Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Gay, Straight, Bi, Esther w/ Jessica Kirson

Episode Date: October 12, 2021

Thank you to our Sponsors:   Theragun - Try Theragun for 30 days starting at only one hundred ninety-nine dollars at https://therabody.com/trashtuesday Ettitude - Get 20% off your order, plus free shipping, when you visit https://ettitude.com/tuesday and enter promo code TUESDAY  Apostrophe - Save $15 off your first visit at https://www.apostrophe.com/tuesday when you use our code TUESDAY  Manscaped - Get 20% off + free shipping with code TRASH at https://www.manscaped.com Trash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Subscribe to our YouTube: https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons Official Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/trashtuesdayclips Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: George Kimmel & Pete Forthun Editor: Gabby Galon --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/trashtuesday/message

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it's free shocking that esther that's what you were about to say right yes it's free uh-huh it's always number one on our list it's free everyone wants to freaking start a podcast this is the easiest way we're about to tell you there's creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or computer and and and they will distribute your podcast for you so it it can be heard from spotify apple podcasts and all of the platforms basically also you can make money from your podcast with no minimum listenership the best i mean imagine that that's like the lowest that's low pressure everything you need with anchor everything you need to make a podcast all in one place just download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started hi slugs today's

episode is very very very complicated for everybody um please come see me i'm on the road san francisco portland new york city those are all on sale now go to esther on ice.com for everybody. Please come see me. I'm on the road. San Francisco, Portland, New York City, those are all on sale now. Go to EstherOnIce.com and my new Sleepover by Esther set is available. Check it out. SleepoverbyEsther.com Hello, sluggies.

I am coming your way. Bring all of your insanies and your stanies to Denver, Colorado. The Comedy Works, one of my favorite comedy clubs in the world. October 14th through 16th. Then I'm at Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club in San Antonio, October 22nd through 23rd. I'm at Skangfest in Houston, Texas, November 5th through 7th. I'm in Plano, Texas at the House of Comedy, November 11th through 14th. The Irvine Improv, December 2nd. Cap City Comedy Club in

Austin, Texas, December 9th through 11th. Bananas Comedy Club, December 16th through 18th. And then I'm going into January. So there's a lot of dates. Go to my website, annieletterman.com slash shows, and you can catch me there. Come out. We've been having the best time ever.

Jessica, is that where you're from, New York? I up in jersey i'm like a real jersey jew i am scared of you really yeah i feel like jersey girls like beat me up oh no i am from an artsy my mother's an art therapist i grew up in like a very hippie like okay cool every kind of person no i am so not like scary from jersey no it's not that's people watch jersey's shore and think that's jersey is not jersey to be fair i actually think i put my money on you to fight snooki really from jersey shore yeah because you guys are the same height but i feel like you're i feel I feel like my nimbleness will come through. She's a wimp. Wait, but she was on WWE. Snooki?

Yeah. Was that her name? She probably kept her name. Her name was Nicole. People change her name. Oh, but I mean her WWE name was probably Snooki. Oh, probably, yeah. You know how you change your name?

Yeah. I'm pretty sure she was on WWE. I must have dreamt it in some delirium, but I'm pretty sure she was. It's really scary to me that you know that. And that you, not only that you know that, but it's so obscure that both me and Jessica are like, what?

Like neither of us have even had like a rumbling. Nobody, none of you guys watched wrestling when you were younger? No, but I'm older than you. And also, no, I'm a girl. I get it why you do. I'm a girl. How dare you, Esther?

Look, see? Oh, wow. Esther, I changed my mind. I might have my money on her. I still think I could fight her because I do think that like my flexibility and my grace. Well, it's about anger. I don't know if you should. How angry are you you i think whoever's

angrier would then yeah she's pretty enraged i think this yeah you're right you're totally right so jessica you're i'm gonna ask me anything i'm gonna say the cheesiest shit ever right now don't okay here's the thing you're a new york comic, and I, like, know nothing about that world. And to me, it's just, like, so, like, scary, like, dominated by men. Like, do you – is that, like, your – is it scary? I feel like you represent all the things in life that I think are scary. You have four kids. You are from Jersey, and you have to hang around men in comedy clubs.

You're so cute. are from Jersey and you have to hang around men in comedy class. You're so cute. Well, I'm not in a typical situation of a woman who has four kids. Let's be honest, because I have a wife at home. Oh, okay. So it's easier. Oh. So I'm not like these female comics who gave birth, you know, went on stage pregnant. You know what I mean? Yeah. And went through that. Because that's different. And that they're, like, the primary mom, right, who leaves their child. Like, I'm here with Rachel Feinstein. You know, we made this prank album together, which, you know, I'll talk about. Yeah.

And she left her baby. And, like, she's her mommy and, like, left her baby. And she's here. Like, my wife is home with my kids. My ex is home with my oldest. And, like, so they're taken care of and she's here. Like my wife is home with my kids. My ex is home with my oldest. And like, so they're taken care of and I go away. And then I know they're being taken care of by their other moms.

So I'm in a very good situation and so grateful. Right? So the secret is just being gay? Right. Esther, you're only one step away. You're so not gay. She's way too happy. No, I am like,

I, we talk about it. We, we, every week we try to figure out how Esther truly feels about. Yeah. I'm definitely on a weird spectrum. Like all the young people today.

She, every episode she asks to stick her fingers up my pussy. Every episode. But like, I do have. I don't know why I just thought that was so funny. But it's just so, because the way you said it was just so matter of fact. And she's like, yeah.

Yeah. The only issue is I do have a male fiance. Oh, that's, yeah. That's kind of a little. All right. Small barriers. You can ask me anything about. When did you know you were gay?

This is taking a really weird turn. I have a great story about how i came out really yeah it's an amazing story tell me now well okay i'll tell you when i was when my friends were like i had little crushes on boys when i was younger because i think i i mean i did i did have crushes um but nothing major like my friends would like die over boys. And I was like, yeah, you know, I thought boys were cute. I always wanted to be with my girlfriends. And I had a very tight group of girlfriends. That sounded bad.

They were all tight. All my friends were tight. And, you know, I used to fool around with all my girlfriends growing up. I was like the town whore. Like I always, you know, used to play with them. Like you'd make out and touch each other, whatever. And I would, I would, I like they all had boyfriends in high school and I never did. And I would just like kind of fool around with guys because as we were supposed to do, but I had no idea I was gay or like into girls. I, all I cared about is what

people thought of me. That's all I cared about is what people thought of me that's all i cared about which seems like probably that's how everyone right and wanted to be liked wanted to be popular and i was friends with everyone and i was the class clown and that's all i fucking cared about and so it wouldn't even like occur to me and plus when i was growing up you know i'm older like you no one was gay yeah you weren't gay you were feminine or you were but no one you know if a guy was like seriously a third party this Saturday you were like he's feminine but no one said David's gay whoa it was not like that at all so then I like you know in senior year all my friends had boyfriends and then I was just hanging out with

them and I had never had sex and then i was just hanging out with them and i had never had sex and then i went to university this is kind this is sad but this is a this is a story and hopefully it'll help someone that's watching or listening because i really did this to just like prove to myself that i was you know normal i don't want to say not gay because i wasn't even aware at this point but just at least normal and one of the one of the girls. I went on my freshman orientation from University of Maryland, got completely wasted, you know, met a guy, very cute Jewish guy from Maryland and just like had sex. Like I had never had sex and lost my virginity in a room in a hotel room with two other random people and it was sad. I mean it was fine but it was like sad like that's how i lost my virginity just so that i would lose my virginity before i went to college do you know

what's really weird is that is not a sad story to me to me it's very normal and like no one i like most people i know of a really like weird like nobody loses their virginity in like the way like you want to i think it's sad if you lose your virginity to someone you love that's sadder to me that's amazing because it's something that i feel like you just gotta get out the way if it's sexual exploration at any age and i tell my niece this she's 19 yeah and i'm like i don't care get it out the way it's like this sort of like burden that like hovers over your head and you think it's something that has to be special. It's like, that creeps me out.

