Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Dr. Drew Un-Cucks Us

Episode Date: February 7, 2023

Thank you to our Sponsors: Native -  Go to https://nativedeo.com/trashtuesday or use promo code trashtuesday at checkout to get 20% off your first orderRocket Money - Cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way by going to https://rocketmoney.com/trashtuesdayBetterHelp - Visit our sponsor http://betterhelp.com/trashtuesday today to get 10% off your first month More Dr. DrewEpisode 1 of Special Forces: https://www.fox.com/watch/ffd92faf7806203c9f9bc6b39ed02602/Twitch Streaming Show: https://www.twitch.tv/drdrewtvWebsite: https://drdrew.comLocals: https://drdrew.locals.comTwitter: http://twitter.com/DrDrewInstagram: http://instagram.com/drdrewpinskyTikTok: https://tiktok.com/@drdrewFacebook: https://facebook.com/drdrewYouTube: https://youtube.com/drdrew Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 Welcome Back Dr. Drew! Dr. Drew is Impressed With Our Studio Bathroom5:21 Dr. Drew’s Self Work Through Therapy 9:22 Dr. Drew Gets Updated on Post Breakup Bobby Lee & Khalyla13:06 Establishing Healthy Romantic Relationships & Dating18:29 Seeing Positive Things in Yourself21:40 Dr. Drew Treating the Tiger King Joe Exotic 26:23 Loss & Longing31:10 Second Order Representation 39:11 Our Older Dads43:14 EMDR & Brainspotting Therapy48:02 Sexual Trauma & Imprinting50:24 Cuckholding & Destabilizing Relationships54:15 Blaming Yourself For Other People’s Abuse1:00:17 Dr. Drew’s Experience on Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test1:05:48 Half-mo & How Men and Women Consume Adult Movies1:09:51 Speculating the Reason For Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen Breakup1:11:32 Dr. Drew Ended Up in the ICU During the Recording of Special Forces1:23:27 Dr. Drew’s Streaming Shows on Twitch1:30:42 A Dr. Drew and Trash Tuesday Tour Called “Wounds” Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 My Pleasure - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-pleasure/id1494518220 AnnieWood - https://www.youtube.com/annielederman Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera Editor: Bryce Hallock

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um well a couple there have been a couple developments on my breaking my body breaking down oh boy yeah welcome back dr drew are we going now yeah let's roll right into this okay by the way thank you for the coffee absolutely and uh and i use your bathroom here like this is on my mind right now because i just walked out of the bathroom okay and uh it's a pristine bathroom with nice subway tile everything is clean and the toilet seat is down okay and i thought oh this is set up for women this is a this is a nice bathroom and i thought how different that is than when i used to go visit adam and jimmy at the man show a bunch of men writers and you'd stand of course they had urinals all over the place and you stand at the urinals and when you looked up there was like a mound of snot rockets. Like, I just not like, like who could get the biggest, most craziest.

No. And oh, yes. Oh, yeah. And I didn't dare go into the actual toilets. That's just at the latrine. I can't believe that men who are like paid a salary would do something like that. It's not only paid men that do that. I have news for you.

All men do that. I have news for you. All men do that. I shouldn't act so shocked because I did live with a person for 10 years who would collect his fungus shavings from his feet and make these little meatballs from it. And he would keep them as little figurines by the bathtub. I've always had concerns about him. Now I have great. I have to say like male bathrooms have really traumatized me like yes they should yes like in college i was around like fraternities and stuff and like those kinds of guys and i just vowed to myself from that point forward i would never live in a house or an apartment that ran out of toilet paper oh yeah that's my bottom line in life

i'm just never running out of toilet paper you're a toilet paper person you have but that's a panic i just toilet paper panic yeah it sounds like it rolls off the tongue do you have tpp it is a condition i find like a lot of americans have that didn't only americans well yeah because in in the philippines we just mechanically wash with our hands and that bubble which is uh yeah so even if we pee like you always see me walking with a water bottle and some countries have a sort of a weird thing about touching back there you have to use the hose and nothing else right and those hoses have you ever seen what she's talking about no they come out they could they could put out at least a one-story fire the yeah i also have a theory that i think that only men should have to wash their hands after they

use the bathroom no matter what number it was i think that women like wipe and do everything and they they don't need to wash their ninjas yeah they're absolute anal ninjas. That's absolutely what happens. Perineal ninjas, to be fair. You're right, because I don't take sloppy shits. We certainly do, man. That's our specialty. I'll remain anonymous. I let us into this.

I can't believe it. Let's keep going. Native has a new limited edition line, the Candy Shop Collection. Like all Native products, they are thoughtfully formulated to keep us feeling and smelling deliciously fresh all day long. And right now, go to nativedo.com slash trash Tuesday or use promo code trash Tuesday at checkout to get a sweet 20% off your first order. That's nativedo.com slash trash Tuesday or use promo code trash Tuesday at checkout for 20% off your first order. That's nativedeo.com slash trash Tuesday or use promo code trash Tuesday at checkout for 20% off your first order. Thank you to our sponsor Rocket Money. Do you know how much your subscriptions cost? Most Americans think they spend around $80 a month on subscription,

but the total is actually closer to $200. If you don't know exactly how much you're spending every month, you need Rocket Money. Stop throwing your money away. Cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday. That's rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday. Rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. When you're at your best, you can do great things. But sometimes life gets you bogged down and you may feel overwhelmed or like you're not

showing up in the way you want to. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday. You guys, I'm finally coming to Miami. I cannot wait. Get tickets at estherandice.com. I will see you soon. Yo, what's up sluggies? What a great episode today. I'm so excited for you guys to watch it. You can also come see me do stand up live. I'm going to be in Washington, DC at the Comedy Loft at the end of February. I'm going to be in Seattle, Washington, March 10th and 11th, Tampa, Florida, March 17th and 18th, Toronto, Canada. I'm going to be in Raleigh, North Carolina, Salt Lake City, Utah, and a lot of other places.

Just go to Annie Letterman dot com slash shows. And you can always see a little extra Annie on my solo podcast, Annie Wood, that you can watch on YouTube every Thursday. I do a premiere where I will live chat with you guys. It comes out 12 Eastern or 9 Pacific. It's so fun to do it. I love you guys. Can't wait to see you. or nine pacific it's so fun to do it i love you guys can't wait to see you one of my goals for today is because last time you were here you left and you were very like

depleted i was affected by yeah i i hope that you don't leave here today maybe that's why i started with the bathroom talk yeah just to see if we could start off on the right foot and not have me sucked into the vortex come on but no that but that's something i enjoy doing which is is opening to other people's things and you were talking about some very significant things and so i was feeling it and at the end of feeling stuff like that i i wasn't always a feeling person did i mention this last time i remember no no so i had to go to therapy for a long time and one of my work of therapy was feelings were way off in the distance i couldn't connect them very easily because i had a abusive mom and all the we did i talked about myself yeah yeah and um and so i was very focused on other people which is a nice

asset to be able to do that but i couldn't feel anything or i could feel anxiety and anger and that's about it and uh through many many many, many years of therapy, I got very connected up. I had really good psychotherapy and was then able to offer that to other people as something as sort of a receptive, you know, sort of capacity that I had. And it's been very, very rewarding. It's a rich, rewarding thing to do for people, but it makes you tired. It just makes you tired. And by the way, like in celebrity rehab uh

so you so normally when you when you're working with patients on a deep level like that you have to you have to you can't do too many of them in a row you can't do too many patients in a row in a day and you have to take time off you have to go do other things a day here or there with celebrity rehab all 10 came in i just see all 10 every day and it never stopped and so i by about day four my mechanism i would notice just didn't work that well it just kind of just shuts down when it gets too tired how do you recharge from that because one thing i've learned recently in my just recent life experience is like i need to start to prioritize rest days and i've even like written in my journal like reminding myself rest days are as valuable as work days and i'm curious like how do you

recharge or do you have advice for i mean i think those are very individual things i i never gave my chance myself a chance i just kept going yeah uh and would, what I tended to do was to grind through, but I would always try to make time for sleep, which didn't always work, and some form of physical activity. And that seemed to be enough. Because even when I'm, you know, working out or something, that's a rest period. You know, that's my sort of meditative period. Yeah. So for me, I was able to grind through that way. sort of meditative period. So for me, I was able to grind through that way. And fortunately,

the way my days were sort of naturally organized, I wouldn't be doing too much of that intensive work day after day. It just, that's the way I was. I had a partner that would go in on one day or most of the weekdays, in fact. I do love the concept of looking at exercise or physical activity like a restful period, because at least I know when I'm doing it, I'm like, this is self-care. I'm doing this because I love myself, because I like myself and all that. Yoga by Cassandra. Yeah. I was talking about her earlier. Yeah, I think of exercise as like not I have to do it.

I get to do it. Oh, my God. Exercise is really key for me, sorry. Same, and there's always a pattern. You can always tell if I'm having consecutively bad days that there's a good chance I just have not worked out in a while. For sure that affects me, for sure.

But when you say bad days, what do you mean? Sluggish, unmotivated, feeling like, you know, there's like the world is heavy on my shoulders. I cannot like simple tasks around the house I don't feel like doing. So that's usually associated with whether or not I've, you know, done nice things for myself. And one of that is exercise or diving or getting in the water or doing some sort of like physical stuff. I think I need an update on you because I really don't know what's been going on. Oh, yes.

And I called Bobby a couple of times. He does not return my call. He doesn't? Even though he promised on stage he would reconnect in the morning. I mean, I literally, he got down on his knees at one point. Or did I get on my knees? Who was it? It was him on his knees.

