Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Esther's Quinceañera
Episode Date: March 23, 2021Thank you to our Sponsors: Theragun - Try Theragun for THIRTY-DAYS starting at only one hundred ninety-nine dollars. Go to http://theragun.com/bloodbath RIGHT NOW and get your Gen 4 Theragun TODAY. Bl...ueChew - Try BlueChew FREE when you use our promo code BATHGIRLS at checkout--just pay $5 shipping at https://go.bluechew.com/bloodbath Magic Spoon - Go to https://magicspoon.com/BATHGIRLS to grab a variety pack and try it today! And be sure to use our promo code BATHGIRLS at checkout to save five dollars off your order! Subscribe to our YouTube! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons Trash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPod Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudio Trash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: George Kimmel & Pete Forthun Editor: Gabby Galon --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/trashtuesday/message
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happy birthday to you happy birthday to you i Happy birthday to you.
I want her fake eyelashes to catch on fire.
Happy birthday, dear Esther.
There's a cupcake that matches your sweatshirt.
Happy birthday to you.
We made it look like your skid marks in your diapy.
It's for me.
Me.
Oh, three candles for this.
Make it a good wish. of money lots of money the three
women who sit before me there's three of us
uh-oh that's not a good sign she's weak she has asthma
you guys trying to kill me oh look she's upset look she's mad at her cupcake
throw it like a little kid when they cry.
You guys, this was so nice.
Thank you so much.
Happy birthday, sweet little angel boy.
Oh, my gosh.
You guys, welcome to Bloodbath.
This is a very, very special episode because our sweet little baby slug is now a woman.
We're introducing her into society.
She is ready for pregnancy?
Conception?
Is that what they do when you're a debutante?
They're like, here.
A debutante?
What's going on with your pronunciations of things today?
A debutante?
It's not?
A diaper?
Excuse me.
The refugee is very refugee today.
Wait, what?
How do you say it?
Please correct me.
I feel like I'm the ref of your refugee.
You said diaper.
I know, but how do you say debutante?
Debutante.
Oh, God.
You can say it, but I don't care.
I like the way you pronounce things.
You don't even want to hear how we call it debut.
We don't call it debut.
Who says debut?
Gabby.
Here's another Filipino.
It's debut, right?
That's cute.
When you turn 18, Esther, you have a debut.
And it's kind of like a cotillion.
And you dance with 18 men and 18 of 18 men.
18 men. You pick your 18 crushes. And you dance with 18 men and 18 of 18 men. Uh-huh. 18 men.
You pick your 18 crushes and you dance with them.
And then.
Is one like your cousin?
Because your mom's like, come on, just put your cousin in there.
Yeah.
Because there's never 18 guys who are going to like you.
Nobody's ever picked him for his debut.
For their debut.
Debut.
Debut.
That's cute.
Speaking of a debut, is anyone else bleeding today?
I am just ending my blood. Like I'm at the point where I'm not wearing underwear or a tampon, but there's cute. Speaking of a taboo, is anyone else bleeding today? I am just ending my blood.
Like, I'm at the point where I'm not wearing underwear or a tampon, but there's still...
It's a fudgies.
Like, I should be wearing one of those.
It's a fudgies.
What, Kalilah?
Don't act grossed out.
Wait.
It's a fudgies.
That's what you are.
That's day seven, eight, and nine is the fudgies.
What?
I don't have that.
Liar.
Fudgies is duty.
No, fudgies is just... fudgies is just front to do
can that be the name of i'm drooling can that be the name of something that you do
please i'm begging please i'm salvating you guys front doo-doo can't happen the jewish girl
slobbering surprise surprise it's called a fistula when you're when your stuff crosses over into another
part of your body so you have doo-doo in your um not doo-doo hole no fistula it's called a fistula
i swear to god guys slushy or something flavored slush i'm sure i'm pronouncing fistula wrong
speaking of fistulas and slushies 7-eleven is still still not serving slurpees Esther and I used to do a our exercise
was to walk to get slurpees and we had to walk slow I didn't even realize the reason I don't
believe that Esther has asthma is she has never used as an excuse to slow down before
what do you because I've never needed to I love a fast walk I walk fast is that what not what you
were gonna say that's your fast oh no well your to say? That's your fast walk. Oh no.
Well, your legs are little, so even a fast walk is regular.
Yes, I have to keep up with the regular people.
And that booty just boop boop booing back and forth.
That day booty.
The doody getting passed from one side of the cheek to the other side of the cheek.
You can hear the crunching of her diaper.
Oh my God, get her out of here.
Get her out of here.
My birthday present to her is to talk about her doo-doo hole.
We should probably explain our outfits.
I don't think you need to.
I've gotten very used to your bagel head.
This is in honor of my favorite bagel eater, my Skokie queen.
I know you love bagels.
In fact, I was going to bring you bagels today, but George, because he lives next to Courage Bagel.
It's too hard to get it.
It's too hard.
You need to preorder.
Yeah, it wouldn't have been nice and fresh by the time I got here.
But this is an honor of your love for bagels.
Thank you.
The tie-dye is self-explanatory.
It's gorgeous.
That's an amazing tie-dye.
The ripped jeans.
I didn't have those cool little gel Nikes, but I do have some Nikes on.
I've been waiting to wear these, my little Esters.
They are. Look, the shoes i wear almost every day
are ugly but they are comfortable and that's what counts just like me
um and there's also one more element that we haven't introduced to this dress like ester day
and that is um bring it out george, adult diapers. Oh, my God.
Sorry, adult diapers.
I did it one day and nobody can let it go.
Is this a man in a pink shirt in the front?
What brand did we get?
I don't know.
I like.
Esther, we should do unboxings of different.
The Amazon brand is very flattering on.
Flattering?
I think all of them are pretty flattering these days.
Can we?
Well, I take that back. These don't look very flattering on. Flattering? I think all of them are pretty flattering these days. Can we? Well, I take that back.
These don't look very flattering at all.
And Annie, I like your
Hot For My Name sweatshirt,
my stand-up special merch,
which is now streaming
on Paramount+.
I have no underwear on
because I was going to wear this,
but I don't know why
I thought that was a good idea.
Now, okay, so I did get
some adult diapers last summer.
I thought it would be
very convenient for the pandemic
because, look,
you're going to be out. You might not want to use a public restroom. You might have an emergency.
So you might want to go in your diaper. Now, it's harder to go in a diaper than you think.
She didn't leave her house, though. I mean, it's like, let's be real. You didn't. You were like,
how do I stay more on my couch? You are it's you're so well trained to not pee in a diaper anymore
If you tried you wouldn't be able to
I'm gonna do it
I have to put it inside
Annie do you want to pee together
Yeah let's go pee together without Esther
Oh my god that's the greatest birthday present
FOMO and for your birthday you get FOMO
You don't think that Annie and I can pee in this diaper
I don't
I don't think you can
Hang on hold my fucking beer
Hold my bagel I'm gonna to piss in this diaper. I don't think you can. Hang on. Hold my fucking beer. Hold my bagel.
