Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Brando and Pryor Did It w/ Jay Jurden

Episode Date: May 9, 2023

Thank you to our Sponsors: Stitch Fix - Get $20 off your first fix at https://stitchfix.com/trashtuesdayNutrafol - Go to https://nutrafol.com and enter promo code TRASH for $10 off your first month��s subscription + free shippingMood - Go to https://hellomood.com and use promo code trashtuesday for 20% off your first order and free gummies More Jay JurdenInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/jayjurden/Twitter: https://twitter.com/JayJurdenWebsite: https://www.jayjurden.com/ Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 2:15 Male Sexuality 6:33 A Proper Introduction to Our Guest Jay Jurden8:12 Jay Jurden Weighs in on Khalyla’s Attraction to Women13:38 Jay Jurden’s Journey to Marriage & Pressure From Parents to Have Kids18:59 Raised With Catholic Guilt 28:38 Jay Jurden’s Struggle Growing Up Being His Authentic Self30:51 Hating On Men and Women On Stage38:50 Unconventional Things We Find Attractive42:07 White Guys That Aren’t Really White, Straight Guys That Aren’t Really Straight 45:32 Fear of People Living Their Authentic Selves 48:17 The Argument That Bigger Isn’t Better59:15 Gay Weddings & The Fears of Straight Infidelity1:07:07 Exploring Sexuality Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 My Pleasure - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-pleasure/id1494518220 AnnieWood - https://www.youtube.com/annielederman Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera

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Order your THC products from Mood today. For 20% off your first order and free gummies, go to hellomood.com and use promo code TRASHTUESDAY. That's hellomood.com, promo code TRASHTUESDAY for 20% off your order and free gummies. Hi, you guys. I am so excited that I am back doing stand-up on the road. I cannot wait to see you guys on June 3rd. I'll be in Atlanta, June 4th in Raleigh, July 19th through 22nd. I will be in New York City at Joe's Pub. It's going to be iconic. And then I'll be in D.C. and Boston. And you can get tickets to all of these dates and more

at Esther on Ice dot com. Hi, sluggies. I miss you. I am here at Annie Wood. I have my solo podcast. It's so fun. It's every Thursday. We've got a lot of amazing guests and some really fun solos with me and Todd. So come join the party every Thursday on YouTube at 9 a.m. Pacific, noon, Eastern. Come hang. Also, you can see me on the road. I am at the Raleigh Improv in Raleigh, North Carolina, May 12th and 13th. I'll be at Baltimore at McGuby's June 2nd and 3rd, Salt Lake City, Utah at Wise Guys

June 9th and 10th, San Antonio, Texas. I'll be at the LOL Comedy Club June 23rd and 24th. And tickets just went on sale for Austin in October. So go to Annie Letterman dot com slash shows. A lot more dates are being added. I'm going to be in Philly, San Francisco, San Jose. And I cannot wait to see you. Please enjoy this episode. I miss these

girls. I'm so sad I couldn't be there, but I will be back soon enough. See you guys later. I think there's that angle and the fact that like a lot of women enjoy watching gay porn. The fact that like male sexuality becoming more publicly fluid over the past couple of years, everyone has some time to themselves during the pandemic to figure out like boys just kissing boys for fun now.

That's not like in the zeitgeist and like in the social media landscape. So I think we're headed towards a more fun place for male sexuality. But it is it is still a hurdle. I have to say that I definitely have some sort of internalized homophobia where like still where even though the culture is leading that way it is still hard for me to be attracted to a man who is also attracted to men and I don't know I don't know if I can articulate it beyond just like an insecurity yeah I mean what do you like how do you what do you think when you hear me say that I think think that's not abnormal. So many women express that with male partners. I think part of it might also be the fear that, like, if he's attracted to men, he can get a blowjob anytime, anywhere.

He just got one. He's getting one for me and he's going to get another one. I can't trust this man. He has too many options. And what would you say to that? I would say it sucks that part of that is correct. I think that like that, that trepidation, that hesitation, that fear concerning like being with a guy who has had same sex attraction or with a guy who is like actively bisexual or like just kind of like no only one time I think that's just that's something that like we as a culture have to discuss more and that's also like part of whatever your relationship rules are that gets into also

like what does monogamy mean for people it also means like what would you what would you want him to be able to do because there's and this happens with a lot of girls who say i'm bi but i'm in a relationship with a guy and we're exclusive some people invalidate their bisexuality they'll go well you're not doing anything with girls so how do you know i'm like well she has a computer i believe them right because i'm sure people say that too because you're bi and you're married to a man. Yes. So where does that leave you? I tell them I'm a whore.

And then they go, oh, cool, cool. We understand. We got it. No, I'm bi in a gay relationship, the same way you can be a dumb person in college. Like, you can be in a place where people are like, I'm surprised you're here. And they're like, I'm surprised I'm here too, man.

That's what's up. Hell yeah. And you, Kalilah, are the exact opposite of me where a man having had a gay experience is drawn to me on. Because for me, it translates as someone who is just maybe more sexually liberated, more fun. For me, the bedroom is a place of like playful spirit and the answer is always yes for me.

And I equate that openness to having more fun in the bedroom. So it turns me on. My loins point in that direction of someone being like, I like it all. I'm like, okay, cool. Let's go. But will you ever feel like,

oh, I'm missing a penis and i can never offer that i you know what i so one of my uh last relationships i was very insecure about trans girls because he was very attracted to trans girls and it's what turned me on about him but i do understand what you're saying where it's like oh and now it's just extra competition yes like i'm just looking around being like fuck, like he like I know he likes that girl. So I think there's just more people to kind of be insecure about me. Yeah.

But it was exactly what kind of turned me on about him where I'm like, oh, like, I love that he's just, you know, like for me, I'll fucking Ottoman, you know, like bring me an inanimate object. I think they call like persons now. I don't think we use that terminology anymore, right? We like, right, right? Iranians, Syrians, the country. We totally have been going. I haven't even introduced our guest.

Okay. We totally have been going. I haven't even introduced our guest. Okay. Who is a very hilarious stand-up comedian who I feel like I discovered all for myself. I met you. I saw you perform a hilarious set at the Comedy Cellar. I was upstairs hearing. I had to go down the stairs and watch. You were so funny. You were the funniest person I've seen there. Welcome to the show, Jay Jordan.

Hey, what's up? And you've been on The Tonight Show a bunch. Twice, yeah. And you have hilarious sets on there. So thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. I remember whenever you're in the lounge at the Cellar, there's an upstairs. And it's always fun when sometimes you go up there, you plug up your phone, you kind of get ready for your set, and you just go, wait a second, what's going on downstairs? Something is shaking the room. I don't know this person.

