Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - I Was Robbed & Women Aren't Funny

Episode Date: June 28, 2022

Thank you to our Sponsors:  Athletic Greens - Go to https://athleticgreens.com/tuesday to get a free 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase Dipsea - Get 30 days of full access for free when you go to https://dipseastories.com/tuesday Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 Fake Chanel and Real Louis Vuitton8:18 Sleeping on a Plane11:35 Dr. Annie the Cosmetic Surgeon16:56 Khalyla Got Robbed32:50 Stolen Jokes 46:42 Red Flags During Rough Fun53:52 A Love Triangle With Each Other57:40 Intimate Expectations From Powerful Men1:15:43 Why We Would Need to Unsend Messages Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera Editor: Andres Rosende

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escape into a world where pleasure is your only priority. For listeners of our show, Dipsy is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com slash Tuesday. That's 30 days of full access for free when you go to D-I-P-S-E-A stories.com slash Tuesday. You can see me on the road. I've been having the best time. It's like, I know I say this every time, but it's really unbelievable. It's my favorite thing to do is meet you guys to perform for you. Total honor. I love it. You guys are, I think I have the best audience in the world. I really do believe that. You can see me. I'm going to be in Austin, Texas at the Vulcan Theater on the, I think July 29th. I will also be in Springfield, Missouri

in the Blue Room Comedy Club, August 19th and 20th. I'll be in Pittsburgh in September, Tempe in September, Coluso, California, September 30th at a casino. It's going to be so fun, one night only. Then I have a bunch of dates in a bunch of other places. Go to AnnieLetterman.com slash shows. I am probably coming to you so Esther I just wanted to ask what so that picture you posted with the

was the Chanel was fake oh Oh, cause the Louis is real. But can I flex my fake Chanel for a second? No, it is so cute. I found it in my childhood bedroom. I bought it in high school. Oh, it's perfect. In 2005, it's a very Y2K. I decided to dress like Marc Maron today.

Wait, but also my bag, this is a coach bag from high school i mean i think it's cute what you're doing but i think you're not like hitting the challenge what do you mean what challenge the challenge is how much money can we spend oh fuck the challenge is we have a very rich born from a wealthy family carlos producer whatever the hell we call him so okay can you explain what happened carlos got a- Carlos got a chain. Okay. Carlos got a Louis Vuitton chain.

It's the only time I've ever replied to his story, by the way. That's so sad. She hates you. Well, can I say- She's supposed to be. She doesn't hate me. I have been trying- She's trying to cover up the hate.

A DM is truth. And I want to know if you guys think I've been doing the right thing or the wrong thing. For months, Carlos has been telling me he wants a chain. And I've like i don't know like i don't think so and he finally got it and everyone's happy everyone really look it's a great i want to scream do i ever say like oh my god i need that i'm gonna get the gold one i'm gonna get the gold one i i went in to get the gold one so i have a rule with louis vuitton because i am now okay i am now trying to trust that i am going to have money i don't want to live with the story that money's going to run out and i want to like i don't want to be someone that hoards and is scared i want to trust that it's happening i love this so when carlos sent the picture of him when he tagged us in a story where

he said did you say challenge no i didn't say i took it as a challenge yeah he was buying the chain he tagged us in it i i wrote challenge accepted i immediately went to the louis vuitton store when i walk into a louis vuitton store i have one rule you're leaving buying something hell yeah you're not window shopping. Window shopping is old. Poor people thought. Not to calling you guys poor. You can rise up. If I can do it, I lived in my car three years ago. If I can do it, you can do it.

Seriously. Agreed. I did it off of jokes. You guys can figure out your thing. I saw you living in your car with a makeup bag that was a grocery plastic bag. I know.

We already established that she still carries that around. Look, look. I got this. That's way better. But it still has the tag. And my mouth guard is loosely floating in there plastic bag i know we already established that she still carries that around i got this that's but it still has the tag and my mouth guard is loosely floating in there with a bunch of makeup i'm really into the cufflinks the will you i like the colored one but i really this is the one you want but in gold it's men's but in gold and it's it's really so i went in for that and they didn't

have it and then i was like i gotta just buy oh wait what was that colorful oh my god so cute what is that how much is that 590 590 oh it's a bracelet i want that as a necklace but it's like the balenciaga well you're little less carbs you can do it you're about a week away bitch honestly you're a week away my nuva ring would fit around your neck should Should I get this ring? Esther, come get my... Will you test if my NuvaRing will fit around her neck? Yeah. Ooh, that felt good. You're like wet hair. She actually bathed.

I'll say this. I didn't dislike it. Oh, really? Was it like a soft pillow? It was nice. Did my Foo Papa hang over you? Isn't that so cute? That's great. I do love it on the model too. Carlos, are you okay with me matching your necklace?

Completely. Yes. I'll tell you why you have to. I'm Asian. You are? So when we match with a person, it means we're in a committed relationship. Wow. You know what's so annoying?

So twinning is not just twinning. Twinning means like that's our way of showing PDA because we're not going to make out in public, but we're going to be, it's going to be known we're together. I guess I'm buying everything. This is actually pretty unacceptable. We've literally been here

trying to get you to match us on everything. I did. It was Celine. You did one thing. One thing. She got a tattoo of your name, you fucking bitch. Celine, you guys.

You fucking bitch. You ingrained. To be honest, I would prefer if we just kind of try to brush the tattoo under the rug well the tattoo is not it's not a fake tattoo it was actually a real tattoo i know i'm starting to think that is a very real tattoo so is everyone else all they want other ones are fading except that one um i from a financial standpoint i'm gonna say that the celines were a bigger commitment than the tattoo what What do you think? I'll accept that. By the way, I have no qualms about the tattoo. I'm happy with the tattoo.

If I never see you again... I've never seen someone lying more. No, no, no. Her nose is growing. Okay, Pinocchio. I never need to see her again. I will always be happy that I have this on my body. Don't do this. She's such not a drug addict. She's like, look, this is the Kalilah sign. I got great druggy veins. Oh, you guys, I have the juiciest. I literally kegeled when I saw that. Right? Yes.

When phlebotomists see me, they get so wet. Don't use phlebotomist like it's just nothing. Can I flex it today? Is that a zoo animal? What's a phlebotomist? It's the person who takes your blood. That's their name is phlebotomist? Yeah.

I've never heard of that. Is blood in there? the etymology of it is blood yeah flow and blood phlebotomist yeah you guys can i flex that i'm having a y2k moment because no she's on dutching where are they from oh i'm getting this i'm getting the ones that are like are they on forever no i'm getting the like beads where they're like there you put them on if you want to lose weight you get them tight okay so they like they fuck with you while you eat wait can i get one that says kalilah if it's on forever wait a second that's like when um have you guys seen like culturally some women out of uh myanmar they have their rings around their neck and they add a ring for each lover. I would be like very phase of their life.

So like, it's like going down there, guys. The longer your neck is, the more regarded you are like in society is how I believe it. But if you commit a crime, they take that thing off. So then you no longer have the neck support. So you're kind of,

you have, you're like the bent neck lady. So that's like esther is that what happened to you esther is that why your neck is i got mine taken off does it actually make your neck longer to wear i mean it looks like their necks are far longer than they would normally be but i think it's so beautiful and i think we should start with that with a belly i want that before i go on a plane so when i just you're right guys i wear my mask can i just tell you i will never not wear my mask on the plane i am a gape open mouth like i when i the second i'm on a plane my head

hits the window yes it's a window seat don't you fuck with me with an aisle there's no middles oh my god we'd be so perfect together i like the aisle you were not for class i wouldn't even speak to you on a plane wait annie Annie, can you show visually how it looks? I can describe. I can. It looks like I can show you visually what it looks like. My parents have to make a very tough decision about whether to unplug me or not. Like

is the brain is the heart still there is the conscious like I'm like it's so open like when I wake up my mask is wet. It's wet. It's wide. It looks like you know when guys with beards have and they're all stretched down like it's like this open. Like when I wake up, my mask is wet. It's wet. It's wide. It looks like, you know when guys with beards have it and they're all stretched down? Like it's like this open.

I'm like, it's a full like Beetlejuice in the waiting room like stretched out. This is, I'm getting pick me vibes. You're just laying there open mouth. I cover it, but it's insert here, but I have one hole. And it's ribbed. I'm like you. My problem is not we are skull fuckers yeah you know what I would do

you're just sitting here bragging I would insert a quiz no sandwich oh guys I found a sext that he sent me yeah what did it say yeah by the way, I did get my people

to cut up the clip and not to be, I know it all, but it did go viral. I just did ask people for that clip and it was the most popular clip I've ever posted.

