Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Future DILF & Fantastic Feet w/ Akaash Singh

Episode Date: March 1, 2022

Thank you to our Sponsors:   Betterhelp - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at https://betterhelp.com/trashtuesday  Manscaped - Get 20% off + free shipping at http://www.manscaped.com with the code TRASH  Dipsea - Get 30 days of full access for free when you go to https://dipseastories.com/tuesday  Athletic Greens - Go to https://athleticgreens.com/tuesday to get a free 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase Trash Tuesday Merch: http://slugfam.com Trash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Subscribe to our YouTube: https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons Official Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/trashtuesdayclips Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: George Kimmel & Pete Forthun Editor: Andres Rosende --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/trashtuesday/message

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offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply statement mobile for details hi slugs it's esther i miss you today but make sure you check us out on andrew schultz's show flagrant 2 me and kalilah had the best time over there i'm going to be on the road march 18th i'm coming to indianapolis then i'm headed to philadelphia san diego austin texas brooklyn new San Diego, Austin, Texas, Brooklyn, New York, Washington, D.C., and Chicago, and more. Get tickets at EstherOnIce.com. I can't wait. Sluggies, I am on the road.

I am out there. I'm hustling. I'm telling jokes. I'm slinging jokes for you guys. I'm so excited to meet you and perform for you. It's been such an honor. You can see me. I'm going to be at the Berea Improv one night only on March 3rd. Please come out. I'm going to have surprise guests with me. It's

going to be such a good time. I'll be in Richmond, Virginia, March 10th through 12th, Las Vegas, Nevada, March 18th through 19th, San Francisco, April 15th through 16th, Syracuse, New York, Florida, Burbank, Flappers, Austin,lappers Austin Texas Tempe Arizona so many more dates please go to annieletterman.com slash shows I can't wait to you guys if you haven't heard about anchor it's the easiest way to make a podcast let me explain it's free shocking that Esther that's what you were about to say right yes it's free uh-huh it's always number one on our list it's free everyone wants to freaking start a podcast this is the's what you were about to say, right? Yes, it's free. Uh-huh. It's always number one on our list. It's free. Everyone wants to freaking start a podcast. This is the easiest way we're about to tell you.

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You're not a flat girl. She called it. I could be a flat girl. I change. I have such a good Akash story. I'm so excited to tell you. Oh, let's do it. I wonder if you know what it is. I don't.

Oh, it's so good, Akash. I've told it. I told it to like a random guy at a club recently where I was like, he brought you up and I was like, I got an Akash story. He waited the whole meet and greet and then I was like here it is all right I'm excited okay are we recording and everything okay so you're working at the village lantern yeah and you had been like hustling barking barking for anyone that doesn't know it's like when you go out you you're like promoting the show pretty much you're like on the street like, like calling people. Asking, begging people to come into a basement, a dark basement.

It was a dark basement in the Lower East Side, right? Yeah, yeah. Village. Village, yeah. So it's good. It was a good spot and it was like an angle to get into comedy that I had not, I had gone through like the mics and stuff.

You guys like were hustling and getting real shows and pretty much like bringing the audience in. Right. So I just come in. You've just been working there for however long. I just roll in. Someone gave me a spot. Okay.

I roll in all cocky. I have no clue how this works or anything. I don't know what I'm hosting. I'm hosting. Okay. And they're like, they're like, all right, you're going to bring up next. You're going to bring up Akash Singh. And I go, Akash Singh.

Okay. Akash Singh. Akash Singh. Akash Singh. I'm like, all right, I'm going to memorize this. I got it. I got it. I get on stage.

Someone heckles something and it sends me into a story about Bukkake. Yeah. And the word Bukkake and the word Akash held the same space in my brain and it knocked Akash out. And so then this man who has been busting his ass to do this forever. Okay. You like probably brought the audience in that I was performing in front of. I go, I have to go, okay, the next comedian coming to the stage is Mr. Sing.

And you were like 20 probably. Yeah, no, no. I'm 47. I'm old. But I mean, I was your age. So you were not that old. You were a child to being called Mr. Sing. So I just, I think about that.

You know what's funny? I don't even remember that. I'm so glad you don't because I would hate me if I were you. No, I'll tell you a story I remember that I resent you for. You used to do my show a lot.

I would let you do shows and I would never care how comedians did. I was like, yo, I'm process oriented for everybody but me. I was super hard on myself. And then you would go

and every time you'd come upstairs and be like, God damn, that was rough. And I was like, that's fine. Come back, whatever. And then I asked, I was super hard on myself and then you would go and every time you come upstairs and be like god damn that was rough and I was like that's fine come back whatever and then I asked I was like yo you got a hot show can I do it and you were like I don't know we're kind of booked up and I was like did this bitch just bomb on my show what time was it also my show to get 300 people in it though at a time yeah yeah no sure Yeah. No, sure. I paid and stuff. It was like a. Yeah.

No, you had a hot show. I would say that I definitely did have. I was always the worst comic on my own show. No, no. I'm not even. It wasn't. It wasn't. It was.

I was looking at you like you were my level. I was going. You know there's only one level. You had just bombed. That's what was killing me. I was like. You just told me you bombed. And I'm like.

Can you sorry? Can you bomb in front of that many people? I don't know. There's so few people in that basement. For years, I was like this bitch. I would listen. I would have you on now.

Oh, thanks. Let's go back to the 300 person. Can you get me Andrew's contact? No, I honestly, I did have i was like a nazi about my booking and stuff yeah again it just bothered me because you had just

bombed no i jeremiah i did the same thing to him where i like talk shit on his show not rosing it was his show like i was just like i think i like it's a testament to how truly i had bombed because you're kind of you know you're not like in your body. Right, right. Oh, I'll be having those bombs. And then you're like, I'm just spewing shit out that song. I could have used, I could have used you on that lineup too. I'm thinking about it. Like you would have been, I don't know exactly if I would have put you in. I wasn't, I'm not going to front, like I was some killer back then, but I was like, I know

I get the job done. That much I know. I think I'm pretty good at self-assessing. You're like, I could do better than you did on my show. That, yes. Yeah, for sure but also i had to like there were people that were actually really good too not that i'm saying you know that were like like pro level that i couldn't have on because it was like the acoustics of the place and stuff too but i understand i hear you i'm glad we got out of the way you know tell old stories old stories. Welcome, Akash, to our show. I'm glad that was a great warm up.

Have to have called you Mr. Singh and then been like, sorry, Nicole. I thought you were just going to go with Bukkake, maybe. Bukkake is a fun word to say. I understand that. I would go on a rant too if I was you about Bukkake as a word. I was sweating.

I just remember being like, oh my God, like just really like there's no way out. I had no option. I don't, my name gets fucked up so like no black host has ever gotten my name right. What do they call you? Dude, Akeesha, Koosh, whatever. Akeesha's cute. I got called Amash.

I used to do all hood rooms. So for the longest time this guy called me Amash. And I would, I would do great on his shows. And then when I finally corrected him, I started bombing nonstop. It was really unfortunate. You got to, you like became a person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you, do you correct people all the time?

Or do you let things just go sometimes? I don't care how non-Indians pronounce my name. If you're Indian and you mispronounce it, like you say Akash, it's like, you know better. It's Akash or Akash. There's like a strong K with it. Yeah, but it hangs on the A, right? So it's Akash. Well, some people say Akash.

My in-laws say Akash. So maybe that's like where they're from, how it's said. But I honestly, I say Akash. I hear people say Akash, I don't mind. However, anybody else says it, I don't care. You don't dictate my identity. But when an Indian says like Akash with that soft soft K, I'm like, you know better. Don't do that shit with me. They're gonna need a book on their show probably. I think you said Akash when I walked in, I didn't notice. I truly don't notice. I don't care. But Kalilah, I want to in. I didn't notice. I truly don't notice. Yeah. I don't care. Yeah.