That creeps me out. Because at 19, I'm supposed to feel passion and love for someone to enter me. And it's just coitus. No, I get what you mean. I think what was sad was that there were two other people in the room. And that I was wasted. Oh, yeah. And you probably

felt that I'm an addict so that was like I didn't know I was an addict then but I was wasted so it was one of the things I did when I was like in a blackout you know what I'm saying so it was kind of did you feel ick after oh sure because I you know bled and I mean it was I that's sad right exactly feeling sad yeah totally and then there were these two other people that were in the other room that i didn't know and i didn't know him and it was just kind of a weird why did i not bleed maybe it was so thin your hymen that it just was like maybe you were humping things from the age of four i could truly believe that no i'm like i did you believe yeah i yes i did bleed what the fuck it like what's going on with me? Am I still a virgin?

That's hilarious. I have not. Like, whatever. Anyway, sorry. But you were a gymnast. That is the funniest question. Am I still a virgin? Like, is this the week again?

Let me try. I ended up going to college and just drinking a lot and whatever and fucking guys and never a boyfriend. Yeah. Just, you know, like. Would it be, like, pleasurable to you? Like, did you? What was it feeling? I never minded the actual fucking, the having sex. But I never wanted to spend time with the guy after.

Like, I would leave. And I never wanted to have a boyfriend. Yeah. But the actual having sex was fine with me. Yeah. Like I like sucking dick. I say this on stage and I'm not saying this is like a bit, but it's really true.

It is a bit of mine, but I really mean it. I like sucking dick cause I'm an eater. So I like that feeling in the back of my throat. Cause I like fuck my throat with food. I don't chew anymore. So I literally gag on food. So I like that. Like, like. I don't chew anymore. So I literally gag on food. So I like that.

Like, like that's the porn I watch. I want, I put in face fucking brutal. I love watching women. You know what this podcast was almost going to be called? What? Skull fucked.

No, it wasn't. Yes, it was. I would never be okay with that. That's disturbing. You're like, I wouldn't have been a part of it.

The complete name was Skull Fucked, a faith-based podcast. You're psycho. that too I love being skull fuck don't tell me that I'm never looking at you again I am a skull fuck queen I like to gag so hard don't even I'm never looking at you again she is so it's like this can you never say that to me again dude she's the she cannot say that ever again in my presence that's the hottest thing to me i thought the opposite no are you kidding i put in it when i watch porn on my phone on a daily basis i put in face fucking brutal that's me I'm the porn you watch. So I, yeah,

my wife does that to me. I want to leave. That's what I have. I shouldn't be saying this. No, say it. Honestly, I love having that done to me.

I wear a strap on. I'm not kidding. I'm, oh God, this is crazy. It's like, I can't, you're so gay.

Yeah. You're really gay. That turns me on. This is interesting. Yeah. You're the real deal. yeah i am so well because you're okay because she's hot right she's so who would ever say she's not hot who on earth man or woman would not say she's not hot? That's the perfect reaction. I mean, what? I'm not even going to respond to that question. Could you imagine looking at her and being like, whatever, she's all right.

It's so true. I mean, a blind person would think she's hot. You could literally just touch her and go, she's hot, a blind person. Someone with no eyes, just so sockets could somehow think she's hot that's literally the only acceptable reaction stunning dinner the other day stunning we went to dinner and what did you say across the table your poor fiance esther was on edibles and we went to a korean dinner that sounds like that sounds like a tv show esther was on edibles and we went to a korean dinner that sounds like that sounds like a tv show esther was

on edibles she was on one side of the table there were about eight people in between us and then her fiance and she yells out she's like dave will you have sex with kalilah and poor dave is like don't do this to me right now yeah i there's like a few people in my life where i'm like if they had sex with my fiance like i would be fine with it yeah you have to allow it with her i mean yeah it's like yeah like i just feel like i would be fine with i mean the whole thing the tattoo like the whole thing is just insane i know i do feel like i could really have like a real gay person conversation with you about how dissecting how hot kalilah is and why but i don't want to do it in front of her

no we can't do it in front i'm literally assaulting her with my words right now just gangbang it out guys i mean it's not even the looks it's the energy whatever let's get into my story so yeah so it is the energy it's the. It's literally I'm it's it's I'm feeling it. It's like a comfort. It's everything. Just tell me I'll be okay. Just kill me. Just literally tell me I'll be okay. Like fucking kill me. Just stab me. I just oh my god all right so okay go go so this is such a great story you'll love this so i join a jewish sorority it's fucking amazing and it's not like and they are in a sorority it's not like that we're like stoners and fucking don't show up to anything and i live in a house with 40 girls amazing because now i'm like at university of maryland i'm in this cool

sorority these girls are great and we are like the you know like the fuck ups we're not this is a great group of women and girls and we're like awesome friends and you know all the other sorority houses are like really into it and we're like oh we don't show up to anything we're drunk all the time and high and that seemed like a dream sorority oh it's fucking amazing can we do that now do you know st elmo's fire like with all the so that's where i went to school so that's this all houses so i live in this house with 40 girls amazing right and i'm the social chairman i'm the hell master okay so i like this is so awesome so i'm like all this shit. My senior year, this freshman walks into, uh, to, to rush, which means she's a, wants to pledge and she's Jewish and she's stunning. We're still friends to this day. And we just saw each other. It's crazy. I'd never been with a

woman before. I never met a girl and we just connected and she was beautiful Jewish girl from Jersey like me and I don't know what happened we just like there was just this energy and I'm a senior she's a freshman and we just she ended up pledging for my sorority and I again was like the pledge head of the pledge, because I fucked with them. And we would just sit in my car and this is so crazy, but just stare at each other for hours. Shut up. What? Yes. So without even speaking. Were you like smiling? On and off. This is like a K drama. It's amazing. And we wanted to be together constantly. Oh, I love that feeling. And nothing sexual, but like I was obsessed with her. And I had no idea what was going on.

I didn't know what was feeling. I didn't know why. I was like, what is happening? I no thought I was gay. Whoa. It was just her. We were constantly like wanting to spend time together, but then kind of hiding that.

And then I'm like, why am I hiding wanting to be with this girl all the time? What is going on? We ended up going home for Christmas break. This was after months of doing this. And we were in my mom's house, an attic in my room, and we were drinking wine and smoking pot and we started wrestling isn't this awesome oh my god is it can this be a movie i know it's amazing

and then we started wrestling and then we kissed it was so hot because it had been pent up for months and just to think like i would, like, putting myself in your shoes, and I feel like I would be so nervous that she's not feeling what I'm feeling. At that point, we knew we, like, we were madly in love with each other at that point. It seems like it. I mean, to stare at each other in a car, Esther, when no words necessary. Hey, Kyla, want to go get in your Corolla? The Corolla that you just drove down a flight of

stairs that one esther just drove her corolla down a flight of stairs you care to tell jess about that story esther why did you go downstairs in a corolla i no one knows don't know i'm not even that kind of person i'm not i don't make who's that kind of person. I'm not. I don't make- Who's that kind of person, elderly? People who like lose their phone and they like they're hung over and they accidentally drive off a cliff. That's not me. I like it was-

Oh, hey baby. Oh, legs. We got legs and cowboy boots. Hi. And we're talking about two things. So many. You're gay. I'm in the male gaze, bitch.

