Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Ian Fidance & Jordan Jensen are not Newlyweds but they Could Be

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

LEARN MORE ABOUT EBB OCEAN CLUB: https://ebboceanclub.com/ Thank you to Our Sponsor(s): BETTERHELP - This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ TRASHTUESDAY   More Jordan Jensen: Instagram -   / jordanjensenlolstop   TikTok -   / jordanjensenlolstop   https://www.jordanjensencomedy.com/ Podcast -    / @beinianpod     More Ian Fidance: Website - https://www.ianfidance.com/  Instagram -   / ianimal69    Twitter -   / ianimal69   Bein’ Ian with Jordan Podcast -    / @beinianpod      00:30 Welcome Ian and Jordan!01:30 What Hobby Can You Get Into as an Adult?05:20 Jordan is Still Dating the Bad12:10 Jordan is in a Mental State of Ok 16:00 Will Ian Date a Woman Like Jordan?18:40 Loser Back Home22:45 Looking at Ex’s Instagram33:49 We’re All Still Anxiously Attached! 39:00 Newlywed Game: Ian Guess Jordan | K Guess E52:47 Now we’re Swapping 58:41 Ian’s Message to Meg the Stallion 01:00:00 Wrapping Up   **SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE TRASH TUESDAY: https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons  Official Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8X   Trash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPod Trash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram:   / itstrashtuesday     Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly -https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Rick and Esther Have a Time - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...  Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn -   / khalamityk   Esther Povitsky -   / esthermonster   Theme Song Written by: Bobby Lee   / bobbyleelive   Banana Break Song by: Can Nguyen  🍬  https://www.candyedits.com   Podcast Producer(s): Stella Young/Tiny Legends Productions  Shot and Edited By: Guy Robinson and Sean Wanless Edited By: Andrew Tarr (Audio) & Guy Robinson (Video)  

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this show is sponsored by better help take a, visit betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday. because there was a bunch of puppies and they were like this one's the runt and she's a little and I was like yeah give me the and and I put her in my coat and I had no doubt I was like I'm just gonna take this home and we're gonna figure this out I have no carrying case I have nothing and we just are gonna do it and we did it and now she comes on the road everywhere and she's the best well this is so this was me like I love my dog so much and I'm like what will a child be like and I'm I do think that your instinct is right on that you would be a good mom based on how you're thinking. She would be a great mom. Yeah.

She would be a really great mom. We should do a proper introduction. I don't think so. All right, cut it out. No, from the famed comedy podcast Being Ian with Jordan, we have Ian Finance and Jordan Jensen. Hi. Returning. And we've had them separate.

We've never had them together. Wait, this is a good question because I mean like I'm almost 40. Like what are some good hobbies to get into? You look 10 years younger than me. Thank you. Not younger than Esther. she looks like she's 10 you look you're what are some things that anyone can get into after the age of 35 bull skateboarding boom no bike riding punk rock shows hardcore music can get into like for the

first time ever like actually yeah that's like the perfect answer right because when i was in my 20s i still haven't gotten into sewing machines just so you know you have time do you know how to sew i don't i know how to sew on patches like you do because i have a hole in my jean jacket yeah i can sew that but i feel like that's a more valuable um to be able to do a running stitch or a cross stitch without the machine, I feel like is like the old school analog better way to do things. Oh, but that's just me sewing patches onto hoodie sits. I think it's so much hotter. Like you put a grandma at a sewing machine and she knows what she's doing and she's doing this.

That's way hotter than like a little patch. That's nothing. This thing where, yeah, they drop it down. They go like that. They have something in their mouth. They're licking things. You don't like that? I feel like that's so. This thing where, yeah, they drop it down, they go like that. They have something in their mouth. Yes, they're licking things. You don't like that? I feel like that's so like-

No, we're saying it's so cool. Oh, yeah. Like when an old woman knows her way around a machine. That is a one thing. That is a one skill I feel like I'm totally missing. Yeah, me too. And if I had it, same with car mechanics, I would be complete.

Because car mechanics, it's crazy that I know how to build a house, but something happens to my car. I don't have a car, but something happens to my motorcycle or something, and I'm like, I have to go to some nerd. And he's like, you can build things? Yeah, for many years

I built houses. This is a friendship that I need to water. I do not do it for people. I do not. She hung a TV in the basement and it's very warm. When did you get into it? How did you get into it? I just, my mom and dad were both contractors.

Oh, okay. So I just worked for both of them for years. And then I started my own business in Brooklyn while I was doing comedy to make money. My partner now, he's an HVAC guy. And he's just been in construction since he was like 17 years old. Nice, smart.

I have a lot to say about HVAC. As soon as he said that, I was like, oh, I need you in my life. Literally, I'm like, can you come over this weekend? He can fix anything. Like anytime there's, and my sister's like, oh, I think my condenser, the whole family is set. Like we will never have another AC problem for the rest of my life.

Now I need to water this friendship. I'm freaking out. Also, we should swap. Like, I'll take your man, you take mine. I could use some water over here. I wish I had a rope to a bucket over your head that just dumped water on you. Ian, okay, she's a carpenter. I've got an HVAC plug.

What are you bringing? I'm getting a handyman. It's really competitive. Yeah? Really? Yeah. You and him? Well, yeah.

Wait, tell me about this. Do you guys, like, compete and say who can do this better? Like, the other day we were hanging up. We were making these shelves in my house. And it was like we had to use a hammer drill to get through the concrete and I know and I was like I was like

I can get through it by myself you know what I mean I don't need you to get through it and then I was pushing on it and then finally I was like just push on my body so then he was pushing on my body so that I was doing it like in Ghost? yeah like in Ghost exactly so it's definitely he was pushing on my body so that I was doing it. Like in Ghost? Yeah, like in Ghost, exactly. With construction.

Yeah, so it's definitely, or I think he might be better at it than me, which is great. He had handyman stuff, but building a house, I think I can do it. But yeah, it's very like, I don't want to be the screw gun guy. I want to be the drill guy. You know, it's like that. Wait, so does this mean that you're not anymore dating that bad? Always dating.

Oh, it's the same one. Oh, yeah. The ride doesn't end. This is the ride. It's a merry go round. Fill me in. Fill me in. I need to be filled in.

