Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Esther Forgets Her Birthday

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

Thank you to our Sponsors: Rocket Money -  Cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way by going to https://rocketmoney.com/trashtuesday Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 Khalyla’s Dennis Hopper Sunglasses4:40 Annie Shares Her Shaman’s Cards With Esther & Khalyla16:46 Our Roles in The Handmaid’s Tale20:14 The Power of the Cold Plunge & the Backdoor Plunge23:57 Samba & A Keen Sense of Smell29:32 Should Men Consult Their Partners Before Shaving Facial Hair?32:51 Spread or No Spread35:42 Leonardo DiCaprio Wears Headphones and Vapes While Doing It38:26 Beating Yourself Up After a Binge & the Return of the Birthday Cupcakes42:46 The Milkshake Study47:57 Alive in a Body Bag57:04 Meeting and Dating People Without a Dating App59:57 Acting Reels & Posting on Instagram 1:03:39 Our Life Hacks for Anxiety 1:09:35 Backing Out of Plans You Don’t Want to Go To1:12:44 When is Esther’s Birthday? Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 My Pleasure - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-pleasure/id1494518220 AnnieWood - https://www.youtube.com/annielederman Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera Editor: Bryce Hallock

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offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint mobile for details hi what sunglasses do you have these are um they're a collab with dennis hopper it's a brand

called jacques marie major i'm really scared to ask this yeah who is dennis hopper esther it's like can we loop this out? Oh, f***. But it's... These are going to be... You're going to see how these, like, girls, like, kid glasses, like, they'll look like I'm wearing,

like, a child's glasses. I can already see how they're too skinny for me. Let me see. Oh, they look good on you. Let me see. Too skinny. They're cool. But there's, like, meat on the side.

But it's, like, base on an easy rider. How much do they cost? $7.50, I think. Okay, I like them. I was about to be like, ew, boy, she's poor. You guys, speaking of meat, I really do not. I thought you said me. I really get the ick when people refer to being a human as living in a meat suit.

Do you guys hear that a lot? I do. Yeah, that's icky. And I get it because it's like I'm all about the spirituality, but meat suit, we got to do better than that. Okay, I have a good one that's going to gross you out. Okay. That's a good bad one. My ex-boyfriend was on acid and this girl came up to him.

He was sitting there. She sat, like straddled him. She was in a skirt. And she said, do you want to get in my warm pussy blanket? And then she sat on his dick. Wait, your boyfriend? My ex-boyfriend. He wasn't my boyfriend at the time.

Oh, I was going to say, you just let it happen? No, no, no. I mean, maybe I was on that much acid. No, that's like one of his stories he told me. So I think of warm pussy blanket all the time. I think that's kind of sweet. Like that's better than cum receptacle. Have you done acid yet? No, should I? But mushrooms, yes. Oh, why? Yes. Do everything but Coke and heroin. Okay. And wait, so, but what's the difference between acid and mushrooms? That's what I've been trying to ask people lately. Well, one's made in a lab and one grows out of cow shit.

But like, your experience. No, but it's so silly. Like, I mean, you can get the laughs on mushrooms. Acid to me is like so bright. It's so silly. It's so like. Well, Dr. Drew said too that LSD specifically is amazing for end of life dread.

So when people are either like diagnosed with like a terminal what about i'm still here dread i imagine it's probably really good for that just dread in general because if it's good enough for someone to like who's been diagnosed with a terminal illness to accept death in like a positive way i imagine it can help us just accept all the bad shit like i feel like mushrooms kind of, I feel like all hallucinogens kind of do that. I think it's so weird because there's like colors, everything's like neon and everything,

but for all of them, I'm just trying to think what the difference is. I don't know. Acid's longer, I think. How long? It's, you know, you could be up for 16. What? Yeah, acid's like all the time.

I don't want to be quoted on this. I'm like, these are just my experiences. It probably depends on how much you take. Okay, also follow 16 yeah it's like yeah acids am i wrong i don't want to be quoted on this i'm like these are just my experiences it probably depends on how much you take okay also follow up where's my gummy bear i want gummy bear on my fucking armpit what do you oh gummy bear deodorant yes we have the gummy bear uh body wash how else am i gonna get esther to eat out my armpit other than to make it candy thank you you to our sponsor, Rocket Money. Do you know how much your subscriptions cost? Most Americans think they spend around $80 a month on subscriptions when the actual total is closer to $200.

If you don't know exactly how much you're spending every month, you need Rocket Money. Stop throwing your money away. Cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday. That's rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday to rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday. That's rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday. Rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday. Miami, I am coming to do stand up April 21st and 22nd. Get tickets at estheronice.com.

And as always, I have a solo podcast. You can check it out wherever you listen to your podcast. It's audio only and it's super weird. Hi, sluggies. I'm having the best time on the road on the welcome to Annie Wood tour. You can see me in Seattle this March 10th and 11th. You can see me in Tampa, March 17th and 18th in Toronto, April 21st and 22nd, Riley, North Carolina, May 12th and 13th. I'll be in Salt Lake City in June. I will also be in Calgary in august all of

these shows are going to sell out there's also so many more tickets coming and other shows so please go to annie letterman.com slash shows and then come see me every thursday see my little baby annie wood my favorite little thing my solo podcast that's on youtube um comment subscribe like it all that stuff can't wait to see you. Annie, I saw you at the Comedy Store on Thursday night. And I have a question because you in the green room of the main room, you were very chill. You were very relaxed. You were very calm.

Did I seem like I was on something? Yeah. No. What was that about? I was so happy. I was hanging out with Damien Leone all night, who's the guy who made terrifier 2 who's gonna cut me up in terrifier 3 it was just so fun i was just having so much fun you were just relaxed i was having fun but i do my little my cards every day i forgot to do them so please help me this seemed like you were gonna ask me to do this okay but i didn't okay so these are my shami my breathwork shaman made these

they're so cool he painted them he created all of them and then so i i take three in the morning but it doesn't have to be three but you take we take well i take them and then i take it sounds like a medication i put them well i'm not here's the thing he said are you high i said no no it's on life and cars come here so i get to take three sure we'll just take one okay for now let's see i hope it's a lesbian one it is not it doesn't look good i don't mine is like scary what hey it's like a man hades you got hades wait why are you laughing it's actually not bad but it is like the underworld i mean even i know that devil but it's not it's the devil but it's not bad but it's

so funny no i'll help you it's dead but it's just funny that it got that you got death but it's not it's not bad but it's so funny but why is it not bad and your outfit's kind of like dark today what the fuck i love it though you know i'm happy with that shirt yes a royal caribbean cruise casino very excited but how is it not bad esther brings up a good question um so it's more about going to the depths of despair to oh okay flush things out and then bring rebirth i'm on that path yes uh i claim my unseen powers for my highest good i embrace transformation with faith wow i love that not like christian okay good no that i am transforming you're becoming christian i commit if she becomes christian i'll die that's

the funniest thing no i'm definitely currently like my big focus is i i my at my addiction is to comfort and i'm just trying to be like yourself not to others i just want to be clear it sounded like to comfort others i just want to be very very clear to feel comfort and like lately i'm just trying to be like, yourself, not to comfort others. I just want to be very, very clear. To feel comfort. And like lately, I'm just like trying to like do things I wouldn't normally do. And even though it's like scary, I just want to get out of it. So hacky, but like get out of your comfort zone.