I'm telling them the coming out story. You missed some of it, but I'm still in it. All right. Start it again. Start the podcast over, please. Annie, you work out a lot. That is so nice of you to say. It's almost mocking me, but I am starting to work out a lot. That is so nice of you to say. It's almost mocking me, but I am starting to work out a lot. I am starting tomorrow.

And what do you do when your muscles are sore and tender? When my muscles were sore that time, I did do exercise over the pandemic. I did use the Theragun and it did help. You guys, don't let the stress of daily life weigh on your body. Whether you're an elite athlete or someone like me and Annie. Theragun can help. Theragun is a handheld percussive therapy device that releases your deepest muscle tension using a scientifically calibrated combo of depth, speed, and power, and it's as quiet as an electric toothbrush. We like our vibrating things to be very quiet so our boyfriends can't hear.

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I felt like I was sleeping like in the most comfortable forest bed ever. I felt like I was on vacation in my own home. And was it guilt-free? It was guilt-free. You know why it's guilt-free? Tell me. Because it's attitude.

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plus free shipping when you visit etitude.com slash Tuesday and enter promo code Tuesday. Remember, that's Etitude as in eco attitude. Order today for free shipping and 20% off your order at Etitude.com slash Tuesday. Promo code Tuesday. Well, before we fit here, give you a break before we tell your story, Jess. Explain the going down the stairs with your Corolla. There's no explanation. I feel like we should save this for when we can really watch the vid. There's a video?

Yes, but it's viral. There's no, no, there's some photos. I was a nice person and George asked me to fill in for your niece at your husband's podcast. Yes. And your twin brother's podcast. Yes, yes, yes. Bad friends. My evil, evil, evil twin.

And I did it and it was totally fine, whatever. And when I left, I was like ready to get the fuck out of there. And I drove down the stairs. That's it. And I, so basically I thought it was an exit. No, it's such a better story that you are trying to escape. I thought it was. Now that you put it under the guise of you're escaping bad friends, it really does paint a better picture.

So, okay. So I thought it was an exit. And I quickly realized, oh, my. I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. What's going on? And then I, like, I didn't really understand what's happening. So I tried to push it on the gas to just get the fuck out of there and then i it was getting worse so i stopped that

and then i tried reversing because when you do something embarrassing like that you just want to get out you want anyone you know to see you just want it to be over and i just realized like oh i'm not my car is stuck like this is so i just immediately called george and was like george i need you to come outside if they come out if they come out before you wanted them to would you have maybe just put your seat back and try to hide like lay hide in there and just put caution tape around that i would have just abandoned i would have had that car impounded never to be seen again like that was so embarrassing you don't think that crossed my mind did it cross your mind that a tesla would never have allowed that to happen no i think a tesla would you don't think a Tesla would go downstairs?

It wouldn't drive over that. I'm actually, I've become very anti-Tesla because of the stairs incident. Because I'm like, I want a car I can just beat the fuck up and then throw it away if I need to. Now we know why she needed a Corolla, Annie. There was no other car she could have had. Imagine if she did it to a Tesla. I am surprised that you don't want a car that drives you around. It's like pretty cool. You can do other other things that is a good point you could be packing

your merch in the back seat also i brought this if you wanted to comb your pubes i brought this for you it gets the lice out it gets the lice out what annie i love you i miss you it's all clean i love this is my one i love you i can't take you at all this bitch so much. It's all clean. I love, this is my one of my people. I love you. I can't take you at all. I miss you. I was going to try to squeeze into some leather pants for you. Oh, I love it.

Last time I saw her, she was wearing leather pants. I mean, I haven't seen you in a while. Years. And we stood outside of those. Years. She was staying at the Standard Hotel,

which I don't even think is open anymore. It's not? In downtown? Yeah. The one across from the Comedy Store. It's not? No.

That was always the- Why am I so concerned? Like, who cares? I'm like, oh my God, the Hollywood? The one across from the Comedy Store. It's not? No, I think it is. That was always the... Why am I so concerned? Like, who cares? I'm like, oh my God, the standard? Because that's where we stood in the room. Wait, do you remember when some people we know just laid there? Oh, yeah, in the box.

On the display. We know some girls who would just like lay in the... I know that box you're talking about. Oh, I bet you do. I should have brought you one of my eat-out masks. I just asked. I like to give them to lesbians for free. I just asked for that.

I know that box. We know you've gotten around. Yeah. Not with comics. Okay, so just to catch you up to speed, we're just at the part of the story where she is starting to meek out with a girl. After wrestling.

After wrestling. In an attic. After some wine. After months of just staring at each other. It's my first lover. Then what happens? Then we both made out like crazy and then we freaked out and she left.

Really? Yeah. And it was her house. I was like, what the fuck just happened? It was my mom's house. Wait, that's so... And we were like, what just happened? All right, I better go.

Like, it was crazy. Yeah, it was really freaked me out, freaked her out. And then what? How'd you get in the place? Then we went back to school and drove together a week later and fucked forever. Shut up. Shut... We went to school early and went to my apartment and just like for a week, just like literally

had sex in every room. It's got to be so much easier to lose your virginity to a girl because you know your own body. I didn't lose my virginity. You missed that part where I bled in front of strangers. I did that this week. That doesn't have to be. I did that in the desert on acid.

You just got to not bring enough tampons. That's all. Annie, I love you. I did that this week. Oh, that's right. That was your big desert. And this tan bitch. There's a lot to talk about.

This is the tannest person I've ever seen in my life. It's getting border and cultural protection. We're not allowed to talk about her. I don't even look at her anymore. Esther can't handle it. I'm not looking at her. It's a palpable sexual tench. Ooh.

Yeah. And let's just say I'm jealous. When you said tench. Esther is killing me with this. Listen, I don't want to eat any of your dirty boxes. I'll watch though. I'll hold the camera. They're not dirty.

I believe you're clean. I can't tell. She travels a lot, so it might be dirty. But I don't even grow pubes anymore. You guys know this. I know. She's like, it's so annoying. my lines can go behind my head it's like so irritating am i officially gay like that was love you you're amazing you are she and i just

had such a moment just now that no one even you're gay you're fucking gay thank you she's gay i'm telling everyone right now i'm saying it live on the podcast the lesbian she's at least first of all she's at least bisexual will you night her from that moment i just got it so crazy she's at least bisexual night her with your yes you are you're bisexual i know well that was that was a sign. What just happened? Look me in the eye when I said this. Knight her with your clip. With mine? Knight her. Or bring a dildo or something. Oh, I'll knight her with a dildo. Do you guys bring strap-ons

with you everywhere? Yeah, they're in my bag. They're in the car. They're in the lift. Have you ever actually pulled a dildo out instead of your mic on stage? And been like, oh my god, ew, too fish. It's so hard to be a lesbian comic isn't it could you imagine could you imagine i just take out my strap on how's everyone doing oh my god i dare you tonight hollywood improv yeah yeah on my shows my headlining i'm coming you are yeah i'm gonna

come oh i'm so glad it better be funny funny. I'm just kidding. Can you imagine? Isn't that so psycho? And people are like, it's always like your dentist. It's always like your random, like, I'm going to come see you. You better be good. It's like, I can't even talk to you right now. There's metal in my mouth. That's every Jewish show I do.

