Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Bert Kreischer Shares His Open Browser Tabs With Us

Episode Date: April 19, 2022

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California, Kansas City, Missouri, Irvine, and many other dates. Go to AnnieLetterman.com slash shows. You guys, if you haven't heard about Anchor, it's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. It's free. Shocking that Esther, that's what you were about to say, right? Yes, it's free. Uh-huh. It's always number one on our list. It's free. Everyone wants that Esther, that's what you were about to say, right? Yes, it's free. Uh-huh.

It's always number one on our list. It's free. Everyone wants to freaking start a podcast. This is the easiest way we're about to tell you. There's creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or computer. And what? And they will distribute your podcast for you. So it can be heard from Spotify, Apple Podcast apple podcasts and all of the platforms basically also you can

make money from your podcast with no minimum listenership the best i mean imagine that that's like the lowest that's low pressure everything you need with anchor everything you need to make a podcast all in one place just download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. He came into Travel Channel and was, hey, how do my cheeks look? Are they super red? They're a little red, but it's- I saunied today, and so my cheeks- Oh, cool. I was in the sauna for 45 minutes, and so I got out, and I was like, God damn it, I'm going to look like an alcoholic.

Do you have a sauna in your house? Yeah, I have two saunas. Do you have a cold plunge? I have two. How long do you do the cold plunge? Two of each. I do. Yeah, why do you have two of each?

So you and Liam can do them at the same time? I have three houses. Oh, this is fun. From Travel Channel to three houses, everybody. I know, I know. Which house does the magic happen in? Right now, the beach house is the best. I want to get on Burt level.

How long do you cold plunge for? Four minutes. Oh, I only do three. Well, we share Lacey. What? Lacey Mackey's my girl too. Oh, that's right. Of course.

That's right. You're sober. I forgot. I told Lacey. Well, I know her from Santa Fe. Have we started? I used to live in New Mexico. Okay, great.

I know her from Santa Fe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He like helps you get sober or something. You had foot and mouth disease. Yeah, I had. I think about that in New Mexico. Okay, great. I know from Santa Fe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He like helps you get sober or something. Yeah. You had foot and mouth disease. Yeah, I had. I think about that all the time. I think about that all the fucking time.

It wasn't foot and mouth. I had trench mouth. Trench mouth, that's it. My teeth almost fell out. What? It's what homeless people get. I drank so much that my gums were like, all my gums went up. How did you reinforce them back?

I just stopped drinking. You were drinking like like i remember talking to you about this and i because i always talk to people like nick thune is like the canary in the mine yeah because you remember you ever hear nick's story no i i just know he was brought religious so he must really have drank he got a bottle of fucking vodka and went to the desert to die oh lord like he was like fear and loathing and you were like you were like you'd wake up all just scraped up oh i would check for my teeth in the morning and i would call i call i

nicknamed i had a boyfriend we nicknamed jack daniels oj we go past the oj so in the morning we didn't feel like guilty like throw me the oj we i drank yeah it's kind of a surprise she still has her nipples attached i know i um i really did almost lose this one for real yeah and then on stage i tell people i skidded off my uh my i thought she was gonna say it got shot off on a drug deal gone bad oh my god that'd be so cool i know miss pat and i do have some parallels but hers are like hers are a little more gangster but i did know i skidded on i crashed i had a yamaha zuma and i was blackout drunk and I woke up in my friend's house it looked like my throat had been slit like there was just blood gushing from like and I was wearing

this little dress and cowboy boots I looked cute when I drank um but I yeah this Yamaha Zuma and I couldn't find the scooter I just remembered someone I didn't like had found me and that's the only vibe I just had the feeling someone that didn't like me helped me when I crashed and I had to put all the pieces together because i couldn't figure it out i went to the hospital i had to get like nine stitches on my chin i cuts all over my face i had a cut from another drunk scooter accident the week before i'm sorry but can we get like a tax rebate or something that we like work with her now like we like we'vebed her? Have you ever relapsed? No, I never.

Well, I do like drugs. I called when we did the tour and then COVID hit and they're like, hey, you need to rename your tour. And so like Nate Bargatze called his rain check, right? You had to acknowledge because you had to acknowledge

that it was supposed to already happen. You had to acknowledge that they already bought tickets for it. So you didn't want them to buy tickets again for it because it was already sold out. So you had to acknowledge that it was supposed to already happen you had to acknowledge that they already bought tickets for it so you didn't want them to buy tickets again for it you know so you because it was already sold out so you had to say hey these are this is that tour if you're wondering it's back it's two years later and so i called mine the birdie boy relapse tour and boy i got a lot of a lot of people upset well good everyone in recovery everyone in recovery is like there's not something to joke around about i And I was like, for me, it is. Well, the funniest thing is the bars

that are called like the 13th step because 13th stepping in the program means there's 12 steps in the program. And by the way, I went to AA for three months and then I got my three month coin and I was like, peace. This is as long as my relationships always last. See you later.

Like I was out, like I broke up with AA and it helps a lot of people and I'm grateful for it for that three months i have nothing to do with it esther do you want to introduce the show oh oh welcome to trash tuesday a podcast starring three women made of old sperm and uh our dads and our old sperm that's aging now we have some aging sperm we have burt kreischer in the house my uh yeah i'm turning 50 next year i't really think, I don't really think about age because I feel like very young. Yes.

And you dress young. The only thing I think about, I think about death every morning when I wake up. Oh, that's, you should die. Well, that's because you're dying every night from your GERD. Yeah, it's GERD. It's GERD. And I have the same thing. GERDCAST is what your name should be.

How do we stop it? Well. I have it too. You can't eat for like three hours. Yeah, so my window is after 8 p.m. I'm done. I cannot consume anything or else like I choke. You choke.

And I have a hospital bed. One of those hospital beds where I like sit up. Like my boyfriend just has to like sleep up with me because we don't have the two. That's true. I have six pillows behind my head. I sleep in like 90 degrees. Yeah. But if I sleep on my back, I go like this.

Oh, do you have sleep apnea? I have sleep apnea. I was going to say, I know that sound. I'm like this. Oh, do you have sleep apnea? I have sleep apnea. I was going to say, I know that sound. It's my fiance. I'm surprised you didn't come in with a CPAP machine. I can't do the CPAP test. I couldn't. It's cute.

I can't do it. I'm tactile. I have tactile issues. Okay. So I can't have something on my fucking face while I sleep. Wait, did you go to occupational therapy when you were a kid? No, I should have. I think we have the same things.

Yeah. We talk a lot. I interrupt nonstopstop but it's add yeah oh and i'm it's i look at ilo island i got the same shit wait do you have um because i have hsb what is that like i'm highly sensitive person so sensory thing that is so cute why did you just become a little like woodland creature when you said that so it's so sensory things do bother me but i'm not um so some tactile things bother me like the the way certain fabrics feel on my body i will not ever wear wool like i couldn't have grown up in russia when i was a kid if the seam of socks were on the edge i would it would ruin my entire life like i would cry i would scream like i wouldn't live. Did you have this? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

God, what fucking animal could put on tube socks in the 70s and have that seam on the tip of their toes for the whole day? What kind of animal? I'm like, I have, there are certain socks I wear. I only wear a couple pairs of socks. I like the Banana Republic makes a nice dress sock that it's thin. I need thin socks.

I can't wear thick socks. I have recommendations. So do I. And one of them is Skims. Do they have boy Skim socks? No, but Skims is Kim Kardashian's shapewear line, but they make really thin socks that are really soft. Also, a lot of seamless things. Seamless.

Oh, I need my pants to be stretchy. Oh my God. Well, that's more about. Me being fat. I'm a big flip-flop guy. I'm like, because I feel like I have to wear, I'm just, I couldn't, you know, I couldn't wear shoes like Keds and stuff as a kid.

I couldn't wear shoes. Keds were trash stuff as a kid. I couldn't wear shoes. Keds were trash, by the way. Keds, it's like, they're like Toms, but they didn't give, donate to children in any way. It was like. I thought they were like running shoes, weren't they? Keds were like the, they were like the shoes that you would wear to gym class, I guess, back in the day. But it was, they were trash.

Keds were nothing. They were nothing. I'm kind of in awe of people who can wear jeans on a plane or a long haul flight. Okay, wait. I live in my sweatpants, but I've converted a little bit to loose, comfortable jeans. Broken in. Yes. Oh, by the way, this is my diet tip.

I forget. This is good for you too. You don't have to lose weight. Just buy pants that are too baggy. And then people go, I see you losing weight. I swear to God it works. I'm not even kidding. Like if you get like stretchy pants and they're a little bit too big yeah people

are like i see you're at it girl i'm like i know working hard like taco bell my back pocket esther came out with um a sweat pants um line that is so comfortable it's so good it speaks to me so loudly it's all i wear on the plane because the way this? The way it sits on, oh my God, Annie. That's after my scooter accident, which by the way, I used to get bracelets. That was my joke. I would give bracelets to the guys I banged, our French bracelets. Wait, that's actually so funny. Yeah.

I'm into that. It was really funny. Can I get one? Yeah, I almost lost my nipple. Yeah, I'll get French bracelets. My asshole's tingling just looking at the picture. Boner? Boner time?

No, no time no no no the asshole tingle you guys ever get that when you like like if someone's like well it's like you're keegling kind of so your asshole

no but it's almost like a sensation in your asshole where it goes like you know herpes does that too dude I used to think

herpes wouldn't be that bad and then I had someone tell me about getting herpes and it was they were like it is so I want to say who it was. I want to say it was Joe List.

