Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Boy Mom & Baby Daddy Vader w/ Whitney Cummings

Episode Date: July 25, 2023

Buy Tickets for Trash Tuesday Live! Link: https://www.ticketmaster.com/event/09005EEAEFA03D97Friday, August 4th @ The Regent Theater - 7PM Thank you to our Sponsors: BetterHelp - Visit our sponsor https://betterhelp.com/trashtuesday today to get 10% off your first monthSimply Spiked - Go to https://drinksimplyspiked.com/trashtuesday to find out how to get your hands on NEW Simply Spiked PeachRocket Money - Cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way by going to https://rocketmoney.com/trashtuesday More Whitney CummingsWatch Whitney Cummings New Stand Up Special - Jokes: https://www.netflix.com/title/81613430The Roast of Whitney Cummings: Watch on OFTVGood For You Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@whitneycummingsInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/whitneycummings/Twitter: https://twitter.com/WhitneyCummingsTour: https://whitneycummings.com/tour Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 Whitney Cummings is Back on the Show With a Plus One3:40 Whitney Cummings is Excited to be a Boy Mom11:24 Pros and Cons of Dating a Woman as a Woman15:57 Whitney’s Cummings’ Baby Daddy Lord Vader24:47 Deciding Whether or Not You Want Children29:37 Letting Your Kids Make Mistakes33:11 The Advantages of Quitting Grass42:29 Body and Breath Smells & The Cherry Chapstick Life Hack50:44 The Kennedys & The Kardashians1:00:47 Child Birth 1:13:06 The Magic of Santa1:18:53 Living in a Fantasy1:23:29 Rich People Using Young Blood to Curb Aging1:25:10 The Power of Having a Child Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Rick and Esther Have a Time - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/rick-and-esther-have-a-time/id1694264079 AnnieWood - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/anniewood/id1653515392 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Andres Rosende

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so long hi how are you why are you wearing the most like hard to be pregnant in outfit i know that's so anti-pregnancy dude i broke in two of my major life rules today i'm wearing a denim jumpsuit and i went to a galleria are you showing are you due soon what's going on i need to know everything are you crowning what's going on are you spreading your legs like you're about to what's happening so yeah so i'm four i know it's so funny i'm four months six i don't know why as soon as you're pregnant everything's in weeks i'm so dyslexic about yeah I'm not sure exactly but I'm like four and a half months it's got a penis that's all I know I just say the funniest thing you did was when you when we were at your party and you were like you showed me that you were like I'm pregnant I was like oh my god and you

were eating more than I've ever seen you eat and then was like, oh my God. And then you like, you had this same thing, like a thing that's around your neck, like mine. And you showed me the sonogram and you're like, don't tell anyone. And then you forgot to close it and you were walking around with the sonogram open

over your uterus around. I was like, Whitney, turn it off. Throughout the party. I was like, I don't want anyone to know about this. I don't know. out the party. I was like, I don't want anyone to know about this. I don't know.

Oh, hello slugs. It's me in Vegas on my birthday doing my favorite thing, playing slots. I want you to make like a buffalo and herd your way over to the Regent Theater on August 4th where we are doing a Trash Tuesday live show.

A lot could go down. A lot could go down. A lot could go wrong. Actually, that's what I meant to say. So you can get tickets at the link below this video. Do not miss this. Please go get your tickets now. I can't wait to meet you, to interact with you, to squeeze you. So find a ticket link, get your tickets now, and I'll see you there.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. let therapy be your map with better help visit betterhelp.com slash trash tuesday today to get 10 off your first month that's better help help.com slash trash tuesday go to drink simply spike.com slash trash tuesday to find out how to get your hands on new simply spiked peach that's drink simply spike.com slash trash tuesday flavored beer naturally flavored with other natural flavors simply Your hands on new Simply Spiked Peach. That's drinksimplyspiked.com slash Trash Tuesday. Flavored beer naturally flavored with other natural flavors. Simply Spiked Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Celebrate responsibly. Simply Spiked is a trademark of the Simply Orange Juice Company.

Stop throwing your money away. Cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash Trash Tuesday. That's rocketmoney.com slash Trash Tuesday. Rocketmoney.com slash Tr Tuesday. Rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday. Hi, you guys. I am officially on tour and you can get tickets to see my stand up in Oxnard, D.C., Boston, Madison, Wisconsin, San Diego, Detroit, Chicago, San Jose, Irvine, and more. And you can get tickets at Esther on ice.com. And make sure you check out my new podcast with Rick Glassman. It's called Rick and Esther have a time and that is exactly what we do. Hey, sluggies. I am so excited.

You can come see me this weekend in South Carolina in Greenville at the Comedy Zone. That's July 28th and 29th. I'll be in Philadelphia, August 11th and 12th. I'll be in Calgary for the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival, August 27th. And I'll be in Calgary for the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival August 27th and I'll be in San Francisco in September and Austin in October you can see all of my tickets and all of my sales at Annie Letterman.com slash shows check me out every Thursday on Annie Wood love you guys can't wait to see you now before we move forward are you keeping it you know i don't know i've been in texas a lot so i've been going to rogan's club and so i sort of missed my window i spent the first three trimesters for three weeks in austin but yeah i think we're keeping it it's all happening are we

gonna make a instagram for it no like marshall wait have you had like how are you like are you sick are you is there any are you fine i feel great i i have a hot take pregnancy is not that hard what it's not that hard it's you know i don't i think that being a touring comedian it's that's worse that's yeah exactly i think maybe just the bar is pretty low for us in terms of like physical comfort but i was on the road i didn't find out for 10 weeks i am the dumb whore that had no idea what is that you didn't even feel a nausea of like the first couple nothing touring in saskatchewan i was like nauseous i was tired but i just like didn't for 10 whole weeks guys a wild tour I just kind of was like,

I'm always kind of nauseous and tired these days. I was like eating out of vending machines. I'm glad I didn't notice though because I guess like week three to 10 are the most high risk

for miscarriage. So like stressing out, I probably would have been like, you know, stressed or, you know, something. So I just like totally

didn't even notice. No, you were just producing like 40 roasts. Yeah, exactly. That you're still re-editing. She's like, the coolest thing about OnlyFans is you can still edit now. And I'm like, Whitney, end the show. She sends me like new edits all the time.

Like, Whitney, this is insanity. I really, that was a really big part of my deal with OnlyFans TV is that if I deliver on a deadline and I see something later that makes my Virgo brain go crazy, I can re-upload it. So there was like an open, like I want to do this custom open that was in front of a green screen and all this like cool animated stuff. And we couldn't finish it in time to make, because it was very important to me that it aired on Mother's Day. Yeah. To make sure that my dead mother was just like suicidal in the grave for what I was airing.

And so we did it and then uploaded it on time and then later added it, uploaded it. And then I would like see stuff in the edit that I was just like, like, that just doesn't sound good. Let's change it. There was a couple because I was pregnant at the time I was editing it. And you do get a little mom brain. I mean, you have a vampire eating your brain. And there were every reaction shot of Dan Levy was completely out of focus on that first edit that you would have seen. Like he's just out of focus for no reason. And so we re-uploaded basically to clean it all up later. Did you have a preference for the sex of the baby? I'm going to say something that is just is what it is. I am shocked by how sexist I was when I

found out it was a boy because I was like, OK, gonna be what it is and for some reason like you kind of go like I guess it's a girl I don't know why because it's like you don't and then the text just said boy and I was like like I I pumped my 100% sure that your body can only make a boy yeah that's so a lot of people say they're like you're a boy mom that's you know I think it was. Number one, I'm afraid with a girl I would project my shit onto them. Like I was just like. You're afraid of that? That's the only reason I want a kid. Are you kidding me? I only want a girl for that reason. I see my girlfriends that have daughters, they're in a dog fight. They're in a nightmare. The idea of me destroying my body for you and you're going to talk to me like that. I will pinch you at Trader Joe's.

Like I will. I'm going to be a pinchy mom. Pinching works. I was a pinched baby. Pinched my whole life. It works. Pinched in the nipple. Look how successful you are.

Look at her cheekbones. We need to bring back a little child abuse. My mom used to purple nurple. Like just just twist it in public at a JCPenney. I'd walk around with blue titties. We call them pennies, but OK. Oh, fancy, JC. Because what you would do if you didn't want to go somewhere with your mom in public, you would just sit on the ground. Yeah. You know what I mean? She would pinch me behind the ear all the way to the car. That shit works. Is that

still legal? I'm doing it. I wasn't pinched. Armpits because you don't really bruise there that much. Oh, smart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just find them in the places that aren't so obvious. And also, I think that I'm just too sensitive to babies dressing sexy now. It drives me nuts. People are like, boys shouldn't dress like girls. Girls shouldn't dress like boys. Little girls shouldn't dress like little girls. We need to stop the mini skirts.

Target has a gay section. Who gives a shit? I tried to buy a bathing suit for my friend's kid. B bikinis for only bikini so yeah so sexy but sexy and then the the what is it the christening outfits i don't think i'm doing that they're just wedding dresses with like veils the fact that you're even considering that you were like i don't think i'm gonna christen my baby the fact that you've thought about christening well you know what i'm saying i'm just saying i'm not gonna probably be in the market for christening dresses but i just you know that i'm haunted you gotta have a breath are you saying jessica mcclintock sent like a certain feeling down my body yeah

what a throwback i was that was a real moment but i i i just pictured all these gifts for a girl coming in and my friends giving me like mini skirts for, I mean, I could have just borrowed your clothes, but, uh, and just being like, Oh, what? So my baby's supposed to wear it. I just, I, you know, that I have like some weird connection with Shirley Temple where I feel the need to like make things right with what was done to her. Weirdest sentence ever. I have a connection with Shirley Temple. I do. I'm just shocked it wasn't you saying. I do. I'm just shocked it wasn't you saying it. I know.