Reminder guys, we're talking about the guy who Annie made out with on a plane that we found out on the show has perished. Yeah. Since perished.

It sounds like he fingered me and then turned into dust and blew away. The plane went down with it. It dust it has it happens a lot i'm like medusa but my pussy i'm a puss a mapusa oh now i just want a papusa oh i love you do you put honestly to wear low-rise jeans that early it's a little rough do you eat it with uh um the cortido what's? It's like the kind of, it's like a, their coleslaw. She doesn't eat any of it. Carlos doesn't let her. Carlos smacks it out of her hand.

That's not true. I have pupusas. The cortido is right next to it. Go back to pictures. You have to eat it with that. It's like a slaw. Oh, I never had that. It really is so fucking good.

What is it, Peruvian? It's like, oh. No, it's Salvadorian. Oh, Salvadorian. It's so fluffy. Benji's housekeeper used to make them for us. I mean, it's, if you wanted people to be more upset with you. That was the line.

You're like, sometimes I'm on a diet and sometimes I have an ethnic woman handing me food. It's not my housekeeper. I know. I'm just the house guest. That's friend food. It's not my housekeeper. I know. I'm just the house guest. That's friend privilege. That's rich guy friend privilege. And I'm all about it. I have the same neck problem as you on the plane,

but my other problem on the plane is I don't like my feet on the ground. I cannot sleep with my, or nap with my feet like this. Because you're meant to be giving birth. Let's be honest. Well, I think it's because I feel lightheaded and my blood pressure drops. I always have to have my knees to my chest, but this is what I look like on the plane. No, you're meant to be giving birth. Let's be honest. Well, I think it's because like I feel lightheaded and like my blood pressure drops. I always have to have like my knees to my chest.

But this is what I look like on a plane. No, you're covering your vagina because you were raped by every doctor. So I do this or I'm leaning like this, but I'm like bouncing. Oh, yeah. Oh, I get smacked. But I fall. Are you good at falling asleep? Because I will fall asleep.

I can fall asleep just about anywhere. Yeah. Oh, guys. Also, I want to mark this day as the day that Annie Letterman learned about TikTok contouring filters. Do you see my button nose? It looks really good. If you look up close, it's pretty bad. How did you do that?

They have a filter where you put it on, you follow the lines. And it's of a very petite, beautiful Asian woman. I have an asian woman's contoured nose i have a question about that though because a lot of times they're trying to make the nose skinnier right how do i make the nose less of a bird beak because mine is very narrow this way up front take a knuckle sandwich for once bitch just flatten it i'm gonna punch you the i'm gonna punch you to the moon i'm gonna punch you to the moon you I'm going to punch you to the moon. You're going to come back so cute. So I'm not trying to

decrease the width. I'm trying to decrease the length at which it protrudes. Does that make sense? Well, you have to elongate the chin. Oh, we got to cheat it. I'm going to give you some filler. Okay, wait. Dr. Annie's here. Oh, no. Yeah. I'm going to give you some. Oh, do we have a...

We don't have a red pointer do we seems like something like a laser a laser pointer does that not seem like something we have we definitely have one right yes pete pete gets it yeah you can tell me everything that's wrong in my face i want to do the lorenzo lamas what's that he had a show i can't remember what the fuck it was called i brought it up on this before yeah but it was like hot or not or something and they would have girls come out and they'd like circle what they needed to change about themselves. What?

That was a show? TV has fallen. TV has fallen. No wonder we're all so fucked up. I mean. It's been the Renegades' fault this whole time. Laser pointer. Okay, let's play this game.

So, Dr. Annie's here. Okay. Eye blinder. Okay, here we go. Yeah, close your eyes okay i would first of all you have to keep my eyes open because i have asymmetry in my eyes one is oh thank you for mentioning i've been disgusted by you the whole time okay first of all thin the lips out i would take the lips are just they're over line they're over line they're juice don't say what's happening with my lips to my don't project okay sorry okay so the juicy lips are actually they're offsetting the tiny little button nose the tiny little button nose doctor i'm not sure we're gonna make the gap bigger because i like the gap i want to stick my oh yeah you guys gap wideners i want to widen

the gap that's a thing i saw some girl doing it on TikTok. Widening the gap sounds like we're just taking a pay cut. We're like, we want to widen the gap. We want guys to make more money than us. Okay, so we wanted to match your thigh gap. Now you have a thigh gap too. I'm the only one with a fucking... I will never have a thigh gap. Starting a fire with my fucking quarter rolls.

Okay. Okay, what else? Wait, but can I... No, for real though, I would bring out the forehead. You want to make this, you want to shave down the honker? Should we go no nose? No, look here, this one, this one. Cut the nose off.

Let's remove the nose completely. Okay, we'll add filler here that pulls it out and evens it out. We add filler down to the tip. Here? Yeah. Okay. Okay, so it's a straight line. Okay.

Then we pull the forehead out. What about my jawline? The jawline? Perfect. We like the jawline. Very masculine. It matches the shoulders i have a serious question no more tits would we all do someone was like you gotta stop telling kalilah

that she's pretty all right she's an ugly bitch and we're listening thanks guys better show now right you're ugly would you guys do the gap filler thing or the thing that it's a device that you put on your teeth that literally widens the gap. Oh, they have that? Yes. Yeah. I want it on you. These are too close.

Would we do it? We have a TikTok with it right here. Even her teeth are codependent. Look at them smushing together. That's how wide they get? That seems a little too wide. That's like you can't keep liquid in your mouth wide. I think the goal is to get a strawberry stuck in there.

Oh, she's getting them small. No, this is the order at which she's widening her gap. I'm happy people are like, Jesus. It looks like it would hurt, but would you guys do it or not? For real? No. I, yeah, my mom would kill me. She spent so much of her money with braces.

Guys, I can't do it. She's so pretty. I would consider. Look at her. She's so pretty esther's pretty too people are like why are you so mean because it's funny to be mean to esther do you guys understand it's the funny she likes it she's pretending she doesn't right now yeah but she's also low-key the hottest one i know but it's funny you get you get to be like you get to be i mean guys come on i'm um no, like, yeah, no, Esther's fun because then it's like they go, oh, it's a secret we figured out that Esther's hot.

It's like, I've known this bitch for a while, okay? She can get us all the pussy in the world. You've been hot the moment I laid eyes on you. Thank you, I appreciate your support. But she has to play this game or her hot girl investigations don't work. Do you know what I mean? Thank you, but it's a game.

Yeah, you're right. I'm just pretending to be ugly now again guys i haven't just go back to the me inspiration episode where we figured out that esther is just kind of constantly just doing a webinar just tip-topping you know i you're you know our resident inspector and investigative journalist i would actually take you know what i would actually take the labia from here. Yeah. I'd place it on the labial folds of your nose. I think that's genius.

Would it just flap? I would just put, yeah, a pussy on your cheeks. I would put one here. Replace my nose with a pussy. Your nose will look smaller

if the puffy pussy lips are here. Like you're a baseball player. So I, this is a bit of a long story. So sit tight. Dare you to get through it without me interrupting. Sit tight.

I'm going to try. This is what I, this is what I need from you guys. I need you to tell me what to do. Okay. Because I am very conflicted in the moment. So. Do the this. Let- Do the this? Let's all get this.

What do you call it? The ponytail snatch? Yeah, let's all get the little like sewn in. It only lasts like two weeks. You're like, was this worth it? Is that what this thread? Starts drooping, one goes first. You're like, uh-oh.

Okay, back on track, back on track. Good attempt, Annie. Okay, here we go. So about a month and a half ago, my sister's car got broken into and all of our dive gear got stolen. And if you guys don't know, dive gear can be very expensive. For instance, one pair of fins, one of her pair of fins is a meandros fins, each one is $800. So you guys buy Louis Vuitton, we buy expensive dive gear, right? I don't buy Louis Vuitton, just to be clear.

By the way, yes, you do. It's like enough is enough. Join the club. My designer purse was under $400. The rear windshield was smashed into. These things got taken. But we're like, well, how many people really are going around with meandros fins, right? right so my friends then went on craigslist and today they found the perpetrators reselling the exact so two fins were stolen there were pink and a blue pair one was jewish one was my sister

gender neutral of them and so they they took a picture here's a mistake they made they didn't sell them separately they took a picture of all of our stuff bunched up together. So I can see that it's all of our stuff. And they are reselling it on Craigslist, right? But instead of just calling cops, because we filed a police report, and we had the police report number, we went ahead and got the phone number connected to the Craigslist account. And we found these people online. Was it his team? Was it Thick Boy Studios? Close.