It's like I've just never done it. But it's fun. It's like, well, we've seen you eat some. Well, I guess you never ate the bugs, but you screamed and ran out of the room while we were eating them. That's why I like doing stuff like that because you get like a high after you like get through something that you don't want to do. Yeah. I'm kind of doing, my goal is the opposite because I think Annie and I have been pushed

out, like forcefully pushed out of comfort like a lot in our life. So now I'm trying to reclaim my own comfort and to be, to offer myself the comfort that I need in the moment as opposed to like kind of like, you know, being so proud of like living in the pain of it all. Yes. That's how I feel about when I like, when I go back to New York, I'm like, I was so proud to live in New York and be like suffering through the life of like, I mean, I've never been, had money in New York. That's probably a very different experience. But like being broke in New York and just feeling like I was like getting through, it felt like reps, like getting through every day. And I don't want that to do that. I don't ever want to like suffer through, not that I think if I lived in New York now, I'd be like that. But I don't want to have that like my, all of my joy is in the fact that I like got through something I want to be able to enjoy I think is that what you're saying yeah that's exactly what

I'm saying that's like a common thing and I I feel like I see people talk about this a lot like living in New York is about hustle and like grinding and yeah yeah it's like our jaws are fucked up okay we don't need to grind anymore. We've ground enough. Well, I hold I took Kronos Titan god of time and limitation. Oh, what does that mean for me? So pretty look at that I like the blue remind my shami talented This is what breathwork and that is that is access all of your talents Okay, so that is so cute. Oh, my God.

I love my Shum. He's so cute. Okay. Wait, so what does it mean? It says, I release my offspring or projects into the world. They find their own successful course. So instead of holding close to things and trying to control them, just like setting forth the intention of them and just letting them manifest and trusting

that oh i like that i think i'm just kind of riffing what i would think if i pulled that card my shaman i'll send this my shaman like that's not what chronus means all right it says okay so also it says um okay, after a season of growth, you may experience a time of withering. Let go. We saw you wither. Have I not withered enough? You withered. But I'm saying you did wither.

The withering's done. Let go of that which needs to die. Redemption comes from surrender to spirit. Wait, am I the thing that needs to die that she has to let go of? No, but your miscarriage should pop into my head. I'm sorry. Okay, so it says, penetrating quest for depth. I like penetrating.

Transformation, erotic and sexual, mysterious. Is that crazy as you were saying that? I mean, you're saying all this and I just put a suppository up my pussy. To fix it? For probiotic. To fix what happened suppository up my pussy. It's for probiotic. To fix what happened? To fix. Yeasty? It's not a yeast.

I want people to think that we did film these each a week apart and that she's been crusted up. I want you to get something every day, a new crust crystal forms in that puss. No, it's improving. So thank you. I really feel like this, i pulled the right card for today all right so if you're imbalanced you're going to feel manipulative obsessive okay hold on vengeful and deceptive you're going to be an extremist so if you're feeling any of those things like obsessive or like you feel like you manipulated you need to manipulate something

drop that and lean more into the the transformation probably go fuck honestly you should probably go fuck honestly you should probably go fuck if you feel that way thank you thank you so much homework assignment is so much better than mine wait let me see more i didn't read your more of yours it says depression and hopelessness will soon pass a hidden power of self emerges so maybe that's getting out of your comfort zone unseemed aspects of life surface so all these places you haven't been going to because you're feeling like i want to stay comfortable are gonna you're gonna realize you love it there

that's like when i went to bingo and i started crying i was like a new thing i like um okay so it's a time for spiritual realization and awakening which may bring challenges but you're on the path of intuition into life's mysteries it may be baffling but will change your views uphold spiritual focus and protect yourself all right so a balanced expression of this um of hades reflects someone whose hidden depths are hard to that are hard to express wait a balance hades reflects someone with hidden depths that are hard to express distrust of superficial superficial society. She chases the Kardashians. Seeks intensity and meaning. I feel like the person who's doing this for me

should be able to read. I got through all this. Would someone that's staying in their comfort zone read when they're undiagnosed dyslexic? I get very proud of myself after i like read a line i'm always like did it okay so imbalanced expression of this may show despair depression and meaninglessness flirting with negative underworld activity an outlaw or criminal danger that's so i am recently hey never mind no she's recently

like microdosing it's like only you would think you're a criminal from taking like this much mushroom no i'm not the criminal whatever are you um are you microdosing um i have experimented with that yes i'm to me microdosing though is almost like it's so not a big deal. It's like I'll take it for energy. Like it keeps me awake. So I just take it to like have a little pep in my step like if I'm working or something. You got to try acid. It's so good.

I wish I could get this one acid I did. There was this acid my friend in Santa Fe made me. Well, he didn't make me, but he made it for people and then it came to me the I guess he did make it for me because it it appeared into into me but it was like in a dropper form and we would it was just the craziest thing I just it was I think acid I'm not ready because I like I'm really into the storyline the brand branding of like mushrooms and weed being like from the earth yeah that's i'm like but it's crazy what you see like i remember the first time you know what else is from the earth all the other bad stuff like arsenic mine is um cryos so cryos is i accept my

ability to lead and act decisively so leadership and personal accountability it's time to take the reins of your own life for your own advancement and show others the way involves effort responsibility obligation to your mission or followers i'm starting a call guys thank you so much i join i'm in i'm in me too but why does your your card know that you're like on social media and that you have followers i don't know i just i know they say tiktok followers may i go grab my coffee real quick yes you may actually i'm the leader yes you can go okay so i'm the leader's henchman so initiating okay so when it's good it's initiating courage and daring fearless and pioneering vital and enthusiastic i do feel like i have those qualities.

When it's imbalanced, it's reckless, impatient and angry, headstrong and combative. I've never seen that part of myself. So I don't know. Thank you. Have you guys heard of the, there's this cult and I think they only had like 20 members. Is that still a cult? Sure. It's the lady who called herself like

um it said mother god it's like the love is all cult where she would no no no they they i think she's originally from colorado and then they ended up in like hawaii love is one cult yeah um love love has one she's dead now but she made everyone take like large amounts of like silver basically and so she started to turn blue like bluish gray she eventually like died of cancer are you on silver i've heard of like people turning blue and i that i just remember that part right indigo children because i always i always really i always pick like the blue flavor of things so my tongue turns blue like that's kind of part of my culture. But I was thinking that-

She is Gen Z. She's right. But I was thinking her name, I really did find it kind of cool that she had people call her Mother God. That's kind of, it has a ring to it. I'm like, yeah, I could- What would yours be? And you can have time to think about it.

I think we should really make sure we come up with our good ones. What would your cult leader name be? What would you make your people call you? I'm not sure. Let me think on this. Okay. This is a serious question. What about just mother?

That's so scary. I have seen your Norman Bates tweets. Yeah. Her other nicknames were Mom and Mama G. Mama G. You know, in a recent episode, we were talking about handmaids. And I was thinking this morning, I think that me and Kalilah would be good handmaids. But I can't quite.

Can you discuss. She's a Martha. As you think, she's a Martha. Okay, we're talking about a handmaid's tale handmaid. Yeah, I't quite discuss. Is it Martha? Is she saying she's a Martha? Okay. We're talking about a handmaid's tale handmaid. Yeah. I want to know, do you think you could hack it?

