Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Brooke Schofield Feels Safe on Trash Tuesday

Episode Date: December 31, 2024

This week’s guest is a True Blue SLUG – a sexy, little, hilarious, mentally ill, self aware, relatable queen: Brooke Schofield. The gals talk about bad titties, bad thoughts, bad habits, bad family, bad sandwich chain mascots, & the baddest of all bad things – bad men. There is nothing more on brand than making a f**ed up gal feel safe, seen & right at home <3 hny sluggies - ty for letting us be our true unhinged selves every week, here's to 2025 ! ______________________________________________________________________ PLEASE show your love and Like & Subscribe to Our Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@TrashTuesday   Esther's Solo Pod:  https://esthersgrouptherapy.substack.com/ Visit Ebb Ocean Club & Holiday Shop:  https://www.ebboceanclub.com/ for Khalyla’s reef safe and biodegradable hair products! ______________________________________________________________________ More Brooke! Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@cancelledpodcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/brookeschofield/ Chapters: 00:00 You’re One of Us 01:00 Everyone has a shitty titty 10:18 Brooke & Tana’s Friend Vaping on K’s Plane 13:30 Brooke’s Anxiety  17:00 Khalyla: Filipino’s Don’t Claim Clinton 22:00 Being a Mom Who’s Controlling 34:00 Bat Sh*t Crazy Family 37:15 Brooke’s Borderline Diagnosis 47:50 Jared Fogle & Esther’s Complicated Feelings 57:00 We’re all Sick on Trash Tuesday ______________________________________________________________________ FOLLOW TRASH ON SOCIALS:  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itstrashtuesday MORE ESTHER: Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@esthermonster Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster MORE KHALYLA: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Tigerbelly Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@TigerBelly PRODUCTION: Production Team: Tiny Legends, LLC:  https://www.instagram.com/tinylegends.prod/ Stella Young: https://www.instagram.com/estellayoung/ Guy Robinson: https://www.instagram.com/grobfps/ Ariel Moreno: https://www.instagram.com/jade.rabbit.cce/ Edited By: Case Blackwell:  https://www.instagram.com/caseblackwell/

It's gonna sound a little bit sick. I know, I feel like, but. What? Sorry, I was gonna say, like, we keep saying, like, these things, like, that are so dark, but it's like. That's our show. I love that. Yeah, it's a show. Okay, good.

Is your show not like that? No, if I said, like, oh yeah, I was gonna tell myself on my show, like, I feel like it'd be like, everyone would be like, maybe don't say that. Oh, no, no, no, that's all we talk about is, yeah. Oh, I love it here. That was surprising to me,

because you seem so open with all your flaws. I am open about it. I just feel like I sometimes I feel I mean, I'm sure you guys relate to this too, but it's just like awkward, like because it because it makes other people feel uncomfortable. Like if like if I talk about like certain family things and stuff, like I say it out loud and everyone's like, oh, so I don't say a lot of things like just for fear of like making people feel weird. You're in the right place.

Wait, I just know everything about your huge boobs. Oh my God, I'm so excited, honestly. Wait. I talk about them for days. They're literally, they're new? They're new and I meant for them to be, well, I guess I did mean for them to be huge, but maybe not this huge. I'm trying to grow into them a little.

Like maybe like get some backside because I'm built like an air pod. No. No, like not kidding at all. Let me see your butt, honestly. I want to know if you're lying. I can't even, I'm so ashamed of it. That's crazy.

Stop. No, I like literally can't. No, because now I'm scared. I saw you walk in, I did not notice an air pod. It's that you didn't notice anything at all, and that's the problem. So you were covering it with a jacket, because I have delusional, I think I have a good butt,

but no. You do have a good butt. But let me see your butt. I didn't know have to bend over Okay No because no here's here's the thing broke it's like every we're all we're all crazy about our body proportions because that's a normal butt. That's a great butt. Well, I used to have a rounder butt, but then I lost weight, and then now I'm watching the challenge right now and everybody on there is obviously so built.

And so tomorrow I start training. Tomorrow. I love when I meet someone and they're like, tomorrow everything's changing. No, I really, I actually am training tomorrow. For gains. For gains. Yeah, for gains. And honestly, I wanna go on the challenge so bad that I'm like, I think that's what I'm training

Do you have an athletic background? I was a dancer so like kind of dance I'm like all all kinds of dance same really? Yeah ballet tap jazz lyrical modern. Oh my god love I was never a tapper. I wanted to be a tapper so bad, but I Tapping with my gateway in and I understand that that makes me lame, but. No, it doesn't. It doesn't. Thank you. I feel like ballet is the normal, everyone starts with ballet when you're little.

Yeah, did you dance all throughout high school? Mm-hmm. Do you still go to ballet classes? No, I'll sometimes take hip hop, which is so funny, because I never took hip hop growing up, and I don't know who I think I am now, but. I'm really bad at hip hop. I pop in every once in a while, and it's embarrassing, which is so funny, because I never took hip hop growing up, and I don't know who I think I am now, but I like pop in every once in a while, and it's like embarrassing,

because it's like, I'm like 30. So it's like I shouldn't be. I'm 36, I go to ballet. Wait, you do go to ballet. Well, first of all, ballet is different. I'm in a, like, I'll go to like a beginner class, because I'm like just afraid, and there's like 11 year olds in there, and I'm 30.

So that's why it's embarrassing. It's not embarrassing to go to a dance as a 30 year old. I'm also 28. I don't know why I'm saying 30. Wait what? You know what? That's the hack. Okay, no, I've been saying this for a long time.

Before I turned 40, when I was all of 39, I stopped telling people I was 39 and 38. I just said 40. I'm 40 and 40 and 40. So by the time I did turn 40, I was like, oh, this isn't anything. This isn't a big deal. Who cares? Yeah, no problem. I'm running up and I don't know 40. So by the time I did turn 40, I was like, oh, this isn't anything. This isn't a big deal. Who cares? Yeah, no problem.

I'm rounding up and I don't know why. You're cheating yourselves. Why? Yeah, I guess I'm 25. So yeah, I think that's a better. What's the truth? I'm 28. I just turned 28 a couple of days ago.

Okay. Happy birthday. Wait, can you tell me about your crooked face? Yeah. So I had Bell's Palsy and it's actually crazy because it's not contagious. Obviously you know that, but my- Herpes is and herpes can cause a facial paralysis. Do you have herpes? I don't.

Oh, see I've never had a cold sore. I have HSV1, so maybe that's why I have it. But my grandma had it, and only a few weeks before me, and it's not contagious, so it's just so strange for us both to get it. I didn't even know you could get it twice. Yeah, I got it. Well, I also, the second time, I was not sure if it was that

or if I was just delusional, but I got it. And I also had whooping cough at the same time. So I think which was just horrible. We were like a vet conference. Wait, no. Did you get vaccinated? No, I probably not. My mom's not the type. But my immune system was already like so shot. It was so miserable. And then all of a sudden, like I was sitting at dinner and my grandma was like, are you having a stroke? That's exactly how it was for me. And then how long did it last? I can't remember.

It was probably just a few weeks. How long have you been struggling? A couple months now. Really? Yeah, a couple months. That's so crazy. I know, but they say it could take like six months or it could not resolve, but I have to kind of live with.

Well, I'm like not noticing it right now. Thank you. She is wearing huge sunglasses. Yeah, did my eye my left eye But it is a lot. I just have that in general Wait from the bells. Maybe that did look really bells coated. I will say no I'm doing that like I mean I just do that I tell people like because I have one side of my smile that doesn't like go as much as the other. And I tell people that's a Bell's palsy, but like I've always had that. But I like, I just don't want to, like, you know,

I'll just be like, yeah, that was Bell's palsy. Do you get the masseter Botox? I used to. I have something to say about that. What's going on? I used to, and I got- Gels. I got no, I got, they did it too much and I signed this for like six months.

Not really, like probably three months. So you gave yourself a third Bill Spalding. Yeah, yeah, I just did. I, they did a bad job or something or I got too much and I smile. It's literally like this. It was so traumatizing and you can't like Botox. You have to wait for it to wear off. So I was like, so embarrassed. I feel like this is a scam because they tell you that it kind of like, you know, thins out your face, right? It really worked for me, but you get jowls from that.

You get jowls. Wait, I just learned what jowls were. I just found out. I don't want to learn. So this drops. So you know how like I have a pretty good jaw line in general, it took that away, it rounded it out and it made me heavy down here

and made me so fucking ugly. I hated it. Sometimes I love a good jaw. I don't know what I was thinking. I just wanted to look skinnier. So I was just like, anything you can put in there, please do. But I look back and I'm like, oh my God.