So you have this fun little like almost like opera balcony seat at this point. You kind of get to become a good version of like Statler and Wald i'm like the muppets where you're like who is this oh they're funny so yeah that was really cool i loved me and you and i was aware of your stuff and then when i came upstairs like holy shit yeah it was so fun to meet you so i'm very glad you're here and very glad we can talk about this stuff with you because you're a bisexual man yeah which which it's cool oh yeah you guys everyone who's scared to do it, whether you're famous or not, you can be boring. You can be a bus driver and be bi. Did you know that?

You don't have to just be an ex-member of One Direction. You can do all things. Well, maybe this is something that we should examine about myself. So I'm very attracted to women. I love the company of women. I like making out with girls. I could, you know, I've had threesomes, all of these things, but I, the one thing I cannot do is like,

I'm just not the biggest fan of eating pussy. And somehow people have said, well, that makes you absolutely not bi if you can't go down on a girl. I'm like, wait, but I can do just about, I enjoy everything else. It's just not my favorite. A lot of straight guys say exactly what you say. I know, right? That's such a good point.

That's so true. A lot of straight guys say exactly what you say. And I think that, I think going down on people of varying genital representation because that's like the way i like to think about it like you you're basically dealing with like either um like a penis or you're dealing with uh a clit and a vaginal opening but between that there's so much variance in between like size shape everything there so like the way I think about going down on people's I'm like oh this person specifically needs this in this way because like going down on anyone is going to be a surprise the first time you see anyone naked, you're always like, okay, did know.

Do you ever think, oh, I just want a girl to go down on me? Do you like it when girls go down on you? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's just maybe like a mind shift for me. Like if I just, I think you're right.

I'd be a super top though. You might just love fucking. I've never related to that. Is that what I am? You might just, like, be a super down top when it comes to, like, your, like, sapphic relationships. You might just really love strapping them up. You look more excited than me.

What are you doing? Do you peg the dudes you're with? I have urges to. Okay, well, that's what it is. What? Yeah, like, I do. I've never, you know i've i don't want to again out any of my exes because there's only a handful of them to choose from but um

yeah i've definitely you know um soft dabbled okay soft launched a pegging okay yeah what is you know you can't soft launch a pegging by the nature of the material it's always hard truly not a soft launch but yeah like you're excited for me well I just think that you like your ability to diagnose

her was very beautiful well it's if you're like oh I love fucking girls I'm not trying to eat pussy I'm like oh you're like a if you're like oh i love fucking girls i'm trying i'm not trying to eat pussy i'm like oh you're like a top you're just like i don't want to say but you're like a dude who's like no i'm trying to fuck i ain't trying to do all that like you can go down on me and then i'm gonna fuck you and then you know maybe i'll take you back or something but that's like that was the energy i got when you're like i don't have to eat pussy oh my god thank you so much i

think you're absolutely right yeah it's always like sex is like so many different ingredients for so many different people sometimes for multiple people it's like yeah yeah and i think um depending on what energy i receive from someone that can vary as well because i think that different people bring out different parts of me yeah um and if you i'll get graphic i don't care if you're like making out with a girl and like it's mutual masturbation and you're both using toys on each other then like if you didn't go down but everyone came like what is yeah what happened at that point no one's gonna be like well the sex was great but next time you have to go down with me for like

this amount of time for this to actually count as a lesbian experience. Right. Because we were just talking about this yesterday on Guys We Fuck. And I, I, I love being a cuck or I'm a cuck. I think I'm a cuck. OK. But even the porn that I watch, if it's like a cuck situation, I'm only looking at the girl who's looking and assisting. Like, so I really like sort of being like the, how do I say? I guess kind of with big like top energy. Like I like being the orchestrator,

but more of like the voyeur and the assistant, like watching the pleasure happen rather than, you know what I mean? Giving the pleasure almost. But that's also hot. I feel like the stuff you're describing is just good no i guarantee i am pretty fun it was like a room full of people here and you're like sometimes i just like to watch him get fucked and like tell her what to do then no guy in that crowd is gonna be like stop no no i need you in there.

They're going to be like, keep going. Please. Wait, your attitude about all this is so refreshing because I feel like Kalilah is sharing these things that are kinks, sort of. And I feel like the nature here is to be like, well, this means this about you and you're weird and whatever, but you're just like, oh, that sounds like fun and why wouldn't you like that? When you're a bi guy, a lot of your responses to things is like, that sounds pretty cool.

Let's try that out. What? Okay. Wow. Oh, that's new. Interesting. Hmm. What data did I collect from this? Okay.

That's usually mine. Did you expect or know that you would end up with like marrying a man? Um, no, I didn't know what my marriage journey was going to be. Cause like I was in a theater program. I messed around with girls up until like my junior year of college. And I messed around with guys and girls. And then I had like a secret boyfriend. And then I like hated that because he was like in a frat and not out and like emotionally abusive.

I hate to be redundant, but I said he was in a frat already. And it was like a lot of, it was a lot of drama. But I had like all this extra drama with like a secret gay relationship. And I was like, man, no, that's not where I'm headed. So then I was like, oh, I should probably date a girl again.

But then I never like seriously dated a girl. I had like a girl who was very interested in us, like trying to make it work. And then I met my now husband and I was like, holy shit. And so I rebuffed his like relationship advances for a little bit I was cool like making out and like kind of kicking it but I was always like I don't need a relationship I'm like about to leave like I don't need a relationship and then like I was like holy shit oh relationships can be like wait a minute good they can be mutually beneficial

you can care about these people. Who's been hiding this secret from me? The way they relate to that so much. Right. Like all the like quote unquote relationships in my early 20s compared to the one I'm in now. It's like a joke. Yeah. It's exactly that discovery where you're like, oh, someone can like me and want to talk to me. And so it's amazing. So then we ended up kind of being long distance and like, but also being like visiting each other a lot when I was in grad school and he was finishing school. And then we moved to New York.