But Kalilah, I want to make sure I'm right. Yeah. But it's kind of like a westernized version of Khalilah. So it's even a harder. Oh, I think we should start pronouncing it that. I mean, yeah, because my father spoke like his family, even though they were French, they lived in Egypt. And so he spoke Arabic fluently. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's a play on Khalilah. What does it mean? It's like divine friend or divine something, something. Fire. But yeah, but it's like Khalil, like Khalil Gibran. Yeah. It's just a girl version of that. Oh, that's fire.

Yeah. But imagine my whole, I don't correct people. Yeah. Even if I'm in starbucks somebody says my name whatever you want it to be yeah and i think that i'm doing it wrong i think that i'm not honoring what my dad wanted me to be named i'm torn on this because people pronounce my last name wrong and it's i never care because unless someone the worst when someone brings you up and they're like this is my best friend my favorite comedian and then they just butcher your name

what do they say we don't leader men or like i've been called amy i mean and i don't like my ego doesn't get involved i don't care but then but then i'm thinking about it and there's laura laura bites is laura if you call her laura she will get really mad at you and i remember being like so chill bitch but then i was like that's some white no but then i was like where's that respect for yourself okay i think so. Where are you like, can you say my fucking name right? I think I'm spineless. I think, no, I think it's only important how you say it because you dictate your identity.

You don't let other people dictate. So if you say it how you want to say it, that's all that matters. I say Akash and that's all that matters. How do we care about spellings? Now with Kalilah, when we became friends, you were K for so long, but then I got it down. I got it down. here's what i'll say about i have a family in germany and every time they always say it's leader man tell her it's

leader man i'm like i'm not gonna tell her i thought they were gonna you're gonna say i'm gonna say they spelled your name kkk i was like wow i am i mean my initials are kk i'm missing something now okay wait have you done your 23 and me and all that stuff? I have, I have, yeah. No,

that's no, you know, what do I need? You know, yeah, I know. There's a surprise. There's some white in there

because I got green eyes for sure. But like, I'm not concerned about what kind of white. Look at those beautiful green eyes. I want to apologize to Akash Weiss for, I did have a moment

where I gazed deeply into his eyes. It's because he kind of called it out though. Now, wait, you, you got married, what, three years ago? No, I got married six out though okay now wait you you got married what three years ago no i got married six months ago oh you got engaged before the pandemic we're

supposed to get married october 2020 pandemic fucked that obviously so he moved it then moved it again then moved it back was that like hell july it was rough it was rough did you ever consider just like eloping you can't it's too much family we tried to do it in india but then india got delta and that fucked everything up so we ended up just doing it she's very good at like her gut is always right and i was like push to october and then she said no i'll do it july did you go with a full big yeah yeah there's no way this girl's not doing full indian and i didn't want it just because the money and the planning and the stress but it ends up being so worth it dude the wedding is the best

traditionally who's supposed to pay for an indian wedding traditionally the bride's family i think yeah and that's part of i guess like and there's dowry and all this other shit but with us it was like our parents don't have a ton of money so we just take care of it the last time the last time i was in new york was right before the pandemic it was for an indian wedding yeah but um it was my friend she's vietnamese married um my other friend who's an indian guy yeah and um there's a lot of family drama when um from indian mothers west side story yeah dude your your friend hates your indian friend's mom for sure and vice versa and mom hates her yeah well first she's not indian that's a problem yeah but it's pretty close so the whole wedding i was

there for like a week and a half. I was just indifferent. Like I was in Vietnamese garb and then I was in this. Yeah. But it was so fun. It was like a platinum wedding. I feel like I have a movie to pitch. I have a movie to pitch.

Do you guys remember Camp Nowhere? I think I've brought it up maybe 10 million times on this show because it was my favorite movie growing up. I've never seen it. You're my same age. Okay. So it was, it's Christopher Lloydd who was in back to the future plays this creepy old man wait my wife might love this movie i think she does yeah i think she loves

it yeah he's just like nobody really addresses that he's this creepy man that's like around children somehow yeah but he hooks up with these kids that all of their parents want them to go to these traditional camps yeah i've seen science camp whatever. And then so he becomes like the fake camp counselor. So then all of the kids are in on it. So they'll have like a parents weekend where they all pretend they're at fat camp, which I don't know how they pulled that one off. Or pretend that they're, you know, at whatever camp.

So we should do one for weddings, for traditionally religious weddings, where we pretend for each family that the wedding, you know, you throw like a fake one, like this is the wedding. And then don't invite those. That's the thing. If I'm gonna pay, I might as well have this shit. I don't know how they raise money.

The cost of your Indian slash Vietnamese wedding, probably crazy. I paid six figures. I mean, her parents and my parents helped her. But let's be real. They cooked their own food probably, right? No. It was crazy because I was too many people i honestly jumped from like a catholic church oh yeah we do there was a flan the size of this room yeah it

was a big flan we don't fuck around with food okay yeah filipinos that's like that's our only like olympic sport that we get right yeah it's food food food and it's always like are you hungry no no thanks okay eat some more yeah there's no saying no it is so offensive to turn down food i don't give a fuck if you have to shove that you know last piece of chicken in the bathroom quiet i don't just don't say no bobby must fit in really well with your family yeah he's a fatty we love a fatty we love a fatty did you ever have to hide your food like yeah i used to shove it and when i was younger you're feeding it to the dog i remember one time i think i must have been eight years old where my mom was just like what is that smell and i remember just like shoving meat onto the sofa because i couldn't i don't know if you know this

akash but i was like heavily abused as a child. I couldn't, I wasn't allowed to hold my own utensils when I was, until I was about 13 years old, I was spoon fed by my mother. I was like her race horse. I did not know about that. That is the most, that's the craziest of all the things I've heard.

Yeah, so she had a control issue till I was about 12 or 13. And I swam for the Philippine national team since I was like eight years old. So I was like just her racehorse. I swam, I made money and she spoon fed me, but she overfed me. So oftentimes I would take the food out of my mouth and I would shove it in quarters because I felt like vomiting. And if I vomited, she would put another plate of food. Say you have to, I, to. And I could not leave. I could not go to school anywhere until I ate all of that food.

Did she shave her body for you too? Dude, I've been a shaved child since I was like four years old. Were you ever on the swim team? No. This is how not Asian Filipinos are. Your mom was like, no, you're going to make it in athletics. And every other Asian is like, be a doctor. What are you thinking?

You're not going to be anything else. Are you fucking crazy? No, i had to be both yeah yeah it was like you're gonna be a doctor and you're also gonna be an olympic swimmer and i had business owners too is that asian culture to like own stuff for us yeah yeah for us open your own business don't matter if it does well that's such a good thing to teach your kids yeah oh my god yeah but i would have there would be rotten food all over the house and i still remember the smell and my mom would always wonder what is that fucking smell in this

house and i'm like you overfeeding your child and her hiding that food yeah that's rough i know does it make you want to have kids less because you're through all that shit yeah that's the rough part i'm i'm so trepidatious about whether or not i can parent correctly because i think that my sensors are all broken. Does that make sense? No, I can tell by your energy. You can be great. Yeah, you are maternal.

Watch me kill my own kid. I'll blame both of you. Never, you know, never. I'm trying to impregnate my wife every day, bro. I love kids, dude. I want kids the most. They're the best. I think that I feel the same way.

I love children. I love babies. I love holding them. Yeah, you're always surrounded by babies that are like, I'm a mom to you. Yeah, and I love that I feel the same way. I love children. I love babies. I love holding them. Yeah, you're always surrounded by babies that are like, I'm a two. Yeah, and I love that feeling. I just am so afraid of myself. We are talking about Esther, if anyone was wondering.

I mean, I don't know if you've seen what Esther's up to, but she's trying to suckle those teeth. Every day. I don't know how much you know about the show. I have been a mother, a lesbian mother to Esther for a long time. Esther, you've been trying to impregnate her. I did not know that, but I don't blame her. You're maternal. That's a good thing.

Mario, this is how fucking gay I am about kids. My wife said to me this weekend, I'm excited about having a baby. I swear to God, I teared up. I was like, let's go. Let's go. I have a question for you. You can do my show. Is sex still just as fun and exciting when you're actively trying for a baby?

