Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Johnny Rockets, Abercrombie and Go-Go Dancing

Episode Date: December 28, 2021

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it's your friend Esther and I'm doing stand up in your city, perhaps. Let's see. I'm coming in January to Salt Lake City, Nashville, Raleigh, North Carolina, Austin, Texas, Indianapolis, Philadelphia, and Chicago. All those dates are on EstherOnIce.com and check out my clothing line, SleepoverByEsther.com. Happy 2022, sluggies. Come see me on the road. I'm going to be out there all year. Come see me at the Milwaukee Improv. I'll be in Naples, Florida and Tampa, Florida and a bunch more dates coming up. Please look on andylederman.com slash shows. There are so many dates. I can't wait to meet you. Okay, another week where both of you guys are in hot costumes and i look like this

well here's the thing you they go all right the these are the costumes go get them as she goes i don't want to do anything so then us costumes get gotten for her but i why am i the ugly one always you i feel like you're trying to change the subject. I think you should be talking to your parents honestly about this. I don't think that's for us. I think you mean therapists. Talk to God. So what's the deal today? Past jobs, everybody.

Past jobs. First, I want to know what were your options. What, for the outfits? Yeah, for past jobs. I worked at Equinox. What? I worked. that's too unbelievable how to find a costume for that um we just got your face and put it on like a really like ripped girl's body yeah i did carry out at mangiano's briefly um but i think tell us how briefly actually no and is it just you were taking your food out to

the car i think i might i think i might have you beat on how short of a stint a work stint i've ever had why one day at a shoe store one fucking day that's what's it what's his name bundy what's the shoe al bundy um i did not last i was like. And I left. I didn't even collect the paycheck for that day of work. Might have been $48. I've had a similar. When I worked at Hard Rock Cafe on Hollywood Boulevard, I only did the training. And then was let go before it came time to perform.

Well, it's hard to order from someone that doesn't get taller than the counter. They have to lean over. What part of training did you not get past the test and i remember all of i'm sure i've talked about this before but like all of the kids and the people in my group of training were like studying hardcore like we were going to each other's apartments and studying and i was kind of like i'm gonna get through this on charm like i'm gonna like really because that's how I got through everything in my life but it worked but the can I tell you the big issue why it didn't work out at hard rock is because we had to memorize every single ingredient on the menu item for every menu

item including the alcohol you guys alcohol I've never tried it it's a foreign language to me there was no fucking way i was gonna remember seven ingredients i don't take i don't accept it in 40 drinks i don't remember i was a bartender i didn't know any of the fucking drinks but hard rock was like corporate like it was not but i'm just saying it's like i was an alcoholic and i didn't remember i didn't know the names of the what's the main alcohol what's the main alcohol on a margarita Esther ooh this is good it's is it tequila it is

it is tequila and it has lime and spicy spice correct sometimes yeah

okay what about what goes around the room chili spice could possibly possibly yeah

what is it it's oh salt salt very would you guys if we were at a cocktail bar right now what would you guys order uh water no bitch if you were if i wasn't a recovering alcoholic wow esther is the relapse episode no she's like i do drugs now everyone what would like a cool person like you guys if you were just wanting to be like, if we were in sex in the city. Okay, this is how I knew people were underage. I want a Long Island iced tea or I want a rum and coke.

Why? Or lemon drop. Or lemon drop. It's just like young, like it's just the drinks, you know. Let's say if we were all in sex in the city and we were all at our cocktail, what would each of our drinks be? I would – only one thing I drink now. It's just mezcal and that's it.

And it would be with a slice of orange and some salt and that's it. So if a handsome young lad came up to you and was like, can I buy you a drink? Yeah, it would be – She'd go, I'll take what you're having because that's a lad's drink. I have ordered boyish too. I always had like – I liked Glenlivet's or something. I liked some sort of scotch

or bourbon on the rocks what would I order what would you guys prescribe me I think a Smirnoff ice yeah oh so that's rude

because everyone's laughing maybe you would have and I don't understand why well that's why you'd get that because you don't understand why except what you are bitch

I was a whiskey girl too like hardcore I was Jaeger though too Jaeger's why I had to quit. Because you don't understand why. Except what you are, bitch. I was a whiskey girl too. I was Jaeger though too. Jaeger's why I had to quit. I quit Jaeger before I quit anything else. The last time I drank, I had Jaeger. I went, uh-oh. Stop it all now. Yeah, pints of Jaeger.

I told you I hooked up with a guy at a bar. I was bartending in one bar. And then two blocks down in Santa Fe, there was this other bar, Willie's. And I was hooking up with the bartender there. And I would go blow him in the bathroom and he'd give me pints I mean it wasn't like an exchange like that it wasn't like a prostitute but it just happened that way you know what

speaking of like that sounds really thrilling to me yeah like that is something that I would do for sport not for pleasure in any way and I want to ask you guys before we get into anything are you into weird fetishes that involve like that are so seemingly normal that's not a true fetish like for instance

i know i was like i think somebody has something they want to tell like do you ever think about like would you ever do you have like for instance like do you have like a postman fetish like i want to be in you know driving a mail truck you know what i mean what's yours tell us yours a postman bitch you got something you want to say say it i want to deliver mail is that true um i have weird ones i think i have multiple fetishes like a role is that a fetish or like a job you want to do. I have multiple fetishes. Like a role play. Is that a fetish? No. Or like a job you want to do? I'm not sure.

Circle back. Circle back. I think it's like both. Yeah. It's like, for me, I feel like a role play that I gravitate towards is like, I don't want to say. That Dave's a girl. It's so, at this point, it's just, it writes itself. It really this point it writes itself

it really writes itself i um no i don't i want to hear say it i need you to say it i feel like it's hot to be like like an escort or something like i like that oh totally really a thousand percent to be paid yeah like what's your thoughts on that? But by your partner, by like Todd. Yeah, not like a stranger. Not a stranger. It's like a role play. Todd pays me for sex. That's funny.

Like they're just money. No, it's not a joke. We're not asking you if it's funny or not. Yeah, life is a joke. That is how I get through it. That is my role play. And he's like, I pay Todd for sex. I pay Todd for life.

Thank you, dear Todd. Wait, I do have that fetish. Not fetish. I would like a kept man. I think we talked about this with Hannah. I wouldn't be opposed to just like having a bitch boy. Yeah, but then you get them and it's like, I don't know. I just feel like I've lived all my fantasies honestly like anything i dated the older guy i did all that i'm like this isn't

i had like a a rich older guy when i was 21 that lived in santa fe when i was a go-go dancer which we'll get to um who would he was like working on a movie he came into town and he's working on a movie and he like would take me to the spa and stuff and it was just like take me to fancy dinners but you guys would hook up yeah that's fun we fucked in the woods and stuff and it was just like take me to fancy dinners but you guys would hook up yeah that's fun we fucked in the woods and stuff but i told you when we fucking then i had like a twig in my pussy later there's always like there's always a twig in your pussy after these things you're saying like the reality of it is not i've already done it i don't know i guess i just don't i mean and who knows maybe i'll have a second wind of all of this at some point

but i just feel like i've done it like i've fucked in public i used to always bang in bathrooms i used to think it was funny to like hook up like where people peed like like yeah let's go make out by the like dog piss wall people i said esther not dogs as in esther's mind the dog park is just people walking people but i will say that i was listening to like a gwyneth paltrow podcast don't don't judge me i don't know why like i'm not even into that but she did say they were talking about like young women's sexuality and she was like when she grew up she was taught like sex is bad like don't ever talk about it it's bad bad bad and, bad. And she was saying how today it should be that it's a good thing that women should experience pleasure. And even asked them,