I haven't seen it since first season. I need you guys to tell me what's, give me a refresher. So the handmaids, the handmaids are the girls that we make. We have the babies. The Martha's are the women who are, are not making the babies,

but they are cooking in the kitchen. You think your handmaid is the funniest i am a hand no the handmaid just lays there and gets fucked you have to have the baby yeah and then you don't get to hang out with it yeah but i just want to know like i feel like i could i esther when esther's a baby it's gonna be the same size as her isn't that crazy could you behave and be a handmaid i want to know because no no i would have been killed dead in that society yeah she'd be biting dicks on like the first night you know i had to stop watching that show because i watched the first season but i was in a relation with a guy who was such a guy like it was like i couldn't he would have been these fucking like if

we watched these fucking think they're gonna get fucking you know what i mean it was like wait it was the wrong guy to watch it so i but maybe i'll revisit it but i have to watch it all over again because i don't remember i think you're wrong about me i think i'm a martha yeah i'm like a domesticated asian mom yeah but that's what i have to be the alternatives i think i'm a nothing i think i'm literally no you can work in the brothels no i think annie would be a handmaid but she'd be one that's like you know plotting i think we would plot and have like a secret network if would be a handmaid, but she'd be one that's like, you know, plotting. I think we would plot and have like a secret network if we were all handmaids. Yeah.

Okay, wait, I need more explanation because I'll have an answer. I'll have an answer for you. Okay. So the handmaids lay there, get fucked. Obviously we can all do that. Yeah. I don't know about my hospital bed. I just got a trampoline like for exercise and I'm like, how do we turn this into me having to do less during sex?

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money.com slash trash tuesday that's rocket money.com slash trash tuesday rocket money.com slash trash tuesday after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time, all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's the catch? But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online. They don't have retail stores or salespeople. Instead, they deliver premium phone plans directly to you.

As you guys know, our friend Rick Glassman, he uses Mint Mobile. I learned about Mint Mobile through George Kimmel. George is a busy guy. He takes the most business calls. And the fact that not a single call is ever dropped. And you can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number

along with all of your existing contacts. Say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with plans starting at 15 bucks a month and all plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. That is such a steal. To get this new customer offer and your new three month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com slash tuesday that's mintmobile.com slash tuesday cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash tuesday 45 up front payment required equivalent to 15 a month new customers on first three month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan additional taxes, and restrictions apply. Statement mobile for details.

I really want to get a sauna. Does anyone here like a sauna girl? Yeah, but I do like saunas, but I'm telling you, it's been activating a weird thing in my neck recently, the getting in the heat. But if I don't go in too long, I think. But I love them, yeah. I get those little outdoor, like, dry saunas. They're really cute.

If I had your backyard, I would have one immediately. I was thinking putting one inside. No, no, no, outside. They have those little barrel ones the wood ones no you can even too fancy you can buy it on wayfair for like three grand it comes with a 17 year old girl it might it might the girl named julie uh it comes with your own handmade what about cold plunge i have yes you've done it yes you. You have. It's like it's like a religious experience. Like you're in it. I did it with Lacey, my trainer. And we were like, I as I'm in it, you like give this surrender. And she's like giving me box breathing instructions. You know what box breathing is? Yes. Eight seconds in or before maybe in four seconds,

hold four seconds, release four seconds, hold four seconds. four seconds yeah yeah i think i was doing eight with her but um so she was like leading that so i'm like focusing on her and by like minute 30 i think i did three minutes i was three minutes is long it might have only done a minute i don't know i can't remember at some point i said i went like i would do ayahuasca with you i was like i would do anything with you like. I was like, I give myself to you. That's what happens when I do anal. If you get me to agree. I do actually see the connection. If you do get me to agree to have anal, like you own me. You own me.

I am your bitch. You have dominated me. I feel like that's why they like it. I do feel like that's. No, but there's something internally, like chemically that changes inside me because I'm so stiff. I'm sorry. Do you give up the ass easy?

Not. Well, okay. So. I know you know you can get stuff out of giving up the ass. You're like, get out of other activities. You're like, if I give you the ass, I'm not going to have to do this. I definitely was really into it in high school

for some reason. I was very sexually aggressive. Can I just say something? What? Just how young you looked in high school so crazy that you were the anal queen that's insane esther i definitely like was very sexually explorative in my high school days you know was it with women though it was with everybody and um but yes you think you were letting guys like take every hole because they were like, maybe it'll make me feel how I feel with a woman. No, you say guys like there's plural.

OK, I had I did it with one guy in high school. And now he locked his back door to your back door. And now his house is on fucking lockdown. But no, I I am. I dabble. I'm into it. I'm very pro. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a weird thing thing it's a psychological thing I've only done anal with like three boys in my life yeah but each of which it's like you you own me psychologically you own me because I'm so afraid of it and um I stiffen up there is a sense that like I don't feel free because it hurts me so like but if we get through it together there's almost like a bonding a euphoric moment afterwards yeah i am mad at them though because i'm like you're the thing hurting me and you're the one that wanted to do this and then also that it does hurt for like for a few days it's not my ass already has slippery problems things are already going on with it it's like what are we doing you know the only good thing though is that it will shove the hemorrhoid back up for a sec i woke up this morning and was like you know what we're not we've been recording

a lot we're not going to talk about sex today and then here we are anal's not sex we should talk we were talking about cold plunges she turned it into anal okay it's about like you know domination you right you belong to lacey after i belong to i was like i'm yours she was like chill i will there's i wasn't looking for an annie i have a tragic story about a girl who dances samba really well um not only did she dance samba and teach um she got butt fucked all of her intestines started falling annie they were dragging the ground your rattlesnake they were swinging around on the ground like a sausage link. Not that far off, actually.

So this is a girl who was sort of just like she bragged about how she only she like loved Dana, loved Dana. But we started to notice as a friend group that every time we would go dancing, like there was always a stench of like someone just like like like a like a just a thick fart cloud always around us and we were like what is happening how come when we every time we go dancing and we were like oh because it's just some boy sambaing her little heart out and i think her just asshole would just like release air without i mean involuntary that i think is better case scenario than she has a rank stink butthole because that can happen too you can have like a intestinal issue i mean you

know about smell and i i know about intestinal issues but i'm not saying i'm not like as a nurse not like you have a stinky rank butthole but i have I dated a guy who was such a fucking asshole but I dated a guy who I've told you guys before I dated a guy who's like I have a really good keen sense of smell which makes me like I'm literally like do you also own a gun because those two things go together I mean I just was like are you kidding me and it's after of course you've banged twice you're like oh no he's gonna bang twice. He already whatever's going on twice. He's averaged into what is the truth. When he broke up with me, I literally had to be like.

Was it the smell? I'm like, if you broke up with me and you start telling people it's because I have a stinky pussy. Okay. He's like, you don't have a stinky pussy. That's not what it is. I was like, okay. I would much rather be a stinky personality. Also, can we stop this whole smell that like that's not a thing no it is a thing but here's the other thing

guys your dicks smell like spicy chicken butter chicken at a fucking indian restaurant okay you smell like shit your dicks are disgusting they're horrible they're not any better than ours i don't i think i don't know it is a thing we have to see it like not in like a pc kind of way let's accept it all there's a reason why we have a sense of smell there's a reason why we should be able to detect infections ph is off those are things that relate to health there's a reason why shit smells and that we're you know deterred from the idea of it smells are smells certain things are scientifically i don't think i told you guys what do you know what i mean it's like you want to accept it all

but when i first started dating todd i bled on his dick every time we fucked okay and it turned out i had like a yeast infection that was undetected but i thought i had like No it is It is It was the But it didn't burn Or itch Um No it didn't feel good But it wasn't like It wasn't like a full on thing So I thought I had H. pylori H. pylori

But H. pylori Is what causes the ulcer Oh wait that's different I thought I had I've been checked for that So many times Helicobacter Yeah

