Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Dominant Fingers w/ Whitney Cummings

Episode Date: January 11, 2022

Thank you to our Sponsors:   Native - Go to https://nativedeo.com/tuesday or use promo code tuesday at checkout, and get twenty percent off your first order  Immi - Go to https://immieats.com/tuesday and use code tuesday for $5 off your order   Athletic Greens - Go to https://athleticgreens.com/tuesday to get a free 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase  Magic Spoon - Go to https://magicspoon.com/tuesday and use our promo code tuesday at checkout to save five dollars off your order Trash Tuesday Merch: http://slugfam.com Trash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Subscribe to our YouTube: https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons Official Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/trashtuesdayclips Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: George Kimmel & Pete Forthun Editor: Gabby Galon --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/trashtuesday/message

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Hello and welcome to another crazy episode. So we're on the road and I'm coming to your city. You can get tickets right now, literally this weekend, I'm coming to Salt Lake City. You can get tickets at estheronice.com. I cannot wait for Salt Lake City. The next weekend, I'm in Nashville. And then I'm coming to Raleigh. My Austin days are being rescheduled. And I'm coming to Indianapolis, Philadelphia, San Diego, and Chicago and more.

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How about when I tell her my hair caught on fire and she goes, it wasn't on film. Did they catch it? What is going on? Look at how pretty how pretty look at how this is what real pretty women look like i just want everyone to know it's clashing colors but that's her thing those are power cup colors pink and red power couple power colors pink i'm sorry are we talking about yourself tanner are we talking about i did it for you what are you talking about i did it for you. I did it for you. I am also, by the way, wearing a turtleneck. It's very cold out and I was driving over here and I went,

no one's ever been funny in a turtleneck. That's not... There's no way... Every mime. Every mime. Every single mime. No one is funny

wearing a turtleneck. Diane Keaton, that shot's fired. When? When? In what movie? I'll do this right now. I've never thought Woody Allen movies are funny.

I've never. Wow. We get it. She was ahead of the molestation. You get it, Whitney. You knew before all of us. If you want to just do this. She's like, the Cosby show was trash.

I always knew it. Love the Cosby show. Woody Allen movies are like an old Jewish man's game. So you like them? No. I'm not a Woody Allen movie fan. I never have been. I pretended to be for a while.

Yes. I maybe was pretending to. Because when I think about it, I'm like, what did I like? On a few dates. I love Andy Hall. Of course. I've seen it. Why?

Why? Because I used to pretend to be someone I wasn't. Why are we pretending we like this? First of all, why is Dan Keith? OK, fine. I hate your sweatshirt. I'm coming in in a complete existential crisis. Tell us everything.

That's all we want. I'm coming in going, I do not understand podcasting. I do not understand comedy. I'm quitting all this. We're so glad to hear this. None of this is working. Thank you for finally realizing, Whitney. We've been trying to get rid of you this whole fucking time.

She decides to quit when she shows up at our show. And then she's like, oh my God, our ratings would be huge. Whitney's last podcast. Thank you, Whitney. I'm retiring on Trash Tuesday. Can you not hire a lot of podcasts? Oh, Whitney, the Hitler comedy. That was like just an old lady, white lady dance.

That is cute. I think what I just did. It was even more embarrassing than doing like a Holocaust dance. Did you think about the socks when you put the pinkies on? You know what? I basically, I dress now like

if I was in a cult, what would I wear? That's how I get dressed in the morning. Oh, it is very cult-y. Ooh, I'll be in your cult. Tell me more about it. Yeah, if I was like,

I'm like a... She just completely ignored you. The one thing about a cult leader is to just get as many people as possible and she drew the line at you. Her first member. The fact that I was like driving over here

to come get insulted by women in wigs. I'm in a cult. I just don't understand why you do this. You have a Tesla. Just buy the one that drives for you, bitch. I don't have a Tesla anymore. Oh yeah, that's right. You have your Range Rover.

I don't have a Tesla anymore because Benton and I for Thanksgiving went to a friend of ours in Malibu. The power went out. And in Malibu, a friend of ours in Malibu. The power went out. And in Malibu, there was no power in Malibu. I was like, I'm going to take Benton to this fancy celebrity Thanksgiving. Like, give him a nice Thanksgiving. Fun, fun.

This, like, famous musician's house. Power goes out in Malibu. I, we had a lot to drink because I, music people make me uncomfortable. I don't know what to do. No, you got June Shine now. You got a sponsor. You have your own drink. Brody Jenner was there.

We got confused. I like Brody Jenner. So do I. I really like him. He was talking about his alcoholic water. Alcoholic water. He's like self- That's great. It hydrates you and gets you drunk.

That's awesome. Like all these things now where we're like, this is like vitamin water. Yeah. With tequila. What? Oh my God. It's my favorite part. Who? Sweet. What's up with Whitney? Because I do fall we're like, this is like vitamin water. Yeah. With tequila. What? Oh my God, it's my favorite part. Who's- What's up with Whitney?

Because I do fall in love with her every time I see her. It's really weird. Yeah, of course. Wait, who's Thanksgiving were you at? Are we allowed to- Wait, I don't- Listen. Can I say?

Let's see you later. Yeah. See you later. Avril Lavigne. What? Oh, that's so fun. I know. Oh my God, that's such a twist.

So Benton loves Avril Lavigne. I love Avril Lavigne. Yes. I love, you know, writing withril Lavigne. I love Avril Lavigne. Yes. I love, you know, writing with numbers. I can't, you know, and so I'm like, we got to go to this. I did a movie with her husband or fiance. I don't know how that works, but. No more Sum 31 guy.

She was married to Sum 31 guy before. Yes. Or no, she was married to the Nickelback guy, wasn't she? She was married to someone where I guy wasn't she she was married to someone where i went avril gosh i'm i don't know who cares i like you're in the moment you're not in her past i'm in her future you know what it was i i think i was in like avril like i was very into her music but i was more of a like tori amos fiona apple liz fair like mess mess at the time like fun music I didn't get it you're like

I've been a bad bad girl yeah I was like yeah it's just me and a gun and a man

on my back I was like in a different place I was driving over here I was like who do I blame all this on like I've had a

such an epiphany the last couple days because I'm like I just feel like such a failure right now no what it's been in a good way um oh that's so sad what's going on no it's like i just was like what like there's no blueprint for what any of us are right no that's the fun part which is it's like this wild west craziness the the the women or men or whatever that came before us, all the things that they've accomplished, the ways they accomplished it don't exist anymore. Right.

And the accomplishments don't exist anymore. Of course. So what are we working toward? Can I tell you? Yeah. Being in the moment and enjoying it. I disagree. Oh, Annie, I got to do ayahuasca with you.

No. Oh, my God. Really, you do? I feel like I do. Can I tell you? Oh my God, Esther, the grown-ups are talking. The grown-ups are talking about drugs.

Annie bringing this whole mental health thing into comedy is really breaking my brain. It's the same. For Annie, what a plot twist. I think that everything that we're all doing, which is this like incredibly toxic,

impossible female friendship thing. Am I the only one that doesn't? Hold on. Most people do it for free. We at least get some kind of money for it. So I do see a benefit. I think that female friendships are hard whether you're in business or not. Right.

But when you add that business, things get really high. But we have decided to go like, you know what? Female friendships are so fucking hard. Why don't we just go into business together together make it even harder and make money off of it yeah like i already hate you why don't we just we might as well just like but there is a there's like a zen and a calmness to it too when you're like we have this common goal to just like talk for an hour or whitney's pocket seven hours to just get it to just you just get through it and then you appreciate each other yeah i think it's you know what it is i think this is our mma this is our ufc okay so like the bros

they've got all their fighter companion fighter and the kid fighter like that's they're physically fighting we kind of like i got girl fight companion and it's just us going over our own fights with each other it's us just est Esther's crying. No, because I just realized, of course, it's Whitney and Annie. Of course, I need to keep my mouth shut. I have no chance. I have no chance. Can I just say, this is your problem. Rise up, bitch.

Rise up. We're not dimming down. You rise up. I have no chance today. And I'm fine with it. Oh, my God. Kalilah coming in is going to be even crazier. I have a question.

I learned about you being single on Du Moi. What's up with that? Yeah, you should take a good hard look at yourself. Realize that I'm not your friend. Why you believe that. And that I'm a fan. Why you think it's true. So I guess it's like, I don't know if I'm single or not.

That's been my 20 year struggle. I have a question. Yes, ma'am. May I get, I'm flying tomorrow. My dog gets a little crazy. May I text Alex to get meds for my dog? I was dating a veterinarian. Do I have permission to continue to use the hookup of the vet?