young women should explore, what are your kinks? And I was like, wow, to hear someone like Gwyneth Paltrow, Miss Prissy Goop say that, I was like, oh, I think that's- I bet you should get some goop in some weird place in your body. It's pretty goopy. I bet you there's a lot. She's steaming that pussy for a reason. doesn't it need to be so flat why doesn't it be so i get the wrinkles out it depends who you're surrounded by i think i got the wrong message about sex um because a lot of the people a lot of the women around me yeah besides all the rapings besides the serial rapings i had um what i saw was like women using it to sort of get by and women that i loved and really like respected and like looked up to and i thought it was just

a way to get what i needed in life like get what you want is that what you're dressed as that that's the job that's the job you're just this right here why are you trying to bug us this right here guys is um i don't know if you guys know but i worked for abercrombie and fitch for a couple years this is a good abercrombie this is unreal unlikely the most unlikely person to work at abercrombie got recruited to work at well i've seen your abs you could have been shirtless outside that yes you're not white but bitch you're hot so like but i'm saying like my insides don't match their company policies i thought it was a racist which it should be it should be but i did work at the glendale galleria and um you know the saddest part about that job was telling regular size girls that we didn't have their size.

What? It was like, nope, we stop at this particular size. And they were regular size girls. It's so funny how Abercrombie was like everything. When I was in middle school, it was like Abercrombie was it. There was nothing else. And then I kind of got over it. I turned into more of a slut.

It wasn't slutty enough for me. Well, I think they would also. But I guess with my size going in there getting the extra larges it's still like pretty slutty i can't believe they've survived as a company it's wild yeah there's so many lawsuits you know what i think hollister survived oh you mean they ever come in hollister the same same company hollister rule i think i'm pretty sure how hollister stays afloat every mexican person that comes in to America shops at Hollister. I think it's

foreign person. Not just, I think every foreign person is like the most American thing. Yeah. I guess so. I guess I was just, I only see Mexicans.

Dressing in Hollister is like a, like a fetish, like an American fetish. But it's like, we don't wear it as much as the imposters. Not anymore.

Well, that's the thing I was going to ask. It's like, is it relevant? relevant like does it have any sort of relevancy right now i ever well are they do they're not doing the hot guys outside anymore right no thank god they're not and you know how they would protect themselves is because they really just would hire what they considered good looking employees but to protect themselves they would hire the uggos but they put them in the stock room yes or work like the night shift to like do that like the folding at the end of the show were you in the stock room of johnny

rockets sometimes it was small how long did you work there again i worked it was small no i worked there like maybe like set six months or something like that three weeks no i was there a while i got i went and got hired their senior year of high school and then worked halfway through the – no, towards the end of the summer. And it was before, you know, going to college. And I got my boyfriend a job there. And then he fucking started – he left me for another waitress at Johnny Rockets.

And did you quit right after that? Yeah. Is that the one you wrote and then you were in her dance class? The one – No. That's someone else. Oh, you get cheated on a lot. That's cute.

Esther, I want to know how you would take my order. Okay, well, one of them. We'll start with Annie. Well, first of all, welcome to Johnny Rockets. Right away, I remember a big- Where is the sound coming from? I don't see anyone. Where are you, sir?

Is there a mouse? I think I hear a mouse. I actually thrived at johnny rockets because we had the 50s music we made the smiley face ketchup i i got by on my charm um i remember old ladies would come up to me and be like your service is just like in the old days too because you're so friendly and happy and slow they had such lower expectations back in the day they didn't have like the internet they weren't used to getting things right away. But huge pro tip.

Everyone always wonders, did the burgers come with fries? They don't. You have to order your fries separate. Blasphemy. So people were always a little bit annoyed because the burgers were a more premium price. Did you tell them ahead of time? I would always be like, just so you guys know, like you have to order the fries separate. With your little hands you do that?

We made our own milkshake. So I scooped the ice cream myself. Oreo milks milkshake i i left every ship i would be like i need to make sure that person does not touch my food i need a different food runner what if you were just the food runner that would have been cute we serve some midwest classic that you won't see normally is um a slice of apple pie with a slice of cheese on top did you have to do that yes you're on ketchup duty smiley face how now did carlos have to wear an outfit too when he came to do the smiley face for you wasn't born yet carlos pops in and just starts esther um miss i've been here for 20 minutes now you've been giving me the specials but still no menu oh okay let me um what are yeah what are the specials of the day so we don't have specials here

at johnny rockets it's a standard menu but i think you guys will be really happy with your choices sorry one second such a liar little actress look at her oh to go that's a little rude trying to get rid of us already that's pete the producer's fault annie i want you to ask i want you to ask her. Annie, I want you to order the way you think Esther would order. Can you read the menu to me? Sure.

So would you, are you in the mood for a burger? But what's the, where's the meat from? Oh, I see. This is,

I see what this is. You didn't see for a while. That's weird. Oh, I remember the Route 66. I always thought it sounded so weird, but was so popular. It's Swiss cheese, grilled mushrooms, caramelized

onions, and mayo. And we have that as a single or a double option. Guys, if this is interesting to the audience, I don't know what interesting is. Here's my question. Does anyone have a Johnny Rockets fetish? Is anyone getting turned on? Here's what I want to know.

Can we bring up rhubarb pie? Oh, I want to know that. Do you have any desserts? Yes, I just, as I said, we have a slice of apple pie. We have milkshakes. They're hand scooped. And we offer cheese on the pie. Hand scooped, you just scoop right in, huh? I know you think it's funny, but hand scooped is a big deal in the milkshake game.

A lot of them don't actually hand scoop the ice cream. I'm going to go home. I do like – no, no. I like a little like a hint of just suffering. Like I want my server to be like slammed and like, oh, now I got to scoop the fucking ice cream too. That's what I'm paying for. The servers make the milkshakes and we make the fries ourselves too. So if you order yourself –

How do you make the fries? too so if you order the fries you just dip them wow they go in a basket and you dip them in the oil and the timer and they let you have those responsibilities and you can add chili and cheese what was your hourly pay you know what's crazy is in illinois waiter when i was working we got servers got like three dollars an hour yeah and you worked off tips but in california servers get like i think i got like when i was a waitress in new york not that long ago like maybe 10 years ago it was 250 i think what yeah you got two dollars 50 cents and then you get your tips yeah so that's why when you get and then you get taxed on automatically taxed on 10 of your tips so if people pay you under, tip you under 10%, you're paying.

I mean, imagine the rage bubbling inside you when just no one tips. Yeah. And there are, what's fucked up is that like tipping is sort of a, not just an American thing, but it's like sort of an American thing. In other countries, they don't tip a lot. So you have a lot of foreigners that come through who don't understand the tipping culture. So they might tip you really poorly you know and um i can't imagine having to hand scoop something and then get paid two bucks yeah well that is also a big reason why i started to realize that hard rock cafe on hollywood boulevard wasn't going to be good

because it was going to be all tourists and they were not going to tip unless you could autograph yeah yeah i had these french people come in once when I worked at Life Cafe. It's where Jonathan Larson wrote Rent. Holy fuck. Yes. It was Tompkins Square Park. It was on 10th and B. No day but two days.

But I made a big point to not know any of the songs. Okay. Well, that changes now. People don't know, what's your favorite song? I go, the last one. The holidays are stressful. We did it. And we got through it, but we are still needing a little help, aren't we?