So it was aesthetic. It wasn't for like TMJ. No, nothing for me is medical. Not at all. Not even the large breasts, those were not for medical purposes? Not at all. They are protective though.

What kinds did you get? I got the gummy bear, I got them under the muscle. Yeah. And I got like pretty huge, but they're like completely different sizes. One of them, I think this one's like 300 and this one's like 375. I think that's normal.

Wait, why? It's because they were different sizes to start. Asymmetrical. No one has symmetrical tits like you Esther. I don't have symmetrical tits. Really? Are you kidding? I've once had a guy like, oh, those are different sizes. I'm like, thanks. Why do you have to notice that? Yeah. I've had that before too, where someone like physically, like literally be like, oh,

that's weird. I'm like, wait, first of all, why would you do that? I know that. I did get medical Botox one time though, but it was like, I wanted the Botox, but I wanted my insurance to cover it. So I like went through the whole process. Like if you get it for migraines, they do like the top of your head, down your shoulders, like down your back. And I did it all just so that I couldn't move my forehead.

My medical insurance covers my Botox in my armpits, my hands and feet. And I got it done for six years with Kaiser because I was their guinea pig. Cause I have hyperhidrosis. Like I just sweat like a fucking pig. And I would get like 50 shots per hand to the point where I couldn't like hold a pen

or hold anything because they had just atrophied. Yeah. It was so silly, but I wanted so badly not to sweat. So I gave that up. Hi baby. Does it make you sweat other places if you do that? Compensatory? No, that's if you do like, they cut the nerve here sometimes, or they alter it for people who sweat excessively. I never if you do that? Compensatory? No, that's if you do, like they cut the nerve here sometimes

or they alter it for people who sweat excessively. I never want to do that because they say, what you're saying is like, you'll start to sweat in like your fucking eyelids or something, some other weird place that's not supposed to sweat. Yeah, because it's like, you got to get it out, I guess. Yeah. Right, it's got to come out somewhere.

Wait, what size boobies were you before? I had, so I grew up up having just huge boobs always. I had like double D's my whole life. And then I lost like 30 pounds. And so I was like traumatized because that was my identity. That sounds bad, but I really like, that was always my thing. I felt like I was really confident about it.

And I always knew if I went in the room or walked in a room, it was like, oh, she's got tits on her. And then all of a sudden, I did not get that attention anymore. And it was like, I, she's got tits on her. And then all of a sudden, I did not get that attention anymore. And it was like, I had an identity crisis. How smaller were you? What sizes did you get down to? I was never wearing bras, but I lost-

You were never, excuse me? I always wear little skims. I never wear a real bra. You wear a bralette? Yeah, I wear, yeah. But they were a lot smaller. I probably three sizes smaller. To the point where nobody was noticing my boobs at all. Yeah, I were yeah, but they were a lot smaller like I Probably like three sizes smaller like to the point where nobody was noticing my boobs at all and I was like this is not Going to work for me. Honestly as a as a weight fluctuation fellow companion of yours, like I understand that struggle

It's really hard like because it can they can really be huge and then really small and you're like, who am I? Yeah, and it sucks because when once they get huge when they do get small now, they're like behind me and you're like, who am I? Yeah, and it sucks because once they get huge, when they do get small, now they're like behind me. They're like, if I lay down, like they're touching both sides of the bed. That's what happened to me. So I had breast implants and then X-plants. Really?

Why did you take them out? As soon as I had them put in, I had like a panic attack. I woke up with big tits and I was like, wait, I don't feel right. And then my body was just going through some weird like rejection of it. I had the contracture and like the left one. The capsular.

The capsular, yeah. And it was like really, really hard. And I hate it. I didn't like the way I looked, which was a surprise to me, cause I love big tits. I love looking at big tits. I like touching big tits.

Just not on myself. I felt claustrophobic in it, which is really weird thing. Yeah, I get that. I think I was just used to having them. And so then I had the empty space and I just filled on myself. I felt claustrophobic in it, which is really weird. I get that. I think I was just used to having them. And so I had the empty space and I just filled it up. Yeah, that makes, I feel like that's the perfect recipe because then it looks more natural.

Yeah, they're really like low. They hang low right now. I'm like, I have them binded down basically because the shirts are tight. I love how low they are. Thank you. I wanted them to be low. They like suggested a lift for me and I was like, no,

I want like, I want them to look like they're my real, just huge boobs. Oh, I really want to see them. There's so, oh, you can and I was like, no. I want them to look like they're my real, just huge boobs. Oh, I really wanna see them. Oh, you can see them. Okay, good. And I'll show you the scars too, because I have no scar. You get it under the nipple?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's the best. It's crazy. I have a little bit of something over here, but this one's my favorite anyway. Wait, that's my favorite too. Wait, everyone has a shitty titty. It is, this is always my smaller one.

And so now I just feel like I don't connect with her as much. Same, my left is absolutely a shitty titty. It is, this is always my smaller one. And so now I just feel like I don't connect with her as much. Same, my left is absolutely my shitty titty. I am so angry. Wait, all of us have the same favorite pose. That's like a special thing. Yeah, it makes a lot of sense to me. So I was on a plane to Hawaii and I'm already like an anxious flyer

and maybe five to 10 minutes into my flight to Hawaii, a fucking loud smoke alarm goes off. Freaked out, I thought the plane was going down. Even the flight attendants were like, what the fuck is going on? I don't know if you ever heard that sound, but it's like jarring. You think something like, there's like

some mechanical failure. Yeah, and you don't want to, if you're flying over the ocean, that's just not when you write. I'm like, oh, fuck, we're going down. And then someone comes out of the bathroom. And then I look over to my left. Oh, this is my friend, isn't it? Yes. What?

Who is my friend? I was just I was getting ready, gearing up to tell you that this happened to my friend because she was vaping in the bathroom. And I realized you said you were going to Hawaii. And I was like, oh, that was my friend. Yeah, I was so upset because because I'm already kind of like, I had rushed to the airport, I'm an anxious flyer,

I'm sweating during takeoff. What are the odds of this? That's like really- They were sat right next to me. Like, and I was on the window and they were the aisle. Oh gosh, that was already probably a hard experience. And I was like, because they were already drinking, they were having such a good time.

And I was like, oh wow. They're loud too, this is a loud group. And I was like kind of happy that they,, they were having such a good time. And I was like, oh wow. They're allowed to, this is a loud group. And I was like kind of happy that they, it was like a big group of friends. I was like, oh, they're so cool. Look at them, look at them go. And then that happened and I was like, I'm gonna take someone out on this land.

No, and the feds were at the, like they were waiting for her at the landing because she was like, that's like a federal crime. I didn't even know that it was Tana because she had like a hood on. I didn't even know that it was Tana because she had like a hood on. I just saw her come out of the bathroom. And then I saw when the feds came and actually like escorted her out.

And then I heard Tana say like, I mean, I'll bail her out but I don't know what else I can do. I know she was calling her lawyer. She was like saying like, what am I gonna have to do here? Cause like she really like, we thought she was gonna, or they thought she was gonna go to jail. In the group chat at this moment was just like crazy. Cause she was swearing up and down that she didn't do it.

But I know this girl. You know what I mean? I'm like, you were vaping in the bathroom. Like don't lie to me. 100%. I was witness to everything and I heard Tana say, you have to tell me the truth. Were you or were you not?

Like they were having a whole discussion and I was just over here like, you gotta, you got. Such a fun, like what are the odds of that? I know. I missed all this. I was right next to them. Did you get involved? I did not get involved.

I didn't even realize it was Tana. I was just angry at Lila. Yeah, I would have been so pissed at her too because like they said it went on for like ever too. So like. It was so scary. And everybody's panning. And imagine the embarrassment if you're the one and you're like.

Wow, that's so weird. Who did that? Vaping is never that important in my, I mean, do you guys vape? No, I don't. Oh yeah, you can't vape. You just had a pregnancy. Yeah.

You can't vape, but I've never, I couldn't get into it. I honestly tried. Really? Like I literally was like actively trying to get into vaping and it just, I couldn't even, I can't even inhale. What, so do you have any sort of like little vices? I don't.

Really? Well, I mean, I'm sure I do. Like I'm a drinker, but like I don't have anything like I do on the daily. Yeah. Oh no, yes I do. I like Gabapentin. Like I'm not abusing it.