We moved in together. And then we kept getting like semi engaged. It was like, oh, this is like a ring that means like, we should keep going. This is like a ring that means like we should keep going this is like a ring that means like you know one day maybe there'll be another ring and then finally we're like actually engaged and then we started like setting a date and then we didn't get married until last July but we've been planning it for a little bit but then we started to really plan it the year before but But I didn't know I was going to end up married. I see. I come from like, I'm a child of divorce and like my mom's a great

woman, but she never remarried. My dad never remarried. Marriage, I hadn't been to that many weddings. I think I'd only been to, when I moved to New York, I had never gone to a wedding. I went to one wedding for like this Russian oligarch yeah I remember I went with a friend from grad school and it was wild I had like Rinna Tuck's and I was like this is like evil money right um and I definitely was like the only black person there and so then in my head I was like I don't know a lot about weddings and marriages so I was never like seeking out a life partner i happen to be lucky enough to find one to have one find me a person who like i want to make it work with well side note i feel like that's always the secret to finding one is not looking yeah but the culture tells everyone

yeah and like if you're from like uh if you're from one of those couples where the parents are childhood sweethearts and they're telling you you better be married by your 30 because they want grandkids and like even if they're not telling you they're like winking about it all the time and like constantly nudging you you have this impetus to be like i guess i'll just let this dude come at me so we can get pregnant and get married and give these fucking kids to my mom and dad so then i can hate these kids and hate this man and then cheat on him and people get mad. And it's like, wow, I've never met a man who's from Venezuela.

Of course I'm going to cheat like that. Like that's what we do to so many of these young girls in this country. So of course. You know, I did not receive any pressure from my mom. My dad died in my teens, but I didn't receive any. And even to this day, she still doesn't care. That's a big mom. But I died in my teens, but I didn't receive any. And even to this day, she still doesn't care.

That's a big mom. But I still let dudes come inside me. Well, that's because once again, we've established you're fine. Just I'm a whore. I'm a whore.

Biologically, I feel like it's the correct thing to do and then take care of it later. Get that Julie. Yeah. Julie Bell. Bath pocket.

Everyone. It's so weird that some people are like, oh, that's a breeding kink because people like, oh, you have a breeding kink. Is that what I have now? No, no. I don't think you do. I just think you like sex. Original recipe. You do like the way that people have sex. Pulling out and coming anywhere else is an extra step that requires the timing of a gymnast. I want everyone to know there have been times when someone's like, I need you to come on my face. I was like, you should have said that minutes ago. We are in a space where you're going to that means you have to turn around. That means you have to turn around. I have to also reestablish. You know what I mean?

Coming inside of people is the Christian way. That's what I should say. Oh, that's what we're at. If you're actually following the Bible, it is better that your seed fall in the belly of a whore than on the ground. Thank you. You infidels, you heathens. It's true. I mean, I was raised Catholic, too.

But it only makes sense that if he tries to pull out, that I just clamp him down. Yeah. You should say, what do you think the Pope would have to say about this? Exactly. You guys, spring is here, and I'm pretty sure, I mean, look at me. I need a branch of fortune for me. I need you to have one. Yeah.

I don't know whose wardrobe you robbed, but it was a man. You look like you're dressing up as a swamp. Listen, I'm glad Stitch Fix is our sponsor because I'm going to be needing them so much these next couple yes I had a I had a experience where I had to take all these mushrooms for my cluster headaches and I was like looking at all of the boxes of things that I buy and all these clothes that I have and I was like this is it's too many clothes I need a situation where I can just get clothes see if I like them and turn them back I have so many things that are too hard to retire yeah you need it to be more curated like stitch fix actually makes you feel like you have a partner that's helping you curate clothes and especially for like spring and summer like we need we need to freshen up and what i love about stitch fix is you take this simple questionnaire and then your match of the stylists and clothes get sent to your door you keep the ones you like

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$45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month new customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. Statement mobile for details. Now, my dad's side of the family was Catholic. That's one of my favorite.

I told, it's the silliest and stupidest joke, but it's one of my favorite jokes. I did it on my first time on The Tonight Show. I was like, my dad's side of the family is Catholic. That's right. Black Catholics do exist. We say Hail Mary, J. Blige. It's such a funny, silly joke. The Roots loved that joke.

It's so good. With you being raised Catholic, but you also being like a sexually liberated person, what remnants of Catholic guilt do you have or do you oh all of it and especially because I didn't grow up in America so I grew up in the Philippines and it okay yes like very deep deeply also um they you know growing up now they have certain you know things in place that actually help women and family planning and but growing up um um birth control pills were illegal yeah abortion illegal everything illegal illegal that's what colonialism does colonialism literally hispaniards go to the philippines and go first of all put some clothes

on secondly you worship this god now and if you don't you're going to hell what's hell i'm glad you asked right no exactly that so um i it it's i think the the guilt that i carry is on a different level than i imagine like growing up in america and being like catholic here it's no i don't know or maybe not or here in the northeast like cath Catholic Catholic schools, basically like I know people who are still kind of like allowing themselves to enjoy things because of their upbringing in the Catholic Church, because it kind of consumes a lot of people's existence. Sunday. It's school Monday through Friday. It's a religion class and or like a chapel section of your curriculum every day those five days. You get a Saturday off. If you play church league basketball, you're going back to do more churchy shit. Then you go to mass on Sunday and the whole time you're told, listen, not only is this the right way, this is the right and only Christian way. Like, this is the one true faith. If you don't do these things, you will go to hell.

Hell is not metaphorical. It is real. You will go there. And so there's this like. That is like a holy shit. I can't believe it. Everybody might hear it. And Esther, guess what?

Like, you're not telling teenagers this. You're telling eight-year-olds this. You tell eight-year-olds that? Of course an eight-year-old is going to be like, oh, my God. What? I'm going to hell? Yes, you're going to hell. How can I stop this from happening?

And then imagine me being an eight-year-old having been molested by a family member as being my first like sexual experience. And then having the guilt of looking at that family member and feeling like I had a crush on this adult. Yeah, because it warped my brain. But then you have the Catholic shame. And then there I was in my teens just trying to suck every dick I could find, feeling terrible about myself, and then not being able to masturbate because I felt shame and to this day still crying after sex. Like I burst into tears when I come. That's Catholic guilt, I think. All of those things like you don't, you can, you know, release and you can intellectualize your upbringing and say, okay, this happened because of this. And

I'm no longer a part of this institution institution but it lives in you in ways that maybe sometimes you can't even make sense of because it just seems so absurd to be like why do i have a crush on the person who assaulted me or why am i bursting into tears after you know having this glorious threesome like it's so fucking weird how it just stays in you it stays in the body 100 wait so what is your then remnants of, do you have Catholic guilt that stays with you? So I was raised like Southern Baptist. So the thing that still kind of happens to me

is that I didn't get a bunch of like hellfire and brimstone preached at me a lot, but there is this tendency to still try to be like, oh, I am a good Southern Christian boy. Even though I'm doing like all this stupid gay stuff, I'm a comedian, I live in like New York City. But like part of my identity is still being like a good mama's boy. I was able to like have a fairly positive relationship with my upbringing in the church. able to like have a fairly positive relationship with my upbringing in the church because for me it was a little bit less about like punishment and way more about community so like my grandmother

was a big part of our church like the church rec center is like where I like played basketball and made some of my first friends like church was always like seen as like the place where you could like go get something to eat there was never like a big fear of like punishment for me from church so the way that i kind of like deal with any of my shit it's like all like internalized homophobia that i still like kind of work around and not internalized homophobia in the sense i'm going to hell just like oh people won't like you if you're like your authentic self oh like make sure you're like, oh, people won't like you if you're like your authentic self. Oh, look, make sure you're like not too gay. Like, don't be too gay.

