Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Bobby Lee and the Mythical Butthole
Episode Date: March 16, 2021Thank you to our Sponsors: Manscaped - Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code Bloodbath at https://www.manscaped.com BlueChew - Try BlueChew FREE when you use our promo code BATHGIRLS at checkout...--just pay $5 shipping at https://go.bluechew.com/bloodbath Subscribe to our YouTube! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons Trash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPod Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudio Trash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: George Kimmel & Pete Forthun Editor: Gabby Galon --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/trashtuesday/message
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m night shaman long tail all right well every week is a new do you like the twilight zone
do you like the tw Zone? You know what?
This is not my show, so start the way you start.
No, this is it.
So I have questions for you.
And I was, you know, I've known you for a long time.
And I've worked with you several times on some television programs and whatnot.
And I've never really analyzed your body. Because to me, when I look at you, you're like, you're around.
Around? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or around. you're around like you know i mean i i know that you're around but i don't analyze you yeah
it's just like you don't really know i'm beginning to think you're a little person
because i looked at your body just now i go everything's just so small and cute and compact
right are you a little person i am not legally a little person.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm five feet tall.
Like Shakira.
Is Shakira five feet tall?
Four, four 11.
Shakira's four 11?
Yeah.
I could snap her.
She is so successful.
She like, she writes all her stuff.
Shakira is really a queen.
She's great.
At four 11, she is a queen and not a little person.
So you're not a little person.
But do you go to the little people stores?
Is there a little person gap?
Petite.
What's your shoe size?
It's a five.
It's very small.
It's very rare.
It's pretty big for five foot tall.
No.
Most people my height are bigger than that.
My best friend, she's 5'2".
She has a five.
She wears kid sizes.
Kids three. May I give you a compliment? Yeah. Okay. bigger than that my best friend she's five two she has a five she wears kids kids sizes kids three
may i give you a compliment yeah okay i've never seen your profile before oh my god okay i'm so
uncomfortable no no i'm being real okay i've never seen your profile before number one you would look
really good on a penny why a penny and not a good nose good chin yeah yeah because your profile yeah it's because i
don't have a good chin yeah so you look good on a penny in fact i would i'd be if you were
on a penny i would be a penny collector are you like it's bobby hitting on me no no that's not
me hitting on you first of all can i always say this there is absolutely nothing sexual about you
when i look at you my dick goes inside my body out of my butthole
right it's like it's so non-sexual it's like um no nah no pass no thank you i do want to know how well before me of course how you what's your flirt tactic do you have one esther i do
okay we should we should we should cover that but first and foremost you guys welcome to blood bath
oh hi welcome to episode five annie our, dear Annie, is suffering from severe cluster headaches.
So we have a version of her.
Which is, which means.
Okay, well.
I'm sorry, babe.
In the form of a fat Asian man.
It's a favor.
So I don't know why you would attack a favor.
So everyone, please welcome my lover, the king of my life, the captain of my ship, Mr. Bobby Lee.
Hello.
Hello. Hello.
So what were you going to ask me?
What were we talking about?
How do you flirt?
This is how I do it.
Well, first of all, you know, I'm the type of guy that's like,
like if you had like, you're at a restaurant, right?
And you have like, you know, sometimes they have the favorites.
These are our hit, you know, sometimes our menu will, these are what people love.
Right?
So we, you know, and then I'm like.
Popular items.
I'm the menu that you asked, do you have that other special menu?
Like the animal style in In-N-Out, the secret menu.
Yeah, a secret menu.
Right?
And so I'm very specific i'm like duck
puree puree you know i mean some weird bobby me too your secret menu i'm the same category right
so i'm that's like so when i walk into a bar or a place to meet the ladies right i already know
that 99.9 of them i'm just not you not, you know what I mean, on the menu.
Yes, yes.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm the secret one, right?
So the difficult part is-
Wait, they're not on the menu
or you're not?
I'm not on their menu.
Okay.
Everyone's on mine.
Yeah.
Except for me.
Except for little people.
You know what I mean?
Although little people are sexy
and I don't want to get canceled.
I almost,
I would very gladly have sex
with a little person.
In fact, I almost did.
You fucked me.
Oh, that's true.
That does count.
Yeah.
That does count.
You fucked me.
And when Esther and I were vaccine,
we did agree that I was going to
sew my lips to her asshole
and we were going to do
a human centipede to celebrate.
I hope my fiance does not hear that
because they can jump in on the line.
He can be third behind me.
Yeah.
He's very scared that I'm not straight.
I open with something like, so then once I find the girl, right, that I am on their menu,
I'll say something stupid like, hey, after this party or, you know what I mean?
After this, you want to wrestle?
Like something funny. Yeah yeah if they don't
jive with that I'm out
right hey do you play chess
or something like that
and they're like yeah I know how I got
chess but you want to play
sweet
go ahead how do you find the girl
who you know you're on her menu
because they're looking at me
oh but not you know you're on her menu? Because they're looking at me. Oh.
But not, you know,
I get this a lot, right?
If I walk into a restaurant and nobody knows who I am,
this is what people do.
They go.
Well, they'll do like a double,
like, you know what I mean?
Oh, I saw it.
I got to see it again,
but make a face.
So it's like this.
It's like.
And they got to send the message
like, no, you're not. No, they will never. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Right. But the girls face so it's like this it's like and they gotta send the message like no
yeah no they will never you know what i mean yeah yeah right but the girls that like me go like this
they go ah i know the girls are like that like you yeah they're not okay in the head what are
they like one time we were in portland and this girl um very cute blonde girl she was like i bought
as nipple tassels
do you want to have dinner afterwards
like they're just very forward with him
she didn't know that I was his girlfriend
so like to be fair
like that was not her fault
but she just came in
and she was like
I bought nipple tassels
do you want to try them on me
and I was like
I was at the San Jose Improv
I don't know if I told you this
and there was just a girl in the green room
a blonde girl
and she's like she's breathing heavy that's generally what likes me I don't know if I told you this. And there was just a girl in the green room. Yeah. A blonde girl. Uh-huh.
And she's like, she's breathing heavy.
Yeah.
That's generally what likes me.
Breathing heavy.
Mouth breathing?