Yeah, Joe loves talking about his herpes. I love when people talk about their herpes, by the way. I know, yeah. It makes me so happy. There was a female comic that did it. She opened for me one time. She talked about getting herpes. And it made me think she was more sexy. Yeah. like i was like her vulnerability i was like fuck yeah i wish

leanne and i did have herpes because then that would mean we'd never cheat on each other yeah because it's you have that commitment because you're like the young kids are very open about it now because i know like um a couple college girls college college age girls who are very open about their yeast infections, their herpetic source. But you're right, herpes from a friend of mine. God, I want to say her name so bad. Don't say her name, Kalilah. But a friend of mine, she has to-

Wait, you guys have the same name? But basically when she gets an outbreak, she has herpes 2, which is the genital herpes, not type 1. Which is kind of the better one. No, no, no. Herpes 1 is a little, you get less frequent outbreaks. Yeah, but everyone's got to be in your business. Yeah, but you can still get it there. What's herpes 3?

That's your asshole. Let's find out. I know a girl that has herpes 3. We've all had herpes because we've all had chicken pox. Chicken pox is herpes doctor. Oh, and I had shingles. Yeah, and shingles is her pedicure. You had chicken pox chicken pox is oh and i had yeah and um uh shingles yeah and shingles is her pedicure you had shingles yeah how have we not talked about this when did you have shingles it's so funny you're the most elderly person i've ever met that you're so excited

about this i had i was 19 years old and i couldn't believe it i was like am i gonna get yellow fever next like what is this i thought it was for old people it is for old people i had it at 25 i got it when i was 19 i was a nursery school teacher. And when you work around little snot-nosed kids, Bert, as a grown snot-nosed kid, do you understand? I thought you said for two seconds, I thought you said I was a nursery rhymes teacher. Yes, I used to. Hickory dickory dock.

I'm like, rhyme, but I dropped the beat. I was like, hickory dickory motherfucking dock. But yeah, no, and I got, because the kids, my immune system was so like overwrought by children's little booger noses. I had it at like 25 and it was, it was thrilling. That is crazy. Wow. But the pain you felt is similar to the pain people feel when they have an outbreak.

Is it neurological too? Yeah, because the ganglia, the nerves in that area is what's really ultimately what's painful about it. It's not, you know. I had a, so I have like OCD. I'm sure I've talked about this before. But I've only been with six people, right? Women. I don't know why I said people.

Women. And so I. That's good. You've been, yeah. Well, no, no, no, because. How many men have you been with? What? no because how many men have you been with what what how many men have you been zero zero yeah there's still time so so uh i but my very first time was very just horrific it was a nightmare i fucked it up so bad

of course so then yeah every way you could ever think of i couldn't put the condom on properly like i unrolled it all the way and then went to slide it over like a sock. Well, I say putting it on is the improper part. Come on. Don't you party, bird? And then when I did get it on, I got on top of her. And it happened so quickly, it overwhelmed me. And I was, like, shaking.

And then she said, are you going to put it in? And I looked. My dick was between her butt cheek and i knew i was literally gonna ask because i there was a guy in my high school that fucked between a girl's ass and the couch yeah yeah well he really that's what i used to offer up when i didn't want to have sex i'm like do you want the inside of my knee like right this was pre-skull fucking yeah by the way if i knew that was an option you know i mean chicks i would have fucking meniscus fucked.

So that is appealing to you. You would be into the, like, this, just this part. I would be into, so I, there were so many chicks that I've been with that I wanted to have sex with, but I thought I would perform so poorly that they would then, like, I had to really trust you to have sex with you. Like, I had to trust you. That they would then, like I had to really trust you to have sex with you. Like I had to trust you. And I only had one, maybe two one night stands. And I think, and one of them did not wear a condom.

He didn't wear a condom? No, he wore one. I didn't. I didn't. I put one on also. That's so cute. Oh my God, he put them on together matchies twinsies how does me put it on help him fucking me yes

so uh and so and i worked at barnes and noble and there was this gay dude named andrew and uh he had gotten he was going he was fucking a lot and he was like hey man uh can he just come out of the closet from like omaha or something and he was like we used to get out of the basement take the freight elevator and talk smokey joint bullshit tell me about his one night stands it was really cool i didn't know any gay dudes so it was really eye-opening and it was like like you know people talk about uh wanting to be better or learning about things but it was like for real i really wanted to i didn't know any gay dudes i was probably homophobic growing up and so it was like well if you were homophobic you probably wouldn't have gone down that freight elevator yeah to be honest

oh yeah yeah i think i was just i didn't know any gay dudes like you're like scared of people like leaning in for a kiss or whatever you know people like i'm cool with gay dudes as long as they don't like hit on me yeah you know that one like it's just a very late 90s line yeah yeah right yeah and so we go down and he would and he he was like I think I might have gotten bit on the dick by a spider And I was like really and he goes he goes can I show it to you? And I was like yeah the spider or the dick the dick is a molested And you know he took his dick out. He showed it in his there was something going on with his dick That's what Louie said to me. He said I think it was bit by a spider

Getting Louie never pulled his dick out. I was like what the hell I'm just kidding. Louis never pulled his dick out. I was like, what the hell? Louis? It was a plan. No, wait. That was Weinstein.

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Maybe you need help. You guys, BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. That's so crazy how many ants are on her. I was like, is she having a psychotic break? Is this like... No, she... No, there's tons of ants.

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Your poems, maybe? My poems. My email poems. Did you have to go to BetterHelp after we laughed when you read us your poem? Esther fell asleep. I did. I went straight to my therapist. Can you actually bring more poems back?

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like me and all these ants. Again, that's betterhelp, H again that's better help help.com slash trash tuesday you know that was a podcasting used to be like just talking shit and then and then getting home and getting a phone call like that was every podcast i ever did with rogan was i just do it and then i get a phone call from everyone everyone i. I ruined so many friendships that I was like, the reason I'm friends with Rogue and Joey and Tom and Ari is because that's who I talk shit about. That's who I talk shit to about other people.

And so, but yeah. I want to get back to the spider bite on the dick. Oh, the gay guy. So shows me his dick and I go, this is before the internet. So this is 1997, 98. The internet was around, but you couldn't use it on your phone. You had to get to a computer. We're at Barnes & Noble.

And so we went up to the medical thing, the thing. We looked up venereal diseases. And then that day, taking a shit in Barnes & Noble, I said, maybe I should look at my dick. Now, I was unaware that you can't get a mineral disease within eight hours, 10 hours. It can't show up. It's not going to show up that quick. But I spun myself into a circle.

Of course. That was so bad. It was, what it was is the, I'd never really examined my dick, I guess. And the, when you know, like a circumcision scar. Is this real sex? Is this real sex? There's like a ring of color around your dick. Yeah.

And I looked at it and I was like, what the fuck is that? Never really paid attention to my dick much and now I'm looking at it. So I said, you know what? It's probably nothing. I start spinning out. OCD, legit spinning out.

I go to the store right by West Force subway stop. There was a Duane Reade. I get tenactin. And I spray tenactin on my dick. And then I start. store right by West Force Subway stop. There was a Dwayne Reed. I get tenactin. I spray tenactin on my dick. And then I start. Antifungal. Yeah.

And then this spiraled out into a like almost like a manic episode where I remember at one point I was soaking my dick in balls in white vinegar, drinking a 40, smoking a joint while I'm quatching Quantum Leap. That's how I douche too. That's also how I douche. I love Quantum Leap. I love Quantum Le quatching Quantum Leap. That's how I douche too. That's also how I douche. I love Quantum Leap. Quantum Leap was so good. White vinegar? White vinegar.

Google it. I would try it. Gargle it, actually. This is all you could find on the internet back then. This is 1997, 98. And it got so bad. Were you too scared to go to a doctor because you were afraid of the diagnosis too?

Was it one of those things where you're like, I just want to try to like get it away? Probably. I figured I could solve it myself. And then I ended up really kind of spiraling out of control like mentally. And I remember being in Philadelphia and I remember drinking. I was drinking a lot of drink in the morning to shut up the voices in my head. Because it was just, they were just like, go to the bathroom and look at your dick.

Look at your dick. Go to the bathroom and look at your dick. It's going to be fine. It's going to be fine. Look at your dick one more at your dick, go to the bathroom, look at your dick. It's going to be fine. It's going to be fine. Look at your dick one more time. Look at your dick. Have you looked at your dick with a mirror? Mirror, look at the underside of your dick.

Like it was just over and over. And my mom called my roommate and she was like, I'm having a hard time getting in touch with Bert. And he was like, he was like, I think, I think he's having, I think he's going through something. And so my mom, I was at Penn Station and my, and I called my mom at a pager, I think. And I called my mom and she said, Hey, go out to LaGuardia. There's a plane flight for you to come home. We're going to bring you home. And I was like, all right. And in my head, I was like, I need that. I actually need to come home. I don't feel good. I'm like, my brain's not working

right. I go to LaGuardia, get on a flight, fly home. grandmother my grandmother gave me this necklace my grandmother was there uh we had a glass of white wine and i said to my mom i need to go see your um i'd like to see a dermatologist and she was like okay i don't know what you're going through but whatever i said so i went to a dermatologist i showed the dermatologist my dick we were going to see wide heart panic that night and like the dermatologist was dick. We were going to see Wide Shirt Panic that night. The dermatologist was like, I just do facials. What? Oh, my God. I'm just going to do the T-zone.

That's how you got arrested? Yeah. I showed the dermatologist my dick, and he was like, oh, wow. Have you been playing, messing with it? Oh, my God. Because you were spraying shit? I said, yeah. And he goes, what have you been putting on your dick?