Yes, of course. Any man that I've ever dated that has procured drugs for my friends, you can continue texting them. Oh, that's the policy? That's part of the agreement. Okay. Part of the agreement is, even if we break up,

you have to continue giving drugs to my friends and their dogs. Thank God. That was the concern. I gotta meet your peptide, or your, um, your academy doctor. That never ends.

Oh my God, she's here. I mean, angel, hi. Hello, my dear. A sweat-panted angel. Here's the thing about y'all listening, watching, whatever you're doing. The four of us in here, we're all real friends. And we've had no time to catch up off camera. So it's incredibly toxic and awkward to show up to try to like it's perfect it'd be having

conversations for public consumption before we've caught up privately but i feel like we're doing a pretty good job but we can always edit out anything you want dude don't forget that well no you guys you want the real oh i want the real i want the real purple's gonna look cute on collide although my relationship with you whitney is a very healthy one because it only involves dogs I respect that I respect that about you I feel like our threads are just dog dog dog dog dog dog like you're like I need a vet I need an ER I hear you just I just get pictures of like boxers with two legs at 4am I'm like there's my guy like I know how to do that mine with Whitney is is, it's not dog dog. It's just dodge, dodge, dodge. Whitney just trying to get out of things. Dodge, dodge, dodge.

Dodge, dodge, dodge. Oh, it's raining. I can't. Doge coin. She's like, oh, I'm doge coining. I can't come. Dog, dog, dog. Doggy style.

Whitney, thank you for coming. We didn't know if we were ever going to get you. You're a busy bitch. You are my number one priority and you guys know that. That is the saddest lie. The most blatant lie and i believed it though i was like you know what you actually in my heart are that's the weirdest part about all of this is that this took so long to schedule and i feel like i'm bombing no and i

whitney what are you talking about and i feel like y'all are my priority and for whitney's been to texas guys so she says y'all know oh my gosh And for some reason. Whitney's been to Texas, guys. So she says y'all now. Oh, my gosh. Sorry. I'm just getting older. And, you know, whatever. I'm just trying to. We saw the turtleneck.

Well, you're from like the South, right? Yeah. That's the other thing. Yeah. West Virginia and Texas is my, and DC. You're from Texas, too? My mom's from Texas. Oh, really?

Yeah. I cannot wait to hang out in here for us to. I feel like we are so close. I love you. I love you. No, we have a text slide with Rogan that goes every day. Yeah. We're like, I feel like all of us are so close, but we all have so much like catch up to do.

And I feel like we all have to do like one weekend of camping where we like go like, so where did you grow up? Exactly. Who's? Oh, that was the perfect thing i was like yeah george was like great idea i would love to go camping i i was gonna say like you just saying that out loud i'm like we're you're going camping along with me let's do it oh no what is hide the body i'll help you can i just say something about the dog please why do your

dogs hate you my dogs don't hate me. They hate each other and I hate myself. So you love them more than yourself. I dive in between them to stop them from fighting and let's be honest, scars are sexy

and painkillers feel great and I always look for issues. You heal fast too. You're always like, you have a wound and then you're fine like two days later. Yeah, I think everyone's like,

Whitney's addicted to drugs. Whitney's addicted to this. My main addiction is fostering dogs. And attention. And attention. Fostering dogs that should have been put down years ago, frankly. And so I tend to take in these really complicated cases of dogs that are really traumatized, that can't be with other dogs and with all the chaos in my life and people in the house and stuff going on and having five dogs they end up a mistake's gonna get made dogs attack each other they're incredibly big incredibly it's kind of a miracle that you can

have people over because you know i have a lot of dogs and they're all fucked up like yours and i just can't have people over anymore because they're all dick biters shop Shop, don't adopt. You know, I mean, not all of them. Do you guys think that when guys date us that they feel the same way? They're like, this is a rescue. Like, I just have to be more patient. She's a dick biter. I see Bobby as sort of a rescue. For sure.

We all do. Yeah, yeah. But I like a good rescue. You know, it's in my wheelhouse. I identify as a rescue. I have a weird take on Bobby. Yeah, what is your take on Bobby? I think Bobby's better, like, healthier and better than we all think.

I think you're not wrong. I think there's a little bit of an old story going on with Bobby. That's like, you're on nine TV shows, shows you have huge podcasts like you you're doing great you know i think there's a little bit of a because i feel this too where it's like the things that i used to joke about 10 years ago people still joke about so i feel like i have to still participate in it but do you also think there's an anxiety of when you do kind of like get the things that you want that it's going to get taken so then you're kind of you stay in that pattern to. Yeah.

And it's going to get taken whether you. Yeah. I don't think it's in our control. Time will take. Yeah. I don't think it's like in our control whether it gets taken or not. You know. I think Bobby's also afraid of leaving that old narrative about himself.

Yeah, for sure. So he doesn't like being viewed as grown up almost. That's because to me, like Bobby's got grown up almost. Because to me, Bobby's got daddy energy. And beyond that, I have never seen anyone more committed to therapy, no matter where he travels, whether it's Hungary or if he's on set. He's not missing a therapy session. Well, here's what I'll say. So our experience with Bobby is just so different because I opened for Bobby on the road.

I look up to Bobby. Bobby was huge when I was a little kid comic. Yeah. You know? So it's like he like to me is so wise. So the idea that it's like, oh, Bobby, this is such a mess. I'm like, what do you mean? I look up to you.

And also whenever he feels like he's like not successful or whatever, I'm like, you've been successful my entire life, Bobby. Like since I was born. I've been like known exactly. He's uncomfortable with feeling good about himself. Like he's just so like chaos is his baseline. He's never known anything different. You know,

he doesn't realize that being bored and stable is where like the healing happens. He just always is up. You know, he, he almost chases the instability because he thinks that that's where his identity. I have a hot take.

I think you guys are all wrong. where his identity I have a hot take I think you guys are all wrong I think that just because someone has success

and all these things I think he still is probably feeling like he's the same person and it's not like imposter syndrome not imposter syndrome just like you don't

none of these outside things change who you are on the inside well you haven't seen me in the last six months Annie is literally a different human. I don't know.

I just feel like that because I feel like, you know, like 12 years ago when I moved here to like, quote unquote, make it versus how I feel now. Like I thought that like having money and like a little bit of success would solve all my problems. And it absolutely didn't. And like that's why i'm on medication and stuff so the hair doesn't help i was just thinking of how many times you did this but you guys everyone in this room is successful like whitney don't you

wait carlos don't make carlos feel bad whitney don't you feel like you're the same person you were before you like became like Whitney Cummings? I don't know. Same issues deep down, but you're just working on them more? Yeah. I just like, I think that like something happens, something happened to me recently where I was like, I'm just so sick of talking about myself or thinking about myself. Like I think there's a point where you got to, you know, stop talking about yourself

and thinking about and obsessing about yourself. So for me, like I enjoy podcasting. Like I went really hard at it. Like my favorite people on the planet do it like you guys. But I think I just like have hit a limit where I'm like, I think I need to not think about myself for a while or talk about myself for a while. I need a break. I don't know.

You also are such like an EP. Like you're just such an executive producer in your mind all the time, like in your life. Like you just, everything you do, you like, you produce it so well, but it's, so when you're podcasting, you're putting so much into it. You're like having an NBC show every episode. It's stupid. Yeah. No, I don't think it's stupid. I think it's admirable, but it's like, it's a lot of work. Are you able to really take a break? Like for one month, just completely like disconnect? Is that in your? I think I think this this is maybe the year I will be able to do that. You know, in the past, I had a really hard time with

my self esteem was definitely very linked to my productivity, you know, and how much I did, even if it was a false sense of productivity um and I think there's this this very real like you're a woman in Hollywood and you you got to like 40 if you're lucky so I think for me I was like I'm gonna fucking like go hard till I'm 40 and then chill like that was always I think in the back of my mind like I'm not gonna take any breaks till then and then um and then other stuff changed. And then I realized it wasn't 40, it was 30. I had missed it. I was wrong. I have some really bad news. It's 21. I was wrong about the amount of time I thought I had in the first place.

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There are no. And we all have our own networks of people and kind of we're just collecting the people that jive with us. And I think because Hollywood was so kind of like this, it was like Hollywood had to accept you and take you in. And now it's not that anymore. It's like it's us. It's up to us. Putting out us putting out what we do and whoever sticks to it, sticks to it. And if they don't, we don't ever need to even worry about that. Yeah. We're all kind of these like

little islands that it's like, if you find us, you get us, you don't, but like, you know, no one can be forced on you anymore, you know, and no one is, is going to watch a show they don't like. You have to like actively fight to find the person you're a fan of. You know, so it's like a lot of, you know, that's a very different, you know, thing. Cause then you gotta go, okay, who am I? Like, what do I wanna do when I'm not like, I'm trying to appeal to this,

or I'm on NBC at five o'clock on Fridays. I know what that demo wants, or I'm doing standup for, I can, it's hard to read a room when you don't know who's in the room. And that's what, where I get lost in podcasts. You sound like you like a very specific assignment. I like to know the assignment. Yeah.