You're going to be funny? No, shlomo. Fucking asshole. I'm going to talk about the Holocaust for 45 minutes. Oh, me too. What happened with you guys? After the fucking, did you guys officially get together? Years. Seven years we were together.

Oh, shit. Three of them were a secret, so that almost killed me. How hard. Because we had to hide and lie and meet in hotels. It was a nightmare. That was a lot me because I cared so much for people. But at that time, you didn't come out. You weren't gay. Everybody just thought you were poor. were poor they're like oh they have to share the same hotel

everyone knew everyone knew my college friends came to my gig in jersey the other night you're like they're like do you think no one knew like you're such idiots yeah i feel like college is really when you can tell too the shoulders like there's a picture of me where i guess you have to come out as straight in college is what i'm saying like because my I there's a picture I'll try to find it my my college ID like it like squished me and you kind of get into exercise for the first time in college I was always wearing a sports bra like I just looked like I like I caught pussy and I understand you what's the lacrosse stick they do look like pussies by the way i just i just need to say because i know that my fiance listens to these to make sure that nothing happens

esther esther she touched me she went like this so that was very straight it was like straight to jerk my wrist that was one of the funniest things i know your eye contact i love it i know it's adorable we are we are on it we're a team that was really amazing can i just say we fucked up this should have been the sleepover episode stop no yeah of course well every episode should be a sleepover wake up like all of our sleeping bags have weird fingering holes i just want to say george got these fucking lesbian sleeping bags for us Oh my god Imagine sleeping bags With holes

She just So when you Two fingers though Not for one dick Yeah So yeah So when you did come out Of like

So I told my mom And I was like I have something really upsetting She's like Melissa's my girl She's like Honey I obviously

Every time she left you Would be sobbing Like who does that with a friend? I was like, who is this lady? You don't do that when a friend leaves the house. Sobbing uncontrollably. I do it when I know someone's coming over. Esther's going over.

Hide. Hide the valuables. Hide the food. The valuables. The valuables the bible do you know she's got a she loves to eat bibles

the old bible eater oh god I love it I have such a what is that what is it saying these jeans go so far up all of my cracks

here's what I'll say about this look those jeans are in your lungs they're up I'm literally choking on jeans. This is Skims. She always knows the Skims. I love your legs, Annie.

These are cute. These are sleepover by Esther. Yeah, Annie, your legs are like, you have good legs. How the fuck have you been hiding this from us all this time? There's some, you know, I got my mom's dimples in my face and my legs. So I sometimes I, I get shy. Your legs are smiling. I don't want you guys to see how cute they are.

All these cute little dimples. They're smiling at me. I have this Shirley temple. Your legs are smiling. I don't want you guys to see how cute they are. All these cute little dimples. They're smiling and you want steak. I have this Shirley temple. Well, good thing. I got some, I got a cheese tape for you. Wait, did you go to the desert?

I did go to the desert. Doug Stanhope didn't show up, but they brought a, they brought a cutout. Who'd you go to the desert with? It was with like, okay, so Doug Stanhope and his crew

always go to the desert every year. And he, every year I've gone, Doug Stanhope has not gone. And I'm always like, okay, so Doug Stanhope and his crew always go to the desert every year. And every year I've gone, Doug Stanhope has not gone. And I'm always like, oh, because I've never met him before. So I'm always, like, excited to meet him. And this year he had talked about it on Rogan where he was like, oh, Annie let everyone last time I really wanted to meet her and I was excited. So I was like, I DM'd him.

I was like, I canceled my weekend. I'm coming. He's like, I'm down. And then, like, you know, Thursday I was like, you're not bailing, are you? And he was like, no, I'm out. And I was like, oh, fuck. He's like, see, it's gang fest. And I was like, you're not bailing, are you? And he was like, no, I'm out. And I was like, oh, fuck. He's like, see, it's gang fest. And I was like, oh. I could have done my weekend, but it was fun.

So what do you guys do together? What is this thing? We do drugs. We do acid. Do you all stay in a house together? There's different cabins and stuff. It's really nice. Some people camp.

Were there other comics there? Yeah, it was Andy Andress, Chad Sheck. It's all guys who have toured with Stan Hope. So Brett Erickson. It was really fun though. It was really cool. What tracks did you do? Sandra Yuccalona came.

I did Molly, Mushrooms. What's the order? A Little Ketamine. What's the order? Just all together. All of them? Yeah, you mix them. We had to take fentanyl strips and everything.

Wait, what? So test for fentanyl. You have to take fentanyl strips to test everything. Everything is laced with it. That's so smart. I know. I can't go out like that. I'm not kidding.

I don't do enough drugs to then be the person that dies. Look at Esther's face. But you just don't know what's laced with anything. Even a Molly could have been laced. No, we tested it all. Yeah, good. That's so smart. Can I ask a really naive potentially question it's probably not naive

by the way what why is fentanyl like so what we know is like it kills people is it is it going in drugs showing up randomly in drugs on purpose because they're trying to kill people they're trying to cut it in there they're not trying to kill people seem like better i don't know the reason why they're cutting it i don't really do drugs i just have these weekends i don't know why they cut coke with it because it coke is an upper and that's a downer i don't but i think it makes they want you to want more maybe but then isn't how you fucking overdose i just thought it was trying to cut costs for some reason well i would assume that too well it looks like my question wasn't that naive because

nobody knows the answer yeah i think i don't want to brag but i did call that it wasn't it takes such a tiny amount to go out on fentanyl it's so bad i know it's really really horrific okay annie and then what was the feeling like coming out of the drug cloud like was it so good did you have revelations i had a good time well. Well, it wasn't like I had done San Pedro with my shaman up in Yosemite. That's right. I've never done this type of talk with you before. You think I'm phased by it? I just, I'm ready to come out to you.

She has two shamans. I'm coming out to you as a shaman. I'm a shaman-holic. Yeah. I'm interested in this shit. I have a lot of answers to tell you. I want to hear about the shaman stuff. I'll tell you something.

I am not interested in it. I know. I have a lot of answers I want to hear about the shaman stuff. I'll tell you something, I am not interested in it. I know. I think it's insane. I think it's completely insane. Wait, so you drove up with your shaman to the mountains? I went without him.

I met him there. Oh, you met him in the mountains? Yeah, so I could come back and do the podcast. What do you do with him? I mean, I wish we were having a sexual relationship.

I have a big crush on him. He's gay though. He's not into me. Oh. But does he look like he's cute though? He's so handsome. He's beautiful. I have a big crush on him. He's gay though. He doesn't, he's not into me. Oh. But does he look like he's cute though? He's so handsome. I have crushed on gay boys. He's beautiful.

