Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Just Holes w/ Nikki Glaser

Episode Date: November 30, 2021

Merch is Here! http://slugfam.com  Thank you to our Sponsors:   BetterHelp - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at https://betterhelp.com/trashtuesday Caliper - Get 35% off your first order with promo code TRASH  at https://trycaliper.com/trash Therabody - Try Theragun for 30 days starting at only one hundred ninety-nine dollars at https://therabody.com/trashtuesday Liquid Death - Get free shipping on all water and merch at https://LiquidDeath.com/TRASH Trash Tuesday Postcards and Sticker Designs by Natalie Ramirez: https://www.instagram.com/nathaliepresents Trash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Subscribe to our YouTube: https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons Official Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/trashtuesdayclips Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: George Kimmel & Pete Forthun Editor: Gabby Galon --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/trashtuesday/message

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really exciting it's really happening fist bump fist bump you, the merch is here. We did it. It's coming. We literally, we begged. You begged. I cried. Listen, a lot has happened. And we wanted to take our time to get the perfect merch for you. We have so many cute things. I think we nailed it. We have a crew neck.

It's got slugs crawling on the front. Trash Tuesday on the back. It's so amazing. It's in a golden yellow. We have a windbreaker. The banana light pink crop windbreaker is so cute like by the way it's such a good thing because not everyone has a windbreaker so we were like let's do this this is we're into it and there's postcards and stickers i'm so happy

i know i'm really excited they're really i feel like we put in the time and effort and we came up with stuff that you guys are really gonna like. So you can check out all our new merch at slugfam.com. Guys, we want to shout out Natalie Ramirez and her Instagram, Natalie Presents. She made all of the cards and... Thank you so much, Natalie. You made our merch so cool. And stickers. It's just really very exciting that she did a beautiful job and we're very happy to be working with her.

And we love you guys so much. Hey, slugs. Welcome to Trash Tuesday. What you're going to see later is us getting to the bottom of who on the show is a cuck and who is a regular person. You can see me. There are a lot of laughs. I got Esther real good on this one.

She fell to the ground. She has bruised knees for me. I think I even hugged you. She hugged me. We had a moment. We had a couple moments. You can come see me live. I've been having the best time on these shows.

You can come see me live in Irvine, California, Naples, Florida, Hasbro Heights, New Jersey, Brookfield, Wisconsin, Tampa, Florida, Springfield Missouri Washington DC Austin Texas and many more please go to Annie Letterman dot com slash shows

come see me it's been unbelievable can't wait to meet you hi you guys today is a day I'm coming to Salt Lake City and Austin

and more come see me get tickets at Esther on Ice dot com I'm so excited to come to all these cities we've been having so much fun we've been having so much fun and check out Sleepover by Esther dot com And more, come see me. Get tickets at esteronice.com. I'm so excited to come to all these cities. We've been having so much fun.

We've been having so much fun. And check out sleepoverbyester.com for these sweatpants and more. Okay, here, guys. We're going to start. We're going to. A second attempt at starting this podcast with a wholesome 10 you need to hire crisis actors oh my god that's actually so funny we should get like little kids dressed in our wigs yes we need crisis actors we're little people but we might get in trouble for that what is today's uh topic for the first 10 minutes of non-sexual non-rape talk i

want to tell you i brad williams i saw last night okay two very different things because you started with brad williams i'm wearing these i'm wearing these you can't be wholesome and short wow and i just want to clarify rape and sexual are two different topics okay yes and rectual is actually a new thing we'll be talking about later it's about okay so you saw brad william talking about later okay so you saw brad williams and you rectum you saw brad williams and your eight inch platform yes and i felt so guilty i was like brad i'm so sorry i was like i should have gotten you a pair i have i've failed you you know it's also rude to me too i don't care about your feelings do you understand

and that's what makes me want you even more. You're child passable. Brad is a grown adult who's little. You look like a small child. I do love Brad. I really, he is such a good, he likes, you don't want to be like a total hack with him, but I've had some good ones with him. Sarah Tiana and her boyfriend were at the comedy show the other day and Brad was with

him and I went, oh my god, you brought your son. And it was so good. Is he, he's considered a little person? Yeah. Okay. Just clarifying that. I mean, you are actually too, but when I meet people at the meet and greets and I was like, oh my god, you're Esther's size. I always let them know. That's all they want to know. How

small is Esther? You and Joe Rogan, they're like, how tall? How tall? Joe is shockingly small. He's not as short as they think that he is, though. I think he's... He's taller than me. No, he's not, Andy. Yes, he is. Because you and I are the same height.