And I said, pretty much everything. He goes, all right, stop. You're like tar and feather. I said, I think I've got something. I don't know what I have. And he goes, what have you been putting on your dick? And I said, pretty much everything. He goes, all right, stop. You're like tar and feathered. I said, I think I've got something. I don't know what I have. And he goes, you have nothing. You have nothing but your dick is extremely irritated. So what I'd like you to do is for real, don't touch it.

Don't play. Don't stop messing with it. And then I didn't believe him. I didn't believe him. I didn't take his diagnosis. I didn't believe him. And I just went, all right. I stopped touching my dick.

You want to talk about fucking crazy. Every time I had an obsessive thought about it, all right. I stopped touching my dick. You know what I'm talking about? We're fucking crazy. Every time I had an obsessive thought about it, I would say a prayer to St. Jude and it would go away because I didn't want to do the St. Jude prayer. Yeah. You had your necklace. St. Jude. And so I started leaning on his necklace. Your grandmother helped you your penis. I know. She didn't know it. I wish I could tell her now. My mom was in town when I got crabs.

She was visiting me in Santa Fe. Crab is fucking nothing. I would love to have crabs. No, but it was, but when you don't know, when all of a sudden things are itching and burning there's still time when things are itching and burning in your crotch it's like great it's crazy i was like mom something's wrong down there but i can really relate to that because i think that when i was younger there was um a very big push to be ultra hygienic down there with the lady bits and my mom was like wash wash wash and until it wasn't until i was actually like almost like 11 where she was still like manually like washing me down there really

and i was like it was so weird so like when i got older i had this thing where it's like not even a drop of urine i couldn't i had to sit on a toilet and pee if i even felt so much as like a drop of urine in there and then i would over wash and scrape and irritate myself scrape with like my fingernails like I would like like don't act like you don't catch a nail everyone's scraping like in between and stuff and then it wasn't until I went to um my first gynecology appointment where she was like you have to stop using harsh soaps yeah um just over washing you got to let your own flora get there because i was getting like just really bad irritation because i was obsessed with quote-unquote cleanliness and not having a scent and but you weren't sexually active at that point that was before even when i was

sexually active it became worse then it was always just inspecting and making sure oh i used to think i had herpes like i i was to the point where i was like i just want herpes like i'm like show like give me back carpet like give me back herpes. Like give me back my son. Like I just was like screaming. Like I just like was so sick of the anxiety of thinking I had it. And all my friends kept getting it. I'm so jealous of people that can just fuck like crazy and don't think about it.

Like I had friends in college, never wore a condom, never thought about it. Never like, huh? My roommate in Nework at the time i remember he got a chick pregnant and they got an abortion and he was like and i was like i remember him joking you're so jealous he's like i've had more abortions than you've had sex with people and i and i was like and i was like why did you never work you're not worried and he was like what are you gonna do i was like what do you mean what are you gonna do like oh i when i started dating leanne uh before we had sex first time i was like just you know i i'm pretty sure i have uh something

a venereal disease that's been undiagnosed yeah i did that to todd she looked at my dick she was like there's nothing wrong with your dick and i was like i know not now she's like there's nothing right with it she goes there's nothing there's nothing right with it either but there's nothing wrong with it no my boyfriend i did the same Like I, when we first started dating, I thought like, I just convinced myself there was something wrong with my, like, I was like, I think I have like chlamydia or something. And then I went to the doctor and, um, they were like, you literally have absolutely nothing. But I like, I was like, I had so convinced myself. I was having like light bleeding because it was, I did end up having like a little bit

of a yeast infection. It was like a tiny little thing, but it was like the littlest thing. And I just, my brain just went, because don't you always feel like finally it happened to me or like, or whatever, but you weren't as sexually as active. I really relate to this, like not even in the STD way at all though, but you guys saying like, especially what you said about like, you could not rest. You had to go and check you had to like to me i i call that like checking with my therapist but i've had it with like oh i

know now i have blank disease and like i cannot rest i have to google it what would you what would you think what's an example just like non-harmic lymphoma literally i thought i had that one time anything like because i because typically neck problem no like ms i remember you were very worried for a while about like gastrointestinal pain pain and you got i remember that for a while like a extreme hypochondriac everything i thought i had because then the anxiety makes gives you the symptoms of it stop having this and yeah because i started taking lexapro because i realized like, oh, this is anxiety. Like this is really severe anxiety.

You shouldn't be like thinking, I have to check again. I have to Google this. I have to, like, that's crazy. When we got pregnant with Georgia, I forced Leanne's gynecologist to draw blood from me and Leanne and test us for everything. You thought you had AIDS? Yeah, I thought I had everything. I thought I had everything. I thought I had everything.

Your friend who had all those abortions probably has AIDS now, by the way. I know. He's probably shivering in July. I remember my mom was there when we got, my mom was in the room with us when we got all our tests back from everything. And they do that also when you are giving a birthday test, you have everything anyway. Yeah. But I remember saying, and when it all came back negative and i

still didn't believe it i was like i was like well it's almost like you're attached to like the anxiety of it it's almost like you're like i do that with comfortable i think sometimes the anxiety makes me know i won't die if i don't have the anxiety then i my plan will die yeah can you take us on a private jet? Hmm. Yeah. Okay. I just really just realized that. Oh, by the way, Josh had a really good time with you on the road.

Oh, Josh Potter. Oh yeah. Like a really good time. I was like, tell me fucking everything. I'm like manifesting your life. Like I'm like, tell me every detail. And I'm literally just imagining it's me. We party really hard on the road. But not like falling off a scooter, ripping our nipples off party.

Yeah, I had to stop. I had to stop. That's why I started Fully Loaded, the festival I'm putting together for two weeks in June. Because I wanted to, yeah, I'm still doing offers to people. We're adding people as it goes. But it's Dave Attell. Fly to Trash Tuesday. It's Dave Attell. By the way, not far off.

I'd be totally into something like that. This is so cool. The design of the thing, too. Thank you. So what happened was we did, I'm a panic brain. All this panic brain works in our benefit sometimes. My special comes out on Netflix. The whole lockdown happens, and I decide I want,

I'm not going to stay home. I'm going to create something. So I called my managers and agents, and I said, I want to do drive-in movie theaters. And we found an EDM festival promoter who could produce EDM shows outdoors. And so we just mixed it and we just, we just created a thing and I had so much fun doing it. Meaning the idea of being outside, the sunsets, the,ets the the unpredictability of like rain early in the morning it's like a party pre-party everyone would get there early and tailgate i remember the first one we did the line was like three miles long to get in you should call it taylor gate

when taylor thomason's doing it just taylor gate not a bad idea by the way put it on a shirt so uh so i was like i want to do this I want to do this with my friends. Yeah. I want to take them out. I want to show them how we did these outdoor festivals. And they're going to love it. Yeah. And so I got a deal on some minor league baseball stadiums.

Oh my gosh. And so I was like, let's do four minor league baseball stadiums, two amphitheaters, an arena, and a raceway. And we got tour buses. I'm doing it the way I do it. IVs in the morning, tour buses around, take us everywhere. If you have a short bus, you can bring us on that one.

Listen, we are still, right, our first round of offers were to the big names that would move pre-sales. And then now we're just adding more comics. We're bringing, the more stickers you sell, the more people you can bring, the bigger the event event gets. And so it's been,

it's been funny shit. And I can't wait. And my wife is like, my wife is like this morning is like, I want to get everyone matching track suits so that they have them. I want everyone to have, we should get like Yeti tote bags that are coolers and we'll fill it with weed

and IV stuff. Oh my God, I want to be adopted by you guys. I can't hold it in any longer. We gotta sell tickets, guys. Yeah, we gotta sell tickets. That's number one. The first guy I wanted

was Attell. Obviously, Attell. Fucking got Attell. And the second you get Attell, everyone's like, yeah, I'm in. Because it's Attell. It's fucking Attell.

He's the greatest. And so, yeah, we're doing two weeks in Juneune and then if this goes well we'll do a bigger festival next year and keep doing it and can i ask you a question and i don't mean to offend you you cannot offend me how much are you are you jewish 53 no i'm not i really got jew vibes when you said that it covet happened you're like, I didn't want to just sit at home. And you're like, I'm calling drive-in movies. I'm like, I just got Jew vibes.

Sorry. I loved it. In the best way. I got to the place in my career where I can, because I always have horrible ideas, right? Like I've always had, not horrible ideas, just out of the box ideas where everyone's like, what the fuck are you talking about? You have 80 day. So I remember saying to Tom, one time we were doing Two Bears, I said, we should start a sports management company. And he was like, what the fuck are you talking about? You have ADD. So I remember saying to Tom one time we were doing Two Bears.

I said, we should start a sports management company. And he was like, what? I was like, yeah, start a sports management company. We'll get athletes and we'll manage them. We'll promote them on our podcast. We'll promote them. We have a big fan base. And we'll sign them.

We'll get our agents to negotiate their deals. But we'll sign them. And we can really blow up some athletes. And he was like, I don't know about that about that literally and by the way i'm not saying anyone stole anything i'm just saying literally six months later barstool starts barstool sports management and it's fucking one of the biggest things yeah and tom called me goes i will never shoot down another one of your ideas because they're weird i may not get them i just need to get behind you so i said i one day. I have that brain too.

So just remember that. Wait, Carlos, will you tell Bert your idea? Just to sign with the NIL deals going away with the NCAA. I was thinking Trash Tuesday could sign like some athletes around like UC Irvine, something like that. Oh, it's a brilliant idea. And you start your sports management company. And by the way, you get one athlete that blows up.

