Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Esther and Annie's Drive-By

Episode Date: March 9, 2021

Thank you to our Sponsors:  Try Theragun for THIRTY-DAYS starting at only one hundred ninety-nine dollars. Go to http://theragun.com/bloodbath RIGHT NOW and get your Gen 4 Theragun TODAY. Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at http://betterhelp.com/bloodbath Subscribe to our YouTube! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons Trash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPod Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudio Trash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: George Kimmel & Pete Forthun Editor: Gabby Galon --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/trashtuesday/message

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for her that i'm not giving her randy's wiener dude can we talk about if we're really gonna go there randy your dog was licking my dog's peepee and i don't think that is normal he no he's in his peepee phase carlos told me that means randy has a vitamin deficiency oh like pica pica that's like when people like start eating cement blocks because they have their low in iron or even like pregnant women when they start getting deplete off of the baby starts to suck all the nutrients they start to like um crave like lint i'm just so like sad i wasn't able to like you didn't do a behind the scenes of you having the conversation with carlos where you come to him shaken that my dog molested your dog we go to the only person we know that really has the inside scoop of

dogs i was like yeah randy was licking in her vagina like is that normal i was all victimed out and carlos was like it's not normal he's got something wrong but you told me you said it was normal yeah the articles that we read said that he like when they when they're doing that they're like getting to know they're like downloading the i feel like that's all i see dogs do is lick each other's butts yeah i mean randy does get his mouth under the stream like he's like he gets donut like he wets her whole peepee area and she's just, it's, it makes me sad. That is not nice.

Why? Let her live. She doesn't like it. Oh my God. We're going to play this. I'm suing you. George, get the papers out. There are papers.

If you guys are wondering, there are papers ready. There's a desk with a little key. George swallowed the key. So we really need to needed to shit in like a little kid toilet and then we go through with a popsicle stick but we will get the key back when we need to sign those annie have you been doing jiu-jits? Oh, do I have bruises? You have bruises all over this shoulder. No, I went and got acupressure from this guy who was vaccinated. My guy, Kung Fu. Acupressure, I've been waiting.

But he fucked me up. He has nubs for fingers, and I want to ask him next time. I have to film it because I need the world to know. But I want to ask him if he cut them off film it because i need the world to know but i want to ask him if he cut them off on purpose to be able to like push the the points the points what he's got little nub fingers he's the best so you think that it was a voluntary um amputation finger amputation it's that or he really knows how to work with what happens in his life and he leaned in he got the finger cut off and he's like what's something that i could like that's something that i considered when i was 18 and wanted to be like the best blowjob queen

i always used to tell people who are these two women i'm doing this show with i that's what i want to know i used to tell people babysitter go to bed no snack for you i used to tell um i used to tell people that I wanted I couldn't wait to have enough money to get my teeth removed so I could just gum a dick oh my god I so relate to like being cause it was like I think that there were two choices in high school

you were either a cocktease or like a slut and for some reason cocktease was like the biggest insult I couldn't believe and then I'm like they tricked us into thinking cocktease was bad cocktease was good it was the best that, they tricked us into thinking cocktease was bad. Cocktease was good. It was the best. That's how you get married. You cocktease them?

Is that why we're all unmarried? I can't. Will you tell us when you finally lose your virginity, Dave? And donut will be there. So don't act like you're not a sexual unit. Wait, I have a question. Is acupressure cupping it's not this was all a hand in all these so then what is acupressure acupressure is like a very deep painful massage at different points but the yeah it's this like old asian man who um he pushes it hurts so bad

i told you about him because he can help with TMJ. Oh, I want to go. But it's the most painful. Like, you have to suffer through, like, a lot of pain. I like to suffer in a massage. Same. Why are you looking at me like that? I just, like, I just, if I'm being completely honest, a vision of you getting a massage, okay,

and then you're down, face down, and then they say, like, how's the pressure? And you say, good. And then I switch out. Beat the shit out of your knots. Honestly, I think I would love that. Do you ever like don't you feel like a massage is like really intimate and like almost sexual? Well, I have a story. What?

I went to I'm so dumb. Like, I guess I didn't realize that there's like girl versions of happy ending salons. Like I just, or spas. Like I just, I went to, I had a really bad back. This was like six years ago.

Really bad back. And it was like midnight. Everything was closed. And there was like, I found this place that was open 24 hours and it didn't even occur to me. It was like my god that's like what a great service to have and it was like the massages are 20 an hour i was like that's really cheap that's awesome i'm no red flags i go by myself what city it was in burbank it was in fucking Burbank. So I go. I go. And you know what? We did this show doesn't

need both of us. One of us can go. Can I decide? Each episode, I decide who's invited back. I'm so happy it's nearby. So okay, so I go and they give me this guy and I usually like I would go for the guy at places because I know they'll go harder than the girls. Wait, really? I've never. Wait, I'm sorry. I don't want to interrupt you, but I have to. No, please interrupt me with your little hands. I only ever request email and I won't do mail. No, it's appropriate. It's I don't know why I have to relive like full molestations every time I get a fucking massage. You said you like when I like when they go very deep emotionally deep in my massages as well this is crazy but okay

so so I go to this place it's like one in the morning I pay my twenty dollars I go in and you know how when they put the sheet on you they just when they're working on one part they just move like one limb out like yeah and the rest the whole sheet was taken off he massaged my asshole open like he was massaging my butt cheeks open like wind was going into my vagina and I don't have a thigh gap or anything like it's wind doesn't get up there often like he was spreading them in a way that they'd never been spread and I was like oh for sure pictures are being taken of me. Like he kept leaving the room and coming back. And then, and he was like Armenian and he was like so hairy, but he had shaved. So I was, it was weird because it was a bad experience.

But also you don't realize that like having that sort of like gravelly, scratchy thing rubbing on you feels good. It was like I was getting like a salt scrub too with his like stubble in his arms. Oh, exfoliant. Yeah. So, but so, and I remember I was like, and It was like I was getting like a salt scrub too with his like stubble in his arms. Oh, exfoliating. Yeah. So, but, so and I remember I was like,

and he was like kind of young and like not a guy I wouldn't bang. Like it was, I remember I was looking down in the little hole at his shoes and he was wearing like the same type of shoes

my boyfriend had and I was like, I don't think a guy giving him a massage at midnight should have the same shoes as a guy in fucking. Was he in Tim's?

They were like, I think they were, they were Air Force Ones, but they could have been Tim's. They were the sneaker version of Tim's. I feel like if he was in Tim's, you would have not resisted. You would have been like this. Well, he wouldn't have had to use any oil. I would have been squirting all over myself. But it was like so uncomfortable. And when he had the, I go, I went, dude, fucking cover me yes and then i realized like i when i left i was like i can't even be mad at this guy like

i walked into a very obvious no you can be mad i don't think he was trying to grab my ass for himself he was trying to give me like i'm assuming people pay 20 and then they would tip them like a hundred to like. I need exact cross streets. I will try to find it. He was doing that for himself. That was not for you. He wanted to see your poo poo area.

