Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Chelsea Peretti and The Great Scone Debate

Episode Date: April 2, 2024

Chelsea P comes on & almost induces Esther's labor by bringing up scones - never in the history of Trash Tuesday has Esther ever been so heated.  Thank you to our sponsors:BETTERHELP - This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ TRASHTUESDAYEsther’s new movie: DRUGSTORE JUNE! Still Available in Theaters and you can now Pre-Order via Streaming Platforms!  https://www.drugstorejune.com/ TigerBelly LIVE in Hawaii:Tigerbellylive.comMORE CHELSEA PERETTI! WEBSITE: https://chelseaperetti.komi.io/INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/chelsanity/...PODCAST: Call Chelsea Peretti https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...00:00 - No Not Your Hair, Hers!00:51 - Drugstore June Promo01:05 -Tigerbelly Live! In Hawaii @ Hawaii Theatre April 2601:29 - Chelsea Peretti's Hair & Best Side03:21 - Women Dating Goblins - Who's Fault?05:21- The one and only Chelsea Peretti is here!06:40 - Chelsea Tells Esther Her Baby Daddy was a Narc09:22 -  Women in Film + The Press Tour10:48 - Chelsea Peretti Plays Pickle Ball 14:13-  Chelsea & Esther Contemplated Joining Scientology15:30 - Chelsea's Feelings on Peanut Butter18:39- Esther Went to See Madonna Very Pregnant27:10 - The Great Sour Candy Debate32:23 - Spear Fishing , Diving, and DDT35:11- Trader Joes: New Product Taste Test41:49 - Chelsea finally Likes Something 42:48 - Serving Sizes in Snacks45:44 - Tropical Fruits49:13 - The GREAT SCONE DEBATE53:55- Esther Defends Her Sweet Preferences59:08 - Mysterious Tulsa Salad w/ Ice Cream Dressing01:02:41 - Chelsea's Favorite Coffee Place01:04:48 - Chelsea's Parenting Advice01:13:00 - Wrapping UpSUBSCRIBE FOR MORE TRASH TUESDAY: https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtue...Listen to our other Podcasts:TigerBelly -https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...Rick and Esther Have a Time - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Follow Us:Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamitykEsther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonsterTheme Song Written by: Bobby Lee http://instagram.com/bobbyleeliveBanana Break Song by: Can Nguyen    https://www.candyedits.comPodcast Producer(s): Stella Young/Tiny Legends Productions Shot and Edited By: Guy Robinson and Sean WanlessEdited By: Andrew Tarr (Audio) & Guy Robinson (Video)This Video Contains Paid Advertising

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you think about it the whole time your hair is so shiny yeah you wait but she's the hair girl and you're supposed to have all the hormones this is a disaster all the hormones. This is a disaster. There's something I really actually liked about being pointed over. Your hair looks great. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Learn to make time for what makes you happy with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash trash Tuesday. You guys, I am so excited that Drugstore June, my movie that I wrote, co-wrote, and star in is finally available digitally. You can get it on Apple, on Amazon, wherever you buy movies, and I can't wait for you to see it and hopefully love it. You guys, I'm really excited about Tiger Belly's next show.

We've begged production for this specific place for a very long time. Tiger Belly will be at Hawaii Theater April 26. You can go get your tickets at tigerbellylive.com. If you've never been to Tiger Belly shows, they are not what you think they are. They are super fun. They're super interactive and we can't wait to see you there. You are, show your hair. I can't. It's not good. It's just. It's cute. It's just little old me, just my hair. Yeah, I know. It's like when you're hiding something, it looks way worse than when you just show it. Like, it's like every headshot, everyone's trying to hide something, and you can tell what, by the way, their headshot is. Like, mine were, like, super exposed. You see no shadow on my nose. Do you have a side?

I like this side, but then I had a skin cancer removed, so now my favorite side has a scar on it. My favorite. The scars are super sexy. Isn't God funny how he works? Yeah. So that side was my fave. What about you? My left side.

Because I too have a high bridge on my nose. So my left side's better. Right side's disastrous. I didn't learn about sides till this podcast. So that's a really good thing. It must be nice. To me. Have you ever

looked in a non-reversing mirror oh terrible it's insane bad it's insane because you basically will realize i don't know maybe you guys are different but for me i'm extremely asymmetrical me too so when i look in it you see your face not flipped and somehow it makes you you look like a Picasso in a bad way really bad way yeah like it threw me into a deep depression yeah because I'm very asymmetrical so one I have a micro eye one that's smaller so I when I do my makeup I have to compensate by I do my makeup one eye different than the other look at me This is me not believing a word you say. I swear to God, Chelsea. I swear to God.

I'm like this commercial break, a hot girl talking about her asymmetry. Let me tap out for five. She's like, I'm a mess. It's like, I have eyes. Okay, you're perfect. Next. Micro eye, really.

A micro eye. My dad, I remember my dad being like, don't worry. Like Jean-Claude Van Damme has one too. And I'm like, okay, thank you. Yeah. But men honestly can pull off a micro eye. I don't think women can. They can pull off literally anything.

I know. They can pull off toothlessness. A lot of men I found attractive have been toothless. But this is our fault. I don't like that one. It's always this. Like, it's always a side tooth, like three back from the front that people are always missing.

That one is. I'm like this. Every time they talk, I'm like side tooth, side tooth, side tooth, flashing, flashing, a flash of darkness, you know? And I'm like, what's going on? What was it? What happened? Because that is commonly gone on people.

I remember the first time, I think it was like the third date with Bobby, where he laughed really loud. And I realized like not only were his molars missing, but everything else. I was like, this man has nine teeth. That's like a goblin in like a Studio Ghibli movie or something. And then we went to a steak steakhouse which he insisted on going to and i realized he would chew the steak with his front teeth or that or he would just whole swallow like a piece of steak and i'm like hey like you've got to chew that you're gonna choke he's like i

can't what oh my god see okay but you guys you realize what we're talking about here is that it is i am going to put all the blame on us. It's our fault because our self-esteem is so low that we're willing to accept these flaws in men as attractive. So we're the problem. Women are the problem. Anyone? You know, I don't know. I feel like I had these kind of conversations in college.

You know, I don't know. I feel like I had these kind of conversations in college. I can't place the blame on us anymore. It's like, look, we're deep feelers. We're like, okay, you know. But the problem is a lot of times we take someone who's ugly and has a bad personality. True. That's where we need to step it up.

Yeah. Yeah. One, only take one. Yeah, one or the other. You have to choose. Now, today on our show, if you haven't noticed, we have the one and only Chelsea Peretti. You may know her. We could start talking about her huge hit movie, First Time Female Director, available streaming now on Roku.

Or her Netflix special, One of the Greats. Not on Netflix anymore. I own it now. Let me know what I should do with it. You bought it? Wait, that's been your dream. I didn't buy it. I didn't buy it. Somehow in my contract, I think, I don't know if I specially carved this out or if that's just how they are, but I now own it. Like they rotate things off all the time and now I own it. Wait, that's because you know I bring this up all the time, but one of my favorite things I've ever seen on Twitter, RIP, is a post of Comedy Central promoting one of your old specials and you underneath writing,

can I buy the rights back to this, please? So I feel like you finally made it. I made it, but now I don't know what to do with it. And did I make it? I don't know. Let's discuss in the comments. But actually what I want to ask you about first, amongst all of your amazing achievements. I want to talk about the one year you spent writing on Parks and Rec as a co-worker of my baby daddy. That's so interesting because I was trying to remember if it was a year or two years.

Maybe it was two years. I think it was two. You maybe know better than me. I don't know. You guys only had one year of crossover. You know your baby daddy was like a narc. Wait, what do you mean? In the writer's room, he was like, two people on their phones.

Two people on their phones. He always had like a little sing-song thing where he called out people being on my phones. I'm like, one dork. Let it go. We're here 12-hour days. Like sometimes we might want to text our mom. That's so bad. He's such a loser.

