Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Forgive Us Father for We Have Sinned

Episode Date: June 1, 2021

Thank you to our Sponsors:   Magic Spoon - Go to https://magicspoon.com/BATHGIRLS and use promo code BATHGIRLS at checkout to save five dollars off your order  Stitch Fix - Go to https://www.stitchfix.com/bathgirls and get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix!   Raycon - Go to https://buyraycon.com/bloodbath for 15% off your entire order  BetterHelp - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at http://betterhelp.com/bloodbath Subscribe to our YouTube! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons Trash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPod Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudio Trash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: George Kimmel & Pete Forthun Editor: Gabby Galon --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/trashtuesday/message

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Hello, listeners. I have a clothing line and it's called Sleepover by Esther and we have hand dyed, all hand sewn, made in LA. I designed everything. And it all has special themes. And you can go to sleepoverbyester.com to check it out. I'm really excited for you guys to see our new drop. Hi, guys. I have been having a blast on the road. I'm so glad to be back there.

Please, slugs, come out and join me for live stand updates. I have one headlining set on July 15th at Flappers in Burbank, California. I am coming to Wise Guys in Salt Lake City, July 16th through 17th. I am going to the Tempe Improv 8-6 to 8-8. I don't hate it. I could never wear it. Yes, you could. The way we saw your titties in that pink one. The ruffle arms to me is drawing attention to my arms. My arms are like, excuse me.

Disgusting. There is, the only person who can't wear a shirt like that is me. Oh my gosh. Oh my God. Stop it. By the way, everyone's full of shit the only person that shouldn't be that should be wearing this shirt is george you guys the only reason bobby is with me is for my wide broad manly shoulders i can't wear i can wear sleeveless

shirts just not ruffled because it does look i the shoulders match the vaginal i literally want the smallest pussy in the world oh my god you guys i have the smallest pussy in the world where you'd have God, you guys. I have the smallest pussy in the world. You'd have a smaller vagina than Esther would be. I have a smaller vagina than you. I think I have. Let's be real. I have the biggest one. I'm jealous.

I want a big one. How are we measuring size? Because here's here's what I'm jealous of. I like vaginas. Your whole body. Oh, I've seen that. I had a Romanian friend because we were all swimmers. We all showered together. I've seen that i had a romanian friend because we were all swimmers so we all showered together right you've seen that her vagina i swear to god guys came and fucking inch from her belly

the slit just was real high yeah i was like oh my god what a play like was it just a slitter was it open it wasn't open it was just the slit came up real high and her asshole crack went up real high she's lucky she had like the joker thing. Would you guys do something for me as for my entertainment? Of course. I really wanna see Kalilah in your shirt. Okay. Oh my God.

It's not gonna be good. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm gonna sweat in it, my armpits. Look at her body. Oh my God, it looks so cute. Stop it you guys.

Oh my God. It catapulted you into like middle school, but. No, I know what you mean. Like it's not you guys. It actually looks so cute. You're, I don't know what sort of negative pandering you're doing right now. No, the thing is I just hate those kinds of sleeves.

This is not a good look, guys. That looks great. Wait, face me more. She's showing us like her triceps are a bad thing. Look at our triceps. She's like, look how strong and clean I am. I look like Chiquito Bonanno. A male.

That's the masculine one? It's not banana? Can I get out of this now? Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Sorry. Thank you for doing that. Your dream has not been realized, Esther. You know what?

I like you better in your like down and dirty clothes. Thank you. Boyish stuff. Me too. I'm the same way. By the way, last night, Kalilah FaceTimed me for like two seconds and I was in bed and Dave was next to me you know when you get off the phone and then you just see you see your face he's like so pretty and I was like really me and he's like oh no Kalilah it was so sad he was like oh no I'm still she's

so pretty I'm still taking it in it was really sad you are pretty Esther in fact you know what this is when I think you're prettiest right here thank you this is my Esther this is my Coco what if she was like I like you the best like this like in person because it doesn't translate you do have like a very like rich person's look today like I feel like you picked it up like you're in a bright orange you have froofy arms look at those nails these scream private uh high school oh my god someone posted someone came out to one of the show the show i did with you when we did john's oh yeah someone posted a video i'm gonna start being, you cannot take any video of my shows. Some guy posted a clip of me saying, I was doing a whole thing where I was like, I kind of understand like when you, because I performed at the Mall of America and I was like, you're

around all these teenagers, you regress, you sort of feel like a teenager. All of a sudden you're hitting on a teen and the thought crosses your mind. I could fuck a kid. I said something like that. Yeah. They filmed just me saying, I could fuck a kid and posted it like with yeah they they filmed just me saying i could fuck a kid and posted it like with like little like emojis and stuff and i was like um can you take this down they're like oh i didn't even listen i was just excited to see you i didn't even listen to

what you were saying they're just supposed to be like i fuck children i was like oh my god get this down that's real hollywood of you i know, baby. You're in. I don't fuck them for pleasure. I fuck them to get them excited so I can get their adrenal glands going. No, I don't know what you're saying.

But no, it's Hollywood of you that you don't want something circulating like that. You know what's Hollywood? You pretending like you don't know

about the adrenal gland thing because you are the most Hollywood of all of us. You're the TV star. I don't know. You're a television and film star. You are a television and film star. You're a star.

I'm Sir Kavitsky, television and film star. Of the stage and screen. I mean the stage. I would love to see you in a fucking play. I would love to. We should write a play. I've always wanted to since I've been here, like, write and produce a play. Let's do it.

I didn't say with you, but. Can we at least audition? Yes. Yes. When I do my play, I want to be the only one in control. You said do my play. By the way, you're not going to write it. So I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

Yes, I am. Oh, tip-tapping on the computer. Esther's going to stay up an extra hour every night and write her play. Her one-word play. I'd like to audition to be the lights guy. That's it. The lighting designer. Okay, lighting designer, stage design.

We need someone with way more experience than you. Your shoulders will be knocking in the way a little bit. Wait, I actually just had a flashback of auditioning for a play. Because you guys know I've spoken about like the one thing that can truly humiliate me besides like my medical nudes getting out. Singing. Singing. Wait, medical nudes? Yeah, like, I mean, if I take a nude that I send on purpose, like I want it to be out.

That's orchestrated. A medical nude is like what I would send her where I was like it's what is this like if those nudes if these nudes got out like I would die those would be bad my ingrown pictures to my friends I made up medical nudes though it's not like a thing you should know okay I'm trying I'm testing it I like it I'm now gonna look for all my medical nudes and just trash because I had a nightmare that that happened I had a nightmare that I was I all of my nudes leaked and it was happening at such a rapid i couldn't stop them like it was like whack-a-mole like just so many nudes and they but they weren't good ones like if a good nude i'm like god be with us all somebody leak them somebody leak mine

don't don't don't actually just kidding i've never taken a nude i don't want out i have unfortunately only like one of the thousand that I take is good. And sometimes I'm too lazy to delete the 999. But even you delete, there's a delete pile that doesn't go away for like 30 days. Well, I'm fucked. You've never taken nudes. No comment. Oh my God.