It's like, I don't even know what it is. I feel like you might know what this is. Cause you're- Gabapentin is for nerve pain. I'm a scientist. Were you a scientist? No, I was't even know what it is. I feel like you might know what this is. Cause you're- Gabby Pentin is for nerve gay. I'm a scientist. Were you a scientist? No, I was listening to your Hannah Berner episode on the way here and you were like talking about

like microbiology and like toxoplasmosis or whatever. But I was like, honestly, I should ask her some questions cause I have cats, but we have it. We're deranged because we have cats. That's what it is. So I take Gabby Pentin, like I was taking it for a while for just like anxiety. I mean, I still am taking it for anxiety, but take gabapentin. I was taking it for a while for just anxiety. I mean, I still am taking it for anxiety,

but it's just like, I'm so dependent on it now that I took one on the way here because I was like, I'm scared. I think that they say, they say gabapentin is not habit forming, but I just don't believe that because they give it out in doses for anxiety, they give it out for nerve pain,

but it really does a really good job. It does. It's like, how can it not be like habit for me? I don't think it is. It is absolutely. It is. And you can take like, I never take more than like a hundred milligrams at a time. You can take up to like 600 in a day.

But it's crazy that you're not sleepy or tired. Well, I just take it so I take it like probably every day now because it's like I originally started taking it because I was taking Xanax like after a bad breakup and I was so anxious and like wanted to die that I like had to take Xanax all the time and I couldn't remember like my whole life. So I was like, I need something different. Yeah, I mean, I guess in Gaba is a little bit better than, you know, doing Xanax over there.

But it took one on the way here. It just like, it's the best thing because I used to have to like, I'm so anxious. So I used to have to like pregame something like this. Like I would just be so scared. Pregame like alcohol? Yes, I would like this. I would just be so scared. Pregame like alcohol? Yes. I would do it. I would have done it. I'm really glad that you're not pregaming.

You wouldn't have known. I might have had a glass of wine and then I would have just been less anxious. But that's what I don't want. I don't know. But I think that's the thing with anxiety. It has no rhyme or reason. It's very physical. It sucks. It sucks. I get panic. It just is like this. It's very physical. Yeah, it sucks.

It sucks. I get panic attacks and it's like, for what? I'm in the middle of Disneyland with my family, like eating a churro. Yeah, I don't know. And we're happy and it just floods your body and you don't know why you wanna just run to where? You don't know, but you wanna run and bolt

and hide and scream. Yeah, it's the worst. I was once having a sleepover with this really pretty girl and the first thing she did when she woke up, she opened her eyes, rolled over and just grabbed a bottle of vodka and started drinking out of it. And I was like, okay, well, I was having fun for real.

What, it was like a very scary thing I've never seen before. That is really scary. She had to pregame to hang out with you. Oh Esther, was this in college? No, it was adult life. Really? Yeah, it was 20s to 30s. I wonder where she was going through.

Yeah, she's better now though. I can confirm. But yeah, I didn't realize that was prescription. Maybe you could like taper off with something like L-theanine. Have you heard of that? I haven't heard of that. But I'm also not like addicted to it.

Like I could go, I do go days without taking it. Yeah, okay. Like today I was anxious because I was coming on. Oh my God, wait, why though? I took one before talk two. Like, you know what I mean? Like I just get anxious. I think like I used to go on podcasts all the time and then like we toured and stuff.

So I didn't for a long time. And now for some reason it's like, I get so anxious. Yeah. I feel like- I think that makes sense. Meeting new people, having a conversation that's filmed. Like it's natural to be anxious for something like this. Yeah, I'm already like kind of socially awkward. So it's like adding like seven cameras is like strange.

You really don't. But I also just like love you guys. Oh my God, we love you. I'm also so triggered to hear a girl with big boobs say she's so socially awkward. That's why I have to have big boobs. It's a conversation starter. See, that's the first thing you said to me.

It's true. I was just shocked. Really? I feel like I really show them. It's a conversation starter. See, that's the first thing you said to me. It's true. I was just shocked. Really? I feel like I really show them. I don't know why. When I looked at your, I guess I was just looking at your beautiful face all the time I didn't notice.

I also just got them. I got them in like June or yeah, June. So they're like a few months old. Copy that. We can cut this out if we want, but I just wanna say on behalf of the Filipino community, me being born and raised in the Philippines, we completely do not claim Clinton Cain.

We reject him completely. That's so funny. Yeah, I don't know what happened there, but that was a really- If that was really for your Xanax. It was, because I feel like that was like a unique Breakup to where it wasn't like oh, we just broke up. I was like oh my god This man like literally faked the death of his family, so that was like that's crazy. It's so salty I don't even know about that

I thought I had it bad when an ex of mine lied about traveling to Sri Lanka and he never he'd never gone to Sri Lanka That's really strange because Clinton also said that he lived in Sri Lanka Are you kidding me? Do you think they know each other? That's really strange because Clinton also said that he lived in Sri Lanka. Are you kidding me? Do you think they know each other? That's funny that you don't know about this. That's like my like biggest thing. And I can't first, I'm like embarrassed now to even talk about it because people are like,

Brooke shut the fuck up about it. But I had a boyfriend, spark notes is I had a boyfriend. He faked the death of his family, faked an Australian accent, told me he was from Australia, like lied about his age. Like it was a whole thing. So you dated like a scam artist? Yes, I dated like the Tinder swindler.

He wasn't even like, I don't know what was wrong with me. I'd listen back to videos and stuff, and I'm like, wait. It was right in front of you. OK, how did this happen to you, though? I'm curious, because I have had a similar thing where I would just date the first person who hit on me. And like, it was just like my whole 20s, it was really bad. But do you feel like you're someone

that's just susceptible to that? Like, because you seem like you're pretty and you should be like, honestly more picky. That's really nice. But I... You're like, actually I'm really ugly. I haven't, no, I haven't like dated a lot of people. I've had like three boyfriends my entire life.

And one of them was? Yeah, and one of them was him. Famous scam artist. Yeah, yes. That's pretty lucky. But he was a singer and I loved his music and stuff, so I feel like I just got bamboozled. So you knew who he was, so you had that built-in trust.

Yeah, I just already felt like I knew him because he's singing about his dead mom. I'm like, that's so sad. Do you feel like you have, like, are you, do you date bad? Like bad guys? Do you have a bad picker? Yeah. I did, yeah.

Historically, I've like always chosen like horrible, awful guys, but I feel like I'm better. I'm good now. Yeah. Is that a thing you can fix though? Like having a bad picker or is that something you fixed through like addressing your trauma and then you, you know, figure out.

I feel like it's trial and error and I'm like, I feel like I've seen the worst of it. I hope to God I've seen the worst of it. Cause if it gets worse than that, like I have to just like literally die. When you watch Saltburn, were you like, oh my God. It was exactly, like literally I was like, I felt it was like traumatizing. Cause I was like just like literally die. When you watched Saltburn, were you like, oh my God. It was exactly, like literally I was like, I felt it was like traumatizing

because I was like, I lived this. That is so crazy. I don't get it. But yeah, thank you for saying that. I don't think anyone claims him. I think it's guess and check, you know? It's like you just guess this could work out and then you check and you're like, this was a mistake.

Yeah, I dated a gay guy for a couple of years. Really? I get how that could happen though. It really, I'm telling you. I like love gay guys, honestly. Like I feel like that's something I would fall into as well. And then I, you know, just to cover for myself,

I started telling everyone, it's okay. Like I'm into half gay boys, but that's only because I've accidentally dated half gay boys. So to defend myself, to get ahead of it, I would say like, oh yeah, I like bi, you know? I'm like into that. It's like getting cheated on and being like,

no, I'm actually polyamorous. Yeah. Exactly. But I really like, I've had like genuine actual crushes on like a lot of gay people, especially like dancing growing up, like the male dancers, it was like, I'm in love with you. And it's like, he's on point.

You don't love him. I've had that with Broadway stars too, where I'm just like, RIP Gavin Creel, who recently passed away, but he was my favorite. I was like, I'm gonna marry him. And it was like, you're definitely not gonna. I can prove it to you. I feel like that could be good for just like companionship though, like mutually beneficial,

like I would marry a gay guy, like have a child and then just like we can do our own things. That is a fantasy I feel like that gets thrown out around a lot and never, I never see it happen. I feel like that might be more sustainable than a hetero relationship because there's just so much on the line when you have all those like legit feelings that if you were to just like contractually go

into something with someone and if they made good money, you made good money and then just like raise a child together with not necessarily a whole lot of like affection and emotion, but the stability of it all. Is that so bad? No, I was just listening to you guys talk about arranged marriages.

And I feel like my mind was changed. Well, I do, I am pro arranged marriage and my child will be marrying someone who I choose. I've already chosen. I have questions about this for you as a mother, because I feel like I would have a really hard time watching my child make their own decisions because I definitely am gonna be like,

you can't do that, that's wrong. Yes, so she's only eight months, so she has no- So you haven't experienced that yet. I've also already told myself, okay, while they're still completely dependent on the parent for like food and like safety, keeping them alive, they're you, they're still a part of you. That's like what I've told myself.

