Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Front to Back & Skims to the Side

Episode Date: January 18, 2022

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it's free shocking that esther that's what you were about to say right yes it's free uh-huh it's always number one on our list it's free everyone wants to freaking start a podcast this is the easiest way we're about to tell you there's creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or computer and and and they will distribute your podcast for you so it it can be heard from spotify apple podcasts and all of the platforms basically also you can make money from your podcast with no minimum listenership the best i mean imagine that that's like the lowest, that's low pressure. Everything you need. With Anchor.

Everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Just download the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. Hey slugs, do we have a show for you today? It's one of our best yet. And I will tell you there's something wrong with Esther's nether regions. Watch to find out. It's juicy. And sometimes not.

You can see me live for the rest of the month. I will be at the Milwaukee Improv. I will be in Naples, Florida and Tampa, Florida. Then in February, you can see me in Springfield, Missouri, British Columbia, Washington, D.C. And then all my other dates coming up. There's so many coming. I'm going everywhere to see you guys.

Please come and check me out at annieletterman.com slash shows for more info. And you can come see me on the road this weekend in Nashville at Zany's. I'm very excited as well as then I'm coming to Raleigh, North Carolina, Austin, Indianapolis, Philadelphia, San Diego, Chicago. Get tickets at esteronice.com

and my clothing line is sleepoverbyester.com. And today is crazy. I'm scared. Bye. Yeasts are bad too. Because it's an itch inside yourself you can't catch. And by the way, I have had my dad go to the store. This is why I love my dad. He's gotten up there. It did sound like I was going to say my dad went inside and itched my vagina. You're like, I love my dad. That was top of the show, actually. I wish my dad were here. I wish my dad was here to just itch Esther's vagina.

No, but, and then a UTI, to not be able to pee when you have to pee. You know what I usually do, Esther? I just resign to the idea that i i'm gonna sleep on the bathroom floor oh bring a pillow in because the urge is always there to yes their urge is always there there's no p so i just sleep in the bathroom it will drive you mad it's like not being able to trust your own bodies do you does it sound like when the p comes out my face literally is like uh-huh and that's how it gets in your mouth whose p are we talking about it's dave's it's donuts.

I love Esther's medical emergencies. They're always in the most inopportune times. This one was on the plane. They're always her vagina. Are they always my vagina? Wait, can I just say something? Sometimes they're my lymph nodes up here. You're fake not having a neck muscle.

I'm so tired. There's nothing going on with your neck. I'm going to say this. You are wrong. I do not validate your neck issues. Your vagina is a fucking nightmare, okay? I get it like i'm genuinely sorry to start it off like this but being on a plane with a uti i think i passed like the final stage of like how to never be embarrassed again in life because i was carlos was on the plane he was getting up non-stop sitting in the on the

toilet for 20 minutes at a time i would get out people would be angry i would go back like i honestly thought the embarrassing part was being on the plane with carlos no i but doesn't that sound embarrassing to go having to use the bathroom on a plane like i understand yeah tinkle having to take a shit by the way i do have the hershey squirts just heads up if i have to run out what is that i had a little curry earlier and if i fart the pants are done uh it's like i was thinking i was like i wonder if they have to run out. What is that? I had a little curry earlier and if I fart, the pants are done. I was thinking, I was like, I wonder if they have diapers. I was like, maybe I should put a diaper on. You're lucky they're Hershey colored. Mine are never that brown. It's always some combo of bright yellow green that would actually show on the- Oh, you have baby poop? Oh, I have baby poop.

Wait. Mm-hmm. Wait, we're talking about the colors of our, I'm just catching up. Don't act, you walked in here so UTI, my crusty pussy heavy for you to start doing this. There is no crust, but there is blood. I will say that is worse. How do you think you got it? I think from, literally, I think I got it because I watched Euphoria and she wiped. And you were just fingering yourself so hard. She wiped her vagina, her pee, she was out of toilet paper and wiped with a towel and i was like oh i do that and then i saw all these people like oh shit that's unrealistic she would get a uti

okay you know what i love about this that this is proving the work that i'm doing with with uh hypnosis and subconscious reprogramming you literally let your body oh you've been wiping your pussy you're nasty like fucking you've been just snail trailing sorry slug trailing all over the hand towels your fucking husband uses no well it was in the hotel oh because you want the cleaning ladies to have to do it no because i don't have a cleaning lady come in because i don't like my stuff you know when you leave they come in no i put the thing on the door know when you leave, they come in. No, I put the thing on the door. No, when you check out, they still have to clean up after you. I just set it all on fire. I'm not as concerned with what you used to wipe, but rather how you wipe because you're showing me back to front. She's doing circles. She's like, we're not supposed to do a figure eight?

2022, y'all. How does Esther wipe? Esther does an infinity symbol. She goes back and forth. She makes sure her shit and her pussy juice all mix in. We're doing the deep dive on how Esther wipes. Welcome. Is it confirmed? And what else would they want to hear? Tell me one other thing they want to hear. First of all, of course, everyone knows you don't wipe back to front. I was just concerned with the way you showed us.

And nobody knows that you don't. I'm going to say that actually everybody doesn't know that for you specifically. Now I'm thinking about it. Show me, show me. She doesn't know. If you don't know, you know it's the right one. Already it's a concern that your hands are in front of your pussy because they should be behind you. I'm scooping, by the way.

She has the nails too, by the way. When your nails get too long, I always say if you can't type or you can't wipe, if you can't type or you can't wipe, it's a problem. So do you go like this? No, Esther. I do this. No, Esther. Esther, do you know what? That's like how Jenna wipes.

Correct me? Wait, which way was it? Can you show me again? No, no, no, don't show her. Do it, you. You do how you wipe. How I wipe? You have to go like this.

I still have to trust Annie to wipe it properly. You have to go up. Yes. Thank you. You lift your ass cheek. Hold on. Do a squat, bitch. Honestly, this is because you don't want to exercise.

Wait, so even for number one, you're going behind? Yes. You don't. She's doing it again. She's going behind, pushing it forward. You scoop bag. I am just shocked right now that I've always known. You know what it is?

We were molested, so we had adults watching us urinate a lot. We've had our fathers scratch our yeasty pussies. My dad did not molest me i think he's into guys but uh you guys knew how to keep it clean because you never knew when a molester would come a molester a little lester i mean a molester i mean wow pretty close you know i am proud of you for being honest a modern woman who doesn't know how to wipe it is shocking you're alive it's shocking you're alive i'm happy about it honestly can i look right back at you and say the same

you're industrious you're always gonna live wait i was watching something and they were talking about i think it was project runway and they were talking about this guy was like um he goes i don't know why people don't like roaches or he goes i'm from the philippines they were my my pets and i was like validation are you serious you know what i think that he has never gotten his shin meat eaten by a cockroach whoever the fuck no you will not cockroaches it was another you let you pet spiders spiders spiders but he might have liked cockroaches but that's funny that you differentiate it is like we will eat like a chicken but we won't eat a dog that's what that's like yeah you'll have a pet spider but not a pet roach no but i really am trying to overcome i you guys will be proud of me i killed a cockroach two days ago. And for as much as I fear them, I actually never kill them.

I kind of escort them out. Oh, that's what I do with Esther. I escort her out. You don't smash her with a metal. Escorting someone out is so funny. I'm kind of just like, Carlos, you never taught me to wipe front to back. It is. Honestly, Carlos must be taking the test.

I can show you. It's not that hard how to wipe. Show us. Show us. Get the roller. Do can show you. It's not that hard how to wipe. Show us. Show us. Get the roller. Do we have a roller? Oh, no. But Esther, look.

I also have another theory that having really long nails is this area is just chock full of not the good stuff. It's chock full of chock lit. But Annie, wouldn't you think she now has a spoon to put- You know what I like is though? You're spooning your shit into your urethra. This reads young man. And then when she has nails, I go, this is a lady.