It was just You had to take a poo poo No they just do the the you just need to squeeze a little harder to get the oh my god no it was a mouth issue have you ever gone to the doctor and then been like just squeeze harder for your poop to come out no are you sure yeah if anyone i've ever met has ever done that it's gotta be you but esther why don't you think smells are important why don't you just don't like the label of stinky i just think there's like this whole culture of like of guys i dated yeah and it's like if if there's like a serious issue which

i do have a guy friend who often will say that he can tell if someone like what they have because he's hooked up with so many women i'm like you're gross we know exactly what it is but you're lucky to be there i'm just why why is that a thing that men get to make fun of us for oh you're saying we get to make fun of everybody gets to make fun of everybody for everything that's the thing i also think that more back it's just we just all have to even it out it's all like and also the thing is sometimes your pussy's stinky sometimes it's not stinky sometimes it smells like pussy sometimes you got a fucking bb like it, it's like, it's just, it's different every time. But this guy, it was very telling that within the first couple of weeks of me dating him,

he was talking shit on other, like he said, he's like, if you ever see like a hot actress who's like in her late forties and never married, he's like, that's a stinky pussy girl. And I'm just like stinky pussy girl. But then he sent me into like a spiral where I was like calling ex-boyfriends. I was like, I'm not like a stinky pussy girl but then he sent me into like a spiral where i was like calling ex-boyfriends i was like i'm not like a stinky pussy girl right yeah this guy was like mentally he's gonna die alone yeah but also i will die alone i just imagine there's something

else there too like anytime i anytime i hear guys like that who are very like kind of like snide or like women hating there's something else yeah there's something else it's either mommy or you wanted to bang your daddy yeah it's a daddy you want to bang daddy for sure but i also think yeah and i think it's like when the guys that are nitpicky and like want you to be this like perfect specific thing it's like yeah i lose my number yeah i just stop because it's like fuck about those guys i'm like what my my thing with the smells esther is that like i i accept that i get the ecbc some of my ph is off whatever but the guy that i'm with is still going to accept me for all of my smells of course and if he doesn't like what a person does yeah no your partner of course but if you're like dating someone they're

like that it's just they're just showing you that they suck. I want to ask you guys a question. This is really, really important to me. And I have fought. I've had many, many fights about this topic for a long time. But do you guys think men have to consult their partners before shaving? Yes. Men have to consult. Well, actually, like it's so boring because whenever i'm asked that i'm like i don't know let's do whatever really yeah no are we talking about chest genitals facial hair

oh i think a calm agent a light conversation you know a touch base like i think that if i was going to cut all my hair off really short i would want to run it by dave i wouldn't let him know that you're about to leave him for i wouldn't if he said don't like i wouldn't let him decide for me not to when your best friend got married were you crying like cameron diaz i definitely was weird at her wedding it was like a little bit like a door had closed. It was, yeah. Or like an option was open.

Well, I also refused to get married before she got married, which I also think now looking back was weird. You were like daring her, like I dare you to get married. She's not really going to get married. That's a long goodbye. Yeah. The long kiss goodnight, I was correct, was Gina Davis. But I think I understand what you're saying. Like, sure, just honk the horn.

That's all I need. Because if you come home and one day in the morning you're a bearded guy and then at night you're somebody I've never seen before, like, my alarms light up and it's stranger danger. Like, who the fuck are you? You do kind of have to re, like, them that's what i'm saying because it's like if babies have such a visceral reaction to their dad shaving like they cry they're like who the fuck is that like i have that same exact thing that happens to me like i don't know that face i'm not familiar with it like you

could have warned me all of a sudden you're chinless like there's so many things that go on like and i'm not attracted to that face i'm not familiar with it i relate to that also in a different way which is that whenever dave goes out of town or one of us is gone for a while you wear your beard out like i like if he comes back i'm i'm like do i love you no i i get weird and shy and then he's like oh you have to warm up to me. Like, so we have this thing where like, I have to get to know him again. Yes. No, I, you have to.

I think even in long distance relationships. That's so funny. How long will he be gone for? Not long. It's very annoying of me. Are you like, is it? You have to reacquaint though. I get that feeling.

That's funny. What is it like? Cause you've started this new life, like alone in this house. I think so. And I, yeah, I just, I lose this guy in my house.

I just feel that I'm like, you have to like, ease into it. Warm up. Like, I don't know. I relate. Yeah.

What is, is that a problem for me? It's just a whole stranger danger thing. I'd pulled my, like, he pulled the blanket off me and he like looked at my asshole today. he said that i like immediately got shy and like closed wait did he spread it yeah he just was like he's like let me see that thing and my butthole just got like stop we have a i have a no see that's stranger danger that's a no spread that's the hottest

part of anything like i talk and do whatever i want. I have a question, very personal one. So if you're on all fours, like you don't reach back and spread your. Well, if it's like mid that, yeah, that's fine. Are we still doing all fours? Yes. All the time. I can lay. You can fuck me from bottom laying down. I'm not.

Listen, I've been doing leg exercises. We're not continuing this. Okay. Oh, I'm a. You can stretch me like stretch lab just i'm saying a random spread is like fuck no no i also have a policy against tapping my stomach i any no i haven't it's no i call it's called no taps like you can i just there's something about tapping that's what she needs she needs tapping that's going to be the your therapy that saves you is tapping. It might be.

It's your comfort zone. You have to get tapped and spread. You're right. Why? You have to be surprise spread six times this week. That's your homework. Wait, surprise bread? Spread.

It's so funny. It's so funny. Todd will just, yeah. And I'm like, well, my butthole was like, what does he have to know? Oh, that's a good reflex then. But what means is it was very relaxed and open. That means,

cause it had to, it had to recoil. Um, why the no taps on the belly? Is it like a, it's one of those, like, it's like a nails on chalkboard thing.

It's like, it just makes me uncomfortable. Oh, it's a sensation thing. Yes, exactly. Oh, I thought in my head,

I was like, it's a like eating disorder thing. No, no, it literally, the sensation of being touched in the same i was like it's a like eating disorder thing no no it literally that's the sensation of being touched in the same area we're like oh like more than once yeah freaks me out does anyone else you should have gotten occupational therapy like me bitch when i was a kid they scrub scrub scrubbed it was the worst it was the worst feeling i ever had but

i am so much better at touching now being touched my what if that was them just like we want to we're gearing up to get molested more you're making this so difficult you keep saying now scrub scrub scrub um my favorite thing that you i've seen you say to todd is when you're like todd i'm single now no i go todd you're single you're single well you're single now i've been saying really obnoxious like things like pulling from Nicki Minaj lyrics. I'll say things. Well, no, I'll say things like, because I'm a millionaire, this pussy's pricey.

In sex, you say that? No, just in car rides. Ooh, to Jules? She's like, okay, fine. She's like, me it's like manifestation right it's like it's like an affirmation like and i say it out loud but guys you know they like it they think it's funny. Because it's like a cocky, stupid thing to say. It's so fun to be cocky. I'm so team cocky.

I'm learning from you. It's good. It's funny. I'm like, do you know how pricey this pussy is? It's good. Do you know how many fucking billionaires on yachts could be fucking this right now? Not Leonardo DiCaprio. It's under construction, though.

A little too old for him. If you could fuck Leonardo DiCaprio, that would be cool for us. He wouldn't want me. I know, but if you could fuck leonardo dicaprio that would be cool for us i know but if you could make it happen it's not good sex it's like been written about it's like he puts headphones on i know and you know they're the maxes wait i want to know i want to know i haven't heard this yeah he wears headphones and then and he like zones out i think he like zones out. I think he like scrolls online. Looking at hotter girls, younger girls. Says he vapes and goes on his AirPods on. Hey, there's nothing wrong with anyone vaping while they're banging you. I agree.

