Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - How to Make a Baby w/ Natasha Leggero

Episode Date: November 8, 2022

Tickets to the Trash Tuesday Livestream! https://www.moment.co/trashtuesday Thank you to our Sponsors: BetterHelp - Go to https://betterhelp.com/trashtuesday today to get 10% off your first month Watch Episode #1 of AnnieWood Premiering at 12pm PST TODAY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a24uYNFIq5U My Pleasure Podcast w/ Esther Povitsky OUT NOW: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-pleasure/id1494518220 More Natasha LeggeroBook - The World Deserves My Children:https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-World-Deserves-My-Children/Natasha-Leggero/9781982137076?utm_source=author_post&utm_medium=author_social&utm_content=Leggero_cover_reveal The Endless Honeymoon Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/c/EndlessHoneymoonTour Dates: https://www.natashaleggero.com/#tourInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/natashaleggero/ Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 Natasha Leggero Joins Us!7:07 Esther’s Nurse Theory & Celebrities Using Too Much Water in California11:17 Single Bobby Lee and Single Khalyla Kuhn16:31 Natasha Leggero’s Egg Freezing Journey22:48 Khalyla Raising a Child on Her Own29:16 How Your Life Changes After Having a Child34:22 The Process of Choosing a Sperm Donor42:13 Parenting During the Pandemic44:33 Parental Discipline & Parenting Fears55:29 The Female Expiration Date Fallacy & Women Helping Women1:01:57 Khalyla’s Therapeutic Breakthrough With K1:08:45 Natasha Leggero’s Comedy Class Overload to Find Her Fit in LA1:12:36 Social Media Profiles For Your Kids Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 My Pleasure - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-pleasure/id1494518220 AnnieWood - https://www.youtube.com/annielederman Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera Editor: Bryce Hallock

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offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply statement mobile for details okay so welcome to trash tuesday today's guest is my idol my superstar my everything natasha leggero esther i feel like you act like that about everybody i you are special specifically we've actually talked about you several times on here and i think she strives to be you every day you are the queen of short brunettes like you're the one and i have this is too stupid i'm gonna that's sort of what dave tells me he's like hey dave no no no but dave will be like you're too obsessed with natasha Like you need to view her as your peer. This is weird. And I will right now formally come forward.

I have a framed photo of us in my office from when you were on Alone Together. Oh, that's cute. Because it was like a huge moment for me. That is so sweet. See, I never know when to take people seriously. Like I do remember, though, when the first time I saw you like in public like walking the reservoir I think you might have bowed at me

and I was like what's her problem or you were like she does go fully you were like hi hi oh shit well also I have I know that you kind of have this issue because I've seen Sarah Silverman like bow at me too she dotes on you

no she does Esther this is in your head okay well I'll be normal for moving forward for the rest of the podcast no but I have noticed with like like the very young comedians that are coming up a lot of people are like oh my god queen I'm obsessed with you but then i like notice they say that to everybody that that's like a thing right yeah that's a thing right is it yeah it's like oh you're on fire queen babe vibes i love you so much stan and then you see him like say it to everybody yeah that's like support you know is that is that bad um it's a it's an approach i mean i don't think it's bad i don't think anything's bad you know i'm trying to i'm trying Is that bad? It's an approach. I mean, I don't think it's bad. I don't think anything's bad.

You know, I'm trying to think like when I was really, I'm trying to think like how I treated people who I was obsessed with or who I looked up to, like, you know, Sarah Silverman or Tig. Like, what would I do? Probably I would just recede into the background more. I don't know. I don't know. I don't remember. Life is a blur.

Okay. So I'm going to try to be normal and not. Maybe we should let Kalilah talk. Okay. Wait, Kalilah. So you still have your podcast with Bobby? I do. Okay.

What other questions do you have for me? But you guys aren't going out anymore? We're not. No. Okay. We can't be together. Or me? But you guys aren't going out anymore? We're not, no. Okay. We're not. Going out? We can't be together. Were you married?

I don't know. No, we weren't. You can't be together. There was one point where he did kind of this reverse proposal thing where before he left for a big trip sometime during the pandemic, he was like, hey, you should plan a wedding. And I'm like, excuse me? You should plan a wedding? Yeah.

With no proposal, no ring. No proposal. I was like, what does that mean? He's like, yeah, we should just, you know, do it. And I remember crying. You're like, he asked me. No, the opposite. No, I.

And yeah, and that was as close as we got to a proposal. He's married to the stage. He is married to the stage. And Bobby is, you know, he was the first person, I'm sure many people have this story, but he was definitely the first person to ever go out on a limb and help me. That he is. You too? Yeah. Yeah.

And in a very. you too yeah yeah and in a very that's a very that's a i mean that's a pretty special quality because i feel like a lot of people um you know just in asking people to do their podcasts you know because i have my book coming out and people a lot of people you know i think women are more competitive and having someone like bobby who's just always trying to help even if it's for weird reasons which I don't think it is I mean it's just like how he breathes you know he's like needs to be like helping and doing well when he sees something special in someone he cannot let go of it and he really hypes him up so I think he's a really good hype man in that way um so if you've ever been someone that Bobby has

either brought on the road or has talked nicely about, I think it's not one of those, I stand you, queen. He's really, it's really coming from. No, he got me an agent. I think he's got most people agents. He's like agent queen. He's like. I can't think of one person who, he's gotten everyone agents. Commercial agents.

Has he gotten you an agent, Nestor? No. But he took you out to meals a lot. He took me out to Applebee's once. How special. We definitely have shared a bloomin' onion. He would take you to an Applebee's. We've gone to like Thai food, Denny's, all the classic, classy

joints in Hollywood. The classic male comedian spots. Yeah. Swingers. Yeah. Wellingers. Yeah. Well, I'm sorry to hear that you broke up. I know he was very in love with you. You seemed like a great couple, but you also seemed almost like his nurse. Yes.

Like his fantasy nurse. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. As the world's largest therapy service, BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists available 100% online. Plus, it's affordable. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to match with a therapist. And if things aren't clicking, you can easily switch to a new therapist anytime.

It could not be simpler. No waiting rooms, no traffic, no endless searching for the right therapist. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash trash tuesday that's betterhelp h-e-l-p.com slash trash tuesday hi guys i am back on the road and i'm coming to seattle portland uh san francisco and phoenix get tickets at esther on ice.com and i have a solo podcast it's called my pleasure and you can listen to it wherever podcasts are available. I am on the road. I'm bringing Jesse Jetski, Juicy Johnson with me to San Jose next weekend on the 11th and

12th with Josh Potter. Maybe that's two weekends from now. I don't know math or calendars. It's going to be so fun. Please come out to that one. 17th and 18th, I will be in Plano, Texas. Then we just added some more dates. I'm going to be in Las Vegas. I'm going to be so fun. Please come out to that one. 17th and 18th, I will be in Plano, Texas. Then we just added some more dates. I'm going to be in Las Vegas.

I'm going to be in Michigan. I'm going to be in a bunch of places. Go to Annie Letterman dot com slash shows. I cannot wait to meet you. Guess what, slugs? We're coming back for another wilder and crazier and way better live stream. Yeah, baby, we're coming back. I'm scared.

We should have a doctor on site honestly are we even allowed to talk about this i feel like we you've heard enough and secret time and you see it when you believe it you see it it's going to be amazing so fun we are going to be very interactive with you guys on the live stream chat and it's all going down november 17th at 7 p.m. Pacific time. Again, you can get your tickets at moment.co slash trash Tuesday. Get tickets at moment.co slash trash Tuesday. We just took a trip to the Philippines because we were working on this project still. We're very still tested. You took a trip to the Philippines with your ex-boyfriend?