This is a lady. And it's fine if they're shitting. I actually don't mind the shit. Okay, so this is actually a positive argument for the nails. They change it all for you. When you have any sort of vanity... Your dance video, by the way, sent me through like i relived my whole life i was reborn it's so weird that you're talented you have proud mom vibes when i have when i you're my son you've been my son this whole time i've never not also

guys i want to say sometimes esther goes i can't believe you're my you're such a good i go bitch i've been i have posted everything you've ever put out in your fucking life i post more about you than your parents oh annie you're a boy mom i am oh she's a boy mom she's so proud of me because i'm her boy but also it's like you see her dancing her neck's working it's like not only that do some jazzercise but she's like she's hovering on the ground and like a so good. Like a deep squat, Esther. You're so full of shit. And that fat ass is just there.

You know what's funny, though, is that I was so excited to do that dance that I posted. And thank you for sharing it, Annie. I am in so much pain. I actually think I might have got the UTI from doing the sexy dance. Did you drag your pussy on the ground? She went too low, guys. She did a little sweep. How is everyone's holidays?

Is that crazy to ask? I didn't go home for the holidays. I'm proud of you. I know. Did you like it? Did you like staying in LA? I had the best time ever. So did your parents.

They were like, finally. Finally. Her mom's like, I'll just fold two people's clothes. Do you have to deal with your shit just spraying Omicron all over them but it is hard with the currently with the UTI

I'm not really in the best shape it's solidified for me that I don't think I ever will abuse prescription medicine because I want it to work for me

when I fucking need it you know what I mean like last night I needed it I did take one of Carlos's annex onx on the plane. This is getting so good.

All the details are coming out weird. You're just doing everything in an opposite direction we did it. It's great. Really? You're like becoming a juvenile delinquent. Or is she becoming a typical housewife? Because housewives have an underlying, a lot of them have opiate addictions. But you know what?

You know who also has Xanax? My dad, because I used to steal it and snort it in high school. What's up? Don't do that, kids. Oh, wow. He was a pioneer then with his Xanny game. Well, my dad used to get mad because his dog Xanax was higher than his Xanax. He was like, why the fuck is my dog better?

That was my first time ever taking a Xanax and I was, it was good. But I want to stand by, don't take it unless you need it. Don't crush it up and snort it, especially when you're in high school.

Yeah, it should be your stop valve. You're the absolute last resort. I keep Valium in my purse because I get severe, severe panic attacks. Like I'll be in Gelson's in the produce aisle and all of a sudden like I'm like freezing, sweating. Are you triggered by the eggplant right now?

Oh, you mean Grimace? It's a great shirt. The 90s McDonald's shirt I bought on eBay for $80. I do want to say that I do think that you guys have great fashion sense, both of you. I think you guys don't give my fashion sense enough credit. Let's talk about it. First of all, I want to fight you on that because I actually think I do give you a lot of credit for your fashion sense both of you I think you guys don't give my fashion sense enough credit let's talk about I first of all I want to fight you on that because I actually think I do give you a lot of credit for your fashion in fact she copied your Celine sunglasses I actually gotta say being copied

it feels so good I I love it so much people like will be like sorry I copy I'm like I this is there's never been a big imitation is the best form of flattery. I always check your labels. In fact, you got me into that brand, that brand that you bought at Nordstrom. And so I, and I actually want to take a moment to look at your outfit today. Let's talk. Is that a Matrix nails?

Yes. Oh, did you not know that? I didn't know about this. I'm now in the Matrix. I'm the one. I watched the Matrix for one, like not the new one. Everyone's like, you didn't see the new one, did you? I guess the new one sucked. I'm now in the Matrix. I'm the one. I watched the Matrix for one, like not the new one. Everyone's like, you didn't see the new one, did you?

I guess the new one sucked. You did not see the new one. I rewatched the first one and I actually paid attention. It's amazing. Oh my God, this whole time. Really? So I got Matrix nails. I'll show you.

Okay, I do need to just give a little shout out to Pinky's Nails in Santa Monica. This guy, Ryan, is the fucking man. He did my Hawaii nails where I don't know if I got to show them or not. But it was like, I'll give you guys a picture. He made like me and Todd kissing on a tree. And I had a ponytail. Yeah, they were incredible. So intricate.

I have to say, I walked into the comedy store main room, green room. Just you wait. Just wait. I walk in New Year's Eve. Standing before me was not just Annieie no no no it was annie dressed literally like she was wearing an exact costume from the movie the matrix because i spent eight hours shopping for an outfit fully curated looks like the matrix please show a photo and of course literally she was a perfect meme i have a picture that we should show that i haven't sent because the picture i want to show you is of me and esther

and she certainly didn't post this one because i spent eight hours at the mall i saw the matrix the night before i went i have my new year's look i'm going matrix i'm going matrix and i got a new year's look well it is if i fucking want it to be i guess what i decide what my new year's no i just was like i want to i like doing all these there's a picture of me grabbing todd's weenie but so we get there i'm doing i have my matrix look i i wanted squeaky pants i had a vision of me and pants that were very loud yeah they were squeaky and i shopped all and i finally found them i couldn't believe it was like the last one i was about to close i got the little sunglasses but you can't see there was a picture of me and esther together and it was like for me to have shopped for so long to try to look like

i'm in the matrix and esther just showed up legit looking like keanu reeves it was like i'm fucking believable you know which picture i'm talking about i was like is it i'm literally like it was effortless the look you do have keanu vibes okay no keanu's kind of the best i agree i'm notice i'm taking that as a new esther is very keanu you were very not you were very not keanu before i'm trying to think of someone in the matrix Steve Bannon no more oh really 22 is Keanu okay and I like the whole look and these little hoops on you are great Keanu is a good celebrity reference of like similar to Adam Sandler where I feel like he always looks kind of he has like his own casual commitment yeah grateful for the grateful that people like with their work, but not. Yeah.

Not like, let's just say my, you know, you don't have the same meet and greets as me where they're like, we got to go in here. Like, we're not fans of you anymore. We got to go. You talk them out of. It's wild. It's wild. It happened at the comedy store last night, too.

I was like, the people are like, we have to leave. Wait, wait, what happened? I just, I came out the side door and there were like all these like people sitting out there and um the bright lights um and they were like one this girl i can't remember what her name was but she was like oh i want to make you edibles and send them to you and i was like yeah yeah great and she's like i'm from philly and then i just launch into like a philly story they're literally outside ready to go. They're leaving the comedy store. And I'm like, do you want to hear me do 45 minutes?

The Uber is here. They're like, we're good. But I'll take your edibles. How do you feel if someone was like, I made you these edibles? It's a little scary. I very, like a long, long time ago, I did a show in La Jolla on my birthday. And someone brought me a strawberry rhubarb pie. And I ate it. I don't like that you were talking about rhubarb before. Oh no, I brought up strawberry rhubarb

pie. What's like a drinking game? What a fucking hack that you've been saying this for 12 years. How long have you been doing this? 13, 14 years? It's been my favorite pie my whole life. I think I pitched that's the new name of the show Strawberry rhubarb pie Really? I'm listening I'm going to pitch this name There's something sexy about that I'm going to pitch a name, Bloodbath I don't give a fuck, we're getting it back You guys, it's 2022

Let's freaking change our lives Let's get happier, let's get better Let's achieve our goals Let's get better help Check out better better. Let's achieve our goals. Let's get better help. Check out betterhelp.com slash Trash Tuesday. BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. You can connect in a safe and private online environment. It's so convenient. You can start communicating in just under 48 hours. It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It is professional counseling done securely online.

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And if you're not actually working on it, you're in trouble. I think about myself. It's like getting help is a hard thing to do because it's not where you're... We weren't raised to think we need it, but now things are changing. And it's so easy. So if there's like the least, the less obstacles in the way, the better. And the fact that you don't need to like go to a place, wait in line, wait in the, yeah, it's just, it's, this is the way. And I even tell people, even if you are feeling

good and balanced and in a great place in your life, like just if I think that it's a good way to just keep away the bad stuff, even if you are in a good place. For upkeep. By the way, I promise you whenever I feel like things are good, that's the minute where it's about to turn and you better be getting help. And I will be hypnotizing you out of that behavior. You guys, we want you to start living a happier life today. And as a listener, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday. Join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday.