Of all the Shirley Temple's involved. Coming from me. No, but do you remember during Me Too, everyone was like, is Hollywood creepy? I'm like, you mean the business that was built on the back of a four-year-old toddler named Shirley Temple, who was twerking on men on steamboats? True. There were no parents and there was no moms. There was no nans. She was at war with soldiers dancing. It was just wild. Have you have you seen shirley temple in blackface dude they did her very dirty in black wait i have

a like okay so i've always wanted a girl i'm so fixated on having a girl only i really want to know like if i can even express the grief i want to express if it turns out I have a boy. Because let me ask you a question. If it had said girl, would I have had the same reaction? I don't know. I'm so much takes over biologically. And I think that like I always just assumed I would have a girl. I feel like in my life, being in any kind of therapy, trauma therapy, every piece of work I've done on myself is to break these ancestral cycles for when I have a girl. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? So was like, I always just pictured having a girl, but then it was boy. And I was like, but I think there was a little bit of like, I, if I have two, I want her to

have an older brother. Like the best thing for the girl is to have an older brother. So I think I also thought of the boy in terms of an older brother right away. Cause I had an older brother and I think that really helped me in a lot of ways. And guess it's just like I've always thought that way too and for some reason I'm just like is bringing a girl into this world right now like is that something I'm rooting for if it happens great but there was just I think it was just relief not excitement I was just like okay this is gonna be a little easier than maybe at least like not on my house right yeah I mean but maybe emotionally I'm not like i have a friend who miss you does my hair extension said that she like literally got in a confrontation with somebody

she's got a daughter who's like 15 and she like walked into jamba juice and like guys were looking at her and she was like excuse me do you have a like she went i think i would just go nuts yeah you know what i'm saying yeah so i i or not i think once you actually get pregnant you're like oh i'm so much chiller about this than i thought i would and your brain kind of just starts taking over you know like i always had weird shit with my body and eating stuff and like i literally haven't thought about calories i haven't thought about my body you look really you look fucking hot nice by the way nothing fits and i'm like that's so cool he's growing instead of like things don't fit by the way though when i saw you at the party you you looked really, really good. And so when you said you were pregnant, I was like, oh, my God.

I found out like 20 minutes before that. This is going to sound really weird, but like I feel like a sexual connection to you. You're gay now, right? No, I'm not. That's the new thing? I'm not gay. I'm like one of the straightest girls. Oh, yeah.

I was dating a girl when I found out I was pregnant. Really? That's a tricky conversation. I was at a strip club with Whitney and then all of a sudden I looked over and I was like, is Whitney just like straddling a woman, making out with her? We were all like trying to act normal. No, you understand. I told Dave that you were dating a woman and he keeps asking me, he's like, has Whitney

told her girlfriend she's pregnant yet? I don't know. By the way, I was hanging out with whitney all day at the the party for the burt roast and we're up in your hotel room and there was just this hot girl that and you always kind of have someone that's very comfortable like that i haven't met yet so i'm like did she hire a new assistant like i don't know you always have someone that's like carrying your purse or going through your i do not do not. You do, but it's like, they usually work for you. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? So I have a name. Going through her things. That's me.

She's doing it for like Elle magazine online. You know, it's where the more I, I don't have any of that anymore. I decided not to do an assistant, not to do, I'm just like, how do you break it to your, to your girl lover that you're pregnant? Well, luckily, a malignant narcissist told her without me being able to get to it first. So it was a nightmare. But, you know, it just yeah, it happened. It happened. It happens.

But it's tricky. I mean, I think I was listening that you were maybe talking to girls or hanging out with girls or something and you weren't sure if you were gay or not. You know, if you're gay, if you can get through an eight minute voice memo girl i would get to like four and a half minutes and i'd be like i guess i'm not gay i'm not gay it's just like i as someone that leaves voice memos eight minute you're and it was back the time where if you listen to half of it and had to do something oh start over yeah oh that is the worst i guess i like dick i guess no i'm still in the trial and error um phase you know like i've been on two dates with girls i made out with two girls

and um there isn't a whole lot of blood flow happening when i'm making out but like i i'm still trying to push past the feeling of not feeling super horny when we're making out interesting i also think it's probably the person too because it's like i think for me when i'm But like I'm still trying to push past the feeling of not feeling super horny when we're making out. Interesting. I also think it's probably the person too because it's like I think for me when I'm attracted to a girl, it's like that girl or that guy. Like there's something about them. Maybe they're recreating some childhood thing or adrenaline thing or something. But I can't like force myself. I'm not like – which by the way is better.

Can you imagine just being attracted to all guys or all girls? It's very specific. Wait, what kind of a woman are you attracted to? I've been trying to figure this out. That's not true. She did. It was like Whitney's making out with herself. What the hell is going on?

Wait, was it your Whitney doll? It looks like Whitney. That's like basically. Was it your Whitney doll? She does. She, no, I can't afford her. I don't think she looks like me, but a lot of people did say that. She had the vibe wait

okay so i i sorry esther is gonna hurt your feelings but i'm not attracted to short girls so they have my height or taller just takes it like that's a guy thing guys like that guys want to be able to spin her they want to you know i think that for me you know i think as as i whatever as come to terms with that like we we're emotional people, we're sensitive, we're emotional. And there's something so hot about not watching someone's face glaze over. And you're talking about like, yeah, I had my feelings hurt by this. And I don't know why. What did they mean by this comment?

And the person you're with is like, huh, what did they mean? Like, and there's something like really hot about not having someone like roll their eyes at you while you're talking about something hard that happened, you know? So that is really hot about being with a girl, you know? Someone who's like, yeah, let's pick this Instagram comment apart for two and a half hours. Yeah, they're locked in. Yeah. And they're not thinking you're crazy or stupid.

You're not feeling like, you know, you're being a psycho or obsessive. They don't pathologize you, you know. Then it gets tricky, though, because a week later, then they're doing that to your text. And you're like, God damn it. You know, so dating a woman is also very educational because you realize how you come off to guys. Yeah. You realize. You're like, oh, OK, I got it now.

But it's kind of nice to not feel crazy. You know, it's kind of nice to not feel like, you know. To feel validated. Yeah. Or just to like feel like you said something and they heard it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Or to have someone be like, oh, I remember you're allergic to dairy.

After six months, I'm not going to keep, you know what I mean? Just like little things kind of like that. Now, are we allowed to ask or is there any kind of reveals about the baby's father? Is that like a conversation? He's literally a guy. He's a hillbilly from North Carolina. I thought I was barren, dude. When I met him, he was in a Spider-Man costume.

There was a guy in a Spider-Man costume following around with like a many files i don't know what the files were and they were like spilling out of his hand and i go what's that and you go i'll explain it later to be fair you were wearing a prosthetic set of tits it was halloween i buried the lead it was halloween it is but i did not see a face. There was just a figure, a completely masked figure. Yeah. It was like some Halloween thing. And I and yeah, and he was like, so are we dressing up or something? And I was like, I go for it.

He came out in full Spider-Man costume. By the way, he's 15. We forgot to tell you. That's great. Great. Correct. And so, yeah, that's so funny. He's like a Star Wars dork computer programmer um i was like i don't

i'm not gonna call you baby daddy like what should i call you he's a star wars dork he was like you uh what about lord vader instead of baby's father wow he's like funny and in just like he's a computer programmer he's a nerd this nerd i this is what we do. This is how it works. Hot nerd. This is him in a nutshell. He, you know, I was having family, driving family somewhere or something. And I know that's a sentence that never comes out of my mouth. I'm trying to like reconnect with uncles and stuff. And I had.

I thought you guys overconnected. And so with some trees attacking me. And I had dogs in the car. And I was like, you know what, let's just, there's a service where you can have someone come wash your car. It's like 70 bucks. Let's just do that tomorrow. And then at 11 o'clock at night, I couldn't find him. And couldn't find him.

I go outside. He's vacuuming the car, fully washing the car. And I was like, what are you doing? And he was like, I just can't stand the idea of another man washing your car. Well, how about a woman washing her pussy? He's like a Southern, like traditional gender roles. This is my job. And I find that very hot.

Wait, this match is so hot. There was a guy that I was recently dating and I had a task rabbit come into the home. I didn't even like ask him to assemble the TV. That's like him getting a hooker. And he was like, I have to leave.

He's like, I'm so sorry. I can't be here. And I'm like, what is it that bad? He's like, I cannot be as a man. I cannot sit here and watch another man do a job that was, I could have easily done.

Why didn't you come to me first? This is the opposite of me and Dave. We have like these, all these hot men that come and like hang frames and like Joe Manganiello just come to me first? This is the opposite of me and Dave. We have like these, all these hot men that come and like hang frames. Joe Manganiello just comes in here. Yeah, we just sit there. You're both like sharing the seatbelt.

Sometimes I'm like, Dave, like, should I be fucking that guy? Like, what am I doing it wrong? And we just, we, yeah, it's fine. Y'all have been together almost 10 years, right? Yeah. That is so wild. I know. It's crazy. How's Esther King going? Well, I, right? Yeah. That is so wild. I know. It's crazy.

How's Esther King going? Well, I... It went back. It went back to Esther Fitzgerald. And people think you... Why? People thought you got married, first of all. Then did they think you got divorced?

No, I don't think they think much. I changed my name basically as a joke for a bit. So more on that later. But no, we're just still... I'm just thinking in terms of taking names, what to name this baby. Well, I actually wanted to ask you. To name it Dave King? Mrs. Esther King.

Well, now that you recently found out you're Jewish, I think that. Half. Easy. I think that what you have to do, and I am saying you have to, is name your baby with the same first letter as the name of one of your parents since they have recently passed away. I don't know what those letters are. I have to be reminded of those people?

Yes, you have to honor them. E or P. My initial? I was going to say Eric and Patty. I think that your baby's name has to start with one of those letters. Esther Povitsky. I want to name him Hawkeye.

So I don't know if that's going to work. That could be the middle name. That's a great middle name. I'm dead serious. Hawksville? I. Cute. I.

I. Hawk? So that's a Jewish tradition. Another Jewish tradition, circumcision. What are we doing? Are we doing that still? Dave says no. I'm not doing it anymore.

I don't. It seems mutilated. Okay, so I come from a country where if you are not circumcised, you are humiliated, right? No, I'm not doing it anymore. I don't. It seems mutilated. It's OK. So I come from a country where if you are not circumcised, you are humiliated. Right. They call you this term called pisot. And what is it? Pisot.