We did, but it was planned. It was pre-planned before the breakup. Can I interject that fantasy nurse is like a real thing because I have this plan in the back of my head that if I'm ever in a room with like scary old Republican men, that I'll just be like, I'm a nurse and then they won't hurt me. Why would you say you're a nurse?

Because that's like a way that a woman who they're not attracted to can still be useful in society to them wait is this like at the end of the world when they're just like cutting heads or something like any of that or just like i wandered into the wrong golf club and i'm nervous that so that's why i'm learning nurse words from you through our what what makes you think you're gonna end up in a room with a bunch of old republicans i think just like the way the world is going and like after going it's inevitable

yeah and after going on the road with mark maron he like scares me about what the world what's happening you went on the road with mark maron yeah how was that like what i just said like i feel like he's always like like right before you go on stage He's like we're running out of water in this country He just like scares me so much Did you see their like posting pictures of Kim Kardashian Like they found the people who are using the most water in LA And it's Madonna, Kim Kardashian And there was one other person

I think it was Sylvester Stallone And they're using so much water for their lawns. And actually, I've got a nice lawn and now it's gray. Because you can only water now twice a week. But I guess they're doing something that's like, they're putting some kind of thing in their timer to like block it. And is it a particular type of like highly water consuming grass?

Because why doesn't everyone just have St. Augustine grass? It's hardy and it lasts all year. Is that true? Yeah, I think so. I wonder if I have that. It doesn't look as good. I love, well, I think it might be more. It's like long, right?

No, it's thick. It's just that thick. It has good vein, long perpendicular veins on it. Trash Tuesday, we talk about grass. The fact that you guys can go that deep that you just went on different kinds of grass. Oh, yeah. It's a little thick. Yeah.

Oh, but you're saying it's drought tolerant? I think so. Nurse Esther, what do you think? I think that it's not as chic as normal grass. And I think it's miserable fake. And when people think their lawns have died when they've had St. Augustine grass on there, they actually are not dead. You just need to rewater it. It's not a loss. You just rewater it and it'll come back alive. But the point is we are running out of water. I also have been trying to compost and now my whole porch, I've been standing outside because I bought one of those composters that you turn.

And I've been like sitting out on my porch. And I'm like, for like two weeks, I'm like, what is that? It's like roasting garbage smell. And then I realized it's the sun beating down on the composter. And I'm not putting anything like meat or cheese in it. This is just like vegetable scraps. Because then I was going to reuse it and put it in the grass and the in the plants and it fucking stinks so i'm actually i think i'm gonna sell it because it was six hundred dollars

this is what pisses me off it's like we're prioritizing kim's lawn and kylie's private jet flying so that you have to like smell garbage in your yard like why am i drinking out of a paper straw but kylie can like fly to calabasas have you seen have you seen those flight trackers wait she flies from cal from la from hollywood to calabasas she does like these like famously short flights and i'm just like none of us should try like this is fucked up i know but the real truth is it's the corporations agree i mean i think that like us like not turning on our fireplaces or our hot tubs you know i i mean yeah i can't really speak about this because i don't have the actual data i feel like i know same yeah same but wait kalilah back to this like because i do agree with natasha and it is

weird and we all kind of want to know like you're traveling with your ex you're sort of living with him he's gotta still be in love with you i mean you're like one of the hottest people i've ever seen in my life kalilah he's not and i I've met all of Bobby's ex-girlfriends. Who I'm actually friends with. But you're hotter than all of them. Sorry, I don't remember their names. Don't make this a clip. I honestly think he is having

so much fun being single. Oh my God. And I look at him with so much like, wait, like I feel so left behind because he's just doing it at such a rate that I can't. Like even when we were on the plane together in first class, I mean, he was he got he paid thirty two dollars for the highest speed Wi-Fi on the plane just so he could just crush it on hinge in front of you because he's trying to show you. I mean, Kalilah, surely you're not fooled by this. I think he's like literally doing it in front of her to try to make her jealous to one day win you back because he's going to need a nurse one day. Can I tell you something about Bobby that I didn't intend to share, but I know he doesn't watch our podcast, so I think it's OK.

tend to share but i know he doesn't watch our podcast so i think it's okay he called me last week and because he's uh we're doing an indie movie and he's gonna be in it and there was a moment where like the schedule maybe wasn't gonna work but he called me he's like i'm in i'm gonna be able to do it and he's like do you think i'll ever get another girl oh he asks me that this actually no quite the opposite he asked me if i knew a way for him to get pussy in the Philippines. He did say it that way as well. And he also said, am I? He goes, am I ugly? And I'm like, no, he's so cute.

And he's very stylish. And one thing I always remember about Bobby is he has the best taste in music. He always has great taste in music. He's a cool guy. No offense. Super cool. And he's very stylish. And one thing I always remember about Bobby is he has the best taste in music. He always has great taste in music. He's a cool guy. No offense. Super cool. And he's very funny. Honestly, I'm sorry, but do you think you could do better?

I'm not sure. I think about this all the time. Because he's cool. And cute. And funny. And helpful. And he's got a great laugh. He's helpful?

Natasha, what are you doing right now? There's Bobby that is in front of the camera on stage. And then there's Bobby who's actual shitty asshole I have to wipe. You know what I mean? Oh, you actually wipe his ass? I mean, basically. Will you date me? I'll do anything for that opportunity.

No, I hear you. But I mean, you could also be like, hey, here are the rules. This is what I'll accept. This is what I won't accept. Right. If he'll comply, because I think like we like that. I bet. I mean, guys like that who've been bachelors for like 37 years or whatever.

It's like it's it's a you know, it's hard for them. Yeah. And also like we got together 10 years ago in my 20s. And I'm just not that person anymore. And I think maybe I was so willing to just like give my all and, you know, make him my entire identity. And I just, I don't know. It's hard though because, you know, we've been in a relationship for 10 years, right? I've been in a relationship for 10 years.

I don't feel like I'm the person that I was when I met my husband, you know, and I think that you're always changing and always growing. So you really do have to find someone who is capable and open enough to grow with you. Right. And did you always feel like he was still trying to get to know you as you were changing? Well, that's a good point. I don't know. They break up. I mean, well, I do think that there is, you know, you always have to kind of fight against stuff sometimes.

You know, there's a lot of like, hey, you should be like this. Or remember you're like this. And it's like, hey, you know, I had a baby and I don't want to do that anymore. And now I want to do this. Or maybe I don't know what I want to do. And maybe I want to like not do anything. Or I don't want to do that anymore. And now I want to do this or maybe I don't know what I want to do. And maybe I want to like not do anything or I don't know, you know? So it's like people have to,

and you have to reciprocate that too. Right. You know? So you're also in a, well, you're married to a comedian. You also a comedian. Like, is there, is that chaos? Because I, as a comedian, could not imagine cohabitating with a comedian like is there is that chaos because i as a comedian could not imagine

cohabitating with a comedian but comedians there's a moshe comedian and then there's bob and also dave's a comedian yeah he's like yeah that's true he's but he's very sane he doesn't have that desire to be on stage at all costs at all costs well do you know like yeah it's it's a thing you know and um you know mosha definitely has a serious streak which i don't think bobby has i mean i've seen bobby like he has like real strong emotion for his family right i've seen that but like i think that you know mosha's got like you know he really wanted a family and he really wanted like a Jewish family. And he really, you know what I mean? Like that part of him was strong.

