Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Big Bellied Men Do It Better w/ Tefi

Episode Date: May 2, 2023

Thank you to our Sponsors: ZocDoc - Go to https://zocdoc.com/trash and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today.BetterHelp - Visit our sponsor https://betterhelp.com/trashtuesday today to get 10% off your first month.Simply Spiked - Go to https://drinksimplyspiked.com/trashtuesday to find out how to get your hands on the new Simply Spiked Peach.Rocket Money - Cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way by going to https://rocketmoney.com/trashtuesday More TefiTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@hellotefiInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/hellotefiYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TefiShow Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 Tefi Joins Us for Trash Tuesday in New York1:25 The American Girl Book Taught Tefi Everything7:12 Tefi’s Friends Only Posts on TikTok9:08 Making Yourself Feel Good & Intimacy and Touch16:38 We Love Men With Big Bellies19:10 Keto Makes You Smell26:23 Meditation 29:14 Lying to Your Therapist31:55 Top 5 Female Pop Stars of All Time35:54 Favorite Era of Britney Spears38:01 Our Favorite Reality Stars43:28 Better Sleep in Asia 51:58 Trusting Your Gut 1:03:36 How Men and Women Differ When Seeing Attractive People1:08:41 Tefi’s Motivation and Purpose1:14:18 When a Kink Isn’t Cool1:21:39 Esther King’s Paparazzi Shots Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 My Pleasure - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-pleasure/id1494518220 AnnieWood - https://www.youtube.com/annielederman Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera

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offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply statement mobile for details you know the dairy seinfeld the seinfeld episode where man hands where the woman has that big and and so everybody would say that's toughy because my hands were really big i stopped growing in the fourth grade like i've always i've been this height since i was nine i got my period when i was nine yeah in a swamp on a field trip. Yeah, unbelievable. But I thought, but everybody in my family gets it really, really early. But I had my American Girl book, so it was fine. Like I was prepared.

You knew. I knew what to do. And then. What's an American Girl book? The American Girl book. The body, the body book. With the three girls in the towel. I didn't grow up here, so explain to me.

Okay, yes. You're talking about, there's a Declaration of Independence. And then there's the American Girl book. Thank you to our sponsor zocdoc zocdoc is the only free app that lets you find and book doctors who are patient reviewed take your insurance are available when you need them and treat almost every condition under the sun go to zocdoc.com slash trash and download the zocdoc app for free then find and book a top rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash trash. ZocDoc.com slash trash.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. It's so easy to get caught up in what everyone else needs from you and never take a moment to think about what you need for yourself. Therapy can give you the tools to find more balance in your life so you can keep supporting others without leaving yourself behind. Find more balance with BetterHelp.

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stressing you out. If you're looking for ways to cut costs, you need Rocket Money. Stop throwing your money away. Cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday by going to rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday. That's rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday, rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday. Hello, sluggies. Welcome to this episode of Trash Tuesday. And also I am here on the set of Annie Wood, my new solo podcast. We have 20 episodes down. We've had

amazing guests. It's been so fun. The show is growing. It's special. It's unique. And I think you guys will like it. So check it out if you haven't already. It's every Thursday at 9 a.m. Pacific time, noon Eastern. We love you. So come see us. You can also see me live. I'll be in Raleigh, North Carolina, May 12th and 13th. If you came out to my shows in Greensboro, you're going to want to come to Raleigh too. It's going to be a different vibe. Those were wild ones. I'll be in Baltimore at Magoobies, June 2nd and 3rd. I'll be in Salt Lake City, Utah, Wise Guys Club, June 9th and 10th. And then I'll be in Calgary with the Great

Outdoors Comedy Festival with Andrew Schultz, August 27th. A lot more dates are being added. So go to Annie Letterman dot com slash shows. Enjoy the show. Hi, slugs. I am on tour. I'm going to be in Boston, New York City, Atlanta and Raleigh. You can get tickets at Esther on ice dot com. I've been here in New York working on my stand up. I cannot wait to have fun with you guys at these shows. I see you get tickets at esther on ice.com what is it i'll tell you american girl dolls you know what those are right i learned when i came here yet okay so the american girl corporation i'm losing my mind had the wherewithal to give us this american girl book that also they use the branding of the dolls that we know and love and then they taught us about our bodies

your boobs growing pubic hair it basically taught you about like the it's called the care and keeping of you and it is so cute and on the cover it's like three girls um from different races and ethnicity i think it's an asian girl blonde girl and a black girl right i think so and they're they have they're like 12 and they have like the towels around them and they have like a towel on their head like they just got out of the shower and then you open the book and it's like your body's gonna change and it's so exciting you know and then it tells you like this is where a tampon goes illustration it was incredible i owe my life to american girl i was an american girl i am an american girl you know what i mean but i and i remember going through it with my mom it created comfortable conversations i loved it that is so

sweet my only um my only knowledge about periods when i was younger is because i was an athlete so my mom constantly breathing down my neck like you're going to peak when you get your period. Don't get your period. You're going to peak. So when I finally got my period and I was like 13 or 14, I remember just crying my little heart out. I'm like, it's over for me. I've peaked. This is it. My athleticism. Hope you never go into period. That's what happened. Rest in peace, baby. Love you. That's what happened.

Wow. So they did this for you guys there was a thing available to be fair i didn't have it i saw it at a friend's house so uh nobody really took the time to get it for me but sounds like maybe your mommy loved you my my mother got me a driving instructor and the care and keeping of you because she didn't want to fucking do it yeah you know what i mean like i think like that that's not at the same time i wasn't driving at nine and i didn't get my period at 16 you know i mean but i think um there was just things that she felt like the book and somebody else could do better and then if i had questions but my mom was also somebody who was like super scientific so i asked her to the point where I would turn you off from it she's so smart I would say like mommy how are babies man she goes when the sperm enters the egg and I go oh what the fuck I thought

it was sex you know what I mean what you know what I mean so it's she would always answer honestly but I just think that like whole hand holding thing she didn't want to fucking do it you know I like that she was busy she had things she entrusted in other people and i think it worked out really well you know so like when i got my period i was like i need a fucking tampon and mrs campos is like what'd you say i'm like a tampon a regular please stat you know like i knew what to do or whatever but i um what why would you talk talk about this you find someone that always knew what to do have that energy i know unfortunately i learned the hard way which is i failed or embarrassed myself terribly and then i learned what to do if you need to i still don't know where the dental card is for your health insurance i can't find it on the website that's one thing that i like

i don't think anyone knows where that is i just go. I know that I pay for it and I let them pull up my records at the dentist. I'm like, look, is it real? I don't think they have the physical cards anymore. It's a scam. Maybe you get two teeth cleanings a year, but there's fine print. Of course I do. I am of the very lucky few select people in this world that gets to be a mutual friend with teffy on tiktok oh my god i was like and so i get to randomly see when i scroll my my fyp these videos from her that are like hey we're all feeling kind of oh my friends only post her friends only posts are like they've given me so much confidence motivation like do you know that that the life you use juice and pump into that app i saw a bunch of people posting about like are people's views down i like i don't want to do this anymore and i'm like like there's a and i'm

like don't fucking stop doing it because the views are down. Who gives a fuck about views? You know what I mean? Like so I just was like, you know, I follow you because I like you. So maybe somebody just needs to. There's so many videos sometimes that like that get like minimal views. I think like my mom and her assistant watch and they're like, oh, and then they close their phone and I'll be on the street and somebody will be like, that video you did was so funny. And I'm like, right. And you think no one saw it.

And it's not true. So like, I think the problem with like social media too, is that especially platforms like TikTok, incredible. TikTok takes care of their creators in so many ways, but you can get a video that gets i mean we've all had it it gets five million views and then the next one is like four yeah you know what i mean and it's that mean girl group chat that you're in without knowing it's like all four of them being like loser loser you know what i mean like i know i'm in those i know i'm in those i know i'm in the way i thought i was the only one that daydreamed and fantasized about all the people talking shit about me in a group chat.

But you probably fantasize about when you're like using your vibrator. Like it gets you off. You're just like, yeah, you fucking hate her. We were just talking about this on the last episode of Rick Glassman. Like I do. I'm anti-vibe. What's that? I'm anti-vibrator.

She uses it. I am. She's trying to lower her baseline tolerance to get off. Yeah. So like I. Last night, Teffy, I'm anti-vibrator. She's trying to lower her baseline tolerance to get off. Yeah, so like, last night, Taffy, I'm telling you, under six seconds, I barely touched my own pussy with my own hand. I'm like, whoop, and I was there. Done. Easy peasy, rolled over, went to bed.