OK. Doesn't end. And it makes people upset that her friends. But you support. I've been there. I briefly talked to you in New York about this and we talked about like couples therapy and all of this stuff right

they don't need that they just drew holes in the wall wait fill me in because I know nothing about this bad boy can I say what I know and then you tell me if I'm right or wrong or fix it I remember that Jordan has seen a guy who kind of breadcrumbs breaks up with her and then

you married yours who did this yeah this is how i use i use you as a point of reference i okay what i i was anxious attached and i yes so that is true i'm anxious attached and my attachment it's like get over it figure it out, move forward. You recognize the pattern. We did. She has a baby. Yeah, she's. No.

In a good way. So tell me what is the, what is the current status? But it's basically she's anxious attached. She's avoidant. He breaks up with her and then she comes running back. Okay. Can I just say, what is the good in having all this knowledge if the pattern is just repeated nonstop? When we're ready.

You can say it until you're- You can break the pattern. So you can what? Break the pattern. And you're- Breaking the pattern. You're with a new guy? No, we are breaking the pattern.

You're breaking the pattern. Okay, okay. Because eventually the avoidant moves this way. The anxiously attached moves a little bit this way, and then there's a mutual understanding of each other's habits. No, you're right. People that are trauma bonded always change for the better. Anyway, go ahead.

You are so coming off like her mom who's just sick of this guy. I am. I support you. I love you. I said hi. I'm happy for you. It's been like a while now, and things have been all right. I know. Crying the other I said hi. I'm happy for you. It's been like a while now and things have been all right. I know.

Crying the other day. Well, I'm always crying. Wait, tell us. Tell us. And by the way, I know he's upset. I have no judgment. I'm not upset. There's no judgment.

It's exactly. It's exactly. It was just moving. It's on and off, on and off, on and off. And then every time it's off, the feeling is like this sucks so bad and it just feels like white knuckling it. And then finally, this time we got back together and we're like all right let's do the let's do the like all the gay let's do the like trying to be like i love you everything's good support each other me trying to give spit you know all of the stuff that's like the the gay saying your needs

and all of that the work that goes into a healthy relationship. Right. And me and him are both like, fuck, I don't know, that's stupid. And now we're both doing it, and yeah, it's a lot better. But it's still hard. I mean, I'm dating an avoidant person, which means inherently when I'm like, do you want to do this thing? He's like,

Right. And he's dating an insecure person, which means every two seconds I'm like, is everything good? Is everything fine? Is everything? But it is a lot better this time around. Wow. And that's great. Yeah. And I, all I want is for you to be happy. That's all. I've been in your position. I was saying

this on stage. I like dating somebody who slightly hates me. I'm very into that. And I realized that honestly, same, you're right. We are similar. Dude, it's so. Coyote, you don't have to push the table over to get attention. She's upset too. I don't. I like the idea when somebody's like, let's. I get weird. Like I close down. But if I'm like chasing them around and being like, come here.

And they're like, get away from me. I don't even like you. I'm like, yeah, I'm dropping buckets. I'm doing everywhere. If they're busy or something, it's like the best. What is that? It's dad. Do we know? Yeah. Is it dad? I was going to ask you that next. It's insanity. I remember one time my dad, I went up behind him and I was brushing his hair. He was a hippie and had long hair. And I was behind him and I was trying to brush it. Like

I did one of my dolls and he was like, get off me, Jordan. And I was like, and I was behind him, and I was trying to brush it like I did one of my dolls, and he was like, get off of me, Jordan. And I was like, and I kept brushing, and he was like, don't. And then finally he grabbed my body from behind him and flipped me over onto his lap and then was like, get off of me. And I remember being a little kid and being like, whatever that was, was good. Was love. Was love. Love. What?

And hot. Yeah. I mean, I know you can't say that. You can't say hot for dad these days. I can't because my dad's dead. And if you met my dad, you would him on. Oh mean, I know you can't say that. You can't say hot for dad these days. I can't because my dad's dead. And if you met my dad, you would f*** him on If he walked in, you would be like, he was a horse,

a thoroughbred horse breaker carpenter. Oh, yes. No compliment makes me. I would have watered that friendship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No compliment makes me feel better when Jordan's like, God, you remind me of my dad. And I'm like, cool. Yeah, yeah yeah my dad was awesome yeah but yeah totally and he was very and both my parents were like get away from me

get away from me what was so what morsels of love like outside of the get away from me like what are representations of love for you outside of get away from me the the all of the acts of service um oh so like building you doing it or them doing it them doing it but not necessarily giving you the verbal confirmation acts of service like him doing things for you right yeah like when i'm fucked like which i'm am a lot i'm always in a pickle i always have the dog bleeding out of her eyes i'm bleeding out of my ass like i like there's so many things and if he comes in is is like, I'll do this and this and this, when he dads stuff, when he's like, I got this,

then I'm like, ugh. Thank you. Because I feel like that is actually kind of like a common theme, right? Is like, there are... Women are crazy? Okay. Women do be tricky?

Not necessarily that, because there are avoidant types who really show up in that way, but who just can't give you like the verbal confirmation, the emotional confirmation the emotional confirmation but they will do these like they will come to your rescue do all the things that you need from them in a physical way the verbal confirmation freaks me out so i mean even if

ian's like you look pretty today i'm like thank you like i freak yeah i turn into a goblin yeah or like last night at the meet and greet people like that's a great i'm like you're great i'm a fan of you you. I can't receive it. Wait, what about you? What's your attachment style since you hate them so much? People sucking his dick. I'm attracted to

anyone who will put their mouth on my penis. I'm penisly attached. Because doesn't it matter when friendships do so you're anxious and where are you in this friendship in the friendship

yeah because it matters like I think it also applies oh in the friendship I'm avoidant he's he's not anxious but it's Pepe Le Pew

it's me being like get off and him being like I love you I will say I also need to acknowledge that a huge a huge role in my mental state of okay is that I do have people like Ian who are holding me down and being like,

you are lovable, I love you, which does help me live. When Jordan and her guy broke up And she didn't have that Like constant Like I hate you leave me Come back And she was just available to be like Whatever you were a nightmare Dude

Mean So mean When you were not with the guy you were mean When I didn't have an outlet yeah then I turned on Ian yeah

we're married without the sex and I'm cucked with him and then I just I'm like he loves you

I feel like you're uncuckable he really loves you yeah no I don't care like your personality is so uncuckable yeah no I feel like you'd be like okay that works for me wait that should be the name of your special that's really good uncuckable he really loves you yeah no like your personality is so uncuckable yeah i feel like

you'd be like okay that works for me wait that should be the name of your special that's really uncuckable i love it wait but where's my camera what made you this waterer type like why are you able to constantly give her love and compliments when she's not giving it back to you? Because I love her. Like, how did you get this way? Because I know you're also your primary caretaker for your mummy, right? Mm-hmm. Aw.