I have an assignment for you. You sound like you're about to give her an assignment. Give it to me. I'm so, I'm so lost. My assignment for you is that we do go camping, but we go to an unfamiliar place like Patagonia. The elements are up against us. I know. I was like, George is wearing a great Patagonia shirt right now.

We went to the Patagonia store. South America. I didn't know that's a real place. We throw ourselves against the elements. I'm at that point where I'm like... And Whitney, listen, we'll film it. Okay. As long as there is a drone involved, is the hair and makeup team

in Patagonia... What if we hired you a pet drone that followed you all the time and then you didn't have to do anything? Can it be a rescue drone? So as long as it was someone else's drone that was mistreating it. It's always filming someone else, not you. Yeah, I think it's like, I think what, like, isn't it kind of wild, like, that our personal life and our professional life all of a sudden just became the same life? Are you a little discombobulated? I think so.

Discombobulated? I think so, but I'm a little different from you guys where you guys are really in the front of it all. Like, I get to just podcast and stay here. So I don't have to go up in front of crowds. I don't have to do meet and greets. Like, you guys are on a different level of favorite fucking part. Yeah, but we don't have to suck Bobbi Lee's dick.

That is true. It's very healthy. we don't have to suck Bobbi Lee's dick. That is true. It's a healthy dick. We don't have to get on all fours and pretend to be like a woodworker from the 1920s or whatever the hell you do. Because it's like you look at the like, the people that are really like

killing it this way. They have a partner that's doing it with them. You know what I mean? If it's like Tom and Christina or like Bert's got his, you know, Bert and Leanne

and you and Bobby and you and like, do you need to have a partner in all of that? Like, can you have a personal life and then also be a podcaster? I think you just have to be open for all the things that you want. But I will say this, Whitney. I throw so much like on Tiger Belly, sex talk, every all of that stuff is very disposable material for me. But I, in my heart of hearts, I've never exposed anything from here.

Like the, the sex talk and the physical things that are obvious, I'm okay with, but how I truly feel about my life, I'll never talk about.

I'll never talk about it and I feel like I've done, I've honored myself in that way. That's for your book. See, I can't, I can't. I agree. So that, you're gonna do that for your book deal. Got it. And then you. That's for your book. See, I can't, I can't. I agree.

So that you can do that for your book deal. Got it. And then you get a movie for your book deal. It's like- It's your eat, write, love. It's anything not for public consumption. It's like, you know, like how do we have private lives so we can continue to be interesting in our public lives? Like, I feel like I'm like at a little bit of a breaking point.

I had a friend who was like, she was like saying that she was, she was like, I really want to meet Theo. We're connected. I'm like, when did you meet? You haven't met him before? She's like, we're connected. I'm like, how do you know? And she's like, I listened to his podcast and I was like, I don't like you anymore.

That's dangerous. Parasocial relationships are creepy. I feel like I don't trust you as a, like you don't fully know this person. You have no clue. And I'm telling you, I know the two of you and there's nothing. Interesting. There's no, there's nothing. But I think a lot of what we do is the intersection of what we offer and then what they project.

And the thing is somewhere in between. You know what I mean? It's like, you know, we also think we have these connections with our fans that they're probably like, bitch, I don't know you. I sometimes, when someone comes up to me and is like, can I get a photo? I'm like, sure. And then I'm like, hey, so what are you doing? And they're like, that's all I wanted.

I'm telling you, my meet and greet, I'm the only one, the fans are ending it. They is like, can I get a photo? I'm like, sure. And then I'm like, hey, so what are you doing? And they're like, that's all I wanted. I'm telling you, my meet and greet, I'm the only one, the fans are ending it. They're like, we gotta go. I'm the one in the parasocial relationship with my fans.

I think we're really close because I've shared all this stuff with you and I've put all this work into this and they're like, yeah, no, I don't listen to your podcast. I just like your standup. And I'm like,

oh, what? I know it's the best when you're like, you're almost taking the compliment when they're at the meet and greet. You're like, oh my God, you're a big fan. They'm like, oh, what? I know it's the best when you're like, you're almost taking the compliment when they're at the meeting. You're like, oh my God, you're a big fan. Like, oh, I never knew who you were till tonight. And then I totally think that I'm like, uh, cured your mom's cancer. So it's, you know, it's very confusing because some people have this really intense connection to you. Some people are like, yeah, I saw you on

Instagram once you were funny. And I thought I'd come to your show. And it's like, it's everyone that comes up is everyone has a different experience with you and we have to be able to like in an instant change the way we attune to them yeah i smother fans all the time no we see people that come to show their heads are in your tits every and yeah and they're just like hi they're like we thought this was a Joan Rivers, like a 3D interactive show. They're like six feet, six feet. Your tits aren't that big, bitch. You gotta get some new ones. You know what I'm saying? Like, we thought you were Chelsea Handler. And I'm like, you're welcome. Do you want me to make a video for your daughter? I mean, it's so funny because I feel like as comedians, though, there is this thing that's happening that I feel like we have to push back on of like how we're like heroes all of a sudden.

And it's like I think being people's hero is like it's just it's never going to go well. It doesn't go well. It's not sustainable. I had this girl come up at a meet and greet and she holds up her phone and she goes she was my sister died a year ago can you make her a video oh okay benton's next to me rosebud baker's next to benton another comedian and i'm like huh like i can't even hear her there's like r kelly's playing i mean trulyition by R. Kelly is playing. Because I have a joke about that song.

So we play it at the end. Yeah, that's funny. So Liz Rapist's song is playing. She's talking about her dead sister. And I can't hear her. And then she gives me her phone to make a video for her sister. And it's a Snapchat video. OK.

Because a lot of the meet and greets, people want to do a Snapchat. And then I guess save it or post it. G Snapchat video. Okay. Because a lot of the meet and greets people want to do a Snapchat and then I guess save it or post it. Gives it to me. I hold it up to my face to go like, okay, what do you want me to say exactly? I tried to get really serious and really respectful

of this girl who had lost her sister and she's like, can you please say rest in paradise, Margaret. Rest in paradise. Okay, got it. And I'm like really trying to be sincere and be like,

I need to like help this girl. And I pulled the Snapchat and i have fucking like baby face with freckles on a snapchat filter and i'm like okay now like you need to wait you need to wish my dead sister well but you need to be younger while you do that you kind of ished out of this but also yeah like i don't if i have to like did you pick this filter for me like do i have to change it like it was this really intense moment where i was like i'm just not equipped for this moment and then you're like and did you want to pay cash or card technologically emotionally otherwise so then i'm like and then i'm like okay this is like the baby cutesy filter i have to change the filter this is like a rest in peace video for this girl who's grieving and then I start switching it and then I

like I have like dog ears I have cat and then I have like a like a skeleton face and like I'm like that was just the regular one was it yeah that was it I can't find a filter there's no filter I can't find a filter that works for her dead sister. And then Benton, who's on the podcast with me, looks over and obviously doesn't understand the situation is emotional because I'm on Snapchat looking at filters from his perception. So he's just like, what are you doing, bitch? He's like, what are you, dead bitch? No. He's like, hey, sister, you dead?

Literally. And that's exactly what happened. He's like, what are you, dead bitch? No. He's like, hey sister, you dead? Literally, and that's exactly what happened. So, and then I go, oh, I'm just making a little video for this girl's sister. And Ben just goes, what, is she dead?

And I was like, she did die a year ago. And this girl's crying and I'm like. She's crying? She's bawling, crying. Like, can you make a video for my dead sister? And I'm like, I didn't sign up for this. Also, is she dying or dead? Because where's the video getting sent to? I'm so confused.

My career is dying right here, right now. Who's making that video? So I was like, I just- I would have used a voice distorter. What's that? That's the filter. You know the filters with a voice distorter? Rest in peace, Margaret.

I was just like, I didn't sign up to like, like console people that were grieving. Like, I didn't sign up to like, like console people that were grieving. Like, I didn't know. That's why you need the person you need Benton or one of your assistants to or executive producers of your life to, to go. We have to move on. Sorry. Next.

But it's so awkward. No, it's very awkward. But you have to have someone else do it because we do want to connect with them. And then it's like 12 hours. Like how my meeting groups go because we do want to connect with them. And then it's like 12 hours. Like my meet and greets go long. I want to connect with everyone. I want to deliver. I want to FaceTime your friend.