And all of a sudden you're. So I've had a similar idea for Tiger Belly for years. And it's basically to sponsor, because we produce insane boxing talent from the Philippines. This is fucking genius. But the Philippines, the Philippine Sports Commission, and because I grew up in that, So what, but the Philippines, the Philippine Sports Commission, and because I grew up in that, you know, being a swimmer there and being very underfunded and under-resourced and not getting a lot of help as an athlete. So, so much so that I came to America to swim division one here. And, you know, I didn't have that in the Philippines. So I was thinking Bobby and I were like, well, let's just sponsor a bunch of really young boxers.

Yeah. We're like, well, let's just sponsor a bunch of really young boxers and kind of like, you know, get them to the big stage, get them everything they need. Everything from like, you know, all their educational needs and beyond, like we got them. And I think that is such a smart thing to do. That is actually a brilliant idea. Sponsor or... Because I think a Filipino boxer, you give them 20 bucks a year and that pretty much covers everything, right? Yeah. Right?

Yeah. And it's like, you'd be surprised how much year, and that pretty much covers everything, right? Yeah. Right? Yeah, and it's like you'd be surprised how much they can already do on their own. Yeah. That it's like, you know, these guys are already so talented, and they have so little. It's like imagine if you actually like gave them everything they needed.

Have you seen the King Richard documentary, or the movie? The movie, not yet. I honestly, it turned into a boxing movie. It's a boxing movie. Yeah. I gotta say, I've been like,

I'm like, I don't know. The way they used to do tennis players is Nick Boliari and all these guys would basically say, hey, I got a huge camp down here.

I got funding from whatever, what you would call it. Come down. I want 50% of all future earnings. And it paid off. I mean, think about Venus and Serenaena how much that guy made out with 15 of all future earnings now tom and i were saying doing three percent like something so

minuscule we don't want the money something didn't acknowledge that we were part of the team something to invest us in it we just started uh two bears racing what's that we just bought a race car oh because i thought i was imagining the cars i was imagining literally two bears racing what's that we just bought a race car oh i was imagining literally two bears racing each other i was like this is great that's a brilliant idea that would be not brilliant that's animal abuse annie no you give them a treat there's honey at the end i thought you meant bears like two guys yes carlos is racing all those are applicable guys no tom's into racing and i there's a thing i we were talking about La Colombe. Well, I probably shouldn't tell you everyone where you guys are.

But we were talking about, when I worked at Travel Channel, the one thing that they said to me that really translated throughout my life is, passion begets passion. If you find someone passionate about something, you don't have to do anything. They can talk to you about their passion all day long. If you bring up standup comedy with me, we're done. That's all I want to talk about. The only thing I really give a fuck about. And so Tom's really obsessed with racing. He loves racing. He is a coach. He goes out and drives cars. It's what he has fun in. And so I watched this Formula One thing and it seemed interesting. Wait, the documentary on Netflix? Yeah.

It's the greatest. I blew through season four. And so I'm like, I thought, I wonder how I get Tom in a Formula One car. And then I thought, and then I know from Travel Channel, there are small races all around the country every weekend. People are really passionate about it. There's like a whole, there's a whole like farm league of people that are trying to get up to the top and i thought well you know with with our notoriety we could probably skip some steps yeah and so i decided said to him are you interested in if i started if we started two bears racing would you be interested in being our race car driver and

he lit up and he like lit up by a way that i was like i was like oh it's almost like he was like he's like burt Budley sponsoring us. I'm like, what, check the fuck out. So. How has that not happened? They did sponsor us. I think we fucked out on a big time. Wait, Bert, so on this show,

we have a thing called Trash Tank, where it's basically we pitch horrible business ideas. Not horrible, but business ideas that fit with our theme. Right, our vibe. Yeah, not horrible, she's correct. What are some ideas that have been shot down where you look back on

and you're like, holy shit, I cannot believe I actually pitched that idea. Oh, I mean. Like for us, it was like Comrades, but you know.

No, no. I think Comrades is a good one. Thank you. I've always, my big invention I've been sitting on for years that no one's ever taken me up on is I want to make urinal men. What? What is that? So, you know, in a urinal, there's a urinal cage with urinal mint in it.

I wanted to create busts of famous people like Saddam Hussein or Putin in plastic with their mouths open that you could put on to a urinal cage and you could piss in their mouths. I don't know where the money is to be made in this. I think it's because urinals are public. So it's like that would have to be like the restaurants would have to get it. No, but you just do advertising on it or something. And then I morphed it. I said, what if we got heineken to do it and you

could put a can over that and it would say hey put the put the beer back where it belongs and so people could piss in the can just something to like like that was no you know what it should be it should be like a like a contest so like if you can piss like to a certain level you like it dings or something like it doesn't have to be like huge reward. The tricky thing is what brand wants to be pissed on. But is it us? But also, honestly. By the way, hold on. Yeah, for this reason, I'm in.

Hold on. This is fucking brilliant. Do you know how big your podcast would be if you just did a bust of three of you, right? Very small, like with your mouths open, that goes over their own cage, and it just says Trash Tuesdays. And it's like.

Fuck the billboard. Let's do that instead. it's like and it's like and then you have that would be well guys would just shove their dicks in it and not pee no guys putting his dick you know what's so funny if you got enough money into this how fast all of the bathrooms would all of a sudden be unisex like you know what mean? Like no one would be fighting about the trans bathrooms or anything anymore because they'd be like, there's money to be made. Let's put the dicks in the fucking girls' room. That was an idea I had.

I was, I was, I had a list of ideas because I really thought, I really thought, I mean, I told one to Tom, I wanted to do a, because we do live events and our live events are pretty big. I said, what if we took our live event and we just, all the money we get from it, we invest in three fans. And so all our fans pitch us ideas and then we take the top 10. That's so good.

And for the live event, we hear 10 pitches. Bert, I'm obsessed with you. On that live event, we then take and invest whatever money we make, which is somewhat sizable at times. And we invest in those companies. And that was an idea I had. I remember I wanted to reinvent forks. I was obsessed with forks.

Because fork is just so – it's like – and then I started – I realized my problem with forks is things were falling off of it. Okay, yeah. Let's break this down a little bit. This is a drinking problem. What about standard forks do you hate now? It hasn't evolved. That is weird. Do you think they should be deeper? I think they should be.

Well, the spoon hasn't evolved either. Well, I know. Neither are chopsticks. But what I really wanted was I wanted a trigger, right? And I wanted like a monkey fist that would grab the stuff. Like grab it and then put it in your mouth. Like if you had a baby feeding you, you know? Esther's definitely into this.

I know, why haven't you done it? I wanna hire Esther's little hand to feed me. So it captures the food and it releases it. So nothing is wasted or goes through the fork. No, like salad's so difficult for me. I have a hard time eating salad. We can tell. You know what my daughter said that made me laugh so hard?

We're watching a documentary on like Gandhi, I think. And it was talking about his hunger strike. And I just was like, I'm drinking wine on the couch with him. And I go, you know, I just don't get hunger strikes. And Isla goes no shit um the i think here's the problem though i've gotten to a place where a couple of my ideas have landed right so like when i when i came up with the drive-in movie theater i called my agent my managers and i was like i want to do drive-in movie theaters it's covid and they're like that's

not a thing they're are there even drive-ins i remember nick saying do want to do drive-in movie theaters. It's COVID. And they're like, that's not a thing. Are there even drive-ins? I remember Nick saying, do they still have drive-ins? And I was like, I don't know. Can you guys check? And then he called me one day, super excited. And he was like, hey, man, drive-ins are a thing. And I think I can get you some. Are you really into this?

And I was like, yeah. Get me a company that can produce it. And so then that was the first time. And then once you have a weird idea and someone goes i can help you do it then you're stuck in a in a new position where you're like well fuck am i are these dumb ideas am i do i just because he initially got me 12 dates and i was like i was like i can't i can't commit to what if they suck what if this is horrible i was like can you cut it down to four and he was like yeah and so we just did one weekend. No money to be made.

We did one weekend. And at the first one we did in Greensboro, North Carolina. I was like, I'm doing this all summer. I'm doing this all year. And we ended up doing 70 dates in 35 cities. Yeah, like it was, I mean, but that's where I'm at now. It's like whatever idea I have, people are like, let's do it. The Cabin's a great fucking example is you come up with an idea and you think it's funny and you're laughing about it.

And then Netflix is like, let's do it. And then you're like, oh, fuck. We didn't really think this through. You know? And then especially, you know, when you go into the production of that and we have no scripts, we have nothing. Everything kind of fell apart because of, you know, timing and, and when we decided to shoot it, that's when like fucking every idea I have now, everyone's like,

I love it. Let's do it. And you're like, well, hold on. I need someone to tell me I'm a fucking moron every now and then. But yeah, I can't wait to get to yes,

man level. Can we talk about saying goodbye to high interest credit card debt? And it's one of the first steps toward financial independence. Yeah, we've all been there. Seemingly out of nowhere, you get hit with all of these unexpected expense or bills. And when that happens, it can feel like the weight of the world is coming down. Wouldn't you say? I honestly know, as someone who's just getting out of this situation, it's such a relief to be able to have something like Upstart to help me with it because it can seem so overwhelming. Yeah. And it's just a place

where everything is consolidated. It's easy to follow. You can track one thing on one app and you don't lose your mind or you just don't stress out over it. Upstart powered personal loans can help you pay down high interest debt all online with simple and easy to understand payment terms. And you can even receive funds as fast as one business day after accepting your loan. I know what it's like to be so stressed out. The first thing you think of in the morning is like, oh, my God, did I do that? Did I forget to pay this off? All these things like just get help.