I went to this gynecologist in Philadelphia. My mom like found him and referred me to him. And I went and he stuck his finger in my asshole like up my butt and I was like uh and right when he stuck his finger in my ass he went um are you Tim Letterman's sister and I was like I swear to god and they like put and I'm like yeah and he goes oh I just put a two and two together with your last name and I when you said you were a comedian and he's like oh your brother he's like meanwhile he's just swinging this finger

that's been on my ass he's like your brother and my son were in the same frat and I like partied with them I would go party with them and then he was like next time you have a show in town you need to I gotta come I was like you do I mean why is your finger my ass my whole response is like why is and then I talked to my mom and she's like I think they've done that to me before and I'm like I don't know what old school butt fingering is going on another another thing male gynecologist stay away I'm not and I know that maybe is offensive but that's I don't I'm not comfortable what if we got like hate mail from male I'm fine with male gynecologists what annie so you went to juvenile

delinquent delinquent school is this how you ended up in mexico at 14 my high school was very small it was like my graduating class had 17 kids in it like it was just a tiny little alternative school so it was half bad kids and half like kids with learning disabilities so i was a little bit of both they we had spring trips and one spring trip when I was 14 they took a group of us like the worst none of the LD kids went it was only the like young criminals went on this one we went to Mexico during Cinco de Mayo to look at the Mayan ruins but we did that one day and the rest like the teachers were fucked up everyone was wasted I went with my boyfriend and my best friend at the time this girl becky and we were all like under

one guy was over 18 and so with our our hotel rooms we got bans to get free alcohol but but you're 14 but we were under but you have to be 18 to drink in mexico what did that permission but you're 14 i want to know what that permission slip looked like for your parents to sign. Well, they also signed, I was allowed to smoke cigarettes. They signed the smoking cigarettes thing too. Yeah. Why? They just.

Your parents allowed you at 14 to smoke cigarettes? Yeah. Why? I guess they just didn't want me to. I think my mom was afraid I was going to run away. My mom was trying to be like friends. She wanted to be like buds with me. She was like, felt overprotected.

So then she was like, let's do anything. I was like, oh, my God, I've been running for my life so many times. I've been hiding under cars, screaming to call the cops. I feel like there are two ways to parent that parent. And then my parent who at 14 couldn't stop making me kneel on rock salt as punishment. You know, so it's like i could do nothing she could do everything i feel like you're the healthy in between maybe i think i am yeah it's sad if we think she was raised healthy did everybody watch esther's special we are all

agreeing that she was the healthiest raised person and i really need you to watch how fucking tragic that is please go to her special hot for her name for my name well mine was like go go out do things and then like if something seemed dangerous it was like no you're in trouble but also you're not going to do anything dangerous you're like self there was one time where i was policed it was when i wanted to go to a dropkick murphy's concert because my because my cool friends did in eighth grade and then it was i got in trouble i didn't get to go you would have been smashed up in that mosh pit so they were you would have just been they were right hacky sacked across the fucking and i had no idea what i was agreeing to or getting into so i now see that that was when did you get the height that you are like what i don't know because you could have been

this this is a regular kindergartner's size i don't know i was always small were you a preemie or no you get normal how tall is your how tall is your sister five five oh she's like a normal yeah that's like a giant yeah my mom is short but my mom is five three she's taller than five foot did she take prenatals for her second child i I don't know. But she does say that she famously only gained like eight pounds when she was pregnant with me. Oh, she Victoria Beckham-ed it. Did she tell you that when you were a freshman in college? Yes. She did.

She was like, oh my God, you gained more weight than I did when I was pregnant with you. That's exactly correct. Okay, so tell me in Mexico. Okay, so we go to Mexico and we can't drink. None of, they tell the, our bar and our hotel, like each like hotel area had its own bar. They were like, none of these kids, don't let any of them drink, even though we had our bands.

They don't give a shit. Don't let them drink. But they were not letting us drink. So there was this kid, Marty, who was 18. And he just went over to the bar next to us and he would bring his drinks back yeah okay so background story uh like a month before i had been hanging out at the guy whose virginity i lost house he was my boyfriend at the time at the waterbed the waterbed guy you lost it to him i lost my virginity he was my

boyfriend i was obsessed with him he was really into my friend so anyway so we're at his house and she was hooking up with Becky was hooking up with his friend and we were there and I said he said I said something I was like said she was ticklish or something I did something that was like to her this like horrible betrayal and she slapped me across the face and it was really crazy and everyone was like did you just slap and I was like and then she was like oh I'm sorry and I was like all right well I'm gonna slap you back when it's appropriate like it's fine we're all good but like your slaps on its way when you step out of line you're getting fucking slapped so that was our deal so then like a month

later we're in Mexico and Marty it's like annoying for Marty to have to keep over going over and get drinks and they're like kind of catching on so we have to like pace out him getting our drinks so Marty brings the round of drinks over and I like turn away for a second and this guy this kid that used to bully me picked it up and drank it and everyone was just laughing behind my back and I like looked over and he had chugged my drink and I was like felt like such a you know I was like you know you fucking asshole you know it was just like everyone was laughing at me so then Marty's like it's all right Annie I'll just go get you another one like he's a dick whatever so Marty goes over gets me another one I turn around I'm talking um Becky chugs my drink that's the girl that slapped you yes yes this is my best friend so yeah this is

like we're ride or die like we're supposed to have each other's backs quick quick question why did she slap you did she have a good reason because she she was mad because i told this guy asked her she was ticklish and i said she was that's why she slapped you that's something you would be mad at me for i wouldn't i just want to be serious i've never slapped or been slapped. Oh, my God. Is that a challenge? Esther, and it shows. I know. You could have a pigtail tugged out or two.

I wouldn't say those type of things in front of Annie. I feel like she's just foaming at the mouth, waiting to just. I'm like, oh, I never got to take anyone's virginity. This is a type of virginity. The lawsuit that I would somehow muster up. All right. Start drinking some diuretics you're gonna have to poop that key out she's getting ready for it to okay keep going okay so she drinks so yes so she drinks my drink everyone's laughing at me again and it's just like the emotions going through my head that i remember are like being humiliated for the second time and the fact that this bitch is selling me out to try to look cool at my expense right now like how so i just whenever i slapped her right i just went

now it's your turn and i slapped her okay but nobody was there except my ex or my boyfriend at the time had seen her slap me before so she then really victimed it up i mean this was like a shake we did like it was like you're gonna get slapped it's. I mean, this was like a shake we did. Like, it was like, you're going to get slapped. It's your turn. She, like, it was like, how dare you? How could you? And I'm like, you got to be fucking kidding me. And then I'm trying to get Brad to be on my side, and he's trying to fuck her.

And I'm like, are you guys kidding me? So I was, like, livid. And then we all ended up getting so fucking drunk that the next day, the one day we actually had a field trip where we went to go see these Mayan ruins, I vomited all over the bus like all over my ex-boyfriend's like I don't I think he had new balances like all of his new balances and just all over everyone um so I definitely probably had like the most dramatic time even though everyone else did and then we um so I was like in a fight with her she also I remember Brad and I were banging on the on the um balcony and she came out there it was like why would you come out where we're banging she just was always a problem and kind of like cock

blocking me or like trying to fuck my boyfriend she was always like banging on my it was like such a weird did she like your boyfriend all every boyfriend I had so and he liked her back he had a crush on her she was dating she lost her virginity this other guy we like lost her virginity at the same time and then I started dating him and then he ended up breaking up with me when we got back from Mexico because he said he didn't like how I treated Becky and I was like but you know the whole story. So it was like he just, and then they had been hooking up. I didn't know that.

During the Mexico trip? I don't know. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. But she was hooking up with this other guy, Mike, who was my friend Liz's boyfriend, who she fucked with Liz. And Liz died in a very shocking but appropriate way for herself.

Like not a girl you want to fuck with. So Liz has since expired. She is no longer with us. Oh wow. But Liz. What happened to Liz? Okay. So Liz wasn't on that trip.

But when I came back I was like Liz was a crazy. Liz was like a very. She was supposed to be in a school for juvenile delinquents. Like she was very much. She really liked watching Heavenly Creatures. That movie about killing your parents oh i love that you know but she liked to watch she owned it on vhs that's like kate winslet yeah where they kill their parents yeah i like that movie as a child too well i didn't i was not kneeling on rock salt my parents just sent me to places where men made me kneel i I wasn't just lean. I would just I wasn't just kneeling on rock salt, by the way. I was I was told to keep my arms to my side like this.