I want to FaceTime. I'll FaceTime you guys because people come up to me in your merch or they'll be like, what are you doing Trash Tuesday? And I'll be like, I'll just like FaceTime you guys at my meet and greets so they can see. I'll do whatever I can. But like, I'm like, oh my God, do we accidentally fuck up and become heroes? We can, anything we do, we can always be something else. I'll say this.

I don't think any fans of this show think any of the three of us are heroes. So I think that's more of a you issue. Definitely a you problem, Wendy. Because let me tell you something. My favorite demographic or my favorite kind, my favorite DMs are from inmates. Yeah.

They are sweetie pies. they say some real sweet shit from jail from prison some shit too we like that yeah they're like a boy that's been bent over i know and um i don't know if you i think that you know these guys i don't know what your thoughts are on pen pals in prison but i think that we're overlooking these guys. I think so, too. As long as they don't get out, though. Conjugals? Would you ever do a conjugal? I'm not interested in a pen pal.

I just want to make that clear. Are you interested in a conjugal visit, then, without writing? It depends who's in prison. Where is the local women's prison? Where is Ghislaine going to jail? That's a big question. I'm interested in you, Ghislaine going to jail? Wait, do you know that? I got, can I do? That's the big question. If I, I'm interested in you, Ghislaine.

What are the chances that you would partake in a lesbian affair with Esther? Whoa, whoa. I didn't whisper that. Can I just? Oh, that's.

This is a game of telephone. I may have. I guess like, I don't, I see Esther is like my, like, son?'s yeah it's just like my nephew like I don't like but but it is always always surprises me how hot you are every time I see you it is shocking on Instagram it's not shocking I, for your person, like you just work

so hard to not seem hot. And then what I'm annoying as fuck. No, it's just like what I, you're just so, it's just interest. It's just interesting how hot you are. I think she's talked a dick out of her mouth once or twice probably. And you get hot because you, you know, this is it. You're the subterfuge. You hide your hotness and then you show it on social media sometimes or like in person every now and then we'll catch a glimpse of it because you are like, you know, have you seen Big Trouble in Little China? Do you remember the ball from Big Trouble in Little China? You guys don't know this movie? I do know the movie, but I haven't watched it in a long time. She basically is just the ball from Big Trouble.

Like she's just a ball of sweatpants and, like, flannels. But then she's a crazy body. Yes. And then you see her, like, in a bra, and you're like, Jesus. I know. You're gorgeous. Like, you're toxically gorgeous. But also young looking, so it's weird.

I know. And so pale. I do have a question, though. Like, are you, like like a horny bitch? I'm definitely a horny bitch. Because I've seen your house. Like, I've gone through your things. And you have like a lot of like sexy stuff.

I know. I know. This is a thing that I thought. You know, my new obsession is the things I thought I was getting away with. And like I had this realization last night that was like, you're not getting away with anything, bitch. Like have you ever called yourself out on being like you thought no one noticed that and everyone did? Like that – like how you've played yourself yeah i have like in my home i do have a couple drawers of like metal sex hooks yeah and like corsets and like crazy shit and like a couple like and i and then i had friends over

during the pandemic for like a year oh it's so was so fun. Oh my God. Her vagina and asshole were out so fast. Whitney, you like, that's like your doorbell is your asshole. To get in. I do have a deflated hemorrhoid right under my asshole that I'm really insecure about. But I feel like most people have internal hemorrhoids, right? You know what? Well, this one is an external one that came from that. Remember when everyone was doing for exercise, it was something called bar method. It was like isometrics and every girl was getting and from soul cycle spinning everyone was getting a hemorrhoid from the same wait you can get a hemorrhoid i'm like 300 rides deep in soul cycle and have yet to see a cherry yeah well let me tell you something uh the best thing to do is to get your hemorrhoids rubber banded hemorrhoidectomy

is that what it is is that what it's called can a vet do that and am I allowed to ask you can ask my ex-boyfriend vet for whatever drugs and hemorrhoid rubber bands you need

did you ever role play when you were dating a younger guy I when I role play I can't it makes me laugh too hard yeah it's ridiculous

it's too silly she acts for her job like I it's not I can't. It makes me laugh too hard. Yeah, it's ridiculous. It's too silly. She acts for her job. Like, it's not. I can role play, like, quiet. I can role play, like, weak and silly. I can role play, like, this. I don't want this. I can't role play, like, a lawyer.

Like, hi. I can't role play. I'm here to check your accounts. Yeah, yeah. I can't role play, I'm here to check your accounts. Yeah, I can't role play. So class has begun. I can't even do it now. You guys, I can't believe we have Athletic Greens as a sponsor.

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to grab a custom bundle of cereal and start your new year off right. And be sure to use our promo code Tuesday at checkout to save $5 off your order. Remember, get your next delicious bowl of guilt-free cereal at magicspoon.com slash Tuesday and use the code Tuesday to save $5 off. Thank you, Magic Spoon, for sponsoring this episode. When I was in college, I hooked up with this guy that was like a freshman when I was a senior for the third time. And he had a micro penis. No shame, guys. It's just-

I love a good micro. Happens. But he was like, and it was the first, and it was the last time. Well, I had fucked him several times. But he, so it was like suction-y. There was no, I felt no penetration. And he was going, like, he looked up to me because I was like, you know, the older, like, hot girl at his college. He was like, I can't believe I'm fucking Annie Letterman.

I was like, neither can I. I don't know that you are, sir. Thank you for pronouncing you correctly. I know. You didn't say Letterman. I was like, neither can I. I don't know that you are, sir. Thank you for pronouncing it correctly. I know. You didn't say Letterman. What a dream. That's intense. I was like, oh. Micro? That's intense. No, but so, okay. So role play. Okay, look. My deal with sex,

I think I'm pretty good at it. I know my strengths. I know where I shine. Oh my God. I don't know why I imagined you actually like lifting them I know my strengths they're maybe a little bit traditional but where do you shine I really shine

underneath Lang blowjobs are really where I shine okay was the word on the street also her forehead and the rest of her face wait we have to ask her

the big question we're anti blowjobs we're pro face fucking oh I'm so pro face fucking oh thank god blowjobs we're pro face fucking oh i'm so pro face oh thank god i'm super i'm pro face fucking although recently i was face fucked in uh lying on my back and then then you bagged no i'm uh backwards back man like yeah like off the bed like neck off the bed this direction you got tonsils removed

I just I had a like a crick in my neck the next day it was just like a little like I had to hold it was

it was fine I think when you face fuck me you also have to pay for the like chiropractor yeah I just need like a like a like a call the my pillow guy

I just need like a wear a wear an e-collar just like the things you wear on a plane to sleep the plane just give me a like a neck brace or something idea yeah it was just like i wasn't i am down for like literally whatever like i have no like sexual like i don't do that i don't do that the role play thing i just i just can't keep a straight face. I've tried. I'm fun.

I'm fucking fun. I told a guy, yeah, you can pee on me. Pee on me. Go for it. Did it in the shower. This was a while back. We did it in the shower on my face. Looking up, burst out laughing.

Oh, the pee? Could not keep a straight face. Did you snort a little piss in there? I was laughing. I had to leave and take a walk. I, the pee? Could not take a straight face. Did you snort a little piss in there? I was laughing. Like I had to leave and like walk, take a walk. Like I was, had to give up so bad. There's something about getting peed on that like it loses its magic when it's in the shower. I felt like it was like. Because we're always getting peed on in the shower.

Well, I just thought, yeah, I thought like getting peed on because there was a guy I was going to let pee on me and then we just stopped liking each other. So we just never did it. Well, it's the cleanup that you have to consider. If this is your fetish, have your little plastic sheets. I think the shower's hot because you can do it

right in the face. Yeah. No problem. It's easy. Because like the worst thing is like if a guy degrades you in some way. I think the only thing

that I don't like sexually is when somebody has anal sex with you and then right afterwards like goes in the shower and is like, or pees on you and then right afterwards like goes in the shower to what it's like yeah like or pees on you and then it's like won't kiss you or touch you and you're like well now i just feel like an idiot totally you know what i'm saying you have to like be responsible

for the damage you cause like you have to be like on board like anal sex and peeing on just do it in the shower so there's no awkward we're just pe just peeing our butts. Peeing our butts. No, no, no, no. It cures hemorrhoids. So it's like, so I just, I like to kind of like get ahead of those embarrassing moments where afterwards you're like, oh, that was like super fun. But now like we can't make eye contact.

Yeah, because the only point for me to even be degraded in the first place is the treatment afterwards. Like there's a reward at the end of that rainbow. Yeah. Like for me, it's the fact that the TLC that I get, the stroking, he puts conditioner in my hair. He scrubs me down after peeing in my face. It's that overt affection afterwards that I'm really doing everything for.