Actually, or scrolling. I've had times where I'm like, do you mind if I text my friend real quick? Now it's hot. Wait a second. So he's not being present and he's just they're fucking him then and he's just there's a deep-rooted issue there if you can't be present i mean that's what when i used to be like when i would like hook up with guys i wasn't like that into or whatever i would always make it be really rough and stuff because i had to like disassociate so that's i guess what he's doing

right also you have to imagine that like now all the things we now know about child actors and what they've been through like who the who knows what that man has been i am not defending him at all like it's so weird and whatever but yeah if that's his pattern like think about what the fuck could have gone how sad would you have been if you were a child actor and they didn't try i was a child actor you weren't were you were you a hand model though i i was in a commercial and like i worked for a year in fourth grade tell me everything well i will say of it was for walgreens it was for walgreens what was what was your part like or is that what you did now in your movie? No. It was a bunch of kids in the lunchroom, and we all said, like, different wishes we had.

And my wish, I wished for my own shopping mall. And I also, in my audition, said I wished for a flying monkey. And then one of the sick little kids said, I wish I didn't have to take my insulin. And it was for diabetes. And then you're like, I actually am taking your Ozempic now. Look how the tables have turned. It was a commercial for juvenile, for kids with juvenile diabetes and Walgreens. That's fucked up.

Yeah. You kind of remind me of the cute little diabetes girl in our school. She was little. Did anyone think there was anything wrong with you when you were little? No, I'm not that little. You were so little. Bring up the picture.'m not that little you were so little bring up the picture bring up that little picture there's a lot of other little you were so little that school picture you plus you know which picture i'm talking about i when you were like the gang leader of this girl two feet smaller than everyone else after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers if

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a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. use and restrictions apply statement mobile for details i can't i'm on a macros thing let me show you how to count macros yeah i'm about to get so fucking ripped i'm gonna get built yeah thank you baby food um i had can i tell you what my I tell you what my meal was before this? I went to Porto's. Three cheese rolls, two guava cheese rolls, three and a half potato balls, and a carrot cake. Yum.

I love carrot cake. I know. Let her live. No, listen. You have to have these. You have to do these. Thank you. It has to happen.

Yeah, it's Saturday. You do whatever you want. Thank you. Do whatever you want. And I was going to beat myself up over it because clearly that was a binge. But then I was like, you know what? No, I, it's okay. I, you know, I gave into a big impulse and I enjoyed it during like, but I'm sure I'll have a meltdown later, you know what um yeah move forward no don't have a meltdown yeah choose to move forward it's healthy to do that it's healthy to do that it's healthy

to it's unhealthy to beat yourself up thank you porto's is like a very famous like cuban bakery right in LA it's like such an institution I feel like every guy loves it you know who was my best like when I was in my spinny eating disorder thoughts who always helped me out was Lauren Greenberg. Oh. She would be like – she said this thing to me that was like so life-changing. What? She said, I binge ate once and I was like, oh, I feel so bad. And she was like, it would take you two days tops to flush that out of you.

She was like, there's just no way you could in one binge ruin your life or whatever. Yeah, it's mostly just a psychological thing. She really helped me break that sort of like I ruined everything or whatever. And now I can do whatever the fuck I want. But it's fun being on a plan. I feel good. I've had a lot of people reach out to me about how to overcome binge eating disorder. And I don't have like, I feel like we need to come up with like a specific like nothing is specific you're right that's the

thing i think with eating disorders it's like you're looking to other people's bodies the way they look you're trying to get something that's like outside of yourself you really have to just like be mindful and be like am i hungry right now well am i like intuitive eating is a big headline i would say and then also when i think back on what helped me and when i went to that 30-day treatment program it was a lot of therapy it wasn't like it was all just about food and nutrition like it was a lot of therapy yeah because it's something else right it's like a right offset of something because obviously i was eating i i do think it's just it also is like the habit of that's what you go to for comfort is basically what binge eating is right

i mean for me um because i had such a like a controlling mother who always controlled what i ate i didn't know how to eat for myself when i got older so it was very like you know i purged a lot what the fuck is going on it's just like what your birthday is gonna be at the end of this week how is it again again wait we're all confused it's on the same day every year wait this is your third trash tuesday birthday it's a return of the cupcake. What is going on?

That could not have been my birthday when we had the cupcake last. There's no way it's been a year. There's no way. So what was it? It was your birthday. Last time we got you the burgers. It was your birthday. What did I do for my...

The wheelchair the first year. Yeah, the wheelchair the first year, the wheelchair the first year which we had to cinnamon pecan uh crumb cupcakes and vanilla bean from air one yay thank you so much i'm not chance you guys tell me i have an eating disorder i'll be the one this year well no i'll tell you i had an eating disorder i'll tell you i don't have i'll tell you one thing i't have an eating disorder, but I'm about to be fucking ripped and I'm not going to be drawing my abs on any more bitches. I would love to see y'all enjoy one of the cupcakes. Not me.

Fuck. I'll do it. I would be the one that would do it. No, Kalilah, no more food for you today. Thank you. Not till Monday. I would be the one that does it, but. Have you guys heard of this study where I think it's called like the milkshake study

where basically they gave what we're talking about anal again they gave two control groups um the same milkshake and one they said like this is like a protein a diet healthy milkshake light low calorie and the other one they're like this is a full like sugar sweet milkshake and then they studied their way their like stomachs reacted to it and the people who were told that there was more in there like were more satiated yeah the results are here on if you want to read them the mindset during the second interval um participants were asked to drink and rate the milkshake's results. The mindset of indulgence produced a dramatically steeper decline in ghrelin, which is the hunger hormone, after consuming the shake, whereas the mindset of sensibility produced a relatively flat ghrelin response.

So ghrelin is the hormone in your body that makes you hungry. Leptin is the hormone in your body that causes satiation,ptin is the hormone in your body that um causes satiation like it's time to stop my ghrelin i was gonna say i think annie has something mean to say to me but so i think that then by that logic when you eat you're supposed to are you supposed to then assume it's more than what it is so that you get more full or i thought you were going to say something completely different about the results i thought you said um people who thought that it was healthy for them actually like didn't gain weight and the people that thought it was bad for them gain weight that's what i thought it was gonna be and then we're like this is awesome

yeah that's fucking awesome i can think my way out of me i do believe i think like that i kind of do too i do almost believe that yeah wait which one is true that no mine is not true oh this is not true at all i think it is though no you can't you can't be tricked into saying oh you're getting a diet burger or a fake burger and then eat a burger and not gain weight like okay so i've convinced myself my whole life because one time i think i must i must have had some like weird thyroid thing happening when i was 19 years old but um i ate a bunch of cookies during that week really bad diet but then i ended up losing so much weight it was probably because of some thyroid issue but then i've convinced myself since that simple carbs really shitty junky food like candy just

goes right yeah and it doesn't affect me so when I binge like portos I don't believe I'll not anything will happen to me and then nothing happens to me you guys seriously sometimes I get in a mindset where I'm like it's so easy to lose weight I can just like totally lose weight and I change nothing and I lose weight I'm telling you there So you guys are saying that this is true. No, well. You can Jedi mind trick yourself into metabolizing food faster. I don't think it's that. I'm not going to like tell you that you like, like I'm not your leader, but. I think it's something else. I think even better than that is that you're not giving a fuck and you're not obsessing over food and i think when

you don't think and you don't count when you're not tuned into the idea of food and you let it go you're not you end up not eating as much and also think your body's more relaxed you know it's just like your shit can just slide out you're not clinging i do agree with that that the the less you over she said not what i said no well because you had to make it about shit sliding out okay i don't need to think about shit you do need to think about shit i agree that the less you obsess and like count and think about that does help but you know well if you think about it like so much of a woman's weight i just have never been a man that's not that's the only reason why i'm saying this but hormones water retention like things like salt sodium like little things will make like before my period i'm 10 pounds heavier than i am

i will lose 10 pounds i definitely wait okay not to go into est's capitalism corner, but here we are. We are so fucked. All of us, the way we grew up, all the commercials for Gushers and Doritos, those foods are poison made to be addictive. We didn't stand a chance. I can't wait till next week. You're like the face of Gushers. The rebrand of Gushers. I'm an investor.