Does he do that to you at home? He's a company man. Oh, my God. Well, who is a bigger bully, him or you? Probably me. But I was just louder. I'm more outspoken. Because he is, I've heard, is like he can be kind of mean. See, now that I would like to see. Oh. I he's, I've heard, is like, he can be kind of mean.

See, now that I would like to see. Oh. I don't think I ever saw that. You just saw the A student nerd. Yeah, I mean, I guess like it was his first season. Yeah. Yeah, I haven't seen him be mean. I would love to see that.

He was known in college as Dave the Bully. Really? I cannot imagine Dave being any kind of bully. He's got a lot of sides to him, you guys. The plot thickens. Multifaceted. Where's his show? Where's his podcast? I guess The Great Debates he has with Steve Healy. Oh, he does have a podcast, actually. Whoops. Shout out to The Great Debates. But it only comes out like once every two months.

And also, he was, like, their podcast was featured on John Mayer's Sirius channel. Wow. I have a picture with John Mayer that I can send you. Okay. And then we ran into John Mayer, and the first thing he said to us was like, I'm so sorry. Talk just doesn't work on my serious channel. So it's like we ran into him and he just told us how like Dave's podcast was having to be removed from the channel. We're like, we didn't care.

I didn't even realize he had a channel. Yeah. Whatever. John Mayer. Yeah. I'll send you that picture. Yeah, whatever. John Mayer. Yeah, I'll send you that picture. What I imagined immediately is sending that photo to you just all night long over and over and over. And you're like, what happened to you, what made you downfall to that point. So you have a movie out.

So do you. Women in film. Women in film forever. Forever. Yeah. You've been back and forth New York doing press. Yeah. How do you feel?

One trip too many, I'm gonna say. But I don't know. Do you love doing press? Who does? I was just thinking like I can't even watch it. Like do you watch it after? You do. Your face said you do. It's complicated. I want to see a glimpse. It's actually literally not complicated. No, it is. You either watched it or you didn't. I want to see a glimpse and then like depending on how I look and how I feel about my vibe. Right, right. That's true. I'll keep going or I'll just stop because I'm like. Yeah. And as we've talked about before, it's like you'll do a press appearance and then you're like, oh, my hair and makeup look like shit. Right. This goes in the garbage.

I will say this. I feel like I finally, well, actually, I can't say this. But, you know, I feel like glam is always like a journey. Yeah. But I felt really, I was happy with my glam. We're journeymen. Yeah, we are. With makeup.

We are. And hair. But then there's this one. Perfect in every way. No, no, no, no, no, no. We are. And hair. But then there's this one. Perfect in every way. No, no, no, no, no, no. I wish I got glam. I'm really terrible. Anyways, do you love your hokas?

Listen, I know they're not cool. They are cool. No, I just got a pair of hokas. They are? I'm sold on them now, but it took a while. Well, apparently I need different shoes. Like, I wear them for everything. They're not apparently good for hiking or while. Well, apparently I need different shoes. Like I wear them for everything. They're not apparently good for hiking or running. No, running they are. Running and

walking, I think. But pickleball. I started playing pickleball. Oh, you did? Yeah. Sorry, guys. Little generation above. And they're apparently not great for that, whatever. The sideways movement? Yeah. No ankle support? Yeah. But I do have to say that I would do these long hikes in my old sneakers. I don't even know what they were, and my feet would hurt in these ones. It's like walking on titties. Yeah, because they're really wide. They're cushy. Why would you want to do that? Why not? Give it a try before you reject the idea. Walking on titties would probably feel amazing. If there was like 10 women in a row and you're just like,

skunk, skunk, skunk, skunk. You wouldn't the whole time be grabbing your own titties? Like, how could I do this? Actually, you're right. No, I would be like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You're super titty sensitive. Yeah. Are you guys not? If it was fake women. Okay. Like those real dolls. Yeah. And you could walk across their boobs.

That would feel good, I'm sure. Even we want fake women. That's sad. Oh, of course. Of course. Who wants someone who's breathing? That's not fun. You're just gently caressing your chest in pain.

Thinking about it. I have a heart monitor, Chelsea. Oh, do you really? Yeah. Did it just start sounding way to flex sorry Esther sorry I do have ailments okay that's now see more relatable getting back on the same level um no I have a heart monitor I've had like a heart condition for a really long time. But when was it discovered? I think right at 30.

Oh, wow. I was getting these like weird episodes where I couldn't breathe and my heart was like going up to 200 beats a minute. And I was an athlete for most of my life. So I never really like thought anything weird. I always thought like my heart was powerful. Turns out not really. That's crazy.

Yeah. So a powerful heart. Yeah. Because you're an athlete. I was like a heart was powerful. Turns out not really. That's crazy. Yeah. So a powerful heart. Yeah. Cause you're an athlete. I was like a division one athlete. I was like, this thing cannot go out. Yeah. And it can't. The first, when I first moved to LA, the first time I did Runyon, I could not believe how heavy I was breathing. Like, and I felt really, really scared that I went to the doctor the next week to get like a heart, a stress test. And they're like, no, you're fine. I know. Well, I kind of get that feeling where I can't breathe when I walk up hills, even if it's like a slight incline. And I'm like, this seems bad. But do you eventually get over it though? Like, yeah, but it's like, even if I'm like hiking all the time, I feel like if I walk up a slight hill, I feel like I'm like winded. Yeah.

It's, it's, am I dying? I think that's just exercise guys. No, I feel like if I walk up a slight hill, I feel like I'm like winded. Yeah, it's— Am I dying? I think that's just exercise, guys. No, I know that now. I think that's supposed to happen. Now I know. But I got—hey, I got the peace of mind from the stress test. Highly recommend.

Isn't that Scientology? No. Stress test? Yes. That's literally what they give out. They call it something else, but it's—I'm not sure. It was my first year in L.A. I wouldn't be surprised. No, they would do like free stress test. Right. The stress test, but it was with that little contraption thingy, right? Yeah. I mean, I never, I never actually did it, but. Did you

ever think about maybe, um. Scientology? Yeah. I was like, oh, of course. Like, did you have this where you're like, it's, it'll be a funny bit if I go in there and mess with them? To the celebrity center? Yeah. And then, like, a few days later, I was like, I don't think, it seems like people get stuck in there. Yeah. And I'm scared. No, they had a brunch buffet that supposedly was very good in there. And, of course, you know me.

I was in a conundrum. I'm like, wait, I do want to see what all the hubbub is about with that brunch. But I was scared, like, the doors would slam. Wait, did you go? No, I never did it. Now I'm curious about the brunch. I don't know if they still do it. How could it be that good?

It's so hard to find a good brunch buffet. Just realized I was, like, making a little fist. To punch me? No, just, like, true body anxiety. Yeah, but if they had done the audit on either of you at that time, like what would they have found out, Esther? They're going to be like, you're stressed. You need this.

But the audit is when they take in all of your deepest, darkest, and then you cannot leave Scientology because then they hold it over your head. Right. I would have been way too honest and way too like open and loved. Any attention that they gave me would have been like, I don't need a career. I'll just do this because that's all I was looking for anyway. That's terrifying. Thank you. Wait, you said you're the first person I've ever met who says you hate peanut butter. Yeah. Or peanuts, everything peanuts. I don't hate peanut butter. I have to be clear. But

literally, I have a call in podcast and I I was asking, what's a high-protein snack? And all these callers kept saying peanut butter. I'm just not like sitting around like, let me eat three spoons of peanut butter. Also, I thought it wasn't a good high-protein snack because it's super high in fat. It's kind of also not. Plant-based protein is never going to be as good as, you know. The real McCoy? Yeah, which I am sorry to vegans for saying that.

That's just the research that I've come across. I don't know. I love peanut butter. I think it makes everything better. I think like any dessert that has peanut butter in it tastes good. Oh, wow. That's so strange. I'm pro peanut butter when it comes to like savory dishes

savory? like saute kind of thing yeah because I think like in a lot of Asian dishes especially like I know like I'm Filipino so we have a peanut butter stew and with green beans this is me being culturally respectful

I'm like but inside I'm like, mm. But inside, I'm like, ugh. I'm not. Peanut butter stew. Well, there's probably a better name for it. Yeah. Not in English. Right, right.