It's like this sick- Bobby can reach your hair. But wait, hold on. See, that's interesting. I'm in it for being degraded. I don't, the afterwards, I don't need you to make up. That's the score.

Like, I think I'm into it. Like, I'll totally say it. Like, the degrading part is the cuddling and the hair conditioning for me. I have to say I'm in the middle. I left with P, and that's what he wants. Yeah. I like it because I think on some level, I guess what's hot about it is, like, I know that on some carnal level, he feels like it's hot to him and it's hot to me.

And, like, the score is settled. You know what I'm saying? level he feels like it's hot to him and it's hot to me and like the score is settled you know what I'm saying like you're preaching to the choir because I know who I am in my real life and I know that I'm you know so Kalilah was just pretending she likes the aftercare but she actually I don't I have

I pay someone to wash my hair I don't need my the guy I have sex with to do it oh my god who give me their number but I think for me like it's weird as I get older like I am I pay someone to wash my hair. I don't need my, the guy I have sex with to do it. Oh my God, who? Give me their number. But like, I think, I think for me, like it's,

it's weird as I get older, like I am being degraded as just my shit. I don't know what to tell. It makes me respect the guy. I don't, if the guy tries to like take care of me, I just am like,

I can take care of myself. I don't need. If I'm, if I'm like in love with the person though, it does bother me. So it's like, I've had like, I like when it's just like a casual thing, a guy can fucking

do really well. And I prefer that. Yeah. Because it's like less intimate or something. But then if like I had a boyfriend who the first time we fucked, like and we had a very loving friendship and stuff too before. The first time we fucked, he was like, you fucking slut bitch. And I was like, no, not you.

No. It was just so like. That's a bummer. I was like. You got to work up to slut. Yeah. You work up to slut. Oh my God. It was just like so surprising like it was just so like that's a bummer I was like you gotta work up to slut you work up to slut it was just like so surprising it was too much of a shift I definitely would not want to be in like a casual one off thing where

someone does that stuff to me I feel like you have to like lay the groundwork and safety and love I don't feel that way I feel the exact opposite I'm like I had a guy like spitting in my mouth and then he was trying to date me afterwards. I'm like, I'm not meeting your mother after you spit in my mouth. Like, it's not going to happen.

But I think if you're, if you're, if you know someone respects you already and you're already, that's when you can do fucking anything and have the best time. So yeah. I'm molested in a different way than you are because I feel the opposite. I can be more like, I don't know. molested in a different way than you are because I feel the opposite I'm like I can be more like I don't know it's like I like I think it's because it's it's less it just it distances me from them as much of the like the role play except I would do more with probably with like a Annie and I have different methods for reclaiming our rapes I guess like for me I'm seeking a new rape

I'm like you know virus chasers yes Whitney so because I was a new rape. No, but that's how I, honestly, we've talked about this. I'm like, you know, virus chasers? Yes. Whitney, so because I was raped and diddled way too many times

when I was younger, I needed someone to just rape me from beginning to end without, like I gave someone permission to say, to basically

have me walk through the door unprepared and just fully rape me someone that I trusted obviously sure and it made me feel so much better and we're gonna reveal who that person was it was me and we've been so much she would never have allowed she would never have allowed you to do that but would you be okay with that have you done that where you're like okay here just completely just go off uh okay so i'm gonna i'm i'm sorry about what happened to you i just wanna it's just tricky to just blow past all that that's what our i'm like why is it so easy for me and Annie I just was gonna go you gave someone permission to rape you whenever they like that's not that's the trickiest part about like

rape fantasies is like how do you let them know that you want it without consenting you gotta give them a little like rape it's a rape ad you have to go better not rape me it's like yeah cause I'm like can you rape me like just never don't tell me when you're gonna do it exactly no I honestly have a guy friend who's a comic i'll tell you guys afterwards

who it is who he's in such a dangerous territory because he was telling me he has this girl that was like i want you to like break into my house and rape me at some point and so he's been doing this with her but he'll like have to wait till a random night that is literally the scariest thing but i guess i can understand the fetish of this girl because it's so fucking scary that she's definitely going to feel alive. But the wording's off. This is a communication breakdown. I want you to break in, fake break in, and fake rape me. That's what she's asking.

But she doesn't give him a time. She gives him like a month of doing it. Surprise me. Fake, but it is fake. Surprise me, but make sure I've showered make sure i know i didn't just eat lasagna you have to make sure you know what you're actually asking for oh that's so true the lasagna bit especially it's not gonna go the way you think it's gonna go that is like if i'm having a fully private fart party by myself do not break in and rape me i thought

you weren't giving your heart in this podcast that's what i'm saying it's like it's like can you just like break in and rape me don't tell me when and then it's like you know i'm like just about to win on fruit ninja like not now not now is that what you call masturbating i just won fruit ninja let's do a banana break as we continue this conversation. Good segment. Can we? Segway. Did you finish that that fast?

That was a nuance. I think we need to say during the rape talk Whitney just literally deep throwed a banana in one bite. I've never seen it

in someone. First of all I got the micro penis banana. Okay. You guys gave me Bobby's banana. I got this is literally Esther micro penis banana. Okay. You guys gave me Bobby's banana. I got,

this is literally Esther as a banana. I got the smallest banana you guys have. And it's also overly ripe. It's pudding. It wasn't that hard to chew. Y'all, these bananas have been sitting around since fucking Trisha Paytas was here.

So I would just calm down. I will say something that if we are the ones that like to be face fucked and Whitney's the one that likes to suck dick, I think you've proven it. It's not that hard to eat a banana. Y'all are a little rusty because girls suck enough dicks. But it's not that hard. Well, we all have TMJ. So the dick sucking is not.

I literally had a doctor once almost write me a note for it. It's because none of you, all y'all have fake nails and you can't peel a fucking banana. Wait I'm glad you said that when you because do you want to know what I had to do yesterday you guys? I was late for an appointment and I had street parking. I literally had to have a stranger on the street put my car

in and out of the thing because my nails I couldn't get the credit card out of the. I've had that issue. It's so embarrassing. Yeah, how do you suck dick? You can't suck dick with those nails. Why not?

Really? Yeah. What are you doing with your nails that we can't... I just feel like you can't wear rings. That's why you don't have nails.

And you can't put fingers up on places. You have to put your finger up your butt. Well, this is why I only keep this one short. It's not an option. You guys are opposite

of a coke nail. So I keep all the other nails long except for this because this goes up the butt. Oh, you do the first finger. Yeah, because I hold from the back, right? So if he's jerking off in front like this, I hold him like this and then I finger like this. Oh, I use my middle finger. Oh, that's the longest one. And his got a short butthole.

Where's his dick going? Opposite. We're not facing each other. Am I the only one that's like not going in? Oh, yeah. I'm knowing you. I need a vish. I'll only one that's like not going in? Oh, yeah. I'm knowing you. I need a vish. I'll do it.

Okay. Me, me, me, me. I'm winning. I'm winning. I'm winning. I'm winning. I'm winning. I'm winning.

Okay, jerk off, Esther. Oh, you don't take her pants off. That was my joke. Oh, my God. Esther, those underwear, do you remember in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when the mom was washing the laundry

in that big bin in a circle? She's also the blueberry girl. Is that like Depression era? Wait, Whitney, I've been taking peptides and I want to show you my ass.

Was that cut from KKK hoods from the 20s? I hate your underwear. I love your ass so much. Isn't it getting cold? Your ass is wild. I'm getting cold? Your ass is wild. Your ass is wild.

Oh my god, she lifted you. My whole like this. Oh my god, this is crazy. Kalilah, you're a man. I always thought of you as a lady. You're a man. You know what? You know what? Yeah, you as a lady. You know what? You're a man. You know what? Oh my God, bitch. You know what?

Yeah, you're like dominating. Well, no, that's, I just thought all dudes were, here's the thing. She dates short guys so she can lift up. Wait, you're so ready to be sexual with me

because you're used to Bobby's body? Yes. No, the way she lifted you, she kind of went like, mm, too. She like did like a, mm. And she lifted you

and was like, run. I'm obsessed with you so cause I think in my brain I learned like look I did read a book that is very problematic that did the marriage book

yes I mean which one you ruined Nikki's life too Nikki Glaser I know the two of you I've had to scream at both of you like fuck the book

she well she's like it saved my life it changed my life now I'm I don't know but basically the whole point of the book getting to I do it it saved my life it changed my life now i'm i don't know but really basically the whole point of the book getting to i do it was written in like the 80s and they'll forget all the like bullshit like it's so corny and ridiculous but the point is there has to be

a masculine and a feminine it doesn't matter who that is and forget those triggering words i know there's no such thing as gender i got it there has to be a giver and a receiver. Put it that way. The woman can be the receiver. The man can be the giver or vice versa. The man can be the feminine. The woman, you know, can be the masculine. It doesn't matter,

but you do have to pick at some point. And so for me, my brain was just like, oh, I can't go back and forth from being like, oh my God, no thank you to like I'm going to finger your ass

while you shower. I do want to say that Getting to I Do is the book. You have to pick one. And Kalilah, that move that you just said was getting to the shower. I do want to say that Getting to I Do is the book. You have to pick one. And Kalilah, that move that you just said was getting to the poo. Yeah.