I don't know. I have a distinctive memory of when my dad died when I was eight, memory of when my my dad died when I was eight and whenever I would cry every adult in my life cried and that made me feel terrible like it was my fault so I realized at a young age that when I'm happy people around me are happy so I like making people happy because it feels good. And so I enjoy when other people feel good and that makes me feel good. So as long as the people in my life are taken care of and they're feeling good, then I have a sense of purpose in that I feel that I have helped service someone else through feeling good and so I just like when the people in my life are feeling appreciated and loved and that makes me feel good yeah I feel

like I can you're like trying to leave right now you're so uncomfortable that's where that's where that's where you're like like like your sense of purpose that I mean that is true is like I think that you, like lately you've been trying to do a thing where if somebody fucks with you, you're like, don't fuck with me. Don't do this. You're not doing this.

Because I think you're also trying to alter this idea that you have to be nice to everybody or else you'll be abandoned. Wait, I'm in training for this exact thing. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you know this. Like I'm like the eternal people pleaser. Wait, is what I said about me wrong? No, no. It's moving. No, no, no. It's right. It's just,

I also am like leaving. I also am like, I know I, because it got sentimental and then I get weird. Um, but I also think that there is a, there is like Ian, the role that you play for people is like, you're the eternal love guy you love them right and that's the love my dad showed me and so I just feel like I'm not gonna have kids so I can be a father to the people in my life by like being paternal and taking care of them and I enjoy that and that dude took care of me and he loved me a lot and showed me so much love and then he left so I feel like I'm here to show other people love, and I enjoy doing that.

So it's like almost as though you're honoring your dad by sharing love, giving the love that he gave you to others. That's amazing. Yeah. Would you want to date someone like Jordan? Is Jordan, like, romantically? I'm just wondering if, like, if that means... I didn't know the comics

were behind the camera. He is into men. No, I'm not. Physically. Not even anymore. I was sucking a cock the other night and I'm like, is this even, what are we doing? Ryan. Who is this for?

I just remember you saying that you have a lot of female friends and sometimes you have this like fantasy that you would be with them in the initial meeting and hanging out phase because I'm very quick to jump into things it's always like what if we and then eventually I'm like oh no it's okay

I take care I feel like I'm the same way with my guy friends who are more resistant to you know I just don't want to live a life where nobody is on the fence about my feelings towards them so if I were to go like right now I would want everyone to know that I love them and I tried my hardest to make them feel joy. And so I don't think I have the capacity right now to do that in a love relationship. So I'm not looking, but I do. I mean, I, I love taking care of you and making you happy and having you feel good, even though you hate that sometimes. But like, look at this lizard. But I don't know.

I mean, I don't know. Yeah, totally he's going to end up with like a dykey friend. Right. Wait, really? 100%. Yeah. He can't keep dating these. He dates big, big,

he dates hot bimbos. And then they talk like, you know, and they're like, I love you. But then it runneth dryeth. And then he gets sick of it. And then he starts icing them out. Not icing them out, but slowly just being like. Interesting.

So you cannot receive it back. No. So you're really good at giving, but you cannot bring it in. Wait, are you the same? What? Because you give it with this guy, are you the same? What? Because you give it with this guy, but, or no. Never mind.

I wish that I could hit a button and fast forward to when I'm in like my 60s or 70s and I'm old and my, the gal I end up with, she's old too

and we're just like, eh. You guys ever heard the term LBH or losers back home? What? I just learned about this. What is it? It's very pertinent to the country that I'm from the Philippines, but it happens a lot apparently in Japan and Asian countries where it,

when American men kind of cannot find a partner here or can't seem to find like a chick that will take them, they go to other countries and in other countries, we, the term for them is LBH and they get all the women because there is sort of this like idea of like, Oh, the Western man.

So even if he's like absolutely disgusting. Oh, so you're explaining 90 day fiance right but i feel as though usually lbhs are like oh that guy but now there's a thing it's like no there's a pride apparently in in dating an lbh a loser back home yeah wait use it in a sentence there's a a pride. Like my mom. I thought you were talking about like when you leave your town and they're like, where are you from? That's what I thought. And you're like, I don't know, all these losers back home.

That's totally what I thought. Working Home Depot. So think about like the 90 Day Fiance. Like just the guy, the fucking incel in America who just couldn't, you know, land a chick in a country full of bajillions of people. So it's so OK. So it's it's they were losers back home. Losers back home. But they're no longer losers in the new country.

And the whores in the new country call them the losers back home. They're taking our men. They're taking our jobs. It pisses me off. They gotta get out of here. They're taking our men. They're taking our jobs. It pisses me off.

Hot girls that are just fucking, just suckling off the teat of our van-wearing, no-sock losers. Come on. Save those boys for us. Sorry, she's eating the pillow. Esther, when you go back to Skokie, who are you? I'm a loser back at home.

Like, truly, I get there. It's, my parents treat me like shit shit I'm not allowed to use the car I like it's crazy my dad drops me off at my Pilates class and picks me up like they don't do you think they like that because that infantilizes you a bit?

no I don't think they like it they just don't they infantilize me in the way that they don't think I can drive safely. I'm like, I've been living in LA for 15 years. I drive there. To be fair, you did drive down a flight of stairs. Okay, that needs to stop. What? Very Italian job.

What? She's a stuntman. You drove down a flight of stairs? No wonder you're getting dropped off at Pilates. Jesus Christ. I'm calling you swiss cheese you're leaving out of the whole story the first week she got her corolla too yeah that's true it's a brand new corolla um i had just done an episode of bad bad friends and and their way that their old studio the parking lot parking lot, I thought that was an exit.

I didn't know it was a foot of exit for people on foot. And I drove down it. And I was like, whoa. You bottomed out bad. It was bad. You fucked up the car. Did someone have to come and take the car? Yeah.

Well, you know what's so embarrassing is when you do something like that, but you're like two feet from the podcast you were just on. So everyone in there has to come out and be like, what happened? You have to make up a lie and be like, I had an aneurysm. Did you try to reverse? Yes, of course. Oh my God. Oh my God.

I tried everything. She adjusted the phone book on the seat and she's like, I know. I just wanted to get out of there as soon as I could and I could not. I was like, I can't. The only option is to leave my car. I'm picturing you driving a car like the little alien inside the guy's brain in Men in Black. I know. I think I'm picturing

the same thing. I'm definitely not picturing a normal her in a car. I'm picturing her in the console. Stephanie, she is probably the only person to make a Corolla look like an SUV. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. So I know when I see SUVs, I'm like, what are you guys doing?

