Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Diner Waitresses & The Bride of Gollum

Episode Date: June 6, 2023

ZocDoc - Go to https://zocdoc.com/trash and download the Zocdoc app for free. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today.Mood - Go to https://hellomood.com and use promo code TRASHTUESDAY for 20% off your first order and FREE gummies. 0:00 The Person That Loses Things and the Person Who Finds Them5:48 A Few Struggles With the Diner Waitress Costumes7:56 Back to the Future Explained by Esther9:56 Category Browsing on the Hub14:03 Loving Dogs More Than Babies22:48 Editing in a Reality Show26:32 Running Into an Ex Not Looking Your Best30:24 Fun Facts About Barnacles 37:04 Esther Starring in The Bride of Gollum39:49 Our Top 3 Breakup Songs45:00 Intellectualizing Your Feelings 54:26 The Why of Trash Tuesday56:55 Anti Birth Control Feminists  Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 My Pleasure - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-pleasure/id1494518220 AnnieWood - https://www.youtube.com/annielederman Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Andres Rosende

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I'm going to be in the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival in Calgary with Andrew Schultz in August. And my tickets to Austin have gone on sale for October. We've got a lot more dates coming up, so go to AnnieLetterman.com slash shows. And you can see me on my solo podcast, Annie Wood, every Thursday. Come hang out with me and Todd. I'll see you there. Hi, slugs. I am so excited that I'm back on the road.

I've been working on my stand up. I cannot wait to share these freakishly weird ideas with you. I will be in Atlanta on June 3rd. I'll be in Raleigh one night only June 4th. New York City at the iconic Joe's pub for intimate really fun like theatery shows July 19th through 22nd DC improv and then Wilbur in Boston which is a huge deal for me I'm so excited to see you guys we're gonna have so much fun hanging out and you can get tickets at esther on ice.com i have a question because i know you guys aren't as messy

as me i think it goes you don't know you don't know i mean i think you are like have asian mother in you though and can that is true that it can only be messy for so long but do you have mommy thing because i don't know i feel like either you or dave has it todd has it with me but like do you it's like the mom thing where you can go like, where's my pink sock? And they're like, oh, it's under the like, there's always like, oh, I'm person. Is it Dave? No, I don't have if I ask him or something like I don't I would never ask him or something is because I would get humiliated on the spot. What would he say? Like if ever I'm like, oh, my God, I can't find blank. He's like, if he hears me say that from's room like if ever i'm like oh my god i can't find blank he's like if he hears me say that from another room i will hear him go oh that's so weird no you can't

find something like he there's shame in that but with my mom does he always find things does he always know where things are his things yeah yeah okay wait what what's your so todd knows where your stuff is todd has a mom thing where he knows like under like he'll be under five layers i know where something is so do you have that well i'm i was that to bobby and he would here's the thing so in therapy my therapist was like you cannot do that for him anymore it's causing a lot of resentment but then he would do this and he and then she said bobby you cannot also start freaking out and demanding that she find something for you. But then from across the room, I hear like, oh, my day is ruined.

And then I have to. And then my therapist is like, when you hear that, do not just walk away. It is not your problem. Don't take the train. But then he follows me. He knows I'm with an earshot and he has a fit. And I always i'm like fuck what is it what did you lose this time i can't find my keys or i can't find my wallet and then i go on like a treasure hunt i can imagine him doing this when you don't even live together now oh no he still does it he absolutely still does it but

okay so but okay now that you're you're not you don't have him to do it for in your present yeah do you feel like maybe you're letting loose now? You're letting your inner Bobby come out? A little bit. A little bit. And I think Jules is paying the price. Because it's always, Jules. Get to work, Jules.

Come on. Did you want to come to this country? Oh, my God. Jules. That's the exact speech I give her, actually. You think this is all for free speech I give her, actually. You think this is all for free? I made you a star.

You made her a star. Well, Bobby did. Wait, by the way, Dave's nephew is officially going to college in L.A. starting this fall. I don't know why I thought you were going to say moving in with you. I was like, this is a crazy twist. I like his nephew is going to be like in our lives how old is he 18 yes is he well listen is he living in the dorms for all different ages okay that is true esther you go in when you're 18 you come out when you're 30 things happen guys i was in college for 10 years wait what's good in college

wait what school and is he living in the dorms? He's going to go to Occidental and he's living in the dorms. Occidental sounds like a Jewish accident, doesn't it? Occidental is, it's Occidental. It's a good school. It's like Orthodox accident. Great area, Eagle Rock. Wait, also, I'm burying the lead.

His nephew is like really cute. Oh my God. Esther's going to start dating her looks age. No, I'm joking. But I am excited. It is weird having like a young man in the family. Is that what you mean? Because you know him when he was like kind of a kid, right?

Yeah. And then they turn into men. You're like, I don't want to talk to you anymore. No, totally. But I'm almost like, are we going to be friends? Like, how do you befriend a teenager i mean i we would ask you that why the hell would you ask us that that's you you're the one i don't know dress like them wait side note should we introduce today's theme yeah please

because i'm fucking dying in this so make me a burger bitch we're i can barely breathe this feels like a corset on my body that's what i want when i have a burger made for me i want someone to be like i feel like i'm dying and i just want to add that i needed help from bryce to put this on why are you sexually assaulting all of our people it's not by choice they hand me this extra extra small thing to wear and i can't put it over my body and they know i've been bulking i'm'm in my bulking phase, you guys. It does look good. When you were doing your little sashay out yesterday, I was like, okay.

Thank you. We're diner waitresses today. We are. There was an incident with Annie's costume, and she's a prison. Yes, I'm the fat one, okay? You're not. Wait, can we see at least what you were supposed to get into?

By the way, this was divine intervention. This didn't fit. I feel like you manifested it. Can I just say what I thought this was going to this didn't fit i feel like you can i just say what i thought this was gonna be i thought esther had that fucking cute you had like the best outfit ever from your johnny rocket days well so from your tv show from alone together but i didn't get to keep that here liz thank you liz i can't we put that in our contracts now like that we know we have no the writers are striking nobody

has leverage it's so you picketing actually making me laugh so hard i have to pick it after this probably in this outfit wait i'm picketing with jean where are you picketing i think netflix she okay wait we should coordinate pickets annie are we are we gonna get it or what guys i can't read. I'm not trying to get everyone to stop writing and reading. I want everyone to be like me. This was supposed to be my outfit. It would have been pitted out.