But I will tell you this. You do have great arms. Do you like my sweaty armpits? My my pits are going to sweat so bad. I wore the wrong sweat color. You guys, I cannot believe the sponsor that we got. I have been a user for the last two years. It's the gift I got for everyone in my family for Christmas last year. Was it gelt? Jewish gelt? No.

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percussive therapy which goes 60% deeper than vibration alone. No joke. Like we used to use this on the set of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. People would bring them and we would all Theragun each other. It's like you can't not have one. And it saves you money because you don't need to go pay for massages. You guys, it has honestly cut my recovery in half. If I'm doing HIIT training that day and i'm really sore the

next day this is my go-to we get it you work out i know i was gonna say esther have you ever felt the way she's feeling i'm fit i'm just sore from the way i sit on my couch i really feel like people have heard of theragun like now is the time to support bloodbath and support yourself and save money by not having to go get massages and be touched by people you guys try theragun for 30 days starting at only 199 dollars which is actually saving you money go to theragun.com slash bloodbath right now and get your gen 4 theragun today that's theragun.com slash bloodbath theragun.com slash bloodbath it's it it saves you money i'm not having to go get massages like this is a no-brainer this is a time you can theragun while you listen

to annie verbally theragun me my my mom was like maria do you guys know who maria abramovich is she's a performance artist yeah she does like really extreme things with like you know physical like she has like her art exhibit involves human bodies my mom was maria abramovich with her torture tactics the the rock salt is like the least creative thing she's ever come up with she had this thing called stomach belt you want that stomach belt it she was very creative she had this other one where she was a stomach belt right now to cover this muffin top that's hanging out but she would whip you with like a rhino fucking hide whip and then she also had this

other um um she used banana peels as a weapon and she would take the nut but she put them underneath so you slid on them that's pretty your, your mom's funny. Like a cartoon. She would just. Annie thinks cartoons are real. I mean, it explains you perfectly. You know, she would whip our faces with a banana peel. She would eat a banana, just all rageful. That's so insulting.

All rageful. To be slapped with a banana peel? Oh yeah. Somebody would just slap you with their wet trash. That's exactly what she did. She would eat a banana and she would be just. you knew it was coming like rageful and we were across the fucking table from her we're like oh god it's coming it's coming she would just get up and fucking whip our faces with banana also her mom's really hot so this by the way when i ask her now when i ask her now because that's why we you know when kids tell their stories they're like oh my parents used to beat me and then you see their mom and the mom's like you know middle age or 60 years old and she looks like just the sweetest old lady that is not my mom

my mom is a fucking asian arnold schwarzenegger i got beaten by like i got beaten by a bodybuilder like i remember having to spend two hours one time trying to like pluck my braces wire off of like my lips because it was lodged in there from her just like fucking punching me in the mouth. What? But we had very full lips for a week. Again, we like to take our trauma and we like to see the positive. She learned to she has very tough knees now i do very very um someone once

said i had really like um meaty knees i'm like that's all scar tissue from fucking kneeling you bitch you're like feel it there's rock salt inside i can we try all the things that your mom did on you and esther we should there is something really funny to me like memory sense of memory wise about like the moment where you know you just fucked up and like you know you're about to get in trouble from like your older sibling or your parent like they're like the moment of them eating like you're saying she ate the banana and you're just like without waiting you know they're about to come over and yell at you or something is so funny. It's inevitable. That's why I am adult that, you know, like I do this a lot.

I do that too. I wince a lot at anything, like the air. I'm like, oh, what's that? I do that too, and no one even beat me. Beated you? I can't even say it. But I'm always like, I'm always like, meh. But maybe that's how you got away from it,

because you gave them the jerk reaction already and they were like that's good enough like you showed fear that's what we were supposed to do so my sister was really smart she was like why don't you just cry right away she's like you're so stupid no but i like that where you're like come on bitch give me more yeah that's exactly the type of kid that i was i was like you don't get to break me down I remember the exact day because my parents weren't like I remember my parents like gripping me up a couple times but I mean that was like really after a lot um but my dad never my dad was like hit when he was low so he never does it my mom like she never did anything like she's like gripped our leg or like smacked my

leg once hard and she feels so guilty and you put on the waterworks and just like really dig in and make her feel bad and she choked me up once when i was 14 but it was like the day i was like i smoke cigarettes i fuck and i have my nipples pierced and she's like jesus christ i just gave her everything so you were never spanked no i i remember when i was like much younger like i have a couple memories of like the someone going and getting the yardstick and like threatening with the yardstick to make you do math but not nothing no i don't remember anything but this is like a this is a perfect science experiment. It's like verbal abuse, physical abuse, no abuse.

But we're all still mentally fucked up. Fucked up. Yeah. So it's like they're so funny and cute. There's no. How did that happen? We got so cute and funny. But like, you know, when you were talking about being at JCPenney, that makes me think

of college when like being in the dressing room at banana republic with my mom and her just being like i'm like nothing looks good and she's like well why do you have to gain so much weight like that's abuse i like that i like that you're like speaking of being beaten with banana peels i was at banana republic one or like in eighth grade changing and my mom being like, oh, my God, you have stretch marks? That's so young. You have stretch marks. Ew, you did?

Yeah. I did too. That's really young. No, that is. No, having like your parents kind of put their body stuff on you because my parents were big dieters and stuff. So I definitely got all of my like negative eating things from my parents. But that's bad.

Yeah, that's like a weird pressure, competition it's about your look you know they always say like your um what your parents say to you become your internal dialogue so i'm a selfish cunt but that's i'm an untalented not i'm just maybe they're just helping you i deserve to die i should be executed oh i know i do have like i've realized this i discovered this in therapy last year like when we're talking about putting on a swimsuit and i was like i can't no matter what like i can't put on a swimsuit i i do still to this day i swim in a t-shirt and shorts i didn't i was like i don't know why i'm like this like i actually i was i was saying like I feel comfortable in a bra and underwear like I cannot wear a swimsuit and I was like you know there was this one incident but it is it an yeast infection no

I was like well yeah there was this one time like but I didn't bother me where I was in middle school and I was at the like the local pool and I took off my swim covers and I heard like the older girls say to them to each other like oh my god I didn't know she was fat and I'm like and at the time I remember I remember being really confident about it I was like oh fuck you like I don't care whatever but now I'm like oh I think that my therapist was like I think that's why and the best part is that they were probably talking about a person next to you and you just your whole life has been ruined by it I think they were talking about me but how can you be so short and fat though I don't understand you're so little I'm like I'm like soft yeah but it was like just like mean girl

it was mean girl they were mean girls here how about this maybe we can work towards the goal of um getting you in a really nice high-cut flattering swimsuit i'll wear one with you um my bush is gonna fly out of there annie will wear one we can have like a very um healthy episode of us in one piece not two piece just you know just to kind of sit with the discomfort i don't care what's going on with my body i'm in a bikini are you serious how do you have that confidence no offense it's just like what it's just it's just here's every time i feel fat i just remind myself i'm fertile as fuck that's cool i'm just like sorry i'm fertile you all want to bang me anyone that's calling me fat is trying to have sex with me yeah yes yes but what do you think about those goals esther is that is that a weird i would love to do that but i can all i can think about is like my thighs on this chair but they say

you know exposure therapy have you ever heard of that where it's just you do the things that make you uncomfortable and then you see if you can get through it. And that tiny bit of confidence, you'd be like, oh, I got through it. Yeah, I'm open to that. I don't want like board short Esther to go away though. Board short at a pool party, Esther is golden. She's like wearing umbros and obviously one of her tie-dyed shirts. She's dressed like exactly like me when everybody thought I looked like

the middle Hanson brother in middle school. I threw on my puka shell necklace. Wait a second. I look Taylor. Yeah, I looked like the middle Hanson brother in middle school. I threw on my puka shell necklace. Wait a second. I look Taylor. Yeah, I look like the middle one. No, I think you look like Daniel Johns from Silver Chair. Well, in middle school. Yeah, all of when I was at my most vulnerable, physically vulnerable, emotional place in middle school, i looked like every famous boy every famous

hot blonde boy but they were the hot blonde boys that my brothers accidentally jerked off to thinking they were girls so i can give myself that what was the guy from home improvement oh jonathan taylor jonathan taylor thomas yeah i honestly carly aquila do you guys know her yeah yeah she um she used to always send me like memes of him and be like this is you jtt wait um george can we pull up a picture of um middle school esther and annie no oh i have a really good middle school one i didn't send you guys oh look at that little cute you look at your mom look at the shirt that says i like two girls that's very honest of you I thought I was like a

