Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - David So & The Truth About “Dream Girls”

Episode Date: April 16, 2024

David returns for his third appearance! We laugh, we cry, we cry laugh at David So getting too high with his gardening friends. We love David for many things but most of all, giving us space to emote. xoxox.  Esther’s new movie: DRUGSTORE JUNE! Still Available in Theaters and you can now Pre-Order via Streaming Platforms!  https://www.drugstorejune.com/ TigerBelly LIVE in Hawaii:Tigerbellylive.com More David So:youtube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCt8OnQ7ztuLrPrehlj8ZuuQTwitter - https://twitter.com/davidsocomedyGeniusBrain podcast - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL91mUNcJ6cuRQQUgY7TNXMeraip4Lx5hDSecret Society - https://www.instagram.com/secretsocietypod/ The Casuals MMA podcast - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCn_LM5J3HGszLxdbCAyzkkgJunbi - https://junbishop.com  00:00 Pregnancy Vs. Fat People 00:30 DRUGSTORE JUNE AVAIL 00:40 Tigerbelly Live 01:00 Khalyla is not Single 03:14 Partners & Their CPAPs 1 1:34 Pregnancy Vs. Fat People 13:40 Being Pregnant Sucks Be Nice to Your Wife 16:20 Trader Joes Cookie Taste Test 19:33 David So Gets Too High 25:00 David So’s Highs are a Movie 29:47 Doritos Vs. Cheese Its 31:48 Fat People Anger 34:49 David and his Gardening Group 37:18 The Importance of Community 40:45 The problem w/ Shiny People 47:18 The Five Types of Women for Men 48:50 What even is a Dream Girl? 54:26 Khalyla Just Wants to Be Someones Dream Girl  01:13:03 Dream Girls are Life Partners SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE TRASH TUESDAY: https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons Trash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly -https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977Rick and Esther Have a Time - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/rick-and-esther-have-a-time/id1694264079  Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Theme Song Written by: Bobby Lee http://instagram.com/bobbyleelive Banana Break Song by: Can Nguyen    https://www.candyedits.com Podcast Producer(s): Stella Young/Tiny Legend Productions  Shot and Edited By: Guy Robinson and Sean Wanless Edited By: Andrew Tarr (Audio) & Guy Robinson (Video)   This Video Contains Paid Advertising

After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's the catch? But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online. They don't have retail stores or salespeople. Instead, they deliver premium phone plans directly to you. As you guys know, our friend Rick Glassman, he uses Mint Mobile. I learned about Mint Mobile through George Kimmel.

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offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details mobile for details sounds like pregnancy honestly the whole nine months well that sounds like just being a fat person all right so i've dealt with that for a majority of my life ankle swelling me too heartburn me too midnight cravings me too can't tie your shoes? Me too. Nine months? 30 years. You guys, I am so excited that Drugstore June, my movie that I wrote, co-wrote, and star in, is finally available digitally. You can get it on Apple, on Amazon, wherever you buy movies, and I can't wait for you to see it and hopefully love it. You guys, I'm really excited about Tiger Belly's next show.

We've begged production for this specific place for a very long time. Tiger Belly will be at Hawaii Theater, April 26. You can go get your tickets at tigerbellylive.com. If you've never been to Tiger Belly shows, they are not what you think they are. They are super fun. They're super interactive and we can't wait to see you there. You're still single right now? No. I'm a CPAP guy. Remember? Oh, you guys are still –

Wait, your boyfriend or whatever he is has a CPAP man? Yes. Whatever he is. This is the only thing we have in common. Oh, my God. We both have CPAP men. Oh, wait. Your husband is on –

Really? Yeah. He can't breathe? He's like the original CPAP guy. You guys have CPAPies, huh? We have CPAPies. Little CPAPies. There's like a double entendre because he also is in the ocean and he f***ing fishes and shit.

Yeah, my partner is an ocean guy, so David's been calling him CPAP. CPAPie, dude. That's great. How long have y'all been together? Since, I don't know, like eight months. We met last June, but we didn't make it like a fish for a while. Oh, wow. But when, last time we went out to dinner, we had only been dating a couple months, but

we're still together. Oh, wow. I know. What's that? He is calm and grounded and like normal and healthy. Wait, we need to like literally do a campaign for like dating a CPAP man. We do.

Will you guys sleep next to Darth Vader every night? How the f*** do you guys fall asleep? We prefer calling them Bane. Okay. And honestly, the noise of the machine can lull you to sleep. It's just, you know. That's amazing.

Wait, do you know the brand that he's using? No, but I'll find out. That is hilarious. You have to know if it's ResMed or Philips. I think it's ResMed. Yeah, ResMed is the top of the line. My guy is on the ResMed. That's crazy.

If I had a p***y, I'd be dry as f*** right now. That's insane. Wait, how did he break the news to you? That he had a CPAP? Well, he had told me that he has a lot of like, almost, it's not an amnesia, but he doesn't have a lot of like

early memories of like his childhood and his younger years because he's been so, he was oxygen deprived for so long. Dave doesn't remember anything and I'm really worried. Like I literally will, I'll bring up all these memories from our decade. Dave doesn't remember anything. And I'm really worried. Like, I literally will, I'll bring up all these memories from our decade. That's hella funny.

Of like our decade together. He's like, I would have no idea that happened. Right. He's been on a CPAP since he was a little kid? No, but he's probably been in one, he's 45. He's probably been on it like 12 to 15 years. Okay, so basically leading up to that, so if Dave is in his 40s,

he didn't get started until his 30s, which means that he had an entire decade probably of being under oxygenated, which means that he would have some level of like brain malfunction. After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a

limited time, all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's the catch? But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online. They don't have retail stores or salespeople. Instead, they deliver premium phone plans directly to you. As you guys know, our friend Rick Glassman, he uses Mint Mobile. I learned about Mint Mobile through George Kimmel. George is a busy guy.

He takes the most business calls. And the fact that not a single call is ever dropped. And you can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all of your existing contacts. Say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans mint mobile is here to rescue you with plans starting at 15 bucks a month and all plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5g network that is such a steal to get this new customer offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month go to mintmobile.com slash tuesday that's

mintmobile.com slash tuesday cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash tuesday 45 up front payment required equivalent to 15 a month new customers on first three month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan additional taxes fees and restrictions apply statement mobile for details. This sucks, man. Does he? So when you're on a CPAP, right? How does it help?

Okay, so I used to have sleep apnea, right? What? Then you need it. How did it go away? Did you get your? Oh, that's right. That can be it. Yeah.

I just lost weight. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea.

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I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had it because in college, my buddy Tony, he was my doormate. And he recorded me sleeping. It was crazy.

Because it sounds like this where you just kind of, yeah, like that. And when he recorded me, he was like, dude, are you okay? I'm like, who the f*** is that? He goes, that's you. So I was tripping the f*** out. So I did the whole sleep study and they put me on. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

We have a f***. You were CPAPI. No, no. Was, dude. Was. And then I lost weight and then disappeared. Yeah, so yours is more of an anatomical thing from the extra weight, probably.

But- It was that fourth chin that got me. The was just choking me every night, you. Your chin is just like this deep. Your body is. Oh my my god so don't knock our cpappies then you were you're just a reformed cpappy but he's not fat though no it's it's not because it's not always about your weight it could be other things it can be anatomical it could be that your palate is this way or your tongue is too fat or your neck is too short. Is CPAPI fat?

No, but he's like a thick Hawaiian boy, right? He's not fat. He's just really thick. And I think his anatomy probably suggests to me. He could probably lose some weight and then probably it'll go away. No, because even in his most like fit, he's had it since he was like a kid apparently. He's been a snore. He was a snoring kid.

Oh, for real? Yeah. So he's like a kid apparently. He's been a snore. He was a snoring kid. Oh, for real? So he's been like without oxygen. You know like Hawaiian dudes just be making it up though all the time. You know they do. What do you mean? Really? I don't believe that story. I swear to God or at least I'm like taking him at his word. If I ever see him in his f***ing fatted s***, I'm gonna

roast the s*** out of you. Because you like to just do things in your head sometimes. I do. What do I do in my head? You rationalize. Oh, you know, people poop in their ass, Prius. You know, that's you. You rationalize. I don't trust you at all.