He's gorgeous. He's like a, he's just a wonderful, sweet angel man. Have either one of you ever been, had feelings for a woman? Not feelings. I've had sex with women, but not, not, I don't want to be in a relationship with them. I just said it to see what esther yeah i think i feel like all girls just sort of like we're allowed that right or compare i i don't know i've always just been i would love if boys had a little they had to just like suck a dick in college i find it hot that bobby has some cum

i understand that completely i think it's hot when men have been with men i i find it attractive i just kind of feel like somebody who's i feel like they're probably really sexually open i totally understand they'd be more fun in the bedroom yeah i agree why did your voice get so sultry that's my voice i didn't do it on purpose i swear okay did it sound sultry okay you've had threesomes yeah so you like to talk i don't want to make myself sound banged out here but it was two guys oh that's hot to me see that's hot to me uh done if you know what i mean see i've never had sex with a man and a woman i've had sex with two women that's fun yeah no i was so bored i was in a hotel with two beds and i got up and went to the

other bed and watched tv wasn't that convenient there was too many tits and vagina i was so confused yeah that's how i felt i was in a relationship with two men and we lived together for too many years and um i feel the same way while, like, the sexual perks didn't make up for the emotional, like, two people to kind of answer to. It was lovely for what it was, but it wasn't sustainable. Well, then I got in trouble after. She's like, why did you have to go down on her? I'm like, I didn't know there were rules. Like, you should have fucking told me what I was allowed to do.

I hate when people have invisible rules. I know. What are you talking about? You were the one that suggested this and then I got in trouble. I know. You were the one I was talking about. Those boundaries that were never stated. You're like, oh, what did I do?

Wait. So he had a problem with you going down on her? She. It was two women. I had a girlfriend. Oh, two women. She can't compute it. She can't.

She loves the cock so much. She just adds a cock to every story. Tell her a story. She'll add a cock. That's so funny. Cock hungry. So one of them was. Hungry.

So one of them was your girlfriend and the other one was not a serious relationship. Therefore, she was jealous that you went down on the other girl? Well, we were in a club and she said let you know we were dancing with another woman and she's a lesbo club yeah and she said let's so everyone was what's the music in a lesbo club tell me the music was on to your window no i'm joking i don't know imagine yeah that actually would be fun though. Yeah. Annie.

My skin. I have a glow. I don't always have a glow. But since, since apostrophe, I think the glow is coming back. You're glowing. You're glowing. Your feet look good. Are you putting it on your ankles?

I'm putting it everywhere. She looks great. Let me tell you something. I, obviously, like, we wear makeup for the show and whatnot. But, like, I have a lot of skin issues I've been dealing with my whole life, including like melasma. As I've gotten older and had like hormonal changes, I've had like a darkening of some spots in my face. It's always near the mustache, huh? Always. My T-zone, I have eczema.

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And it was her idea. But then we all started fooling around and I did something. She was testing you. why don't we hook up with this girl? So we went back to, you know, our apartment with her. And it was her idea. But then we all started fooling around and I did something. She was testing you. She was like, let's bring this girl home. Well, it's such a woman thing. Sorry. I know, we gotta be real.

It's like, Jesus Christ. We gotta be real. This was your idea. The invisible boundary. And now I'm in trouble. Yeah. For doing something. I was like, let's go over the rules.

Why don't we all sit and talk about what's okay and what's not. It's like, you know, it's's so fucking ridiculous i think that there's definitely some gymnastics well i will say this um that happens with men too because again i've been with two men and one was always upset depending on how much um possession well how much hold they had on the cuck so you had to do this like kind of like almost fucking have a timer on because you know Did they fool around with each other? Never

no just me. Oh my god. So that part was nice but they played her like a flute. Oh my god they played her like a. Not to sound gang banged out. Gang banged out. I know guys I don't want to sound but I was gang banged out. Done gotten but there were usually multiple guys.

Were they both hot? They were both really hot. Of course. Oh, my God. Yeah. One was a math teacher. Oh, that's hot. Why is that so hot?

Do you like math? I don't hate math. I'm not like I hate math all the time. Some people hate math. This is so funny to me. What? I don't like math. I don't, I'm not like, I hate math all the time. Some people hate math. This is so funny to me. What? I don't like hate math, but. Who feels impartial to math?

But I'm gay. But I'm a lesbian. I don't hate math, but I am gay. I don't hate math, but I love pussy. I mean, uh. Oops, I mean, uh. Oops. Dave, she's kidding.

It's for comedy. Grow up. Yes. Dave, come on. She's not, she's bi, like most people dave has like a little like camera in this poodle he's gonna be real pissed by the time you get home look look you better keep fucking that car up so he feels needed oh my god he did not help me at all he was so unhelpful he was probably happy because doesn't he fuck his car up a lot he was probably

happy yeah and he called he's like why is your why did you drive your car down the stairs i'm golfing like and then he's laughing i'm like okay trump like george is handling it george george is my new husband yeah the other man i annoy in my life wait how did this story end how did the whole george came outside and then a guy george was like okay basically once george came outside i mentally checked out and was like this is george's problem now and george is like trying to jack find like the right tools and shit oh it's so embarrassing and this guy i'm gonna take it took like 45 minutes he's like I know the algorithm of YouTube

but what do you do to jack a car up he this guy was walking past and was like do you guys need

a big jack and we were like he saw that blonde man just searching and searching and he said let me save these people he thought he was

a foreigner probably doesn't George look like he's a tourist everywhere he goes even in the Midwest. He has tourist energy. It's so bad. It's like, sir, do you need me to take a picture of you? Oh, no, you want me to help with the car?

Okay. Picture. So this guy just came, jacked it up, and they put like boulders. I don't know what they did. Boulders? It's so good. It was like a chain gang walked by. He just said boulders. She doesn doesn't know i don't know what they did

but they figured it out and i was on my way to get my sweet green salad like it was just perfect this is a good sweet green salad but i feel like bobby was like bobby came outside and and santino was like laughing i feel like bobby was like angry at me. Or did he was jealous that he's the one that usually crashes his car? Yes, that's exactly it. Are you serious? He's usually the guy,

I mean, he's left his, do you not know his Del Taco story about how his car flipped over a couple times on the freeway? What? He used to have a Del Taco, so I feel like yours is a little different. She was flipping him up.'m kidding everybody by the way this is my friend so he flips his car a couple times in the freeway and he crawls out and he's like oh

i'm fine there's a del taco right there he walks in a del taco comes back goes back to his flipped over car now there's cops and paramedics and they're like sir stand back there's a dead body in there and he's eating his del taco he goes that's me do you get a dui if you are uh uh not dui but when you leave the scene of a crime what's it called hit and run a hit and run on yourself i feel like you can if you go into the report taco what i swear I really picked up on a weird energy from Bobby. Well, he did this. Usually Bobby embellishes every single story. Nothing is true out of his mouth, right?

So when he calls me, he's like, I was like, what happened? He's like, call me back, 911. I'm like, what happened? He's like, Esther drove down some stairs. I was like, that's an embellished story. He told you 911 over that? He didn't even give a fuck. Was he laughing this is

my impression he walks out looked over and he's just like wait this is making it look like you did this on purpose for attention for bobby and he didn't give it to you what was his take on i've been dying to know he doesn't have a take on it he's more like it's on brand for you okay yeah he wasn't does this so often it's also it's on brand for him he does it often am i coming for bobby's place i think so i think you're trying to steal his essence i think that's the feeling you got i think bobby's lady yeah i think bobby's your shaman actually bobby's your shaman and he's here to guide you into realizing that every fuck up is literally the best part. Because like, you know what I mean? Yeah. If I get too serious, I gotta go. Oh, God.

Hold on. Oh, wow. I love those shorts on you, Ani. Are those like things from the desert in there? Yeah. What do you think would be in there? I got some crabs crawling up there. Some sand crabs.

Here's what's going to disappoint you because I know you wanted to go to Hawaii, right? Yeah. All the strip clubs there, because I tried every day that I was there, all the strip clubs, they close at midnight and there's plexiglass around the girls. And it really kind of zapped the joy. Do they use the plexiglass to like push their pussies up against it? I don't know.