Literally looking for cream sabers. When you're driving and mcdonald's burger king taco bell it's like we didn't have a chance these things were fed into our brains and like it's impossible to get them out and they taste so good they're chemically designed to taste fucking good but i think with the internet now there's more you can see there's more things more options i we're evolving out of that, I think. Yes, but I'm just saying our starting place, we were fucked and it's not our fault that we struggle with weight. What?

I just held your eye kind of. That was funny. When I don't make fun of you, it's weirder. Yeah, I don't like it. No, she's like, when I let you finish a sentence, you're like, right? Like, she'll go like, right? Wait, you sent me a really grim article. I think the sort of shit Esther sends me is never happy.

You send me happy things. She always sends me the darkest most grim and you know what she sent me she sent me an article in the new york times basically where this person who was in a body bag was like fighting to claw out of the body who was pronounced oh my god that's so fucked up that's literally the scariest thing i've ever seen in my life me too i am Me too I'm literally laughing at a funeral Okay let me read the headline A patient declared dead is found in a body bag

Gasping for air This is because Esther fucks so lazy She's afraid they're going to zip her up in a body bag She's worried She's put herself into this Only Esther would relate to this storyline by the way Let's see what else you can relate to A 66 year old woman was taken to a funeral home where workers discovered her chest moving a report said and

an alzheimer's care center in iowa that declared her dead was fined ten thousand dollars i just want to know i just want to know how does it happen how are you possibly she gonna know because she's their in-house nurse how the fuck do people get declared dead? We zip her up right now. And then wake up. Does that happen? I mean, I don't know. They are blaming it on the nurse.

They're saying she was at the end of a 12-hour shift and that she informed the doctors to release her to a funeral home. This happened in 2020 in Michigan and 2018 in South Africa. So it happens every couple of years. That's what I'm wondering. It's like, how does this happen? And then didn't when that football player, when he got injured on the field,

didn't they declare him dead? When he died in front of all of us, when we saw him dead. Yeah. They brought him back. They like resuscitated him. He just CP, yeah. But he was declared dead for a moment.

He was. Yeah, he wasn't breathing for a moment. What a season to decide to watch football. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? What is declaring dead is essentially meaningless What a season to decide to watch football. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? Declaring dead is essentially meaningless at this point. If you can go back on it. Now you have to be resuscitated.

You have to change all your merch. Please resuscitate. Dead bitch. Apparently you need like a form signed to not be resuscitated. Don't act like you don't know the laws. Well, my dad, for as old and terminal as he was which i kind of found like a little bit of a testament to like life even though you think oh if i'm unable to walk anymore if i'm able to change my own diapers um i should just be let go of my dad didn't like he he was resuscitated i'd say in the last four years of his life a good

seven eight times and he wanted to be and he wanted to be and in his mind he was like any day or any moment that i can just see my kids and my wife like around me living right would still be good it's good enough for him and so he just never let go did he seem upset no but what did he how so what does that mean did he have a heart attack and then he was resuscitated like is that yeah one time one uh twice he went septic and then he went into um um cardiac arrest and is resuscitating just cpr yeah you get if it's it's a cold blue so the crash the crash says do not recess she has no clue what it means that's so funny oh i know it means bring you back well yeah my mom just went through

cpr training so she's been like trying to practice on me and my dad and my dad keeps being like i'm not he's like really concerned well careful you could crack a rib doing that especially because your parents are oh my god i'm gonna make a rib cracking now you can't practice on your dad my stuff for me but but um yeah so if it's in like a hospital setting then they bring like the crash cart then you get the pad the paddles and they do everything to resuscitate you but i found it really kind of interesting that most people like especially because he was like what close to 80 at that point he was like no keep me the fuck alive i know my my feet are gangrenous and everything's going out and then we're just like he won't let go well you hear a lot of stories too like my mom i know my mom went when my grandfather was in um hospice they were

like you should probably come by or whatever, you know, and my mom came by. And she was like, you know, you can go like, we're okay, you can go and he died like right away. Like there is a lot of like, where you like talk to people and you're like, you can, I think for my dad, it's like he knew that he was leaving us in a really bad place, like financially and that we weren't like settled. Like, yeah, it's 10 grand every time they got to resuscitate you dad. What the hell? Yeah. I mean, I think part. You're like, yeah, it's 10 grand. I pretend they're going to resuscitate you, dad. What the hell? Yeah.

I mean, I think part of him was like, I kind of wanted to see if they're doing a little bit better. I want to, you know, maybe. No pressure. He's like, did she win her meat? Yeah. But it is, yeah, it's like sad, but also kind of life affirming that someone wants to just like stay around.

Oh, I'm very pro that i think i would not want a loved one to be a dnr person like i would like let's we're we're holding out to the day what would you do if one of your loved ones was wearing your shirt have you guys seen the movie um the diving bell and the butterfly no did you oh my god i did i watched a long time ago but the premise is this um he was like a and it's based on a true story where it's a man who was like i think he was like an editor for like vogue or some type of like yeah a high fashion magazine and he basically has a stroke that causes him this thing called locked in syndrome so he is unable to move his entire

body he's completely paralyzed but he is so everything is firing still all cylinders are firing his brain so he's basically unable to communicate everyone thinks he's in a vegetative state even though everything is working up there so what he ends up doing which is fucking incredible is a nurse was able to basically figure out that he was trying to communicate with a little movement he had in one eye because one eye had gone bad and dried out so they had to shut it and he was able to write a book using what yeah blinking his eye system with the type of blinking in his eye we are useless we are fucking useless but don't you think if like okay if your dreams came true and you didn't have to do anything and i was that guy but wouldn't you

want to find a way yeah yeah yeah i think you would like especially because everything was still switched on in there like that to me is my biggest nightmare oh totally of course that is like such a terrible fear to not to be stuck and have no access to use and speak yeah that's horrifying i mean thankfully there are things like eegs where they can measure the brain activity and they were probably being like oh yeah this he's like it's there oh okay i don't know that they had it at that time but like it was yeah we're useless this guy wrote a book with a tiny little blinking eye yeah oh my god um sorry i had to do a little biz um i am

so glad that i have done all the work i've done on myself that i choose to have a good day every day and i look at things like obviously i don't wish to be have frozen bodies locked in paralyzed yeah he is paralyzed it's paralyzed frozen body syndrome but what does she say i have frozen shoulder that's that's fine please Please carry on. I'm sorry, sir. Esther flinched yesterday. Like she thought I was going to beat her up. I know. I don't know why, but friends of mine have said like, when I go like this, you actually flinch. And yeah.

You're a little thing. The wind from my hand could have flown you across the room. Whitney has pointed that out. She's like, I think that you have anxiety and fear because you're small. You can't. She's like, you can't survive on your own. That's why you have donut to make you feel big and tall. Wait, wait, wait. Esther, this is like my dog, Remy.

He has to be very vocal and growlier than my other dogs. Because he's like, if I don't speak for myself, I'm going to get smushed. People are going to sit on me, accidentally step on me. So he has to be, he has to make himself known in a room or else he will get smushed. That's how Chihuahuas evolved. Yeah. She's like a Chihuahua. Me?