She has the most nudes out of three of us. No, no, definitely not the most. I feel like I have the least. I just don't take a lot of pictures of myself. The thing with Esther is when she wears like form-fitting clothes and stuff, she's not a child. You go like, oh my god, that actually isn't a kid. This is so weird. When she wears the baggy stuff, I'm like, somebody needs to be chaperoning this child. Why is she alone? In your eyes, I'm just gonna go straight from child to old lady. Like there will be, I will get no in between with you between with no you're both right now that's how the asian that's how the asians work you go from young young

young and then at 80 you go completely gray are we can we just be asian can we just say we're asian i appreciate the asian culture so much my trip to japan the food i could not live without the food i just had a revelation i think you should be cast in a tokyo shock movie what's that like old boy what is that think about tiny little esther tokyo shock movies are like old boy like now old boy are we talking about that's just esther's character there's a scene an old boy where he is at a sushi restaurant and he orders octopus and the octopus is still alive and the octopus while he's eating it the tentacle sort of grabbed his face and he continues to slurp it up if you were in that scene she'd be the octopus you would be oscar nominated speaking

of the octopus i actually have a story I have not shared on this podcast. It's quick. But one time Dave and I were in Vegas and I was like being kind of we've been together maybe like a year and I was like trying to encourage him to like take charge a little more. So I was like, today we're going to go to lunch and you just order and I'm just going to be like you're a little you're a little bitch and I'm going to eat whatever you order. Such a trap. And I'm going to like it's going to be like, you're a little, you're a little bitch. And I'm going to eat whatever you order. Such a trap. And I'm going to like, it's going to be really hot, right? He's going to be like this dominating boyfriend, this dominating partner. So we sit down, he orders a

bunch of food and he's like, okay, so here's this. I'm like, thank you. And then he's, and this is octopus. Here you go. And then I was like, no, I can't. And he's like, no. Cause he was like no i can't he's like no because he was like playing the role he's like no you have to i start crying hysterically he duct tapes you to the chair he whips you he's like no you're gonna try it i just like start crying i'm like please stop please i can't eat it and then he was like all right this is over it like backfired and went in like the worst way did he eat it yeah he loved it he knew that was gonna happen but he always brings it up he's like oh yeah that went really well like i just i completely collapsed when i you're very much like bobby really bobby really feigns a lot of things that he isn't like especially with food because he's

like he's asian right so when i started dating him i'm like oh thank god he's an asian guy like he's gonna eat everything with me and he always says oh i can't date white girls because they're just so picky with food he says that a lot but then we go out to eat and the way i like to eat it's like you know it's all of it right do? Do you eat like eyeballs? I'll eat anything. Wait, you guys. I went out to lunch with my friends. We wanted to get crab legs, like cooked crab legs.

Of course. And the place was closed. We were in Koreatown. So we went to this place called, I think it was called Crab House. And we walked in and it was like, it's the most authentic Asian cuisine you could possibly get. Where we ordered all this crab and stuff. We were like so excited. Everything was raw.

Yes. I immediately was in like an episode of The Challenge where it's the food episode. I'm like, it's all mental. Everything was cold and wet and slimy. I don't even want to say it to you. You're not even, that's something you've never seen or you've never seen. I've never, it's never come into my life to get raw crab. Did you eat it?

Of course I did. And how was it? I actually liked it, but my friends kept gagging. And it really, I was like, we're being rude. And then the check came in, it was $150. And I was like, okay, you could puke on the fucking table at this point. These people saw some whiteys come in and were like. And we ordered like, I was like, what should we order?

And the lady just like, our entire table was just filled with shit we did not want to eat. So I was rallying and trying to eat enough to make it like worth the price. But my friend was like dry heaving. She puked outside of a video of her vomiting outside of the car. Now, did you like it at all? If I was with Kalilah or someone that liked it, I would have eaten the entire thing. But they, it's not like they poisoned my idea of it, but it was, it was a new texture that I would have had

to have encouragement to get through yeah that's the same way i feel about have you guys had natto have you had no what is that it's like a fermented bean that it's like in when you get it are you like this is not dough it's kind of like you know how durian some people love it some people there's no in between i sort of like it i sort of don't either like like natto or you don't like natto because it's very slimy and it's a little bit fermented it's like that oh i think i have it looks like cheesy beans the first time i ever had natto i was so sure that i would love it because i'm like what there's so such few things i don't like yeah and i ordered the biggest bowl of natto and that was the first time that like i was so embarrassed to not eat it because when when

i ordered it the um the waiter was like are you sure you've had natto before and i lied i was like yeah of course like i had japanese food my whole life and he was like are you sure i'm like yeah i'm sure and then now i couldn't um i had to double down of course jules was seeing me the tears coming out my eyes and like bubbles coming out my nose. I ate the whole bowl of not though what was so bad about it. It was very late. It was like it's like snot. What's the taste? It tastes like beans. Um, fermented. So it's like fermented snot and I I really tried my best and some people really Jules liked it. I'm like, Of course stupid bitch. Of course you like it. Let's get some of this

for the show. For Nato? Yeah. Yeah, and I really want to like it. I don't want to tip this one over the edge. It doesn't have a bad smell.

We got to get a puke bucket. When you do ayahuasca again, will you take a picture of Esther and I in your pocket? Why? You will be in my heart. I already thought about her

during my ayahuasca trip. Just to think about us and have revelations on our behalf. I will. I already had one in my heart. And see how you really feel in your heart. I already had a whole one and she was like, um, I to think about us and have revelations on our behalf. I will. I already had one. And see how you really feel in your heart.

I already had a whole one. She was like, um. I got so uncomfortable when I talked about drugs. I was like, please. And the energy after an ayahuasca trip is like not okay for anyone else. Like it's so intense. And the people are like, why are you doing this to me? I know.

That's always when bitches start YouTube channels. Like every time like I've seen a girl do ayahuasca, the next day she has a YouTube channel. It's like that or the master cleanse. Right. Like talking about like her revelations and like that I can't relate to it. It's just so personal. I was when I was in Austin, there was this guy. He just looked like a kid that wanted to talk about doing acid.