I'm going to meet this dude. He's like, brudda is just with an ukulele as big as. Don't lie. I like brudda is. See, I don't trust you now. Have you seen CPAPI? No, I actually haven't. Does he exist? I don't know. I, I don't trust you now. Have you seen CPAPI? No, I actually haven't. Does he exist?

I don't know. This girl's just making stuff up right now. I created a fake Hawaiian boyfriend. I go there, it's just a coconut with two eyes on it. That I sleep with every night. But I put a CPAP on. Don't you kind of like being with a guy that has to have a mask to breathe at night? There's something that I really like about it.

What do you like about it? That way he gives you on the verge of death. Is that what gets you going? It's just like, oh, he's so ill. Oh, he needs me. He's so sick. You should go to senior citizens. You'll get wet super fast.

Oh, my God, look at these liver spots. It's turning me on. Weirdo. I think I know what you mean because I think in all other regards he's physically superior to me. Like he could f*** me up. This is a big boy I'm talking about. So there is

something very cute about at the end of the day or at the night where he needs this thing to stay alive basically and i'm like that is kind of cute so i i get it and also and i did used to do this in my stand-up but like i like they can't really like go spend the night with another girl because that's so funny their machine they can't just like go missing at night. They can't just not come home. People can't even

cheat on you because you can hear the machine turn off. Where the f*** are you going? But also here's a nice thing I thought that was very

a nice thing that I did is I invited the CPAP very early on in the relationship. I was like, hey, like if just bring it over.

It's not a big deal. I didn't want him to. He's all so cautious about it. Dude, I love it. I didn't want him to have to ask me if he could bring it over. Do you know what I mean? And find the outlet. Like, that's very emasculating. So I was like.

So wait. So after you guys and then you're about to fall asleep he goes hold on a second he's like you just hear him just rustling yes the tubes what are you doing i have a c-pap i can't breathe he just plugs that then it just knocks out early early in our relationship like you know when it's like very new you're in the first few months like you lay in bed you're cuddling, you're talking. It would always be like the saddest thing where I think we're like going to stay up all night and talk. And I just hear him reach over for his mask.

I'm like, no, not the mask yet. Let's keep talking. Does he have the full mask? Like it covers. What do you mean full? Okay. So you have the option to just use the nose. Oh, he has the full.

Oh, wow. He is Bane. Wait, what does your guy have? My CPAP just uses the nose one. It covers it or it's like- Just a little plug up the nose. Oh, no. We're operating different.

This is the saddest conversation I've ever heard in my- I'm sorry you're here for this. No, I'm just like in this moment right now listening to two girls just talking about their men who can't breathe at night. Two women in their 30s. So he has a full rebreather. What kind of CPAP does he have? Oh, my God. Other girls will talk about like the guy's cars or something.

The CPAP machine. It's like what the f*** is this conversation right now? It's so sad. What brand? What brand is that? It is very important that it is Resmed and i think that esther and i resmed if you're watching should be sponsored absolutely we should be sponsored by old men no we should do commercials like for the safety of old men breathing at night we should advocating

for there's no shame in being a man that needs oxygen at night david do you think that when he was younger that other women found his c-pap machine just like weird i think what's weirder is when you can't sleep because there's a dragon breathing next to you true a hundred percent that's every night when he's like oh even when we take a nap i'm gonna get your c-pap i can't be around that noise yeah we did one sleepover early in our relationship at my place where he didn't bring it and it was like it was the worst night of my life it's you can't you once you experience the mask you don't want to not experience the mask okay and they're pretty quiet somebody sponsor her right now that shit was tight as fuck they're really quiet like

the new models like oh my god kalilah all right okay so the older models like the older phillips you could feel the air kind of bounce back on you if you if you're a partner and then you're laying next to them you can feel feel like the air seep out. Wait, I feel the air. Oh, I don't. Ooh. You need an upgrade. Dave?

It seems unfair that they're not battery powered because that's like kind of not great. You can have like a smaller option. They're just not as efficient that you can travel with. Yeah, I somehow have become an expert but because he can breathe like i if i feel the air i just put the blanket over his head so you try to kill him yeah no it's okay it's safe because he has the mask okay i think it's safe if it's really loud i just take my pillow and i just do this to his face real quick shut the fuck up how do you feel about a girl snoring? It's fine. My wife snores,

but I just push, shove her face at night. Is it by a cute little... No. That shit is a fucking lion in a den. It's fucking wild shit. And she has a tiny little nose,

so I don't know where that noise is coming from. But I'll just like shove her face real quick. She's been kicking my fucking nuts lately, which has been a problem. In bed?

Yeah. I don't know how, but she's been kicking me in my fucking nuts. Like she'll... You know when you turn over and you bring your leg over yeah heel to the nuts three nights in a row so i don't think women know how much it hurts to get hit what does it feel like give us like a full it feels like somebody just takes your intestines and they're just squeezing it like this so you can't even lift your body up sounds like pregnancy honestly the whole nine months well that sounds like just being a fat person all right so i've dealt with that for

a majority of my life fucking ankle swelling me too heartburn me too midnight cravings me too can't tie your shoes me too nine months 30 years wait can't tie your shoes? Me too. Nine months, 30 years. Talk to me later. Wait, can't see your own dick. Me too. When my buddy Gio, she was talking about, she just had her first kid, Taika, and we were in Vegas at the time. It was three or four months after she had the kid.

And she goes, hey, do you want to feel my stomach after the pregnancy? And then she was like, dude, it just feels like a bag of water oh i was so pissed because it literally felt like my stomach then i grabbed her head and put her on my stomach i'm like i'll fucking kill you right now because like the whole pregnancy is literally fat people's symptoms it is people's symptoms that's such a complaint didn't think about that a hundred percent like everything you went through is something i went through i mean i imagine it would be the same because it's like you have that extra adipose in your midsection that's probably you science words adipose is what fat tissue okay there we go i did not know that pushing up against you know

certain parts of your organs and i imagine a baby in its full amniotic fluid is probably pushing up all in that same. Yeah. It's creating that same pressure. Yeah. It's, it's. What is your poops like when you're pregnant? I, it's really a challenge.

It's like. Constipated? I've been constipated since day one, but I'm on like a protocol now for it. Like I take magnesium at night. If I need to, I do a suppository. You know, you stick something up there. That kind of. God damn, dude.

Being pregnant sucks, dude. It sucks. Like be prepared to be so nice to your wife, please. Oh, dude. She's a nut bag as it is now. So I'm so scared. You should be so scared. And not to like scare you.

But I think that generally like there is a lot of women don't necessarily feel very tender towards their partners when they're just surviving symptoms. But if you, I would say like if you're fully showing up like 24-7 just like a caregiver I actually think you can get away I'm excited for her to be pregnant

because I just want to cook her everything because she right now is very fit and she doesn't want to eat like unhealthy things so I'm gonna gain

exponential weight with her but she might not want that. Well, I'll figure out what she wants and I'll fucking cook it. And first trimester is brutal. So all of the things that a woman might normally like is like off the menu. Oh, I hope she just has a lot of cravings. But that's like later on. The first like trimester, it's like some of us are like beige babies

where all you want are like crackers, salty stuff, and mac and cheese. Mac and cheese, that's fine. We'll eat mac and cheese every day. He's going to make really fancy mac and cheese. Because she's so fit right now. And then she doesn't want to eat like things that taste good. Right. So she'll just do all the healthy stuff.

And at night, she goes, oh, I can't eat this. I can't do that. No, no, no, no. I already brushed my teeth. I can't eat. But I miss the days where she would just eat everything because she's fit as fuck. Oh, that's so cute. Wait, okay.