With this app, you really have the option to not just be your credit score. You can fix it. It's like just start fixing it. It's just like doing it. It seems overwhelming, you really have the option to not just be your credit score. You can fix it. It's like, just start fixing it. It's just like doing it. It seems overwhelming when you think of all of them, but Upstart just consolidates it. The Upstart model considers other factors like your income, your employment, and other information provided in your loan application to find you a smarter rate for your loan. Yeah, so this is all about just seeing if you can find a better interest rate so you

end up paying less over time. Don't wait and check your rate today at upstart.com slash Tuesday. That's upstart.com slash Tuesday to check your rate today. Don't forget to use our URL to let them know we sent you. And loan amounts will be determined based on your credit income and certain other information provided in your loan application. And you can go to upstart.com slash Tuesday. and your loan application. And you can go to upstart.com slash Tuesday. Well, I wanted to get a muse for the bus, right?

So I wanted a muse. What is a muse? A muse like a- Julia Fox. Julia Fox. Josh Safdie. Come on, Esther. Wait, what? I meant as meh.

Remember? Yes, no, but I didn't realize you could just go out and get a muse. Like, what? Well, so my- here's my theory. Esther, you're someone's muse. Why? No, but you could be. Annie!

The, uh, the, uh. She watched it. I literally came. I, like, slowly came. By the way, I'm not happy the way you hold your hand when you do that. Well, I was doing it like. Like Josh Blue? I know.

Guys always call me out for that too. Because I'm always like. Well, I made it really like. Yeah, big and stretchy. Oh, I'm horrible. I'm horrible at hand jobs. I used to have a joke about it. I bet you had to get it.

Had to head against Leanne. I bet you could beat her. I had a joke about it. Head to head? I had a joke about it. I said, if someone broke into our house and was like, that's it. I'm going to kill everyone in this room. Unless someone can give me a semi-tolerable, somewhat dry, mediocre, earthy type of hand job.

I got this, Liam. What were we just saying? You were. Oh, I'm used. So that clip goes viral, right? Of her going, I'm his maz, his maz. And I thought, what if that's real like for real now i'm always thinking content right so like part of me goes um i would like to

i we do a weekly vlog on for the bus for the tour and so i thought what if we got a muse what if we hired a muse in new york city some model some flightyy, like almost like Kate Hudson in Almost Famous. Flighty, dope smoking, macrame wearing, like kind of like. Esther's seeing if she can do it. I'm watching you on your head. I think I'm amused because I just want to stand there. I'm amused that you think you're amused. Trust me, I'm born to be amused. I have ideas all the time and then I lose interest in an idea very quickly.

I did a podcast. I started a podcast called Open Tabs where I would take all my Safari browser. I'd just leave all the tabs open. And then on Monday, on the road, I'd come in. I'd open my computer and I'd close the tabs with people watching. I think it's genius. Yeah. And it was all the weird stuff I was into.

Like I was into this – there was this Flash Flood Chaser that I was like fucking obsessed in fact open your tabs now bert we can all open our it's gonna be i guarantee you it's gonna be ticket sales and fucking fully loaded festival or at the greek on may 5th this is fun this is fun and it's scary scary well i know what one is one there are a lot of them are wordle yeah mine's wordle wordle my facebook because i was looking for my face all three of you use wordle what's wrong what's wrong with me okay this could get do you want us to answer one of mine is sloth beagle i don't know All right. I'm going to very candidly run through all of them. Okay. Okay, go.

Omicron variant. Okay. Oh, no. Twitter. Cancel that. Tampa Improv. I was checking to see. Akash Singh was at the Tampa Improv.

Now, this is the fun part is explaining why you're there, right? Yeah. Akash Singh was at the Tampa Improv. He asked me to get him on. I like your glasses. Thank you. Dune. There's Zendaya.

Zendaya, okay. Is in Dune. I don't know who Zendaya is. Oh, my God. But I know your glasses. Thank you. Dune. There's Zendaya. Zendaya. Okay. Is in Dune. I don't know who Zendaya is. Oh my God. But I know the name and I know what she looks like. I don't know how I've ever known her and I haven't seen Dune. Okay.

So I was like trying to figure out how do I know Zendaya? You got to know Zendaya. And everyone's like Spider-Man. I go, never seen Spider-Man. No. You don't watch Euphoria? By the way, this one's sketchy. Let's see if I...

Also, it's Zendaya. I got to check to see. What is it? Isn't it Zendaya? It's Zendaya? The young girl knows. She's everything. Zendaya is the whole...

Gen Z intern confirmed. She's all things. Zendaya is Michi. Anyone remember that song? No? Okay. Some of these are things that I don't know why I open them, and then I get to it, and I say it out loud and then i

realize i always hate googling that oh mine is healing uh ptsd trauma i'm so curious what you would hate google because you're so you have such a like good energy it's like someone that does something mean to one of my friends okay that's understandable uh okay here's i don't know why i googled her oh i do know why i googled her. Oh, I do know why I Googled her. Was it India? No. Amy Landecker. Do you know who she is?

I love her. She's so beautiful. I don't know who she is, but she was married to Bradley Whitford, who I sat behind on a plane and I couldn't figure out who he was. She was in an episode of Alone Together, you guys. She is so lovely and talented. And she was also great in Handmaid's Tale. She was so good in Handmaid's Tale.

What was that show she was on that was so good too? Transparent. Transparent. Oh, she was in Transparent. Transparent is one of my favorite shows. Instagram audit because there was a girl that I was like, there's no way this bitch has this many followers and only this many likes. And then I was correct.

She only had 44. James Charles. James Charles was on there. She only had 44%. Why were you looking at James? He was also on Alone Together. Were you watching Alone Together? He's also like, what is Alone Together?

I might have watched Alone Together. No, I'm kidding. No, you definitely need to. If you're just Googling things you don't know, then definitely Google Alone Together. George Lopez. It's my show on YouTube. Let me see if this is a bad one. The world's best massage.

Picture of dog skin problems. Michael Roof. This guy is so important to guys my age in stand-up comedy. Michael Roof in under the stage name Chicken. He was the guy that killed development deals

in Hollywood. Yes. Because of Montreal, right? he got a fucking huge, because of Montreal, right? He got a huge like six figure development deal for like a $750,000 and they couldn't build a show around him. They tried to do a show called hype with Frank Caliendo and it kind of failed.

And he ended up getting some bit parts here and there, but he never really, and I'm trying to speak respectfully because I, I, I met the guy. I knew the guy. he was good friends with Reno Collier. There was this whole group of us

all moved to Hollywood at the same time. We all got deals. We all were a class or two behind Dane and Bill and all those guys. Cosby? Michael Roof then killed himself. He ended up hanging himself in front of an elementary school.

And so the reason I Googled him is because the brothers, who are the brothers that did The League? You know, the two, they're really talented. They just did the documentary on. Oh, Schaefer? Jeff Schaefer? No, no. They're really talented brothers.

You're not talking about the Duplasses? Duplasses, yeah. Oh, okay. Duplasses, yeah. They were saying, hey, man, who should we do a documentary on? And I was like, Michael Roof. That's who I would do a documentary on. Because it's so fascinating.

That period of time is when Hollywood changed to where we are today. That period. Michael Roof is the canary in the mine that says, hey, what the fuck? He's the chicken in the mine. That's why I love being around comedians. I called Asia Argenta on a podcast. and someone goes, are you worried about that? And I said, actually, I have no reservations about calling her a cunt. Wait, why do you hate Ozzy?

Yeah, she's bad things, huh? Because I don't know. Have you seen Liam McSweeney? I really don't know why. No, no, no. Have you ever read Liam McSweeney? You know Liam McSweeney? She's on the New York Housewives.

She's fucking – it's like weird she's on the New York Housewives because she's, I knew her from this whole other thing, but she wrote this, a couple articles for, I think it was for Playboy or Penthouse or something during the Me Too movement. I want to get her on here. She is so fucking good. But she is brilliant. But she wrote a whole thing on the background of Asia Argenta and, or Asia Argenta and Rose McGowan and what happened with the Anthony bourdain thing that was fucking unbelievable i i kind of i kind of look at

i don't know i i think ultimately the reason i disliked her is i blamed her for anthony bourdain's death yeah i think i think he i have an article that's how i that's how i processed it i have a different yeah everyone everyone say that we can't ever. You can't blame someone for someone killing themselves. Right, thank you. You're right, because then I'd be blamed for three dudes in college. Right. Because I called them gay once.

Carlos. I have a lot of friends that have killed themselves. Carlos is on Suicide Watch. Let's see if we got anything. Best Coast, Smoky Mountains, Burt Kreischer Burt Kreischer, my CS The Battle of Waterloo Bad Flowers to Buy for a Funeral Wait, can you tell us what you found out about that?

Bad Flowers to Buy for a Funeral Yep Yeah, that's interesting Who are these greedy dead people that are like, these are actually not the ones I want I think that roses are not it, right? Like, white's good uh white is traditional yeah they uh red says it's poor etiquette yes poor there should not be

you're getting flowers you're welcome we know who your fucking dead person also i just want to say for my funeral i don't want flowers i want chocolates so you're not gonna be able to eat them oh that's the one you can eat them are we allowed to shove them in your mouth is it an open casket oh i'm gonna stuff all your holes with them because i oh my goodness flowers in life so esther what else do you want i like your holes wait wait tell me why you don't like flowers because they die you do because you have to take care of them they die it's like's like I would rather eat chocolates than have flowers in my house. That's interesting. No?