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So much fun. But we had these like rent registers. So people would come from all over. There were a lot of Japanese fans. There was a lot of Japanese people that would come and like order. They'd find the cheapest thing on the menu and they give you exact change. And then they come just to sign the rent register, which was just like a book and people would like sign that they were there. But this group of French people once came in and they ordered just

drinks, which, you know, you're a little bit like, okay, we're not going to be getting any sales today. But they ordered just drinks. They wanted these refills. They were being so annoying. But I was still being nice. And I bring them their drinks. I bring them their check. They, in the place where it's supposed to be tip, they have a frowny face and they wrote,

you were rude to us because we're French and you didn't think we were going to tip. And I wasn't rude to them. I like wasn't rude to them. I was like, this is such a fun French scam to like, you've, you've gaslit me. It's my fault. I didn't, you know, and then my other customers, like all my regulars, because I was

like, look, I wasn't a good waitress. You weren't going to get the right food, but you're going to have fun in the process. Tip the personality, I always said, and the tits, or not the tits. I go, don't tip the tits, tip the personality. And then, so that I used to get, I, sometimes I would go to people and I would go, I would go 50% tip is, it would, it would I used to get, sometimes I would go up to people and I would go, 50% tip is, it would be rude to get anything less than a 50% tip. Just like joking, but then sometimes they would give me a 50% tip.

It was crazy. You as a server is the equivalent of like being at a show where it's an ambush open mic. Yeah, it's an open, it was that. And I did have an open mic at Life Cafe called Living It Up,

or not an open mic, a show. What are your thoughts on this? My friend who was a server at Tony Roma, you know how you have to automatically add gratuity if it's over like six people or whatever? Yes, you do not tell them and you hope they double grat. Is that what you're going to say?

Right, but there was this fan. I'll tell you guys who it is later. But he came in with a party of like 13 people and she was slammed at Tony fucking Tony Roma's like 15 years ago. And she served him and she added the gratuity fucking tony romas like 15 years ago and she served him and she added the gratuity and you know what he said he was like if you had not added this i would have given you quadruple the tip like he thought it was rude that she did that like who do you think

it's just the system everywhere that but saying like how fucking dare you think i wouldn't tip you so you automatically got it and she was like, it's I had to like this is policy. If you want to think people are being racist towards you, you will find evidence. And a lot of times it's just the the anagrat. Yeah. But that was so weird with the French people. I was like, I'm not like being racist or like discriminating against you. Yeah.

I just I'm not that good at my job. No, but I think the autograt thing was like the dream was when they wouldn't notice that you autograd and they would double. You're like, oh, thank you, Jesus. Oh, yeah. Oh, I just get so much money. I'm rich. I'm at 38%.

I'm rich. You want a Tesla? I think in Australia they don't work for tips, but their servers get like a minimum of like $25 an hour. Yeah. I remember when I was in Australia, yeah, you're not, there's no tipping. But they get, they get really good hourly. That's better.

I think it's better too. It's so much better. No, it's so fun to have the excitement of not knowing how much you're going to make. I'm telling you, I made the most out of that. I'm not trying to be the cocky server,

but I made the most money. I always like, it was so fun. I got to talk to people. I was like working out bits. It was so fun. I liked I literally loved

my job at Johnny Rockets wait I did see on TikTok that there was a stripper who was like it's not the hottest girls who leave with the most money it's the

the good talkers really the people who can really charm you with a personality who can yeah so dude I was also

I just want to say I was also the hottest I was also the hottest waitress I just want to say I also was the hottest waitress bye oops whoa whoa whoa I just want to say I was also the hottest I was also the hottest waitress I just want to say I also was the hottest waitress Bye Oops Whoa

I just got a Trash Tuesday challenge We all have to work a night At a strip club Okay And see who makes the most money I'm going to lose it so bad Yeah

No but you'll be like The mysterious one Maybe And he's going to be like The blonde chatty one You're going to be the one In sweatpants I might have to Sucking the girl's nipples you're gonna be the one giving kalilah dollars

i have to forfeit why is she paying me annie no i'll probably have to go for like a school girl like i have to have my last hurrah being like this honestly you wearing the sluttiest thing still looks like a school girl wearing the sluttiest thing or a school boy i really think you just got a bank on a pedophilia is what i think like really play into that yeah like this goddamn town we're going to the body shop tonight you're gonna be rich bitch what looks would you guys wait so you're a what are you today well i am this is my i'm, I'm the time of my life when I was a go-go, when I was a, I was a nanny by day and a go-go dancer by night. Oh, we got an outfit change. Wait, hold on. Squish it.

Don't try to look at my labia. So you'd watch the kids and then you'd take off your overalls. Let's just say there was a lot of glitter involved in all my jobs. and you take off your overalls. Let's just say there was a lot of glitter involved in all my jobs. And I would, my knees hurt because I was like, would be dancing all night. And then I would go to like Crouch Town

to like play with the kids and I would collapse to the ground. I tried to get chicken cutlets, but I couldn't find any. Your boobs look massive. But I bought the bombshell bra that I used to wear. And I have the glitter. And I would always,

I would always have like a fake eyelash stuck to my cheek, which I would have done. But I don't want to ruin my fake spray tan. So you already have experience for the Trash Tuesday Stripper Challenge? I do have a little experience, yeah. Oh, God. But I was hoping it was going to be

like a waitressing challenge. Oh, well, let's do that too. Like where we just get a job one night. Great. Yep. I feel like I'm low on the stripper energy, high on the escort energy. Okay.

Oh. Like I think I would kill. You'll fuck. You're not a tease. No, I'll i would you'll fuck you're not a tease no i'll fuck i'll fuck anything not a tease she's going all the way the strippers are just like it's easier i feel strippers are selling a fantasy yeah so are escorts escorts are fucking them though that's a fantasy though yeah but so you guys are better actors than me so the selling you guys would nail i don't mind.

Maybe we sell them. You really think Esther's a good actor? I'm just kidding. Interesting. Maybe we could do this into a Trash Tuesday business where Kalefa's an escort. And we get 25% of it. This is good.

This is a good idea. I'm going to take it one step further and give myself compliment myself i say i think that i have really good um i'm high on the pimp energy i think i could have a harem okay and and and take good really good care of my girls like really good care like i'm mother hen what would you do for us? Medical insurance, baby. Medical insurance. Daycare. Daycare. COVID, herpes, AIDS.

We test for all of it. The testing is just baseline. Everything else. Daycare, listen. You get your hair done whenever you want. Mommy, you know, my roots are coming in. That's okay, babe. Yeah, get them done.

Here you go. Would you cover would you cover the cost for them to get um their cesarean scars lasered off oh yeah you got keloids i got you babe yeah i think i have like big mother hen yeah yeah esther um you left because of a boyfriend i left johnny rockets yes because of a boyfriend what is would Johnny Rockets, yes, because of a boyfriend. Would you say you've ever had a really bad boss? I don't think so. I'd have to really think, but definitely not at Johnny Rockets.

I absolutely loved my managers. Yeah, I feel like I've always had a good relationship with my superiors. Right, George? I can't imagine um what about you guys like did you have a boss as a go-go dancer yeah it was this it was a these two gay guys that owned the club the nightclub let me guess they loved you no i don't know why it was very weird i had no one knew why i was there it was like i was just there drunk one night and my friend was the manager and was like, do you want to make 50 bucks an hour? Go dance on that podium.

Holy shit. I was like, okay. And then I would get tips too. That's pretty good. And then the owner would come by and tip us. I can't remember what his name was. But he would tip us all 50 bucks. And sometimes he would pass you and not give you the 50.

I guess not tonight. Not for me. But I would go in. I remember because I would get so drunk and I'd be like crying. I would drink because I needed like liquid, not for me. But I would go in, I remember, because I would get so drunk and I'd be like crying. I would drink because I needed like liquid courage to do it. And I felt like I would fall off the podium. I was like bad.