Speaking of snacks, even though no one said snacks, I was at Trader Joe's yesterday because we did like a taste test last week. And I didn't love what we had. Like we had those lemon animal cookies. They weren't that good. what we had. Like, we had those lemon animal cookies. They weren't that good. I saw one of my favorite Trader Joe's snacks,

and I wanted to, like, see if you guys would try it and see what you think. Yes. Trader Joe's... By chance, are the pizza potato chips in there? No, I did not... I would never bring those near anyone ever again. Trader Joe's fruits and meats are hot garbage.

Hot garbage. What is that about? I agree. Produce is terrible there. It's the fucking worst. Like, where do they get this shit from? Not sure. Produce is terrible there. It's the fucking worst. Like, where do they get this shit from? Not sure,

but I don't buy it. And it's expensive. Okay, so here's what I think about this. Have you had these? Yes, of course. I would think that most people

would not get these because they are, trigger warning, vegan and gluten free. They're the soft baked snickerdoodles. Oh, those are so good. Oh,

everyone knows them. I've never had those. Okay. Well, these are so good. Oh, everyone knows them. I've never had those. Okay. Well, these are the best. And then I noticed they had a new flavor, which I want to try. These are like the best cookies. If anyone… I'd like to have one.

You're so tiny. It's really cute when you open up a box of cookies. It's like you look like a little kid. A little pregnant boy. Have you ever had the chocolate… The turbinado sugar chocolate-cover covered almonds from Trader Joe's? No. That's one of my favorite ones.

I always get the cacio e pepe little popcorn puffs. I've never had that one. That is my favorite shit of all time. I like their little Cheez-Its or their little like round cheese cracker sandwiches. Those I can down. Like I can just like take bumps of so good. You're so fit. I can just take bumps of so good. You're so fit. I can't imagine you just eating snacks like that.

I do eat a lot. Do you? I'm a portion eater. The sunflower ones are not as good. Sunflower butter. Here, I want to try. Not as good as snickerdoodle. Ugh.

I'm definitely like... you know what I do? I started smoking a lot of weed recently. Why? I love weed. Damn, bitch. Once this baby's out, you're going back to your vices for sure. Oh, yeah. Two weeks. She's been saying it for a long time. Let me tell you something.

If you're ready to eat, I'm always down. The snickerdoodles are way better. Give me the snickerdoodles. The sunflower butter cookies, just so everyone knows, don't do it. Not these ones. That's it. I will finish mine. Here, will you pass?

This shit tastes like a power bar. Yeah, what does it taste like? It just tastes like coffee. This just tastes like a power bar. Yeah, what does it taste like? It just tastes like coffee. It just tastes like a power bar. What the fuck? Oh, this is good. This snickerdoodle thing's good. I know.

It's weird because it's vegan and gluten-free, but it's like the best cookie in the store, I think. This... What the fuck is this, dude? Why you make this, man? Why you do that? It's a really weird choice for a cook. Why you do that, man? Has anyone taste tested the new mango calamansi sorbet?

Mm-mm. I don't know. It was one of their newer ones there. And I really think that here's what Trader Joe's did well. This is good. I know. I know. I've been getting these for, like, decades. newer ones there and i really think that here's what trader joe's did well they this is good i know i know i've been getting these for like decades this is an abomination right this is sin worlds apart what is this we don't know it's a power bar this is how you know how fat i'm

actually genuinely pissed i know right this is like fat people shit like when you get upset i literally indented my fingerprint on this you could like you could take my identity just from this cookie alone because i'm so bad i'm crushing this one oh this is how i know i'm pregnant because i hate it too but i'm still finishing it i don't know why yeah i don't know what here's the thing too it's like just don't make stuff like this why what is the point when you made this cookie and you bit into it, you knew it was bad. And you still chose to sell it. You're going to fucking hell.

Yeah, I'm trying to figure out if there's a flavor in there that maybe we're just not loving. It's like a seed. Yeah. But it's not sunflower seed. And it's not even, the consistency is not even good. You know what somebody didn't tell me about weed is the, people always talk about like munchies and stuff, right? And when I was younger, I didn't smoke enough weed to, you know, I got hot boxed with friends or whatever. I never liked the feeling of it.

What do you mean you got, like you only got it through? Contact tie. Oh. Yeah. That works? Yeah. For me, I'm very like weak to any type of substance, caffeine, alcohol, whatever that it is. For me, I'm very like weak to any type of substance, caffeine, alcohol, whatever that it is.

So I started smoking weed recently only once a week with a bunch of friends that we garden with, right? Because we're just gardening and we're just, I know, it's some hippie shit. That's so cute. We have like our little gardening hats and then we're like gardening and shit. We smoke. I didn't realize, there's a couple of things I didn't know. I'm very new to this. So i hit a a bong for the first time that shit is fucking wild dude how come people how come when people who smoke weed you

guys don't ever warn people about shit that's the thing that pisses me off i think i don't smoke they go cool hit this thing david have you not watched every single 90s 2000s movie i don't know if people are exaggerating things or not, because they're just hitting the bong like it's normal. So I took, I inhaled this thing. Two seconds later, I'm on Jupiter. I don't know what to do. Dude, these motherfuckers,

like when I first started eating high with them, we do this thing where we farm and stuff, but then we do a community cook thing where we all cook together So girl named My buddy Robin's girl Chewy she's an amazing cook So she cooks this thing called yukgaejang

It's like this Korean beef stew thing and we're eating it So I'm out there and I'm eating it And I'm just fucking going I'm high as fuck I take my last bite And I look up and I go Dude thanks for dinner. Nobody is there. Do you have any idea? I'm not even fucking lying. I was out there for a half an hour by myself. Everybody was inside watching the UFC fight. They thought I was like on a call outside.

And then I just came into the door and go, what happened? How come you guys just left me? They're dude you were still out there i was out there for half an hour staring into my bowl dude what the fuck so i don't know what weed does as if you not smoke at all i okay i've never hit a bong so i'm actually really glad that you just gave me that warning crazy it is crazy i towards the end of my weed days pre getting pregnant was getting in the like i would hit a joint you know here and there it wasn't my favorite thing though because it's so much people okay so many weed smokers are like i love the ritual of making a joint and like lighting it i'm like i don't that's not me i hate that inconvenience i'm like why would you want to do all that work and also like get smoky when you

could just hit a vape or just take an edible that's so much easier and so that's what i prefer but i but when you do hit the joint It's something else dude Flower When I I talked about it on a podcast And dude we people are kind of mean Because I buy pre-rolls There's these guys fucking ripping into me

They're like you buy pre-rolls That's the bottom of the barrel shit dude You gotta do this Shut up virgin nobody cares okay nobody cares i don't care i'm gonna smoke it and it's gonna take me to fucking somewhere else that's all i know that's so funny because um for christmas you know there i my stepdad smokes a lot i have a lot of friends that smoke a lot and my gift my stocking stuffer always pre-rolls and i've never gotten that complaint like ever it's just weed people they're so probably that's yeah some snobby stuff right like i don't know the difference all i know is that when i smoke it i'm fine but

yeah like i like weed too is so strong now it's some ridiculous shit because you know back in the day usc homies they would take a whole blunt and they're fine. I'm like four puffs in. I don't know where the fuck I'm at, dude. I'm over here drooling. Dude, I'm not sure if I mentioned this story on this podcast, but I used to take edibles. I got sponsored by this company and I started taking weed products because I couldn't go to sleep. All the pills didn't work. Weed works wonders. So I started taking weed products because I couldn't go to sleep. All the pills didn't work. Weed works wonders. So good. So I started taking these like Delta-8 gummies. Now, nobody also told me once again, nobody gives me these fucking warnings that edibles last a very long time.

So I decided to take tinctures, right? Well, this whole time, I got a box of stuff. And I confused the THC tincture with the CBD one. So I took like a full droplet of just THC and then I had three glasses of vodka because I was doing a podcast with my buddy Ed. Yeah, that even happens. So this is what happens. We do the podcast two hours fine. I'm good. We go to a shabu joint. We're going there. And then I don't know what's happening. I don't think that I'm on weed.

And so we're eating. And this is, by the way, not my story. I'm telling you what he told me I said. So I'm sitting there. And then in the middle of a conversation, as he's talking, it's the craziest delay. It's like I would move my face here, but my face would be here for 10 seconds. And then I'm like, something's wrong. Something's wrong.