I feel like you're describing me.
Yeah, yeah.
So she's just like, she got, because it's hard to get up there.
Yeah.
You know, you have to go through. Did she have her mouth guard with her?
Was she wearing diapers?
Yeah.
You have to go through three. Did she have her mouth guard with her? Was she wearing diapers? You have to go through three.
Did she forget her inhaler at home?
You got to go through three security situations to get to that green room.
Three checkpoints.
So she kind of Ethan Hunt her way out there, right?
Impressive.
So she's, I don't know if it's because it took her a long time to figure out how to get up there or she's just a heavy breather.
You know what I mean?
But she's just like, I such a good big fan of yours and you know i just you know i'm not like the regular
fans or people that bought the tickets you know i'm a super fan and i just needed to talk to you
and meet you right and i was with nick yusuf or something like that and then the uh manager came
in she he goes out to her i go well she seems, she seems nice. You know what I mean? Out.
So she leaves.
Security takes her.
He goes, she's here every weekend.
And so I called Steve.
Because she did that to Steve Ranozizi.
Yeah.
So I called Steve Ranozizi.
And I go, dude, that blonde shirt.
He's like, me too.
That's so funny.
She's the heavy breather.
I go, yeah.
Were you sad when you found out that's what i can get one time we were at san francisco at um
what was a small club there punchline battery street punchline punchline and there was this i guess she was a friend an acquaintance of his a couple years ago but again she didn't know that
i was his girlfriend he she just thought i was a rando in the green room.
And she was like, you take this picture of me and him
and then shoo away.
And she shooed me the fuck away.
So like, do you know what I did?
I took the picture and I shooed away.
I was like, yeah, of course, no problem.
Because I wanted her to feel so embarrassed
after he, when I leave the room and saying,
oh yeah, I gotta get back to my girlfriend now.
That is a, you know what? You're fucking a sneaky bitch i am a sneaky bitch that is like that's
what she just explained is like and i know because i'm a sneaky bitch that's like sick it is sick
it's very it's a different level of satisfaction when someone looks so stupid rather than
confronting them confronting them they can just say sorry being a sneaky bitch then they feel so stupid so stupid how do you flirt
um or do you not need to because you're so pretty oh please why do i ask i'm really bad i don't do
like sexual undertones i don't do any of that she's hot what are you i've had to try a lot
you don't have to try lady what the fuck i have been rejected you're not like us all right this is a diff that's why you we're here and you're there that's
right i think esther esther if i was into pussy you would be on my secret menu what
yeah let me say this okay the reason why Astro and I have to do stand-up
and all this other bullshit, right?
It's because we're fucking ugly.
Because we're fuck nothings.
We're fuck nothings.
That should be our podcast when we start one.
The fuck nothings.
All right?
We, we, what?
When we wake up, we hear this song.
Follow the yellow big road.
We hear things that you don't hear. In your head is a Rye song or something cool yellow brick road. I mean, we hear like things, you know what I mean, that you don't hear.
In your head is a Rye song
or something cool.
You know what I mean?
We're off to see the wizard.
That's our song.
Now listen.
Wait,
I want to know how she flirts.
Yeah,
how do you flirt?
Let's reenact it.
I'm at a bar.
I'm at a bar.
You're both on each other's secret menu.
Right.
Wait,
I just want the secret menu reference.
I've never felt so seen.
You get it.
I get it.
I'm not for everyone, but for when you find the right people, it works.
Okay.
So.
No, let's act it out.
Okay.
All right.
So I'm in a bar.
Hey, I'm Bobby.
Hi, Master.
Hey, come.
What are you doing here?
Are you alone?
I guess so Yeah I was with my friends
But they are cooler than me
So they're talking to people
Whatever
Can I buy you a drink?
Oh
Okay so I don't drink
But like that doesn't mean
I don't want you to buy me a drink
This is what you're going to hear
That's my dick going down Why? Why? Oh you're gonna hear Why?
That's my dick going down
Why?
Why?
Oh, you're right, you're right, you're right
She's playing coin cute right now
She's playing cute
Alright, alright, alright, you're right
I still have a hard lesbian hard-on for you
No, but can I
I feel like my tactic is better explained than shown
Alright, explain it first and then show it
Okay
I feel like that was really working for me
It was working, it was working So explain it first and then show it. Okay. I feel like that was really working for me. It was working. It was working.
So explain it first and then we'll go back in.
Okay, so I learned this on accident.
But basically, for me, when you're in my part of the menu,
you act like you're not interested,
but you're just trying to make a friend.
So I will treat the guy that I want to hit on
the same way I would treat a cool person that I'm trying to make friends with you're just super normal and friendly
and like that's it that's it only in your head i just want this person to be my friend i just
want this person to be my friend nothing romantic nothing sexual and then that has worked for me
somebody told me once that you like your ass will eat oh my god wait where's the shame in that i do too
no but like you're the only guy who will know like it's out there no no no no no but what i'm
not gonna say the person's piece people people also shame on that person for fucking no soul
and telling it's not he has it wrong if you let me just this. Let's go back to a restaurant analogy, okay?
If I eat an average hot dog at a hot dog stand, right?
I'm going to be like, I'm not going to tell anybody about it, right?
The only way I could tell somebody to go to this hot dog stand is if this hot dog was the best hot dog I've ever eaten.
That's how people explain eating a restaurant.
Oh, no.
I feel like that's the title of my biopic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eating an average hot dog for eight years that's my biopic do you favor fuck you i'm sorry
why won't he eat your ass um he's just that's just not she's a hot girl that's like i know
even if i were to spread it even if it was nicely soaped scrubbed with a really bad... Oh, really? Last night? You know, okay, let's get to... I hate your
flirt sexual tactics. They don't work.
They don't work. Esther, this is what he does. Last night, right, she goes...
Like a kid, he will, like, bop you, wet will you,
and he thinks that I'm supposed to want to have sex after that.
This is not what I'm doing. You go, bop.
I don't do bop. Esther, this is what I did
last night. You know that machine?
The massage machine that you guys got?
Yeah. You all got one, right?
She goes, do this on my leg.
Right.
So I go,
she had her legs out and her underwear.
So she's kind of,
you know,
I really wanted a massage.