Hold my bagel.
I'm going to show you more than just pee, little one.
Hold my ketamine.
I'll be right back.
Hold my bagel.
You look hot.
I told you they're flattering.
Oh, no.
I didn't know this is what Kalilah's body looked like.
I'm upset.
I'm upset.
My diaper is locked and loaded.
My diaper.
Okay. Now let's see the big talkers, if they can pee.
We have the whole episode to do it.
Us getting ready should be thrown into an OnlyFans account.
Yeah, you can't just see our hairy legs for free.
You can't see our cellulite for free like that.
Certainly not.
What is the deal with OnlyFans?
Like, I see people using it in non-sexy ways these days.
Well, that would be our only option.
Can I just pause for a second?
Esther is obviously the one that's most likely to have subscribed to several OnlyFans.
She is just wanking off to so many fucking full, full figured women.
OK, I have subscribed to a couple of you did.
Yes, I have.
And then she's like, but what is it? Esther to a couple. You did? Yes, I have. And then she's like, but what is it?
This is Esther to a T.
She's the creepiest one and she plays the most innocent.
Oh dear.
And for her birthday, we'll pretend.
Madam.
Yes, little one.
Is it scary to see vaginas spread open?
No, here's the thing.
A lot of OnlyFans are not showing at all.
It's suggestive.
You can do whatever you want.
You can do a cooking show on there if you wanted to that's what you have to pop the eggs with your puss
we can throw annie's pixelated foot pics in there at least less pixelated than her usual
yeah is this a real conversation about a bloodbath only fans i think that it's a
a wonderful idea i do too it's not going to be your average only fans like esther said it's going to be
um us changing into adult well sometimes people see us and they're like they say they're fat old
whores but are they and we want to prove to you for 20 a month that we yes we are fat old whores
bleep out that price we don't want people to know the price until they click and it's too late oh i just made
it up forty dollars bleep her i can throw a hundred dollars bleep her bleep the old hoe five
hundred dollars for esther's birthday come on look at her car i'm willing to throw pictures of my day
seven eight and nine fudgies on there oh my god i did take a picture of my underwear today and i
almost texted it to you guys why didn didn't you? I should have.
She knew I already had a headache.
What if that was the cure to my headache?
I just had to see her skid marks.
It's not skid marks.
It's a fistula.
Skid mark?
It's blood.
But it was skidded around.
I bled on my couch.
What would we do on our OnlyFans?
Would one of you guys shave the other one's butthole?
Yeah.
Gladly.
I know Annie and I have been wanting to do that for years.
I've been dying to get in that asshole.
I know.
I'm looking at that donut.
Like, I want to fucking get in that donut, too.
Esther's going to be going there.
Sorry, I was just thinking, like, a five-minute bonus episode.
Esther's going to be like this, like, oh, my God, in the corner.
Ooh.
Annie.
I know. She's going to be like, oh, my God, the cameras are off. She's fisting herself. Oh, God. In the corner. Annie. I know.
She's going to be like, oh my God, the cameras are off.
She's fisting herself.
Oh, please.
Stop it.
You can't fist yourself.
You probably are such a dirty little slut.
Oh, you do have little arms.
That's the thing.
You're definitely the dirtiest slut in this crew.
Oh, stop it.
You definitely are.
No, we know it's Kalilah.
The dirtiest slut?
Well, Kalilah's a refugee.
She has a lot to prove.
You guys, I've had to work so hard in my life to be recognized, okay?
Brown people don't have it as easy.
We do not have an equal playing field.
Therefore, I've had to suck way more dicks to get to where I am.
That's true.
Just to get out of rehab.
She had to blow her way out of rehab.
I kind of did.
She gummed her way out of rehab.
I never got to go to rehab, but not yet.
Nobody cared about you enough. I did try to go to rehab, but not yet. Nobody cared about you enough.
I did try to go to rehab once.
I crashed my scooter.
I was in Santa Fe.
This story is actually wicked.
This is one of my wickedest stories.
So I was living in Santa Fe.
I was like 25.
It was right before I quit drinking.
I was 25.
I got completely drunk.
It was my friend's 30th
birthday so my joke was it's your 30th birthday buy me a drink so i kept making him buy me shots
of tequila so i was like hammered and i was and he had dreadlocks he was so gross but i was like
i'm gonna suck your dick for your birthday this is such a ratchet story i was like i'm fucking
blow you for your birthday i'm getting so drunk right neither of us lived anywhere this is my
friend albert wait so i had to go to my friend daniel wait wait i've always been like sleeping on my
friend's couch as my whole what does it mean to not live anywhere it's like no you know what i
did actually i did live at my friend david's house but david's like was a real person with a real job
so i couldn't like bring people home to blow but so okay so it's my friend's birthday 30th birthday
i'm like i'm gonna blow blow you at Daniel's house.
So I had this motor scooter I used to ride around town and I would beep it.
I would go like, beep, beep, hottie.
And just like cruise off.
And one time I beeped at a.
It's like a mobile blowjob.
It was so like, yeah, I'm trying to blow him while I'm on my scooter.
Speed up.
It's like in LA you lived in a car, but back there you lived in your scooter.
I lived inside my scooter.
You can't. You could pop. You popped the seat up.
You can't do it.
I grew inside it.
But so I would like drive by people and one time I drove by I was like day drinking and
there was a chain gang like picking up trash.
They were in their like orange jumpsuits and I like drove by them and I like flashed and
was like what are you in for?
And then my scooter stalled and I had to walk my,
I had to put my shirt back down and walk my scooter by them.
It was so embarrassing.
I was like, I hope not rape.
And then, so then, and by the way, I thought I made that,
these stories are so crazy and I was always so drunk
that I'm always like, did I make this story up?