Something's wrong. Something's wrong. And then I'm like in the matrix. And so I take out my keys and he's like talking to me about something very deep. I just take out my keys and I put it on the table. I slide it towards him. You must drive home.

That's all I said to him. This is what I remember. So I'm sitting there the table I slide it towards him you must drive home that's all I said to him this is what I remember so I'm sitting there and then I go I've been dead my whole life oh no so here's the thing right

I don't it felt like when somebody tells me my experience they go that doesn't sound like weed it sounds like something was laced or some shit

but it was just the crossfading it was just too much and so I came to the conclusion that I had been dead the whole time They go, that doesn't sound like weed. It sounds like something was laced or some shit. But it was just the crossfading. It was just too much. And so I came to the conclusion that I had been dead the whole time. And I just figured it out. Like I was in the matrix. So I shit you fucking not. I'm not lying.

No, you're like in the sixth sense. My body, astral projected out of my body. And I was above looking down at us having dinner. And I go, oh, David, you've been dead this whole time. That's so scary yeah so i was looking at us also cool though because i like low-key believe in that whole astral projection stuff it's it was like some dr strange stuff and so the whole time as i was having dinner apparently i kept going into my pocket and handing in my keys even though i already did it so i just kept doing

this that's so scary I would freak out the whole time I was telling him apparently that I'm dead I'm dead and he goes like you're not dead you're alive you're not dead you don't say no and I figured it out I've been dead this whole time and so I'm and you're in public we're in public but what's kind of cool about the whole I'm dead thing is that that would bring me so much relief to be like, oh. Oh, well, that's what I'm saying. I concluded that I was dead. So nothing matters.

Nothing matters. So nothing matters. And so I'm like, oh, you're figuring out you're watching your previous life. Yeah. We're alive. Easy shit. And then I started seeing like these kaleidoscopes of colors, which is not weed like. It's mushroomy.

So it was like all this like weird. There was like this object that kept transforming into all these different weird colors and then as we were going home now my my perception of time is off which i didn't know that was like a thing that can happen with weed i don't know time so we're in the car and i say to him i'm like dude we're like 10 000 hours from the house but it doesn't make sense because it only took us 15 minutes to get here. So it should only take us an hour. That sentence doesn't make any sense. So we get to the house. That's what he told me. Now, this is the part I remember. I'm going into the house and

then we're parked in front and I look and I'm like, you can't tell Mariel I'm high. Like you can't. All right. Like just play it cool. Just play it cool. So he goes, fine. We'll play it cool. I go inside. I go into the house. I'm facing. So the door is here.

There's a wall here. And then my wife's in the kitchen over here. And I'm staring at the wall. I don't want to turn around at her. She goes, hi. I turn around. I go, I'm high. I start crying. And then I run to the couch and I just jump on it.

And I just start crying. I'm just like, I'm so high. I'm crying. And then I run to the couch and I just jump on it and I just start crying. I'm just like, I'm so high. I'm sorry. But that's all I remember. And then I remember waking up again. And then there was like, I had my podcast inside the, in my house at the time. There was this jar of M&Ms. I woke up.

I just started eating all these M&Ms. And that's when I was like, this is the whole munchie thing. Where if it doesn't make food taste good, you just can't stop eating. Yeah. It's almost like it's just a sensory reward. I think it does make food taste good. Also too,

this is why this is not a real cookie. I can mold this into whatever shape I want. It's Play-Doh. What is this? It's Play-Doh. See, one of the benefits I found to like munchies was that I could eat like like you know those like low sugar like candies that are like fake candy but it has like artificial sweeteners like

something like this yeah like i could eat those and i would be getting the same satisfaction as if it was a real candy if i'm high. And so that was like a little like diet hack, I feel like for me. But now I can't do any of that. Have you ever been fat? Yeah. Can you, could you tell? No.

By the way I was talking? I have been too, David. I mean, you have like fat people talking tendencies. So it's like, oh, I'm kind of like relating to you right now a little bit. I'm like, hmm. Like little cheat codes how to get more food, more volume in.

You sound like me. Yeah. Anyone who has like a history of like eating this order has always like swung both ways. So like the fat will always come with like the skinny. I had a whole bag of family size Dorito chips when I was high last time. Oh, what flavor? Family size? The big fucking. What flavor? It was just the regular nach last time. Oh, what flavor? Family size? The big fucking-

What flavor? It was just the regular nacho one. Oh. It was just so good. I would have double fisted with a Cool Ranch just for- Oh, Cool Ranch is fantastic. My favorite thing- Oh, now we're-

See, this is like your guy to CPAP talk, but it's for food now. No, we're right there with you. I like getting towards the bottom where you get that extra seasoned chip and that shit is just crusted with death. That's my shit. Crusted with death? Yeah. death yeah that's my shit dude your blood pressure rises just from looking at it i love that thing so much okay wait i have a new theory and you the way you're talking

about doritos is actually making me disagree with myself but tell me what you think. I kind of believe that the Cheez-It is like the best snack. Cheez-It? Cheez-Its. Girl, that's basic as hell. No, it's not. They're so good. I can't believe I'm agreeing with you, but she's right. They're so-

Cheez-Its? The balance. The process. They're processed to perfection. Listen, I'm not hating on Cheez-Its, but that's not the first chip I go for. There is like a nostalgia about a little processed taste of Cheez-Its. And the salt and the cheese flavor, the fakeness. But it's not overly cheesy, so you keep wanting a little bit more.

What would you say? But the way you speak of Doritos is really like, I really have respect for you. Like I really. Out of all the things i've done is just from burritos uh but my favorite chip is actually the uh what's it called the cheddar and sour cream ruffles that's like one of my classics oh my mouth is watering that shit is can you not have that when you're pregnant no i can i just you shouldn't no it's if i eat any of these things we're talking about i will do what you did and

i'll eat the whole bag and i'll be sick and especially being pregnant like there's not room so you're like extra sick if you overdo it that's that's been my problem my whole life is that i am a portion eater i don't know how to like ration small bitch no one can i know that's not your problem that's okay good makes me feel better shit see that see that little fat anger right there i know she was fat as fuck that's some fat people anger right there that shit was tight you sounded just like me i was like oh me you're rubbing off on her i got a little violent i know was tight. What the fuck do you mean? I know. I looked backed up. I backed up. You see me? That's not a you thing. That's an us thing.

Wait a second. This might seem a little basic, but when I used to get really high, my thing was really basic, but a Snickers bar and then Sun Chips. So I like a sweet and salty combo. Everybody likes that. Everybody likes that. But Sun Chips. Everyone likes to have a bite of sweet and then go to the salt and back and forth.

You're not special, bitch. Okay? You don't know what this is like. One makes you want the other one and then it just keeps going and going and going. We're going to start a thread about you and you're not even fucking now. You're not invited next week. Damn it. Okay, you just want to be a part of everything, damn it.

Okay? Sometimes when you don't know, just say you don't. I absolutely will never smoke again though for the rest of my life. Wait, what? No. I swear. Stop. Why?

It's not for me. THC is not for me. You were because I feel like I was seeing you dabble like the slightest bit. Mushrooms. Mushrooms is like my new thing. It's what really works for me. And I was talking to Dr. Drew about this. THC is not for him either. I think there are just some people where it like heightens their- Dr. Drew's a pussy. I'm just kidding. I love Dr. Drew. I just wanted to put it out there.

It heightens my anxiety. It like takes me to all the wrong places, like all versions of it. Hitting a bong edible tincture vape all of it whatever strain it doesn't put me in a good mental state i only smoke weed around people that i'm really comfortable with like if i go out in public i can't be high if i'm gonna do things i can't be high it has to be i have to know what i'm doing throughout the day i think being home at night is like yes key that that's the best. You're just like chilling. Dude, where's that video of me just holding, just suffocating my dog because I thought I was stranded on a boat somewhere. Oh my God.

Why are all of your highs like movies? You know what it is? It's like I'm very weak to like substances. Okay. Like you literally time travel. It's pretty fucking. I feel like everybody wants what I get from any type of substance, right? So caffeine, if I have a single shot, I'm wired like crazy.

