Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Exploring the Dorito Theory w/ Trevor Wallace

Episode Date: February 27, 2024

Thank you to our sponsor: DraftKings - Download the DraftKings Casino app NOW and use code TRASHTUESDAY. New players get an instant deposit match up to ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS in casino credits when you deposit five dollars or more.   Esther’s new movie: Drugstore June! https://www.drugstorejune.com/. Wide release Friday March 1! Go see it!!   See Esther on tour. Check out dates at estheronice.com See Annie on tour. Check out dates at https://www.annielederman.com/shows More Trevor Wallace: Website - https://trevorwallacecomedy.com/  Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/trevorwallace/  Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/c/TrevorWallace  TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@trevorwallace Stiff Socks - https://www.youtube.com/@StiffSocks   00:00 - Mom Coverage 00:31 - Drugstore June Promo 00:58 - Annie Tour Dates 01:31 - Ham Family 03:19 - Going Through Old Mail 06:57 - Drugstore June Screening 08:53 - Shooting Your Scene 10:26 - College Libraries 15:24 - The Dorito Theory 19:00 - Performing in Las Vegas 21:02 - Manly Interests 26:12 - Well I Guess This is Growing Up 33:17 - Staying Warm This Winter 36:27 - Can’t Flush 39:41 - First Date with a Furry 44:49 - Pet Adoption 52:11 - Living in LA Without a Driver’s License 57:04 - Excessive Exclamation Points!!!! 58:11 - Wrap Up   Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8X Trash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday     Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Rick and Esther Have a Time - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/rick-and-esther-have-a-time/id1694264079 AnnieWood - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/anniewood/id1653515392   Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Theme Song Written by: Bobby Lee http://instagram.com/bobbyleelive Banana Break Song by: Can Nguyen  🍬  https://www.candyedits.com     Produced by: Real Good Touring & Ten42 Podcast Producer(s): Stella Young & Julien Bensimhon Edited By: Andrew Tarr (Audio) & Josh Miller (Video + Clips)   This Video Contains Paid Advertising

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offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint mobile for details mom do you want to come sit closer this is so funny during the show

please tell me we're already recording please tell me this is so good trevor this is my mom oh my gosh so cute she knows she's wait, Esther, you made a movie? That's our thumbnail right there. No editing, no touch-up, thumbnail. Her mom just to be covering one of our cameras. You're like, mom, come closer. I didn't mean that close. Oh, my God. Hello, slugs.

I'm so excited. We have Trevor Wallace on the show today. He's so funny. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. And he's also so funny in our movie, Drugstore June, which is opening wide release this Friday, March 1st. Check our website, drugstorejune.com for tickets and showtimes and all that stuff. I can't wait for you to eat popcorn and laugh and have a big Diet Coke with all of our faces. Okay, bye.

And have a big Diet Coke with all of our faces. Okay, bye. Hello, sluggies. I am on the road as usual. You can see me this weekend in Fort Worth, Texas at Big Laugh Comedy Club. That's March 1st and 2nd. I'm going to be in Albuquerque, New Mexico, March 8th and 9th. I'm going to be in Washington, D.C., March 22nd and 23rd. I'm going to be at the Comedy Store again once a month.

I don't know what the dates are. But go to AnnieLetterman.com slash shows for that. And I'll be in Jacksonville, Florida at the end of June. We are getting dates added all the time. So go to AnnieLetterman.com slash shows to see them. And you can see me every Thursday on Annie Wood. Have you guys ever had your family in an audience at a show and then the flash photography goes off and you're like, I know who that is? The amount of times I've been like if this was not my mother they would be thrown to the curb I mean my mom would have been kicked out of many of my shows because your family actually talks back at your show it's

absolutely insane my mom wants through yeah yeah it's Philly yeah but also my whole family is hams like there's no person that wants to be like i'll just sit in the back like every silence my whole family my whole family is like every time director's cut it's unbelievable everybody wants to be in the in front of my mom like threw a present at me once on stage a present it was i was doing christmas weekend and sandwich from wawa it was a nightmare no it was like an arm it was like such a confusing thing to explain to it was like a mannequin's arm that she had gotten for her eBay drop-off store. It was like, okay, so it will take me

five minutes to explain it, but it's like, so I'm on stage. That's a long time just to be clear. So I'm on stage. So she throws a present on me. I have to turn around.

Like, I've been assaulted, first of all. She didn't hit me. Oh, my God, she was trying to hit me. She probably was that fucking bitch. But then, like, I unwrap it. It's like this fist.

The audience already doesn't like me. This is, like, before I had fans. This was, like, a totally a totally random audience like they have no clue who i am you just bomb me up when an arm goes flying i'm bombing so hard yeah i know and then there's a severed arm to show my bombing yeah it was like because like nurses used this arm it had like fake cuts on it to like a nursing school they would practice sewing wound shot on this fake arm and why was that she has an an eBay drop-off store.

Because she thought it would be funny to throw a fist at me. So she threw like a... Your family strikes me as somebody who would like put a fake thumb in chili and go to Wendy's and be like, oh, I guess I got to sue now. As like a joke.

Not sue. Not serious. They think it would be funny. They'd be like, why? No, no, no. There'd be nothing free. They would be like, it's fake. What?

Like they would think it was like a funny prank. I love it. Speaking of gifts from parents, So my parents are in town and I apparently, I guess, haven't gone through my mail in two years. And so I had to sit there and watch my parents go through all my mail and they had to open two, not one, but two birthday cards that they sent me. And it was so awkward. Was there money in it? That's sad. No. Well, up your game and we'll open your cards. Not sad anymore. They opened them, read them out loud to me.

I was like, I feel... Oh, that's actually sweet though. Did they feel the sentiment of it or were they resentful that you didn't... Now they're like, to our sweet daughter. I'm excited to see next year's one. Bitch, you ain't gonna read this. There was no emotion in the reading.

There never is. You've met my mom. This is all flat. She's just AI. One time. Very Aubrey Plaza-esque. Yeah. Nothing from the IRS.

No, I was going to say, how many Jerry Doodies? Oh, that's on the list today. Is Jerry Doody real? I don't think so because I've never read my mail and I've never been in trouble. Oh, so you're a non-mail reader too? Oh, no. I don't. Mail's hilarious.

If it's stuffed, like we're full. Like our mailman will be mad at us. He's like, can you please take them? Mail's f***ing desperate. They're like, to Trevor Wallace or whoever lives here.

I know. Just a f***ing wide net here. I know. Hey, for Trevor or really f***ing anybody. I know, it's like, why would I do this? Like just be like,

and then the banks put like a fake header card in there. Oh, there's a card. Don't bend it. Shut the f*** up. Oh, by the way, my fiance did use

one of those cards. He was like, oh, I just took out a card. They're bend it. Shut the fuck up. Oh, by the way, my fiance did use one of those cards. He was like, oh, I just took out a card. They're not usable. He found one that they sent him one, but they put you the fake one. And he's like, oh, I just got a credit card out. I'm like, did you check to see if it was like a good one? Oh, my God. He just picked one.

Do you open your mail? No. And there's like certain people will look for it from because it could be money. You can tell what envelopes might be money but a lot of them know it's so funny no and there's an old lady who used to live my place and she gets a lot of like urgent please open this is a court final notice she's probably had her i think she's dead yeah but in my head i'm like what am i gonna track her down yeah oh you can we go to a senior living center hi excuse me uh is this i'm trying to die before I have to pay these.

I know. I think they're, yeah. We had one, like, my dad opened one that was like, oh, you drove in the express lanes and it was a fee. And I was like, oh, I do that all the time. And they sent one in 10 years. Who cares? Another one.