And then this guy, when I did Chelsea Lately,
sent me an email, this random dude that I had met
drunk at a bar and he goes hey I just want to let you know I met you five years ago in Santa Fe at
a bar and you said you were wasted and you said you were moving to New York to become a comedian
he's like and you fucking did it I just saw I just saw you on TV and he's like here's a picture if
you don't remember me here's a picture you signed my shirt I said I wanted your autograph so I
signed his shirt and I said today I flashed a chain gang and my scooter broke and he said I said wrote that on his skirt
on a shirt and I was like oh my god that did happen you still had dreams no matter how drunk
you were yeah I was like I'm gonna be a comedian your ambitions were beyond just getting my teeth
knocked out yeah gum dicks though I relate so anyway so it's my friend's birthday and I'm like
I'm gonna blow you at Daniel's house and he's like okay we're so drunk we're leaving the cowgirl this restaurant I was
working at and what did you do there I was a I was a bartender and waitress that's where I used
to wait on Sam Shepard the playwright wow that's another good story Sam Shepard used to come in
and I would make him uh what I can't remember what it's called but I would make him these
margaritas with gold tequila that hot girl stories are just different yeah well he never hit I was
always like why is Sam Shepard not hitting on me and so we were sitting I was hanging out I got off
work one day and we were sitting at the bar and we were drinking and I was like 23 but I was like I
just thought I'd have a different life by this age you know I thought I'd be living an extraordinary
life and he's like but you are he's like you're gay right he thought I was a lesbian and then that would be like my extraordinary I was like what
he's like you're gay my best friend was a lesbian she did finger me a couple times
but um he was like I thought you were gay and I was like no and then I was going to make shirts
that said Sam Shepard thinks I'm gay and uh throw it on our throw it on our merch Sam Shepard thinks
I'm gay we have to give his
estate 10 because he's dead now but then i told him i was like i want to be a comedian i want to
do like i like doing improv and stuff he's like improv so scary we had this whole conversation
about it and then i was like i really want to be a comedian and then uh like three years later i'd
moved to new york and i was working as a waitress and i was doing open mics and doing stand-up
and sam shepherd walked by as i was setting up the patio seats and he walked by with like his family and I was like
oh my god I was like Sam it's me Annie from Santa Fe I moved to New York I'm doing stand-up I did
it and he was like uh did this used to be a jazz club and I was like oh okay touche but anyway that happened to me
very recently
oh no
I went to like
this food tasting thing
of a chef
who I thought
knew who I was
because we'd
had these great
dinners together
and so I dragged
Gabby's brother
Gilbert
to this thing
I was like
oh it's chef so and so
it's like pop up thing
let's go
he's gonna treat us
so well
because like
we've seen him
so many times right and then when we've we've seen him so many times
right and then when we got there and gilbert was so excited because gilbert's a big foodie he was
like oh my god you have that connection that's so cool let's go there this big foodie overweight
we got there he looked at me he just kept walking and i I was like, chef, chef, chef, it's me. And I had to name drop three different people's names
for him to be like, oh yeah, I think I remember.
And poor Gilbert was so sad.
Like I just saw his heart like breaking in his chest.
Cause he was like, we're not gonna be given the good stuff,
the secret menu, are we?
Who was it?
I'll tell you guys later.
It really did break my heart.
But eventually down the road,
he now follows me
On Instagram
So I'm very happy about it
He's like
Oh you're the crazy girl
That screamed chef at me
I was like chef
Chef it's me
And now she's talking
About me
With a bagel head
She's normal
Esther I really want
To get to the history
Of the diaper
I'm never going to
Say that word again
Because Annie is giving me
Fucking side eyes
I'm trying to help
you diaper she's the only one that pronounces the a and diaper I just want to add though that I know
how you guys feel like I always try to be the first first person to say hi you know like I
like wave hi to someone and when you are that person literally 50% of the time the person does
not see you or they pretend not to see you. So I have so many instances of waving high.
Well, your hand's so little they can't see it.
They don't.
And it hurts.
It hurts.
It's a mistake.
It's a mistake to come in that thirsty or that hot.
I came in too hot.
And you just think you're something.
I name dropped you at the doctor's office and I thought it was the other nurse that knew you.
Yeah.
And I said your name so many times.
I thought I was going to get special treatment with the same doctor.
But it was a different, it was like a new nurse.
Oh, no.
I pulled a picture up of you.
Yeah.
If it was Marnie, Marnie knows me.
It wasn't Marnie's down.
Marnie gets it.
Oh, yeah.
But see, Annie and I are Eskimo sisters because we see the same doctor now.
She's now seeing my family doctor and she got a pap smear.
Two weeks after, I got a pap smear.
First day I went in, they're like, do you want a pap smear? And I was like a pap smear first day i went in they're like do you want
a pap smear and i was like uh fuck yeah i was like sure and then he came in and he's this cute little
asian man he came in and he was like he's like oh we got you done for but he's like let's talk a
little first i was like thank you i didn't want to go right in oh i'm glad i shaved i had used the
the razor we should have him on the show and compare and
have him break down the differences between your guys our vaginal walls yeah who has a stronger
taint he's always really careful he's like looks good get out of here yeah he's nice he understands
and they need to have a woman in there with him yeah he always has two for me he's always like
two women in there what to pry it open dude just? Dude, just like one each, one on each side.
So tight.
Like gut me like a pig.
Esther, back to the diaper history.
I told you guys, I thought I was making a smart move.
I was really proud of myself.
I told my fiance and he was disgusted.
He was angry.
He was like, what's wrong with you?
This isn't funny.
I'm like, I really think this is smart in the pandemic to like have.
It's so weird that Dave is so not a fan of yours.
He doesn't like anything about you.
I know.
I always try to tell him that.
And he's like, no, that's not true.
But yeah, I wasn't able to pee in the diaper, though.
It wasn't.
It's too hard to like push pee out
while you're sitting in your clothes.
It's hard to not like shit yourself when you're pushing pee.
Had you watched that,
had you heard the news story about that one astronaut lady
who sat in her diaper for what, was it like 48 hours?
Is that your queen?
Esther's like, when I grow up, I want to be an astronaut.
Not to go to space, but so I can go.
Can we clarify what the story is?
Because in my mind, it's like she drove to see a lover.
She was a jilted lover.
And I think that she had a cheating spouse.
So she drove like three states across, did not stop once, put on a diaper.
And then she wanted to kill him i think she kidnapped
him she did she kidnapped him annie well she had stuff to kidnap him she had like duct tape and
stuff and she was a fucking astronaut she was a brilliant mind of our time wow see women can be
astronauts too i i also had road trips in mind when i started researching the diapers i was like
oh if i do because the pandemic maybe i'm gonna drive to chicago that's such a that's actually like the only way to justify
these diapers see and you're not into just um free shitting like just finding digging a hole
and pooing and then covering it up because that's just more hygienic and you don't get baby diaper
ash are you from like a place where they use one hand we don't have potable water where i'm from
guys i'm actually insulted that you're assuming i would poo in the diaper the diaper is
for pee oh it's strictly for that it's for pee because you have to pee all the time and yeah i
wait till you see this diaper that i'm if you even think that as a healthy adult that you could
shit in a diaper and then sit in it oh i don't know i don't know
you in that way esther i just had these assumptions it would leak into your special areas and then it
would be what is it called what did you say it's called when things get mixed oh fistula fistula
i thought of whatever i don't we don't need to explain this you guys i have so much body pain from the way I sit and just, you know, living as a life as an
Esther. If I didn't have the Theragun, I don't know what I would do. Oh my God. I use it to
bang out my lower back. I bang out my hips. Can I bang your hips out? No, my theragun and this new theragun that we have the gen 4
it has this soft attachment so it's literally like it's like a hard hard pressure but with
a soft foamy attachment it feels so good it's better than a massage you guys you guys know
i'm an ex-athlete a has-been therefore i have a lot of cricks and pains. Is that how you say it? Cricks?