Your homeboys will know. Like, it's the it's the feeling of when you're in elementary school or when you're in middle school and you meet a new boy. And instead of being able to ever say that boy is cute, what you say as a little bi boys, that guy is so cool. You guys know how cool that guy is? He's new. He's got interesting stories. Oh, my God. Look at his shoes.

He's so cool. We should hang out with the new guy. And everyone's like, why do you care about this new dude so much, Jay? We're your friends. Who's this piece of shit? I'm like, we should be nice to him, though. You just find ways around it. I remember looking at my two best friends in high school

there were these they were like they were twins and both of them were cute and what's so funny is that like I never had like a crush on them but they definitely informed the way that I flirted with boys eventually when I would so I'd be too bro-y sometimes I had to like relearn that was like oh I can actually like approach this in a way that is intentionally romantic I don't always have to be like yeah dude because that's like fake that's fake it's me me going yeah dude is being like oh don't make this gay don't make this gay sex we're about to have two gay dogs you're holding back yeah something yeah so I had to learn I had like escape from that it's also I was fortunate learn. I had to like escape from that.

It's also I was fortunate enough that I was always able to be out on stage. So I moved to New York in 2015. So when you look at like 2015 comedy scene in New York is a bunch of open mics. And so like I was never not going to be out on stage only because sometimes when you see a comic and there's one thing that they're like dancing around or they're a bunch of neutral pronouns used when talking about dating stories you're like okay i peep it i see it though you won't talk about it okay that's fine. You don't have to. What about comics who just straight up like hate women on stage? Oh, well, here's the sad part about that. I think that misogyny is such an easy hack. I say this not hacking the way that comics use it as a kind of like insult.

I'm saying it's a hack to get into like a lot of the american psyche because culturally so many people hate women if you go oh man she's being a bitch a crowd of men and women will be like he's right she is being a bitch like low-hanging fruit she's low-hanging fruit lowest common denominator it's an easy way to kind of have like a plurality of laughs where I would argue that like hating men is also fun on stage but so many people go oh she's just hating men she's just hating men and then a comic on stage to much of her credit will be like yeah because y'all be raping people and then people in the audience will be like she got a point you know i forgot about the rapes you should have led with the rapes and it's like a very it's also like i think that the reason people still use misogyny

if we look at comedy in like a big picture is that like if we look at domestic comedy like back way back like ancient greek domestic comedy and it all it trickles down all the way to like the honeymooners and the fun stones what people thought was funny was this man this large man this brunette man this overweight man this hairy man this ugly man has a tiny wife and she is mean to him. But because they're married, it's funny because the power dynamic has been shifted. Physically and visually, we have contrasting figures. We also have different voices.

He's low. She's high. He's normal. She's annoying. We have all of these things that are baked into Western theater and baked into like the Western idea of comedy so we're playing on very old tropes and the people who are able to like up in those tropes are seen as like groundbreaking but also the people who like continue those tropes they may not be able

to articulate what they're doing but they know what they're doing. Whenever someone is like, oh, my wife is like getting on to me about this thing. The crowd goes, oh, I know where I've seen this before. I'm allowed to laugh at this. And the people who can like flip that on his head, a person who flipped it on their head and it sucks. They're like, now they're also very crazy. But Roseanne was able to go, no, I'm being annoying on purpose,

and I'm going to be me. And you're like, holy shit, okay, you're flipping on his head a little bit. It's cool to look at it from a theatrical standpoint, because then you can be like, oh, that's where this is coming from a little bit. Yeah, it's interesting, because when we see the man complain about his wife, it is familiar, we because when we see the man complain about his wife, it is familiar. We're allowed to laugh. But then you could also argue that now we've seen it so much. It is it is boring. Yeah. Hacky. It is stupid. It's like offensive.

Yeah. And you want to see what the next step is. You want this man to be aware that he's becoming the man that people are making fun of and him to reflect and go, oh, what does this say about me that I've become this version of this guy? Now, because you know what the groundbreaking thing was

like two years ago for a guy to be like, hey, I kind of, I think my wife's awesome. People are like, what? Yeah, I kind of like this lady. Lady? Oh my God. You know her name? I do know her name lady. Lady? Oh, my God.

You know her name? I do know her name. Whoa, this is... What? Wait a minute. Next thing you're going to tell me, you take care of the kids. Sometimes I do. Give this man a medal. He deserves an award. You know their names? I know all their names. Hey, Donut. Hold on.

Who's at the door? Donut. Donut, we don't bark in public. It's embarrassing. Don't let people know you're a dog. One of my favorite bits of yours is when you talk about women just dating ugly hoops. Because I feel like you were speaking directly to me.

I also want to add a caveat. The reason I make that joke is because women and a lot of people are so willing to look past conventional attractiveness to find like what they find is actually sexy about a guy. So they're able to say this is sexy about him it's not hot but this is sexy about him oh i don't no no i don't want to post this man but he is he definitely like fucked my brain loose like i need you to know you know what i mean there's also this idea that it never in my wildest dreams would I ever come up with the idea that a woman is even capable of being ugly on stage in front of cameras. So, of course, if you want to take anyone down a peg, you shoot for men. Because if you call a man ugly, his response can be like, that's gonna be fucking no. And you're like, great.

If you call a girl ugly, people are gonna be like, what do you mean by that? What's ugly about this girl? So I think that like I wanted to really figure out the the ins and outs of that joke. There's also like that joke came from. First of all, there's this picture, I want to say, of Jennifer Connelly with the puppet puppet from labyrinth like the really the troll one and i tweeted like years ago i was like straight couples and they really liked it and find the tweet if you can't and uh i was like oh okay let me see if i can build this i was like working on it and then there was this idea that like all these articles came out over the past two years are like

that being these magazines or be on these online like publications that will be like ladies you know what's in huge eyebrows and ugly men and I'd be like don't tell these girls they have to date ugly men just tell them they can date who they want that's different and so I was like oh okay let me come up with something and I wrote the bit and then the funniest part of that is I did it at the cellar and a comic was like you know why you know why these girls date these ugly men because they want that money and so as a and so listen to me as when I tell you then then I took that part and added to the end of my joke and so I have another section where I go, my friend's an old school comedian. What's the word for that?