And then, like, eight more were opened. Also, today, my dad isn't, he's in town, but didn't come to the recording because he has to call the jury duty place and tell them I've been in a coma. I feel like they can just go to your Instagram and be like, you're clearly not in a coma. But she's on

the road. Yeah. Which is the same thing. Can you imagine if we had to just like not do a huge gig to do f***ing jury duty? They can't do that. When was the last time you guys went to jury duty? I've never gone to jury duty in my life. Yeah think you're wanted you're a felon no you you have like a certain amount of times where you can just like not respond really yeah i'm not a male person sorry like how is that possible by the way if i have to send a letter i have to call my dad to be

like where does the stamp go it just feels insane i don't know wait what was it like if i have to send a letter i have to like call my dad and be like, where do stamps go? Like, what? It's a mess. You ever buy one stamp? You go to the post office, like, I would like one stamp, please. You feel like you should have a monocle. One stamp, please.

It's like checks. It's like, what do I check? Also, the post office is hell on earth. Nothing's real. It's so horrible. Well, it's so many elderly people. There's no one our age or younger. You guys are making me feel so much better because I felt like the way my parents are making me feel with this pile

of mail like and it is shameful and i should feel bad and you guys are also wrong you shouldn't feel bad at all they are killing rainforest by the second just cutting these down please open please open it's like why are you it's a nightmare and then also so okay so for the movie drugstore june which trevor is here i'm in hello thank you thank you you're so good in it um but for the movie we're doing a screening at the wga and so the director of the movie called me nick he's like so okay good news the wga wants to screen our movie it's there's a little bit of an awkward conversation that has to happen i'm like what he's like well the wga said that your account is in arrears and i was like what do you mean he's like you need to pay your dues and i was just like this is my dad's problem okay damn is it a lot of money or i don't know i still haven't been able to figure out how much i owe but

i was wondering why i didn't get screeners the last like Christmas. Yeah. But yeah, like it's just the things, the things pile up when you don't read your mail. Have you guys ever gotten into trouble? Well, yeah.

No, I have like a businessman. I pay someone to do all this. So he goes through it. If there's a problem, it's really like I have someone I can just be like, how did this happen?

It is great having that guy. How did this happen? I don't know what's going on. Are you with Jason? Are you with my guy? With Tim Dillon's guy? No, I'm not. They probably know each other. They're all bald and really cool. Jason figure this out. Are you with Jason? Are you with my guy? With Tim Dillon's guy? No, I'm not. They probably know each other.

They're all bald and really cool. Jason, I don't think you're bald. You're on your way, but I don't think you're bald. Is he not bald? Mm-mm. But somebody will ask me for like a W-9 and I'm like, I don't want to do this. I know. I hate that.

Well, who? You know what it is? A business manager is basically just a mom and dad because you're just like, yeah, when I go to like a doctor's office and like fill this out, I like can i like can i send this electronically to my mom have her fill it out send it back that's like my therapist because i'm like why why was this month lower than that month and how do what do i do with this is my career disappear he's like no everything's okay i talked to my business manager for hours a day yeah wait that's not normal he's my favorite rep he's my favorite rep i love him maybe i, am realizing the mistake I'm making that my business manager is an 80-year-old man who has a gambling problem.

He's either really good or really bad. He took that WGA money. Yeah, maybe that's why they haven't earned it. He's playing with house money over there. So, Jokes for June. Me. How long are you in it? Like five minutes.

Longer than I thought. It was a seven page um scene yeah and i was like oh so what are you know i'm used i come from the internet world i'm like so what are we going to shoot like one one line at a time he's like no we're going to go through all seven like i had to memorize like wait it's like we're fucking acting today to be fair that is my nightmare too like when you show up and they're like we're doing the full scene and i'm like it's just it's too hard it's too much at once i prefer uh a full scene to one line if i'm in something with one line i will overthink it oh my god we talked about the one line it would be the most embarrassing

line is the hardest job in the world that's kind of my role in this is because my one line was the same line over and over and over so now i'm thinking about different inflections on how i can say it's so embarrassing you No, you had a hard job. A lot more came out of it from just like riffing and whatnot. But like overall, it's just that. And I'm sitting next to a bad baby over there who is so rich, has an entourage.

She goes, I'm gonna order Postmates, walks off set. I love it. She has a Rolls Royce with orange seats. She did not abide by any SAG rules. And she should not. She should not. Wait, did you get

to interact with her at all? We made eye contact once or twice. But like... And that's why she left? No, literally. She's like, I gotta go. I wanted to be like...

I was a strong rider. I wanted to be like, hey, we kind of look alike and then just see where that went. That's my move with you. Yes. Don't Trevor and I look alike? Actually, yeah.

Do we not look like completely related somehow? You could easily be something. Well, you could be my twin brother in something. You're half Jewish. I am. Which half? My mom is Jewish.

You're a blonde Jew. You have to like. I'm a blonde Jew? Yeah. I really don't look like it at all. Do you feel blonde? You're blonde, right? He was just saying he was a redhead.

I was born with red hair. Kind of like this was just saying he was a red red hair kind of like like this couch almost like i was a ginger child growing up and over time it just got like darker it's like brown blonde you're blonde i'm blonde sorry what if i told you you're like what the fuck you punch him um no i think i was like white haired when i was little my whole family was like all my brothers we had just blonde blonde, blonde, blonde, blonde. Really? I, yeah, I'm like, I think about this a lot now just because the baby is coming. And I'm like, Dave and I both have such dark hair. But there is that slim chance that she'll be a redhead.

And I don't know how. Oh, it's a she? Yeah. A she and a redhead? Yeah. Does that change things for you? Redheads are so cute. It would be cute. No, I'm excited.

But you know I want like a goth daughter. Dyer hair. She comes out. What if she doesn. No, I'm excited, but you know I want like a goth daughter. Dye her hair. She comes out. What if she doesn't know she's a genuine? Have you been like, it's like not telling her she's adopted.

When she's like eight, you're like, listen, I gotta tell you something. That shampoo we've been using, it seems. Is that why you're wearing like all the necklaces

like for the goth daughter? Yeah. Do you play like music on your womb? You play My Chemical Romance but it's my goth daughter. We can make your kid goth, but we can do it. It's not gonna be hard. It is pretty dark in there but when you try it's dark in there when you try they always swing the

other way christian like my mom you gotta go go ahead no i was gonna say my mom like wanted me to be so girly dresses and then i just was like a tomboy my whole childhood because i didn't want to be that wait can i just figure that was an epic and I'm an interrupter too, but it's funny when you start talking over something, they go, no, no, you go ahead. And then you just say the world's dumbest sentence. So anyways, like I was saying, worms love the rain. Do you have ADD? I don't know what I have, but it's

something. It's something. I don't know. It's so hard to not interrupt. My mom just told me she has ADD recently. ADD? What's with ADD? She has it, not you. My mom does, and she gets Adder. ADD? ADHD. She has it. Not you. My mom does. And she gets Adderall now. And I'm like.

No, my mom is my Adderall dealer. Really? She gets mad when I tell people because I guess it's illegal. I did not know this. She's in the family. No, she is. She's the drug queen pin of our family. She gets these really good ones.

I'm telling you, there's only one kind of Adderall that works. Really good ones? You mean like ones from the doctor? They're like orange. They're orange like footballs. Oh, the pills? Yeah, there's certain like kind of Adderall that works. Really good ones. You mean like ones from the doctor? They're like orange. They're orange like footballs. Oh, the pills? Yeah, there's certain like iterations of it. Are they the ones with little beads in it? Those are crazy.

That's time release. One time in college for finals, I snorted the beaded ones in a San Jose State College library bathroom and they were falling out of my nose. I'm trying to put it back in there. Oh, the library bathrooms in college. I was smashing them up on the toilet paper stall. Yes, yes, yes. It was a film major.

What the fuck did I need Adderall for? It was fun. What happened to you when you did it? I felt great. You passed the class. Yeah, exactly. Well, some went up, and then a lot were falling out of my nose. Well.

I mean, it was a sad time, but like, you know, 21-year-old Trev not doing well, just cutting vines in the library. My friends are doing, like, accounting and real finals. One time I got locked into the library at my college. Excuse me? I went to the video room because I was like, I could be private. There's, like, video, you know, you could take a rent to a video room and you could watch whatever it is.