And she's not really gonna be a person until like she can go off on her own. So I'm not even crossing that bridge yet. Like, yeah. But are you seeing like bits and pieces of her like personality coming? I think so. Yeah, do you think you're gonna like her? Yes, no, I'm obsessed really cuz I'm that's my big I'm not kidding This is so horrible to say but my biggest fear is like having a kid that I don't like. No, that's crazy

Your brain is gonna happen. No, no your brain literally like warps for you to be obsessed with your child. Okay, good Yeah, I feel like I mean I have that with like cat. Like I know that that's not the same thing, but I- It is. No, it is. But it kind of is. I promise you it is. Really? Because I can't imagine, I know that the love, like especially for my first cat,

like not that I don't love my second cat, but like my first cat, I cannot, I know that I can't love something more than that. So it's like, it has to be the same thing for my kid. I love that you're a cat person. Like just visually you don't look like a cat person. Really? Mm my kid. I love that you're a cat person. Like just visually, you don't look like a cat person. Really? Oh, I'm such a cat person.

Same, I think I'm both, but cats truly are like the geniuses of the animal kingdom. I love them. Like they are non-Kasari donut, but no one can compete. I just, I got, I have a second cat now though, and I got a Bengal. Oh, cute. Well, I love him so much, but I just like,

I wasn't prepared for like what a bangle is like. Like my first cat is like a domestic short hair, like angel, she doesn't do anything. She just like lays around all day. And a bangle like requires so much stimulation. Like they have to, like he has a wheel that he runs on all day and you have to play with him all day long, or he'll like actually like start rearranging furniture

and like he's so violent that I'm like, I almost, like that's why I'm like, wait, am I gonna like all my kids because sometimes I'm like, oh my God, I have to drop him off at the fire station. I love him enough now, like it, but it took a second. I had like postpartum with him where I was like, like I'm not connecting with him at all. He's so mean and violent.

How soon after, how soon did you get him after you lost your first cat? Or do you still have your first cat? Oh, I still have my first cat. Okay, I got him for my first cat. I was like really going through it one day and I was walking through the grove and I was like, I was crying.

I don't know why I was having the worst day and this man was holding a little tiny Bengal cat and I was like, where'd you get that? He was like, honestly, you can have it. I did not have it. I had to buy it, but I was like, drop it off tomorrow. And I got him and I didn't really put a lot of thought into it. And I honestly got a lot of hate for this because it's like, bangles, first of all,

you're not supposed to get a designer animal in general. That's frowned upon. Yeah, but if you walk up on it. That's what I said, but people like genuinely think I'm lying about that too, which I actually understand, cause like, what do you mean you got a bangle at the Grove? But I really did, but they were right.

I didn't do a lot of research and stuff, but now I have, and now I really like, it's a lot of fun for me now. It just took me a second. Yeah. Yeah, it takes adjusting. That's, I think that makes you even more prepared to be a mom. And also I'm curious, do you want kids?

Where are you standing? So badly. Really? Oh, I want kids so bad. This is so fascinating to me when I hear young people know that they want kids, because I literally had no idea, barely one of them was on the fence,

borderline didn't want kids. And I feel so stupid about it now, because now it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. So I'm so impressed that you know you want like how do you even know? I don't I guess I've never even considered like not having kids like I have my whole life I've just thought oh everyone has kids. Wow, I never thought like not have kids But I also like I know there's gonna be a point I hope I mean I hope there's not like where I maybe I'm bored and I'm like, oh now I want to live

Again start over. Yeah through somebody else. Yeah, that's what I'm doing, oh, now I wanna live again, start over. Yeah. Through somebody else. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. It is really fun. That sounds bad. I don't wanna be like a mom who like lives through their child. Why, that's great. Well, I see it and I always say this,

but like, you know, when you like read a book or like see a movie and you love it so much and then you like show it to like your friend and you're like, it's so exciting. It's almost more fun to like watch them watch it. Yes. I feel like that's what like parenthood would be like. It's like, oh,'s almost more fun to watch them watch it. I feel like that's what parenthood would be like. It's like, oh, but now I get to show you, oh my God,

show you all these things and see it through your eyes. I know, thank you. That is a really cute thing though, that when you're showing something, when you're showing someone something you like, you're not watching the thing, you're watching them. That is really special. I feel like that's what like a mom would be like.

That's like Bobby watching me watch West Wing. Like all six seasons. What's West Wing? West Wing is an old political show from like what? The early 2000s. It's like Dave watching Donut watch West Wing cause they watch it every night together. They do?

Yeah, he loves the West Wing. It's like his favorite show. Oh, I was subjected to all like, I don't know how many seasons there were, but at least the Aaron Sorkin ones, like six he loves the West Wing. It's like his favorite show. Oh, I was subjected to, I don't know how many seasons there were, but at least the Aaron Sorkin ones, like six seasons of the West Wing, and Bobby would, like literally, this is how it would be. It was like, I was here, he was here,

he would just look at me, watch West Wing. I love that. That's how I am too, though. And if I'm showing something to someone and they're on their phone or something, it's like the most heartbreaking feeling in the world. Oh my God, so heartbreaking. Such a betrayal. It is. It's like, it's hard. I'll end friendships. it's like the most heartbreaking. Oh my God, so heartbreaking, such a betrayal.

It is, it's like, it's hard. I'll end friendship. It's like, I'm giving you a gift and you're rejecting this gift. Yeah, it's really sad. I wanna go back to you saying like, it would be hard to watch someone make decisions you don't agree with, like about a kid,

cause that is actually something that I deal with in my life, but with my sister, like so hardcore. And I am like going through a whole journey with it. Like I, forever my approach was like, you're doing the wrong thing. Like just like almost like yelling at her, telling her, shaming her, whatever. And I just this year was like, that's not working.

It's never worked. I think magically it'll start working. And I realized like, there's literally nothing you can do Yeah I feel like I've had that some in some ways like with my friends like maybe my friends who are younger than me and stuff And I'm like I lived this like please don't live it But it's like I learned at a certain point you can't like someone you have to make the mistake yourself before You're gonna believe anybody like you can't

It sucks. It's so hard You also can't interfere to the point where they're no longer opening up to you because they're ashamed or they're going to get a telling to or, you know, I told you so and that's shitty because at least for me, like I watched my sister go through the most horrendous six year relationship where it was not even just like, it was the most emotionally abusive relationship I've ever seen like in real life. And I fucking hated this dude. Like I would have like stabbed him in his sleep.

Like not no joke. Like I hated him that much, but I could not say anything until the very end where I was like, okay, like enough, you know, but it's because you could tell that every time I did try to like intervene, she would start to pull away. Yeah, and you don't want her to be afraid to confide in you about things.

That's what happened to us. Me and my mom got completely cut out, and then finally it was like, okay, okay, okay, and then I got her back. But she shares now, and I just have to be like, that's great, okay, that sounds interesting. It is hard though, I struggle with that a lot. I want to, I'm very controlling over everybody

and I like, I can't be that way. I love being controlling. I do too, but it's like, like you said, like people will, they just like stop wanting to even like have me involved. I'm like, fuck. Do you feel as though you'd be like a helicopter parent? I don't know, cause like I had,

so I grew up with my grandparents and my grandparents were like, they raised boys and with my grandparents and my grandparents were, they raised boys and by the time they got me, they were literally like, do whatever you want. And because of that, I wasn't rebellious, I didn't really do anything wrong, because I felt no need to rebel. And so-

Are you an only child? I'm not, but I was the only one who grew up with my grandparents, so I grew up alone in a house. Oh. But I have siblings. And where did they grow up? Everyone separately, so me and my sisters all have different dads, and me and my brother have different moms.

What really made me start thinking about this is watching all these UFC fights, okay? Because I'm watching UFC. Where is this going? Because it goes along with, I cannot watch you make these choices. Cause like, imagine you raise your child, like all the way into adulthood,

you put everything into parenting this child, and then they decide they wanna be a UFC fighter. And get CTE. And get CTE, and like, they could literally die with one punch. And it's like, I can't tell you not to do this. That's my biggest fear in life. I totally get that because it is so,

like you're right, like you've now molded this beautiful brain only for it to be like pounded on within 20 seconds of a fight. That's scary. Also football by the way. Yeah, I would never let my kid play football. It's gonna be flat football forever. Soccer or like maybe baseball.

