Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - French Fries & Lingerie w/ Rick Glassman

Episode Date: September 14, 2021

Thank you to our Sponsors:   Manscaped - Get 20% off + free shipping with code TRASH at https://www.manscaped.com Stitch Fix - Go to https://stitchfix.com/tuesday and get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix  Ettitude - Get 20% off your order, plus free shipping, when you visit https://ettitude.com/tuesday and enter promo code TUESDAY  Nutrafol - Go to https://nutrafol.com and enter code TRASH to save $15 off your first month’s subscription + free shipping Trash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Subscribe to our YouTube: https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons Official Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8X Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: George Kimmel & Pete Forthun Editor: Gabby Galon --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/trashtuesday/message

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Hi slugs. Today is a wild ride. I'm coming on the road. You can get tickets at esteronice.com. I'm coming to Portland and San Francisco and New York this fall. Portland is almost sold out. So if you're coming, get your tickets. And also go to SleepoverByEsther.com for this week's new drop. Can't wait for you guys to see how cute it is. And if you've never seen Esther do stand-up, trust me, it's fantastic. Go to Stand-Up Comedy slash Trash Tuesday to get some tickets today.

That's fake. You look really good. Why are you not wearing lingerie? Um, I, uh... No, I'm not kidding. I thought this was a lingerie fucking themed episode. You didn't tell Rick? George? He told me. Are you wearing it? it no would you like me to leave oh my god hi rick hi you guys look exactly the same george look at

you're making me do that's a whole show are you gonna take your mask off yeah i just don't want my jaw to hit the floor you look so. You look so much better than me. It's not fair. Yeah, how unusual. So unusual, Lester. It's true. What I don't understand is I was driving here and like a few cars started to back up, which has never, ever seen that happen before on my way here.

Guess who's holding up all the traffic on your street? But Ricky Glassman ricky glassman what was happening on my street what was that move about you had to pull over to to talk on the phone yeah so i stopped on the side of the street because i was talking to somebody and i didn't want to lose signal and i put my hazards on and the woman behind me, I'm sorry, the person behind me, but didn't know to just go around. So then the person behind her. So you're saying you're not at fault here. You're not taking the blame. Oh, yeah, I stopped.

They had to go around me. So it's my fault. Yeah. OK. But it had a man. Oh, my God. Like had Esther been driving. Yeah, it was just a little, you know, know i stopped the person didn't know to go around esther needed to find something to complain about

nobody just of course at the center of it all it's fucking ricky glassy on the phone you're right we don't have a lot of gridlock traffic on this street so um you'd i think esther's right yeah me too it was yeah yeah yeah this. It was, yeah, yeah, yeah. This has been fun. Welcome. Thanks for having me. I know it's a lingerie themed episode, but I'm just. I know, where's yours?

I was really looking forward to yours the most. This is my lingerie. Let me see, let's break this down. Sure, well, when I was single, I would have. Why is that funny? It's hard to imagine me single. What? It's weird, imagine me single. What?

It's weird. Esther, you get comedy so much, so I don't know why you're asking me about that. I genuinely don't get it. Yeah, I know. We'll fill it in with conversations with your parents. Let's go, Ricky. Let's move it along.

Oh, so I would have a woman come over and I would have her watch a sketch of mine or something. Oh my God. That is so fucking disturbing. It's a joke. It's not a joke. I know it's not a joke. I feel like it's really not a joke.

So you'd invite a girl over to have sex with her and before you- No, that's not why I invited a girl over. Okay, then why? First of all, I said a woman. Because they don't like to be called girls. Why do you- What do you mean they? They woman because they don't like to be called girls why do you what do you mean they they adult females do not like to be called i love being called a dirty little girl but you are a dirty little girl get the fuck out yeah you're gonna lock eyes yeah how long well i don't want to look down otherwise i'll have to

i won't be able to stand up i have back issues issues. I got a rower. Imagine me and Rick having sex, honestly. That's a disaster. Why are you giving him sexual attention? I get why you have Esther here. It's like, it's work to have to look at her. So the eye doesn't really go there. Esther, do you want me to give you sexual attention? No, no, no, no, no, no.

Just have some work done. Actually, yeah, Rick, Give me some sexual attention. Yes, I want to hear this. Please, please. We love you, Betty. Let's, you know, let's... Trust me, Betty is not concerned. She ought to not ever be

considering she's a supermodel. I'm like a great friend for guys because the girlfriends are never upset or concerned about me. I thought you were really cute. I was like, oh, I'll keep my eyes open just in case. What does that mean?

This little whore just slips, slides in there. With Bobby. Yeah, with Bobby. Bobby would throw up on me faster than Rick would. Like, I actually think Bobby is less attracted to me than even Rick. Well, the difference is Bobby would get to a place where he could throw up. Bobby would be like, I'll try it.

No, I don't think he would. Ladies and gentlemen, Bobby Lee. We don't have... We don't have him. We don't have a cut to technology on this show. Yeah, we don't have your budget. The Ricky Glassman budget.

You know what? With animation. It's not just about a budget. It's about caring what you make. And sometimes you have to cover it up with tits. Sometimes you have a good product. We'll be right back after a word.

Come take your shoes off. You still haven't given Esther sexual attention. I need to see this. No, I want to know what do you really feel. Can we move? What is this? You get to just go like this. You can't micromanage in this house, Rick.

This ain't your fucking setup. What's going on with your attitude right now? It's up to George. Look, I gave myself the fake tattoos. Oh my God, that's so hot. Esther, show me more. The naked lady. Are you attracted to the naked lady on my hairy thigh?

Esther, you aren't ugly. You aren't anything. You know what you are? You know what you are? You know what you are? You look like when they're making people, they start with this like, you are the shape of a pawn, right? Like on a chess piece. Just like this. They start with this.

The curves are there. Yes. And then they're like, let's turn this into something. You have yet to be turned into something. You have all the potential in the world. And you're wasting it, flaunting those tits they're really not even they you can't really see them i had to cover them up as i was leaving the house i got in trouble from whom my my i want to say like something like creepy like dad vibes vibes, but it's not. It's because I got in trouble leaving the house.

So, you know, your parents, but no, Dave, my fiance. Oh, do you play daddy? No. Daddy talk with him at all? Do you? He wouldn't. Oh, I do daddy talk with everybody. How does it work?

How does it sound like when it's not everybody? What does it sound like when it's really like, like intimate? No, it's like, I think my whole life i've always been sort of this like dominating figure in in the bedroom and now i've i've turned a corner i want to be absolutely dominated i want to just be like bound and beaten and so the daddy talk is new to me but i'm really enjoying it hey shut your mouth esther go sit over there i am sitting over there there i'm gonna put up a fight though because i'm not a natural submissive person so like you really just gotta fucking like take me out because i will resist are you promoting abuse look real

abuse is there's a very very thick line there between real abuse and fantasy. Very thick line. Explain to me just the thick line. I get the other side. Show me your thick line. Stop it. Stop it. Ew, ew, ew.

Sorry, Betty. Hubba hubba. No, I want to know from Rick, how do I look? Shut up for a second. Esther, we did some Rick and Esther have a time. And I did a joke on there where I just went like pretending to cock suck. Ew! Yeah.