These would have been yellow. By the way, I think you could fit it. I couldn't. No, I'm telling you, Esther, she's not wrong. The backs of it, this barely went over. You have a petite shoulder thing going on. It's true. I forget that.

So I'm now the i'm now the the chef in the prison which is from orange in the new black is the new black orange inside that black or the brown stealing the show with the jail costume i got this at the grove by the way we we missed out not we missed out not electing the Grove man. We could be having snow everywhere. Fake snow. Oh, my God.

People forget. It's not about the politics. He made the Grove. Have you guys been to the Grove? People don't know. What are we talking about? Rick Caruso. Rick Caruso for mayor of LA.

Rick Caruso for mayor of Greenback. Oh, Caruso. Have you been to the mall? I'm telling you, it's heaven. It's the heaven in all of LA. Caruso also did Americana, right? Yes, of course. His malls are amazing, but we can't let mall tycoons take over our

country. We could have fake snow in July everywhere and you fucked this up. You yourself did. Did you not see Back to the Future 2 when Biff takes over the town and he turns everything into a casino and motorcycle gangs run the city? that's where we'd be headed that's not too bad i like when you unfold the three movies you've seen it is like

and then in sunset boulevard there was no talk she wanted no talking pictures which would be good for you since there's no writers thank you you don't have to read. No talking pictures like films. Yeah. I mean, I was like talking pictures. I got to read more. This is crazy. So we are not standing Caruso for leadership. I say we go back to the future. Okay.

I'm going to fuck my dad or whatever happens in it. Like someone banged their mom. He's he's he's attracted no you don't want to bang your mom because you can sense him we'll edit it out we're talking about now we're going back to episode one where his mom has a crush on him are they right that's their volumes they're not called episodes i know that did i say that yeah well oh my god you're you're bombing at this writer's strike. Oh, my God. Is it television or movies? Is it television or movies? Back in time. By the way, there is a Back to the Future musical coming to Broadway, which I'm very excited about.

Are you going to cry? Yes, I will cry. I only cry at musicals. When Biff leans in to make out. I have a question. Why do you think that only Asians have enough balls to put a parent fucking their own child into a storyline? You keep spoiling this movie for me. You keep spoiling this movie for me. Also, that's very disrespectful to our new hire, Liz, who is Asian. You did not ask her if she identifies as Asian. Oh, I'm sorry.

We've been down here before. I actually just assumed that. Wait, Liz, what is your ethnic heritage? I'm Vietnamese. Hell yeah. All right. So basically,

like you guys have all seen Oldboy, right? I haven't seen it because you've spoiled it for me so much. Oh my God. And then I forget. And it's only been out

for 25 years. Is that 25 years old? it's only been out for 25 years is that 25 years it's like 20 years old old boy is like a yeah it's pretty old by now i'll say this and again absolutely no disrespect is meant this is my anti-racism stance with my hand uh-oh get ready tiktok 20 years the things that asians will do in porn they do take it further than the white folk. A hundred percent. Yeah. A hundred percent. They really go, I see what you guys are doing. I like it, but it's a lot.

So is that your category on Pornhub? No, but there's certain things that they'll do that I think is kind of cool. Like? I want to know. I'll tell you what I like. Go ahead. Okay. So what I look for in my category, occasionally.

Lately, it's just been asianly occasionally oh that's pretty annie careful rubbing off on me it's the pun couch um it's when um eight japanese men one girl and they're using 20 types different contraptions on her and she's like just she can't stand that she's coming so much but she is also not like it's a whole thing. I know what you mean. They're just one upping each contraption.

I know what you mean. And she's like like this. Can I make a suggestion of why I think you like this? Wait Liz just resigned. No she agreed. I saw her agreeing. I will tell you, listen. What? I think I have a theory behind this because I also like stuff like that because I think

it's, you know, they're really coming. It's not fake coming. They can't stop. They're like, it's like hurting them. They're coming so much. Can the record show my face at this? And no disrespect to your king. No, when we're talking about porn, no, we cannot show your king.

She's trying to get put in AI porn. Look at her. No, don't do that. porn, no, we cannot check. She's trying to get put in AI porn. Look at her. No, don't do that. But you lost me at contraption. I don't want. I'm talking about, you know, first you start with a small little rabbit, then onto the bigger thing, then onto the thing with some other things attached to it. And it just gets cooler and cooler and more. Cooler for who?

I mean, to look at. I've been a lot hotter for for someone but so that's not what you're talking about when you're looking at asian porn no and i'm like in porn i oh i can i guess are you into hentai you like when octopuses no stop and stop guessing okay that's your last i know what her least favorite thing is what nipple clamps i am so nipple sensitive that like and yes that's correct but any i think porn should be about the human body no octopus no you know chains like let's let's touch skin to skin baby i don't not comfortable hr i'm not comfortable wait can we go back to back to the future for a second because

um the one movie you've seen yes we can do you guys know this scene where like biff is basically trying to sexually assault lorraine and they're like in the car and he's like come on come on like it's like a very iconic like a salty rapey scene i when went at your favorite porn whenever Dave is like trying to get donut to like cuddle or kiss him like I always see Biff and Lorraine it's like so sad it is forcing a dog to love you is like a really like weak sad moment and we've all been there right we're all there right Randy like like squiggly I'm like i'm your i was we always go you're our toy you're our toy he's so floppy he very rarely resists wait while we're talking about dogs i really need to just like ask all of us kind of feel like there's no way we could love

a human baby more than we love our dog right i can't believe every day the capacity i have to love my dog the the courage it takes to get out of bed in the morning while i'm cuddling my dog i can't believe i do it it's i can't believe i do it but people always say they have kids and then they don't love their dog as much is that true pete i don't have a dog you don't have a dog we're his dogs jacob is very offended but you didn't like get together with your wife and get a dog they like got to mating

real fast too much work I have two kids too much work don't stop saying too so much Liz too much work

Liz do you have kids I don't have kids do you have dogs my family has dogs but they're not technically mine you don't relate to this conversation. She's like kind of disgusted.