You don't need all that. Wait, I actually have a different question. And I'm very curious your guys' thoughts on this. So I saw this TikTok of this girl being like. Let me stop you there. Anytime someone goes, I a tiktok i completely discount anything they're no no no it's not fact it's an opinion so it's not like that and i agree with this opinion and i want to share it so she said if you see if you're out there and you see

my face in your instagram stories, in your Instagram story views, that's your issue. So she's, so. What? No, no, no, listen. Dude, I hate everyone on TikTok. No, stop. And these stupid girly videos. Listen to me.

Oh my God. They're not all girly videos. If he takes ketchup off a table and puts it somewhere, he's bad news, girl. Okay, that is true. What are all these things that these mentally ill people pick up on and then make it as if it's a blanket statement?

I know you just made that up, but I agree with what you said. Shut up. So, do you look at someone's Insta stories with a Finsta? Or just like, do you have people that use stalk and you have to look at it through a Finsta? It's not a Finsta. Who, no. What do you mean stalk?

No. That's what I hate too. The normalization of the word stalk. I stalked you. You're weird. Somebody said that last night to me. I've been stalking for a while and I was like, well, that's what it is to follow a comedian. So thank you.

Yeah, but that's scary. Wait, so what is the thing is. This girl is basically saying like, you know what? I'm not going to protect my own identity when I look at your stories. You're just going to have to deal with the weirdness that I'm your ex from seven years ago. And I'm looking at your stories every day. If you're crazy enough to look at who views your stories, that's your issue, not mine. This is a really good point because this is why Bobby used to follow all of my exes.

What? This is the ultimate power move. Yes. That's alpha. I love that. He would go, when we first started dating in the first two months, I swear to you,

he found all like six of my exes from the time I was like 17 to dating him. And he started following them. Why? And then they would text me like, hey, why is so- so following me and i was like i couldn't explain it but also i loved it that's why i loved it because it's like i don't hot it there's something so weird it's dominating it's listen if we started dating and you just

started you started clicking follow to everybody i've ever fucked. Think about what a time-consuming thing that would have to be. I walked. Clifford. Wait, okay, so there's two. To answer your question, it depends who. Because there are people who could take that information as, oh, she's still into me

or she still cares about my life. And those are people I don't want to fucking give that to. No, I look because I think it's alpha. I look at their story to be like, what's still into me or she still cares about my life. And those are people I don't want to fucking give that to. No, I look because I think it's Alpha. I look at their story to be like, what's up? No. I'm looking. But half of the time- I like that.

Yeah, that's what I do. Alpha is seeing that guy in public and smacking your chick's ass in front of him and then giving him the finger when you guys walk away. That's not- Following someone on Instagram is weird. It's your past. Yeah, but. Who cares?

It is funny though. Why? If your girlfriend, if you look like Bobby and your girlfriend looks like that, we got to do some moves. We got to make creative. Can I tell you,

I had an ex-boyfriend who was a soccer player from Spain and he played professionally and he had to tell me in Spanish and I couldn't explain to him why this short korean man was now like following him he's like he just couldn't understand it and it was so funny and hot to me is that a thing to be like this is mine now yeah or like i'm i'm watching you am i crazy you're not you're not understanding this i don't

either no one understands it this show is sponsored by better help esther you and i are mentally ill after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers if we've learned anything it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time, all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's the catch? But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online. They don't have retail stores or salespeople. Instead, they deliver premium phone plans directly to you. As you guys know, our friend Rick Glassman, he uses Mint Mobile. I learned about Mint Mobile through George Kimmel.

George is a busy guy. He takes the most business calls. And the fact that not a single call is ever dropped. And you can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all of your existing contacts. Say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with plans starting at $15 a month. And all plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. That is such a steal.

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Oh, wow. You just came right out and said it. I thought maybe we'd warm up to it, but. Well, it's obvious. Especially this this episode we can't hide it anymore I will say this if I didn't do therapy once a week I don't know how I would arrive to work it's something that is very important to me in my mental health just having a place to get things out somewhere where it's not someone in my life. It's just an unbiased, trained professional. If you're thinking about therapy, give BetterHelp a try. I know for me, I stumbled onto BetterHelp because there was a time in my life where I

literally couldn't get out of bed, but I needed to speak with someone. And I love that BetterHelp is convenient in that way, where you can talk on a phone with a therapist or you can do video calls. And like you said, appointments are very easy to make. And they make it not awkward and easy to switch therapists if it's not a match initially. You guys, take a moment. Visit betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash Trash Tuesday. So tomorrow, something really huge is happening. I can't believe it, honestly.

Me either. Did I do this? I don't know. Tell us. You guys, Ebb Ocean Club launches tomorrow. And I can't believe the day has come. I've been working on this for close to two years. It is endemic to who I am. And if you don't know what Ebb Ocean Club is, it's hair care. I can finally say that. I was a swimmer my whole life. I also lived a life very

adjacent to the ocean. My dad was a diver. My grandpa was a fisherman. So I've lived a life always in and out of the ocean or in and out of the pool. I'd spend five, six hours a day just diving, diving, diving, trying to escape Reddit, trying to escape the internet. And during that time, after getting out of these dives, I would have this like giant like knot on my head, nothing on shelves um I found were performing or performing in the way that I needed to in the detangling department but most importantly I couldn't find any products that were reef safe that's the genesis of ebb it's born out of heartbreak and a love for the ocean well can I just say someone who, like, I can't swim and I am really scared of the ocean, but I love that, like, I can sort of have a part of it by having this, like, I use, I've been using them for the last four weeks, the shampoo and the conditioner and the detangler.

And honestly, my hair looks so good. There are no petrochemicals. There are no silicones. We've, you know, we've perfected the formula to make sure that it is performance hair care, that it can detangle. It can do all the things without the nasties, without the dirty stuff. Yeah. But also, like, truly what I wanted to say is I, in real life, like, I can't really participate

in your ocean world. But I love, like, I feel like I'm part of it just by having the products. Like, I get to fantasize that I'm like this ocean queen. Whether or not you're somebody who swims, whether or not you just like lounging in the sun, whether you're someone like Esther who just drives past a beach and just to, you know, glance occasionally to her left. Also, like, the name means a lot to me. I don't know if you guys, you know what an ebb tide is? No. So an ebb tide is a receding tide. It's the ocean coming back to itself. And when I was going through that god-awful heartbreak and public breakup,

I desperately was trying to find a way back to myself because I felt like I had lost so much of me in the process. And so the ebb tide is something that I really related to, which is just the ocean returning to itself. So thank you. Yes. And I think the world needs more Kalilah. And I hope this is just the first of like many things that you do.