I think this is where you watch porn. They don't serve you porn there, but they do. It was like you could, there was, like, educational films or whatever. I don't know what, serve you porn there but they do it was like you could there was like educational films or whatever i don't know what yeah you're so funny you're like i don't understand things that aren't youtube this was this was 2000 2001 2002 2000 i'm 40 no no i am no september 11th or no 2001 it was 2001 it was 2001 2001 because my freshman year was doing september 11th. Oh, no, 2001. It was 2001. It was 2001. Sorry. 2001, because my freshman year was— Wait, did you just confess to doing September 11th? What just happened?

I did. No, I did it from Santa Fe. What a great question. I said, I got to get out of this first day of class. We got to get these towers down. One time, I went to the library. This was pre-college, and me and my best friend, Christina, who I talk about a lot, we had just gone to McDonald's, and were like sneaking it into the library.

And then we were like getting our room that we reserved. And then the librarian was like, huh, I smell French fries. There's no food allowed. And we were just like so nervous. Okay. I just realized after your Adderall story, this is not interesting at all. She's like, one time I snorted sweet and sour sauce. You gotta start lying.

Have you ever tried that? We were doing keybabs off the french fries. We were wild. I know. I'm like, I'm not even telling my high school stories. I was snorting some stuff in the bathroom in high school. Guilty. I snuck fries into the library. No, I used to steal my dad's Xanax. We used to have fun in high school. Your parents are painkillers. He was

allergic to Vicodin. He had hip surgery. He was allergic to it, so he had a bottle there and I'd take him before Spanish class I'd just be sitting there I don't know what you're saying that's how you roll your R's but it felt good

yeah gotta relax my Spanish teacher she had a really soft voice so she had like a like a music pack with like a headset like Ricky Martin type shit

oh my god so I would just be floored in like sophomore year just feeling great and she's talking in a megaphone I loved it I loved Spanish class but I guess it was like shout out to Zeiler. I don't know if she's still with us, but shout out to her. Have you guys heard of this thing called the Dorito theory?

No. Tell us more. Is this about, did you learn this in the library? Is this one of your bad kids stories? It's something that I was very drawn to because of the name, but it's basically this theory on TikTok and also elsewhere. It's like the most addicting things are the things that are not actually satisfying to you. So you know how you eat a Dorito and it tastes so good, but you could eat the whole bag and you would never feel as full as you would feel if you had like a steak or eggs. So like, and all addictions link back to like never fully getting what you want yeah but also there's probably msg and it too also getting full of eggs is crazy what do you mean just eggs i know

i'm so full of or the idea of you having like steak and eggs like you would ever order that but like i can't even imagine this girl sitting down i'll have this steak and eggs with their little hand i would not go double protein you're correct i could see you going I'll have this steak and eggs with her little hand I would not go double protein you're correct I could see you going I'll have the Doritos do a bag of Doritos back there so I'm lost

addiction like you would never get addicted to steak right because like you would eat steak good that's such an alpha thing to get addicted to

I feel like we're hitting a place on TikTok where they're saying very normal things in a way that sounds like it's a brilliant because obviously you're hooked on something so it would give you like a little bit of a

big dopamine rush and then it would be gone and then you would want more yes it's but so you got to try Adderall but like also if you were in a relationship and it was an unsatisfying relationship where like the person is not really always giving, you know, or is not always fully there. That would be more addicting because you're never getting satisfied. TikTok school. Let's just say I've had a family size amount of Dorito relationships. The little breadcrumbs,

they're leaving you little Dorito crumbs. So you're saying you're not satisfied? You're not understanding this. And you want more. I don't. I'm trying to think of like pyramids. I was just in Vegas where they turned the Luxor or the the trying one into a dorito so i was picturing they did yeah that's a lot of work big money doritos somebody saw trying to be like what if it was

a giant dorito did you do it did you go inside the luxor no i did don't say it like that is that where you stay no but i'll enjoy a luxor I went recently because they have the Titanic exhibit. Do they really? And it's such a dump in there. No, not the movie. The Luxor. I just want to make sure. The real one.

No, I've never been in the inside. It's really not nice. I've had dark thoughts there. My dad got propositioned by a hooker right next to me at the Luxor. Well. I'm in. I'm in. Luxor sounds great.

It was actually very, it was, it was like apocalyptic. Like nobody was in there except for like a few women walking around and we just like wanted to see it. And we were walking around and this woman just came right up to him. It's the saddest place I've ever been in my life. And I don't know how it's, I did start losing there. Like I don't win there. So you have played at the Luxor. We're getting everywhere. I go everywhere. We were in Vegas together. Yes.

We were at the Green Day concert together. Yes. Yes. Life is beautiful. I was so sure I was going to meet Billy Joe. Really? I was so sure. But I still believe that I would have if it wasn't COVID.

Because I had the artist pass and i just i just stormed the mound i was like i'm just gonna walk in we just walked in too and i went to walk in and they were like it's covid we can't let artists in wait how did you get backstage did you meet i think we tried the same thing but then were we together i think we might have we all went in a group we had artist pass so we just like walked and we're like we didn't really think it through no i just was like if you just go confidently and we made it farther than the normal human should have. Yeah. How was your Vegas trip recently? Because Bobby like was so stressed out about doing that show. And you, you guys were all surprise guests and Bobby literally was convinced they were

going to boo him. How did you have any nerve? Yeah, they definitely did boo him, which is pretty good. No, it was awesome. I, were you nervous before? I was so nervous, so nervous because at first they were like nervous before I was being so nervous so nervous because at first they were like

so this was to open for Bert and Tom in an arena it was like 13,000 at first they're like alright do five minutes I was like great and then you're used to

just doing these long what's my five minutes they're like alright do seven I was like alright cool so I'll add a tag here and he goes ten and then I go what am I doing

and I'm opening it up there's no oh you went first yeah I'm cold open and you can't be like, guys, no, can I go second?

Yeah, exactly. So what did you come out and say? Like when you first came out, I think just wild. My Vegas, you have a t-shirt gun sometimes, right?

I have had one. I should have. Yeah. I went out there and then I just got right into jokes. I can't think too much. I have to get like a joke out immediately or also like, Oh yeah. My words fumble. Yeah, I went out there and then I just got right into jokes. I can't think too much. I have to get like a joke out immediately or else like my words fumble. So I just went out on like a quick like,

I did a show there on Wednesday on my own show and then I just like, I riffed something there and I opened with that. I was like, great. Yeah. So it was actually really well.

Like it went way better than I thought it could have. I didn't get like a standing ovation but I thought it was. Bobby said that you killed and everyone was. He said that he was standing backstage with like Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy Kimmel. And allby said that you killed and everyone was good he was said that he was standing backstage with like jimmy kimmel jimmy kimmel and all these

people that were like like they were impressed with you it was nuts because like all those guys they don't need to watch my set like burt tom shane like they're later in the show so they were like with hector they're watching i was like oh shit but it was great um i took the wrong way getting on the stage just so nervous yeah so nervous um and it's round right in the round so are you like wait yeah how do you do that yeah i kind of like the round because it like forces you to pace around and be energetic and i was pretty blinded out there so you couldn't really see anything which was great i also went to sound check just to like feel it out and it sounded so echoey but i was like what am i going to give

notes yeah while tom and bird next to me uh can we do the lighting like i'm just there i'm just killing time essentially until they're on. I can't give any notes. Did you get in the night before? I was there for, like, a week because I was just doing shows. And then I was doing some golf tournament that a friend wanted me to be a part of. You were playing in the golf tournament? Yeah.

Are you good at golf? Enough. Do you go, like, with your boys and play golf? I used to. Not really. I'm, like, always jealous of that. I don't want to go now because, like, now all my friends who golf do it to, like, get away from their, like, wives. I know. And I want to. But that's why I used to, not really. I'm like always jealous of that. I don't want to go now because like now all my friends who golf do it to like get away from their like wives.

I know. And I want, but that's why I want to go. I'm triggered. I'm so triggered. It's like still his day of golf. You're on the third hole and he's like, God.