And so what happened was when I saw the photograph of the woman and her husband, they looked like a very happy couple with five children. And now I don't know if I should pursue it. Let's call them right now do you have their phone number i do because we've been in contact like hey i'm interested in buying like i'm interested i i went ahead and was going to repurchase it call the police and show up and grab the stuff but then now i'm like yeah maybe you don't have to get the police involved but maybe you go like this is your last shot that's what i wanted to do you can't be breaking into people's cars like yeah what if you're now your sister like they don't know what financially your sister can afford it's like what

if they put can i ask you this are you a hundred percent sure that those are yours a hundred percent they even have a picture of my lobster gauge which is only all of my stuff was purchased from one specific dive shop and where this where my dive stuff was stolen none of this stuff is sold speaking of lobster gauges can you spread your legs i want to see what i would do down here okay oh my god there's a hole you guys our next partner has a product i use literally every day it's so good i know annie takes it too no i started taking athletic greens i learned about it i know from you guys but what i love about it is it's all

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It's the first thing I do in the morning. It just eliminates all, you know, stressing out about, oh, did I eat this right? Did I eat right the rest of the day? I love taking my little packets on the road too. It keeps me just like having a normalcy while I'm just running around everywhere. You guys, right now it is time to reclaim your health and arm your immune system with convenient daily nutrition.

It's just one scoop in a cup of water every day. That's it. There's no need for millions of pills and supplements to look out for your health. To make it easy, Athletic Greens is going to give you a free one-year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. All you have to do is visit athleticgreens.com slash Tuesday. Again, that is athleticgreens.com slash Tuesday Yeah, I've been robbed before and it's such a horrible feeling.

You just feel helpless, vulnerable. Like I hate that feeling so much and when someone um broke basically what happened well i can get into that later but i think that let's get into it okay so my old apartment that um basically i had an apartment that i shared with my friend who you all know know. My nanny. Who is also my nanny. And when I moved out, I left a lot of my stuff there. And she took over for me. So it was like our apartment still. She's still there.

And she was Airbnb-ing it. And when she did, someone broke through the locked door and stole a bunch of our stuff. And a lot of my stuff got stolen. And I just felt so violated. It was like stuff from high school, I was never getting it back. But then some of it did get recovered by the police. And getting it back was I just felt so good about it. And I know that's not really exactly relevant. But I do think that as someone who knows what it feels like to be robbed, like I think you should do whatever you can to like get justice.

I have a question. Did the cops feel robbed when they spent a whole day finding britney spears posters for you were they like are you kidding me this was our fucking day bitch is there not a cat in a tree i can say that's the taxpayer problem a part of me just wants to offer it up to the cycle of life of being of tragedies and celebrations good things bad things that's how when it happened my sister and jules were obviously very like upset because i had gifted in those most of those things which are you know i jules can't afford that like on her own and she like loves to dive so i was just going to be like look guys it's just objects very replaceable things you know let's not cry about it so my instinct when i saw the picture of the husband and wife and i'm like five children i went

like sleuthing like i went all i got all of their information i'm like i just don't know if i want to like you know what i mean like theft oh here's another piece of information i want you to have they didn't steal wallet money or anything. They just stole the dive stuff. So there is some integrity in the theft. Or it's easier to sell that and you could get busted stealing someone's stuff. Versus the credit card and stuff like that. Is there a world where you could give them a chance?

This isn't an eBay drop-off store. This is like they broke into the car. Hey, just curious, where did you guys get these? Well, that's already... They're never going to reply to you after that. you here's the thing i think you just you just go and then you go with like you know no i don't showing up is scary because then you don't know who has a gun and who's like there are they gonna shoot them she's got us bring your spear gun bring your stuff come in full dive gear it's like i'm assuming it's bulletproof yeah no almost just the chest part yeah just come in like

a bulletproof like like SWAT team thing but with fins okay so they know your craft and then be like this is my stuff grab it i think I think it's like, because I do understand like this sort of like forgiveness aspect where you're like, okay, you're like, this is your hustle and you're trying to take care of your family. You don't want to get them like arrested or your family like separated,

but you need your shit back and you need like to have a moment where you're like, this is my shit. But couldn't I do that without having people involved? Like, is there a way where I could be your stuff back just like hey can i like pretend that i'm buying it right and then i go there and i'm like look guys that was the plan yeah yeah um no cops involved just being like look like i really don't want to like out you just love this stuff i want to give you guys like you know offer you offer you grace. Can I just take my stuff back? But then you're just expecting that someone who robbed you is going to be like.

A good person. Yeah. And that's really probably not the case. And they'll just keep doing it. It's like you can't. I've been trying to work on this too with my ego where it's like I have this like desire to like teach people lessons. It's just like not my business to teach them lessons. But it's my boundary.

It's like if you steal my shit, I want it back back like and i and i like give it back to me there's also so many scammers out there i can't tell you how many times i've been driving around in la the most recent one was such an obvious scam they threw something at my car while i was driving to make it sound like i hit them so they told me to pull. I was so scared because I'm always like, I'm sure I did it wrong, right? But then I put it together. I'm like, I never touched their car. And of course, when I pull over,

they're like, we're driving our sick grandma for her cancer treatments. They had this whole story. You're like, wrong girl. I don't even talk to my grandma. That bitch won't give me my jewelry. No, and this was like a couple years ago. And I was just like, I'm sorry. Like, I'm a babysitter. I'll give you and i was just like i'm sorry like i'm a

babysitter i'll give you i gave him like 50 cash you are a babysitter i know i was like and i and it always happened to me too when i was driving to my o1 camry i feel like they saw me as this victim that they could take advantage of it always happened and like why why do i have to fucking deal with that i know it's well maybe they just thought there was no one in the car they're like this car is driving itself we got to throw something to stop it it's a ghost that's uh bobby does something similar but he's afraid of paperwork so he'll never call like 911 even if someone's like dying in front of him he'll never assist he'll never be a good samaritan like to someone dying because he's just like paperwork can't do paperwork i can't stay for paperwork

so we dropped off one of our foster dogs two weeks ago and coming out of the parking lot he barely tapped into another car that was parked and it was in a neighborhood and he um initially um was like well that was barely anything right but then the dude came out and he was like hey like you know nice man he was like did you like hit my car and he just wanted to get out of it he's like this means paperwork insurance companies i don't want to deal with it he five hundred dollars he was like here you go and the guy was like it's like stuck to so much stuff it's like there's here you're gonna have to peel it out of this taco bell but

it's here right it's but you know it's all in crumples and the car by the way was like a really beat up like i had so many things and scratches on by the way was like a really beat up like it had so many things and scratches on it but he was like just take it i don't want to deal with the paperwork and i was so fucking happy and i was like why'd you do that like there's insurance for a reason but then he has a point it's like i have it i you know i don't want to deal with it let's just go you can do that you can do that but i also look at it like this like what you don't know it's a dangerous thing to steal from people it's not like just like a chill like oh this was an opportunity like they stole from six cars how do you know that they're not going to do that and there's going to be like a shootout at some point or they're not going to

like do that to someone who has nothing that's all they had you know or they have a family like just because you guys don't have kids doesn't mean that like you couldn't have been a family going that had this right and my sister said the same thing because i was like well what about if they're hard up she's a color there are a lot of people who are hard up and yes there's a million things and don't do that also five kids like it's not like abortions are illegal yet you know but i tried to do the math in my head and all five kids are grown so i think it's actually not the couple in the picture that are the perpetrators but one of their kids who are using the mom's like you know family of course of course right yeah it's just it's like yeah it's it's so we go to people's houses like it's honestly like it's unsafe it's like if they're

willing to break the law there where else are they willing to break the law like you don't know it's honestly like it's unsafe it's like if they're willing to break the law there where else are they willing to break the law like you don't know it's just like they're like wow we just need some formula for our kids like so does fucking all of our fucking rich everybody needs formula for their kids like do you know what i mean it's like you gotta like and i understand that there's like you know but is the charity letting someone rob you i don't know yeah maybe there's maybe to feel better there's another form of charity you can like support like just to offset how you feel about taking that away from those people anonymous yeah maybe yeah i don't know but i i know you mean it's hard when people are struggling like that's that's hard but also being robbed fucking sucks i've had when dave's car has been

broken into it's so it's so violating it's so violating my car was broken into um not that long ago and it was like so yeah you just feel like shit like they just took like and it wasn't even that much stuff but then it's weird when they break in and they leave certain things i'm like that's i'm like why is there only one shoe what did you do that's what i'm saying like they left all of what i thought was like you know like money and credit card and everything so in my head i was like there's some integrity here i disagree i feel like they saw the valuable equipment broke it took that as quick as they could and didn't dig around and also you found them for a reason like you know it's like the universe brought them to you it's like justice shall be served right and it's not even just me who um found him it was the dive community because i here's what i love about it it's like i was i was about to buy the the whole new set

over again and instead of the dive shop owner saying you know what or probably making an extra 2k that day on stuff that i was going to purchase she was like no like let me try and find them on and she helped me and she found them wow so i think you're right i think that the universe even though i was offering it up to the universe as like a loss i think that that moment um of her saying no let me find let me find it for you was the universe as like a loss, I think that that moment of her saying, no, let me find it for you, was the universe saying, hey, you need it back. Yeah.