Yeah. Thank you. She loves Taco Bell. You're like Mr. Bubz. Do you guys know Mr. Bubz? No. What's Mr. Bubz? Oh, Mr. Bubz is a legend. I love Mr. Bubz Do you guys know Mr. Bubz? No, who's Mr. Bubz? Oh, Mr. Bubz is a legend

I love Mr. Bubz What is Who is Mr. How do we not know The famous dog? He's a famous angry chihuahua We know dogs This guy

Oh my god Is that how you guys see me? We have trained That's what you looked like when i went to hug you yesterday it's like oh my god like i'm gonna steal her food she's like are you gonna hit me i was like hey what are you talking about i might noogie you a little bit or squeeze a little too tight and i might pop out a little bit could write a book with me squeezing you wait it's what am i reading here la magazine says that arowan is a new dating spot yeah it's like

an article that came out a couple weeks ago saying that after covid that people are kind of sick of apps and they're going to air one to meet each other i think that's great this makes me sick i love it it's more centered around the gays but i'm sure straight people can also meet at oh my god have you guys ever met someone like out in the wild at like a grocery store or a coffee shop and it's like turned into a i dated a guy named cowboy carl i met him at um he was selling drills like he worked for the drill company but he was selling drills at home depot and so he was doing like uh he had like a table of drills and i was like hi that's another thing there's a home depot husband hunting thing on tiktok he was so fucking hot he was all these girls are going to home depot and looking for husbands do you feel

like the kinds of men that are at home depot are already married or working there this is gonna sound crazy but the guy i would say i've the most in love i've ever been in my life um was a guy i met at yoga yeah yeah he had like a herniated disc and so like he was like some big gruff kind of like you know but he he had he just had like surgery to fix like a herniated disc. So all he could do was yoga. And he was like one of two men in there and yoga guys are so hot. It gives them such, but he wasn't a yoga guy. He was just there to kind of rehab his body. That's kind of hotter. It's hotter. Yeah. And so, yeah, I remember being like, oh my God, like I'm so in love with this person it's crazy i don't think

i've ever met someone like at a well you're only there once a week so not at yoga at an exercise thing i don't know what it is i just never really like you've met people in the comedy store and stuff that's public do you remember the guy on the hike i almost dated that guy but he was too douchebag wait we're my guy in a high there was a guy on a hike? There was a guy on a hike. His name was Matt Matheson. It was like Dave Davidson. It was like, this is not your name. Was he?

Joe Josephson. Was it Matty Matheson? No, it wasn't him. No, it wasn't him. It was a hike. Please, of course, I only remember the hot girl. It was like, but we were making fun of his dog. We were pretending to be his dog.

We heard his dog's name. So his dog's name was Killer or something. And then we're like, can we be a killer? We were trying to get the dog to come to defer to us over him without him noticing. And then he came up. And then I used to see him on the hike all the time. And he'd be like, ooh, he's such a soldier. You already went to Barry's boot camp today?

I'm like, yeah, I did. And then he was like, call me. And then I looked his reel up. And I was like, I can't do this. You looked up his reel? His reel was rough. I wish I could remember his name. You looked up his reel? His reel was rough. I wish I could remember his name. We could watch his reel.

It's so funny. Oh, no. He like played a cop and everything. He was really very, very, very fit. As people in this industry, what are your thoughts on people putting their acting reels on their Instagram? Do your thing, but it better be good. You're doing big hand, Josh. No.

Like, if you're a professional actor, we'll just see it, like, on TV or online. Okay. Right? Like,

I don't know, that's just my take. It's kind of a turn off, I think. Esther? Or what? Are you trying to fuck the person? Why would it be a turn on

or turn off to you? Because if it's not something, like, really well done, then I wouldn't, it would turn me off. Unless it's not something like like really well done then i wouldn't it would turn me off unless it's a reel of them in like a tom cruise movie are you asking us someone we're attracted to no no just anybody you know what i think is that i have not seen our acting reel used in so long that it's like i think the internet slowly but surely like social media changed that

where I think it would feel so weird to see now but I think like maybe 10 years ago it made sense to have a website with that but now it's like

you just kind of host your work luckily the algorithm has ended the real has put the real to rest and what do you think I still see them

what you do yeah I mean I follow people who put their like scenes on their her i mean i feel like these are specific people i've unfollowed i think like what everyone chooses to post and not post is so personal and so hard to put yourself in someone else's shoes that I try to have no judgments about it and just lead by example I do I post what I post that's my style because you know what I'm posting who I'm leading by example is that what you think I'm the leader of Instagram

story that's what her name is that's her cult leader name leader of instagram stories but like this is i'm very aware that the things i post probably make people in my real life want to mute me um think i'm annoying think i'm obsessed with selling tickets or think that i'm cool think that i do fun stuff think that i'm funny like there's such a range of what people could think that i personally have completely taken all judgment out of it because i'm like i post whatever i want i don't care so you post whatever you want i don't care if you're judging other people's posts that means you're being so judgmental of your own shit you're being so cringy of your own thing yeah and you're probably always looking back at your grid yeah like i know i've done this before when i've been insecure over like a girl say for instance

i'm like oh who's he talking to that? Like, Oh, is he interested in her? And what I find myself doing is after I've looked at her Instagram, I go back to my grid and I'm like, to kind of the point of view, her point of view,

what she would think looking at my stuff. I haven't done that, but that sounds fun. But you know, it's, it's seeing your Instagram through someone else's eyes, but what you think she's seeing yeah and it becomes this whole cycle of like shame and like being so critical of yourself no it should be the opposite she's probably like oh damn this

bitch is too hot guys self-esteem is a choice and i've chosen it it's hard like yeah what is your advice on building self-worth just tell yourself you you're the best. Just look in the mirror. Tell yourself that's always work on yourself. If something happens, try to grow from it. You know, try to learn something from it. Don't just like, I just don't, you know, I never, I try to not have, if something's bothering me, I'm like, there's something there I have to like investigate, try to work on it.

I try to not blame outward because there's no like growth in that. I'll never be able to control other people. So it's like, what is it about me that this is upsetting, you know? And then, but I just, I mean, I just used to do this stupid shit where I would just like look in the mirror and be like, I love myself. I love myself. And now it just like totally works. You know, I'd like to share a life hack.

You know, I've had, I had a really rough year last year and I want to share a life hack that really got me through like the the darkest days of my life is like you know when you're feeling say for instance like super anxious super amped and what you've learned from other people like oh why don't you listen to something meditative to like bring you back down to like earth something that contrasts what you're currently feeling and i think that's a mistake. If you're feeling amped, listen to something so fucking amped. Ride through it.

Ride through it. Like it's almost like meet yourself where you're at. So like what I do now is like, if I'm feeling so anxious and so hyped and I am not like, everything is just on level 10, I'll listen to like a Stormzy song. Like the song Audacity,

where it's a little bit more, as opposed to like listening to fucking Ram Dass on it. Because before it's like listen to something like soft and meditative. So if I'm feeling heartbroken, I want to lean into that. I listen to the most heartbreaking songs ever. I do that too. But instead of those, I listen to Funny Girl. Don't rain on my parade but you know what i mean right it's like meeting yourself where you're at i don't think you should try to

like um bring yourself down a notch it's almost like fully acknowledge where you're at and just like create an environment where it's almost like you're swimming in it so if it's it's hard to fake things right yeah so it's like if you're like feeling this way and then you're listening to this it's like too much of a contrast. Exactly. And when it's not working, you're like, oh, and you get even more like stress out over it. I feel like with anxiety and all of the bad emotions and stuff or not, well, they're obviously not bad. They're showing you something.