I dressed like a horny boy wait was this like a kappa shirt is that what the brand was yeah I think it is yeah it was Christina my best friend's twin brother's shirt and how how old were you here that's probably like seventh grade okay I was right so it is middle school yeah okay you're you I remember which middle school yeah okay you're you i remember which middle school picture you have of me which is like there's a year before so post this one and then i'll send you so i just realized i think that one was actually freshman year of college because or high school i knew this was gonna happen this is it's too real i think this is i don't know eighth grade or freshman year i think i had the blonde highlights

I don't know, eighth grade or freshman year. I think I had the blonde highlights. Look at you trying to pretend to be a Christian. My dad made us do that. You guys, I don't know if this goes without saying, but I do think I need to let you guys know that I was really obsessed with the Lifetime movie about Amy Fisher. I don't know if you can tell by this. Who's that?

Amy Fisher, she shot the wife of the guy she was having an affair with back in the day she was like a you know like a jody arias back then and she yeah she was like my queen i feel like to draw pictures of her i loved her it was like her and paul abdul were my idols i feel like this is very this picture is very true to the times yeah like with a necklace the eyebrows is it green eyeshadow even it's white but that's also a that's a um a picture from my quick a Quaker youth retreat I was more importantly who were the bald ghosts in the background those are some Quakers I my picture i look so ugly and you look like a pretty girl well i'm gonna try to find my ugly boy one i had had sex with my one boyfriend i had lost my virginity

did you lose your virginity 14 this was the age i lost my virginity and then i remember i started to get insecure because on this trip some guy it was the first time someone told me that i looked like brett butler and it was when grace Under Fire was on and I was so offended because she was I mean she was probably 35 at that point but to me she was like a 90 year old woman they were saying I looked like wait can we also like rebrand the term losing your virginity like there's something so yeah creepy creepy like something to be taken it's so disgusting how what can we call that that's not so creepy and misogynistic i like to say cherry popping's fun my mom no i can't use my mom's term because that's even worse the deflowering yeah deflowering it's like so it's not a flower

yeah it's like what is it a rotten fucking fruit it's a durian it's a durian that's why i like it kalilah when did you have sex for the first time? At 15 with a boy named Jaime. You gave your Jaime to Jaime? That is really amazing. Was he one of your stepbrothers? He was not my, this was a couple of years before sex with my stepbrother. Does it even count if it's not a brother? I don't know.

You guys make the rules. Is it, was it real sex with Jaime? But I was so unready and I knew it because as soon as we were done I wanted to break up with him right away and I did I was like I can't do this anymore I might my body rejected the experience but leading up to it I was so horny I was so horny that's all I wanted to do but then when it was done I was like oh god had you like sucked dicks and stuff before you lost your virginity because i was like very scared of penises and like very not ready to fuck but was like i gotta keep this sweet guy i can't yeah i thought i was like everyone else i thought i was like a late bloomer everyone else that i was

friends because we were juvenile delinquents had been like banging since before their period yeah so i was like i better i better hit it quick what about you est, Esther? I mean, I was 15 too, so that's young. Yeah, 15. But with a boyfriend. But that you liked. Yeah, I liked. He was the guy that I had a crush on for a year. Wasn't Johnny Rockets boy.

It was Johnny Rockets boy. No wonder. No wonder. What? Maybe you call it getting Johnny Rocketed. Because we were talking about um your biggest heartaches um in the first episode and you had mentioned johnny rocket's betrayal that is like my high school boyfriend that broke my heart and that is just the

dry drive by his house yeah you still drive by his house she's living you don't know this i don't but i also have stories to share about that oh do, do you want to do a drive by stories? Because I've got a very good drive by story too. What? In college, I got caught driving by. I got, okay. So I dated this guy. You know, that's my dream is to get caught.

It's just, this was very bad. Okay. So it was not my dream to get caught. My dream was to get taken back by this person that didn't even, it was okay. So I I I dated this guy there was this guy and I had I had a crush on him for like two years he was bald I it was like he was a prematurely bald kid in my class but he was so funny that I was like I'm gonna get that bald guy like he's gonna be my boyfriend and he had a girlfriend the first year and then I

remember I even saw him my mom was like visiting and we were at Red Lobster and I saw him with his girlfriend. I was like, I have a crush on that guy. And the next semester I called my mom and I was like, guess who's sitting in front of me? Like bald, bald guy. And I was like, well, I guess we should call him Balder because more is gone. And she was like, oh, my God. And then so then I started hanging out with him and we like started dating and he was so funny and I was so in love with him and he was like you have to come to Tennessee and meet my family wait what age I was uh 19 okay he was like you have to come to Tennessee to meet my family like

everyone in my family was like this finally you have like a good boyfriend who like gets how cool you are and great I go to um I go home for Christmas and I'm supposed to fly out for New Year's to meet his family. He stops returning my calls after he drops me off at the airport. No response on email or anything then calls me on Christmas Eve and is like yeah just cancel your just cancel your trip. Why? He was like my parents are getting divorced and I just we went it's just like the thing that I've done this to so many guys since. So, you know, I now understand the other side. But you know when you just, you're really into someone in the beginning

and you make a lot of like future plans. And then you wake up one morning and you're like, who are, I don't want this life. Like you just aren't into it. And you just have to now like go back on these promises that you made. It was just like that. That is my worst fear. I mean, the fact that it hasn't happened to you i mean i

wish i could make it happen to you i wish there was a way i could find a way to just have dave just wake up when no i wouldn't can you imagine i mean let's not even joke about that wait but so what's the drive okay so then i just want to give you like the intense background so um so then he like lived in this house with a couple other people that was up. This was all in Santa Fe. So people live on a mountain in an arroyo. It's like a weird, you know, it's like desert land and mountains. So he lived on the street that was like up this hill and you had to go past this really nice, really nice hotel that my friend Trevor worked at.

So I, there's no reason for me to be driving that direction unless I'm going to Trevor's or Ryan's house. So I go, I drive by it all the time. I'm so heartbroken that like, this was like, I thought we were going to like get married.

I mean, you know, I was young, but it's an Olivia Rodrigo song. Yeah. It's a hundred percent that song. And I'm like, I just can't believe it.

And one time I even went over and they moved out. And they were doing renovations on the house. So it was unlocked. So I was able to go into the house and walk into the room. Now that's an Alanis Morissette song. That's also a crime. It was a full dream. Well, lock your door.