Then what's the point? Of anything? If you're not doing that, what's the point? The Lord gave it to you i need you you know what i mean like come on are you have you watched um pen 15 well favorite it's like looking in a mirror when i want a fucking show when she starts humping that pillow i'm like i was i was the family pomeranian at one point. Absolutely. I didn't hump things.

I made things hump each other. Oh, yeah. And so like my dolls would just. Like Barbie. Yeah. You know, and you don't understand. It's so crazy because I don't think I understood truly what sex was until I was still maybe. But I feel like I had to be like 13, 14 for me to really wrap my mind around what...

If you think about it, it's very disgusting. And it's so... When you learn what it is, you're like, it's that? Ew. And then you're doing it and you're like, this rocks. But I feel like for the vagina... We call it a panini press. I call it a badge. I call it naan bread.

Oh, that's so sweet. Naan is cute. Naan is a cute one. Your vagina. I think I think it's like such a gift. You know what I mean? And like to not take advantage of her. You know what I mean? Come on. Anti-vibe?

Don't be anti-you. But she's saying... so she, go ahead. You're saying that I could still have like maximum joy that is more than the maximum joy I feel for myself alone. I think, listen, I've talked to my friends about this too. I'm in, I come in like two seconds. You don't have to be, you don't have to do a lot. Oh, external, internal. But you don't have to be you have to do a lot oh I external internal but you don't fuck you both that's so unfair I know you're saying external

internal that's great oh yeah whatever I read different ways yeah I just think about a listen my porn hub search history is a couple who loves each other I don't need a lot all right I don't need a lot that's what I said so there's a porn star i think that you would love actually i don't want a lot of porn please like how do you know she would love it because well because i heard the last episode and i was like oh you know what i mean well a nazi yeah the nazi i i can't i have to have you say it first but i was like i was like thinking about it today and i was i heard that this morning and I was like, oh, there's this one dude that I saw somebody tweet about years ago. And they were like, does anybody watch Owen Gray?

Oh, yes, of course. Thank you. Yeah. So I searched him and there's all these like actors or whatever. I'm like, OK, I got to go to the hub. I never go to the hub. I can use my old noggin. All right.

I'm a creative bitch. And so I was like, let me go to the hub. i never go to the hub i can use my old noggin all right i'm a creative bitch and so i was like let me go to the hub and i searched owen gray it's this guy he's tall he looks dead he's so skinny covered in tattoos he makes eye contact with these girls and holds their heads and his dick is the size of my arm and he is like does that feel good do you like that that's i had to turn it off because i had to turn off because it's what the she thinks and he is like, does that feel good? Do you like that? That's crazy. I had to turn it off because I had to turn it off because it's what she thinks

is happening with the vibrator. I will never enjoy sex again if I keep watching him. What she thinks is happening with the vibrator is what would happen if I kept watching Owen Gray. It would take the joy out of it.

That's called, right? She's attracted to you now just from you reenacting what that is. Wait, the last guy that is. Wait, the last guy that I was with, he used to call him intimacy boners

where he would get blood flow if I would be affectionate or vulnerable. He would be like, blood flow, blood flow. He called him intimacy boner. Oh my God.

But that means, was it, how, what was his childhood like? Sexual trauma. Oh my, wait, oh wait really or like nobody ever showed him kindness uh maybe i have that call him never again i'm just gonna ask her no well i have like my i didn't no one met my emotional needs so like if someone is you're engaged though yes yeah now yeah okay but as a child like if someone nobody talks to dave will often be like

you're like a little girl who no one spoke to like that's the energy i bring to the table so i'm like talk to me look at me hi come play but you don't like being held a lot of people don't it's you know what it is is being held is so hypersexual to me oh really like hand holding or any kind of physical time like if i laugh and I like grab your wrist. Like I do that a lot. Like I want to pat. Me too. Yeah.

And something's embarrassing. I have to touch somebody. I love that. But like touch is so. Sensitive to you. It's so much that like when I moved to LA and people just casually were hugging each other left and right. I was like, whoa, I can't. That's like too much for me.

But I like it too much almost. Like I need it. So I can't. Is that. Does anyone follow but I I like it too much almost like I need it so I can't is that does anyone follow I yeah like you yearn for it but it's something that also makes you uncomfortable it only makes sense to me coming from an intimate partner really yes I think touches I you know I grew up in like a multi-ational household, so it's like you almost have to be okay with a certain level of people around you and touching you. Yeah, we don't have personal people in my house either. Yeah.

So it's disposable for me. So when I touch somebody, it could be misconstrued as... I think I had a huge argument with a comic once because he was like, well, when you first met me, you were very flirtatious. Oh my God. And I said, I wish I was a hug. And I had fake titties at that time. I have. I don't have them anymore.

But he was like, yeah, you press your boobs against. I'm like, I mean, I. OK. Yeah. I existed. Yeah. I activated. Oh, my God.

And that's because when I moved to New York. So in Miami, from the time you're in elementary school, when you see your friends, you give them a kiss on the cheek. Like what it could be a class of 32. Guess how many kisses you're giving out. The point when if you don't like somebody, you skip them. And it's beef. It's a big fucking deal. So like, even even like a week ago, I saw this bitch that I can't fucking stand and i and i and she she's a fucking weirdo but my friend was like you have to say hello to her i'm like and then i'm not doing the sound i'll go and that's also me but to that point so when i moved to new york and people were like did you flirt with my boyfriend i'm like what are you talking about they're like you kissed him hello and i said i acknowledge nobody wants your man bitch nobody wants your man you two can go enjoy j crew together you know what i mean like please please nobody wants your man bitch i acknowledge his existence and you should be fucking grateful because okay oh no she likes brian i've never liked a brian you're good you're good bro you

know what i mean what is a name that will get you going? A name? Like an enemy's name? No, like if you don't want to fuck a Brian, you want to fuck an Alex, a Jason. Jason Momoa. What's up? A name that I find...

I like Spanish names. I like Spanish names. I like, like, Santiago. Santiago. Santiago is such a hot boy. Javi. Javi is a super hot boy. He has a thick-butted name.

Thick-butted boy. Baseball butt. I love baseball body. Oh, my God. Baseball players are the hottest of all time. Because they have sometimes a little belly. I love a belly on a man. Me, too.

Don't take away the belly. When I see men, like, working out, I'm like, don't go too hard. Let's keep, I called the bell. Let's keep the bell ringing. Agreed. All right. We need a good old belly on that. Have you ever been with a chubby boy, like a real chubby boy with a big gut?

Oh. When they have sex with you, their belly hits your foot. So I know this is a strange thing to say, but my ex is a five foot four Korean man with a big belly. Thank you for doing that. He used to make me cum really fast because his belly would hit my clit. I love that fucking belly. The belly does things for me that I can't even explain to you. With my exes, I used to stand behind them and be like, they're probably going to hear this and be like, I'm chubby.

You're a chubby motherfucker. I would stand behind them and walk behind them like prom post just on their ass on their fucking belly i've been with fitness dudes too you're working out on vacation get it together or i did one guy that only ate boiled chicken oh i, and broccoli. And you! So one, oh, sick. You're farting 24-7. Rock and roll. Two, we can't do anything fucking fun. I think the final straw for me was we went to like a really nice restaurant in the city.

I forget where it was. The word Gotham is coming up for me, but I don't remember. It's something, a really nice restaurant. Beautiful, like a real, I call it like a real New York night. You know what I mean? Like you go to the bar with your friends. You go to this nice restaurant beautiful shanda like a real i call it like a real new york night you know what i mean like it's uh like you go to the bar with your friends you go to this nice restaurant maybe later you'll do karaoke like we were having a new york night we go to this like restaurant that i've always wanted to go to like this was like 10 years ago maybe and he brought his food fuck i'd rather i'd rather shit out a pine cone than have you than hear the sound of the plastic container opening. It was multi-tiered.

Oh my god. No, it was like the fucking it was like a Chinese food takeout the black the box the box but you know what

they bring a thermos to you with his pre-workout you guys just ice water is fine lemon extra lemon please. Do we need to send love though because that's full eating disorder.