Baseball is it. See, I have this delusional confidence with my kid where I'm like, I am the crazy one. She's perfect. Like she's gonna be perfect because I was the one that was like all the problems. I don't know why I just believe that. I'm like manifesting it.

I think that's probably gonna happen for you. You believe it and it becomes true. Yeah, so I feel like you can just maybe do a few more crazy things and then you'll solidify yourself as the crazy one in the line, in the lineage. Yeah, my kid's gonna know I'm the crazy one probably immediately. What if Ace though, she turns 14 and she's like,

mom, you know, I've really gotten to jujitsu and I think I now wanna get into like MMA. That's fine, That's fine. That's fine. You're gonna- Have you watched it? No. Because it's so inhumane.

It's so inhumane and I cannot believe that it's a legal like sport that people pay like tens of or hundreds of thousands of dollars to go see. Like they sit there and they're like this. And like, it's not over until someone's like nearly dead. I literally feel exactly the same as you. I went once not knowing what it was and was like, I'm going to get some popcorn.

I'll see you guys after. I cannot watch it. It's so inhumane. Boxing is also inhumane. It's crazy that we're just paying and cheering to watch people fight. I felt that way like, oh my God, did you watch the Mike Tyson, Jake Paul fight?

I did. But the fight right before it, the two girls and her whole eyebrow is like flapping off and they're just still fighting. And that's someone's kid, you know what I mean? Their parent is watching them like, I did my best. It's Joanna Jadrzejczyk, and she's one of the best. Love that name.

She's Polish, she's one of the best, most iconic UFC fighter she's since retired. But she had this massive, I don't think I've ever seen like a contusion like that fucking big. It looked like she grew another head on top of her head. Right Stella? And it's like, I don't want that for ace Esther. You know, it's been a while since you've made us pull up

something that makes us all nauseous. And I just want to say thank you for letting us have a few months. You're welcome. You want that for ace? No, stop saying it. And I just wanna say thank you for letting us have a few months. You're welcome. You want that for Ace? No, stop saying it. I'm sorry for scaring you. I'm sorry for scaring you.

She's doing it. I just mean like, I don't want her. I refuse. Ask her auntie, no, you have C for Ace. I just mean like dangerous activities in general. Like what if, you know, the people who do like a thousand flips on a trampoline and then it's like, okay, one wrong landing

and you're just paralyzed. I think that like you guys are talking to the wrong person. Like I look at me and look at my husband. Like I never know though. Sometimes I go rogue. Okay, that's enough. I'm just like genetically, like I'm predisposed. Like my kids, like there's probably gonna be something.

Same for me. Like for sure. Like my lineage is batshit crazy. Me too. There's not a person who hasn't like either been to prison or her like, yeah, no, it's pretty bad. Listen, my favorite uncle is a murderer. Like I still send him money every month.

Yeah, because he's in my heart. Like he, I grew up with, he was my favorite uncle. He went to all of my swim meets, the most loving guy. And then when I was 15, he killed my other uncle in broad daylight with a machete. And he served what, like 20 years in prison in the Philippines. I go back home.

We still, we're still as affectionate as ever. It's like I've completely compartmentalized. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I don't see that thing, that horrible, like evil thing that he did. And I'm just like, Uncle Carlo. I understand that. I keep watching all these documentaries

about things like that where it's like, I know he did it, but I still love him. Like, Luca Magnata. Oh my God, the worst of the worst. His mom's like, that's my boy. I love him anyway. He was chopping people up, putting them into suitcases. As the mother, you have to. I don't know how I feel if my boy. I love him anyway. He was chopping people up, putting them into suitcases. As the mother, you have to, you have to.

I don't know how I feel. It's like my kid. You know what that is? That's boy mom shit. Are you a boy mom? No, I'm a girl mom. How dare you? I'm so sorry.

I didn't know, I didn't know. But that's it. That's boy mom shit. Boy moms create Luca Magnatas, I think. Really? Because they just are too forgiving. Yeah, they're just like, my boy, my boy. What is Lisa Gilroy, call it Joshy?

Oh yeah. The Joshies, yeah, they let them get away with everything. They don't set like guardrails for their boys. Their boys can do no wrong, and then you create Luca Magnatas. I think I'm okay because my baby is 75% Jewish and only 25% white trash. So I feel like it's looking good for us.

Wait, who's Jewish? I'm half and her dad is fully. Oh, that's amazing. How white trash is your white trash? It's really hunting, fishing. Really? That's a different kind of white trash than I'm thinking like I've got like

crystal meth white trash. That's a little, that's a step further. But my biological grandfather did have a tattoo of a naked woman on his arm. So. Okay. Well, that's just hipster shit. That's just a lot of people have that. Yeah, that's like, you know. He lived in a trailer park and I only met him once.

But the hunting fishing. Hunting fishing, that's just like, people just do that. I don't support that personally. That's like, really, I love camo. I love to wear camo. But that's just cause it's like in style right now. You're right. Wait, so do you know your mom?

Like do you have, you do? Yeah, I was with my mom until I was nine. And then I can't remember. She either like went to rehab or prison or something. And then I went with my grandparents and then I just never left. Oh wow. Do you have a relationship with her now?

Yes, but not like a healthy one. Just like a, we like, we're not close at all. Did she eventually get it together? No. Bless her heart though. Yeah, I always feel like mommy wounds are, like you know how people always talk about like,

oh, you know, she's got like daddy issues. I think people underestimate how deep mommy wounds are. And I don't know, I think it like, I think that's a festering wound that never quite heals. Yeah, people don't really talk about it a lot. She's had moments where she's a very good, I've gone through a breakup where she was very helpful for me, because she's also very,

she's like, I have a personality disorder, she has the same one. Which one do you have? Borderline. Oh, fun. Yeah, we have to talk aboutline. Oh fun. Yeah. We have to talk about that. So fun.

But she has like, you know, it's hard to talk to somebody who doesn't have it when you're going through something like that because it's like, like, I need you to understand like what is going on in here. And she was very helpful then. Like she's had her moments, but she's just, she's lost. Wait, she has borderline or she doesn't? Yeah, she has, well.

She does, but she doesn't know she has it? No, she has it. Okay. She has, she's got it. But okay, you're saying that's about the mommy wound, right? But if she's got an amazing grandmother and grandparents raising her, like I feel like that's beautiful and just as-

Yeah. Yeah, you're gonna hate to hear this. Um, no, I had like, I think that's like what I have. So I had like obviously horrible parents, not horrible parents, but they were drug addicts. So like there's the trauma, but then I also had like my grandparents who are so like just the perfect parents. And then my grandma got dementia and just like forgot me.

So then I got like double mommy issues. It was just kind of a bummer. I have like grandparent issues because my grandparents died before I was born and like, but I grew up in their house. This is funny. It makes it sound like I grew up alone. In a house alone. In a cage.

So like, I just have all like all this like, I was like, think about what it could have been like to have grandparents who love me because my grandparents who are alive, I'll just put it bluntly, they didn't love me. But- Do we know why they didn't love you? Well, they didn't really know me.

They moved to Saudi Arabia for 16 years when I was born. It's hard to have a relationship. It's complicated. Wait, but so you, it's very rare to meet someone who is open about knowing they have borderline, right? Yeah, I feel like we usually tend to come across like people who are obviously borderline, but who are just like-

Deniers. Deniers. Like so unaware, really. How did you eventually come to being like, okay, this is what I have? I had to be like so badly triggered because there'd been talks of it, obviously, because I've always had like, okay, this is what I have. I had to be like so badly triggered because like I had, there'd been talks of it, obviously, cause I've always had like psychological problems kind of. And-

How does it show up? I don't know. I think it's like, maybe just like age or like it's triggered by something. I'm not sure. Like it's very, it's genetic. So like- No, but like, how does it show up on you?

Like how do you- In your relationships and in your friendships. Just when I feel like somebody's leaving me or abandoning me, why can't I say abandoning? Got it. Abandoning me, I feel like I just get so far out of my mind and so out of control. The way I act is I cannot, I literally see red

and I'm just not a normal human being. That is the baseline for borderline, right? Like it is like abandonment issues. Yeah, and I feel it like when it's not even true necessarily, like I can just feel like, oh, I wasn't invited to something and then I just spiral out. Like, and I'm better about it now,

but it took like a really bad breakup for me to really acknowledge like, oh, this is like, I actually do have this and not like denied as much. I don't know. I'm like, that sounds pretty normal to me. No, it was like, I was, I was like so out of control of my mind and like not to be dark, but like I wanted, I literally wanted to kill myself so like so bad.