So most people kind of get used to it after they have so much coffee. No matter what, it wires me up. I miss that feeling. Like weed, a couple of puffs. Dude, I'm good, man. I'm super good. I'm like super happy. Once again again i'm out here just staring into a bowl of food for like half an hour just drooling out of my mouth the way you describe both of your

highs is what i would like to experience for myself but i just don't get there it takes me to all like the dark little oh you start to go into a rumination yeah it's not it's not good and i've like i smoked a lot in high school. It just never was good. But I did see your post recently on Instagram with a Santa Ana wins and all of your little baby plants that didn't make it. I was so sad, dude. You know when you grow – I never thought that I would be a farming person, right? Because I saw my mom do it my whole life. And then you kind of just,

something about growing your own food is just super cool. Oh, I love it. I mean, you and your bird twig stuff. I don't understand. You're not in this conversation. You just thought that things happen. We grow our food and then afterwards we're going to take our food and then we do like cooking parties. So we cook with everything. I love that. And can we just… Is this like what Asian people do? Like no one I know would do this with me. Maybe, to be honest with you, because my mom does this. Like she grows everything.

My mom grows stuff pretty well too. I got to give it up to her. My other Korean best friend, she also has her own little like farm in the back yeah we do so what we did last year a lot is that we were growing everything and then we would do like Korean barbecue

so we have a huge fire pit that we kind of hook up and then we everybody cooks and we eat at the same time and we share meals after we do our farming work may I invite myself to these parties

but with fish that I've shot. Hell yeah. Okay, good. I forgot your jungle is fucked. That's tight. If you have food, so that's the thing too. We're about community too. Like we don't ever invite people that they don't understand the concept of community.

We shouldn't have to tell you to contribute. So everybody who comes in, it's like you don't have to tell people. Like nobody just comes in and eats for free, right? You can and that's fine. But knowing that everybody puts work into this stuff, you should bring some type of food. Bring something. Esther, bring the birds to pick up the twigs. You just do this.

And they just fucking come. Dude, she's invited all the time, dude. I know. I'm literally sitting here like I have nothing to bring. No, it could be anything. I don't know. Like some people brought like toilet paper or something. Yeah.

What if I did a stand-up set? That would be so humiliating. Well, I would throw tomatoes at you. And I would catch them in my mouth. That's what it's for. She's going to throw tomatoes. Here's the cool thing about doing this stuff though. It's like I really really do enjoy i didn't

realize how important community is right and it's like having people in your life that know their position very well like if you're somebody who comes in and just comes to take and this happens with like any type of friendship like these group of people that i've met they're very different from any person that i grew up with they're fucking fucking weird as shit. Like they're weirdos, dude. And they make me laugh so hard because of how I guess it gets to observe them as people. But the one thing that I realized that I find very important when I meet somebody is people who understand community, right? There's like a give and take. Everything's a given. I also think that, um, I think there, I'm not sure who said this, but she was a researcher and she says that the number one determiner of like a long life, the number one thing is connection and community. Like, I think you see that in a lot of like the blue zones of like Okinawa, say for instance, that there is a very strong sense of not just community, but like a give and take.

No, this is like post-COVID. I feel like what we've all realized is you can't just sit at home alone. You have to have a community that you, I don't know, commune with. But I'm curious because what is, how would you describe what community means to you? Because I feel like you have a very strong sense of it. I mean, I think it really just starts with people understanding, like I said, their position and where they're at, right? Like within a group.

Everybody, every person can't fulfill everybody's role. So it's like doing what you do well in that group and sticking to it and being a reliable human being, right? So everybody in this group is very reliable and they're very communicative, which is something that I'm always trying to work on. And so because these people have qualities that I lack, I also learn how to be a better person through them.

See, your definition of it is so much better than what I kind of thought it was, which to me, I'm like, oh, community is just like, if I go to the comedy club and I run into people I know and then I get to like have this accidental like 15 minute conversation where I'm just getting human interaction. But I love this version of it so much more where it's like, oh, there's a purpose and we're all working together and there's give and take. And there's a reliability in it knowing that um this person will always contribute and even if they're like he's saying like knowing your role and being very clear about what you're able to contribute i think is really like important too but it's just being around

peers and i think colleagues it's good like connections are necessary. I think to thrive as a human being, but I think community is different in that there is an understanding that like we are here for each other and that we are always going to contribute. Yeah, and you don't have to second guess people's motives. And I think like over time, what I really do appreciate is when you see like so my wife when

she saw when she went back to my hometown and she saw like uh the group of friends that I had everybody is so different right they're from their ethnicity to the language to the skin tone their likes dislikes and everything else everybody is very different but the one thing that we all have in common is that is our sense of community and what we mean to each other, right? It's like the importance of having good people around you is so just people don't understand how important it is, right? Because when we're younger, I think we reflect on what somebody makes us look like versus how they make us feel, right? So you go, this person's cool. I want to be around this cool person, but it doesn't mean that they're a good person. Right. So at a certain point in my life, that should stop

mattering at all. I would, that is one of the harder lessons that I've learned as the last 10 years of my life, because I am naturally someone who gravitates towards very shiny people and I've, I'm magnetized to them. It's like a fucking moth to a flame they're entertaining so i i keep around like a gaggle of people that i find very entertaining but i cannot say have like are necessarily like i cannot vouch for their character necessarily but i like the shininess of them the fun and like the excitement of it. That's so, but then that will make you not, like you will then become blind to like the reality of that situation because it's so fun. Yeah. And I say this constantly.

Like this, everything you're, the concept you're explaining, I'm like, this is foreign to me. I need this. Because I believe, and I'm not sure if other people are listening, if you've been through this, where you'll find out that the most likable people are the most dishonest human beings you'll ever meet in your life. So it's like people who mirror everything that you want to hear are highly dishonest because they're so good at figuring out what you like that you'll never get to know them and you'll you'll never you'll they'll never know you well to that point

i think people who come into the room high on charisma are dangerous i do not like someone who impresses me right out the the gate it's not that i do not like them it's like i'm i'm wary i will proceed with caution. And this is something I've just learned in the last couple of years of my life, because normally I'd be like, oh, they're so great. Let's be friends. And then we fucked too hard on the first date, like you say, right? But that is, that has been time and time again, such a mistake I've made in my life. Whereas like someone like my sister, she's a little bit tougher to know. She's a little bit more guarded. She's not a shiny person in a room, but like, dare I say the most reliable, kindest, like coolest human being like ever. And I think that I'm starting to kind of to build charisma I feel like you've had to cover up something about yourself yeah I mean it's it's kind of and I think I ran into a lot of that in in this city a lot

just because everybody is not from here the people that I meet anyways right so they have like this mask on all the time yeah and so i started noticing that it only happened once and it never happened again i was like oh this guy was just so good at figuring out what i liked that he could just mirror it like that and i was like oh you're a really cool guy but it's not you're not a really cool guy this person doesn't like the fact that somebody else can dislike them so you don't actually know who they are yeah yeah so and you'll see this with people that you'll see online constantly right there they're the mask that they put on is almost put on 24 7 that you actually believe it's them i've literally had a friend tell me like esther you

need to start watching bravo because you need the drama in your life to be from real housewives and not from like people that are big characters that is really good advice i know i was like i did try and i couldn't get into it but i i like i love the big craziness in my life and that's something that i'm really working on in therapy and like dave has been hard on me about it not hard on me but he's like notice this pattern like you you know these he's like why don't you befriend a lawyer or like a doctor well look you you can also like kalila's a nurse how i see it too is just it's where you categorize people in your life right so if you like people who are very charismatic they're in this category of charismatic people that i don't trust but

they're fun to be around right so you don't invest those type of things into that human being or keep them as just playmates yeah so how i say things too is this i love a play i have i have acquaintances i have friends and then i have the homie homies and they're all in different categories and i went through this recently where there was a guy who confronted me because he wasn't invited to my wedding i'm like that should alone you should already know where you're placed in my life if you didn't come to the wedding right but he said to me and this is where i'm talking about where people don't know where they were their position in your life he goes i've been there for you

he goes i thought i'm happy for you but i'm hurt and i've been there for you so i thought i would be invited to this wedding and in my mind'm like, been there for me for what? Also, he's keeping score. Exactly. So he has a tally list, right? So I'm like, oh, you're not a good friend at all. Because when you do things, you go, I did this for you. Check.