Oh, he has an eating disorder. That is like sad and I feel bad i'm not saying it but it is such a turn i'm not sending him love because great because the other day fuck this guy but but yeah fuck those dudes and you know what they're angry when you are just in full you know when you're fully ketoacidotic and you're just subsisting on broccoli and chicken, you're angry. I had no idea that keto made your pussy smell. It also makes your breath smell. I had no idea. So I bought a keto book and one of the people I was working, I was working in an office and my co-worker was like, girl, don't. I had a keto.

I just bought one and it was on my desk and I was like in a Zoom and when I or Skype. This is pre-COVID. So who fucking knows what I was doing? We saw each other's faces and then um i closed i closed the laptop she's like i saw you got a keto book and i was like yeah she's like don't fucking do it my friend did it she said pussy smelled like rotten meat you guys it's really difficult to find a doctor even more so to find a doctor that you trust,

someone who has a good bedside manner, someone who you feel absolutely safe with. And if you've been stewing about a health problem you've had, ZocDoc is the answer. ZocDoc is the only free app that lets you find and book doctors who are patient reviewed, take your insurance, and are available when you need them, and treat almost every condition under the sun. I'm telling you guys, like if you need a dermatologist, an OBGYN, if you have an ear infection, anything at all, ZocDoc has it. No more Dr. Roulette or scouring the internet for questionable reviews with zocdoc you have a trusted guide to connect you to your favorite doctor you haven't met yet millions of people use zocdoc's free app to find and book a doctor in their neighborhood who is patient

reviewed and fits their needs and schedule just right go to zocdoc.com slash trash and download the zocdoc app for free then find and book a top-rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash trash. ZocDoc dot com slash trash. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Therapy can give you the tools to find more balance in your life so you can keep supporting others without leaving yourself behind. Therapy has been an indispensable part of my life.

What I like about BetterHelp too is they have a journal feature. So in between my appointments with my therapist, if I'm having heavy thoughts that day, but it's, let's suppose it's five days before my next appointment, I'm able to write these thoughts in my journal and I can discuss them with my therapist

on the date of my appointment. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Find more balance with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash trash tuesday today to get 10 off your first month that's betterhelp.com slash trash tuesday after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by

overpriced wireless providers if we've learned anything it's that there's always a catch so when i heard that for a limited time all mint mobile wireless plans are 15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan i thought where's the catch but after talking to them it all made sense there isn't one mint mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online they don't have retail stores or sales people instead they deliver premium phone plans directly to you as you guys know our friend rick glassman he uses mint mobile i learned about mint mobile through george kimmel george is a busy guy he takes the

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month. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Like even... It's so hot. But it's almost like if you smell anybody on even like DKA, which is diabetic ketoacidosis, there is a scent there. Like I can't imagine. It's floral. It's floral. What's in the box? It's this kind of floral rot.

Oh, when you know you have to throw away your roses yeah but then you like something in your trash is really bad but you're someone is coming and you don't have time to throw your trash you just light a candle like and it's a floral candle so it's the combination of like oh you now have just floral rot somebody said what did teffy's pussy smell like and, you know, when you know something in your garbage, I would die. Die. Oh, my God. I'm going to pop an extra probiotic when I get home.

I would die. Because I got swept by the whole Atkins crease, which is just about the same as Keto, right? Keto is just rebranded Atkins, basically. It's like red bean butter and prayer. I can't say that my pussy was in its prime you know in my we were prime put and we weren't we were not not even mid no no i don't believe i i know the science is saying what it's you know the science is there i just don't believe i don't believe in pussy smelling bad ever i i just that's my political esther but have you

been bv is bv there's a reason you have no you have BV. There's a reason you have a nose, and there's a reason why your nose takes in smells. It's supposed to inform you about the world around you. It's supposed to inform you about the Zs, X, Y, and Z. So if you have an overgrowth of bacteria in your vagina, you should be able to say, hey, something is wrong. I'm not going to be like, something is wrong. I want it, Rye.

Yeah. You know who else says i know the science is there but i don't believe it evangelical christian okay i want to sit with that a second don't be an eve don't be the evangelical pussy warren okay that's their bad pussy smelly i've had bad you know my shit's gone bad only a few weeks ago i told you i was like look the bcc i don't know what i don't know if it's a BCC, but something is wrong. We got a used to call. And then it was because I used an old, old, like I had just dusted off.

Like I found old lube that I was like, please don't use lube that you have to blow like a library book. Well, our Annie, who is the third girl on our show, can be here. She basically says like, you can't have rollover lube. No. Can't use lube from X. They're not in it. And I think that's what I was cursed with. I used it from an old relationship with a new boy, and God struck me down.

He said, silly goose. Uh-huh. Oh, my God. No. Sometimes I do, like, when I was younger, my anxiety was way worse. You know what I mean? i have it i had i when i was younger my anxiety was way worse you know what i mean uh because the idea that my body like the osmosis jones that like the idea that when i went to sleep that my body continued to like my heart would beat without my permission or my um supervision freaked me the

fuck out so i would have these panic attacks because i would try to control my heart rate and i figured out that i couldn't. So like the the vagina. Sorry, the technical term, the vagina. When figuring out that it has like a mind or like the gut brain, even that like this is all these are all little neighborhoods and they all have their own HOAs. It drives me fucking nuts. It drives me fucking nuts. Do you not like that you don't have control over it. I want.

That it's existing on its own. I feel like if I was in control, I could do a stellar job. I could do so much better than what I'm doing right now. You're reminding me of one of my biggest anxieties, which is like, you know, swallowing. So like, this is something that has been my whole life. No, but you can't do that after, I think, the third or fourth time. You cannot make yourself swallow because swallowing is like a natural thing or it's like a reflex, basically, just like breathing is, right? But that's why in my late 20s, I was having these extreme panic attacks and they would focus on your breath, Kalilah.

I'm like, no, that is the source. My breath is a source of my anxiety because I don't trust it to do its thing. I don't trust it to be some like autonomic like, you know, thing that my body does on its own. I have to supervise it, like you said. So then I would like just be so like hyper vigilant about my breathing. So when I had to learn to meditate and you couldn't say the word meditation changed my life. Can you? Meditation is the best thing in the entire fucking world. Can you speak on that sell it to me what do you well how long because are you going

for like five minutes an hour the longest i've done is two hours wow are you silent are you listening to something um so when i first and people say like i could never i'm like if i can please i'm like the road runnerner up in the ditch. Yeah. This is Gothica. This is Jim Carrey 23. Like, we're good. I think there was just a point where spiritually I was in a lost place. And the idea of like downloading information was very or like not even downloading information, but like really hearing myself Or like you can ask yourself a question and you talk back.

It's crazy. But like to get to that point, I would sit with myself and I would listen to my breath. And then I think a lot of people think that it's thinking of nothing. But then somebody told me, if you have a thought, you bring it in. You look at it. Because if you ignore it, it's just going to come knocking. I look at it and then I acknowledge it and then I put it away. But I imagine the white room that Squidward is running through.

You know what I mean? Well, the SpongeBob reference, thank you. Guess my dick heart. Same. That's an intimacy. Yeah. To the seaburger. That's a connection.

But once I was like in that place where I was like, oh, I can welcome those thoughts or whatever. I started doing guided one on Gaia and YouTube. And there's another at Calm. But I started doing those and it started with like 10 minutes. And then after the meditation, I would like journal about the things that I thought about. Or I would start the meditation with like, I would look up guided meditation, fear, guided meditation, resentment. There's one meditation that I talk about all the time. It's about resentment that you go into your childhood home or your childhood room. And if you walk into

that room and it's not your room and it looks like something else, that means something, right? And I would go to my childhood room and it would be like concrete, you know? I grew up in a golf course town. A lot of greenery, a lot of golden retrievers. So I was like, that's really weird. But then on the table, there's a table in the room and there's a teddy bear on it. And the teddy bear represents all the people who have hurt you, disappointed you. And you have to go up to it and you hug it. And you have to say thank you. Thank you so much.

Put down the teddy bear and you walk out the room. If you cannot walk out the room with the teddy bear attached to you, you've made resentment part of your personality. And that was the first one that I was like, this is doing something for me because I can, I lie my ass off in therapy. I want to get into that. Let's talk about it. My therapist doesn't know me at all. You know, that has been the biggest barrier for me because I still, no matter what,

there is still an element of people pleasing. Oh, yes. So even to her, I still want to be respectful. I want to be liked by my therapist. So that is something like, I've been in therapy since I was 15 years old. And I think that I've never fully, until recently, been just the truly ratchet bitch that I am to my therapist. And I want to get there.