There is. It's like, carré, carré. That's a million times better. You say that, I'm like, well, I'd love to try it. Peanut butter stew, I'm like, I'm out. I know, I know. Yeah. But it's sort of this, it's a hack to make, usually you use like crushed peanuts and you do it the right way.

But the hack is to just put a scoop of peanut butter in. Yeah. Are you guys saying that you would like peanut sauce more than peanut butter? It's like peanut sauce. Do you like peanut sauce? Sometimes. But again, I guess it's just like I'm more into like in Asian foods and I want to say Szechuan foods like one I'm into sesame more than peanut you know like I love sesame noodles

there's these ones that I get in San Gabriel that are like really garlicky sesame noodles so good and I put black vinegar on it I love so you're an SGV girl when it comes to your good. I'm so glad. Thank you for saying that. SGV is the only place. Like I don't trust anyone who gets their Asian food anywhere else really. The one thing is once you get into Szechuan food, the numbing spice is very addictive. But are you into high spice? Because Szechuan is very hot. No, that's where I'm different. It's very hot, but somehow I can tolerate it more than say Thai, which is so hot. It like hurts to where I'm different. It's very hot, but somehow I can tolerate it more than say Thai, which is so hot. It like hurts to me. Or will you lose the other flavors? Yeah. The other flavors are like the Szechuan flavors are so layered and like that five spice is so fucking

good. Then I put black vinegar all over everything, which I, cause I love sour. I love vinegar. That's something I'm really missing in the pregnancy is just like going extra crazy with vinegar. And it's just, are you not allowed? It's just the reflux situation, which I know everyone is sick of hearing me talk about. No, I love it. I was actually hoping you would bring that up. How's it going? Wait, so you're nearly due. I'm like three weeks out. I should not be here. Well, that's amazing, Esther. Thank you so much. Thank you. I did go to Madonna last night. You did? I couldn't believe I made it. Who'd you go with? The Goop, Greg. Oh. I love him so much. This comedy promoter who has recently been featured on Bad Friends,

and he's so funny, and he's the only person I've ever met at this store where we have all the same interests in, like, female pop stars. So we really, like— Hit it off. Yes. No, I'm curious. I'm scared to ask who you do love as female pop stars. Oh, why?

What's so scary? What are you scared of? I feel like we're not going to be in sync. Well, first of all, I don't really love any, I guess, is the truth. If I really think about it, I'm like, I don't know what I'm holding out for because there's like, I'm out of the loop, I guess. Madonna is like the number one and I'm not going to, look, I know there was a few like rough years publicly where we're all confused.

Just the last decade? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did she have no AC on? She did have no AC. Someone told me that the concert was sweltering because she insists on no AC. But why?

For her singing, she won't do AC, which I do not love that. My majesty. Like that is a sacrifice. She needs to create a little bubble for herself, like a humid greenhouse. But I will say the live singing was excellent. Really? Excellent. And you don't get that in the female pop world often.

Well, I love it because I have to say, like, everyone seems to be enjoying this concert. And, like, the same way I love that Joan Rivers stayed edgy to the day she died which I think is so hard to do especially as I'm getting older I'm like I feel peaceful not really but I don't know I feel boring I feel out of it and boring and like for Joan Rivers and Madonna to stay relevant as they you know went on in life is actually now I'm like wow that's actually quite a feat yeah well people were like oh is it sad because she's older and I did not have a tinge of that it was so exciting and fun and she was so alive like it really she really pulled it off did she ever look stiff like in her movements oh yeah I mean she's not not hitting it like Britney in the heyday. Right. But neither is Britney.

No one is. Honestly, it was really good. And the set list, too, was really for the OG fans. It was for the 65-year-old gay men. And last night, that was me. And it was good. Who would your female pop people be? Whitney Houston?

First of all, I just have to say, did she play La Isla Bonita? She did. I had to leave early because I'm- That was my- I guess. My karaoke and- That's your karaoke choice? That's not an easy one.

Really? Last night. I know it's kind of low. Last night I dreamt of San Pedro. It's low. But I have a low voice, so it all kind of works out. My karaoke go-to is also Madonna, Like a Virgin. But she did, it was heavy True Blue era, which is a great era.

What are those songs? I don't know. Lysol, Papa Don't Preach. Oh, that's a huge one. Papa Don't. Is Borderline on there? Borderline is not on that album, I don't think. But she did not.

Oh, no, I think she may have played it towards the end of the concert when I was not there anymore. But me and Dave have like a good concert routine where he drops me off and then he goes around the corner and plays at a casino and then picks me up. It's like he's your dad. Yeah. My dad would never pick me up. A cool routine slash literally like a guardian. That's all you've ever wanted. I have to say, I love hearing that. Dave won't. He's coming for you after this. I know. And now that I know he has a mean streak, it's kind of exciting. You want it. Yeah. Wait, you,

who are your female pop people honestly i really don't have oh my god i really don't have you been listening who are they now like none of them appeal to me well some people would say casey musgrave is country i put her she is not pop i don't think casey is she won best album of the year a couple years ago but that's how country people can win that no they can't oh okay i can't. Oh, okay. I don't really know what her songs are. Like, what's her big song? They're very, like, angelic. Oh, you know what I like? I like Miley. Yes, Miley. You like Miley?

I do. Miley's great. I love a deep, scratchy voice. Her voice is amazing when she covers other songs. When Kelly Clarkson and Miley cover songs, you know it's gonna be good. What about SZA? Are you familiar? I do like SZA. But is she like a pop star?

I feel like not. She's probably more R&B. Yeah, she's R&B. But I just like to make them what I say that they are. Just someone you like as a pop star. That's right. It's funny because pop does mean popular, right? So really it's-

And I only like popular things. Okay, it's like Lady Gaga is I I think, a big one, right? No? Yeah. Do we like Adele? Yeah. I mean, sure, but again, I wouldn't think of Adele as a pop star. Do you like Gaga?

She's singing ballads all the time. Gaga I never, like, had a thing with, yeah. Oh, wow. But I think also when people have, like, so much mania around them, it's like, you know when people are like, this movie is insane, and then you see it around them it's like you know when people are like this movie is insane and then you see it and it's like okay like I think it just already felt like it's it's a scene and I'm like okay I can't get in you seem like the kind of person that like you could only like the music that wasn't popular not really because Miley's popular okay gotta hold on to Miley and Madonna so you do like Madonna? I do. Okay. That means a lot to me.

Cher. Cher. I feel like back in the day, well, no, she was more rock and roll. I think she wanted to be labeled rock and roll, but Tina Turner was like unbeatable. Rest in peace. Are we even going to say the Taylor Swift? No. You can't say anything bad. I like Taylor Swift.

I just was not drawn to her because she's a tall, thin, blonde woman. Same, same. I don't trust blondes. And so I couldn't ever get my way in. And she wasn't a dancer. But then now the Evolution, the Midnight's album, seeing the Heiress tour, I'm all in and I have all the respect. I hate myself for not liking her, but I don't like her. Listen, I like that she like, didn, like, remake her album to own it?

I like that. I think that's inspiring. The storyline is more important than everything else. I'm into her business acumen, I think, more than her music. Well, I think I didn't realize that both of her parents were, like, business people. That's so inspiring. They were very savvy. Yeah. She's actually a millionaire They were very savvy. Yeah.