I'm so happy that we get more Kalilah and that I have a piece of you in my shower. Anyways, I'm going to stop talking. You guys and anybody who's already followed. Thank you so much for your support. It really means so much to me. And, um, yeah, go to ed at ebboceanclub and ebboceanclub.com. Also, can I just say real quick, how is it that we have every fucking piece of technology, but we can't view who's watch our stories and search to see if it's your ex-girlfriend that's dating a guy that looks like you now? What? He doesn't look like you.

Wait, your ex-girlfriend is dating a guy that looks like you? He looks like a trans man. That's, yeah, he looks like me if it was like a trans man. He looks like a man who turned into a woman and then back into a man. Yeah. I agree. I can't see who. I wish I could see who's looking at my stories specifically.

But then I've gone to scroll down and be like, is someone? Oh, I don't care. I don't care. What do you think goes right to the top? The person that you want to know if they're looking. Huh? It goes right to the top. Who goes right to the top?

No, it doesn't. Yeah, it does. It does? The person, if I look at my story right now, the people that I want to know if they're seeing it doesn't yeah it does it does the person if i look at my story right now the people that i want to know if they're seeing it will be right there why is that then it's like then you're playing data you're playing the same game yeah this is why i use an anonymous tracker you guys no hold on no go back to the follow thing okay this is why wait wait look hold on you three are like well-documentedly mentally ill people.

That's correct. That is correct. And so am I. So this is fucking insane that we're even talking the merits of this system. Let me give you my example. Help me understand this. Okay, like let's say I have a friend that I have. Oh, I got a leg cramp.

I sat on my ball. Sorry. Why are you guys falling apart? I talked about you sitting on your balls on stage last night. Really? Yeah. I've incorporated it into the ball joke. Really?

Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. Okay, let's say that me and Jordan had, we're besties, and then we have a falling out. Let's say. Let's say. Okay, and it gets hot and heavy. Esther wanted something built. Jordan did not come through with the building.

And now I'm like, fuck Jordan. We're done. Maybe I even- That bitch didn't finish the credenza. Okay, okay. And it gets hot and heavy. Esther wanted something built. Jordan did not come through with the building. And now I'm like, fuck Jordan. We're done. That bitch didn't finish the credenza. Maybe I even unfollow her. Maybe I don't. I don't know. But I'm like, what is she up to?

I want to know. Is she building something for someone else? What is she doing? So then I'm like, but I don't want her to know that I care. So then I go on my Finsta, my fake Instagram account, and I check her story. Or do I say, you know what? I don't care if she sees that I'm looking. And do I look from my page and run the risk

that she's going to see that I'm watching what she's doing? Or you go plant a fucking tree and not give a shit about this. I always say, when Ian would ask me to look at his ex's account for him. Okay, so he does play this exact game.

So you two play this game. I, for a small period of time, cunt. Then, then. I would always think like. And you would do the same to me. Because I was blocked, Ian.

Because I was blocked. When you do it and he goes, hey, you're doing the thing, do you go, yeah, you're right? Yeah, can you in the moment? Can you be talked out of it and recognize it? What is it called? Saber, saber rattling. He says, all right, you're just going to saber rattle us breaking up now. What does that mean? Just use it.

I think it means like you're going to fake a saber. I don't know what that means, but that's what he calls it. And it is mean? Just use it. I think it means like you're going to fake a saber rat. I don't know what that means, but that's what he calls it. And it is, I've done it forever. And the thing is, is if I say it enough, he'll be like, all right, we're done. So I can't, but I still, and what happens is I do it. And then I go, I'm sorry. I didn't, I don't really want to break up, but I just am saying it because in the moment, you're not doing it to manipulate them. No. You're doing it because you're like, you know what? This wall comes down that's like, you're being abandoned.

You're being betrayed. You have to run. And you go like this. You know what? We just have to call it. We just have to call it. I need to end this. And it feels really real.

And then you calm down for five minutes. You're like, I don't want to break up. That wasn't even abandonment. What am I thinking about? But in that moment, you're like, if I don't end this now. This is the only way to protect myself. Yeah, if I don't end this now, this is only going to get worse. Well.

And I don't feel. You're also, the love synopsis turns off. Like, you go from seeing them as a sweet person, and they all of a sudden seem a little sinister. And you're like, oh, I don't even know you. But that's. This is over. That is a.

I mean, that's. it's totally related to borderline yeah it totally it sounds very borderline it is totally right yeah the saber rattling is borderline it's it's a threatening thing the difference it's it's attacking denying it's black and white thinking it's extremist thinking you know but not all black and white thinking and behavior is borderline right but it is it is borderline. No, but the threatening and the, you know. But this is why I have a huge issue with borderline. Like, with the terminology of borderline.

Like, bipolar disorder is a mania and depression. It's like very cut and dry. Hello. Borderline, yeah, same. Borderline is like, borderline is like you, it's literally when people are like, bitches be trippin', that's what they were like, we're gonna call that borderline.line it's like it doesn't have right it just means you had a bad childhood and your reaction to abandonment is really severe it's just because you interpret

any form of slight rejection as abandonment so you do anything possible to be the owner of that abandonment to take back your autonomy in that moment. And so it's, it's literal, um, it's reactionary thinking, but it's defense mechanism, split hair trigger reaction. I have the most trouble with borderline type personalities like working with because they are so explosive. And that egg walking on eggshells every day reminds me so much of like my childhood and I just like have worked so hard to stay away from that having to guess

where someone is that day and it's fucking frightening where it's like they're so lovable one day and the next you're like fucking mortal enemy and I'm like what the fuck happened? It's scary. Why are you guys looking? Because I do that to Ian.

Because Ian has to walk on eggshells with me. He never knows where I'm going to be. And here's the thing. This is what happens. But the fact that you can admit that is something different. Yeah. There are people with borderline who, when you tell them they're, hey, maybe check, they will take a dagger to your throat.