The stuff you guys talk about on this podcast. We're women. And the way you look is disgusting. So for you to call me out for that is nuts factory. We are women. It's empowering for us to talk about empowering yeah oh i thought you were girls we're both we're whatever we want yeah i i thought i would come across likable on this podcast and i can't with her yeah i couldn't i i thought i was gonna come in and you i even said when you're

like oh oh whose fault is that i'm like it was my fault hey i'm cool but this fucking coos over here is making jokes wait rick so break down your lingerie please women uh-huh are attracted to a lot of different things but but in the vending center of the body yeah what do you think women are attracted well here's what women are um usually most everyone has their own things here's where the Venn diagrams I'm saying like a lot of overlap is confidence right a way to feel safe with that person now listen you want to be dominated but you don't want to be dominated with someone who thinks really I'm not done pineapple I need I need yes that's not a good safe word can I tell you why because pineapples are the symbols of swingers really yes like literally if you go

to like a cruise and you wear things covered in pineapples like couples will come up to you and be like hey like pineapple is calling the sex in i didn't know that yeah we actually walked past one of our neighbor's house has a pineapple outside and we were like is this what we think it is could you ever could you guys ever be swingers? Ever at any point in my life or now? Yeah. Sha la la la la la, don't be shy. You do look like a pawn.

Go on and kiss the girl. Whoa, whoa. Okay, break down. Sorry. Your lingerie. Girl would come over. Why can't you go to her? Because I'm the alpha.

I'm a real alpha. A real alpha male. I don't know. I guess a girl comes over. It's easier for all parties. Yeah. For you? Yeah.

Okay. Keep going? But I mean, there's got to be a transaction, right? I mean, she has to be getting something from me. That's why I show her my sketches. So then she'll come over. No, I'm comfortable be getting something from me. That's why I show her my sketches. So then she'll come over and, no, I'm comfortable. I'm dressed comfortable.

They're like, oh, you know what she's thinking? Whoa, I put on silly ears, some lipstick, put on a rosier of my nice set of tits. And all I had to do was show up and be who I really am. I like this guy. So now she feels less than you because she had to try hard. No. Now she feels more comfortable to be herself around me. That makes me feel more comfortable that if I have an issue with like performance anxiety,

then I could be like, well, hold on. Let's just, you know, watch something. Is that something you actually have? Yeah. Performance anxiety? For sex? Anything I'm performing, including sex. Yeah.

Do you have a sad penis? No. Happiest part of my body. I have a sad perspective. Do you rate yourself after? Do you rank it compared to other times you've had sex? What's the anxiety coming from? I would get scared that I don't like having... I never wanted to have sex right away.

It wasn't like we got to meet each other's families. But on a first date or a second, I didn't want to have sex right away. It wasn't like we got to meet each other's families. But on a first date or a second, I didn't want to have sex. But I had this thing built in where I feel like if I don't have sex with her, then she's going to think I'm a loser. So I felt like this need to have sex. And that made me always feel uncomfortable. So if I got to the place where it's like, let's not have sex now. Let's put on some sweatpants. Watch some of my old videos.

Like the pilot that we did. And then it's like, oh, you know what? Hey, look. Daddy's hard. Okay. Daddy's hard. It's one way of daddy playing. Okay, but okay. So now we'll have sex. Or we don't have to. But I can. The door's been unlocked. I need the door to be on. I can't get hard until somebody says I can. Do you announce it like that? Daddy's hard. It depends on the energy.

No, I've never said that like that. Daddy's hard. You know. Uh-huh. I'm into that. You are? I mean, just I've turned a corner, Esther. What I like is really strange these days.

You know what? I'll say this. What I need is like because you're like, you kind of have to get, you have to watch your own sketches. That's a joke. That's a joke. I don't think it was. I think you're realizing it after the fact that you need to say,

are you busting my balls or do you really, are you that far removed from bits that you think I have girls come over and they watch that guy in his friend's sketches from 2010 where I'm pretending I'm in SNL, that guy and his friend's sketches from 2010 where I'm pretending I'm in SNL. That guy and his friend. In SNL? No, I don't have them watch my sketches. Well, I was going to say, because you made it seem like you kind of are nervous to get,

and you can't really, you're not sure you're going to get it up. I'm scared of the obligation, the assumption. So I need to get it across quickly. And I would say this, like, hey, listen, i am probably going to be too scared to have sex and if that's what you think is going to be happening tonight we can't do that tonight okay let's do this we're on a date i'm at your house right and say change and wash your hands say what you just said like so you just said to me it would be before you got to my house so you just said to me really yeah before you come because when a girl comes over there's the assumption of oh something's going on and maybe maybe if that is hard but i don't know so i'm just being fun i'm being fun i'm being fun i don't

come on i'm being fun i'm being fun i'm being fun i'm being fun i'm being fun bobby lee but before so i'm saying hey listen you're coming over i don't know what your expectations are so let me help us get on the same page. I'm probably not going to want to have sex. I'm not saying nothing's going to happen. I don't know. But like, just know, like you, would you be comfortable coming over? Maybe we'll make out or maybe we'll watch something.

Maybe nothing. Maybe something. You would say this before they get over there? Yeah. God, Rick, that's just a whole lot of information to digest before walking through someone's door. I don't want to be... How do I say this with class?

It's safe. I mean, I would feel safe walking in. Like I know exactly what's going to go down. Unless it's a trick. But... If it's a trick, hey, we're not going to have sex. But then the ego... I have found that that... It wasn't my intention, but I have found that that was good.

But still, no, it wasn't a trick. It wasn't my intention but i have found that that that was good but still no it wasn't a trick it wasn't a trick so okay so let's say i'm at your house yeah and you're like we don't let's say you tell me in person like i don't want to have sex and i'm like well i don't i didn't say i wanted to either okay i oh i don't date defensive people like you i i don't i don't enjoy people's company when they're projecting that when i'm talking my truth what would you like the girl to say when you if you're like i'm gonna answer you and you're gonna say gross okay here's what i want her to say whatever her truth is whatever she's feeling because if she says this to me hypothetically i love you you're the most beautiful girl ever if she said to me i, hypothetically, Betty, I love you. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever met. If she said to me,

I get that. We don't have to have sex, but I'm probably going to fuck you. And if you're nervous, I'll suck your dick while you're soft. We'll figure it out. I'll make you come soft. I'll probably go like this.

Come over. That's fine. I just want you to know that I might not be able to get hard until we get to know each other a little. But if you're okay with that,

that would probably get me hard. So it sounds like you have a hard time getting hard i have yeah if daddy maybe daddy's not so hard daddy is not hard i i i yeah i can't get hard unless i'm unless i'm interested in the person i'm the same way i can't get wet until there's a mental connection yeah but why do you have them over if you're not interested because it's because i'm not i'm truthfully not having them over to sleep with me. I don't love leaving the house. Do you like making out? Do you like just making out and like rubbing genitals?

Love. I love all of it. I love it all. But I don't know. I don't leave the house much. This is my date. This is our date. If you're into going out on a date with me where the date is, you come over, watch some

sketches, and we do whatever. I know it's true. Then come over. sketches and we do whatever i know it's true then come it's not true i know it's true i know guys like him they make you watch their shit that they made i'm gonna start doing that with bobby just make him watch my these episodes it's a joke let me let me play put let me sprinkle it in so i'm not just a fucking snooze fest who relies on her star power to get the bucks. Fuck me. Today's episode is sponsored by our friends at Manscaped.

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and I got a text from a guy that I was really, really close friends with in high school. Like, we, you know, my senior year, we just, like, we hung out all the time, whatever. We were just really good friends. And he was like, hey, I'm in Skokie, too. Do you want to hang out? So I went to his house. We went for a walk. And he's like, I want to tellokie too do you want to hang out so i went to his house he

went for a walk and he's like i want to tell you something and i'm like what he's like i had a crush on you all of high school and i was like what like it just changed everything he took you you guys went out for him just to say this like he had it in his head to i'm not sure get it off his chest i don't know Put your coat back a little. So this like changed my, I feel like this changed everything for me because I'm like, whoa, like a guy liked me. Like I just never felt like guys were into me.