I did this for you. And I'm going to keep it in my back pocket. So when I need something from you, I could shove this in your face. Number one, he's never been there for me for anything because I haven't gone through any shit. So I don't know what the fuck he's talking about. In his mind, he's like, I've been there for you. And he's not lying. He believes it.

So I had to like look back and be like, oh, he thought because we shared meals, like he's been to my house, I've been to his house that we're tight, tight. It's like, no, those were like friend gatherings. And we never opened up to each other about personal issues, my family stuff, none of that stuff. And I've helped him out early on in his career too.

So he finds this connection towards me that I don't have with him, which is – that means he misplaced me in the categories in his life. I placed him as, oh, you're like – you're a good dude. That's it. But in his mind, he thought that we were super, super tight and that's why he got hurt, which is stupid because if my wedding was 200 people and it wasn't 70, you still wouldn't have been invited. Like straight up. I mean, that's just what it is. It's like, you're a cool dude, but what kind of, how did you think that we were close? We've never shared any personal details with each other. I think it is so important to just, if you were not invited to something that you thought

you should have been or wanted to, you just got to take the L and like take it like a champ. Also, just not take it that personally. Because it never is.

Weddings are tricky. It's hard. There's a lot of politics involved with family members and it's so much stress on those people already. It's like, don't be another stressor.

It's expensive. It's stressful. Just like, don't be that person who's like, why't be another stressor. It's expensive. It's stressful. Just like, don't be that person who's like, why wasn't I? Also, he's annoying. So it's like,

and on a social setting too, he's also very socially awkward. So in a group of 70 people, he's not going to be the one to fuck up the whole wedding. It's like, you're a weird person. Like you're not allowed to be around other human beings. Like your wife barely likes you.

Get the fuck out of my face, man. God bless him. I have a really – I came across this TikTok of this guy who basically says that all men put girls in five different categories. And he was explaining the categories because he says that Beyonce is not Jay-Z's dream girl. And she actually falls under a separate category. And I wanted your take on this. So category one is basically a girl you would just not date. She's not someone you would consider.

Just you're not going to date her. Category two is a good time girl. You would hook up with her. You would booty call, but you would never introduce her to your friends, wouldn't post her on socials. Category three is the good enough girl. You're not madly in love with her, but she's good enough to introduce to your friends, to even get into a relationship with. You just wouldn't do all, in your head, you're like, she's nice. She's great,

but she's not the girl of my dreams. Category four is your absolute dream girl. And this absolute dream girl, you do all the small things for her. You bend over backwards. You introduce her. This is the girl you want to marry. Category five is allegedly where Beyonce falls for Jay-Z, which is a woman he is in absolute awe of, that he wants to be associated with, that he wants to be tethered to, because he knows it will only uplift his own life. But eventually, there is a resentment that builds over time and he always ends up cheating oh my god this feels so real also i just want to come forward as i've always only ever been a good enough girl like for sure for sure hands down you're coming up defensive about just i just want to put it out i have no issue which category do i fall in be this. I just want to put it out there. I have no issue. Just ask Dave, which category do I fall in? Be honest. I just want everyone to know there's nothing wrong with being a good enough girl.

It's okay. But wait, I'd rather be a good enough girl than category five. Okay, so I think differently. What? I'd rather be a category five than a good enough girl. No. Tell me why. Because that's so real, especially I feel like

in our business, like where there's, it's just easy to have like a guy want to be associated with you, like because you're, you know, on a show or whatever it is. I just think that's like always been a fear of mine. It's been a fear of mine to be category five. I'm actually just really scared to be the Beyonce. How'd you go from good enough to category five? You're going back and forth right now. I could be your Beyonce, but I didn't want to be. But because then you're getting someone that doesn't really like you for you. They like like what you represent they like that you're a shiny object they want to mold you and yes like may help make you a big star whatever but it's it honestly i also think like that's kind of kim and kanye and it's and it's new girl too

yeah and i then you're just this pet project and And you're viewed, like you said, as an object. I don't know if you guys saw Dreamgirls. It's very much the narrative in that movie and musical. And then they don't—they resent you. But you have their utmost respect. Do I care more about being someone's dream girl or just being good enough? Or do I want to be their respect? I mean, I think like the problem with that last one is that those are qualities that are very fleeting, right?

Like none of that is grounded in anything that's going to last forever. And then you get old or then you like don't get your contract renewed, whatever it is, and then you lose your value to them. Whereas if you're just someone that they actually love as a person and because they have fun with you and not because they've idolized you, objectified you, pedestaled you, whatever, like then that's a better situation. By the way, I disagree. I think you're Dave's dream girl. No way in hell would he put up with the amount of shit you throw at him if you weren't his dream girl. Fuck off.

Because if Mariel came up to me and was like, dude, these birds have been taking these twigs away, I think you would just hear suitcases close suddenly. Where are you going? Are you going on a trip? Yep. I'm going to be gone for a bit. I just never come back ever again.

I think I'm somewhere in between good enough and dream girl for Dave. 3.5. Yeah. Like, I definitely think a lot of the guys I dated before somewhere in between good enough and dream girl for Dave. 3.5. Yeah, like, I definitely think a lot of the guys I dated before I was the good enough girl, and I think I'm somewhere better for Dave. If you're in love with somebody and you're choosing to be with them for the rest of their life, you're pretty much their dream person. Because it's just, like,

I've thought about this a lot, too, where, you know, when I look at Mariel and you know my friends who know me the type of girls that I've dated before they're like oh we would this doesn't seem like your type that you would you know stay with but then when I look at Mariel it's like I always think about this is like if she left who could fill her spot and that there's a nobody there right so because that that she's already categorized as my dream girl now I think when people think about this idea of your dream person, they start, they have like this Mr. Potato Head idea of piecing these things together.

That's not your dream person. Like your dream person is like where this person is in your life. Like if this person left tomorrow, how would you feel? And does this person leave a major void that can't be filled? If that's the case, then you're my dream person because you are irreplaceable, right?

So other than that, like looks, and even like, I would even say this, like intelligence, all that stuff is fleeting as well too. Because as you get old, you get a little slower. All this other stuff happens. All these things disappear. And you always see these couples,

like no matter what towards the end, when things start going away and disappearing, they still love them, right? Because there's something that's like this indescribable quality that they have. I look at my parents, my mom is a fucking bitch. What a bitch, dude. But you want to see a guy who loves this woman? My dad loves this woman. And when I got together with my wife, I remember I called my dad and I was like, hey, listen, the way I've grown up with you my whole life and i've seen you so angry and irritated all

the time i i understand it's because of these women like i fucking get it i was like you love mom he goes i love her i love her more than anything in this world and he deals with all this stuff because there's some there's nobody else in this life that can replace what my mom does for him emotionally so that's why they stay together so i think that's like that dream category for me. All that other stuff, looks, money, and all those things are obviously important and things that you care about in the beginning,

but those are things that just never last. They just don't. Because like I said, as we get old, all those stuff fades away. Why do you still choose to be with this person? Yeah, that's... Klyla, I'm curious. Have you been a dream girl?