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I made money. I felt like I made money. I was like, my God. I felt like such a fool. Truebill is a finance saver. Yeah. It's embarrassing in the beginning. You go like, oh, and your Truebill concierge is there when you need them to cancel unwanted subscriptions. So you don't have to. Truebill is a new app that helps you identify and stop paying the subscriptions you don't need, want or simply forgot about. On average, people save up to seven hundred twenty dollars a year with Truebill. That's crazy. That's a lot of money because companies make subscriptions hard to cancel on purpose. Truebill. That's crazy. That's a lot of money. Because companies make subscriptions

hard to cancel on purpose. Truebill makes it so simple. You just link your accounts and Truebill will cancel your unwanted subscriptions in one tap. Do you know what Truebill told me about? What? That I didn't know? My gym. I had my account frozen. I moved to a completely different part of town. COVID hit. Everything shut down. They just opened up every closed account. They were just charging me every month for a gym that is not even in my neighborhood. I have a gym that I go to. I hate that.

Guys, don't fall for subscription scams. Start canceling today at Truebill.com slash Trash Tuesday. Go right today at Truebill.com slash Trash Tuesday. Go right now, Truebill.com slash Trash Tuesday. It could save you thousands a year. Wait, Annie, why does your vagina hurt? Just because it was like sandy and salty because we didn't get to keep the name. My pussy really hurts. Yeah, no, this is a shrug.

I love it. Oh, those are two separate pieces. Are we screaming? Well, we're all little 90s today. This is good. Our different versions of 90s. Yeah, I like that. The shrug because it's very much like ballet dancer warm up vibe.

Like you look like a cool dancer right now do you understand that esther in an in an alternate universe is a full-blown stripper i mean she is like wait how did you get there think and dance okay full-blown stripper and if you just let those titties out for once you can make some money esther speaking of full-blown stripper and big lesbian energy is this about do you know that there's a test that you can do and this is actually scientifically proven that depending on how long your middle finger,

your second finger is to your fourth finger will dictate your sexuality. Okay. But I won't tell you which direction it is so you don't cheat. Oh.

But show me your, show me your hands. I've never felt like a prank is being set up more. Do you feel suspicious? No. It's good when the simulation pushes the hand well your hands let me just tell you then you gotta put your elbows behind her yeah esther actually if you

can touch your elbows behind your body you can be a stripper let me just tell you then so if your second and fourth finger are any go like this and fourth finger are about the same length then generally you have less testosterone exposure in your mother's womb. So they associate that with being straight, straighter. Really? Because I like to finger a girl with an even. If your pointer finger is much longer

than your fourth finger, then you tend to sway a little bit more gay. When is someone's this? Carlos, let's see your finger. The second and fourth, Annie. Kalilah said it's for women only. I didn't hear that. I asked her before.

There's a pre-production meeting. Wait, which one? Second and fourth finger. So this? Me and Annie can't figure it out. So the ring finger and the index. Can you guys cut to like the color block screen? That's hard.

I am not able to put them next to each other. What does that mean? Me either. That's so, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. So it's the ring finger. First of all, they're called the ring finger and the pointer finger. A pointer finger, yes.

And you're seeing if they're similar. Did you just ask the name of fingers? She was confusing me. Second and fourth is what I was saying. I just, it felt like math and I just started to panic. What she was saying was very normal. No, I think the opposite. You had to count your fingers.

It still didn't work because I heard numbers. I went, uh-oh. The only numbers I know are green codes going down. Esther, no matter what direction, second and fourth will still take you to the same fingers. I guess I'm just stalling. I think she needs to feel them. You need to judge mine. I can't honestly tell.

Put your vagina on them. I think they're pretty even. So I'm not gay? I think you honestly tell. Put your vagina on them. I think they're pretty even. So I'm not gay? I think you've been faking your sexuality. Wait. Can I tell you something I just remembered? You don't have a lot of testosterone. Really?

I actually do. I've always known I have high estrogen, I think, right? You're low T. What's low T? Low testosterone. How do you know? Well, why don't you? You're the doctor.

Tell me. You just take a test. But also, it depends on the cycle. She's not the doctor. My mouth is open. Tell me. Do me. Okay.

Tonguescraper. I was about to say that. I was like, definitely tongue scraping. Let's just get – Expensive. We need to do some color correcting too. Get an expensive one. Can we put the beauty filter just on her tongue?

I want to get you a gold one. I was listening to a meditation today and they were talking about, they go, they were talking about boundaries and being able to say yes or no and stuff. And they go, you need to look at your life like you look at a tacky, how easy it is when you see a tacky overpriced thing, how easy it is for you to say no to that item. I was like, who says no to those items? A cheap, tacky, overpriced thing is literally all I'm interested in. You got the wrong girl. I was like, that is my favorite thing to say yes to.

Wait, are any of you guys close to your period? Unfortunately, no. This is just me. This is my personality. You're not close to your period. You're not either? I had it last Monday. Were you the one?

Okay, well, I want to test this theory. Filipinos have been doing it for a really long time, and I think the Western world is just catching on to it, but it's using period blood to treat acne, and I have a really massive, I'm breaking out all over my neck and chest, and I need someone's period blood. Do you want UTI blood?

Period blood. Other people's period blood, I think it's your own period blood, right? You have to use your own. Sorry, Esther, you're the one with the cottage cheese, the bloody cottage cheese. It's not like that. It's not as bad as it sounds, but it hurts a lot. But can we test it on this show?

Let's measure the size of the pimples on my neck, and then we'll treat it with period blood. Did you feel me staring at you? Yes. I was waiting. I was like, you're going to do something. What blood are you going to use? is this have to be my own blood any and he just made that up no i don't think so because when like i just don't know if i can physically not vomit if you smear your period blood on her fucking nasty neck knee i'm just

kidding but i can't see it i could definitely if it was is that from your wetsuit maybe i don't fucking know but it's disgusting if it was presented Is that from your wetsuit maybe? I don't fucking know, but it's disgusting. If it was presented to me in a formal medical tone, like here's a drop of my period. Someone else's blood. When she said tone, what a fun twist. It's on like. It doesn't have to be from anyone that's medical. It's just you have to get the tone of a doctor.

That's right. You have to just speak like a doctor and then dab it on while you're dead. Okay, I'm going gonna dab on the period blood right on your face okay it's happening why do you need them to do it you're gonna have carlos do it anyway that's carlos in the medical tone oh my god carlos can do a medical tone woman uses period blood oh you because of our for facials and says it leaves skin soft okay this is different i don't want a full facial i want a little dab and also why is she so fucking depressed all the articles are regarding facials isn't that don't want a full facial. I want a little dab. And also, why is she so fucking depressed?

All the articles are regarding facials. Isn't that red face? Like a vampire facial? Didn't you do that? No. Oh. Who the fuck did you mix me with? I've been telling so many people that you watched, you were in the hotel room, one of

the only nice days in Hawaii, watching the news on a day when there was a school shooting. She watched a school shooting news cycle. I feel like it was a lot about COVID, too. I remember a lot about COVID. That makes it not better. Okay. Much worse, actually. The thing they talk about every day.

You didn't even get a new one? It was a soft day. There was no twist. Over the holidays, I saw a really older, like, zaddy type with a hickey on his neck. And I thought it was so hot. And I want to ask you guys if you think hickeys are a young girl's game or if we should bring it back. Bring it back. Yeah, hickeys are great.

Hickeys are great, right? Why are we not allowed to give our lovers hickeys? People yelled at us. They yelled at us. They yelled at us. I gave a guy a really epic hickey once. A what? Epic hickey.

What do you mean? He was – okay. So there was a movie shooting in Santa Fe when I was working there. And I was like dating this guy that was like – he was like the second assistant director. He had like a big job on the show. And he was like older. He was like 30 or something. And I was 20, 21.