Yeah. Yeah. And I just remember somebody on somebody's knees and promising and, and, and he seemed good then. And then I, something happened with you guys and I don't know what has happened. I hope everybody's good.

Are you? Well, we broke up about almost a year ago, but we weren't public about it for a couple more months um but it's been a long time coming we were in couples therapy for two years it was a very slow burn of a breakup so really what i'm interested in do you guys are you each considering yourself single now yeah you're single you're everything's good you're and that's he's seeing a lot. He's really like having a good time. He's seeing a lot. Yeah. A lot.

Yeah, a lot, a lot. And a part of me is like, oh my God, how is he doing that? Meaning you would want to do that or? That's what I wanted to ask you. I have a really difficult time with casually dating. A lot of people do. Having sex casually. I like to really connect with someone and kind of have the feeling that there's a mutual liking of each other before I have sex. So.

And I'm jealous of the other side. I'm jealous of Bobby. Or how about women that can do that? Yes. There are plenty of women that can do that. Yeah. But they, in my experience, most that celebrate that if end up sort of depleted it ends up men don't get depleted by that they can get sort of what i see men doing

is getting is hurting people and then getting and then feeling really bad about that uh but women actually get depleted by making themselves so vulnerable and then nothing. Right. So it's to me, and by the way, you're not 17. You know what I mean? It's, it's, it's, but the point is you're an adult. And so that's a more adult kind of move, which is I'd rather have something of substance. But what is, so if we've been broken up for almost a year or right around a year, like what is a protocol for when someone is ready to jump into another relationship or is that just an on an individual basis it's on an individual basis but i think generally sorry i got something in my throat today generally i think it's a mistake to jump into another one i think really what you got to do you know there's a there a lot of the

process of socializing and dating has been taken away, right? We just, we're either hooking up or we're getting a relationship. When in fact, what's healthiest is spending some time with people, maybe going out for a while, getting to know them. Who am I? Who are you? How do I understand myself in relation to this person?

What do I like, not like? And then 10 other people that i go you know just hang out with spend time with to see how i fit and what i like and don't like you when you've been in one kind of relationship for a long time particularly one that if it has any traumatic bonding in it you're just gonna do the same thing all over again yeah right isn't that what's gonna happen yeah i said or you may go the opposite direction, which is really the same direction. You know, it's the, you don't want to flip the coin over. You want to, you want to sort of get a little broader and clearer about it.

As we said, we talked about this last time, you know, not so much lightning bolts, right? Not so exciting. But also if you can't tolerate somebody, they're too boring. You'll feel boring and uncomfortable. And really a kind of person that you should be able to be with. That's like, you can't tolerate somebody, they're too boring, you'll feel boring and uncomfortable. And really a kind of person that you should be able to be with that's like you can't handle it, bring that to the therapist. Oh, okay. Because Esther and I have talked about this a lot. And we wonder, because we've always been girls with boyfriends.

We've always been in long relationships. And there never really is more than a couple months in between relationships would you say yeah and i feel safer in relationships but is that something i have to maybe look into yes that's kind of a codependency it's it's serial monogamy okay and this is what i and i'm not saying that's bad i'm saying that you might there might be a richer territory for you to explore more meaningful for you more success more richer a richer territory for you to explore more meaningful for you more success more richer a richer relationship for you okay because my instinct now knowing that and being in therapy is really just being alone yeah but that's not that's that's sort of

anorectic right but i'm not i'm really struggling because let's say like I'm seeing somebody. I know that I'm not ready. I don't feel ready, but I also don't feel safe not fully going. You know what I mean? Like I just want to go there already. Yes. That's the job is to not do that. And maybe one way, I know some people do that by just making sure they're dating lots of

different people and filling their time. Not jumping into their relationship right away like i know now that i have to pause and say okay like i'm not ready for this but esther it's what that's hard for you too like i just can't even imagine because when i like someone i know right away and like let's go like let's go let's move in same like there's just no world where i can hold it back and in fact like in early days of relationships not just the current one but like before i've in my head i've had to be like i really have to stop myself from saying out loud i love you please don't leave me please don't leave me like literally i say that and yeah in my head i've've said that. And so, yeah, the thought of pulling back, in fact,

like it's fucked up, but I think the only way I could really do that is if I had other connections. Well, that's what I'm saying. Those connections don't have to be deep, but just distractions, other experiences with other people where you're assessing yourself and others. Which I could now see how that is very valuable and beneficial because now I'm in a place in my relationship where I have a lot of social connections outside of it. And that's great. It's great. Like it's so great for my relationship that I go and get dinner with this friend on this night and do this and that. Like, so I- The relationship that you got sucked right into and jumped into.

Well, I sucked it all however you get there it was all me but it's it's hard and it and it can and again in today's world it's very fucked up how you know people are exploiting each other and you're not really sure what people's motives are and it's it i'm glad i'm not dating well what are your thoughts then on just prolonging a situationship because if i'm not situationship right because it's that middle ground of you know casually dating and then being fully in a committed monogamous relationship so we kind of just drag out we do nice things together we you know there's definitely deep feelings there but because i'm not ready i in my head i shouldn't be in a committed relationship so the label isn't there and so like i don't know like i know a lot of

young people are opting to be in situationships i think one of the easy ways again the the way to avoid that it seems to me is don't have sex until way down the line right because that automatically intensifies it just intensifies everything right dr drew yeah or if my doors are always open very quickly i understand but but then maybe i don't know how you manage this maybe do that with more than one person just so you don't get too deeply. But then who knows? Listen, I think the exercise is about boundaries, right? That's what we're talking about here.

We're talking about how to be still yourself and not merge with another person. And sexuality is a lot of merging activity. It's where you lose body boundaries even. Yeah. And you like that. And that's right. People like that. But you're going to, if you want to change this, you got to kind of practice not doing that.

You know, for a while. I'm not saying for a year even. I'm saying for a few months or, you know, just to see how it goes. And in the meantime, you know in your mind mind there's so much good porn out there relax you're gonna be fine you're gonna be okay uh that that in your mind you're gonna be able to sort of you know experience lots of different people and hold your boundaries as part of an evaluation process where you will choose somebody to go a little further with okay okay and then whether that goes further than just a

situation that that's a hard question to answer this is good to know yeah i think where you are already it's it seems odd to say on one hand i'm all the way in i'm deeply involved with this but we're not gonna put a label on it that doesn't feel genuine yeah it's i yeah it's maybe a little fucked up on my part well i, I didn't say fucked up. I just said you're already in. You're already there. And I understand now you're like trying to push your way back. No, no, no, no, no.

You're like sliding out of the hill. And look, don't judge yourself so harshly. Stop it. You guys are all like, there's no perfect anything, right? We're just talking about how to optimize, how to make things as good as possible i'm glad that you said that don't judge yourself because i am really trying to be a lot nicer to myself i want to be friends with myself i want to support myself like i and i'm working on this thing where when i feel something that would normally i'd be like oh i can't believe i feel that i can't believe i'm sad about that like i'm trying to just be like i notice that that's making me sad and instead of rather

than laying the judgment on top of it yeah you gotta you gotta wait about 10 more minutes we're into it here d well we did yeah so somebody else can talk hey i'll be good i'll be good so somebody else can chat yeah who was molested whone. I'll be good. I'll be good. So somebody else can chat? Yeah. All right, good. Who was molested? Who did we forget? No, no, no. We're talking about boundaries in relationships. No diddles yet. Shocking.

But we should go right into that. I do have a question. We did the diddling thing last time I was here, didn't we? Well, where's our diddles? With more diddles to cover. The diddling is forever. Infinity diddle. Okay.

So this is- Yeah, you're right. Oh, that's a really cute band name. Infinity diddle? Infinity diddle. So let's finish where we were back to the self-judgment you know people throw around a lot of judgmental terms about themselves and other people these days everyone knows what personality disorders are on this kind of thing

i think you and i talked about this that i i get very disturbed by people being pejorative with labels because it for instance particularly pertains to personalities they're all adaptive in some way that's why they exist they have assets and liabilities and to say oh somebody's obsessed compulsive if they're an engineer or doctor that kind of obsessed compulsive is extremely effective very useful maybe a problem in relationships or you can't get the feelings but even narcissist if you're you know at war and he's he's out there in front with a sword that's the guy you want out there the guy feels invincible and so yeah can be kind of hard in relationships sometimes there are some

liabilities that come with it but don't think about anything you think about who you are and what you are is all good or all bad you know i do see um the silver lining with having been diddled like there is an asset i mean the chosen ones hello we know to rock a diaper esther wouldn't know annie wait i'm glad you guys are saying this because last week we talked a lot about like i'm discovering that i was emotionally neglected as a child. And, um, and like, I find myself seeing the positive in it a lot. Yeah. So remember I said, I have, I couldn't get into, we were talking about my bullshit a little earlier and I can't, couldn't touch the feelings, but I was very focused on other people. Well, that focus on other people is laser beam. And so I can

really, now that I'm connected to feelings, I can use that to feel what's going on with other people. Before it was just the way I survived, like making sure my mom didn't yell at me and my dad wasn't an asshole. You know, that kind of focus on others and disconnecting from self, particularly during those developmental phases where you're supposed to be developing the connection. But later on, that can be an asset. I learned how to cook because I had a boyfriend that would wake up so angry. So I learned a skillset. I was like, I had to just like feed him food and coffee

so he wouldn't yell at me like, ugh. Were you dating a lion or something? Is it, just like throw the meat in. Honestly, yes, I'm very Carole Baskin too. Wait, didn't they just find her her husband alive and well and like what i heard did they actually find him allegedly or did she say he's alive can we all agree that whatever the fuck we read in the press or on social media there's you can't believe anything is there anything i thought you were gonna say can we all agree whatever happened to

him he will be on a reality show with dr drew it's you'll get to the bottom excellent idea i i haven't asking i was helping uh the tiger king a little bit i bet you are no because he got prostate cancer oh really and so i worked with this yeah and he you massaged it and i i the attorney that was in the show somehow i interviewed him on something and so so he was, hey, come help. Have you seen his asshole? I didn't see it. Did you like go in it? You did? No, I did not. So no.