We haven't started actively trying it because we're like, she's got, she wants, she's in school and all that. And she wasn't that warm on the idea of having kids initially. She was like, yeah, I guess, you know, I want to have kids, but like, I'm not super excited about it. And we had planned to start trying probably within this year. So we wanted to wait till after we were married, obviously, give it a year. You explore your career, do whatever. And she's younger than me. I'm 37.

She's 28. So we got a little time. But now when she's like, when she's going to be like, yo, let's start trying. I don't know if it'll get old, but I feel like every day I'm going to be so fucking hyped. That's good. Your kid's going to come out all positive, like wanted and like loved. Do you think that's a big age gap between you and your wife?

It was early on, but so we were each other's first. Like I was trying not to have sex till I got married. And then I remember when I was 30. Oh, that's what you call trying? Yeah. I saw how you dressed. You also saw my eyes. No, you dressed cute. No, you dressed cute. And I was on tv for a couple of

years and i was like this you know this is i'm really not getting anything out of this what was your first was it guy code was the first thing no while and out was the while and out yeah yeah you did do guy code eventually though right yeah and it was all the guys yeah a bunch of 16 year olds telling me i was cute and i was like this is weird wasn't it weird it wasn't weird because we weren't that old but we were like dude i Dude, some girl sent me her screenshot of her wallpaper and it was me. And I was like, what the fuck is happening? But I remember when I hit 30, I was like, look, I'm not married. So I'm not waiting till I'm married, but it's got to be somebody that I feel like is special.

And then when I met my wife pretty quickly, we were like, now this is. Even though she was 22, I was 31. It was like I was so immature in relationships. It kind of. You're the exact age my parents were when they, they actually got married when my mom was 22 and my dad was 31. Really? No, we couldn't have gotten married then. Neither one of us was ready.

But we, we made it through all the shit. I think Bobby's way too young for me. He has not hit like a maturity. Her dad would be a hundred and four. Oh, let me, that's not a bad age gap you and your wife my dad was 36 years older than my mom up dog that motherfucker got game i respect this guy how way how old was she she wasn't a weird age was she she was a weirdish age i've uh 21 oh he was 57 she must have been so he was an expat but dad, he wasn't a sloppy 50-something-year-old.

Like, he was a successful, rich. He was like, you know, he lived a very affluent life, comes from old money. And he looked good. He looked like Richard Gere. Yeah, he earned a 21-year-old. Are you in touch with his side of the family at all, the old money people? They're very snooty, very wealthy white artists from Switzerland. Wow.

And they all live there. We kind of email here and there, but like the extent of that relationship is really kind of cocky on their end. It's like, oh yeah, go visit my gallery in LA at this gallery. And I'm like, no man. I want to do this so bad.

We're first cousins. Yeah. Like I want to have a meal. Did you watch our show? We talk about jizz. Listen, guys. Things get rough. And I admittedly have a lot of issues that I've dealt with since I was very young.

I have very long bouts of depression. I have extreme anxiety, which is why of all the things in my life that I find completely indispensable, it is therapy. Without therapy, I don't think I would be alive to see this day. Wow. This is a dark one, but guys, it's true. These subjects, listen, we're podcasters. Our lives couldn't really get better and we still need better help. Do you know what I mean? There's no shame in needing therapy and you know all the excuses that used to have you don't want to drive you don't want to find parking you don't want to find it's hard to find the right doctor you don't want to wait in the waiting room all those things are taken care of now with better help and also it's like even

if you are the most balanced even keeled person on the planet daily life stressors are eventually going to add up and get to you, which is all the more reason to have something to sound off to a therapist. Just have fun. Sometimes you're just bored. You want to chat with someone whose job it is to listen to you. The great thing about BetterHelp too is that you can start communicating with a therapist in just under 48 hours. Yeah. You can try out a bunch of different ones too. That's the key. I love that. It's like sometimes it's not a match. And the fact that you can just, without any guilt, be like, you know what? This didn't work out. I'm going to go see another therapist. That's also an option. Another option, you can journal. Yeah. If, you know, there's still five days before your next therapy appointment and you have big feelings, write them down. There's a journal feature. It's great.

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once for like. He is. I was in his house in like this crazy apartment in New York City. And I remember the guy that was his friend had in New York City, his own massive bedroom, bigger than any bedroom I've seen with a walk-in closet in a bedroom and like a six bedroom apartment. And then like 15 different cologne bottles. And I was like, oh, money doesn't mean anything to this guy. Truly, it has no meaning. It's just a thing.

I whatever. I want something. I just get it. Yeah. So they probably look at people who think that shit is cool. Like, oh, come on. You just buy it. That's how my dad lived for a long time until he lost it all.

But even when he lost it all, he would not pay for onions or garlic because he think his idea was he was above paying for bulbs like he would go to the grocery store and just grab things and just walk out it was dark that is fire honestly i'm like you're poor now also fire is what they had to use to light the room because that's hilarious that's hilarious i love that kind of shit though dude white dudes don't get enough credit for that kind of shit i know it's like things like from the dirt. Nah, it's hilarious. I love that kind of shit though. Dude, white dudes don't get enough credit for that kind of shit. I know.

It's like they just don't pay for bulbs. That's fire, dude. We talk about white male privilege. Nah, fuck that. That motherfucker earned that. And where would they come from? You just didn't have spite?

You'd had no like flavor to your food? Well, no. I'm saying like, yeah, he's- Oh, he would go pick it or what? No, he would steal it from the grocery store. Yeah.

She's up. Can I tell you the people that I know who shoplift are usually the richest people. Can I tell you, the people that I know who shoplift are usually the richest people. Yes. Because they're shoplifting for other reasons. Like your dad, like it was like, for a thrill. It's just privilege.

Yeah. How dare you tell me I need to pay for this garlic from Gilroy. You gotta respect that on some level, right? Yeah. When he first moved to the Philippines, he lived in a hotel for two years. And when we, our family car was a taxi cab. He bought a taxi cab. So he could look like he was being driven?

Yes. Ah, dude. He was an asshole. Yeah, that's sad. That's sad. That's cool. But the stealing is cool as fuck. It is so cool.

Do you have a car? You don't have a car. No, we do have a car. Yeah, where do you put it? Yeah, 2011 Honda Accord. Where does it go? It's in a garage in New York. Do you use it? Yeah, my Honda Accord. Where does it go? It's in a garage in New York. Do you use it?

Yeah, my wife goes to Philly a lot. She's from Philly. Oh, really? Where in Philly is she from? She is, her family lived, I forget where. She moved to the suburbs when she was younger, but she's from maybe northeast or something. Okay. Bucks, Bucks County.

Okay. I'm from Montgomery County. Okay. I was like, oh my God. Oh, wait, she's young. Maybe I babysat her. Most of those kids didn't make it, unfortunately. No, don't do babysitters. We have family. Yeah. I was like, oh my God. Oh wait, she's young. Maybe I babysat her. Most of those, those kids didn't make it.

No, I need, don't do babysitters. We have family. Yeah. We have moms. Oh, yeah,

but she didn't want to come to the city and I wanted to be in the city. So I was like, look, I'll try to make it as easy for you to get out of the city as we can. So we're like by the West side highway. So she can go to Jersey quickly. You got a car. So,

or me Philly quickly. So yeah, we just Honda Civics are evergreen. They'll never go out of style. I'm about to get rid of quickly. You got a car, or I mean, Philly quickly. So yeah, we just- Honda Civics are evergreen. They'll never go out of style. I'm about to get rid of mine. It's an Accord, but it's- No, I'm good, listen.

I love the hatchbacks from like, was it like the early- That was my first car. Was it 2000? No, no, no, no, 2000. 1993 Honda Civic- Well, you were a hot boy then. 1993 was the- You were a cool guy. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

I was supposed to be, but I didn't like soup it up or whatever. You got a Honda. I was Toyota. I was Camry. I but I didn't like soup it up or whatever. You got a Honda. I was Toyota. I was Camry. I had a 1993 Camry for years. My dad was Honda, so we were Honda. But Toyota fire too.