I know I'm using the machine.
Right.
But while I'm doing it,
I'm.
No,
but he wasn't even kissing my leg.
Like Gina Darling said,
he was kissing the bed.
No,
I was kissing your ass.
You weren't.
You were like kissing the sheets.
No,
I was kissing your ass. And you're like, you know, I was kissing your ass you weren't you were like kissing the sheets no i was kissing your ass you're like you know i was kissing your ass and you're like that does i don't
want that right now i was i'm sore i need a real massage there's a time for that but see you're not
being very truthful other times you do bop and wet willy but last night i didn't and don't anyway
esther so you're what's a signal that you give your partner? What's the correct way to signal a partner?
Just speak in general that sex is impending,
that something is about to happen.
Like text like, hey, want to have sex?
Meet in the bedroom.
Oh, that's good.
Can I ask you about your asshole?
Yes.
So you are obsessed with this whole narrative.
For years, you've brought this up
for years because i've heard about this legend for years you bring up this narrative that you
are just attached to by just so tightly that yes guys in the past have have been drawn towards
eating my ass the guys i've dated i i moved out here to la i was fresh from skokie illinois nobody
had ever even tried to do that so i was very surprised when i started dating and guys just
went straight for it and i was like wow like why yeah it was very new to me it was exotic
and then it just became something like it was like a talking point like wow no it was explained to me
i'm sorry i
like that okay shame again shame on that person for detailing not just one person no well i want
to hear this several people i'm angry for you i know i know several people all right if it was
just one i would just let it go as hearsay okay okay all right she she threatens litigation by
the way yeah i would be And I'm not naming names
So there's no legal matter here
But several folks
Said that
I know Bobby
You don't like eating ass
I go I don't like it
They go but that you would
And I'm like that always struck me
They did not say that
No they did not say that. Yes, yes. No, they did not.
That always struck me as-
You have a mythical asshole.
No, they did not.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What does your asshole look like that it's so fucking mythical and legendary?
So for me, it's always been, what's down there?
MSG?
MSG.
I want to know.
Yeah, yeah.
Is it a different color or flavor?
What is it?
No, it's just somebody was hyped on me and they were just bragging about me.
And that's what it was.
That is a crazy thing to say.
Yeah.
I'd be proud of it.
All buttholes are the same.
Apparently not.
Turns out they're not.
Apparently not.
Turns out there are levels to this game.
There's levels to this game.
So back to me real quick.
And everyone wondering, why is Bobby on this podcast right now?
And I have to say, to be honest, I had to strike a deal.
It took a lot of begging.
It took a lot of begging.
At first, I was like, fuck no, get that lady.
Get that lady out here.
Yeah.
And you're like, she has cluster clusters.
And I go, no, no.
But anyway, I go, in order for me to do this, out here yeah and you're like she has cluster clusters and i go no no but anyway i go on order
for me to do this i get five days of uninterrupted uninterrupted uninterrupted uninterrupted
video game time yeah all right no massages no massages because every night i have to fucking
massage her and it drives me crazy it's just the the feet. And for 10 minutes. No, it's not for 10 minutes, babe.
And also, what's bullshit about it is that
you, if I don't do
a good job, you let me know.
I give you a grade.
It's a grading system. I'm sorry.
I'll do 45 minutes. She's like, man, that wasn't your
best. I'm like, fuck you.
I always say things like, wow, you've changed.
You've changed, yeah. But the third thing
is that I wanted Hollywood pie.
Oh.
So it's that time.
Order me a pizza.
Okay.
I'm just shocked and in awe over the negotiation system you guys have in play.
There is no leverage in my life that I could ever use to get a favor out of Dave.
Give us an example of what you really wanted and what you didn't get. I could say like, please, this time, clean blank or like, oh, help me.
Help me with this rewrite or whatever it is I'm working on.
Please, please, please, please, please.
Like I need it right now.
He'd just be I'll be like, I'll do anything.
And he just like there's nothing you can do.
There's because he won't trade tasks for sexual favors, which I hate because that's what I used to do.
That's how I got all my history homework done in high school.
He won't.
He's like, I think that's like, he draws a line there.
You know, he doesn't want to feel like I'm doing something.
We'll figure it out.
What if you frame it like this?
Dave, help me with this rewrite,
and I'll give you the best blowjob you've ever had in your life.
I think that he would help you.
Have you ever used that, Esther?
The best.
Have you ever used the word best blowjob?
The best.
I really don't like overselling myself.
That's a lot of pressure.
That's a lot of pressure.
That would be like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know.
Because you're doing things that you've never done before.
You're going to feel ridiculous.
I don't know why. Because you're doing things that you've never done before, and you're going to feel ridiculous. I don't, like, I didn't, I'm not up to speed on, like,
keeping it hot in the bedroom.
Like, I'm 33.
Like, I feel like that was, like, a young girl's game,
and I'm just kind of like.
That is a young girl's game.
It is what it is.
Beach to completion is a young girl's game.
I don't do that.
I have TMJ.
My jaws are old and tired.
Or, you know what you could do?
Fine, what is it, Trout? Help me with this rewrite, and just pull out your asshole. I have TMJ. My jaws are old and tired. Or you know what you could do? Fine.
What is it? Help me with this rewrite
and just pull out your asshole.
He'd be like,
he'll go fucking hog wild.
You know what's really sad
about all of this
is that I feel as though
if I had offered that to you
to do this show,
you'd be like,
nah.
You don't have her asshole.
That's true.
From what I hear,
right,
through the rumor mill,
it's fucking grade A shit
right here, baby.
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You just have to find something that Dave loves more than sex.
Do you know that?
Because I know his top five things.
Yeah.
What are they?
Hollywood pie that he loves more than sex.
Okay, so great, great example follow-up question.
Why can't he just have that every day?
He's not allowed.
I make a scene.
Really?
Oh, wow.
It's so bad for me.
I'm going to get a heart attack.
It's a deep dish pizza.
And then because none,
Jules and I don't eat it with him,
so now he has just an entire pizza for himself.
And so I get on his ass about...
Did you order it?
I haven't because we're recording.
No, you didn't order it now
so that when I'm done with this,
I can get it.