But I just am like they're not serving me anymore. It's like I really just want to like lean into only bliss and happiness. And I'm it's been working like where I'm just like, when I start to get nervous, I'm like, I'm like, what am I choosing to be nervous? What's the point? Like, I can just choose that this is going to be the best thing. Another life hack I have when I get into panic attacks is even though I don't believe it in that moment, because I feel like, oh my god, I think I'm dying is to repeat the phrase so what so what so what so what oh but i'm dying so what but it almost kind of just takes the edge off it like just it does this like deactivation in me where you're telling you're tricking your brain into thinking oh it's not

as big of a threat as you think so what say it over and over and over again so the fuck what so what who cares so what I like that a lot. And I, cause it is similar to one that I've been working on of like, I get so upset about my feelings. I'll be like, I can't believe I'm, I can't stop thinking about this. I can't believe. And I get so judgmental. But if I could just be like, oh, I'm upset.

So what? You're upset. It's going to pass. It always does. Yeah. It's going to pass. It always does. Yeah. That's the same thing with anxiety. If you start to fear the fear, if you start to fear the incoming emotions of anxiety, that's just going to kind of avalanche into even bigger, bigger fear and then a full-blown

panic attack. Yeah. I haven't had to do this in a while, but I talked about it on here before. I found it on this ADD thing where it's like when you're spinning if you actually imagine what the spin the direction the spin's going if you go like i keep thinking about this thought if you're like oh my god it's like a tumbling forward thought if you then like slow it down you just like imagine the spinning slowing and then you can like reverse the shape of it then you're now out of the thought you're now like you're just i like that of it, then you're now out of the thought. You're now like, you're disassociated.

I like that. Does that work because you're very like visual in your mind? It's not even, I don't even like visualize, visualize. It's like a feeling of the visual thing. Even when I do ayahuasca, it's like sometimes I'm not actually seeing things. I'm like feeling the thing I'm seeing. I like that.

I also try to think a lot about like forward, like what's ahead of me, you know? That's because a lot of the looping spirally stuff is all about stuff in the past. So it's like, okay, well, just like my eyes are looking forward. So I'll just go where they're looking. Or, I mean, not even forward. Sometimes like future thinking can be super like, you know, anxiety inducing. Just like if I can look,'m alive you're right that is

better I'm right here like nothing's happened that's it I will just be like I'm so excited for all the amazing things that are coming I'm so excited I just got like excited about things I like that because it's like what am I gonna like go like oh no bad things aren't like why would I think that that's crazy I'm making up that everything's gonna be bad so i just i'm like oh my god it's so exciting that everything i've ever wanted is gonna come true because if you think about all the things that you have wanted that have come true it's like why wouldn't they keep happening right but it really depends am i on my period or am i not wait i always it's so crazy how often it's so easy to forget that like you're a woman the day of your cycle where you're at affects everything like it really has the power to

make you unable to exercise or to if you're on a different day like you have so much energy it just it fucks with us so much it also fucks with whether or not i find someone attractive really like yeah i mean when i'm ovulating that like if you meet if i meet a guy while i'm ovulating the chances of me and him hitting it off very high if i meet that same person at a different time in my cycle low i told i think i must have talked to you guys about this but i used to always have the thing where it was like night time morning time at night it was like i was this fucking werewolf i was like everyone's hot i'm gonna tell them all my true feelings and then the next day i would be

in the morning i'd be like i don't even find this person attractive i just told them i wanted to go to prom with them or whatever oh my god like i just decided to make it official with this fucking ugly guy you're like i gotta stop hanging out at high school but i had this todd was cool that we got through it so the same thing is like making plans again when i'm ovulating i'm like yeah i'll absolutely go to your birthday party two weeks from now and then two weeks from now i'm on my period i'm like i do not want to fucking go don't make okay two things in this though i now have the courage to just be like i'm backing out of these plans sorry i can't do this i changed my everything has changed one i'm able to do that but also i'm so much more careful about

what i agree to now like i used to be just like people please like immediately agree yes yes yes todd's always like you say yes to shit i know you're gonna be so pissed like my dad dad would, I call it fuck you, Stan, because my dad, his friend would call him. He'd be on the phone. He'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, Stan. I'll get right to it. Oh, I'd love to. Such an honor. Thank you.

And I'd be like, fuck you, Stan. But I'm just like, I know my pattern. So now I'm just trying to like, if you just slow everything down, like if someone asks you to do something, if you go like either not get back to them right away or like tell them you're thinking about it either way it's fine it's like I think that we're so like used to like everyone being like this yeah but sometimes you just have to retrain people where it's like you're our lives are so busy it's like we're doing a bunch of shit it's like sometimes you need a second to think about things and to just like wait on it yeah i just i think i do a really good job of telling people up front

they're like i don't do much i'm i'm kind of a hermit and so it's like know that about me when you like invite me to things but i have a friend whom i love so dearly because he really knows how to work with my moods and it's gene and he like has your cycle in his phone but he does so well that i so appreciate is that he'll give me five different options to hang out that week he'll be like do you want to watch this at this time on tuesday if not no problem and he just takes the pressure off or we could go get you that fig yogurt you like at the farmer's market on sunday but he gives me so many options for hangs that it's just so no pressure. This is so nice.

That's like really nice of him. I know. There's not that many jeans in the world. There aren't. And so when I hang out with him, it's like, I feel like I genuinely want to be there. Yeah. But also it's like the people that are mad at you when you can't hang out.

It's like, are you mentally fucking ill? We're too old for this shit. Like people that are so attached. Like if you like like why would you care if i'm there or not like yeah i'm sure it could be fun or whatever but if something else came up you want me to abandon the thing that in my heart is more important to come to the you know what i mean do you know what i mean yeah no totally i also just i'm not i can't believe what a lovely man gene is and that like you and Dave have him in your lives. It just sounds really nice. Oh, you know, if he's not with me, I'm like, what are you doing today?

Oh, I'm about to see Dave. It's always Dave. No, I know. Like several nights a week, it's like Dave will come up to me after dinner. He's like, so Gene just texted me. Okay, you can go. Yeah, Jean is offering something that you don't, flexibility. Isn't it cute that Dave and I share a sort of bestie?

Yes, I love it. I like, I, yeah. Are you going to let him fuck you in the ass a little extra now? Jean or Dave? No, Dave. Oh my God. Well, apparently it's, this has been my birthday episode today um happy birthday to me right i'm so confused what day is it what year is it i feel like we're operating in like

what's up i i can't keep up with time anymore has it really been a whole year i'm freaking the fuck out young and cute yeah it's like how could it be three years so your birthday's march 2nd okay thank you how can i still how can i still look this stunning after i know esther birthdays i'm just getting so much prettier it's so showbiz no me too i know i feel i have a glow it's like it is weird people keep asking if i'm pregnant and i'm not insulted by it. I'm like, I know. I know that I'm an abortion queen, but I do know what it's like to be pregnant for at the very least like five to six weeks.

And let me tell you, I'm stunning in those five to six weeks. I don't feel great, but my hair is shiny. I, there's like an extra pep to my step. I'm hiking every day. Yeah. Cause you're trying to get it out. It's like if i over exercise oh my god well you guys thank you so much for tuning in today we really we need you we love you and we know that you need us too and we thank you for we're not needy she picked a weird word i didn't we attract we don't attack

no we do attack and so we're attacking you with love and kisses and we hope you have a wonderful esther's birthday whenever it is see you next week with an all-new episode bye guys Thank you.