So that's why I deemed him worthy to untrace one of my eggs or make an embryo. Do you? So you went straight with the embryo? No, I froze my eggs. Oh, okay. You froze your eggs first. When I was 38.

Ooh, I'm right on time then. Yes. Are you 38? I'm going to be 38. Oh, but that was late. So you should do it. I know, I know. Okay.

But you look like you have a lot of eggs. She had to have several abortions. She has problems. We don't know. What if they've all ran out? And what if those abortions were never going to go full term anyways? You never know. I think here's my fertility expertise as someone who's had one miscarriage.

If you can get pregnant, that's a good sign, right? They always say that. And then also I watched this whole thing on Vice about how like egg freezing is like a little bit of a scam because if you are able, it doesn't just end at 35. It's like there's a reason at 38 you were able to get stuff because you kind of still got it going on until like 40, I think. No, no. It's everyone's individual. In fact, in my book that's coming out called The World Deserves My Children.

Title. There is a chapter called Freeze Your Eggs. And I speak all about my journey and what you can do and how you know how i did it and things have only gotten better i mean i kind of did it at the beginning of the technology not the beginning of it because it started kind of in the 70s i think i don't know but um but now that it's like more you know everyone's able to do this if they want i didn't understand at the time because the doctor was like, you have 10 eggs. And I was like, well, I don't want 10 babies.

So that's fine. He's like, do you want to do another round? And another round was another like eight to $10,000. And I was like, no, no, I don't even want one. This is just in case. Did you have the option for dual stem? Huh? So dual stem is like you freeze your eggs

both in like the luteal phase so basically in one cycle you're able to extract two sets oh i didn't even they didn't have that then when i did it and so basically i didn't realize then that those eggs they sat on ice and then when i met mosha i was like when we finally got married and then I tried to get pregnant naturally, it didn't work. And then finally I was like, okay, let's go to these eggs. Cause the doctors kept talking me into not using the eggs, which I didn't understand at the time. I think they just wanted more money. So then they kept saying like, why don't, those are like your savings account. Why don't you try to get pregnant by like doing all these shots? So I was like doing

all these shots and then try, I had his like jizz on ice when he would be away and like at the funny bone. And then, cause you can only get pregnant for those two days a month. He should have canceled those gigs. I know.

So then I would go into the doctor's office and every time you do one of those, it's called an IUI. Yeah. It's like $700 and they shoot it into you and try to like, you know,

get you pregnant naturally. So anyway, two years of that. Turkey basing, basically. It's not even naturally. It's like what? Turkey basing. Yeah, exactly. So that didn't work.

And so then the eggs, I didn't understand that I had 10 eggs, but then they unfroze them and then there was like eight. And then they made embryos and then there was like four. And then out of the embryos, they tested them for like, you know,

all the mental problems that could have. Yeah, mosaicism. Make sure it's like they're healthy and then they grade them. And so then there was two embryos out of all of my eggs and they were both grade C. And the doctor was like, there's, you know, a 30% chance one of these could be a baby. Right. And so then we put one up and I was like pregnant for a month and then it died and then i had one left and that's my beautiful baby so i was very very very very lucky that one of those turned into a darling grade a child i mean

it was a c but like it's still she was very healthy. And I don't really know why they give them those those grades. Well, I so I'm going through my best friend is going through IVF right now. And basically now they're able when you get the embryos, they're able to even you know how they give you like, oh, this one's abnormal, but this one's a mosaic. And this one is normal, but it's grade C between A, A is. This one will be a TikTok influencer. Right. This one could maybe be a mathematician.

But even out of those like mosaic embryos, which they used to say like, oh, you shouldn't implant those because, you know, like a certain percentage of those cells are abnormal. Like some women, because they don't have a normal, even C option,

they're implanting the mosaic embryo just to kind of roll the dice. Because it is, you know, oftentimes you don't get a normal embryo at all. Well, you have to save your money, try to do two rounds if you can, or if you know how to do two at once, if that's like a new thing they're offering. But you just need to get as many as you can. And then have uterus this is what i understand my doctor kept saying like your uterus is a 10 out of 10 you've got this amazing like i thought he wanted to fuck my uterus he's always like your uterus your uterus but he said women's uteruses are good till they're like you can be even be 60 like that's how you know you see these women when they're like pregnant at 50 miracle baby hillary swank but often i don't know about

her but often those are donor eggs so they'll get some young fertile person and put it in but your uterus can hold it healthily and he even told me my my baby everything was still like i was 38 because the egg was 38 when i was from 38 even though i had my baby at 43 oh that is music to my ears so just but you really have to do it soon because they'll show you a chart and like literally like in six months you'll probably have less eggs than you have right now it goes fast and when you're young you have so many that if you just happen to fuck on one of those days that you're like uh they call them egg white days you know what that is

stick your fingers up and it's like like that the pro there's two days like that a month i guess when you're ovulating but when you're when you're like 19 it's almost like you can't not get pregnant when you're juicing is that what you said oh juicy well it's it's a sticky icky right it's the extra clotty and it's hard because like i know it's gross to talk about and there's men in the room but they you know that's actually one of the reasons why, you know, just like women are embarrassed that it's gross and that people are going to get, you know, grossed out. But it's like, it's really important to know these things. I didn't really understand. Now, what are your thoughts on me doing it alone? Just getting a sperm donor?

I have a friend who did that. I mean, that is never do that but i grew up with i grew up with a single mother who like couldn't handle her three kids because one of them had like you know personality problems not me um my problems are different but like you know she was like with three kids alone and i was like the mom so i i saw that that's why i never wanted to have kids but that was just not i was my my therapist called it a situational breeder, which is like, I'll breed if the situation's right. But then there's people maybe like you, I don't know you that well, but who are like, I'm having a baby no matter what. If I've got to adopt, if I've got to do it on my own, I'm going to have a baby.

And like, that's great if you have that energy and you want that heart bad enough. But like, I didn't grow up with a dad. And so for me for me i was like i would only do it if i met someone who was really going to be a partner and really going to help me out because also like i don't know how to talk to my kid like it's so hard and like moshe's just good at it like i don't know what to say half the time wait not to be so awkward and we can cut this, but I know a guy that you know who wants to have a kid on his own. Do I know him? That should be, that's going to be a new thing, I think. Like, there are going to be, like, a service or something to match people who want to co-parent together.

Because, honestly, here's what sounds good about co-parenting. You get three days a week off. That is true. Yes. That would be so nice. I know. My sister got a divorce i was like bitch this rule you have like free no kids but obviously people love their kids

and they don't like that but the legality of it is a little different like what if he decides to just up and move to boston well you would have to have a lawyer involved yeah and it would be very i i don't know that would be that would be. But I don't think you're in any hurry. I think you still have 10 more years or eight more years or I don't know. We also, the pro to the pitch I'm working towards, which is you having a baby with a guy that also wants a baby, is that he's also one of Bobby's best friends. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Unfortunately, life does not come with a user manual. We all know that. So when it's not working for you, it's normal to feel stuck. And it's easy to stay on stuck mode and not solutions mode. Yeah, I will say this. BetterHelp, being online and doing everything on there, makes me think back on all of these therapists that I was not jiving with I was not doing well with I remember I had this therapist in college who I could not stand do you know how much I would have liked to have been able to like click out

of a video just go next is there someone else I mean the fact that like but it would be too rude it would have been insane if I did that I think it really easy yeah which is such like a I what what a nice thing that you don't now have to go back on the computer look for another therapist under your insurance and go all the way over there pay for gas expensive gas and not only that wait another month before you get into somebody else's office i really wish that better help had been around in my 20s but that's okay i just want to say like if you are someone young and struggling and you haven't tried therapy yet this is definitely the best easiest option out there and i highly recommend it and therapy changed my life it changed the course of

my life all of our lives actually are going to therapy yeah and we're going through i think this like in the last couple years like everyone is going through just drastic changes. Yeah, it's insane. Things are crazy. And like Esther said, like therapists are kind of, they're there to help you sort of just identify what the real problem is and to help you unstuck yourself. As the world's largest therapy service, BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists available 100% online plus it's affordable. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to match with a therapist. And if things aren't clicking, you can easily switch to a new therapist anytime. It couldn't be simpler.