Everybody just seemed a little sad to be dancing, to be honest. Use your space. Do you know what I mean? Like mush. Wouldn't you want that? Wait, mush against the glass? Yeah, like use, if the glass is there, use it. No, Annie.

If they're artists, you know? Yeah. Yeah, that would be art. You're right. I did try to be phone friends with you for a while. No, you didn't. I called you twice and we talked and it just didn't keep up. I'll call you.

I will talk to you. I need to'll call you. I will talk to you. I need to talk to you. I'll talk to you. I'll talk about pushed up pussy again. I'll talk to you for hours. Do you remember what we talked about the whole night? No. Is it about a person?

No, we were just talking about Louis. We were just like. Oh, I don't care. We were just Louis sympathizers for hours. We were like, come on, we've masturbated in front of open micers for hours. We were just like, we've totally done that. And then I was like, maybe we shouldn't talk about it publicly.

The views expressed in this podcast do not represent. You guys are all so naturally funny. I love being on podcasts like this because sometimes I'm like, yeah. And then so you left college and you decided, you know, that is,

when did you feel that comedy was the route for you? Oh God, if someone asked me that again. When I was molested in Fat Camp. I literally always say, I'm like, obviously when they go like this, they'll go, they'll ask you questions like, so they'll say to me like, so you quit drinking the first time at 12.

What was that about? I'm like, what answer do you want? They're like, where's my funny answer? If I was drinking at 12, I think it was one of three things, a dick or one of the balls. How'd you get into comedy? Severe trauma. I don't know. Severe.

Severe. Severe. My father called me a fat cunt. What do you want to hear? So you didn't mind? Was that really your nickname? I was selfish cunt. Oh, I was fat cunt.

I was selfish cunt. I was selfish cunt. This is a great duo for the stage. What was your nickname? Fat cunt. What was your selfish gun i always say i have a um arresting my dad called me a bitch face can you tell daddy was mean so nice now it's so weird i know that is weird it's so weird how they switch well my dad's kind of like a queen a little bit about things. Is your dad still alive? Mm-hmm.

My dad was amazing. My dad gave me my sense of humor. Yeah, me too. He was the funniest person I've ever known. It's really rude to say in front of us. It's so rude to say in front of us, these comedians. I am. I thought we were the funniest people you've ever met.

I feel the same way. I feel the same way too. Yeah, and by the way, I agree with everyone I meet who thinks their dad's the funniest, their dads were the funniest people you've ever met I feel the same way I feel the same way too yeah and by the way I agree with everyone everyone I meet who thinks their dad's the funniest their dads are the funniest they're right he was really

I mean I didn't laugh harder at anyone in my life you should feel like that you should meet this dad your dad really we should have a dad episode with both of our dads because I think our dads you should do that

that would be really interesting my dad like I feel like he doesn't bring it on camera the way my mom can. But you got to just keep the camera running long enough. They just, they get nervous. The real them comes out. I brought my parents on Girl Code once. They came on Girl Code.

All they wanted is to be on TV. My dad's always like, do they have old man code? I'd be like, and we did like a joke once where I was like filming him. I was like, I'll send this to the producers. And I go, dad, what's hard about being old? And he's like, my dick. No, he goes, not my dick. And then you could hear my niece in the background playing.

It's just like the war. I'm like, dad, he's just so, he goes there. He's dirty. Your dad's not that dirty. No. I don't tolerate that. Annie, I'm going to stop you because you're going to be pissed at me if I don't tell you.

But this last shot. It's so annoying. I had to put them on while I was driving, though. Yeah. I wasn't tell you, but this lash. It's so annoying. I had to put them on while I was driving though. Yeah. I wasn't like driving. How so? Isn't it funny that you just told her about her lash? Like I have not one stitch of makeup on.

And you look gorgeous. Yeah, you do. Oh, please. It's so good. Everyone here is trying to bang you, so obviously. You do have like big dick energy. Yeah, I do. Yeah. You could trick a bitch. You could trick a straightie. Have you tricked any straighties before? I've dick energy. Yeah. Yeah. You could trick a bitch. You could trick a straightie.

Yeah. Have you tricked any straighties before? I've been tricked. Obviously lesbians are like, they can plant some seeds in you. I didn't. I didn't. It's not like I tricked a straight girl. But I've been with straight girls.

But yeah. There's just, there's so many young girls that are like, I'm bi. It's like, no, you're not. You're like, all right. That's what I get annoyed with. That why i don't seriously okay i shut up as the representative let me hear let me hear i just get i as someone who is has a unclear sexual identity i get like irritated when there's all like growing up all the people in college are like we're bi and it's like no you're not like you're you're just doing it for attention and like if you were

really bi like I think I would know I don't know never mind no I agree with you completely let it come let it come we hear you wow I agree with you. There's a woman just squirting a shower on you. Annie. You like Ogo. Why do you have to make it so explicit right out the gate? Wait, that's not explicit. We've been there about 30 minutes. It's not right out the gate. Have you guys been peed on ever? Like in the shower.

No, like intentionally, like in your hair and face. I was going to have a guy pee on me, but. It's actually kind of fun. I didn't think I'd like it. I've been peed on my face, everything. I peed on someone. Did they know. I didn't think I'd like it. I haven't peed on my face, everything. I peed on someone. Did they know? When did they wake up?

No, it was my grandmother. She had Alzheimer's. I can't have ice cream for breakfast, bitch. Nanny, wake up. Yeah, but the guy who peed on me was so nice afterwards. He scrubbed between my toes. He like shampooed my hair. Ew, that's the fetish.

It's not even the peeing. It's that part. But that part's hot. Yeah, that's hot. It's extreme and then getting so much like tender loving care afterwards. Oh my God. Should we go to a male dominatrix and see what happens? Yes.

Wait, my- I want to go to a tantra weekend too. Should we go on a couple's tantra weekend with all of our mates? Babe, are we watching each other? So you like when a guy is very, like, dominating with you, or do you like to also dominate?

Well, I've always been... I've always been super dominant. So I've recently turned a corner into wanting to just be completely submissive and trying it out. And it turns out that might be more my lane these days. This is the planting seeds lesbian stance, by the way. She leans back, the seeds are flying from her eyes into your mind right now.

Just, I love to be just, tears coming down. That's the part when I get the most excited when the woman's like there's like black tears from the makeup that's when I come I have to wait till that part when she looks like she's gonna die I know they didn't feel purple

cause my mom wasn't around that's why I think I like when a woman looks like she's gonna die cause I have anger issues your mom wasn't around cause you were a fat gun I love you so much no she didn't want to be around no because she was a therapist helping everyone else at the time when I was younger yeah when I was younger now that could also be no she's been around she's been around what did i do your mom might have liked you better no my mom i'm sorry no she's been around since for years and years and years but when i was much when i was very young she was helping everyone she was like a seminar leader big therapist for what she worked

she did like s seminars you know what that oh my parents are obsessed with Landmark. Oh, we have to talk. The forum, Landmark. My mom, too. I did S at eight years old. I did. I was 19 when I did Landmark. I did it at 21 in the World Trade Center. Yeah, World Trade Center. Landmark.

My whole family's done Landmark. Why did you call it S? Because that's what it used to be called. You were born in 1980? No, I was born before that. 21 in the world. I was trying to make it that you were in 1980? No, I was born before that. 21 in the world. I was trying to make it that you were in the towers doing landmark as they were falling.