Don't dump me on Christmas. Stay with me. But so then I'm driving. One of the times I'm going to drive by and I was doing it pretty frequently like very cocky like nobody had caught me and when they were living there I was doing it too and it was hard because it was up at like pretty much a dead end like you could drive by it but it was a very like very rarely used driveway like street so I had gotten away with it so many times I got very cocky and I was driving one day and Trevor was outside smoking a cigarette on a break

and he was like Annie and he like pulls me over goes are you driving by right like he just there was no other thing I could be doing and he just called it out immediately and I was like um I gotta go my window's broken I gotta get out of here and I like drove off drove off a cliff I fell in Louise myself it was just so did you ever talk after that to Trevor yeah I still wait Trevor's the guy who broke up with you no Trevor was his friend that worked at the thing but no I'm still I went to his wedding I went to Ryan's wedding he he ended up marrying a girl I was friends with I moved her out to LA to live with him but I do think that she really liked the fact that he had broken my heart and that's why she wanted me at the wedding like I brought the class I mean not that they don't love each other and have kids and stuff

but she loved that like I was like this cute little girl yeah do you know what's a joke is if one if any of the three of us think that we don't need so much of better help. We need triple the amount of better help. We need to be seeing three different therapists for every single problem we have. I was a psychology major just because we would do role playing and I would get extra therapy in class. It is so convenient. You don't have to leave your house. It's, again, safe and private and you can start communicating in under 48 hours. So that means right now from this point you will be talking to someone within two days.

When you're triggered by something that we've talked about on this podcast, you can immediately get help. This is an app. You can find someone right away. You don't have to wait. You don't have to suffer alone. There is someone that will listen to your problems and talk it out with you and find your patterns and tell you that maybe you should stop being friends with some of your friends. My favorite feature of BetterHelp is you can write your counselor at any time. There's a journal feature. So all throughout the week, even before your next appointment, you can just write down your thoughts that your therapist now has access to. So going into your appointment, you're not starting from scratch she's going to be like okay these

things have happened throughout the week let's talk about it that's so helpful it is and just to be clear it's not a crisis line it's not self-help it is actually professional counseling that is done securely online and like kalilah said you can send a message to your counselor anytime and you'll get thoughtful responses plus you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions the best part is that it is very affordable and financial aid is available and honestly like better help is that thing that i've heard about for a while and i say take it from these three old rotten sperms ester andy and kalilah now is the time to use it we all use BetterHelp and we are so much better off for it. I don't think we would get through this show without using BetterHelp. Annie, I want

you to start living a happier life today. And as a listener of Bloodbath, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com slash bloodbath. Join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp.com slash bloodbath join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health again that's better help help.com slash bloodbath give your partner a break they don't want to hear your problems anymore go to professional okay it's on your phone it's that easy esther what about you because it didn't just happen one time. You go, you still frequent and you still drive by. Yeah, they have like a ring camera because of you. Here's the thing. I drive by his house. You know, my best friend knows how to drive by.

You know, I was home in December and my mom and I were running errands and I was like, oh, we're right by, you know. So we're in 2020. and I was like, oh, we're right by, you know, let's try. So we're in 2020. Yeah. So we, so I drive by, I'm curious. It's a curiosity. It's also a memory lane situation. You know, you're, I'm not just revisiting that love.

I'm revisiting my past. That time in your life. Yeah. Like, you know, and he represents that time. He also is the only ex I have that I don't speak to that I, you know, that has blocked me on all. Yeah. So you don't speak to him I you know that has blocked me yeah so you don't speak to him or

does he not speak to you he's completely blocked me it's so funny to block him he's blocked my phone number blocking on Facebook how long ago a long time ago because I remember the night where like I crossed the line and it was like right when I moved to LA and I remember I was bored in my acting class and I just started texting him like mean stuff and like what like what it's like I was just like oh your new girlfriend is just like me but fatter I like how you knocked yourself a little bit fatter you're like didn't you didn't want to be unrealistic about it obviously I don't stand by that. I was stupid. I was 21 years old. I was a jerk and I was a jealous idiot. She seems lovely. I'm happy for them.

I just I would love to connect. I would love to have a positive conversation. Run. Never unblock. By the way, I love you in acting class texting. I know. You're like sexting and texting in class. And, you know, I know his parents probably hate me.

Everyone hates me, whatever. But, yeah, and then, okay, the bad thing that I did that I should not have done is I'm – so I'm still friends with – one of my friends, my friend Bobby, is – not Bobby Lee, Bobby Kaczorski. Hey, Bobby. Which Bobby was, like, the cute guy in our school, and all my friends had sex with Bobby but Bobby and I never had a like we were just always friends and so Bobby one night tells me when I was home in Chicago whatever like five years ago he's like oh actually it's so funny you're in town it's the their wedding party is tonight in here in Chicago because they I guess

got married in okay I know where in Miami I'm not got married in, okay, I know where, in Miami. I'm not going to say. Wait, who got married? Johnny Rockets boy? Yeah. He married the French girl? Not the French girl. He married the next girl.

The French fry girl? The fat French girl. So, no, she's actually Cuban, which I'm very jealous of, because I've always wanted to have half Cuban babies, because my best friend is Cuban. Anyway, is that racist? I don't know. So I'm jealous of a lot of things. So anyways, so Bobby is like, oh, they're having their like in-town wedding for all the people that couldn't make it to Florida.

And I was like, really? Like, oh, my God, I'm coming. And I guess Bobby thought I was joking. But then I called Bobby and I'm like, really? Like, oh, my God, I'm coming. And I guess Bobby thought I was joking. But then I called Bobby and I'm like, me and Christina are outside. And he comes out and he's like, what are you doing here? And I was like, I'm just like outside. Like, I'm not going in. Did you think he was going to like tie sheets together and help you climb up?

I just thought I was so stupid that I thought it was funny. I was like, this is this is funny like I'm here I'm outside like come outside I'm gonna look like and Bobby was just like this is crazy you're crazy and we were all laughing it was funny okay I got the laughs but I get that I should not have even been near the building isn't it weird when you get these moments as a grown-up where you realize like you just like the story that you have with that person is just like done like you're like trying to go back i've like revisited so many ex-boyfriends and it's the same thing where they're like can you leave my life like i've come back and been like i'm ready to fuck you again and they're like

what can you go away weirdo there is some some type i think they like you haven't been waiting for us to make our appearance again there i read this one thing about like that's one of the hallmark signs of i don't know what it was i don't think it was narcissism but it was like some type of like personality disorder where you feel the need to make good or to be friends with all of your exes yeah um that is a red flag so really yeah it's it's okay to never speak to somebody you had a falling out with and and i kind of do you mind never calling me again no but esther funny that you say that he's like the only guy who's like completely like an ex of yours is completely cut out i'm gonna make a plea to bradley vanderkam to please forgive me for for all the things that i did he has blocked me off of everything

our love affair happened when i was 17 and he has not he has not relented he probably died of old age wasn't he like 70 why was he you were under age he was probably over age all the bloodbath babes have to have an ex that's blocked them that's a requirement george really what a time to bring up what annie calls my prison yard picture i know i'm like you have to be waiting outside of prison there can't be another place you're at by the way i'm dressed like you in that picture now i was wearing sketch shirt slides by the way with you know with a with a thick heel on it i'm so glad the feet part got cut out of that picture but that was not me in college george i hadn't met bradley vanderkam then but um i was so he was the first guy that i dicked over i had never cheated on him but he's the only boy i've

ever cheated on but i dicked him over and i was so sure that he was gonna have me back and he didn't and not only did he cut me off like even today in our 30s like i i don't even have the option to add him as a friend on facebook isn't that doesn't that bother you it does because i want to say sorry yeah like and i'm sure and I'm sure he doesn't even think of me. I'm sure he doesn't even know what the fuck my name is. Like, I'm sure he's forgotten all of these things, but I'm hanging on to the fact that, like, I dicked someone over so hard. I don't have, like, a boy dicking over story I feel bad about,

but there is this one girl from my Quaker Youth Retreats. This is, like, the meanest shit I've ever done. Like, I really felt what I had done to her um and I'm always looking to find her because I owe her a pair of shoes all right so I was in Quaker meeting is like a church that you but you there's no pastor anything you just sit in silence and if you feel moved to speak you stand up so we're in a silent room sitting on these benches for like I don't know how long was an hour and I'm sitting there and I'm trying to impress my friend Burley this this guy I was friends with and I had uh like a thumbtack I used

to just chew on thumbtacks and I was a juvenile I just thought it like made me like the pin yeah I would just like I would just play with them I would my tongue pierce I would just like fuck around with them I always was like I don't know it was just some dumb thing me and my friends we also had there was this place, Condom Kingdom, on South Street in Philly, and they had flavored condoms, and we would bring them to school and chew on them and stuff. And then. Blow them up for parties.