Like, I just, do we, like, can you go back and forth? I think so, yes. Fluid. You're not, or am I like, but in a relationship

with the same person, how do you know when it's like, okay, now I'm going to be the dominant one or now I'm going to be the little tiny. I guess the only problem

I have with that type of book and stuff is that you now have this idea in your head that you're now taking yourself out of the moment with this person, which like vulnerability just has, you have to be present for it. Yeah, I will say this. The moment is overrated. What is?

The moment. Okay, Lexapro, edibles. That idea might actually apply to me because I've never felt so like full of again without using the trigger words but like i i do feel very masculine around bobby when it comes to sex we all do but in a way that is like i think that because you're with someone that i think and correct me if i'm wrong or overstepping like had some sexual trauma so did you I think having someone come in and just like handle it and not leave them to their own devices and just be like I got you I'm not you know what I mean and then him so that he doesn't

have to feel shame like you're right I'm gonna get ahead of this shame like this is okay like but I'm not getting ahead of my own needs because I do – I think that's why I feel a little bit sometimes like I really fuck myself because I'm somebody that wants to be, you know, I want to be – I want to receive. It's tricky because – it's tricky because – and this is someone who is not on edibles, but it's going to sound sound like it which is like when you do stuff like that you're being of service to him which is actually the feminine. Right. Do you know what I'm saying? Even though it ostensibly

seems masculine when you're like I'm on my knees fingering you so that you can come like that is actually like traditionally feminine even though it's like aggressive.

I have a question Kalilah when you use that move on other guys before Bobby do you tell them or do you just take it? Oh, no, I tell them all the time. Because you have to ask. Like, are you kissing? And then all of a sudden you're like,

can you grab my phone? And they like turn around and then you're just lifting them and fingering them. Real question, though. Real question. Because I think a lot of people, I have this question, actually. When you finger a butthole for a man,

the idea is not to go as high up as possible. Isn't it to go up? And forward. And forward to push. Prostate. Push the prostate so you pull up and towards the dick. You're not doing this. Todd's getting a surprise today.

No, you push. No, I am. How do I get through your granny panties? How do your underwear through your granny panties how do your underwear match your name I think that I'm only you know

isn't that right maybe the men I've been with but you're not fingering like you would a pussy you put it in a little bit to the butthole and then you push

towards the dick yeah towards the dick not towards the ass can I share hot goss hot tea I'm wearing white underwear white full butt panties and white jeans are the

number one thing i think guys are into like like like well i hope they're into the period stain i'm not saying they're like like that's like i think kind of like a known thing that's like oh yeah like white panties that say like the day of the week well because it's like yeah it's virginal yeah with ester it says one day of the week i cause it's like virginal yeah it's virginal yeah with Esther it says one day of the week every day I have like a couple pairs of panties

that are full butt like that say like Calvin Klein that look like kids yeah not kids don't do that

no not kids I'm 39 I but I do know like there is a basic carnal like thing where I'll be like, okay, well, tonight I'm busting out just, like, the virginal, white, mad, January Jones and mad men, like, full-butted thing that feels very, like, innocent, like, virgin suicides kind of thing. You're saying it's like a look.

Yeah. It's like I actively know that you are into this i have a theory about that i feel like certain people with certain like very structured jaw lines like myself could never look that virginal so it doesn't matter if you throw me in the fullest butted panty on earth but your face by the way your face isn't involved no i agree with you and i think the same works reverse for me like i can be like the little like school girl but I can't pull off like some like sexy goddess it's just no you know what it is it's like I think it's like so surprising on you that it's a lot it's no I think it's I think that I think the

hottest thing it with any kind of like sexy lingerie or anything is you coming out being like I don't even know if this is how it's supposed to work. Yeah, it's like backwards. They don't want you to be like, here's my costume. It's like, wear the sexiest thing that you can find from China on Amazon, and then you're coming out and you're like, is this how? It's the effort behind it and the fact

that you're trying so hard for them that they're into. You don't have to stick the landing. You don for them that they're into. You don't have to stick the landing. You don't have to book the audition. You don't have to get the part. She can only think in Hollywood terms. She's going executive producer again, guys. I've been saying it's going to stay on your body for another 20 seconds. It's just

about the effort of like, is this what you want? And then I'm shy. That's what they like. I've never, I i you i have literally tough giant tupperware bins of lingerie that i bought warm maybe once don't know how like i mean god like when you go in the bathroom and you're putting on the freaking pantyhose that go into the clip of the the things and the and doing all the things and it's like yeah it takes more time to put on than take off he doesn't care nobody cares like the best it doesn't matter if you're selling it or it looks good on you you

walk out and you're like is this how i'm supposed to wear this ball gag like and he's like and then he'll do the rest and then you just i just come in fully duct taped i'm like yeah wait okay question because we have a lot of male slugs male listeners like if you guys with slugs slugs what we call our fans thanks for watching the show oh cute but um i think guys or girls guys please comment like what is who's right like what is what do you want questions about this dom sub thing yeah i did have a guy like try to fully do a dom sub thing with me and you're cracking up and i well i'm like working on this whole new bit about it. Cause it's all I can, it's all I can talk about and think about because I, I might be,

it's a real thing. Okay. Where it's like the guy's like, I'm the Dom, you're the sub and I'm going to tell you what to eat. And you don't. I dare Todd. I dare you Todd. It's just, but it's, I dare Todd. I dare you Todd to try that.

But it's, I'm like this is hot. I'm into it. Let's try this. It's just, I have I might be either too literal or the logistics are just wonky. What happened? Well, it was just like I'm so excited. This is fun.

Yes, let's totally do this and then uh it was like it's very awkward at the beginning because I've never done anything like that before like I don't

I don't know what that means and uh so I'm like what should I eat today and he's like a bowl of spaghetti for lunch and I'm like that's gonna come out

my asshole but then no that's the thing and then I'm like so I have to make it do I you're like I have a gluten intolerance

can I do do I have to make it wait can a sub can a sub have a sub herself that's what I'm like so I have to make it do I have a gluten intolerance do I have to make it can a sub have a sub herself that's what I'm saying can a sub hire someone to make the spaghetti while Carlos is taken but I'm sure there's someone out there like there's just I have a lot of questions it's like now I'm doing dishes not like this really is sadistic but then it's like don't look at me in the eye during sex it's like all the rules were things I wasn't doing anyway. Yeah. It's like, don't look at me during sex.

It's like, I got this. I think I can dom myself. Yeah, I know. It's like, you mean like not play peekaboo during sex like I normally do? Like, hey. The hardest thing for me during like a dom sub thing is for me not to like feel the need to retaliate if there's some real domination

and either hitting or man. Especially if the mic's not managed. You know how you could be a better dom? If there's any sort of pinching or something like I want, I slap. If you pinch me, you're slapped. No, well, here's the thing.

Like, honestly, like I've been slapped before and in my head, I'm like pussy. Like, cause it didn't do anything to me. And for me not to say that out loud. Yeah. Interesting.

Yeah. So we'd be like. Well, you'd be like pussy. I mean, my pussy. pussy i don't understand why can't it be like a battle like why can't it be like like like you said he hits you it's not hard enough and you're like you fucking pussy and like it why can't you but that's not dom sub anymore that's hot that's just dom dom but it doesn't have to be like it's a conversation but can i ask you a question yeah is is our dom i i don't know much about this community at all. I know it's like a real thing.

Is a dom a dom in every relationship? I'm not sure. I think it's just sort of this like mutual contract you maybe come up with. I think it should be a week. Is it constant? That's all their days off. Like I just, it feels very like not sustainable after a while. Do you know what I mean?

Like I think that's where I get confused. That's why I think these things are like, it's like you have the a while do you know what i mean like i think that's where i get confused that's why i think these things are like the it's like you have the rules and then you like interpret them yourself like the bible we do that with the bible i also just think this is it's very similar to the bible thank you so much for me it is but i don't know how long it can go on do you know what i mean yeah um and And all this talk, really, the best thing for me still is a boring missionary. Yeah.