So when I met Leanne, she had a cat and I couldn't spend the night at her house because I had allergies. And it was a rift in our relationship. She dumped me. And when we got back together, one of the things, we were dating four months. She said, I want to be able to spend the night at my house with my cat and not just spend the night at your house only. Like if we're going to get serious, you need to get allergy medicine. So I go to this allergy doctor and he gives me allergy medicine. I'd never been able to breathe through my nose.

Never. Never. Same here, Bert. Same here. Yes. And I come back and I go to my house and I go, what's that smell? My buddy goes, what do you mean, what's that smell? I said, what am I smelling?

What is that smell? And he goes, what's the stuff that grows on vine is white and it's like a stripper's name um ivy no no no no no no no no honey stripper names stripper names uh cardi b no no no what's the stuff that uh that's it grows on vines? Candy with an I? No, no, no, no, no. Grows on vines. Now it's my favorite thing. I have it all over my house. Jasmine.

Jasmine. That's a stripper name? Yeah, Jasmine. It might just be a girl's name. That's a pretty good name. If you're white, if you're white. And so I walked in to our house and I went, what is that smell? And he goes, what do you mean what smell

i said this our house smells amazing i've been living in this house for like 13 months and i was like what is that and he was like it's uh is you talking about jasmine i go it smells fucking awesome i go down to my room my room reeks of jasmine i'd never smelled it and i went this is fucking awesome so then i went to a flower store i've been to flower stores never knew what they smelled never knew that they smelled i walked in all of a sudden i'm like i don't want to smell everything i want to smell it so they just walked me through i smelled a rose i was like okay didn't love it fucking casablanca lily get the fuck out is anyone else surprised that when he first was able to smell it smelled good in his room i thought you're gonna go my room reeked i was like it smelled like flowers funny that you love that because they're toxic

to cats they can kill they can cause failure and did that happen i would buy i would buy leanne castle you were plotting the cat's all demise i subconsciously that's i love castle blanket lilies and so like i where i the diane wrote flowers, where I get my flowers for Leanne, it's right on Little Canyon. Every time I call, she goes, like this year for Valentine's Day, I called and she goes, you're late. And I said, what? She goes, I've been holding on to Casablanca lilies for you.

You're late. And I was like, yeah. So I get them now. I get them for the girls and Leanne. But I love the smell of Casablanca. I love the smell., so I get them now. I get them for the girls and Leanne. But I love the smell of cassava. I love the smell. I like it in flowers now. I used to not like it.

Wow. It's similar to when I got my reading glasses and Leanne gave me a kiss. She goes, you look cute. And I was like, oh, thanks. They're cool. They look cool. And she went to give me a kiss. And I was like, whoa, I haven't seen this bitch in high depth in 10 years.

What the fuck happened to your face? I was like, break these glasses. She was all being nice to you too by the way you're making me realize why i don't like flowers because i don't like like smells yeah so that's interesting well i can't deal with there's a flower i can't deal with um it's the one that sits in water it's uh it's like you can get a special vase for it um i forget chrysan not chrysanthemum. Not chrysanthemum. Not chrysanthemums.

Chrysanthemums. I wish I was better at remembering names of flowers. Well, lilies, like calla lilies. You can work on that. There's some lilies that. I love lily pads. You do? Yeah, wait.

We usually on the show, we take a banana break. So you're welcome to join us. It's okay. All right. Let's take some time and see how everyone does it. Oh, wait. You're a top guy. Yeah.

You're a real ape. You just break it in half? No, no. Like a fucking gorilla? No, I'm like, I might save mine today. I'm just a regular person. I just eat them regularly. But I do love he opens it from here. I want to see you do it.

No, I'm just a person. I'm not an animal. No, why do you do that? I don't know. I think it's the same reason I say Benafleck and Tattoo. It's just I like to be different, and I like people to notice it at times. Yes. You're doing that wrong.

And I go, yeah, I know. I was at a party one time, and this woman was cutting an avocado, and she was doing it wrong. I didn't know this woman. And I went, you're cutting that wrong. She went, excuse me? I didn't know this woman. We're a party you're cutting that wrong. She went, excuse me? I didn't know this woman. We're a party full of people I don't know. That's fair. She goes, I'm

good. And I went, no, no, no. She goes, you don't know me. What was she slicing it down? She was, what was she? She was peeling the outside. No, bitch. Don't peel the outside. Everyone knows that. She was peeling the outside. And I go, but you're doing it wrong.

And she goes, I don't know you. Why are you talking to me like this? I said, well, initially, this is the truth. I go, initially, I thought you were my wife. So I saw my wife doing that. And I was like, you're doing it wrong. And then I realized after I said it that you're not. But I still should tell you you're doing that wrong.

And she goes, I feel bad for your wife. I said, I feel bad for your husband. That's how you peel avocados? And then her husband goes, I've been telling her she's been doing it wrong forever and she was what she would do she'd peel the outside and then she'd like shave it like she was doing a papaya you know like papaya avocado what you're working with yeah papaya you there's several ways to do papaya fucking hard depending if you want the greener papaya like the harder you add vinegar and salt to it then you you peel it if it's already a little bit mushier then you cut it in between and you just take the seeds out you cut it no no i'm doing i'm thinking i'm thinking

the wrong thing then mango mango mango mango i was imagining mango is you gotta cut it's the weirdest fucking fruit you lose a lot of fruit I come from the country where our biggest import is mango. This is a mango country. There is no way, there's no wrong way to do a mango. But give us a good way. Yeah, because it never felt right. Is it a green mango? Is it a carabao mango?

Is it a red mango? It depends. I honestly thought there was one type of mango. What's like the normal mango that like dumb white people eat? Over here we get the Mexican mango. So you can peel it and if it's not too mushy or ripe then you can just peel it and then slice it accordingly but if it is mushy and sweet then you cut it in the middle right. Okay. And are you listening? You cut it not in the middle you

cut it on each side around the seed. Yes. And then but you don't waste the seed you so you you scoop each side each um side of the mango and then you suck the sides of the seed afterwards it gets in your teeth though right i was in um i went to central america when i was a kid when i was like 17 i went on a like i graduated early and went to central america and did a bunch of service work and we're sure it was not religious but it was weird um but one of the things we did, we were in Guatemala and we went spelunking. And we had, so we had, we had just gone through like these like caves, these tiny little like tubes of caves or, I mean, I am very glad I'm not claustrophobic because I probably would have died in there. But I mean, covered in mud, just covered so dirty. And then I got a mango and I was just eating it like this and it was

stuck in my teeth, but my fingers were covered with mud. And then I got a mango and I was just eating it like this and it was stuck in my teeth, but my fingers were covered with mud. And it was the worst experience of my life. Like there was just hours with the strings of mango. So I don't want to bite the fucking seed. I don't want to fucking bite the seed. There's a part of the seed,

it's like depending on how ripe or unripe the mango is, it's grainier, the seed is grainier. Oh, it was just, it was so. But you have to floss after. Can I tell you a parallel side thought? Yes. So I have this thing that I do where if you tell a story, my instinct, and I want to do

it to connect. My instinct is to tell you my spelunking story. I want to hear your spelunking story. I want to tell you the side story of this. I am that bad. Last night, we take Georgia and two of our friends out to eat. And one of the little girls wants to tell the story of swimming with sharks in Hawaii. And Georgia swam with sharks in Hawaii probably four times.

And my instinct is I hear the stories to then also tell my story. But more importantly, I'm waiting for Georgia to go, oh, yeah, we've actually done that. Oh, we did that. And tell her story. And Georgia didn't. She's listening to the girl's story. To kick her shin under the car. We get in the car.

And I say to Georgia, how come you didn't tell her that you went swimming with sharks? And she goes, because she was telling me she swam with sharks. And I went, yeah, but why didn't you then go, oh, yeah, I've done that. And she goes, because she doesn't need to know. She had a special story and I wanted her. Oh, my God. That would never cross my mind. I went, motherfucker.

I was like, what kind of fucking animal are you? You just let someone have the spotlight? And you just said that was a great story. That must have been a great experience. And then just let her. And I was like, oh, my God. I go, whatever fucking kid leanne raised is killing it but then a part of me wanted to go hey just so you know that's how you relate to

people like oh yeah i did that also she was yeah but swimming a shark is like a big deal and i think the girl was like proud to tell her story i wasn't gonna be like oh yeah we've all done it oh especially if she's like i've done this four times yeah yeah but what if you could be like isn't it fun when you're swimming with a shark and this happens? Like this thing you really can't relate. Like there's only very few people who can do it. What I do, so you say over in Haleiwa, right? Haleiwa, yeah. So what I do is I, because it's too transparent if I go, oh, I've done that.

What I do is, have you ever had the shaved ice with the condensed milk on top of it? Oh, I don't like that. Yeah, that's dishonest. ice with the coconut with the oh i don't like that right yeah that's dishonest like so i what i try to do is then go i i i've also done that but i want to i want to move the story forward and i'm thinking if you've done that you've probably had that shaved ice and then we can keep having conversations about how great hawaii is right that's what so that's what i should try to do on the podcast not in real life i'll just tell you that i went i didn't did it also but on the podcast because i've noticed that i that when people tell me their story i just then tell them my experience with that and my experience is always

going to be a hundred times better because i'm a great storyteller and i travel the world for fucking six years on travel channel so like when you say when you say spelunking i've got this i've got this spelunking story that is the best spelunking story you're ever gonna fucking hear mine was a bad story i was was terrible. It was miserable. I was miserable too. We had to go through a birthing canal. It's so scary. We had to go up a fucking

it was the most terrifying where they would then take us and place in a cave where your head was like this and the top of the thing was here and you were going like this just breathing and it's like nine of us going like fuck are we going to make it out of here? We're in New Zealand. We all got chest infections. I mean, it was the fucking most terrifying thing I've ever done.