Yeah, blow them up for parties. Those were the balloons. Yeah. Didn't you guys have toys and TV? To put up in you? Every Happy Meal thing went right up Esther's butt, I bet. But I, so. You never watched Nickelodeon after school or TRL?

I was too busy sucking dick, to be honest. Oh my God. If you ask anybody in high school that was my reputation just it went a little bit overboard because i feel like i really only truly sucked maximum three penises in high school but three they called her tiny reflex lady no gag i'm trying to make a tl um but you know three might as well be 90 when you're in high school oh my god right because that's how they see it they're like oh if you've sucked one dick you're a whore you're a whore yeah and so that's what i was labeled i was a face queen i used to well i had a kid that i

face queen that's what they used to call us face queen chicken head what does that mean that you suck a lot of dick and even though like it was really only three circus seal yeah but i i there was a kid that i hooked up with he came into my school this guy he um he was cute he was short he was cute but i was like still so into my first boyfriend who was like who was fully dating becky at that point but so um this kid came to my school and he tried to hang out with me and wanted me to suck his dick and i just didn't want to hook up i just wasn't into him i didn't want to hook up with him so then he did tell everyone he went around I was like this bitch doesn't suck dick like he like spread the rumor that I was the opposite which then got

my friend Shane's dick sucked because then I was like I have to suck one of your dicks to prove this but anyway that kid that that spread that rumor was motorcycle racing when he was 18 he crashed didn't die stood up triumphantly after the crash then was hit by a car and did die so if you want to spread a rumor about me go for it you will die young oh my gosh that is so sad that he said that about me annie he would be in prison he okay so he actually he went to jail before that because he went and someone told me this like through the grapevine because i hadn't i don't really talk to anyone from my high school only a couple people but someone had told me through the grapevine they're like oh did you

know that drew is in prison he must not have been 18 he must have been in his early 20s he was drew went to prison because he went to my ex-boyfriend's house where he still lived in the basement with the waterbed and shot up his room and i was like oh my god is he and then he was like no brad's fine i was like no no did he get the waterbed i was like i hope he didn't pop the waterbed did he he didn't what's the point of shooting up a room if you're not gonna shoot the water but i know how sick is that scene of just squirting water that's a very 80s like very very like you know miami 80s um um yeah mafia movie yeah shooting up the fucking waterbed yeah that would be a great by the way

don't lose your virginia in a waterbed you have to deal with like seasick everything's like there's so many added things wait is a waterbed still do people still have i don't think so that sounds so much fun i remember we got one for the studio we should you guys there was um in the in this one island that we would frequent in the philippines called dumaguete there was this one hotel called the habitat and if you paid extra money for the best room in their hotel it was a waterbed and i remember like my dad my mom my cousins all of us would just like squish on this little squish on the water bed you roll over someone flies up we felt so rich we felt that's the richest i ever felt it was like a pricey bed you know it was it's probably the equivalent to having

like a really nice like tempur-pedic now do you think jeff bezos has a water bed i bet he does now do you think jeff bezos has a waterbed i bet he does he has like a factory where they make waterbeds at least but so he but he spread a rumor about me when i lost my virginity he told everyone that i fucked like a dead fish and i remember taking like i was like a dead i mean i technically i was swimming on the thing you fucked like a dead you didn't fuck a dead fish he said i fucked like a dead fish i'm like i'm sorry i was 14 losing my virginity on your fucking waterbed swimming or flailing around also there's a guy out there that will like that one day okay and but he's already engaged to ester i have necrophilia but i like being a dead person it's just that's when she says that her neck hurts a lot you know i have a friend who does um um quad which she calls like quad play like quadriplegia play, where she pretends to be completely like incapable of like doing anything for herself.

So that's one of the sex things that she does. So she makes her husband do sexual things while she's like, I can't move this and then do this. But she has to pretend she can't feel it too. She has to pretend she can't feel it. Yeah. She was like, oh, I don't have have nerves there can you move to the right side but she does it and then she starts to like drool and so he has like wipe her mouth with his penis but it's quadriplegic play oh my god i want to do that for like chores like yeah i'm role playing that you're

the maid and i'm here sick that is so intense oh god. I'm like I'm very lit up by that. I feel an energy. Because you know you're gonna have to put less energy in later. Esther I have a question. When you would drive in 2020 when you drove past Johnny Rocket Boy's house did he still live there? No it's his parents house but you know. And what are their thoughts on it? I don't know. His parents, I'm sure they don't like me. Well, they've built a gated community around their house. But nobody's ever seen me.

I've never seen anyone outside. That's kind of the dream. You know what it is? I'm gathering information. I'm spying. You know what? There's a book called The Dutch House. There's a book called The Dutch House that I recently read.

Not a Dutch oven, which I'm sure you're involved in a lot. But it's basically that. It's like brother, sister who had like this really, they couldn't figure out what memories they really had in that house. So they go back every year and they park outside that house and they process their lives just outside this house because that's where a lot of heartache and confusion happened. That's amazing.

Is that like Flowers in the Attic? Is that what Flowers in the Attic is? Flowers in the Attic was the kids had to bang each other up in the attic ew oh my god siblings yeah have you guys ever don't say ew that's her actual life it's it's my biopic she just didn't have an addict but my biopic but yes like i'm revisiting my past i'm and that's i if i were to connect with him that's all i want to do is just like oh let's relive our childhood like we were children he's like do you know how much therapy I've gone through to forget you exist bitch anyways no I have that too where it's like but mine is a little bit later I don't I'm not in love with him okay I just even though some would say Dave looks like him I just

want to live my past over again like every other normal healthy adult right don't you guys want that yes but that's the thing i my childhood and my high school years that is like happiness to me that's because i think you there was a question we were talking about like what's a memory you want to like cement and relive yes that's that's it for me like childhood and high school once i hit college everything got shady um that's what i wanted to ask you guys um so last week you said you were raised by slugs right that is so funny and it really does track and then i came across this article about it's called mollusk manipulation, where scientists are able to take snails and they're able to extract, delete, or replace memories. And I wanted to ask you guys, because they're studying it to see if

maybe one day they can do that with humans with PTSD, anxiety, depression, or just really bad trauma in the past. It's kind of like eternal sunshine for the spotless mind. Um, if there, my question to you guys is if that was one day possible, what, what, what memories would you permanently delete? What memories would you reinforce? So it's clear as day in the forefront of your minds and what random thing that never really happened in your real life would you place in there i have trouble with these sort of questions because i do really my entire i've put all my eggs in the basket of it's okay these terrible things happened because they've led me here and i am really at a place in my life where i fucking love my life i'm i totally feel like in line with who i am and happy with what I do and able to kind of

get through my life happily and and navigate it but I mean it really was hard it took a long time to get here so I'm like I don't know if I would have ended up here you know because I always think here in Bobby Lee's garage here in the garage of a great man and his girlfriend we don't know I would want to reinforce my childhood because I feel like like elementary school I was so confident and I was just and like the memories are good and positive I feel like I would really want to reinforce that and sometimes do you ever do this where you like try to honor your younger self or like try to revisit who you used to be like I'll always think like gosh you know if I feel insecure about this like let me re-get in touch with like childhood Esther who was super confident and like let me honor and respect her by trying to like be inspired by her confidence but mine is the opposite

because I'll do I do like some really fucking cheesy journaling where I'll write to my inner child and stuff but mine is because any sort of like hiccup or triggering I have as a grown-up is like because of something that was hard when I was little so I have to go back and instead of like learning lessons from this kid I have to tell this kid that I like got her back you know and it's weird I'll have like a like my inner child will write back to me. It's so fucking weird. It's like a kid is writing to me. It's very strange. I like that.