Your heart is open. What does 2-2-2 mean? It means like alignment. And I put it in the center of me because like a line and it's like an angel number. So it shows like. And Peach has said 2 a million times. Oh, my God. Were you reading her necklace?

I don't know. I don't know. That was weird. Dogs are too much. I don't know. That was weird. Dogs are too much. I have two kids. Kalilah, do you feel like you could love a human baby more than you love your dog? There's no way. Yeah, there's no way.

Maybe equally. I think we're all just not moms. And I think that when we're moms, we'll definitely love our babies more than our dogs. Like 100%. I'm sorry. That makes me want to not have a baby. I don't want to love Donut less. Wait no that's not true because I talked to Ethan Klein and Hila Klein about this and I was like do you because they were obsessed with your dogs before children and they said they are equally obsessed with your dogs today.

So that gives me hope. That they're bad parents. I guess ideally you have the situation where your dog loves your baby and wants to cuddle with it. That I think is the one you want. You know those like. are cute videos like oh my god it's like you don't want the the dog that's jealous of your baby to like swat your own dog what about the baby that's jealous of the dog i have seen this i once went to this guy i was working with his house how old do you think babies can be 35 and this little like toddler boy and they had the cutest dog and oh she was so cute i loved her so much and i was like oh my god to the kid like don't you love your dog and he just like he like

made a face and like walked away and then like went like this and then his dad was like yeah he's kind of jealous of the dog and i was like what the okay so wrong with you i dated a boy back this is one of my potential brothers maybe but he welcome to the show it's officially started but this is a motherfucker here this was the boy i told you the reason like i couldn't have gone to an abortion clinic faster because he basically like i went to his home and i saw that he had his dog chained up like and it was his grandma's dog all day long it wasn't it couldn't i was like there's no that's also what made me think he cannot be my brother because i think genetically like we cannot be the same person because i love dogs everyone in my family loves

dogs i'm like i don't think we're related because clearly you don't like dogs. But he did tell me that he has a deep resentment for dogs because his dad was used to breed German Shepherds. So there was always 12 to 15 German Shepherds. German Shepherds are so great, though. this guy but was so just hyper focused on his dogs and so he was like when i look at dogs i look at like competition i have a competition that's a fair origin yeah i have a question about you have the like bad guy uncle right um i the murderer yeah did he like animals was he like one of those murderers that like loved animals but killed people um i i haven't actually seen him you know he's a pretty good um animal caretaker yeah you like you're like listen we've got a dog sitter he's on house arrest he's gotta walk he's gotta let You know, he's a pretty good animal caretaker. Yeah. You like you're like, listen, we've got a dog sitter. He's on house arrest. He's got to walk.

He's got to let the dogs out. He's not gonna be able to walk them. You know, it's so funny. Out of all of my uncles, this is the uncle I feel like you guys would get along the most. All right. Listen, he is. He is a murderer. Hello.

Look at me. I really like he's such a great time. And also, like when he is loyal to you like he'll kill anyone for you did he murder like mob style like gang style he killed his own brother in broad daylight using his vertebrae

wait why it was like a money dispute in the family but then Jules is about to fuck you up he turned himself in eventually he's like arrest me now

or else I'm gonna kill my sister as well which is not my mom another this is Kalilah saying she wants us dead you'd love hanging out why don't you hang out

with him just one machete three people have fun I'd love to introduce you but he has some really cool prison stories because prison in the

Philippines is not the same obviously they let you out yeah but he serves like 20 years which is probably not enough i'm so like i really feel like but you know i still send him money you just get to like come out again i still send him money you guys like i fully support his family what i don't like that that means we are sort of supporting him too no but you know he's just buying blocks to sharpen his people deserve forgiveness and we we need to kim kardashian says we need to have a path towards uh life after prison or i'm so excited for esther to go through her going to law school wait nursing school is out the door it's law school now nursing school was was a was a made up pipe dream yeah made up lie dream

you know when you've been stewing on a health problem for a while and kalilah's not available and i'm not available and your group your group chat your reliable group chat's not available to diagnose you. Yeah, and also it was a mistake to go to that because everyone you know is an idiot and not a doctor. Well, back in the day, we didn't really have options, but now we have ZocDoc. ZocDoc is everything. I love ZocDoc. ZocDoc is my favorite. One of my favorite sponsors. I used it for, I had a toothache. I got a dentist by 11 a.m. the next day. They took my insurance.

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on my way to work. Yeah it was weird like Chris really does weird stuff with the editing. Yeah no you know how much Kendall loves me. I would never sign up for a reality show strictly for that like being edited a certain way. yeah you have to like you really have to surrender to yeah but we have a friend jenna who was on a reality show as a teenager just um endurance it was for children a survivor for kid on discovery kids that's so amazing and you know what and she probably crushed on it she did crush and she is was so immune to any of the drama she says that like the producers would keep asking her about other people and stuff like she kind of proved there's a way to game it where

you just i mean i guess you make for like a not that exciting like yeah as a watcher of reality tv i'm very upset yeah no i kind of just play in but she just like was like i don't know like she just didn't give them what they wanted i've been befriending a lot of the reality stars i'm fans with our fans of and they are so they forgive each other so fast it's kind of amazing like they talk on the show each other or after like off the show they're not like it's like they kind of have like a clean slate like for the challenge um they kind of clean slate at each season. Is it because they know that, hey, the cameras are on.