And then he reminded me of something that I completely forgot. He did finger me once. And he told me that when he was fingering me he started kissing me and i asked him to stop kissing me and to just said just finger me it's a boss move babe and i was like i can't believe i did that that's so like prostitute level but i completely blocked it out that is boss level i i think maybe you're right because kissing is so intimate to me that it's like if i'm strictly wanting something sexual from you there's a good chance we'll never even kiss yeah i don't want to see

your fucking face get down there do the thing if i don't want to kiss you i can't do anything with you well i think it by the way if it was a reverse and the guy was like don't kiss me and just jerk you would say i know i know i think that'd be good. You'd say I understand. But anyways, I feel like I left this weird imprint on him and now like because in high school at this like important time I said like don't kiss me. Yeah, that could be traumatic. I understand that. Yeah. When you're like when you're just first starting getting sexual and then someone says something.

I didn't get chest hair until like I didn't have body hair really and then I turned 18 and then it just. And I went to my first girlfriend. I went to her dorm and the guys or girls are here. Guys are here. Same floor. So I went. I showered over here and then I walked across to her place. I'm so lost and bored.

With a towel around my lower half. But I had chest hair. And my girlfriend at the time was embarrassed. She goes, cover your chest. And I, I, for, I got so much laser hair removal. You did? But hairy chest is good. Not on my chest, but like here and for like a decade.

Cause I would, and it wasn't until years and years later, I used to do a bit about it. I talked about how, when I saw Hugh Jackman as Wolverine and I thought he looks great. For years, I talked about how when I saw Hugh Jackman as Wolverine and I thought, he looks great. For years, I was so embarrassed to take my shirt off. Oh my God, there was this guy that I happened to cross on my last trip on vacation. Happened to cross?

I happened to, we happened to collide. Our paths crossed. And he had his shirt off and he had a patch of hair in the back of his neck, like further up on his back. And I didn't know this about myself, but I was immediately attracted. Like I thought, holy shit, I don't know what it is, but I want to touch it.

The hair. The hair on the top of his neck, it was like this soul patch, and it was so fucking hot, Esther. So I say, guys, if you're insecure about your body hair, hold out. You're going to find some freak like me who's going to really, really love it, including your chest hair.'re insecure about your body hair hold out you're gonna find some freak like me who's gonna really really love it including your chest hair can we see your chest hair no I'm not even embarrassed about my chest hair anymore as much as I am about how like skinny and out of shape and unathletic I look we can't see I don't want to it's a lingerie show us I

don't I don't really want it I don't really really. Show us what Betty gets to have every night. It's pale. Wow. You're insecure. It's okay. Yeah, I know. I understand. I'm sure you do, you fat piece of shit.

Fuck. Could you edit out? Don't edit it out. Edit it out. Because you're not supposed to say stuff about weight because everyone's beautiful. But the truth is, heavy people are beautiful if there's some you know but there's just nothing of nothing about you you know you're just a pawn that could only move one space on the first turn do you get hard easily if you're with your girlfriend or like a a lover yeah i don't i don't i don't i don't think i have it sounds like

erectile dysfunction it sounds like you do though i don't i'm saying i don't i I have erectile dysfunction. It sounds like you do, though. I don't say I don't. I'm not ruling it out. But it's never it's not an issue. Like, there's no issue. I can't. How do you know? Because there hasn't been many times.

It's been a few. But there's been many times in my life where I'm like, oh, fuck, I can't have sex. It's just that I don't want to. So the situation that I was talking about before, where it's the most uncomfortable, is if you find yourself making out, you're rubbing genitalia, but I don't want to be doing this. I don't want to be doing any of this.

Any of it. The show? The show right now? That was the, that was the, yeah, that's what I was implying, but I don't mean that.

You know, the first night that I, because I used to date a comedian, Tony Inchcliffe, and the first night we hung out, we had like, you know, what you were saying. What were you just doing? You were just doing bunny ears? Showing you sketches?

Because you didn't say anything in the quotes. Oh, what was I doing? The dry sex, like humping? Well, isn't dry sex, you would call it sex is dry sex, but with doing, dry sex sounds like it's some, it sounds like a sex. Okay, whatever. We were dry sexing, you know? Oh yeah, I'm bad at the quotes, you're right.

You caught me. So. It's dry humping. We were dry humping the first night we hung out and he came in his pants. Oh my God. Isn't that amazing? Do you know how good that would make me feel?

I told you this, some guy came on my kneecap and I've never felt like a bigger boss in my life. He was like, oh, your legs. And he grabbed my legs and you nutted on my kneecap. Wait, what? He was like, oh, wait, what do you mean? I must be some kind of fucking specimen. Do you really think it was you and not the fact that he comes like that? You think I can never come. But all of a sudden I came on her knee. Here's the thing, Rick. I don't like guys that last long. And that's a fact. Same.

Yeah. Well, it's long. I mean, you want five, eight minutes, right? I don't want more than a maximum eight to ten. Yeah. And I feel like that's already him really trying to like think of his grandma and baseball and other things. Is that a thing people really do?

I don't know. But do you? Do you know? No, if you're trying to last long, you just change positions. Why? Because then you get, it's like when you're working out, you take a rest. Hey, like, I'm sure, I don't know if anyone ever fucks you face forward, but like, if you're behind, maybe you would say, here, get on my back and face, I'll get on my back

and face that way or something. I feel like you should ring your bell. I sometimes feel bad insulting you because it feels like I'm being mean to Dave. Oh, that's true. Because Dave's like, oh, what are you saying? Like, my standards are such and such? You're disrespecting his woman. Well, I don't feel it.

Yes, that's not the issue. I feel like it's disrespecting his tastes. And he's obviously has such great taste. He's a very creative, smart, you know. You can pivot. You know, just you could go after me. Esther could use very creative, smart, you know, You can pivot. You know, just, you could go after me. Esther could use a break.

Go after you for what? I don't know if you feel like calling me. Ew. Let me see if I can make fun of your tits. Take off your bra. This is a paid service. Subscribe and you can see it. Sure.

Hey, we'll put this part on Patreon. Hold on a second, sir. Go ahead. I really have not put deodorant on in several days. You don't wear deodorant, do you? Can I smell today? Isn't that a thing? Yeah, smell.

It's not good. I don't want to get up because I'm wearing a thong. Do it. I don't want to get up because my hands are... She just shit her pants. I was hoping for a bigger laugh. It made me feel immature. Wait a second, Esther.

You said that you had a sketchy massage experience? Yeah. wait a second esther you said that you had a sketchy massage experience yeah i got my first ever male masseuse because i was okay did you ask him not to kiss you i i was like i'm gonna be a big girl who cares like get a guy to do it and then it totally backfired and he was like a young guy and he was fully like assaulting and molesting me and how so at a professional place yes he was rubbing like there was so much upper thigh and it kept going like higher and higher and i remember laying there like he can't go higher he went higher he can't like he was so it was fully like molestation yeah did you feel scared i did not feel scared at all did you like it i didn't like it i it he was i have sore inner thighs so i was like well this is fine did you tell him that up front

no all right yeah that's it would you rub my thighs right no and at one i don't know it was just like he was definitely i was in my head i was like well he's enjoying it i don't care he didn't like touch my vagina like i didn't feel his dick or anything so I was like, well, he's enjoying it. I don't care. He didn't like touch my vagina. Like I didn't feel his dick or anything. So I was like, I'll just let it go. But I was like, this is the first massage I've ever had where there's like this much inner thigh. Like I know this is shady. Had you been to that place before?