And poker, by the way, is another one. Him teaching a poker suite though because that means maybe he'll let you come. He is such a huge golfer and poker player. And I'm always,

I'm like, yes. And I'm always like, this is so cool. He has like manly interests. But now it's, maybe it's not very good. No, men don't talk about their wives at all.

It's fine. Well, they might not talk about their wives. They just want to not remember them. They want to be like, I'm not here. You're not really like,

you can't really bug them while they're there. They're busy. They're on the... I mean, it's still fun, but like every once in a while you get a guy on like hole four like, God, sometimes I just

wish I had some alone time. And you're like, oh. They're like speaking of holes, aren't we happy our holes aren't here? Yeah. One of my friends one time was like, man, she just doesn't leave. Like I just, the second she leaves, I touch myself. And I was like, man, this is weird. Yeah.

Like it was, it was so funny. He's like, the second she leaves, I like, like when I go on the road for like work, I religiously beat my meat. I'm like, hey man, you're marrying this woman. Like, what do you think it's going to be like in the future? That's why man caves exist. That is so, how does, how do those relationships, how do they happen? It's like the Al Bundy like hack thing where like the men hate the wives. Like I guess.

I know. I think some people just think that's what it's supposed to be. I don't think men hate the wives. Like I guess. I know. I think some people just think that's what it's supposed to be. I don't think they hate the wives. I think they just forget that there's like no like privacy at times. Right. Right. But the pandemic showed us that. Yeah.

Well, see, I like, because I grew up mostly an only child and I just spent all my time alone in my room. I'm like, that's just kind of how we are at home. We're just, we're in separate quarters that's great i appreciate that that's that's the relationship i want i like um no privacy you're like bitch pay attention well i don't need to say it i found a match we liked each other all the time but like um but i mean i guess the road balances it out but no my twin brother and i when we were little, we used to sleep. We had separate rooms, but we would sleep in the same.

We would go sleep in my older brother's room on the floor. That's so cute. We always all slept together. Not like in high school. But we were like, we all like. Yes, he's home from college. I'm like, his wife's like, move. I'm like, move over, Dana.

I'm hopping in the middle. Do you guys ever sleep in your parents' room when you're scared? Yes, on ever sleep in your parents room when you're scared yes on the floor in a sleeping bag every night really on the floor on the sleeping bag where were you in the bed you weren't allowed to sleep like in the middle between that yes my dad would wake up with an elbow oh really yeah yeah but yeah no i remember because i remember when i first started getting anxiety it was third grade my teacher kim i went to quaker school so we called them by the first name. A what school? Quaker. Like oats? I still always think that.

We just, all we did was churn butter. No, I went to a Quaker school in Philadelphia. They're more common than you think. Pennsylvania's got the Amish out there. Yeah, Amish, Quaker, old-fashioned. Yeah. Stuff. Okay, so go to, so my third grade teacher teacher goes we have a really important test tomorrow

so make sure you get sleep and the minute someone was like make sure you get sleep i've never slept through the night again i was i literally was like panicked i was like wait a second it was like oh my god i'm gonna let my teacher down i'm gonna it was just so much pressure and then my dad would have to come in and he would like he would like pet my hair and tell me to think about the beach even though i fucking hated the beach when i was little i hated the sand and the snot what could he have said to calm me down more i mean it did kind of work because he was like thinking of the waves and stuff but it was like obviously his happy place not mine i don't know what my happy place would be like a wah-wah or something yeah just like yeah think of yourself getting like a

yeah my mom would do it too she would paint a picture of a beach think about the waves yeah yeah yeah always knock me out wait are you serious. But the fact that also someone pet you is like kind of crazy to me. Yeah. We didn't really have physical touch in my childhood. Well, I had a lot of physical touch in my childhood outside of the house, if that helps. No, but then I would go in, like if I still couldn't sleep, I would go in and sleep in between them. And they would watch like mystery, not, wait, what was it called? What was the PBS show? They would Sunday nights, the Masterpiece Theater.

We'd watch like old people shows together. I definitely remember like Letterman always being on every night. Yeah. And I'd fall asleep to that. As I said, every night that I was on the floor in this little mermaid sleeping bag and then in the morning we would take our sleeping bags downstairs because we wouldn't want to get up and we would lay on the floor of the kitchen while our mom cooked she would just have to step over we were just begging for scraps just like we're not getting up would you take the sleeping bags

down the stairs yes we had a back staircase that we would yeah we would just ride that shit down did you ever do like an air mattress down the stair or like a, what's like a floaty? How big are your stairs? No, not big at all. Like a, what is it where you float on the pool? Like a floaty. Yeah. Like a raft.

Yeah. Pool raft. My mom also, my mom's like really creative. For one of our birthdays, she took all of these, she took a bunch of cardboard boxes and she stapled them together and made a whole maze throughout our house that we could all crawl through but there were some of the staples there was like one staple that was up and we were just slicing we were just gushing blood she's just watching up above like an experiment like a mr beast video will they find the cheese she throws an arm at me

yeah we had slipping slides that was great that was like a fucking dumb kids just hamster wheel just run you would fuck yourself up there was always one kid that had like a bloody nose did you grow up with do you have siblings i had an older sister yeah did you guys like hang out were you not really no cool though okay how much older two Oh, okay. She has red hair. She does. Female. A female redhead. That could be your daughter. I like ginger juice.

Ginger juice. Yeah, I was an interesting kid. Were you made fun of? Oh, yeah. Ginger juice. I like gingers because they've been through some shit. But like, I think it like gave me personality. Yeah. I say, I hung out with the cool kids, but I wasn't a cool kid in the cool kids, you know?

Yeah. I would be like on the bench of like a really good football team or something, you know? Like I was with the squad, but I wasn't a cool kid in the cool kids, you know? I would be like on the bench of like a really good football team or something, you know? Like I was with the squad, but I wasn't front and center. How did you feel about Blaustein's blonde hair? Did you think he was stretching? You know, I had a blonde hair phase as well like four years ago. So why not? I think it's just a guy just trying to, you know, I showed up with blonde hair and everyone's like, whoa.

And I've never got more hateful comments in my life than when I posted blonde hair. It's so funny. But I think it's funny to like like you give something to make fun of something wait what were people upset about with you having blonde i didn't use toner so it looked really coppery and then i tried julian it's like sun and did you use sun and when you were little producers was that did you use sun and when you were little sun remember sun and oh this might be generational okay sun was so funny sun you did it make you feel i don't oh my god that is so bad yeah wait that is bad but you know what's funny is i had like three of my biggest videos when i had blonde hair so now every time i have a streak of videos

bombing i'm like fuck it i'll go back they did well because the algorithm was just popping because everyone was like fuck this shit yeah dude for whatever reason okay so sun in you would just spray your hair on your hair

and then the sun would like bleach your hair but it would bleach it I know what it is I just I was leaving you hanging for sure thank you much

I don't care I'll take it I'll take it it's funny because Todd's 11 years younger than me but he knows most things and every once in a while

I know it's weird he knows everything maybe it's a regional thing while i know it's weird he knows everything maybe it's a regional thing then and not can you google wait where did you go so in california yeah it might be but don't you think california would have i do wait this looks familiar but my brothers look the problem is when it's orangey and it makes your face look red that's what happened to my brother she actually looks delicious I'll put that on popcorn, you know? That woman's 87 now. I used to put sun on my arm hairs. What?

Wait, that's such a good life hack. Yeah, it is. So that it would get like, you look like a surfer. Oh, that's true. What was it made out of? Because I, it's just lemon? Or that's the scent? Yeah, I can actually picture the scent.

I was always left out of the sun in conversation because I have such dark hair that everyone was like, it won't do anything for you. Was I being lied to? You were being lied to. I was? Mom! I had very dark hair in it. She didn't want to deal with you.

She didn't want to deal with you if your hair was orange. It would. And what's wrong with orange hair? Well, you can pull the picture up again if you want. I've been Trevor Wallace kid. You'll see me with orange hair. No, because you don't know you have a red face, a red tone face until your hair is orange. And then you go, oh, I have a red face.