We're supposed to be, you know, a heightened version of ourselves. I do think I think it's that. I also think that they're all athletes on this one show. So they're so competitive that way that that's what they care about is like who can beat each other physically. Oh, so it's like at the end of you like like a um mma fight how they can talk shit promote the fight and then afterwards they hug it out after just beating the shit out of each other basically sometimes they have like sometimes they hold grudges and stuff but it also has been going on for like over 20 years and it's they've they have been their whole lives have been reality tv

i would also guess there's probably some sort of a like maybe trauma bond or maybe just bond from like being on the show together that afterwards it's like, yeah, maybe you were just competitive with this person, but you have so much more in common with them than like anyone else

might as well. I remember once someone was telling me this, like about going to New York as a comedian. And like a friend of mine said, like he went to New York to do standup and he would run into people he knew

from the LA comedy scene, but wasn't that close with. But like when you see them in New York, you're like, oh my God, it's so good to see. Like it heightens the bond or whatever. That's how I felt when I came to LA. I was close with Nate Bregazzi in New York, but when we saw each other, like across the room at the Hollywood Improv we were just like there's a different level of like

New York shit talking that LA didn't have at that time for me and we just got together and it was like like just so fun just on the phone all the time like just meeting each other just like had that that bond I have not talked to him in a while congratulations Nate his I watched his last one oh he's the funniest it's so good he's so funny he you know what's frustrating about being friends with him you'll go do sets with him and stuff or you'll be like hanging out with him he's like oh you should do a bit and it's like yeah but you like you saying something that I just said on stage would be so funny. Do you know what I mean? Like he just has like such a way of naturally speaking in jokes. If you want to know how far he's come in his career,

I did comics unleashed with him. And so, yeah, that was not a highlight. Did you come up with a leash? Not a highlight for any comics. Unleashed is so funny. Did I tell you guys that um i ran into

nx not bobby um looking my absolute fucking worst i think that's good for you and you know what you're not wrong i had a sweat mustache i had just woken up i was stumbling over to like a nearby like grocery store i was crusty i hadn't brushed my hair like it was like think about like when you walk out and you're like i hope to god no one sees me this way because i'm taking a chance i'm going out into the wild looking at the worst i've ever looked like please god don't strike me down he struck me down and all i heard was hey kalilah and i just kept walking i just kept walking and then he caught up to me and by the time i just it honestly is not a great feeling but you're right i did grow from that i was so nervous i was like just sweating everywhere

and i was like i'm so sorry you like had to see me like this like oh no you said it yeah it was really bad the worst is when you gain weight and you meet someone you see your ex-boyfriend like ah it's been crazy right like you know I did that once with my high school ex this was the last time I saw him and it was right after college is that why he locked you out he's like I don't want her eating all of my rice kris cheese. And I had, as everyone who knows me knows, I put on a lot of weight my freshman year of college. New girl.

Was that when you were on New Girl? She was a new girl. And I remember I saw him. I literally told the classic lie. I can't believe I did. Thyroid problem? No, I said it's for a role. I said, yeah,

I'm putting on weight for a part i really did you should have taken that one to the grave that's an important that's worse than the check mark i was 18 we you were like no and i would be asked what role what if he had asked what role he didn't and that's you could have been like this role and then run off you probably would have been like oh i can't talk about it right now i don't i don't know i would have just said like an original play i was in the theater program so i was like there's still some reality there you're forever in the theater program by the way thank you sometimes i forget and then i'm like how could i forget wow that is such a life hack i mean it wouldn't have worked for me because what am i gonna say like i'm doing a themed podcast

we have to gain weight for one episode i'm getting into character for something like what the it was thyroid thyroid by the way the rhyme i've lime i've i've been autoimmune the real fucking g cool thing to do is not have any excuse and just be so confident to be like in your head you're like yeah i look like shit i don't care i'm beautiful yeah you you would think but if you're caught off guard, if you're caught off guard, you don't have like, I'm not present in the moment. I don't have like the right tools in that moment. So the sweat mustache it is, you know, you know, how like the writers on strike, do you think that there could be a version of it where women go on strike and we just all vow to not have sex with a man like, until our demands are met?

What are our demands? That I don't know. And like they there's no way we would all agree on our demands yeah the demands wouldn't be a universal thing this has to be a solo picketing this is a solo picketing for one you guys won't join me in the refusal i'm not fighting for you to get something weird. Something so weird. So you're all about withholding sex. I want a penthouse. No, I'm not all about that. It was just a crazy idea from the strike.

No, withholding sex is not healthy. It's not OK. I don't I don't. That's not even in that outfit. Or using it as a way to get someone to do something is. That is not allowed. It's the beginning of the end. I think so.

For sure. Speaking of, I wanted to say, it has nothing to do with this, but before when you were talking, when your ringtone was going off, I wanted to ask you guys, because I lose my phone. That's why I was asking how messy you guys are. I lose my phone in my own filth all the time. Like it's gone. As I walk in, it's gone gone i like picturing it caked on to filth like it's on me the whole time yes it's a barnacle i have to use my eye my my watch because i'm like

i can't possibly my least favorite word in the world barnacle do you know that to be one and also hate the word esther can i tell something, a fun fact about barnacles? I guess. They look cute in baby blue. A fun fact I learned in marine biology class about barnacles is... Who goes to marine biology class? With Dr. Gago, it changed my life. And who offers that?

Where does that offer... Dr. Gago was the greatest marine... Gago? Gago. Is that a cute way of saying goggles?? Dr. Gago was the greatest. Gago? Gago. Is that a cute way of saying goggles? You know, Gago actually means crazy. Is that the male version of Lady Gaga? Mr. Gago?

He just shows his like underwear. Dr. Gago was hot. And he had a Spanish accent as well. Anyways, the fun thing I learned about barnacles is that if we were to find a solution for so that boats no longer have like if there was a way to shave off barnacles from boats, if there was a chemical that we could come up with, we would all be billionaires like billion. Oh, that's like the main problem. Yeah, because it causes a lot of like wreaks a lot of havoc with like big ships yeah and how many billionaires are so thirsty to come up with some kind of a toxic chemical to make them more money but to hurt the oceans to prevent that's like that like jeff bezos is going to be

all over that why can't we say can we give some evil ladies some credit we should who there's female school shooters now i mean not school shooters. They age into it. But there's women doing crazy things, driving into protests. Come on. Women can be crazy too, yes. Yeah, Snap is like my favorite show ever. I will. I do want to say that I'm actually going to sound, I have to go back on something I just said, because I do know stuff about barnacles too. I know you do. I went to a marine biology thing in Hawaii. I went to the marine mammal lab. Esther Fomo much? We know about barnacles.