Okay, so this might get me a little bit emotional, That's – Klyla, I'm curious. Have you been a dream girl? Okay. So this might get me a little bit emotional, but I don't think I was Bobby's dream girl. And I want to be someone's dream girl. This is going to make me stupidly cry. I don't think I've ever felt like someone's dream girl. Why? girl why like 10 years and like he never thought to like that i was worth like asking to marry or any of that you know what i and i gave him what i thought was like my everything so it's weird that now i'm like oh that's it would be nice to feel that i I also think that that's more because he, and I love him so much,

but I feel like he may not be capable of treating someone like a dream girl. And I'm sorry for saying that, but that would be my outsider's read, but that doesn't change how you feel and that you feel this way. Yeah yeah that's very affirming with his words right he was he will he would always say like you're out of my league you're out of my league but i never could tell if i was five or three with him where i knew that he liked having me around and he was like you always make me look better you really bring stock to my life like i'm proud to introduce you to people um i feel like for something something that you really long for and need is to feel secure it's like when you are placed in somebody's life and especially somebody that you feel that you love and they look at you

as if you are replaceable and things are very fleeting it scares you a little bit so being an anchor in somebody's life is very important to you. I've known girls... Thank you for saying that. You know, no one has articulated it quite as well. I loved him so much that I'm like, if I'm going to be anything, I'm going to be the anchor and I'm going to be the best anchor.

Because I was yearning for that spot, that spot to be irreplaceable. And I saw yearning for that spot, that spot to be like irreplaceable. And I saw this with a friend of mine who, he, I mean, he's a really funny guy, but there was a relationship that he was with. And then us as a friend group, as a community, try to help them through their relationship. Right. And what my conclusion was, it was after like talking to them through their problems a few times, it was that she was a girl that needed safety and security because her whole life she never had it. Right. And the guy that she ended up with was a guy that really cared for her, but couldn't provide something that she needed. And she desperately wanted to grab this out of him, but he can't do it. It's not in his personality. out of him, but he can't do it. It's not in his personality. And so what he took it as for her,

it was like, you're just not down for me. You don't care about the things that I care about. But when I took a step back, because I'm actually closer to him, we're still like this, we're like this tight. I realized that, oh, you're actually a very bad boyfriend. Really? Because what she required from him was safety and he couldn't provide it. And what he took it as that you are just an annoying bitch. And it wasn't the case. Actually, she was fucking annoying, but. But couldn't you also argue for him? Let's just say devil's advocate, which I'm sure he was a crappy boyfriend. But if you've never known safety yourself and don't have examples of ever feeling safe, how could you possibly provide that for someone else? A hundred percent. But listen, when you, when you have that mentality, you also have to recognize

that. Yeah. You can't put that on your partner. Right. You have to say, oh, I don't know what this feels like. I can't provide that for you. The response. Yeah. The response isn't, oh, you're a shitty person. You don't fuck with me. You know what I mean? So, and by the way, he's a good person too. I believe that, but he couldn't provide what she needed, which was security. Her life story growing up would make anybody fucking cry. It was terrible. And so for him, because he's like a serial entrepreneur, he's a really good guy. He will be there for you 24 seven at any given time, but serial entrepreneur makes a lot of risks. She never felt safe. So when he would make these these decisions she wanted to be a part of it he didn't want her to be a part because it's his project

but but she didn't feel safe like oh i could lose our house tomorrow we could lose this he didn't understand that i can really really relate to this in so many ways and now that you say it esther maybe there is a pride in being number three, category three, a good enough girl. And maybe we don't reach for the stars and maybe we're just good enough. It's never going to be happy being a good enough girl. You guys are both dream girls to your respective. To you, Stella. No, to your partners, I feel.

No, you know what the truth is, is that these are very fun and exciting. And I love these five categories. But let's be real there's I know that Dave would not say that I'm a good enough and I know that he would not say that I'm a dream girl yeah they're there be like no I love you and you're like my partner and he would have lovely things to say about why he loves me but dream girl just to me at least and maybe this is a dave thing it feels like a concept that he would it's like soulmate or like it's so hyperbolic and dramatic soulmate dave says there's no such thing as soulmates well he's a writer right like so that could just be he has like the wording of it i feel like but down he feels like i'm with dave on that soulmate thing though yeah it's just like

i feel like any left if i had made different turns in my life i could have maybe found an equally satisfying life with an equally satisfying partner yeah because that's just it's a numbers i guess my definition of soulmates very different it doesn't mean that there was this whole predestined plan that you were going to meet this person. Okay. I don't think that's the case. That's how I feel most people think. Or that's how they define it. Because that seems like, well, shit.

I have no… Like nothing I've done in my life. Like if that was predetermined, it didn't matter what I did. Like I was just going to end up with this person. It's limiting to me. It's a very nihilistic to me nihilistic view of like relationships and love though right also if sorry if I cut you off but if a guy said to you you're my dream girl

ick you know what you're right yeah I mean that's kind of corny though you know what I'm saying you're my dream girl it's corny it's love bombing right you know what i would like to hear you're my category three you're like good enough girl those things don't ever need to be i won't say never need to be said but that's something that you feel right and that's that feeling of comfort that you don't have like you always feel like you're a position in your life you could be taken or like whatever and so you, you know, you're, you know why you're so correct? Because there was a time when I, when towards the end of mine and Bobby's relationship, where I was like, I just don't feel like I'm this to you or I matter enough. I feel safe, that safety that I was seeking. And he came back with, which like blew my mind, which is,

with, which like blew my mind, which is, and I always feel like I can't do enough. I always feel inadequate because I can't, it's not in my wheelhouse to meet your needs. I don't know how, because he didn't know safety either. He comes from an equally traumatic household. He comes from all of these things. So his way of saying like, hey, I can't provide that for you because I literally, it's not in my blueprint i haven't learned to do those things yet i had to sit there and be like okay wow like thank you like all this time i was searching for something i thought you could give but thank you for telling me you cannot give me that yeah and you know for you too even though somebody says that out loud it still doesn't replace the fact that that's still something that you need. Right. Now you've just recognized it in that person. He said it out verbally, but if he can't

provide that, it still doesn't change anything. Right. If that's something that you need, like I said, I think I said on this podcast before, what are your pillars? Yeah. Right. If one of your pillars is that you need safety and comfort, that you need to feel like this person can't replace you, then that can't be replaced in the person, the partner that you have next or the partner that you have right now. They, their responsibility for something that you need is that I need to feel like I have an important place in your life because it really sucks to second guess your partner's motives around you, right? Every time they leave, if you have to go, if he doesn't come back, I have to be okay with it. That's a hard pill to swallow every day. When Mariel leaves to work or

go somewhere else, she goes, I don't give a fuck because I know she's going to come back to me because she loves me. I am always secure in that. I don't ever have to second guess anything that she does. She doesn't ever have to second guess anything that I do. I have never cheated on a girl in my life. Never will. Can't do it. And she doesn't ever have to worry about that with me, right? She has the passcode to my phone, not because there's a trust issue. I could give a fuck less. You know what I'm saying? So if that's something that you need, that's something you should recognize now before you even continue anything else further. Or maybe that's something that you have to develop because I would hate to be around you knowing that every time you're in a relationship, you just don't ever feel like

you're important in somebody's life. Because that shit is something that you can never get past. Right. It only gets worse as you get older too because you'll see things that probably don't even exist. You'll start feeling insecure about things that you shouldn't feel insecure about. That's so real. Like will bleed into other parts of your life. Right. It really will.

Right. And so when I hear like that, you know, it sucks that, you know, you're in Bobby's relationship, that that's how you felt and you dealt with that for a very long time. But for somebody like him, because he doesn't know what it is, it was obviously something he couldn't provide for you, which sucks because sometimes you see something in somebody, you know something can be great if just one thing would be fixed. And that kind of eats you up a little bit. It's like, if we could just have done this part, it would have changed everything.

But the fact of the matter is it didn't happen. And to your point earlier, Stella, how you were like, oh, playing the cool girl. I always wanted to get married, but I would say out loud in every single podcast, marriage means nothing to me. I don't even know if I want it. I would play it down to the point where I would convince myself of that fact. And because I was so afraid to want it, knowing that it was likely never going to happen. And the mind you know what? Like I am a cheesy romantic bitch. Like I do want a baby. I do want a husband. I do want the more traditional kind of setup in that way. And why was I so embarrassed to say that out loud for so long?

It's also because, you know, yeah. No, sorry. I feel like you have a tendency in general where you put your needs to the side for others which is a thing that like i do want to talk about this more with you like in the future but like you you're i don't know if it's people please it is people it's codependence yeah yeah like that always has freaked me out about my relationship with you because I never know. I never want to feel like, oh my God, is Kalilah doing this or saying yes to this? Correct.