I call my cricks and pains esters. I have a lot of cricks and pains. So when I work out these days,
I absolutely need the Theragun. It is my go-to. It cuts my recovery in half. And I just overall
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Yeah, you chew so we can swallow.
Can we give her some presents?
Yeah, I think we should.
I have a very special present for her as well.
Okay, wait.
I got Esther some presents and then we got her some presents? Yeah, I think we should. I have a very special present for her as well. Okay, wait. I got Esther some presents,
and then we got her an epic present.
I just found out that these exist,
and it got sent to me in the most ratchet,
like, perfect, like, it just came like this.
It doesn't look like much, but it is a lot, Esther.
The wind is on my side thank you what is this is it like can you believe they just sent it like that i'm like you know box
it's called underwear for two
you're codependent i knew you would like this oh my god who's getting in with me i wish there's
another a third one oh my god should we save it for when we're all vaccinated yeah try to show
well here i have another um i'm making dave do this with me this is for our only fans yes
this is the content you'll be getting no you know what it is is my gift is you guys taking
pictures in this for me and i'm the photographer no you're in in between us she's the photographer
on all fours fingering herself she's doing a reach around on herself oh stop it oh she's like stop i
have a last uh um i what i think is a very important gift george if you can pass this over
to esther oh it's a maxi pad.
There's an L after that double D in the first line.
Is this a special coupon?
You're going to get double D.
Like a free massage from Kalilah?
Kalilah and I are going to put strap-ons on a rotisserie.
Oh my God.
To Esther from Coco.
This coupon is good for one adult swaddle and 10 minute cradle.
Expires never.
Oh my God.
Wait, so tell me what this will be like.
Okay, so have you ever seen a baby being swaddled?
Yes, I have.
I put you in a blanket and I wrap you really tight and I hold you for 10 minutes.
Oh my God, I'm getting my...
That happened to Esther, but she was duct taped.
Her mouth shut.
They duct taped her.
I'm literally getting tingles at the thought of my swaddle and my cradle.
And Annie gets to beat you with a bat while you're swaddled.
I get to haze you like you're joining my frat.
Wait, I have something else for you.
Wow.
I should have done.
I should have added that I'll throw you in the air like a baby a couple times.
Okay, I'm going gonna give you when I was little we'd play row row where I they would I would be they'd put me in a blanket
and then they would like swing the blanket but then and then it was really sad because when I
wanted to let go no when I wanted to keep doing it and I was too old and for years I would beg
and beg I think we can still I like your accent you stopped begging let's do that for the only
fans let's row row I thought it was to be we threw fish eggs on you.
You guys, isn't row row like a form of like torture to kill someone through like anally fucking them?
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Why is death by row row?
Why would you even say that about my childhood?
I don't know what you're into.
Also, these gifts are so nice.
Like, I really hope this show gets canceled by the time it's
your guys' birthday.
Wait, I have another
really important one for you.
Because I gave you
the one mask
and you've been wearing it
for 10 weeks straight.
I got you a new one.
Oh, I bought some.
Oh, no.
You got rejected.
Annie!
You just fucking ruined
that mask in the pool.
The turtles, Annie. The turtles. Good. I hope the turtles die. I would have taken it. I in the pool. The turtles, Annie.
The turtles.
Good.
I hope the turtles die.
I would have taken it.
I'm team straw.
Turtles are disgusting.
She just ruined a mask.
Good.
I'm going to ruin your fucking makeup too, bitch.
Put the mask on now, bitch.
I was trying to be nice and save you.
Bob for masks.
I was trying to save you the mask.
Those are expensive.
They are expensive, but I don't give a fuck.
I'm made of money.
I'll dry it out i'll reuse it by the way i'm on so much ketamine because my cholesterol this is the funniest
you guys are laughing but you don't understand how comfortable these are By the way, I'm on so much ketamine because of my cholesterol. This is the funniest.
You guys are laughing, but you don't understand how comfortable these are.
Okay. They're not.
They're more comfortable than regular chairs.
Look at Maury.
And this is if she's not locked in and she rolls backward into that cliff.
And that actually needs one.
That will be the greatest gift.
Look at the queen.
You guys don't understand.
Look, when I had to be rolled in a wheelchair for a brief few weeks,
I tried all the wheelchairs and there was one.
You guys, she broke her smallest toe.
Baby toe.
She broke her baby toe.
Oh, my memories of being in japan are coming back
past the ramen oh i feel she's like i have to be fed and like you're literally wrong your arms
oh i love it's so comfortable my back and my butt thank you so much i'm so happy do you feel loved
do you now know that how much we care about you. We understand you. No, because it's kind of more to make fun of me.
Which is your favorite thing.
Wow. Thank you so much.
This has been the specialist birthday ever.
My birthday was about two months ago.
We had to keep pushing the birthday episode.
Oh, my goodness.
I couldn't be happier than Esther being in a wheelchair.
I'm like, how happy she is. Have you ever seen her smile so bright? Will someone push me to my car?
That's a steep hill. I'll push you. Not Annie. Esther, before we started, Annie was saying how
my teeth were so white and you were like, you guys, I don't want to have this conversation
because why? I, a couple of years ago the pandemic, realized that I have a dead tooth.
How did you realize it?
A doctor told me.
And how does a tooth die?
I don't know how it dies, but.
Was it from sweets?
Probably.
She likes sweets.
I actually don't know how it died, but it just was really sensitive to hot and to cold.
And it started to turn gray maybe you're dead those are
the symptoms of being dead it's very sensitive to hot and cold i remember when the dentist was like
it has passed and i was like thank you for using that terminology like it helps it helps it go down
smoother but then i was supposed to get a root canal but then i never did because of the pandemic
so i don't know it's probably like up in my brain rotting is it a front tooth oh yeah it's near the center oh okay so i
can't whiten my teeth because i haven't noticed it's too sensitive it's very specific lighting
where you can see that it's gray like you either can't see it or you can really tell i like to say
that you don't have a dead tooth you just have tie-dyed teeth thank you and that's marketing
yes and that's marketing yes
and that's a brand manager sleepover by esther the tooth edition it's like some people get gold teeth
maybe i'll do a gray tie-dye and it'll be called the dead tooth
to celebrate the year anniversary since my tooth has passed my my best friend um she had a similar
thing where she had i don't know if it was a dead tooth,
but her front tooth kind of just fucked off in the middle of a date, of a first date.
Oh, it's so funny.
Fucked off.
It fucked off.
It actually left her mouth.
It left the belly cracked.
It took her, it had a smoke break.
It seceded.
It seceded from its original country.
And then she was like, oh, excuse me me like i gotta go um she kind of was
able to cover it up at first and then she called us from the bathroom she's like my tooth fell off
in the middle of the date what should i do should i go back in there and she went back in there and
she finished the date without a tooth she just explained it as if she's like i don't know what
happened i would like if she didn't even explain it, you're the closest thing I know to a doctor.
