Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - First Blood, First Dates & Fast Times

Episode Date: January 10, 2023

Thank you to our Sponsors: Daily Harvest - Go to https://dailyharvest.com/trashtuesday to get up to forty dollars off your first boxBetterHelp - Visit https://betterhelp.com/trashtuesday today to get 10% off your first month Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 Stand Up Critique & The Art Form of Live Comedy5:53 Making a Movie So Bad That It’s Good9:15 Esther’s Style of Kissing12:54 Hand Play19:31 STDs24:31 Gambling27:01 Stolen Outback Utensils & Childhood Entrepreneurial Hustles 29:34 First Periods34:31 Crying After Doing It36:18 Gatekeeping Your Friends When First Dating40:30 Girls Who Flirt With Your Partner45:25 The Banana & Crab Shortages53:33 Esther’s Sock Move on a First Date 57:41 The Guy That Thinks Khalyla’s Name is Malaysia 1:00:14 Save the Crabs Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 My Pleasure - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-pleasure/id1494518220 AnnieWood - https://www.youtube.com/annielederman Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera Editor: Bryce Hallock

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artificial preservatives or ingredients if eating well is a goal for 2023 let daily harvest support you on the journey go to dailyharvest.com slash trash tuesday to get up to 40 off your first box that's dailyharvest.com slash trash tuesday for up to 40 off your first box dailyharvest.com slash trash tuesday did you guys read the new york times article talking shit on like nick kroll and hasaminaj and no and um who else uh like kurt braunholler and um what's our friend? He's a comedy star regular. Ooh, married to and manager, Matt Bronner. They did this whole, this guy, it's like, I hate these pieces.

Like, you're allowed to criticize comedians. They're like, oh, these dad comics doing like hacky dad material. It's like, you're allowed, it's your specialty, you can do whatever you want. Wait, who is the writer? I have no clue who this person is, but he's obviously not a comedian, but it's and then he was like he was like but i loved the

way like jenna freeman and someone else did that but it was like not i haven't seen jenna's or anything i'm not like talking on her but it's like how can it be okay for one person to do it and not okay for another person to do it also if you have a kid and you don't talk about your kid on stage i actually find that to be almost child abuse like are you not thinking about your kid but it was just like you know it's so like hacky or whatever it's like first of all everything is hacky is how i feel it's just like can you take like a a small twist to a thing that other people are talking about it's like also hacky the other side of hacky is like relatable but it was just like this weird i just started to get so defensive because i actually like i mean i didn't watch i've never watched anyone's whole special but i really laughed hard at nick roll special and i don't go

into specials i'm a hater i don't go into specials looking to laugh yeah i go into specials going like make me laugh well specials are hard like it doesn't always translate like i know for a fact there are things that i could see performed in real life the the same thing performed in real life will make me laugh my ass off and then seeing it on a special I just wouldn't laugh it's it's weird but that's how I feel about almost all specials so it's like that's why if a special can make me laugh at all I'm like this is especially because we're like calloused to comedy yeah in a lot of ways just because we see it all the time but it is like a good testament and like argument for live comedy being a thing that is still its own art form that you can't capture and translate.

Do you guys think that stand-up comedy is evergreen and forever or do you think it will take a new form? Like, you know, now it's like there's so many ways to be funny. There's so many platforms to be funny. Do you think that stand-up comedy is gonna stick around for as long it is as it has already had i do because big just because of the thing i just said like live any live performance even though it might get smaller like look when movies started becoming big plays became less popular but there are people still doing and buying and seeing plays and stuff so i think do you think you buy

the play buying tickets sorry i bought chicago this weekend what have you bought you bought oklahoma i will be seeing leah michelle and funny girl but can you actually buy maybe can you do that like like uh football teams and shit can you like buy could i buy chicago yes so um um yeah of course uh don't say you know you could either you you waited for the smart person to say yes and then you agreed oh you absolutely can't getting sold the phoenix sensor for sale we're talking about you didn't even listen magic johnson bought you know went in on the dodgers no no no i know that but as like plays yes can you buy the play you guys don't have plays they're uneducated they know it's for the smart ones that's the only play and like miserab but i was so pissed oh it was the

same thing as you when the intermission i was livid i thought you were just asking whether or not you can buy sports teams oh that's so embarrassing while wearing it you're like yes because what's his name um um oh my god um r. Ryan Reynolds and the guy from, is it Rob? Rob McElnery. Yeah, him. They bought some small football team from Wales, right? Was that not a TV show? Is that real?

No, it's real. Yeah. That's like a reality show? They actually, no. They actually bought this football team. Isn't there a TV show about this too, though? Yeah, on Hulu. Oh, okay.

But to answer your question. See how he gets mad sometimes? On Hulu. I wasn't mad. I was- No, you're unhinged. I like it. You're flirting with me.

Honestly, it's not flirting. It's not flirting. There's something going on. No, I'm trying to come to terms with it because it's like I can be annoyed by his swings or I can just lean into them. You're going to piss on her? Okay, wow.

Sorry, Pete. That was bad for YouTube. Sorry. I want to answer this question because plays are put on by investors. So I feel like the same way like investors buy a team. It's like you could be like, I'm going to spend this amount of money and put on a production of Funny Girl starring Estherher provinsky if you want it i'm just like whatever it was you create what is it ironic when they say funny are you the before um but okay so with are you i do have any interest do you not want to talk about your movie i can't tell because i would be wanting to talk about

everything but no i don't mind talking about it but what you said about like these the critic writing that's yeah the stand-up comedians like it made me think of like making the movie i was this week i was sitting there i was like wait this is so weird we're like making this fun creative thing that like came from our brains and worksites, like play pretend and it's fun. You can kind of cast anyone you want. The crazy thing is you could like, whatever you want, you can kind of make happen. That's true.