And he – we hooked up. The first time we hooked up, I gave him – I was just like wasted and he was like older he was like 30 or something and i was 20 21 and um he i we hooked up the first time we hooked up i gave him i was like wasted and gave him like this giant hickey and he was like i am a fucking professional man he said he had to go into the the um trailer the makeup trailer and he was like they were like putting like the stuff to get rid of tattoos on his neck he's like i have worked so fucking hard to be treated seriously well i think that you made too big of a deal out of it yeah he also gave me crabs and denied it he gave me crabs and denied it i'm like if you didn't for this is where the denial came in where i was like he goes yeah i didn't i don't have crabs i didn't give you crabs it's like if if i had gotten crabs from a toilet seat i I would have given them to him. Like, either way you got crabs.

Bastard. So I think on the next episode, we should give each other hickeys. That's all I wanted to say. I'm down. And I think they should be big ones on our necks. And I think we should wear them proudly. We might have to explain to Dave, Todd, and Bobby that, you know, we did this to each other.

Oh, my God. Her juicy lips. Wait, let's see how long if they notice. Can you, I have one request. What? By the next episode, will you drink a little more water?

Cause I don't want those fucking dried ass lips. No. In fact, I'm so glad you brought that up. I am doubling down in 2022 on my crusty lips. I think you're an aesthetic. You have doubled down cause it's that one and the fucking UTI. Y'all are laughing too hard the men are laughing too hard wow she said y'all she's getting so fun Esther you're blossoming no the men cannot laugh at that one I didn't even know that you're trying

for crusty lips what I didn't know that that was a thing that you were trying to do. Okay, I have really dry lips. I always have. Just drink water. No, no, no. Listen, we all do. This is crazy. And he's right.

We all do. You are notoriously hot because you're drinking sparkling water or something, bitch. Drink some real water. Hear me out. I think that lips. No. No, no, no. This is big. I can't hear you out no this is big just wait

i think the lips need a makeover and they need a brand over okay everyone has big perfect glossy fake injected lips in our culture and i am here to say i'm going for the crusty, shriveled, dry. To try to drag society into the fact that you're a lazy bitch that won't drink water is shocking. That's like sake. It's health. Why don't you just double down and then grow some cavities? I have a dead tooth, as a matter of fact. So that was actually rude of you. Society says I shouldn't get diabetes.

But you know what I say? You don't rule me. She comes in rude of you. Society says I shouldn't get diabetes, but you know what I say? You don't rule me. She comes in missing a limb. It's like, Esther, for fuck's sake. My crusty lips are, you'll see, this is the Fashion Trend Report 2022. Just keep a lookout. Now, I do want to say,

hickey idea, 100% in. I would love to save it for next week so that I'm not have the UTI in case I get a little turned on. I don't want to ruffle any feathers down there. Sorry I wore this outfit, Esther. I have no feathers to ruffle down there, just so we're clear. Mine's quite feathery, honestly. But that is why I use Manscaped. We're doing the hickey challenge next episode.

So we have exactly 30 seconds. And whoever gives the biggest, best hickey. Can we get an actual prize? Yes. Because Annie already knows she's going to win. This has to be a real prize. Maybe like a $400. Is there another pair of Celine glasses that you guys are eyeing?

Bitch, you need one. You have to get a pair. I still have to get the same one, right? Stop with this nonsense. You know they're cool. You know they're cute. I really do want them. Yes, just get them. Listen, I have to say something pair. I still have to get the same one, right? Stop with this nonsense. You know they're cool. You know they're cute. I really do want them. Yes, just get them.

Listen, I have to say something. We can edit this out. Kalilah, you are not an island girl playing with a spider anymore. You're a rich fucking bitch. You worked hard to get where you're at. Spend your money. You don't have to. I think you have survivor's guilt.

Okay, 2022. I'm getting Celine glasses. But is there another pair that you've been eyeballing that can be the the price for the hickey contest the matrix glasses were funny for one night but they make my head look so big I have a pitch

what about the prize is that person gets to choose like a meal that we get to eat at the end of the next episode a meal Esther oh okay I was just trying to make it

more affordable Annie would it be better if she said oyster we gotta stop with this what are we talking about affordable would it be better if she said oyster bar

I'm almost as rich as fucking Carlos with his dad's fucking payments every week wait i wanted to tell you guys so the reason i brought my fashion sense up is because i do think you were really hard on i made a real i took a fashion risk when we were in hawaii and you guys really shit on it and i stand by it and i I think... Was it the Daft Punk merch? Yeah, I think it's time to post. I think it's time to show them what I saw. Oh, I was watching Project Runway and one of the most talented designers in America handpicked by Nina Garcia, okay?

I love Nina. This man's work will be in vogue and look what he is wearing. I want to rewind the tapes because I gave you so much credit for that. Ew, she shit on your head. She goes, ew, steampunk. I will admit I don't like

steampunk. I'm afraid of it. Is it because it's heavy on your poor neck? I think it's actually very socially acceptable to be afraid of steampunk. Steampunk? Definitely. Speaking of steampunk, howunk it's definitely speaking of steampunk how is your uti i would say the comments that we don't even mean to have such a vaginal show and we never set out for it to have three vaginas in the room something's gonna go wrong with one of them

they're not all gonna be working there will be some overgrowth except kalilah's like i got mine waxed i'm like how much did you charge them to wax three pieces of hair by the way everyone goes to her i have a great wax lady who's yours my there is no better wax lady than my and i stand by is it the same one though and i stand by manscape is it yanni no it's not dude they cannot be doing yoni. Doing your Yoni? No fucking way. The Yoni of Yonis? If you live in LA, go to Felicia or Lacey at My Little Wax Bar. I'm telling you, you will not have hair.

I think Yoni. No, no, this is the war of the waxers. Yoni at Stark and Silver Lake. That's where Jenna, our mutual friend, sent us. So that's weird that we're not going to see. She doesn't care about your pussy. I have not had a single ingrown in 10 years. That's shocking.

I don't get ingrowns. I thought you don't get hair. Well, I used to. But after going repeated times, whatever method. But you have straight Asian hair. You don't have the curly. Oh, so you go to get it cleaned up. Whatever they do there, they do it right.

Show us what they do. Why don't you show? Let's prove it. I want to see. Can I see your discharge in your underwear right now? Oh, so you go to get it cleaned up? Whatever they do there, they do it right. Show us what they do. Why don't you show? Let's prove this. I want to see. Can I see your discharge in your underwear right now? Oh, yeah. I want to see that. Sure.

I thought you'd never ask. You are looking so good, Esther. A little hottie. Oh, poor little Esther Vag. I'm sorry. I like how one of your head hairs is stuck in there. Are you wearing a nice, like, thick cotton gusset? Oh, there's nothing. There's nothing there. there what's that that's just a little barely it's like

this is now when it's weird this is when it's weird i'm surprised wait you guys so i'm going to canada actually do it like this the rest of the time you can oh my god please just blow her pussy please it hurts can we can we photoshop carlos's head coming out of his mommy his bossy mommy she's a bossy mama to him her rich son look at how he's sitting look at carlos he's confident he's sophisticated i'm just listening i'm happy that. I'm giving you a compliment for once. Thank you, Annie. You look great. I do want to tell you, I feel like you pulling that underwear out and it being Skims was like, it was a proud moment.