A tenet of absolute 100% borderline is the inability to ever take accountability. Or be aware. Or understand. That's why when people, when I find out people have borderline and they are in DBT therapy, that's like, I feel like we should put them on our shoulders and like celebrate them. That's a dateable person in my opinion. I agree. Yes. The awareness. therapy that's like I feel like we should put them on our shoulders and like celebrate them that is such a complete win because the inability to be I'm just screaming that's a lovable person

you should date me hello the call is coming from inside the house I have a child I feel like I feel like, um, I,

I feel like what we're describing is kind of in a way, like what I would want my ideal partner to be. Not that. Um, but, uh, like I want someone that like, you know,

when you're in the middle of like the most massively bad acid trip you could ever imagine, or that moment of panic and fear and abandonment i want a person that they would be the person i go to that would calm me down and make me feel safe in that moment and i think that's what you when you have these panic reactions it's the job of the partner to know this is just that let's help you feel safe and let's navigate forward so that you can it's like you're have a snickers you're not yourself when you're hungry you know what makes

me feel the safest in someone is awareness yeah i don't care how broken you are i don't care if you have borderline i don't care what the fuck you carry in your big bag um of fucking baggage or whatever i just need to know that there is some level of acknowledgement and saying, you know what? Like, this might be something. I'm working on this. And doing something about it. Because there's a lot of people.

And turning the awareness into action. This is what I've heard someone say, what they were looking for when they were dating. And I thought it was so smart. They're like, I'm just looking for someone who's already gone through their shit. Who's already figured out what their issues are because the truth is we all especially in our business like we all have issues we are mentally ill all of us we're all bringing severely bad to the table

but did you already figure it out are you working on are you in therapy or are you just like you have no idea yet like most people in their 20s for me at least in my 20s like i had not gone through my shit yet. I didn't figure it out. But that's why you saying that, oh, that's what I do to Ian. And you even acknowledging that that is kind of borderline. Like that makes me feel safe. Yeah.

That makes me feel like, oh, this is someone I can like. You have to find. The other thing is. That's good you do that. Wait, wait a second. So we have a game to play. Let's do it. It's new.

You guys are both co-hosts, very close co-hosts, Kalilah, Esther, Ian, Jordan. So we're going to do the newlywed game where I'm going to ask. We're married. Are you excited? A series of questions. And you have to see if you get it right about your podcast partner. Oh, nice. Cool.

Is there a more rotten banana? That's why I brought my own rotten banana. You brought your... Yeah. I don't like ripe bananas. It gets mealy in my mouth. Those are better

for your digestion, though. Sorry. The more rotten... The greener ones? Yeah. That can't be. I swear, I heard green bananas are good

for indigestion. Sorry. I'm past the notebooks around. That's the point of the... So you're a PA now, sorry. And the Sharpies as well, sir. Oh, yeah, yeah. Is there only one Sharpie?

No. Here. Can I keep this? Well, you need one. Oh, I need one. Really? Yeah, everybody needs one. So the first five questions are going to be,

Kalilah, you're going to try to answer what Esther would say, and then Ian, you're going to try to answer what Jordan would say. Okay. Wait, are we playing two or no? Yes. So you're actually writing the real answer. Oh, okay. Okay.

Okay. Ian has a little message on the back of his. What? He wrote, fuck you. Oh, good. Great. JK. Okay, first question.

Oh, my God, I'm nervous. Do you remember how to write? What? Sorry. Do I remember? Do you want to do it on an iPhone so you can clickety-clack on it? You remember how to use a pen and paper, don't you? Is that?

Did you guys take penmanship classes in America? No. We learned how to type. But I have perfect script. I learned cursive. Oh, you did learn cursive. Oh, yeah. Wait, why'd you say that?

Because you're always clickety-clacking on your little texter. Wait, I'm nervous because Kalilah is really competitive and I'm not. Esther, don't fuck this up. Okay. Wait, what is this game? Okay, I'm going to ask a question. You'll figure it out. The question goes out to Jordan and Esther first. Yes. Esther don't fuck this up okay wait what is this game okay I'm gonna ask a question you'll figure it out

the question goes out to Jordan and Esther first yes answer no you're gonna answer what you think she's answering what she's writing yeah

it's a newlyweds game this is my meld my yeah okay inhale it yeah okay number one

I wanna put my nose in your ear. What is your co-host's favorite emoji? That one is so hard. That's so hard. Sorry. No, it's good. Favorite emoji. I don't even know.

Wait, emoji is like an emotional uh image right any emoji it's a picture it's a picture yeah yeah what's going on with you today sorry i was setting up a joke for later i was trying to play chess. Okay, everyone, tell me. Wait, I'm writing down what my favorite is? Yes. No, no, no. Wait, I'm writing down what I think her favorite is? Yes.

I mean, my favorite one? Okay. Hold on, hold on, hold on. There's no way you'll get it. Are we going to the next one? No, no, no. I'm just, wait, we have to wait until everyone's done, and then you show.

Oh, okay. Ready? One, two, three, everybody show. One, two. Wait, hold on. They go first, I think, Jordan and- Okay. Oh, should I draw mine? Either way. Yeah. Are you drawing yours, should I draw mine? Either way.

Yeah. Are you drawing yours or are you drawing mine? Hers. My favorite. Right now, you guys are guessing for us and we're doing what we think for us. Oh, wait. I'm guessing your favorite? Yes.

What's wrong with you people? I'm guessing her favorite. You are not even clear on this? I was not clear on this. I'm guessing your favorite and now I show what I think your favorite is. Oh my god. Oh my god. Sorry. I totally got that wrong. Oh my god. Ready?

I'm not. I'm the one who got it. I know. I got it. I got it. Jordan and Esther both got it. I don't know what's going on over there. You drew your favorite? Yeah. I saw yours and it's so you. So is Kalilah. I actually put two. I know. Can I put two? Yeah. I saw yours and it's so you. Okay, yeah. So is Kalilah. I actually put two.

I know. Can I put two? Yeah. I put three. Wait, guys. No, you pick one. You pick one for the love of God. Okay, here we go.

Okay, wait. I'm doing the other one. You're writing yours. Yeah. And I'm writing what I think yours is. Ready? One, two, three. Not yet, Esther.

Mine is the Easter Island guy or the bat. Oh, I did middle finger, a tongue, or a Jewish symbol. The Jewish star is close. Wow. Okay. Interesting. I've never seen you use an emoji. I know.

I don't use them. But the Easter Island guy, if somebody's bothering me, I just send that because it's a rock face being like, Oh, thank God I've never gotten that. zero points to them both okay fair um esther and i i think it's this oh fuck the tongue that's a that's a pre-motherhood one i thought it was you was tongue too i put the heart or the like crying cute face because that's what I'm using now. I thought this was like the drugstore June one too. That is. She's not June.

She's Esther. No, that's a good one, but I've changed a lot. Okay, cool. So this is a little, maybe a little easier.