That's so weird. And so at the end of it, the whole thing is for all movies, they're to be critiqued. There's all these people that are waiting to critique it. And it's not until like it's mine that i'm like wait that's messed up then you go like if it gets bad reviews you got to go like i i didn't really do my icon it just was around you know like that's when you just like when you when it gets good reviews you're like i did everything it was so nice of these people to be around doing what i told them to do now esther okay if you could have a movie that was like if you had two options

no wait this isn't gonna make sense because obviously you would pick the good one but if you had a chance to get a cult following for having a very bad movie like a like a room the room do you remember the room did you ever see it like that would you but there's no way because that's like a delusional that guy was like not self-aware but would you go for it i don't know what you mean like okay so if i put something on it's so bad that it becomes good do i want that like in my head i'm like maybe i do like who cares like if it's all just the same feeds into the same thing we all do a million things you'll probably make like 10 movies like this is probably just one movie i'm not worried about my movie being like the worst movie that's ever come out that's not what i mean i know that's what it sounds like but that's not what i mean but would you as what she was saying like a fall under five

percent i i would absolutely put money down to make one like a terrible movie but then that sort of takes away from it being a terrible movie because the genuinely terrible ones are the ones where you can tell people really wanted it they had no clue that's why the room is because he was so serious right but also i first time my first watch i thought it was a masterpiece truly just a comedic masterpiece well then you realize he's not kidding well yeah like the delusion is just so so so so like palpable that it just it's so funny everything about that movie is hilarious do you know what's crazy is i think one of the first dates i ever actually went on because i whatever was tony taking me to see the room in west hollywood did you throw spoons he was like

yeah he was like tony you hack wait and also wait this is so dorky, like early 20s. He like was really proud of like the funny things he would shout out in the theater. So Tony, before you had the number one comedy podcast. He's like, I do the number one yell outs at the room. You, have you been to West Hollywood? Then you know about me. And as dorky as it sounds, being like the lame girlfriend of someone who did that,

I have to say, he was really funny. The fact that I'm just assuming you were a tag-along girlfriend because I can't imagine he let you speak. It's crazy. Like, were you, I feel like you were Jacob with him and he was just carrying you around on a leash. This is insane. Esther, are you allowed to talk about your past relationships?

Yeah. Is that a no-no from dave oh well dave doesn't like it but i don't care what was it like what's he like is tony a good kisser was he good in bed oh my god that's private okay we're not kissing on this show kissing one of your ex-boyfriends told me like esther was a friend and i told you like ew so i was a freak yeah she's like she's a freak i was like ew i don't want to know that and then i told you and you're like ew it's true i'm famously a bad kisser so i just want to everyone knows that right we don't know that i can tell look at her stupid idiot she'll be kissing your ear accidentally i've told you guys this that after me and dave's first kiss like a few like after you know after we were

comfortable with each other he was like yeah you seemed like really excited that's how hot you are he like still stood by me you just open mouth and go wild with the tongue so you don't close back you don't go no i'm just there's no uh she's trying to get her ass eaten or something she's like i got plans i like time because i'm like so excited that i just have to get in there and there's just so many like popcorn kernels like getting going back and forth you guys not kiss that way no i kiss really i think i kiss very average i do just lip lip then we just open a little and then yeah it's always a progression tongue tongue and then close and then tongue tongue yeah so see like hot on camera if you were trying if we were kissing

and you were doing that like i would i would bang teeth i would overpower and i would wait wait wait are you wait are you like the boy like my first kiss boys where it's like they just lock open mouths and then the tongue goes i was always like you know this isn't like wait that's junior high don't get my pussy wet it's like i'm in junior high because that's when i first kissed so that's how i learned we do not believe that's when you first get i believe it was many years after so many years wait a second i'm so confused we find out esther just had her first kiss after three years with Dave. No, but wait.

I mean, not years. With a kid in junior high? My question to you is, like, is that you kiss that way because that's how you enjoy it the most? Or that's just how you know to do it? Both. Why do your tits look like they're back in? Oh, that's just the negative bra. Negative.

No, I'm actually ovulating. So my tits are like they're back in? Oh, that's just the negative bra. Negative. No, I'm actually ovulating. So my tits are smaller than usual. They go smaller when you're ovulating. They suck in. Yeah. Closer to my period, they really go like a full cup size up. My appetite is how I know. Oh, well, that too.

And the 10 pounds and the everything. But do you enjoy kissing that way? Just locking and loading? Yes. And have you forced it? Because I've had guys that we don't kiss well together. Todd has nice juicy lips and it's perfect. But I've had boyfriends where it's like, ugh.

And it's like, you have to like, it's just we don't have the same style. And you have to like overpower them and like force your way of kissing onto them. Or you have to just take one for the team and be like, I'm just be like no that's the thing with my style of kissing is like it's almost like rock paper scissors like mine beats everything else it's like mine wait i want to fight you on this i want to make out with you and see if you can overpower save it for the live i feel like annie is a good kisser and i'm really worried about you it's just todd's into lesbian porn too i wonder if he's gonna get a boner. Todd's so cute.

I love him. Wait, you should hook up with us like as a gift to Todd. But I don't know if he would, he's like not jealous, but he's like not open to any openness. Which is fulfillment. It's just like an art project. No one will have feelings. I had a boy do this thing once

and I know it sounds really not sexual at all, but he took my palm, like just my palm like this. And he started like tonguing the inside of my palm. And I've never been wetter. I would never be dead on the ground by my own hand. I would take that wet hand and choke myself. Why? Because it would be so embarrassing to stop licking my hand. You better have the best breath in the world, by the way.

If I smell that hand and there's any nasty breath in it, fuck you. Which one's my camera? I've never looked at the right one. This one. Oh, that's so funny. I've never looked at that one. Who cares? It's funny.

I just look like I have two lazy eyes. My lazy eyes are just. Wait, I. OK, so I disagree. And I'm. Don't you feel. Of course, because you are like think you're a dog bitch don't you think hands are very for me hands are very sexual yes yes but also i'm telling you

as i grow older the whole sucking fingers and shit like you have to have good breath i can't smell your nasty breath on my fingers exclude some of us if you licked my fingers i would throw up all of your face i would lick it i know i'd fucking poke my fingers that's what you'd throw up too no but okay this is i'm not gonna say who but a guy that i was recently around his somehow aroused by around oh my god dave he I forgot why like the topic of hands, like we were all joking around about hands and he just goes, it was like, it was on our shoot and it was really late at night and he goes,

my girlfriend loves my hands. And I was like, that is such a flex. Yeah. Because you know what that means when he said. But the thing is, I think you can tell too. I think there isn't, you can go hand first into a guy, also calves, but I know that hands,

I've never had a guy with good hands. That's not good. Like with handsome hands, it isn't good using them. Correct. Correct. Correct. Correct.

I like a working man's hands. Like if they're craftsmen, if they're people that do like woodwork or like all of these things, like, you know, but still not too dirty. Clean your fucking nails out okay i don't want to get a fucking uti but it's usually guys who are use their hands a lot that are very conscious of their hands so i've never had like a problem with them but guys you don't

want the guys with the chewed up thing no offense to you guys but just because they're anxious so they're not used to well maybe they're like they'll work well. Maybe, but yeah. Their fingers are used to soothe their own anxiety. Those aren't the ones I want. I think we need to normalize being like right before things are getting intimate, a girl just being like, when's the last time you washed your hands? Oh, I thought you were going to be like, I have halitosis. Are you guys like me?