Yeah, but only with a female. Have you had that happen? I always get massages from males, but I always go to like the old school, like Chinese herbalist type of masseurs. And they don't fuck around. They'll cough in the back of your neck. They'll like pound you out good.

And I'm into it. But they don't come close to like my, they don't disrespect me in any way. What would you do if you were in my situation? Would you have like said something? Would you have stopped it? Like what would you do? Depends how I was feeling more than likely um state of mind that I'm currently in I probably would have just let it go yeah that's I I was also like

the x-rated frozen soundtrack I started to I I think I told you this privately but I started taking edibles a couple weeks ago. So I was on an ad like a mirror. Is that what you call snacks? Yeah I've been micro dosing muffins scum That's not an edible I Was like on a little bit of a weed gummy and so I was a little bit like what's happening? Like I just didn't get it high before massage is so nice. Is it yeah, so nice But did you get did you take an edible before you went? Yeah. I'm always high now is the problem.

I think that'll be really good for you. I'm not even joking. I think so too. Because you're a misery. You are. Like you're, you know, you built a career on being a misery. And if it doesn't hit, it's not just not funny. It's, oh, let's leave her alone.

So just, you know, I think you should be. What do you mean? Because I feel like you're being serious. You're the one who caused the traffic jam outside, Rick, not Esther, with her beautiful Corolla. So I'd say, Esther, at the very least, on the streets, you are not a misery. But in the sheets, she is misery. I just lay there. So if that's miserable to you you i would be microdosing every day if it but it like it starts to affect me negatively how i sleep in i snack constantly and then there are like withdrawals from it like what like if i get

a little high and then other chemical like if I get an adrenaline rush, if I sometimes I notice when I get high in a podcast and there's like this big high and we're laughing, it's such a good time. Then there's the adrenaline calm down. The dopamine is going away and the weeds going away. And and I'm just like, I feel I feel shitty. Your come down from weed is bad. It's I'm so I'm not I'm a sensitive boy so my comedowns of coffee or just good moods i just i've high highs low lows bipolar no it's too rapid cycling to be bipolar it's not bipolar what is it then i think he's like he said he's like a super sensitive about like mood shifts and chemicals going through and the change i notice it and that

like uh like i just uh like i just know like i know i just i spin i don't know i just i'm kind of proud of you esther really me for taking the weed well no just sort of like you know stepping outside of the box and sort of like what is stepping outside the weed trying an edible because she doesn't drink she doesn't do anything i never knew that you didn't do it i thought you used to do weed no i literally tried it for the first time like three weeks ago the most that she had done was what is it like um nyquil dayquil dayquil she got high on dayquil like a month ago and we were congratulating her it's good the gateway drug to weed oh my god it is a gateway drug after all no do you know what the real do you want to know the real reason why i finally after 33 years of being

sober tried pot was or gummies because the smoke i like makes me cough and have asthma so over the summer i had to have like a surgery what was your surgery i can't explain it right now what you are all the things you really aren't public about it? No. Yeah. It was a weird one. So I had a surgery, which Kalilah knows about. She performed it.

I was there. Held her hand every second of the way. Okay. So I had a surgery. And I flew home the next day after everyone told me not to, including Kalilah. And I was just doing too much movement afterwards and i had a really bad night like i'm not i haven't talked about this anywhere because it's hard to talk about because it was like but it was rough for you yeah i was genuinely worried i was on my parents i was on the floor of the basement of

my parents house and i was like i'm gonna i was in so much pain pain i've never felt in my life because it was like a complication and i was was like, I think I'm going to die. Like, I'm going to die. My mom was like covering me with cold washcloth. She was like, should I call like 911? Like my parents have never like treated me like that. It was crazy. Was I 911?

You were. You were. I was on the phone with Kalia. I was like, I'm in so much pain. I don't know what to do. Why did you go home? For recovery? No, I went home because I had the trip planned anyway.

And I had begged her not to go because I was like. I was in so much pain that i finally remembered oh i have a narcotic i have hydrocodone i'm gonna take it because this is like 911 level i take the hydrocodone like slowly the pain goes away and i was just like laying in the basement and i was like i just like had a smile on my face like I was just so I was like what is this like I've never been high before I've never felt anything and I was like I want and like as time passed I was like I think I want more of that and then I talked about it with John and Carlos our friends and they were like you should not keep doing pills like don't do that they're like we think what you what you're looking for is weed and then that's why i started

doing weed okay good because uh when you said hydrocodone and that you were happy all my alarms went off it's bad huh yes i used to take percocet uh yeah don't do that because it's like that's that doc the whole documentary was it like america's like biggest crime or something like that where it's like most drug addictions don't stem from people just trying it out at parties a lot of drug addictions that um we don't necessarily like think about are people coming off medical procedures yeah just being dispensed willy nilly yeah a hundred percent that is me right now like if i didn't have that surgery and that pain and take the pill i probably wouldn't even be doing weed right now but what she's saying is

you have a surgery you start taking this pill the pill, I probably wouldn't even be doing weed right now. But what she's saying is you have a surgery, you start taking this pill, you start getting addicted to it mentally, but also physically. And then like you have this weed. It wasn't like a recreational thing. You develop this addiction. Yeah, you're right. That's a little bit different. So they said, stop doing the pills, do the weed. Yeah. Weed's amazing, isn't it? I also only do edibles now. You do? Yeah. It's really great. Yeah. Like the first night I did it, of course, the classic thing, like I took too much. I took 10 milligrams and I probably should have taken like two or five.

And I just was going nuts. Like Dave said, like I couldn't stop talking. I just wouldn't shut up. I was just like. That's a lot for 10 fucks me up. Yeah. It was it was so crazy. Like Dave said that he doesn't know how to feel about it because on one hand, I get super horny and we have sex.

But on the other hand, I perform like a British telecast. I'm like, all right then. I just get really British and won't shut up. And also very British male. I'm like, get on out of here. Ricky's your face. What do you mean? Because you're doing a joke or your voice really changes? I'm silly and I can't stop pretending I'm a, get on out of here. Like Ricky Gervais. What do you mean? Because you're doing a joke or your voice really changes?

I'm like silly and I like can't stop pretending I'm a British man. It's so weird. You should do an episode high. We are. We are going to do it. George said I wasn't allowed to. I think we're going to go to Vegas and do, we're all just going to take edibles, right? That was the plan.

I would love to invite you to do Take Your Shoes Off High. Okay. But high. You have to pick me up i hurt my back no i'll drive i'll pick you up drive you to his house how about that no you guys do you get do you get high um oh yeah i used to be the biggest fucking do you oh yeah we talked about you were supposed to come and get high no you guys will uber i'll get i don't like edibles so i have to smoke that's fine yeah but we'll get you ubers. Can you tell me why you don't like edibles?

I don't like the feeling of being physically high. I like the mental lift off. And when I smoke, there tends to be a little bit of a more of a mental kind of feeling about it, psychological feeling about it that I really love. And so I've also just had the worst trip i ever had was taking too much edibles and i fucked myself without experience i feel like that's what i hear a lot from people is like oh i took too much once and i got really scared and now i don't do it yeah that that was the last

time i did edibles was a really bad experience and not because it was my fault i just took too much well here's a free ad. Kiva Chocolates. Not even sponsored. I would love to be. It's almost the only weed I take now. Oh, really? I do gummies exclusively. They also have gummies.

But Kiva Chocolates, they come in these bars where each piece is five milligrams. It's always the same exact feeling. You always know how to dose yourself. It's the best. Yeah. Of course, it should have the dosage on there. No, but some of- Are you taking things that have no dose?