Honestly, I think I'm okay. So, okay. So a good thing that barnacles do is it helps you track them, track the population of whales in the Hawaiian sea. Very good. Because they have a lot of they go through because they take pictures they go on these like whale watching yeah things and they take pictures of their flukes yeah and um and then people like me paid to go to this thing and i would just sift through all these

you'd have like a year like it would be like 1970 and then you'd have 1983 or something and you would go through all of those and see if you had any matching ones and if you got a match they could like tell that on that year they had that or i guess oh i love that so you can even maybe age them it would be yeah that's how they did it would be like because some of them had tags but most of it was just barnacles and like scars yeah i wish there was a way we could clean off a lot of barnacles off these don't you ever do the cord clearing things i always do that like if you're upset with someone you like of barnacles off these animals. Don't you ever do the cord clearing things? I always do that. Like, if you're upset with someone, you, like, imagine barnacles on, like, a cord with them,

and you just clean it off. Do you ever do that? I love barnacles. You gotta go to YouTube, baby. You can do a lot on YouTube. You know how, like, people will tell chat GPT, like, explain this to me, like, I'm dumb? I feel like you just explained it like you're dumb.

For you? You feel like you ch explained it like you're dumb. For you? You feel like you chatted, made me say it? You are a weird chat GPT, honestly. I'm an AI boy. You're like, I created all of this. I have AI software. Okay, so this is what I want to say about ringtones. I lose my phone all the time.

And so what I started doing is I go, hey Siri, play Who Let the Dogs Out? And then from a pile of clothes go hey siri play who let the dogs out and then from a pile of clothes it's like who let the dog down it's like the fucking best wait that's a really it's the best that's smart it's the best but also i forgot to tell you when the um acupuncturist came over oh yeah mantan isn't his name yeah and i love him by the way he's incredible he did come over though oh i'm okay every week i had him over a million what did you get done he did he was doing like blood circulation stuff nothing i mean it was like there's just yeah i have to wait up but he's awesome and he did a lot of like deep tissue that actually really helped. That was amazing. Yeah, he was so good. But while he was there, Todd set up our Alexa to say two things.

When something beeps, it goes, for the love of God, can someone get this? Which is not that big a deal, right? But then if someone coughs, it goes it goes can you stop coughing i'm trying to flick my bean and i kept saying that while he was there and it was so awkward i'm like i can't like saying i'm like in pins you know like i can't was he coughing he was not coughing i was coughing i'm like stabbed and things are flowing in weird ways. But and then also when Randy barks, it says, Randy, you're not cool or tough. Oh, you guys are really having like you're utilizing Alexa correctly. I feel like I have no fun with.

Oh, if I could tell you, we're going to bleep everything out here. By the way, I'm also utilizing your Alexa. I am living inside of it. You I honestly you are a creep. I'll never forget when you wanted my location. I'll living inside of it. Honestly, you are a creep. I'll never forget when you wanted my location. I'll never get over it. How scary is it when one of your weird little friends wants your location? It's for no good.

Did you at one point share your location? Never. I don't think, no. I have it with a lot of people. She really. And you don't mind that? No, I love it. She wants it.

She's the one starting surprise people like i've had i mean i surprised you once and we didn't talk for three years that's so unfair that was different that was you hiding in a closet you know like this is more like someone's at a restaurant and i'm like oh and then you fake that you ran into them you fake that it was a you're like oh my god i was just here too yeah i them. You fake that it was a you're like, oh, my God, I was just here, too. Yeah. No, I've never. That's good career move.

I know a girl that got really far doing that. Really? Yes. By having location. My old roommate. Yes. She used to. It wasn't location sharing, but she would go through like she would meet casting directors

and she would like follow them on stuff and she would like find out their favorite music and like where they're going to be and she would like show up like listening to it oh i mean she is surviving she's thriving strategy strategy it's a little it's a little bit wild i thought i was crazy for pretending to like lord of the rings in high school to get a guy to like me like that is did you actually watch it to bring up no gollum when you were so close to imagine him it's high school it's bold um would you if someone because i know that sometimes you get teased obviously you're hot you're going through your hot girl phase you're very hot i'm just teasing you but we know sometimes you get teased you get told you look like different characters grew it wasn't grew or what grew grew oh yes on tiktok a lot of teenagers called me grew would you do a part if it was like you had to be like an ugly guy in it but it was like a cool part

if i liked the part yeah i would like if they were like we want you to be gollum's like wife like the bride of gollum i would do it yes if it was cool i i would yeah if it's like you know what gollum looks like yeah bring up just a reminder but also i here's the upside to this gollum is fine sometimes he's cute sometimes he's not he's iconic you know who he is that movie came out how many years ago that's what i was still talking about him so you can spin it she's got that hollywood spin baby here's the thing about this esther your fandom is gonna like for the rest of your life they're gonna be like that's gollum's wife and you're gonna have to go like but every time you see me you have to go or something you know that would be actually so ideal i could drop the the trying to be pretty

act and just lean into who i really am. But you've established yourself as pretty, so now maybe wear a bald cap for something. I will say that without hair, that's hard. Didn't you? Oh, you wore a cap on here. I would say that all of us will be disgusting in bald caps and maybe we should have an episode where we... I would do that.

Not a full ep because we want to maintain... I can promise you that the organization that supports alopecia will cancel us almost immediately. Why? Our alopecia thing. Everything you do. It's alopecia awareness. But look at what all we've done for evolving awareness with our old technician. Oh, Carlos.

Oh, you know what I was thinking today, too? I was thinking about when you were like, hey, guys, like, when girls, like, put their hair up and ponytails, do you think of blowjobs? I was thinking, like, only when Carlos does it do people think of blowjobs. But I was also thinking about that. Didn't you, like, ever go, like, try to, like, mess with your ex-boyfriend in college? I should probably talk to her because I'm looking for her. Try to like mess with your ex-boyfriend in college. I should probably talk to her because I'm looking for her. And like I remember my friend Tara and I, we like our ex-boyfriends were both going to be at the same party.

And we like we're kind of still into them. And it was like, well, we get back to it. Oh, that's fun. And we went and like pigtails. They might have had girlfriends. That's sad. But we were 18. Yeah, I think that's just the game you play at that age. But I did want to ask you guys, what is your number one or maybe top three breakup songs?