It's clinical. It's been diagnosed diagnosed it's not a purpose it's something i could do you guys require um to see an std um i thought you're saying esther td panel do you guys require an esther td panel yeah i want to make sure did you fuck esther can you imagine we would never be asking my sisters sisters that's interesting have we ever been into the same guy listen no offense to all of our friends that we know we've all fucked but we like different types of losers do you know what I mean like when

we fucked down it was like different types yeah and we still love all of them we are I feel like we have crossover yeah but I would never be into Bobby I would also have crossover with Annie though because some of the boys that she finds hot i find hot so yeah yeah but you and i will never fight over a guy you know what i started laughing about when you're talking i just had this complete separate thought where i was thinking we know for a fact like you did not

get hit on to make your movie like we know for a fact there was no casting couch i've never like i still get bitter when I hear about those stories because I'm like, I've been here 13 years. No man has ever, like, promised me something and then, like, leaned in. Like, it's never happened. And I'm like, I know that's not funny in a sense because I feel bad for people that happens to. But one time, I think I deserve a man to desire me and offer me a you. You're killing Pete over here. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. When you're at your best, you can do great things, okay? But sometimes

life really gets you bogged down. You know, it's the start of a new year. This is really a time where I'm just trying to figure out what my clear path and my plan is for the year. And so therapy is a really great tool to help me feel empowered and more prepared to take on everything that life is going to throw at me. Therapy has changed my life for the better. I cannot stress to you enough how important and valuable it is, especially just being a freaking person in my 30s. And when I was a person in my 20s, same deal. I think it's important for all ages. I just I'm not saying people in their 40s don't need therapy. I just haven't been there yet. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday today to get 10% off your first month. That's better

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testing where all the porn girls go i that's where i go it's 12 hours like you get it right away you get the full panel you will you blow them before blow them before um yeah if i don't see on any obvious like cold sores on them or whatever oh my god how about when i was in college and my boyfriend had one straight here eating me out i did not understand what cold sores yeah but everyone has herpes type one so it didn't i didn't get it though i got tested a million times i mean who knows if i have it now i have shingles so wait what yeah shingles are you have them forever. It's herpes.

Yeah, but it's herpes that's more like chicken pox herpes. Herpes zoster. I don't want to brag. I'm so jealous now. I'm competitive. You have shingles? It's like the hottest herpes. It's the coolest herpes.

It is. It's like your name of herpes, like an old person type of herpes. The only thing about herpes is that it just looks painful. Like anytime I see someone in a cold sore, I just know they're not having a good couple weeks don't doesn't like herpes like i don't i have had a couple friends with genital herpes doesn't it like isn't it kind of like you have one outbreak and the reason you have it is because you don't realize you have it yet so you can't do anything to kind of like not have it but don't you like not have outbreaks that much yeah i think from what i understand if you have herpes type 1 down there your outbreaks are more spaced out

when you have herpes type 2 like the genital herpes that is based in this area um it it can be a little bit more frequent but then if you take like valtrex daily then you suppress that you know oh my god my friend i remember we were at this bar and her valtrex bottle rolled out of her bag it rolled the fucking security guard stopped it with his boot and i picked it up it was like i was like i grabbed it i was like do not read that out loud i had to take valtrex when i had shingles oh you had it too yeah i had it when did you have shingles when i was 19 years old i was a nursery school teacher at Let's Imagine Nursery School. This is what I think is bullshit.

I know that both of you guys have had shingles. How do you not know that either? Because you're our nurse, bitch. Do you think I go to her for help with stuff? I would never bring my own ailments to her. That's your mistake because I fucking diagnosed you with a sinus infection. But you're busy with your own sinus infection. I don't want to get in the way of you having a sinus infection with my sinus infection. But you're busy with your own sinus infection. I don't want to get in the way of you having a sinus infection with my sinus infection.

Thank you for that. By the way, I still cough up a little phlegm in the morning. It's still not gone. It takes a while. I remember having like double pneumonia when I was 17 and it took a whole year for me to feel like my lungs were normal again. You had double pneumonia while you were getting double pneumonia in your rehab? No, Annie is not mature enough for the word double. Did you guys ever get mono?

Never. Oh God. You gave it to so many people, didn't you? I gave it to a girl from sharing a Slurpee. We had an intense Slurpee share and then she got it. I feel bad, I'm sorry. Oh my God, I can only imagine you just slobbering in the Slurpee, you fucking pig. I still don't know who gave it to me though is that weird i don't know well i've

been thinking a lot about my college crabs that i had i love so crabs are my favorite it was so funny it was the funniest thing that's ever happened to me i feel like everyone deserves crabs it was so cute it's nothing. It's like a nothing. What a fun thing to have. It was itchy and did burn. It was sucked. It was very itchy. And they are alive on you.

So it's like you feel. Do you see them? I could see them. I went to the nurse to get diagnosed. Did I tell this on here? A long time ago. Yeah, I went to get. Please retell.

It's my favorite story. I went to the nurse to get diagnosed and she didn't diagnose me. And I was like, I came. She was like, no, I don't think you have anything. Then I left and I fucking saw them. And so I went to the nurse to get diagnosed and she didn't diagnose me. And I was like, I came. She was like, no, I don't think you have anything. Then I left and I fucking saw them. And so I went back. I was like, aren't they so nasty looking? I think they're kind of gagged.

Why? Do you think it's because you smell drum breath? I think they look kind of cute. Keep them as pets. Did you get a whiff? Wait, did you guys see someone like like, science released a photo of... Of ants? Yes, bitch!

Oh, nasty. Yeah. Did you hear it on... Hannah Einbinder was, like, posting about it. I was like, oh, you gotta stop. I saw it on TikTok. I'm so scared of them now. I do like them.

It's gotta be a joke. It looks like Terrifier. Like... It looks the same. It's true. They did release it right around Halloween. It's like, they're so full of shit. I would need to see more than one of those it kind of makes me respect the ant i'm like

all right bro like all right i see you yeah but it's like how pathetic is that like slobbery thing we could just step on it it's done no my dad would always like he'd be like don't kill bugs don't kill ants he'd be like you know how hard it is? You could never make a creature like that. He would shame me that I wasn't able to make an ant. Or was he like... Like, you can't make them. Or he's like, I bet you a quarter. He's just gambling with you.