No, but sometimes it's like five... You ever go into a house and it's like they have the AC on at 70 degrees and it's freezing and another house you need to have it down to 64? Yes. It's like, what's going on here? How is 70... The way it's something's going on here. So five milligrams over here isn't the same as five over here. Really? I love the analogy, by the way.

Thank you. So the Kiva, out of all the ones I've tried, it's like this is it. This is the one. Okay. Consistently, I always feel whatever mood I'm in, it's still that always gives me that. Would you take it at work, like at your acting job? I don't. I mean, if production, everybody was okay was okay but i don't want to you know

i don't want to be disrespectful but yeah i i do it when you like how often do you take it i used all the time not so much anymore but i mean yeah i'm very functional on it i wouldn't have been able to start my podcast without weed i couldn't have edited as much as i was editing without weed really yeah you said you are high now? I'm not high now. No, I only take it like at night. But Dave is like, comes home from work and he's like, I'm not getting high with you tonight. Like, you need to stay away from me.

Like, he's so done with me. Take less. Take two and a half milligrams. That does. I'm already past that. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not.

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anywhere. And it's only available to the US customers for a limited time. Plus free shipping on every order. Get $15 off at Nutrafol.com. That's spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-f-o-l dot com promo code trash how often do you smoke weed uh very rarely oh why yeah um because i um i'm i told you i'm like a big square i don't even take i don't even drink coffee is there something to you uh and bobby like what's the word i'm looking for like favorite nations type nations type of thing. You're both sober. Because he's sober? Yeah. I try to be really considerate about that.

I don't, like, ever bring alcohol in the house. If I do have drinks, it's always outside of the house. But I stopped having fun. Like, I had so much fun. I used to wake and bake every day of my life. And somewhere down the road, I realized it wasn't amplifying my life in the way that it once did and so I was like alright I think I may be over this phase and I may reenter that phase I'm not like you know it's not you

know off the table but yeah I'll smoke with you guys I miss smoking but it hurts my throat and I connect with you on that. And I'm sorry for everything that happened. Are you Jewish? I thought you were half regular. I am. How's your stand-up been going? I haven't done it in two years. Yeah, I've done it three times in two years. I got to get back. You want to get back?

Yes, I'm doing a few dates in the fall in Portland and San Francisco. How do you think that's going to go? I think it's going to go well because I have material that I've been writing and I have like really personal shit I'm going to share that I'm saving to share it on my stand-up act. For example, you could bleep all this out. When you got your pussy fixed?

It wasn't. You should stop. Wait, did you get your pussy fixed? No, he's trying to guess what the surgery was. Oh my God. No, I got my pussy fixed. Oh, I know. Wait, what?

And it's fabulous. Thank you. Wait, what does that mean? She's so young. She's so young, she doesn't even know. Esther, when a girl becomes a woman, her pussy explodes. I don't know exactly the scientific term.

I think that's scientific. Yeah, the pussy explodes. And then with gravity. There's nothing that makes me more uncomfortable than you saying the P word. Like, it's got to stop. Sure, I scientific term. That's exactly it. I think that's scientific. Yeah, the pussy explodes. And then with gravity. There's nothing that makes me more uncomfortable than you saying the P word. Like, it's got to stop. Sure, I'll stop. But did you really get a surgery? No, no.

My pussy's beautiful, Esther. I would never touch it. I would, but I'm just saying I would never have. I'll touch it for you. You're always welcome. Are you attracted to girls sexually? Oh, my God. We all are.

I think I am. She is. Obviously, you are. Are you? How girls sexually? Oh my God. We all are. I think I am. She is. Obviously you are. Are you? How obvious is that? Because you've been saying you want to muff dive her. No, she's been saying she's want to finger me. No, she's doing like big sister.

I could talk this way. I could talk this way too. See, she's conned you too. Esther is my little pervy lesbian. You know what's really weird is some people have a really strong opinion that I'm definitely super super straight, some of my friends. And then I have other friends who are like, you're 100% gay and you need to tell Dave. Can I say something that's really corny but I think that in the world where now it's important

for somebody to speak this as the truth, whatever it is, not only is it none of our business, I think it's wonderful that you're in touch with your sexuality, your body, that you're okay with the way you look and that kind of stuff. But I'm curious if you guys would ever... Yeah, of course. Esther has touched my vagina on this show multiple times. She stuck fingers up there.

We're good. Inside, really? Swear to God. Yeah, she's had a little powder dip dip in my the J's on the podcast We just blur it out. Are you getting hard yet, daddy? We really do have french fries today, okay, I was gonna say if you want to get me hard You could put up the sixth lead on that screen. Oh my god It's true. I know it's true Rick

I have once as a joke and a girl came over and said, I won't sleep with you until you watch a couple of my videos. But we didn't really watch it. It was just one joke and that's what I'm recalling. That's funny. Hi. Are we rating these? Yes, we are. Okay. This is the sick game that George plays with me that he only lets me taste the foods I want if we wear something sexy.

Uh-huh. It's so unfair. Oh, I heard on all of your shows you demand you get fry breaks. Okay, first up, it looks like we have, this should have been a blind test, right? Yeah. That's okay. We'll try to be as honest and unbiased as possible. Can I tell you something that I did like 15 years ago?

I once went to, me and two of my friends, we went to Wendy's, McDonald's, and Burger King. We got chicken nuggets, chicken sandwiches, and and we did like a like this type of thing You think I haven't done that? Oh, I don't think you did it with other people. I did! Are you saying we copped your style? No, I'm saying this is making me this is reminding me of that

So first we have burger king Thank you You don't have barbecue sauce do you? Only ketchup We're keeping it all the. You don't have barbecue sauce, do you? Only ketchup. We're keeping it all the same. You would be asking for extra things. You seem like a type. I'm so difficult.

Barbecue sauce. Okay, it's hard to rate them because they're not super fresh, but they are really good. Thank you so much, but when did you get these? They're dry. Yes, they're dry. Probably like 15, 20 minutes ago. They're dry, but tasty. Wow, I haven't had a fast food fry in so long. Thank you, Izzy.

It's good, huh? Let's get a rating of the Burger King fries. What's the scale? Yeah, we have to... Can you do that? Don't you have to do that? One to 10? Well, no, you gotta rate this one first. This is the baseline now.

Here's a question that I guess there's no right answer to, but I think we should all be on the same page with. Are we rating flavor slash what they could be? Or are we also rating the fact like, they're not hot, but it's to go. It's not necessarily their fault. Like how are we doing this? It's what they are right now.

Well look, it's safe to assume that they're all pretty soggy. So we'll go by taste. Just taste, just flavor. Out of 10? Yep. I think that it's not too salty, and I really dig that. I would give it about a 6.5.

If it wasn't Burger King, I think I would give it a lower rating, but because it has the Burger King nostalgia factor, I know what you're saying. it's going a little higher. Thank you. I think if it wasn't Burger King, it would be a 4, but because it tastes familiar, it's like a six. That's exactly, not only the same numbers, the same reason.

Rick, we're, honestly, Rick, we're really compatible. If I ate this fry not knowing what it was, I would probably be like, this tastes like a bad Burger King fry. But the fact that it is. Carl's Jr. I mean, tastes like a potato the way it's supposed to. Not some synthetic thing. Warm. Did you get Carl's Jr. the most recent?

No. Okay. Warmer. Like salt. It's not salty. It needs more salt, but that's fine. I'm giving this... For fast food fries, for fast food fries, I'm giving this an eight.