But I have to like go help her rather than, you know, like an eternal sunshine of the spotless mind when. Yeah. When they're like she's, you know, they like want to go back in time to like she wants to help him when he had his like most traumatic experience. That was like really sweet. No. So I want to ask you guys nothing

nothing you would permanently delete like i mean i guess if i deleted my like crazy traumatic high school getting like just one memory it doesn't have to be a whole period it just has to be one thing that you can do without maybe if i hadn't gotten a i got in a car accident when i was 12 on my way to to join like the the swim team that was going to train me for the Junior Olympics. So that to me is like a very crazy thing because that's when I started smoking cigarettes and like fucking being bad. I just like leaned out of the good. So I just that would be a pivotal moment. I don't know where my life would be, though.

I don't know if it would lead me here. Yeah, I'm not afraid of alternate routes in my life. I think that's cool. Like, I'm not, like, so hung up on the fact, like, look, I'm so happy where I ended up. I would have been happy. It would have been okay no matter where it went, in what direction it went, with who it went with. Yeah. And there are some things that in my life that i could

definitely do without there's so many memories that i could just pluck and say that didn't need to happen for me to be you know i who i am today will you tell us what yeah like for instance like being um hurt by my by an older family member at eight years old i could do that i could do without that because there was nothing i could have done at that age except it it gave me i think that's when like my panic attacks the sweating started i could do without that um so that would i would permanently delete that yeah i want to permanently delete my hyperhidrosis yeah i imagine i mean it was true it was it and esther doesn't have sweaty armpits so this is which is very dry pitted goddess but it was traumatizing because when did how old were you when your armpits started sweating i think second grade yeah mine were fourth grade i remember

and it was like you i would pit out and everyone made fun of me. It was like a huge source of embarrassment. And now I'm rocking it. This is with Botox. I had a friend, I met this, one of my high school friends, and she also had, we were doing like this art program over the summer, and she also had sweaty armpits. So we rode the train in together, and every day we would just pretend we got in a water fight and just spray each other down

to make it look like it wasn't just our armpits. The third part of that question, what would you add? What random great memory would you just randomly insert into your memory bank? I would insert like winning sports things. I would insert like finishing things and winning things, like getting good grade, like things that were like positive reinforcement, because then I think I would have more follow through in my life now, because I think I was kind of like, I never really finished reinforcement because then i think i would have more follow through in my life now because i think i was kind of like i never really finished things because i didn't i didn't have the wherewithal to know that you have to wait to get the feeling of reward yeah i have this thought that i feel like wouldn't necessarily change the trajectory of my life i

just want a memory of me showering a really grimy and dirty benicio del toro just one shower just one should we it doesn't there's no context from like excess baggage aid era no like was he in 21 grams yeah yeah it's just grimy and fat benicio del toro and i just want that random memory because that way i'll never want for anything again i just just just randomly be like, yeah, we did that, didn't we? I showered. I got to soak down Benicio. I saw him on a plane once. I walked into I was it was the first time I've ever flown first class.

And I walked in and to my right or to my left was Benicio del Toro and everyone like that was walking in or I guess I wasn't in first class because I was walking through first class so everyone in front of me I would see them like go like oh my god and they get all excited because they'd see Benicio del Toro and then I'd see them go two rows up in first class look to the right and they go like oh kept walking and so then I get I get two rows down and it's Clay Aiken and I was like wow the range of fame to be in my face like people were so excited and so then I get I get to Rose Down and it's Clay Aiken and I was like wow the range of fame to be in my face like people were so excited and so pissed and you know I think that was when he was like coming out against gay marriage or something he was like he was gay

yeah no but he was doing something that was like making the gay community really mad at him he was like republican or I don't know if he actually was anti-gay or it was just something where it was around the time when gay marriage was starting to actually become legalized. But people were really mad at him at that point. But it was just so funny. I was like to be right in my fucking face to see the different sides of people. I'm starting my banana break. Go ahead.

I'll tell you how close I got to Benicio del Toro as I eat no banana. Oh, you brought me strawberries? George! Strawberry banana break. Give her a strawberry on her stomach. Give her a little. George, that is so nice of you. Are they organic?

Just throw it. Oh, my God. They are! What if you threw them on the ground? George loves me. They're from Ralph's. You just trash them. George loves me. Wait're from Ralph's. You just trash them. George loves me.

Wait, I'm so excited. I was going to eat my gummies, but. Can you stop being excited? It's hard for me to get my food done when you're happy. I, one year, Bobby and I went to go Christmas tree shopping. And I don't know why the guy needed to insert this information. But he was like, oh yeah, Benicio Del Toro just shopped for a Christmas tree yesterday. And I have gone to the same Christmas tree lot every year.

I will not stray from that one. You go at Halloween? Every day. Every day. Thanksgiving to the day after Christmas. But that's how obsessed I was with him for a very long time. I feel like I could maybe benefit from like some happy memories with extended family you know like I that was always a

really hard area for me so just because my dad had me so late in life and he always talks about like how there were so many relatives that would gather at my the house you know where I grew up and so that always kind of fucks with me like thinking about all this like family that I could have had but was too late for I always feel like like I missed out late to the party never met my grandparents like and so I feel like I would I have this hole in like, this deep hole in me that I would, it would probably be good for me if I didn't have it. Because it does fuck with me. Yeah. And, like, another thing, too, and I can't remember, I've talked about this, but, like, my dad, when his mom died, he was like, oh, well, I'm never having children.

So he gave all her stuff away. He gave all her jewelry, like, all of her belongings. So he gave all her stuff away. He gave all her jewelry, like all of her belongings. So that also, I'm like, oh, I like would love to have like a necklace of hers or something. But that I will admit has given me like a less materialistic view of life. Because I'm like, oh, I can still like love her essence. And, you know, without having some of her stuff. And also it's so much pressure to

have like heirlooms right then you lose it if you get robbed it's like the it's the only thing you don't want unreplaceable things in your life for me at least i don't i never want like i'm always like oh when i get something sentimental i'm like fuck i i agree the only thing that i don't own jewelry that has any real meaning to it um i don't get it i try not to attach myself to objects too much come here you guys not today hold on one second this is exactly how it went down you guys can i try oh that feels kind of good it's cooling imagine it was hot out there in the philippines but she would wind it back like she would just be like she was like so sad so sad shout out to my mommy i love her so much i know i guess yeah if there were more like

memories maybe my dad because my dad worked a lot my dad and i bonded when i was 15 he graduated he retired early and i was getting my lot my dad and I bonded when I was 15 he graduated he retired early and I was getting my learner's permit and that's when I stopped being a juvenile delinquent like the minute my dad was around really and I had yeah time I just wanted I think I just needed adult attention that wasn't so bad I needed less adult attention and more if you know what I mean um but we yeah we would we would drive around we would do so much fun stuff my dad and I and that was when things were good so I think if I'd had that a little bit younger that could have helped because I definitely didn't feel safe as a kid