I bet you a whole quarter. All of a sudden, your dad's got all your fucking allowance. He's going to the slots. I realize now that I was used and exploited as a kid now I know I already knew that we knew that not sexually but when I was younger there was this game

this card game in the Philippines it's kind of like a poker game that apparently I was a whiz at and I started playing at the age of five I feel like the poker games that you played were actually like poker anyway sorry let's keep I feel like the poker games that you played were actually like. Poker.

Poked her. Anyway, sorry. Let's keep going. Interrupted. So we're so drunk. But my family would, whoever it was, they'd be like, oh, we got Kalilah today. They would have called dibs on me and they would sit me on their lap. And it was like a three or four person game and i would play on their

behalf and we would gamble so i actually started gambling for money like the age of six love it because i was so good at it and to this day no one in my family can beat me they try we will play 20 games and it's 20 zero guys there's nothing wrong with gambling sorry that your dad thinks there's a problem there i think it's great. Gamble away, kids. But nothing was given to me. I never got any kickback. Like, hey, here's like a dollar for,

they just sat me on their lap and I played the card game and they- Do you see how you're like a super intelligent person? It's Filipino poker. I don't know if that means super intelligence. It's a very basic game but when i was little i had or actually not little but in high school i have this form what is it called core memory of when my parents and i went to san francisco and we were walking on the street and we saw this guy playing three card monte but you know the one where it's like what uh under what

cup is the ball they're like doing that that you've seen yeah right and there's all these people gathering around watching and then he put the cup over you and he goes which cup is she in and then i never saw my parents again no and then so my dad brought me over and he was like okay i want you to watch this like he's like and so we stood there like to the side watched everyone playing and he's like so that person is working with the guy and this is and then the guy who was playing the game goes teacher at home and it was like it was such a formative like fun memory because i just felt like i was like in it and like oh my god like my dad was right and the guy like wanted us out of there it was very is this sad that i think i was getting in trouble with your dad at the same time. Yeah.

That's so cute because you probably looked at him like, oh my God, he knows. And you were doing bad things with him. Like gambling is kind of bad, you know? Yeah, naughty things. Stealing tiny shampoos from hotels. My dad and I would. Oh, I'll do you one better. All of my utensils to this day are all stolen from Outback Steakhouse.

So in college when I was broke, I couldn't, I moved into an apartment with a couple people. I couldn't afford utensils. So anytime someone like, so when my stepdad on my birthday was like, hey, let's go to Outback. I'd be like, yeah, sure. I like those knives that they stick in the bread. Yep. I took all of them i still have them are they they i bet they're oh do you have those i probably do no not wait did you guys ever buy cutco or sell cutco knives yes yes yes yes in high school yeah did you sell them my sister did oh my god that's so scary i do not want you with knives to be honest as a kid oh my god that

was what you would have been sliced up so much i was slicing up everything but i would use safety pins i was like an extreme cutter it's so sad so emo cut me knives buy my cut me knives wait what do you know about cut cocoa knives we are we had jesse jesse eisman there were some um yeah it was like the avon mary k of like knives yeah and my mom would buy the shit out of them my mom was like come on in jesse it was always like a kid from her little league team like come on in we're buying all your knives she'd like she'd stop at like the top tier like i can't but they were great knives they were great knives and we put jesse through college jesse richmond like that guy yeah cutco knives what a deep cut i remember those did you guys ever get entrepreneurial as teens and like sell things what i made um

um maxi pads that my homemade maxi pads oh my god give a bastard but not i wasn't a teenager i was probably nine and i was obsessed with getting my period i mean i was obsessed with never getting my period no no i had a i had a friend who was obsessed with periods in third grade. She like would make the teacher talk to us about puberty all the time. She was like obsessed with it. You were the puberty obsessed? I was afraid of puberty. I was in college.

You were like, professor, tell me more about periods. Because I was afraid of puberty because it was like drilled into my head that the moment I started my period, my swimming career was over. Oh my God, that trail of blood because you only had pads? Yeah. That trail of blood down the fucking sharks coming right up? Another thing I did in elementary school

was I would, people would pay me to go run, like buy their lunch for them or be like, hey, and I was just like a runner, I guess. You were like a Carlos? I was a Carlos, yeah. I was the first Postmates,

original Postmates. I know, I was gonna say. I i have to say i was totally that girl that when my best friend got her first period i was so like couldn't wait to get mine like i felt so much foam do you think it's because you were like at the level of her period you're at the height opposite wait did she seem happier when she got it seemed it seemed just dreadful to me as a kid. Oh, my God. My best friend has it. I want to be like her.

I'm left out. I'm left behind. I can't wait. How much sooner did she get hers than you? Not that much. Maybe only like six months to a year. I definitely was next in the friend group. So I got lucky.

I got my period just decades before everyone else. I mean, I was just so much bigger than everyone I was taller than everyone I was always like a giant compared what grade were you in I was 11 that is young I was in like oh girls are getting them eight nine now and my and I only had brothers and my mom like was trying to be a boy so I got him in my umbros I was in umbros I was in music class I got mine actually on the first date I ever went on in sixth grade with this boy who I was so upset so I was really excited for this date and my sister crimped my hair for me and when I got to school he was

like I don't think you should do that to your hair again and you're like did you think I did it I have a servant and then we went on our date and when i got home and like i thank god i didn't discover the period till afterwards but i got home and i was like there's blood and i was like she just walked in open a drawer and just like here and that's where you became pad girl yes that was the moment my mom was like tampons all the way she's like you're not quitting swimming that's when i get a break after school so you're going to swim team we had to i had to swim through all of my periods but tampons right yeah yeah yeah what age did you get it uh closer to 14 what do you mean it's unhealthy it's bad to have the chlorine in there stopping up imagine like it

being healthy to put a tampon while you're in the water why i don't know it just now when i go swimming and i'm on my period i don't wear a tampon i just take it out because i just free bleed into the water do you remember insteads what's dead look up insteads insteads what is that as i used to wear them as bracelets as a joke they were like the first like it was before they had like diva cups and stuff so you could fuck on your period oh and they were like the first like it was before they had like diva cups and stuff was so you could fuck on your period Oh, and they were like pink like Um They're like pink like rubber things and then it's like a plastic

Thing they're kind of so big the first time a boy ever fingered me and this is um One of my smaller traumas. It doesn't really it's not a teacher No, no, it was a boyfriend the first time a boy fingered me this why it's messed up is because i was only 12 he was 19 but um i one of the creepiest things in hindsight or maybe i thought it then too was when he was like because i was like he would always ask me do you have your period yet are you a woman yet and i'm like i don't have it i don't have it yet and then the day that i got my period he was the first person i called to be like i'm i'm you know i finally got my period and he congratulated me

and gave me like a gift basket oh my god that's really nice thank you this is like the nicest thing that's ever happened to you like this is the nicest anyone treated you as a child what isn't that also when i said isn't an adult is the nicest anyone treated you as a child. What? Isn't that weird? Also, when I said, is it an adult? And you said no. And then you were like, he was 19 and still an adult. A 19-year-old fingered you when you were 12? I blew him.