Because just because she doesn't want to let me down. Right. And I know we've talked about it before. But codependency is very selfish, right? I'm not over here people pleasing because I want to please you. I'm people pleasing because I want to protect my own shame and certain things about me. So it's a very self-centered. People think, oh, codependence, they're people pleasers. They really just, no, no, we want to please ourselves. We want to feel like we're not going to like fall apart. And it's a very self-centered, selfish thing. So like, I'll be the first to say as someone super codependent and always wanting to be like, say yes and like overextend. I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for me. But you're also doing it not for you. It's like a coping mechanism that you- It's a coping mechanism.

It's like something that you deal with. It's not this like active choice that you want to be this way. But there's nothing heroic about it because it is still something I'm trying to do for myself in a very self, like I'm thinking too much about myself. But I do feel like we need to explore it more because I'm so the opposite where I'm like easy to say no, easy to ask for things like so I it's just it's like a dangerous there's like danger there where with you I say um people always know where they stand because that's great you're very boundaried yeah and with me it's you don't always know where you stand because I will never outwardly tell you something that could upset you in that moment. I'm going to take my time. I'm going to let it saturate. And I'm just uncomfortable with conflict anyways.

I think most people are like that though. Like the quality that she has is actually very rare, right? Most people think about the social well-being of other people. No. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, but I also don't want to.

Because I'm ten times worse than you are. Ashley talks like, oh, she's fat. She's just like me. I'm not like. It's not like I'm this tough guy that's like going to tell people off and like. But you guys are very similar. What I love about David, too, is that like sometimes like he just sprays bullets and you're like, ah, ah, ah, ah. And it hits you everywhere.

But I appreciate that because it's like there's no subterfuge. I just know where I stand and that brings me safety. It's like I don't have to wonder about you. You don't have to wonder about. So I have one of the friends that my wife fucking hates is this guy that's a piece of shit but to me i love this guy because through our timeline of our friendship he's always been the same guy so i know what he's going to do and what he's not going to do i also know that if i was stranded somewhere if i called him up he picked me up like that no questions asked and so i thought were going to say he wouldn't.

No, no, no. He would. He's also got boundaries. He'll pick me up like that, right? And that's somebody who, once again, he's like me times 4,000, which can be really annoying and obnoxious, but at least we know where he stands at all times. So he's very trustworthy. Very consistent, right? Boundaries are very important, but boundaries are hard. Like I don't ever expect somebody to do things the way that I do because I have just like a screw missing and I haven't been able to find it. Right. So it's loose.

I don't know what the fuck is going on when people do this. Right. And they, they, they don't know how to set those boundaries immediately because they're highly empathetic. In my personal opinion, they think about how the other person's going to feel. They think about, Oh, what am I doing with this whole thing? You kind of get stuck in rumination. Empathy is not something that you're born with. Empathy is something that you develop as a coping mechanism because you've had to read the room so many times you've had to figure out if you're like this, the tiniest little switch in the breeze, if your mom is going to come in either angry, upset, what's going to set her off. So you're constantly living a life of like walking on eggshells. So you're kind of like this hyper alertness. You have to be very, very kind of always, always switched on about people's

moods. Right. But what's funny about me is that I seek out people like you. My friendships are with, my favorite people to be around are complete opposites. And I do wonder if Esther and I, for example, like we sought each other. There is something, there is such a contrast there that I feel like I will always like yearn for a dose of that. It makes sense with Bobby is like,

doesn't, I feel like Bobby is like you guys. Yeah. Like he's not gonna pretend anything. No, he's like, I don't like that. Get that out of my face.

And I, don't touch me. Yeah. Yeah. But our therapist described it as like addict and codependent and that's why we were like a match made in heaven but that's a whole different like subject um do we want to end on like a a happier note i don't know i feel like this has been great it's good like i i i like that though like i feel like you get to talk out some of the stuff that you're kind of scared to say out loud. And it helps that you're a guy who

understands like smish motions. My legs cross like this. I'm just like, what else, baby? Tell me what else. People say that I have the feeling of an old auntie. You are an auntie.

But a southern auntie with a lot of attitude. I feel like you're more like an island auntie who a lot of attitude a lot of you know i feel like you're more like an island auntie who just like gives it to you too harsh where you're like yeah i don't know if i can handle that i just know this is like emotions are really hard to navigate right and then when you don't have other people to bounce it off who are kind of level-headed it just sucks because the rumination period in your life where you're just constantly thinking and it eats you up inside is probably the fucking worst because there's no solutions to this you just sit around and you stew in your own

thoughts so being able to say things out loud whether it's dumb or stupid makes you feel better because it makes you feel like you're not alone i also love the idea um that men ruminate and they stew so you even saying that you just sit around and stew makes me feel so much better. Guys do. I love calling people out for stewing. I'm like,

I know you're stewing over there. It's like the worst, the worst thing you could put on someone is to say they're stewing. I think guys do a good job of pretending

like they don't care but it comes out in everything else. So you're saying men are stewers just like us? All the time. Oh, yeah.

You don't think like these guys when they talk to a girl that they really like, they get rejected, that they're not sitting there going, what the fuck? They just go in this.

I know. And they walk out. Sup, bitch? Wait, I have a very positive like life tip to end on. Okay, so a few weeks ago, I did Bill Burr's podcast and he said something like in, kind of in in passing whatever casual but dave was there with me and we were talking about it after

he said if i say something out loud i will do it i will make it happen and not like i'm gonna rule the world but just like i for him his example is like i don't eat desserts and of course i was like But just like for him, his example was like, I don't eat desserts. And of course, I was like. You just walked off the set. But me and Dave were like, oh, it's such a basic sort of embarrassing tool to life. But we're like agreeing it works if we're like, I'm going to do the laundry today. Just even if you said that out loud to yourself while you're driving, I'm going to make my dinner.

I'm not going to order. Like, I don't know. I'm just, you said something about saying things out loud. Like, I'm clinging to that concept and I'm going to try it. I think that's a really important practice anyways to really learn to trust yourself. Because especially when you have like parents like mine who made me second guess my own observations about the world because like their way was the correct way.

And like, you know, I got like beat up a lot, right? But when I say something out loud and then I actually do it, then I've not broken a promise to myself. And I think that a little bit at a time, you're like, oh, like I trust who I am. I trust that I deliver. I trust that I see it through. Do you ever have these conversations with CPAP? Yeah, all the time. Here's the one thing I will say about him. I know that he is very, maybe not the shiny type, but he knows how to talk like you awesome he knows how to listen he knows how to hold space

he knows how to have thoughts that um are layered and nuanced and he is not afraid to open up and like show me who he is that's very good i can't wait to meet this guy and i love that and I'm not used to that. Before you see him. And that safety, that feeling of safety, like I, we haven't been together very long. So like, who knows, right? Like in my head, I'm always like, is he perfect or is he a narcissist? Because you don't know, like how, like the mask sometimes could just spontaneously fall off and you wake up one morning you like get your two front teeth knocked out and you're like who the fuck are you so you never know right but so far so good yeah that went that went a little weird

huh you might just wake up and have a knife right in your stomach and just rip it open let's go send the show'm thinking about the bamboo sapling again. Get Lila out of here. You guys, thank you so much for listening. Thank you for our favorite guest, David So. Where can people find you? I know you never know the name of any of your podcasts.

Yeah, it's Genius... Now you fucked me up. It's Genius Brain, and then you can see me on... Oh, fuck. What's the podcast? The one with Gilbert, right? UFC one. It's fucked me up. It's Genius Brain. And then you can see me on. Oh, fuck. What's the pilot? The one with Gilbert, right? Yes.

The UFC one. It's the casuals. And then dudes behind the foods with me and Tim Tantarangsu. Which I wish I was your co-host on that because it sounds like a perfect podcast for me. Oh, you're a little fat little ass. Kill it. And you guys, we'll see you next week as always with a brand new episode. Thank you, slugs. We love you.

And comment your favorite chips. I actually personally need to know. Bye, guys.