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Statement mobile for details. I have friends who have done it alone. And I think that if you have money to have help, it could be okay. But I don't know. Whenever Moshe's out of town, it's just like really hard. You have to do what about if I have a really um um reliable family like my mom I know there's gonna be help oh yeah a hundred percent oh yeah you should do it I just feel like it's I didn't have that yeah my my husband's mom is deaf and kind of has like bad she can't really walk that well and she gave our kids slim fast when i had her my dad took my child you know oh you know where we like where we are kind of there's that bridge yeah going against traffic yeah he took her in the stroller to play lotto

and he faced i facetimed him i was at work and i'm like where are you there's like my kid was like six months months old and my dad's like addicted to the lottery he he just passed but he spent 60 to 100 a day on the lottery so he's like very addicted to gambling so he had to go do this so he took my fucking child to the fucking 7-eleven i haven't even walked that i walked that bridge once when i got here and i was like oh this is unsafe so anyway if you have like helpful parents or you know then i think that could make a huge difference i didn't really have that can i interject i also have a dad addicted to gambling who was recently apprehended at a casino because he legally banned

himself from it and then still went and tried to play and then they had to arrest him because they could lose their license if someone this is your dad yeah and where does he play he plays it um out in illinois well so he wasn't he there's like some casinos in illinois he couldn't go to those so he was driving to w Wisconsin at like one of those. What does he play? Blackjack? I think so. Yeah, all the Italian side of my family is addicted.

My grandparents lost the deed to their, my nana and papa lost the deed to their house in Vegas. Wow. And her wedding ring. Wow. So it's like they just play with whatever is left, I guess. Right. Whoa. Yeah, it's kind of sad wait i have a question yes let's do me now i really love my life like i love weed i love eating writing reading

i almost had a baby i got i wanted to i got pregnant, lost it, and now I feel like I'm not really sure if I want to. Like, I genuinely don't know. And I do look at you as sort of a role model that, like, because, oh my gosh, like, look at Natasha, she's lived such a full life, she had her baby later, and now it seems like you're pulling it off doing both like what's your advice like should i or shouldn't i well i mean no pressure i think that it's a personal situation you know it's like how do you do you really want to have a baby with dave and do you guys think you could raise it together i do think we think that with Carlos, but I'll tell you what your life becomes like, really different. You know, like your life is like, it's almost like it's no longer

your life. You know, like you don't wake up and be like, Oh, maybe I'll journal. Or maybe I'll meditate. Or maybe I'll have a cup of coffee and play some music or practice piano. Or, oh, what about that book I wanted to read? It's like your whole life from the second you wake up. You're like, smoothie. Here's your clothes. Where's your sunscreen? Let me brush your hair.

Now! Let me brush your hair. Here's your EOS. I don't want that. Here's the, you know. And then, like, getting them in the car. Like, every single thing is like that. But then you get, like, you know, now my kids in preschool.

So she's gone into one. So at least there's like that time that I can do stuff. But there's so much to do with like cleaning. And but at the same time, like I just think she's so special and I could never imagine my life without her. And like I love her so much and she brings me so much joy and I feel like I like live with this like magical creature that's just like you know the best thing in the world but it's like my life as I used to know it is gone and sometimes I can kind of like get glimpses of it back like I'll be like I'm going to Palm Springs for two days like I have to and I'll like leave or something um so I mean that's a really personal question like how are you adjusting to that are you pro like are you do you really often long for what you had before because I do feel like you especially since

you had her so late like you really became like a grown-up well that's what my book's about is like having a child, having a child when your life is like, you know, you're in your prime because like I've because my mom had her kids when she was 23. Like she like had dropped out of college and then just got pregnant and just kept getting pregnant, you know. And I think a lot of our parents kind of had a similar situation in the 80s. Like, you know, I think that think that you know women were just kind of still getting pregnant and then they all got divorced in the you know and I do I so my life was very full yes that's true but now um I don't know it's full in a different way yeah that's a good way to put it okay but it's kind of cool that you don't just have one like same season of your life that's a good point like i like looking at my life as

having you know just chapters right yeah and if i'm like now i'm more inclined to have children and to kind of have that for myself only because i i I feel like I can do it and I can do it alone even. Like I feel so much more confident about it now. I wasn't before. I was like. I feel like you could do it alone. That's another thing. Like I don't think I could.

Like I think I would just like be too flustered or something or be too negative towards the kid because I just get stressed really easily. But I think that if you feel like you could have a handle on it and you have like family help, then yes. But I just think that people like both of you should be having children. Moshe always tells me you need to stop telling everyone to have kids because I really do believe it like changes your life for the better. Like, but then it's like it makes you less ambitious. Like, I don't want to go to Vancouver for six months and work on something.

Okay. Well, same. Or like Atlanta or wherever like, you know, and you know, I can't, I just don't do stuff then because I, and I don't want to tour and I don't want to be away from her. And, you know. That actually sounds good. Like I would love something in my life that I love so much that it makes me not wanna do things

that aren't important anymore. Like that does sound like a good thing. Yeah. Okay. I'm on board. Okay, I think you guys should both have kids. Okay. But you could also wait a little bit Esther.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna take my time and- Make this indie. Yeah. And then check for your egg white days and get to plowing. Wait, how does one go through the process of choosing a sperm donor? What do you think are some characteristics

that I should prioritize if I'm looking at a page of a sperm? Personally, I would get a stranger. Yeah. Because I don't want to have to share. I wouldn't want to have to share because it's not just responsibilities. You're sharing like, you know, power or control. You know, like what if you want them to go to this kind of school and he wants them to be religious or I don't know, you know what I mean?

It's like you have so much more control. But I would look for education. That's what I would look for. IQ? I have a very specific answer that I've been planning since I was in high school, which is I would personally like to do what Madonna did for her first baby where she made it with a tall Cuban personal trainer and then she made like a little mini Cuban version of herself. Lola. Gorgeous, right?

So cool, gorgeous, perfect. Like that's what I would do. But you would go for a physical specimen. Yeah. That's not a bad idea. It'd be nice to get both like i have a girlfriend who was like 46 and she couldn't use her eggs so she got a girl who looked very similar to her but who went to harvard for math oh wow so the girl like looked like like i think she said it

looked kind of like emma stone but also had gone to Harvard. So it's like they had just have this. Right. These genes, you know, so. I think you should just have sex with an athlete and then see what happens. Esther. But then we would just truly, because I was an athlete my whole life. So it's like I need. What, too athletic of a kid?