How does a tooth just fall off?
To say that in a wheelchair is so cocky.
Look how cocky she's sitting in a wheelchair.
This is the funniest thing I've ever seen.
I should have brought you a tiara.
I think she crunched on an egg roll too hard,
and it was already a compromise tooth.
A compromise tooth.
That is like an Esther move, to crunch too hard on an egg.
Oh, look at the princess my queen you are so cute ester you little munchkin head thank you mother well r.i.p
your tooth yeah no i mean you know the body is still with us but the spirit is gone the soul
the life you're carrying around a corpse tooth we should get a little um a little baby casket for
your little like mini casket for your tooth well it'll stay there it'll just when they root canal
they keep it there i think so you can get a veneer you could just take it down to a nub and
the veneers are so great they're bad i don't know why everyone's doing it how could you
get rid of your own teeth your own they're yours you were born with them your parents gave
you those teeth you're gonna grind them down people aren't born with superstar teeth like you
annie some of us have you know calcium deficiencies because we're refugees you know what i mean i have
some calcium deposits but why can't they make it work with what it just seems like a shame that
they have to start anew and take away everything you have to give you veneers like that's but
people will just blindly go about that because we're so vain and as long as it makes us look
better especially in LA I don't know if it's bled out into the rest of the world but I think it has
it's an epidemic I think even with um boys from the UK because I watch Love Island and their teeth
are always and they go on their child they go to Thailand yes they pay like a half the price they
normally would they look so. They look so bad.
They all have bad hair.
They have bad hair plugs and bad teeth.
And they're so obvious.
They're a type of white that doesn't exist.
Half-priced teeth in Thailand?
Yeah.
Yep.
Esther's got to break another toe.
She can get pushed around another Asian country.
Can we go back to, I feel like there was some some kind of I feel like your story wasn't over
my story was not over with Sam Shepard it'll never be over it was there was about 20 stories in one
the ketamine really brings it out of me take us back so okay so it's my friend's birthday I'm like
I'm gonna blow you at Daniel's house oh yeah we didn't even get to the blowjob we gotta get to
Daniel's house so everyone assumed that I was gonna be like Riding with someone because I was so drunk
But I not me I hop on my scooter
And everyone's like no you can't drive
Everyone's on the patio of this bar like no
Don't drive and I was like
Fuck you
Pull my tits out like scoot off like
And then like turn a corner and peel out
And crash I had like
Nine stitches on my chin
I busted my chin open. I had cuts over my
nose, the side of my head. Your chin was open. My chin was completely open. I was wearing a dress
and cowboy boots, like a little mini dress. And it was there was blood when I woke up at my friend's
house. There was blood. I went back to my friend David's house. I was living in blood like it
looked someone had slit my throat. David or Daniel's house? David. David's house I was living in blood like it looked someone had slit my throat David or Daniel's house David Daniel was where I was going to go give the beach
David was where I lived that I couldn't bring it was he was a real person so I I go home I go back
to that someone picks me up I crash someone picks me up all I remember in the morning is that someone
had that I that didn't usually like me had found me and took me back to David's and that I had called everyone in my
immediate family and told them I needed to go to rehab so then I was like fuck I have to like get
out of this rehab shit so I like I called David he was at his girlfriend's house I was like David I
fucked myself up like I need you to take me to the hospital so he comes home and then I call everyone
in my immediate family I'm like hey like about that whole rehab thing like I was in a blackout
disregard and my older brother goes you said you'd say that so drunk me like ratted on sober me and
was like don't let me get out of this but then my parents were like you don't need rehab for
drinking you need rehab for life because they wanted me to go back to Landmark.
I was like, no, I need to go to rehab.
But I didn't want to go to rehab.
So I was like, I just, I fucked up, but I'm going to go to the hospital.
So I got nine stitches in my chin.
My friend Julian called me and was like, are you okay?
I was like, how did you know?
And he's like, my boss picked you up. So my friend Julian had worked at this bar at a really nice hotel.
So I would get hammered there all the time for free
and his boss hated me because I was just some like drunk slut like flashing all these like
customers so she was the one that didn't like me but came but saw me on the street and then like
took me back to my friend yeah she was a nice girl. Were people excited when you flashed them or were they just like
well that's why I think I was always okay with flashing because like it's not no one has a big reaction pretty small um yeah everyone was always like like it doesn't change anyone's day
like it might inspire them to like get a pepperoni pizza I flashed an audience once I tell this on
stage I flashed an audience once and literally like nothing happened and I like turned to the
other side of the audience I was like I just showed them my tits and everyone laughed so hard
Adam Egan calls it flashgate because nobody believes I flashed the other side of the audience I was like I just showed them my tits and everyone laughed so hard Adam he calls it flashgate because nobody believes I flashed the other side because there was no
like literally no one like had any movement neutral yeah they just like looked had no
no reaction at all but um so anyway so I always think about that time when I went to the got my
stitches and everything that it saved me because those stitches healed but
the fucking herpes I would have gotten from my friend why you never you never gave a blow
no I never I would never sober I've hooked up with him but I was just like I thought it would
be like a good nice thing to do for his birthday but it would have been I would have been ravaged
that's just what we did it's like like, oh, it's your birthday.
That's how little respect we had for ourselves.
That's not what we did.
Annie and I.
The ratchet level was on.
Kalilah, did you really do that too?
When I was in high school, yeah.
Look at her.
Judgment corner is back, guys. It's not judging.
I'm just surprised.
I'm curious.
But you said, Kalilah, did you really? And you looked at me like, you dirty slut. curious but you said kalilah did you really and
you looked at me like you dirty slut of course you did well you were you were drunk you were
not that was not you thank you thank you what does that mean i started crying like sincerely
it wasn't me that's our moment from um the notebook Not the notebook, but what's his name who hung himself?
Who hung himself?
Oh, you know, the famous guy.
Wait.
He had Parkinson's.
Oh, Robin Williams.
Robin Williams.
That was his.
Annie, you blanked on Robin Williams.
Guys, I have cluster headaches.
I don't know if you realize this.
I am very ill right now.
So I woke up with a cluster headache at 8 a.m
it wakes you up oh yeah it wakes you up from a dead sleep i hear it's like feeling like someone
like grabbing your face with um the longest possible nails yeah it's literally like having
like a screwdriver go through like multiple parts of your side yeah it's and it's and then i also
get these zaps of pain too like these like these like electrical shocks during it, too, that are also painful.
It's really crazy.
I'm like twitching all over the place.
I've heard of brain zaps.
They say when you go off antidepressants, you can get brain zaps.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
That's like a real.
Oh, that's a real thing?
That one's a real thing.
The cluster headaches are brought to you by Annie Letterman.
But I'm trying everything.
There's things that people say to do like they snort like cayenne pepper.