And also like focus on like what's yours, you know? Like it's not like always about like saving other people. That's a great instinct to have. But it's like, when are you like kind of selling yourself out? Where it's like, that's your stuff. And it's not like, yes, you can buy more. And that's like, you know, that's not the point. The point is like, you broke into my space you you broke my property

and then you stole my property and then you're trying to resell it it's like in all of that time you could have like gotten a job at a surf shop and not to mention rear able to buy all those rear windshield completely smashed yeah so that's a big cost and six other cars not just a cost like the fucking inconvenience of having to get that fixed my dad always says because whenever i drive his car he's like you're gonna crash i'm like i'll pay for it he's like you're not i'm gonna be sitting in the repair shop he gets really mad anyway have you ever had a joke stolen because it's the same feeling i've had that once too where literally a celebrity watched my late night set told me this is starting to become unbelievable i know your friends are celebs but they're not watching

wrote me an email saying how much they loved it two weeks later used one of my jokes as their instagram caption i was like it was i felt so fucking violated i've had it i've had someone someone just did something on netflix on one of the netflix is a joke things and i got like dms people like she stole your thing and it's like here's what i choose i choose to think that people are not stealing my jokes even though it's absolutely word for word i just choose i mean even though like you have the evidence and stuff i choose the same thing as you i don't care i think well i just have to be like because it's easy to go this person's like it's like it person's like, it's like, it just doesn't matter.

It's like- No. It's just, I just go like, and there's some like, I had a thing where someone posted something that was the exact same thing I did and it was after I'd done it. And I just, I just hit her up and was like,

I'm already, this is already out there. It's not a good look for you. I'm not mad at you. Just take it down. Ultimately- Oh, he told her to take it down. Take it down. You can't have the same, it's the exact same thing. Ultimately, yeah, like- And who knows, maybe I said a mad at you. Just take it down. Oh, he told her to take it down. Take it down. You can't have the same.

It's the exact same thing. Ultimately, yeah. And who knows? Maybe I said a hacky thing. I look at myself as I'm like, I'm a renewable resource. I don't care. Steal my shit. Go ahead.

But at that moment, the first time it happened, you're just like, you have so much power. I have nothing. I'm helpless. Right. You told me you fucking liked it. It's always people that are like less successful than me that do it. So I'm like, have it. I'm better at this than you. I'm so. Right. You told me you fucking liked it. It's always people that are like less successful than me that do it. So I'm like, have it. I'm better at this than you.

I'm so much better. I could write that in my sleep. But also the joke that from the Netflix thing was a joke that I kind of didn't like doing anymore. Like I was just kind of felt like it felt like I had just been doing it for a while. I'd already done it on like Canadian TV when I was in Montreal. Like I'd already like used it. And when I use it on my set, it feels like a cheap moment for me.

And I remember seeing her do it and going like, you're doing that here? Like this is like a real club. Like why are you like, like just like I would not be comfortable doing that in front of some of the people. But, you know, and then I just figured like i'm like i have more than her who cares like and i'm not it doesn't matter it's like they've both been recorded in different places like i could make a whole to do about it or i can just i didn't want it like it's almost like i manifested it i didn't want to do the joke anymore i have and now i'm not gonna ever do it again i have a question for you guys so this happened to bobby so um let's suppose you

had um somebody send you um an open mic or let's say from send you an open mic, or let's say from Sacramento, an open mic, or someone's like, hey, I have this video of this open mic or doing your entire 15 minutes set at the store. But you know that this person's probably never gonna make it but they are going in the open mic circuit and doing the exact word for word joke. It's embarrassing for them i had i because that's

what happened to bobby and it was a friend of mine who was like wait have i and sent me the whole set you know what i would do i would literally say to the person so your friend was an open mic or no just saw the thing saw the thing but but weird because it was actually a co-worker doing like a bringer room in sacramento and he was he went because he that was like someone that he knew but he had seen bobby show like three times before and he was he went because he that was like someone that he knew but he had seen Bobby show like three times before and he was like Cleo this sounds really familiar and he so he sent the video and I was like that's word for word so when he confronted the friend he was like yeah dude I just draw inspiration from like you know comic idols that I like I'm like yeah but that's verbatim

yeah and also you can't like you can't meme you can't make a you can't meme, you can't make a meme into a joke. Like you can't make a thing that already exists into a joke. Like it has, your comedy has to come from your head. I'm sorry. Like it just has to be yours. Like you can't, if you hear someone's premise and you go like, ooh, I have a better way to word it, that's stealing a joke. You're stealing.

It's like, and I just, I'm not in other people's heads and I'm not, I would so much rather just not falsely accuse someone of something that I'm just like it's good it's like if this happened this is what's supposed to happen and I'm just gonna like drop the joke or I've already posted it you're it's a bad look for you I already have this done I had a girl back in the day I had this joke about like dogs being colorblind or whatever and she did it verbatim in front of me and I had done it in Montrealreal i'd done it on comedy central like i'd already done it like it was an embarrassing amount of times i had done it and she was like she did it and someone told me and i just went like hey like don't do my joke and she's like oh i didn't and i go you did and it's not your fault like it's fine

you've definitely seen me do it a million times and just stop doing it she goes i thought it was cheap anyway and i was like bye and then years later when amy schumer got in trouble for stealing jokes when that was like in the news she wanted to do she was like being interviewed for an article and she hit me up and she's like hey can we do about that time that like we had the same joke i go you stole the joke from me amy schumer that amy schumer was in the in the news okay yeah so this girl hit me up yeah and she goes hey they want to do an article i think we should do like a and this is like you're trying to attach yourself to my name right now i'm a successful comedian and i just wrote it back i went you stole the joke whether you meant to or not i'm not like mad at you you stole the joke i'd done it several times in front of your fucking face

i guess i was a little mad uh no but it was just like and she goes um and then i said and then you said it's cheap you can have it no bitch it was a great joke it was so good that you stole it from me and whether you did it consciously or subconsciously you did and that's it and she goes oh i i'm sorry i didn't really go good day and then good day i've seen her we're fine that is just like such a a guy who hits on you and you reject him and then suddenly he wants to tell you how ugly you are yeah that's what she did yeah it's so disgusting and that's why like i know i was saying that earlier with the other girl where i was like it but the joke felt the jokes were out i'd outgrown the jokes that the girl did on Netflix. So I'm like, but also I had a friend who,

this girl that told me she didn't want to do comedy and then she ended up like, she was like, oh, I do want to do comedy. And then she started telling me her jokes that she was doing at Open Mix. And they were jokes that I had just been doing for a full year in front of her. And I was like, those are, and she was,

oh no, sometimes like people pick up each other. I go, you've never written a joke and i was like those are and she was oh no sometimes like people pick up each other i go you've never written a joke and all of your jokes are my jokes and you've been at every show i've done she's like oh and i'm like it's some people are crazy and they think that they can like be so weird like you know when you're getting lied to and you're it's just the two of you and you're like is there a hidden camera here because uh we both know the information you know what pathological liars i think and she was very rich i think she was just so used to just like she can get whatever she want but i had to stop being i went not only can i not be friends with you like for me because you're literally the least safe person i've ever met it would be bad for you

to be friends with me you're going and doing i am a professional comedian i'm well known like you know i wasn't like huge or anything but i was like well no like those jokes are like my jokes like those are annie letterman jokes so you look like a fucking idiot and also get out of my house like i was just like you psycho to say it to my own face get out of my house you try to gaslight me about my own fucking jokes what did Bobby do when that happened I'm assuming nothing I think I got more worked up than him

because I was like well I have a direct line to who this person is because it was my a co-worker of my friends who went to the bringer

you know show so I was really embarrassed and when they said the thing about the homage and everything that was to you you had said something or they said

yeah I had said something I was like hey dude like he can't do that and Bobby was just like he's never gonna make it anyway so like who cares you know but i'm like bobby was more operating on a mindset of like you know like let him have his moment like he's but i'm like no i need to i need to just on your behalf because i was embarrassed well why is it that you could but why is it that you can do that and be upset that way but someone's allowed

to steal your property she's more protective over Bobby maybe I think it's because if I if now if there was information that I had dug up about that open micers family like he has five kids looked at a picture when when it humanized

when someone is human to me versus just a thought it really strikes me different it hits me different where i'm like fuck they're really just like everyone's just trying their best yeah but you know yeah you're right parents and you're right siblings, you know, I think. You know, whether it's a warm cup of coffee, baking in a warm sunlight, or listening to a sexy story, pleasure is all around us, okay? Well, not all of us. Yeah, no, that's true. Carlos is miserable. With Dipsy, your sanctuary is waiting. Escape into a world where pleasure is your only priority.