And he sure was. I was like, everything about you is exactly what you're doing. But so there was my the not my opener. I'm sorry. I was open. I was opening for Bonnie McFarlane. And then there was this kid, Gabe. I can't remember his last name, was the host he was a nice guy but

he um does does not do hallucinogens right so i'm sitting outside with these guys and the acid kid comes up and he's like just launching into stories about acid and the kid's going like i don't i don't do hallucinogens right so that's your cue to back away yeah unless someone asks more questions but so then he's like he starts he goes yeah and then this one time i took three uh tabs of acid and the kid gave the kid gabe just goes i don't is that a lot or a little i don't know i love it leave him alone like i love this leave him alone i'm like you have to stop is that a lot or is it a little that doesn't mean anything anything to me. So then later the kid was like, no, I had a good story to get. I'm like, it's not a good story.

I promise. I've done this to people. I see people's eyes glaze over. But you keep going, girl. Well, that's my thing. She eventually gets you back, though. That's the persistence of Annie is that there might be a momentary glaze, but then she just comes with something even harder and more outrageous.

And you're like, wait, wait, wait, back back up what did you say what did i miss i also know how to draw you in yeah because it has to do with you but what's your what's your advice for someone like me and that guy if someone's coming at us with like drug stuff and we're like bro like i don't care like what could we say to bro i don't care yeah hey you're enlightened you've done you're so good at that esther just like i don't take this personally but i don't care like why would i care this is nothing to do i'm never gonna have this experience she's the best at that actually because one time we were on facetime with a friend of ours and she was a friend of ours was not an anti-vaxxer but definitely you know giving her spiel about why she wasn't gonna get vaccinated which whatever to each his own don't really care but that's exactly what esther she was getting

frustrated just hearing it from around the bend you hear hear her say i don't fucking care guys this doesn't matter i'm so bored just i'm bored just shit pile everyone that starts talking about drugs just like treat them like you've known them for years well that's you know okay this is actually a big topic like you know those people that just want to fight their side yeah like we all have those people in our life that will that will bring up the vaccine like right now it's like the vaccine before it was like something about covid being like real or you know it's like at this point you do you don't tell me about it i saw this there was this like um there's a keanu reeves quote that was like i don't have time to deal with crazy people anymore if you think two

plus two equals five like have at it yeah enjoy your life that then ever since i saw it i'm like leave me out of this this is how i feel like at the comedy store because there's such a range of people at levels of their careers and stuff and i talk to everyone so i'm like you know friends with all the door guys and all the kitchen staff and then all of the big guys too but i always tell them like when they start talking to me about open mics like if you say open mic to me like like I'm out. I go, I have a strict policy that I've passed. Years ago, I worked hard enough to not have to go to open mics.

If you fucking bring an open mic up to me, you're dead to me. I go like, this is your first warning. There's not another warning. Annie, I'm gonna start going to open mics and I'm gonna talk your ear about open mics. You're an exception. But I will pretend like I don't like it

to make you go to open mics. I double down, bitch. This is your... My not-do moment. Not-do. I used to host at the Tribal Cafe. You know that, George.

You used to host what, the AA meeting? No, the open mic. Wait, I've been to that open... When? What years? I've been to that open... Years, Esther, years.

Not just a year. That was the one where you had to buy... They all have to buy something. Is this the one where... It to buy. They all have to buy. Is this the one where? It's the one in Hi-Fi. Do you remember me? No, you were established by the time I was hosting.

Oh, thank you. You were born established, by the way. She was fucking established. That's why you had haters, honestly. I was born with tap shoes on my feet and a top hat on my head. Oh, do you want to, you guys want to hear something so sad about tap dancing? Why? We were having such a good time. We were laughing. We were having joy.

Why would we want to hear something sad about tap dancing? I love poverty. Poverty? Poverati, I'll hear about. If you have a tap dancing story about Poverati, I'm in. Who's Poverati? Oh my God, Poverati, Esther. I feel like you should really know who Poverati is. I feel like of all people, you'd know Pover in. Who's Pavarotti? Oh my God, Pavarotti, Esther. I feel like you should

really know who Pavarotti is. I feel like of all people you'd know Pavarotti. He's one of your alter egos. Luciano Pavarotti. Oh, is he like... Wait, can you sing, Esther? I think anyone can sing

if you get like singing lessons. There's just something in me that's just... It's just you might not be able to sing as much as like big singers, but you can sing something fat singers no like christina aguilera or she did gain weight after the boob job oh my god don't talk about my queens like i think she said it wasn't the boob job it was when she went on um what do you call it

birth control yeah but the one that you take depo provera i was on the dip you were one of them was that the shot yes every yeah that one okay that one i got the shot you don't get your period you're like oh this is so cool six months right there's no free lunch bitch that shit came back i had my period for six months after i got off of it non-stop for six months i give a lot of blowjobs. I'll tell you that. Why did we have to stop eating cereal? Okay, because cereal had so many good feelings around it, but then it's like high in sugar. It's not good for you. You feel guilty. Q magic spoon comes in to save the day. Zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, and only four net grams of carbs in each serving.

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And thank you to Magic Spoon for sponsoring this episode. Kaila, you always dress so cute. You guys want to know my secret? What? It's Stitch Fix. Look, during the pandemic, I was just in sweatpants all day i was like how am i gonna re-enter society like i don't know if i can figure out what i want or what i should be wearing and thankfully for me i now have stitch fix because now i basically have my own

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try it on, and return it. So what's the point? Returns are the worst. Returns are difficult, and you don't have to try things on now too so you have to just take it home try it on so what's the point returns are the worst returns are difficult and you don't have to do that with stitch fix in fact they send you a return bag so if you don't want something you just place it in that like pre with postage already in it and you just send it out the door and there's no subscription required which is awesome so you can try stitch fix once or set up automatic deliveries you'll pay $20 styling fee for each box, which gets credited towards the pieces that you keep. And there's no hidden fees ever. And they have styles and clothing to fit any occasion for women, men, and kids. And they ship all over

the US and available in the UK as well. Get started today at stitchfix.com slash bathgirls and you'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That's stitchfix.com slash bath girls and you'll get 25 off when you keep everything in your fix that's stitch fix dot com slash bath girls for 25 off when you keep everything in your fix stitch fix dot com slash bath girls can we get back to my sad filipino tap dancing story. Are you ready to be sad yet? Always. Okay. So when I was younger, I was just an athlete. My parents gave me no other avenue for anything creative.

I couldn't take painting classes. I couldn't. That's really actually so mean. Nothing. I like to draw and they're like, shut up. Do a burpee.