Dancing on My Own by Robin. Robin. Okay, great one, Esther. Um, fuck. Um, Bulletproof. This time baby. Um, LaRue, LaRue. Yeah.

But how old is that song? About 15 years old. You haven't been through a breakup for that? You've been with Dave for 27 years. Oh yes, those are both for a big breakup that happened whose name rhymes with Inchcliff.

The fact you had to listen to music. That's so funny to listen to, Robin. Dude, are you kidding? Having to go to comedy clubs knowing your ex is there. And he's so mean. He's so mean to you. I needed to go to comedy clubs knowing like your ex is there and he's so mean he's so mean to you i needed to blast robin dancing on my own to exist um this is one okay so i'll throw it all the way back um there's uh whitney houston um didn't we almost have it all there's uh the other one um i keep forgetting we're not in love anymore is it michael mcdonald

and the third one is the sheena easton um um almost over you those are my three classic wait i have the number sadder really sad but mine across i have yours are like getting onto the next you're like i gotta get red band back um i have okay go west um right is that it go west king of wishful thinking yeah i'll pretend i was like i can't oh also katie perry circle the drain circle a drain or asleep during foreplay. What are the lyrics to Can't Wish For Thinking? I don't need to fall at your feet. Just cut, you cut me to the bone. It's the best.

I don't know this one. And, wait, and even if... Oh, Katy Perry, Never Really Over is a good one. That won't, see, that's what made me sad your breakup choices made me sad never really over is a great one there's oh my god i have the number one one what is it um bonnie rate i can't make you love oh my god i love bonnie rate that's a really that is the number and every cover anyone's ever done god that's a really sad one you know it, it's a...

We're not... None of us are aligned. Or maybe I'm the outsider here. Obviously, since you've been gone by Kelly Clarkson. Yes. It's like a big one. But my most recent one... Oh, we don't have dads more.

Maybe. I think she had a daddy one. Wasn't a daddy one? But I think SZA's Nobody Gets Me is a great one. I mean, Kill Bill. Kill Bill is a good one. By SZA. But that one, again, is still a little sad for me.

But there's a line in SZA's Nobody Gets Me where she goes, hurry, hurry now, stick it in before the memories start to kick in. Also, what's our song? It's like so crude, but also like, I don't know why that line makes sense to me.

What's our American Idol song? Wait, SZA's other song. The wheelchair one. Annie. What is it? What is it? Fuck. Why can't we talk about this?

It's crazy that that happened. Okay, I think we should talk about it. We have to remember the song first. But what's the song? What are you talking about? I love it. It's like one of my favorite. I can't like, I'm like blanking on words and lyrics.

How can you mention a SZA lyric and it not be, I fuck him cause I miss you. Okay, that's a good one too, yeah. What about this is my fight song. Like give me some, let's get over this. Or like empower, like female power ballads. You're gonna hear me roar. No, but Annie, great one.

When he sang that, I went to the Prince concert. When he sang that, I bawled my eyes off. It's unbelievable. Yeah. It's unbelievable. You went to Prince concert? I did for $25. He kept the tickets so affordable.

It was at the Forum. And he did it for like three weekends straight. And everyone could go because the tickets were $25. That's so cool. I saw him once in LA, like when I first moved here. I was at Random. Was he shorter or taller than you? Like, I didn't believe

it was prince because of how short he was oh really yeah like i was like are you guys sure like i just didn't understand that like a celebrity could be short it was like that it was every time i've met a celebrity i feel like you're so short yeah i did see alexander skarsgård once and i was me too about how tall he was me too hot twice he is so i went with this ugly hot on succession right now oh i know oh he's on the third he's on succession and he's killing it before tiktok when you weren't watching that much tv what were you doing with your extra time do you like lay and think no i just watch a lot of tv and you don't oh i watch movies like old movies i re-watch a lot of old movies i and you like re-watching movies you already know what's gonna happen yes look i was watching sunset boulevard last night i uh uh yeah movies social media play times hank laughs with dave after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers if we've learned anything it's that

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that when you're intellectualizing your feelings and you're like okay i feel this way because it's actually a way to avoid feeling your feelings i didn't know that i was doing that my whole life when you try to wonder when you try to find out why you're feeling that so like the way the way i talk about yeah so like even the way i talk about it on this podcast where i'm like, I'm this, I'm that, I'm intellectualizing it. And sometimes when I talk to people, when I don't want to, I kind of phrase the way I'm feeling. This is what I wrote. Intellectualizing feelings and talking about my feelings isn't the same as feeling my feelings.

It's actually a way to avoid them. isn't the same as feeling my feelings. It's actually a way to avoid them. So because you're not, it's kind of, I'm explaining to you what is wrong with me, but I'm actually not presently in the moment. You're like almost disassociated. Yeah, I'm disassociated. You're like telling a story about a thing.

Exactly, exactly. I'm telling you a story about my feelings. I'm not showing you my feelings. How is that bad? Because you're not feeling it. You're not processing it. Yeah, you're not integrated. So what i learned yesterday that i'm not fully integrated and so can i explain to you what she explained what she said to me so basically it's like you

have your fight flight freeze fawn which is your lizard brain that's like right here and then you have your limbic system which is your your middle brain that's where all of your emotions are and then the top of your brain is like your neo frontal cortex that's like right here. And then you have your limbic system, which is your middle brain. That's where all of your emotions are. And then the top of your brain is like your neofrontal cortex. That's like higher order thinking. Is that where my dance moves come from? Yes, maybe. But that's where you critically think. You're able to assess.

You're able to actually, like the facts are up here. Okay. When you're living in these two lower parts of your brain, you're not factual. You're just surviving. So that's where I live most of the time. That's why I'm not fully integrated. It hard for me to like be present in the moment um i can only be i can only enjoy things in retrospect where i'm like that was a really good time but when i'm in that time i'm not present because you're not there you're thinking

about another thing i'm nervous i'm anxious i'm just getting through the moment i definitely relate to this like i know this I'm following. Yeah. So basically one of the things I do that I have done in therapy my whole life, even to the point where my therapist is like, oh, Kalilah, if she's not a great therapist, she'd be like, Kalilah's doing well. She understands her feelings. She knows what they are. She knows what her key problems are because I'm able to intellectualize and talk to her about it, but I'm not feeling it. I'm not healing. You're like from afar looking down at your feelings and experiences.