Possibly, because then they could just like rely on their athleticism their whole life. Oh, I know. What if you like procreated with like kind of someone shorter than you, like maybe Asian comedian? of a kid possibly because then they could just like rely on their athleticism their whole i know what if you like procreated with like kind of someone shorter than you like maybe asian comedian but like really funny really generous um wait no we thought about it is that we really like after we broke up we were like god no i'm the world's stupidest breakup. I'm on this. I think this is the thing. Should you guys do it? I think that probably not, Esther. I think not.

But we did. How about a throuple? The guy who you go to the doctor with and then. His best friend, my best friend. But honestly, I do think there's so much work with a child that like it's two people isn't even enough So it's like if you have a family and also I think in the future maybe People like when we during the pandemic we got together with another family who had three kids So there was like four adults like, you know

Taking turns making the dinner and taking turns doing the dishes and I feel like living like that like would be I mean That's probably how like people got molested though. So I don't know. It's just like, it's hard because it would be ideal to have like a more communal situation. That is my dream for all of my friends to live in a commune without the fucking each other part. Who decided that it's just a little family and that's it? I don't know.

I know this answer. What? Capitalism. Because it is like, I'm learning about this. Dave is always like, you just learned this. But like it's because that's how everybody makes money off of us. If we like make more little houses and stuff. Stay nuclear.

Oh, right. We couldn't all just live in a big house. But it would be more fun because there's just endless work to do. Right. You know, and. And that's also why it's like kick your kids out at 18 so that like they have to go work and pay bills. It's so it's bullshit. But I don't think kids kids are just going to stay at home now.

Right. I think. Right. I think it's kind of cute. Yeah. That's what I would do. Obviously. But my daughter says, Mommy, I'm never going to leave you.

I'll always be living right here. And I'm like, well, you're probably going to move out, you know, but she's just like, my child's very loving. I don't know. Maybe I just got lucky because I don't mean to urge you to have a baby. Like, what if yours sucks? My sister always says, like, you make them, like, perfect for you. Like, you can fix it. Have you seen Rachel Zoe's Instagram?

She has this, like, video out of her son proposing, asking her to marry her. And then they kiss on the lips. And then the child is like, I am so fortunate to be the offspring of this beautiful human. And I was like, did she, how does she get them to act like that? I don't know. That's giving Alicia Silverstone. Yeah, that is giving Alicia Silverstone. Which one time she was in my Barry's Bootcamp class and her son was staring through the glass window the whole time. And in between each session of a workout, she would run and kiss him. Stop it. I was like, wait, what was the son doing? Just staring at her working out. Oh, and she was working out, which I shouldn't judge because when I was little and I took ballet,

my mom had to stand at the window and I had to see her the whole time. But that's different. Yeah, no, that's giving Alicia for sure. sure wait I actually have a question to go back to yes why did you decide at 38 to freeze your eggs like what came over you how did you come to that decision it was like I'm just a very kind of like what you said Kalilah I'm always changing like I don't have any tattoos because I know that I'm not gonna want I'm gonna like i wanted to get my first boyfriend's name was bill and i almost got his name tattooed over my um like right where my c-section scar is now like i would have had the like in like graffiti font like bill i'm just saying like i almost did that so like i i know that i'm always changing and I'm like a person.

Look at this. This blackout tattoo. But that looks cool. I like the blackout. Under it is Matt. Oh God. These names. I know.

So I mean, I just knew that about myself that I was always changing and always growing and I knew I'm, I didn't, I was like, who knows what I might want

and if this is the time I might as well do it since I have the extra money. You know, obviously it's a luxury to have $8,000 laying around. And I think it's probably double that now. It is, yeah. But, but yeah, so, so that's why. You just were like, I might one day want this.

Yeah. I'll do it. And I knew that that was, I was kind of at the cutoff. It's like insurance or something. Right. I think the reason I want to freeze my eggs is so that I don't have to think about it. Yeah. For a while, for a couple of years.

It takes the edge off. And then you're not like telling guys like, oh, yeah, I'm 40 and I really want to have kids soon. And, you know, it's a real game changer for women because now it gives women this like extra decade to like work on their careers and like make their own money and find out who they are. You know, like you think like at 23, I mean, I'm sure some 23 year olds know who they are. But like when my mom had kids, she was just like, you know, and also birth control. I mean, that's like a new thing we forget. Like women in the 60s didn't even have the option of like taking a pill so that they didn't get pregnant you know they would just like if if you fuck your boyfriend and you get pregnant

what are you gonna do you know so anyway i think that it's it's just why not right because the world deserves your children kalilah thank you yours too. Yours too, Esther. And Dave's. Thank you. I'm getting pregnant tomorrow. I'm turkey basting myself with a rando. You want, you probably don't want Dave's. You're just offering your husband's sperm to her?

Every day. Every day, Natasha. Every day. Does he want to have, does he want to have a kid? He seems like he'd be a very solid father. I i agree i think he's very much uh on my level with it where we're we both like look at each other and we're like we could

we don't have to like we're but i i feel like he would be such a good dad that like we should but yeah i think that it's this is what i miss about not, you know, when I didn't have a child, I feel like I was able to follow my bliss a little bit more, you know, my own personal, what am I into? You know, I'd love to like, just stay home, like during the pandemic, like, what did you do? the pandemic like what did you do i would have loved to like you know learn more piano and and take in more classes as someone who doesn't have a child i didn't do a goddamn thing really i wasted it i laid at home you didn't learn the g chord or anything nothing i i have to say sorry go ahead i

journaled for exactly three days and that was it. I was like, oh, let's try something new. I journaled and that was it. Nothing, nothing. I forgot those entire two years. Yeah, in fact, I felt like I was looking at all the people with kids like, oh my God, like score, they're so lucky. They have all this time at home where they don't have to worry about like the outside

world where they can be with their kid. Because I was so anxious and scared at the beginning of the pandemic that I made I wasn't capable of making good use of my time right I think a lot of us were suffering from that like all I would do is just read the news and try to keep up because no one was telling us what to do you know they're like wear masks don't wear masks and it was like everything was so confusing you almost had to like read into read everything yourself to try to figure out how you want to keep yourself safe you know lice all the lawn lice all the groceries don't do that that could you know who knows but yeah i spent most of the pandemic doing laundry but i do feel like people who have had families during the pandemic well some people got divorced but i do feel like for

certain people myself included it made the family really close because we were like eating. I mean, I was planning on outsourcing 60 hours a week to a nanny during the two years of the pandemic. And then all of a sudden I didn't do that. And I was just with my child all the time. We had like three meals a day together, like in our dining room, you know, that we cooked like that would have never happened. And I so like magical. Well, I really think it made us like a really strong family because of that. And I think, I think I've talked to a lot of people who had that experience. So that was lucky,

but you know, it took me three years to write my book because I didn't have a nanny. So it's like, I didn't really know how I was supposed to do it. You know? Oh, are we on banana break already? I'll take the green.

It's really crazy. Like, well, it's also parenting tactics, you know? Like I was just talking to a friend who said that she's like, yeah, did your mom put hot sauce in your mouth when you did something bad? I was like, no, but I did get like paddled. And then with a belt with a with a wood thing um i know friends who like would kneel on the floor and on rice that was it salt for me rock salt but i would never do that to my child ever ever and i think you might get your kid taken

away if you did that now you know it's funny you when you came on tiger belly years ago you were the first person to tell me that you shouldn't beat your kids really yeah you were like khalil uh-uh like that's were you beaten i was beating my whole life yeah hard but you were like yeah that's but not abused abused like every emotional all of it from your parents uh-huh but well you know what i mean i just Watched the Sinead O'Connor documentary have you seen That no her mother Made her live in the garden for two weeks When she was eight years old And like her whole first Album is about that but it's like

So beautiful and I'm like If her mom wouldn't have done that Would we not have Like this like you know Beautiful album of music about you know maybe maybe i hate that that's true about art meryl monroe too watch the new meryl monroe movie she was just like molested in foster care to clarify that movie is based on a novel so it is fiction which really pisses me off because i want to know what really happened to maryland i thought she was

abused she thought she was in the foster system for sure. She was, but it's like that movie is all just based on fiction. Like, what the fuck? Give me the real. Didn't the actor, like, doesn't she still have like an accent or something? Ana de Armas, yeah. Well, anyway, I'm sorry that you were treated like that. But thank you for telling me you can't beat kids.