He was the first person I blew, yeah. How old were you? 12. A 19-year-old fingered you when you were 12? How old were you? That's what you just said. The most fucked up thing is like I'm like jealous. Like I wanted to be like that when I was 12. Well, the thing thing is you can be 12 still you're the only one in this room that

could be 12 if you really want to try it hard enough i had a mouthful of braces i my hair is really this is when you know that she's getting more jealous she's like i didn't get a mouthful of braces it's a meat grinder it's fucked up it is but then i did get a whole basket of really ripe mangoes that day and i was like he was like you're a woman now i was like thank you yeah it was really weird to be like to engage in anything sexual before your period no my friend and my friend in middle school would bang she didn't have a period yet yeah she would bang in the her and her boyfriend that word when talking about a middle school yes that's what we called it in middle school ding dong i think this is did you have middle school i feel like you skipped middle school and then wait what did you call it banging is the most middle school

word really what would you call it making love i remember being so disgusted when someone said making love no that is no no no i love it now. I love it now. It is not worse now. I grew into it. Now at this age, I'm like, no wonder gross adults have been saying it forever. It makes me hot and horny. Well, sometimes you are. That's like making baby type of banging where you're just like

shot to outer space. That's like cry fucking. You know what? I cried. It turns out i still cry after sex and i'm really ashamed i cry during sometimes no you don't i do it's like is it a deep i like hippie i get like so i get really me too i shake cry it's a whole thing and i'm apologizing as i'm crying and i'm like look it's it's this just i do not apologize you're welcome todd todd i've made your life very beautiful you're welcome

wait there's a couple theories around it okay um some some people say it's some type of like repressed some sexual something other people think it it has nothing to do it's just something your body does when you feel like some type of release but there's multiple theories around it can you look it up carlos what are you guys i think i feel like so connected it's not like with everyone it's like i think it's just like you know with todd it's like i just feel like it's such a kind of a relief to have like a loving just like my guy you know is are they going slow no it's for me it's after coming so immediately after coming i am bawling my eyes out i know it's weird but i'll like be embarrassed during if i'm crying like during see but during it's really sweet and no i feel like

i'm such a hippie i get like so connected i think that's why it was really when i was being a little more promiscuous i had like uh famously with you guys know about when i dated this guy a little bit on and off and i felt a little bit played by him. I was so like hurt that he, I was like, we could have just been friends. It's like, I'm not, I'm like a vulnerable person when I fuck. So it's like, it's frustrating when I'm like, you knew you were playing me and you put like, we just could have not done that. So frustrating. Well, side note, it's human nature for women to be vulnerable when they have sex. Like that is, you become chemically attached to the person like it's that's your brain chemistry it's not even you i wanted to ask you guys we talked

about this on tiger belly briefly um with nikki but we didn't talk about it in depth um do you when you first date a guy do you gatekeep your friends from him or do you bring him in almost immediately to meet your friends and why or why not i've never gatekept anyone i wouldn't even occur it would not even occur to me i i roll through life i barrel through life so when you met no plans no rules actually you're right because when you even when you were um in the beginning stages of todd you were bringing him around everyone i think with the internet i will just because i don't want people to like of course of course attack them or whatever or not even attack them i just don't know if i want to bring them into my story i feel like i

should have gatekept my friends from dave like i i just i would pummel you if you stood in front of a gate i would knock you i would fucking like because i my life was such a mess that like we dave and i still laugh about like why didn't you break up with me like i was sharing the studio apartment with like you know a woman who is like a little a little silly um she's a silly she's got a funny personality is she in the movie we're still friends she's in. No. I love her. But like I do feel like that. Yeah. Now I lost my train of thought. Can I get a credit at the end that says Annie Letterman wasn't in this movie?

Thank you. I actually really like both of your. Not pictured Annie Letterman. I like both of your approaches because what I find really, really high pressure is when I haven't met someone's friends and now we've been dating six months and now there's a formal meeting. That to me is like, oh God, like now I have to impress-

When it's our friends, yeah, like that's what pissed me off with that one guy because he was like holding my hand in public and stuff. And I don't want, like if people figure out who this is, this is not me like coming after anyone. I have no interest in having any more weird dramas with fucking anyone, I swear to God. Everyone is like fine and doing great and I'm happy for everyone but the thing that pissed me off with this guy was we we went on some dates it was like very flirty

we went on some dates he was trying to hold my hand in front of people we knew it was like very weird then um we did hook up and then he was like i want you to meet my friends and so he like set up like a bowling with all of his friends and then i'm like all right so then right before we go to meet his friends he calls me and goes hey i just want to let you know i'm seeing other people so like and i'm like you are pushing this forward so then the whole time i'm like i'm so already like just naturally prone to being anxiously attached yeah so i was just like the uns yes bitch the unlike that's our name should have been anxiously attached um aa i my name is annie and i'm anxiously attached but um it was just like it was the mixed messages were driving me fucking crazy and the

truth is this person is mixed up in their head right like their head is all fucked up so that's not my problem um it's not about me but it was hard to not take it personally because it was like what the hell and it just would be like because your emotions got fucked with yeah yeah but i love bringing um new people to meet my friends almost immediately because they're able to maybe pick up on things that i'm not picking up on but also i really trust my friends to not be judgy cunts they're just like yeah this is a guy she's dating they're not putting any or like flirt with him yeah oh my god imagine a friend flirted no my friends that's like my high school friends would be like fucking them in the bathroom i'm like wait what this is my boy that's crazy that like fucking them in the bathroom. I'm like, wait, what? This is my boyfriend. That's crazy. That's fucking bad.

I had the cuckoos in high school. No, but like bringing them around enough like to be able to like observe how they move and without, it's really such low pressure because he's, you're nothing to each other yet. Yeah. So they almost kind of like grow into the family if it becomes serious and there's an ease around that. Right. Yeah.