I'm like, let me touch this finger. He was already diagnosed. And I was talking about what his treatment options were and stuff. Well, he wanted you probably, right? He's like pretty star fucking. No, he didn't seem like it. But it did seem like somebody pretending to be him. You know, it's like when you talk talk to there's some people that just are like if you talk to arnold schwarzenegger

you feel like you're talking to a an image somebody's imitating arnold it's like like the hollywood boulevard version yeah and this and what's the tiger king's name i'm blank joseph joe joe exotic joe exotic joseph yeah joseph what are you reading his fucking yes i am arnold has a formal relationship yeah joseph he's reading his wikipedia at her. What are you reading his fucking? Yes. Carlos has a formal relationship with him. Yeah, Joseph Melvin. He's reading his Wikipedia, not Wikipedia, he's reading his LinkedIn. When it comes to Valentine's day,

I have to say I'm a candy girl, not a flower girl. And don't you want your armpits to smell like a candy shop? Yes. Yeah, I want Esther to lick my armpits. I will. If you're wearing the nude shoe my pit hair thank you you guys know native as the aluminum free deodorant i use it it's the only thing that

neutralizes my scent in the most beautiful way i smell delicious every day and now you can smell like a candy shop and have est Esther lick your armpits if you. But can we just say how awesome it is that finally someone is giving the people what they want? I want to smell like candy. I know. It's really like about time. You always smell like your breath always smells like it. But does your body smell like it?

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monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. Over 80% of people have subscriptions that they literally just forgot about. There's streaming services where you get it to watch one show and then you forget. There's free trials that you never use.

I know I have like three that I'm thinking of right now. I have an insect finder. I mean, I have every- What is is this what kind of insect is this no i'm literally subscribed to every streaming service that there is i i'm subscribed to very embarrassing things like really really really humiliating weird and so many different apps to edit i have like 50 million editing apps i can't keep up no the the photo collage apps. Uh-huh. Never ending. I know. And they're from like, when have you even done a photo collage in the past 10 years?

I've never seen one from you. Stop. You better have not done any. Stop throwing your money away and cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday. That's rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday. Rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday. Rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday. After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers,

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plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. Statement mobile for details. I have a question for you. So I've recently heard of this like type of depression concept or whatever called the long goodbye. Oh, yeah. So I want to explain this to you and i it resonated with me and almost in a way where i'm like i have no idea how to not feel this way

but so basically like this man shows a picture of him and his uh his best friends at his best friend's wedding and they're all having fun and he goes this is a picture this isn't a picture of me and my best friends at their wedding this is a picture of me thinking about how we've all like the loss of our youth yeah so yeah so that's a trauma thing uh and it's a narcissism thing not narcissistic disorder so much as narcissistic, you know, the zone of narcissism. And some people will theorize that one of the uncomfortable manifestations of narcissism is longing for the end of longing. What? Like you're longing all the time for that lost youth, but you're longing for that to go away.

You know, you're longing for it. And it's, you know what I'm saying? It often, like, you know, Catra and the Rye was pointed at that particular phenomenon. You know, this kid that has to grow up and can't, can't leave. It's this longing for this part of yourself that you left behind. this longing for this part of yourself that you left behind. Well, but I don't, like, even when he says, like, oh, this is not a picture of my daughter on her first day of school. It's a picture of me losing my little girl.

So you're saying that's just. The dots always get connected back to this loss. Loss of self. Yeah, because he said when this wasn't a picture of my baby being born, he said this is a picture of my- My wife's pussy getting blown out. Maybe. Saying goodbye to that tighty. He was like a-

So glad you're here. He also- The loss of his freedom or something like that. Or no, he said that the last, he'll never feel the happiness of a- Right, right. I just read it as like- This is that kind of longing, always this connecting back to loss. What a bummer for dad that would be.

Yeah. Longing for this idealized time. Yes. I like doing the opposite where I get excited for the future. Like thinking about like- Isn't that like- I, by the way, had a ton of that.

I had a ton of that before I had treatment. Really? And it just kind of went away in treatment. Was it because you had like trouble with your parents? Like that you were kind of remembering like a good time? No, no. What it was, as I came to understand it, was that because I wasn't getting, all right, the developmental process is about seeing yourself reflected back from other important

relationships, parents. We kind of talked about this last time. And so I have a primary, some feeling comes up in me, somebody that loves me, examines me, assesses what's in my brain, and then reflects it back on their face and gives me some vocal prosody to try to calm it, okay? Or a physical holding or something to sort of manage that primary feeling. And then sort of name it, identify it, regulate it.

That's the process of development. When you have abusive parents, they go, oh, you drive me crazy. I need a drink or whatever. Or why aren't you, why don't you shut up? Whatever it might be. When the child has a primary emotion, they learn to suppress it. They not only don't get what they need to identify it and regulate it, they move away from it.

And that's literally moving away from those parts of yourself. And that's what you're longing for. You're longing for the, to reconnect with that. You know, all the inner child concepts and stuff are all sort of built on that. It's just these parts, these pieces that get left behind because they're not properly developed. And your mom like maybe not was wasn't neglect but she's no bueno her face is kind of like she doesn't have big animation on her face so she may have not actually been like neglecting you but you're not you didn't

get anything to like read off of didn't get what's called second order representation i think you're so right your mom was always there my mom was were always there. But she's always like, hmm. Yeah, because she's Finnish. And so she doesn't really have like a personality. Don't come after us, you Finnish people. She's just like this all the time. I don't know. Because I was trying to figure out like, I just, I know that my parents, like neither

of my parents worked the first seven years of my life. Like they were always there. Well, they were working. They were always home. Fill me in. My mom was like a good caregiver, but I'm realizing based on like all these attachment issues that I have that clearly there was emotional neglect. Yeah.

But I can't quite figure out like exactly how or what. Yeah. And that's very tough for children when they can't get those needs met. Whether there's actual physical neglect or emotional neglect or abandonment whatever it is those are pretty heavy second order representation so you have a primary feeling yeah you have it the other person examines it and then what women do more so than men i'm sorry to say but women bleed all over their chairs they do and they blow out their pussies when they put that on a loop gentlemen we'll be fine um but they where the fuck was i they women will literally with the small muscles in their face around their mouth and eyes will

will literally reflect the emotional state of the child. And it's sort of saying, I understand it. Here's what it is. I'm not catching it. It's not overcoming me, but I appreciate it. Here's what it is. Like, imagine, what do you do? A child comes, I rub my finger. What do you do?

Maybe not you. But yeah, you go, hmm. Not only are you reflecting on your face what the child is experiencing, but it's sort of a pretend. It's kind of an exaggeration of the actual, but they start with these tiny muscles in the face, vocal prosody, our voice, our ears tuned into this socio-emotional exchange system that allows for this to happen so it's voice small muscles and then an exaggerated once you really identified an exaggerated signal that says i don't have your feeling i get your feeling right this makes so much sense because my mom is just not like a lot of people are physically she this is way. It's just not her personality. Right. Emotive, yeah. But she's still like feeling you. She's just not.

Yeah, it's like she read to me every night like way too longer than I would like to admit. You're like, mom, oh, I thought you meant like the story went longer. Like, mom, it's time to go. She was asleep for three hours. Mom wrapped it up. I think I have lack of second order representation at the gym. What?

So this week or when I'm with a trainer, he has a hard time figuring out how much weight I'm supposed to carry because he says I don't show like outward pain. So you're on your face. Yeah, you're not showing it on your face. Yeah, so like- You're not good at that.

If I'm doing Bulgarian split squats, say for instance, he's looking at me- As is the custom. And he was like, are you feeling the burn? And I'm dying. I am like- So- But he's like, you're looking like you're cruising.

And I'm like, I am dying. So you're in therapy right now, right? Yeah. Yeah. Does she, he, she? She. Does she give you a lot of expression and emotion as you're saying and feeling things? I think so

okay pay attention to that yeah pay attention to that and and see if and ask for it even if that's what you know you need and you'll you'll start to see that you'll feel more comfortable on your own doing the same thing it's like just that that's probably something you've gotten a million times from your therapist oh my god and But that was a real reflection. That was a moment of reflection. And so that's what I'm talking about. Yeah. You have resting bench phase.

Oh my God. No, resting Bulgarian split squat phase. You could load up as many weights on me and I am physically- Why did you do this, you fucking slut? Ew. A little habit. I know. What is going on there?

She's emoting too much. Lila, I'm like in such shock right now because you couldn't have picked a better example for me to reflect back to you that I'm the exact opposite. Yes, we know you do yoga once a week and are really proud of it. By Cassandra. With Cassandra. Every trainer I've ever worked with, like, in fact, that's why i'm so locked in with the one i'm with now because there i i have so many complaints i'm like oh that i can't do that and i'm really expressive they're like what's wrong like i'm just the opposite like i'm i always tell people

like i'm not shy whenever my needs are not being met or like i'm struggling so i'm gonna guess that whatever went on with your mom is not as simple as the way we're portraying it. Yeah. It's a little more complicated. I don't know what it is, but it's more complicated than you suspect. I suspect. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. But wait, what was I going to say? Well, I'm thinking about your mom again. And was she, how old is she now? She's 64. And why did she come here? Well, she was born in minnesota but but finished a set yeah and grew up minnesota yeah and your dad what's his deal uh grew up in chicago how'd they

meet they met working it's really this is the part i keep wondering what you're talking about where they don't work but they work what happened here it's a it's like there's a lot going it's good though i don't know this may help me well may if you don't we want to we don't work, but they work. What happened here? It's like there's a lot going on. It's good, though. I don't know. Well, this may help me. We don't want to out anybody, but if there's a way I can understand a little better these people we call your parents. Well. Hi, guys.