He's a misogynist. And he said that these women date these ugly men just so they can get their money. I was like, yeah, I know ugly men have money. I've been on a boat before. And so I wanted to take what he said and call him a misogynist, but also add to my joke. And I told him i was gonna put him in there he's like hell yeah and i was like i was like it was so funny that me calling you a misogynist you're like i'm in the joke hell yeah yeah yeah dog we here my favorite

part of that joke is actually when you call out which i've never heard anyone point this out and it's so well observed is that women are willing to look past looks and see other things that are attractive in a man but men will never do that for women no no no no no no no men and society in general but men will be like well first of all she's very hot so that's why she's allowed to be such a terrible person that's why she was allowed to poison me you understand she tried to poison you yeah she put antifreeze in my drink but c cups come on man what i'm supposed to do not i guess that is a benefit well i think that i just have a completely different um like i i don't know where my taste in men comes from or maybe that i grew up in asia and watched a lot of like sumo wrestling

and like salivated over these men but that's that but that's like not i'm gonna tell you something that you're gonna be like what so many gay guys love an actual big man. We've kind of conflated big with muscular sometimes in America. But like an actual big man, like a large man is so hot. There are entire gay magazines like there's a gay, I want to say publication called Beef. That's just like huge dudes like bellies, pecs, arms, huge dudes. And like that to me, whenever people talk about like, for someone to be like, I don't understand my attraction,

that person would have to be like part lizard for me to be like, that is cool. But I can usually be like, oh yeah, I see it. Yeah, but I, you know, my ex is five foot four and portly. Is that? Pleasantly plump. Just like a thick dude. Yeah, he's just got like, I like his thick Korean thighs.

But I remember just hearing his voice for the first time and just being like, oh, he's extremely attractive to me. And everyone telling me, like, Kalilah, you know what I mean? Because there was, in their eyes, like, disparity. Yeah. But in my eyes, I just always thought he was hot. But I think that that is so cool because you just said his voice was so fucking hot. Like, that's a thing that we allow. And I wish we would allow more people to do. But, like, for you to be like, that's a thing that we allow, and I wish we would allow more people to do,

but for you to be like, that's a thing that was hot. Because sometimes when hotness is only visual, you'd be like, well, let's keep looking. Nothing turns my pussy into dust more than a hot dude with the wrong voice. I'm such a voice person. I don't care if you're Chris Hemsworth, if you're not correct with your vocal cords I am out okay I am out voice is important I think like hands are very hands are so important see this is this is but this is like fun do you guys understand like this is why I like talking about sexuality and kinks and attractions with different people, because this conversation for other groups of people is so superficial and so predictable. They're like, oh, I like boobs, butts, lips and money.

And where it's like you were just like, I need a voice. And you're like, I need like hands. Hands are like super important to me. I have people in my life. They're like a wrist, like a thick wrist, like a good forearm. love and this isn't and these are people who aren't in the fisting i do know people who are oh that's so interesting yeah i i i think that i look at different things for sure i look like it thinks that maybe as like i guess a whole package and i i was i was just talking to esther about this um like i always thought that oh maybe i don't have any preferences you know i don't have

a type maybe i just like whatever you know seems attractive is attractive to me i don't know what that criteria is but then i was like i don't find white guys like attractive. Which I think is such a superpower in our culture. And I'm trying to figure out. It's those good formative years in the Philippines. You were inoculated against it. You got the vaccine. I do have the keloid. Yeah.

Prove it. Here in America, you fed a diet of white guys like from junk. What's crazy, though, is you're fed fake white guys. Y'all want to do something crazy? You know, okay, so, like, sometimes you'll be like, oh, these are, like, the white poster children of, like, Americana. And one person that people would put up there is Zach Morris. Zach Morris?

He's half Indonesian. Half Indonesian. You're correct. That's wild. Yeah? He's half Indonesian. Half Indonesian. You're correct. That's wild. Yeah, he's half Asian. And the minute he dyes his hair dark, you see it. You go, oh. You absolutely see it.

But because he was fed to us as a white guy, people are like, oh, it's just a white boy. No. Yeah, because he was blonde on the show. But dark on him. But he was so dark on the show. You're talking about trash. Zach Morris had the trashiest dye job.

And he's not like, you know, Eastern Asian. He's like one of us. He's jungle Asian. He is Indonesian. He is my neighbor. Yeah, he's Southeast Asian. Yeah. That is crazy.

That's hot. Right? But that's hot. But like, if you give Zack Morris that arc arc on saved by the bell earlier maybe it does help people go oh i do like non-white guys or i like white guys but i also like indonesian guys i think that so many it sucks when you're like representation matters in hollywood but that probably would have helped a lot of little non-white boys be like oh i'm pretty cool i can be like a class favorite but it's i mean but we also have like ac slater being like a really really hot chicano like it's like i think

that white guys just get like put to the front more because from a marketing standpoint you want other white guys to be like okay i'll buy that but like more power to you if you can be like white guys i ain't down for it well it sort of speaks to what you you're saying before we started rolling which is like that i said a bunch of crazy shit i outed a bunch of people in hollywood can't get the tapes back you'll never know but like you know if if an actor comes out and he's gay and then he can't maybe he his career suffers from it and it's not just because women want to you know be think and fantasize about being with that guy but it's also because men want to be able to look up to superheroes and they're probably have

internalized homophobia and they don't want to if it's a gay person yeah is the reason people don't talk about richard pryor being queer is the reason people don't talk about Richard Pryor being queer? Is the reason people don't talk about Marlon Brando being queer? Is the reason people don't talk about James Dean being queer? Is the reason people don't want to talk about it? Those are facts? Yeah. The Marlon Brando thing makes sense for me somehow,

and it just makes him a fucker. Young Marlon brando i love by slut james dean by slut richard pryor slut oh yep whoa i honestly old marlon brando i would go for old marlon brando and the godfather yeah no like dementia is there any chance that misogyny is rooted from men being jealous of women that other men want to fuck us oh well them is that possible it's all connected because like fear homophobia is fear misogyny because fear of homophobia is rooted in like oh i'm a man i can never be treated like a woman if i treat like a woman i don't mean taking on dates i mean penetrated so people are scared that men won't be doing the