I'll get a Toyota. We had a Toyota. We were the same thing. My rental car now is a Toyota Sienna van. I was like, I want a minivan. Minivans are so good. You really want a kid. I really want a kid.

Thank you for saying that. My wife refuses to get a minivan. It's driving me fucking nuts. Do you like tuck in like a baseball or like a couple of soccer balls into a baby fan? No, I might put a water on in a baby seat. I might do that. You know what I mean? Visualization type shit.

I think that you're right. Toyota Siennas are underrated and I think more single people should have them. Are Siennas, oh, Siennas are the- The minivans. Yeah, the vans. They're smooth drive, so comfortable. Minivans are pretty good.

The greatest car on earth is a minivan. I think so. It's a Bentley for a family. Yeah. I agree. You know what I mean? Like, what do you mean? An SUV?

Dude, I got friends that have kids and they're like, I'm not getting a minivan. I have an SUV. Their life sucks. The kids are always uncomfortable. If you want to sit, you got to squeeze in between them like a fucking idiot. It's terrible. Get a minivan. Did you guys ever have a minivan when you were little that was like the one do you remember when they used to have the ones i don't know if they

were the minivans but it was some hatchbacks but you would face towards the back yes do you remember how fucking fun that was to like sit in the back i think it ended up being like probably beheading a couple children something happened where it no longer happens at all ever swivel the chair would swivel and you don't even look at my kid they don't look at me. They're just fucking around in the back. You'd be like hung.

You'd have like a size hunk if your sister's exist. What I had to get used to was pickups not being used as pickups in America. Like when I first came here I'm like why aren't there eight people in the back?

Why aren't there all the people in wheelchairs being driven around? Exactly. Yeah no I was always insistent on sitting in the back and then they started to realize how

easily you could die you just get launched off and then i realized i was like oh people drive 100 miles an hour it's not so fun yeah it's too much it's not enough traffic you go as fast as you want to now are convertibles still a thing is that still like todd will be like i want a convertible i'm like i feel like that's for girls i don't know remember when we got a convertible in hawaii yeah and like my lashes fell off like you were so fun todd okay so we went to hawaii and there was like two nice days my boyfriend came with us and he rented this like convertible uh range rover range river and um kalilah was in the back it was starting to turn the weather was it was like the last moment where i was like starting to trickle i was like in the back like well it's never fun in the back of a convertible it only works for the people in

the front seat and then the guy that was supposed to try to talk to you and he's like screaming he's like i just want to let you know tiger belly meant a lot to me i just have to have this one moment where i want to tell you you really got me through the pandemic. She's like, her eyelashes up here. Her eyelashes stuck to my forehead. Oh, fuck. I was like, Todd, do not put the top up. Don't you fucking dare. Sort of drizzle a little. Oh, God.

You're good. It's sparkling. You're good. Oh, my God. It was scary. Thank you. Good. You're going to be a good dad.

I'm telling you. The shame of dropping that was immediately taken from me. Thank you. It's all good, dude. You know what I mean? Yeah. God, Annie, thank you for reminding me. I don't dropping that was immediately taken from me. Thank you. It's all good, dude. You know what I mean? Yeah. God, Annie, thank you for reminding me. I don't respect a man in a convertible.

A man who drives a convertible, I don't respect. I don't know why. It's just soft. I would love for you. Your boyfriend owns a convertible? No, no. He wants to, and I'm down for you to not. I'm going to be talking about this.

I'm down for you to have whatever feelings you have about him. I'm going to get you guys a Honda Odyssey. You can be living your best life. He would actually love that, I think. An Odyssey is a great car. Here's what I was thinking. This is why I was have about them. I'm going to get you guys a Honda Odyssey. You can be living your best life. He would actually love that, I think. An Odyssey is a great car. Here's what I was thinking. This is why I was asking about cars. At the comedy store, the big, big time comics will come in and they'll be driven in giant

Suburbans or these giant, big black SUVs. And I always go like, who's here? And then sometimes it'll be someone where I'm like that person and then I'm like but they live here like it doesn't make any sense and they'll be like oh I think they're trying to like not get COVID and I'm like what yeah but I like the Comedy Star parking lot flex yeah that is a flex it's really really good I almost want to tell you a thing I'm planning but but wait what's the flex with the type of car they drive in yes you drive in and having a spot is a flex period like pulling in already kind of a flex but you can see some some people that get passed early on they come chugging in and some things are getting dragged i mean esther just had her upgraded her car finally

i started here so i didn't now you did, I started for like a year and a half. Oh, were you a teen comic? No, no, I was 22. Oh, that's because of Wiling Out. No, Wiling Out when I was like 28, 29. Oh. But it was like 22, I moved right out of college here

because I was like, oh, comedy, LA, show business. I didn't know. So I started here. But anytime anybody pulled up, you're like, that guy's passed and I'm parking fucking eight blocks away.

So this guy's doing it to me. Well, do you want to hate me more yeah okay so i got past first audition yeah and i didn't know what it was didn't know what it was had no clue i just came in with the same cocky disgusting arrogance that would just shit on your show to your face like i just had no i was like autistically just like doing comedy right so i just rolled and i had no clue what the audition was i didn't know it was a big deal at all. I was like, oh, they have names on the walls? Like no clue.

Got passed right away. Didn't understand like what it was. So I come pull in and Doc, who's on Bad Friends now, he was the guy that worked in the, well, you remember probably from when you lived here. So he was the only guy that parked back then. And he was like, you can't park here. You have to park somewhere else. And I was like, oh, really? Tommy told me to come park here. And he was the only guy that parked back then and he was like you can't park here you have to park somewhere else and i was like oh really tommy told me to come park here and he was like nope and i went i swear i was told to park here and then i like he was like all right well you can go in and

talk to tommy but then so i go in i come back out and he goes oh you didn't tell me you were paid regular like why didn't and i was like well i did want this moment but that wasn't why i just like didn't know what it was no i don't that's good for you yeah don't i feel like it's an asshole to be like i'm a paid regular that to me sounds more cocky so it's like well do you know what i see every every three months at the comedy store i'm sure even when you've gone in kalilah you've seen something like this carlos has definitely seen this there's always a comic they'll get like a new door guy that won't know who the paid regulars are. There's always a paid regular screaming at a new person.

Like, do you know who I am? And you're like, this is so dark. This is so embarrassing because they do not know who you are. They definitely don't. Yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen lots of screaming into the, I dated a couple of them. Wait, Annie, speaking of car talk talk what's up with the tesla i have no fucking clue i had a really i gave it back

i order i ordered it it's taking so long i don't want it anymore yeah cancel the order i was gonna get one too but they didn't pass that eight thousand dollar credit that's how indian i am it's like you ain't giving me my money back, I paid an extra 8,000 for it. That's how white and new money I am. I was like, Tesla, how much money do you want? I'll give it to you.

Nah, I just waited a year or two. You're going to be fine. They're going to up the mileage. It's going to be great. So long. It's like the longest I've ever waited

for anything in my life. Nah, cancel this one, get the new model, 2023. It'd be great. I know, because it will come out then.

LA is such a car city. That makes me want less of a nice car. I'm a minivan guy from now on if I move here. You feel like, but do you feel like you're cooler because you live in New York? And you can be honest because I've been in both of those areas. Yes. Yeah.

I look down on LA. Yeah. I got to wear a mask still here. I didn't hear. New York didn't. To New York's credit, and I don't defend New York a lot, but they didn't want to do the mask mandate. The governor of the state passed it, so we had to. But I remember when I went, what was annoying was just you guys, before we had to show our

vaccines, you guys had to show your vaccines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now we have to do it everywhere. I'm fine getting vaccinated if I don't wear a mask. I don't want to do both. I wanted, I betrayed my Asian roots. I really wanted a Toyota Tacoma because- she said that asian those are so cool too um because i i dive and i have a lot of dive gear i want something i could just throw in the back of

the truck yeah um but my stepdad and everyone else were like no you know you're a grown-up now and they fucking i got an audi instead although when i did drive the audi i was like oh god germans do know how to make cars. Tacoma would be awesome though. I love, I think my next car will be a Tacoma. Get two cars. Does Rudy drive?