It was a proud mother moment for me. Can I say something about Skims underwear that maybe you guys can? Are they Skims? They're not, but I don't want to ruin the moment. Oh, no. They would have been if I didn't have a U2. Oh, my lips are really crusty. I will say that the impressive part was that you're, yeah,

that's literally the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life. Can we turn my camera off? Oh, it was on? Do we have lip stuff right now? We have Aesop lip stuff. Oh stuff oh my god i also have so much we should not have recorded today i don't look good it's weird that everyone's just quiet when i say that and staring at me did you guys know 30 million women are impacted by weakened or thinning hair and if you're among

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when I know I have nice workout stuff. Oh, are you kidding? When I buy myself a new outfit to work out in, whether it's shoes or leggings, whatever it is, I will actually work out. Yes. With Pep in my freaking step too. I will look good. When you look good, you feel good. Yeah. I always buy my, yeah, I buy my girlfriend collective first and then I wear it for a couple months and then I decide to work out. And girlfriend makes their items in your go-to staple colors, but also makes fun, bright colors and new seasonal releases to choose from. They also have a garment take back program called ReGirlfriend. So once you're done loving your pieces, which is a long time from now, you can send them back to be upcycled into new girlfriend gear. And I have the running shorts in bright red. They're so cute. And I have the

matching bra top. I love their clothes. I think they're a really nice quality and they're made sustainably and guilty. God save the person that gets the recycled, the upcycled. Esther bra. The re-girlfriended Esther bra. Also, but no, like I feel like we've all been rocking our Girlfriend Collective lately and it's been looking cute. I'm excited about it. I'm glad that they like us. It's great cute style. For listeners of our show, Girlfriend Collective is offering $25 off your purchase of $100 or more when you go to girlfriend.com slash Tuesday. That's $25 off $100 or more when you go to girlfriend.com slash Tuesday. Girlfriend.com slash Tuesday. This brand is super chic and cool like i feel so excited we're

associated with them you know why those that material of underwear is fucking genius and i just came to this conclusion recently because you can have sex in them completely spread out without ever having to take your underwear off explain Because it doesn't have the seam that's like constricting. The skim, stretchy ones? Yes. Oh, because it'll like stay put on the side. Yeah, so you can be as spread out as possible. So that fantasy of keeping, you know,

just pulling the panty to the side works best on those. I love how you say fantasy. It's literally just full laziness. It's true. I'm like, I'm watching Project Runway. Wait, but it is a fantasy. I feel like she's right, though. Like, why? Why is that like a hot turn on? Because it is a fantasy i i feel like she's right though like why why is that like a hot turn because it's almost like i feel like yeah public sex yeah

rip like push it to the side yeah so that if anyone were to just come in you could just you know put it back and those panties are flying around i actually think you're 100% right because i've always wondered about panties to the side sex i've never done it even if let's say you do doggy you still don't need to take the underwear off they stretch that much without yeah and the and then they stretch right back as if they have you know like when you stretch other panties out then they never go back to their normal size yeah but the skims do so i tested this theory on all fours had sex doggy completely legs here legs here and when you said all fours were there four men or four men that's exactly it was either wait i actually think that this is somehow becoming

the best world's best free commercial for skims because you're totally right that you can have side underwear sex it's weird when it's like a company that does not need our promotion but it's so good that it's like i don't know how to not that is literally how i feel about my nail guy like he's always booked and stuff but it's like try to get it anyway he's so fucking good it's so good that it's like i don't know how to not that is literally how i feel about my nail guy like he's always booked and stuff but it's like try to get it anyway he's so fucking good it's like crazy you get these people and well i guess that's why they're so sick well that's why la like you literally like when you need a plumber like you can't even get one because there there's so many people in la like all the good if you're good at something in los angeles there's too many people here if i was fucking you i would that would be the role play you would be my plumber i would be yes you would

come with your little saggy ass hanging out i would love to just bang you while you're cleaning my while you're fixing my sink not cleaning who would be like the dominant one in that you would be i would i would be i can't believe that would even be that's you would say no you would say no i feel like she's got secrets i feel like the plumber i guess you're right the plumber you really need to come on to the plumber you don't want the plumber coming on to you no that's rape but if i'm doing it to him you guys ever heard like you know how men they go like i think there's a term they use called like slum slum busting no what that? Where it's like they will fuck what they consider to be somebody

to be really unattractive just to get out like fuck start themselves. Yeah. To like to yeah to kind of

kickstart a journey into back into sex. But I there's this girl that I know that who lives in New York slump buster.

Slump buster. I think it's a baseball term, right? Slum buster on the Urban Dictionary is an unattractive individual who is chosen by another individual to be in a relationship with and or have sex in order to get the individual out of a rut. You're right.

Wow. I think very 90s term, right, Annie? Was this a term in college or whatever? I never heard this term, but I love it. I love it. I know. I just heard a new term that was, I almost posted something crazy. But I have a friend who fucks really, really disgusting, like for instance, she'll randomly choose like a really fat, hairy taxi driver in New York. And she'll be like, hey, like, do you want to blow a job? And she's like a

hot chick. And it's more not so much slum busting, but it's more of like a, I'm giving like pay forward, kind of like a charitable thing. Well, that always backfires. I end up dating those dudes and they're so mean. They're so fucking mean.

They're little fat attitudes, by the way. I'm not bad shaming everyone, but there is such a thing as some people have a fat attitude. I think you're right. He was a real fat man to my mom. I'm like, why are you yelling at my mom, fat man? It was crazy.

I was thinking about him when you were saying pull the skims to the side because he was like, he goes, when you come home, and he was fucking obese. This was not like a little bit fat. Wait, I'm sorry. I literally think you figuring out what a slum buster is and realizing you did it and then dated them. I've been at the entire time. I think it cured my UTI.

I'm a slum. Okay, sorry. Keep going. I'm a slum truster. I devote my life to them. I lived with this man. You fell for your slum bust. You know what it was?

I just didn't know how to break up with it. He was so mean, but I was like. But you know what? I'm laughing so hard because I feel like that's what I would do too. You know what it was? I just didn't know how to break up with it. He was so mean but I was like, ah. But I, you know what? I'm laughing so hard because I feel like that's what I would do too.

You've had some. We've all had a few. We've had a few. Let's just say we don't go to Dave and Buster's but we do go to slum and buster's. He, okay,

so he would be like, where's the passion? And I did fuck him all the time but he would, he was like, why aren't you like, he's like, why don't you like tear my clothes?

I want you to tear my clothes off. And I'm like, but leave the shirt. Like he swam with a shirt on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He never showered in front of me. He never took a shower. Do you want me to, you want me to literally tear your clothes off and then stop at the last layer?

Where's my camera? Men, there's nothing that will dry my vagina into just straight pure talcum powder than a man naked with just a t-shirt on. Oh, it's disgusting. The Winnie the Pooh? It works for us girls, but please, for the love of God. I don't know if it works for girls either. I mean, it's what guys think.

But for me, I'm always like, anything, it just feels unfinished. It feels wrong. And it feels like, remember the Jessica Simpson song where she's like, nothing but a t-shirt on. I'm always like, ugh. Ugh. Bad look. a Simpsons song where she's like nothing but a t-shirt on I'm always like ugh I was like ugh ugh bad look unless

I don't know if your pussy's your best feature I guess unless it's like an oversized boyfriend shirt maybe but if you're wearing

like just a midriff and just put your pussy out I like short though you like men no men wear short shirts come on that's you're like invent're like what are you about to

say i'm so sorry i interrupted what you're gonna say because it wasn't what i thought you were gonna say you're making you're making your past seem worse than it was no i think i want you for the shirts are short i think a little clothes left on during sex can be strategically hot a bra a panty something like that about's talking about a guy i'm talking about a guy roaming around the house starting on the chores with just a t-shirt on you don't think if a sex but you and a t-shirt and then nothing else is hot if you're the the girl has a shirt on no i mean i guess it's fine i don't know you're like i didn't think that far i have nothing i was just thinking about if todd was like bottomless how funny would

it be but Todd is like really I've been doing a joke about this where I'm like I really want to like hire someone Todd's a man Todd's age to come to the apartment after he gets out of the shower to validate his mangina because I'm like tired of it it's like Todd it's not funny to me I was like I know boys love their mangina okay every boy loves to tuck his dick have his tight little pussy it always looks better than mine. But it's like I get the urge to think that's funny. It's just like I fuck you. Yeah.