Well, here's George Kimmel
for that job.
So yeah,
so the five things
that Dave would like.
So what are the things?
Beyond sex.
Beyond sex.
I guess like
uninterrupted reading time.
Oh my God.
Is there something that he does for you that he doesn't necessarily like?
No, but you know what sucks about that is that it makes me think that when he's reading, you interrupt him all the time.
He's like, I'm reading.
You know, why would you interrupt a man when he's reading?
Because he's doing it all the time.
All right.
Well, he, okay, so he loves to sleep.
As we know, he has sleep apnea.
So he has sleep issues.
He needs a lot of sleep.
But I let him sleep all day.
Well, then that's not a thing.
That's not a thing you can use as a bargaining chip.
That you don't allow him to do, but you're going to allow him to do it.
I allow him to do everything he wants in COVID because I.
How about this?
You did threaten to crash his all
boys weekend in Palm Springs. That's true. And then he begged you, Esther, you cannot. And then.
Well, he got really firm. He said, if you show up to the boys weekend in Palm Springs,
no questions asked, our relationship is over. Okay. Well, that's something to use as a bargaining
chip. Look, Dave, I will never threaten to crash any future boys weekend if you do this you know
what i'm thinking because he's been playing golf a lot lately is like i'll just start to act annoyed
when he's going to play golf that's it yeah that's it that's a smart way and then so it's like uh
okay like no it's fine it's fine so then i'll i'll use golf as like a tool a lever a piece of
leverage you can go play golf yeah you're just gonna take some things back yes i've been given then I'll use golf as like a tool, a piece of leverage.
You can go play golf.
Yeah.
You just got to take some things back.
Yes.
I've been given too much.
That's what it is.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's smart.
I've been given too much.
What?
Yeah.
You have been given too much.
There's only a few things I can really.
No, I should not give you that kind of room over me.
Uh-oh.
What are you talking about?
Well, she's just giving you healthy.
Yeah.
You get to live like yeah you get to live
like a king for the next five days i get to fucking just sit and die a miserable woman in a
dark hole somewhere in this house but why do you care when he's playing video games because he does
it for 20 hours a day and he will blow off any responsibility and he will throw all his trash
all over the house he'll let his toenails grow out it's he becomes a gargoyle. It's an addiction.
It's a true addiction, Esther.
He won't, like basically this whole space here would be a dumpster if I let him just run free with a video game play.
You know, one time I came into this garage
and there was like a couple cups sitting out that had been there for a while
and there was a growth and a stench yeah yeah and
khalil's like oh bobby was in here last night it took me two days to air out this space and
you still came in and smelt it that's how that's that's what we're looking at here
that's what i get that's what you get that face how do you guys keep sex fresh this many years in
we're the wrong people but i don't think that's true because i think you guys are very sexual
and you have role plays no we have okay well i don't want to let's dive in when we do have sex
it's literally the best it is great it is porn worthy yeah it's porn worthy but it's like we
should do it more often we should be doing it more often
But the quality is good
I would rather have what we have
Than having to just like
You know put out every single day
And have like vanilla sex
It's a big production
Yeah it's also you know
Especially during the pandemic I have to say
That it's a difficult thing to navigate
Because Kalilah and I aren't only lovers.
We're also best friends.
She's my only real friend, right?
And she's the only one that I trust implicitly.
And she is now up there in terms of my world, right?
She's in that sphere of my mom and my brother, are the only family members are alive you know when you
have i've never been in a relation this this relationship this long and um so it's hard to
navigate we also you know there is something about not seeing somebody for a while in that mystery
right like if i was going on the road right and out of town a lot more often and there was a little
bit more space maybe there would be a little bit more mystery but but because of this pandemic you
know i've seen this lady 24 7 every day for months and months and months and months you know i mean
and you know you get on people's nerves we get on each other's nerves yeah don't you and Dave, aren't you and Dave like that? Yeah. We spend, we're in separate rooms a lot.
Separate wings.
We, yeah.
I get frustrated when couples have like, say like, oh yeah, we have sex three times a week.
And I'm just like.
Oliver Hudson drives me crazy.
He's always bragging about, oh yeah.
I had sex with my wife, you know, at the, you know, on the beach or whatever.
We went to Santa Monica one night and three in the morning we just had sex on the beach or whatever. We went to Santa Monica one night
and three in the morning
we just had sex on the beach.
And they've been together forever
and it's like
some people are like that.
I just don't find that
to be realistic or relatable.
I don't know.
That's not relatable for me at all.
I think
I'm really intrigued by you guys though
because you guys do intense role play
and I've only dabbled in it
and whenever I do
I really like it. but I have a hard
time getting back into it because
I'm like nervous and embarrassed.
Is Dave good at it?
I want you to tell Bobby exactly
what will the only character
you play in role play. Yeah I want to know.
Neighborhood girl. Oh what is
that? So it's like you show up and you're
like oh hey like I was locked
down in my house like oh
you know it's kind of like i'm like a scammer i'm like hey like i need a place to stay how old are
you in this in this scenario like my around my age i'm like it's not oh when you say neighborhood
girl yeah neighborhood girl does sound young but it well you you and i do age stuff i'm the young guy you're the older one and i
never had sex before and i and i and brandon and i always say like virgin thanks for thank you so
this feels so good thank you so much for doing this i'm a cougar yeah she's a cougar and yeah
and then she'll and then she'll just i could see her just just like digging my claws you know what I mean and I'm I'm Brandon
I'm Brandon
and I'm like
oh
this is
this is different
also one time
I don't know if I said this
but
I just sucked
my penis like you
like some other guy
like it's some other actor
that you like
and you sucked it
10 times better
she was like doing shit
like you know what I mean
and I was like
whoa whoa whoa
if you say Benicio Del Toro
I was just gonna say that
I will honestly
I will go balls deep baby
Yeah
Balls deep
I heard he is
Pretty dirty though
I love
That's exactly why
I like him
No like
I heard from a girl
Probably hearsay
Again
But
He is a spitter
What's a spitter
Like
And spits in the hole.
Ew.
I mean,
it's called lube.
You cannot possibly turn me off.
spit is fine,
but to go,
that means you're getting
like a chunk
of their lungs.