Favorite movie of all time. Wait. Again, it's the same. Yes. Okay. I know this one. I'm like, do's the same. Yes, okay, I know this one. Emily, do I?

Yeah, Esther. Of course, we know this. Everybody knows this. It's the best movie that's ever been made. What? I wrote two. Why? Wait, just...

Because I... You have to write one. That's the game. There's one that's my favorite. I wrote two. Wait, for yours, I... You have to write one. That's the game. Oh, all right. There's one that's my favorite. I wrote two. Wait, for yours, right? Made by... Yeah.

Okay. Made by... Okay. Who's ready to go? Jordan and Ian first. One, two, three. The Matrix. Oh, shit.

Liar Liar's my second favorite, though. I know. Good job. That's our... What did you say? Matrix. You guys got it right? Yeah.

Yep. Made by two very adept male filmmakers. Wait, I don't know what my own favorite movie is. Esther. Oh my God. Esther, you're emotionally driving down a flight of stairs right now. Get it together. If your favorite movie isn't what you tattooed on your body

what did that is a really good answer i have like four favorite movies and i put that animal with rob schneider back to the future or psycho wow what is sunset boulevard you don't know that movie yeah what is that it's a classic movie about like a fallen movie star that is my favorite movie i don't know that movie? Yeah, what is that? It's a classic movie about like a fallen movie star. That is my favorite movie. I don't know why I forgot. Oh, damn it. Okay, so it's one, zero.

And I do have a tattoo. She's like, you don't know that movie? That's my favorite movie. Yo, we should get tattoos. Okay, one, zero. Yeah, that's one, zero. Yeah, that's my guy. Okay, this one's a little kooky.

Okay. Which Disney character does your co-host relate to most? Oh, you might not know this, but I have a very specific one. Well, who I want her to relate to, it'd be Ariel, so she wouldn't fucking talk. You might get this. I don't know. What? So I'm like this.

And I'm like, yes, finally. Wait, who is this for? It's the same. Okay, so I guess her. You have to say who you relate to most, and you have to guess who she's going to say. Like Disney character. Princess.

Nemo. Are you ready? I did put two answers this time. Please receive. Okay, you guys are failing so much that I'm going to let that go. Yeah. I know. Okay, mine is very specific, and that I'm going to let that go. I know. Okay. Mine is very specific.

I was just thinking about this because I have a kid and I'm like, I hope she likes who I liked. When I was little, everyone had to call me this. It was not a princess. Pongo. Damn it. The male dog in 101 Dalmatians. Wait, I put Dalmatian. Damn it. The male dog in 101 Dalmatians.

Wait, I put Dalmatian. Hey, that counts. That counts. That's really good. That's really. I put Stitch or Dalmatian. Dalmatian, yeah. Stitch is amazing.

I love Stitch. Yes. The mom and dad Dalmatians are Pongo and Perdita. And I wanted to be. Oh, Perdita is a cute name. Okay, because that counts, right? Dalmatian. That totally counts.

The fact that you know those names are. Okay, because that counts, right? Dalmatians? That totally counts. The fact that you know those names. Yes. Okay, great. But I was like, I hope my daughter also likes 101 Dalmatians. I love that movie. Because I never wanted to be like a princess when I was little. I loved 101 Dalmatians. I don't want to be princesses. All right, ready?

I said you'd either be Simba Nala or the gay candle in Beauty and the Beast. Lumiere? Lumiere, yeah. Mine is Gus Gus. Gus Gus or Cinderella. Eeyore or Anastasia. I also wrote us would be Timon and Pumbaa. It's one, one.

I'm Timon. One, one. Are we Pongo and Perdita? Let's be Pongo and Perdita. Remember Gus Gus? Gus Gus. Gus Gus is my favorite. I don't know any of these.

He's the fat mouse. Who framed Roger Rabbit as Disney, right? No, it's not. Oh. Can I just say? Because I'm Eddie. And I'm Roger. I named my Roomba Gus Gus.

Isn't Gus Gus? Gus Gus is my favorite. He's the fat mouse. Happy birthday. Yeah, yeah. That was the cutest voice. Do it again. That was so, let me hear it again.

Kyla, don't do it again. He's gonna come in his pants. No, no, no. You're gonna scrooge all over me. I'm gonna jizz. This is so fun. Can we do this for four hours? What is your co-host's go-to karaoke song? Oh, I know this.

Is this for me? Yes. I will tell you when it's swapped. Oh, I forget the song. Yeah, but that's okay. Let's write down the artist. I'd like to go first because I feel so confident in this one. And if she doesn't know her own, I'm going to be so mad. This band was playing last night. Don't give hints.

Thank you, Stella. The Diner. Okay, wait. Let's Okay, go. Ready? No, no, no. I know for a fact this is correct because roll the older tape. She has said this before. If you get this wrong, that's on you. Yay!

Oh, wow. You know mine and when I turn this around, you're going to feel bad, so think about it. Give me a hint Woman It's a woman I feel like maybe I can even guess this Really?

I want to say it's like a Pat Benatar or something Nope What about a woman? You're scratching at your Who is the woman that I would sing that I did sing? What did you find? What do you have there, baby? Oh!

Yeah. Okay, we're at five, four, three, two, and one. Atlanta is such a great karaoke song. Oh, you have such a cool atmosphere. I kept thinking Sum 41. Thank you. That's so nice. But it's not You Oughta Know. It's the one that's It's the one that's really long. Really long.

Which one? It's two to one. Wow. What is it called? Hand in my pocket? Nope. What? But it's on Jagged Little Pill? Yeah, Jagged Little Pill. It's the one that's like... Stella's so angry. Look at her. She's doing the look down and scratch behind her head.

Meet the Maker. I don't want to be the killer of the void. That one? Not the Doctor? It's called Not the Doctor. No, the one that's like why are you so petrified of silence? Here, can you handle this? Did you think about your bills, your acts, silence here? Can you handle this? Did you think about your bills, your acts, your deadlines?

When you think you're gonna die? Did you long for the next distraction? Yeah, that one. I'm fully having an Atlantis day today on the drive home. Okay. Okay. What did you find to roll on? What is your co-host's biggest pet peeve?

Oh, wow. I have so many. This is... Yeah, this is a... We all turn on Stella because we don't know each other. Wait, yeah, that's hard. That's a hard one. I don't even know what yours...