Well, I just never, like I'll bring all my mix all my friends i never really have like a problem mixing worlds or like keeping i i remember my friend in high school she was always like worried about this is a good this was a good friend she wasn't a crazy one but she was always like cautious of mixing worlds after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time, all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's the catch? But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online. They don't have retail stores or salespeople. Instead,

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It's an unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. Statement mobile for details. Okay, this is, I feel like, my most animalistic instinct. And I wonder if it is right or if I should let go of it. But it's based on an interaction, obviously, that I had early on when I was, like, 21. Where a girl, I've talked about this before, like, a girl touching my boyfriend in front of me. I like i know what you're doing you fucking i do not like it at all well it's just it's so annoying it's because it's there are these types of that same bitch did that to me it's habitual

line steppers they know they're trying you know what's behind those i also think stand up yeah like so if i am her and you're my boyfriend it's just like or this they'll crack an inside joke that you're not a part but don't you love that we're all talking about the exact same girl and by the way this bitch i remember when i was dating my when i was eating my ex and here's the thing my ex, and here's the thing. My ex, he, like, I'm telling you, he was, like, such, like, a love addict. And he was, like, texting, like, 50 girls, I love you. And I wasn't jealous for some reason. Like, I never was jealous of him.

Like, I kind of always knew, like, whatever was going to happen was going to happen with us. But I never got jealous, even though he was such, like, a, like, he just, like, I don't know. I don't know why but so this girl we were at the comedy store and this girl was like like just trying to talk about sex with him like leaning into him all this stuff and we were like laughing in her face like we're like looking at each other like what the fuck and he's like the thing is this girl's so unhot like she thinks like physically she's a pretty girl but like she's so unactually hot like as a person like she thinks she's like trying to be this hot thing and she was talking

about like lesbian experiences in front of him and stuff and he was just like i mean we were just like oh that's our actual pick me like i know we joke about what a pick me is but that's it when but it's also at us but it was at us it was like not for them it was like us. It was like not for them. It was like us. I know exactly what you mean. Or they will talk about things that make it seem like they've known each other longer than you have known your partner. And I'm like, shut up. Like his dick was just in my mouth. Also, it's like this person is no competition. Like all competition, but no competition. You know what I mean? Like since I met this person constantly trying to compete with me, it's like is no competition, like all competition, but no competition. You know what I mean? Like since I met this person constantly trying to compete with me, I'm like, I don't share

the same feelings as you. I don't see you as competition. I think I do a very different thing than you. And if you want to try to battle me, you will continue to lose. Like, I don't know what to say. It's like pissing. Even if you think you're winning, it's like I wasn't going, anything you get, I wasn't going for. Right.

You know what I mean? And it's like, I dare you to fuck my ex-boyfriends. I don't want to fuck them. Go for it. But girls, like, we love you, but don't be that. Do not be that. It's just weird. It's like, I have nothing.

But it is weird because if I saw either of you guys touching and rubbing up on Dave, I wouldn't care. Esther, you've asked me. Rubbing up on Dave is so funny. Imagine I'm just like, hi, Dave. Imagine that world. I remember you being so high at Bobby's 50th birthday party. And Dave was across from us, right?

So it was you, me, I think Annie here next to me. And then Dave was across. Gina Gershon randomly. Gina Gershon randomly there. And you were high out of your mind. And you were like, Kalilah, like really loud. You're like, Kalilah, will you please fuck Dave? You were great.

That was a real fun. That was so fun. And then poor Dave was like, Esther, he was so mad at you. And then Jenna was like, I'll fuck Dave. She's like, no, not you. Enough. Jenna, fuck Dave. She's like, no, not you. Enough. Jenna, we know. But she was like doing that as your friend.

Yeah, she was like, no, I'll do it. I'll do it for you. And Esther had just had no interest. You were like, no, not you. Kalilah. That's such a weird, creepy projection of me wanting to have sex with you. It's like, I'll somehow get it if you have sex with him. Very strange. That was such a fun hang. That was a such a fun hang you know what i do like though i do like about you guys every time i've met like girls

you're friends with it's very easy and friend like you have like good taste in girls like jenna and i i feel like jenna and i didn't like it took us like a one or two hangs but it's like i feel totally comfortable with jenna but you and jenna are both people that just dive right in right correct so we almost like missed because it was like maybe too divey we like hit heads and like sunk and now we're both in like comas in the hospital jenna fits in every room so i it's i never have to worry about like anytime i need a companion and i worry about where i'm going i bring her because it's like she just fits in yes she's so great and she's just so charismatic and funny yeah and then so see i feel the same about it's like so it's easy as

fuck easy i gotta say like i feel really lucky about my girl gang give Give me that banana. I'm so hungry. Did you paint it yellow? This is supposed to be fucking green. Green, I mean. But I guess green bananas are good for digestion. Yeah, they're from Air One. You're good.

Also, I want these to come out of your what? You smell like hairspray. It's your hair, dum-dumum you got your hair done is it probably there's gonna be a braid just like wafted in front of you i watched this thing that kept me up for two straight days once and it was a documentary about how we might um we might soon not have bananas and i went into a full scale panic because these types of bananas are called cavendish bananas and they're the most marketable ones because they look like pretty that's the skin

doesn't brown um very quickly but there's actually a whole like in the philippines i grew up with like six different types of bananas right but they're wiping all of those varieties brother banana the teacher banana wait i, I wanna try these. They're delicious. But because these are the most like marketable or look prettiest on the shelves, they keep pushing for these, but there is this parasite that wipes entire farms out.

And because now we lack in variety, we lack in variety of bananas. Which she doesn't eat on the podcast she makes up for. And yeah, you guys, like we got to watch out for our banana supply because if these run out,

I'm definitely leaving this earth. I'm about to cry because of what that's triggering. I'm literally welling up. Did you hear about what's

what got canceled for this season? What got canceled? Crab legs. Wait, what do you mean? They're canceling crab legs. Curtis Carlos. What's your name?

Pull it up. Curtis. Curtis is actually a way cooler name than Carlos. I've known him for a decade. It's a way cooler. I was just thinking of a cooler person, but go ahead. Wait, what do you mean? There's no one named Curtis Hanson, but he's dead.

There's no one. Who's Curtis Hanson? Curtis Stone. The director who made LA Confidential. He's an Oscar winner. Oh, oh my god i have to you can keep no i want the world to see what carlos is really like they know i want people to see the roll the tapes of what we edited out of the carlos episode that should be a patreon there's no new content you have to pay for a year just to see this one. We have content that has been shelved. There's a third Hawaii episode.