Yeah, exactly. They would rip the crayons off my hands and be like, do push-ups, bitch. It's Annie's ideal child rearing rearing that's so funny to tell but rayon's out of someone's hand go ahead but you know like they're like put blinders on if you're going to be good at something you're going to have a hundred percent they're right they didn't play they were correct but so there was this tap dancing um group in our international school and i was just like i was just taken i'm having a like a an image in my head of you trying to sneak tap dancing but like

you're trying to sneak out to go tap dancing but you're wearing the shoes already so you're waking your parents up with like the tap tap tap the sad part is the shoes part okay do you think that my parents who wanted me to swim would ever buy tap dancing shoes so i remember looking at bruce and diana just tapping away and i would watch their performances like in secret um these were the popular kids the popular tap dancers in their school and so i asked my parents like can i tap dance and they were like you know shut up eat your meal, we're going to go train, right? So I got, I saved cans of sardines, senorita sardines. And I flattened them, the cans, and I nailed them to my shoes. And after swim practice, I would be in the back of the house and I'd put music on and i would just like tap for hours so this is like when you want when you were a kid and you wanted braces so you would take

that tinfoil i did that too yeah so i tapped for hours so i actually know how to tap but how did you learn to tap you just taught yourself copy copied yeah yeah copied i by the way i could definitely like have i could give you real tap lessons please like i know my shit tap was what i got my start in tap i know my tap only fans only fans did your oh my god the only fans is i started i just went to negative followers on the OnlyFans. Wait, Esther, I'm just imagining your tiny little tap shoes. Patent leather. Oh, my God. Do you ever hang them from the. No, I usually get rid of my dance shoes because my mom doesn't want to keep them.

But I because when I was little, my mom took me to it. I said for some reason, I said, like, I want to tap dance. I went to a tap class and I was they literally were like, she's good enough she can't do it so then I had to like go to like for baby tap I was kind of a baby but how old were you the first-ish grade like I was it weird when all the kids were taller than you always my whole life but so then because I had that first like she can't dance here get out i was like the hunger was there so i studied tap basically from like first grade through senior year of high school so i know my shit this is the story of billy elliott by the way

she's jilly elliott wait that's the play that's the fucking play we write we have to be the mean people that are like no that. That's a musical. I can't write a musical. And then I'm the villain with the tuna can tap shoes, right? Oh my God. That's not a villain. I'm the parent that's tearing the crayons out of your fucking hands. Pushups, bitch.

Oh, it's going to be a Broadway hit. I can see it now. Can I actually be cast as your mom and not just in real life be your parent? Unni, how the heck was Austin? How the Hulk was it? How the Hulk. How the holy. Because Austin is like this new comedy scene and you came in as an LA person.

What was the hype? Was it real or how is that? Well, I was told two things. I was told nobody in Texas wears masks and that there are not homeless people. And I will tell you, I was lied to. I saw a naked woman, a fully naked, unhoused, unclothed human, walk across the street wearing not but to mask.

Okay? So not only are there people wearing, the homeless people are wearing masks. She was completely, I mean, I wish I had filmed it, but I was like, is this revenge porn? Like, I don't know. i can't film this naked woman but she was she wasn't full she was bottomless and bush out shaved head not shaved wow i love that look she was a little overweight yeah when you shave the top but just keep the bottom bushy that That's such a trap. Yeah.

Also, when you FaceTimed me from there, outside of your window was a woman on a bicycle with a tutu but no undergarments. What? Yes, she was... Everyone was crazy. She was a pedicab driver but dressed as like a fairy.

Bottomless. Like vagina? Vagina. Yeah, vagines. And then definitely on meth meth like having meth like which by the way if you're going to be a pedicab driver i think that's the job to do meth but her tutu was so high that it didn't cover any of her bottom so it just are you serious cut off right here right before isn't that illegal the whole thing's i mean i don't know if there are police

anymore i'm pretty sure police are like you def defunded us. You burned our cop cars. Peace. But I, yeah, it was wild. And I just, I will say this about Austin. If you have a set of balls, I would run from that place. Why? Because my ball sack was sticking to my inner thigh and I don't have one. It was, it's so humid.

It's so sticky. And I'm assuming this is actually a good time of year so the sweat it just i can't even i'm into that fully dilated makes me so pretty i don't have eczema my skin is beautiful my hair is fuller in humidity i know a lot of people are afraid of humidity but i my skin is but my i don't i know it's it's she makes it sounds, like I don't want it, but my skin is so much better in humidity. Same. I think everyone's is because you're fully dilated. Okay, let's move to the fucking Austin. Not Austin, though.

We can do Hawaii. We can do somewhere. There's so many other. Dilated, I'm just imagining like crowning. You can't say dilated to me. Yeah, dilated is. I'm thinking like, yeah. Ready to.

Okay, let me try and find another word just well-oiled your your your insides everything is flowing well your heart's operating better better your skin's not flaking off because this is california's a chaperone i'm flaky here look flaky dude my face snows if you if i scratch my eyebrows it starts snowing you have eyebrows dandruff like my skin is so flaky but then when i go back to chicago i'm like oily and like just like dewy do we do you have um dandruff hell yeah i do too well can i suggest why maybe you have dandruff because you use fucking dish soap on your hair no that helps the dish soap has helped did you google this or look this up is

this like on the back of goop magazine or something is this like a secret no i have extremely oil that's the thing my hair is oily i don't know no this is something to be this is a fun thing my hair is oily which i know doesn't make sense because my skin is dry, but my hair gets really oily. So I have to sometimes use dish soap to like, you know those commercials with the little duckies when they're like in oil? Yeah. And they use the Dawn soap.

You're oily because your skin is dry. You know that, right? Really? Yeah. People who, your body is trying to compensate for the dryness and you, and that's the same thing with me so it's like that's why when you overly moisturize the less oily you actually become because your skin doesn't your body's not trying to um oil up the flakes itself

it's so funny how dumb we are and how smart she is well she's a fucking nurse oh my god there's nothing to do with that i'm just i'm just not reading goop magazine i'm not reading there's no such thing as magazine oh there isn't i just think that it's just a website it's a newspaper i have the same thing esther because i have um seborrheic dermatitis so the dandruff doesn't end in the hair the dandruff goes to my cheeks and then to the behind my ear. And it doesn't look like dandruff. It looks like red flaky patches and it onto my chest. Hell yeah. Itchy as fuck.

I have nipple hair dandruff. I have tons. I don't. I just have nipple hair. So would you move to Austin? How is the comedy scene? Why am I? I'm like, will you move to Austin?