I'm going five. It's just so... I'm not going to fast food for it to taste naturally potato-y. Yeah. I'm giving this an eight. I'm going five. It's just so- I'm not going to fast food for it to taste naturally potatoey. Yeah. I'm looking for fucking salt and grease. And this is naturally potatoey. You could add salt to a fry that doesn't taste bad

and it's salty trash. Just in the way that I don't wanna fucking add barbecue sauce. Okay. It's so basic, like there's nothing exciting about it. You know? The fact that it's basic is what's exciting it just tastes like a fry they cut some fries they put it in the fryer okay uh we need uh we

need uh esther and kalala's ratings of the carl's junior before we're uh i'm gonna give it a five a four i'm still eating them okay these are so good rick gave it a date yeah and now on to mcdonald's i mean mcdonald's the way i way I remember it, McDonald's were the king of the fast food shop. Oh, my God. This one's it, guys. Honestly, it's not that much better than Burger King. But I can feel the double fry. You give me the salt that these McDonald's fries have on top of the simple potato flavor of this Carl's Jr.,

you got yourself a customer. I'm kind of freaking out because I kind of feel like fries. First of all, fries without a sauce are just kind of sad to me. Like I need ketchup or sweet and sour or barbecue. But the fries, I'm like, is it the fry or is it the nostalgia that I like? Because I only don't like the Carl's Jr. one because it's no familiarity for me. But McDonald's and Burger King, it's like childhood happiness. I think if the Carl's Jr. one was good enough for your palate, it wouldn't matter

that there was nothing that you could relate it to. And it's not. Yeah. I think if you salt these, you would feel like you're having completely different fries. Also, if you had ketchup maybe too. I don't eat ketchup. Why not? I don't want to bore your audience, but it's a long, drawn-out reason. I want to hear it.

No. Because for a while, I also excommunicated ketchup from my life. It has since reentered, but I want to know your reason. Well, I was just being dramatic. I just don't like ketchup. Oh, God. But, you know, I was trying to make this podcast, pardon the pun, a little more palatable. I thought you were going to say something about

I don't do nightshades it causes I was limiting nightshades for a while but I knew it I needed the spice to poop again will you take these away from me

they're so good you seem like a you're going to pull another bag like a whopper on your purse will you take these away from me I gotta eat this whoa man

for me that was a solid 8 7.5 I gotta eat this. Whoa, man. What are the McDonald's ratings, everybody? For me, that was a solid eight. 7.5. Why are these.5s? Why not just rate them out of 20 at that point? Because I wouldn't allow it. Seven. All right.

So I think we have a winner. Esther gives it a 13 out of 20. This is so good. I've been driving by McDonald's for a bit now. And the past few months, like, I gotta go get some fries.

And I just don't do it because, you know, you don't want to end up like her. But whoa, baby. I know. When I had McDonald's

for the first time a long time this summer, I had... What were you doing in between? It was, it's so, here's what it is. It's exactly how you remember it it's so it's the same and nothing is the same anymore you know what's funny you know what's interesting in more ways than one just on french fries alone you are very attracted to familiarity

and things that are the same. Yes. And that's probably why you lack growth. Now, Kalilah, Kalilah, Kalilah, I have a question for you. And Betty, I'm sorry. Yeah. But I'm just being raw and honest to the audience. Mm-hmm.

Okay? I would love to sit here. Look at how great this is. We're doing comedy for a living. We're having such a good time. Oh, I hate this perspective. Okay? Let me sit here, eat some French fries, and look at your great this is you we're doing comedy for a living we're having such a good time i hate this perspective okay let me sit here eat some french fries and look at your tits will you take your top off for you rick not a fucking chance that energy for esther a thousand percent it makes me so grossed out when because and mostly it's guys who say it, but girls do too in comedy or people that are like,

I'm just sitting here getting paid to make people laugh. I'm like, calm down. Yeah, character, Esther, you don't understand character work. Explain, what the fuck do you mean by that? I'm just fucking bringing in energy. I'm just playing around. Look at the, it's deconstructing, I'm just having fun.

I'm not gonna lie that there isn't some truth to the appreciation of it. This is our life and we get to do this. I get to sit next to a beautiful girl and eat some French fries. Oh, he called you beautiful. I'm sorry, across from a beautiful girl. I wanted one of you to say something. I was like, come on, let me let this land.

Wait, Rick, I just also, I realize you are a little bit excited about the deception that are my tits at the moment, but these are drawn in. I have A cups. These are pushed up and contoured to the high heavens. If we weren't on a podcast right now, I wouldn't be talking to you like this. That's true, Rick. I'm just having fun. We do talk a lot about stocks and our monies. I think that's all we've ever really talked about in the last couple months.

Finances. Investments. Investments and stuff. Rick's my guy. We chat about the monies. Maybe you should get a better guy. I think I have a better guy for you. Look at your face when you make that.

Look what you look like. Imagine, I have a better guy. Look at that, zoom in on that. Don't not zoom in. Nobody zoom in. You look like a Ren and Stimpy picture up close. Nobody zoom in. Oh my God.

How's this going guys? My stomach hurts. Yeah. Oh no, Esther. Do you take digestive enzymes? You have some for her, right? I know. What's a digestive enzymes? You have some for her, right? I know. What's a digestive enzyme?

Betty turned me on to them. Wait, tell me more. They're just, if you, like if you're trying not to eat gluten and you accidentally eat gluten, or if somebody brings you just a whole bunch of french fries and your body's not used to it, you take a digestive enzyme. I think that someone once hypothesized that all hot girls have digestive issues. And that's because we really, we, I added myself in there, run our bodies to the ground. Well, what's her excuse?

Why can't Esther take a dump? Esther, why can't you take a dump? No, when I'm more stressed and anxious, I lean towards constipation. Look, everyone, I think you either lead towards constipation or diarrhea. I'm a constipation guy myself. I'm not. I'm the opposite. I'm a shit blood kind of gal.

Okay. I see a gastroenterologist. For someone so young, I've had probes up my butt a lot. What? They don't do probes? Yeah, they do. Last time I was in Dr. Teddy's office, I was like, you know. lot. What? They don't do probes. Yeah, they do. My last time I was in Dr. Teddy's office,

I was like, you know. Dr. Teddy? Is that his first name? Yeah, well, his name's Theodore, but I call him Dr. Teddy because we have, he's been up my ass, Esther.

So, I mean, at this point, we're on a first name basis. It's Dr. Teddy. Fingers or like a stick? No, a probe. A stick? A camera.

Oh, yeah. I wouldn't go to her finance guy. It's a stick? No, so you lay on your side. You take a couple deep breaths. They lube up this thing. It's a scope that goes up your butt. And he tells you if things are going swimmingly or not.

What was your joke that you were too insecure to say out loud? Does it go around the corner? That's the kind of stuff you should project. That's the comedy I like. Up your butt and around the corner. That was good. I want to see your finance guy. I want him to stick a stick up my ass.

Have you had a colonoscopy? I have, yeah. Same. Cut to a clip. And how was your prep? Did you do a good job? Because they always tell you afterwards like, oh, you did a really good job with your prep. Everything was so clear. We were able to see everything. They did not. Prep like what? Like not eating for a little bit or something? No,

you're supposed to take a lot of laxatives the day before and just not eat and basically rinse your entire gut clean. So when the camera goes up there, it's very clear. The imaging is clear. Nobody complimented me on my prep. Oh, Esther. I didn't get an insult, but I did not. Wait, you did get a colonoscopy? Yeah. That's so funny to see you two bent over in separate rooms.