She's actually a millionaire. She didn't like grow up in Nashville. Like they're from like New York, I think. And they were finance people. And they were like, let's just, this girl can sing. Let's just, you know, market her correctly. It's kind of like putting a boy band together. After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers if we've learned anything it's that there's always a catch so when i heard that for

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And let me tell you, therapy has been one of the most important tools in my life. I don't know if you've noticed, but modern life is not really something that our brains are like prepared or set up for. I'm currently going through a pregnancy that's been really hard on my mental health. I had to go off my Lexapro, which has been a bit of a challenge for me and my emotions. And also there's a lot of relationships in my life that are really important to me. And in order for me to show up in those relationships as my authentic yet boundaried yet loving self, all those things, I need a therapist to give me tools and help me

work on that. If you're thinking about giving therapy a try, try it with BetterHelp. I think it's very convenient. I love that I don't necessarily, especially on my worst days when I just want to sit in bed and stew and not get up and drive to an office. This is really a convenient way to talk to somebody either through the phone or through video chat, whatever you prefer that day. Very easy. You just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Learn to make time for what makes you happy with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday. Chelsea, can I have you taste test my favorite candy of all time?

Yeah. Where is this candy from? Okay, so it's my favorite one from Hawaii. It's called Noms. And I hope you like slightly sour things. I do. I like very sour things. Do you like lihing mui? Kind of like chamoy a little bit.

Never had. Wait, before she tries it. Yeah, go ahead. But you can open it. What sour things do you like? Oh, gosh. I mean, like I said, I like vinegar, like malt vinegar, black vinegar on savory foods. And then I like light cheese, like that kind of tart flavor.

Any sour candies, though? Oh, candies, like cabbage patch, sour cabbage patch, I guess. Cabbage patch? What are they called? Sour patch. I knew you were a fucking fraud. I don't eat candy. I'm not five. I'm not a super candy person either.

Like I don't sit around eating candy, but from what I remember— Wait, have you ever tried like unripe papaya with vinegar and salt? I was actually buying for a while green, dry green papaya that was very tart that I loved. No, mango. Dry green mango with like salt on it or something. So yeah, green mango. And if you, there's this Filipino like fermented shrimp called bagoong and it smells terrible. This is a really good match for green mango. Really? Really good. Like fresh green mango. Fresh green mango. You don't like kumquats. You say they're too tangy for you.

For me, the kumquat is an extreme sweet and extreme sour and extreme bitter. It's just like a lot of extremes. Are you a kumquat girl? I love a kumquat. Really? I can't believe it's kumquat season and I'm not really participating. That's been hard for me. Are you into low quats?

They're fine, but they're not kumquats. They're not kumquats. Kumquats are just like, also, you're getting the opportunity to eat a full rind which is probably so good for you and it's like tiny and cute and you don't know if it's going to be sweet or sour. It's just really fun.

Okay give it to her. Okay so these are a combo of belts and sours. Here pass it over. They're really good. Oh, I can't. That sounds, it smells, is it spicy? It's got lemon peel and lingonberry.

I wouldn't if I were you, Esther. Okay, I won't. Yeah, let's keep it away from. It's called Sheriff's Mix. It looks like it's covered in sawdust. No, it's not. It's lemon peel. Different, right?

I wish it was more sour. Really? Do you think it would hurt me if I tried it? No. But it's got like a weird... What is that? It's the lihingmuy. It's like the dried plum taste.

Chelsea, did you like warheads? Warheads are intense. I mean, I'm just not a candy girl so much. Oh, that is really tasty. It is. Yeah, it's pretty good. I just do think I'd be more into more sour. Maybe at the bottom of the bag.

Oh, it's not as extreme as I was worried about. So the flavor is a gummy candy with plum. The sprinkle on it is plum. Yeah, what is it? It's good. Lihimui and lemon peel. Man, Hawaii is so cool. Let me try another one.

I have to continue to assess. Wait, try the belt, not the gummy. I ripped off a piece of the belt. Can I ask the worst white woman question of all time? Yeah. I don't have all the Hawaii answers. Are pineapples really better in Hawaii? Or is that just like a myth?

I actually think pineapples are not from Hawaii. I think they're originally from South America. Fuck, that's good. This is not that sour, bitch. I love it. I'm so glad. I have so many. They have a lychee flavored one, too.

They do? Uh-huh. They have all the flavors. It's got what? Salt. It has salt on it. I love that about it. What is this flavor?

Plum? Yeah. I blacked out. Give me this flavor? Plum? Uh, yeah. I blacked out. Give me the bag. Give me the bag, dude. Did you fucking hear me? Wait, you got the whole belt. Yeah, I did, bitch.

I'm not your little servant. I'm reading the ingredients, obviously. You're like, give me the bag. As I'm reading? What the fuck? Um, so. What the fuck? I can't say I love this.

I want it because I want to be like cool. But there's something about it, right? I swear when you're done, when you leave today, you're going to be like, hmm, those noms. It's also weird that there's belts and balls. It tastes like it has tobacco on it. It tastes like it has everything on it. I can't figure it out. And I love it. I has tobacco on it. It tastes like it has everything on it. I can't figure it out. And I love it. I love that about it.

Super sweet. Slightly tangy. Lots of salt and tobacco. There's not tobacco, is there? I'm nine months pregnant. Your baby is dead. Esther, so to answer your question, they're from South America. They were brought to, because I know that we have a lot of pineapple plantations in the Philippines,

but they're not originally from the Philippines either. What is your tie to Hawaii? She's like a... My partner is Hawaiian or is born, raised there. Also part Hawaiian. But I also, um, dive a lot. So it was sort of where I learned to like spear fish and where I learned to like free dive. Um, local fish there or here in California. Do you do it here? Yeah, I do it here too. Are you concerned about the DDT off of Catalina Island? I'm chasing, chasing a Pulitzer.

We do keep track of that. I think that certain parts of like, if there's like, they tell divers that almost immediately and they put out a warning, like, hey, don't collect lobster this week or whatever. What do you know about the DDT in Catalina? There's tons of barrels of DDT that were dumped off the coast of California and are just sitting there and still fully toxic. What is DDT? Something bad. Look, there they are. Oh no. Yeah. So I think they delayed lobster season last because it usually starts like first week of October. They delayed it by a week because of this. Only by a week. first week of October.

They delayed it by a week because of this. Only by a week, though. I'm sure it's clear after that. So DDT is a pesticide. DDT is what they put in like bug spray, right? Roundup? Like in Roundup? Like Monsanto? Maybe, but I think it's in bug spray.

Like I think it's commonly, I could be wrong. No, that's DEET. Ah, yes. But it is a pesticide. I think it's a crop thing, yeah. Yeah, I think it's in Roundup. I really should know more as I'm trying to get a Pulitzer for talking about this once on my podcast.

But they do. You have to be careful about collecting certain type of, like if, you know, off the coast of California, you can just grab mussels and eat them. But you can't collect them certain months because of this thing called domoic acid that apparently is like a neurotoxin that can kill you. I love the planet. Yeah. Just a random fact, Julian.

If it's in summertime, don't collect mussels. I almost did. I was in Laguna the other day. You're still safe to do so now. Oh, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're good. Now, let's see if any of these Trader Joe's snacks

that Stella got for us are worth our time. All right. They're the new. They're new. They're new. New and exciting 2024 snack boonies. I've never seen this one. These are new.

These are fresh and hot. Now, Chelsea, you recently famously did a podcast episode trying Trader Joe's snacks and hated all of them. Right. All of them, 100%. What brand is that lipstick? It's a little-known brand. It's like a little cottage industry thing I'm trying to support.

Chanel? Tom Ford? Tom Ford, I think. Oh, cute. How do you know that? Because he's psychotic and things like that. Okay, we've got pizza party potato chips. Ugh.

I don't even like pizza that much. What? Yeah. Come on over to my podcast. I talk about it all the time. Yeah, no, I had a good slice with Nick Kroll in New York just now. Plain cheese from where? Joe's.

Oh, Dave loves Joe's. We always get Joe's. I feel like it's... It was good, but it was actually very good. But I just can't get like super excited about a slice. Right. I'd be more into carbonara. Yes.

That's my thing. Yes. You know what I'm into? What? The pasta I never thought I would be veering towards? Cacio e pepe. I love a good cacio e pepe. But it's so like hit or miss and sometimes very bland

and sometimes too peppery and sometimes grainy. Look, I'm only, when it's good, it's good. And I can't be responsible. Where is it good from? I don't know. I'm not responsible for that. Maybe John and Vinny's. But it's a rigatoni.