It was a stretch. I'll give you a stretch. I'm an asshole, but that's okay. They're like, bring more people. Like, oh, okay. Why are you going to bring so many people? You're not represented here on this podcast. Do not also represent everyone.

Annie, no one gets what you just said, but that's so funny. It's fine. It's all about getting people to do it. If they never made you bring any people, if they just stopped,

it would be a delightful experience. Annie, I would be doing it to this day if they weren't like, tell your friends you need to bring people to the seminars. That's what made me crazy.

That makes it then sound like a pyramid. Yeah. And not even just your friends, anyone you've ever had an issue with. So I'm calling up people that like fucked me over. I'm like, hey, and I'm giving them like this pyramid. Yeah. And not even just your friends, anyone you've ever had an issue with. So I'm calling up people that like fucked me over. I'm like, hey,

and I'm giving them like this lot. I know I called a guy that raped me. I was like, can you come to a simple... I literally almost called the teacher that molested me. I literally was like,

I called like one of the teachers, which by the way... What do they tell you to do to just make amends with... No, there's a whole like, I can't remember the criteria. Like what's the language? It's like,

it's like I did X, which created... If you complain about something, it's your racket. And it's a way to hold you accountable. And I created a racket. Yes, but you're held to too much accountability. Meaning, like, it's like, you could be assaulted. And then if you keep talking about it, it's your racket. Like, you just need to get over it.

It's crazy. Parts of it make a lot of sense but it like had a huge impact on me i was like i should get over it yeah i know you just landmarked me in the way i i i just landmarked you let's start our own landmark yeah we should we call it um uh fat cut and self-explanatory fat, cut, and selfish friend. Have a seminar. You two are crazy.

You two, I want to know. Wait, that's a big bond to have with someone to both be in Landmark though because I imagine it just fuck you up in ways that. I am so fucked.

Let's do Landmark Forum weekend. Honestly. I would love to. You guys should. I would love to. I should do it again. My whole existence because of my mother

will change your life. You'd be so grossed out at the end with the sales pitch. It's like, the sales pitch is so, and they never stop and they call you all the time.

How in the, did you used to get the landmark calls? I'm gonna fucking kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill your family. I'm gonna fucking kill you. Fuck you. You're fucking

right on the rack of your ass. I hate them. It's like so annoying. I was so enraged. I would be 13 and they'd be like, hi, this is Joyce from Landmark.

Working for free. By the way, Joyce is making not one penny. By the way, my mom made not one penny. My mom worked for free. We'd like you to

come to our seminar. I'm like, I'm fisting myself watching the Love Boat. I'm very happy. I'm going to have to go. Wait, the love boat you said? Okay, we're all going to go to Landmark together next time.

It's a great thing. Why are you triggered by this? I'm not triggered. I have FOMO. I feel left out. You're in. You're always in. We're dragging you guys there.

No, because you did that funny voice. And I'm very curious. Because you're very good at that. And I want to know about this prank album because I want to hear it. Oh, you're getting into it. She's good. Yeah, she's very good at redirecting.

We got a professional here, baby. I want to know what's up with this. What is it? Tell us. So during COVID, so Rachel Feinstein and I have been doing stuff together for many, many, many years.

Is she the, so she's the comedian? Yeah. She is so funny. She's gotten hotter after she had a kid and it's starting to fucking piss me off. Cause one of the reasons. She's got a great bod. I go, I don't want to have a kid.

My body will be better. Yeah. Fucking ruined. And she makes me laugh so hard. I can't take it. Anyway. So we. She's so funny.

Yeah. So we've been making silly, you you know videos together for years and we have a very similar life we grew up Jewish moms are therapists just very similar upbringing and we've always done these voices so during COVID we were both depressed down of course you know my dad passed away a month into COVID from cancer from cancer and she was at least he wasn't hacky good for him at least i didn't catch it from him yeah and um and she you know was giving birth you know pregnant during covet that was intense and her husband's a hot firefighter hot firefighter it's so awesome she literally hot dream coming true here god his body's hot she's really just did

the whole thing yeah i love the blue collar man she did the whole thing but he's like what about a woman i saw it and she just starts like laying bricks and he's you know first responders just hard time we were both down so we were like let's make prank calls so we recorded these prank calls from home and And my manager, Jim Serpico and Virtual Comedy Network recorded them. And we just made all these calls for months from home, from our homes. And we tortured businesses. Like we called a massage parlor as two old Jewish women were like, we'd like a socially distanced massage. The woman's like, what are you talking about? I'm like, does anyone there have long arms? We we just, we just called a sex shop. Like it's too like,

you know, oh my God, we want sex toys. Like our boyfriends want us to use sex toys on each other. Like we just called all these places and we made this album called call girls. And, um, you know,

it's like women haven't done it. We want to, we're going to do another one and have other comics on too. You guys should come on. I've been here before. I've been here before here before guys hey i'm doing a documentary about female comedians can't wait to have you on it never hear from her annie that wasn't my choice i can't wait that was not my choice it was not no it's not a thing to say you know how there's the power no that's not it you know what happens in hollywood things are cast oh my god wow you made it racial

no it's not racial girl not no no it's old young it's from people from different places you know straight seriously it's a lot of things do they know about that i was molested she's the diddled queen who wasn't i know but i was louder about my esther has never been diddled well she's been she's had some. Well, whatever. I'm fine. Well, the massage parlor, the other, you got diddled. You are really thin.

No, no. Just the, just the, no, just, there's the one massage, creepy massage. It's fine. Well, creepy massage is pretty intense. They will get inside you. Let's just say those aren't social distanced. And they do have long arms. I do want to say my one of the hardest I ever laugh is like thinking about being with my friends and doing prank calls together.

And the thought that I can just listen to a bunch of them. Like, I'm really excited. Well, these are they're so funny. Esther, they I mean, I'm serious. They're I play like, did you film them too? Or we film we film them. And you wear a lot of them are filmed and stuff. No, we didn't wear costumes.

But, you know, we we like, they're just so funny. We called a DC hotel during like right after the insurrection. And we said that we left items in the lobby. Oh, that's so funny. And we kept listing more and more things we left in the lobby. And it's just so fucking, they're great. How long do they stay on for? I can tell they're obsessed with us. Some of them stay on forever i mean because they're nice right isn't that the thing it depends

what the characters are it depends like when you know when i'm like a kid like hi i want a cake you know like i called a bakery and they'll stay on forever with a kid oh but if you call like a guy it's not i called a vitamin shop asking for as a fat person asking for stuff. I want some supplements. I need some supplements to get fat. And the guy's like, all right, I can help you out. And then during the call, I'm like, can I get some roast beef? I like it thinly sliced. My best memories are of being in the phone's room at the comedy store and with

aristotle who literally just cast on snl and i would just be like i would because he's so good at voices i would like he is good i would just like do this do this and he would just do it for me and i would just sit and laugh like and i've been craving that i'm so excited about oh yeah thank you they're great i'm so it's so much fun for me and it's like it's so silly i feel like people need silly now on that note um jess when um we're gonna need you to insert each of these we do a banana break oh on every show we re-up on the potassium um these are so all right damn annie i was banana shamed in Hawaii. It turns out I've been opening them all this whole time.

Oh, I'm not opening like the monkeys open them. Show me, show me. So apparently, I don't know if this will, because it's not fully ripe, because I don't know which, you motherfuckers don't know how to choose a banana. Who fucked this up? But apparently you're supposed to squeeze the tip.