I fuck you. Where's your dick? Well, that's the thing. Like I feel like Whitney Cummings, our last guest, talks about this a lot. Like there's little things that can like turn you off from a partner that you know better. His are so mean or hers or his hers with me wait what's one of hers she is like when guys like trips and falls it's like she can't help it it's just because he's not sure-footed that's the thing i believe it i think that's

giving her credit i think it's literally just seeing them in a weak moment she can't they can't bounce back it depends how he's tripping if it's something that's quite you know are you laughing because it's carlos trip like that that's crazy annie you know maybe you don't but it's not crazy for me to say i agree with you that that could be no you squeal and go like like you your head goes back. But if someone does this, it's like so. Like I'm a reptile? But the thing is like

for a guy to release all of his like bravado, that's what it is. Like if you're caught in a moment where like all of the things you've been, to see that they've been trying so hard to be masculine

but that's not what they are. Okay, I think it's only, I would get the ick if the guy was super masculine. Yeah. If it's someone like Bobby because he has, you know this,

the amount of times. Can you tell the story again? Well, there's several times times so one time in cancun we were coming out we were across and he was just really cocky in his fucking crocs and i was like careful is this the same one this is different one i was like careful it just rained it's slippery and don't tell me what to do and then he trips over not even something on the ground like a whole like a chain link and then he flies into the air and then he lands on the pavement on the crosswalk all of mexico's like oh senor like that and then he on his belly he starts to like spin this way it's because he's falling in a round thing it's like those boso balls at the gym like we have to like balance on them like he's like round down you know it's so funny and he doesn't stop there because he's

like babe i need help babe i need help and you're like i tried to help you bitch but also do you know what this kind of made me do right after saying shut up bitch don't tell me what to do but this kind of makes me think less about bobby being clumsy and more that you're a witch you were like okay call me a bitch and you're just like because this has happened so many times that whole korean elvis moment i don't know if you've told me how many times you told it i will never tire of this story we were eating we were eating korean barbecue at simple jeep and the whole time the whole time, the whole time, for a whole hour, he was like, I'm Korean Elvis, huh? Tell me I'm Korean Elvis.

Which the truth is, he kind of is. But you cannot be the one that comes to that. That's right. You have to literally pay someone else to pitch it. If you need that information out, it's got to be someone else or you got to pay someone to pitch it. But again, it's Bobby versus Chainlink. or you got to pay someone but again it's bobby versus chain link we were walking to the parking lot and just as he was about to say elvis he's like i'm korean he he again on the chain link he trips over it and i mean he takes off into the air he should have

called him you should have said you're careening elvis you guys are so much more fun than watching the news i have to say i'm say so many laughs isn't it weird when there's like entertainment and fun things around you and not school shootings you psycho it's just so crazy you have school shooter dandruff too please i pray the cameras are not picking up the dandruff um bobby does transcend that though i pray something is picking up the dandruff and getting it off of your head. Bobby can spin on his belly and still be fuckable. Like, that is funny.

That's because he's not trying to put on a macho thing. Well, because also the thing that probably makes him less fuckable to you is when he's being too braggy. That probably annoys you, right? So then he got shown and then he's humbled. Bobby's a humble man. he looks like one of those giant beetles that can't get off their backs one of your pets there one of your pets we get it we see the correlation attached to his string you just want to put him a little in a little box oh my sweet little boy thanks for saying we're more fun than the news

korean that's my review of my own show it's more fun than the news korean elvis i have to say can't quite get that out of my head there's something to me that's very dark and sad about referring to yourself as like the elvis of your like yeah the guy that's dead died on a toilet like if i said i was that jewish girl elvis that's like i guess that one you don't get to claim jewish yeah what are you're something else a little person i thought you're gonna say i don't get to claim myself as elvis i hate the word normalized but i know you're the elvis of something i don't know what it is i'll come up with it i really truly the word normalized really triggers me i hate the fucking word but i will say we should normalize dandruff.

I get it so much. And lately I've been, I think, I don't, I think I'm beyond dandruff. I have these spots. Ooh. You're fucking in the water a lot. It's probably drying from the, from the salt water, right? It's so fucking itchy. It could be the LA cold weather dry, drying you out in the heat.

You might be, it sounds like dryness. Can you pull up lichen on the head? You got an ashy scalp. Cause I'll get that too. Like we're literally, I'll scratch my head and it's snowing we know that you don't get dandruff any i don't know maybe i you guys i look at myself in the mirror i get i do i put a lot of like i i know my look i i look in the mirror i do my hair do everything i go god i look fucking great i really excited. Then I go out and anything that happens, an eyelash falls off, a hair extension falls out, is not my problem. That's up to you to deal with. I like I look in the mirror before I leave and then I never pay attention again. That's cool. Lipstick, crusting off, never care. You commit to what you walk out of the house as. And then you manage your emotions around what happens to it.

You know, you said something that I feel like has come up a lot on this show recently. And I feel like it's a good theme. Not that. That's what I said. I feel like it's a good theme for the year of Trash Tuesdays, especially because we're three women. You said people need to manage their emotions about if something is off with your outfit. And I know I brought this up because that's something Emily Ratajkowski talked about in her book.

Why do I have to hide my tits? Just deal with it on your own. And I feel like that's a good theme that we should think about this year. It's like we're going to show off our bodies, and sometimes we're not going to show off our bodies, and sometimes we're going to look good, sometimes we're going to look real bad. You guys deal with it. I'm always going to look good.

I'm camera ready, baby. This is how I roll. Here's what I'll say. I need you guys to help. I never disrespect the eyes of my audience. I think I'm really overdue for a thirst trap. So I'm going to be sending you guys different pictures tonight. And you're going to tell me which one to post.

Yes. I'm on the thirst. Let's be thirsty this year. Okay. But it's not even thirsty because it's not. We're not thirsty. We all like our have men. We have this show. We have not, we're not thirsty. We all like our, have men. We have this show.

We have George. We are not thirsty. Like we need another word for it. We have George. That is so weird to say. What a joke. I'm sorry. I tried to make one.

You were not joking. It was an insult to George. Does that make you feel better? Yes. It was just to put him in with your boyfriend is it's sick it's just like stay i'm just saying like we're not thirsty you know you know what's so funny i was just thinking well you are your lips you set yourself up hard for that one no i was i literally almost didn't get it we need i was about 15 minutes late on that one.

For someone who loves liquid death, Esther, your lips have to look more hydrated than that. She's like, no, you die with also having liquid. You die of dehydration. We need to desperately rebrand thirst traps. Okay, I'm begging you. Help me. We would love for you to be a slug.

It's disgusting that you cover your top body. What are we calling them? When you post a sexy photo. Okay, okay. It needs to be positive energy vibes. A slug trap? It doesn't seem right. Oh my God.

I think you can only get these. Do you have time to do that and tie up your pants? Thank you. What are these called again? Mini bananas? These ones are baby. These ones are not the apple bananas because they're not apple bananas. But they're a different kind.

But they're still baby bananas. Oh, my God. You got a little Hawaii there. She was like, they're not my people. I love how small they are. I feel like a doll. They look regular in your hands. It looks like a regular size banana. I feel like a real person., they look regular in your hands. It looks like a regular size banana.

I feel like a real person. You know what I was thinking? I was looking at Randy's dick and I was thinking, my dog literally has the smallest dick I've ever seen on an animal. My dog has the biggest dick I've ever seen. I love big dick dogs.

That's my line with people. That's my like, one of my crowd work. I hate big dick dogs. They're so obnoxious. Is your dog bad? No, he's the sweetest, simpiest dog.

And he's not a big dog. He's a small dog with a massive penis. That's what's funny. I love that they're dragging it on the ground. Oh my God. I'm like Stubbs,

you're dead, dude. I don't know if it's because his legs are so long too. I think that's why Randy has a good personality. Stubbs is the one you like. Oh, really? He's so sweet. He just has a really heavy dick.

Only thing that's not stubby about him is his dick. I love that puppy. I know. He's so sweet. It doesn't taste ready. It's ready. Oh. She ready.