Anyway. I love rigatoni. It's my favorite pasta shape. Waffle cone tips filled with dark chocolate. Disgusting. Like all this looks so gross to me. This one my favorite pasta shape. Waffle cone tips filled with dark chocolate. Disgusting. Like, all this looks so gross to me. This one looks good to me. That looks good.

Because it's basically the base of the... Yeah, of the little cones. Yeah, ice cream cones. Okay, we've got some room temperature yogurt. It's totally good for my unborn child. Meyer lemon and cream yogurt. I would normally love Meyer lemon, but room temp is a hard sell. It's actually a little chill.

Do you want to just hold it and see? We just got them. Okay. Have any of you guys gone to the Frenchie? She makes those yogurts at the farmer's market. Her lemon one is really good there. Now, see, I'm shocked you'll go to a farmer's market as an introvert. That's the most extroverted

experience on earth. What are you talking about? I find farmer's markets absolutely, like, chaotic and overwhelming. But you don't have to talk to... Like, I actually truly do want to get diagnosed.

I think something's up with me. You think you're fully agoraphobic? I don't know. I just think something is amiss. Wait, I honestly think it's just getting older, like you said, because there was a point I think it might have been like 30. So far, this has been a great appearance. I literally am nailing the coffin on my career by being here.

You and I are pretty close in age, I think. I'm going to be 40 this year, I'm going to be 50 in three years. Or four. I feel like no one's going to use this, but... But, um... Wait, this... No, I think right at 37, I was like, oh, I think I'm just going to opt to not exist outside in public anymore. What are you talking about, you guys? Esther, when have you ever seen me be social?

I thought you were a shut-in. I am a shut-in, but it's really bad for you to be a shut-in, okay? That's what we're practicing at the farmer's market. You know what we've all been learning the past couple years, which I wish we knew sooner, is being a shut-in does not solve the problem. Right. And we need community, and we need to see people, and we need to have those small talk

annoying conversations that we don't want to have because they will— It's that thing of like, there's a study. Let's say you have at five o'clock tonight you can either go on a hike with a friend or sit at home and watch a show obviously you'd rather sit at home watch the show but you're gonna feel better if you do the hike with a friend so it's just in theory yes all of that so from now on say yes if i ever want to hike with you me yeah fine with pickleball is social that and active you're you're you're really keeping I ever want to hike with you. Me? Yeah. Fine. Wait, pickleball is social.

And active. You're really keeping it great. I like escape rooms and keeping it great. This I could maybe see you having interest in. Doubt it. Let's see. Lemon animal crackers. No, cherry lemon. Oh, yeah.

No, it's misleading. It says cheery. Oh, that is ridiculous. That's unbelievable. I thought they were it's misleading. It says cheery. Oh, that is ridiculous. That's unbelievable. I thought they were cherry too. Oh, I definitely, I'm sure I would like that, although it's covered with sprinkles for a fucking baby and it's also covered in icing. You are like a savage. You are so, you think you're so mature and we're fine when it comes to dessert. One foot in the grave. So cool.

Wait, where do you get your treats and desserts and what are they? Pie, right? Bakeries. Yeah. Bakeries are. No one here is going to want this. Crispy peanut butter. I literally tried that, I think, on mine.

Like peanut, peanut, peanut. Are these all 2024 new treats of Trader Joe's? I'll try this one. I'll try the lemon. Yeah, the lemon. I'm a lemon person. I know you are. You got me turned on to lemon desserts famously.

Really? Yeah. I used to never like a fruit dessert except for pie. But then I realized lemon. Lemon could work. Ew. Ew. This is.

Okay. I hate frosting. This is frosted within an inch of its life. Why do you hate frosting? It's the best part of anything. I don't like frosting. Do you like frosting, right? I like most things. It's hard for me to really say no to even shitty snacks,

but no on the peanut butter stuff. This has a very high lemon flavor, which I do appreciate. Can we ASMR the eating in the mic? This is good. This is good, Chelsea. What's your thing against this? I don't even like chocolate that much. I don't either.

I don't like chocolate-flavored ice cream, but this is good. You don't like an ice cream cone, huh? That lemon thing is good if they didn't cover it in sprinkles. There's a trend

with those little cone ends where Trader Joe's also has, like, a sweet cannoli dip. I tried that on my podcast. It's wretched.

Oh. Cool, cool. It's absolutely wretched. What are your go-to pie spots here? Well, I don't really have one. I found a great one in Brooklyn. You get them shipped over? I don't even know if it's possible.

Believe me, when tart cherry comes into season, I'm going to try. Try Gold Belly. They ship in from every single pie shop. Yeah. It's just weird. I feel guilty with Gold Belly because of the carbon footprint. I'm like, I'm ordering a pie from Tanzania. Oh, I did it so much.

You don't like that? It's really lemony. I love how lemony. But I hate the texture of eating the grit of the sprinkle. It's like eating sand. I do. You're not wrong about that. Thank you.

Yeah. You're not wrong. But the lemon itself, fantastic. I love the sharp lemon. God, fuck. Get these away. These are so good. All right, I'll try this disgusting thing.

Meyer lemon and cream. We're going to get sued by Trader Joe's for how mean we are. No, seriously. And I already am like, allegedly, this looks disgusting. All right, let's see. I'm going in on the potato chip, the pizza one. I mean, that's great. I bet those are good.

Oh, you like the yogurt? The yogurt's great. Is that really new? Yeah, we just got it. No, like a new release? Oh. Yes, from this article. Oh, wow.

Very, very, very new, 2024. That's very good. Wow. Wow. We got her. We got her. Mr. Joe. We got her good.

The yogurt. Meyer lemon. I just love Meyer lemon. I just love Meyer lemons. But what's the difference? Meyer? Yeah. They're a little sweeter, and they are softer, thinner skin, thinner rind, and they're just really delicious. Less tart, more sweet, but still tart.

You don't even like that Trader Joe's Takis, the chips, the rolled chips. You know what I was thinking in the car is that all these kinds of snacks should come with like one of those clicking counters. You know, when someone's counting like an audience coming into a venue, like you should be able to click count every chip you eat. Cause I, okay. I didn't have lunch and all I had in the car were goldfish, which I already discussed with, because of my child. I already discussed with you how I think Cheez-Its are satanic because, allegedly, because of how salty and dry they make your mouth. Last night, I literally told Dave, if we had a box of toasty, extra toasty Cheez-Its, that it would ruin our marriage. And he's like, what do you mean?

And I'm like, I just wouldn't be able to. He's like, do you want me to get that? Or he's like trying to anticipate your needs. I ate like 89 goldfish in the car on the way here. Regular, straight up. Yeah, just plain old goldfish. And I'm like, I wish I truly knew the exact number that I ate. And if they came with a little clicker as you eat one, you'd keep track better. They're so small. It's hard with those. Let's suppose you had a clicker. What number would you stop at? I truly, well, would I? Hmm. That's a great question. 12.

Like I'd be like, okay, 12 is reasonable, but I probably did eat 89. But it's like, that's how I've super disordered about my eating. So when I look at the serving size and it says 17 chips, I do serve myself 17 chips. I stopped that in high school. That's crazy. I know. It's crazy. Well, like the one serving size that I really object to is on box mac and cheese because I'm like it's one serving for old Chelky Pirelli. I can't really dole it out amongst my friends and neighbors.

Dave is like really heels in the ground about Parmesan flavored goldfish being the best kind of goldfish. It makes me like not like him. Yeah. I've never had it. Is it just like really different from the... It's just what's better than the straight up original?

I don't understand how you could beat that formula. That is true. But also I do think in the last couple of years, I've come to the realization that Cheez-Its are better than Goldfish. You know what's interesting question? What food does a second iteration or third iteration beat the original? For example, I know those are a lot of big words. Please, more.