Thanks for watching. We love you. It's worth a show. Were they hippies? No. My dad was his. Both of his parents passed away, so he lived in their house and was working at the Cook County treasury office, met my mom.

They had, they like fell in love. He didn't want to marry her. And so they, she broke up with him. And then like two months later, she, she was upset. And then she got over the breakup and called cause she wanted to be friends. And then he was like, so excited that he called her and was like, come over. And then that night he said that he wanted to marry her.

And she was like, no, you don't. And then he's like, I'll prove it to you. And then that's how I was conceived. So romantic. This is why you chase your ex boyfriend.

Cause you're still expecting him to go. All right, let's do this. Yeah. Yeah. I need you back. Let to go all right let's do this yeah yeah i need you back let's have baby right now but like my mom is a very quiet and very perfectionist and like caregiver clean everything is perfect and tried to put me in dresses and i would be like i don't

want to wear this fucking dress when i was two were they doll dresses probably and you said fucking yes and my dad was like the big personality and you know had like a gambling issue here and there and yeah interesting yeah had a half older sister seven years older from my mom's first marriage i don't know i don't really but the my like biggest headline that we haven't talked about but that everyone is probably sick of hearing is like i had this traumatic high school breakup where i like really struggled to get over it and like feel like everyone's gonna leave me i have really severe anxious attachment like that sort of but that's somehow to harken back yeah somehow yeah harken yeah how old were you uh 18 yeah it's

just the shit we do in high school to each other is just like yeah well it's just you're like fake adults kind of you know what i mean yeah but there's like serious things i almost think it was better back in the days when kids were sort of kept you know under control a little more and it's for their own good not be not to you know not to be uncool about it but just that they hurt each other and themselves they're not developed enough to manage it i have a question so like with the facial stuff do you think that like plastic surgery is affecting this like good question i nicole kidman's kids are like what does my mom feel yeah it's possible yeah and and i and i even wonder what also i think to myself is how do these people how do they act you know they're

acting and they can't use their facial musculature right it's really interesting and the period pieces are like it's weird like there wasn't even the type of plastic that could yes explain what's going on in your face i also think like every look or every everything goes in and out of style right and it's like that's why i would rather just stay what i am than commit to something that's not me but also will be embarrassing later that i did it but also don't you think like if you do get a lot of work done your body will adapt to a mood in another way like your eyes will be probably more expressive to your children and stuff because it's like a natural i don't know i don't know that we studied that to my knowledge yeah cool well i'm going back to school guys

esther will you write my papers yes my mom quit chad chad chpd chat gpt don't worry i um dr drew i wanted to ask you about something that's been um plaguing me in the last 10 years and that is the realization that i am a product of two people who were very much like loving and showed a lot of love to each other but um really if we think about it was a predatory relationship my dad was 36 years older than my mom how old was she when when it started she was 21 and he was in his late 50s but he helped her to tell them how they met he doesn't have to be predatory i agree it's a little oh my god have you guys seen milf man or speaking of oh my god i have to watch it holy shit but you but tell him the story but it's he saved her yeah so it is a little bit of a uh captain save a hoe situation yeah my mom was previously married to a very very abusive man and they were at a wedding reception

and my dad saw this man drag my mom out by her hair. And then he followed them and he held this man at gunpoint. And we have not, that was the last she ever saw of her husband. And then a month later, because he was wealthy. Was this here? In the Philippines. And there's no divorce in the Philippines. So he paid for her marriage to be annulled.

And she was just like, my savior. And they had my sister and I like soon after. And they stayed together. Even when he lost his money, she was his caretaker at the end of his life. And it really subverts the whole white man going to the Philippines to find a hot wife narrative. It subverts it? Because he followed through.

Because there was real love. Yeah. And she stayed to the bitter that's to my point i mean not you know if he were 75 he'd be like all right but and the young 50 and uh this crazy circumstances and all like okay i mean it doesn't have to be predatory necessarily it's just it's just there's an imbalance yeah it's just an imbalance there but it sounds like they made it work. They did make it work.

And she still wears, she's been with my stepdad for 20 years now, and she still wears his wedding ring. So there is a deep, deep love and affection there. I just always felt like every time I say it out loud, I'm like, was my dad a fucking horny predator? Well, horny, but predator not necessarily. That's where you get it. He like cream pie-ed her when he was 60 to make me. You're just a cream pie, aren't you, little girl? I'm an old man cream pie.

High five. We're all from old sperm. All of us are from old daddy sperm, yeah. Except you know what I'm thinking about? My dad was who I thought every time he didn't, if I would be like, dad, and he didn't answer, I was like, dad's dead. Like that's how old I thought he was.

He was 41 when he had me. So if I have kids, I'm going to be the age my dad was when I was like this decrepit, crusty old man. No, it's true. I would put a mirror under my dad's nose. Yes. Oh yeah. No, I would check for him. I would check his nose.

How old were you at hell was he at the time? He was in his seventies already.s you were like you're adult almost yeah he died in 2003 and he was 79 so like he was born in 1924 like this man was old yeah yeah i've never known him to be anything but old i guess yeah and then people like when when he would come visit me in school or pick us up like is that your great grandpa? Not even grandpa. It was great, great grandpa. Is this an elderly man you've adopted and bring food to? When I first moved to LA and was always having car problems

and like I was once like AAA called me and they're like, make sure you call your grandfather. He's really worried about you. And I was like, I don't have a grandfather. Oh, my dad. You're like, my grandfather died a long time ago. I remember like my last grandparent died when I was, I think 15, which I was like, oh my God, I can't believe I got a grandfather for this long. And then like, you see people that are our age and they're like, my grandma passed away. And you're like, you have a grandparent.

Yeah. Yeah. Like this is just such different times of their lives their parents had them i don't know if i said this to you last time i think i said it to you but i have a very strong feeling that emdr would help you like a very strong would help you process that really access stuff like that in a way that you never had before and integrate it with in a different way and i would look at it from a different place mdma myself mdma therapy can do that but but emdr which is the eye movement therapy yeah yeah i i really i have this strong feeling that that would be very helpful do you have someone i do i do yeah i was i just had this like flash like oh this would be perfect is it so what it is is it's like is it moving like the parts of your brain?

It is. It is. It's kind of a hypnotic technique, right? So it's releasing a part of your brain to allow it to connect to the other parts. You're not wired up properly when you've had certain traumas or certain parts of yourself are left behind. It takes, I was in therapy for 11 years to hook that all up. EMDR makes that much quicker.

It's a much faster way of doing it. And so it's a very intense way of getting at things that your brain doesn't want to get near. Or it doesn't want to, it wants to hold it and experience it the way it always has. And to go into it in a real way and get at it and examine it, it's hard. It's hard. And EMDR lets you do that. And it's intense. It's an intense experience you've done that well i did um brain spotting and i it was a very very uh it took a couple days for me to come down from that and it was i felt kind of traumatized by

it actually that's not well done or not well chosen for you. I realized that soon after. I never saw her again. You shouldn't be traumatized, but you can feel kind of like something's wrong. Like something's, this is not supposed to feel like this. That's a common feeling, but you are.

Because you're getting, you're accessing the part. You're asking the stuff your brain doesn't want you to access. For me, it was like, I was like stuck for 45 minutes and I was dry heaving, like vomiting. And I didn't really say much.

But I was like locked in a place that was really- If you're going to be dry heaving, just do ayahuasca. So no, this is really interesting because, we're going to bore everybody shitless with this one, but they are, I think what you were in is something that's sometimes referred to by some theorists as trauma associated dead spots. Like where you go into

it and you you avoid it's such a dead zone that it's actually a source of anxiety and it's in you and you you're able to walk into it because of these processes and when you're in it you literally go into like a fugue state i think that's what it was time change time contract or expand or anything yeah i just i was just stuck like the no words could come out of my thinking about it i feel like worked up so i used to go into those spots in therapy too i'd fall in them all of a sudden i'd be like and then i'd sit there and the next thing i would know the therapist would go that's the end of your time and i would have no idea you're crying yeah it's intense i forgot she was in the room i forgot what i was doing yeah so but it's

it is the more you can go into those spots and tolerate them they just go away oh is it like similar to parts work like is it a part of yourself you're like ashamed of or something it's not it's it's literally i don't know what it is just a memory of something no it's it's a um No, it's a probably, it's some sort of residua of trauma, right? And remember, I can't remember all we talked about last time, but did we talk about freezing, the freeze response? I think so, a little bit. So when you're really traumatized, you go into these, you die. You die inside.

You're preparing for being eaten or whatever. That's what our brain's body does. So so we dissociate we can we go out of our body we can look overhead or we shut down or we're looking down a tunnel or something all that is your body shutting down preparing for the worst preparing to be killed surrendering to death yeah it's and it's called and it's it's it's powerlessness and it's you know it's dissociation and it leaves these dissociative sort of dead regions that some people start to use as a way of regulating their emotions. And then it sort of gets integrated in very dysfunctional ways. But others of us, myself, is just a source of just longing and anxiety. Sort of longing for it to end and longing to reconnect to something where that didn't exist and anxiety so is it useful for me to keep revisiting those dead spots i i don't know i

can't advise you because it was so traumatizing but it just wasn't explained to me like yeah whatever it is that was too big a dose okay okay and maybe there are other ways in that are gentler and the dose is less intense and so you can tolerate it and let it slowly, it'll go away. Oh, that's good to know. Yeah. A little hope. I wanted to ask you about sexual imprinting. And I know it can be a little controversial for some people.