You can give your baby that. The soot that's inside your pee. Yeah. It's kind of like a rite of passage. And they don't circumcise babies a lot in like the certain provinces. They don't do the glomko clamp like up front when they're babies so they do it when they're seven years old and it's a whole ritual you do as a community they like they put it's more embarrassing it's fucked up it's crazy so like um i have this idea growing up that i'm like oh if you're not circumcised like you're just kind

of lesser of a man right but i've had a whole change of heart about it i'm like i don't think that i could physically like i want him to make that decision for himself. Right, right. But as women, like, do we have that reaction still with circumcised or non-circumcised dudes? I mean, there's a lot of metrics coming in that it's about the way it's done, that it can be really traumatic. Because it's like, imagine the first primary trauma of your life, having your dick cut off. Like your mom gives you to a stranger for the primary trauma of your life, having your dick cut off. Like your mom gives you to a stranger to for the biggest pain of your life. And then everyone starts clapping like it is.

They're not the rabbi like sucks the blood out or whatever they do. I don't know. I don't know if they do it anymore because I think they were giving them hurt. They look young. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. And I have to say, I've got a lot going on up here. There's anxiety. There's low feelings.

Dread. Dread is a big theme in my life. And having someone to talk to is a really key part of my growth and my healing. And Whitney is not always available. Not always. Or Dr. Drew. Yeah. Whether you're dealing with decisions around your career, relationships or anything else, therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life so you can move forward with confidence and excitement. Trusting yourself to make decisions that align

with your values is like anything. The more you practice it, the easier it gets. And if you're thinking of starting therapy, you should give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online designed values is like anything. The more you practice it, the easier it gets. And if you're thinking of starting therapy, you should give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. You just fill up a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no cost, no additional charge. And what we love the most about BetterHelp is it's such an easy first step into therapy. You don't have to drive, find parking, do all this research. You know, BetterHelp handles all of the hard parts for you.

And they have a little journal feature, which I love, that I can jot down my heaviest thoughts in between my appointments that I can bring up in my next therapy session. Oh, yeah. When I was rolling around last night, I had to put my little notes in. Got to remember this for tomorrow. Oh, my goodness. Let therapy be your map with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Trash Tuesday today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Trash Tuesday.

Wouldn't you say that life is more exciting when there are peaches involved, Annie? Oh, you know I love peaches. I love peaches and cream. That's my favorite 112 song. I love that song. We got a 112 out. We have to have a sleepover, by the way. And you will be drinking this during our sleepover and we will be watching you sleep. This is such a tasty summer drink. I've been having my little, you know, fancy single summer. How do you say it? It's a single girl summer. Single girl summer. I've been having my fancy single girl summer, and this has been my go-to drink. It's really refreshing.

And yeah, they don't just have peach. They have mango peach. They have a couple other really good flavors. They have a variety pack, which has all four of their fresh new flavors, signature peach, strawberry peach, kiwi peach, and mango peach. And Simply Spiked Peach is the newest addition to the Simply Spiked family, joining Simply Spiked Lemonade, which broke the internet when it dropped last summer with its four bold and refreshing flavors, signature lemonade, strawberry lemonade, blueberry lemonade, and watermelon lemonade.

And all flavors of Simply Spiked are crafted with 5% ABV and 5% real fruit juice, squeezed, then concentrated. You know, peach, it gives like everybody that cute, fruit juice squeezed, then concentrated. You know, peach, it gives like everybody that cute, girly vibe. I don't know. I just like that for my summer. That's going to be my summer color, peach. And you can go to drinksimplyspiked.com slash Trash Tuesday to find out how to get your hands on new Simply Spiked Peach.

That's drinksimplyspiked.com slash Trash Tuesday. Flavored beer, naturally flavored with other natural flavors. Simply Spiked Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Celebrate responsibly. Simply Spiked as a trademark of the simply orange juice company after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers if we've learned anything it's that there's always a catch so when i heard that for a limited time all mint mobile wireless plans are 15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan i thought

where's the catch? But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online. They don't have retail stores or salespeople. Instead, they deliver premium phone plans directly to you. As you guys know, our friend Rick Glassman, he uses Mint Mobile. I learned about Mint Mobile through George Kimmel.

George is a busy guy. He takes the most business calls. And the fact that not a single call is ever dropped. And you can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all of your existing contacts. Say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with plans starting at 15 bucks a month.

And all plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. That is such a steal. To get this new customer offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday.

$45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. Statement mobile for details. Wait, I also have to ask a question like almost for advice as someone who is still uncertain if they want children i thought you were gonna say uncircumcised yeah and i will say about myself i was uncertain until i was certain you know what i mean i was like i was date not dating fathers i was dating people that would be like boyfriends that gave me adrenaline recreated my childhood circumstances i was dating people

that were children that i had to raise i already had you know so it was like to me as soon as i met someone who was a father, I was like, it doesn't even matter if this relationship works out. It's not about me. That's exactly. This is a father. I love that.

So I basically told the girls a couple episodes ago that I don't care who I get pregnant by at this point. Like, I'm going to go ahead and deal with it. You're going to keep it if you get pregnant. Deal with it. Yeah, I don't care anymore. I don't care who it is. If it's some fucking guy from a truck stop, like it just is what it is.

And I feel. I think you're past your truck stop days too though. You would be surprised. You know what? I love thick butted construction workers. Yeah. I'll never get over them. Give me a Steve Adore, a longshoreman.

Like that is what I like. Okay. But here's my main question is like do you feel are you having any anxiety about like how people say there's only six good years left of the climate like the world is everything's people who are you what esther what so you're not okay that that's helpful to hear you get your news in the belly room but it's like yeah so we're not too afraid about the i think we've humans have always been like this so it was like in the 20s they were afraid of trains and elevators and so you know

now we're afraid of trans so now yeah so yeah will there be no water who knows are they going to desalinate glaciers like who knows i just think if you're always thinking in terms of that you're in like a fear addiction and i think that the smartest people are the ones that aren't procreating so how are any of these problems gonna get solved but also like like my life's been a nightmare this baby can be born into a fucking nightmare it's they'll you'll deal with it can i say though you're not so you're not that's that's great for me to hear that you also helped me not be afraid of flying by saying flight attendants don't have cancer so it's fine. So this is good. There are no cross sectional studies yet. You we all have cancer. Let me just be very clear. We all have cancer, you will get cancer. I think if you're

constantly thinking about the things you're afraid of, they're just going to rule your life. And I think for me, something really liberating happens after both of your parents die, where you're kind of like, okay, okay now what you know and i think that i had no interest in having kids when my parents were alive because i already had to take care of them i wasn't able to um break a lot of the cycles with them until they were gone and i was too afraid i was going to parents like them it just it just didn't feel right yet and here's another thing i'm going to say you're never going to get uh pregnant unless you're having a lot of orgasms and staying laid down so this is. So this is the best sex I've ever had in my life.

And I truly thought I was barren because that's what all the men on Reddit told me. And I went off birth control in, which by the way, if you're on birth control, no judgment. Like now is not the time to be negative in any capacity on birth control. For me, I didn't realize how much of my brain it took for me. Like I was on it for so long. And, and then when I, cause it tells your body you're pregnant, fine. In your twenties, better than being pregnant. It worked for me for a long time. But I, after I went off it, I kind of got like very manic. Like I went off it right away. I went off Prozac as well. After my parents were gone, I was like, let me just like see who, what my baseline is. I've like lost track of even who I am chemically, hormonally.

And you can't, um, basically your pheromones, uh, you know, you know, before you marry someone, you should always go off birth control and make sure you are still attracted to them for the same reasons. Because it's like, you know, you smell pheromones differently when you're pregnant. So you want to make sure that you're still sexually attracted to the person, you know before um i talked about this in a special way more elegantly than that so i went off birth control and i was like oh what are the chances that i would get pregnant and then i started sleeping with a guy that just was like his kink was or giving yeah the woman orgasms oh not just okay obsessed with it and can and that's what makes you get pregnant like the being able to have orgasms and then i would stay laying down you know and that's what makes you get pregnant, like the being able to have orgasms.

And then I would stay laying down, you know, and that's how it kind of happened. Because he held you down? I mean, we would joke about it. It's hot. But so then it happened. Like he's a man, but you're still the holder downer. Some things can change. Or just the idea of being with someone that you care enough about to be lying

there and like talking afterwards and not just like getting up and being like let me just you know that's how i was before i will say i will say that when i found out you were pregnant i'm like so fully confident in your ability to like be a great mother and and do like i'm i like didn't wasn't like when my friends tell me they're pregnant or they were you know like I go oh totally dude I just really like trust your I see a lot of my friends that I used to really look up to and I see the way that they parent their kids and I'm just like dude like I mean even before I had a kid it's just sort of there's a great book on hunt gather parent and it's about you really have to let your kids have consequences you have to let them you can't

solve problems for them and if it's going to take them 30 minutes to try their shoe you have to just sit there and let them do it because if you do everything for them i mean infantilizing a child that's technically what the word is you know means but you gotta let them fall you gotta let them make mistakes and i have a really i think an ability to do that adversity has benefited all of us like i have a good relationship with adversity um amanda knox who was on when she was over. We loved her. She's the best. Oh, we loved her. And the way that she would after the premiere at our house, because she was on my roast,

you know, her daughter Eureka was like walking around the yard and she was just like letting her go, letting her walk. Eureka would turn around, make sure she was, you know, still okay. Keep walking. She wasn't like hovering over her. And, you know, I see these parents that take their kids to like a playground and they're like and this is what happened to me too be careful don't hurt yourself like but just don't just and i see the kids being like why did you bring me here yeah if it's dangerous why are you putting fear into my head like that might be me because my mom was very like

she really projected all of her anxieties onto my sister and I so I will really have to practice like pulling back you'll have to like even with my dogs now I'm like oh you know like I'm always just watching yeah because then you're just training them to be scared and then they stop trusting you because they're like you're the one that brought me here yeah so just bring me to the safe place where I can thrive you know as women right now like there was an article I think it was in the Atlantic about like women that like run businesses that are really successful and then they have kids and they run their kid like a business. Oh shit. And they put their type A shit on their kid. And I see all these like LA moms are like, well, my six year old is in therapy. I'm like, bitch, you need to be in therapy. Why are you

making your kid sit on a couch bored out of his mind? It's bored. It doesn't want to do all this shit. It doesn't want to go to these classes. It doesn't want to play all these sports. It just wants to play in the mud. But's also illegal i guess now to let your kid just go outside without watching it so i think there's a depends where yeah that's why i want to raise kids in the philippines still the wild wild west i just think it's like it's hard to like conflating like love and micromanaging or two separate things but i think you just gotta like give it play to the top of its intelligence yeah i feel like we were let out a little too much though as kids i Me and my brothers.