She drives Bobby's beat up Prius, which is the family heirloom. I finally accepted the fact that, that beat up three, what do you call it? Three door Prius that Bobby drives is a family heirloom. Yeah.

We can never get rid of that. It's going to be passed down for generations I think. I think you could sell it like to a museum if it ever becomes a comedy museum. Yeah like petrified wood.

You know how petrified wood is? You can allow money for that. when you approach me in that car. I'm like I don't want to get whatever's poisonous.

I had to buy my first car from my dad. Oh really? I think I actually might even propose. That is the most I don't want to get whatever's poisonous. I had to buy my first car from my dad. Oh, really? I think I actually might even propose. That is the most. I think I want to be Indian. That's the kind of parent I think I'm going to be. I think I might have.

This is even worse. I think I might have been like, yo, let me give you some money for this because I don't want to just take a car. It seems very spoiled. He's so responsible. Yeah, we had money for a little bit and I felt guilty about it. And then we lost it. And I was like, why was I feeling so guilty about this money man I should have spent that shit up you know I if I could go back in time you'd have a lot more I would love to give you I would love to give you

one of those spots that pays that pays and for the 300 people oh I wish I could have it was a great show i love how you do remember like the the things that hurt you in the very beginning like when you first start when like you're a brand new comic because if there's anything that bobby remembers the most his shit list or his little hate box in his heart it's just everybody from age 21 to 24 when you were still hateful and angry for me i remember like 27 i was like dude i can't keep being like this. No. I don't even like who the fuck I am anymore.

Yeah. Because over 10 years, I worked on not being so angry and being more positive and shit like that. I'm still not where I want to be. But those, yeah, I still hold on to a lot of them shits. No, because when you do hold on to them, you're like, am I mad? I'm mad at a, what were you like, 23 at that point? Whatever.

Like if I were mad at you, but I but i would well i'm the one that did the wrong but you know like i like i i was like thinking about i was mad at this girl from high school like i'm mad at a 16 year old girl yeah 100 like goodbye yeah you you're released you can live your life oh gosh i have a question for you i have a dilemma and it involves an ex-boyfriend and annie knows all about ex-boyfriends bob Bobby should kill him. Thank you. This is what I think. So I get a text. Can you imagine Bobby like running at you

and you'd be like, what? I'm about to get a hug. Do you know that's what Bobby does? He thinks he's the brawn of the house. Look at me. I'm five foot eight.

I was a, you know, division one swimmer for most of my life. He thinks he's the brawn of the house. So when we hear like noises around the house,

he pulls out a fake katana that he got from set. It's not even a real because he has to overcompensate. He does. And he wields this thing. He's like, I'm ready, babe. I got him. Anyways, it's really sad, but also kind of hot for a fatty. But yeah, well, he can't have a gun. Let's be real. But I'm gonna die for you. That's what he's saying. He first line is sweet, which at least buys you time to run. Well, he can have a gun, let's be real. Bobby's willing to die for you. That's what he's saying. Yes. He first lined the fence.

That is sweet. Which at least buys you time to run. I'd gladly die for my girl. No problem. I ain't probably gonna be able to do much, but I'll be a distraction. I just like that Bobby's like coming. He's like, you know what I'm good at?

Acting. He's like, I'm gonna play a role. He like gets into character. Yeah. He really has a good time when there's an intruder. Yeah. A possible intruder. This is like favorite time of year. But I have a so a couple weeks ago i get a text and it's from an ex and it says what was the perfume that you used to wear and i knew exactly

what it was because i still wear it so i'm like oh it's um you know um sense of peace blah blah blah and i'm like oh like do you have a new girlfriend like congrats whatever i didn't try to pry in too much he goes no i'm buying it for myself and i at first i was like okay maybe he's maybe he's gender fluid fluid whatever that's fine and perfume can be male. There's no assigned gender to a scent. But then I'm like, is he out to kill me? He wants to put on his pillow. Is he plotting? Here's the thing.

Here's the thing. You're like a Kardashian, okay? I've been watching the big brother, celebrity big brother, Lamar Odom's been on it. He's like, Chloe, I'm not going to do black scent. I will not. But he's like talking about Chloe and he misses her. I mean, that was what, seven years ago.

And the guys, they go nuts. Kanye's having the biggest mental break. Something about the Kardashians keeps the, it's like you get, you penetrated their soul like a Kardashian. You are a K name. KK. So he's not over it.

It's been a decade. That's weird. That is right. That's weird. And it didn't end well then. Like he had someone follow me at the end of that relationship. Whoa, now that's a problem. He wants you back. He's not going to hurt you. No, no. I think he wants me dead. Why don't you say his name on the podcast so everybody knows

if something happens. Do you think, oh wait, I actually think I know what it is. I think I know what it is i think i know what it is he wants the perfume because when he skins you and makes a pillow out of you he wants the skin to because the perfume doesn't isn't going to smell good right it needs to be matched with your pheromones yeah bond number nine sense of peace do your pheromones stay on your skin after you're skinned i don't know dr singh no i don't think so i don't know. Dr. Singh? No, I don't think so. I don't think they would.

I think it's just going to be the skin and that's going to rot. But, yo, you should first of all say this guy's name. Second of all, you should have been blocked his number. Nah, you definitely should.

You definitely should. I don't really got no exes coming after me. So, who cares? No, I don't speak to mine. Yeah, fuck them. You're gone. Everyone's gone.

You moved up. You know what I mean? You're the hottest guy in gone. You moved up. You know what I mean? You're the hottest guy in comedy. I do. What a hottie. Esther? Esther is such a hottie. Dipsy is an audio app.

It's so cool. It's an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on. As a new squirter, guys, i do think i am the authority on getting sexy and this will help you reach your wettest peak here's what i'll say about this i think we live in a world that's so full of like visual pornography no knock to them but we're i'd like to kind of move past that and to really try and tap into the auditory experience create your own take the words of the author and use your imagination and create the hot throbbing member that is going in and out of you each dipsy audio story features characters that feel like real people like me and Annie and immersive scenarios like

Annie and Todd in the shower. I mean, you guys. So you feel like you're right there with them. Can we do a dip? Can we have our own dipsy? I'd like to pitch that the girls of Trash Tuesday read a dipsy story or create one because I feel like this is right up our alley. This is we should be like partners with these people. So you can listen to stories about hooking up with your hometown crush i love this this is like the equivalent of dry humping dry humping is the best thing ever guys just roll it back there's too much of the obvious explicit visual stuff out there we should feast our ears once in a while yes bring us back to um to a time when we were too young for you to bang us, but now we aren't. Do you know what I mean?

It's like, let's teeter on that line. Also, I've read erotica, okay? The pages are sticking together by the end. It's too much concentration. You need to just lay back and have the immersive. I'm a big sound person. Someone's voice. I like to imagine.

I love the idea of Dipsy because I can just lay back and just rely on my ears for pleasure. Can you imagine if you made a Dipsy and sent it to Esther? How happy she would be. I actually think that's a great gift for her. I do think it is. That little hornball, that sticky fingered little boy. For listeners of the show,

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You will know that we're not messing with you because I just think it's so good. And I didn't, I've been intermittent fasting and I had to come to the show and I didn't get to have mine. And I feel, I feel not as good. I don't feel vegged up yet. I gotta. Here's what I'll say. Although I am pretty diligent about eating vegetables every day. There just are some days where I'm not able to. I'm on the go. I'm not, or I'm eating out. They don't have vegetables I like. Athletic Greens just eliminates all of the thinking.