No, I don't think you can even spank them anymore. but i think that's exactly what you told me you can't leave them in the car like i was left in the car like i spent most of the 80s like in a hot like like i just remember my mom like always at the post office always at the grocery store do you not do you remember that you're did your parents do that too i was like always it was across the board accepted i was either in the car or like so bored out of my mind and like a crate and barrel like i remember for years i was like i'm never going inside a crate i'm never going to an antique store i'm never like i was just always standing there while my mom was shopping for something. Maybe they – you've heard of like French parenting?

Yeah. Where they take their kids everywhere no matter how inconvenient. That's what they do? Yeah, like European style of parenting is very different where they take them to all the dinners. They don't do like the nanny thing. Hey, listen, I love that. And whatever I'm doing is probably fucked up because like I went to a party

and it's not just me, it's I love that. And whatever I'm doing is probably fucked up because like I went to a party and it's not just me. It's everybody I know. I went to this party recently and every parent was just standing over their child while the child was like playing in the play box, you know? And it's just like, that's just what we do now. It's like so hard to not helicopter because look, I'm only having one.

I can't have any more. It's like, she's so important to me. I don't know what would happen if anything were to ever happen to her. So it's like, and I'm just like, it's like she's so important to me i don't know what would happen if anything were to ever happen to her so it's like and i'm just like it's so that's what i talk about in the book a lot is the fear it's like you have so much fear like what could happen you know and like every time she she goes in a car with someone else i'm like fantasizing about someone flipping the car and what will happen and you know what if something happens to her?

And it's like, it's this, you've given birth. That's another thing I was going to say. Like, if you have a baby, it's like, I used to have all this joie de vivre. And, you know, I always wanted to like, I was never afraid of anything. I would go whitewater rafting without a helmet, like whatever. I was just down for whatever. And now I'm just like scared. And like giving birth to this love is like giving birth to this fear.

And it just gets worse and worse. I mean, you think it's going to be better when she's 12 or sexually active or driving herself. You know, it's just going to keep. So it's like learning how to manage your fear. You know, that's why it's good to have a partner for me. Because he can sometimes be like, hey, you need to stop thinking like that. Hey, she's going to be fine. You know, hey, that's just like fear, fear, you know, and just someone to keep you grounded and down to earth about it because I'm just like always imagining the worst. I mean, yesterday she was

like, mom, I choked on some popcorn and couldn't breathe for three minutes. And I'm like, what? Where were you? Where were you? Where were you? You know, at the synagogue. Okay, well, Moshe, what happened? He's like, I was there. It was pretty scary. And then I was like.

You know, I don't know what to do. Or like the other night, she like was stuffing beads up her nose. She was like going to sleep with a handful of beads and then shoving them up her nose. And I had to like get tweezers to take them out. I don't know what could happen. You know, it's like they're, they also are people.

They're like these people who could hurt themselves at any second, you know? So you're giving birth to this thing that you can't live without. That is like your whole world now revolves around. Every decision you make is like, because of this thing. And then they can also like hurt themselves so easily. How do you cope?

But your parents, but our parents, I don't know what they were thinking. They were just like, oh, leave them in the car, whatever. Did they just like, were they not as into us? Yeah, I can't tell. My mom also had me really young. Yeah, I think she wanted to kill me. I think she wanted me gone.

This is the mom that you're gonna let watch the baby that you're gonna have with an athlete? When I see her with my nephews and nieces she is just this tender like overtly loving and that makes sense people change like they mellow no but i rage out when i see her do that like i i literally i'm like you can't do that like i'm the person who then polices that that because i'm like why are you doing that? I get so fucking mad. What, you don't want her to be tender? Maybe you shouldn't be a mom.

Well, no, it's because it's like, she does this. It's almost like she, with my niece, she showers her with, my niece is 20 now. So much love and affection that she still doesn't show my sister and I. She's still very like, physically. Oh my God. My mom does the same thing though, but with like waitresses. We'll be at a restaurant. My mom has only seen my kid twice, but

when I've seen her, we'll be at a restaurant. She's like, oh, what's your name? Oh, Julia, you're so cute. I just love you. Where are you from? And just like so into the waitress and I'm like, hello, I'm your daughter. You know, I think that's like a defense

mechanism yeah maybe my mom doesn't give it up for anyone so I'm good she just doesn't care about me or anyone else you know what's really funny you guys know Bonnie McFarlane right yeah yeah she told me once that she's like um strippers have daddy issues and female comics have mommy issues and i think it's really true because every female comedian i know does seem to have some kind of like weird mom problem i wonder i always feel like my like origin story is just that my older sister who was eight years older than me like and way prettier skinnier taller bigger boobs whatever like all the guys liked her she just like would not hang out with me or let me in her room so i ever like barely like it was such a rare occurrence well that's probably because she had to take care

of you yeah oh no i don't blame her are you guys friends now yeah we're we're so cool now but like i just feel like i'm always so desperate for like an older sister to like let me in their room like that's like my whole personality like me exactly i see okay now we see it it's not about me it's about you it's my problem but you i did you were amazing as a host on that 70s house you remember that that? Yes, I watch that every Tuesday, I think. That's so cute. Isn't that embarrassing? It was a good show. Yeah. Natasha was a like funny, sexy 70s host named Dawn on an MTV show. It's the you know, those shows that like your first show that makes you not have to like be a waitress anymore. Yes. Yes. Well, I'm sorry you went through that.

That's okay. That's that's. That's really harrowing. But maybe that's why you're successful. No, I think I would have been far more successful. Because I look at my friends that I grew up with, and everyone is just thriving emotionally, it seems. And they seem, I was definitely stunted most of my late teens and 20s. I didn't, stunted. Most of my late teens and 20s. I didn't I was not a bright teenager. I was very reckless. And I yeah, so I was stunted. I don't believe that the bad stuff is what made me who I am. I think I would have been a far more actualized human by now if I didn't like suffer what I suffered. It's impossible to know that you're doing the right thing when you're raising a kid. Right. It's so hard. And everyone, you know, all these like mommy blogs, I follow all these people

on Instagram. It's like, but how do they know? How do they know that that's the right thing to do? Like, they're always like, don't say, don't say good job to your kid. You have to say, you have to say you worked really hard on that. Or don't say be job to your kid. You have to say, you have to say you worked really hard on that. Or don't say, be careful, because then that then they'll always be scared. Like there's just all these things that you naturally do. And they're like, don't help them, you know, put on their shoes if they can do it themselves. It's like, oh, well, I gotta go. And it's like, and what are they basing this on? I don't really know. I mean, they're probably right. But still, it's like, it's not like we have a whole crop of kids who've grown up with all of these doctors telling us what to do and seen what happened i mean we saw what happened when we stopped hitting the kids we got millennials