Yeah, it's true. That is like the kinkiest thing you can do at this point. It really is. Or on top. Like just very normal. None of the other stuff makes me cum. Yeah, yeah.

Have you ever had sex on a yoga ball? No. That sounds fun. Okay. A little bouncy. So yeah. That's like a rich Hollywood. Always the multitasker.

I don't own one. No. So I was dating someone that was like working from home and I work out from home and porn now, it's a lot of gym porn. Like I do deep dives into porn.

You prefer jokes? Gym from the office? Gym. Everyone's looking at camera and there's a lot of like like yoga ball but I was just in having sex on a yoga ball is very fun well you have to have more strength the guy

has to be in really good shape if he's on top because because you can kind of like I don't know there's a that you can just move your hips in a way or like the ball helps you do more. Helps the movement. Yeah, I can't explain it. There's like a velocity.

In working out, I've been doing like where you have to balance on the ball. Yeah. And so I was just, for some reason I was imagining you starting in doggy on the ball and he's banging you

and you have to stay in your core strength and then you like stand up like this and then he's fucking you from behind standing up. It's just really hard because if I can't fully relax my body

there's just no way I'm going to come. So if there's any type of like effort athletic effort involved You guys can't because then you have to embrace yourself.

Yeah, yeah. It's probably not where you're going to have an orgasm necessarily but you're like oh, whoa, this is like Wait, I know what it is. The ball is doing

the work for you. I think that's why. There's a bad. You don't have to do it. It's like, I lost my vagina on a waterbed. And I was like, that's like such a lazy move. Yeah, like it's like the guy has to be in really good shape. Because the feedback from the guy was like, that was really difficult.

And you're like, hot. I was like, that was amazing. He was like, that was incredibly difficult. So I think it was really hard for him. Sounds like this is something I'll never be able to do. But also, like, it catches the rhythm for you, too. You don't have to worry about the rhythm. There was just like a, it was just fun.

I don't know. I think it was just fun, maybe, you know? And then also there's a, I've never, I don't have a sex bench or anything, but I've heard of them. But there's a, like, you know the thing you lift the weights on where you're like, like you're half lean back? That's also like a new twist on missionary. I never thought of before of being like more angled up,

angled up, like at like, like 40 degrees up. Whitney, I told you how Todd and I felt great. I have like the hospital bed. I think about it once a week. I just bring up the bottom.

I just present my vagina to him. I cannot get enough of it. It's really so good. It's changed my life. It's ruined our friendship. I think about it in a toxic amount. Um, but, uh, yeah, I don't know. It's it's, uh, yeah, I'm, I'm a big missionary person and I think the most dumb hot shit you can do is just like have the guy just like go

fuck you. I think we should call this the Bible study and we're missionaries. Yeah. Maybe that's it. You guys, I have to run. I have to go do a thing that cost me money so I can't quit. Yeah. All right. Love you guys. Love you. Have a safe trip. Winnie, I have a question for you.

Uh-oh. Whoa, that was rough. Since you're really into, you're the neuroscience queen. Yes. What are your thoughts on bacteria choosing our partners for us? That's a big one, isn't it? I'm really, really starting to buy into this idea, thousand percent. It is.

The problem is once you start getting into this, you're in a rabbit hole that eventually spirals into we're all just trash bags full of blood. That's the only problem. So it's like once you start going, okay, if you smell bad to me, that means on some level we could be related. That's nature's way of – look, Dr. Andrew Huberman talks about this a lot. Luanne Brissendine talks about this a lot. Look, I'm a scientist um my name

whitney rogan ho rogan is what they call me but apparently our olfactory glands the way that we smell uh essentially dictates who we're attracted to you know so it's like the same thing with the robot like it's like everyone's, you know, so freaked out that I made this robot for my last special. And the way that people are like freak out when they see a robot, that's something called pathogen avoidance, which is the biological basis for people being grossed out by robots is that they, uh, it's nature's way of making us not fuck something that is sick or dead. So anything that looks human but doesn't move like a human, that could be something that's sick or dead.

So the people that did that, those were the people that survived. So the more grossed out by a sex robot or sex doll you are, the more your ancestors fucked corpses. Oh, so necrophilia was a – yeah, yeah. So is it bad if I'm just like, that's cool? Similarly, like with this, it's like, you know, when we – when something smells bad, that means stay away from it, right? You know, that's nature's way of saying bad, no good. And usually

it's incest, you know? So do you think people actually have bad breath or do you think our bacterias are just not matching? Ooh, mind-blowing. Because I have had, like, I had a friend in high school who I thought had halitosis, say, for instance.

But her man was all up in there like nothing. And I was i was like oh we're just not like nature doesn't want us to mate right but okay i have a question though do you think do you guys think it's what comes first like is it possible that you just are attract you you like the smell of someone's breath just because you like them or is it that you like them no i have an answer to this already i know what you're saying because i have fallen in love with somebody before even getting intimate say for instance and for some reason my ph is just completely thrown off every time we have sex it's just

not working out and it's nothing that they i mean it's not like they have, you know, crotch rot or anything like that. I hate that word. I don't even know what it is. I don't either, but I know our parents used it, right? What is it? Okay, I am literally the person that's like pushes back on, you can't say this. That word is the only word i i will not tolerate but um yeah there have been and and i was really bummed out about it because i'm like i can no longer have sex with this person there is something about their makeup that is just not vibing but did you still like it and

want it no no longer i just did not want to have sex anymore the the there was no i had a price to pay every time and so do you know what's really like blowing my mind to think about is like what if like there was some kind of law that outlawed like perfume i would be so happy so that we would actually stop because that's such a manipulation we find our soulmates much faster don Don't you think? Like I feel like we, and well, birth control also changes the way men smell to us. So they say that if you're on birth control, if you get engaged or something, you should go off birth control, wait a year and make sure you're still as attracted to that person. Because when you're on birth control, it tells your body that

you are pregnant, right? So your olfactory glands start finding different kinds of men attractive when you're pregnant, obviously, right? I mean, this is going to sound archaic, but like the more beta type of man is more attractive to you when you're pregnant, whereas the more alpha type of man, that's the kind of man you want to get you pregnant, not the kind of man you want to care take your baby that you have convinced your body that you're having. So if you're on birth control and you're attracted to somebody and you get engaged,

go off it. Stay with them for a year and just make sure you're still as attracted to them off birth control as you are on. Are we, it sounds like you're prescribing us to like get fucked by an alpha and then tell the beta it's his baby.

No. I'm just telling you, human nature is a fucking nightmare and our bodies are disgusting um uh but no but we don't choose what we find attractive i don't think on the for the most part you know we don't choose who like makes our nipples hard when we smell them, you know, it's so like driven by all these carnal forces. And, um, you know, and also there's another, cause the thing is with,

with smell is there's also like, have you ever like ran into someone at a bar that was wearing like CK one? And you're like, just the nostalgia of like, you smell like 17 years ago, like Sadie Hawkins dance. hawkins dance a man in curve curve tommy hilfiger like like it's just or some kind of where i'm like i'm just in love with you because a guy that i had a crush on 20 years ago who's probably in prison now like wore it like and it

i don't it reminds me of his acne when we were slow dancing to Hootie and the Blowfish. Like it doesn't, it's so irrational, you know, that, um, I think to me, I've, I've been in so many, uh, I've lost so much of my life to being with people based on irrational attractions that I, I, my fascination is breaking down irrational attractions and trying to make them rational. Yeah. The, I, I know exactly what you mean. And the same way that my dreams get me in trouble in my real life. Like I think that, like there is something, like dreaming can really have like a massive effect on my mental health that week like sometimes i know like you know sleep is restorative it's essential

but it can really throw me off when i wake up either depends on what happens in the dreams if i've fallen in love with someone else if i've fallen out of love with somebody if i'm falling in love with a fucking stranger that i've never met or if something yeah something just and it lingers in my system as if it really really really happened dude you're a fucking savage klyla like i i i'm i'm always every time i see you i'm blown away by you i'm not i'm not even joking and it's not even because you're so pretty but like every time i see you i'm like that bitch is like on another level like that blows my mind that you said that. Not only that you thought it, but also that you admitted it and then you were able to

articulate it. But dreams, from what I understand, are to prepare us for scenarios that could possibly happen, right? Isn't that the idea of why dreaming is so important, that we're actively engaged in our dreams because it's how our psyche prepares for the worst case scenario so that we're prepared? Whoa. Yeah, I can see that, especially with the reoccurring dreams.