Now, is it suffice to say that just being present is kind of what would fix that? The goal. But to be present, to be fully integrated, to be be like i am here i am feeling it all is a lot of work and a lot of it i've avoided my whole life it's just like course correcting constantly it's hard exactly you have to always like remember when you're but it blew my mind because i'm like i have a full understanding of you know complex btsd i have a full understanding of what my my illness is right but. But I have done almost zero healing. I've just talked about it my whole life, but I'm not feeling yet.

EMDR. So that's what I just started. Does it make you cry to do it? You cry during session? A lot. It makes you like emote the. Very, very. So like they always recommend that you have like a safe person afterwards to go on a walk

with and to kind of because it's a whole reprocessing of your brain. Right. And the goal is to not see my EMDR therapist forever you know hopefully as you know as we go on she's like okay I think you're actually at a good spot we don't have to continue seeing each other um so that's sorry that just that sentence was really triggering we're done wait so are you do you think you're able to be present now like that you're are you still working on it i'm still working on it okay yeah so basically all of this to say i've gotten so much value out of just regular talk therapy because i know what's wrong with me but i haven't really been able to heal those things because just knowing about it isn't the

same as healing it. And sometimes the why it's like you're re-digging it up. Like when you're looking for like the why of everything. And it's like, you also, I remember seeing this thing on Netflix where, you know, they do like the explained series. I don't know if it was that one or whatever, but it was like memory. And there was something on it that was like basically like your memory is false yeah you just don't remember things correctly so it's like you know we're digging back trying to figure out why we feel this way why we went there and it's like it's not even necessarily the truth of what happened you know exactly or it's been morphed into whatever story we like telling ourselves yeah but i think that's important too like that's why you you reprocess

these things and because i think sometimes the narrative you tell yourself is incorrect and it's causing you a lot of suffering today as an adult and if you process it a different way how even if you even if you misremember it you're still reprocessing it and making it so that it no longer hurts you today what is an example of reprocessing a memory like is it literally just like you thinking of a traumatic experience and like playing it out going differently or is this something different than that um well i the way i understand emdr is you you have like two buzzies the two buzzies you can have the thing um it's it's kind of just like repackaging like a narrative i think yeah and kind of i don't think it's like walking back into your trauma i mean like i haven't done it

long enough when i did brain spotting it sure felt like that and i was really like frightened and scared and i couldn't come off that feeling for a couple days but i think when you do it with the right person it can feel like heavy, but like positive. I have a question too. Did you go back for more ketamine or did you just do one session? I did one session and it really did so much. But I think I'm thinking about going maybe like once a year.

Yeah. Cause do they suggest you go on like a series or is it just a one and done? No, it's not a one. I mean, the goal again is to, especially with people who are like at the end of their at the end of their rope. They're having a lot of like deep, like suicidal thoughts. Those are the people who have, from what I understand, like go like even like once a week.

And then the goal is then it's twice a month and then it's once a month and then hopefully like never again. Yeah. And do you feel like you you had such an impactful time that you just didn't want to go back right away yeah i still feel like i'm feeling like pretty positive about it um but i would like to maybe go again this year to like kind of reinforce the because it kind of just wiped my a lot of my anxiety but anyways, my point in all this is knowing what's wrong with you doesn't mean, you know, it's not enough. Yeah. Like there's a lot more work. And I think I've just avoided that work because I'm like, well, I know what's wrong with me.

Right. That makes sense. It does make sense that to think like I know the problem, so I know what's wrong with me. Right. That makes sense. It does make sense that to think like, I know the problem, so I know it. And so it's fine. But like, yeah, the actual healing part is more tricky, I would assume. Yeah. And especially for like you, people like you and I would like more complex PTSD. Like, I think what happens is that like like we know the story so well because we tell

it in jest a lot like we're always like we repeat it you know it's it's part of our thing we make it but it's like these are things that actually behind the doors hurts us horribly yeah i really i found like a lot like i do a little bit of a joke and stuff on stage about stuff yeah and i like talking about it to like help people but it is like when we when i tell you about like getting diddled like annie and i like every week right yeah like i really want the audience to know that every week though so i don't find that it's not disposable information that no longer hurts us it's just that in that moment we're intellect we're telling you this is what happened we're intellectualizing it but i can promise you that like when i hit those topics with a therapist i am inconsolable i cannot breathe i vomit these

because i am just telling you what happened to me and i've been so trained in you know like making light of it but to almost disassociate it's dissociating it's i'm avoiding the feeling oh when someone validates your like circumstance of what happened to you i was talking to oh my god it's over i was just you're just i'm like how am i crying again about this it's so crazy because that's exactly it's such a it's such an intense thing to have happen to you and then I think the reason we talk about it so much not is not just PTSD or whatever it is definitely also to find like a funny angle to it and like make it lighter which it doesn't always do but I think it's because it's something that is so taboo and we weren't supposed to talk about you

know we're supposed to keep a secret I think it's like kind of taking back the night to just keep talking about it I agree with that even though I don't have that experience but I I know I've said this before thank you but like one of the reasons little get diddled like I was reading this this is so cheesy but I was reading this book called start with your why and it's about like when you do something you have to really anyone who does something and they're good at it they have a why they have a reason why they're doing it and reading that book i was like oh my god i know exactly so easily what my why is for trash tuesday it's like we're three women who get together and like talk about traumatic bad things but like in a like

what you were saying just like owning it and taking the shame away from it being vulnerable and I even though it it hurts me so much to hear that like these things cause you pain like I still I don't know like I am proud of what this podcast does because I mean how many people do you meet on the road that are like I was molested too and like they find so much comfort chosen ones what's up I'm making us earrings we're gonna have earrings on the road like is that still okay that that's like something that I'm proud of and that like like yeah okay I think it's just always important when we are talking about all of these things that we're forward moving in our healing

and we're you know yeah and i think that that never ends if you're constantly talking about and if it's something that's hurting you but you're you know you're not addressing it in your real life like like that's that's a little bit concerning but i do think it's like the people come up and they're like i never it'll be like a lot of older women like i love when people come with their moms and stuff it's the best and they'll just be like you know i just never knew i could talk about this so it's it's awesome or even our boy slugs yeah yeah oh yeah but that is i that gave me the chills people saying too i never knew i could talk about this like that i could cry like that is, that gave me the chills. People saying to me, I never knew I could talk about this. Like, I could cry. Like, that is, I'm, like, so mad that so many people have to, like, stuff things down and feel shame.