At one point, we had to go climb up a waterfall. So he goes, it's a 10-second climb. You need to hold your breath for at least 10 seconds. So they put us behind the waterfall. And they go, all right, go. And he'd pull you out. And you had to climb up a waterfall. And it's just gushing over. And he'd pull you out and you had to climb up a waterfall and it's just

gushing over and you're going, when does this fucking end? And the best part of the story is when we got out, the crew that was shooting on the outside had no idea what we experienced on the inside. And they're like, all right, everyone get in the van. And we were all crying. We're like, get in the van. Give me a beer. I need to fucking decompress. We thought we were going to fucking die. And they're like, was it bad? And we're like, are you fucking kidding me?

But yeah. That would be me, by the way, in the car. I'm like, whoa, what was so bad? Because I was too scared to go. All of a sudden, she's the driver of the car. She takes that role. That was something I deep dove on. Open tabs.

There's these dudes who go spelunking. And they go into places where their arm and their head are stuck in the hole and they chisel to get their head through. Dude, I would deep dive. Do not, by the way, do not even look at spelunking accidents where people fall into a crevasse and they're like, help, help, help. That's all over YouTube. Can someone tell me what is spelunking?

It's like caving. No, no, no, no, no. Let her figure it out on her own. One day she's going to go, that's spelunking. It is a ridiculous name though. It is. It is.

It is an outrageous name. And you do want to talk about it. What do you think? What does it sound like, Esther? Is it climbing through a cave? Yeah, it's going into the cave. You go into like the little crevasses. Crevasses, yeah.

See, this is what's wrong with me. Crevasses. We went ice climbing one time in Alaska, and they take us into a crevasse, and what he did is he'd low us down 100 feet, and then we had to ice climb our way out of the crevasse. He gets me down 100 feet, and as I hit the thing the first time,

I hear God smack the earth with Thor's hammer. It is the loudest thing I've ever heard in my life. Go, go, go, go. It reverbs in the crevasse. The crevasse, I feel air rush through the crevasse. And this guy just looks over the gun and he goes, you still there? And I look up. I go, I am.

He goes, we're getting you out right now. So I get out. He just pulls me out. We do a little bit of ice climbing at the top. He gets out.. I go, I am. He goes, we're getting you out right now. So I get out. He just pulls me out. We do a little bit of ice climbing at the top. He gets out. And I go, so what was that? And he goes, just one of the crevasses collapsed. And I said, woo, what would have happened if I was in there?

And he goes, you'd be gone forever. And I was like, what? He's like, you'd be gone. You'd be gone. Were they paying you all for the show i was getting paid i think twelve thousand dollars an episode yeah that's not enough for okay your life are you like the fact that you've had all these near-death experiences like how are you a completely different person because of those where you're just like fuck he has anxieties up all night oh ptsd I had one day where I swam with great white sharks

in South Africa. I rappelled off Table Mountain and I jumped off a stadium, the top of a stadium by like 610 feet. Within one day, that's within one day, 12 hour day. I sat on the corner of my bed shaking that night and I'd been drinking and I was like, I guess I should jack off or something.

And so when I got done doing travel channel, I came home and I was, I'd fallen off a waterfall and I had, I fucked my back up and I was, I was eating pain pills and Valium like crazy. And we were supposed to go camping with our family. This is when Leanne, this is when Leanne was like, we're done. We're done. We're fixing this. We went, uh, I was addicted to Oxy and Valium.

I was eating them. my doctor told me take four take one every four hours did you shit at all you must have been so constant i was i hate being constipated i have no fucking idea and so i woke up the morning we're supposed to go camping we had to go to costco that day and so i was like well if i could walk her in costco i'm gonna definitely need some pills and liam was standing in my bed and had right next to my bed and had both pills and she goes you're done and i went what she goes you're done and i went no no no babe i need i can't go camping without i'm gonna need pills for this weekend and she goes no you don't she goes you're done and she went in and dumped him in the toilet and poured him out and i was like she had caught me trying to get a prescription

from another doctor how long have you been just for the month? It was probably maybe a month, I guess. And did you pull off, like when you get fucked up, I think probably the reason you're able to party so hard is because you can pull it off, right? You're still able to kind of like perform, be yourself. I was, no, you could, no, it's when the, I was fine on the pills, but the second I didn't have a pill, you can see it in my personality. Leanne's always been able to see it in my personality.

Leanne can tell if I'm doing anything, she can sniff it out. So she was like, go over, I have an appointment for a marijuana doctor. You can go over, you can get marijuana. You can smoke marijuana all weekend, but you're not eating pills anymore. And so I went over, I got a prescription for marijuana. I got marijuana. We went to Costco. I got high in the parking lot with her at Costco. And so I went over, I got a prescription for marijuana. I got marijuana. We went to Costco. I got high in the parking lot with her at Costco and I was,

and my back felt better and I went, okay. However, the withdrawals that weekend camping is one of our, a fight that she will bring up and giggle about. And I, it's like, it's like where you cringe,

where you go, I can't believe I said that. She's like, I knew it wasn't you talking. It was someone else. It was, it was the pills talking. But, uh, I had to hardcore PTSD. We believe I said that. She's like, I knew it wasn't you talking. It was someone else. It was the pills talking. But I had hardcore PTSD.

We got back from camping. She goes, you're going into therapy immediately. You have PTSD and you need to fucking deal with this because she's like, this isn't healthy. Now you're like urged to do things because I am very much like a daredevil. And it's not that I like choose the things, but I once asked i must

complete is that what you have if if you say something to me like if you go hey uh dude uh we're all gonna go do this i immediately go i'm in yep i'm in 100 and then i and then do you try to get out and then i said what do you try to get out of it after that oh yeah my boyfriend's like why do you say i'm always like yep be right there and he's like what you don't want to go tom said to me the other day he calls me up and he's like like, why do you say, I'm always like, yep, be right there. And he's like, what? You don't want to go. Tom said to me the other day, he calls me up and he was like, uh, in Austin stem cells.

You in? I was like, yes, a hundred percent. And then I'm in my bunk and I'm going, what the fuck am I doing? What does that even mean? I don't even,

I don't even know. He just said something that Rogan says all the time. And that all I'm a stem cell. What do you mean? And I tried to get out of it. And I tried to get out of it. That's what the long thing is. Hard as fuck. And then we got to the stem cell place and it was really chill and they were cool.

And then they were like, do you want it? And I was like, what does it do? And they're like, it just, it finds your inflammation. It finds your broken parts. It starts to heal them. That's all. And I went, and they're like, you're not going to have a stroke. That was my thing.

I was like, I'm going to have a stroke. And they were like, so they gave me stem cells and i was fine and do you feel better i loved it i'm going back but that's but so i kind of have this same thing where it's like i agree i'm down then i'm like wait what is this but then if someone can like explain it to me i can go along with it but sometimes i just need a little bit of skydiving this is a perfect example rachel ray was like you want to go skydiving and And I'm like, I'm in. Rachel Ray? Yeah. And that's why I went skydiving. She's like, I make pancakes out of her.

She's a daredevil? She's fearless. But I haven't been scared. I went skydiving once. Well, go ahead. Sorry. No, but skydiving. I was bored by it.

I was terrified. Oh, I was like, this is pussy shit. I was like. I just. Did you go tandem? Yeah. See, I was like, this person goes every day. They're not going to fucking die.

Like I was like, I wanted to like, no, I was, there was a chance. Like I always say, next time I go skydiving, I want to go, I want to go to a place where it's like got a really low rating on Yelp and I want there to be a fatality within the month. And I want them when we go up on the plane, I want them to go, there's two shoots. One works pick. This is wrong. That's my type of skydiving. I do think that I've moved, I think I've moved past this

because I'm in love now and I feel like I love my life. But like- You should be on suicide watch, by the way. But no, I'm not suicidal in any way. Love my life. But I don't feel this anymore. But you're on suicide watch because you were called out of your homosexuality. But several times. And my neck does still hurt from when you, we did a thing last night and we did the, the shot collar,

the dog shot collar. I tapped her one extra time on accident and she yelled, you are gay. I was trying to hold back something else. I wanted to say of similar. I was like, am I really getting canceled for this moment? I really was like,

but I, my, it was on this side. So my seatbelt was rubbing. I was like, am I really getting canceled for this moment? I really was like, I'm just a fat bitch. But it was on this side, so my seatbelt was rubbing. I was like, oh, I got to remember this side next time. Oh, after the stem cells, my arm went numb. Oh, no. And you lost your mind. And I was in the car with Tom. And I was like, and he can see me playing with my arm.

And I'm like, and he goes, and he's driving. He goes, you're OK, buddy. Thank you. OK. He's like, everyone loves you. You goes, and he's driving. He goes, you're okay, buddy. Okay. He's like, everyone loves you. You're fine. Nothing's happening. I went, you're right.

You're right. You're right. Can I, do you have veneers? No. Yeah. So I got to talk shit on them. Not yours.

You ready? Okay. So we're getting ready to do a movie and, uh, I make a appointment to get my, all my veneers, all my veneers fixed. Yeah.

Like I want them. I want a perfect white teeth. And Leanne goes, I can't let that happen. Nope. Thank you. Thank you. Why? She goes, it's distracting. It doesn't work.

It doesn't fit the rest of you. And it doesn't do what you think it's going to do. You want to look perfect on screen. That's not who you are. Right. You are those teeth. Those teeth are you. Yes.