I gave away that my, I did like a clothing giveaway and I was like, this could have been seen on an episode that never aired. I threw it out to the audience. We do have only one episode that never aired. We should be thinking about how we'll cash in on that. I think we should do what Bobby and Santino did, which is sorry, I have bananas in both my

cheeks. This is what it sounds like when you're talking to someone while blowing them. Hold on. This is so nasty to say. So we should do what Bobby and Santino did,

which was record a podcast, just saying, talking shit about everybody, but they kept it in a vault. Esther's like more trying to do it, so weird. Wait, why is this fun? Why is it fun? No, Annie's right. There is a sea crab shortage.

We don't take care of our oceans. And something else happened guys. It's crazy. Well, something really sad happened. Well, I'll tell you about your free. Hot and juicy went out of business. I'm gonna kill myself. What did?

Hot and juicy in Hollywood is gone. It's gone. we've never been there i've been there and she bought me my that was my present that i loved i screamed about she got me my oh my god i'm so sorry condolences i'm not driving to orange county honestly i'm really sad for you as someone who's gone through this where your favorite food goes out of business or like moving away from savers it's hot yeah It's hard. Yeah. No, it is hard. Things get discontinued. Like also moving from, you know, Skokie to LA,

we don't have pot bellies here. We don't have famous Dave's where they make a really good salad with barbecue sauce as the dressing. Like there's a lot of things that I still think about that I miss. You know what's going to get canceled soon? Fucking oxygen we breathe.

Not to get real grim on everybody. Oh my god. Can we put sad music and have Al Gore pop his head in? I have friends who send me the most depressing podcasts like at 3 in the morning. You have to. Dude, Gene Hong sent me

the most depressing one and it's about 3am. And so he sent me this thing about how with with the shift of um everyone wanting or moving towards like electric vehicles those batteries are very difficult to make because they require a lot of hope don't talk shit on my tesla jean shut the fuck up so shut the fuck up so they took my crab legs you keep my tesla out of your fucking but i think i'm gonna smack you like will smith this ties into your crab legs um crisis what if the the answer is we have to just feed crab legs into our gas tanks but this is feeds into your crab legs crisis because apparently in order to they have to still mine for these metals like manganese and whatnot to create the batteries for electric cars. But we're running out on land and they have now discovered that there are these things in the seabed called nodules.

And they're basically little like battery packs, but they have to be mined underwater so now people are like oh we're just gonna mine the seabed the ocean which produces like up to 80 of the oxygen we breathe and so i'm like it's fucking over do you know what's so funny the idea of someone sending me an article and me actually reading it and like absorbing the information and repeating it to anyone like if you send me an article good fucking luck send it to kalilah maybe she'll explain it to me you did good with the nick kroll one though i actually bought a subscription to new york times to read it and then i was so annoyed by it do you want to know why it annoys me like but they had sentimental moments like that's not i'm like

you don't you are a journalist you don't decide what someone does it's their hour to do whatever they want yeah and you can't be the same publication that was saying that nanette was like the new wave of comedy and the whole point of nanette that everyone was fighting about was that she was being so fucking serious in it so what is it i swear most critics it's like they're it's just they're angry at the person it's their journal we're literally reading people's fucking, like, dear diary. Dear diary. Nick Rose, dad's rich. These nepo babies.

All these white men. It's like, shut up, white guy writing the fucking article. You fucking absolute loser. I don't know what your fucking name is, but fuck you. And honestly, it's like, I feel like I should look at this as like a win because he's almost, it's like he's pandering to women, too. Because he's like, these women did it so perfectly. Blah, blah,

blah, blah. It's like, he's like, Jenna Freeman did it pregnant. It's like, you could make an argument that all the women are, it's hacky to do a special pregnant.

Do you know what I mean? It's like, but I don't think you should because it's whatever the fuck you want in your special. It's whatever you want. And it's like, you're just some guy. It's like,

I don't know. I just feel like to be like, you can't talk about your kids. It's like such a weird thing. It's what is so weird about it. I just feel like to be like, you can't talk about your kids. It's like such a weird thing. It's what is so weird about it. And I understand that like having, you know, critics in general is like a necessary good part of things. Like, cause people will.

You're allowed to critique it. I'm just, I'm allowed to tell you, fuck you. Totally. Carlos? No. Mine has the spots again. No, it doesn't. I got him yesterday at air one.

Why are you yelling and like taking away her truth? Oh my God, I've eaten half of it. So scared. Are they supposed to look like that? They do have the spots. But maybe it's just the oil. Maybe it's... Okay, I'll try it.

It smells good. I think this time you should get us a jar of olives and not these like... Well, whatever. I'll eat. They just look fancy. And they were purchased 24 hours ago. Do you? Let me see yours. Alright, if Kalilah dies tomorrow, we'll know.

Oh, they taste fine. Are you gonna fuck her scorps? You know what? Her scorps? Yeah. Diarrhea. Don't act like that's not something that would be attractive to you. Well, no. You look like you'd be just like the madman. I could just see that hair just on top of her corpse. Wait, were you about to say one time you're having sex with a girl while she died?

She was dead. She passed out during and I had to make a rape judgment call. One that would change my life forever. You know what? What did you do? I got through the body of the river. Oh, my God. Her Russian pimp was downstairs.

And I was like, oh, I don't know what's going on. You know what a prostitute? Carlos. carlos have you ever fucked someone you didn't pay no but because um okay no okay but because she passed out i smoked a cigarette like out like in the room you blew it did you did you give her cbr by blowing the smoke in her mouth no but i was like alarmed i was like is she dead well this happened to me. What the fuck? Wait, what? I was in a relationship with a boy. Esther, have you ever paid a guy to fuck you? I would. I would too, I would too.

Oh my God, all day long, except I don't like- Really? I can think of some guys I'd make offers to. Who? What? Wait, hang on. Name names. No, it's a joke. It's a joke.

Okay, so one time I went on this first date, and it was with this guy in Chicago, and it was really great. He was so cute. I liked him. We went on a walk. It was really nice. And then, of course, me. Wait, actually, as I'm telling you. You queefed.