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Dating comics is the worst career decision you've made, I think. But I came out of it alive. but i came out of it alive you did come out of it alive but you about to get one of these texts is that a conscious choice like you have to make like up front like as a guy i'm not gonna date a comic or i i am open to dating a comic i always said i'm only gonna date indian girls so there were no indian female comedians i was attracted to yeah that second part is important And I don't think she felt any I think is a very like, so it was like, I'm not dating Indians. Yeah, we have a real brother sister thing. But that's, for the most part, like,

nah, it wasn't an issue for me. Why was it really important for you to want to marry an Indian girl? Because I grew up around white people and I like I'm home, I'm Indian, but then everywhere else else it's hard to be proud to be an indian and i know the world has changed so much since i was a kid so this doesn't really necessarily apply anymore but like when i found my roots and found pride in who i was my whole life really turned around not that i was some i wouldn't be like a fucking drug addict or whatever but like i don't think i'm successful without finding my roots and pride in who i am and then

i was like yo the only chance I have, the only reason I was able to do this is because I had two Indian parents. I couldn't run from my identity. And then when I embraced it, I was like, oh, I'm from a beautiful place with a beautiful culture, beautiful faith, everything. So I wanted to marry somebody who shared those roots. My wife is a different religion than me, but that was something I was always, I wasn't that pressed for, I could marry a Muslim girl or a Sikh girl or whatever, Christian girl, even fine. But then I wanted them to be from where I'm from. So our kids would have that and we could pass that culture on. That was like a decision to me. And your parents were probably happy. Did they see you kind of like deviating and then coming back? They probably were like so relieved.

I'm sure they're happy, but they didn't press that a ton either. My mom just wanted me to be with somebody smart and pretty. That's it. That's all she wanted. I don't care what race, smart, pretty. I love that. If you brought some, I'll go home. She was not going to have it. She'd much rather me be with like a beautiful black doctor than like some ugly, dumb Indian. You know what I mean? She don't care.

My mom was not necessarily, she didn't go for pretty, but she really cared about height. Because she's one of the few tall Filipinos. And my dad was 6'4". My sister is 6 feet tall. So imagine, imagine. cared about height because she's one of the few tall filipinos and my dad was six four my sister six feet tall so imagine imagine bringing the first time she met bobby was at a place called gin sushi in pasadena imagine my mom having to serve in us yes having to look down at my lover like physically look down and he was thinking thinking, you know, he's portly and he's just so cute.

He kind of looks like a piece of sushi. Found me like the roundness of like a piece of fish laying over rice. You think Bobby owes a thank you to your mom? Cause if you weren't trying to spite her on some level, you know what I mean? You probably wouldn't have looked at this guy twice the first time.

I feel like that's such an Asian thing. Like there's always like a physical thing your parents want. Whether it's pretty, whether it's tall. Don't fuck up our tall jeans. Yeah. It's a weird thing that they, you know, they hold. Well, for Indians, it was arranged marriages. Like my parents, they had a crazy arranged marriage.

My dad didn't even know he was getting married till the day he got married. He found out at another family member's wedding. You're getting married. We got to go. Bring that back. Bring that energy back. It works out about the same rate as the love marriages I've seen. About half the Indian arranged marriages, I see they're happy and about half of them, they hate each other. Can they get divorced?

Now, yeah, but back then, no. But for them, it was just historically so compatibility based. And that's the idea. Like, let's just get two people who are compatible. I think that's the idea. Let's get two people who are compatible. Let's make it work. But compatible in what way? Just on the bio data? Yeah.

Exactly. Bio data. Yeah. You know the word. Indian matchmaker. Favorite show. My sister-in-law was on that show. My wife was on that show for a second.

Rupam with the crazy father? Yes. That's my father-in-law. Oh, my God. Yes. The one that you're watching, you're like, whoa, this guy's intense. We gotta blow that episode up, you guys. Season, what is it on Netflix?

Season one, episode eight. Yeah, the show was like a phenomenon. It's such a great show. Oh, I would love to watch it. And Rupa is the one that has the daughter. You see her along here, but you don't see her, which was a great choice on my sister's behalf. But yeah, she was on that show.

My whole in-laws are on that show. Amazing. I love that they made it to netflix before i did you know demoralizing that was you're killing me dog um yeah yeah but it's like that's such an old school way it's like you gather someone's you know bio data and you hopefully you know figure but there's so many elements you just can't account for no you can't can't. But to them, it's like, I think they're coming from a place where like, look, we just need to almost like evolutionary shit. Like we're not here really thriving a ton in this country. We might be thriving, but like the general perception is we just need to survive and pass on the genes. So everything we do is about these kids. So compatibility, genes, having tall kids, let's great. Let's do that. I think that's how they look at it. I give them

the benefit of the doubt there where it's like, hey, you guys are going to be happy if your kids are happy and healthy and successful. So y'all figure that shit out, whatever it is, just give them the strongest genes possible. Is it usually people that they know or is it complete strangers? Or is it like someone from town? Or they're like, oh my God.

My dad used to get married, people from my dad's village would get married from people from my mom's village. So they kind of already knew. There was a connection. But I feel like there's so many like, must have been so many times where someone had a crush and they were like gunning for that person

and their parents were like, no, you got to go with her. I would scheme to make sure that I was matched with that person eventually. I would like plant seeds, I think. If the cast and shit lined up, that happened. But the cast had to line up. I remember one of my cousins in India saying,

our parents don't care about any of this stuff. just got to marry somebody from the same cast and i was like bro you done narrowed the fuck out i don't know if you know that or not but this is yeah you eliminated 99 of the world so it's our cousins but that's um that's sort of why i sort of grieve a little bit the filipino mentality because we always want to marry out like there's so much self-loathing and so much like you know we're very we were colonized for over 300 years or it's like we live in that colonized mind so much it's so hard to crawl out of so the mixed babies are who are revered the mestizos like they used to call it like limpieza de sangre like the cleaning of the blood so if we had the mixed with the Filipino then somehow they would be better everything in

our media is like skin whitening all the actors are not dark skin actors and it's sort of like this thing that that constant like i was looked at as better yeah you know growing up i was like oh look at those pretty girls look can i tell you another thing this is something i thought about as i thought i want to be successful and invariably you will get looked at as a role model i noticed when i was watching tv american tv american film i never saw a happy indian couple ever it was always an indian is supposed to get an arranged marriage and then falls in love with a non-indian and then they choose the non-indian as they should in that case but like or an indian guy that wants to fuck everything on earth never an indian girl but he can't because he's too weird or whatever.

Or like something in those. Or an Indian guy who keeps singing the Beatles. Yes, for sure. And then I'm sure falls in love with a white girl in that movie. You don't see happy Indian couples. And I would see all these like super militant guys that were like for their people, never marry someone of their people. So it was again, and I really do think, you know,

my wife and I, God made us for each other. I believe that. But like before that I was like, I'm going to marry an Indian cause I'm not gonna perpetuate that shit. I'm not gonna do that. And then again, luckily I met this girl that I'm super in love with

and she very in love with me, so it worked. But that was a thing that was like, I was conscious about that. So you're saying I break up with Bobby and find. Well, you can't break up with Bobby. You got to have to have a half. You're going to have to bang Brendan Wardell. Sorry.

Oh my God. Yes. And it'd still be 50% Filipino. Yeah. Because he's half Filipino. Am I perpetuating the other side of what you're saying? Because I am going out and telling white girls to date Asian men. I'm spreading the word.

I'm saying, what have I been doing? You're doing good because I think that, you know, historically Asian men have been desexualized. I just can't believe it. We were wrong.

We were wrong. Everyone's been wrong. The dick game is great. Dude, and also it's like Japanese porn. I don't know if, I've always watched Asian porn

and I've always thought Asian men were hot because obviously I grew up in asia so coming to america and now we're back to bukkake look at how it always comes full circle there you go look there you go is that amazing yes that's impressive good call so coming here and like you know no one ever had crushes on the asian boys yeah and i'm like you guys are really behind yeah really behind now it. Really behind.