thing they think men are supposed to do which is being the penetrative partner instead of being the person being penetrated in sex it just come in so much of misogyny boils down to like well women are less than me because i get to fuck women and it's like no that's why people get so mad about lesbians that's why people get so mad about anyone who doesn't follow whatever the kind of codified sexual hierarchy is and it's like you you can't do that you're upending the rules we establish that's why so many cis men get mad about trans women because this is what they say they go you're a man why would you ever want to go down a peg you want to move up the ranks and it's like no they want to live authentically they want to be

themselves and they're like but why you already have everything you're a man and you go but that's not what they want and they go who could not want this and you go She doesn't it's her she don't want it it blows people's minds when you Do something that they don't want to do and they go why would you do that? Cuz I'm my own person I have autonomy. I have that too and someone's like I want white pizza. I'm like it needs sauce have that too when someone's like i want white pizza i'm like it needs sauce i like white pizza not white boys white pizza you're okay it's a piece of piece of blanca so you red sauce red sauce is what makes the pizza pizza for you thank you what makes the pizza pizza for you

pie anything okay all the toppings whatever variation or whatever weird creative whims speak to you is what pizza is. I don't have rules about food. If it looks good, I hate when people are like, this is how you eat this the authentic way. Shut the fuck up. She got a pain on everything she eats except for pussy. What makes pizza pizza for you? What makes pizza pizza dough? I like a red sauce, but for some pizzas you don't need it and because the chef will

be like no no if you do that you'll ruin this pizza so i usually try to respect the chef or the pizza maker the authority the authority on the people who've been doing it their whole life you're like submissive i'm a sub yeah i'll put it in my mouth put it on the plate uh whatever it is i don't care eight inches 12 inches put it in there we're talking about pizza you guys my god i am so not a size queen that is the one thing that i will i one time i oh let's talk about it so high he was a decathlete and such a great guy i could have ended up dating him if his dick wasn't i didn't even care so much about how big it was it's just that it hooked downwards

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demon it's like you're not big enough there are bigger dicks there are bigger dicks there are bigger decks your dick's not big enough especially because keep in mind you're not big enough. There are bigger dicks. There are bigger dicks. There are bigger dicks. Your dick's not big enough. Especially because, keep in mind, you're 13. Of course there are bigger dicks. So then you really have to have, like, enough faith, patience, and, like, self-awareness to be like, okay, but my dick is my dick, and I'm happy about it. And I'm saying this as a person with a dick that like i love and lots of other people love and i get compliments on all the time but like it's like

not all the time uh i get i get very aware of like girls saying they're not size queens and then every guy's response is like yeah but she's just saying that and it's like what you just invalidated the person that you do you want to have a big dig for your boys do you want to have a big dig for the dirty fucking guys really do invalidate that you're so right we were like recently on a like a male a big male comedians podcast i think we talked about this yeah and they totally rolled their eyes at us and like didn't want to have any any of it and but they just men don't want to believe that like i i felt like maybe i was being like a pick me girl or being like too polite i'm like no it's this is the fact like my canal does not enjoy a certain

level we are on canal street um i'll even say this like uh if you have a penis i'll just i don't care this is this is the podcast we'll do it um you can like when you're bumping someone's cervix or you like feel their iud oh okay too like you like it's just like one of those things where like sexually what's pleasurable for some people isn't pleasurable for other people and like I'm saying this also as a guy who like hooks up with guys and who's married to like an amazing guy like people truly don't understand that there can be like a full-on like okay I need a break from this dick and people won't you know like you're saying your canal like your vaginal canal doesn't enjoy like crazy crazy crazy shit and that's true for people's butts too like you know so many people if everyone's dick is destroying everyone then everyone will be like i can't have sex for two

days sorry right and that's so true and which is why on that same podcast, we talked about husband dick, where this is a dick I can enjoy regularly, daily, and with no damage to the rugae in my, you know what I mean? In my vagina. But guys get so, guys get so scared because penis size is like the one thing that like they think is like the biggest gotcha like it's always like an insult that you can use to like cut down another man it's always like an insult that like you hear growing up it's like one of those things that we're fully indoctrinated in yeah but then like whenever we

start talking about penis size and we also have to realize that like oh well we really really can't start to like until we see everyone's dick we can't always be like oh that person has a little dick that means you have to see so many dicks as a straight man to even know i if i'm attracted to a person it doesn't really matter like nothing else really matters it's like if i like you i like everything do you know what i'm saying yeah even feet well you know whatever like i was joking as long as he doesn't have like talons yeah i've uh i've also like and this happens whenever you like expand these conversations you have people who have different life experiences than you like there's also the idea kind of of like if penis size is the only gauge of masculinity

then there are a lot of trans men who end up getting insulted by everyone being like well if you're a man your dick has to be this big because like their their experience in their bodies is completely different than cis men so there's also i think we're learning how to talk about these things and yes for comedic purposes we have a bunch of jokes about a bunch of stupid shit that are just shorthanded versions of like things that we all have like been told but i think that i think that more people are learning how to articulate what y'all are saying it's like well i like this guy and this dick is part of this guy so i like this guy because i think a good way to put it it would be worse to say oh i like this dick and it happens to be with this dude who i don't like at all because that to me is like that's like a that's an objectification that if you did if you did that to women people would be like you're kind of a monster right right it's interesting how

horrible that sounds if it's a guy saying it. Yeah. And from a girl, it's like. I like these two holes and those boobs and the rest of her. I think for me, the way I look at it is just like I'm de-centering genitalia. Ooh, yes. Like I'm not genitalia forward. I'm like I'm around. I like I have to like whatever is around the genitalia and whatever exists in between those legs good if I like you I think I think we're good that sounds

exceptionally sane to me yeah like that's great but also I will say there's always going to be a part of and you have to fight it and you have to like push against it there's always a part of guys brains in america i can't speak to experiences other places but in western culture that's like oh she's lying yeah she's yeah my whole life it's got to be that i'm lying like god forbid that i have my own preferences and that i've sort of just like stuck by it. It always appears that way. Well, that is like the label that you've had for so long because of your past relationship. It's like because she was dating a man who's a small Asian guy and she's beautiful. Everyone's like, she's a gold digger.