Like there's just like you want to just like kill this nerve here.
They're called suicide headaches.
Yeah.
No way.
People have literally put like bullets to them.
They kill themselves.
Right.
Because that's just they want to put themselves out of the misery.
But I'm very lucky because I have the episodic.
So I just get them every two years for a month.
Some people get them at every change of the season.
Some people get them nonstop.
Oh, really?
They don't stop.
Is there any research as to what causes these?
No.
It's hereditary.
There's a lot of things, but they can't figure it out.
And it's also such a very small population of people.
I think it's like under 1% of population.
And it's usually guys.
And it's a lot of people saying well yeah i have migraines too
oh they're like are you drinking water and i'm like what that reminds me when i had depression
and people were like do you get sunlight i'm not a plant also look at me obviously i don't look
comfortably we have to buy this forever the ashes of the person before me are cozy but i am like this is what i am right now i am like
should be pushed around in a wheelchair i'm disabled you guys growing up you know that
cereal was kind of ew did you just burp cereal was the best part of being a kid you would sit
on the couch and you'd put on your cartoons your parents would
feed you this your mom would walk in with the cereal and then she'd walk in with the refill
to be that's what we're allowed to have cereal on a couch but then like you get to become an
adult and cereal is filled with sugar and it's like poisonous and toxic it's not good for you
so usually i drink protein shakes to get my protein intake after a workout.
And I've been doing this for years.
But finally, since I've discovered Magic Spoon,
I now have a delicious way to get my protein before and after workouts.
In fact, I make my Rice Krispie Treats with the cereal.
And there's a lot of fun recipes oh i have to do
that they're so good i've been making rice crispy you're yelling no no first of all yes we're
talking about magic spoon which i kid you not in the matter of one day i had two of my two of the
men in my life dave and carl also both like have you tried this magic spoon and i was like two of
both of them randomly love it um you guys magic spoon is blowing up first of all it's
zero grams of sugar 13 to 14 grams of protein and only four net grams of carbs in each serving only
140 calories a serving it's keto friendly gluten-free grain-free soy-free low carb and gmo
free the variety pack has four flavors cocoa fruity frosted and peanut butter okay so fruity is the one that dave and
carlos are obsessed with um i'm a traditional girl i'm a frosted just frosted cereal i like
peanut butter cereal is like where my my i come to life it tastes exactly like regular cereal from
your childhood but it's super nutritious this is like this is a game changer you guys can go to magicspoon.com
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also what is this you were fingered by your friend so you're what's going on there she
fingered me well she looked like a boy it very drunk. I've never had a sexual hookup with a female friend.
Ever?
No.
But you wanted to.
And not even a kiss, Esther?
You're even, look at her hand right now.
Don't move your hand.
She's like, she hooked.
She had fist hand.
Esther, you've never even kissed a girl?
I've kissed a girl in high school.
I made a sex tape.
You did?
Yeah, everybody knows that.
I don't know this.
Yeah, well, it's illegal child porn. Can we find it? I was 14. Let's pixelate it i don't know this yeah well it's illegal
child porn i was 14 let's pixelate it no it's illegal uh it was just me and two other girls
we met at a football it was just freshman year first football game of my of freshman year i met
these two girls and we all were like laughing having fun hit it off right away we're like
and one of us i don't remember which one was like let's have a sleepover tonight it was definitely you sleepover by Esther I know right when we met we're like
let's all so we all have a sleepover her slogan is sleepover by Esther put them on so I can take
them off and then like we were all hanging out it was so much fun like I literally think everything
I do is to recreate the high of that night of like meeting meeting that night have deciding to have a sleepover even dave has like long hair is it
so from behind you think it's a girl i don't but i whatever dude look how defensive the lesbian's
getting i don't think whatever dude you i don't look at the lesbian boyfriend from behind i mean
there's nothing wrong if i did but i don't but But now I'm like, is this podcast like a tribute to that night?
So we all were like, we met.
We had this fun energy.
We were having so much fun in my friend's basement.
And then one of them pulled the camera out and was like, kiss.
You keep saying one of them and it's definitely always you.
But we just made out and took our shirts off.
It wasn't like.
How big were your tits at that point?
Not that big. Really? It wasn't like. How big were your tits at that point? Not that big.
Really?
It wasn't like deeply sexual.
It was just like very, you know.
When did your boobs pop?
How old were you?
I don't know.
Did you get like, were you at the age where you got teased about it or no?
Teased that I have boobs?
Like you know big boob girls are like the most traumatized.
No, I prayed for boobs.
This wonderful sweet girl from my middle school was the boob girl.
I feel so bad
i found her on instagram and she's never shows her like they ruined her really they called her
slut just because she had big boobs it's like so sad that's so fun and she was so cool like there
was nothing like she wasn't like a there was nothing slutty about that is like worshipped
i feel like in the age range that we're all in now but i just did you watch kid 90 or whatever no what is that it's punky brewster so i mean for i made a she videotaped everything from her childhood
as a like child star but she videotaped her too say hi hello to the camera oh my god i wish didn't
she say like charlie sheen was like the nicest guy on the planet he took her virginity yeah and she
kept going like i'm not gonna say he took my virginity.
And then she'd play Charlie Sheen on the phone, leaving her messages like, hey, I'm in town.
Want to hang out?
Wait, did you watch it?
What did they show?
It was really cool.
It was really sweet, too.
Because you can tell she's a really sweet, sensitive girl.
And a lot of her friends ended up killing themselves.
Because they're just thrown into this crazy life.
Yeah.
And you can tell she doesn't realize it's that crazy of a life she's like i'm sure all kids really and i'm like i mean i had a crazy life too but i had to realize
start to tell people stories when they look at you in awe and they're like wait that's
that's what you call an average childhood that's why i like you because you're always like yeah
and then y'all my teacher also did i'm like yay we're all molested but it was actually it was really cool but she was talking about her breast
reduction because she got these huge boobs and then everything was that she got only got cast
as like the girl with big boobs and everything was about big boobs i was a little jealous
i am jealous too of that yeah should we take a banana break sure yeah let's take a banana break
i can't eat bananas i certainly hope on my birthday episode there, should we take a banana break? Sure. Yeah, let's take a banana break. I can't eat bananas. I certainly hope on
my birthday episode
there's something
other than a banana
for me.
I know, and I get
clustered eggs from
bananas.
You guys, it's always
either unripe or just
smushed black bananas.
Oh my God.
Can I have something that's not, I can't have a banana. Oh, you get a Tootsie Pop. Oh my god. Can I have something that's not?
I can't have a banana.
Oh, you get a Tootsie Pop.
Babe, let's do a double banana on one side.
Why has she ever not been in a wheelchair?
Why has she ever not been in one?
Doesn't she look at home?
Look at her.
I'm happy here.
She's just all crouched up.
So cute.
George, are there any other options for my snack?