I'm not doing that. It's like putting on a condom. I'm not, it's too much. Squeeze the tip and it pops open. And it's much easier. And then you have the nub in your... Yeah, so you don't go on the nub at all. You just squeeze the tip.

You know, I kind of like that because when I sometimes when I do the nub, it gets like bruised. Yes. I don't like bruised. If it doesn't like snap immediately. Oh. Look. Oh no.

That's the best you got, huh? I like bananas like this. I don't like when they're too ripe. I agree. No, like when they shoot out stuff. I agree with everything she says. So are we doing Hawaii? All you have to do is tell me when and where.

Well, where is Hawaii? Yeah, Esther, I just said Hawaii. I feel bad that I'm basically just putting it on you to plan me a vacation, which is what's happening. I can't. When are you getting married? Never. Not after this episode.

She sweated him for years about being engaged, and that's all she wants, I think. She wanted the comfort and control. Would he be upset if you were with a lady? Yes. Listen, we pitched it. More upset than if I was with a man, I think. Really?

Yes. Genuinely, yes. That's interesting. I know. I never thought I would hear that from someone. But yeah. Because I think he's really like, are you gay? Like, yes, a lot. That yeah that's real we all ask you that

a lot your parents your friends your doctor your pair your dog your therapist god george you're giving me some strong lesbian vibes you're a jesbium jewish lesbian I do put off, I think, good, like, strong lesbian energy, Jess, would you say? You do? Yeah. Yeah, I do get hit on by really gorgeous women. Well, don't you get hit on by... Yeah, Coco. Seriously.

I will say, disproportionately, I think more women hit on me than men. Because I have, like, tomboy energy, right? Okay, no. To men, you're going to be too intimidating you think yes you're too hot you're too hot you have to be gay we decided you're going to get hit on they always sit on my lap asking for cocaine sit on your shoulders those strong shoulders I want to wrap my legs right around those yeah I think it's about you sometimes and I noticed this since we started doing this podcast together like sometimes i'll like want not to like

let you hang up like i just want to keep you like maybe like let's say like we egg like with this i understand what you're saying i want to linger with you and because it's i get it i want to start talking to you on the phone you soothe me she's a good facetimer yeah i am annie and i facetime i think the first time she called me we talked for like five hours i couldn't be very close with you though because you're too attractive i do want to point out she did say she could totally talk to me i want to be clear i just want to be clear that this is platonic i don't want anyone to think there's anything going on here okay she's married i'm tell you why people nice i'm being

serious because i already feel close to you i mean i'm not saying that to be funny i feel close to you i absolutely love you i'm so excited you're here i do feel close to you already so it's already there but you're hot hot hot beyond hot her i can't start a whole thing child model hot i was molested um well this has been are we done this has been a lot of things you guys are so funny stop this if anyone's listening to this you need to tell everyone to listen to this watch it this is so funny well of course watch it don't listen i mean you gotta, you got to watch this. This is amazing. We're so obviously. I mean, we've sexually harassed you.

I do a ton of these. These are sexually harassed me. You're open to it. I don't give a shit. I've sexually harassed you guys too. The banana is sitting in my throat. I'm telling you, I don't chew. Well, Kalilah could be sitting on your throat.

Stop it. Esther will be there. Stop it. Come to me. Na me naughty cute new outfit thank you she keeps getting new outfits and not giving us any i will i will okay no we have to wrap this up this has been this has been many many things she's turning into such a little hot girl look at her i'm hot yes you're such you can you are you are adorable you're like a little famous girl you're a little famous la girl we gotta get you rid of this oh my god she just went in for a kiss i know but i know her well and i don't want it if you don't want it i don't know if the tongue scraper was used i used to date a guy who would scrape my tongue before he kissed

me just so you know. That is horrific. Is that kind of sweet to do it for you, though? Were you okay with that? It's like shaving your pussy, but shaving your tongue. It was kind of funny, but it didn't last long. That's what I said. I was like, look, he's not going to be down for you sexually if he's even having hangups. That's a gay man thing.

Honestly, those are the guys that are, I think, closeted gay who are so worried about smell. I agree. Yeah. When you're really into someone, you want to smell them a little. I need a pussy to smell like pussy. I need a dick to smell like a dick. It's all good. It's fine. It's like, like when you're really into someone, I agree with you. You want to like smell them a little. I need a pussy to smell like pussy. I need a dick to smell like a dick. It's all good. It's fine.

It's just, you know. What does a dick smell like? It depends. Schmeg or no? Okay, we're done today. We are done.

It's hard to tell what's my breath and what's the dick. Today is over. It's over. She looked at the camera. It's hard. Okay. It usually smells like my spit,

so it's hard to tell. The show has ended. It smells like my spit so it's hard to tell smells like the back of my throat thank you so much I'm gonna kill myself did you just say that it smells like the back of my throat alright

every guy that's listening to every guy and disgusting lesbian that's vile like me is dying over what she just said. I know. And so are the girls that are learning from her. They're going like this. You can't be a man and hear what she just said and not be rock hard right now.

There's men in this room. Are you hearing what I'm saying? Rock hard? Should that be the name of our podcast? We keep wanting to rename our podcast. Well, I told her. Did we not almost name it Skull Fucked? Jesus name it no i don't remember if i could just be with a woman's head that doesn't speak let me say something publicly right now i want to hear this

i would like to be with just a skull that's your what was the what was the shakespeare no i don't want her to talk though yeah i just want her to take the skull dick in her take the dick okay um i i wish i had a bucket of by the way i also have four daughters and i went for a master's in social work all right esther go on um you guys everyone needs to listen to jessica kirsten's comedy album for prank calls i'm i'm doing i know there's a lot going on i'm flustered but where can we hear more of you for real like no that's all over itunes everything pandora of course it's called call girls with rachel feinstein and i have a website jessicakirsten.com which has all my yeah i'm touring a

lot let's go on the road and i have a podcast disgusting hawessicacurson.com, which has all my- Yeah, I'm touring a lot right now. Let's go on the road. And I have a podcast, Disgusting Hawk, where I dress up as all these different characters and interview comics, which I, it's really funny. I do an old Jewish woman, a dick guy, a sex therapist. I just did Tom Seger and the Sklar Brothers at Moon Tower Comedy Festival.

At the same time. I'm doing it at Skank Fest. Annie, do it at Skank Fest with me. Okay, I'm done. I'm interviewing at Skank Fest. He's, do it at Skank Fest with me. Okay, I'm done. I'm interviewing at Skank Fest. I can't wait. He's finding me Doug. I'm going to meet Doug.

Well, there was this cardboard cutout and I wish I brought it with me to have here. It was so little. I'm going to interview Annie at Skank Fest as one of my characters. It's called Disgusting Hawk.

Can I tell you something I like about you more than the other character people that I know? Yeah. You actually like being yourself too. Oh, yeah. I feel like the character people

a lot of times are hiding their true selves. Oh no. It's a darkness. No. And in my podcast I do a long thing as myself in the podcast too.

I just do some character stuff. It's like the Marin thing where everyone skips over when he's talking to go to the interview. Let's get to the goods. All right Marin. You still mad at your mom and dad?

All right. Well the character stuff I do is pretty dark. You guys should check it out. I'm really excited. It's really dark. the character stuff I do is pretty dark. You guys should check it out. I'm really excited. It's really dark. I'm about to do a deep dive. Yeah.

It's on YouTube. It's great. All right, everybody. Like and subscribe for more. We'll see you later. Bye, everyone. Bye, guys. Bye, guys.

See you next week.