I'm a very auditory person, so I love Dipsy because I'm able to, how do I say this, fantasize about my high school crush or the boy next door. What are some other stories that you're like your your work co-hosts i mean your co-worker that's your job the mic stand at the comedy club the random job um but guys dipsy is an app full of hundreds of short sexy audio stories designed by women

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since I don't go to yoga class. I took you once. Oh, yeah. It was Zoom. She shot the computer quite fast yeah that's true but um Dipsy also has sleep stories wellness sessions and they also now offer written stories and we all really love Dipsy we've been texting about like the different stories we've been listening to honestly it's a good time also they have sleep stories and wellness stories as well by the way and now they also offer written stories well that's hard that's really hard for me to uh sell guys don't worry we still have all the audio options you take the reading for listeners of our

show dipsy is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com slash Tuesday. That's 30 days of full access for free when you go to D-I-P-S-E-A stories.com slash Tuesday. dipsystories.com slash Tuesday. It's free. Honestly, you might as well sign up and just see what the deal is. You're right. It's like Richard Kuklinski was was a great dad but did he tie cats together

and you know like torture animals and kill people in cold blood don't know who he is did he it is yeah richard kuklinski the god i think it's richard banana brain oh my god he got horny from the talk he's like I better stand up before my banana shows. I hate to. He loves pussy. See, finally I'm letting you be straight. I hate to speculate on your dick size yet again, but your body really indicates that you have a massive dong. Massive dong?

Wait, someone told me that back in the day when you were doing open mics. Yeah. You used to take like boner pills. Oh, yeah. With, yeah, at the comedy store. Yeah. Is that true? Yeah.

With like, yeah, it was just getting boned up. I feel like I remember you guys talking about that, but you really took them. Yeah, because some guys thought it was funny. They're called Hot Rod 5000. Like from the gas station. No, they're from a nice. Now, again. They're not from the gas station. You said some guys from a nice... Now, again, you said some guys.

You said some guys. Is that what's funny? I just didn't want to say their names. You've got a boner for guys. So you got together with guys and you guys took boner pills? Yeah, at the comic store. What did they do? You would get an erection for like 40 hours.

And then they'd blow you? Or like after... No, we wouldn't get blown at the comic store. Don't act like it's fucking not weird that you were getting boners with each other i thought it was funny at the time and now looking back it's weird did i guys did i tell you a story about how i had a friend on the show survivor and how she was she went really really far on the show and but i didn't watch her season so she was like klyla i want to go to the philippines with you so i was like this bitch has been on survivor like she's gonna be no problem to travel with

and um that was a mistake because i didn't watch her season when i came back from the philippines i watched her season and i said i should have known she was a villain of the fucking show yeah what was her name again i can't say it oh yeah obviously yeah i'm um internet friends with one of the most epic survivor villains she's a big fan of the show of this show yeah oh my gosh she's amazing she's really she was such a cunt it was so good because she just like she never let up she was like yeah but cunts are good on for television but cunts are not good for real life she was great she's funny though yeah no you're right it would be so fun to do if they did like i know they have done it but like a version for people like us like survivor glamping you know

like like a survivor type or big brother but it's like comedian not comedian but like our us the three of us and maybe carlson pete bobby and i have talked about this and i just think that bobby's busy bobby's playing video games he's not answering us he's all of a sudden gonna text us back when we're like hey do you want to go on a extreme camping that's exactly if it's if the cameras are on and you tell him it's for tv a thousand percent but it has to be like abc right it has to be like a good night yeah good money but we can't be getting him he didn't go on freeform did he did he ever go on your show he did yeah oh he was on the show yeah yeah that's so weird everyone even jenna i was watching this live on some lady on tiktok and she pointed out

a red flag in a man that I had never really considered before and let me read it to you I was like wait this has happened to me before she said red flag a guy who actually chokes you as hard as you want the first time you ask whoa okay I have a choke red flag that's very different from that. Explain. My choking red flag is I hooked up with this guy who was a little chokey, right? And he was really, like, the appeal of him is he was, okay, so he was at a party with my friends.

I thought he was, like, kind of an idiot, but he was 6'8". And, I mean, he was just so massive. But he was, like, kind of annoying. And then at the end of the night, we were leaving. And I said something where I was like, I just made some comment where I was like, yeah, I haven't had like a rough one in a while or something. And he clotheslined me onto the hood of a car.

And I was like, what does that mean? Like, he just like, he just like, you want to be clotheslined is not fun. Like I said, no, no, no, it was fun. Oh, you like being clotheslined is not fun like i said no no it was fun oh you like being clotheslined it was okay the moment okay okay here you go i'll be the car i'll be that way yeah do a fake version okay so like i'm the car and the guy he just like went like that pushed me under the car but he was in the front like he just went like i went i really like i was like i just haven't had like a rough sexual experience. And he just like smacked me down.

He smacked your chest? The minute it was, it was just what I want. It was just like what I had asked for. And I was like, oh, this is not, this was like an old time. This is not how I am now. But I was just in for, you know, color me molested, but I like it rough. That used to be my line. But you had just met that guy. I said that and that and he yeah he was a friend of my friend they were like trying to set me up

with but i just found him to be like he was very annoying and he was so tall i was like you couldn't like ignore how annoying he was because there was so much annoying and so i said my line that's what it was i said color me molested but i like it rough and he just i'm like without a beat just like and it wasn't didn't hurt me but he just like pushed he just like without a beat just like and it wasn't didn't hurt me but he just like pushed he just like pushed me a little bit and it was good

and then so I went home with him and we had like four days of like a crazy thing but he was like he would check in too much like it was too sweet

so like he would be kind of like and he'd go like hey like he'd be like I honestly thought he was gonna say I love you

like it was like so close like and I understand i was like probably allowing him to do things that weren't normal i was a weird it was a fluke what do you mean what can we all right i'm gonna just be yeah yeah this is all this is trash tuesday also even if it was the new you it would still be okay we don't give a fuck she i know my brother. I know, but it's just like, I'm in love. I fuck my brother. I like being punch trained. Yeah, you're right. You're right. All my nose smashed in.

That's how she got the gap. It's actually chipped. From cock. Got my heel up on my pussy. Let's go. Okay. Start riding. Put the banana in.

I'm joking. It's a joke. Here, I got it too. Go ahead. Okay. I'm joking. It's a joke. Here, I got it too.

Go ahead. Okay. So there was like, he would like spit in my mouth. And like, he just was so bit. And he had a huge dick. It was uncircumcised, which I'm. Respecting. I enjoy. Same, same.

It does give you bacterial vaginosis about 99% of the time. So wash the shmeg out of your fucking pee hoods okay if you can just fucking take a little q-tip you don't have to put in the hole just you know remove the turtleneck because I smell I was smelling up the joint for a while a couple weeks after that um but anyway so I love you um so but he was like falling in love and I was like you're not gonna if you spit my mouth i'm not gonna meet your parents do you know what i mean like really really why not it was a separate you have to understand i did not like this oh okay okay you just he was a thing but i used to have that where i was very disassociated with like i would disassociate um like sex from sex

from actual any sort of love or affection of my own like insecurities or whatever and the reason i had such rough sex i think is because it it got me out of my like fight or flight like i was it made me not feel raped to be fake raped kind of and um why is that like because you feel like you're choosing to do this so like it's mine now i think so and also it was almost like it was almost role playish what we were doing so it was like i wasn't like myself it's a fantasy yeah so i just wasn't feeling like i wasn't in myself being myself and which is like sad to think of but you know it's still a struggle i mean i got i got diddled but um um we're working on an hypnosis i also think this is very relatable yeah but anyway so he would like check in so much which is like you do want something to be nice you

don't want but it was like breaking too much character so i'd be like hey and i i just want to be like the only time i want you to say hey is when you've gone a little too far and I'm purple and you're pounding my chest. Like, come on, dude. Right. Because it would be too like, it was too either or. And then I brought him to a show. Rookie mistake is you guys didn't have a safe word. He came to a show.