Carrie. Oh, are there any other options for my snack? Carrie.
Oh, baby food?
Bobby, there's so many holes in your cool pants.
We share those pants.
What's everybody going to have for dinner tonight?
Does Bobby bang you while you're wearing them through the holes?
He just puts it out of the pee-pee hole and that's how we bang.
That's so funny.
That's like orthodox Jew.
That's what we do.
He doesn't take his underwear off.
He just puts it to the pee hole.
We're so nasty. That's like Orthodox Jew. That's what we do. He doesn't take his underwear off. He just puts it to the pee hole.
We're so nasty. I know.
We do this game where we spit in each other's faces.
Oh my God.
And it's like a bigger loogie each time.
Oh, loogie like chunky?
We were doing that when we were watching
the Woody Allen documentary.
That's so funny.
That's how you cope.
We were just spitting at each other.
I think it's a good guy. He just liked to be in bed with kids.
He wanted to marry a daughter.
We still have to pee in the diaper.
Banana break, Annie. We should do it now.
I think I can do it. Oh my god, you'll never be able to.
Where's my panty?
I have to pretend I'm on a toilet.
Wait, those panties are so cute.
Wait, Kalilah, can I see your panties?
I don't like her saying panties like it rhymes with kalilah can i see your panties i don't like
her saying panties like it rhymes with my name oh my god you cannot do it show me show me show me
show me now turn to me take it down it's not coming through you promised
you guys this is the best birthday ever thank you for this gift show me the wet
diaper it feels like a waterbed yeah we're gonna take a pause cuz I got a
diaper change okay well it's supposed to take a pause because I got a diaper change.
Okay.
Well, it's supposed to be my birthday episode.
And yes, as a joke, last summer I bought diapers.
And for some reason, people really hung on to that storyline.
And I said, I don't think you'll be able to pee in the diapers.
I tried.
I wasn't able to. And these two proved me wrong.
They just pissed in diapers.
And their diapers are now full. And and quite frankly need to be changed.
Hey, guys.
Have you ever pissed in a diaper?
While eating a Tootsie Pop?
While eating a Tootsie Pop on ketamine.
Cholesteratics are really bad.
Honestly, I'm glad I have you guys here tonight to tell you how serious cholesterolics are.
She's doing an act they are so bad i have been taking like a vlog that's so depressing it's just
me crying on a camera they really are bad do not take this joy and happiness as a sign
that cluster headaches are fake so kalilah how did that feel for you how what was the changing really disappointed i was so
disappointed the absorption was horrible i was it didn't absorb so i had to cut the diaper
and put it out this way and then pour it into the toilet but yeah that was whatever brand that was
esther you were right the brands do matter they of course my friend we should have stuck to like
depends sponsor us.
We will product test the shit out of your stuff.
Well, not literally.
Just the piss.
We will product piss the shit.
We will product test the piss out of your stuff.
Annie, so how did the removal of the diaper go for you?
God, that dog is cute.
The removal was smooth.
I was sad though that there wasn't wet wipes
to wipe myself.
Well, it wasn't, it absorbed for you.
Mine just sat there like a puddle.
And so I had to cut it through the sides
and then tip the diaper over.
No, mine absorbed.
Mine absorbed.
I think mine, I peed too much.
Yeah.
I peed a whole bladder full.
I peed, yeah, I did pee three times though.
Your theory is wrong. That was the most, the easiest thing I'd ever had to do. Honestly, I did pee three times. Your theory is wrong.
That was the easiest thing I ever had to do.
Honestly, I will find it hard to not pee in a diaper now.
I'm going to find the rest of my life very difficult.
That was beautiful.
It's so funny.
As a kid, you're just walking around like that.
I know.
How do you do it? I guess you have such a little amount of pee when you're little.
That's got to be what it is.
It's like you're arrested development. Like you're frozen at the age of that's why you walk
like that plenty to look forward to because when you get older trust me it's back to diaper central
or even when you have kids you become incontinent to a certain degree oh yeah isn't chris jenner
like the spokesperson for depends no she is i saw an episode of keeping Up with the Kardashians where she was like, should I be the model? They should do Skims diapers.
We would be on it.
That was so fun being in a diaper.
I feel like it's my birthday.
Thank you, Esther.
That is my favorite part about getting into the ocean
is peeing in my wetsuit.
It just warms your whole body up.
That's my favorite part about getting into the bath
with someone else.
Oh, I've never not peed on a person in the shower i will i'll aim it oh jeez everyone's getting peed on esther since it is your debut um we are going to be attempting a swing at a pinata
and what corpse did you guys steal these dresses from?
In our formal cotillion dresses.
I'll take the extra large.
I'll take the extra, extra large.
Do you guys believe in cursed items?
Yeah, sort of.
Yeah.
Sometimes I worry about that.
Oh my God, I think I just destroyed this thing.
These dresses suck.
Wait. These dresses are beautiful. How dare
you Annie? They're pre-loved and pre-worn.
I like my shit brown one. I feel like
because I have my period I'm going to opt out
of the dress. Oh no. This is a six.
Let's not be surprised that Esther would
opt out of her own birthday party.
Little boy you have your period?
That's so weird.
I love my two granddaughters.
They just play dress up with grandma's old gowns.
While grandma sits and enjoys the life in their eyes.
My granddaughters are beautiful.
Can I hit Esther instead of the pinata?
Who's going to wheel me over?
I'll wheel you.
I'm going to wheel my grandmama grandmama happy birthday it's her 97th birthday i i feel like
you are gonna give a 97 year old's attempt at hitting this esther i want you to really try
i'm weak today she's on her period she's bleeding out out, folks. Okay, so here we are.
Annie is pushing Esther.
Since she's the birthday girl, Esther is going up first.
Annie is pushing her in a wheelchair.
They're going about one mile per hour.
Is the camera on her?
Okay.
Wait, we have to blindfold her and then make her spin around.
Oh, my God.
Esther will be throwing up those cream savers.
Esther is on day one of her period,
so we are not going to blindfold her
as she is already experiencing some form of nausea.
Do you need us to do it for you with your arms?
In three, two, one, first strike.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Pretend it's Carlos and he didn't do something for free.
Oh, no.
Pretend Carlos is trying to charge you for something.
For his work.
Okay, that's it.
You get three strikes.
Look how happy she was to stop.
Mommy Annie is now wheeling her back to her desired position.
This does feel so good to give her what she wants.
Yeah, I know.
You know you're enjoying it.
I love making my prince happy.
My little prince.
Okay, who's up next?
Take it from grandma.
Ah!
Wait, Annie, blindfold, blindfold!
Oh no.
Oh.
Annie is taking a swing.
She's cheating.
That's it.
Jesus Christ.
What the fuck, I didn't even get a swing.
I'll throw it.
Ready?
One, two, three.
Skills!
Should we tell Esther what we wanted to put in it?