But does the sexual trauma, let's say say for instance annie and i endured dictate sexual preferences um in our life or like yeah i definitely do not fuck white guys with the dreads all right you took that from me you took that from me but as you know you can avoid too you can go into an avoidance strategy but that is what i want white guy with fucking dress it has to it has to right yeah for example i have um a friend of mine or actually more than a couple of my male friends who've experienced like some level of sexual trauma early on by like a family member they have like a they have a lot of shame around it but they they reenact it yeah do you know how many times we've gotten molested it's like because

this is what i this is what i understand what i've heard you can tell me if i'm wrong but you like when you have a trauma when you're young like that a sexual trauma you you find other opportunities that are similar like start out the same way and you go into them hoping that you're going to work it through so so and then you. So, so this is the part people talk about. No, no, no. It's, it's a little more, more specific, which is people don't talk about what trauma does to attraction. Right.

It makes you attracted to people and circumstances. No one knows why this happens. It's irrational. The brain is just this way. It makes you attracted to people and circumstances that are just like the original trauma and so you can say that it's a working through process or your brain can try to make sense of it that way but the fact is it's this irrational imprinting as you've called it you're attracted to somebody that will oblige you by recreating the whole

thing because of course the same kind of person same circumstance same thing is going to happen but you're back to your original question does it have to be re-traumatizing no it doesn't like it can be playful people can use it to master it and they can get off on it too and it may always be a preference of some type okay that's okay but you have to work through the trauma but is it okay yeah i don't keep redoing because because really what happens let's say i don't know some you're physically abused in some way and that becomes sort of a thing you incorporate into your sexual behavior yeah it can easily just go just a little too far and you're retrying okay

so me being like a cuck say for instance like the idea of watching someone that i love have sex with someone else that rage i feel is so it the blood goes rushing into my pussy but i know that i am also like like my claws are out yeah my claws are out and there is a level of like i i can almost not take this like i'm myself. I thought that's what brain spotting was. But it's like, is my wanting to be like cucked just so like. It is, Nikki Glaser had something like this too. She used to talk to me about. And it goes away in therapy. Because obviously. Where you thought about it?

You're like, oh no, it's my favorite thing. I mean, you can play with it as a fantasy but to actually do it it just destabilizes relationships yeah it's so unstable this is the thing we're when we get into these relationships where we're all being vulnerable we're vulnerable and so you know you have to keep it simple and keep it safe and you if you bring things in that make it you get debris make it rock yeah where you don't know what feelings you're going to develop towards another person or this or how you're angry you're going to get at the the cuckolding participant whatever it's all unstable it all makes things unravel

i cannot be like older like a couple i cannot safely be an experimental whore in my relationship be an experimental whore do you think. Can you safely be an experimental whore? Do you think you can? I really think sometimes I can, but I know what you mean. There are some days where I'm just like, I want to fucking, I can't handle it. It's a way of sabotaging. Yeah, I think you're right. And maybe we always talk about how we self-flagellate. Yeah.

And right, it tells you things about yourself that are kind of not true. It's almost like if I can handle this moment, then it gonna do away with all the jealousy all the insecurity i've ever felt no and it doesn't no i feel like jealousy and insecure stuff is just self-love right isn't it just like being like secure in yourself because even if you do get cheated on it's like yeah it's complicated right i mean it depends how deeply involved you are and how much of a self-love me yeah i don't like terms like that anyway i don't like that as so you know what i mean like i feel like anyone well if you trace everything back it's like this like it's this like self it's like you're like it's some like deep insecurity about yourself so i think more that that the way i i don't talk about safe love i talk about

being fully integrated whole and being able to regulate your emotions well because i just feel like whatever to me is as good as it gets if i'm like upset outward it's usually something i'm not giving myself because because you didn't pay attention because you're not fully integrated right so some party wasn't getting attention it wasn't present with you and then i'm triggered because yeah because so it's really not self-love it's self-integration itself you know sort of The party wasn't getting attention. It wasn't present with you. And then I'm triggered because, yeah. And so it's really not self-love. It's self-integration. There you go, bitch.

Did you like that? Oh, my God. Who are you? You can do. Sam, our intern. Oh, my God. Sam, turn. Nice to meet you.

Is there food being distributed? Holy shit. Yes. That's so funny. If you want to do shit like that, don't do it. Not good. Thank you. Don't do it in a relationship.

Thank you for having that boundary. Nobody ever has the boundary. Go fuck around all you want. Do all the craziness. But then. But not in real intimacy because that will destroy it. It will feel cucky if I don't care and love about the person. Why did you point at me when you said

you don't care or love the person love the person i'm loving okay bitch no she's saying you couldn't be a casual cuck oh i love you yeah too deep how about this oh geez what about all those topics up on the board there? They look interesting. Don't you want to talk about that? I have always felt this one phenomena that I could never, I just always had a lot of self-blame for it, whatever, until one of my best friends had the same thing. And I was like, there's something to this.

And I want to know what you think. But we were both in a situation where someone did something bad to us and rather than acknowledging that that someone did something bad to us we both separately in order to cope pretended like that wasn't the case of course because we didn't want to ever see ourselves as a victim of that. Because what women do to themselves over and over again is blame themselves for everything that happens. Big inventories. How did I do this? What did I do that?

Lauren Savant is a dear friend of mine. She and I used to do radio together. And she's the potted plant lady from Weinstein. And she said when that happened, she immediately went like, oh my God, what did how did I how did I give him the idea that and where and why did I come down here with him and what did I do and she would kind of over the years told us about it would laugh about it but really the whole while was sort of taking responsibility for it which was not okay ladies but there are fucking assholes out there you didn't do it right but then on top of that and with the self-blame it was it's like

it did it it's like it is it's all self-blame but it's also i could i would never let that happen to me but but in a way that would never have happened to me so clearly but that but that's what i'm that's the coping is i'm like right that's that's the way of avoiding powerlessness right yeah so you you So you, it's a way of maintaining control over it. I still, I was the one that caused it. Therefore, I'm not powerless. Yes. What the, what? That's normal.

But also, I think what's missing from this too is like. Hang on one second. Are you doing a lot of standup right now? A little bit. Why? I just feel like that you need to feel more powerful. You need to stand up and own the crowds and stuff. If that makes sense.

Yeah. I mean, yes. There'll be good practice. It would help you master those feelings of not wanting to feel powerless. Well, I'll say this, like that specific thing I'm talking about was years ago. And it's not really on my mind a lot, but it was just recently brought up because someone had said the exact same thing where they're- And I'm not saying, and I'm really not, I'm just reacting to you.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. That I think that would be interesting. You think that I need to step into like and feel powerful. I'm not sure quite exactly what I meant by that, but I thought as you were talking, I thought I bet stand-up might fulfill that. Or pop-time. That's interesting.

I've been reading a lot of books on leadership lately. So maybe there's something going on. You know, when you guys do stand-up, that's a crazy thing. You're standing in a room in front of a microphone a little stand in front of everybody telling stories about you know crazy vulnerable shit and if they don't if you don't get the right reaction you're you die you die up there you know i mean think about it while you kill i know the words we use for yeah for either kill or you die. Yeah.

Well, I guess what I wanted to say, like not to, not to take away from this, but cause you had said this on annual too. Like, it's like you like where women take on this like blame or whatever, but there is also, I think like so much societal blame. Like when, when ever I've come out with something, it's like, I get like attacked. Like I did do something when I come out with something it's like i get like attacked like i did do something when i come out with something that has been done to me i get attacked and it's i guess it's like i'm trying to get strong enough to just like not even hear those voices that's always so bizarre to me when when there's so many things about human behavior that when people sort

of react to it just i just i can't. Yeah. And this is one of those things. It's so pathological when they respond like that, but just you're going to have to see it as that it's pathology. And then I think it's like, because like maybe we do have an innate thing to like run inventory on ourselves and what we did to kind of feel more like responsible. Cause that feels less. But I think that is too, I think it's twofold.