The comedy scene is cool. It's really fun. They have a couple clubs right now. Joe's opening up a club. And if it's in the location comedy scene is cool it's really fun they have a couple clubs right now Joe's opening up a club and if it's in the location that he said it's gonna be so fucking cool

but I know they're still looking around but there's a place called the Creek in the Cave that's where Bonnie performed on Bonnie and I performed

Bonnie by the way Bonnie McFarlane is like the funniest bitch on earth I also think she's just the prettiest she's gorgeous she's so smart she's so funny I love her I'm always just like i can't believe you're friends with me

i just she's just so good i was just like crying watching her but so guys go see her if you can do you feel like you would ever go there like oh i'm gonna go to austin for two weeks and like get a bunch of stage time like you would like like previously how maybe you someone would do that in new york would you ever do that in austin now i could see that as a good thing like when i first started comedy in new york i would come to la like twice a year and do like a week of shows and you can kind of clean up in austin it is a smaller scene but they have the creek in the cave and they have this place called the vulcan that's really cool um and i went up there but the problem with the vulcan is it's like a EDM club. So it's like it's got like the stage people around you. Then it goes all the way up like two or three

stories. Then there's another like another floor around you with couches like a nightclub. So when you're performing, the sound all goes up. Like I was 100 percent sure I bombed. Like I was like, I can't believe I'm fucking bombing. I was like sure i bombed like i was like i can't believe i'm fucking bombing i was like sweating i was like what do you guys want and i got off stage my boyfriend all my friend everyone was like oh my god you just killed and i'm like are you fucking fucking with me and they're like no dude and all these girls i was getting all these dms people like you were i'm like are you fucking because i was and i'm telling you that's another reason why i don't want to live in austin when i physically sweat on stage more than just my armpits,

because it's a symptom of bombing, I bomb. In my head, I'm bombing. Wait, where do you sweat other than your armpits? Like your vagina or your chichis? Thank you for calling it a genie. It's granted many wishes for fat men. Many, many fat men. You just rub it and, okay. Where where do you i want to know where you sweat in the butt crack well yes it was swamp well because i can only fit in sweatpants

at this point and i refuse to buy i'm not buying a new size it's like i'm a size four till the seems pop bitch like i do not care but i'm like so i'm like high wasting these fucking grandpa sweatpants hell yeah I love that I am sweating nobody you know everyone's wearing sweatpants in LA yeah nobody's wearing sweatpants in Austin that's funny it's not even a question are they all in jeans they're all in like jeans and shorts and like they know what they're doing they're like we need airflow I was swamp assing but it was it was like from my the part of my head from my zenith down like i was fucking sweating do you do you ever sweat because i only get it right here in my mustache underneath my um eyebrows kurt braunhofer calls it the moist moist ash oh it's

that's the most embarrassing one is this the face sweat but only in select areas how about when your fake eyelashes catch the drips like the right like it's raindrops coming in from i mean i just was like you'd get the salt in your eyes i mean i really was just sweating crazy my hair extensions just felt so heavy i was like what the it was don't you ever feel good that you sweat like you're that's like good for you well i don't want to brag but i did go to 8 a.m hot yoga today you did i did guys wow i did that's why being 10 minutes late was very upset i was trying to like forgive myself for that but a series of events happened unfolded and i was 10 minutes late good for you but i got up so early i was like i'm gonna be early

speaking of edm and the vulcan were you guys did you ever go through an edm phase no ever okay well i went through i went through an edm and m's phase oh i did yeah but you guys never listened like i went to the swedish house mafia like farewell tour i could never tell these things to bobby So I'm never, this is a secret between us and this podcast. But like I had a really, like I was really into, I like everything. So when EDM was a thing, it also was a thing in my heart. Why did you like it? Just good old party days, you know?

What does it mean to you? Like just, it's like electronic dancing. It means Ibiza. Ibiza being like you know just a ratchet bitch in europe and can i tell you why i don't like it because i'm so self-conscious with my dancing and my singing i can't like let loose the way you have to when you're at an edm concert you can't be self-conscious at medium it's not like broadway would let say they don't dance and sing that's the thing about it's true you're not wrong

you do have to proceed with abandon there's a very obvious beat that you could be very obviously not on but it's the best type of music to not dance to because you're actually just in the crowd and then I don't know people are dancing I like the people you know they're doing their little liquid

yeah but you have more pressure if you're dancing to R&B. Like, because then you really have to, EDM is just boom, boom, Are you just jumping? Yeah.

Jumping's hard too. You can do that. Although, yeah, jumping sucks. I'm so embarrassed about my, my, Why are you embarrassed?

I like musical theater. You should be embarrassed about your bummer story about tap dancing. My sardine can. I like musical theater. You should be embarrassed about your bummer story about tap dancing. My sardine can.

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mental health again that's betterhelp.com slash bloodbath so annie so esther you're you're um what do you call it um when someone can sing dance and act a triple threat you're a triple threat right you're a triple threat my parents wouldn't agree but i'll take it i think you're a triple threat i think you can do it all what do they say i can't sing i caught them on a hot mic my mom basically saying like i feel bad for her she's not gonna get apart oh i've walked into my parents twice saying why was your mom on mic because i a long time ago i made i was making this like was it her play she wasn't casting you in no i shot a pilot for hbo like seven-ish years ago where i went back to my this is like a horrible story this is what i want to hear it must have been when we weren't friends a very big production company was like a very big producer was like i want to do this harvey weinstein no wait is he my neighbor no okay no it's a very big female producer and

so she's like i want to do this so she's so basically like hbo and funny or die like sent me i went to my hometown i went to my parents house My high school theater program was having like a 50th anniversary where they were allowing alumni to audition. So I went with cameras and like this like big producer came and was like at my parents' house with me and we were like filming. And so I was prepping for my audition. And that's when we caught my mom on a hot mic saying like, I just feel bad for her.

She's not going to get anything. I auditioned for the musical. Cameras are there. My teacher knows. I don't get a role. At all. I get the offer to be in the chorus. I was so embarrassed.

And then like we sent in like the footage and then like the producer called and was like, well, you don't really have a role. So we don't, there's not really a show here. Like how dumb is the person casting that they weren't like HBO will follow this entire, where maybe they were trying to be funny. It was so sad.

This is like so traumatizing. I think it was a flex for my high school and i also think that they didn't want to do it how terrible were you as a high schooler that they the whole school is against you were you coming in cocky cast away fame were you coming in cocky like hey guys alum here no i was not cocky at all i was like i was also so nervous and i kind of blamed my parents because they like had you they were like so involved in the process when i really needed like my own time to prepare no i kind of became a big joke and i didn't really take it seriously because i figured like whatever

ultimately i think it wouldn't have worked out because they said that the school wouldn't sign off on like students appearing on camera now i think there was there had to have been a way to work around that but i think but it maybe was never gonna happen so that killed the project yeah oh my god that's so funny and then there and then i tried to get it going in another way because then i wanted to do it where i just went to a random high school and was like can i be in oh my god if this ended up just being a series of you getting rejected it'd be so funny i think that it can be a thing now i would love that i would love nothing more they should have just fucking cast you should win every role and also you look younger than these high schoolers oh we can't put any high schoolers on stage okay i'll play every single

role i know they put tig in army of the. They can put you as every character. Which, by the way, she's getting such good reviews. It's insane what they did. So what they did is they blurred everything in the background. And Zack Snyder said he did it on purpose. What do you mean? Ahead of time, like for the look of it. They completely defocused the background. You know when you take like a portrait picture on your phone?