I was a bad go-go dancer. And so I went in crying. I was like, they're objectifying me. They're trying to touch me. To the guy working, he goes, you don't have to work here. Nobody's making it. And I was like, oh. Oh oh oh yeah is it go-go dancer you're just like basically dancing sexy but you keep your clothes on yeah you wear like

this outfit yeah that's like but i feel like that's like a like a hard job you're sweating you're fucking yeah but it was only like three hours three two nights a week really it was like nothing it's you're basically getting paid to do your workout yeah it was good but it was only like three hours, two nights a week, really. It was like nothing. You're basically getting paid to do your workout. Yeah. It was good. But it was gross. And one time the people I was nannying for came to see me dance. And I was like, have you been trying to fuck me?

OK, wait a second. Have you been trying to fuck me this whole time? Line crossed. What? Well, I couldn't lie about being a go-go. It's like I was so obviously coming from something. Why did they go-go? I think I invited them.

OK, so you're the problem. It's so weird. I'm a go-go dancer and Why did they go? Go. I think I invited them. Okay, so you're the problem. It's so weird. I'm a go-go dancer and you're a go-go queen. Yeah, my bad boss was a man named ****, but I used to work at LA Fitness. And I was in high school. I was 16. And he would have me come into his office

and read him my poems that you hate, Esther. What? Yeah, and then he would randomly at the end of the week, he'd cut me a check. He'd be like, here's 200 bucks. Like, have fun with yourself. So you were an escort? I guess I started young. You were an unassuming escort.

Yeah. But he was still relatively nice and I appreciated the end of week checks. But now when I look back at it, I was like, oh, he was he was angling for more. It just never really happened. But LA Fitness. How old was he? In his late 40s or 50s, I think. So gross.

I had a bad boss, but it wasn't a molesty boss. I had a boss at Color Me Mine. Did I talk about this? You worked at Color Me Mine? That was my first job. I was 15, I think. Yeah, I worked at Color Me Mine. Did I talk about this? You worked at Color Me Mine? That was my first job. I was 15, I think. Yeah, I worked at Color Me Mine in Philadelphia. And the owner was this really insane bipolar woman.

Like, I mean, really, really crazy. And right before Christmas, would there ever be like a limit? Like if you want to finish, like if you want to put your kid's handprint on a thing and give it to their grandparents, you need to get it in by this time. And we guarantee it'll be fired and ready to go for christmas so that time comes around and it's like our busiest time and the owner is going through a divorce with her husband and is having a mental break because she went to

go to court for her divorce hearing and they pushed it just because it was the holidays and things were busy or something. So like we have to push the court date. And she got fixated on the mayor of Philadelphia, Mayor Ed Rendell, and decided it was, he was sabotaging her and trying to ruin her life. So she made us shut down, put all the paper that they put on the tables

on the windows, papered up the windows. And we had to put a note that said, none of your pieces are going to be ready for Christmas if you have a problem with that call, Mayor Ed Rendell. Oh, wow. And she had to put a note that said none of your pieces are going to be ready for christmas if you have a problem that call mayor ed rondell oh wow and she had us put his number there and then she had she had gotten in a fight with her her and her ex-husband were meeting at a park to discuss something and she brought like a spear that she had from like some travels or something she had hanging on her wall. She brought the spear to like attack him with. And so he ran, got in his car,

drove off. She chased him, got in a car accident, like hit a tree or something. She went forward and like, she either like spit coffee out or she threw up a little, she had like a little vomit here. And so in that moment,

she doesn't call the cops. She doesn't call anyone. She calls our manager, this guy, Neil, who was like probably 20 or something, but I thought he was an adult and he was a photographer so he she made him bring his camera take pictures of her looking

like she's dead in the car and then she pasted together a philadelphia inquire article like the front page of the newspaper with that picture and it says so and so died in car crash and then you turn that she faxed that page over to the mayor's office. And then she faxed another one and said, you wish, Mayor Ed Rendell. I'm 15. I'm like, my mom dropped me off. Like, should I get a ride home? And then.

This set the tone for the rest of your lives. So everyone's like calling. We had to put the phone off the hook because everyone's calling the mayor's office. The mayor's office is like, what the fuck is going on? Why are we getting all these calls and then later she did uh kill herself so oh yeah not like while i was still working a couple years later or whatever i have a suicide boss i the okay hear me out when i first moved to la right before i moved here i went to my cousin's wedding

and there was a woman at her wedding who was my dream woman she was a beverly hills boss ass bitch she was wearing a bb wrap dress she was fucking gorgeous perfect fake nose just absolutely perfect and she immediately took to me and we like spent the whole wedding just chatting. And I was like asking her questions and she was giving me all this life advice. And she's like, oh, if you're moving to LA, like I live there. She's like, you should come work for me because I always need help. I was like, great. I'll be there. I'll call, let you know when I come. So like, you know, fast forward six months, I ended up dropping out of school. let you know when I come so like you know fast forward six months I end up dropping out of school I moved to LA I call her she's like great come work for me so literally like when I drove to

Los Angeles the next morning like I got in Sunday night what was the job so I was just gonna help her out her assistant yeah so literally got to LA like Sunday on a Sunday night at like you know 11 p.m. I started work for her the next morning on monday i showed up at 7 a.m like beautiful like beverly hills mansion and i walk in she's like oh i'm so glad you're here she's in a robe she's like my knee is hurting i need you to drive today i was like what okay i literally just got to la like where are the phone books so basically like she just like took me around and i was like her helper. And also she had two kids. So I would kind of help with the kids.

And she was like an L.A. bitch, like in a good way, but also bad way. Because we went out to lunch. And I remember the kids wanted dessert. And when the waitress came to me, she was like, Esther doesn't need dessert. She's on a diet. And that's where it all began. I was like, cool. What if I scoop it myself?

Is that? And actually, there was so much like early day LA trauma from this experience. Because then when one of her friends came over to like help me get ready for this woman's, who was working for her second wedding. And she was sitting down with me like packing gifts or whatever. And I remember the friend was like, so why did you come to LA? And I was like, to like to do like creative stuff how old were these people they were probably in their 40s like women in their 40s like

from la they're probably 28 but we're older now so we're like that was probably no i would say like late 30s early 40s and i was 21 and um she said what brought you to la i'm like oh i'm like really into comedy she's like oh you didn't just come here to meet a man and i was like no yeah but looking back don't you wish looking back i'm like that was great advice you pursue your dreams later yeah but anyways so i had this like crazy three-month like affair working for this amazing woman and she ended up firing me because like and ultimately all i did was like eat all our snacks and like i was bad at everything

and then during covid for some reason dave was talking about actually a mutual friend of ours who gets like these really like high- stock tips and I know who and I googled this billionaire that like is a you know three people removed from me but like there's this billionaire who I heard about and I googled him and I noticed his last name was the same last name as that woman and I was like weird oh my god i was like oh my god like i always knew she was rich but i didn't know her ex was a billionaire so i google her and like what does she have to now and like i see that she was um already on her third marriage like i was involved in the second marriage and she's already moved on a third billionaire oh another billionaire yeah

she married another billionaire and then some people just know how to do that i don't think i've ever met one billionaire and I had no clue they were a billionaire. This was like the person to learn that from. And then I kept like Googling her and she killed herself. Oh, shit. She hung herself. Yeah, she fucking committed suicide.

Damn. Okay, do not try to get a rich man. It does not end well. But I was like, why? Like I was just in so much shock when I discovered it because I really had this woman on a pedestal, which I know sounds crazy, but sorry. No, she had you on a pedestal so she could look you in the eye. But I was just like, wow, like, you can marry billionaires and still not be happy?