I think, I think women do that to themselves like regardless of what they just they just take responsibility for everything i don't know if that's society or wiring yeah do that and it has the secondary motivation of avoiding powerlessness if it's in a situation where you're powerless but you do that with everything women do that with everything they take it all on and it and then and then destroy each other yeah which is just like not never here yeah never in this sanctity of this not in this room maybe out there though this show is sponsored by better help working with a therapist can help you get closer to the best version of you because when you feel empowered you're more prepared to take on everything that life throws at you. And look, I mean, this is a very good

episode, right? To highlight how much mental health has helped all of us and working on our selves. There's just no way. There's just no way in hell I could have gotten to the place I am today without therapy in the last 15 years of my life. Like I've been in therapy since I was a teenager. It is the one indispensable part of my life. And it has helped me healed. It has helped me kind of just cope with all the hard stuff. And if you're thinking of giving therapy a try, better help is a great option. No one can do this on their own. And I'm saying that to myself because sometimes like I think, oh, you're such a baby because you can't get through things by yourself. No, we all are born to like get help and have community. And like we just we need each other. And sometimes that each other is a therapist and an unbiased ear. Yeah. And also it's like if you're anything like me, my ego does not want me

to do this anyway. So if there's anything put in the way like parking or they don't take my insurance or I can't take my insurance or i can't get an appointment when i want one i will just completely ignore it yeah our egos don't want us to get help so there's a million excuses there to not do it you're not alone with that if you want to live a more empowered life therapy can get you there visit betterhelp.com slash trash tuesday today to get 10 off your first month that That's betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday. After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers,

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Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's talk about Dr. Drew's career. No, not my career. Just the crazy thing I did in the Wadi Rum Desert. The coolest career move of his whole life. Wait, what? Even before I saw you on the screen when they first presented it i was like i just know dr drew is going to be on no

i saw you that is weird because i would think i'd be the last person you'd expect no you're it's like it's what it's like conquer fear central it's like it was it was so i was feeling old at the time i had like my prostate out and i was having diverticulitis and i was when covid kicked the shit out of me and i was just feeling kind of weird and old and whiny and i don't know i wasn't happy i couldn't get traction with anything and they called me with this thing i'm like oh come on you're this joke right is that like where are you taking me utah or something they go no jordan i'm like the middle east are you how do you do that and uh in any event uh i said let me think about it and i went out and i started training like really training like running hills and packs on and stuff and i

and i started feeling really good and i thought oh maybe this is what i've been looking for so i said i'm going i'll do it i put two weeks of real serious effort into is get up at five in the morning and doing the whole thing and um had my ass can to me out in the desert but ended up with great friends jamie lynn spears saved my life in the desert literally because i became encephalopathic i i got such bad heat stroke and dehydration that i didn't was out of my head and she grabbed me and took me to the medic oh that must have must have been good for her. She'd been through some weird shit. She, you know, she said something that was so heartbreaking to me.

We love her. She's delightful. I've spent time with her. I like her husband a lot. He's a great guy. I've spent time with her and her kids. And we literally spent a weekend together. And she's like, mom, she's a delightful woman.

And what was I going to say about this? Oh, she said we we gathered for some pr one day and she goes you know i really don't have friends she goes i've lived this life you know we've all been sort of walled off by things and this you're my new family i thought wow yeah and somebody like somebody else in the group said that too and nastia lukin sort of said that and i was like wow this is amazing that we all ended up so close so and was it hannah brown too was on it right the hand was on mel was on it uh mel says the same thing mel says the same stuff so well yeah i guess like fame is it's isolating well in that level you know when your sister is britney spears and

you're she was a you know she was a child actress and all this stuff and uh i guess and mel too right mel's been a spice girl for how long and also being on what she's on nickelodeon wasn't she jamie lynn yeah i mean and that's traumatizing and it's right right? Mel's been a Spice Girl for how long? And also being on, was she on Nickelodeon? Jamie Lynn, yeah. I mean, and that's traumatizing in itself. I mean, that's fucked up. Nickelodeon, you motherfucker. In ways that are hard to understand. So Danny's, oh, that's Scaramucci. Scaramucci had a rough week last week. I called him and tried to talk him out of it. He feels very bad about the way he was portrayed. I know that's hard.

He is a great guy. He's a great guy. We all love him. Now, have you, because you have been like the producer of a lot of reality shows and stuff was it hard for you to be like no a guest on it no not at all because because it's the way i think reality should be done which is you create an intense circumstance where shit will go down and just let the cameras roll that i so agree that's the preferred that's like big brother why it's so good. Yes, exactly. It's just real. Yeah, just let it roll.

Just like put people in a house and don't let them use their phone. Well, Slipper Rehab was like that. I kept telling the producers, you don't have to do anything. Just set it up. Trust me. Do not sprinkle crack on the table.

Shit goes down. Shit goes down in treatment always. What about Teen Mom you did too, right? Still do that. Oh, you do? It's still, oh my God. It goes on, still still very active the babies are having babies now well we're almost there wow congratulations thank you grandma teen grandma now that show i got like triggered by i was my boyfriend's brother's really into it and he was like you guys got to watch it because we love

reality tv and i watched one of the earlier i think it was one of the earlier seasons and the girl was like pushing her mom and i just like could not deal with parent abuse and i had to like this farah i think so yeah i couldn't well there was actually a lot of weird kind of physical domestic stuff i like i don't know the physical stuff i was like i cannot because i always fall asleep to tv so i look at it like if i wake up in the middle of the night am i going to be screaming falling asleep do you guys watch tar that movie with that kate blanchett yeah not yet i i we had to put it on three different times because we kept falling asleep did it end up being good i was fascinated by it i have a hard time calling it good what is hard when it's like the pacing of something is so oh my god it's like i told you we fell asleep three times. And it was courageous.

How about that for a good word? For the director and Kate Blanchett. But the story was, I mean, it was, you know, it was boiling the frog. I kind of liked that. But I would have loved more music. Like, it's about a composer. I would have loved more music. Have you seen Triangle of Sadness yet?

No. That's what the show is called. New name. It's like a three-hour movie three hour movie though right it's like really long it's not that long but it is so fucking good okay i'll go see it it's just really kind of like what happens in this situation and i always love when like filipinos rise and there is so good there is a character there her name is abigail that just makes me so fuck she's the most badass bitch i've ever seen what do you want to see your boyfriend fucker i do i just want to watch i do fucker i actually do and you know what that's not so far off from

like i know on the movie did you see maybe you're actually gay and we just don't know it you have to get it all the way hooked up i tried going out on a date with a girl. It was lovely. I just felt no juices flowing. No penis. Yeah. But I do, I have had experiences with women that have been fun, but usually in the context of like a threesome and more like an accessory to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever won a gimp outfit and watched? But I've never, I tried going down on a girl once or twice actually. Same girl? And it's not different. Two times? Oh. And wasn't really, wasn't, I didn't feel like it was a sport for me.

Yeah. Yeah, but it might be because you didn't have a strong connection because you said earlier. So you think your pussy's gonna be the one? I just think that you said that you need a connection with someone. You're right. It is so odd to me. I wonder if it's the way we're all constructed at the present moment, but how much the genitalia themselves are deterministic in people's sexual orientation. In other words, like all my gay friends, I think we talked about this, all my gay friends, like, oh, vagina.. Oh, I can't even think about it.

Yeah, they're like, get your stinky tuna out of here. And a lot of straight women will say that about vaginas. Yeah. And you're kind of saying that. That's a really good point. But isn't it hormonal, though? Isn't that weird? It's got to be pheromone.

It's got to be the smell of it. It's just, it's whatever it is. But it's weird to me that we should be just overwhelmingly like put off by it. You know, you're right. And I think maybe I might be gay because I love making out with girls. it is but it's weird to me that we should be just overwhelmingly like put off by it like you know you're right and i think maybe i might be gay because i love making out with girls i love the company of girls i like talking to girls i like they're just soft and gorgeous to me but i always said no i cannot be gay because i can't eat pussy yeah but i'm like well i've been in love with a girl no no but again you think you're gonna go me a lot of gay men say the same kind of stuff too and it's very deterministic

it's like a real serious aversion or preference yeah i've had gay friends where we make out but it never goes like below the belt but maybe good but i also offer a lot of like i always say like the man that i'm attracted to like i love half gay boys is what i always say because if a guy is pretty open or open with me about having had experiences with men i i used to call half mo i love watching a half mo and slow mo but it turns me on and it makes me think oh this person's so sexually open not restricted by their genitalia and sex is do you like watching them make out with guys i don't kind of care i used to in high school i i mean in college i used to always make my boy i

had this one beautiful gay friend who was just so cute and so lovable like and i would always dan gower i'd always be like, make out with her. I like loved, I got off on the power of them. Like- My pussy just got wet. I know, I'm making out with my inu with these little shorts that were so cute. But I do watch gay porn though a lot.

Yeah. Yeah. Todd watches lesbian porn. Men and women. I watch anything, anything that involves any type of touching I like. Do you have, you don't have to go into extreme stuff? No, no, no. What's extreme? Well, I don't know. You know, do you need more don't have to go into extreme stuff no no no what's extreme well i don't know

you know do you do you need more more more sort of imagery that's more intense no as of lately i've i've been trying to learn to uh masturbate to memory memory only and um because i'm trying to cleanse the palate of the 4k porn stuff that i've been indulging in you were saying that you were saying to me the other day when i was talking to you that women are more like, listen to like erotica. I said that women, this is not a universal thing, but men generally like,

Stormy Daniel said this to me. She used to come on Loveline back in the day. Really? Wow. And she went from performing to producing and directing these films. Okay. And one day I was interviewing her for something and she goes look i produced a ton of these films i produced them for men and women and i learned with absolute clarity what the men want and what the women want the men want to see people having sex the women want to know why those two people like each other

so much that they want to have sex and she goes i have to have the story and the end there's gonna be some injury and some this and some that before it's sort of that is i was watching the buccaneers game with uh with my with josh potter and with my boyfriend todd and they were like getting all into the the game and everything and i was going like do you think tom brady's like upset about giselle still like i was googling his ex-girlfriend i was like oh it's his kid we were just like laughing so i was being such a girl about the fucking game wow but they didn't now that i've like read up more on it like they didn't break up because of football it was like the ftx thing right but he's a money thing but i got because then they lose how much do they lose carlos i want

to look it up like it's in the millions. Yeah, in hundreds of millions. But is it something that she said, don't do it, and he did it anyway kind of thing? Could have. He lost $70 million. Yeah, that's not. He probably is worth $400 million though, right? No. Maybe. She's worth more than him.