And I'm slowly starting to get there but there is this fear that shame yeah it's a lot of shame that she's not going to be on my side or you know like it and doc we had dr geron um a couple episodes ago and he was like the bit you are wasting your money you are only doing a disservice to yourself and i'm like fuck but it's so fucking hard learning about yourself at the same time doctor yeah why why do you lie to why would you lie to a therapist i mean i feel like there's something i feel like shame is a sign you know what i mean shame is a sign of that i know better i know better and so i feel like in my mind i'm like i know better and i know why i did that you know what i, I don't want to, there are some things about my, I think I was wanting to say the word Teresa.

the best student. I'm absorbing it. I'm getting better. And also part of me is like, I want her to feel like she's a good therapist. Same. Oh my God. She is. I'm just not giving her. Thank you for saying that. Like, I feel like I haven't been able to articulate it. Did you learn that in therapy? That is so valid. And thank you for saying that. I'm like, I hate when people therapy talk me and that's the only jargon they use especially when we're in a full-blown fight and they'll say things like i'm gonna take a beat to process this emotion i'm like oh i'm about to fuck it oh you are about to lock the door where are you gonna go babe i hate or when i'm in a conversation with someone i'm like i just feel like your therapist told you to say that like i'm like be you you little the word gaslighting

on tick tock is gonna make me shave my head it's oh but that's all like just even the pseudo spirituality that has just seemed to like the all of tick tock is riddled with pseudo spirituality where people are supposed to be more enlightened supposed to be all stoic and this and that but they're all just monsters man i'm like really truly you found yourself toughy top five female pop stars of all time who are yours pop stars yeah britney jenny spears thank you that was the right first answer abba oh she's good she knows what she's doing she knows what she's fucking doing i'll say for me gaga is in that is on the top five and gaga's five number five okay that's out of like every like that yeah you know uh i'm also putting madonna in my top and jenna jackson

that's it oh yeah jenna jackson we're not throwing like a share in there I don't consider Cher pop I consider her um a doctor a philosopher exactly I I don't I wouldn't consider her as a pop I would consider Cher as somebody who started as like within folk and then like power ballads and like disco and then from that she went into like, she's done fucking everything. You could say Cher could be country even. Right. The ability that you have to articulate Cher's discography. I love Cher so much.

I, that is, I love you for that. Today, somebody asked me if you saw someone and who would you lose your mind? Like, who would you be starstruck for? And I said, Michelle LaVon Robinson Obama. Duh. And Stevie Nicks. But I don't think I could handle Cher. you be starstruck for and i said michelle levon robinson obama yeah and um and stevie nicks but i don't think i could handle share i think i think i would hold her by the wrist and not realize i'm doing you know something and like not realize it you know i just saw this clip of her basically it was like an old clip i think she didn't like madonna oh why she didn't like madonna she's just

like i just don't think she's a good person oh Oh, why she didn't like Madonna? She's just like, I just don't think she's a good person. Oh, she was mean at this party. Yeah. I hate the sheriff versus Madonna. She was at an Elton John

party, not an Elton John party. Whose party was she at that she was rude to? Was it a Freddie Mercury party? How could he not like Madonna?

But my, things I just said were insane. Have you seen when Sonny died, they'd already broken up right and he had his he had a wife and children and and share met him when she was 16 and he was like 18 and she was like i wouldn't leave the man alone you know what i mean like my mom was like i'm not gonna you can't date

him and she was like i have to be with him you know and they that that was like the reason that she became who she is, whatever. But they had a terrible, they were too young and too rich and too toxic and faced with too much, whatever. It was not going to survive, whatever. When we leave, look up Cher's eulogy for Sonny. Falling, crying. I watch that all the time. I might. Crying. I watch that all the time. I might watch it today.

It's so beautiful. The way that that woman is so smart and she the way that she talks about people is a way that she she meets you here.

You know what I mean? I sound I sound crazy. No you don't. I'm right there with you. I know there are people that would not meet you here. You know what I mean? Like Christina Aguilera is not going to meet me't. I'm right there with you. I know there are people that would not meet you here. You know what I mean?

Like, Christina Aguilera is not going to meet me here. I don't think so either. And I hate when people say, oh, I heard so-and-so is mean. I heard Beyonce is mean. I don't give a fuck. I want her to sing. I don't want to get many petties with Beyonce. I heard Jennifer Lopez was mean to someone at Saks.

I was mean to someone at Saks. I agree. They were mean to me. Also, it's like, we don't know what these women have been through and what they need to do and how they need to like get what they need done done like i know that nikki minaj and her like whatever series she had terrible she was really mean but really mean but it's like she's nikki minaj i don't know i know a couple hotels she's banned from in miami oh oh okay she's so rude that's cool and you know hotels she's banned from in Miami. Oh, okay. She's so rude. That's cool. And you know what?

She's still one of the best rappers of all time. Sorry. Sorry. I won't see her at the hotel, though. I guess not. I did see her in concert, actually. She opened for Britney Spears in 2000. 10?

Femme Fatale tour? No. What tour? Circus? It was when the Pussycat Dolls cut it. Okay. Best favorite era of britney onyx tour why is that interesting i don't know i think it's because i remember i just remembered so clearly god my britney jean is tacky oh my fucking god she has like that satin

booty shorts with the ruffles and the pink satin vest but like her hand gloves and she's like no but like no it looks like it looks like she was weightlifting like those kind of gloves you know what i mean like when the golfers are like don't get used to the gloves they might hurt your golf game you know what i mean but um i think that was like the last time that we saw her enjoy herself yes like really enjoy herself where um i didn't it didn't look like work and also she masturbated on stage the touch of my hand that song is so important it's so important we really don't we we don't understand what she did for our sexuality i completely if american girl and britneyars masturbating on stage did a lot

for me would you have a favorite album britney album yeah it's probably britney thank you really actually really relieved that you said that that was the one do you have a favorite moment that turned you into a super fan for me it was slave for you performance of the vmas with the snake no no no mine for me was the um amas 2001 she did Oops, I Did It Again and the C-Straight Pamela. Yeah. Okay. That was probably it for me. Or, no, I think it was watching her interviews and she snorted.

I would watch like her interviews when she still had glasses on. She's just like the rest of us. And I'm a big snorter. I don't know. I'm sad that I said that. I'm a big snorter. But don't know. I'm like, I'm sad that I said that. I'm a big snorter. But I watched her and she was so. I remember seeing her on MTV and she was doing mall shows.

And it wasn't even on an elevated surface. She was eye level. Wow, that's so sweet. I love that. I remember MTV Diaries. You think you know, you have no idea. Christina Aguilera, Fighter. Oh.

For that one. And Mandy. No, 98 Degrees. Do you remember the Christina Aguilera, Kelly Osbourne rivalry? There was. Ab. Yes. It was.

I hate to look at them now. There. Yes. That's my girl. Are you joking? That was incredible. I feel like I'm always going be team kelly kelly was that kelly is a complicated girl but you know when i look at her parents i said she's doing the best she can it is what it is yeah it's doing the best you can

those parents ozzy evan is the man that she's doing the best she can. I think she turned out the best possible way. They're fucking weird. They're funny. They're like the Osbournes to me that TV show was as funny as Seinfeld. Like it was so funny and honest and real. And it wasn't even that they were like famous wacky people. They were just very much themselves and weird and funny. I think the reality show that I remember the most growing up,

the most was probably, I wasn't allowed to watch MTV until I was like 15. Whoa. So I would sneak watching the real world, and the first real world that I saw was Real World Las Vegas. Oh, with Trishel. Yes. With Trishel. With the pregnancy scare.

Yes. That was an incredible time great season incredible time and but honestly i think about it putting cameras even for jersey shore put cameras in people's bedrooms and us having watching them fuck is crazy so good but you know what's so good so sad is like i think i think i was watching an episode of married married at first sight oh my god and trishelle was in one of the episodes yeah she's like the friend of one of the guys on there and she was just and i'm like trishelle you're such a star like trishelle go back to vegas love your life back to vegas

was it danny oh i don't remember the guy i remember one of the girls that she was like a go-go dancer and that was the first time i heard the term go-go dancer and i i thought i thought that was my dream a go-go dancer and that was the first time i heard the term go-go dancer and i i thought that was my dream to go go dance in a club you do look like you probably just that is the nicest thing anybody's ever philip hegel asked her i i honestly when i think about that era too there is this teen people rest in peace teen people spread that i remember i had on my table as i was sneaking watching real world las vegas and i had my finger on last last last channel you know when your that I remember I had on my table as I was sneaking watching Real World Las Vegas and I had my finger on Last Channel. You know when your parents would come in

and you go Last Channel? And I was reading this. It's like a vivid memory in my home where I grew up. It's a spread open. It said the seven blondes who run, 2003 or something? Seven blondes who run Hollywood. And it was Britney Spears,

Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson, Mandy Moore. Thank you, God. The Olsen twins. And Willa Ford. Willa Ford! How crazy is that? I will never forget those seven

because I was absorbed. The way that I was like, I was obsessed with it and I wanted to be, I wanted to be Mandy Moore so bad. I wanted him to miss me like candy. I wanted a yellow buggy. I wanted the hair flip.