These two maniacs are filled with rage.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. How are you not lesbian
How are we not all dating
Are we in a threeple
Oh my goodness
This is not what I wanted this to be filled with
I'm a little disappointed
She's excusing herself
Is this a podcast What are we doing this is the most fun i've ever had
in my life is this prom i think it's a prom pinata podcast
this is not she's choosing the dots i don't know what she's choosing the dots
i'm moving to jersey if this is an entertainment
well someone assist the birthday girl no i like when she has to do
things on her own it's so hard for her should we tell her what we what our other alts were to be
inside it yeah syringes dirty condoms blood we wanted to somehow blood because there's so many
of you were hitting it and then a disgusting thing yeah because look at your face you don't understand this is what i'm going you're rolling
back your joy is very come second to this face this look how good she is at it with the two feet
on one thing did you have to pretend like you hurt your hands too so david push you
this is like the funniest day of my life and i had a headache for eight hours
esther when we do live shows you have to
be in a wheelchair oh my god it's so when you travel in a wheelchair somebody's waiting for
you when you land they you know what's really sad is that this pole looks like your iv pole
you know we could have cracked one of these out early during the banana break
do you like thoughts i've never had them in my life fucking ass what do they taste like they're like fuck you george you ruined her birthday
she had the worst birthday ever chewy gummy oh that wheelchair is dirty good oh my god the ashes
are smelting into my skin how did this person die i'm becoming out did you ever know you can die of
gout my dad is serious annie my mom of gout? My dad is serious, Annie.
My mom had gout.
My mom had the most white trash disease.
Well, that's actually not white trash.
It's a rich man's disease.
I know, but not anymore.
Funnel cake is now the culprit.
What is?
It's like funnel cake.
It's like rich foods. For my birthday, if there's not a dunk tank and funnel cake, all of you are dead to me.
And Esther on the dunk tank.
That would be so fun for
my birthday it's a special 38 okay listen i may be on ketamine but this seems fun are you guys
enjoying this yeah this is fun i'm crying like it's running i've been bedridden stuck in my house
crying and kicking the floor screaming for i literally call my parents on FaceTime and they just sit on FaceTime and I cry and scream.
Lucky.
That's their dream.
I know.
I wish I could give you cluster headaches for your birthday.
My dad found a bell in the crawl space.
A bell?
Where you ding.
Oh, no.
And he said that if I ding it once, that means feed me.
Twice is wipe me.
And three is an emergency.
And I booked my plane ticket quick.
What would an emergency be for you?
Add a toilet paper?
That falls under wipe me.
What's an Esther emergency?
It's too cold or too hot?
Well, this has really exceeded my expectations.
The wheelchair and the candy. And you guys pissing your pants in a diaper.
That is a really, that's a treat for me.
Esther, I was talking to her yesterday about my headaches and she was like, well, you know,
if you want to cut it short, I'm like willing to cut it short.
No, you aren't.
Are birthdays a big deal in your life no i never i never like to get big with birthdays
because i don't like the expectations i'm like that with all holidays like
oh today's christmas so it has to be perfect everyone has to have fun
that expectation has sent me into depression spirals so i like to just keep everything low
low expectations.
You know, maybe you maybe you treat yourself to a meal. Maybe a plane goes by while you're doing your speech.
Maybe it doesn't.
Maybe a nice meal, a nice phone call with a friend.
I don't like to do it big.
I like to almost ignore the holiday.
Every day.
A nice meal and a phone call with a friend.
It is.
Every day is my birthday.
Do you blow a cake, Esther?
What?
On your birthday, do you blow a cake?
Blow a cake?
I mean, is that blow job?
A cake?
No, blow a cake.
Like, you blow candles that sit on top of the cake.
No, that's not a real thing.
You had to have said that knowing that we were going to look at you like this.
Wait, that's not how you say it?
Blow a cake?
Diaper was one thing.
Blow a cake?
George, how do you say it?
Blow the candles out of the cake. Well, we know you say it? Throw the candle down on the cake.
Well, we know what her cake's going to be shaped like when we get her one.
No wonder guys like you so much.
She's always just deep-throating the cake.
Birthday parties were a really big thing in my life.
Birthdays are so big in my family.
We go all out.
And it's always, it's never not fun.
It's always an extravaganza.
That's good.
I invite you this November to join me for my birthday extravaganza. We good i invite you this november to join me for my
birthday we have to wait all the way till november mine's in july well november's so far away that
week i haven't that's my birthday present thank you so much i fished my wish finally
esther's deceased for one week you guys this has been an absolute joy so fun happiest of birthdays to our baby slug
i'm so lucky slugs can't move themselves i'm just so these dots are good man the stuck in those
teeth that dead tooth huh the flavors are i swear it's like fresh fruit i taste um this is esther's
having a fruit salad guys hold on this has been truly
a wonderful day and I'm so grateful
to all the bloodbath listeners I'd be
exceptionally grateful if they'd like
and subscribe to this video and comment
something
share
share it
and yeah as always if you guys post about our show we will repost you on our
Instagram which you should follow at bloodbathgirls write us a review on iTunes while you're at it if you guys post about our show, we will repost you on our Instagram, which you should follow at Bloodbath Girls.
Write us a review on iTunes while you're at it if you haven't yet.
We're trying to show everybody that this is the dumbest, best fucking podcast where we laugh in the face of our traumas, where we roll ourselves around in a wheelchair with no shame.
Where we make George do so much work in between the episodes that it's barely worth his price.
We want him to feel terrible with what he's getting paid.
And we are coming.
Esther just rolls in.
I squirt some ketamine in my nose.
I just fucking come in.
She's at her own fucking house late every time.
At her own house.
Somehow late.
I mean, is there a better situation?
Esther's birthday has lasted
12 years.
And next week will be her birthday again.
We don't care. She's a princess
and she deserves to be treated as one.
See, Annie really does love me.
I do. I love her so much.
I know you want to make all my wishes come
true.
The wheelchair is such a dream, George. Thank you
so much.
And you guys, I feel like is that it for our announcements i have a birthday present she gets to end the episode i have a tie-dye
company sleepover by esther.com and my stand-up can we have some to wear i'll bring some she's
how pained she is so expensive no no i'll give you some for free I'd love to it'd be my honor to share
but the truth is
I'll wear it I'll promote you
I know you well enough to know you'll never
take it off your body
you'll have to peel it off my dead body
making it a real
treat for me
sleepoverbyester.com and
my stand up special streaming on Paramount Plus
and we all have other do a Paramount+. Do a couple jokes.
Tell them a couple jokes.
I imagine that's like every comic's worst nightmare
is when you're like, oh, I'm a comedian.
And they're just like, oh, tell me a couple jokes.
It's every comedian's worst nightmare
except there's one whose it's not.
Because you just are on the cuff.
I go, how do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck its dick then never ask someone that again and that has been bloodbath
bye guys bye guys thank you so much write that review Thank you.