But I was thinking about. Was it her money? How could you know? How could any of us have any idea why they broke up realistically, right? Yeah. Why are you so giggly about it? Because talked about this last week on last week's episode of we had katie morton on oh i love katie yeah relationship needs lots of time they just do and if you don't have the i mean when you're together yeah when you're raising a family everybody understand it's all

hands on deck but in terms of when there's opportunity to spend time together you gotta spend time together i just learned that over and over and over again i really like what you said earlier which is you got to keep relationships simple and safe people need a simple life now you can mess around with that but you do it at certain risk were you on that show too a simple life i don't think i was that was a person right favorite show have it on tv wait did you did you look at both you are a merge of both of them do you have footage to show them of the of this the uh the trailer or anything of the bullshit yeah special forces because it was i would love to do that that's like my dream to do that it's so brutal i feel like he this that show is for you i would love to it. Get me a little more famous guys so we can do this. I ended up in the ICU.

Oh my God. ICU? Yeah, yeah. Did you go into like rhabdo or something? Well, that's what I thought. I thought, because I kept going in and out of consciousness and I got so sick so fast. Like within an hour, I was like, I couldn't think and couldn't walk.

And I kept trying to figure out all night how what you know what might have happened they made me so sick so fast so i and i had a calf injury going into this thing and i thought maybe i blew out the muscle and got some rhabdo and so in the morning i had so many crazy experiences in the hospital i had to manage my own fluids you know it was crazy but you're so grateful to be a doctor do you think you would have yes i don't know what happened it's hard to imagine and kate kate gosling was in the room next to me because she fell out of the helicopter herself and oh yeah oh yeah her big vagina didn't like it didn't it didn't know

there's no parachute and uh and she's a nurse she's an r.a so she was fighting stuff off too oh wow so they wanted to take me to the operating room and all kinds of crazy shit. And you were like, no. It's like, you're not operating. I mean, no, no. And in the morning, this attending comes in there with full military garb, raspberry beret, epaulettes, big brass buttons. He goes, you were severely dehydrated.

There are these things called electrolytes. Oh, my God. For Christ's sake. Liquid IV. I'm thinking, get me the fuck out of here. Oh my God. For Christ's sake. Liquid IV. I'm thinking, get me the fuck out of here. I just gotta get out of here. And then I heard he's broken to Arabic and I heard the word CPK and I said,

did you measure CPK? Yeah, California pizza. No, it's the enzyme. California pizza bathroom. Cause it gives me. Yeah, it's something that releases from muscle and massive quantity during rhabdo. And so it'd be a sign of rhabdomyelitis.

What's rhabdo? It's just massive muscle breakdown that then clogs the kidney and your kidneys fail. And it can cause fluid imbalances. It's really scary. It's pretty nasty. I mean, you'll be, it's pretty crazy. It blew us up on the train we were in.

We had no idea what was going to happen. All of a sudden the train blew up. It's like, it's a- How much did you have to sign when you went on that? That's the thing. I mean, you could die's the thing i mean you could die you could die you could die okay here we go you know normally you just think that's just perfunctory you know of okay if something bad happens but this is like no they meant it i'm

such an adrenaline junkie like that yeah but this is you're you're so it's like it's pushing you beyond beyond you ever thought you did and they're just yelling at you and any little move and they start screaming at you and then they punish the group if one person you know gets out of line were there a lot of water stuff their water experiences like water challenges yeah there was much water in the red sea but hang on i what was i talking about before your hospital i see so it's hospitalized that see i heard the word cpk and i go hey did you measure my cpk and he goes no we didn't i go i was trying to figure out why i got sick so maybe i have rhabdomyolysis he goes oh everybody rhabdomyolysis my patient knows my business it sounds like it's part of the show that they're like roasting you and i didn't i did not tell him i was a physician i just did not let that out.

And so I thought, I just could, I thought your first name was doctor. Yeah, just get out. I said, get out. So I left and that was that.

But anyway, but they never even measured yours. They just, they did not. But I would, by that point I did five liters of IV fluid and I could stand up and walk. And I thought, okay, I'm pretty good now.

So anyway, but anyway, there we were. Yeah. Wait, so what were your takeaways? Takeaways were your takeaways takeaways were the rest of your life takeaways were that um so so as i told you i was feeling old so guess what

i learned i learned i am old and i learned that i am i surrendered to it it was most of that whininess was denial and i and and i got my face pressed to the mirror with the limitations of it and i'm fine with it because i'm really pretty good for my age yeah i'm i'm i'm lucky in a lot of respects and so i felt grateful and have you seen the shirtless pictures it's like jesus hello accepting of where i am fully and that so i like got it received the other thing is that how powerful relationships get in extreme circumstances when you're in misery and in trauma man it was because of each other that we got through this thing we were bonded up like that did you blame anyone were you guys like blaming the production and stuff

were you pissed at people there was no splitting no splitting it just splitting started a little bit later like right around now on the show if you watch there'll be a little splitting going on splitting splitting means he's good she's bad this one's getting special favor she is and why did why did you do that you know just a lot of blaming and it's called splitting behaviors rather than unity you're always better when you're unified so but there's some splitting shows up and when people are stressed there's inevitably splitting and do you see that in all of the shows you work on pretty much splitting yeah well whenever so so splitting develops when there's either a psychopathology like borderline is notorious for splitting drug addicts notorious for splitting or extreme stress and reality is both

right a lot of psychopathology a lot of extreme circumstances splitting ensues. So, yeah. I would love to go on a reality show that is like hardcore workouts, but not like the one, not that scary. I want to see a show where Esther- Like you just want to go to Barry's Bootcamp and stop doing that? Just film, just put a camera, Barry's. I think I would like to see a show

called Esther Does Things. It's just exposure therapy. Yeah. All the things that you're, you know. It's very basic things yeah like barry's boot camp again instead of drinking all their smoothies right you actually do a workout or like you know swimming in a pool learning to swim learning to ride a bike yeah there's we called her um her one of her predators from barry's her old uh barry's

instructor became friends with him oh yeah on one of the episodes, early episodes. She was traumatized by a Barry's bootcamp class that she took. And she, how many classes did you buy before you went in hard? I bought a 50 class pack and I was only able to fulfill about three. And I asked if they could exchange it for smoothie points. And he was so funny. The teacher called him him just like you lazy

bitches pretty much it was funny he was great because the instructor that she was terrified of in barry she didn't even tell me his name i was like let me guess it's kyle because kyle is my favorite because he's very like authoritarian i just like tell me what i'm supposed to do and i don't need a lot of praise i just need need to know that like, I'm getting my bang for the buck, which is I'm here to work out and die. So that's what I'm getting. You would not do well on this show. No.

No, you would. So you want to do, there's an extra version. I would, I would be, it would be like the sleepovers when I was a little kid. Can you come get mom? Come get me. They just scream at you constantly, constantly. Wow. It would break her though. You get through it probably.

I don't know. You'd be calling lawyers though. You would be funny. You'd be like tearing up contracts. You said that you don't need a lot of praise. And I'm just curious because I'm going through this like phase in my life where I want to do what I've been calling the reassurance challenge, like where I go 10 days without seeking any reassurance from someone and i'm just curious like i i feel like everything i bring up you're just gonna be like you need emdr and severe therapy but no no no the other get up on stage and just suck it up like take take the take the take the punches but that i can do like i can go bomb like it's nobody's business.

She can. And then I can walk off and be great. But I do need a lot of like validation. We'll do that and then don't get any validation afterwards. Right. Yeah. But, you know, I try to find my praise like somewhere else. It's not that I don't need praise.

I wasn't given praise when I was younger. Yeah, me either. Because my mom was somebody who was bullied beaten humiliated her whole life so when she had us the praise that my sister and i got from being like you know swimmers all of these things she took for herself and she doesn't she wasn't going to share it with us so the expectation was for us to just this is baseline behavior you just have to be good that's baseline you have to be fast that's baseline and you're not going to get anything from me if you don't do that you get

beat that's it so like but but i do like praise i just kind of find it not in the moment of like exercise or because i'm used to not receiving it at that moment i see it's specific to that yes and so remember we talked about how some things are not all good and all bad. That's a good adaptation of a bad situation. But that's good that you can put it to good use. Yeah. I like when my trainers are like hard on me, but also like at the end are like, show me a little pride.

They're like, you did it or whatever. I like both. Yeah. A little bit of both. I like being told like. I don't like to be let off the hook. Like, I don't like when they're like, did it or whatever i like both yeah a little bit of i like being told like i don't like to be let off the hook like i don't like when they're like oh are you tired you know what's really fun is praise that comes out of nowhere like when you're normally you're normally getting beaten up by the person all of a sudden they say something like specific and yeah it's

like oh my god i can't believe i'm eating it up well chelsea handler used to i used to do her show and i didn't know her beforehand at all i just got booked on the show through michael cox on the round table yeah on the round table and i did it a bunch i did it for like a year and a half did we ever do it together no it would have been weird but it was like every three weeks i would do it that's me too and she um i never had like a relationship with her and it would be like because i think i was like basically an open mic or this was like my big break they were basically like don't look in the eye don't do it well that's kind of the way she is yeah but sometimes she would be like hey girly and she would like tickle me on the summer like oh my god like i'd literally be like i would like follow her around and then other times she'd be

like yeah yeah yeah and i'm like oh my god did you not invite me here like how did i get in the building i had to go through all security and it was always and i have no relationship with her now i'm very grateful to her because it's like unbelievable she gave me that opportunity. I mean, I was just like really like two years into comedy

at that point. And I was just like a young blonde. Like she had crass blonde. Like why did she, she didn't have to put me on there. And it was really cool. But,

you know, I just, yeah, I always have like a little thing about her now. That's her favorite flavor of comic, I think. Yeah. Chelsea, if you're watching miss you on our show we love you um Dr. Ju thank you so

much for joining oh my god is it already over that went so fast we didn't talk about any of that shit on the panel that's that's been there for years for years yes do you feel as compassion fatigue this last no I don't feel no no No, no, no, not at all. We've grown. Not at all. Because last time we really were talking about trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma, you know, and. We injected some pussy and penis into this one. Yeah.