The bad things that happened to me were inside the house. Same, same. I was the safest when I was outside on the street at night. I was just like out a lot. You look baffled, Esther. Well, I just, okay, I have another question about my anxiety that I'm projecting onto you. Do you know a lot of your anxiety

is because you're short? We did go over this. I do agree. Okay. Like Randy. But that's like a genetic thing. Thank you. It's not my fault. Yeah.

But do you now that you are pregnant, like, are you having a lot more awareness of like these toxic products and like. They say people and that that's a yes. People, there is something that happens where instantly you're just like, oh, I would have put myself in this situation a little bit longer. But now I just like, it's just, you know what I mean? Things start to get really clarifying. It's kind of nice.

Products, same thing. It is wild, dude. I was like making a registry and I put like some baby powder thing. My friend was like, what the, you can't use baby. You realize everything we used as kids just gave us like tit tumors so i think i'm trying to find the happy medium and not be oh because the worst thing for you is cortisol yeah so nothing is going to be as bad for you as that internal medicine cabinet drug but yeah i mean we're also breathing la air right you know that's the thing like i so i like stopped doing weed recently and i noticed while i was getting high all those anxieties went away and like life was a lot

more peaceful and i wasn't having those cortisol spikes world but like i but now that i'm off of it that stuff is kind of starting to come back up for me so i yeah it's just can i ask you a question about that yeah did you find that while you were smoking the weed, the anxieties went away? And then what happened when you weren't smoking it? Well, I've read about this, that weed does cause your anxiety to get worse when you are not high. So that's what happened to me is like when I was high, no problem. Yeah. And then when I wasn't, my tolerance actually went down and then I needed the weed more. Yeah. It's like the weed needs you to need it. So it's like nothing could have been better when I was on it. No problems, no stress.

But then when I was off it, I was twice as angry as I'm sorry, anxious. That too. It's kind of like rebound anxiety. Yeah. As I was before I even had the first place. So it's like the streams are more extremes are more extreme instead of kind of being like a little bit anxiety all the time, which is probably the healthy way to go and did you struggle with like having to get off of weed because of the pregnancy are you like happy that you're doing that I had

already gone off I had already started to see a lot of negative consequences like I see how people at least what they say is that weed is good for them and they're creative although all my friends that are like I smoke weed to be creative like where's the work yeah for them and they're creative. Although all my friends that are like, I smoke weed to be creative. Like, where's the work? Are you sure? They're like, I just smoke weed to write jokes. And you see their jokes and you're like, uh, they call you at like 4pm on Tuesday. You're like, is this work time? Yeah. Weed is like, can you stop bringing us up please? So, you know, it seems to work for a lot of people. I see a lot of people that are using it to check out. They're like, it makes my relationship better. It's like just being numb in a relationship isn't, you're tolerating it. You're numbing yourself.

Like, you know, so I was kind of sort of like, who do I really admire or look up to the smoking weed all day? Like Snoop, like sure, whatever. But for me, like I think being able to realize like all of our brains and bodies and hormones and traumas and past are different and it just wasn't working for me the way it was. I was seeing other people like, yes, it would make me feel better as I was going to sleep. It made me be like, I'm gonna put my phone down and I'm just gonna listen to these rain sounds. And it's fun for like a little bit. But like as a lifestyle for me, it actually made me like kind of manic. I felt like I didn't sleep well at all when I would smoke weed. Like I would

smoke weed like it would maybe get me to the place of being like asleep, but not really sleeping. I think it's great for like every now and then as a fun thing to like, if you have a hard time coming out of your shell or at a party socializing, but this thing of like every day at seven o'clock, just like lighting up was like, you know, and maybe I didn't figure out my sativa, indica, all of it. Like sativa was the one I was doing.

It made me manic. Like this is how fast I talk. I'm already intense. I'm already kind of like, you know, have a fast moving brain. It made me like so much more manic. It made me like so much more trying to socialize with everybody. I wanted to connect with everybody. And it was like just like too much.

Yeah. Personally, I was also in a place of grief where I needed to be feeling my feelings. And it was making me mask the feelings I needed to feel so then anger was coming out in weird ways and you know and then when I would do indica to sleep I wasn't dreaming and I think that dreaming is really important to help deal with your anxieties and release pain and future planning you know so are you were you able to dream on it I think I was able to dream but then i've also read that like the sleep you get from weed is not really like efficient good sleep or something yeah i think it's just like being dependent on anything yeah it was where i start to go this might not be same that's what was scaring me and then like reading about how it's bad for your brain or whatever but now that

you are what was the bad what is that it just bad it's like supposedly like ages your brain faster but so now that you are pregnant you can't do the weed like what do you have this is like what i'm dealing with now like just in general like what do you go to to like kick back or like relax or like do you have anything that helps back to my workaholism dude it's like it was always there, dude. Kick back, write a book. It kind of, you know, I'm just starting businesses every night. It's dead. You know, I think like, like, I'm really glad I did it, you know? But I think for, you got to like, look at your rock bottom. Like my rock bottom was kind of like, I felt like I made all this progress, make more noise. I know it's

good. Are those back? remember what were those videos where they the asmr i actually love the sound of that but um i'm gonna if i did that on my podcast i would get shot in the head um i think for me it's like i worked so hard to be able to have like boundaries in my life and to be able to hold them and go like oh i i can have love for this person i can have respect for this person but this isn't an everyday friend. This is like our proximity of where we thrive is like here or like a family member that's like this is like a twice a year family member or whatever. And I felt like I was really able to be an acceptance of people, things, certain business arrangements that were like a healthy distance that was best for both of us without any judgments with, you know, and then I was smoking weed and all of a sudden it was like, what? It was just people that I had not

talking to in four or five years. I'm like, fly in, stay with me. I was just like, I have no, it's not, not having self-respect. It's just, I have this weird short term memory with weed. And then all of a sudden I'm saying yes to things I shouldn't be saying yes to I just like let a lot of not guards down like I you know but just uh I got myself in a lot of jams yeah smoking weed I was just like I feel like I've like done so much work on myself to like learn all these tools of how to take care of myself and have the life I want and then I smoke weed and I'm just not whatever I have no access to those all this work totally i loaned a lot of people for everyone that was able to get their debt paid off when i was stoned like good for you she cannot remember who you are couldn't tell you good job couldn't tell you but like i think for me there was just

like a little too much like of living in the moment i think there's like a happy medium it made me a little too chill in a way that wasn't like protecting myself i'm also not i'm not a fun high hang i'm i'm one of those so okay so alex jones did say there was violence he did say it so like i'm that guy when i'm stoned you know so i think it's just like i'm putting together pieces i went hard into the scientology maritime law thing. Wait, what is their maritime law? Well, like, so there's no laws on international waters. Right. White billionaires always want to be on yachts because they can pretty much do anything on international waters. What the fuck do they want to do out there?

They have kids and drugs and farming organs. I don't know. This is why, have you not heard of the lady who was doing abortions on her ship because it was legal for her to do so? Because it was international water. So she was providing women the service. But couldn't she just do that in L.A.? No, because a lot of countries are, you know, it's illegal. So she was taking this boat around, which I thought was crazy.

Yeah. Oh, wow. That's wild. Yeah. So it's like Scientology, the way they're able to operate their cult is basically to be on international waters they can have kids on international waters and like that's where they do it all and I got so upset like I think that the weed addiction turns I get into some justice addiction where like the grandiose uh um feelings of grandiosity where like, I'm finding Shelley Misgap. Like, I'm finding her.

Where is she though? By the way, who cares? Don't say that she's not the Serena Joy of this office. She is. No man could have built this thing without some brunette. She is the Serena Joy.

A hundred percent. I hope she's in the bottom of the fucking ocean with the Titanic billionaires. I'm sorry. I can't stop laughing about that. When billionaires off themselves that way, it just-

Notice there were no women in that. No, no. I'm like, what the hell is this? Women did bolt it type. There was like, you literally, there's a video of women just bolting it being like, I'm like an idiot. I just think that no billionaire,

I don't mean to laugh at someone's death. It's just, there was a kid on it, whatever. But that no billionaire ever became a billionaire by not putting kids in cobalt mines or doing something awful or underplaying their employees. So I feel like when they off themselves in such a hilarious way, I feel like it's a service to all of us.

Well, their son is at a Blink-182 concert. Yeah, totally. So I guess I just like, I, look, maybe that's how people solve problems and change the world. They get stoned like I'm the one that's going to change the world. But when I get stoned, I'm like, I'm going to the border. I just need to talk to them. You're like the loan forgiveness lady.

Literally, I started buying books on the guy that financed Hitler. And I just was like, show guy that financed Hitler. And I just was like. No, you showed me that book. Yeah. I started like really. And I think that after you lose parents, you're also kind of rudderless. You're like, what's my purpose? Or how can I. Like the Nazis.

I'll take it. Yeah. Literally it was like. I'll get to the bottom of this. You know who no one's talked about? Hitler. You think every idea you have is so original and mind blowing. Like I had this journal like i would

smoke weed fall asleep and i just dry would like like lay with a you know a pad of paper and a pen and i would like scribble stuff and i would think it was the most genius ideas i would wake up the next morning it would be like men and women are different i'd be like cool have you guys heard i think it's called lymphocyte immunization therapy? No. So it's what they give, it's what they do with women who have repeated miscarriages. So they basically take, so on a cellular level, the woman is rejecting the baby because of, she's technically on a cellular level rejecting the man, right? So they take a bit of his white blood cells and I don't know what they do with it, but they basically inject it into the woman.