I wanted it all. A room of my own where I could do my music video. Are you kidding? You know what I mean? Oh, Willa. Willa Ford. Willa.

Nick Carters. That's right. That's right wait a second you guys never got into like any of the VH1 reality show argument

like shot at love with Tila Tequila are you kidding me the first bisexual reality dating show and Tila Tequila has me blocked on all platforms

fuck you you want to talk about Nazis you know Tila Tequila now is very evangelical. She's taking a turn that I have tried to step away from. Do you know that when I just said, you want to talk about Nazis? You heard that TikTok sound?

That's Mariah Carey. Nobody wants to talk about 9-11, though. Yeah. Anyway. At Tila Tequila, what were the other ones? Oh, the guy from Poison. Yeah, Bret Michaels. Flava Flav.

Flava Flav. They were, all of those girls were stars. School, Charm School. The incredible clip where she's, Monique is renaming people away from their Flavor of Love names. And she says, she goes, what's your name baby? She goes, Safari. She goes,

and then we're going to leave that ugly name behind. We're going to name, what's your real name? She goes, Safari. That's one of my favorite, favorite clips of all time. Or when in Flavor of Love,

Hot says, everyone tells me i look like beyonce and i love new york goes beyonce she looks at the camera she goes beyonce i'm so sorry baby that is one of the funny and she goes you look like luther van dross a lot of goals yes my body knows my actual birth mother i think the woman who raised me the most is lorianne gibson on Making the Band 3. Diddy. You don't think I'd go. Boom, cat.

There's the cow. I love that. Making the Band. Take her. Make her go home, Audrey. Make her go home with Andrea. Yeah. I can't pass the James Chiefs thing about those boys.

Dude, my friend named her daughter Andrea after Andrea. Because it had the U after it, right? I would tell my friend to lie about that. Baby's named after... Baby, you know who you're named after? What are you talking about, babe? Tevi, how was Japan? It was great.

You just got back? I just got back, yeah. Did it change your life? Coachella, absolutely. I was just telling Emily. My, my sister Emily, my friend, and I'm like a diagnosed insomniac. And for some reason, when I went rock and roll, babe, there's a lot of things to see on the internet.

I know. It's too fun out there. I was not sleeping. I think I would sleep every day at like 6 a.m. And then I'd wake up at like 1. I would tell my team, please don't schedule anything before 1 because that's when I wake up. And it was driving me crazy, too, because I'm obsessed with productivity. And I feel like I was missing out on so much.

And then by the time that you're already in the mood to start working, it's like, what, 4 p.m.? It sucks. I went to Japan. I was falling asleep every night at 8 p.m. Oh, you are speaking about this phenomenon. I tell everybody. You go one direction and it's always to Asia. And you will sleep the most you have ever had. And it's like the kind of deep slumber that you will never have again. Even like the first day that you're back here.

I don't know what it is, but I think there's something about like the time zones that either allow for it because i have my friend from new york just went with me to the philippines right around the same time you were in japan and same type she she's up at three in the morning at the gym such a productivity queen she planned her own platinum wedding like one of those like just like inside energy type a and she never gets more than like three hours a night of sleep and she feels fine on three hours so when we're resting in asia when we went to the philippines she was getting a full eight hours no no i've never slept like this and i think it's also because i felt safe i feel safe in my home all the time but it's different it was like different i felt

like welcome and safe i can't explain it there's a a peace in Asia that I cannot explain. It's like a peace and like a like an acceptance. I can't explain it. It's like a I don't know. But I was just like walking around. I had the time of my life. I never worried about my safety. I mean, Japan, like amazing. My antidepressant is illegal there. Right. I know. If you want to take your antidepressant, you have to register it. It's insane. And especially because... Well-butured. Well-butured for life.

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Plan additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. Statement mobile for details. When I came back, I fell asleep at 8 p.m. And for the... When I came back. And when I came back, I've been falling asleep at 8 and waking up at 6. I'm having the time of my life. But tomorrow I go to Coachella. I know it's going to go to shit.

It's over. It's over, guys. So I'm extremely underslept because I've been running off a two hour sleep because as soon as I got back here, like today, I only slept for two hours last night. You napped. You just sleep. You napped. Yeah, I napped.

And I miss my Asian sleep. Like I cannot for the life of me get my shit back together. I'm going to call it my Asian slumber. And then I'm going to have to look at people and explain. It's going to be tough. But you know what? when they go there or if they go there they'll understand insane me and my friend we went and we were like two bugs in a rug which is a disgusting term i look at my rug sometimes like but i like literally so cozy i felt swaddled by your hands swaddled like a baby i understand to g-lingeeley. Did you eat anything amazing?

I ate everything. I'm an explorative eater. My friend was not. Like, I'm an adventurous eater. Like, if you gave me bark with hummus on it, I would eat it. And if you told me it was good, I'm like, I want good stuff. You know what I mean? So I'll eat something.

I don't like things that are super, super fishy. But I'll only know if it's super fishy if i eat it right god you know what i mean well super super fishy would just kind of maybe not be as like fresh yeah exactly or like they eat like raw squid and that gelatin and i ate it do you like natto and oh yeah yes i do yes i do you're the real loony sometimes when. Boonie is like your chin. Sometimes. It depends. I don't know what it depends on, but sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. I do like it. But it is so, I don't know, it is a comfort food. But same, kind of for me, like, it took me a while to get to Nato, but when I got there, I got there.

When you got there? Yeah. The train doesn't leave that easy once you like something. But as I get older, I can feel myself getting pickier and pickier. Like, I've never been somebody who, like, when somebody says, like, oh, but it's the texture. I'm like, I don't get that. I don't understand what you're talking about. peppers freak me out now and i've never been and they're so sweet and there's nine peppers like red green and yellow that's because that shit makes you gassy as fuck i i completely stay away from peppers because it lights me up though

that yes i love peppers but like green like just. My God, I'm double down in pain. That is the most gaseous food ever. It's delicious. As I get older, I get gassier. Me too. What's going on? See, you know what I mean? This is an HOA issue. It is.

Who told you to do that? Who told you to do that? Remember you could just like eat a just massive meal before going out to the club and not even think twice about it. Do you remember drinking? Oh my God. going out to the club and not even think twice about it do you remember drinking oh my god i i have two glasses of wine and i'm like i'm the most rock and roll bitch that's ever lived i'm the most rock and but then the next day i'm like i'm like the you know when robin hood is like the fox and he's pretending to be like a beggar and he has like the glasses on

you know what i'm talking about and robin yes that's what i feel like i'm sorry all i can think about is like robin hood men in tights i'm like oh so good so good so good so no I'm talking about in Robin Hood yes that's what I feel like I'm sorry all I could think about is like Robin Hood men in tights I'm like oh so good so good so good so no I'm talking about the animation they're real the animation oh the animation the the fox yes yes you know what I mean um before we finish up here I want to talk to you about finishing trusting well not yet but more trusting your gut because you had a post recently on Instagram how you and I had really related to this and I wanted to talk more about it you maybe stopped trusting your gut or you were following people who weren't trusting their gut and then you like can you talk to me about what that experience was do you know what got in your way from being able to trust your gut and how did

you be able to get that skill back I mean have you ever heard um me being attracted to someone is already a red flag you know what i mean like you don't trust your type yeah you know what i mean like it's it i i think i think for me i um i believe i believe when you tell me something so if you tell me that you want what's best for me i believe you. But what I realized is as time went on with some friends in my life or people, they did not expect me to do well. They always expected to do better than me and they liked it that way. So I realized as time went on that I wasn't following their good wishes. I was following someone who resented me

or somebody who looked at me and saw dollar signs. So, but these are people that, listen, a lot of people knew my mom. A lot of people don't come and eat with me. You know what I mean? Like these are people that I would take on family vacations with me. These are people who knew my family intimately.