You're so lucky. They're not ready. Why don't we say that? That's maybe our third shot. This doesn't taste ready. Is that my caption for oh my god why don't we call them blood baths is your banana ready oh it's so hard ew this is not what i wanted to have happen this looks like dr pimple popper oh my god you guys my you guys know josh potter right yeah my he's so funny. He had like a fucking goiter growing on his neck. And he like was just getting health insurance for the first time, but he didn't have it.

So he goes, does this look bad? And it's like this big. I go, oh, you're fine. I was just like, we got to keep him calm. We got to keep him calm because he does not have access to get this fixed yet. And we go to the comedy store and George Perez, who just got passed at the comedy store, he's so funny. But he's like gangster, dude. Like been to jail, all this shit.

Like Kalilah definitely wants to bang him. He goes, he goes. Look it up. Not really. I love his girlfriend. Just kidding. Just kidding. But he, Josh pulls it down and he's just one of those like honest.

He goes, oh my God. It was one of the funniest things. We're trying to just keep him chill. But then he did end up going to um urgent care and they popped it and he didn't get to film it and i'm like how is this not for the world to see they had a drain like it was the size of you what is a goiter and how do you make sure you don't get it a goiter is actually uh maybe it's not goiter. Yeah, goiter is thyroid, a thyroid problem.

Oh, okay. But it probably just sounds like it's like a staph infection. Yeah, giant. It was like, you're fine, dude. Oh, see, I'm terrified of the friends that say, no, you're fine. No, I'm helping him behind the scenes. I was getting a milk and drink stuff. I know what you mean, yeah.

But because of the hypnosis I've been doing. You're right. There's no reason. I realize like if you freak people out. Yeah. Like it's, you still you still like i always want to help people i don't want to lie to them or anything but it's like there's no need for me to go like holy shit and like freak out because i know it's gonna make him worse especially if you don't have a solution to offer for them yeah like i think that i know like with you esther when you come to me for like the medical stuff it's never i i cannot approach with like, oh my God, like alert.

It's more like, go see this doctor, bye. Yeah. Also, we're so over it, right? Yeah. Well, you, that you have a good bedside manner with me. It's very factual. There's no, she doesn't respond to. Hellos or friendly.

To the 911 elements. But I actually did have a crazy health scare over a break. What was it? Dude, this is so weird. I literally woke up one morning. Do you do breast self-exams? I do a lot. You do?

Yeah. I never do them. It makes me really squeamish to touch my boobs. I don't know why. Like touching my own nipple and breast tissue is so uncomfortable i woke up i literally must have gone like this like literally like a cartoon stretching and i just felt a huge lump that i'd never felt before in my right breast i freaked out i texted kalilah i was so embarrassed that was really embarrassed over uh i don't know is it a real problem for one it's just like embarrassed it's like when you embarrassed over a... I don't know. Because you had a real problem for once?

It's just like embarrassed. It's like when you have like a... I don't know. It was just for some reason I felt it. That's interesting. It was weird. I texted only... Sorry, now my lips are peeling like a cartoon. Thank you.

I feel like... Like a cartoon. What cartoon is that? One of you put a curse on me. What cartoon is about peeling? I texted Lila. She told me where to go it's kind of a like i want to i want to go home i actually think they're better now than they were 30 minutes ago do you mind leaving can you take a hike take a hike but this has never happened you know what works you know actually i learned this on set you do um just put sugar if you don't have something and that's exfoliated i do a what i do

a hot wash cloth that's really rough the fact that you work on it is really hard to hear the fact that you've tried there's that's what i'm saying i gotta commit anyways you sent me to a doctor you made me feel a lot better i went in there and i'm so glad i went she was like basically obviously like i was fine and my breasts are cancer free but i do have it in my family but like um it was it was just like a like a normal like cyst she was like this is normal they come and go but it's good you came in and they even like took out they drained a cyst so they put a like a a needle on me yeah were you scared i was really scared because i never went with you do you have to go alone because of covid i went by myself yeah imagine if all women had access to that

thank you i'm the person that does that really imagine if all women felt on the same day felt like a lump on their breasts and said, you know what? I'm going to bypass the mammogram. I'm going to not, I don't have to wait for a referral from my primary. I'm just going to go straight into Dr. So-and-so's office today, get the ultrasound, get answers today. Yeah. That'd be a long line. That'd be a long line if we all did it at the same time. But I mean, imagine like, cause if you don't have like the right medical insurance, like you have to sit and wait for like to get referred and then the mammogram and then they're gonna say your tissue was too dense we didn't really get a good seat and it's like at that

point it's like you've wasted what like two months at that point yeah and the weight it like the like having to wait when you're nervous about something like that you need immediate like you really can't the anxiety is that's what i'm saying the make you get sick. The privilege of having to pay out of pocket and say, you know what? I'm just going to get it done today. Yeah. Going to ultrasound today. It was the most luxurious medical experience I've ever had. Woke up, felt it, handled it all in one day.

I think I also got lucky because like it was like the day before Christmas and whatever. But yeah, it was. That's called Christmas Eve. Oh. I know fingers are hard to know what they're called that one we have it memorized but yeah no that was so you really helped me there thank you that was i was so scared and also i hope i help everyone like check your titties and also if you have a if you have a lump it may be totally nothing which is great and the lumps come and go because

they've on your period you're dying of cancer immediately yeah don't borrow that is like so unhealthy for your immune system and it's actually likely not the case right because you've had lumps too i've had so many lumps and it was nothing but also depending on my cycle like when i'm closer to my period i am super lumpy especially i've had a lump buster okay sorry guys because it wasn't it slump buster yes or was it slum buster slum buster oh sorry i but then the slump would make better sense because if you're in a slump or in a rut then it busts you out of that slump should we slump bust um is that what we call them that's what we call the the pictures a slump slump busting we're slump busting we're not so we're like hey ugly guys no we're being ugly we're like we're busting this slump of thirst traps okay but we're cute i can't

help it sorry guys we're cute it's just unfortunate for everyone to say okay we are our third this is the thing like it's kind of what we talked about in the whitney episode with you like you are kind of like it's it's a lot when you are hot because it's like it's when when you're sexy it's like it gets really like and i am gonna just say that for i think that when we are being it can be very sexy like it's not just like a little like when we try it's like a lot yeah we're hot babes wait that's the whole thing of i love lucy you guys i love lucy lucille ball was a fucking babe but they all make fun of her she was such a like she could never be in show business you know but she was actually a babe okay so the week that this episode comes out we're putting out a slump

buster each one of us okay i hate that you did it It's a week of my period. Hers is just going to be her, like, bottomless with a t-shirt. No, mine is me at age 12 in a maid's costume. It's from my little, when I was little. No, I'm just kidding. The amount of boners you would give out, that is sad. Guys, no. They're going to get busted in a different way. Let's all post a thirst trap this week.

Yes. They're called slump busters. What did I want to show you? Sorry, slump busters. It takes time for the neural pathways to recreate themselves. Oh, I wanted to ask you guys advice. Okay. So first of all, I did kind of show this.

Don't buy it. You were talking about breast, possibly having breast cancer. And I was like, look at my armpits. But so I do it at an appropriate time. I have sweated out the fucking, it's not attached to my body. Like it's barely, it's literally, you'd think this would be the least sweaty.

I'm surprised. I'm going to work on hypnosis to try to get rid of it though. I think it's a diddle factor. It's fight or flight. I really believe that. It's a diddle factor. If when you sweat on your armpits,

you've been diddled. I've been saying that on, I literally go, do you have sweaty armpits and a tight jaw tight jaw or yeah TMJ they go yeah and I go can I ask you a personal question yeah where you must and they go yeah I mean one time a girl said no but I was like wait revisit it think really hard harder that's amazing like that's fight or flight yeah because you that's a lot. But you want to touch my armpit right now? If you come to me just because of the STD or whatever I have.