I know. And it's so sad when it's like, cash or card? Shirt or not, bitch? Come on, TikTok. There's a lot of molested people in this line. So many people got it. I want to make shirts that said like are like where on the shirt was i touched and i signed like the part that were diddled and also for

those of you at home who weren't molested i got you those of us come to our meet and greet show molest you we survived we survived not being molested which was also hard i know i'm so sorry this happened to you thank you are you okay this is a weird topic and i kind of almost don't want to bring it up because it's i think should be a bigger conversation we'll talk more about next week or whatever but like there's a lot of feminists that are like anti-birth control like the birth control pill which is seems crazy because the birth control pill is like what women freedom. And it was a huge part of the women's liberation movement. Finally, we could have sex and not be scared of a pregnancy. But there are people who say that the reason choking in and like basically we're trying to introduce a level of

danger that has been taken away by the pill so when you were say choking insects yes choking no in not insects in sex oh during sex yeah i was like are you just choking insects lila i was like i never even thought about it my childhood could have been so much different off to that i just can't believe she didn't hear incest i was like you didn't hear incest oh you heard it wait this i'm telling you guys please follow me this is so blowing my mind like i will not follow you follow me back okay so basically like sex was hot and like dangerous because you might get the girl pregnant and you might get pregnant and it's like ah and that made it hot right but then with birth control that's gone so there's this theory that like that is why now there's like choking and you're like introducing new elements of danger because that

is gone and it's just i'm kind of like that seems real or is this like a smart feminist spin on the fact that they are taking away all this stuff from us how do we make it seem like this is a good thing this is already happening i'm trying to see if I believe that choking exists because we're trying to up the danger or if there's true science behind like erotic asphyxiation I guess there must be I'm too because men do it too right they choke themselves and certain men do like being you know but do you feel like okay because I've had choky situations. It's not the actual choking. It's not. It's like rapey feelings. It's not like, oh, I like that the air is not going. Yeah, it doesn't make me cum harder, but I know for some men, maybe it does.

I don't. You're saying it's just the hand on your. Yeah, that's what I always assumed. But the guys that are like hanging themselves and like that's it's obviously like that. No. what i always assumed but the guys that are like hanging themselves and like that's it's obviously like that no so i assumed what you're saying but i do think that it is actually true that there is like a like women like to be choked because of the asphyxiation part yeah i've never so i've been choked pretty bad and like almost to like could have guessed passed out we're gonna guess that one didn't make my cum better.

It kind of put me in my head of, oh, am I going to die? You're like, oh, my God, I slept through it. And I just looked out at a wet spot. Like, I guess I came. Yeah, so I, but I do understand what you're saying about the birth control pill. It's kind of the same idea as, like, one of my friends, her husband recently had a vasectomy. And I was like, well, is sex still exciting? Equally as exciting as hot knowing that there isn't like you're you're never there's not a danger for having like another kid again because his chamber is empty. Right. And she was like, to be determined, I will report back. Like so after men get a vasectomy, like even in my most like feminist ideas, there is something there that kind of makes me feel like, oh, like you couldn't possibly get me pregnant anymore.

It there is a part of me that does consider that that I'm like, I feel like we don't realize it. But that does add this like like, hotness to sex. But do you think that's why when women are older and not as fertile, they're not as into sex? Because there's no getting into that? No, but I don't know. But fucking I don't like saying this, but that's why, like, men are biologically attracted to younger women because they're more fertile, which I hate. And we're going to change that somehow. What, by looking like a kid forever?

By freezing at this weird age looking. So is that the running theory then? What? By feminists, certain feminists. That's one thing I saw and it fucking checked out properly for me. Yeah, it's interesting. Because it is like, yeah, I think,

I haven't thought about it in so long because I haven't been like so afraid of a pregnancy in so long. But then recently I had unprotected STX and thought there was a chance I could be preggo and I wasn't. And they're like, I got a directed. Get some free. I got to get the word out there. No, I don't know. I got to go deep. I got to direct it. Get some free birth control pills. I got to get the word out there. No, I don't know. I got to go deep. I got to get invested.

I don't know. It's just like, it's hot to be scared of getting pregnant. I'll say that. It's youthful. But you're right. There is that element that's super hot about. Do you feel like upset that you can't impregnate her? We can try.

It's not hot anyway. It's so weird that you think I donregnate her? We can try. It's not hot anywhere? It's so weird that you think I don't have sperm. Like that's weird. No, I know you look like a sperm. You know what? I would allow it if you took someone's like cum and then turkey basted me with it. Or you could just like finger the like, you know, inseminate. How do you guys think you would parent a kid together?

I'd be a single mom. i don't think i'd be that's why esther was the mother the built-in mother the asian mother such a guy like i totally see a caregiver and that's why i'm attracted to you yes it probably like has nothing to do with freedom too guys i know we do too we do too. We do too. I want to be a dad. I'm going to bring my bit back about how much I would be a dad. You have really cool dad energy. I would love to be a dad. Oh my God.

No, it's not fair. It's crazy. It seems incredible. The men in our business can have a kid without getting pregnant. You guys, there's this anime called The Way of the House Husband. And you just start having Dave and Todd todd watch it it's like this i think todd might have written it that's why todd pick it but yeah it's it's it's so silly but it's called the way of the house husband and there's something

kind of cute about it is it an avatar parody no it's just an anime it's like they're really short couple minutes long oh that's so cute yeah super cute and he's like so violent and he's kind of nuts he's like an ex-criminal but now he's a house husband wait see okay like that's i'm that's hot it does look like todd and on that note may you stay with all the colors of the wind we'll see you next week with a brand new episode blood moon bye guys that's her new name Thank you.