Yeah. Just because you're beautiful and they think that the guy you're with is ugly but i think it speaks more to how what they think of him than what they think of me which is really insulting for him especially if they're fans of his right it's like all of his fans are always like you know just oh okay okay put everything i put everything together her ex is bob yeah yeah and so like our entire relationship we were together for 10 years, has been like, Bobby, she's this and she's that. And she's only got to be with you for this. And it's like, you guys, you're calling him ugly.

You're also taking away his agency. You're taking away the fact that he might be able to make his own decisions at 51 years old. They were raised with him on mad tv and he's very funny and charming enough that he definitely could like land some dates that's the wild part whenever someone's surprised that a male comic has a hot girlfriend like didn't he just charm all of y'all strangers do you think he can't do it for one person it's always so weird that's the one thing because sometimes if it's just like this super boring quiet non-interesting person you'll be like what is the appeal but with a male comic a dating a hot person i'm always like welcome all right yeah okay cool easy to see that's yeah

it's and especially it's funny that you're like, and because they're fans of his. They're like, I like him, but why does she? Yes, exactly. You just said you like him. Yeah, but he's mine. You don't need to like him. Why do you like him? Why do you like him?

I mean, you pay to see him. Yeah. I didn't have to pay. I had hard eyes, and I said, okay, and I opened my legs. It was as simple as that. Jealous. Yeah. They just want to fuck that. Jealous. Yeah. They just want to fuck him.

And they mad that you're doing it. It's fun, but you did it. Your other bit that I love so much is you talk about your wedding. Oh, yeah. And you say that, like, you're just introducing gay people to other gay people, but they've already had sex with each other. Yeah. I say when you get married in New York City, you spend most of your wedding day introducing gay men who live in New York City to other gay men

they have already slept with. Which was partially my experience at my wedding because I went to two weddings kind of like before my wedding. And both weddings, particularly one wedding, had so many people that had like some sort of history myself uh my husband included in like that whole thing where i was like this is silly this is so silly that so many of these people at this reception i've either seen naked in person or on my phone this is hilarious oh my god and i just kind of wanted to also talk

about like the the silliness of that but also the fun part of that there's also an element to that story where because gay social circles a lot of people fuck first then become friends later you have that aspect of it too where it's like oh we hooked up but he's like a really cool dude we're probably not gonna hook up again but we we should definitely watch drag race together i like the pragmatism of that there's like there's something just really nice like even i think like when i see my married gay friends like how they handle their relationships their views on monogamy their kind of like flexibility on certain ideas that other people are very rigid about. Like I kind of like there's like a relief. I almost wish that like I do have like gay man envy in that way.

There's some part of gay culture around 2015 that was like, we have to get married. And then a lot of people got married and they're like i still want to party though they're like or just like i didn't want to get married like that i want to get married the way i wanted to get married and still be able to can we and so you saw a lot of people kind of have that conversation dan savage talked a lot about like his view on monogamish people like what monogamy means for different people and the easiest part of gay relationships having much more flexibility with that is the fact there's never the fear and this is an old old old fear there's never the fear

that a child isn't yours so like a lot of straight guys their biggest fear their biggest fear is that child isn't mine that child isn't mine so when I die someone who isn't of my bloodline is gonna get my stuff it becomes very um Game of Thrones it actually becomes like very old kind of like it's it's like early modern period it's it's close to like shakespearean times but it's rooted in this idea of like the great chain of beings so if you have god angel you know god like jesus angels and then like closer to the top you have like royalty so if you're royal your blood is different your entire existence is different and if you're not royal then you can't get up there.

So there should never be interaction between these two. So we need like an actual clear line of succession. And we need to make sure that only people with good royal blood are fucking other people like that. That's why they have to fuck their first cousins and second cousins and shit. So then here's what happens. If infidelity occurs, then that means a stable boy fucked a princess. That means that princess is going to give birth to a hybrid, a fucking bastard. That's why bastard was such an insult, because you were bastardizing the line.

You were basically ruining the great chain of being because your dirty poor person blood was mixing with royal blood. And now we don't know who to give this stuff to. It's true. And so it works its way all the way down to now in American society. If a guy works 30 years for a company, he has two kids, he has his firstborn son, and he's blonde, and his wife is blonde, but oh, this motherfucker's brunette. When he dies, the milkman's son is going to get his shit.

And it just ruins people. That's why they're so scared of being cuckolded. They're so scared of basically being tricked by this evil woman who couldn't control her urges. And she let this other man come inside of her. And now he is is gonna get your stuff it's all stuff based and we're gonna get your happy meal too yes but with gay man you're like those kids are going in the toilet they're not going anywhere you know it's like it's different oh that's such a good way to put it. I know.

I always sort of thought that it had, in which it might, but like that gay men had to fight for just the right to like have their love and like exist that it's like, well, they fought this hard for it. They want to, you know. That's such a beautiful way to think about it. I think that's definitely a part of it. But whenever you don't have to deal with like inheritance and like full on you don't have to deal with like infidelity leading to like kids that aren't yours you are so calm about it you like don't stress at all because the thing that happened is sex not a child right people get people get super worked up about vice versa right for women um

thinking that another woman will be impregnated yeah right yeah yeah so it's like because and it's resource guarding because if that other one is resource if that other woman gets impregnated then that means oh shit he's gonna have to devote time money resources and focus on her because he's gonna have to take care of that kid i'm'm going to have less stuff because she is going to require more stuff right now. There was a it's so sad, but you can see people's wheels turning. It's like, no, no, no. If you get her pregnant, oh, my fucking God, you have taken everything from me. You were supposed to give me that baby vis-a-vis. You were supposed to give me that stuff. You're taking stuff away from me. It is stuff.

It's ownership of things. It's cars. It's houses. It's money. It's time. It's heirlooms. Yeah, it's your come is mine. Yeah. Which is also hot. If you ever say it to someone... We both locked eyes there. I used to say that.

And I was like, well, I need to go, you guys. I gotta get out of here real quick. It's that kind of day in New York. It's hot enough

if someone was like, you come as mine. I'm like, you're right. It is. It's yours. It's only yours. For now,

how much do you need? $4. Okay, sweet. Oh, that? $4. Okay, sweet. That's so good. I didn't know I'd be getting such a full-on education today. I feel so enlightened. This is great. I love being able to tie this stuff back to sex

because we think, oh, this doesn't relate to sex. It doesn't relate to sex at all. It totally relates to sex. It's so interconnected because sex is at the core of so many of the fights that people have sex is at the core of like weird racism that people have sex is at the core is like the fear is like the feminization of asian man and like the hyper masculinization of black men that's sexual at its core a lot of people are like my daughter's never gonna date a black guy not because they don't want to create

a beautiful drake but because they don't want that mythological huge black dick ruining and or raping their white daughter what is okay what is your opinion on i posted this and i said this on this podcast a few weeks ago and people were upset with me oh i love it but i have like a a i guess you could call it a kink or a fetish or look i saw schindler's list at a pivotal oh this is the nazi thing yeah the guard thing i'm would that is a fantasy for me of like a nazi to save me and i think uh what would like a therapist say kinks and thoughts aren't reality it'll you aren't seeking that out it is a kink that you express and people are allowed to have opinions on it but it's just because of the taboo nature of sexuality plus the taboo nature of this subject.