And I've never felt that way ever. And so I was like, I just, I like, I literally felt like somebody else was driving my body. That's like how I describe it. Like when things like really crazy things happen, I feel like somebody else is at the wheel and I'm just like, I have to watch it. Do you struggle then with like female friendships or any kind of friendship or like even, so you're in a situation like similar to us where you work with a friend, you have a podcast with, are you guys best friends or like from like a long time? Yeah, we started as best friends and then we got, we had the podcast together.

But did you know each other like from out here growing up or something? No, we met, we met like seven years ago, six years ago. So do you have challenges there? Cause like that stuff that we dealt with having the show even just for like three, four years, whatever it's been, do you deal with like, like how do you guys deal with that? Cause it's, it can be hard.

Friendship work is, it is very hard. It requires a lot. That's a lot of what I see too. Cause I'm like, I'm very emotional and like, like I'm reactive, like, and I react to things like small things in very, very big ways. So I feel like we've struggled with that a lot

because she's not reactive in that way. Like she handles situations very differently. So we've had a lot of like butting heads in like work, but I feel like our friendship is still pretty strong, but it is hard to work with your friends. Like it's like working with your partner or like being married and also having business together. Did you do that?

Well, I'm still working with my ex Oh, right. Right, right. Yeah, so but him and I like we're We're a couple years like removed from our breakup. And so now we're like in a super good place But no like when when Bobby and I initially broke up and we were recording Oh my god, it was so painful and I I had to like hear, even though I was playing cool girl, I had to hear stories about like him dating again, all of these things. And then I was just like, yeah, tell me more,

tell me more. And I was just like dying on the inside. Do you have to implement any sort of like distance or rules or boundaries? What are you trying to say, Esther? What are you? Are we breaking up? No, never.

We're good, girl. We just FaceTimed at midnight last night. I know, I know. Thanks for calling back. I did call you back. I was calling, I was like, she's not gonna answer, and then you called back.

I always like what she has to say on her late night phase. It's always like one thing. It's like one thing. I loved when you did this. Okay, bye. And then that's it. I know, thank you. But you have to admit,

for us doing this show show for a long time, like we did have to sort of keep a safe distance. Like I'm curious if, and also my other podcasts, like I've had to do that too. I'm just curious, do you ever feel like you have to have a distance at all to make the work relationship be safer or no? Yeah, yes.

I feel like, especially since we started touring, like that's so much time to spend together. And then also we have like this huge like business together and like obviously we're doing shows and stuff. So I feel like we did have to have like some space just to like have a healthy relationship still because it was like, we were just like, we'd argue over like the smallest things,

like timing and stuff. And it was like just not good for the overall picture. So we definitely, it like was trial and error. Like we had to have a lot of like crazy arguments to finally like get into like a rhythm of like, oh, you like, we can see each other like X amount of hours per day, literally.

Yeah, that's so smart. Yeah, because you get to enmesh then it gets to like, it just, yeah, like the same with family, right? Like you have to be careful if you work with family. But with you and I, we've been doing this, what, like four years. Yeah. It wasn't until this year that I was like, okay,

like let's be friends friends. Because I was very like this, like let's be friends friends. Because I was very like this, like just like keep everyone at this distance because I was afraid of exactly what you're describing, which is like, it just gets like, it can get ugly very fast. Yeah, it's just hard because like when you're so close, cause we are like, I love her more than anything.

Like she's my best friend, but like when we do have disagreements and stuff like about like the podcast or touring or whatever it is, it's like the boundaries get crossed because we are friends. Like where that wouldn't happen if we were just like, we just work together. 100%, yeah, that makes sense. So we've had to like learn a lot, I feel like.

But now we're really in a rhythm. And like I'm less reactive because I'm on like mood stabilizers and stuff now You want to tell us I'm on the miktole a miktole is a old-school, baby. Oh my god. It has changed my life I just started like a few months ago and like and then we started touring again And it was like the difference between the two tours were like so crazy It just like and then I realized like I was probably the problem But see how cool that is you're like, you know, you know your diagnosis, you're on meds.

Like you seem like someone who really takes responsibility and ownership. Well, thank you. I feel like I just got, like I almost had to because I was spiraling out so bad that I was so miserable. I was like, please help somebody. Yeah. Wait, help to that?

Like I had my mom and I had my sister and like people who, like I had seen it in them. So I knew, like I knew what was going on. You know what I mean? And I had them to talk to and help me like, medications especially, like if your mom is on it or your sister's on it and it works, it'll most likely work for you.

So I didn't have to do like a lot of trial and error there. I literally just like, like I had it lined up. Like everyone was like, okay, this is the next. That's amazing because really with meds, it really is trial and error. Like what works for one can have the complete opposite effect on the other person. Yeah, I see it with my friends all the time,

like antidepressants and stuff. It's like, it can be so discouraging to have like try something and take it for, you know, four months before you know if it's gonna work and like. How about that the adjustment period, they're like by the way, while you're adjusting, you might wanna commit suicide. Yeah, don't do it.

Yeah. It's like what? But it's so, it's horrible, but it's like it happens to so many people. So I was lucky, probably the second thing I took was the one and I've been on well butrin for six years and it's like also I could never stop taking it. It's been so helpful.

I was accidentally put on an anti-psychotic in high school called Zyprexa. Cause I was like always trying to like kill myself in high school because I was just like really spiraling in a really bad place. I see how that could happen. I was always trying, I was 51, 53 times. I was at BHC twice and another- I feel always trying. I was always trying. I was 51, 50 three times. I was at BHC twice in another-

I feel seen here. Girl, let me tell you, like my, I am queen menty B. Like I have had so many spirals and especially between, I think like 15 to like 24, what a dark fucking place. So I- Sorry, a crazy thing too that happened to her that I can't get over is that one of the counselors working in the, what's it called? The facility that you were at.

In Torrance. Hit on her and they started dating. Yeah, that's horrible. But then, because I am then an unreliable witness, right? I'm an unreliable person. I'm not a person to be believed because I'm already, I already just tried to kill myself. If'm not a person to be believed because I'm already, I already just tried to kill myself.

If I were to say this person crossed the line and dated me, who would believe me? I am like a 17 year old who just tried to off herself. So that's when it becomes a little bit, like not beyond predatory. It's so just like opportunistic for someone to be in that position to be like, you know what? I'm gonna choose someone already down

because no one's gonna believe her. You guys, last night I started watching the Jared Fogle story. The subway guy? Yeah, the documentary about it. First of all, we had to turn it off, not because we were disturbed, but because Dave kept saying he wanted subway

and he wouldn't stop. I was like, we're not getting subway. It's not open. He's like, you know, it's open. I'm like, we're not getting subway, it's not open. He's like, you know it's open. I'm like, I know, but anyways, it also was disturbing, but it is crazy. Like the Jared Fulton, do you know, do you or are you too young?

The guy with the pants? Yeah. Yes. Yeah, I know he got canceled, but I don't know what for, not canceled, but I know like there was a scandal. What did he do? One step further than cancellation is when you have to go to jail. Little boys, right?

He was just a disgusting pedophile. I didn't finish it, but it's such a hard topic for me because like- Because you look like a child. No, no, I thought you were gonna say because you look like Jared. And I was kind of gonna be into it. No, it's like, because he invented the Subway diet.

It's not just- Are you trying to defend Jared? I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I wanna be clear, it's horrible what he did, but when you separate the stories, it's like really- It's like your uncle. It's, you know what? Thank you, Brooke.

He did such a beautiful thing. No, I don't forgive him. It's not like your uncle. I don't forgive him. No, but you can identify that he did this like really amazing thing, which was the Subway diet. And it's crazy that he's known for that. and then also now it's been ruined and known for this I just I've always wanted to it's here's what it comes from

I've always wanted to invent my own diet and he did it and he made millions He didn't invent it though. He was just invent it He wasn't just cast to be the subway guy. No see you don't even know this. I don't know this. Do you see how crazy this is? What? Jared invented the Subway diet. What is the Subway diet? He invented walking to Subway and only eating Subway sandwiches for every meal.

He invented it. And how did he? That's not a diet to me. That's like, I don't know what that is. If you lose 300 pounds in less than a year, bitch, don't tell me that's not a diet. He was on semi-glutite, I know. The first iteration ever.

But he invented it. Wait a second, so how did he, they found him by accident because he had to have been talking about it somewhere and there was no internet. There was a local news article, hear me out. It was in Bloomington, Indiana, he was a student. There was a local article about him

and somehow, some way, that word got to Subway headquarters and smart thinking at Subway, they're like, let's do something different. Let's not cast a cheesy actor. Let's get a real person. And then that is why Jared stood out so much because he was this like, this, honestly, this like creature who had been like hiding obese

his whole life. And then now he's locked out the gates. He's a star. It is a beautiful story until you get to the pedophilia, obviously, obviously. But before that, it's so beautiful as a midwesterner. That's all I'm saying. Are you from the Midwest?

