeah no i um i don't know i'm excited i like my life you're not to make this like this seinfeld episode but that's like when kramer was experimenting with sleep schedules and he would like sleep in like four hour chunks and then have like four hours awake in the middle of the night for it i think uh kramer needed a little more sleep when he did that laugh factory so he may have been a little a little tired then middle of the night another middle of the night um fiasco is yeah don't follow all your impulses thanks for bringing up kramer don't follow all of roseanne bar was the middle of the night oh but she was ambient oh she was't take sleeping pills. Yeah, I don't either. I'm not a sleeping pill bitch.

I just did it for anal. That's it. Oh, that's interesting. Well, it's like they said that. Anal being. Well, they say like if you force yourself to stay up when you take sleep aid. Your bucket's juicy. It has like a kind of a hallucinogenic effect. And it did.

And which led to. A relaxed but which led to a relaxed butthole a relaxed butthole and a very positive experience because the time that i did anal before that i had like a fever that night and it was like horrible i went into shock i think i just never feel like the sleeping pills like you're i don't feel like you're really sleep it's like you're faking yourself into thinking you were sleeping like you're not getting like actual rest it's like so why am i doing this i'd rather know i going to be tired the next day than not. I had a boyfriend who actually helped me with this because he was like kind of like, he was a real night guy too. And I used to get so mad at myself when I couldn't sleep. And that I remember the day in third grade when my

teacher, I might've said this on here before, because it is like definitely a core memory. My third grade teacher was like, we have a really important test tomorrow. Make sure you get sleep. I, that was the moment my sleeping problem started because it was a pressure of having to do something. So then when I wouldn't be sleeping, I'd be like, fuck, I'm not sleeping. I'm not sleeping. And it would be like, my day tomorrow is going to be ruined. It would be like this future dread.

And now I had a boyfriend who was like, he's like, you're talented. You're good. You're able to work with no sleep. He's like, whatever sleep you get tonight will not, you can still pull it off. So him doing that was good for me because it released this sort of like pressure of like things having to be like, I have to sleep at hours. If I don't, you know, it's going to ruin everything because then I'm like setting myself up. So now I really don't even look if i'm having trouble sleeping or if there's something

like i do want to get sleep i never look at the time because i don't want to like be starting a really good trick yes so it's like i don't even know how much it's like it's like as much as you can it's the same psychology behind saying like you know like no no foods don't eat that don't eat that because then that's all you're thinking about if you're saying like get enough sleep get enough sleep all you're thinking about is not yeah not sleeping basically no you're worrying about not getting so right like the the no-no foods like i can never have if someone's doing a diet where like i can never have bread anytime i've ever tried that by three o'clock that day i've had the most bread i've ever had like i truly are like oh i'm giving up sugar three o'clock that day i've had the most bread i've ever had like i truly are like oh i'm giving

up sugar three o'clock that day i have three pints of ice cream in my freezer that i just picked up and i'm going it's like do you wake up in the morning you're like i'm totally gonna eat bananas today no so you cannot eat it yeah you can't live in like absolutes like that i think it's not healthy and well you're gonna swing back yeah remember when i did my uh my master cleanse you're like good luck bitch there will be a swing back yeah never been skinny since yeah it's that was the beginning of big annie big girl time what was the master cleanse it was cayenne and it just blast your asshole it's just like hey do you want to fire your asshole up for fucking three weeks or whatever it's like 10 days what wasn't it like lemon water with cayenne and maple syrup oh maple syrup so you had a little

bit of a blood sugar boost but that's it but i will tell you it is here's the crazy thing you do realize like you could survive in the wilderness for a long time like you do realize like oh i like my body is like on a yeah and i see a benefit on occasionally like forcing like you know when david sinclair talks about um doing these like occasional fasts yeah to kind of force cell death for the cells that are kind of like no longer useful but they need to be like killed off certain things like that make sense to me but to do like a week-long master cleanse to put your body into starvation mode for no fucking reason it can't be for like you can't be doing those things for any sort of like weight loss or like it has to be like

there's spiritual cleanses people do there's like fasting you do sort of like as a sacrifice to like whatever program you're doing or whatever but those things are still for me like having been disordered a lot in my life is still an absolute i can't work with like if you put me in like the confines of like you this is the only thing you can drink a day it's like already i'm spinning out yeah also i remember in high school reading in like us weekly or whatever beyonce used the master cleanse to look to lose weight for the her role in dream girls so it just i'm just like angered by that that that was like advertised to us is like this is how you lose weight and this is what the celebrities are

doing oh my god do you remember how badly you wanted to know what the celebrities like yeah but you were like i want to know every morsel that goes into your mouth and the thing that's so funny about that is like you get older i feel like once you hit like 30 like mid 30s early 30s it's like you realize like everybody's so fucking different that there's not any way what one other person does would ever be the thing for you anyway. If I were to have done like, this is what I eat in a day, they would know that I ate a really dry piece of bread with turkey slices, you know, over my sink this morning because I was in a rush. Yeah.

Like, oh, this is what I boil this. I fuck off. Like, thank you. I'm sure on a good day i can do all of that but like that's just not how life works you know it's like it's so unrealistic i don't watch any of that shit i don't even like i don't allow my brain to absorb that i don't allow my brain to look at the positive results of semi-glutides or the new whatever he really wants to talk about these semi-glutides i just don't because Cause it's like, I, what are they?

What? That's what brought it up. Ozempics. Oh yeah. Yeah. I just, you already knew that. Didn't you?

Cause I only, because she brought it up earlier. Not before. That's what they're called. I didn't know that. What? It's, you've been looking into it.

I've definitely, you're the most Kardashian of us here. Yeah, no, of course I know about Ozempic and i know like i've i start i dare you the amount of questions i've asked people to what if esther came in ozempic it would be hell you would look like can you pull up the david cross the um the mr show the guy who gets burned in the in the um it's like their metallica parody can you just look at metallica i 100 would not go on it but can i just show you exactly what you would look like if you did it but i don't want people to think i'm just i want to know everything about it oh my god this would be you play it play it this is so they're a band and this is like their

favorite band that fell into he fell into a thing of acid when he was listening to their song, Jump Into Acid, Jump Into Acid. Hey, buddy, try it out. And so they're like. That's Ozempic. That's Estorano Zempic. I dare you, bitch. I see myself. You're like like i feel so fat lord but if you're on i watched that fucking sketch it's the funniest thing i've ever seen

you guys thank you so much for watching this week's episode of trash tuesday oh god um if you don't need to be on Ozempic, don't get on Ozempic. Also, don't get your buccal fat removed. Annie and I can't really fairly answer this question. I really am genuinely curious. Please comment. Would you rather pose nude for an art class or do stand-up comedy? Can I tell you

I posed nude for an art teacher and it made me a stand-up comedian? You just picked my entire, like, entire like storyline of how i got here so let us know what you'd rather do and we'll see you next week with a brand new episode