So she has some type of what do you call it? She has a vaccination. Yeah. Like you're vaccinating yourself with your man's like white blood cells. And they do this for obviously women who are in vitro and who are getting repeated miscarriages. But I was thinking, you know, we were talking about the last time where you're like someone if someone's not a biological match and your body just sort of like rejects them. You don't like their breath. Like if you don't smell their breath.

A lot of times that means you're related. We. Oof. Oh my God. We're getting to the bottom of Esther and Dave. Me and Dave, like there's a breath issue. Well, all you eat is pink berries. But Esther.

All you eat is pink berry but all you eat is candy from japan i was thinking maybe you could do this and see on a cellular level if you start to not reject each other but i like his body smell so that's good right that's good yes that is good but i the breath i but you guys need to hire someone to chew you need to hire someone to chew your food. Has he been eating your pussy? Maybe that's the problem. I hate his breath. Just hate your own stench. I feel like breath, that's a tricky, because I feel like also 10 years in,

you stop chewing gum and you stop kind of trying. Controversial question. Do you love the way your pussy smells like on a man's mouth every time or just half the time or a quarter of the time not every time is zero an option right every time sometimes i go oh my bad i had a different idea of what was happening okay same same because sometimes i think i'm fine and i smell their mouth and i'm just like, what the fuck?

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a catch so when i heard that for a limited time all mint mobile wireless plans are 15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan i thought where's the catch but after talking to them it all made sense there isn't one mint mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online. They don't have retail stores or salespeople. Instead, they deliver premium phone plans directly to you. As you guys know, our friend Rick Glassman, he uses Mint Mobile. I learned about Mint Mobile through George Kimmel. George is a busy guy.

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payment required equivalent to 15 a month new customers on first three month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. Statement mobile for details. I will be less attracted to a man if he even is like, shows a little bit of hesitation on my dirty as day. Well, I told you that I went on a... That's gay. You're gay.

I dated a guy and then like after the first time we banged he started saying it wasn't about me but he would just like he was like oh yeah I have like a really strong sense of smell or whatever like he just mentioned that and I was like I never want to fuck you again like I don't want someone who's like someone that is just a beloved character a gal in the this town um when i first moved to la i met her and i was i was just like i don't know whatever autism or asperger's eat tourette's shit i have where i it was before i kind of knew how to just like ease into a conversation i would just say the first thing like when i first met samuel jackson when i was 24 at the Friars Club roast I literally introduced myself and went how much money do you have like I love that and he answered too answer by the way I was

like it was like a Tourette's thing where I just like I was like I don't have that much time with this person I'm just I don't have so much time with you how much does he make he said he was like he I think he said it this was a while ago he was like 18 million but liquid right liquid like he literally was like well liquid like he started breaking it. This was a while ago. He was like 18 million, but liquid, right? Liquid. Like he literally was like, well, liquid. Like he started breaking it down. I was like, this is. Well, because you were curious. Totally.

It wasn't like to use against him in any way. No, he didn't know me. I was just some nobody comedian. And then I kind of, and then I was like, okay, you can't do that to people. It's weird. And, but, oh, so I met this girl that a lot of guys that I had dated, she like broke their hearts and I was like, oh, so you're so-and-so. Like, you know, and it wasn't mean or like mean girly.

I was like, so everyone in LA is in love with you. And I dead serious wasn't trying to be shitty. I was like, so what's your secret? Like, what is it? Like, you know, girls a lot of times say like, say as little as possible. You know, there's certain tricks, right? And she goes, I put cherry chapstick on my pussy she just said it katie perry um i would i that would throw me into a beastie so fast yeah because

i was like so you're just messing up the bell curve for everybody so no one has a smelly pussy it's just compared to your cherry chapstick because there's also the nostalgia yeah can you tell us afterwards who it is yeah okay yes i can i mean should we try i feel like my pussy would not take i did the medicated one and no one liked it um but the bork why do they even make that black cherry chapstick that's just like um it smells like pussy actually um but yeah she would just like put it on her pussy lip so So a guy would go down and smell it. It makes sense. I just take Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina kindle and I just rub it on my pussy. If you don't like it, it's her.

I remember one time this was like a very traumatic, like when I was very insecure and would only date guys that I felt like I had to earn their approval. Who cares? But I would use like the deodorant like secret or whatever. And for whatever reason, he went to lick my armpit and i would always watch guys out of the corner of my eye what they were doing like even if i was kissing a guy i'd be like my eyes would always be like half open you know and he went to lick my armpit and i just watched him go like have you ever licked deodorant like it's so weird i was just like that guy has cancer now yeah for here aluminum like so yeah so deodorant all

that kind of stuff i don't i don't know but i definitely if i'm gonna hook up with a i'll wash it yeah i'm a scrubber quick yeah you have to exfoliate that and you have to really get in there because toilet paper will get balled up oh i know big j has a funny joke about because when you go down on a girl and it looks like she has like, it's like a G.I. Joe's cigarette. Because sometimes in the flaps, you'll be like, oh, no. I literally am experimenting with new toilet papers because I'm trying to find one that doesn't do that. Well, toilet paper, you're supposed to pat. You're not supposed to rub. That's the other thing. Are you sexually active during this pregnancy?

Dude, sex is better when you're pregnant supposed to rub that's the other thing are you sexually active during this dude sex is better when you're pregnant say there's so much blood flow it's wild it's wild you can i i i've just never been able to have orgasms very easily why are bananas coming in here what is what part of the show is this did you just hear that bananas have radiation all of them you're gonna roll your eyes you're gonna roll your eyes i'm exhausted in general at that no i i believe you i'm so i'm just i'm i'm at a loss but you'd have to eat you'd have to eat so many okay that's me though i eat two bananas a day at once well you're embalmed you shouldn't look this many. Okay, that's me though. I eat two bananas a day. At once. Well, you're embalmed.

You shouldn't look this young. I mean, maybe that's why. Oh my God. Tell me more about this. I don't, I've literally, no, they call me Ho Rogan for a reason. I don't know who was talking about it. There was someone talking about nuclear energy or no, it was RFK Jr.

I think when he was on Rogan, he was talking about radiation and things. And I guess there's some in bananas. I don't know know why does he have a shot at being president no you don't think no he is connor from succession he has that chance he has that chance i don't know there there's no chance so i said about trump i feel like i i'm standing by this even though i love i love the kennedys i just watched a whole docu why on them they're like the original kardashians joe kennedy is the original chris jenner like it's teeth instead of ass it's so awesome also rfk's dad bobby is the hottest kennedy in my opinion right right right

he was assassinated, yeah? Yes, the second to be assassinated. Yeah, I think there's something interesting about someone who's just asking a bunch of questions and who is totally like, the CIA is a criminal enterprise. Here's what they've done wrong. He was a lawyer. I mean, he sued Monsanto. I don't think people want...

He's not a politician, which I think people like about him. Oh, RFK. Did you guys know that I met... He's a lawyer. ...Tededy at my great uncle's funeral you did what was their connection my great uncle was a ambassador to india he was a famous economist john uh f or wait no john not john f kennedy um wait john galbraith oh that he's famous yeah you know there's a comedian whose cousin you know earl skakel yeah he's a

skakel his first cousin is rfk jr and you know the skakel story that right right right what's right right the murder in greenwich no i don't know it's a murder thing the kennedys there the one thing i will say about the kennedy is a lot of catastrophes seems like you guys the common nominator to you guys. No, that's true. I've heard this. You're kind of like the Marilyn Monroe thing, the Chappaquiddick. It seems like you guys are chaotic. They were raised like under like the patriarch of the family, like wanted them to be risk takers and bold. And so like that is their energy. I don't know. Like you're not wrong.

It's just it's a lot of debt i mean the what was the the guy that died in the plane crash assassinations probably don't count but it seems like a lot of drunk accidents but there was a lot of alcoholism in the family and i think they are like we're sober but there's a lot of feuds within like there's the sister who's against him coming out against it's a lot of like infighting yeah they seem like they're rough with each other how much money do they have not as kardashian like as you but we'll get there with the kardashians you think so yeah also there's gonna be murders and scandals no i think that like in the future once the matriarch goes i think we'll

see feuds are you kidding we're already i here's the thing i have a new take on the kardashians like imagine you're courtney kardashian and your little sister is kim and she's always in the spotlight like i don't know if you're watching the new season but i just i think that we will get more kennedy like from them i'm wearing a good american jumpsuit it's high good americans so good skims amazing i love no complaints i am a consumer of everything they make highly like i vow what's the i i like the businesses they've built and i don't and i like that their bodies look like their bodies like i you know my in my formative years as a teenager i was looking at like kate moss on

the cover of magazines which i think was no i agree with despicable what they did for like body dysmorphia is amazing like kim being on the cover of magazines with like yeah i have cellulite who cares yeah it's like amazing but they also did do a lot of like bbl like but they don't hide that right i think people do that but then they then they got really skinny they do a lot of like it's i think it's kind of hard on people like the diet but i think going back and forth what i'll say the only thing i'll say about that and this isn't but it is good i don't know enough about it and it's not i don't know if we have any metrics of causality um i think all this stuff existed before them etc if they're not making money off these diet products some guy's going to yeah someone's gonna there's always going to

be diet culture there's always going to be women hating their bodies like it's like with and without so i don't know i think that like they do model this like shamelessness it's just like get yours yeah you know and you know i don't know i think it's kind of like it's business it's capitalism like we're mad at everyone that makes a lot of money selling shit yeah jackie kennedy had the cutest mouth ever what did you like about it she just has these cute little teeth she's i just think jackie I just think Jackie Kennedy, as a young first lady, we're not talking about it enough. I don't think we're talking enough about this obsession with Marilyn Monroe instead of the woman that she blatantly slept with her husband in front of.