You know what I mean? And I treated people like family and I loved them and I feel like they made me doubt myself so much. And even relationships where I'm like, I did everything right. Or not even right, but I did the best that I could and I know for a fact that it's more than enough. Like I or not even right, but like I did the best that I could. And I know for a fact that it's more than enough. And this person still fucked me over.

And the same with friends and same with business or whatever. So now when I talk about intuition and everything they fucked me over. If it was in a relationship, it's for fear and it's trauma. Right. And I don't want to pay for shit your grandfather did to your dad. All right. I don't want to pay for shit your grandfather did to your dad. All right? I don't want to do that shit anymore. How is it that somewhere in the past, one man didn't hug his son and now I'm paying for it? And then when it's like with business and stuff, it's greed.

And greed comes from a lot of issues. And jealousy comes from, you these, these are all secondary emotions, right? And so I'm following around these people who can't even speak to their feelings or tell me the truth about who they are. And I promise you, I'm the kind of bitch that like, if you sat down with me and you're like, listen, I'm jealous. And any time away, I would be like, I fucking get it. I respect that. You know what I mean? Like, I love you and I want to be your friend. And you know, my life isn't fucking roses either. I'm not fucking Nicole Kidman over here. You know what I mean like I love you and I want to be your friend and you know my life isn't fucking roses either I'm not fucking Nicole Kidman over here you know what I mean

uh you know I'm I'm Naomi Watts no I'm just kidding but I I feel like the I just like the sharing of it you know what I mean but these are also people who saw me really from like the bottom like these are people that like I would run to when i needed somebody and looking back they liked it and i guess i didn't know how to be my friend anymore when things were going well we all knew how to be my friend this is a very common phenomenon that i've heard a lot and like i've experienced as well whack bitches it is a it is a pandemic whack bitches it's people that like when you are having problems and it's it's the opposite of a fair weather friend I don't know what to call it yeah you're right and it is also it's interesting because I've

extracted a lot of value from people like that because they have really helped me when I'm low but that was never worth it like knowing that that that was how they did well or i don't know do you know what i'm saying oh i absolutely know what you're saying it it because you are you are providing them this type of like currency that they need like in the same way like narcissistic supply works you are like by you being below them for however many years you were below them is is supplying them with something that they need for themselves right and when that's no longer there you are of no use to them anymore because that supply is not there like it's almost like what you you're you having problems they don't really like you they like the way it makes them and feel yeah exactly oh that's like a munchausen

thing totally um i have a family member that my mom's beefing with right now for that same exact reason as soon as i started as soon as she saw my mom's daughter doing well she could yeah she was just like nope and and we don't even have a relationship anymore and before that she was the same family member that would never miss a birthday of mine would always give me money always just be like really like doting and be that money but i don't and now it's just we're kind of in this even playing field because she makes good money and and now i treat her like an equal she cannot stand it she cannot bear to even look at me you took away her favorite role right this is my new thing right I'm only looking for equals in my life. I want equals. I don't want you lower. I don't want you higher. I want equals. I want to

validate my experience with other equals. That's what's right. That's what I'm looking for. I don't need equals. I just want to be around people who we cheer each other on. You could be a cashier at the supermarket and you come to me and you tell me you made I just want to be around people who we cheer each other on. Right. You can work. You could be a cashier at the supermarket and you come to me and you tell me you made manager. I want to go out and pop bottles. But I can be equals with that person as long as it's emotional. It's yes. Because I what sucks about the thing that you're saying and what I related to the most was like when you do put trust in people like that you suddenly like your gut gets

whacked out like I for so long realized oh I wasn't even following my gut or trusting my intuition because I was trusting in other people and this is my issue right like I take responsibility that I went go down paths with other people but it's nice for me recently to step more into the role of checking in with myself what do i really feel what do i need yeah it's the difference between is it anxiety or is it intuition is it overthinking or is it my gut and that's really fucking hard and sometimes your gut is not available for you in the moment and you can dig as deep as you want and you know like at least for me just like having been like just having like a really like shitty childhood and whatnot like i i was just talking to astor about this like i can't

be present sometimes if i'm just surviving the moment i don't have access to my gut if i'm going to take care of you in that right it's just getting through the moment like my gut will show up later on but i'm like fuck i need it right now tell me what i'm supposed to do but i cannot for the life about this pinocchio we just talked about this yeah that's your body taking over when that like moment of like um forgetting something or putting it away or that moment of fear or mistrust like is that your intuition telling you like it's bad from or me like forgetting my body took care of me and helped me forget that because it was scary right and for you it traumatized you in a way where like if you were ever faced with that your body's like this is familiar let me take care of this right we just talked about that

yeah for we were we recording when we were talking about the donkeys in pinocchio pinocchio and the donkeys it's scary and it scared a lot of children you know what i mean so scary i'm sorry i got excited and i cut you off no you didn't we were in a circle it was amazing yeah no but yeah i think intuition is is the part of you that um wants you to wants you to do well and sometimes that's also when you overthink and it's negative self-talk it's like what if this goes bad what if you fail and i feel like that's a part of you that also loves you so much that it doesn't want to see you suffer so it's better if you just stay home and you don't go you know what I mean it's better if you don't try because you could fail and you have to look at that part and be

like I love you I know you don't need to feel sad but I have to do this you know what I mean that's how I feel often like I really do have to sit down and like there's a part of me that is like a runner I run from uncomfortable things like in the past. So when like my gut can sometimes tell me when my body takes over, it's like get out of there. But if I stop and think I'm like, oh, this could be an opportunity for someone to kind of put a mirror up to me and really like, oh, like what I've done wrong. How can I improve? done wrong how can I improve and the choice to actually say okay like I'm gonna hate this but I need to hear it and is is fucking you know what I mean like it's difficult that means it's hard that mirror is a bitch it is sometimes I say uncle sometimes I'm like no uncle something

tapping out tapping out or like I put it down and go no no no no yeah absolutely yeah that fucking mirror is a piece of shit where you have to relationships are mirrors like every time I will think I'm the coolest girl I like a guy and I'm like there's some unresolved drama you know what I mean why am I checking him from my friend's yoga page why am I checking his story he's a he has a job you know what I mean you're like who the fuck is this you know what i mean like the the there's parts of the mirror that go with everything or like my anger i there's so much of my career where i'm just like i cannot do things so that my my the people that have wronged me will see it and feel bad i cannot dedicate my success to that because then it's not even for me and it'll never

be enough but boy does it feel good sometimes oh my god it's my i could jack off too but same under six seconds that is my favorite flashlight i'm not anti those vibes i'm pro those vibes but um here's something that i'll admit that's really difficult for me is um i sometimes even podcasts, I take pride in saying like, oh, I was left behind jealousy. I'm no longer a jealous person because or for whatever reason, I feel cool saying I'm no longer the jealous girl. But for every boy that I dated since my breakup, even people like I don't necessarily see myself with long term, intel that i have done and i mean hours and hours pages of pages like you you don't think i know his like third cousin from

virginia you're wrong and happy graduation thank god and and and some and i will never this person will never ever know they can look at me and be like, Kalilah, she is so securely attached. If not, if anything, maybe even slightly avoidant. And I'm like, no, bitch, I'm the most anxious person. Attached. I know, but I do this and I'm like, how embarrassing it is that I'm 38.

And I have this deep burning. There's no shame and embarrassment in this because the fact that you girls do this, I do this. This is biological. This is not us. This is this is not our fault that we do this. I'm not taking responsibility. Men are hunters.

We are gatherers. We're gathering. We're gathering information. We can no longer gather berries. You're correct, because this is how apparently this is why women love um like dr pimple popper stuff and men are like repulsed by it absolutely because of we have i guess been grooming our partners and our children throughout like out like the history of time so like 95 i think or something really really high statistic of um people that watch

dr pimple pop are all women because we like function groom and we like to gather and we like to do these things but i wanted to ask you guys um that um there's this study that basically says that when men look at idealized photos of women they can become less attracted to their partner versus women who can look at the same idealized photos of men and not be any less satisfied with their partner and so it's like for the longest time i was just like oh i'm secure i don't care if he likes a another woman's picture on instagram but i'm like now that i i read this i'm like oh shit i was wrong i think men are so stupid that they think that shit is real ah it's like insane to me that like they will see that.