You think that's how it goes? We're on all fours and they just scope us that way? You're on your side. I'm just saying, you guys are just getting ready to have the scope put up. And your doctors are like, look at this. And theirs are like, oh my God. Esther, if you were a gay man, I worry about your prep. What do you mean?

I mean, look. She means, what do you mean, if? Well, you've done anal, right? Yeah. Yeah, but what's your prep like before anal? It's kind of more feeling. Ask him to be kind to me. It's kind of more like you kind of know when you can and you know when you can't.

Correct. So I couldn't just like prepare for it. But you've never done like enemas or anything like that? No, no. But I always, I disclaim. I have a strong disclaimer. What's a disclaimer? That's what I'm talking about, expectations.

Yeah, I'm like, hey, I don't know what's gonna happen. I'm a mess. Right. I might shit on you. And they have to either say like, that's fine. Or they're like, okay, let's not do it. Everybody says it's fine now. My thing is always, if you double dip, I will cut your dick off. No, that's not allowed.

So earlier. I bet you double dip on girls. Earlier, we were talking about. You sick fuck. You make them watch your sketches. And then you put your sad penis that's soft in their butt and then in their vagina. I know you do it.

And then you're like, I didn't want to have sex. I'm going to call a banana break on that one what is a banana break when the emotions run high we refill on the potassium and you have to bend over. Get on the floor. Oh, I don't eat bananas. Of course you don't.

Because you're scared. I have a banana intolerance. Yes. What in banana? I don't know. But I was making smoothies all the time. And I kept getting stomach aches. So I was just figuring out, taking in.

And I narrowed it down to bananas and or blueberries. It's one of the two. But I don't want to test it anymore. So I just kind of stay away from them. You are so lame. Esther, you tell guys that you might shit on them before you have sex with them. Honestly. And then you make fun of me for telling a girl, hey, if you want to come over, I'm not sure if I want to have sex yet.

And then you say, you've got a little sad dick. And you're like, oh, but I can't. You're not allowed to even go. And you're so judgmental. You're so average on everything that you do. The way you look, the way you insult, the way, the ideas that you have. And now I'm coming in making some character choices and you're like, ew, ew, ew, ew. I'm Esther.

I need caramel for my banana because my pussy didn't get fixed right. So that's what I meant. No growth. It's the same thing. I did not get a surgery to fix well i'm sorry dave apparently the budget's tight but her pussy ain't get that thing fixed it's just a character it's just a character gross to say you were just making fun of me in so many ways so many ways you always make fun of me and then when i say one little truth that like you're not attractive and you suck rick i really i think that there's just so much love between us i think that's what it is

but there's something there's definitely good something, there's definitely good stuff there. There's definitely good stuff there. There's definitely some good stuff there. I think that we aren't milking it properly. I think there's like, maybe we've been pulling on the wrong udders. Can I call your breasts udders? But you know, there's definitely, it's definitely worth it. The relationship is worth it. You you know you know what i think is most special about you what do you know tell me you are who you are you know that is actually a pretty good compliment yeah and you're like a kiva chocolate i know what i'm getting every time yeah i'm not always in the mood it's probably gonna give me a stomach ache and some anxiety, but I'm gonna laugh. I'm gonna laugh.

And I was joking about you being unattractive. Let's shake on it. I don't... You don't want to touch me? That reminds me of a guy I used to date who would scrape my tongue clean before he'd kiss me. Oh, you told me that. Wait, did he really do that, Esther?

Yes. It was kind of cute. Like, there was a cuteness to it. It was like, okay, let me clean your mouth. Was it that he thought you were dirty or was it that he had things? Like, do you think he does that with other girls? I do not think he does that with other girls. Here's why I could never date a guy like that.

If he's scraping my tongue, I know he's not eating my ass. And that's a problem. I need a dude to just be down for it all. I agree. It didn't last. So, yeah. I need you to be fine with all the juices. Same.

In my body. All? All, Rick. All, Rick. All right. I have a question for you. You did your work before going to get the scope, to get scoped up your butt, right? Yeah.

Right. You did that. So, the doctors didn't have to deal with all of your juices. He's not my lover. Dr. Teddy is not my lover. I don't expect Dr. Teddy to eat my ass. I do when I go. That's a really good counter argument.

If I've been walking around the streets of London and my testicles have a scent, right? Some, you know, Betty might say, oh, I love the pheromones or whatever the things might be. Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. I am thinking, let me, I'll shower. Now, it's not necessary all the time, but if you know that you got, if you're sweaty and, if you just worked out.

You're not understanding me, Rick. I would never offer up my pussy in a less than pristine state. I would. Because I love my partner. I knew Esther would. I wasn't misunderstood. That should be your name. Never going to get married.

She is misunderstood. I feel so strongly that like, this is my easy example. If I fly cross country New York to LA, get off the plane and show up and you're not just like ready to go Down on me then like I don't think we're well, here's the thing about that Esther And I hear and I while I appreciate that and I'm proud of you. I don't feel sexy when I feel not completely Clean and it's more of a me thing than me trying to be Nice to the guy. I'm not trying to be considerate to him. I'm trying to be considerate to me.

I understand what you're saying. Compatibility. No. He wants what you want. Clean partner. And by clean, I just mean clean, my idea of what clean is. Because I, you know, I like him to get in there. With what hand?

You went like this. Like I just, you know, I just like them to consume me wholly. Yes, I know what you're saying. Very poetic. When do you feel sexy? Honestly? Eat a big burger, down a milkshake, a big thing of fries, all right, like let's fucking go.

You're just like Jennifer Lawrence. Like fully just like when you're just kind of like whatever so you feel sexy when you're comfortable i don't know if that's the word just like let's have fun energy is when i feel sexy burgers are fun is there is there another example that doesn't involve food well but let me explain why it's burgers because it's like i, I just had a burger, fuck it. I'm filthy. Like, I'm like a filthy- It's filthy pig energy.

Yeah. I'm into that. Yeah, what do you think of that? I don't know, I don't connect to that. I don't feel sexy after I just had a whole bunch of burgers and fries. Well, you're not into FBE. No.

Yeah, that's fine. Into what? Filthy pig energy. No, I have coasters. Yeah, I do not have coasters. I wouldn't even feel comfortable with Esther flying from New York and putting a drink down on my table, let alone eating her disgusting asshole. Do you travel with coasters, Rick?

No. I just imagine. You have a little just box of coasters. Just first class, she puts the... One second. And they're branded with my podcast. They're little taking shoes off coasters. You know what?

You have big coaster energy. You have BCE? Yeah. Thank you. If a guy... If I was at a guy's place and I put my drink down and he was like, can you use a coaster? I'd be out of there. I would be like. And that's the difference.

And I get that because that's not compatibility. But if a girl comes over, excuse me, if a woman comes over and has a, with participate, what's the word? Precipitation. Precipitation. Whatever. It doesn't matter. You get it.

I can't say that word. Has it. And then just flippantly puts it down on wood. There isn't a pill in the world that's going to get me hard. But you don't care about that kind of stuff. The adjective you're using or adverb you're using is flippantly. You've already labeled it something in your mind that it isn't because it's like, we're not thinking of you, not of my fucking drink on the wood, Rick.

Then you're not thinking of me. And you're selfish and the woman has to be serving you at all times. George, when I came into the house, when I came in the house, do you remember the first thing I asked you? Rick, if I don't know you and we're on a first date, how am I supposed to know you in that way? Because some people will not go to a house for dinner without bringing a flower or a bottle of wine. Some people, they bring a house gift because that's their rules, right or wrong. That's theirs they subscribe to. I walked into this house and the first thing I

asked was, would you like me to take my shoes off? The reason I asked that is I would want that. So do on to others. In my head, I could never do that. So if somebody else does that, I would have to say something. Fucking boner, fucking killer, Rick. You know what? I didn't want to say this. I didn't want to say this because I wanted to be a gentleman. And Betty, I'm sorry.