This is a blondes versus brunette. Yeah. Oldest time. She is a button. Cute. My mom dropped a meatball on her shoe she was serving she was over at my grandparents house and my mom my grandmother was like you have to meet them so she made my mom the um like server of the food and my mom was so nervous that she she like dropped and it was like not it was like a perfectly matched shoe yeah she was like super chic the forehead looks odd at this angle um tricky well his looked even worse yeah but yeah i mean it is weird when you look back and you're like look i'm having an

obsession with marilyn monroe too but we're just like she just jackie was in the front row she's like no jackie wasn't there oh really she didn't go even shadier she knew not to go she that see i always thought that the maryland monroe jfk affair was just like us as a country like fantasizing about what could have been but it's it seems like it was real very real i cannot believe that it seems like fan fiction to me did you see the movie blonde oh my god we're all from theions. There was literally a shot from the fetus's baby being aborted.

It was wild. I can't let her die. Why can't we let this one go? But that movie also is based on a historical fiction. Yeah. So that's... It's just trauma porn.

The whole thing is wild. Yeah. But it's very well executed. It's incredibly well made. Her performance is amazing. But the one thing about Marilyn Monroe that... Well, Marilyn Monroe didn't have a Spanish accent like Ana de Armas she didn't have an American one either nothing she said made any sense and all these quotes on Instagram she didn't

say any of this shit and the shit she did say she sounds like an asshole like don't show up until you're ready to show up make him wait two hours hours. You're like, this person's an asshole. What are we doing? Also, his wife is waiting for him. Get there. Yeah, exactly. Get this over with. But it was, remember when you're,

a confluence of your two favorite, when Kim Kardashian wore Marilyn Monroe's dress. Oh, that was weird. That was a huge deal for me. I feel like that was like a wild week for you. It was so exciting. How did you deal with that? Oh my God, that was just like the week for you it was so exciting like deal with that oh my god that was just like the most thrilling a moment in american culture and the fact that people were hating on it i'm like you guys don't get it like this is so important who cares it's a

why not we're talking this is exactly what they want us to do she's a genius she's a pr genius i know and it's only honoring maryland like what should maryland's dress just be hidden in some museum nobody's going to go to? Like, I thought it was well executed. Wasn't it at a Ripley's, believe it or not? Yeah, nobody goes there. It did Ripley pretty bad in the back after. Who is your dream person that Kim should date?

I feel like you're really good at coming up with who someone should date. Well, I liked the rumors about her dating Van jones because i was like oh let's let's have her lean even further into her like lawyerly political yeah yeah yeah thing but i also could see her doing really well with a big athlete what did you think of the tom brady rumor the what what did you think about the tom brady rumor he's not not it yeah he's not it for me i feel like pete davidson i felt like that was gonna go on long I did too, but Dave told me I was crazy. I thought that was going to be it. By the way, you brought him up on that episode that just came out?

Yeah. And then he went into the hospital for mental health issues. You predicted another one? Oh, no. I did not mean to. My powers. I'm so sorry. Did you say something that predicted this was gonna date yeah he oh yeah

oh perfect yeah even more encouraging makes sense that he checked himself in no it's just whenever a lot of the times we talk about someone something wild like annie brought up ray leota two days later dead like it always comes out he's dead yeah cocaine bear was his last movie i do think it was weird like when remember when pete davidson was like dating all those famous women and everyone's like he's got a big dick he does yeah but isn't that imagine if we were like her pussy is huge no what if we're like emma stone is a small pussy i'm next like it's just like weird how we do that well you know what it was it was because i think guys were guys are like looking at them they're like how is this guy getting these girls there's got to be something that

we're missing well it was ariana did it ariana and ariana coined the term big dick energy i think anyone's dick is big around her but but... But... Is that a stretch? Yeah, because one of my most petite friends has the most massive pussy. Really? She is... I'm right here. She's even smaller than you. She is...

She maybe weighs, like, 90 pounds, and she was like, Kalilah, I'm a size queen, and not because... This is not a choice I'm making. It can just swallow you whole. I have the biggest pussy. It's very wide i always figured

if you were small you must have that's am i dumb she says no she's like no like i need massive dick because i feel like my pussy is a very wide runway and i need it to be filled yeah so i who was i talking to a oh someone we know who said they have a really deep pussy um i have i have a tilted uterus so i have so do i yeah so i have a very shallow exactly it's uncomfortable for me past a certain size yeah like they i might have that thing megan trainer has where it's it's not like i have a small pussy because it's just the way my uterus is all senior vagina everyone yeah anyone's come to your house i mean after having a kid i don't know i don't even know i think I don't know. I don't even know. I think, I don't know. Do you think in terms of like gun to your head?

Are you like childbirth? Terrified? Want to do it? I had, I've been lucky enough to watch both C-sections, emergency C-sections, regular C-sections and live birth for myself. I would hope that if I can do live birth, that I will do that. Because the C-section is my god like it really scarred me watching them especially the emergency one and also yeah but also like the um

you get to go home much sooner when you do a live birth it's just also better for the baby it's just like gives them more you know it's so weird i met i went to ben glebe this is weird too i went to ben glebe's party that wasn't the weird part. The running for president one? Yeah. The rally? I got to give Ben this. He does. I laugh very hard around Ben Gleib. He laughs so fucking funny.

He tells me stories and I'm like crying laughing. He is hilarious. But I went to his house for a party and there was a woman in a hat and he was like, oh, let me introduce you. Have you met her yet? And I didn't know who it was. And she turned around and it was Ricky Lake. And I went, oh my God, I've seen you give birth and she did not care for it and immediately walked by me and I was like oh because she had she made a documentary yeah

the business of being born all about how hospitals will force you will force c-sections to like move you through the system faster and um and that but she was not the first person in the movie that i fucking saw i was a waitress in new york and the really badass midwife that they had on there they showed her birth and she was like really cool she was a crazy girl like a brooklyn bitch but she and they watched and she had like a really crazy painful home birth and she was like i was like weirdly starstruck when i met her but it's like you don't i was like how do you tell someone yeah i've seen your pussy like your pussy stretch maybe there's not a how and it's just you don't but i did look i'll tell you i struck out with ricky lake so ricky

but you did put yourself out there okay i seen you in a tub i should have done on only fans i know someone who number one she tore in 13 13 inches she had to get the that's kalilah's short friend she had to get the vaginal um rejuvenation rejuvenation thing and she went to the doctor that does it and he said size wise would you like to go back to 16 18 or 21 ew that's disgusting that is that like a gauge of like the earrings those little stretchers i i i don't know what the logic is on that no that is so gross do they do guys think there's a huge difference between 16 and 18 they do and i'm gonna tell you this because i talk about this with my guy friends a lot like they're like they're so gross and i'm like okay fair they're mostly

autistic yes severely but like the reason that younger women i this is my theory when guys fuck younger girls and they think they're more wet than when they fuck someone like more age appropriate i'm like it's because the age appropriate woman is like, why am I fucking this loser? And the young girl. The 18 year old, the wet is tears. And the young girl is turned on because you're a fetish to them because you're an old loser. Like, so that's hot to them. Your guy friends are not a fetish. No, it's you can't get a woman who's 40 wet with your personality.

Yes. Yes. There's a little bit gusted by the fact that they're fucking you. Now, anyways, back to birth are you scared like what how are you terrified because i feel like i'd be like just keep it in me forever like i'm too scared it's i will once you start seeing on sonograms now you see their face like i'm like i want this thing i want to see this now like it's just once it's you know in you and you see it on the sonogram you're like let's go it's got feet it's got you know, in you and you see it on the sonogram, you're like, let's go. It's got feet. It's got hands.

Like now I'm just like excited to see this little idiot. But it's terrifying. I know that our bodies know what to do, but I am fine with the, okay, you're 40. You might have to do a C-section. That might just be the safest thing. You're going to be editing the roast still. And then so I'm like, I'm fine either way but i'm very pro epidural i'm very pro doctors i'm not having a baby in a bathtub i'm pro alive baby yeah i dated

a pediatric anesthesiologist who worked in portland and he said he they would lose five six babies a day to umbilical cord around the neck from people having births at home like what yeah if you can have a staff of people there and a doctor on staff and do it at home like godspeed but i'm big on like it happened to my friends uh her like old roommate they lost a baby that way having birth at home yeah but the great news is that when you do it someone gives you a check from a trophy like nothing. Yeah. Nobody gets points.

No one's like, cool, you're better than us. You know what I mean? So I'm I'm just going to cross that bridge when I get to it. But I'm just going like I'll be on drugs. Yeah. Yeah. I'm OK with that. I'm like, I guess I'll just get I'll be on drugs. I can't imagine even having a birth plan that's like.

Towards natural. Give me the epidural. Just because it's also it's like women used to die and i've also like endured enough trauma in my life i've endured a lot of pain like this doesn't have to be a new trauma and the way you enter the world is apparently i remember this is when i stopped working with this trauma therapist because she was like okay we've done so much work on your adult traumas your childhood traumas now let's address um the trauma of you being born i was like um i've done this work but it is for real dude you come out you go from being warm to being cold if the doctor holds you upside down doctors used to spank you also doctors used to separate babies they would you know it should go skin to skin right away babies used to go

somewhere else they couldn't see their mom and that's the one thing about the c-section that really bumps me is i don't want to be on such drugs that when i first told my baby i'm like on percocet or some crazy shit because it's not just you can watch it on only fans it'll be true um and so oh and then you have to be on painkillers for a couple days after i think so it's like i don't really want that but like us being when we were born like shit was different and spooky well i called my mom because i was like doing this work um about you know my birth and stuff and uh i was like was my birth traumatic and she was like annie so my mom well you're trying i'm a twin right so i'm a

twin and we were vaginal birth which they would never do now wait but my mom yeah my mom went in yeah because it's it's like a high-risk pregnancy twins don't do vaginal what they would just it would be it's like a bulldog giving birth they just have to cut them out cut us out but so my mom said she went to the doctor and was like i'm not leaving until i have these kids like it was like i think a day after our due date or something or whenever it was like appropriate for twins and so they gave her like an epidural and then she said everything was like seemed fine and then all of a sudden when my dad left and there's no cell phones or anything to go get like a hamburger or something everyone's heart rates

went down and it was like an emergency and she's panicking and my dad wasn't there and then my brother came out and then I was breached so that there was a doctor just in her trying to like twist me around and she said that he was like really forceful she she had an epidural and she could still feel it so she was like panicking and your dad wasn't there and my dad my dad did get back in time for that but but you're getting pounded with adrenaline cortisol right and then i come out first and i like ingested some of the fluid so then i was they came back in and they're like she's having trouble breathing and my mom's like freaking out about that and then i was in an incubator so i was with a twin and then for seven days i had to be in an incubator and they were seven days that's not good so that's why i'm