I get really shiny red. Yeah. It sucks. It's our people. Anytime I'm slightly embarrassed, I get very red in the face. And then people double down. Like, look how red he's getting. And I'm like, guys, this isn't helping.'t helping stop you think i'm gonna turn to blue next i was like the fucking blueberry

and willy wonka they just kept going oh leave me alone it is funny to call things out that are happening though no i hate that i hate that our friend's dog would be like oh don't pat him too hard he'd pee it's like what do you think we're, oh, don't pat him too hard. He'd pee. It's like, what do you think we're going to do? Well, don't pat him. You bring him a show and tell. Please don't pat him. He will pee. And we're like, oh, all right. Like, what else are you show and telling?

This is the part you should be show and telling. Exactly. You can pee on demand. We had a dog growing up that, like, humped. We had this one toy, this, like, toy that basically looked like the dog. And he would just hump or she would hump it. What a narcissist. So that was, like, our, I know.

That was our, like, party trick. Everyone would be like, my brother's yearbook people wrote that like i'll never forget your dog fucking that toy that was like our popularity thing you know what i found out was my parents party trick i'm learning so much now that i'm pregnant because i'm asking all these questions about like my childhood and when i was a baby that if people came over when i was like a newborn or whatever just like young and asleep my dad would literally just go wake me up to like entertain them. Really? Yeah, like.

Wait, what would happen? Like my dad would just wake a sleeping baby up. That was his party trick. I forgot about this part. He'd be like, oh, you want to see me wake her up? That's sweet. Does that make you feel loved? But it's like you're not supposed to do that.

You're not supposed to wake a baby up. Yeah, but. Your dad doesn't play by those rules. But it's like when you go to the zoo and a baby up yeah but you're like the star but it's like when you go to the zoo and the lion's asleep you're like fucking get up yeah you think i drove here to look at penguins party to not see a fucking baby yeah like you're kind of wake that baby up but now you can get out of it what do you mean like if you have a spot of the story like here's my child after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers if we've learned anything it's that there's always a catch so when i heard that for a limited time

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See terms at casino.draftkings.com slash new player offer 2024. How has it been doing shows while pregnant? Um, the thing is, is that being pregnant is so uncomfortable, but I realized, I realized that it's not any better just being at home. So it's like I can just be uncomfortable and still live my life or uncomfortable in bed at home. And Trevor, you don't know that she already has had a pregnancy waddle this whole time. So now her first— Yeah, that walk is over there. I like watch you walking down the hall at the comedy store.

You could not be— You have no idea. It could be the exact same thing you were before. Really? Wait, also I ran into you at the store and you asked me, you were like— you had such a funny question and you're like, oh, so you're pregnant, like, have you been really warm this winter? Yeah.

Does it keep you warm? A human inside of you, you think would keep you warm? No, you're right. Like you get, it's. Or does it take the warmth from you? No, like this is the first time where I'm like always hot and just overheat very easily. And so, yes, like winter has been, it's been an easy winter for me for the first time have you had a cold winter is that why my fucking heater broke is freezing in my place

and i'm trying to own your place yeah see that's the only problem with owning i fucked up there's no one to call it yeah i just keep calling different mechanics and they just keep talking shit about the past mechanic first of all you should not be calling the mechanic well not a mechanic but like a technician who do you call a fucking handyman red oh my god his face is getting red yes i keep calling the same like people and then they just one guy came and goes i don't even know where to start this last guy fucked it up so bad i'm like well you think if you don't know where to start where do i start so annoying my old studio for annie wood the air conditioner all summer was broken and I kept being like

you have to fix I pay you right you have to fix this and he's like no it's like a special part or whatever I'm like I literally

don't give a fucking shit don't care because you see a bit of guests walks in they're like sweating people are like it was crazy

all the buildings and infrastructure I've just given in that like we're living in the era where it's all just crumbling every day. Like we're never, we don't, we're not going to experience nice things anymore. I don't think that's true.

I think we have losers that are running the buildings. I just feel like everything can be more simplified. But I don't know. Like why does everything need an app? My cat's litter box has an app. What? I don't want to click forget password to rotate a fucking mechanical shitbox. And I forgot password. Call tech support. You're a shitbox. Is this for when you're out of town,

you can like see? Well, yeah, you can like rotate it. You also don't have to clean the litter. Yeah, I don't have to clean it. Litter robot. Litter robot. Fuck them. They sent me a free one, so thank you. My brother went on vacation and the app wasn't working. He was like, oh, I think our cat's litter box isn't working. But what really happened was the cat got locked in their bedroom and shit and pissed all over their bed. Which I would do as a cat as well. I would retaliate.

How funny is that? Oh, right, because they left you? They don't comprehend vacation. Yeah. They're just like, oh, this is where I die retaliate. How funny is that? Oh, right, because they left you? They don't comprehend vacation. Yeah. They're just like, oh, this is where I die. Yeah. And if I'm about to die, I'm going to shit and pee everywhere. Well, they're probably so pissed.

Like, they left me, and then I'm trapped in here. It's just so funny. They couldn't get to the litter box. Oh. Because they were locked in the room. It wasn't in the same room. Mm-mm. Oh.

Back to, like, home issues, I was at my parents' house a couple months ago and they were like, so we've been having this plumbing issue. And just so you know, like if you need to go number two, we need you to do it outside of the house. Like you should do it when you're out, like at lunch or something. And I'm like, I'm pregnant. I can't come to your house and not be allowed to take a shit there. But it's like the things that- You should go back to the Cold Stone. You should. You can't that.

The things that people will put up with, like it's so crazy to me. I don't know. What was wrong with the plumbing? If you took like a big number two, the sewage would like get clogged. Number two is actually more offensive than shit. I agree. I was trying to offend you. Like the basement would flood up

and like the sewer would come up. I don't understand where it all goes. No. Like you click flush and your shit's gone? Where does it go? I gotta tell you, one time, okay, my childhood home,

my brother would like wad the toilet paper, like he'd wrap the toilet paper around it. Like he would just have like a ball of toilet paper for each wipe. Good. He wasn't folding. It was was like he was just starting dominance over the house or something i don't know but he clogged the toilet and it was like we were getting like the charmin at that time so i come home i'm the only one in the house and i'm in the basement

get that's where our laundry was i was like getting my clothes and there was like a leak and i was like what the hell is this and I'm like trying to catch the leak and stuff. I'm in it. Okay. It's dripping on me. I'm trying to catch it and stuff. And then I realized it's shit water. And my brother clogged the fucking toilet and it had gone through like, like three floors all the way to the basement. My dad, it was funny. I have a picture of my dad somewhere throwing the Charmin out. He's like, then we just do Scott, like one ply from then on. Well, that was another restriction. They were like, if you need, you need to only use one square at a time.

I was like. This sounds like you have created problems for them in plumbing and they made up this plumbing problem. Well, I was at, I was at Comedy Works this weekend in Denver. And they have like the single bathroom in the back that you can use so you don't have to shit next to everyone. I, like, I'm coming from the condo. I don't know what I ate, but it was, like, this is an emergency. Thank God it was icy out.

I was, like, fucking hydroplaning to the venue. And I'm, like, fuck, I was wearing, like, a zip-up onesie thing. I was, like, oh, my God. I'm, like, sweating. I'm, like, I'm about to diarrhea everywhere. So I, like, run to the bathroom. I, like, oh my God, I'm like sweating. I'm like, I'm about to diarrhea everywhere. So I like run to the bathroom. I like get there in time. The fucking toilet won't flush.

I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? I have to come out and be like, I'm about to go on stage. There's fucking diarrhea in the fucking toilet. But eventually

I had to take the lid off and fuck around with it. Did you do that? Oh my God, you did that? I'm not going to leave. That's so crazy to leave it. It's the employee bathroom.

I don't know what I would do. You're right. Like that would be. Oh, it was so annoying. I was like, fuck. Would they have known it was you? Yes. I came in like, guys, I'm about to shit my pants.