We didn't have a safe word. You're right. And so, you know, and hey was not my safe word. It was like, what is going on here? So you're saying a guy who doesn't choke you enough is also a red flag. It was just like, what are we doing here? Like commit or not. But there have been times, I will say this.

I like a guy, my biggest turn on is when a guy knows his strength. So all of the physical things that he does is very measured in his head. I know that she can take this amount of blunt force, you know, to the face. I know that. And that's the perfect guy for me. And you know, it's usually guys who are trained in MMA. It's usually guys who know, who have done this over and over in practice, who know exactly what a punch feels like, how much force is behind it.

I've just never heard the term blunt force. mean blunt trauma not associated with a murder now she's like am i the only one watching the staircase like yes i've just never heard it sexually but i'm i'm open so that's what i like because i've had guys not know their own strength and i me ask it i mean we're getting into a little rough play and they go a little too hard or they don't know how to pull hair properly then i'm just like i don't i don't like that you didn't do it a light pull is so annoying when it's like is it your elbow on there like what are you doing also when you pull hair don't pull in the front of my head also don't pull from the tips pull from the scalp yes you're a fucking caveman i love that we all know how to pull hair yes i know it's making me horny um but also wait what was that we're all just pros at it i do want to

have a hair pulling contest at some point and see who does it i have pulled your hair and it got weird i was like turn the cameras off we're gonna have to wipe off the camera lens real quick um yeah i feel like we should just force her we should have forced sex between the three of us and see who and see if we can have a podcast right after we should all just commit to having sex i would do that obviously and we just have a clothesline esther listen you know we could do and then sell page put it on patreon for half a million, the discussion afterwards. Yeah. You guys, we forced ourselves to have sex. And then now we're going to talk about it.

Throw an episode up there. We raped ourselves with our co-host bodies. Self-induced rape. One person wasn't raped. I'm like, ew, lesbians. Gross. Okay, I guess I'll do it for the show. If it's for work, that's like a cow.

You can get as high as you want. I'll get as drunk as I want. It's acting. It's just Todd's got to give for the show it's for work that's like a cow you can get as high as you want i'll get as drunk as i want it's acting it's just todd's gotta give me the pass it's work it's like todd you want this lifestyle or not it's a tax write-off you want this lifestyle you want to go back and live in the car with me todd i gotta eat some pussies all right this is behind the wall okay you? You threatening Todd with the car. You want to live in the car with me? Yeah, we're not breaking up. You're coming with me.

You're going to live in the car with me. I just want to know if we would break somewhere in between at all. Because I can go in. I can dissociate from who I am, Kalilah, right? I'm going to be talking the whole time, bitch. You're going to know exactly who she is. I'm going to be laughing. I'm going to be telling jokes.

No way. No way. I cannot show up as myself. I'm going to be someone different, and I can get through the whole thing seamlessly are you talking about the whole thing esther's bush i can totally get through it i can i'm gonna bring fucking cheers literally esther i i promise you i can but if i come in as me and you guys start calling me by my name i can't do it i'm bringing this i i will do it but i'm i have the strap on I want the strap on too I'm the guy I'm the alpha

I don't want the strap on so this works for me and finally we've settled it wait Esther can blow me and you can do the other end oh my god you have to suck her fucking fake what is the purpose that to me I'm like nobody's getting anything here

but what if we secretly fall in love and there's a love triangle that's what people speculate i've seen some comments okay what about let's say for instance i'm now in love with did i write them maybe i mean listen i think you guys kind of love me look what i feel like everyone in this room just really wants no but in love like annie like what if i really catch feelings for you but then you catch feelings for esther but esther when you guys play hard to get and don't respond to my text i'm like they're so into me there's no response well they're that into me oh keep playing wait i'm that's amazing i'm gonna copy that i know you already do it there's nothing oh you're gonna copy when people were stormers.

Yeah. No, everyone. Weren't we talking about the last episode of a guy can't get hard? Was that you with you? I don't know. Or I was on something where someone's like when I got I'm like, I just go like, I'm just too hot. Oh, no, we did talk about that in the last episode.

You just can reframe everything to just be like, I mean, you don't have to operate in the world that way. You don't go to court with it. But yeah, it's for your own the inside court, the inner court. But we have our own egos. If I can't get a guy there, it is't have to operate in the world that way. You don't go to court with it, but yeah, it's for your own, the inside court, the inner court. But like, we have our own egos. If I can't get a guy there, it is a hit to my ego. So I don't want to be around it when they can't, when he can't like get it back up.

Or if he goes like flaccid, you're halfway in between. Because I always think I'm going to take it on as my shame. So I just have to leave. Like, hey, it's okay. I know. It's like, can we just end it? You figure it out. We'll get back together later.

This is why like a sexual history report is really valuable. It's like, can we just end it? You figure it out. We'll get back together later. This is why like a sexual history report is really valuable. It's like, how many women have you met? I would love for someone to find a sexual history report on me. I blacked out so many years. I would love the scribe to reveal themselves. I have no clue. For a guy, because it's like if they've been with tons and tons of people and this is not going to be that special for them, like forget it.

I'm not, I'm not wasting this. I have a question. I was talking to a handsome male comic last night. He's like, not well known, but he's like a good looking guy. These guys like really do. I'm starting to have like a lot of compassion for that type of guy because they really do just see the lens from their own, like the from their own lens and they do just assume girls are like them because i can't remember what i was talking about maybe i was talking about like um wanting to go see when i saw green day or something i wanted to meet billy joe and he's like oh wouldn't have todd have been jealous and i was like todd was with me what did you think i was gonna blow him like i they just assume if you admire someone you want to suck their dick i never and this is what i want to ask you guys because i know there are

girls that are like that they're chuckle fuckers they're um the roadies on the road like there's no shame in that like i love chuckle fuckers and stuff i just for me i always saw very clearly that if you like fuck someone that it could, that's up here and everyone's trying to fuck that it would devalue you. Yeah. I always wanted to like there to be like a mutual admiration, you know, like I never really like,

it's not like when I was doing nothing, but when I started comedy, like if I were to go into like Green Day's green room, I would be like, did you see my set? Like, are you going to come to my show? You know, I was on the same festival as them. Like I was trying to get back to be like we're like

i'll answer that but you view them as peers not i would want to be viewed as a period i would never i just never and maybe it's because of the stuff that happened my teacher but i never saw like a game you know when people are like i had this guy that worked at a really big network back in the day who like invited me to the so house to talk about a project and i naively yeah i was like oh but he started just touching my knee a bunch and i just started i went uh oh like this is the thing and he was married so i kept going like oh let me see pictures of your kids like i just kept being like acknowledging his marriage right without like swatting him because this was like he was gonna give me like almost like a sitcom really and he's like the thing i love about you is how promiscuous we

are and you are and it was so weird because my set was about at that time this was like 2012 i'm like you can actually cry this is making me so angry but you can see my set online like it was from like i did a showcase in 2012 that was like what my set was back then it was all about if you see any jokes i that was like what my set was back then it was all about if you see any jokes I'm doing now I fixed them and made them better um I haven't been on a special yet um I my jokes were about how I had just quit drinking and how sex was like disgusting to me and I used to like do it when I was drunk and how it was so weird I used to be like a slut because I just didn't relate to that at all. So it was just so weird that they just,

he didn't hear my set. Like he didn't see what my set was about. I was like, but I wasn't, I'm not like talking about being promiscuous. I'm talking about like having a drinking problem and how I'm not like that now. And so that was a good lesson too. I was like, I think some people just hear keywords,

you know, they're not really. And they also see you and they don't even hear it. They're like, I want to like. I was like, I always had like kind of like a bigger, don't know i always thought i had like an under but it wasn't and that's good to know when i'm like delivering my jokes it's like make sure they i can only i only have so much control over how things land but i you know it's good to be conscious of that so then what were you saying i i think that girls who you know chuckle fuckers say for instance or people who you know shoot for the moon and want