It's a power dynamic. I mean, if we look, okay, we, if we take away like the ethnic cleansing element of it, we let that shit happen. We let it happen as like a major subplot point and plot line on Orange is the New Black. Because if you're a CO fucking inmates, you raped someone because they don't have power in jail it's true yeah that's a great point yeah now also before we finish up i want to ask you what is your sort of do you have any like advice or thoughts on me or anyone else who does deal with this internalized homophobia of like not wanting to be attracted to a bisexual man um i think articulating it and saying oh why am i having this feeling about this what about this makes me less

attracted to him is like the first step and then the second step is kind of like and this is gonna sound silly watch more gay porn watch more gay porn and be like oh okay i kind of like and this is gonna sound silly watch more gay porn watch more gay porn and be like oh okay I kind of like this oh this is watch more MMF porn so like there's a girl there maybe the fun part for you is like fighting over the boy in the in the MMF threesome for you it's like no you're not gonna have him he's mine I'm in like the playful nature of that i've had an mmf with a married couple oh really yeah it's uh it wasn't a relationship it was just well it was a relationship in the nature there was like a sexual relationship but like you guys lived together no no we just hooked up like just i'm talking about mmf porn category just like we would we would hook up like

it was like so he was like i'll say this in a way that I want people to know. He like is pretty straight, but she was like, oh, would you be, would you two, would you two be okay kissing? And it was like, okay with kissing and stuff. And I think it was him like also figuring out what he wanted in that situation. So I think the more that we kind of like test the waters with this and the more that we allow people to be like oh okay let me watch this and not just watch it as porn just watch it to be like well okay what do I not like about this what do I like about this maybe I'm actually more

attracted to like a FFM situation Maybe I want to see him with another girl so I know that's what he could be doing to me instead of my fear of that stuff that he's doing with that guy won't even be, you can't even apply those course credits to this. That's not going to work with me. You need to be taking a class that you can actually use. You know what I mean?

Like telling people to get a degree in something that's useful. I think you're not evil. I think internalized homophobia, I do a lot of externally gay shit, but I still have internalized homophobia because I grew up in America. I grew up in Mississippi. That shit can get chipped away at, but the core of it will always be there, and I'm able to go, OK, I can rationalize.

But some stuff still is like, oh, no. Like it's almost like the desire sometimes that you have when you're around cool straight dudes to like bush it up. And you're like, but girl, you don't get on stage and talk about your wedding. So why are you being bro-y around the dudes? Just because it makes you feel a little better? Okay. Yeah. Interesting.

I wonder if it helped me to see family members growing up. I would see my uncles and my male cousins who were married with children. But on the weekend when the whole family would go out to like the province say for instance i would see my uncles and my older male cousins hook up with dudes yeah and it was sort of like an agreement between them that like no one would talk about it but i just saw it a lot and kind of no one made a fuss about it and then they just carried on in their marriages like nothing. And I feel like as though their wives knew. So like maybe that shaped my idea or why it's not so like shocking to me. Like it's very normal for me to see a man go either direction and it's not a turnoff for me.

That may totally make sense. But that's like such a cool story that's like casual for you. But in my head, I was like... Well, to be fair, the men in my family were horrible husbands, horrible dads, which is why they always cheated.

But then the cheating was so open and even the young kids, their kids saw it. You know what I mean? But I would see them cheat on their wives with men But then the cheating was so open. And even the young kids, their kids saw it. You know what I mean? But I would see them cheat on their wives with men. And I was just like, oh, I guess this is just what we do as a family. You know?

So as fucked up as it was. Dude, Catholics are weird, man. Catholics are weird. Like my same cousin married. He has six sons, surprisingly. But he was like the biggest meth dealer on my island. But he would never miss mass on Sunday. And he would take the kalawat, the bread. And everyone would just be like, all is good in the world.

So it was really confusing for me to be like, what's happening here? Does Catholicism like turn sex or gay sex, all sex, like, into this naughty, evil thing. So then it makes you want it more, right? Yeah, of course. It's like when you're kids who grow up in households where you can't have candy and then you grow up and all you want is candy. You go to one person's house and they're like, you want some candy? And you're like, yeah, I have candy.

Do you understand how much fucking candy I'm about to do? You don't do candy. I'm doing this fucking candy. Please make that a bet. Oh, my God. You don't do candy, bro. Bring me a credit card. I'm about to do this fucking candy.

Well, Jay, thank you so much for doing that. Thank you for having me. This was so much fun. This is more like the coolest. You're the coolest. Superstar. Are you on tour right now? Where can people Thank you for having me. This was so much fun. This is more like the coolest. Very coolest. Superstar. Are you on tour right now? Where can people find you?

All right. So you can find me on social media at Jay Jordan, J-A-Y-J-U-R-D-E-N. It's spelled the same across all platforms. I am on like a tiny kind of sort of tour.

I'm a writer for The Problem with Jon Stewart. And so we have a little bit of a break right now so I was just in Royal Oak but I'm going to be in Chicago I'm going to be in Boston I'm going to be in Arlington

I'm going to be in Bloomington I'll put all that stuff on all my social media Bloomington is the most fun Where are you playing in Chicago? I'm going to be at Zaney's Oh that's awesome That would be fun Eat a Portillo sandwich Okay, do it Set loom all naughties Where are you playing in Chicago? I'm going to be a Zany's. Oh, that's awesome. So it'll be fun.

Eat a Portillo sandwich. Okay, no, yeah. Set loom all naughties. Yeah. Go see Jay. And wait, what's your website? JayJurden.com. So everything is just my name.

If you type my name in Google, I should be the one that comes up. And honestly, you guys have to see his standup. It's so smart and funny and real real like your stand-up is exactly the style that i really respond to because it's it's not just jokes for jokes it's like you are expressing who you are and how you feel and it's funny that means a lot i love your stuff too so when you're saying that it means a lot it really does and thank you for being here and please come back anytime. Thank you.