Like everyone knew. But it's just like, could then you give like passing off the problem of your shit to someone else? That sucks. I've definitely left floaters. But I'm there the whole weekend. Oh, if this was saturday you're good yeah thursday first show wait so we have a game today yeah okay so we're this is is this a red flag or do we let it slide on a first date okay if you're on a first date and you find out they're a furry of course goodbye that's where they that's where they dress up in a costume?

For sexual purposes. I don't have time for this nonsense. You know, it depends. Okay, here's what you're thinking, right? It's like a hot girl with a bunny tail on or something? No, I've seen furries. It is wild. No, it's like full mascot.

It's like a Megatron type thing. It is tall. How do you have sex, though, in that costume? Doggy style. We're doing this. Yeah, it's like full mascot. It's like a Megatron type thing. It is tall. How do you have sex, though, in that costume? Doggy style. We're doing this. It's like, yeah, there's like holes. Also, like some of the tails are like actually butt plugs. It's a wild world. I don't need a new world like that.

Like Todd with the reptiles is enough, you know? With the what? My fiance's gotten me into reptiles. Oh, yeah, you were at a reptile expo recently. Yeah. How many reptiles are you up to in the household? I honestly lost count. Wait, really? Yeah, because we have a lot of frogs. The frogs are throwing me out. You have frogs? Yeah, the frogs are cute. We got two dummies. She has snakes, frogs. I have six snakes. You're like a seventh grader's dream house. I

kind of like it. No, it is fun. Dude, the kid that brought a snake to show and tell would floor the classroom. I know. I know. Rex is a snake? Whoa! I keep thinking... Those are convertible for middle schoolers. I keep thinking, like, I kind of want to bring the snake to Annie Wood and Friends at the Comedy Store,

but I'm not sure. You should. It's just, I don't want to... I like to really cultivate a good green room hang, and if there's someone with a snake phobia, I don't want to deal with that.

Is the snake 21 and up, though? The snake is six, but in snake years, that's pretty old. So this photo, is this sexual, what we're looking at? Yeah, I just, guys, I don't. This reminds me, you know what reminds me of my dog when he humps his toys and they get, like, crusty? Like, these are, like, crusty. Look at this light-up one.

Okay. It would be fun if everybody was in, like, a swinger party where you're just fucking a bunch of furries. You don't know who's who. But here's the thing. If you go on a first date with someone and they're a furry, that means they are a furry. It's not like, hey, one weekend I tried this thing and it was fun. It's like they are a furry. I didn't get a Groupon to do this.

I don't know how big your closets are. Mine can't sustain a fucking furry addiction. I'll say this. As someone who identifies as a little bit enjoying being treated like in dog-like ways sexually, I don't connect with the costume element of it. Because you're really getting rid of your whole identity and the other person's whole identity. It's also weird to see like a dog with a rack, you know? It's weird.

It's a fursona. It's a fursona. Yeah, I'm not. I'm sorry. That's good. Not for me. And I think the fact that we're even still considering it is really. Yeah, I mean, the answer is no.

But when I explore it, why not? I need something to talk about on a podcast. What are we talking about? We do have a lot of podcasts. Every time I do something that's like out of my element, I'm like, great podcast bit. I know. Got my ass in. Cool podcast bit.

No, once is fine. But if you're on a date, it's like, I can't like be your girlfriend. Okay, wait. Let's do a little bit of a pitch. What about a non-sexual furry? Like, if there was like a club of people that got dressed up as doggies. It's not. No.

It's sexual. It's not transsexual. There is a whole community that's not sexual about it. And they get mad when you make it sexual. Really? I've seen like videos where people interview them. Like, it's not sexual. It's like, well, it's weirder that it's not. Yeah, it's definitely weirder that's not sexual. It's weirder that it's not.

Yeah, it's definitely weirder that it's not. It's weirder that you just do this and watch Spongebob. That is what I was thinking. This guy turns himself into a dog. This infuriates me. I don't know what's going on. I don't like it at all. I'm feeding that dog chocolate immediately. Oh my god.

It's a human. It's a human. We got to do that now. Just to test to make sure it's not some weird guy. gotta do that now just to test make sure it's not the weird guy yo chocolate is fentanyl for dogs I don't think you guys heard me I think it's a myth

my uncle gives his dog snickers oh I know I don't know it pissed me off so much but they do it and it's fine right mom

dude the hillbillies Spanish poker ice cream well ice cream's fine a bowl of ice cream you ever seen a cat with ice cream? It's cute. And a dog, is it? Julian?

No, they get brain freeze. Julian hates his cat. They lick the ice cream and they go. That's me. That's cute to have the. No, it's adorable. In pain? No, it's not.

Yeah. Maybe it's because I do. Oh, my God. Are you a furry? Wait, does it ever come up as like a red flag from women that you have a cat? No, I think it helps. Really? It gets, the certain type of people that like cats are the certain type of people I think I identify with.

They're more, like, calm, kind of, like, if you like cats, you like memes. That's, like, what I've gathered. And you're, like, kind of, like, this, like, cooked in the head, like, internet-y type person like myself. I'm, like, oh, we match. He honestly, like, helps. I open the door internet eat type person like myself i'm like oh we we match he honestly like helps i open the door like oh yeah do you like that i'm like fucking yeah it's like when your parents have the child you more people are allergic to cats yeah but i mean like then leave you know yeah like i'm allergic to fucking gluten i'm no better yeah you know i can't walk in so i think it helps a certain because he's a really like that's my cat pluto that's so cute he's fucking awesome did you grow up with cats yeah

i had two cats is he like an affectionate cat yeah he's like a puppy he like runs to the door when you're there i love cats like that i hate the cats that like don't want you no and i don't know i didn't know this no he's great i don't know what it is but apparently orange cats are more outgoing they're very and they're wild yeah so that's what he is, but apparently orange cats are more outgoing. They're very, and they're wild. Yeah, so that's what he is. And he's like part fucking, what's the expensive one? Maine Coon? Something like that.

Sphinx or some shit. He's got little spots on him. I got him on Craigslist though. He's so cute. Bangle. He's part Bangle. He's orange Bangle. So he's fucking like, he just starts sprinting.

He gets on top of the refrigerator. 200 bucks on Craigslist. I bought him off a lady in Chatsworth and she had dimple piercings. I like dimple piercing people. And I remember she's like, oh, like $250 for the cat. And I was like, oh, I only have $260. And she goes, that works. Wait, you gave her more than she asked? Well, I was expecting change. Like, oh, do you have like a 10 bag? And she goes, no, that's fine. No, I'm supposed to be making that deal. She had fucking, she brought him out. So cats, you can hold him by the back

of the neck i guess still feels weird she's holding him by the back of the neck he's shaking he's like four years old four months old four weeks old he was tiny like a ball and he's shaking and i immediately was like i will save you now i look at him i'm like bitch you don't know what the fuck i saved you from yeah i had that similar thing with my first dog i got off craigslist pepper who lives with my parents now i showed up to this house in laurel canyon go behind this gate i like i'm like oh my car is pretty good though i'm like yeah but that's what i thought i'm like oh now i'm behind palmdale i'm behind this gate now and my car is also behind this gate and i'm like walking through these windy yard i get to the door. It's

this woman in sweatpants and stilettos. I see the house behind her. It's completely empty, but just a pool table. She's holding the dog. I literally, you guys, I didn't even look at the dog. I was so scared. I was like, I just gave her the money and took him. How much did you pay? I think Pepper was like three or 400.400. I paid $800 for Randy. Don't know what's $500. He's supposed to be a multi-poo. He's got two teeth. $800.

Pepper was supposed to be a Yorkie poo, and he is not that. Randy's so cute, though. Did Michael ever tell you about his dog saga? No. So Michael paid $700 for a Husky in Los Angeles. He had a one-bedroom apartment. He had the Husky for like a day and was like, you can't have a Husky in Los Angeles. He had a one-bedroom apartment. He had the Husky for like a day and was like, you can't have a Husky in an apartment. It needs like acres.