Oh,
their lung,
yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
Lung tissue.
Maybe I'm doing it wrong.
I wasn't there
when it happened.
You know what I mean?
What is,
what role plays
do you prefer?
Anybody but himself.
If he shows up
as Bobby Liam out,
he's got to come in
ready as somebody else.
You know,
it's funny that you say that.
It's funny that you say that
and I'm chuckling
on the inside.
I have to say but um
you know i i look at photos of us when we were younger together like eight years ago and um we were younger we look different we acted different we acted different we look different
and you know it's an inevitable thing that people change.
Some people grow apart, you know.
But I think we've changed with each other.
I think so too.
Yeah.
But the problem with us is that, like, is that we both, when we first met,
let's agree that there was a high level of toxicity probably just because I was
very, like, in the middle of, you know, couldn't figure out my life yet same with you he was in
a really low point in his career there was a high level of toxicity oh i was dead what do you mean
my career was dead man there's i remember like one time he for five days he was like i hope i
get that job i hope i get that job and it wasn't even a paid job it was just like um being part of this sketch that oh yeah yeah so i was at the comedy store
once and i felt and this english guy was like hello and i go hi because i just saw you on set
on on stage and i'm doing a sketch show i go really what is it tell me more he's like yeah just doing one
and he just was shooting some random thing like just for yeah youtube yeah some youtube thing and
i was just like so excited about it like that's where i was in my career i just thought it was
like i was dying i kind of remember you in that era.
And I remember you kind of alluding to that a lot.
And I was always confused by it.
It was weird.
It was like at one point in my career, I felt like I was on fire.
And then at one point, I just really thought I was just never going to get back.
And you could feel it in my road numbers.
You could feel it in terms of the type of
auditions i was getting you know i mean like it is it does feel like back then if you were down
you it felt like you really were gonna stay down but it seems like now maybe this is just like me
like being in the business for like a longer time it feels like it really can go down and up
and down and up again right but i i love i love a good picture upper really it's my thing like my
best friend always says this i'm the number one number two i am the best at being someone's number
two like i just there is nothing more gratifying to me than seeing like raw talent and making sure that I'm writing their coattails, but I'm making sure that they get their number one.
You're both right.
So what you just said right there is, is that, yeah, you're right.
What I didn't know at the time where in everyone's career, remember, there was a time where neil patrick harris was in everything he
was in everything and then not so much right i just feel like everyone's career does that right
in life in any occupation that you have right you have highs and lows but i didn't know that you
know you just assume that this is going to be my reality forever right so during that time i needed
somebody to show me that it can go back up again
right and then that's what was vital about you you know yeah and i have just no experience in
the industry at all i just watched and now she's fucking miss hollywood oh my god it's very chris
jenner to like find a broken man and then make him a star is it maybe time for a banana break
it's your first banana break.
Welcome.
I've had bananas before, but not on a break.
Welcome in, babe.
Thank you, raspberries.
Did you like?
Did you see how he just throated that banana?
He's like a two-bite banana guy.
Oh, my God.
Bobby, do you remember when we used to go out to dinner
after a comedy store with people?
Mm-hmm.
What?
What?
What do you mean?
We went to IHOP and DuPars.
You would always take us all out to buy us food.
I know.
Because, you know,
it's so funny.
I learned something back then.
Since I've been in LA.
That I don't really like you.
And let's be honest.
You know what?
Banana break. Can I be honest?
I'm doing the banana break, right?
I really don't like you.
I know. Be real I'm being real.
I know. Alright? There's something about you that just really irritates me. You know what I mean? I don't know
what it is, but
I have to say this.
What I do, and I do something very
shallow. And what I do is I go
I look at what's underneath
me.
In terms of people that are coming up.
And I kind of, in my own way way handpick who i think has a shot
right so even though i don't like you i've always thought that you had a shot that's a projection
though i really truly think that you see so much of yourself in esther too much why too way too
much and he hates he has a self-loathing issue and shame you and i are very sensitive in the same ways yeah
and you've called me about like issues you've had i know you know what i mean about uh i don't know
you know this this this job i don't i don't know if i'm gonna get it or not i know i mean or you
gave me such good advice you met i can't even believe the nice things you've done for me that
i don't think you would ever do for me today but back in the day you were so nice to me you met me
at coffee bean and like helped me talk out this really big decision whether or not to do this
reality tv pilot and he was just like you're an idiot he was like there's two categories on the
air and off the air be on the air and he convinced me to do that and i was like that was such a
generous yeah i mean i you know I've had and vice versa.
I've had a lot of generosity from older people.
Right.
That's helped me.
Like I told you when I was living out of my truck at the company, I was living out of
my truck.
What is with these people?
So I lived out of my truck.
You know, you could get a job.
I know.
Like, no, you don't have.
I mean, nowadays, because the fucking economy is so bad.
But there was a time when I first moved to L.A.
I don't know where I was going to stay, but I just knew that I was evicted from my place in San Diego.
So there was a time where I slept in the truck.
So what?
And I didn't have any money.
And I remember one day I get a knock on my window.
It's about noon.
I was sleeping.
And it was Jimmy Schubert.
And Schubert goes, hey, kid, you hungry?
And I go, yeah.
I said it like that.
And he goes, let me buy you a sandwich.
So we walked down the street.
There was a sandwich.
It's no longer there.
He bought me this nice sandwich for lunch.
But I'll always remember that. a sandwich it's not longer there he bought me like this nice sandwich for lunch so but i remember i'll
always remember that i will always remember him buying me that sandwich so i always kind of
looked at little things like that right and i i learned from it so that you know i could help
people you know if if they have the ability i think jimmy always thought that i was funny
you know i mean i think that if i wasn't funny, that he might not. I don't know. You know what I mean?
But, you know.
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why wouldn't you do it did you see the woody allen thing I did. How many episodes are there?
Three.
I didn't see the third one.
You don't...
Yeah, okay.
It's not like you've missed that much.
Like, you kind of...
You know what's up.
Yeah, but the first two were bangers.
Do you guys...
I shouldn't say bangers.
Do you think...
When it comes to...
Okay.
Here's my question.