Who would have thought? You know what I like? This is what I take from this whole thing. This is where you learned how to treat carlos like do things for me but you have silly dreams rest in peace like obviously it's a very tragic story and i'm very sad and i appreciate all my time with her did she leave jewels or heirlooms for you she did not for her favorite little la girl you should have stuck around longer answer um honestly how many free trial subscriptions do you end up getting that cost you like thousands

of dollars because you're stupid and you don't cancel them 69 69 69 oh sorry. Actually, 420. I didn't know that my niece had borrowed my iPad and subscribed to a very expensive premium anime streaming service that I had just been paying for for the last four years. Who told you about it, though? Who told you about it? Truebill. Thank you, Truebill. Really? We love a good anime, but not for that price so thank you true bill true bill is the new app that helps you identify and stop paying for subscriptions that you don't need or want or you simply forgot about and on average people save up to 720 a year with true bill do you know what true bill taught me what that i have two um apple accounts and i had double subscribed yeah i doubled subscribed to things that i

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but the end result is something you'll both enjoy so get your man to sign up did you ever see the movie the map of the stars or a map of the stars it's a lot like it's's like a rich Hollywood woman and her assistant and stuff. You might like it.

Really? Yeah, it's really weird and creepy. And it has a lot of like, there's a weird incest. The whole storyline is kind of an incest storyline. I'm going to tell Carlos to watch it and then tell me how it looks like. Cliff notes. You're like, I'm busy looking at the ceiling. I can't be bothered with television interrupting my ceiling staring i must do nothing this is such a good point of how you are just the listener and

never talk when we're i've never heard that story i don't even know i'm like you had a job more than johnny rockets and i learned about johnny rockets on the show and also like you you're the best storyteller what it's very from like linear it's very clear from beginning to end interesting stories don't have to have that you don't know where it's coming they're more fun when you don't know what where are we what room are we in when are we what are you guys thoughts on people who don't share their food like if you're in a group together and you're eating have you ever been around someone who's been like hey like don't share their food. Like if you're in a group together and you're eating, have you ever been around someone who's been like, hey, like don't touch my plate?

Yes, that's me and you know it. No, we shared food just last week. I, up until very recently, like had a phobia of a group dinner where everyone shares. Like I just couldn't. I did not get that vibe from you at all. We shared a pierogi, we split one. What's a pierogi?

Remember Bobby was like, this thing is the most delicious thing on earth and we were like yeah yeah yeah a pierogi is very it was like a little thing like empanada yeah it's like shaped like an empanada was i and there was cheese inside were you that was you were the potato you were the perot esther to be fair i don't think you were technically there you were so in disguise oh i was high yeah yeah yeah um i am better about it now but i don't know what about you are you i like when people like i think it's more fun to like have because you can order everything but if someone doesn't want to share i don't give a shit it's fine that's good if that's like their boundary i don't care but just tell me ahead of time because i will be reaching over i've definitely been the person at a group dinner where

i'm like okay like you guys do your thing. You're like, I'll have my rice. I just want this and I don't want anyone else to touch it, which I know is, does that make me sound like a jerk? Is that bad? Who cares? Just be yourself. You're annoying. You are a little bit difficult.

Kalilah's very quiet. I'm trying to think of like. She's going. What is, yes, that's very annoying. What is next question? I have this realized with my, I stopped smoking weed. So it's four days I haven't smoked weed. How do you feel?

I feel good. I am not, it does not serve me. What it does for you, it does not do for me. What does it do to you? It makes me eat too much. It makes me like just foggy headed. I'm not focused on things that I want to focus on. I, you know, I have this whole hypnosis thing I want to do.

And I just like completely start smoking weed again and just don't even think about it. Okay. It just keeps me off track. It really like aggravates my ADD. It just like makes me more just, you know, and I think eventually it builds up and it makes me like more like raw in a way that's not good. So how does this feel now on day four? It feels great. I feel good. I mean, I've done it before. I always enjoy quitting smoking weed. It always feels good. And then I convince myself it's like a FOMO thing. Like I'll be like,

well, if Esther can eat weed, then I should be able to eat weed. But it's like everyone like reacts different to things, you know, but I never like have that much fun. It doesn't make my experience more fun ever. But I was the other day before i quit smoking weed i've had two guests over for the popcorn machine okay and that's one of the draws is the popcorn machine so we have and we have a big tv and a surround sound i'm like come let's see the popcorn look how sad she is that she wasn't one of those two people i was like wait people are already coming over she'll make me drive her over if you can find a ride bitch you can come over i i can't be responsible for the transportation Yeah, I was like, wait, people are already coming over. No, because she'll make me drive her over. For the popcorn machine? If you can't find a ride, bitch, you can come over.

I can't be responsible for the transportation, though. I might take you up on that. Oh, my God, Esther, if we're going to become, like, if you want to become, like, friend, friend, friends, you know what I realize it would have to be? What? I would have to hire a car service for you to come to me. Your assistant. No, we'll just get Carlos. Carlos solves all the problems.

But so I invited two couples over. Okay. Two couples came over. This was separate times. You know two couples? I have friends, baby. I got friends. The first couple was Haley and Curtis, my friends who I do ayahuasca with.

Curtis works with Joe Rogan at his club. And okay. So and then Haley's a teacher. She's cool they come over they want to watch we have the big tv we got surround sound it's so fun we're on a camera but we're watching we're having a good time todd makes popcorn i don't know how to make it obviously i'm like todd make the popcorn he makes the popcorn puts it in a bowl if you put it near me it's not like people had maybe one kernel each. And I like I'm telling you what the second time it happened with the second couple where I ate the entire thing of popcorn. And then I would make I make Todd make another one. And then I eat the next one too.

Oh, now I see why you don't invite me over for popcorn. No, I want I want. I don't want to be eating all the popcorn. I don't want to be eating popcorn. The great thing about I don't have popcorn guilt at all. That is such a happy food for me. I never feel bad. So load it up. But Todd make more. the great thing about i don't have popcorn guilt at all that is such a happy food for me i never feel bad so load it up but todd make more but todd knows if he makes more i'm gonna be mad at him

because i'm gonna eat it again poor todd doesn't know what to do he's standing over shaking at the machine more or less no no todd has been trained his mom's so crazy i love her vanessa you're the best but she he is trained for me his he's got a cool slice he slices that packet open he's like my girlfriend's crazy and it's never gonna stop that's just how it is and I'm cool as a cucumber and I'm cool as a fucking cucumber here's your popcorn bitch and um but so

the second time it happened I realized I literally like black out so the popcorn comes I black out I wake up I'm like wasn't there a tin man was there I'm like where are my red shoes and he is like literally like you were wake up. I'm like, wasn't there a tin man? Was there? I'm like, where are my red shoes? NEM, NEM. Literally like. You were there too.

Yeah. I'm like, and you, and you. I mean, it was just like, it's like, so it has to stop. And so popcorn is why I stopped smoking weed. That's the real. This is the worst thing you could ever say to me. Like I am upset. Listen, here's why I didn't hypnotize

myself to never smoke weed. Because for the show and for our content and our entertainment, I will obviously eat edibles on the show and do stuff like that. If I hypnotize myself, I won't be able to do it. So I'm just taking my break from weed.

Whoa. Because I'll never smoke a cigarette again after hypnotizing. Because of hypnotism. It's in my identity now that I don't smoke cigarettes. I can't. Like when I want, I can't. There's nothing. So being hypnotized works.