We did get, yeah, we got a little more sexuality stuff. Kate Gosling, I'm sorry about that parachute joke. I stand by it. And Kate is, again, also a dear friend. The whole group is just like. I love that. That's great. Good friends. And she's amongst them and just. Yes. Can't say enough good about everybody. and kate kate is again also a dear friend the whole group just i love that that's good friends

and she's amongst them and just yes can't say enough good about everybody i'm so happy for jamie lynn too because i feel like she's been through so much shit with all the stuff with her sister she got blamed for that i know and she and the stuff she said if you want that first episode it was the second episode where she was talking about what it's like to grow up when your sister becomes the most famous person in the world like it's intense and she didn't say i resent my sister or it's just like it's just felt it was something to deal with it's like to grow up when your sister becomes the most famous person in the world it's like it's intense and she didn't say i resent my sister or it's just like it's just felt it was something to deal with it's probably similar to like when your sibling has special needs or something just someone that gets like a lot of attention it's just yeah it's just a lot and it's gonna bleed over onto

everybody and she doesn't you don't blame the person who's getting the attention you just it's your experience and it was intense and i guess for her as i think about it the one thing that she maybe she doesn't know yet is that the fact that she didn't have any friends, that's a big deal for a young girl. Yeah. Not to be able to have friends. And she's lovely. Yeah. Aw.

I could talk to you guys all day. Yeah. And Jamie Lynn, we're your friends. Not to be weird. We're your friends. Come hang out with us. You'll have to come back and everyone will check out your show. Yes.

Okay. So my alpha kill me if I don't promote this. So we do a streaming show. I had to postpone it an hour today, in fact, to do this. But Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday at 3 o'clock at drdrew.tv. Check it out. On Wednesday, particularly, we do a very popular controversial show where I am on with another peer, another ER physician named Kelly Victory. And she has a lot of very strong feelings, a little different than me, in terms of treatments for COVID and the vaccine.

A lot of stuff. We disagree on a lot of things. But she and I have been interviewing all of the people that have been canceled during the COVID. So Malone and names like that. McCullough, people you may have heard of. We go through the hits, but we go through everybody, Bhattacharya, and we talk to them all. And some of them, their ideas, I kind of get their little bit, I don't agree with them, but every single one of them I've walked away

with some sort of significant headline about the pandemic that i didn't know like let me just give you a simple one a guy named paul alexander was at the cdc and the nih when they were trying to figure out what to do to you know mitigate you know you use non-pharmacological mitigation of the pandemic the term social distancing was made up and six feet was just pulled out of a hat wow no evidence for it no they were trying to decide between 10 feet and 60 feet and they didn't feel it but they will get people to comply with 60 feet zero evidence that had any utility imagine it was 60 feet i know can i tell you just while we're on this like the thing that i feel like has changed my life forever my relationship with

literally government and like power forever is that there was that brief moment in time where everyone told us not to wear masks and that has really taken my faith that rocked you yeah so so there were i've learned a lot of things that were going on like that whereas shenanigans going both ways and still underway to this day where they would they would determine a policy based on almost nothing and then just cling to it like it was god's word and this is not good in today's world where maybe that was good their playbook was the aids pandemic where i admired everything they did i was i was part of that it's why i got involved with radio anthony fauci was telling us, you got to go out and tell people

they're going to get AIDS, you know, blah, blah, blah. So that was why I got involved at Loveline. One of the reasons. And the playbook was use fear, simplify messaging, repeat it over and over again. Don't worry about the details.

And that's what they did this time too. And that's not good in a social media world and a 24-hour cable news world that that is the wrong move the move now is transparency explain spend your spend whatever time necessary to let them know what your thinking is and they just refuse to do that and now they're refusing to look back and acknowledge where the mistakes were made and they're becoming increasingly obvious so anyway if you have any interest in all that stuff um we get into all of it we get into everything vaccines not vaccines mass not mass and how it all evolved and the

history of it and and the the excesses the excesses more trustworthy than someone who is able to go back and say okay i was wrong about oh my god i i that's i mean that's we should it's how else do we not make the same mistakes again i know when someone doubles down that to me is like okay you're out you're completely everybody in the government right now and it's very disappointing to me and that's scary like i would rather someone be like we don't know everything we're doing our best you know and we're gonna make mistakes along some of it is they they became so religious whenever a doctor is an evangelist or a scientist an evangelist run they that's how we got the opioid epidemic if you really look at the opioid epidemic how we played out and how covid played out exact same playbook

i mean it was exact same phenomenon happened but you always find some rogue evangelist in there they get control the regulators and the state societies and the governors and then it's on and then anybody that says anything different gets crushed and ruined because all these organizations are there to do that. And it was a bad, bad time. I had to deal with that with the opiate crisis. I was being sanctioned by everybody. Why? Because my heroin addicts had little unhappy faces when I did their pain assessment and I wasn't willing to give them an opiate.

Yeah. How cruel. Yeah. Literally, I was sanctioned by everybody for that. Wait, okay. A little bit of a shift, but because it's like not trusting government, I recently had this conversation with my dad that like blew my mind and changed everything about like how I looked at his life.

He basically like the first, I don't know, five, 10 years of his adult life, he was dodging the Vietnam draft oh same with my stepdad yeah he's a draft dodger that's how he ended up in the Philippines probably no this was my stepdad

this is how he ended up Canada everywhere else but here like so he became a school teacher so did my stepdad

where he started he became a teacher you have the same stepdad oh my god my dad is your stepdad actually cause he started he became a teacher you have the same stepdad my dad is my stepdad actually because he's he's jewish they're very similar yeah the same guy but like i just can't believe the trauma that that must have caused on my dad and affect his personality that the first like majority of his adult like adult was like hiding from the government yeah yeah but because he didn't believe in the war my dad went and then the guy who's yeah he went to vietnam he was in the army and the guy

he sat next to when they were flying over was the first person to die like his friend had just made jesus and my dad doesn't really talk about it that much like i'm sure there's like a lot of trauma in there but but but don't be too i mean I was around in those days and the sort of the, you know, there was a lot of what was called a generation gap. That was actually what it was called back then. We had this generation gap. These guys in the horror room glasses and the white shirt and the skinny tie, they can't understand these kids with the long hair and blah, blah, blah.

The sort of the heroes went to Canada. They were sort of seen as heroic. And then the guys that went to war were shit on for going to war. Yeah. So there was, it must've been awful. I mean, he couldn't come home and he had to leave his country and stuff, but it was a little bit, had a heroic kind of, I don't know maybe how he feels about it.

No, he didn't go. No, no, it was heroic to go away. To go, yeah. To not fight. This was an unjust war. And people who lived by that and stood against it were sort of seen as yeah veterans were treated basically very poorly with her dad was treated shitty came back home because it was an unjust war yeah why did you go and kill those children so the real trauma okay

that makes sense who actually fought are the ones that have no i'm sure that there's like both sides yeah i'm sure it wasn't fun you don't like having to run away, but there was kind of a positive blush on it at the time. Interesting. A little bit, yeah. So now that we've fully brought everything down, we've actually gotten into war. Honestly, the Ken Burns documentary on Vietnam changed my fucking life.

Dr. Drew's begging for us to talk about being molested again. No, no, no. Please, tell us a sweet, sweet molested story. We'll make you miss that. But you ought to watch Fog of War. Did you see that? I did see Fog of War. That was interesting.

Really, really good. A couple of years ago, that was one of my favorite documentaries. But we should go on tour, the four of us, and just call the tour Wounds. What do you think? Ooh, I love love it that sounds like an that's something to sell tickets the first time you came on the amount of people who were

like wait this needs to be an actual like show just the three of you like just pouring your wounds the amount of like trying to like i was like is she done is she done i'm like like we're all just like on the edge of our chairs like but wait well if we're gonna do this if we're gonna do wounds around the wounds around america whatever it might be we'd have to take questions and stuff too we'd have to talk to other people it couldn't just be us but you're gonna have to do emdr you're gonna have to do the stand-up and then i'm so nervous what do you think i'm gonna find oh no it's not like that again these should be should hers i'm

gonna give you a person that won't do what happened to flyla okay um but but you know you need to start setting some boundaries and if you're gonna do the fun stuff don't do it with somebody you're involved with a simple and safe simple i'm gonna uncut myself just yeah yeah like humans need simple we need simple that we just do it i wish I wish, how fun would it be if orgies and polyamory and all these things were just, humans could just adapt to that and be thriving it. It'd be fun. It'd be great.

Yeah, because there's a vanity in thinking that I am an evolved human. I can handle this, but I can never really handle it. Look, there are armies of people just trying to get two people together. When you bring three and four, it's like... That's what the Vietnam War was about. It was a love story.

It's very destabilizing. Between my dad. It was just, it was your dad and my dad kissing. They wrote each other letters. The last episode, the main thing I took away from that was assets and liabilities. The amount of times I've used that. I said that again today, which is good. Today, though, the two words are safe and simple.

I'm walking away with that. So thank you so much. It's not easy by the way, cause it's fun, exciting and it's, you know, and you can have a little addictive kind of thing going with all the other arousing stuff, but from, for, for nourishment and rich lives, keep it simple. Okay. homework thank you wounds wounds my pleasure wounds on the road wounds around america three gashes one guy three gashes and a guy that's a better name bye guys bye-bye three gashes.