Because do you think there's any chance that it's that he didn't do
it i'm just going to tell you i don't it seems very obvious to me but then there's a lot of
people that say there's a lot like this this show is very one-sided but i'm just curious what you
guys think as a child well documented as a child that has been um on the other side of sexual assault
i just know how sinister it can be and how family members can defend you and not defend you
and even the people that you love like don't come to your defense like i very i felt very unsafe as
a child so there is nothing to be had and nothing to be gained from saying somebody hurt me so
unequivocally a thousand percent i believe that that's what went down there's nothing to be gained
from saying someone did that to you yeah the the naysayers are saying like oh well mia farrow has
all these then there's other of her kids that say that she abused them and that she coached dylan and oh that she
was complicit that that mia farrow this is the not what i believe but like that she coached dylan
into saying that she's like the scorned woman and she's so pissed so she like is doing this to turn
on him does that make sense well i mean i mean that could make sense because he he did you know
i do i mean all this is not in question.
He's with Sunyi.
Yeah.
So that's not in question.
Right?
Yeah.
She is much younger than him.
Yeah.
She was groomed.
She was groomed.
Right.
So that stuff is obvious.
I don't think anyone can.
Right.
So I don't know what it's like, you know, if I was dating, if I had, you know what I mean?
Let's say I had a son that I raised from like Guatemala, let's just say.
Because I like the word Guatemala.
Right?
Great country.
Right.
And I look at it.
Let's call him Tito.
No, not Tito.
Poto.
Poto.
His name is Poto.
I have a son named Poto.
And I got him at 12 from Guatemala.
Right?
He's great at soccer.
He makes coffee really good
And so and I meet a girl
Online right
Who's my age
All of a sudden I find out
I see photos of Poto
Right with his dick out
And she's sucking his dick right and all that stuff
The rage
That I would feel
Imagine the rage right
So in that situation maybe I could Make up some scandalous the rage that I would feel. Imagine the rage, right?
So in that situation,
maybe I could make up some scandalous lie to hurt this person.
Yeah, but why would you need to involve the kid?
Like an innocent child?
That's a mother that loves her children.
Why would I need to drag my child through this?
It's really hard for me to believe
that a woman would do that.
Okay, that's fine. There's no record of maltreating i understand i understand that
but what i'm saying is that it's not hard to believe it is hard for me to for you to believe
it right it's not hard for me to revenge is not a hard concept for me to understand i just don't
understand why she would have chosen that route to take revenge when there's multiple other ways
so here's my take on the woody allen thing okay when i was growing up i saw him and i went he was the only person
really in film that was that famous that i could relate to because he was ugly that
that not only was he ugly i i also like you know like i saw dana gould's one of his very early
showtime specials when i was in high school and it was all about like his insecurities and
self-loathing and neurosis right and anybody that portrayed all that kind of stuff right
is somebody i could glom on to because it's like, that's what I felt, right?
I liked people that were like, you know,
very insecure and paranoid and neurotic.
Juice.
She's coming with a juice this week.
Juice, you're right.
I'm lucky to have someone like Laila
because I feel impish and neurotic and ugly
and all that kind of stuff right
so it's hard for me to believe why once he had me a pharaoh or any woman that would want to fuck that
right that he would resort to any of this other fucking because pedophilia is a fucking sickness
it's a literal like a disease like a mental illness it's it's a mental illness yeah where
our attention should be what did the little girl say at that age you're right i'm not you know you're right i believe he did it
and as an adult she's still saying it this was her experience we don't we don't invalidate her
experience we say oh okay that's and i'm saying this from obviously like a very biased standpoint
because when i told my parents that somebody had hurt me my family's
reaction was to not protect me but was to cover it up yeah when i told my dad i was molested by
a guy with down syndrome at rehab he laughed in the in the counseling session it is funny
right yeah it sucks he to me i agree like he he clearly did it why would this be it but it's so
weird that there's so many arguments for that he didn't do it like a lot of people bring up like
well he was even mentioning this in an interview on like that they were showing an old interview
of his he's like why would i just do it all of a sudden now i've had opportunity like this this idea that this is the only one so it's not true which does suck like it sucks that women
have to almost like wait for others so that they can come forward because one voice isn't enough
and it does make me wonder like yeah maybe this was his only the only time. This was when he was close to a little girl. This was his shot.
Like, I see that.
Here's my real point, though.
And this is something that, you know, I always say, has Tom Hanks ever been accused of anything weird sexually?
Eating babies by QAnon, I think.
Yeah.
Aside from the QAnon shit.
Yeah.
Why do you love to give that credit?
Well, you know, just throwing it out there.
Tom Hanks never ate a baby, okay?
He hasn't eaten a baby.
So he's the most wholesome guy out there, I think, one of them, right?
He just seems like a nice guy, right?
And there's never been any kind of accusations.
Do you know why?
Why?
There aren't any.
He didn't do anything, right? There are just certain guys out there that, like, you know why there are any that he didn't do anything yeah right there are just certain guys
out there that like you know um you know leonardo dicaprio right leonardo dicaprio right is known
to dictate 18 19 20 year old models and stuff that he's always on a boat somewhere in florence
italy or whatever it might be is florence is there water there okay good so i
don't want to sound like an idiot right and it's not he's not going to argue that right it's he
knows right it's not as anything has he ever been accused of having sex with a 12 year old why
because he's never did it he never did it right my point is is that i think that certain you know
rumors are there.
Yeah.
Because there's some scandalous.
They don't typically just come out of nowhere.
Here's his age breakdown.
Leonardo DiCaprio refuses to date a woman over 25.
So this is a graph in relation to his age.
And that's the ages.
So at 24, he dated 18.
At 44, he dates 21.
There's some uptick.
Some.
The oldest he'll go is 25.
The oldest he's ever gone is 25.
One of those girls on that chart went to high school with me.
Oh, really?
Erin Heatherton.
Oh, wow.
Did you know her?
Were you friends?
No, but she's very lovely.
But Bobby, I do think-
You would break that chart.
Bobby.
Yeah.
I think you're right.
That was something, another thing I learned when I moved to LA.
If there's rumors, they're usually didn't just come out of nowhere.
Where there's smoke, there's fire.
Yeah.