So everything in the background is completely unfocused. And it makes it easier to put Tig in. picture on the phone. So everything in the background is completely unfocused and it makes it easier to put Tig in. So they completely took Chris out of the movie and then they put her in it. So she's like green screened every single scene, every scene. Like she hasn't met some of the stars of the movie. Oh, that must have been really hard for her. I mean, imagine you're like, we're going to give you an action starring role. We don't have much time. There's all this controversy around it and go.

And also it was originally written with the idea of a man playing that role. So the fact that she had to even like, kind of like, you know what I mean? She had to do that gymnastics of. But it is like one of these things where it's like, I do feel like I feel bad for D'Elia cause I think he would have crushed it like i think he probably really he's a good actor i really think like and i think it would have just because it was like the comedic

relief role you could just see like i really i think i wish i could have seen i think it's obviously a weird situation but i do think it's cool that tig got the opportunity since like she probably wouldn't have otherwise and the fact that she's getting such a positive reaction people are loving it like and all the pictures she looks really cool i'm i'm down yeah no i mean i think it's it's also like funny to get a woman i mean it's like that's like what's his name Kevin Spacey when he got replaced by like a 90 year old Christopher Plummer it's so funny oh yeah remember that

and Christopher Plummer killed it I want to tell you my auditioning story it's worse than yours so I went in for my middle school was doing Little Orphan Annie this was like the one hiccup in time where I was in public school for like a year and a half

headaches, had to take half a year off but um they made me wear sunglasses in school so I was either the kid wearing sunglasses in school or I was getting homeschooled you were homeschooled for six months? and then also in

high school I got homeschooled too for a little bit because my ex-boyfriend was dating. Becky, Becky. My ex-boyfriend was secretly dating, and the school was so small that it was crazy, so I ended up getting homeschooled for mental health. Me too. Oh, my God, Annie. Who pays for that?

For mental health because I was put on so many 5150 holds. I like calling 5150 because they were- Oh, we're starting to really- I call them brain holds. We're understanding these tattoos a lot more. Oh yeah, I was a big cutter. You've never been a cutter. Not yet.

There's, look at a black belt part right here. Oh no. No, but my last couple months in high school was in one classroom with my history teacher who took all of my work from all of my other teachers and piled them on my table so he could keep an eye on me and my uh my history teacher picked me up from from um my house and my um english teacher dropped me off drove me home they wouldn't even because i was taking the bus at that time treatment that i would like they were like look this girl is smart she's clearly having a really hard time with her mental health we need to just propel her forward because i used to be a straight a student we're

like we just she just needs a little bit of help right now so these teachers rallied behind me they didn't want me taking the bus because god knows i would have ended up somewhere fucking you know trying to kill myself oh my gosh And they just kept a really close eye on me. And granted, I graduated with, like, straight Ds, but I cannot believe how much they cared about me. I'm so jealous you had Ds. I've never had Ds. Did you ever cheat on test by carving the answers into your arms with a razor blade? Oh, my cheating tactics.

I'm telling you. I cheated well, dude. I cheated in a way where it's like, why didn't I just study? Program, yeah. your arms with a razor blade oh my cheating tactics i i'm telling you well dude i cheated in a way where it's like why didn't i just study it was i okay i had a fucking teacher who i set this up for like six months i always did the long con yeah i said uh i was like oh it's really easy i'm very tactile learner so it's easier if I sculpt during class like I so I would bring a piece of clay into like science class. I would like I just I was like, oh, these learning I have these alternative ways of learning. So then I started like a couple weeks before this exam. I was like, yeah, me of being a con man. I told the teacher that I needed to listen to this cassette tape that I had been studying with. So he said, okay, he okayed it ahead of time. So I recorded on my little cassette, my little boom box, I recorded all the answers onto one half of the cassette. And then the other half was like bird sounds, you know. And then so I

played it for him in the beginning of class I go I'm not cheating like here it is so I played him that side and then I flipped it and but I fucked up I didn't put time in between the answers so I couldn't write as fast as I was talking so I kept pausing and like I was like oh my god I have to run so I go into the bathroom like I just had to be like I have diarrhea like I was in the bathroom a million times and And it was so much harder than just studying. Yeah, it is so much harder. The only person you cheated is yourself. That's true.

Can they revoke a degree or a diploma if you say that you've cheated? I'm just not going to specify where I cheated. Pharmacology was a very hard thing for a lot of students, but it came easy to me. And I'm just going to leave it at that but the best way to do it in high school when you didn't have when you couldn't program into your um in your calculator obviously some of the answers for like calc and stuff like that um you bring a water bottle but you take out the plastic in the water bottle and you write all of the answers behind a water bottle so when you look at your bottle the answers are

all behind it oh my god and they're like magnified yes and you could get caught with that one really hard i don't know but that not in high school because then they weren't really looking for ingenious ways i like to call it you know to cheat like one time i had a whole cast in my arm or my right arm and i just put little paper scrolls through it and if i needed an answer i just would pop it out pop it out i did my brother and i my twin and i were taking driver's ed in philly we had to take like a whole class we took my parents had like one of those old school xerox machines where you could keep xeroxing it at a lower and just make things smaller and smaller we took the like pamphlet of all the questions for the test and we shrunk it down to like this size caught like it was multiple choice

like did all the right answers on it stapled it and just handed them out to everyone so we are probably like responsible for some vehicular manslaughter and the northeast Philadelphia area in the late 90s early 2000s you never cheated Esther ever not really like I don't have any vivid memories of it I like my I was always when it came to test taking I was always the first person to turn the test in and like for better or worse like I just I was very adamant and Dave like always gets on me about this like in my adult life but I was like I know what I know and I know what I don't know so I rushed through every test because I was I'm never the type that's gonna sit there and be like hmm do I remember this I'm like no I know it or I

don't so I would just like speed through my test always be the first person to hand it in and then sometimes I would even like stand there and be like grade it right now in front of me oh my god I'd be like what was she was born i'd be like wait what was this one what was this one like i was yeah wow that wouldn't even try for the things you didn't know would you ever direct something i would yeah i would love to direct i feel like that's her next i feel like that's truly who i am you could quadruple threat i think you have to be really good at one of those things to be a threat. And I don't think anyone views me as that. Don't even say that.

Esther, you're my little mini mogul. Thank you. We're going to manifest it because that's truly who you were meant to be. You're my mini mole. The animal. Should we banana break? Yeah, let's banana break. While we banana break, let me finish this fucking story about how I went to audition for Little Orphan Annie.