And she was like, and I was like, yeah, but it's like you see in the comment sections but what the fuck's wrong with your teeth and you're like you're like this is what teeth look like like teeth like they look they're not perfect there's like a dark one i make it that one fixed but like wait can i just say honestly like those are the only veneers i've ever liked like because they don't look perfect but i'm telling you no i'm telling you it makes me so upset it upsets me it feels like to me and i i'm not trying to like come down on people but it's like you're fucking they don't fit in your mouth right people have like a lisp for a year it just looks weird and perfect and it you grind your true teeth down to a fucking nub i see this a lot where you give up your real teeth like and i love your

teeth up you get but it's so interesting i'm like why because i don't care well to me it's because no i don't care what other people do but it's like to me it's like i don't want people to get like you're quitting your own i think what she's saying is that there's a really big like seat on tiktok a lot like where people have like even nicer teeth than me, but they want perfect teeth. Right. Like people like they think their gap is like something that's their little dent. Their little like their little thing that like makes them their thing. Like I just want them to have like have your special little thing.

Be like real. Be like it's just oh it's just. I got the clap from a girl I was dating. And I knew I had only had sex with her. I knew that. And I went to the doctor and I told the doctor I think

because I'd gone hiking in Switzerland before that and I drank it out of a trough I go I think I got it from a trough in Switzerland and he goes was there a whore in the trough

and I went I was like by the way he was like probably 27 I thought he was a grown up he was just a doctor he was just like some kid right out of med school

because he worked at school but he was like was there a whore in the trough and I was like huh and I was like this doesn't sound doctorly and then he's like uh he's like no man you got a venereal disease you got the clap i just give you the medicine and i was like no i'm pretty sure i've only been with one i've been with two chicks at the time and in my life and he goes i'm 22 and he's like uh he's like no it's i mean i can give you the test but the test i can give you. I'm going to give you the pills anyway.

So just take the pills and just get rid of it. Don't worry about the test. It's what it is. And I went, no, I'm being serious. I don't think it is. Because I've only been with two chicks. And he was like, okay, man, I think your girlfriend's sleeping around. And I was like, no.

And he goes, no, man, I put money on it that she's a whore. And I was like, whoa. A whore? Yeah. And he goes, she gave you this venereal disease. She gave it to you. You, if you're lying to me, he goes, are you lying to me? And I went, no.

He said, you've been with two chicks. And by the way, it doesn't sound real, right? I'm 22 years old and I'm like a cool guy or whatever. And he goes, let me ask you a question. When you go to Yanni's, that was the bar we, at our entire Aussie, do you and your dick split up to cover more territory?

And I went, no. And he goes, this guy sounds so bad. He goes, then your chick's lying to you. She's sleeping with someone else. And I went,

I don't believe it. He goes, fine, I'll give you the test. And he goes, you're not gonna like it. So you take your dick out, pulls out a fucking gorilla swab

and shoves it down the head of your cock. A mid-cock swirls it. As soon as he did it, I went, she's a whore. And then the conversation I had with her after I got diagnosed with chlamydia, the conversation was mind-numbing. Was mind-numbing. I haven't slept with anyone. And I went, hold on. Like, how?

We're the only ones in the room, bitch. I hate when people lie to you and you're like, there's no one else here. And I was, I remember going like, when I go to Yanni, me and my dick don't split up to cover more territory. And I remember just being like, it was like mind-blowing did you consider it ever that she was telling me like were you like how getting gas lit yeah oh completely or you're like am i crazy maybe there's another way you can get it or she had someone get on the phone and pretend to say that they were the doctor oh my god tell me that and i was and i now i'm going like sweet how did i get chlamydia?

To be fair though, the fact that the doctor came out the gates and was like, ew, is there a whore in there? I'm like, maybe he gave you fake chlamydia. He just wanted you to think all women were whores. Oh, this, by the way, I remember thinking he was a grown up. Maybe he was fucking her. It sounds like he was so sure. He's like, I got the same thing, buddy.

Oh my God. I found out she had sex with someone else and I found out. Maybe he was fucking her. It sounds like he was so sure. He's like, I got the same thing, buddy. Oh, my God. I found out she had sex with someone else. And I found out. And then progressively throughout the time, I would talk to other people who were like, oh, yeah, I had sex with her too. And I was like, for real? I remember getting, I was already broken up with her and getting outraged again going like, I've done my best to not sleep around. Yeah, it doesn't matter because of this one person. Oh, my oh my gosh bert thank you so much for making our dreams come true this was so fun

and you being here is such like good energy supportive like thank you also bert i want to thank you because you were the first person when we first started the show that reached out and asked us to be on your show even though we had scheduling conflicts and stuff but you pretended to be mark maron i was like that is the weirdest WTF I could imagine. He was like, it's me, Marc Maron. I come to my practice. And Bert, we still have to go spearfishing. We got that.

We got that set up. What we got to do is we just have to do a show in Hawaii. When we will take Fully Loaded to Hawaii, and we'll all go down to Hawaii. We'll do a big festival in Hawaii. Everyone will come out. And then, because I want to go surfing too. I want to go spearfishing.

Are you good at surfing? No, horrible. I just bought two surfboards yesterday. I love that. I know. Mine never matter. I've done it a couple times. I've caught my own wave and stood up a couple times.

But I'm so fat. Poor kid. The poor kid yesterday bought and sold me the surfboard. He's the sweetest kid in the world. And he just goes he said you should try getting up off the ground a couple times and I'm like what and he goes

I'm just saying like and you could see that he was like you're really fat can you get up off the ground and he was like before you go out there maybe like see if you can get off the ground like see if you can get up onto your feet. And he was like,

and he was like, I'm not, I don't mean this mean, but like, like he goes, people do it. Like, and he was like,

you could see him walking it back. And I was like, it's okay. I went into buy running shoes one time. And I said, can I try these Asics on? And the guy looked at me, he goes,

what are you getting them for? And I went, running. And he goes, you're going to wear them? And I went, yeah. And he's like, oh, okay. Yeah, sure? And I'm like, yeah. And he's like, oh, okay.

Yeah, sure. And I was like, holy shit. Yeah, that's happened to me a few times. And then someone calls you fat and you're like, I'm not fat. What the hell's going on? By the way, I'm so fucked up that I'll see a picture of myself

and I'll go, I'm fat. But like right now I feel very skinny. You look so. I feel very skinny. It's all about how you feel very skinny you're great i wish i could just deflate my face no your team big face like no it's a gift yeah are you kidding themselves the fat in our face keeps us young yeah it keeps you good yeah you actually will look old if you got skinny face it's a weird fucked up thing that happens to like if you like over exercise

it's all like yeah it's like imagine how many people pay to get fillers to fatten up and to plump up your faces you would naturally have that birth look at that puffy beautiful young red-cheeked asshole my dad one time we were doing we went uh white white water rafting when i was little and um he was fat and he they had trained us all like we went with a couple different families that we didn't know, but they trained us. Like when someone falls out, give them a bear hug and bring them up. My dad falls out and this little kid just starts crying. He's like, I can't give him a bear hug. I can't, cause he's so fucking fat.

Like they could be like, can you jump up on this board? I wish I could just lose weight and like. Maintain your same life. No, I wish I, like, cause I, even when I was, people still called me fat, I was pretty skinny. Like I was 220, 225 for one of my specials.

And everyone's like, look at that fat guy. Take his shirt off. I'm going to go, I would be cool with 220 being fat. I'll give you called fat at 220. At 253, you're like legit fat where you got to take a deep breath.

And then your height is not fat. It's not skinny, but it's like the kind, like the plush that I'm into. I love a 220, 225 boy. By the way, I realize you're dating Bobby.

Maybe not the best litmus. Maybe not the best sounding board. People discover that a lot halfway through a conversation with her. They're like, oh, I've had that happen. She's like,

Esther, I find you attractive. I'm like, that's because I look like Bobby Lee. Thank you so much. Well, thank you guys for having me on when are you guys going to come to my podcast anytime

let's do it talk to the toupee let's talk about a trash Tuesday something out on the road with Fully Loaded that would be so fun we just want to be on that plane with you baby that's part of the thing Leanne right now

we had a call and she said ignore Bert's money that he's making on this I'm going to, baby. Well, that's part of the thing is I'm trying. Leanne right now is, we had a call and she said, ignore Bert's money that he's making on this. I'm going to try to walk out breaking, me, not losing any money, but to put it back into the artists so that everyone goes like, like just making everything a little extra nicer so that every, because this festival only succeeds if every comic goes, can I be on next year? That's the only way it succeeds. Because then everyone's like, hey, man, how can I be on next year? That's the only way it succeeds.

Because then everyone's like, hey man, how do I get on fully loaded? And you're like, that's what you want. So I listened to Ryan Leaf talk about his contract with, he was a football player, he played for San Diego and they call him the biggest bust in the NFL. And he said, what I thought

when I signed that first contract, I had made it. What I didn't realize, it's the second contract. And I am aware that this festival only succeeds if there's a second year of it in order to second year everyone has to have a great time the fans have to fucking love it the fans have to love it has to be an experience for the fans it's got to be better than anything they've seen and and but every comic has to walk

away going that was funny yeah that is such the entrepreneurial spirit because like what company profits in its first year you have to spend and invest and make it really good yeah that's good rogan's like that too with his club where he's like i just rogan's just like i have too much money he's like i just want everyone to get paid well and have a good time whenever that fucking thing comes up opens jesus i'm like three i'm like thank you everyone thank you guys burt and i are not A good people to end podcasts Yeah because we just Keep talking

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