I'm curious to see, is his reputation damaged enough for him never to make movies again i would
i would think i would think too um also it's like take your millions and you know live a good life
nobody wants to do that no one wants to do that that's only you know who doesn't want to do that
a true narcissist it's weird i know i i literally i look at people who have like three million
dollars and i'm like just move to wichita and have a great time let's give an example carlos
mencia he has millions of dollars and my brother one time told me he goes well who gives a shit
man he's got millions he doesn't have to do it anymore right but tell that to carlos you can't because the
whole point is you know right now i don't think i don't have enough money to retire for the rest of
my life right but you know i'm still you know i'm getting jobs you know and i i can't i can't
imagine a life without you know i, getting these new jobs and opportunities
and seeing how far I can go, right?
It's like if one day they said,
your voice is shot, you can't podcast anymore,
you can't do stand-up, you can't act,
you can't do any of it, right?
But you have millions of dollars,
so there you go.
I don't think I would be happy.
I'd just be like, what am I gonna do?
I would.
I'd be so happy. I'd be like, oh my God, I get to rest. I get to think I would be happy. I'd just be like, what am I going to do? I would. I'd be so happy.
I'd be like, oh my God, I get to rest.
I get to try something new in my life.
Build a farm, garden.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Consider it early retirement.
Fuck you.
You would not.
I know you.
You would be so fucking miserable, you fucking lying lady.
You're a lying lady.
Be honest with me.
I see both sides.
No, no.
If you had $30 million and then somebody said to me, right?
Somebody said to me, somebody said to you, listen, you have, you can no longer talk.
Esther, what about this?
Today, I give you $30 million, Esther, but you have to retire from doing standup, acting,
any, any stints in the future.
You're done.
Just go live in obscurity.
I would be so stupid not to take that deal.
Okay, and then I'm going to get the call eight years later.
She's in fucking Wichita, right?
And she's going to turn on the TV and see somebody that she's in competition with
that's a big TV star.
Yeah, but still not – that person doesn't have 30 million.
It doesn't matter.
She's going to sit on her couch, right?
And she's going to be,
she's going to weigh 300 pounds by then.
Just blob.
This ester blob, right?
Right?
And then she's going to lift up her one slab, right?
And Dave's going to be there sleeping.
Sleep apnea under one of her fucking fat flobs, right?
And you're going to go,
you're going to go,
Dave, Dave. Sleeping, right? And you're going to go, deep, deep, sleeping, right?
And you're going to call me and go,
I just saw so-and-so on the thing.
And you would fucking complain
and you'd be so fucking miserable.
I, okay.
I think there's truth to that.
I think I understand that.
I would like to think
and follow along with Coloco's plan.
And I think you can do the work I really can I say something I'm gonna I'm gonna flex for a moment I am so good at improvement I have been I started
antidepressants I see a therapist I believe that i could take my millions my my kalilah millions
and build out a life where it could work uh-huh i agree yes sir there's no that i'm not going to
get to 30 million on this path i would great amazing if if i get to any of a small amount of that why i think you're
one job away from that that's negative one more episode of bloodbath away you've got the poison
in you yeah you're a poison you want to be celebrated i'm not as sick as you
whoa i'm not as that yeah you're okay i want to i want to say something to you all right all right
and let's skip you real okay i've heard your phone calls to me all right right because i was there
listening right and the kind of shit i'm not gonna get specific right but the kind of shit, I'm not going to get specific, right? But the kind of shit, right?
Let's me, it's evidence.
And it's also like, you know, analytical, you know, stats.
Stats, right?
I'm looking at the stats and the data, right?
And the data tells me, right, that she would hang herself from that Wichita house.
Oh, no.
That's what the data tells me.
Okay? So I don't know what you're trying to do now, right? Oh no That's what the data tells me Okay So
I don't know what you're trying to do now
Right
What I'm gonna say to you
Is that I think that you're
I've always said this about you
That you are
So unique
Right
You really are
In comedy
I don't know anyone like you
Right
In terms of your persona
The way you deliver your jokes
The way you act, all that stuff.
Right?
You're your own thing, which is great.
Okay?
Thanks, Bobby.
But you're fucked up on the inside.
You really are so fucked up on the inside.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Fair.
We're at a deal.
We made a deal.
So no 30.
No, no. It wouldn't work. so my point is that whole thing is like you
would also reject it bobby no 30 million for you the journey the journey it is about the journey
what's the difference between well you have me now and me having 30 million it would not be
different well here's what i like right money doesn't fix or change right this here's what i
like about the both of you is that you're not willing to come you really do love what you're doing it means that there is no amount of money
that you can get paid to um basically turn your back on your dreams well i did say yes to the
money just you did and then but you got on you were then he unconvinced you it is the wrong choice
to say yes to the money is wrong because it is life is not about
the end point it's about the journey and that's that's a fucking hard lesson that i'm learning
relearning every day because i'm was always the first kid in class to turn in my test i was rushed
rushed rushed get everything done just get to the point of being done with your work but it's about
the journey esther and i there is, there is a fix that you get.
George, have you felt the fix?
A little bit.
I feel,
I'm just happy where I am.
I like always be growing.
The journey is the destination.
I'm lucky that I wasn't born
with a silver spoon in my mouth
because that gives you
a much different view of success.
Yeah.
I came from farmer parents,
so I'm happy where I am,
but always trying to get better.
Yeah.
I feel similarly, like I didn't come from money so I'm happy where I am, but always trying to get better. Yeah. I feel similarly.
Like I didn't come from money.
So the fact that I have, I'm able to make a little, I'm like, oh my God, I'm amazing.
I feel great.
But I want, that doesn't mean I don't want more.
And I do, I, I get what you're saying.
I know the fix.
I want the fix.
I want, it's a drug, but I'm also trying to shy away from that.
Try to detox.
Yes.
I'm trying to have both.
I'm trying to be healthy about it.
It can't be this, babe.
It's God.
There's got to be a counterbalance.
The high highs and the low lows, I don't want that anymore.
I don't want it either.
I'm not saying that I want it.
Okay?
All I'm saying is that I feel like I'm in a, you know, kind of an even keel right
now in my life.
Right.