Now it's not like that, obviously. The world's changed. Everyone's in love with a fucking character on a K-drama. Yeah. But I did have a crush

on two Asians throughout my life, but you're right. It was like, I would go like, wow, I have a crush on an Asian. Like, I thought it through. Yeah, it was a thing

where it was like, wait, a white girl with an Asian guy like back then growing up that's just like. I had a friend in college, good looking kid. He kind of was into this white girl and then I heard she told her friends like, yeah, but I don't know if I could date an Asian guy like back then growing up that's just like I had a friend in college good looking kid he kind of was into this white girl and then I heard she told her friends like yeah

but I don't know if I could date an Asian guy and she had like they had a vibe yeah but you just wouldn't do it that sucks yeah I think kids today are so fucking different that even these things I think are so important they're like dude we don't give a shit about any of that yeah we're out here we're not even a gender anymore if I was like if I adopted what you're saying If I was like, if I adopted what you're saying, where I was like, listen, I just want to keep my culture specifically what it is. The only like Quaker 25% Jewish is my twin brother. I would have to marry and bang my twin brother. I got no problem with white people who were like, I like being white. But the thing that you don't have to fight with is I'm losing my identity. Right. That's why to me it was a thing. But again, now nobody cares. So these kids are probably,

I'm probably antiquated in my way of thinking. Also, I don't know Bobby, but I love Bobby. You can't make up with Bobby. You won. You won. He won't let it happen. He's going to chain me down with his fake katana. My boyfriend's mom is Laotian.

And she's so like, I mean, she was like in, you know, camps and stuff as a kid. Like she just had such a crazy upbringing and she's so like i mean she was like in you know camps and stuff as a kid yeah like she just had such a crazy upbringing and they had to like escape and her dad or her dad was like a spy so they got sponsored over here so she's been through all this stuff and she she doesn't like care about other stuff but she'll like she cooked she loves like to cook and you know feed everyone and stuff like that and she'll i'll I'll go, I love that soup. And she's like, Oh,

I'll come teach you how to make it. And I'm like, I don't know if you understand if anything's getting cooked in my house, it is by your son. I am never going to be like whatever thing, cultural thing. It will stop here. And I'm not trying to be disrespectful.

I'm just being very realistic. I will be served. I'm sorry. I don't know. Do you make more money than him? Yes, I do. There you go. That's fine. If you're not going to make money and you're not going to cook, I'm going to be like, yo, come on. No, no, no. I'm not like, there's no...

I do believe that. The breadwinner, you know, you can cook if you want to, but you don't have to. Sometimes I go, don't even pay the rent this month. Just cook and clean. That's fire. That's a good deal. That's fire. Is that the rule, Akash? I don't believe in gender rules if the man's not making money. just cook and clean that's fine sometimes that's a good deal that's fire that's a good rule akash like i don't believe in gender rules if the man's not making money he is making money i'm just

making no no yeah yeah yeah i told my wife before he got on like her second date i said as long as this goes i want you to work as hard as you want make as much money as you want i fully support you in anything you want to do i do want you to know however much money you make i'm gonna kill myself to make more yeah so if in the event that somehow she just creeps above you is she allowed not to cook that oh my wife don't have to cook i well i also don't want to be that thing i'll help however but like if i if she was making more than me i would feel obligated like i gotta clean up i gotta cook it's the only way i can feel worth also I'm just competitive like I want to make more than my brother my dad

like I'm gonna want to make more than you just as a competitor I know isn't it fun to just kind of soar above your family yeah it's nice

it's just like you need money ask me I'll help you out all my parents are like yeah we got it the toilet exploded or whatever

I go how much ask the best dude it is come talk to me. I do not. I am not having fun being bank of Kalilah. Yeah, because you grew up as a bank. Your mom saw you as a bank your whole childhood.

So when she asked you for money, you're like, yo, I did this part of my life. Yeah, I'm retired. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done taking care of you. My whole childhood. Kalilah hides in the ocean from these people coming for her. She literally is like under.

When I don't know where Kalilah is, I assume she's well under the surface of water. You can't hide in the ocean from Filipinos though. There's people. We're right. We have the Bajau and Bajau literally have- You know what they're fishing for, you. Yes, they are.

That's what Filipinos are fishing for. There's a type of people called the Bajau where they actually have enlarged spleens so they can stay underwater for 15 minutes. Wow. So they will find me, Annie. I love that. 15 minutes.

15 fucking minutes. I think that they have like some form of like modified gills or something. So I cannot hide underwater too long. My family will find me. I have to pay you a compliment. The shoes and the shirt being kind of like this off-white. Not the hairy legs. It's really good.

Oh, let me tell you about these shoes. These are not mine. These are Bobby's. Okay. How much do you think he paid for these shoes? $500.

Correct. Really? I know Bobby. I feel Bobby. I live Bobby. There's this thing where you can buy pre-distressed

chucks and I don't know how they do it but it's from Italy. Some guy just wears it out for a couple of years and yeah so that's what Bobby is into and I've heard of you wearing them and selling them for a lot of money but I haven't heard of a guy and what a racket right this is wait the feet picks or the distress the distress picks I get I've never bought them but I like a good foot so

I get it wait you are you are my wife got descending toe length and i noticed that when we first met and if it wasn't for that i don't know if i had the heart to ask for her number but when i saw that in an indian girl i was like i have to wait you like when the toe goes a little bit the descending order so you go longer that's me i don't want longer is a is is a um that's a deal breaker so thank you you said it you know i mean thank god annie do we have descending toe length? What is it? I think my wiki feet rating is pretty good.

My toe descends, but it's not. Mine are fine. My wiki feet does well. Did you say bookie feet? My bookie feet. Yes, you can bet over or under on whether my toes are ascending or not. Yeah. Okay, that's good to know.

Now I'm going to chop off my second toe. No, if you had a good wiki foot, these people know. They're the experts. I'm just a guy with one preference. Some people, yes, it's all different because I'm always like, I always ask audience members,

I'm like, are you like this guy or like trying to get fucked through the toes? Because a lot of, you know what I mean? Oh yeah, this. So then they're looking more at arches and soles. Yeah, okay. a this guy or a like trying to get fucked through the toes. Cause a lot of, you know what I mean? Like, so then they're looking more at arches and soles. Yeah. Okay. But if you're,

if you're between the toe, you're probably looking for like a, a larger gap. Michael Blaustein is like bigger in the feet than me. That guy's. Should we have him on? I have so many questions. Yeah.

He'll answer all your foot questions. He's got a whole podcast that's basically just fit foot talk at the end of the day i love yeah stiff socks you know i mean it's in that title you know wow and so i what i my knowledge of foot fetishes are that it's like the foot part and the genital part of your brain are really close and sometimes they kind of just like that makes That makes sense. That adds up. So like you just get like a sexual feeling. But I'm not, that guy, I mean, look, I got

friends, Andrew's really into feet, notices arches all that stuff. Me, I notice the toes. I'm a toe guy. Okay. You know what I mean? But Blau, he's fucking, bro, he's all about feet porn and everything. I have a question for you. I don't know how you guys do it. It's not like objectifying. It's almost like you're like giving like

positive attention to her. You know the way the judge looks at a Westminster dog? Yeah. That's me with feet. It's like I'm objectively like that's a good foot, that's a bad foot. That can't get a trophy. I have a question for you.

How does this get noise? So let's suppose it's perfect dimensions, descending toes, toe length., descending toes. Yeah. I'm listening. Okay. Are you looking at it for potential or for what it is? For instance, if you have all of the right measurements, but she just ran a marathon and she has a couple of corns and a couple of blisters on there.

Are you looking at what it could be or what it is? I think I'm probably what it is. Yeah. Probably what it is. Because you don't want to think past'm probably what it is. Probably what it is. Because you don't want to think past like a surgery. No, it's not a surgery. She just ran a marathon. But corns just go away.