I was young. I fucked so many hot chicks. I told you I was going to go here. That's disgusting. That's all I did, dude. But go here that's disgusting all i did dude but see that all i did was fuck them and watch my sketches i fucking knew it and that is you you are like my guy friends you measure your self-worth by how many you miserable fucking dirty ass troll i'm playing around all right I had some good times with some pretty ladies, all of which I got to know. Are you a certified lover boy?

Wait, Esther, I know that you've called yourself a certified lover boy lately. What do you think that is? What's the criteria for that? Well, it's Drake's album. Yes, we know. And I think it's just like a guy that just loves, or a girl, you just love to be loving with someone.

Like you want to wine and dine them and like make love. It's like you actually want to make love, which that makes me uncomfortable. Like I just like to have sex. But I think that's what like a lover boy does. I've turned a corner. I've returned to wanting to make love. Ew.

So maybe, maybe. I don't think you can call making love when it includes eating Bobby Lee's ass. Yeah, you can. Like I love you. You can. You absolutely can. Because there's a difference between going down

on somebody's privates, like going nuts, or if you're just like really like connected and just like, what's that bug that when your butt is to the mouth? Centipede,? Centipede. Human centipede. Yeah. If it's just like. That is a bug.

Yeah. You're making out. There's a difference between eating an ass and making out with one. No, there's not. I would say. I think I'm with you. Thank you. On this.

There's a way to passionately. There's sensual. You could. Yeah. You don't like when you go. Because that's. Right. But what about like.

Ew, stop. You know. Stop but what about like. Ew, stop. Stop. I contact Rick. I was trying to, but he wasn't looking at me. Also, did you notice even the fries that I accidentally dropped on the floor I picked up? Did I drop them and not? I don't think you have ever dropped a fry. Esther goes, they have smalls?

Esther goes, they have smalls? Ricky Glassman, thank you so much for coming over and causing traffic in my neighborhood. I appreciate you. Thank you for all the stock tips. I hope you come back on the show. Pick up Ethereum Classic ETC. And you know, I'm always pushing VeChain. I've been.

I've been treading on that shit. Whatever your dad treads on, because you were like, oh, DraftKings. My dad's been treading on it. I was like, I got on that shit quick. You got into DraftKings? Yeah, a while, first time we talked about it. Yeah, I didn't.

Dad did well with it. He did. I guess I made the wrong bet. I don't day trade. I'm not a gambler. But you'll have someone go down on you after New York to LA. Esther Bavitsky. Yeah, you guys, thank you so much for being here today.

We love you, Rick. We love you so much. We're going to miss you as we send you off on your journey. Where can we learn more about you? You can learn more about me on Take Your Shoes Off podcast. And Kalilah, you've been on one time. Esther, you have been on three or six times. Whoa.

Yeah, because we did our own little side project. Oh, that's right. That's right. So six podcasts with just the two of us for Three Take Your Shoes Off. And it was really fun to be able to come here into your studio, into your environment and be a guest. I was treated so nice. You gave me fries. We laughed. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this when you asked. Why?

Why? I FaceTimed you and all. Yeah. That was a smart move. Politely. Yeah. Because of text I could have found some words. When I want something, it's on.

And I did it. I confront you. And I'm glad that I did it. Me too. I'm glad that you came here I hope you come back I guess we'll end this podcast the way I try to

end every podcast I've done go for it Rick Rick Rick rock paper

scissors see we're meant to be yeah you guys thank you so much for watching another episode of Trash Tuesdays. I was today's guest, Rick Glassman, with Kalilah and Esther. Tune in next week for special guest, Meghan Trainor. Have a good one.

Bye, guys. We'll see you next week. Bye. Rick can't get hard. Pass it on. They know. And it's not that I can't get hard. It's that I sometimes don't get hard. I take it as a, you know, it's a superpower.

I don't let my penis make my decisions for me. I think you- My penis is like a, is a good guy. I'm not gonna get hard for anyone. I like that, it's kind of low pressure for me. No, he's, don't buy this. Why? He's reverse engineering some nice boy thing

just cause he can't get it up sometimes. I don't think it's a nice boy thing. What if, what if, I know you guys can't connect to this. I'm sorry, you guy and you can't connect to this. But what if intimacy is intimate? You're right, Ray. And I am not getting, you know? Look, you know how we talked about that you had high female hormones?

I also have very high testosterone. Okay, look, all I'm saying is that they're competing against one another. And sometimes it, here's my theory is that you operate like a woman in the sense that we have, um, reactive arousal, not spontaneous arousal. And I need to feel connected to somebody before my pussy gets wet. So there, you couldn't have said it more poetic, but I will also add that I still wake up hard. Congratulations! Why? Why do guys wake up hard? I think it's a blood flow thing.

It's cortisol. It's a cortisol thing. I don't think it's a... Because guys, spontaneous erections happen. That's the gift from God, right? Us, we have to think. We have to react. We have to wait and see.

I love a guy who's very generously erect. You know what I'm saying? Like it's just always kind of hard. Yeah, it makes it probably easier for you to not worry about, am I the problem? But is there truth to this? Is there truth to this that like, whether you're cool or not,

when you meet somebody new, okay, you could be attracted to them or you could not be. You like, oh, I'm'm nervous you're nervous a little and to pretend you're not nervous for me makes you spin like oh I have to act a certain way I can't be on it I love to be honest about that I'm nervous yes so when you're nervous so should I say like just so you know I might stay dry tonight? Sure. Are you going to be dry? I might.

You know, you can't just put lube on a penis and all of a sudden it fixes it, you know? Women have it so easy in this town. That is so not true! Lube does not just fix a dry vagina. It doesn't. Well, that's what lube does. What are you talking about? He might be right there, Esther.

It really just does fix a lot. I mean, you can literally grease a door and it works. Grease your fucking doorknob then. What I did find when I was younger and blah, blah, blah. If you do put lube on before a condom, it makes everything a lot easier. Yeah, because the condom slips off and then you feel. No, you don't feel anything with the condom. If you put lube on your bare penis?

And then a condom. Why'd you have to call it a bare penis? Because it had a little bit of chest hair? Naked, because it's a naked penis with lube and then condom over the lube penis. Does the condom not slip off? It makes the condom do this a little bit. So there's friction.

That's scary. That's not good. For pregnancies, because I've been known to capture sperm real well, hence the abortions. The condom doesn't come off. It's the difference between this and this. I don't know. That's a little risky for me. That millimeter of movement makes it a little risky. Well. And also, then you're fucking the condom yeah well i'm not

fucking you but i'm not asking you to but yeah i want to you want to fuck the condom too so it sounds like the lube inside the condom is what's getting you off and not the vagina is is that a hit to your ego it is i think yeah it is that's a problem with me. I'm not... Bend over. Really, I feel like this makes total sense. Otherwise, it's like putting on... You ever have to put on a glove and it's just like fucking sucks? It's why I quit nursing school. Because of the gloves?

Because I couldn't get my hands into a glove because it was too sweaty. So it was too much like... Too much of a fight. Now, question for you. What if I were to say, all you got to do is lube up your hands and you are comfortable. In fact, so comfortable, you had an orgasm from it. Then I would been, I wouldn't be doing this podcast and I'd still be a nurse. No, shut the fuck up. No, go home. Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick. You guys, thank you so much. That's betterhelp.com slash Tysol.