She got a smirk. This is what happens with STDs. You're so sweaty. When she smirked after getting it. The minute her ailments get her to be able to sit and other people walk, it all becomes worth it. The smirk, I don't know if her camera caught it. It was there. If we could zoom back in on that smirk. That it's really wet you bitches are wet yes and we have chronic

digestive issues why have that i guess i'm kind of oh i'm not dry i am now now that you lifted that i smell a hoagie you're hungry hungry for that hoagie bitch okay this is what i want to ask you guys advice okay okay i've been getting my eyelash extensions done it takes the experience of getting your eyelash extensions done just to let you know if you don't know is you go to a place they have a bunch of places now you find the right person for you it's two hours it's an hour and a half to two hours okay like i don't think it would be possible to get out of there in an hour. It's a large chunk of time. You're sitting there laying with them. Some people I guess like take a nap and stuff, but I'm, I am not able.

I succumb to the social pressure of talking for fucking two hours. Okay. But if you talk too much, it actually slows it down. So I'm, it's a full nightmare. It's my worst case scenario. Talking will actually make this last longer. And all I can do is talk when people tell me not to talk. So I'm laying there. You talk to the girl and I'm telling you all my lash girls have been

angels they're fucking incredible they're the cream of the crop of people to do this with it's still a long time it's still a lot of time to spend with someone I'm a busy bitch okay so you lay there they glue them on like you have to keep your eyes closed you're I never turn my phone off I can hear I'm like oh my god I'm going to text I have no clues text me it's like okay so that's best case scenario

and the girls are great then you have to do all this upkeep you have to wash them every day there's a special wash and brush you have to do

your spoolie brushes and they fall out you can't sleep like if you sleep on your side like they fall so then you're like oh my god

I spent all this time and it's pretty pricey it's like I think it's like 150 bucks yeah minimum i don't i just like give the credit i go anyway i don't even know what things cause it anymore um but so she does your eyelashes right we go outside i sell annie a can of soda for 300 and i gladly take it glad i would buy it i would do it bob Bobby got his nails done for the first time did you guys see that oh yes I did did he show it off at the store how did he like it oh my god okay so I basically had to fucking like chain him to me because he was like no I don't need work

my feet are full of our fungus riddled and just so he didn't want to go no and i was like he's like a fun it's fun fungus fun every day this week when are we going back can you make an appointment he's addicted to petties now and he chose a very bold color he chose like a neon orange um but he that's all he wants to do now is get his nails done oh my god is he getting his hands done too he's getting them clean but he only colors his toes because i love color on a man's hands now. But he does color them on his own. He does? Okay. Yeah.

But then why didn't you get color on yours? Why'd you go nude? I think a man with a short nail with some black and gray. It is so fun that guys are, it's annoying a little bit because makeup was kind of made up for our periods and stuff. Right. And it is weird that they

just come in and do it better than us it's really almost not better than us that's crazy some better than us bring up our guy with no arms and no legs please yeah but okay i'm talking like i actually i feel like gen z is a lot better about this like where who's she guys they like are more into like the fluidity of like genders and stuff whereas for me like i tend to be more traditional like i'm feminine and like the men i'm attracted to is that the more shocking thing she's ever said she's feminine to me in my head she's steve manning what i'm trying to say is like men in nail polish actually works for me in a way that I would probably not have thought. How do you feel about when a guy on Halloween does a little eyeliner? Halloween is a whole different. But they wear it for months after. There was like,

I can't wash my eyes. There was like, oh, whoops, because guys love their eyes. How beautiful are they though when they line their eyes? It's always like, that's unfair. I don't look like that with eyeliner. I don't want to. Yeah, you do. We're just used's always like that's unfair. I don't look like that with eye liner. I don't want to. Yeah, you do. We're just used to it. Yeah, maybe. I don't have judgments to pass on it, but I'm not attracted to it the way that I think like a little nail polish on a man is kind of hot.

I have a weird thing. I don't know if I've ever said this on this podcast. Headbands on guys for some fucking reason is so hot to me. I get it. I do not understand. I can't explain it. It's kind of young energy to me. I do not understand. I can't explain it. It's kind of young energy. Maybe, yeah.

It's an athletic young guy. Yes. And it's like, I don't know why. And also like Todd when he grows his hair out a little bit and I can see like a little

peak under his ear. So cute. That's cute. Now New Year's, I see Esther rolls in with her crew wait who's in your crew it's carlos and john campen oh yeah she rolls into the comedy store obviously high in the greatest way no i wasn't high yet oh agitated i was wanting badly to be high i have that i've been eating edibles at night after my sets. And it is. That's what I've been doing.

It's like such a fun little treat after the set. I know. But it does. That is maybe what will keep me from not losing my whole life is that I have to wait until after the set to get high. Because you can. You'll experiment in your drug addictions. But no, it's like it is weird to be high.

That type of high on stage because it's so you can almost to be high that type of high on stage because it's so you can almost like be in a fish tank of it like where you're like I feel sometimes I'm like wait

maybe I'm not in like I've never done it that sounds so scary to me we should definitely do it on purpose by the way I feel like we need to get a live show

it's like it's time I think we're going to so what did we learn today a lot bring hickeys back yes we have some fun we're giving each other nicky hickeys next week what is the nicky hickey glazers we're we're getting what's

it what's the nicky i don't know we'll ask her i don't know maybe she i want to say it like you it's a really light one because she's talking so much but i talk so much i can't really give her that you can't you wanted me to say it but that's why the cough so annoying I talk so much it's almost like having hiccups it's like this betrayal where I'm like body you know what I want to do and I want to just talk and talk and talk that is why are you interrupting me we learned we're gonna do a stump dumper or something a slump buster we're gonna post a peanut buster parfait bar from dairy queen we're gonna get my um period panties and try to treat my neck pimples yes we're gonna post something hot um you you don't have gay fingers i don't my are straight, but my lips are crusty and dry. What are you trying to say about gay people?

Nothing. It wasn't related. Wow, she's homophobic and racist. Wait, I want to say one more thing. This is technically the first time we've gotten together since, I mean, for the new year, right? Yeah. We didn't really do New Year's resolutions, but I propose that we learn one new life skill this year. So choose one, choose one, I'll choose one.

Okay. Esther's going to have to learn one life skill. She's finally gonna have one. Something like sewing, learning how to cross stitch or something really- Is that a life skill, cross stitching? Yeah, because then you can just- Okay, I'll- You can just let people know what you feel

by embroidering it on your shirt. Here's, I'll do that. But I would like to ask that the slugs comment and let us know what they have some ideas for us. What do you guys want? What life skill do you guys want us to learn? And we can all learn something different. Designate us one each.

No, but it has to be different for each one of us, right? Yeah. Can I tell you guys something too? This is the thing I'm going to just, I'm just going to state here. I've been thinking about my karaoke anxiety. I think I'm going to go by myself and practice. Can I gift it to you? A magic thing?

Yes. From a Filipino, you can only receive this gift from a Filipino. I feel like it's like a badge of honor. I'm ready for it because I need to practice. I need to get through my nerves. Maybe Todd can come with me. Practice at home privately is key. No, I'm going alone to a room. Do not start there's gonna be lights annie do not start with um um

africa by toto it's a very hard song it's very racist but do not start with that it's very high it's gonna crush your soul i yeah i've only choked i've only choked and i will say this is inspired by esther i'm gonna pitch a new type of karaoke. And it's karaoke that's only 10 seconds each person. It's 10 seconds of the best part of the song. Yes. Because nobody wants to hear the fucking full song. Everyone's over you. I agree. I have no idea what my new life skill will be, but you stay tuned. There's so many to pick from. Walking, drinking water. What if it's drinking water? That one feels a little boring.

I'll save that one for this. I know, smooth lips are so boring. Do you know what yours will be? I don't know, I thought we were asking people to designate us. And we'll have Portia look at them because I can't handle you guys. Okay, well, you guys, this has been, we're here,

it's a new year, we got fucking shit to say new energy excited ready to go same great background same great background we will see you guys next week let us know in the comments what life skill we should adopt and anything else help bye guys