In fact, I'm turning down certain jobs because it's just too much on my plate.
Can you pass them my way?
No.
You know, and there's just certain things that I've made some really adult choices in
the last couple of months that was like startling to me even.
Oh yeah.
Adult choices?
Well just cut this out but I turned down a s*** movie.
I think this is worth talking about.
Wait why did you turn a movie down?
Because it was um. Well I yelled
a whole lot but. She did too.
But it made sense to me.
It was like there was like an Asian
accent. Right? And it was sense to me. It was like, there was like an Asian accent.
Right?
And it was a cool movie.
It's a vampire movie.
I can say that.
Yeah.
Right?
Probably a blockbuster kind of.
Maybe a blockbuster kind of a movie with a real action director.
And he Zoomed me.
Right?
We Zoomed each other.
And he was trying to convince me to do the movie.
But at the end of the day, it's like,
and the money was going to be good.
It's going to be, you know,
I might have taken if I didn't have this other movie I'm doing.
No, no, you wouldn't have.
Okay.
I refuse.
Honestly, Bobby, 2021, you have made such,
you have blazed a path for a lot of Asian American people in the industry. The fact that you would regress and do a film with an accent would break my heart yeah here here here's i did
the last time i did an accent was i was in the movie the dictator with sasha baron and i did an
accent oh yeah it was a long time ago my point though is that i did feel guilt yeah for doing
the accent and then i remember going to john chow, hey, I don't ever see you do Asian
accent.
He goes, I refuse.
I'll never do it.
Good for him.
You know what I mean?
And I just don't think that we should.
Wow.
Right?
But he goes, if you do one, Bobby, I won't judge you.
I get it.
You're a comedian and a lot of these roles, you know what I mean?
You're a character and all that stuff.
You know what I mean?
He just says, I won't do it.
Anyway. We should talk about
Esther what's that thing you wanted to talk about
foods that we've never tried
are there any
common everyday
snacks that you've just
actually never tried
I'm sure there are a lot because I'm just not a big
candy person
there are very few chips I've never tried.
But in terms of chocolates and snacks and candies.
So I've never tried Cheetos.
And I never really told anyone that before because I'm a big snack person.
Why haven't you tried it?
They look scary to me.
I don't like that bright orange fake cheese, like Cheez Whiz kind of –
I don't like that.
It's scary to me.
I think they look disgusting. Not even hot Cheetos no the darker orange no yeah they do look like um
they're shaped like also meteor it's yucky or or like something that you would find on the surface
of mars but i love doritos i love ruffle i eat chips i'm a chip queen but i just so it's not
like i think i'm better than chips. You should try
Cheetos. Wait, hang on one second.
Is it the
cheesiness you don't like or just the shape and
the color? It's just the concept of
all of it. I just
want to say something to you right now, Esther.
What?
That in terms
of what's inside something,
the Dorito is the same, you know.
It's just a different shape.
Shape as.
No.
Yeah, yeah.
That's not the same.
So we have Cheetos here.
We have Cheetos right here.
Are they fresh?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God.
They're flaming hot.
Are they flaming hot?
They have to be.
The flaming hot ones are the best.
Are they spicy?
Yeah, very spicy.
A little bit.
Are you okay with spicy food?
I'd like to have some too.
I'm hungry.
Yeah, pass it.
I love Cheetos.
I love Cheetos.
Okay, Helen, I want to know what your expectations are in terms of taste.
Oh, I think it's going to be spicy.
Okay, I think, I think, right?
Close your eyes. Okay. Take one out. And I think you think right close your eyes okay take one up and I
think you'll be able to like delightfully surprised see it what a
crunch I like it spicy though huh I like it a lot. I told you. They're really good.
How great are they?
I love it.
Are regular Cheetos good too?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Regular Cheetos are not as good as the Flamin' Hot to me.
Maybe can I have some?
It's a little bit, oh, it's good.
It's so good.
I know.
It's so fucking good.
You missed out.
It's really spicy, though.
Is that extra flame and hot?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
George!
They're hot.
Why would you do that?
Here, babe.
No, why would you do that?
Well.
No, Esther, your spice tolerance is low.
You think.
This is not spicy at all to me.
Yeah, babe.
Don't fuck your Filipino ways.
Yeah.
Filipinos don't have spicy foods.
What are you talking about?
I'll eat them on the ground.
I just breathe out fire.
Have you tried Funyuns?
Maybe years ago.
Have you tried Combos?
Years ago.
Combos are my favorite.
Combos are great.
They give me a little tummy tummy.
What else is good?
Well, Bobby, thanks
for making me.
I was going to say thanks for being here, but
I guess. Listen,
you know,
I know Annie's
a coward.
Well, don't slander.
I'm not slandering her. She's in pain. She's in pain, but cowardly.
In pain.
Poor Annie. I love Annie. She's on pain. She's in pain, but cowardly. In pain. Poor Annie.
I love Annie.
She's on her way to pick up her oxygen tank right now.
That's how much in pain she is.
I love her.
I have sympathy.
Okay.
But I'm very happy to fill in any time.
No, not any time.
There needs to be a contract.
But thank you for having me on.
Thanks for being here, Bobby.
Thank you. It's been a pleasure to be your friend for a decade. We've known each other for a long time. Thanks for being here, Bobby. Thank you.
It's been a pleasure to be your friend for a decade.
We've known that that long?
Dude, yes, probably longer.
He barely knows me.
No, I love you.
What are you talking about?
And I'll see you soon, Kalilah,
because we live together.
And thank you so much, Esther.
Thank you.
Tell Dave I said hi.
I will.
I love him.
I know you guys love each other.
And good evening and good night
and farewell
thanks for listening to Bloodbath
you guys
don't forget to like this video
subscribe to this channel
go to sleepoverbyester.com
for my stuff
my tie-dye is launching
what else
I think that's it
thanks Bobby
thanks guys
we'll see you next week
thanks for doing it
oh yeah
thanks you guys
that was fun thanks Bobby yeah okay Thanks, Bobby. Oh, it's fine. Thanks, guys. We'll see you next week. Thanks for doing it.
Oh, yeah.
Thanks, you guys.
That was fun.
Thanks, Bobby.
Yeah.
Okay.