but I do think that made me like prepared for the world in a way that I wouldn't be if I had been but that's also kind of a sad thing to say that bad things have to happen to you for you to be a wise woman yeah but i also kind of do like sometimes i do think like when i think about all the lessons that i've learned it's through like a pain see because when i look at my um teenager now like jules lives with us she is so aware she's your niece she's my niece yeah she's not your daughter she's Esther's jealous she's like if anyone's your daughter it's me but she's so aware and so just she just knows she has had so much more guidance that I did and I don't think it needs we don't need to be pained to learn right and we just need to be told and you know I never learned it the way she learned it and so she's very she's just switched on when it comes to, you know,

what her boundaries are with like, you know, with her body and things like that. She just is very, way more switched on than I was. Okay. So for that to work though, she needs to have someone in her life that has learned those boundaries, however they learn them to teach her. Like my mom, I give my mom as much grace as I possibly can because I think about she just was didn't have the life I had so she didn't know when she was like sending me off and all these like pretty much they could have been like suicide missions I was like crazy she just thought that wait you were you were part of the 9 regime? I mean, that would have had more of a goal and more thought and planning behind it. But there was always danger.

But she didn't, she was, her mother was very like overprotective to her. And my mom lived a very nice life where nothing like that happened to her. So a lot of the things that she let me do that in retrospect I look back and I go why the fuck would she let me do is because it was something that when she was a kid she wasn't allowed to do and she was looked at as like this thing that she missed out on it's been interesting for me living with Dave because he's so healthy like he is just I have learned so much living with him because he is so it's a healthy person his childhood his upbringing parents sister everyone was just normal like i know we think that that's not a thing but

i see it in him and it it's pretty crazy and it's wonderful because it's like that's how that's how we describe george like we couldn't be we couldn't have more starkly different upbringings but the reason that I have so much trust in him is because he has tools that I don't have yeah like I may he just has these his bandwidth is endless in it like amazes me how much he can do in one day without feeling stressed out how he can take handle like really high pressure situations and just be really chill and cool about it and I don't have those tools like him like my bandwidth is this small oh when you see someone managing their emotions in front of you you're like what this is amazing yeah but I feel that way about Todd too he's so

he's so securely attached like he's just so willing to he lets things like roll off of him like nothing sticks on him I have anxious attachment yeah no shit I'm like where are you going he's like I'm just going to the bathroom stop asking me what are you doing you know what I do every night I'm on my computer like I have to know everything I requested to have the bathroom door taken off the other day I was like I don't like when you're in there taking a shit without me bobby is like a cat um sometimes he just disappears and when he wants affection he has to come and tell you he wants it you can't just give it to him because he'll be like yeah i don't want it not now but he has that same weird he doesn't want to admit to it but that same anxious anxious attachment. Anywhere I go, if I drive off somewhere to just live my life,

where are you? When are you coming back, mama? All the time, all day long. And then when I come back home, I swear it's like, I think this is as close as, this is probably, I imagine this is what parents feel when they come home. Okay, I have a really bad henna experience, but I want to start off with Annie getting henna on her dick

and how long she thinks it's going to stay there. I have always had this dream. You know when someone falls asleep first at a party? I know you've never partied. You just fall asleep. Have you ever been drawn on while asleep? No, because everyone knows if you do that to Esther. What happens, Esther?

Tell us what the repercussions are. A lot of trouble. What kind of trouble? Tattling, legal issues, litigation. We should tell your ex-boyfriend to just draw on your face when you fall asleep so you leave him alone forever. He can finally get rid of you. I mean, my friend John and I didn't talk for six months

because he gave me a wet willy. That was like, I still can't believe he did it. Like, I just can't believe he did that. Whaty that was like i cannot i still can't believe he did it like i just can't believe he did that what was that apology like did he have to say i'm sorry i gave you a wet willy like begrudgingly apologize no it was six months of not speaking and then it was like okay i guess like we miss each other what is this henna tattoo i just have always thought okay so when you fall asleep early at a party and you haven't emotionally held everyone captive enough that they feel free to fuck with you a little bit, they draw dicks on your face.

So I always thought it'd be funny to get to draw like a henna tattoo on someone's face of a dick because they last like two weeks. So I was asking my eyebrow woman who does henna. We have the same eyebrow lady, Aruna. Aruna Threading. She's incredible. Love her. She, I asked her, I was like, how, and she was like, there's ways you might be able to

get it off. But she, I think she is possibly down to come paint it. So whoever loses the next challenge gets henna dick on them? I mean, Esther's not. Let's be real. It's either I, we just have to find something I lose because I'm the only one that's willing to do this no i'm willing you're like okay let me tell you i'll be the judge how about that you guys have to compete you'll never be the judge i'm the judge you're never the judge i've already i've already been punished we'll never give you

your dream job the judge you're a simon cowell i am i think you're a simon cowell i'm a Simon Cowell. I am? I think you're a Simon Cowell. Because you are. I'm a Randy. I'm a fucking Randy. You're a Paula. I'm Paula. Wait, wait. I'm all fucked up on drugs. I will. What if we all commit to getting a henna on our face?

I'm not getting a penis, but I'll get a labia. Well, let me tell you. But do you think this is, if you get a labia on your cheek, I would be so happy. But it's just a tiny little rosebud maybe no maybe i'll get like a little star or something like right under your eye like a fucking little a little star of david why don't you get numbers i can't believe you said that i'm stumped i'm fucking stumped wait i've already been punished um i've already gone through trial by henna before because i went to a bollywood wedding

so this is what we were told all the girls in the bridal party were like we're all getting henna and i was looking at all of their um their pictures and they're like oh it's amazing and so i went to this lady in the corner they had three ladies out and this is the only lady with no one getting no one was going up to her so i was like oh there's a there's an empty stall there i'm gonna get it done by that lady so i pulled up this picture i was like this is exactly what i want this is right before the wet wedding i'm i'm gonna be in my full you, garb and look amazing the next day. And I flew all the way to New York with this amazing fucking Bollywood wedding. I said, give me that.

And George, show him what she gave me. Oh, they turned their hand into a corpse? Keep going, George. Show the finger one. What is that? That's really scary. Oh, my God god there's no way that's what they did to you that's exactly two fucking weeks i had to had fucking my i just look like we gotta fly that one out you look dead you look dead it looked like i had just like just

did this to do a pile of shit i would take that hand over esther's current hands um you mean a hand model hand? Okay. She's really let herself go. Those hands look like what I should look like when people are having sex with me. Just dig into someone's butt. Drag her in. So we're going to do that then.

That's a deal. We'll shake on it. Okay. Henna tattoo on the face. Annie has to get a large penis. Okay. How about this, Esther? Would you settle for just a really large mole?

No. Yeah, can we get hair coming out of the mole? Henna-ed on? I'll try to think of something somewhat embarrassing. All right, well, thanks for watching Bloodbath, guys. I have a clothing line, sleepoverbyester.com. It might be out by the time this episode comes out, if people want to look at it. Can you be a little more excited about your own product i mean this is like a sleep but yeah

she's like don't she's like don't sleep on sleepover by ester emphasis on the sleep go out and get yours soon sleepoverbyester.com welcome to sleepover esther.com handmade luxury loungewear you may have seen it um on esther's body non-stop for the past six months but this is a surprising new one they're gonna be so good i have tried them on they're very comfortable you guys are gonna fucking love them thank you sweet annie you guys thank you for listening to this show look is it traumatizing yeah are we fucked up yes are they more fucked up than me yeah but please like

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