Oh, wait, I got one. All right, ready? One, I got one. Alright, ready? One, two, three. Damn it. So now we're swapping. Yes. You'll be guessing Ian's and Esther will be guessing

Kalilah's. This is not going to go well. Yes. And then we'll be done. Right now the score is three to two. Esther and Kalilah. That's right. What is your, who is your partner's favorite comic?

I'm doing yours. Yeah. That's insane. I mean I'm playing something different that's for you this is such a people pleaser thing

ready I'm ready one two three yeah wow you got it right? Yeah. David L.

Yeah. Wait, also. Do you want me to be real? No. Do you want me to be real? Before we go to this. Yeah. I just want to say that I watched Tiger Belly with Neil Brennan.

And I love Bobby. I'm not mad. I was not playing for laughs on Family Feud. I didn't think. What was he saying? He said that he thinks I went for the, he wouldn't say my name, but he thinks I was trying to be funny with my answer. I just want to say, though, that I was not trying to be funny on Family Feud.

I was giving sincere answers. Just, I want that out in the world. But today, I think your favorite comic is Jamar Neighbors. Damn it. I mean, in terms of like hotness, yeah. Okay. Whoa. Just hot comic, Jamar.

Jamar's great. Wait, Jamar with the mohawk? Yeah. Yeah, I do think he's really hot. What? That is my, you know, people. Yeah. Who did you put know, people. Yeah. Who did you put?

Jamar? Honestly, and this is like sincere, sincere. I put Bobby. Aww. No one makes me laugh harder than, no one will ever make me laugh harder than him. I also put little Esther right there. Oh, thank you.

Oh, that's nice. But. She likes a black guy, so what? Jamar? Isn't his whole thing that he's, okay. That he's what? Nothing. Tell me things I don't know.

No, I just, really? Look at how cute. He's hot. He's jacked. Jamar, he's like a dingus. I mean, I love him, but isn't he like a sweet dingus? That's cute. That's fun. I'm just saying there's like an echelon of hot comics.

Soder. What? Even like Godfrey. Godfrey is very good looking. Is he? Yeah, Jamar's Jack. You're thinking of Gerard Carmichael.

No, I'm kidding. Ger Huh. Okay. You're thinking of Gerard Carmichael. No, I'm kidding. We'll have a couple more. Gerard. Okay, next. I don't know. I've only fucked Eric. Next. What is your co-host's biggest fear?

I know this. Ian's biggest fear. Here we go. This I better, this we better, because this one I know. Yes. I have faith in you. Okay, because this one I know. Yes. I have faith in you. Okay, should we show? Yep.

Yes. What does it say? Cockroaches. Nice. Did you guys get it? Eating alone, dying alone. That's great. Hell yeah, dude.

Wait. I was going to put dying alone. Hell yeah. That's good what was yours? cockroaches did you guys both get it? yeah we both got it

nice cockroaches are only a couple more here my dog is eating flowers like she's Bambi okay what's the score Stella? it's four to four

four to four we're all tied up nowhere to go oh my god okay and there's two more questions left. Yes. Favorite dessert.

Your favorite dessert. We both like it. This is a hard one because I feel like... That's hard. That's really hard. Some of us like every dessert. Oh! Can I just say favorite food?

Sorry. I know this. Sorry, what? Oh, wait. Oh, let's go get some. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God.

They're still on the same page? They even know? Because it's the best dessert that there is. Ready? Yeah, you guys can go. One, two, three. Carrot cake. What?

And I put or creme brulee or affogato or pussy. I'd love to go out and get a piece. Oh, no. I feel like even I don't know this for myself because I'm all over the place. Okay, I guessed two things. Mango and sticky rice just because you're Asian. That's a great guess. And or the Hawaiian sour candy that we tried the other day.

You're being racist. Damn it. Those are two things I absolutely love. I like ching chong and waho. Do you too? I put banana or mochi. You know I love mochi. I know.

I should have put mochi because I know that's what you put in your pink berry. Go to show the water. We're ahead. Damn it. Is there a chance for a tie? Yes, chance for a tie. Who is your co-host's celebrity crush? Yes, chance for a giant.

Who is your co-host's celebrity crush? Okay, I know this. So you better know this. I said this a long time ago. I know it. I might not be able to spell it. What? Just write one down.

Wait, how can you not spell this one? 1, 2, 3 Meg the Stallion! Yes! I would give it all up for her No if I This one like I DM'd her on January 1st You are just

Your taste is insane Meg the Stallion if you're watching You and I would have so much fun together Wait when did you DM her? I said I love you. No one better. No one better.

I have a joke about him. About him DMing her. Oh, yeah. It was so bad. But that was a joke DM. If we hung out, dude, Meg, we would have so much fun. I love chocolate. She's not watching this.

I know. Hit it. She might. Oh, yeah. Wait, I have so many crushes. No, this, you have one specific one. Are you sure, Esther? And I know it.

Yeah. Show me yours. Did you write one down? I did, but you freaked me out, and you were like, I don't know how to spell this name, because mine is very easy to spell. Meg, I want to make you laugh and get up on that body-ody-ody. Liv Schreiber. No, mine is Bill Murray.

I love Bill Murray. Remember when Khalees and him broke up? Oh, my God. I remember that. But I remember that you. No, I'm playing the tapes. I swear it was. I would never.

Schreiber is not my guy. Bill Murray. There's no way she likes Jamar. Liv Schreiber is. Well, Ian and Jordan are the winners anyway. Only by one point. Two points. Two points.

Guys, this was so fun. Thank you for doing this. I could actually play this game... Me too! ...all day. Me too. I would love to. But we won, so what do we get?

Yeah, what do we get? Do we get a date with Meg the Stallion? Wait, have you ever written a celebrity and they've actually written back or acknowledged it? No. Yes. Oh, Jonathan Moreland. Me and Jonah Hill were DMing buds for a while.

Dude, I have a crush on him. Oh, really? What's he like? He's cool. You guys, thank you so much for listening to this off-the-rails Being Eden with Jordan edition of Trash Tuesday. You can see them on their show,

Being Eden with Jordan, every week. There's an episode that just came out with Kalilah. Go check it out. Yes. You gotta come and hang out. I would love to. Yes. And you guys, we will see you next week with a brand new episode. Thank you for being here. Can I just say real quick? Yes. Watch my special Ian Finance Wild, Happy, and Free

on the Being Ian with Jordan YouTube page. And check out Jordan's special, Death Chunk. It's fucking great. JordanJensen.com, IanFinance.com Jordan special death chunk. It's fucking great. Uh, Jordan, Johnson.com, Ian finance.com for all our dates. Go see them live.

They're hilarious. And we'll see you next week with a brand new episode.