And when I go in to hug him, he's definitely shorter than me. I think his neck is thicker than yours. Oh, his neck is six times thicker than my waistline. His neck is taller than all of us. No, I was was you know when they had the thing the uh joe rogan he's not five eight he's absolutely not because i'm five eight i'm five eight and i go i i hug down i'm five well that's because you're a snob it's not punching down anymore it's hugging down am i crazy that five eight is like tall

yeah five eight's a great height until. Listen, I don't even notice. When I wear these heels, the security guard at the comedy store is like, well, maybe he's the manager now, but he's like really tall. And I now, like I came in yesterday, I was like, oh my God. And I was like, you have no power anymore. I don't even trust. I don't feel safe anymore with you. I need to be the security guard now.

These heels are like, it's an equalizer. I love it. Every week there's like a new thing that makes you stronger like first it was the sunglasses which by the way oh my god you got them too join the team bitch join and how do you feel does your life feel better yeah dude i'm a peasant i know am i a peasant no but we have four hundred dollars these were four hundred and i think sixty dollars four sixty these i got these at bloomingdales in I know. Am I a peasant? No, but we have. They're $400. These were $460. These I got. These are Bloomingdale's in the Lower East Side.

She got that Bloomingdale's text. Ooh, a New York purchase. New York purchase. I finally, I've wanted these like for 10 years. I've wanted Celine sunglasses for 10 years. I feel like you wanted your eyes checked for 10 years. And you were like, why can't I ever get the old lady glass? And then you did the expensive version.

Kalilah, she's rubbing off on me. Are you scared? I'm so happy. She's humping my leg. Sorry. I got really excited to deliver that and it's meaningless. I thought that was pretty wholesome the first 10 minutes. There's skull fucking and then there's the rest

of the show. In the wholesome pit, you don't have to describe what you're not talking about yeah that's right skull making love no no skull making love yeah making love to a head a cranium cranial making love cranial love making this is feminism it is we need to get our nails done again there's no competition left my jewels have fallen off my is. We need to get our nails done again. There's no competition left. My jewels have fallen off. My this got like started to get snagged. And so now it's just getting on everything. You don't say a dangling thing.

But it had a good five days of no tangle. I just want to make sure the camera really sees that you have a key dangling. It's a palm tree, but I like that you think it's a key. Oh, a palm tree is cool. For cocaine. What? Key bump. We're going to get you on some no no no no

boy i still i had the buck has to stop at edibles dude i got the molly episode's gonna be incredible i didn't even tell you guys i got another tattoo let me see it and she spelled it wrong is it a real one no this is another like a mate it's so funny that you're gonna get like a full body fake tattoo okay i kind of fucked it up though because okay so the tattoo is sunset boulevard it's weird the movie you would think it'd be like the other coast but i was expecting maybe no that's when we're gonna go together we'll all get something so you got a west coast tattoo in the east coast i did i do realize that maybe weird, but I just wanted to get it done. So I got Sunset Boulevard because that's my favorite movie. But then when I came home, Dave was like, you spelled it wrong.

The movie spells it out, but I got BLVD. It just looks like a street. Like the street, yeah. You're like, oh, you're really into the comedy store. That's so pathetic. Let's get comedy store tattoos on our nipples. Ew. You guys, I'm wearing like the chicken cutlets.

Actually, let me just show you. Those are such a throwback. But they're very far set. George is looking down. George is exasperated. He may he. And then, but listen. But they're like really old.

They're so like. Dirty. Throw them over here. They're covered in fuzz. Is that all your nipple hair? Yes. Sticky to it. Ow.

Finally. Saved me. It's so gross. Wholesome 10 is not working out for us today, you guys. It never does. I think titties are wholesome. You guys, I lost a wholesome 10. I'll tell you that.

I'm doing great on my exercising. I look what I wrote down. Favorite pie. Disney characters. Favorite pie pie strawberry rhubarb. It's like how many we are hacks of our own show. We've talked about strawberry rhubarb pie for 12 episodes. But this time hold my hand and gaze into my eyes while I say it. It's a wonderful pie. It has the sweet sweetness of the strawberries and the tartness of the rhubarb. And it's just, it's better than apple. Out of us, who's the sweet and the tart?

I yell, but you're annoying. Which is the tart? Maybe it's the official pie. Okay, I have a pitch. Name the podcast. Strawberry rhubarb is the official pie of the Trash Tuesday podcast. I veto that decision so quick. Because we're not 90.