like basically like what's my well i'm just saying like it's a little different like like my generation we were all spanked and hit right and like left in cars and then like don't you think like as a rule aren't millennials just like a little more precious or something i mean not you personally but like i don't know like yeah yeah no totally it's just a different vibe i'm just saying like we don't really know what works like right and who knows but what is then then what is gen z a result of like what were the parents of gen z like is that like gen x or something yeah i think that are slightly hardier in some ways yeah but but just depends on what age you had your kid oh that's true you

know what i mean because because my kid is four but like you know I'm older so right how did how is that like it doing school stuff and being around the other moms do you feel like you're the same age older all moms in LA are old okay you would be like people would think you were an eighth grader you went to pick up your kid did you okay so like I always feel like i came up in comedy like when it was still really misogynist and you were before me so it was like probably even worse i have this i don't know if it's like a chip on my shoulder or something i just feel like all these older men when i was younger like ingrained this idea in me that i have an expiration date because i'm a girl and that like once i'm like 30 i would be ugly and have no use in society and i feel like this concept has then like made me swing

the other way so hard where i'm just like fuck you guys like because that of that like i'm going to prove that actually like in well into your 30s and beyond like i'm going to be able to be accomplished so much and still be useful whatever like did you have that any voice in your head and do you relate to that okay well i remember i was like with this comic and he was describing someone to me and i was like who is that i won't say who it was and he was like you know that girl she's blonde she's just starting to lose her looks like that's how he was trying to describe to me who she was like i would know that from you know his description and i think that like and again the shanae o'connor documentary i was watching that this is a little different but like every single guy uh interviewer was like you shaved your head

you shaved your head what happened to your long hair you know and like everyone wants you to have long hair and have big boobs and, you know, be young. And I think that the only answer to any of this, the only, only answer is like more women making content, more women writing, more women being in charge in the positions of power to green light things about women. And like we just have to have more women helping each other producing for each other interviewing each other talking about each other writing parts for each other acting each other's things and it's just like it just sort of and and also inspiring young women you know like i went to an art school so i was very lucky like i got into an arts program but like i know out of the public schools out here it's like the arts are like they're pretty much taking them away because they can't afford it.

And it's like, the arts are so important. And I think that just grooming people, you know, like for example, I know so many guys who went to NYU film school. I know no women who went to NYU film school in the 90s. Like, you know, I bet the classes were like two women out of like, and like 50 men. And like men just have always believed

they could be directors and producers. And so they do it and they go out there and they just like, you know, flop their dicks around. And I think like the more women, and I talk about this a little bit in the book because like, you know, I remember hearing Amy Poehler talk about like sticking up

for herself in this like some guy was kind of talking down to her at an awards show and she just stopped and was like don't talk to me like that and then she got what she wanted and you know and i remember i was on my way to work and i had to stand up to this editor and i had heard her just talk about doing that and then i stood up to this editor and i was like that morning i just after i was listening to the audiobook i was like you what? I don't want you talking to me like that. You can get another job. And I had never talked to a man like that. And he was like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was my show, you know, but I was still being treated like shit. And it was because of the modeling that I had heard that she did it. And so I think that like the more we can set an example

and just we just need more women, more women doing it. And that's really the only answer to that, because then women are like, wait, I want to see women in their 40s and 50s. Like that's some of the like, have you rewatched Sunset Boulevard lately? It's like amazing. And she's like this, like she has a tattoo. What? Oh, really? It is. Yeah, but I mean, look at her. Gloria Swanson's like in her 40s, but she looks like she's in her 60s, you know? But her, what's going on with her is so fascinating.

And I think women are fascinating. And like, I always tell Moshe, like, he'll want to go see these movies. And I'm like, if there are five men on a billboard, I am not watching that movie. It's so boring to me. Like, I'm so much more interested in women. Women are, I like what women on stage are more interesting they're beautiful they're good to look at like they they have such an interesting point of view they give birth like they just have they deal with men i mean there's

just like so much more to it to me personally i mean i don't mean to be sexist like that but for me personally i'm just way more interested in a woman's journey and i just think that modeling that and that's how we'll get more of it so start production companies i guess the three of us right now i mean don't you what do you think what do you think's the answer i don't know i mean that's just i agree like i i feel the same way and i feel like i all i can do is like I only have control over myself so I just like try to stay really motivated and like hear those voices like I literally have a relative who I've heard on the phone with my parents be like oh you know that's nice Esther's having some success like you know she'll hit her 30s it'll fizzle out but yeah and I like that is just always going to be there and I'm just

always going to feel like I have to prove that wrong I think and so it's like that's like it's like saying women aren't funny I mean it's like literally not true just like go look at Jane Fonda's Instagram or you know what I mean like you can just find those people who empower you and like look at what they're doing. And I mean, why would it end? Right. I mean, when a man's 38, he's what, like finally ready for pet ownership. But a woman's like completely expired again. Both of you, just so you know, see how young and hot you are.

If you go get pregnant right now, just so you know know the doctor is if it's a man we'll call it a geriatric pregnancy because it's over 34 so it's like you know this is the same time a man's ready to like you know what get his own apartment it's like it's so annoying stock toilet paper yeah own a plant so i think it's just like i think we just have to be really strong and like not let those things it's like the same thing with fear and my baby like i just have to like just kind of be bigger than it you know and it's obviously hard and i think it's like requires you to dig a little deeper in yourself a little bit and you know to to try to figure out how to not be afraid of every single thing. Yeah, Lexapro has helped me with that. Five milligram gang.

Every day? Yeah. Ketamine really helped me out. It did? I cannot begin to describe the immediate effects as an antidepressant. So I don't do any drugs. I don't smoke weed.

I maybe drink like twice a year. And... Boring. Really boring. Really boring, Natasha. Twice a year. Because then you're not even sober. You're like, on your birthday, you're like, I'll have a cosmopolitan.

Right, right. Super boring. I'm super straight edge in that way. But when I was going through just like the, the bluest of blues, and this is like right after my breakup, I really just want, I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I was like, oh, fuck, like, I am not going to come out of this alive, I don't think. And I did ketamine with a therapist and a doctor and the effects were immediate. Wait, from doing it once?

Once. And I've been on antidepressants. So you don't microdose? No, I don't microdose. It's almost as if I just don't have that quickening of my heart when I'm anxious. I'm super anxious. I'm always sweating. I just don't have that like the quickening of my heart when I'm like anxious like I'm super anxious I'm always sweating I just don't have that currently like I'm able to just kind of exist not necessarily like overjoyed but I'm able to just get through my days without fearing um every tiny thing that

happens from doing ketamine that one time one time I can't like did you have like an epiphany that you remember that like no I had the worst ketamine journey i think of all ketamine journeys i thought i was physically dying like it was now you're like i'm glad i'm alive i think so it was so scary he's like i overdosed uh i might have it was so scary and so grim and so dark i cried for 90 minutes i couldn't breathe it was i. A therapist was there with you? Yeah, and a doctor as well, checking your heart rate and all of that stuff. Wow. It's been like three months now and I am just able. And I was not able previous to that. I mean,

I was like, oh, I think I'm going to probably kill myself. And now I'm like, holy shit, it works. What did you tell them you said i have like unbelievable yeah i am so depressed i am at my wits end i think i am starting to i never want to say that i'm like oh i have suicidal ideation or anything like because they'll like lock you lock you up for that but i was like i don't know how to get through my days anymore. Like I'm constantly crying. I used to smoke a lot and it worsened my anxiety a little bit. But I cannot believe how well it's working. I just am able. Can you, is there any way to articulate like what it changed for you? Because I know like for me,

when I have gotten like super high off weed or like you know dabbled in psychedelics like i like like you see so many things more clearly and like you feel like did you have any can you i i didn't i wasn't even nothing i had no great visual like awakening or anything like that i'm telling telling you. You just got sad. Like all the sadness like came out at once. I think it felt like a purging for me maybe. And it was so difficult and I was so uncomfortable and I couldn't move my body. And they talk about this like afterglow afterwards.