First of all, like even I was just talking about this with one of my friends. He was like, I'm like, who is that? And he's like, oh, this girl I follow. And I'm like, does she follow you back? And he's like, no. And I'm like, I'm like, have a little prize. You know, he's like, I don't care. And I'm like, you a little prize. Ew. And he's like, I don't care.

And I'm like, you fucking care. You fucking care. You know what I mean? Like, kill me. But I feel like with men, too, it's like, it's just a different brain. And I truly, like, if we watch celebrity stuff or whatever, like, he's hot. I wonder if I would ever hook up with him if i was in a room with him where i got the chance whatever i think men truly believe that they could fuck fucking emrata i think they really do why do they though because this came up earlier in this conversation where the guy thought you were hitting on him because you hugged him why have i

had nice long conversations with men in my business and then i later hear oh so and so said he could fuck you if you wanted to i'm like because I talked to him why why do they think that they can why why well I think you know brain development in the womb is still a mystery and maybe wait they differentiate a little later boys do sexually right like everything is a girl until the cell like differentiate yeah and too So maybe they're a little bit later. I think I think men live and have they make fun of women, but nobody has more hot girl delusion than men. Yeah. Nobody has more hot men.

What's that saying? When you're when you feel imposter syndrome, pretend you're a white mediocre man. Are you fucking kidding me? syndrome pretend you're a white mediocre man are you fucking kidding me michelle levon robertson obama said that that she's met a lot of these people who are ceos and run and run these huge companies and they're not very smart men but they just think that they are there's a quote that like 80 of the job is just showing up i tell it to myself all the time when i'm like man i'm fucking tired but 80 is just showing up. And I think that they really truly believe that they have big dicks and they have great personalities and their hair is full.

They really do. They believe it. And you know what? And if not, they're like, fuck it. I'll just go to Turkey. Turkey. Good for you. Go to Turkey. So I just went down a rabbit hole of men getting all the FUE hair transplants in Turkey.

And like you see like a plane full. Can I tell you something about that? Why are you as a man posting all of your little scabs on TikTok? Don't take me through that journey. Wait, I didn't get the same answer. What the fuck is wrong with you? He's like, oh, so this is day three. I'm like this.

Put it away. This is them shampooing their scabs off. What the fuck is wrong? What the fuck is wrong with you? Put it away. Why are you as a man blogging, is wrong with you? Put it away. Why are you as a man vlogging your hair transplant? Put it away. I don't need to see that.

My friend Dason says something, "'Bring back shame and bring back secrets.'" I believe in that. That I can stand by. I think there is a level of shame we ought to bring back, just universally. And then they're shampooing and he's like, "'Ah, stop it!

Stop it! Why are you like this oh my god it drives me nuts it drives me nuts the things that men will do i lately have been seeing a lot of like and i know this is just me being a bitch whatever and i don't know i have a problem that it's projecting in some form but i've been seeing guys i know like because i follow a lot of hot girls, so I'm part of the problem. Because you are a hot girl. Thank you. And it's studying. I'm doing my work, my job. And I will see guys we know liking all the Zoda.

And it just makes me so sick and sad. I'm just like, what are you doing? Do you know that we can see you? What is this? Is this a movie or something? I have to hold the mic like this. Do you think that she's going to look and see through all the guys that like it? I don't know. Oh my God. This guy, this guy was at the comedy cellar. I should follow him back. Let me message him. No, that's never going to fucking happen. Brian. Oh, he's brian come on brian get it together people still name their kids brian absolutely they do they do don't they absolutely

they do i didn't know brian how was it well they're not together anymore you know my the the guy who um um sexually assaulted me brian oh yeah what fuck all brian like sometimes i'm like fuck man and i look at my brother and i'm like when the gender war i'll miss you but like you're a good you're a good dude okay i have my last question which is so i have a question for you great Great. Okay, this is so cheesy, but I have this belief that successful people are successful because they have a why deep inside them. They have a purpose. What is your why and your purpose? Like, do you make people laugh, share who you are? Do you have that?

Do you know what that is? Like, what are you out here getting out of bed making the videos sharing with the world what's your why for all that i think one of it is um i mean i'm first generation to an immigrant family so it's like pride somebody the other day was like are you a capitalist i'm like i have to be what are you talking about um i think it's one it's like i really want my family to be proud of me but they already are like i could literally be the best newspaper tosser in town and my mom would be like you know so they don't ask a lot of me they just want me to be okay and i think a lot of people don't understand that that like your

parents just want you to be okay like they don't need that much from you alas you'll see me on the cover of forbes and i'll be like um i think that's one two i want to show people there was a long time in history where being a fucking asshole was really profitable and i think a big part of me wants to show people how being nice and funny is so easy and it works you know what I mean and then three I think it probably like the biggest one is that I know I can do it so I want to do it and I think I deserve to do what I want to do I know I can do it like there are people who um think like if I got the opportunity I don't I hope I don't fuck it up. And for me, it's different. I'm like, well, how can I get this opportunity? Because I can do this. I know what I mean. Kill it and I'll kill it. Yeah, I know that. So there are lots of places in my life where I'm not

confident. Like, of course, you know, I was telling people today I have that one nipple hair. You shave your nipples one. One? That's all you have is one? She makes the other ones look puny. It's like Godzilla versus baby goats. All right? It's just one. And then there's a bunch of stuff. You know what I mean?

Because Esther and I are like notorious hairy nipple babies. I'm like the way. Guys, I take it all. My father's Brazilian. I have Portuguese blood. My pubes are like Bermuda shorts if I let them. All right? Let's not. You're in good company. Like Bermuda shorts if I let them. All right? Let's not.

You're in good company. Like, my knuckles, if I let them, they go. No, my toes. Robin Williams is not. May he rest in peace. I love Robin. But, like, I think that's one thing for me that I'm just like. There was so long that people convinced me that I couldn't do it or I couldn't do it without them.

Or they convinced me that I couldn't do it or I couldn't do it without them or they convinced me that it was embarrassing but now that I know that I can do it why wouldn't I why wouldn't I want to do all of it I rather try and embarrass myself than ever look at somebody I was watching this like inside the actor's studio with Jay Leno I didn't know it was at Pace University but basically at the end of this presentation when they talk you know, like the milestones in this person's career, you ask the audience questions and they're all in drama, right? They're all like drama students. And this one kid was like, how do I get to do what you want to do? And Jay Leno was like, I used to watch this as like a kid, you know, but I remember, I remember what I was wearing when I was watching this. He said, be honest with me. He's like, stand up. And the kid stands up. He's like, be honest with me. Do you think that you could do my job better than me? And the guy's like, I don't know. You know, like, I don't know. We're different. And he's like,

if you don't think you can do your job better than me, then you won't get my job. Because why would you get my job if you're not better than me? And the guy was like, okay, yeah, I could do your job better than you. And he was like, and that's how you'll know you'll make it. And so if you always keep that, you'll keep going. So while I look at people, I mean, I'm not looking at Meryl Streep and being like, amateur, no. But I look at people and I see opportunities that I want, and I know that I could do it better. And that's it. that doesn't mean the person's shit. It just means that I'm better. No, it just means that I want that

and if I continue thinking that way. And the gratification of working really hard for something and getting it is really wonderful and I want that for everybody, you know? Whether it be a financial goal, a personal goal, you know, whatever it is. Maybe it's saving up your money so you can go to thailand like the like being on that plane like right now i feel like i'm on that plane

you know what i mean i'm just trying to get over there and i and i'm enjoying it so i'm so inspired i love you i am that's a beautiful why thank you that's the beautiful why. Thank you. That is a beautiful why. Now it makes me question my own why in life. Woo. That is. But our why, they're constantly changing. Our why's are always changing. Yeah. But it's true.

My mother's why was not for my kids when she didn't have kids. Right. So give yourself some grace, you know? Yeah. My only why is like to make enough money so I can get Asian slumber twice a year. I thought you meant Asians lumber. I said, is there a wood? Is there a wood? There is. So the type of lumber that we export, there's mahogany. Oh my God. There's Nara. We have a lot of rubber trees, that kind of lumber.

Yeah. We need that sap, baby. Yeah. Deforestation is real. Well, my friend was on a debate team and they were talking about euthanasia. And somebody brought up euthanasia. And she was like, what? Do teens in Asia have anything to do with this? It was so crazy. But yeah, that's it. I want to end with what we started with, but I don't think we were recording.