Oreos. They have the seasonal, the mint ones. I actually think mint Oreos are incredible and arguably better than regular Oreos. You're making me think of a mint Oreo blizzard from Dairy Queen and how good that is. There is a Foster's Freeze. Can they do it? Probably. There's one sort of close to here. That is one thing I'll never co-sign. It's just mint as a dessert.

I don't know what it is. Not tropical enough for you? Not tropical enough. Yeah. Mint was not something introduced as a dessert. In fact, avocados, I had to learn is a savory food because we ate it as a dessert with like coconut milk and tons of sugar when we were kids. Let me ask you this. Have you had soursop?

I love guayabano. Soursop is my favorite, Chelsea. Oh my God. I want it so bad. Okay, so I have a hookup. You do? I do have a hookup. Me and my son want to try it. And so- I call it white gold. It just looks so cool. It's like this big round fruit that's like smushy that has spikes on it. And then you open it and it's like supposed to be like sweet and sour. And tart. And tastes like banana and strawberry and all these things.

Yeah. Okay. So this is a very common fruit in the Philippines. We call it guayabano. I think in Mexico they call it guanabana. You can get the soursop juices in the Philippines. We call it guayabano. I think in Mexico, they call it guanabana. You can get the soursop juices in the can, but I feel like they're overly sweetened. Not that good. But real soursop, Esther, it's sweet and tart, and it has a very soft, milky flesh. And it is so good as like a fresh squeezed juice.

That's what I want. I'm going to Costa Rica Rica and I'm hoping it's in season in April. Yeah. I don't know, but I'm going to try it. And also, have you tried, so I tried mangosteen. Love mangosteen, yeah. I also want to try, oh, durian.

What do you think of durian? Oh, it's so bad. Have you tried it? Yeah. So we've had on the show. Oh. So we've had, so I grew up with everyone around me, including my white dad loving durian.

Yeah. And I was like. Why do you want to try it? Unfortunately, I just follow an account where this guy eats all these tropical fruits. It really just hits with some people. Yeah. For me, it tastes like. Vomit.

Rot and garlic combined. Really? Because he's always like, it tastes like pudding and caramel cream. I think that it's sort of like how some people cannot have cilantro because it tastes like soap. I think durian is like that. But is it possible that we had bad durian? No, we had okay durian. Really? And it was terrible?

That's just how I remember it. Like nauseatingating really strong but strong there were people in the room that really liked it really so i think it's either a complete hit for you or complete i can't do this i can't do it i want to try it i can do durian candy sometimes you like natto yeah which like, that's a big controversial one too that you like. Natto I can have not as like, one time I went to a restaurant and I was like, I'll just have the natto and the rice. And that was overwhelming for me to just have the full natto.

But I do like a little bit on the side. You like it full on. I got really into it because of a TikToker who ate it all the time. I really do like it. I did kind of OD on it, trying to eat it all the time. Where were you getting it? Chinatown. Okay.

Yeah, or like Asian markets. And you don't mind the consistency, the slime? I kind of liked it. She made it look really good. She stirred it, frothed it up, and then she'd slurp it down, and I was like, okay, I want to get into this. And put a little seasoning and stuff on it.

So I really do like it, but yeah, I can't like eat it daily. It's definitely, it's like fermented. It fermented it's intense you know and super salty i want to know like what are you because last time we podcasted together we talked a lot about pie yeah and then then i know we both went to our perspective corners and had some pie what actually no you got me to try the scone at all time oh yeah which i thought was all time i've never had those filas it's a berry scone at all time oh yeah which i thought was all time i've never had those feelers it's a berry scone they have a berry scone i was disappointed in the amount of um sugar it's not super super sweet not sugar that's the ultimate compliment

it's like not too sweet i know but i'm fine with that i just Lil Esther. I just thought it wasn't a lot of berries. Did you feel like it needed sprinkles? Wait, you thought it didn't have enough berries? Yeah, like for me, a scone, can I just, let me just speak freely. Go, go. A scone is asking a lot of you. It's dense. It's hard.

But let me say, I have to jump in. I gave you the floor, but I have to jump in. And this is, I'm working on this in therapy, okay? But it is not, the reason there's, you can't mess with a pregnant woman. That is a thing. Like, this is dangerous what I'm doing. But I just have to quickly say it's not dense it's not that dense and that's why I love theirs it's crispy and light go you're back go it's so

much dough that you're being asked to enjoy and it's not often a sweet dough she's crying just yeah I'm so hot I've never felt hot-headed before. Like, I didn't know that term meant something real. Wait, Esther, why is dough bad? No, because it's like, it's not like a cookie where there's not a lot of dough. It's thick. I'm actually worried about you right now. I'm getting into labor.

I'm laboring. You wanted to start your labor. Yeah. I figured out how to do wanted to start your labor. Yeah. I figured out how to do it. Interrupt your scone monologue. It needs to have a lot of stuff in there. It needs to have a lot. It can't just be, you can't have three bites into just hard dough with no fucking fruit.

First of all, it's not hard. The whole beauty of theirs, it's very soft and crispy edges. But then the scones are supposed to be hard, not soft. I don't like a dense, hard scone. Then you don't like scones! I do. I do. I do. And please, calm down.

Okay, first of all, they do have a fair amount of berries in there. I agree. I could go harder with the berries. See? If I made them at home, I would go nuts with the berries. Oh, see? If I made them at home, I would go nuts with the berries. But I think as far as a store-bought scone, theirs tastes

very home-baked. I don't like a dense scone. So for me, it's an upgrade. I think we just have different scones. Wait,

is everyone really upset? Because the way you're reacting is you're really trying to like patch a problem right now. I am. I'm a fixer.

Let me fix this, guys. Give me a chance. Oh, wait. We were. Give me a chance. Wait a minute. Come back to me. Remember my podcast?

We talked about food for five hours straight and we were in heaven. You can't turn on me now. I'm dying. You said you liked the scone too. I did. I did like it. I did like it. I just, I'm frustrated with its lack of ingredients.

Are scones like a British thing? Yeah, they're called scones, actually. We all hate the Brits. I think, guys, you're getting it. It's scones, right? They're pronounced scones. I'm just observing Esther. It's like she's under observation now for me as far as I'm concerned. Medically? Yeah, mentally. I think he just gave her a membrane sweep.

Yeah. This is wild. And the thing that's crazy that I'm just in turmoil over internally is that she said she liked the scone. But here's what she said. I actually want to look it up because she goes, I tried the all-time scone. And I go, and? And she goes, pretty good. And I'm like, that means, pretty good isn't ecstatic.

So you're saying every third bite is good? Yeah, I just want, I just said what I said. Okay, this is, okay. She goes, just had this all times going pretty good. Then she said the girl working there said to get the sour cream and chocolate muffin next time. Which I did and I hated it. Oh, yeah. I didn't love that one either.

Okay, so anyhow. You could have told me. Well, I did. Here I go. I say, yeah, I like berry more than chalk. Okay. I go, was it warm? Not loving pretty good, TBH. Scrutinizing that word duo. And then you said, it is really, though. It is really good. But the filling flavor is so light, like it's a large scone with what, like five berries max. I think I blotted this out. I'd so much rather something filled with fun treats inside. Oh, like a cake filled with M&Ms.

It's not that kind of dish, honey. Okay. Honey. I was really disappointed in the sour cream chocolate muffin because I was told that the sour cream makes it fluffy and it was dry. You know what your next birthday you should have? What? A pinata. Let's be honest. You fucking love candy, okay? It's your happy place. You love dessert, too, just because you are so refined in, like, lemon and only pie. Does it make you— I like ice cream sundaes.

Do you? Actually— That's not refined. Actually, more often than not, I will not get a topping on my ice cream because I think it can kind of mess with the ice cream and I don't want to be having that. God, we cannot get a foothold. I don't want a cold. We are off track. I don't want the cold ice cream constantly fighting the hot fudge and I'm gonna race to get non-melted ice cream and non-cold fudge. Like that's just a stressful experience for me.