She lost a few nails, toenails. 26 miles, guys. Now we know she's talking about Bobby's feet. I finally got that motherfucker to get a pedicure. I want to get time. And he got bright orange as a color. Oh, that's funny. That's a Bobby move. Caution. Again, I don't know. I never met color. Oh, that's funny. That's a Bobby motion. Yeah, again, I don't

know. I've never met Bobby before I know about him. That's a Bobby move. It is like caution under construction. Yeah, exactly. But I hear I heard from Brandon Wardell that guys who paint their fingernails and toenails are queer baiting. Really? But now it's in this like in the zeitgeist to queer bait. It's like queer baiting is like now what is like that's trying to get dudes to fuck you is queerbaiting

well no it's pretending you're gay we used to use that term in a very different way when I was in high school pretending you're gay to get a girl kind of being a little

yeah remember that fool so in a predator way Matthew Perry Matthew Perry yeah I didn't know he pretended to be gay

I think that's what no it's a different one with Matthew Perry I know what you're talking about he had Neve Campbell I know my romcomcoms, dude. Wait, I want to ask you about rom-coms. Love them.

Okay. Are there rom-coms that you think are specifically geared for men? Like, what are some male rom-coms? Because I was trying to look. Knocked Up. Knocked Up. Knocked Up is a comedy. Do you think?

It's com-rom. But that's like for boys. What about Hitch? Hitch is probably for dudes. That was for dudes, right? My wife loves it. I love it. But Hitch is probably for dudes. That was for dudes, right? My wife loves it. I love it. But Hitch is probably for dudes.

That's actually, okay. Hitch has played a really big role in my relationship because Todd always says he does 90 and I do 10. And that's from The Kiss, but that's just like how we operate our lives. Yeah. I watched it the other day. And while certain things are a little bit like cringe now, I think it's still okay. What's cringe about it? Certain things that

he says like along the way we're just like all right that doesn't quite like hold up as you know as the years have passed but what are other male rom-coms like i i cannot watch a single rom-com with bobby well hold on adam sandler movies are those rom-coms? Wedding Singer is probably a male rom-com Forgetting Sarah Marshall Forgetting Sarah Marshall is so good yeah that movie I thought dragged a bit but yeah I love you man

which parts? I love you man is a bromance movie specifically that's a fire movie okay that's my whole life is I love you man

ooh Just Friends that one's a sleeper Just Friends is the number one is actually the number one one of the best movies I've ever seen in my life I thought it was just when Harry met Sally

but not as good it has laughs it's rewatch it have you watched it recently uh i watched it over christmas no i just watched we just it's it's i i laughed the entire time i couldn't believe it everyone plays such a character i'm also a justin timberlake hater just i just he's not oh no this one that one is bad friends of benefits that's a bad one just friends is with uh Smart and Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds. Okay, I've heard of this. I've heard this is very funny.

Chris Klein. Is that his name? No, I heard this is super funny. Anna Faris is hilarious. It's so funny. Okay, no, I've heard this is funny. I actually need to rewatch. I need to watch this.

But Chris Klein is so funny. Yeah, he was great. I mean, that was so funny. Yeah, he was great. I mean, that was so good. I mean, I would say that I've really very rarely seen Ryan Reynolds not be. The guy's fantastic. I mean, unbelievable. He's hot. He's funny.

What don't he have? He's so fucking hilarious. Akash, we do on the show Midway Through or when we're having feelings, we take a banana break. Love bananas. Me too. I overlooked them for years. They're so good. I mean, now you got to take a banana break. Love bananas. Me too. I overlooked them for years and now I'm back in.

They're so good. They're so sweet. I mean, now you gotta take that part off. That's crazy. It's moldy. But, oh my God.

That's wild. I've never seen a banana look like that. I've never seen a banana look like this in my life. I'm gonna eat around it. Oh my God, this is like.

That's Bobby's penis tip. Looks just like that. Why does it have a carcinogen on it? That's bad. He has like Neapolitan ice cream colored dick. He really has, it's tricolored. Really? Depending on how the light hits it,

couldn't be four colors. Todd's is all jacked because he had like a thing when he was circum... He told me this like first date. I guess he just likes to let you know his penis is going to have a thing going on. Yeah, you gotta. You open with it.

But he, it was like when he got circumcised, there was like, they didn't fully circumcise it. So then when he was like 14, he had to go in cause his dick was like attached still, the head was so attached. And that hurts when you get a big boner. He would have had to like, like he must've had to like get like a Q-tip to clean

in between that little, he pretty much had a Prince Albert. Yeah. He could have put to get a Q-tip to clean in between that little... He pretty much had a Prince Albert. He could have put a ring through it. So I come from a culture where if you're not circumcised, you're teased your whole upbringing, right? They call you pistote. What does that mean? Uncircumcised, but it's like you're lesser of a human.

It's really mean. It's not true, guys. Because I am fine with it uncut. I don't care um but my the guy that I dated

for a while my possibly brother I'm a brother fucker Akash we don't know if he's really my brother but I fucked him anyways but um

he didn't get circumcised who's the pick of the sky yeah I don't want to see if it's worth it we do look alike it's scary I don't want to see if he's hot though is it worth it

yeah you know it was yeah okay alright fair enough It's scary. I want to see if he's hot though. Is it worth it? Yeah, yeah, it was. Yeah. All right. Fair enough. bigger shoulders. But this guy when he would get boners, he would be in a lot of pain. Because his skin couldn't you know, they cut off too much. Ah, so the base was real tight. Yeah. And I felt so bad for him. So I would get him horny, but not too horny. There was like a fine line. I want to apologize to my brothers. I thought I was a good sister. I did nothing for you.

I never touched your dicks at all. Having a hot sister is rough, dude. You got to worry about everybody else fucking this girl. You can't. That's not fair. Yeah. What an existence. Do you know who Asa Akira is, the porn star? The name I've heard.

Oh, this is a good boy, good married boy. She is a goddess, a brilliant woman. She always says like, without a doubt, like if I had a brother and he was good looking, absolutely I would have fucked him. She has, uh, she dreams about not being an only child. Oh,

so she could fuck her brother. Yeah. Maybe she had a, maybe she had a twin and she fucked him into her. Oh, like an angler fish. And now she does an extra pendant. Yeah. I used to do a joke saying that I,

my twin brother and I were born Siamese. His, that my head was right by his dad. They had to remove my mouth from over his head. Do you have a twin brother for real? That's my dream is a twin boy and girl. Well, you can do it with IVF.

I know. So weird. You have to pay for your dream babies. Okay. I feel like some, some like you might with IVF. I know. So weird. You have to pay for your dream babies, okay? I feel like you might be, I don't know, you're playing too much. Yes, no, I think the Lord will punish me. Yes, I feel like God will punish you. Yeah, yeah, I know what I'm saying. It's like, it's taking some things in your own hand.

But then I think about it on the other end. If this technology was created, it was created under the rule of God's watch or whatever. So it's like, whether you're religious or whatever you're's watch or whatever so it's like whether you're religious or whatever you're looking at it as it is like are we being idiots for not taking the technology that has naturally yeah that's a good thought i i want twin boy and girl but i again i do fear it like i don't know something you're just so lucky to get a kid they will they will happy healthy thank you akash thank you guys so much you've been wonderful thank you we hope you Like, I don't know. Something, something. You're just so lucky to get a kid. They will come. Happy healthy. Thank you, Akash, for doing this. Thank you guys so much.

Appreciate it. You've been wonderful. Thank you. We hope you come back and we hope you. Gladly. You have a special coming out? I have a special that's out on YouTube called Bring Back Apu. Check it out.

Hell yeah. It's one million views in one week. So it's probably going to turn around as quickly as we can. And that is, is that a direct attack at Hari Kondabalu? No, it's a direct attack to the mentality that like we're victims. Yeah. I don't like that shit. No, we're not.

That's awesome. We're here. We're privileged. Let's be great. And will you do my show at Red Star Bar in Greenland? Yes. Yes. In 2000.

What year was that? 16, 14? Whatever it was. 2012. Probably. Who knows? All right. Thank you guys so much for watching.

Check out Akash and all the stuff he's doing. And thank you so much. Thank you guys. Appreciate it. Subscribe, like. We're trying to get to 200,000 subscribers this week. See you guys.