What would you like to be hypnotized out of, Esther? I don't know. But I'm doing like a habits thing where I'm using it as like a habit to change a bad habit. Actually, I know exactly what. I, when I wake up in the morning and if it's not a morning where like, oh, you have to be here, you know, like shooting or whatever, like a show, whatever. I will really lay in bed for like an hour before I start my day. The idea that you thought the audience might think you were going to a shooting range and

you had to clarify. I did clarify because of that. What? Shooting what? No, I meant shooting. When I said shooting, I was thinking of Dollface. And when I said like a show, I was thinking of this, which makes no sense because they're the same thing. I would like to see you in a shooting range.

I would love that. We should definitely do that. A hundred percent. We can bring my new gun. Oh, what do you got? I don't know what it is. Todd bought it. But it's a good one.

It's the one from Pulp Fiction. That's all I know. Annie has a gun. We all know the days of this show are numbered because one of us won't be around. Can you imagine me bringing it? I want to go to tactical training for it. I want to learn how to like roll around and shoot. I want to be able to pop up, roll around, shoot, shoot back.

We used to go to the desert when I lived in Nevada and just shoot. I want to be able to pop up, roll around, shoot, shoot back. We used to go to the desert when I lived in Nevada and just shoot. We'd fill up things with water, like pumpkins and stuff. And we would just fire away all day. Yeah, it was my Vegas days, but I have pictures that I feel like do not. Cause you look like a gun bitch.

I look like a gun bitch. That's great. That's funny. I look like a. George, what like a gun bitch that's great that's funny i look like a george what the fuck is going on with george he's getting all horny about the guns oh my god he hasn't been around us without his child for a while so now he's really going crazy george is a banana break time yes it is what a banana i'm sad i liked the little Oh, he started getting shorter ones to remind us of Hawaii. Do you guys have any New Year's resolutions? God, I'd have to

think about that. I'm not sure. Kalilah's like, her resolution is not seeing us. She doesn't know how to explain it on the show. Say it for me, Esther. This is Apple Cider, everyone. Yay. And I know when you say don't freak out,

you're talking to me. Well. Oh, am I supposed to wait? Yes. Wait till the ball to drop. Then I'll lose the foam. That's a good point. The foam is not the part.

The bubbly. You're supposed to pour it so there's less foam. Yeah, Pete, what the fuck? Pete was not a bartender. Yes, I love it when Pete's here, so I'm not the only one getting yelled at. I know, but when Carlos is here, you guys really get a break. You really get a break. I feel like this is going to sound crazy.

Uh-oh. Every day is my New Year's resolution. I've been, like, really working on my shit, so I don't have anything, like, specific, but... Every night is New Year's Eve. Every night's New Year's resolution. I've been like really working on my shit. So I don't have anything like specific but every night is New Year's Eve. Every night is New Year's Eve baby. I'm fucking celebrating that ball. Balls are dropping.

What do you guys usually do for New Year's? Stand up. Oh you guys at the store? I hate when you do stand up you're like and then I saw my dad's dick. Oh wait.

Okay guys it's time. Okay. Ten. Yeah. Nine. Eight. That's been really crappy for me to be on the road with Bobby for New Year's.

Just that random interruption in the beginning. And then he's trying to look for me in the crowd because we're supposed to do a midnight kiss. Yeah. Oh, the midnight kiss search is a nightmare. It's a misery. You got to go through a crowd. Yeah. And he's like, babe, babe, where the fuck are you?

And he's on. Cut to midnight. Esther pops up. I have a handcuffed Kalilah five minutes before midnight. I, yeah, I was talking to this girl today who said that she, she and her friend, who she had like a falling out with, so they're not doing it this year, but they would always do like a lead a meditation through New Year's.

Oh, that's cool. Because she's like, why would we be partying and getting wasted the things that we're doing that are kind of like our gluttony that we want to leave behind? Why would we be going into the New Year with that? And she's like, I agree. Yeah. And then once they meditate,

they do their like what they want to manifest for the year. Imagine that's a good point because having a hangover on the first day of the calendar year it's just not it doesn't make sense you should be waking up early and getting a head start i i love that and also like my favorite new year's eve activity is like going to the grocery store stocking my fridge like for what y2k stocking your fridge she's like getting all the canned goods to put in the basement for covet 22 what the hell is wrong with you i don't i don't know you say things like they're so normal that's what's like you know how everyone does they stock up everyone's wasted partying wait esther do you do the store too or do you just chill it i've only done the store a few times i don't like being in

west hollywood on new year's eve do you oh'm sorry. Did you think it was the fun of being at your home club? Oh, no, no. You're on the road with a bunch of weirdos. Why the fuck did you come to the show? Oh, I've done this comedy store on New Year's Eve. Have you ever done it on Halloween dressed up? No. I've seen some really epic costumes where you're like, that is

nudity. We're like, wow, girl. In Hollywood, yeah. What's going on? I'll on say the name say the name i'll just say the name because it's not even any shade i like her and she's cool and she's pregnant and shit now but eliza sessinger came in like uh she was ronda rousey once but she's like she's she's like she's like not the same ripped as you because she's thicker than you so she's like she's like where like she's like got like the side cuts and everything. The Britney Spears thing.

So she'll, and then she'll like, she had like really low cut, like boxer shorts, I feel like. And she came in, she was like, and it was like, your body's so hot. It's very weird. It's like very distracting on stage. But she can't, I remember when she came in on that. I don't know. That's all.

That's all going to be edited out. Say the other name. And edited out. Who else was it? I don't know. No, I just Let's show. We're all going to be edited out. Say the other name. And edited out. Who else was it? I don't know. No, I just. I'm trying to think of anyone else.

I just remember her coming in and was like, wow, you are naked. That is weird. That's probably really cold out too. But also I feel like if she didn't have

such a good body, it wouldn't have been as like surprising and shocking. But if you don't have a good body, it's a funny costume. It's a fun, better costume.

It's just like, imagine if you were like, I'm Rhonda off it's a funny costume it's a fun better costume it's just like imagine if you're like i'm ronda off season when i'm not trying to cut weight but i think that she literally like maybe she trained for that because i like that too i like to have like i trained for hawaii and now i'm gonna train for our billboard shoot whatever that is by the way george can i just tell you you saying i need to know whether you guys want to do the billboard or the live show first is why would they have to be can't they be next to each other can't they be done at the same

time slow some things move slow but we could do back to back weeks I just need to know what to prioritize right now because we're so close on everything right okay and have you talked to Bart because Bart keeps hitting us up about about live shows. I think we should consult

Esther, our business manager, ultimately, for the answer. Oh, I spent some money yesterday, Esther. Whatever we can do to keep the costs down, I'm a happy person.

And I'm here to keep the costs up and her unhappy. I thrive when Esther's miserable. And that is why the show works. Are we going to have a sip? Yeah. Is this Martinelli have a sip? Yeah.

Is this Martinelli's? Mm-hmm. Shout out to the younger years. Apple juice. No. I think we should say something to the Slug fam and wish them well. Yeah. But I'm not good at that, so you guys do the New Year speech.

All right. Kalilah's not good at podcasting, the thing she's really good at. So the thing she's really excellent. Kalilah's not good at podcasting, the thing she's really good at. So the thing she's really excellent at, she's not good at. But all right, slugs. 2020 was wild, was it not? It's 2021. I've got to get to it.

I've got to get to it. They think I'm actually that dumb. Like that's, well, I can get there. Yes, we think you don't know what year it is. 2020 was a rough year, but I'll tell you one good thing that came out of it. We came up with an idea for 2021. True.

Which was this podcast. It shockingly has worked. It's so weird. On camera, everything is excellent. That's all you need to know. No, it's good. It's the best. It's like so easy.