You queefed. No, I'm like, this is really a weird story, because I, for for some reason insisted on sleeping over on the first date and and he said no he no I slept over but what but what was his how do you insist I think I was just like that implies there was an immediate no and you I think I don't remember specifically but in my head I'm thinking like we were just hanging out and I was like I'll just sleep here and we didn't he did not make a move on me but in the middle of the night we both woke up and made out yeah we just made out though yes but that makeout was very hot and then i remember i specifically left my socks there to be like oh like what to get him in trouble for pedophilia are you serious they were very small they're the tiniest socks that ever did live no oh yeah but they were very small i actually

believe that you're i don't think that you're um i feel like you don't have a stinky pussy thank you i feel like you don't have a stinky feet i think your asshole in your mouth probably have similar things happening it's really just no my mouth is the big problem so for smell um so i left my socks there because i was like i had so much fun on this first date we had such a hot makeout like just to guarantee like he has to hit me up nothing imagine thinking a guy thought like you needed your socks back though it's like you should leave a ring or something i'm like i should i should yeah socks i should call and they're baby socks they're like fucking five dollars you probably didn't even think they were yours he's probably like this this is like a for dogs or something

for a puppy like little puppies in the rain wait but listen to this i got complete like where are the other two i got complete radio silence right and then four years later i'm standing outside the comedy store doing whatever i get a text from him and it's like i saw your post about the holocaust museum thank you for sharing that oh god i was like what i just never responded because i was so mad i don't want to like stay on a theme of a joke i've already made but maybe when he saw your socks he thought of like um like a Holocaust babies, like baby shoes and socks. Like maybe he actually donated them. I have his number one day.

We should call him and be like, do you still have my socks? I got to think of whose numbers I have. It was over 13 years ago. Last time we called one of my friends, it was like such a nightmare. I feel embarrassed by that story. No, no, no. What's embarrassing about it? You're so embarrassing.

Can I tell you the story that makes sense? I forced sleepover on a first date. That's so Esther. And then you forced sleepovers on us every day. There was a baseball player I was hardcore crushing on in college. It's already a better story than yours. Yours was a Holocaust fan. This is really sad.

Yours was a big fan of the Holocaust Museum. This one. He was like a tour guide at the Holocaust Museum. Oh my God. And anyways, he came back to my place,

but I knew that he wasn't necessarily attracted to me. I wasn't his type. I think he liked the all-American, like, blonde girl he liked the all American like girl guy maybe. And I was not bad. I was, but he came back nonetheless and we made out all night.

We didn't sleep together, but in the morning he kept calling me Malaysia. And I didn't have the heart to tell him that I was Kalilah. And so he left. There is a boy out there, a hot ex-baseball player, who was saying this one time I hooked up with a girl in Malaysia, and that was me. And I didn't say, like, hey, my name's Kalilah.

I was so embarrassed that we had just had this great night together, and he didn't even know my name. Do you think he was calling you that, like, after the missing plane? This was pre-crash. He's like the feelings aren't here. A lot like the Malaysian plane. I won't be able to find you tomorrow. Yeah.

So that really made me sad. Like even if he was searching for me today, he couldn't find me. No, he can find you. How? You're famous. No. You're famous in a world. Yeah.

But if he's not in the comedy world, like like but it would be funny if he one day like someone is watching tiger belly or trash tuesday and he's like malaysia i assume everyone i know is not watching the stuff i do it's like crazy the stuff i'm just throwing out i have no i'm like oh shit are you watching this my bad well you kind of can't really authentically do this job if you have in the back of your mind that people you know are watching yeah like it's hard enough that my parents watch and i have to know that i try to forget that a lot lately i've been good at it talking about sex but it you gotta just pretend lock it out and see this you know that's a really interesting thing that we do that might like i wonder how this plays out in 20 years like when we look back i'm like

those people were really good at pretending they were just in a room with each other and yet they had a whole audience like kind of um um you know having thoughts about what we're saying but we're so blocked off well i have to look at the camera to remember i have to be like guys like there's another like there's another person here that's thousands of people do you know what i mean like i have to like look at the camera be like or it's done now i had a guy that i was hooking up with okay who coincidentally was the one that gave me crabs so he was actually the std boy is he is he our hero he's i is he still doling out crabs let me see if i have his number i had it like since i moved to la because i remember i texted him to like not like in a sexual way and it pissed me off because he went sorry my my buying dinner in exchange for

sex is done i was like that's you dude I stayed friends with you after you gave me crabs. Dinner in exchange. I was like, what? I fucked you when I was 21 and I've stayed friends with you for like eight years. What the hell are you talking about? You know,

this is why I actually really like Snoop Dogg because he normalized crabs for me in high school. And he took away all the fear I had about it. He was, he was on big boy on power 106 And he was asked a question about STD and you can either pass or you can answer truthfully. But if you pass, there was like a consequence. And he talked about having crabs

and he called them little soldiers and they all laughed about it. And I was like, oh, maybe it's not so bad. And I stopped fearing crabs. I never got crabs, but I mean, I would be open. Oh my God. Okay, wait. That's why I'm asking I would be open. Oh my God. Okay, wait. That's why I'm asking if her friend's still doling them out.

Are they even still, I never hear about them. Do they die off? Are they still out there? Are crabs still a thing? He's an AD on Hunger Games. He's doing all right. Okay. I have my hot pinks on.

That's pretty good. Let's pop that out. It's still around. Oh, okay. Wait, look at this guy. This is the guy that gave me crabs. Crabs are going extinct. No, I always think that like to do like a picket,

like outside of the Rite Aid, like no more RID because it's head lice. I think that we should, that should be our mission on this show. Oh, he's cute. Oh, he's crab guy? Yeah. Oh, crab guy does not look like crab guy yeah he's

hot no that's why he was like you cannot be telling people let me show him here he's a class you're not be telling people i'm like but you did he's a pharmacist no no he's like a assistant director on big movies he's like doing great and you're showing everyone his photo what do we learn here we learned that there are two crab crises that we're currently facing. We're trying to bring them all back. Right. So,

we're losing crabs, guys. Both sexually transmitted crabs and crabs from the ocean. And this is a really big, big deal. And this is our platform that we're running for Miss America on.

We're going to save the crabs. Save the crabs. You guys, this is so sad. I looked up his Twitter and he only has 36 followers. I thought you were going to say he's dead. No. Oh my God. You know me. save the crabs you guys this is so sad i looked up his twitter and he only has hot and juicy 36 followers i thought you were gonna say he's dead no oh my god you know me it could be anyone that's

been inside me has is at risk you guys thank you so much for being a part of this this was a chaotic overly sexual i know what the hell i don't know are you kidding it's just a nice friendly wholesome crabby episode you guys thank you so much as always subscribe subscribe like comment us we love you we're nothing without we're nothing without you we're something without you that's i'm nothing without you. Esther's nothing. Bye guys.