Which is like, is there, we're talking about kink kink gaming yeah all of these things and you know my belief is that your kink and whatever it is that gets you off is in a completely different compartment in your brain than your morality your values and like who your character is a person like i don't think one touches the other so it's like for instance like my example is always like you know i was diddled as a kid like by you know a family member say for instance but like my my kink or i'm saying i'm not opposed to age play like because that that's fucking weird when no i'm not not age play but i'm not opposed to whatever role play let's suppose like if there is like like uh you know mali rapey whatever like it doesn't

it that part of my brain doesn't connect to the other part of my brain it's always in the spirit of play but you're saying you think sometimes there's a through line. I think people sometimes use the excuse of kink when it is not a kink. I mean, I was I'm going to bring up communism, but I think a lot of people like in Miami, for example, there's a lot of Latin American trauma from surrounding islands and countries. Like there's a reason there's a lot of Haitian people. There's a reason there's a lot of Cuban people. There's a reason there's a lot of Venezuelan people. And these dictators use the veil of communism. So now if they hear the word communism or socialism, they think about the homes that they want to leave because of this. You know what I mean?

It's really total dictatorship, whatever. You know what I mean? And I feel like people use a lot of blanket terms to kind of lure people in. And I feel like we used TW, Army Hammer, as like he said that like an aggressive, like really rough sex was like his kink. But it turned out that he got off on seeing women in terrible pain. Dude. in terrible pain dude and that's and the bdsm community we talked about came out and was like that is not a kink because the whole bdsm community remember i said remember i said our community and i'm like i'm talking for them i'm not in the bdsm community literally

rubbing noses is uh foreplay for me but like um they said uh know, like the whole thing about BDSM is consent. That's safe words. Right. An army hammer would say like these women would come out and be like, I would say our safe word and he would put his hand over my mouth. So the word kink to me is like I had one boyfriend that he had like a mommy kink. So I would talk to him in baby voice. And I didn't like it, but he loved it. He loved it.

You know what I mean? And so I think that's like a kink. And I don't think he wants to fuck his mom. You know what I mean? Right. Seeing women in pain and making them uncomfortable. That's not a kink. That's not a fucking kink.

Like a kink is like, I'm the little maid from Germany. Hello, I'm new here. I don't know anybody. Or like, you know what I mean? Like, when you go to the bar and you're like, what do you do? I could never fucking do that. Dude, my ex and I, we would do role play and he would be like an aristocrat and I would be a shoemaker. But it's so cute.

It's not cute, right? No, I'm talking about like, meet me at the bar and I'm a mistress. If my husband came up to me and was like, hey, girl, you're married. You know what I mean? So what did you like about her? You bitch. And my husband would be like, it's you. But whatever. I think when it comes to role play and stuff like that, like that's so fun. My friend was talking to me about how she did one where it was like the plumber and the housewife. Like that's fun. You know what I mean? But if it's like, hey, can you cut off a piece of your thigh and watch me eat it? Like what if I was a shoe cobbler and you were the aristocrat? Like that's fucking different. Or like even like sub and you want to put a dog collar on me that's cool and i really

like being treated like a dog both sexually and platonically i want you to hug more well you know something more i think my kink is being loved in return and and monogamy that's my special yeah because you get intimacy boners yeah what's wrong with missionary oh my god missionary is my favorite it cannot i'm sorry there's a reason why it is like it is the go-to because i you know like when you're those missionaries had something going they were on they did like you know when you're younger and you take pride and you're like yeah we did it this way and that way and that way. I want to keep my legs on the bed, bro. Thank you.

My back. Get the fuck out of my house. You want my. What the fuck? No. Oh, can we do the sexy otter? Get the fuck out of my house. I'll see myself out.

No, I agree. Let's keep it simple. And also in relationships, I love when you get to the place where you're just like, what are you doing? After doggy, I get on top. You're mixing up the fucking order. You know what we do here. Come on. What are you talking about? You know, but at the end of the day, like sex is so intimate and like the idea of like role playing should be fun and bdsm and like all that stuff the whole point of all of this of existing it should be fun some parts fucking suck yes some parts fucking suck but healing is fun too you know like doing the fucking hot cups and meditation

and going to a fucking infrared sauna that's rock and roll i love healing yoga opening my hips pilates amazing you know doing drugs rock and roll we love healing you. Yoga, opening my hips, Pilates. Amazing. You know, doing drugs. Rock and roll. We love healing. You know what I mean? But the whole point is like to have a good time. And if at any point during sex, I'm like, this is scary.

I don't want to do this. I'm not having a good time. I'm drier than a motherfucker. You know what I mean? His belly isn't hitting my clit. I don't know. Then I'm not in for it and if a vibrator makes me do it yeah you're right

you're right we don't need you there's an inventor somewhere that made that for me who am I to insult them by not using their technology you're right but what if that you know relegates your fingers

and you know deems them useless you know, relegates your fingers and, you know, deems them useless? You can no longer come from your own hands. That's my biggest fear. What a time to be alive. You always have access to an outlet. What a time. And also they figured out their voltages. So internationally, because before you'd have to travel to different countries, you'd have to bring the adapter. Yeah. Because it would be like 110 and 220 and if you would were to plug it in the wrong it would just explode right like you know your vibrators your speakers and now it's not like that philippine no it's not like that it's not like why are you talking like yeah off

the mayflower a pilgrim i don't get it i'll be honest i do travel with tube i always have a backup vibrator if i don't travel with a vibrator i postmates one well that's so smart. I have a lot of stress. Mommy needs her de-stressor. Is it ever awkward when the guy brings it and he knows what he's bringing here?

I look at the ground. I go, thanks so much. Teffy, thank you so much for being the most. I have a question

for you before I go. Yes. Do you pay for those paparazzi shots? I think they're incredible. Oh, they are.

I don't pay because they're my fiance. And he's great at it. And if you ever want... It's incredible. I was like, dude, these people on her dick hole, they are nonstop. Let the woman walk her dog. They are incredible. Please let...

If you ever want to get some, he's very good. Absolutely. Yeah. Very good. Yeah. Watching me from afar. And he's free. I'll pay him.

You pay your friends. If you don't pay your friends, who will? You're not paying. Dave is the best. Yeah. He really is. I love him. Are you going to take his last name?

I already did on Instagram. King? Yeah. His name is Dave King? Yeah. He's your king? Yeah. That's incredible.

One totally pray for something like that. I know. With the last name Povitsky Yeah. He's your king. Yeah. It's incredible. One totally pray for someone like that. I know. With the last name Povitsky my whole life, I really deserve this. Esther King sounds fucking massive, too. Like, huge. Just know her. Like, it has, like, Marilyn Monroe energy. Oh, my God.

I love you. That coming from you is very meaningful. Did you hear what Bobby said on Tiger Belly on our podcast? No. He was like, it's bullshit that Esther took Dave's name. She shouldn't be allowed unless they get married. Oh, well. I'll send you the clip.

I'll send you the clip. Oh, well, I guess he doesn't make the rules. Wah, wah, wah. It is mad, too. I don't care. It's a better name. It's a rebrand. Wait, so you're not married.

You took his name regardless? You just had a name change? We've been together for 10 years. I only changed it online. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't do any paperwork. How long ago was his bachelor party? It was five years ago.

We might get married this fall. There's actually been talks. We have like, there might be a wedding. We've been at a standstill for a while. You just came home one day and you're like, I changed my name. You're beyond iconic. What if I was just like, Taffy Momoa? Why not?

If it was to stop you, I mean, like, legally. Jason's legal team. Jason's legal team. I don't think he can. If I would change my name. I talk about this in my stand-up. I'm like, ladies, if you like a guy. Just change your name.

Take the name. Show him you're serious. Dude, I came came in you know i thought your party was five years ago the sun has gone around the planet five times since he celebrated his bath and i showed up uninvited that almost slowed things down i as well why did you do that i thought he would like it i thought i was surprising him and it was going to be fun and he it wasn't have you ever met a man imagine if i was on my bachelorette and my dude showed up all the women would start audibly booing where can people i mean at hello

teffy would you where else are we finding you these days? I would say in your tree. Thank you so much. And yeah, HelloTuffy across the world. Across all borders. We love her. We need her across all borders. She's a part of the Trash Tuesday family.

KTT, Trash Tuesday Teff. She is going to open a school one day. I will be the first student to sign up. Teffy, thank you so much. And we will see you guys next week with a brand new episode. You're welcome. Bye, guys.