It's so fun. It's like so easy. It's so fun. It's such a treat. Like going on the road, meeting all of you guys has been incredible. Talking to you guys, the energy that you feel towards us, we feel back at you. We're all so happy and so excited that you are entertained by our bullshit. Like we really are. Yeah. And what about the fact like now I feel like I have a safe space where I can share what I'm going through in my life and what I'm feeling about certain things. The fact you think this is a safe space is how crazy you are. Do you see when people are like, she's too mean to Esther? I'm like, it's her safe space. She likes it. It's where she wants to be. But like, I feel like we found this community of slugs that understand

us and we understand them. And especially meeting them on the road has been like a huge deal i don't know i'm just i do feel grateful for you guys honestly i i pains me to say it but i feel so grateful that you guys are people that exist in the same timeline as me is that why you didn't eat your banana now she's back to no bananas my we go my banana while you guys have your drink um yeah what else kyle say something i'm not on the road like you guys so i don't see this community as much right you haven't felt um but i do feel a different kind of love like i i've been doing tiger belly for seven years now and sitting next to bobby is a different dynamic and i do feel a little bit more loved here um with the fan base that we've created oh i thought you meant by us

i was like that's really no no not in this room specifically not in this room specifically but just by you know like i read all of your messages um there isn't one that i miss and honestly it's just nice to have a girl gang and the boy slugs and we're just generally fucking open how cool and accepting of three very different people on on mics you know we're not your you know we're crass we're not your prototypical girls next door but thank you for accepting us just the way we are in all of our faulty faulty ways we're like if three weird women moved into the house next to you and you're like what's up with them yeah we're like the what were the girls

the okay the three witches in um hocus pocus, which one am I? I bet Midler. No, you're Sarah Jessica Parker because you're blonde, which is so unfair. Okay, what are you? Are we going to fight? No, I'm Kathy Najimy and she's Bette Midler. Kathy Najimy's character is very cute, though. But you're right, Annie is not blonde. I'm Bette Midler. I'm happy to be Bette Midler.

Yeah, that is kind of the best part. I tried to be her, but nobody was happy. And I am still posh. I do want to say for the new year. For this new year, I want to let everyone know I'm fucking posh. No one can say anything about it. It's done. Agreed?

They don't say I have my gun. Agreed? Agreed? You're going to have to prove it. Tie your hair. This podcast is going to get real different now that they know about my unpacking. All right.

Well, cheers. Cheers. Thank you. This has been such a good year. I've had such a good time. I'm excited for more. Far enough. That was very symbiotic.

Which of you is gonna move symbolic I mean that could have been a more there couldn't have been a greater parallel to our relationship than that exact moment the only thing

that would have been better though is a mutual goodbye Carlos would you come in here and cheers to the four of you that's what I was gonna say yeah if Carlos came and like clinked to them

it would have been perfect or Todd Todd just help Todd god damn it it's actually quite delicious i know i love i love this apple cider can we talk about the sharing food thing because i want to know what your feelings why it annoys you oh no mine is just um i don't know how to make of someone like that i have no judgments about people and their sharing foods i just don't understand it because like it's always family style

eating in like Asian culture. It's like, you know, what's mine is yours. I remember my first day in the Philippines. Yeah. And that's fun unless you're standing next to Bobby. Half the food that goes in his mouth comes back out. This looks really good, but I want to. I'm going to tell jokes. I did not. This looks really good, but I want to stand over there next to somebody else. Oh, that is funny. Where it's like,

Esther, thank you for not sharing food, actually. I think you are helping us. It is like a germ thing for me because people, sometimes there's no serving spoon and people just go in with their personal spoon.

But are you saving us from your germs? Yeah. I think like, I feel like, are you saying that like, if this is something that they don't do then you're like i don't know where you are in the rest of the world too i just don't like here's my thing for sure if a guy was like that i would not date him i agree that's because i'm like what the fuck dude like you should be able to you have communal eating right i had a boyfriend with pts, like, hated his mother so much

for her beating him. But he still liked her, but he was, you know, he was in there. He, if you went to reach for his food, it was like a dog. Like, he would be so mad. And he's like, get, oh!

And then he would go into a whole thing about his mom, how his mom would never share food. Oh, fuck. And he would get back into it and you're like, oh, okay. I will get my own. Thank you. But then he became, like, his mom. Yeah, he would get back into it and you're like oh okay um i will get my own thank you but that then he became like his mom yeah he would turn into yeah and he would go back into the

thing guys if you have ptsd you can't get through it you gotta work on it please lord god i had i once dated a guy who in the middle of the night had really bad dreams i swear to god like his past life was a nom or something yeah because he would hold me down yeah that's how he was too what it's that's scary he would hold you down he would hold me down or like grab me yeah and i'd like pull away and he would like yeah it's but he would wake me up in my face he'd go like he'd go i'm dying i'm dying and i'm like you're alive please go over there yeah yeah i'm dying i'm done like it would be more like help me i'm dying and i'm. Wow. I really haven't dated much. You guys both have gotten like squeezed in the night.

I didn't get squeezed. Okay. I got yelled into giving blowjobs though. When I was in a dead slumber, but. PTSD blowjob. I was like. That was a racket, Annie. I think he was.

Isn't it weird when your PTSD's end up with their D and your P P S and D what do you guys want

for 2022 I want more slugs I want more travel I want to be doing more stand up I want to expand my set I want to keep entertaining people I want to be doing more stand-up. I want to expand my set. I want to keep entertaining people. I want to keep honing in on the things that I feel like I'm here to do.

And it's just been so fun. I just want to keep riding. What about you, Esther? I feel very similar. I want this show to continue to thrive. I feel super proud of how far and fast we we've gotten and I just want to keep going and maybe we'll get our all get real tattoos that match I don't know they all say Kalilah Kalilah's got a Kalilah tattoo that's actually so funny to get your own name yeah wait that

there are people that do that that's amazing I always wonder that where it's like marrying yourself like are you do you are you do you think going to forget who you are, that you need a reminder? Yeah. Oh, my God. Memento. Oh, that's what I wanted to ask. Speaking of names, when you meet someone who has named Annie or Esther, are you freaked out by that at all?

Because it's so rare for me. Does it ever happen to you? Well, how often do you go to the old folks' home? Esther's hanging out at the Holocaust Memorial hearing her name left and right it's so true i want to know what the feeling is like because i've never met anyone named kalilah because i'm like i would be so freaked out i'd be like that's not you if someone was like i'm kalilah i'm like no you're not no the fuck you're not i'd probably fight them well that is well it is like a weird name your kids kalilah they're gonna get their ass beat. A lot of babies are named Kalilah now. They'll always send me the baby pictures.

And I like that because they're babies. But if an adult my age were like, I'm Kalilah, I would fucking just drop that bitch. It's so funny that even though people love you, Esther, they'll never name their kid after you. Never. It's a horrible name. It could be totally. I actually do think, though, that my name will come back. It's already coming back.

No, it is. Because it's it's been so old. But when I had it, it was not in style. I think I've had a lot of Annie's in my life. There was Annie Cox and Annie Dick. There was a girl in my college named Annie Dick I was friends with. And the girl in my Quaker Youth Retreats was Annie Cox. And how do you feel?

Like, what do you call them by their last name? Or do you call them Annie? I call them Annie, but I was never that close. I mean, Annie Dick I was close with. But it's hard to get close to someone with your name really that's what i'm saying like do you feel weird who's are you talking to me or her it's like so confusing well i heard that when people have the same names they just call each other by the last names oh yeah and i feel like at my i went to a small school high school college and uh both of them were small but my college so they i was flashing annie because i used to always flash my tits that was how they knew me that's a great name

i just called you flash the flat oh my god guys i have a new name i love the flash that's such a good name i feel like you're flash too junior flashy flash i used to flash people but that name i know a person that had the nickname, actually Jenna's ex-boyfriend, his nickname was The Flash. Why? I don't know. Came fast? Was he fast?