That's like for elderly people. Then what would it be if we had an official pie? I mean, something more indulgent. Do you want something like things that are easy on your teeth? I feel like that's like elderly people food. I love a key lime. I love a couple things. I like, oh, there's this one in um casals that they have it's like a

dulce de leche banana foster thing that's we should have a pie eating contest okay guess who's getting their pie pie in their face uh you may have seen us poking his penis last week oh i have a i have a really random weird hawaii update oh so dave is canceling he's not coming but he still wants to go so he's making me go to hawaii with him next week and then i'm flying back to la for like four days and going back with you guys i still feel a little bit disrespected that i wasn't even invited on that hawaii trip i is this all because this is what i love the reason esther's able to do it is because carlos has a a new niece or nephew uh he has and you allowed him to go home wait when i saw him on a plane

went esther let him leave wait no he was he was with me in new york and then flew he hasn't met his nephew yet oh the flight was just coming back with you, but he was in coach and you were in first? No, we were together. Oh, he just didn't put you in it? No, I know. I took that photo of him. He's cutting me out of the narrative.

Esther, so you're doing two Hawaii trips in the span of two and a half weeks. That's very Kalilah of you. That's very me. I am becoming you. It's also very me, but let me explain. I'm super into going somewhere. I'm becoming you. It's also very me, but let me explain. Like I'm super into going somewhere. Like I'm super into taking a flight that like is kind of pointless. Like my dream

is to fly to Paris, land in the morning, have go shopping at like the skincare places, have lunch and then fly back to LA. I've done that to kiss a boy. That's amazing. I swear to God. Fourth of July, 2013. My guy that I was seeing at that time from Spain, he was in New York. And I just so happened to have a free day. So I got on a standby flight. I was standby. I got on a red-eye. So you were like, it's fate, like if this works out.

No, I just, he had a big dick. Did you just kiss his face? So why did you just kiss him? I kissed many parts of him. Did you just kiss his face? So why did you just kiss him? I kissed many parts of him. Did you SF him? God, but he was not SF. And we're not talking about San Francisco. Did you San Francisco him?

Wholesome 10. I got there at 7 in the morning, and I remember flying. Wait, where was it? To New York. New York, okay. I remember flying back at 7pm and having to type out my, because I was still, you know,

I was in school at that time. And I remember doing like a PowerPoint presentation. And the story ends brutally. It was a brutal There's a brutal raping. Because I love a good rape story myself, obviously we know that but

Kalilah really gives some details where you're like it's like have you ever seen like The Hills Have Eyes where the rape scene is like a little too

really Kalilah's because she sells she like doesn't reveal it till the end she's like

so this guy came and picked me up you like know where his hands were on her you're like oh my god you guys no we love it it's not my fault everyone has fisted me I was like, so this guy came and picked me up. You like know where his hands were on her. You're like, oh my God. You guys. No, we love it.

It's not my fault. Everyone has fisted me in my life. I had to do a thing for my coaching program that I do. It is not your fault. Let's just, I want to be very clear. It's not her fault. It is Esther's fault. We don't know how, but we can trace it back. It's like seven degrees of Kevin Bacon.

We will find out how Esther is. Isn't it crazy that we're so close in degrees to Kevin Bacon? You know, Jenna hanging out on a farm with goats and Kevin Bacon. We will find out how Esther is. Isn't it crazy that we're so close in degrees to Kevin Bacon? You know, Jenna hanging out on a farm with goats and Kevin Bacon, like it looks like they're on the Footloose farm. I'm like, how? What? I'm right there. It looks like you did dress for it.

I did. Yes, I did. For a dance. I can't help. It's just I always my all my outfits. I want it to look like I can dance and I can't. You can. It's just, I always, all my outfits, I want it to look like I can dance. And I can't. You can.

It's easy. You can, Annie. That's such a myth that like you have to have rhythm. No, anyone can learn how to dance. I don't have rhythm? No, that's what I. You have rhythm. No, I didn't say that.

Todd got me a metronome for my. Fucking? For something. And I was like, that does feel like, are you just saying I'm bad in bed? Oh my God, a metronome for fucking. To like figure it out? I'm going to make him listen to it because when we dance, listen, when we dance and stuff, it's like, it's a little, it is a little.

You know what, we should have a metronome for kissing because I feel like kissing, people just don't get the rhythm right for that. Like I like slow and deep and sometimes it's a whole lot of. I like, I am famously a bad kisser. I'll just get that out of the way. Are you fast? Is that you or the breath? Fast and big. I just like get too excited I'm just like you have very pillowy lips too thank you people say I kiss like I'm in junior high like I just like let's are you all tongue then yeah a lot

a lot kissing in junior high was like where your mouth would be open and it wouldn't the lips would never move and you'd be like yeah Yeah. Ooh, that looks good. I dare you to talk to Nikki right away. Do not. Just don't say anything and just go kiss her. Really? Yeah. Is that assault?

Oh, you were kidding. But you were about to do it. Esther's new. It's a new person. I always wanted to do a prank show with you, but then I realized I would have been the one that was doing all the pranks and you would have just been standing in the background.