like this you took in some meconium that's a big deal i mean it's like your first memory of the world yeah it's your first that like even if you took in some meconium you technically the first thing you did was eat shit yes eat shit and then also i came out ass first and and like this is my best feature i just want everyone to know that now hi guys but um and i was probably fingered by the doctor we've been through this it's like a tofurkin um but yeah and then like you know that must have been so like and then my fam the like i my family was probably really like scared and upset too so and then you're just being bathed in those chemicals and stuff so it's like it's like most people don't have time to get through their childhood trauma their adult trauma their trauma from this morning or yesterday but i just i'm

sort of like how do i make this as copacetic as possible and bringing my ego into it being like i'm not going to use any epidural so that i can tell everyone i'm tough like i don't think anyone's you know gives a shit you know it's like how can i make sure this is like smooth and like i have as few surprises as possible like i have friends that are like oh this one friend of mine her dude was filming and she tore and the baby gave birth tore he said i'm no longer attracted to you after watching you give birth which makes him disgusting but also women spend so much time trying to not poop when they're giving birth that's another thing so i'm kind of like only certain people are allowed in the room i'm not gonna like i'm gonna shit i'm gonna the goal is to take a shit because when you push your

put you yeah like that and then eating is what gets things moving you know they say that the thing that um induces labor the fastest is sex which is kind of amazing but yeah like I just I know myself and I know that I'm gonna be like taking care of everyone to make sure everything well it's okay and like you know so I think I'm like i'm just my birth plan is really just making sure there's only a couple people really allowed in like can i submit my resume i think i i will not become less attracted to you if you i swear and like she has that level too right there and they're saying you shouldn't do as many baths like they would take them to do baths all the time you don't need all these baths like i don't know and then there's like big baby whereas they're trying to sell you all this shit just to

be like and you need to collect these cells as soon as you give birth you need to cut the umbilical cord to put these in a bank you're rich yeah but no i'm the reason i have money is because i don't fall for because you don't buy you know what i'm saying i don't yeah they're just like you need to put your placenta in a smoothie and snort it and you're just like no thanks dude i don't want any of this shit so a lot of it is playing is playing defense against people that are trying to prey on the fact that you're scared you know okay i would just oh i'd be would you ever adopt i was looking into adoption before this i always i do feel like having your own kid is like buying a dog from a breeder let's go raw it's so not me like i was looking at um i was looking at well if the kid comes out and bites

you it'll be like you it's just and there is a friend of mine who is dealing with her kid it won't stop biting her adopted no oh no and i also it's like the way you are when you're pregnant is gonna decide what kind of epigenetic epigenetic imprinting your kid gets so i am like there is just this imperative like when you're pregnant you're just like i'm calm like i'm not the things that used to like adrenalize me and freak me out like i just had this really rough business situation i'm like all right like there's something kind of nice about it there's some kind of like like grounding about it there's something it's also like really nice to not think about yourself all the time there's

something sort of you don't realize like oh i can think about something else or someone else i do see that in some of the the um the women that i see that don't have kids where i'm like and i think that about us i've said this about us too it's like we're like like naturally we're supposed to have kids at this point at our age as animals and it's like we're not we're supposed to be focusing on something else that's not ourselves the way i treat my dog i'm like oh i should have a kid like i okay that's a question i wanted to ask you because we ask each other this all the time um do you think that you love your kid more than your dog it's a different kind of love it will be a conditional love whereas the love for dogs is unconditional perfect answer yeah i i don't know i think i don't think there's anything wrong with conditional love

between humans and i don't mean my love's gonna go away but it's like you don't get to talk to me like that and you've lost the privilege of being able to talk to me my dogs never lose the privilege of being around me my dog my dogs. My dogs never get punished for something. They never. You know, because they're also trained and they just want to make you happy. But the problem is kids, like, they want to test you. That's part of their job. That was part of our job when we were teenage girls and we were assholes to our moms.

We were testing them, you know. You have to test your parents. You have to make sure, are you safe? Can I trust you? The biggest thing that I'm dealing with right now is do I tell them about santa him sorry i'm sorry i'm not he's not a day yet um sorry this is la i have a pitch please when i was babysitting this is what the mom did and i loved it um you talk about santa like it's a story and we play pretend that santa comes. It's like a fun story and it's not, what? What, bitch?

I believe that Santa was the most special, beautiful, It was so freaking magical. No, I could cry thinking about it. magical thing that I ever had in my life.

Thank you. And it was worth the betrayal. She's like sitting on Santa's lap at the mall with the highlight. When I found out, when I found out, My mom was so loveable,

she always took us to the Black Santa so we were like very confused. That wasn't a real Santa. We were like the white kids. When everyone else

was trying to tell me that Santa wasn't real it made me appreciate all the effort my parents put in making the sounds over the roof. Like there are a lot

of horrible things that happened to me as a child and that was my one like happy place I could go to. It was just so sweet. My brothers and i would all go up to my older brother's room and my mom would put hershey kisses up the stairway going down and my parents bawled out on christmas like i was very lucky i was so spoiled on christmas and it was like we'd go down and we'd

we'd get our stockings first and bring them into our parents room and my mom would like try to disguise her hand like my mom went all out like as much as my mom like ignored me in weird places in my life she like i think one place that it that there's room for improvement with the santa of it all is using it as a surveillance tool to manipulate kids being like if you're naughty or not you're gonna get more presence you're gonna really appreciate that at one point i don't want to help on the shelf the elf's watching you you don't have to you don't want to cave. The elf on the shelf, the elf's watching you. You don't have to use that storyline. My parents never did the naughty.

None of that. I didn't even know about that until I came to America. Santa just existed. You guys, you know what they do with one of my nieces-in-law, one of Todd's babies? They'll go, the cops are coming. She's like, no. Like, I mean, there's so many things they use on these kids. There's a range of shit you can do.

But I know a friend of mine um uh one time uh was walking along the beach and um mary mccormick and uh she her kids were like we want to go to the beach and she went honey the ocean is broken and they were like oh man she's like next time um but uh i i as a kid i guess i had the opposite experience because i feel like my parents lied to me so much that it was just like another weird lie that I couldn't figure out. Because they'd be like, he comes down the chimney. Like, we don't have a chimney, bitch.

And then it was all like, don't talk to strangers. And I was like, so there's a man coming into our house in the middle of the night. It spooked me. And then I also was like, I think kids are smarter than we give them credit for. And I found, I was like, this is the same handwriting as my dad. And like like at least change your handwriting well i remember with like

the tooth fairy feeling because my dad like and i knew you know like you just get to the age where like oh this is all fake but you want to believe it and my dad lifted my head up to put to take my tooth and i was like still up and i was like pretending to be asleep and then i remember chasing him because my dad would walk to the train station i like chased him down and i was like i was like crying and he's like what and i was like the tooth fairy only left me 50 cents he was like pretending to be asleep. And then I remember chasing him because my dad would walk to the train station. I like chased him down. And I was like, I was like crying. And he's like, what? And I was like, the tooth fairy only left me 50 cents. He left me like a half dollar. I was like, I thought I'd get more.

The tooth fairy is a cheap bastard. I know, like, no, he's Jewish. Just kidding. But it was like, but I remember that like feeling of like, it just felt like a loss of innocence. It didn't feel, I didn't feel like the full betrayal of it i don't know why it's also i uh i also don't want to have the kid who goes to school tells everyone that's gonna be my kid maggie i remember you i didn't tell people i did not ruin it for other people are we sure oh for sure i wouldn't i was not an asshole like i knew that some people thought it was real but and never believe in santa no i did

but i remember i was smarter than that and i was like mom or your parents didn't really sell it i was just like tell me mom just fucking tell me like first she started by opening up about how the tooth was sloppy for cursing no wait why i never had a formal conversation there was never a formal conversation i don was never a formal conversation. I don't remember what it disintegrated or anything. I think it was just like my parents for Christmas gifts, they would just wrap up shit around the house that was already there. So I'd be like, how did Santa get this ashtray from your bedroom? But see, my dad was super creative.

He would hang things in the backyard on a tree and be like, oh, look, like he would have us do this hunt of where Santa just dropped the presents. It wouldn't, not all of them would be under the tree he would hire my uncles to make the sounds on the roof okay but we didn't have money so i'd be like can santa bring groceries like in november let me ask you this did you ever do easter egg hunts yes and you didn't really think the easter bunny so i will say this and that was. My most, the magical part was not that I fully believed in this man. The magical part was the experience of knowing that maybe, you know, my parents were involved,

but there was this thing I could write a letter to every year that I could be excited about because gifts would come and we could all be together and celebrate. So it was just exciting. Not because like this, you know, person existed that I had full faith in. And my older brother, like. In in my version you could have that it's cute that my older like knew before us and then like kind of like conspired with my parents to like keep it really fun for us so you're saying esther just tell the story yes you tell the story of santa claus and then the story well i don't know but she makes toys in a yeah are you

watch a movie and you're like santa's gonna come and you just like it's like i don't know it just like play pretend but i had i've like like i did to a fault that my turrets of whatever of like it'd be like he goes to every house in one night yeah it doesn't make sense i was like that at like six and i was just like, there's no chimney. So I couldn't just like, and it's weird because later fantasy was my primary drug to cope before like, you know, eating stuff or control issues, you know. You know, other family members use drugs or alcohol. Mine was checking out into fantasy.

Wait, so like maladaptive daydreaming. Yes. That's all I did too. I would write journal entries. It saved my life. I also think that's why you're successful and i went into writing i went into being an imaginative person but it's almost like i had the ability to dream so big because i lived in such a fantasy world because i wanted to check out of my reality so hard that in the sense like there is a level of like hate to say it manifestation there there. Yeah, yeah, truly. So strongly because you,

that world is so comforting. You're just visualizing. Yeah, you are just visualizing. I used to do a weird thing where I would like, I would just imagine myself if I wasn't me

and that would make me like where I was. Like I'd go like, Oh, that breaks my heart. I would go, like I would just go, I would go like,

what if I was like, what if my body was put into like my neighbor's and I was like living in my neighbor's house and it made me like like being in my I always pretended I was in commercials really like I that's so sick brutal I know I wish I pretended more it is a dental commercial that was good money my dad would watch three's company he would watch running danger film movies and I would see how much attention the TV was getting.