No? We're Arizona? No. No. She tried. She tried. I have not a clue. Couldn't point out it on a map.

I see what you're saying. Thank you. And again, like you said, in the same way, like I love my uncle, I loved our story. No, no, it is, it is similar. Not quite the same, not quite the same. But you love the Subway diet. You love that story and that story only

and reject the rest. Yeah, but is that okay? I don't support pedophiles. No, nobody. Yeah, nobody dies here by the way Also except for Kaila No, but I'm saying like, you know, like Stella says two things can be true. It was, it was a great enough story that they made a documentary about it. Like they had to obviously like highlight just- No, the documentary isn't about that though. Oh, sorry.

I didn't watch it. I'm striking out here. I feel like that's what you pulled from the documentary. You're like, it seems a lot like that's what it was about. You're really passionate about the subway, don't you? Did Dave get his subway? No, I wouldn't let him. I made him a yogurt ball instead.

I had subway the other day, honestly. It's really slept on. Do you guys like Arby's? I love Arby's. I love Arby's. And they'll have sunsets just closed. I know, and they make it like, you know how people made it embarrassing to knuckle back?

Everyone made fun of you if you liked knuckle back for a while. I reject that whole movement, because I love Creed. Yeah, so do I. I love Divorce Dad, the genre. Creed, Three Doors Down, all of them. Yes. Love that.

But I feel that way about Arby's. Everybody made it an embarrassing thing to like Arby's, and I love Arby's. I had an Arby's sandwich every day of high school. Every day. I had Subway every day, which now you're seeing. No wonder you're so passionate about the subway diet. Did you walk there?

I always wanted to walk there, but ours was just a little too far for me to walk there. The Arby's had a five for five, right? I think you're thinking White Castle? No, that's a five for five Arby's had. I didn't know that it was embarrassing to, like Arby's. Maybe it's not, maybe I'm just like. No, I think you're right though.

I think I was just like a stupid immigrant. And I was like, Arby's, Maybe it's not, maybe I'm just like. No, I think you're right though. I think I was just like a stupid immigrant and I was like Arby's like what, you know, like I thought that was like, you know, top of the line fast food. It is to me, but I like, I struggle a lot too with like just being embarrassed about things that aren't embarrassing. What's your order at Arby's?

Just Arby's sandwich. Oh, that's wow. Oh, are you shaming me? No. That's actually crazy. And I'm, yeah. What did you get at Subway? Is that what you're gonna ask? Oh, I have the stupidest Subway order ever,

but I love it so much. It's the flat, I get a flatbread and I put turkey and salami and banana peppers. That sounds really good. And cheese. And then I toast it and Chipotle mayo. I think that you just did my husband a big favor because I'm gonna go home tonight and be like, babe.

It's so good. It's so good. I had it the other day. I've never tried the flatbread. Oh, I love it. You're weird, girl. I've never heard of anyone doing that. They just like to be different.

I feel like Quiznos was superior, but that died. I loved Quiznos. Quiznos is where I got the idea for the Chipotle mayonnaise. That's when I started putting it on everything. Subway put Quiznos out of business when they got toaster ovens. We lost Quiznos? No, I'm just saying.

We lost Quiznos. We did. Did we? I don't think there are any Quiznos. That's true. I think Togo's is still alive. Oh shit. No, wait, what's the one that has the club sub,

or wait. Jimmy John's? Jimmy, no. No, I think it's Jersey Mike's. What the one that has the club sub, or wait. Jimmy John's? Jimmy, no, no, I think it's Jersey Mike's. What's it called the club sub? Oh God. Tana put me on, she puts the chips on it, it is so good. They also have a tub, sub in a tub. Oh, I've gotten that when I was pregnant, I had that.

Really? I wasn't supposed to have deli meats, so. Did you have pregnancy cravings? For legal reasons, this is a parody. I didn't really have cravings, no. I just was like sick and miserable. And I wanted like turkey sandwiches, honestly. And you're not allowed to have that.

But during your pregnancy, I made sure to watch for any Listeria outbreaks and there were none. Thank you. So you were good. That's like such a sweet thing to do for somebody. I was like, she can eat it. Cause I knew she was eating sandwiches here and there.

And so I was tracking the outbreaks on CDC website. I didn't know that that was a thing. I also didn't know that I wasn't supposed to change kitty litter. You taught me that. Oh, the toxoplasmosis, that's only if your kitty is like an outdoor cat. Oh, my cats are not outdoor.

No, then you're fine. I thought toxoplasmosis was when you smell your cat and you like how it smells. Toxoplasmosis is a protozoan and it is a banana shaped protozoan, but it's actually from the soil. And the cats, outdoor cats tend to get it from the soil and then it shows up in their feces

and then it enters your body and then you become crazy. But in a weird artistic way, not even like a bad crazy. I felt like that's kind of beautiful. Yeah, like do we want it? We want it because there's that one artist and he is a famous artist, but he was famous for drawing cats and painting cats.

But as he became sicker and sicker with toxoplasmosis, his artwork then really kind of took off because he would make these crazy pictures of these cats that look very psychedelic, but it was because he was sick in the mind from his own cats and he became famous because of it. So it's not always a bad thing. Like I say, inhale, catch it and let me know how it goes. I feel like I've been doing it. I've been living that life and it's trying. I'm afraid of that.

I'm afraid of like something like triggering me and all of a sudden I'm just like, something's really strange about, oh wow. Yeah, so cute. Yeah, I'm noticing when he got a little weirder. Yeah, it became like the picture all the way to the right is when he got a little bit weirder. Yeah, that was. I like his Furby era. Oh, I missed, I was a Furby like three years in a row for Halloween. You were? I was. Were you a sexy Furby? No, it was my mom, my mom made us all Furbys and

then I was the youngest so like I just wore like, then I wore Megan's costume and then I wore Tori's costume. And I just like had to be Furby like every year. Wait, so are you close with your sisters now? Not really. Yeah. But I love them. Yeah.

Same actually. Really? Did you grow up with your- Well, yeah, everyone does. What? I was saying like, like that was just a dumb question. Cause like- No, it's not cause we're half sisters.

People always ask that. Yeah. But she was eight years older. Oh, that was just a dumb question. No, it's not, because we're half sisters. People always ask that. Yeah, but she was eight years older. Oh, that's a big difference. Yeah, and she abused me. Oh, but. It's gonna sound a little bit sick. I know, I feel like. But.

What? Sorry, I was gonna say, we keep saying these things that are so dark, but it's like. That's our show. I love that. Yeah, it's a show. Is your show not like that? No, if I said like, oh yeah, I was gonna kill myself on my show, I feel like everyone would be like, maybe. I love that. Yeah, it's a show. Okay, good. Is your show not like that? No, if I said like, oh yeah,

I was gonna tell myself on my show, I feel like everyone would be like, maybe don't say that. Oh no, no, no, that's all we talk about is- Oh, I love it here. Yeah, that's 5150 is our jam. But you guys ever, I don't think this anymore, obviously. I'm an adult and I'm therapy-ized.

But did you ever fantasize about having different babies with different dads just to see the genetic result of that? I think that's fascinating, like artificial insemination. Like, have you guys seen that documentary about the man with a thousand kids? Yes. See, that I thought was cool, because I'm like, just being able to find

just a beautiful man, be like, oh, I'm going to have a kid with this guy. That's so cool. Because if I look at my track history, none of those guys find just a beautiful man, be like, oh, I'm gonna have a kid with this guy. That's so cool. Because like, if I look at my track history, like none of those guys are making a beautiful kid. Oh wait, no, I'm an Uggle chaser too. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I go for short and short gargoyles is my usual like vibe. I see how that could happen. You see how that could happen. Wait, do you ever think about that? Babies with different dads? Because you have sisters with different dads, so it must be... Yeah, it was very normal to me, but I guess I always imagined

that I'd have one partner, I think. That's where it's hard for me, because it's like, I have obviously this fantasy of being like, how would this turn out genetically? But then when I fall in love with an algo, like I fall deep. But you're gonna have a beautiful child no matter what, because you're gonna have a beautiful child

no matter what, because you're Filipino. Is that a thing? Yes. That is true. Maybe, Esther? I think so. I feel like all my friends who are Filipino, like everyone's beautiful.

Filipinos are beautiful. Thank you for saying that. And they can sing. Except your ex, he was a little bit on the- Yeah. A little bit on the wrong side of, yeah. I'm thinking girls. I think- We do always like top 10 in Miss Universe.