to sleep with what's his name's the guy uh chloe kardashian's dude tristan thompson say for instance right um there i i i think they understand that the dynamic is going to be that dynamic right and that it's it's probably there is something to be gained but there's also a lot you're never really gonna which is all to say which is what i feared when i met bobby all the reason why i when the first um we went on a date that afternoon and he said hey come to the comedy store tonight i was like no thank you because i knew that that was his place of power that there would be a big power dynamic between us that i would feel like he would feel like a king in his home and i was just well just as someone that saw you at the comedy store i was like who's bobby lee i was like what is this thing here i was like oh my god i think i met you

already like three four years into my relationship with him right so it was months before i ever stepped foot there and the first time that i did go into anything with him was at a benefit show for like the at the laugh factory and i was like in and out of there but it's because i fear that i i fear that big power dynamic how did you even know to i would have never like um it's just living in la long enough yeah you know it's like who am i you know the mutual admiration thing i'm like this is not gonna come overnight we got we got molested by people in power yes i just have always been conscious of that that it's like they take they don't give

you anything right i think i think you're right when the first time that happened to me i was 16 and i went on a date with a manager of i will say the bands like the dead kennedys and like and when he was 30 years old and he was the band school not him yeah he managed a lot of like big bands and there was a show at the house of blues that he invited me to he got me backstage i drank a lot of vodka i remember being on like watching the show at the House of Blues and he was an important person there, clearly. He knew everybody there. And I remember him grinding up behind me

and then I turned my hand, I don't know what it was, or like he took my hand and it rubbed up against a belly button ring. And I was like, this guy is a fucking creep. And not to say against a belly button ring and i was like this guy is a fucking creep and not to say that the belly button ring is what made him a creep but i knew that it was on he was trying to get my hands down his pants on the dance floor and so what i did was he had driven me there i'm 16 i don't have money i'm all the way in hollywood i don't have money

to and you don't know that like people might not want to just be your friend like you don't have money. I'm all the way in Hollywood. I don't have money to get tacky to Pasadena. And you don't know that like people might not want to just be your friend. Like you don't know that yet. You're like, oh, maybe they just thought I was cool. You're like too young to process that. You're too young. It was really – and so what I did, he did this. I froze and I'm like, oh, I think I got to go. He's like, well, I'm not going to drive you.

And so he was like, here's $50. Oh, okay. Here's $50. This is a great story. Yeah dollars this is a great story yeah this is a triumphant but it was super i i don't know if it was 50 fully 50 dollars but i remember having to get off the outside off the cab at exact when it hit 50 and then walk the next like two miles home why do you gotta bring esters people into it put your arm down uh because i only had 50 bucks and i remember feeling so shameful

and feeling like oh my god like who do i think i am like at some point i believe that this was fun or like it was an important you know and i think you're right you learn early yeah can i say my mom has a story exactly like that where she went somewhere with a guy when she was super young and realized right away it was scary had no and she had to walk home in the middle of the night like it's like the same story where these guys just like like dump you off because you're not giving them what they want is that why you walk every day your mom i've also never in my 13 years in this business i thought you're gonna say on this earth i was like finally she admits it she's 13 i've never i'm just realizing i've never had someone in this business

like be like you want something for an exchange for never mind i'm just you guys must be hotter than me it's settled you're just short like no one can delivering them but esther here's why annie and i have slut face we were like we like i honestly do think i do think when you're a baby slut and when you have this stuff happen there is like i don't know how to not be sexual like i really like i try like to just be like normal but it's a part of like it just became who i am a little bit you know yeah i sucked a lot of dick i know i didn't sleep with a lot of people but i was a baby slut in other ways i could not stop making out yeah I didn't fuck that many people until I

started getting blacked out. I'm like, you all raped me. I will say I feel like now that I'm in my 30s, I'm like really feeling more confident about maybe dressing sexier, like posting sexy pics. Because I'm like, to be honest, like i'm not in my 20s not everyone wants to fuck me like i'm just i'm like almost like owning that you know what i'm a little older and i'm gonna have fun like yeah i don't know if that makes sense but when you're 20 like like celebrating scary men want to rape you all the time i think and then when you're in 30s they like they don't care they're focused on the youngins so no it's just really much scarier men when i'm with you much much that is very sinister if at 37 a guy really wants like when you're in your 70s there's some very scary men very it's always scary

they're not just taking your fins they're breaking in though but um yeah it uh that guy I went to the um I went to the so house with him the executive and he like took me there was like a billiards room he took me in and he just like I wasn't looking and he wrapped his arm around my waist and he pulled me in and he went you look so your ass looks so hot in those pants and I was like what and I just went I literally went I pulled put an x up and I went no no no I went I'm good I'm good at comedy like I'm good like I believe in myself like I was like I'm talented you said that yes I was like I'm good I work so hard I work so hard I was worked so hard. I was like, I'm good. And he went, oh, I'm so embarrassed. And I was like, I was like, look, man, like, I just thought you were married. Like, I didn't think this was like a thing, you know?

And he was like, oh, I'm so embarrassed. I'm in this bad marriage. And we're like going down the elevator at this point. Yeah. Like, it's over, right? And I'm like, he had just told me he wanted to have like a Louis, a version of Louis that's with me, right? You know?

And it's like, I'm like, what a weird. Yeahis that's with me right you know and it's like i'm like uh what a weird it's preying on your dreams right and then so we like get down he's like hey like just hopefully like you know just to keep you know for my own like embarrassment if you can just keep this between us and he goes but i'll see you in montreal what happens in montreal stays in montreal and i was like i'm still gonna not i went I'm still good and then um I called him the next day I called his office the next day and I was like so when are we moving forward with the thing and I ended up doing like they ended up paying me for this web series but it just didn't work out for other reasons but they were gonna go through with it because I just was like I'm gonna follow up I had another uh show I used to work on

where the executive or where the main producer who I was like friends with you know I would go we'd all go hang out at his house and stuff I had been dating someone and then the minute that we broke up and I was like going as a single person he kept trying to make out with me and it was like shoot your shot once like that's fine like I I you know I'm funny I'm fun like I I'm it's flattering yes thank you for like being attracted to me and stuff but like I like this job and I don't and I don't like you like that and I've never thought of you like that you know so he leans in and I was like no no like I'm not and he was like and then he was like embarrassed then I'm there like trying to make him not feel embarrassed right like it's cool man just

like yeah it's just a no he tried again and I was like okay so then i text him and this was like a show i wasn't like working full-time on so i text the next day i go when am i coming back in the room like it's just like you're not taking like i i have grace for you you're attracted to me you're in a weird position where you only hang out with people you work with or whatever i'm giving you all the grace in the world that i can possibly give you that second time in you're not gonna fuck with me like that like you're not gonna take away my like opportunities and they never have like it never has happened to me like that so that's been good but it's like it just is like where you're like what the hell how impressive is that though that you stood up for yourself you then still like you said the next day you still pursued the opportunity you

weren't like knocked down like I have to move home you still pursued the opportunity you weren't like knocked down like i have to move home i'm scared you fucking persevered and like now you have the career that you're supposed to have you're authentically you and there's no like male trying to fuck except for carlos but i think that's so cool like the fact that you went through that is awesome no but i also feel like but i'm also angry but also. Like the fact that you went through that is awesome. No, but I also feel like. But I'm also angry. But also speaks to the fact that you're well trained. Like me, you've had countless of those experiences to where it's like by the time you get to where we're at now, like you can see it a mile away.

It's such a dance you have to do because if you call it out the way that you want to, like you are the, they're like, you're crazy. You're the, like like it's really wild and this is not me being like time's up we gotta take him down but it's just like it's just the truth it's just the truth of what happens and it's like you just get sexualized whether you're trying to or not or whatever you're doing it's like i'm on stage going i literally had a joke that was like i don't like sex like i i would literally go can't believe that. I'm like, have you had sex over? It's disgusting. Like, I mean, it was the whole set was about how I hated having sex.

And he's like, sex, sex, sex. Yes. All girls talk about is sex. It's about like the same when the. All you talk to me about is sex. All you've talked to me about ever has been sex. It's the same way your body responds to don't eat, don't eat, don't eat. And then all you do is eat.