It seems like an insult, honestly, to the boy. It is, yeah. That's interesting. I don't know. No, I have no idea when he came or not. I like fast comers. You're not that good of friends. You like fast comers? I like fast comers. You're not that good of friends. You like fast comers?

I love fast comers. Yeah, it's not a problem. Yeah, it's not a problem for me. Long comers, when they think they're doing you a favor, you're like, oh my God. Wait. Stop with the long coming, guys. This is a crazy thing that I just thought about. I was thinking about all the guys I dated when I was in my early 20s, which is like

two, whatever, but how they came really fast. Because you were hotter? which is like two, whatever, but how they came really fast. And like – Because you were hotter? I'm like, is it because they were young or is it because I was 21 and they were fucking a 21-year-old? I think they were young. They just didn't learn. They're young.

Yeah, I think it takes time because I've – like if I ask Bobby or my friends now who are in their 30s, they all came fast when they were younger. But then you kind of like learn how to manage that part of – Yeah. Okay, because I was like, is this a me issue? No, it's just young. Yeah.

Takes days. Weeks. We're calling out. We're fucking again. That is, I did hook up with one of my ex-boyfriends and this was so painful. He like, afterwards he was like pulling up pictures of us in college and he was like oh look how hot you were when you were 21 and i think i'm hotter than that because i'm not a pedophile so i'm like yeah look at that i'm like

i was like my cheeks were so puffed like i was so little yeah i was so young i'm like okay someone once said to me and he really thought he was paying me a compliment. He was like, you know what I love about your face? How big your pores are on your cheeks. That's crazy.

He didn't mean pores. He must have meant like the apples. No, because I do have like very visible pores right here. Why would someone be in there? But he seems like, he's like, no, I love that. He's like, I love that.

And I'm like, please never tell your next girlfriend let you love her gigantic fucking pores guys i'm gonna take you to get ivs high glutathione glutathione i mean i got it too yesterday i mean i have a spray tan too so yeah i was gonna say is that the same one i got another one did he like your pores like did he he did he genuinely did Did he come on your face? And like, maybe he thought he could get you pregnant through that? What I like about you is I can get you pregnant without inserting.

Oh, I do love a good nut butt. A what? You know, when they can't come in you, so they come in the back of you. In your butt? Yeah, in your butt. You just blow their load all up in there. Inside your butt. So you haven just blow their load all up in inside your butt so you haven't done much huh i just the like to just let someone go in the butt just for that it's like it hurts it's the final thing it's just the final thing i'm not into anal it hurts i don't

either i don't like it yeah they don't have to go in to squirt it but yes they squirt on the crack but the problem is i'm always afraid it's gonna drip in i'm gonna get pregnant that way no you can prevent that now i know what you're saying we're good she has dated after all she's like oh i dated a lot she's like any of you dated that's really weird no i hate when i'm always like when you have to when you have to go like clean yourself you have to like hold you have to cup it so it doesn't drip everywhere what are you guys's thoughts on dudes that don't offer a warm towel after to clean you i like the idea of them being like like at the spa and they have like a warm thing of asian i want it to be i want them to have like a um a towel warm to bring it to me yep oh my god that's so cute that should be a

requirement one more escort we'll have that with us oh you'll buy that i will for sure you're our pimp so wait we're the ones that have to fuck now and you're not how does this work she just coughs more no I could be a taste tester do you want the owner or do you want one of the trainees I could be a taste tester

see this is how good of a pimp I am I'm going to go in there first I'm going to examine their penises for bumps for weird lesions for smells and then I will do just a couple blows right just a couple and then see if he's a you know a fine young gentleman and pass them over to you no you blindfold them and then you leave the room and then we go in yes I was just watching a final destination when that happened it was final destination five have you not watched those movies they're the best movies they're the no but I was just watching a Final Destination when that happened it was Final Destination 5

have you not watched those movies they're the best movies they're the funnest movies no but that's probably exactly what I'm looking for so thank you I'm gonna watch them all

okay so you know what the premise is yes they escape someone has a vision of them all dying and then they escape in time

and then you know destiny comes to get them each time so in this one there was a guy getting he went to go get a rub and tug at an Asian massage parlor.

And the woman was so mad at how rude he was being the hot chick at the desk that she's like, okay. So she brings him in and she just brings this old lady in. And the old lady's like giving him all these, you know, pins for acupuncture and stuff. And then something happens, like a fire starts something and he rolls over and he falls on all of them. But that doesn't kill him because Final Destination, there's always like 20 things happening that could kill him. And so he rolls over and he falls on all of them but that doesn't kill him because final destination there's always like 20 things happening that could kill him and so he rolls over then the fire starts and that comes towards him and he's like ah and he's like escapes it the

fire goes out he's like oh thank god and then a big buddha comes and smacks and crushes his head spoiler alert that's only one of the deaths there's so many beautiful deaths so many gorgeous ones todd and i are gonna write a final destination 17 well i guess it's come time that we will see our slugs next year next year and we love you so much this has been so cool yeah wait i want to ask you guys something to go into the new year if you think this is true do you feel like the more you learn about life, about yourself, about your higher self, do you think that you – I always feel like when I was a baby, I was born and I knew like everything and then I forgot it and I'm relearning stuff. Do you feel that way?

I feel a similar thing, which is that not when I was a baby, but when I was a little kid, I had this – I think this is common, though. Like I had this like spirit and energy that has slowly faded. And I'm like trying to always reignite it. Yeah. Maybe it's always there. Maybe you got to stop staring at the ceiling, bitch. Go outside. Pop a gummy.

Pop a gummy. Watch a final destination. Do you have that, Kalilah? Like spiritually, not what the fuck she was talking about. Yeah. Esther, you threw me off there for a second what were you saying you know like you know when you like learn more about yourself and you're like you you hear these things and you're like damn like oh and it feels like you already knew it as a baby like i feel like we're born into the universe with like the the knowledge okay and then once we like we make some sort of like deal where it's like if we're

going to communicate we have to like forget everything and so then once you start talking if you don't remember it but i just feel like when i'm learning all these things and i'm like growing as a person and finding myself out that it feels like i'm like oh i remember this yeah it's a you're so connected to it yeah okay. Okay. I guess in a sense, yeah, there is like a purity in childhood. And maybe there is this like, you know, you almost want to like recapture that like blissful state that you're in when you're a child, that wonder, that excitement, that lack of judgment, that fearlessness that you're just like, I'm going to do that. That sponge like nature to be like i'm

gonna absorb the world and everything around me but as you get older and a lot of these things happen to you yes yes you just explaining mine yes what that's how you she's explaining the thing i said well you didn't say it as well i agree i honestly i was like what is this bitch like man i was like oh yes And then, but you lose that. Bad things happen. You start to overthink. This big adult brain of yours starts to get in your own way. But I think it's just like conditioning, right?

Right. So once you shed that and you really work at trying to shed those things that aren't real and you get back to the core of yourself yourself you will find that fearlessness and that like vitality and that want to let you know to live a big life and yeah so but it's hard to get through that thick layer that you build yeah that you know you gotta kind of shed a second skin and you have a choice in it too because i always feel like old people either like bloom out or bloom go in you know so i think for 2022 we should all bloom bloom out hell yeah we're late bloomers that's all it is we're just a little late to bloom well who's younger than us doing better than us we're doing good i think we're blooming right on

time here we're doing good we're on time bloomers yeah and we hope that you guys bloom with us shed that shit bitch we'll see you guys bloom with us. Shed that shit, bitch. We'll see you guys next year. Bye, guys. Cheers. Bye.