And I remember as a kid being like, you have to get in the box. Like get on that screen. You will get his attention. And I remember. That's why I became beef jerky. I remember. I remember going up to my dad at like five. I don't know.

And being like, what are you reading? Like he's like reading the paper. And then I walked away and i remember being like that didn't go well like i remember being like that i next time you got to be like hey like i remember thinking you've got to be more entertaining i think the purest entertainers like there's that type of entertainer where it's like seeking the approval and like just really and then there's these pure entertainers that when you talk to them they're like oh my parents I used to make them crack up all the time and you're just like oh like they were just like the little star of their family I had to have like an achievement or a or be injured or hurt or sick it was like it had to be something had to be on fire or I had to be like you know but there was no judgment around it as a

kid you're not like oh my god you're just oh this is what I have to do to get this love. It doesn't, you know? And so, um, I would watch commercials and I would love watching commercials. So I was like, that's where all the like families are with food and like fridge. And like, I got to get in there. Like I got to get in that box. And I remember nailed it. I mean, look, I remember. And I would, when I was alone, like eating, I would eat like, like cold cuts. I'd roll them up and like eat them as if I was on camera and pretend I was in commercials. Like it was a dissociative, obviously, like LARPing, whatever. You know what's so weird?

You just reminded me of like later on in life, I would do, which is funny because I know Joe now, but it was like, I would like eat eggs like I was on Fear Factor. Like I always like pretend like it was going be really hard to eat like practicing it's only mental you got I I mean most of the people that I know that are and that I've been able to ask about them like people that are famous in the public eye I'm like did you know you were gonna be famous and they're like yeah like I was practicing that at a very young age not that i'm famous but i remember like um when i would see billboards like we would like drive to rono virginia where i lived half the time and it would say like mcdonald's second exit and

everyone the car like should we go to mcdonald's i'd be like how did that kid get on the why the kid eating the fries yeah i could do that yeah same so there was this one area in my city and that was the only area that had the big um american billboards and one was like a guest billboard for guests and every day that i would pass by it i would imagine myself on there like over and over that's how i felt when i saw the news story about john bonnet ramsey like that could have been me in the pageant is no one weirded out by the fact sorry that their people magazine had a she turns 18 today they did another thing about her mom too it's like they're like did she kill her because there's like a 8chan or something like countdown of when Jean Benet would have been 18 or something like 18 I just can't even believe

she it's just turning 18 yeah she would have been 18 thing i remember watching the documentary or one of them maybe um and it said uh you know we know that she was molested because her vagina was three times the size of an average again that's her four-year-old friend i'm like how did you know the size of the average four-year-old 16 gauge how does anyone know exactly how did it how does anyone know any of this yeah i'm seeing that i think he's a father in his 40s who's putting his son's blood he's getting transfused by his son's blood because he wants to achieve he wants to benjamin button himself he wants to achieve reverse aging have you so he's making his son give him his blood yeah he's like transfusing his son's blood. How old's the son? Have you?

18. Or in his like... Whitney, is this your plan? I know. She's harvesting. Who? I don't think this is a real thing. Uh-huh.

Son, father. I mean, I don't think this is a... I don't think it works. Yeah, I don't think this works. I think that's more of the... 17-year-old son. He's a tech billionaire. Sure, sure.

A man who spends $2 million a year to look 18. He doesn't look 18. He does look blurry. Oh, my God. Let's see him. And the son's fine with it? He looks like he's in his 40s. He doesn't look like he's reverse aging.

He just looks like a guy who's gotten a lot of work done. Why can't people just take a fucking nap, dude? Get a facelift. Oh, this guy? Yeah. Young blood. The Lord figured it out. He looks so evil.

He spends $2 million a year on his anti-aging routine. It's not just the transfusion. So he like works out a certain way. I kind of like that men have eating disorders and body disorders. Anorexia. I kind of like that men have eating disorders and body. Anorexia. I kind of like that guys hate themselves now and they're like doing Botox and doing all this beauty shit. And we're kind of like,

ah, like, I don't know. I, I, it's, I, I,

we've always had to live like this and be worried about aging. So I don't know. I'm kind of fine with it. It feels like it's like evening out the playing field a little bit well Whitney thank you so much for doing this oh my gosh thanks for having this baby for us yeah it's like it's it's it's and also I don't think your life's over when you have a kid I think you like immediately start organizing your time better and being more efficient with your time and I just I don't know I was like running out of shit to talk about giving hope you know Annie you said that pregnancy is um contagious yeah like I think I'm I know it's honestly like

I'm okay just getting inseminated by whoever and just being like all right fuck it who cares it's like I have so many girlfriends that did that they either did a surrogate or they just got a donor and they did it on their own or whatever I think I want to do it on my own this is fun it's super it's not that I'm already halfway through i'm doing it so that i'll give birth in december so i'll like perfect be gone anyway you know what i mean like i just mean it's gonna be downtime you have to come up with your santa thing quick yeah and i just i've just been working way more efficiently you know it's not that hard and i i just i don't know it feels like it's like inevitable for all well you were like like six months ago you were

like it seems archaic for me to have my own kid yeah i did i didn't get it i was like but that seemed crazier i was like no it's good i can employ a woman to have this i'm redistributing the wealth i should have someone else do it like and i think i did i think that we have to say a lot of things um i had to say a lot of things that i believed at the time that I think were rooted in my insecurity of thinking oh well I could never have my baby anyway so I had to turn it into

like oh it's our case guys we shouldn't be having kids because I didn't think I could well my Todd's parents are really like putting on the like when are you going to defrost your

I'm like I just froze them so I keep telling his mom you could probably get pregnant naturally though yeah I think so too but I keep telling his mom like you're the surrogate do you want the kid

you have it i want one of your eggs dude i'm just gonna bang it out this year i'm just gonna roll the dice you would love it i think so you would love it i just want to like own a home first i don't know i just don't think i like have enough equity to have a kid right now if you're a construction worker and you're thick-butted there's so many like sorry i will wrap up but it's like i've like people reach out they're like i have a bassinet do you want it i have a this thing will you take it will you take this crib like i haven't paid for a thing i haven't bought anything so far like will you take the stroller please like i don't need it anymore it's like the village starts to appear and women start like i mean there's a lot of like crazy advice you start getting but like

people start being like hey do this do this go to this, go to this person, go to this. Louis told me, of all people, Louis was like, he's like, you should definitely have a kid. He's like, he's like, there's an old saying, every kid is born with a loaf of bread under their arm or something. Like it always, you like wealth comes with the kid somehow. Interesting. I remember Donald Glover, like Childish Gambino, sorry. I remember when he was like rapping and doing

really well and doing stand-up and on community and on whatever and was like super super successful but was just you know doing that and then all of a sudden he was on fallon someone sent me a clip that didn't even know that i knew him of him singing redbone shirtless sounded like marvin gaye meets janice joplin meets like he like sounded incredible and i just texted him i was like uh what happened like it was just like a completely different creative direction and like i had chills when he was singing and he was like i had a kid wow what yeah and it like aimed his art it just yeah i think i think per your thing you start going like i have a higher purpose and that like i need to change the world now because I'm bringing a kid

into this world that might not have water and that might be unjust and you know it's like I'm like what do I really want to say who do I really want to be like what am I really going to put out there like how am I really gonna operate on a daily basis like I think it changes like focuses you up maybe a little bit or not I know a lot of male comics that have kids that I didn't know they had kids for eight years that I've seen them before I hate a lot of you know that have kids that I didn't know they had kids for eight years that I've seen them before. I hate a lot of, you know, I'm sure it doesn't do that for me. You also see the moms that are like the Kathy Ack moms that are like, don't do it unless you're sure. And then you're like, oh.

Yeah, but those are the moms. That's so funny. Those are the moms that are like, my kid is impatient and controlling and has anger issues. I'm like, yeah, sounds like you. All right, Whitney, well, thank you. is impatient and controlling and has anger issues i'm like yeah sounds like you all right wendy well thank you and um if everyone hasn't yet they should definitely watch your special jokes on netflix it's so funny um and anything else we should be checking out your podcast which loving the fans tv only fans tv we did i i took a break from the podcast and i might you're back I don't know yeah for now we'll see but I just

I'm out of things to say and I kind of just need a break from myself and I had like a little bit of a business thing so I'm airing

ad free episodes now for a little while having a lot of porn stars on they have a lot of wisdom so much wisdom endless and there's no weird shame

when you're asking stuff you know it's like you're walking on eggshells favorite people of podcasts yeah they're like put a beauty blender in your pussy to have sex on your when you're asking stuff. You know, it's like you're walking on eggshells. Favorite people to podcast. Yeah. They're like, put a beauty blender in your pussy to have sex on your period.

You're like, damn, that was helpful. And then, yeah, the roast of me and the roast of Berg Kreischer, which Annie was on. OFTV. It's totally free. We'll be doing more roasts on there. And I don't know what else you could. I mean, just like baby on board. Dude, coming soon. What a trip

You have to do a pregnancy special. I'm doing I'm shooting one in September. Yeah, you have to It seems how hot you they talking to who was like comedians are the only people that are like I want To work when I'm pregnant like I want to show everybody like it's just it is weird because it's the one job It's like a good job to have while pregnant yeah because you have stuff to say about it yeah i think it's good to show people like your life's not over when you're pregnant also like the guys are just their wives are pregnant they're just out on why can't you just stay home and lie in bed why do you go do stand-up i don't know so yeah i'm just gonna knock one out in uh in september because it's just like

there's stuff that I need to. If I don't say it now, there's no point in saying it next year, you know. And who knows? I might die in childbirth. You won't. Oh, my God. Maybe. Now you sound like me.

Maybe. You guys, thank you so much for watching. And we will see you next week with a brand new episode. We love our Whitney. Love you, Whitney. Love you guys. Bye.