Yes. And I just got myself to a place where I thought I was going to be able to pull it off. Like, I didn't think the nerves were going to come in. How old were you? I was 11 be able to pull it off. Like I didn't think the nerves were gonna come in. How old were you? I was 11 or 12. I go in and they're like, why do you think you should be cast as Annie? And I said, cause I'm Annie.

Like thinking that would work. And then I just bombed. It was the heat coming to the top of my head, boiling over, humiliation I feel every time I sing. I don't know if they try to get us to dance. Guess what I got, what part I got? What? Usher. I don't know if they try to get us to dance guess what I got what part I got what usher my twin brother

and I were ushers oh my god we didn't even let us be in the fucking chorus not even usher usher not to brag but in my high school theater you had to do crew in order to qualify to audition so I knew

all the jobs who did your work for you i we i i feel like it's actually i take this as a compliment because you think i'm you when you say that what crew job were you doing built like we we had to do everything you could not get away you had to do you had to work like you had to paint like someone told you what to do like i wouldn't know how to build like you had to paint like someone told you what to do like i wouldn't know how to build a set but it's like okay today you're gonna like paint this backdrop paint you know did they did they make you build the ladder you needed to be able to paint this stuff i have this project that i'm doing and everyone's like kalilah you

talk for a living this should be easy peasy for you. And you guys, when we practiced this thing, I crumbled. Of all the people in the room that don't talk for a living, I'm the one, I'm the only one that crumbled. Sweat mustache, everything. I'm like, what happens? Like, what is it about? It's a fear of being judged by people that you either are viewing as like powerful or like it's like not having control of your life in that moment right like you're giving your power to

these other people that's why you have to like really just be that's why whenever i do something that's high stress i give myself the honesty of it and i always say it like if i'm like oh i'm fucking nervous right now like i'll always be like just say it to kind of get it out there. And I think people like that. I don't know. Well, that's what I do. You guys, I'm so nervous. I've never done this before. And then the Filipino accent just comes out so strong because I'm trying not to have a Filipino accent.

No, have the accent. Then it's like, good morning, guys. You know, happy to be here. I'm like, oh, my God. And then I just spiral because I'm like, oh, they know it. They picked up the accent. I have an idea an idea what get some sardine cans okay if you tap dance in you'll be able to do it from a distance on zoom just yeah i have i have advice for you and you saying you're really nervous about whatever you're doing it may not help like today or tomorrow but

everything is better with practice yeah so it's like you're not going to be good at something the first time you do it and you should just like be okay with that and know that like you'll have to probably do it five ten times and then you'll be good so whenever i'm not good at something now i'm just like it's just a practice thing it's not me it doesn't reflect poorly on me i'm not bad at this i just haven't done it enough so podcasting how we we need to hit our 10 000 hours before i finally hit my my stride no but really like it is it is that thing and because if you take the feelings you're having personally then it's you're fucked yeah i also have um i don't know if this is an appropriate thing to say out loud but i i have the gaze of powerful older not young older white men

really does something to my psyche i don't know if it was because of my father being like a very like commanding force and he was like a very like he was a you know scary white man i went to psych i went to undergrad psychology for eight years yeah okay my mom wrote all my papers but i can say yes that is what it is not george kimmel like he's my age whatever we're fine but if it's like an exact type i i'm so i feel so disconnected to their world that i don't know how to tell them who i am what if you could instead place the good parts you thought about your dad and just assume that they love you like a daughter would that work it could what i. What I do now is I look at each person and I'm like, oh, you know, I just look at them like it's just a job.

It's just a job they're doing. They don't want to fucking be here. I don't want to fucking be here. We just got to get through it. Some people, when they do a pitch on Zoom, will make it so you only see yourself. So you don't even look at those people. I don't know, this insecure bitch.

The gorgeous, she's so gorgeous. She's like even look at those people i don't know this insecure bitch gorgeous gorgeous she's like look at my shoulders our supermodel friend who complains about our broad shoulders george do you have any surprises for us all right new segment alert i do look like a hot cholo we should should. I know. I'm about to fuck. I'm about to hit. You want me to hit? Yeah. You look like a guy in Santa Fe. I would fuck this Santa Fe dude.

I would fuck this shit. Look at you. And you look like, I can't tell that you have tits too. So it looks like you have like a ripped body. And you would definitely have like chest tattoos. And I would have peeners like the little V cuts right here. If I had a neck tattoo right now, I think all you bitches would ride my face. I would be, we would have to move that camera because I would have slid right off this chair. Well, our father, we're going to confess to you.

This is called the confession booth. Where nasty, naughty Annie and Esther confess our sins to Father Coloco. And I'm here to dole out your penance, basically. Yeah. We're going to start with, bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Okay. My turn? Yes, Esther.

Okay. Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. May the Lord help you to confess your sins, dear Esther. Okay. So this is a confession really to the people present here. So recently I've had a lot of out-of-town dates that have made it really difficult for George to schedule this show. And I said that I was going to be gone June 8th. And I was a little shady about when I would come back.

I said the 20th. But then, no. I said I was shady about when I was coming back, kind of like left it up in the air. And then I heard that Annie was going to be out of town. And then I was like, oh, well I can stay in Skokie four extra days now. And so I may or may not have extended my trip, but said I was coming back on the 20th, but I'm'm gonna stay home longer because andy's not gonna be here do you guys remember just moments ago when esther said i really need this podcast to make money that is not bad what i did because you won't be here

anyway children children please children um let me see let me scroll down go hard father the archbishop has her hail mary is hail mary to another podcast hail mary your ass to another podcast bitch i can't believe i really played the game and gave a real confession and everyone's mad at me you like it though you're thriving right now happy look esther do you thrive off negative reinforcement yes wow i'm now learning this i almost feel like i shouldn't give you a penance and tell you it's really not a big deal so that you don't get the the feeling of victory i know it's not a big deal bitch because i she's not gonna be here anyway listen bitch for your penance you're no longer my child you're not my bitch

for your penance the biggest spank battle is what i'm gonna go with the littlest well actually it's a pretty big ass pick a part of your body oh look there's air going wow this looks like a the filipino game sunka where you put a little marble it looks like um uh white castle burgers wait why because white castle burgers have holes in them. They do? Oh, my God. You've never had it. Choose a body part, Esther.

Booty. Okay, let's go. Oh, my God. Don't go too hard because I'm... Little. Oh, my God. She's so cute. She wants to get spanked.

Don't go too hard. She's a bad girl. She's bad. I can't believe OnlyFans is getting this, or pre-OnlyFans is getting this. Wait, give me the other cheek too. You can't just give your right cheek. Also, you're gonna hit the mic.

Don't ruin our- What if I poop my pants? If you fart and fall forward, I will die laughing. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Swipe. Oh my God, she touched your pussy. I felt it. I got a little wet.