So he goes back the next day, already names it, goes back the next day and then goes like, I got to return it. I want a different dog. But then they're like, okay, you get sore credit. Like you can't get money back. So he ended up paying $700 for a Chihuahua. That's so funny. And then named the dog the same thing.

That's creepy. It's so funny. And then named the dog the same thing. That's creepy. It's like funny. Yeah. But yeah, so like the dog, if he would have waited a day or didn't get the husky, the dog would have been like $14. Yeah. But he said he paid $700. I mean, the dog's great, but like it is funny. But yeah, you can return the dog.

It is weird that you could get a dog for free, basically. It is crazy because they're the best thing that ever happens to you. I know. Especially cats. Cats are like, people are surprised that I paid for a cat. Yeah. Well, basically. It is crazy because they're the best thing that ever happens to you. I know. Especially cats. Cats are like, people are surprised that I paid for a cat. They're like, what? Well, whatever. I mean, even like, I remember my yoga teacher.

Oh, yeah, Ursula. We have in common. She's such a bitch. I love her. Ursula? Oh, Ursula is just cold-hearted. That's her government name? She's, yeah.

I don't remember where she's from. She's from somewhere. There's an accent. I don't remember either. But she was like, how much was, I got it for $800. And she started laughing in my face. She laughed in my face. Why?

Because, I mean, it was overpriced. I mean, it was like a weird, like, puppy mill weird. But I would have paid, it's just weird because I'm like, I would have paid every dollar I've ever had in my life for this dog. Benji actually bought Donut and, like, haggled her price down. And I was so stressed out because he drove me and my mom to go get her. And he was like, we're leaving. And I was like, we can't leave without the dog.

But he was like using this intense, super Beverly Hills Jewish negotiation tactic. Like a car dealership type thing? Yeah. He's like, we're leaving. So we had to like leave and wait. And I was so stressed out because I'm like, I need this baby. But he did haggle us down no it was crazy when I got there I was like I can't like not take this like I know money doesn't

matter anymore how much did he save doing that maybe a couple hundred oh wow yeah how much was the dog I think he ended up paying four or five hundred which every time I remind Dave donut his no he was like I want to buy you a dog I think mostly like so that as a punishment towards me so that I would have a lot to do. But every time I remind Dave that Benji bought Donut, it makes him really uncomfortable. Oh, that is true. That is like a cuck situation. Another man came in and bought your wife a dog. But it was completely platonic puppy purchase.

You guys are crazy. I spent $3,000 on my dog, like, as a puppy. Golden Retriever. You could have put Doodle after that. He's the best. Doodles have to be Bob now. Humans. Doodles be fucking. How do you guys feel about the adopt-don't-shop, like, argument? Well, you're not

supposed to do it the way we did it, but I did it. We didn't buy our dogs from puppy mills. We bought them off Craigslist. Like, that's kind of the only way i knew how to get it yeah also during the pandemic you had to like do all these weird things like people had to come into your house and like check your to make sure puppy i'm like what the hell is this it was the process like was not easy i'm definitely pro adopt don't shop but i was in a position where i was driving to those places so many times I would drive an hour I'd get there they'd be like she just got adopted I would cry the whole

way home like that I just that's I think why Benji stepped in because I kept not getting dogs and he was like we'll do this on Craigslist yeah like a like a real man I also think there's a lot of like interesting rescues now that are like catered towards a specific breed like i work with california doodle rescues i fostered with them before so like if you need a doodle usually those are like so expensive and then i think they're getting them from puppy mills too it's like they're getting them from like the same place they're like rusty i think a lot of them yeah or they're like or a family gets a doodle and doesn't realize that they're insane amount of work right so they like bring them to this rescue because they can't do it i just cannot believe how cute my dog is like i can't believe my dog he okay so

is he a photo he's such trouble you pull it up on there oh there is his instagram oh the dog is instagram oh he's so cute he's driving oh that is a cute dog he's just so fucking cute okay so he's also a problem little looks Looks a little yappy. He's not yappy, but he does like howl. I mean, you're giving him a monster energy drink. He's not gonna be yappy after that. You should say my mom's Adderall. I remember when the night you got Randy, it was the night before I was going to Montreal,

and you came over, and he was this big. Oh, he was so little. And Olivia was there. Our friend Olivia is like the poster child for Adopt-On-Shop, and I was like telling her how I got him. And she's like, um, my organization is like completely against everything you just did. He also had mange, like all his hair fell out. He looked like a chicken. He's cost me so much money. So I go to give him a bath right before I leave for Colorado. He gets soap in his eye to the point where- He didn't get soap in the eyes you got soap in his eyes it's not like

he's like taking neutrogena he was patting he's got long paws okay i got soap in his eye there we go he's scratching it but it's like you can't give a dog a it's like i can't give him a fucking bath this boy is so sensitive so then he had to have a cone it was like 300 bucks but to get him all these drops and stuff it's like so dramatic it. It's so cute though. It is. It's degrading. It's hilarious. I can't with it. They have no idea what's going on.

Well, Randy's like really protective of his treats too. Like if you go near his food he's like. But so I was feeding him a treat but it kept falling into the cone.

So then I'd go in to try to get it and he's like. Oh no. I'm just trying to help you. Wait, what's our next red flag? If you don't have a driver's license I'm not interested in working with you, dating you, or having anything to do with you. Yeah, no. I don't, I'm just trying to help you. Wait, what's our next red flag? If you don't have a driver's license, I'm not interested in working with you,

dating you, or having anything to do with you. Yeah, no. I don't, I'm not chauffeuring you around. But this happens so much more often than we would imagine because of New Yorkers. Yeah, I was going to say, what about New Yorkers? I can't stand it. You live here now. Yeah, exactly.

It's a personality thing. I know people who live in downtown LA who think it's New York. They're like, I don't drive. I can't stand it. I Uber. Cool, man. I can't stand it. I Uber. Cool, man. I can't stand it. Sick, dude.

What if they don't have a car? What if they have a driver's license and they don't have a car? I don't. That's actually worse. I had to make a rule for myself where I was like, I am not dating anyone without a car. And there was a guy right before Todd and I went to the stadium who was so fucking hot and so cool, but he did not have a car. And I'm so glad because I would have fucking dated him.

They're always hot. And Todd had such a bad car that it almost was like a knock against him. It was so ugly. I remember when I first started dating Todd, he was like, yeah, they wouldn't let me on Raya. I was like, if I match with you on Raya and showed up and this was your fucking car, I would have been so fucking mad. And you're like, I work in the basement at the comedy store. I've been like, fuck you. He had like a, he had a shirt over the seat. Like the seat was like torn up. Was it like a good shirt? I know that exactly.

You know what, I'm like, Todd. Like that car over the pandemic just got repossessed and we just never. Really? It just got, he just like parked it somewhere. And remember when all of a sudden during the pandemic, there were like parkings an issue and you're like, no, it's. No. Wasn't the opposite?

Didn't they like stop ticketing for a while? Yeah. And then one day they just started ticketing again yeah but there's no difference wait so it was repossessed and that was just

kind of the end of that story we just yeah wait it was repossessed or it was towed not repossessed but it was just like towed and we never that's so funny

it's just gone you still see the cars that have like the lock on the steering wheel yeah I see those every once in a while I'm like dog ain't nobody stealing

your freaking Pontiac I know it's always a bad car it's an old car. Like, you'd be better off if someone stole this car. Yeah, I think they do that on older cars because they are easier to hotwire, I guess. But it's just, like, so funny to walk by and be like, anybody want you? Well, when I had a Honda, I had, like, a new Honda, it would always get broken into. Really?

Yeah, they're so easy to get broken into. You have a Toyota now, right? Yeah, I have a Toyota. Yeah, Toyotas aren't. But it was crazy. I'm like, how the fuck do they open? I would just come, my door would be open. I'm like, what the hell?

Hondas are one of the most stolen cars in the US, I think. They're so easy. It's like Honda, pick it up. Well, they need to fix that. It seems fixable. All the other brands are figuring it out. I still like, get your like stakes higher. Well, I love the Tesla too,

because you can just have it where it like starts like. School of Civic. Oh yeah. I wouldn't know how to hijack a Tesla. I'd be confused. Do you still have your Tesla? I do, yeah. Do you like it?