Yeah. It's everything's a survival. Everything humans do is a survival strategy. Like if we start looking at it through that lens, that's when things start to make sense to me at least when it's like while we're dreaming, our body is plotting, planning, how do we stay alive, how do we stay alive, how do we survive, how do we survive, right? So that, from what I understand, is what dreams are,

is practice for the worst case scenario. Huh. Whoa. I wouldn't explain why I had sex with a wild boar. If that happened, here's what we would do. Here's how we – or to like – I think Freud's version was it's to purge things. Yes. Get them out of our system.

And reinforce the things that we need and then dispose of the things we don't need, right? Like information we don't need. But – And some of it might just be wild trash, which is fine too, you know? but um and some of it might just be wild trash which is fine too you know but um but i do think that like like dreams from what i don't know i worked with this this emdr trauma therapist who was like you have to be actively participating in your dreams because they're they're helping prepare you for your worst fears and we can't figure out where your worst fears are until we understand what your dreams are i i think, if there was a way for us to

actively lucid dream and participate, I think that might be a key to solving a lot of mental illness. Because I've, since I was younger, I have had moments of lucid dreaming. And they are very, very, it's a solve. Like it honestly feels like I'm able to tackle a problem I'm not really able to tackle in real life. And I wake up feeling like restored. Is this what the metaverse is for? Like is it? Or if I have an itch to scratch, I have a crush on someone,

I'll have sex with them in a lucid dream and that itch is scratched. And I wake up like, hmm. I've never had a lucid dream and that itch is scratched and i will i wake up like i've never had a lucid dream is have you you can practice your way into one by accident i did it when i was younger and i've been able to sort of um not always but i i'm able to do it once in a while is it just like you're laying there and you're like fantasizing about no you're able to participate in your dream knowing it's a dream you're saying i this is what's happening let's say it's a burning house oh but you feel safe in that burning house because you know that it's only a dream that sounds so fun a metaphor but the problem is that when you are in rem sleep your

body operates like it is like you know when you when you, when you, on your way to a restful sleep, your heart rate slows down, your blood pressure drops, your brain waves are more, you know, spaced, right? But when you get into REM, your body thinks you're living. That's why there's, there's such a thing, your body almost forces itself into a paralysis so you don't act out your dreams. because your heart rate goes up your blood pressure goes up you're actively living there so for me the problem is when i wake up and i've lived this thing how it's how is it's not how is it not gonna affect me for the rest of fucking week you can't shake it that reminds me of just the craziest thing after i had my boobs

breast implants my last special, I explained why I got them. And I got them late in life. I wasn't like trying to like get men. I was trying to- You talk about it in your book. Yeah. I've explained it before. I don't want to be a broken record. But after I got the breast implant surgery, you go under, you're sedated heavily. After that, for like two weeks, I was on painkillers. And then I started having all these like suicidal thoughts. Never in my life have had suicidal thoughts. That has never been a solution for me. Never been something I thought was interesting. Never been something I condoned. And I like call

this EMDR trauma therapist I'd worked with. I was like, this has never happened before, but my brain is going like, oh, you should be dead. And it was, you should be dead. Like you've lived too long. You've, you've outlived your, your time is up basically. Um, you're awake. And she was like, didn't you just have surgery? And I was like, yeah, I just had the breast. And she's like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. This is totally normal. Oh my God. So your body and your brain, I can't explain how. Google that shit. Duck, duck, go.

Whatever it is. Your body thinks you're dead because someone was cutting into your chest. You know what I'm saying? It's like your carnal reptilian brain, you should be dead on all accounts, right? When you go under anesthesia for a surgery, you die. They bring you to death. They cut you open. A hundred years ago, you'd be dead if any of that stuff was happening. It's like our unconscious brain doesn't understand, oh, these are all doctors. This is anesthesia. This is a cosmetic procedure. You're not getting

stabbed or eaten by a bear. So it was like, I still don't know how to articulate it, but I thought that was such an interesting concept of the idea of like, you know, we're a society that now goes under anesthesia all the time and does all these like fake murders that we call surgery. Like surgery now is a hundred years ago would have just been a murder to our body's brain,

you know? so it's like so she was like oh yeah very many people that i work with after they have anesthesia like you're supposed to have someone with you like you can't just go have a surgery and not tell me because you know um your body assumes you died your subconscious thinks you're dead yeah and then your conscious is like oh we're dead right is that but that's exactly does that make any sense it does it does make sense but it's so weird like it's so creepy it's very creepy i've also had surgeries before and i haven't had that happen so i but i i hear what it is what kind of surgery is though yeah not being cut

like twilight i've been cut in the chest yeah oh yeah no we go under general anesthesia is different like oh really knife in the chest so it's like a knife in the chest so it's like we have all these epigenetic sensitivities you know whereas like if a baby sees a picture of a spider they out. They don't know what a spider is. It's just they inherited that fear. You hear that, Esther? So it's like if you're like getting, if you're under a seizure and you're getting cut up, even though it's, you know, you're paying for it and it's someone that went to medical school, your body doesn't necessarily know sort of what's happening. And that's the first time I was like, oh my God, like your body might have an intelligence that your mind doesn't, your conscious mind

are not always necessarily like corroborating with all the time. Did you feel good the moment you looked down at your breasts and said, yeah,

this is what I wanted? Because I took mine out after two years. Oh, really? I woke up, Esther, and I was like, I hated them. There was something about me that wanted them out.

Did I know you when you had them in? Possibly. Yes, you did. You did. Huh. Wasn't your body rejecting them? My mind was rejecting them before my body did. Whoa.

Like, I woke up and I was like, I felt claustrophobic. Like, I was like, fucking get them out. It just did not feel normal. I never had that celebratory moment of like, fucking get them out. It just did not feel normal. I never had that celebratory moment of like, yeah, look at these. Oh, I'm so sorry that I'm late on this. But did when did you how old were you? I was twenty nine, twenty eight, twenty eight. And did you just want them bigger, basically? Yeah. My sister had gotten them. They look great on her. I was very sort of boxy athlete my whole life. I was like, yeah, what about some tits? Yeah. And sister had gotten them. They look great on her. I was a very sort of boxy athlete my

whole life. So I was like, yeah, what about some tits? And I regretted them as soon as I woke up. I felt like a deep depression about it. Interesting. Yeah. That is actually pretty common. Why? Well, I mean, this is the most toxic male gaze thing I'll ever say. I'm like, you're so hot. Big tits on you is you don't need like it doesn't work like you should have like bees like you should be this yeah like big tits on you it's just like puts you in a blow-up doll category no I I think that that's maybe I don't know if that's that might have been how I felt down the road too. It was, yeah, it's a little like, you know, I just feel like this aesthetic like is very like this.

What is that? I'm trying to think of the movie with Brooke Shields and fucking Blue Lagoon. Like this Blue Lagoon vibe. So for me, it was like mine weren't just like small and I wanted them bigger. Mine were, grew in different sizes because I had such bad eating disorders. And like the different sizes of them like just constantly reminded me of that time in my life that I was really trying to move past. And as I still talk about it today, I was trying to like not think about it. And I kind of just was like, I wanted the boobs that I would have had, had I not had an eating disorder. Cause all the

women in my family had like boobs and that, you know, and I just, I kind of wanted to just like erase that part of my history. And, um, and so I just wanted to get them evened out, but the person I went to was not qualified to do that. So he fucked it up and cut through a muscle. And then I had to go get it redone. So it was like I made an even bigger mess trying to solve the other mess. Look at Esther with her perfect tits just sitting there. The only thing I ever prayed for when I was little was my boobs.

And you got it, bitch. You secretly have boobs. They're uneven though too. Mine are definitely uneven. As they should be. Now I know all boobs uneven though too mine are as they should be now i know they every all boobs are uneven and mine are still uneven i love i love real boobs fake boobs and i say that just as a as a straight woman actually for once as a straight woman that is coming from a straight place this was amazing we had the levity we had the other stuff we're good thank you Whitney for coming and everyone needs to listen to your podcast which

I listen to every week good for you on YouTube well yeah listen to it is YouTube I don't know I think I'm gonna go off YouTube and just do audio okay listen to it on yeah forget what i said yeah i might just do like yeah i get confused doing both it just wasn't really made to be a video thing you know interesting so i think um yeah it that's an accidental thing that happened the youtube space don't you ever feel like i'm just like begged him for years like i don't want to i just want to be crusty and speak i don't want to put makeup on it's interesting to be playing to both audiences and feeling like well if i'm playing for the youtube person i would do this and for the audio person i would do this and then feel like i'm disappointing both yeah i know i know what you mean i've i haven't stopped

asking george to get us off youtube really I haven't stopped asking George to get us off YouTube. Really? YouTube's where I'm staying. No, I love you, YouTube. I think I'm just having a day. I'm having a low self-esteem day. We'll build you up.

And yeah, getting off YouTube for a couple days really does wonders for the self-esteem. I love you guys.