Yes. Right. It's like it's that they're just wired. Oh, yeah. You know what I keep thinking about is when when dr drew told us that in the 70s like there was this like air of of teaching men like women want the sex pulled out of them like make them do it like what they need men to pull out our sexuality yeah they're just waiting what like and that's probably men who had that and also as the i would say maybe the most avid comment reader of the podcast it doesn't normally like oh wow they're talking about it's like we're trying to just talk like that when i was just talking about

the choking thing like i'm telling that as like an experience from like my life that's like related i'm not like doing this so you guys get boned if you get boned up like that's that's like related. I'm not like doing this. So you guys get boned. If you get boned up, like that's, that's your. But also. Responsibility. I'm not here like, hey, are you like. Yeah. You know, like I'm talking to. I love my boy slugs, but I'm talking to the girls.

Listen. We're talking to the girls. We're happier here. We love you. Yeah. But we are talking to the girl. We're very happier here. We think you're learning.

I think boy slugs are going to change the world. But honestly, like, we're talking to the girls. Let us talk to the girls the way we want to talk to the girls. This is not us being like, girls, like, fucking go choke on dicks even if you don't want to. Like, we're literally just, like, being ourselves. Also, if you think that we're coming on the show and we're always talking about sex I can assure you when the cameras are off we talk about sex even more

like that's literally all we talk about it's something that has been you know a source of horrible PTSD but also a big source of laughs and good times and bonding and it's something that I just can't shut

up about even in my real life I like talking about sex did I have one once upon a time have dreams of becoming like a sex scientist I did I really did I am fascinated that actually sounds like what your job should be a sex scientist I know the observer well don't you feel

like also because we started stand up around the same time there was this like i'm so curious if you feel this because for me it was ingrained in me do not talk about sex do not talk about anything girly do not dress feminine do not show your body and for the first five years even though all they're doing is trying to fuck you the entire time you're there don't fuck them but they're literally that that's all they want is to fuck you so it's like i that's why i almost feel like now i'm like oh i want to dress a little sexy i want to talk freely about sex because it was so like oh and also how my interests were trivialized like so what if i care about makeup and clothes and all

that stuff like it was just i could never dare speak of those things on stage because then the men wouldn't relate to me yeah but don't you think it's like i always think about it like is this like a nature situation where it's like me like women we're naturally born with more empathy because we have to take care of kids and stuff like yeah like that we are able to like sit through a man's like act about his things that have nothing to do with us because that's just like okay like you're our sons you're our fathers. Like, our threshold for having to sit and listen through men speaking is really high. Sometimes I, like, I have just glazed over look and I'm like, why am I still here? And I thought to myself, I am the fucking MVP.

Women are the fucking MVPs. You think we fucking talk a lot and you have to sit through it? Are you kidding me? The shit that we have to sit through. I'm like, uh uh-huh like i need to get the fuck i got shit to go masturbate at home but why do i do that why do i just sit there and i'm like but then if you're like hey i don't want like i can't tell you like i know i've talked about my one ex-boyfriend that i always see and he like won't go like i'm always like okay good and he just keeps it's like can i just i just want to set a boundary without having to fucking scream at you like can i just go like i'm always like okay good and he just keeps it's like can i just i just want to set

a boundary without having to fucking scream at you like can i just go like hey i'm good like it's all in love i just don't want to hear about what project you're working on my new goal for this podcast is i want to have that guy on who wrote that article um that women aren't funny i think who it carl sweet who is it i want to have him on here and i want to fucking talk to him and be like let's let's do this well i want to know if he's funny oh this motherfucker died at 62 in 2011 oh damn it never mind somebody dig him up esther you like graves i love an opportunity for an exhuming you know what's funny and that not that funny esophageal cancer he was talking too much shit about women his esophagus i actually do think that's real what i do think your body yes your body will take on whatever hatred is swarming your body

is going to become a hate cancer he died at the hospital my dad was trained at. Whoa, your dad is our hero. Your dad killed him. Thanks, Mr. Herrera. I probably bothered him. Dr. Herrera. Wait, I have a question for you guys. What are your thoughts on iOS allowing you to unsend messages? Oh, I love it. Oh, the guy at Louis Vuitton said that it's not good because it's not reality.

Unsend whatever you want. I don't care. So you're saying, Carlos, that this guy thought it was not good because it's not reality. Unsend whatever you want. I don't care. So you're saying, Carlos, that this guy thought it was not good because it's not reality and we should just allow for mistakes? Exactly. Like you shouldn't be able to correct a mistake.

Exactly. Because it's not real. It makes the texting less like a real conversation. It isn't real. But what are reasons that people unsend? Oh, wait. Oh, my God. Did you guys respond to oh my god did you guys

respond to me and then unsend it and that's what it was so what are to be double ignored it's like crazy like does this my phone work she gots a new phone let's let's um list the reasons why people would unsend okay i would love to start because we do it on i do it they have this feature on instagram dms and i've already used it so like sometimes this is so lame but like i'll there'll be like a brand that i'm like maybe they'll send me something for free and i'll i'll go to message them and then i'll see that i messaged them two years ago and they never responded so i'm like unsend that one and then redo this i think you know what i like about it? It's people

can still see that you sent something like I know like on Instagram like people know like you know a lot of times I don't like I look at something and you don't know that I've looked at it but I've looked at it. Absolutely. If that disappears like you're a fool to me and like I feel like one of the more embarrassing things

than sending something that you wish you hadn't sent is getting caught deleting. That's a great point. So I don't do it. So Facebook, Messenger, and WhatsApp, when you unsend a message, it tells you that the person has unsent a message. And to me, that makes me – I don't know. It's never a good feeling where I'm like – and sometimes I ask the person, hey, what did you unsend? Oh, like it was just an error in like how I framed the – I the I'm like well why did you feel the need to unsend it like give me the

typo give me all of that you almost make yourself more guilty like if you accidentally send something why why do you have to unsend it why can't you just say oops I sent that by exactly I just unsend them I don't care it's like something happened on my phone once where one of my ex-boyfriends that i had a really toxic relationship with he had texted me such crazy he used to get mad at me when i would like i would go like to yoga or something he'd still be asleep he would be like i would have done the laundry and he'd be like why the fuck would some stupid bitch watch all wash all my shorts like you fucking bitch you watch like he would just be in like a weird he was crazy he would be like screaming at me on these texts like these long texts right sounds like what i say to my mom

you bitch you washed it my dirty but it would be like also like his then he'd be like oh found them my bad ignore that text or whatever and there were so many of them like i wish your boyfriend stabbed you in the head like he was just like there were like abusive of them like, I wish your boyfriend stabbed you in the head. Like he was just like, there were like abusive, crazy things. He was a writer. He was very talented. Insults were very creative. If I could pull myself apart, I was like, this is pretty good. Great listener.

But I went back to look at the text like after we had broken up. And somehow my phone deleted them. I don't know how that happened. It deleted them. And I was happy. I don't want to have that in my phone anymore. I don't know how that happened it deleted them and i was happy i don't want to have that in my phone anymore i don't want to see that it's okay he's damaged it's not like i don't even take it personally anymore it's like good luck uh i really can't help goodbye i can't think of a an example where i would use that feature text. Can you? Yeah. What?

Probably just to people that I like love. Because sometimes if I feel extra emotional, it's basically sometimes I read a text that I send and I felt very strongly about it in that moment. But I now look at it. I'm like, well, that was rude and inappropriate. And like Annie said, I don't want them to have to open their messenger and see that that's still there even though we've made it you had like an impulsive like yeah let's say like you know let's say it's my mom because I lash out at my mom a lot because there's a lot of issues she last true she

yeah she so basically it's like there's I love you mom good night darling i love you i love you but above those text messages is a very angry thing that i had just sent her two days prior and it's like when she opens to text me that's still there yeah and i don't want we've already worked through that so it's like i don't want to have that there anymore does that make sense it's just going to remind her of of a i thought you were gonna say like i thought you're gonna say something else i thought you were gonna say like you were feeling over emotional and then you got kind of embarrassed at how like nice you were being because i used to when i would do like in high school i was really i'm very lucky but i

would just like find pills and snort them like i just was like what yeah i just was like i don't know i was a, yeah, I just was like, I don't know, I was a little druggy. I was just trying things out. And that backfired for me once. But I took something that made me so emotional and like sappy that I wrote my parents like poems and I put them in envelopes. I like sealed them with a kiss.

I was like 15, you know? And this was when I was like really like, you know, at odds with my parents. And I slid them like under the door and I remember the morning being like oh I gotta get that back we will see you guys next week for a brand new episode and we're manifesting you to subscribe okay show us if it works or not. Bye, guys.