And you kind of feel a little bit like high still. But it's, for example, just past five hours of a flight alone i can't take like i'm so afraid to travel alone but now i'm like oh i can do anything i'm not afraid of anything i can drive anywhere oh that's why bobby was invited on your right right had i taken ketamine before that he would have have been invited but now you can handle it i can i can handle it that's amazing what were you afraid of taking a flight by yourself everything because i get panic attacks i'm like what if i get a panic attack on a 20 a 15 hour flight you know um what if and then no one can help me and i think i'm because i i i you know right

my dad would never go on a flight more than two hours so if he came to la from chicago he would take a he would stop at a layover to use the toilet he's like i'm not using a toilet on an airplane his whole life was like a lot about where he could go use the toilet. That's relatable. Well, that's amazing that that made you better. Yeah. I mean, who knows for how much longer. I feel like the effects are waning a little bit because I'm kind of starting to get like a little bit sad,

but I'm like, oh, I could just re-up. Would you do- Throw me in a K-hole. With me? Yeah, I would. You know, it's never worked for me. Really? I think I need like a very large dose.

Huh. But have you taken them a lot at some point? I've tried it probably like five or six times. Do you love it? No, it's never like worked. What? That's weird. I swear to God, I've tried psychedelics and it has not worked.

That's so funny because I knew a girl who did not feel anything from ayahuasca. No. I swear to God. And everyone around her was just so fucked up. And she was like, nope, nothing. No revelations, nothing, nothing. That's weird. So that might be the equivalent of you and mushrooms.

Oh, gosh. Did cannabis help you write your book? I mean, I definitely will use weed sometimes to like try to expand my mind, like especially when I'm thinking about ideas like parenting at the end of the world or like fear and love and how they're connected and like, you know, just kind of like thinking about these concepts that you feel, but you don't quite know how to express. So, you know, I find for me, like writing sometimes, if I'm ever stuck, that can help.

Yeah, that's what I've noticed too. Like I feel so much more expressive and creative and like in touch with myself from like trying cannabis. Yeah. Trying to be formal about it. It's a match. It's a match. Well, that's another thing.

It's like it has to agree with your personality, you know, because it's like if you're already super chill like her, we might make her turn her into an idiot. Because she's just like so calm and so chill. Whereas like I used to be like way more like thirsty yeah just oh I'm so thirsty yes that's a really good word for me but weed can like chill that out a little bit I think yeah so can meditation so can a lot of things I think but I remember like my first comedy teachers or like people who I would take like when I moved to LA I like, I went to an audition and there was comedians there and I was like, whoa, these people are way cooler

than the actors. Like I want to be a comedian. Like who are these people? They all seem so funny. So then I took like improv, like one person show class, stand up comedy class, like Groundlings,

Second City, any, like I took every single class, like unless, if it wasn't in Long Beach, I would take it. Like I took sketch writing, like sitcom writing. I mean, I was just always in a class, but I remember I saw one of the teachers like three years later and he was like, whoa, you've changed so much, you know? Because I think I was just like, I was just like anything, anything, anything, like, because I just didn't know. And, you know, when think i was just like i was just like anything anything anything like because i just didn't know and you know when you don't have parents or anyone guiding you or mentors you kind of are just like flying blind you have to like lap it all up to figure out you don't know

what you're doing you know so do you remember who those comedians were at the audition who you thought were cool no but i do remember like you know like actors you come back from an audition and they're like in the waiting room like someone will come out and they're like i remember this girl was like i got adjustments like the person gave her like like the casting director gave her adjustments and so she was bragging and trying to psych out the other actors and like the comedians were just like i mean they're all fucked up too but at least they're funny right you know andians were just like, I mean, they're all fucked up too, but at least they're funny. You know, and I was just like, and I knew that I was funny because people would laugh,

but I didn't really know how to harness that or what to do. So that's why I was like, just really trying to figure it out for like, it probably took me like three years and like $9,000 in classes to like try to, I remember I took a groundlings class and after the first class was done,

you had an interview and the teacher was like, good job, we're gonna invite you to repeat. And that's how they would say like, you're invited to repeat the class again. So like, it was like a lot of that stuff, like trying to find my fit, you know? And then I think like with standup, I just kind of got lucky and like,

it just worked the first time I tried it. And I was like, this is amazing. So then it was, then I just kept doing that. I think I was such a ball of anxiety when I started. Cause I, I feel like when I was in an audition room, I would literally make the worst impression possible on everyone. I would be like, I'd walk in and I'd, if I saw like a group of women sitting there, I'd be like, how long has everyone been waiting? What, how behind are they? Like, I would be like, I'd walk in and if I saw like a group of women sitting there, I'd be like, how long has everyone been waiting? How behind are they? Like I was just like, like I was walking to a doctor's office. I was such a, I was like, what? I can't do this. Like sometimes I would leave. Like I was just, I thought I was too busy, even though I had nothing else to do. I just couldn't like sit the pain, handle the pain of like having to wait. It made

me so offended or something. I think being a comedian, you're always going to say stupid shit. I just always say stuff I regret. I can't stop. I just, it just happens all the time. I'm just always feeling like, why did I say that? Yeah, but that is actually such a good thing because that's like how you achieve like the flow state or that's like how you, it's like for every 100 stupid things i say three of them will be like something important

to someone that's good right it could be great stats three percent success rate yeah well natasha thank you so much for being here today with us i feel like we've learned a lot well thank you guys um when so much when does the book come out um my book the world deserves my children comes out november 15th but it is available for pre-sale now and cover is so good thank you this is my kitchen that's my child try to not show her face so she doesn't hate me that's one thing i wanted to ask about actually okay parents who make um pages for their children like instagram pages i mean i'm just too paranoid you know do you think that at some point that will have some implications for the?

I mean, I'm assuming. I don't know. I mean, I've seen. First of all, I remember being with a friend and her 10 year old was with us. And people at the party were like, oh, I recognize you from Instagram to the 10 year old. So like that's something that I was like, oh, clocked that. I don't want that to happen. And then I also heard

of a girl like suing her parents for like putting images of her out and then my daughter's always saying these funny things so I tell people and she'll hear me and she's like mom don't you say everything that I say don't tell people things I say and then I'm thinking like wait my whole act is about her so now here's my new plan. What do you guys think of this? Just not going to record a special. So she'll never know. No, do it.

No. Then I'll just like travel. If you want to see me, come to one of my dates. I'm doing a book tour and I'll be talking about everything. But I'm thinking like maybe I won't put it in anything concrete so she can never watch it when she's 12 or she can't sue you or sue me or whatever

I'm gonna do a bootleg filming of it sell it to her the world deserves my comedy you don't think people can just come see me well I really am excited for you guys

to switch out those screensavers into babies you can do it wait where do we get information about seeing you on tour? You can go to my Instagram

and I'll have all my tour dates listed and pre-sale, you can get the book now or you can, you know, get the pre-sale and then you get it. But they all count towards, you know, making it a New York Times bestseller. I think we're going to do that. Well, thank you, girls.

Thank you so much, Natasha. Dream come true. See you guys next week.