I love it. I love it so much. I think about the next time my lease is coming up and I'm like, am I going to be that guy who goes back to diesel or am I always electric? I think I just like it. I like it a lot. I want to get the Cybertruck. No.

We saw one. Have you guys seen it? Uh-uh. First thoughts? Bigger than you'd expect? Small? Huge. Really?

Ridiculous. So ridiculous. they're wild bigger than you'd expect small huge really like ridiculous it's so ridiculous but also i was like wait i kind of get it i wanted to know yes like imagine like parking that at the comedy store oh my god wouldn't even fit in that i don't think it would fit at the comedy store and they're bulletproof they're also like not, we looked it up because we're like, it's going to be like $500,000. No, they start at like $60,000 and go to $100,000. Like, it's not that much more. There's going to be a lot of them. Oh, no. That's going to be so annoying.

Look at them. Look at it. I love it. Well, it's scary too because if you get into an accident with that and you're not in that, like it will kill you, I think. My problem with the Cybertruck is it doesn't, I understand the appeal, but it's not, like, it doesn't fit the roads. Like, it doesn't, the aesthetic looks off. Yeah.

We're not there yet. Well, how do you get there? I guess with the Cybertruck. How do you get there? You got to start somewhere. How many miles does I think it per charge Probably three something. I just love how fast that fucking Tesla goes You can cut people off and then they have to manage their emotions around because you're so far gone

Yeah, it's fun. It's not even cut off. It's not cut off if I'm gone Well, also if you do that, then they get all alpha like the Lamborghini SUV I did that just trying to get away from something you thought it was like a race Then at the red light he like flies off and I'm like, it's not. Oh, I always street race people. It's fun to fuck around. Oh, I go if they want to go. You guys are crazy. You don't ever just get bored and be like,

oh, hey, you know what? If you start it, if you have your engine, I'm coming for you. A little like Tokyo Drift lifestyle real quick. Dude, yesterday, driving the Improv, some guy was trying to get all fast around me and then I was like, oh, okay. And then eventually I let him go ahead. He had a handicap sign on the back. In high school, this is an insane thing to do.

I don't think they deliver it. It's a very white thing to do in high school. I would do that with somebody, like if they cut me off. And then at a red light, I would stop behind them. And then I'd open my glove box like there was something in it. And I would pretend to look like I had a weapon. I'd be like, this is, this backfire is on you. Yeah, I'm an idiot.

I was like 19. And I'd pretend to. I'd be like, this is, this backfires on you. That's so scary. Yeah, I'm an idiot. I was like 19 and I'd pretend. We used to flash people. We'd flash people thinking we were never going to see them again. And then we'd always get stopped at a red light. Like, oh my God. Do we have any more topics? Go pee pee. He's got to pee. Exclamation points. I would have to meet the person first. It says on a first date if someone has excessive exclamation points in the text. That's tricky on a first date, but I will say I absolutely abuse exclamation points. But to Dave, like three is abuse. Yeah.

He's like, it's just too many. It looks weird. Like, I'm excited. Yeah, sometimes it's needed. You need to really show your excitement. What about ha-ha-has? I like ha-ha-ha. I'm a very generous ha-ha-has? I like ha-ha-ha. I'm a very generous ha-ha-ha.

I like ha-ha-ha. Do you guys L-O-L-L-M-A-O? I would never L-M-A. I never L-M-A-O. I L-O-L-O-L-O-L-A-C-C-C-C-C-C. Which means I'm not, I'm barely laughing. L-O-L is just a quick, like, L-O-L. But if I ha-ha-ha, it's usually I laugh.

It's also funny to answer these questions, questions like 12 years into a relationship, eight months pregnant. Like I'm like, oh, I like the ha ha. Clicking the ha ha. Yeah, no, that's like the lazy man version of that. Yeah, just click. It is crazy, Esther, because I've been like monogamous forever. But now I'm like now that I'm dating, I notice things like that.

Well, Trevor, thank you so much for coming and being a part of this first date conversation and thank you for being in drugstore june you kill it I'm excited I you know like the way I feel about your acting is so crazy you are so funny every sketch I see that you post you're the only person I watch everything it's always funny thank you and it's all your performance like you're so you play everything real, don't you? I just try to be grounded, I think. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, look, he's nervous. He's got his little, he's so cute. He's like, I'm being complimented. Thank you. You're so, like, prolific with it. It's really kind of crazy. There's no one else on your level. I'm just trying not to be, like, there's so much cringe online.

I'm just trying to be, like, funny. Are you constantly just thinking of, like, a new sketch? Or do you or do you have like a day a week where you're like i think of sketches my notes app is just flooded with like ideas did you get any any mean ideas against us while you were here today no but i keep thinking about how chocolate is fentanyl for dogs yes that's good i think i gotta do something with that somewhere either on stage or a video or yeah the cat app the cat app for sure something on that well thank you for being here and i hope everyone sees you in drugstore jr so funny and also your podcast stiff socks which is so good yes thank you so much um and it was on it oh my god and

to have you on it i would love to be and are you on your touring touring back in may doing doing all the great cities. Tampa, Tempe. I fucking love Tampa. No, I'm being serious. And Tempe, by the way. I'm so excited for the summer. I'm doing like all the bangers. I told my agents,

I was like, these are the cities I want to do. It's like Portland, San Francisco, Sacramento, Tempe, Tampa, like Kentucky. Just like all clubs

that I really like. Yeah. Just to like build up the hour again. But I'm excited to start touring again. Yeah. Going to Miami. Hey. 305

your clip with the tsa pre-check was so thank you i love that video i was like i mean like it was just a beautiful storm but i was talking shit i have a bit about tsa and how much i hate him and this guy in the front row i was like oh i work there and i was like you're fucked go in on him for like seven minutes and we turned it down to two minutes but i love that anyone who has flown it was like the most like perfect form of fun playful revenge

against the TSA it was so satisfying for me it was satisfying for me too because anytime I do crowd work I don't like look for it

it just happens yeah so if I say TSA and he's like oh I work there it's like you're fucked I don't like wait anybody from TSA in here

yeah I don't I think looking for is not my style but like when those moments happen it's so much more fun because then you're caught off guard. I just randomly in the middle of my set the other night was like, does anyone have a secret? And people had some fucking secrets. People want to just quit.

It was crazy. They're ready to talk. I was like, okay. I've had that happen once where like I have this bit where I talk about Dave's porn searches. And one of them I say is Big Tits Paralegal. And once a girl was like, that's me. And I was like, you need to stay away from my man. You fucking bitch.

Oh, that's so funny. You exist. It's so great when people hear and they just like, they just jump in. Yeah, it makes the show better because you almost like leave moments like in a premise where somebody's like, oh, that happened to me or something.

And I like it when people do that. Do you find that there's more heckling now because TikTok is being so… Yeah, I also think people just feel more personable to you. It's like they see you so much online, they might just be like, oh, that's just Trevor. I can yell, whatever. One of my favorite moments was in San Francisco on our podcast. One time we talked about how to blind people watch porn and, you know, how male podcasts be. And then I'm closing up a show in San Francisco.

About to get my last joke. It's silent because I was crushing too hard, letting the laughs sit in. And she goes, blind people do watch porn. Everybody's like, what? I go, ma'am, are you visually impaired? And she's like, yes. And then she starts talking about how she watches porn. And then this guy from the balcony, he must have been from Sacramento goes hurry up like she was

taking too long to describe it just like this a beautiful moment all in one and you're like I'm so glad I have this in 4k yeah totally it was awesome so those are the crowd work moments where it just like happens yes but yeah I think it's easier but yeah sometimes like just when you know where a bit's going if you're already going to talk about one thing you're like let me just see if they have anything before i get on my yeah that's such a great segue just to also like get more material on that yeah yeah well trevor thank you and thank you for having me thank you i'm gonna take this on the road sit on it