Father got a little happy there. I have to go to the bathroom. Oh my God. Did you pee pee white stuff? Did you pee pee white stickies? Don't say that. Did you snail it out? It tickled.

That is actually more punishing is tickle than pain yeah i think so yes tickling is the worst have you guys seen the tickle documentary yeah what esther please watch it's worse it's worse than being molested andy don't say that listen as molested guys i don't know if you've heard in a couple episodes last night i did a show and Nick Thune was on the lineup and I cannot remember what the thing was that we were talking about. But he goes, well, good thing you weren't molested. And I went, wrong girl. I went, Nick, wrong girl.

I thought we were friends. I was like, uh. And then he was like. Someone did not say that. I swear to God. And I was like, uh. Like, what do I do? Because if I don't say anything, I'm like a liar.

Because he'll just, the minute he hears my name again, it's going to be attached to being molested. Someone did not say that to you. So then I had to be like, I was like, oh. And he goes, I go, oh, I got teacher, like, banged or whatever. And he goes, oh, well, at least you were older. I was like, well, there was a thing when I was little too. But anyway, just have a good set.

Annie, my child. Yeah, what is this big confession? Okay. Dear father, I have sinned. Forgive me, father. Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. This is the letter home. Okay.

I already see your sins. They're two. They're looking at me. That's your punishment. You better watch me tweak my nips. Oh, my God. The pixelating is going to be crazy. The pixelating budget.

Well, we'll use it for all the times we can't record because you're out of town. Oh my God. We all have out of town dates except for Kalilah mostly, but you're bad too. Oh, I'll have out of town dates. You, schedule-wise, are the nightmare of the world. There's a few reasons why. Your personality, your temperament, your attachment style. I have to go see my grandma.

The one who hates you? She doesn't like you. She got a new house, so I want to see it. We knew there was a twist. Do you think you're going to get it? Are you like, oh, I'll put my bed here? No, I'm not getting shit. In the long list, where are you in the running for inheriting the house?

Literally, don't you know the story? I asked her for a dirty old vintage sweatshirt that I found in her closet. And she said she had to think about it. And then two months later, she gave it to my sister. I'm getting nothing. Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. May the Lord help you help forgive your sins, my dear child. Years, years, years, years, years ago, I was house-sitting for a friend.

And I found her vibrator. Oh. I cleaned it off. I put it in a sock. And I used it. I then cleaned it again, put it back a sock and I used it. I then cleaned it again, put it back in the drawer. During or before crabs? It was well after the crab.

How old were you? My child, could parasites have jumped onto this said vibrator. No, but the funny part is I did find out very soon after that she has herpes. And I was like, would that not be the greatest way to get herpes ever? Like the most deserving way to get herpes?

You assaulted her vibrator. I never told her. Wait, is that a crime though? I'm trying to see because you know we're all about consent and all these things like sharing sex toys like what is the

what are the rules for that it's bad I would not if someone used something of mine that would be really gross

would you share well yeah I would never touch one of yours do you share toothbrush with Dave like in an emergency

in a pinch no not in an emergency in a pinch no not in an emergency here cholo god is ready to give you your penance oh my god please give me my penance you honestly i'm so attracted to you right now you look like manny from good girls you look like manny from modern family but uh it's a baggy shirt i love him no he's so cute if you go to texas looks like him, by the way. Okay, so let me see. You almost gave yourself herpes, dear child. I'm going to go ahead and say that God has already punished you enough

with your teacher and all of these things. So I'm going to have you choose your punishment today. Do you get to live out your karma after it happens to you? Yes. Like revenge karma? What do you mean? I'm like karma after it happens to you like revenge karma i'm like i got molested by my teacher and now for now and i'm fucking putting my pussy juice on everyone's fucking vibrator in my life no you don't because because you'd be perpetuating the hurt hurt you know hurt people hurt people i know i don't want to hurt anyone. And I would never do it again. I would never do it again. Annie, Annie, dear child,

how would you want, how would you like me to punish you today? Spank her and the pussy. Spank my pussy? You want it to be spanked? Hold on, give me the other way. Spank my ass, but spank my ass like, no, I think that's going to hurt.

No, no, no, the black one? Yeah. Well, you chose it. Spank my, okay. I'm gonna make you spank the thing yourself. You could spank it with your pussy. Okay. Rude.

Ew, ew. I'll see you soon. I could spank it with my, that's very rude, Kalilah. Come here, dear. Oh my God. Wait, do I do the crab? Hold on. Wait, camera though, camera.

Oh. Oh no, it's gonna hurt. Oh! wait camera though camera oh oh my god we didn't really hurt a little bit he was right at the fat of your pussy too oh this looks a good whip i implore you to find a skinny part of my pussy. I had too much fun doing that. See, but that's what I have envy about. Having, I always wanted a fat pussy. I do have a little bit of a, like, I do have a Venus mound.

Like, it is like, there's meat there. Like, not meat. Oh, God. Can we just get rid of our male audience so we can just talk to girls? But, yeah, no, I have a, I have like like a guys don't care guys care don't guys are down i just don't like explain i don't want people to know i mean you can see my tits but just like in swim team and swim team i always like if i'm standing sideways you can see like the pad like here yeah right here yeah but see that's what i like and that's what guys unfortunately for you that's what that's what guys like because like i have a friend who

never wears a plain colored tights because you just see her giant pussy mound i don't even know really what you're talking about and i'm just gonna stay out of it like here here esther touch if you touch mine i have nothing like just do i have sure put put your um put your hand right on my pubis like my pubic area and then compare it to annie like no here right here it's bony right and touch annie's that there's a very slight difference oh i really don't know if i'm doing it right but i'm not picking up on it's cute i don't know i think it's this episode is over well baby slugs slugs are us home slugs it's time to say goodbye yet again thank you for

joining us today was a mess today was a mess for me to have just gotten my pussy slapped and you to say a mess is so disrespectful you got your pussy slapped and i was like go home bitch yeah she was like on your way wrapped um thank you for listening as always please like this video subscribe to this channel comment for that algorithm and guys tell your girlfriends tell your girlfriends if you're a guy watching just like i can't believe i'm a guy watching this you have to have like a girlfriend a mom a sister a lover anything tell them we want we love our ladies in fact we guarantee your moms will love this show that's a guarantee it is a weird mom show which doesn't make any sense but my mom and like my aunts like yeah same they like it i don't know why well people not that i read comments but

sometimes i do but some one of the comments was towards me was like i can't believe annie would like talk that way in front of esther's parents i'm like they watch the show yeah they don't care they watch it we're proud of our products we want you to just spread the joy to your female companions of your life so please do that to the girls and boys what no pussy whipping at home okay oh yeah don't try this at home unless you have your own coloco we'll see you guys next week bye guys