That's like saying like with mac and cheese, I don't like the crispy crust interfering with the noodle rubberiness. It's like, no, they go together, hun. They go together. Can't you have all of it yeah like the different layers of the experience i don't want to be stressed out it reminds me of like sharing a dessert with my mom when i was little and it's like bitch get your own like i'm fighting wait when you put things on your plate do you mix food i was just gonna ask that or do you have i'm not each bite have to be a uniform bite. I'm not super strict. And also it depends like what it's a Thanksgiving, then everything is a party and mix it up. But like I'm not some like OCD freak about the foods not being able to touch just because of what I said about the hot fudge.

And I feel like I'm under attack about it. Listen, I have to say I'm not a mixer. At all? No, like Thanksgiving food. I don't I don't even like gravy. That's another thing. Chelsea, really? I'm not a mixer. At all? No. Like Thanksgiving food, I don't even like gravy. That's another thing to get into. Chelsea, really? But I'm not a mixer.

I like eating things separately. Always? Like you never mix? What's the point of rice and then a stew? Are you eating your rice separately from the stew? No, no.

But first of all, I don't eat a ton of stew. I know it's a hot topic for you. Who's not eating stews anymore. Where are her stew girls at? Weigh in in the comments. That's all I make is stew. It has to be a wet food with meat in it. It has to be stewed down. You know who loves stew? Dogs. Dogs love that texture. dogs love that texture I just I just can't imagine not having sauce no no I mean I would definitely put that together like if I was having like Indian food I'd be putting that on the rice I wouldn't eat it separate it's not that extreme but I just when I see people who just mix up everything on their

plate okay that's that's crazy. Yeah. But when you have mashed potatoes, whatever casserole here, are you eating them one by one or are you kind of going around in a circle? I'll tell you the God's honest truth. I would mix a little bit of stuffing with a little mashed potato. Okay. Turkey, I'm not mixing with either of those. I'm going to have turkey with cranberry sauce.

But also, fuck Thanksgiving, right? Yeah. We shouldn't be even supporting it. So, anyway. Wait. Oh, wait, this is an actual thing. A fear of foods touching is called brumotactilophobia. That's wild.

I can't remember where you stand on this. Do you like ice cream with your pie? Yeah, I don't have a hard stance on that. I would, but, you know, I'm not like I need it with my pie. I'm pretty against it, which I thought you would be because you have once famously said there's no reason adults should ever have ice cream, said there's no reason adults should ever have ice cream, which I'm still questioning why that even ever, you felt the need to have that come out of your mouth. If you want to stand by it or retract it publicly, you could now. This is so wild. I mean, Esther's like, come on my podcast. I'm like, oh, sure, sure. It's a full-on attack. Not only that, she's like, hey, you told me something in confidence that was vulnerable.

Let me bring it up. And it's about a specific person. Also, let's ask about why you hate stand-ups. Like, it's going to be a shit show. We can cut anything out, don't worry. Wait a second. I'll send you my list. Ice cream just not for adults, period. Well, listen, I'm exaggerating for comedic effect, but I do think like, as someone with high cholesterol, let's just say that. Do you have high cholesterol? You asked me this a week ago. I forget your answer.

I actually don't know. How do you not know? How do you know? Why do you go to a doctor? Do you have a doctor, honey? You're pregnant. Don't they check that? Yeah.

Do you go to someone for like like an ob-gyn or anything no i'm just sort of winging it yeah um i i guess i don't because i would know if i did is that yeah yeah probably yeah they probably flag that for you um there's this place in tulsa that um instead of dressing they put a scoop of ice cream over the salad and it was so good. I was very- Wait, let's turn against her. You're pathological. I swear to God, you guys. I thought it was pathological when I saw it, but then I tasted it. I was like, oh, somehow this makes sense. You're disgusting. It was a summer salad with ice cream,

acid dressing. You're off the show. I know. I'm so sorry. I'd be imagining ranch the whole time and just being so upset. Like the creaminess, I'd be like, it has to be ranch. And it'd be melted vanilla ice cream. Yeah. It worked. Was it like Russian dressing? No, it was just ice cream over a summer salad.

And I guess I want that now. Yeah, I'm coming around. I think there might have been some fruit in the salad. I mean, or like now. Like fruity. Yeah, I'm coming around. I think there might have been some fruit in the salad. I mean, or like iceberg lettuce with ice cream on it. It wasn't iceberg lettuce. It was like arugula or something like that. It's sounding like a parfait a little bit. I'm telling you guys, don't knock it. What's the place called? It's in Tulsa. I forget. Was it called Lowood? Yes, Lowood. I'm very good. I pride myself on finding things. Finding things online.

Okay, Lowood. Let's see here. Let's see a picture of that salad if we got this producing team that's really on it. Okay. We can't find it. Oh. Let me see. Don't worry.

It might have been a seasonal. Look at their Instagram. Everyone's fact-checking Kalilah. I swear to God. She just made it up to keep the peace. I'm so glad you found it. Oh, I don't know. Oh, I got less like it. No, that wasn't it.

That's a dessert. Now that looks classic. That does look good. I'll eat that up in a second flat. Yeah, just put ice cream dressing, Lowood, Tulsa. I did a lot of things, still couldn't find. Maybe not popular. We couldn't find. Maybe not popular. We couldn't find it.

What if it was a prank? It wasn't a prank. They just did to your table? See, there we go. There we go. What? Oh. In presentation,

it's not as bad as my imagination. So very savory salad. No iceberg, right? Did it melt all over or did you kind of like i mean eventually it did but i remember the sweetness with the bacon bits maybe let's subscribe um interesting i mean i would try it do you feel like that would you try anything kind of once uh you know that wasn't my default but as I have traveled more and realized that the only

part of travel I enjoy is trying new foods I'd have to say that yes, I would do that. Is there anything else to be gleaned from travel besides eating? I know. Well, this is my thing. Like when I travel, I'm like, well, I have to eat this. I'm traveling. And then I eat like five ice cream sundaes. But coffee. That's the same thing. But yeah. Yeah. I. Bookstores. That's more Dave's. That's the same thing, but yeah. As eating. Yeah. Bookstores. That's more Dave's. That's more of you and Dave's thing. Vintage clothes. Shopping, eating.

I don't know. What else is there? Museums. Go to a dance club and discotheque. A long walk and look. That's like a foreigner word. Go to a discotheque. Have some funque where have you had some of the best coffee because i know for me when i was seattle really i was just gonna say i think australia had the best coffee i've ever had by like a crazy and i don't understand why or how why is it so much better

listen i think outside of the u.s lat America, Europe, everywhere has better coffee than here. Even Hawaii. Hawaii has good coffee. Like just anywhere outside of these mainland 50 states. Is it 50? I don't know. Geography. Hard to say these days. Is Hawaii? Well, Hawaii is part of the U.S. So that's 49 mainland states. I don't know. This is part of the U.S. so that's well so 49 mainland states I don't know

this is how stupid I am but anyway I do think that coffee is better almost everywhere you travel like Italy Paris why is this I don't I don't know I just think it's better don't you think I didn't feel that way about Spain at all really I remember getting on the Spanish. The cortados, yeah, but I didn't feel that way. Well, I think we've really come a long way today. Darker trend. I definitely know

what parts we'll be clipping out. I've never seen you so worked up, Esther. European roasting is done much darker than in the U.S. Well, I like dark roast, so maybe that's what it is. You like dark roast?

Honey. Honey's back. Do they still do those, like, civet beans? I've had those, yeah, from Bali. Do you think—I can't know for sure if I—do you like them? I did, yeah. But I don't know if it's I... Do you like them? I did, yeah. But I don't know if it's like the excitement of eating. I know, like civet shit.