Really? I mean, you're gorgeous. So it's just. Thank you. I really mean it right now. I mean, not today, obviously. Not today, not for a couple more months, but I'll get back there guys.

I wonder, I'm so surprised. It's like you still have both palsy. I know, so is my doctor. I went in the other day I called Esther crying because my doctor was like huh. Like it's still there. That's so unsettling. He's like I'm surprised because he literally told me it'd be a couple weeks you know a steroid pack, antivirals and it'd be gone. I'm trying to think of what I did. I guess it was like a Z-Pak or something that they used. It wasn't a Z-Pak. It was basically like herpes medication.

So it was like a Valtrex. I feel like when I walk into the doctor's office, all the nurses and doctors are like shaking and they would never like misspeak like that to me cause they all know that I'm like the next one to be the shooter. They're like so scared, but with you, you get like the real reaction.

That's interesting. It's gonna go away. Are you sure? Yeah. Because my doctor is having second thoughts. No, because I think some people are just slower. And they say six months. Well, now he's saying six months.

Initially he was like, oh, a couple of weeks, you'll be fine. Also, you've been going through stress and lack of sleep. I have been, I have been. So I know that's why. That's probably it. It's probably just harder for your body to, I feel like if I got it right now, I would just never go away. I have been, I have been. So I know that's why. That's probably it. It's probably just harder for your body to, I feel like if I got it right now,

I would just never go away because I'm just, you're shit. Everything's shot. I've been waking up sick for like two months straight. I just had my first pap smear, which was. Ever? Yeah, I know. What?

I know. And yeah, I just got my first pap smear and then it was abnormal. And then I had to get like chunks of my cervix taken out like days ago. So now I'm like, I'm never going to do that again. I don't like medical anxiety. I would prefer to just never go in.

Did they just freeze it, the inside? Cause that's what I got done when I had an abnormal pap smear. I don't know yet. I still have to wait to find out what the chunks say. Oh, they actually like- Yeah, they took the chunks out, yes. Yeah, if it is abnormal, they just like freeze it

and then you have to wear a diaper for a month. Fuck. I gotta say, Brooke, you live somewhat of like a very parallel like life. Like it's so weird. Like coming in, when I saw you walk in, I literally had a thought in my head. I wonder if she's had Bell's palsy.

You did not. No, I swear to God. That's crazy. I had this feeling, cause my sister dropped me off cause like I can't drive with one eye. And um. I do wear a patch. I patch.

Yeah. I had to, I still had to tape my left eye down when I sleep. It's really sad. So she had to drive me here and I was like, oh, there's Brooke. And immediately I was like, I wonder, I had this weird thought. And when you said it, I was like,

oh, there's something, there's something here. We've, there's a parallel here. We connected over that. I feel something too, sorry to cut you off. What were you gonna say? I was just gonna say, I don't know what I was gonna say. I never know what I'm gonna say. But I feel something weird connection with her too, because that's surprising.

Maybe it's because you're just, when you said it was weird on your podcast, you couldn't just say that you wanted to kill yourself. That was surprising to me, when you said it was weird on your podcast, you couldn't just say like that you wanted to kill yourself. Like that was surprising to me because you seem so open with all your flaws. I am open about it. I just feel like, I sometimes I feel,

I mean, I'm sure you guys relate to this too, but it's just like awkward. Like, cause it, cause it makes other people feel uncomfortable. Like if, like if I talk about like certain family things and stuff, like I say it out loud and everyone's like, ooh. So I don't say a lot of things just for fear of making people furious.

And she's the opposite. That's literally me. So I say the most atrocious things, about my family doctor fisting me, well, not fisting, fingering. No, literally, can I tell you, we just had one of my friends on the show, and Chelsea Priddy, and she was making fun of me

because I go to pelvic floor physical therapy, and she's like, oh, I bet the doctor's like, just testing you, huh? Like joking that the doctor was like assaulting me. And I'm like, three, two, one. And then Clile was like, that's what my doctor just did when I was a little kid. When I was a child, moving to a new country, my doctor fisted me.

No, but you're making me feel better about it because I always like, I hesitate always to say certain things aloud just because I'm like, this is not going to be received well. You need to spend more time on this show. This is your place because let me tell you, I now know that it's actually a sickness to be that, to talk in the way that we do where it's like,

we're able to just sort of like use our trauma as like disposable information. We had, there's a distance between telling it in that way and actually feeling it. So saying it out loud to people in a jovial way, in like a comedic way is a way for us not to feel it, is what my therapist tells me. That's what I do with like my grandma thing.

I'll always be like, yeah, she forgot me. And it's like funny until I like actually think about it. And I'm like, oh, not funny. It's just placing distance. It's not funny at all. And it hurts, you go home and cry in your own time and then you get a Bengal cat at the Grove. That's exactly, literally the exact progression of events.

It's always like that. You end up with an animal and you're like, Oh, cause I mean, Esther knows, like I foster Ravens. If I'm having a bad day, I'll end up somehow with like feeding a crow somewhere. And that's usually how it starts. It's like, I addressed the trauma and now I have a brand new animal that the the most fucked up women Those are the ones that will rescue the most animals 100% the pipeline is so accurate We should have Whitney back on Whitney and Miranda. How you knew I was about to say that you're talking Whitney Cummings

Yeah, I was literally just thinking that like how she's oh like she's she can walk outside and a bird will just land in her hand that's her that's me that's me see that to me there probably is I went on her podcast and like we got a lot of trouble for it was like really interesting why cuz like I don't know if everyone thought she was like making fun of my borderline personality disorder but she was just asking questions about it and she ended up having to like delete the episode and like it was like a whole thing. And we still to this day,

people like write articles about it. I'm not kidding. Like she sent me one the other day. And like, I'm like, what do we do? So that wasn't received well. Yeah. Yeah, I want people to laugh. I want it to land.

But sometimes like, if you, depending on your audience, sometimes I say it and everyone's like, no, that makes so much sense. Why I'm like, she's the funniest person I've ever met. Like you're so funny. Like you fit in here so well. Like third host. I'll come back anytime.

Anytime dump more trauma onto us. I promise you I'll keep a straight face. Nothing will phase me. I have so much left. Especially because like I said, white trash. You're like, but do they do crystal meth? I'm like, let's get into that. I love it.

I'm safe here. I love you guys. On that note, thank you so much, Brooke. I know. For doing this. Thank you for having me. You are. Like not a lot of people will these days.

Yeah. Can we have a sleepover tonight? Absolutely. And I'm gonna, as soon as we wake up, I'm gonna have a sec, but vodka. Thank you. Remind me of my 20s. Wow. Okay. Wait, what else? So are you on tour? Are you 20s. Wow, okay, wait, what else?

So are you on tour? Are you, by the way, like, are you a comedian? Like, is that something that you're, isn't your- That's what I want. That's like, but I've never done like standup or anything. Our touring is like similar, but it's two of us, obviously. Yeah. It's like a written show and it's very much like-

It's written. Yeah, it's written. What, really? So we write the show and like, depending on like, what's received, we'll change like certain stories but we do the same show every night because we had 80 some shows this last tour. Is it like a live podcast? It's supposed to be but it's not like a genuine conversation.

It's like... You're telling stories. It's formatted, like we'll have like things behind us and like we have, it'll change like slightly but for the most part it's always like the same stories. And you did it at the Dolby Theater, that's incredible. We did it two times. Wow. It was really special.

It's a comedy show, is what it sounds like. Yeah. What you're doing. Yeah, yes. It's a comedy performance. Yes, but formatted as a podcast. Yeah, yeah, that's really cool. But we just finished our big tour

and then we're gonna probably do an international tour like in the start of the year. But right now we're home and I'm enjoying it. Yeah. With my little bangle cap. And what, so, and then you, is that your only podcast, the cancel podcast or do others? I just, I just have canceled.

Cool. Okay, cool. Oh my gosh. She said hard out. She showed me it. I didn't see that. But you know at the end of our phone calls, Kaililah, where no one's speaking

and I just kind of like stare at you. I always, this is, I never know how the end of our phone calls, Kalyla, where no one's speaking, and I just kinda like stare at you. I always, I never know how to end a conversation with Esther on the phone, cause she's just there fixing her glasses. And then she'll turn the camera to Dave, and Dave will say, hi Kalyla. I'm like, hi Dave. And then at some point,

15 minutes after this staring contest, she's like, okay, well then. Well, you didn't end it. I didn't end it either. She makes me do it. Okay, well, I guess we'll have to go, but we love you, Brooke. Thank you for having me.

And we'll see you next time. Slugs, thank you for being here. We'll see you next week in the brand new episode, bye. Bye.