Shout out coffee beans. But it was very smooth. I don't like acidic or burnt coffee. But you like dark roast. It's like the whole thing with dark roast is that it's like burnt. No, no. You got to try Major Dickinson's blend, Pete's coffee. That's my current go-to. It's very good. Dark roast, but smooth. Okay. Before we go, do you have any advice

for me entering motherhood? Well, it takes a village. That's good you know you got to figure out what your village is in these modern times because your village is not so obvious as it may have been in other times of history and my neighbor doesn't like me so that's that's out are those swingers no it's the swedish influencer oh that's right she's on a different planet she does not like me it's like i've never had it be feel so obvious what does she do to show it you know when someone is like actively not looking your way to say hi yeah have you tried yeah is she blonde of course yeah maybe your distaste for blondes is showing. I think it's, I don't know.

I like her. I wanted it to work out. Yeah. She's just, she doesn't like me. Yeah. Well, she's not in your village. She's missing out. I believe you mean that.

I do. This is what sucks. I'm trying to genuinely be nice and it gets a laugh. That's the story of my life. Any other tips? It takes a village. That's out for me. Well, I mean, this is trite, but true. Trite, but true. It feels so long in the moment, but it goes so fast. Like, you know, you think, I want to have a baby, but you don't realize the baby part is like a blip. You have a child. You're going to have a child, and then you're going to have an adult.

Like, you didn't have a baby for life. The baby part goes like that. That does seem so hard to me because I look at Dona, and I'm like, I'm so grateful that she doesn't grow up. She always stays your baby. Yeah. And like, is that really hard? Like, do you miss the baby so much? Yeah. Like I look at old pictures and videos and I'm like, oh, that was like a different little person. Like, you know, their interests shift with each developmental, you know, milestone and age and whatever. And so it's like, yeah, it's like, it's so exhausting.

And, and it's, it feels each day, like, what do they say? The days are long, the years are short, whatever. It's very true. And it goes so fast. And I think like, you know, I, Al Madrigal actually influenced me, my parenting, he's an influencer, like you. But he was like you know I would put my kids to bed and like rush off to do comedy sets and stuff and he was you know and on the road on the weekends and stuff and he was like I wish I was around more and so then I was like great I'll quit comedy and malign all comics but um no I I do think like you only get one childhood for your kid. So hang out with them. Yeah. I mean, I know there's going to be a lot of different work ethics.

Listen, I think happy mom, happy kid. You can't give up all your passions, your friendships, exercise, work, all these things. Because then you start to resent your child that you're missing all these things from your identity. But also, I do think you had a kid for a reason. You should spend time with them. Yeah, that balance is what feels really challenging to me, like that I think about that is so confusing and complicated. I can't figure it out.

Like, how will I still stay me but also stay a good mom? And I actually do think that people don't talk about that as much. Like, I do think it is a huge identity loss. And it is like, you know, but also some of it would also just happen as you age. But it's just like, you can't, you know, be a total fucking hedonist. Like, stand-up really does allow you in many ways in entertainment to be a hedonist. You can go to a movie in the middle of the day

when you're not shooting or you can, you know, it's like sleep till whenever and it's like kids... Come back to the hotel, order whatever you want, room service, sleep late. Like, it's just,

it's a really easy, fun lifestyle that could just be all about you. And it is crazy to think how much it will change. It does change a lot. But it's also just like the best. Really? I feel like the novelty of doing whatever the fuck you want to do sort of. I 100% agree.

Yeah, it's wearing. It's starting to. I also don't think it's good for your mental health in the long run. And like, I do think sometimes when I'm like, oh, I'm feel so sick. And I don't want to do this. Like, this is so hard. Life was so good before. And then I'm like, I look back at photos. And really, you remember life before and you're like, no, I'm ready to change. I'm ready to move on from that person. I feel similarly. Also, I was an athlete for so long and I feel like I want to welcome back some regimented kind of like you have to do this in structure. I feel I perform better that way. I'm happier that way. And the last decade I've just sort of been like flailing

around doing whatever the fuck I want that I would love that responsibility back into my life, I think. So you are planning on raising my child? Yes. They say it now, but wait till you have the kid. They're nowhere to be found. All my friends are like, I'm going to babysit. This is crazy. And then you see them five years later. They're like, he's five. So don't count on that. But yeah, I mean, I do think like having a dog is actually is good training for it. Really? Yeah. You have to feed the dog. It's harder to come home late. It's harder to travel, those kinds of things. It's like a good little precursor. And I think shooting and getting up early in the morning also is better than like you know like that sort of kids get up early and so that helps

with that shoot just shoot a lot and then have your kid okay yeah okay I'm excited what you don't believe me no I mean it's like it's weird it's hard to convey how amazing it is you know it's like it's easier to talk about the challenges of it or something because to talk about how amazing it is it's like it's sort of surreal really yeah it's like you're gonna have an I mean it's this is so obvious we're gonna have an actual combination of you and Dave assuming he's the father and you're gonna be like oh my gosh did he get that from you or me? Or like, oh, he's – or she or he, I don't know. She.

She. Like, she's her own person in this crazy way. And, like, I don't know. It's just a fascinating journey to go on. And then it's also just like loving someone that much is insane. loving someone that much is insane. I have to also say that I've had a lot of guilt of one of, of, I've felt myself not wanting to talk about the positive feelings that I have during the pregnancy because I do feel like having a kid is such a privilege and it's like really hard for people. Some people can't. Yeah. People are barren and it's. Yeah. Or it's like just hard

to afford starting a family for so many people, especially like now the way that things are going in the world. Like I have, I just feel like guilt about it and I don't know how to deal with that. And I don't know, just cause you said it's like hard to talk about the positives. I don't know if you have, is there guilt too, where you feel like, oh my God, this thing is so wonderful in my life. Why would I just brag about it? I don't know. I mean, I don't know if I feel a ton of guilt about having a child.

I mean, I definitely have empathy for people and the challenges of trying to have a child and it can be very challenging. And I think especially like in coastal cities where women just see every woman having kids really late in life and they think, oh, I can do that too. But they don't know the whole journey it took to get there. But I, you know, I guess I feel like so many people of all stripes have kids and have lots of kids that I don't feel like it's like a privilege thing so much. Okay. I like hearing that. But yeah yeah I mean celebrate what you want to celebrate who gives a shit it's like if it's something that like they're if people are upset or feel some way towards you being able to have a family or have a child it's nothing to do with you

right right and you're right okay Okay. That's, that's helpful to hear. It is crazy though. It's like, you know, it is, there's just people on such crazy journeys to have kids. And I think like some people are so unaware. People ask me all the time, like, are you going to have another kid? And I'm like, I'm 40. I don't actually even know. I think I'm 46, but it's I think I'm 46 but it's like unlikely you know it's like it's a weird question to ask someone who's like beyond geriatric you know but at the same time like I feel like I assume in the in our business like people can just because of like the success stories yeah I. I'm like, oh, anyone can do

anything, but that's naive. And like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But even people who do go through like IVF, like my best friend, she went through a couple of rounds of it and it wasn't easy. But she's finally, I think she's like seven months pregnant now. But she's not going around hating on women who can, you know, spontaneously get pregnant. Right. Like that's just not something. So I think for the most part, you're fine to celebrate what you want to celebrate. Yeah. All right.

Well, I'm taking these home. You loved it? I loved these. These are good. Actually, I'm not taking them home because I'll hurt myself Chelsea where'd they go

it's a decoy she's like you go ahead and take them squirrel that away Chelsea thank you so much for coming here today

I hope you feel okay thanks for having me no it was fun talking to you all. And I hope everyone streams on Roku, first-time female director, available now. You cannot watch her special because she owns it and is hoarding it for private. Wait, you were in her special, the one that you shot in San Francisco. Yeah, that was the most fun.

That was so fun, that day of shooting it. That was so cool. Yeah. It's a really good special, but no one can see it. I know. I don't know what to do with it. If you have ideas, really do tell me because I don't know. And check out Drugstore June on Apple.

Yes. Available on demand. We're sisters in film. I know. Women in film at the same time thank you everyone for tuning in and thank you to chelsea we hope you'll come back i fear you won't um and we'll see you guys next week with a brand new episode and i'm curious if anyone has had parmesan gold fish and thinks that that's ridiculous all right bye guys Bye guys.