Laughing. But look. She's. Yay look. Yeah. Do it. Oh, my God. Hi, guys. Thank you for having me. Have a seat.

Sit your ass down. Whoa. Did you want your cutlets back? Thanks. Yeah, we can play with them. OK. I'm not going to do what you told me to do, but I'm going to ask Nikki. And I want you to be really honest with me, Nikki. Yeah. I feel so good to get your cutlets. play with them okay i'm not gonna do what you told me to do but i'm gonna ask nikki and i want

you to be really honest with me nikki yeah it feels so good to catch a cutlet like i need you to be 100 honest okay um yeah i'll be honest okay if i if you walked in and just to be funny and cool i came up to you and i kissed you like a man like kind of like a man like put her hand like like open mouth a lot of tongue just would you push her away would you have been like that was weird yes but only because my breath is kicking but but if but if it would have been like soccer if you know what i mean i think i might be gay for how my body responded when you said that. Like, I think- Elaborate. Welcome to the show, Nikki. You know when you don't-

Could not be in a better place. Could we have a sound effect for when a woman comes out? Listen, Jessica Kersen came on the show and just popped that pussy open for all of us. I mean, it really is- Did she open your eyes to the fact that everyone's gay? It's just really- Not only is everyone gay,

but we all want to be skull fucked by a dildo, apparently. Wait. Not a male penis. No. A dildo, a strap-on. Can we reach 10? Let's just quickly- I want to be skull fucked by a dildo apparently. Wait. Not a male penis. No. A dildo, a strap on. Can we reach 10? Let's just quickly, I want to quickly explain to Nikki.

Okay, yes. We're a pro face fucking podcast. Okay. We think it's very feminist to be face fucked. Yes. I like it too. Why are we,

yeah, we don't have to do anything. We don't want to do the work. I'm done doing things. We're done with the cervical movements. That's exactly, I was in my special, but I was like, I like when a guy grabs my head and just like does what he wants to do because i don't want

to guess his rhythm so i like i called it the birdhouse like he treats my head like a bird i don't know why like i just feel like i just have a hole in my head and he and i like being whole and then when you're done and then when you're done he tells everyone you're i just want to be whole sorry wait literally that's one of my favorite statements to say to a guy in bed i just want to be like i'm just the whole no because here's the thing when you try to not be the whole they treat you like the whole anyways you're like wait why am i fighting against this i'm a sock i'm a hole i love being a disembodied like from my soul like from being a good person and like a daughter and i want them to be like is this the bed or my girlfriend

like i don't want them to know the difference this the bed or my girlfriend like i don't want them to know the difference between the two i love just being like i was i was uh reading about like hot things to say in bed because you kind of run out of things and i need more and one was use me like your cock sleeve and i was like that like turned me on for some reason to just be i want to be used i don't want to be because sometimes it gets twisted where I, the guy that I'm like, hook up with will maybe sometimes think that I want to be disrespected.

I just want to be as disrespected as you would treat a hole in the wall. Like you wouldn't be like, you're a stupid hole in the wall. You're just feeling your hole in the wall. I want to be limp. Like I want you to take my body. Like I want to be limp

and you just move me around. I want to do the least amount. Yes, Annie. I've done enough. I'm older now. Yes, yes, yes. Do all of this. I want to be a cum dump. Yeah. I want you to just flip me over. I want to do the least amount. Yes, Annie. I've done enough. I'm older now. Yes, yes, yes to all of this. I want to be a cum dump.

I want you to just flip me over. Nikki doesn't know. I have one of those hospital beds and I zoom up to fuck my boyfriend. I zoom up the bottom. I scooch to the edge and I press a button. Like a crap manic?

Yes, and I rise myself to his penis. Oh my God. I do nothing. It's so hard to do stuff. Oh God. I don't like to do anything. It's so hard to do stuff. Oh God. I don't like to do anything. I really do like to just take it. And I remember one time

my boyfriend at the time, I was really tired and he was like horny and kind of petting on me and stuff. And I go, you can, but like, I'm just going to like,

I'm not going to do anything. And he goes, as opposed to what? He was like, oh, is that going to be different for us? And I was like, you're right.

Like, you're such a good guy that you never make me do anything like he's he's really just I don't ever have to be on top I just don't want to be on top

I just I'll be on top every once in a while but it's like it's just sometimes I'm like to see if I miss it and I don't

yes am I bad am I just bad at sex you're not bad you're just retired I'm retired yes I'm on sabbatical at the retired I'm on sabbatical

at the least I'm on sabbatical catch me at my peak I was you know riding dicks off their bodies I was doing a whole I had a whole I feel like my whole life is so in control that most women that like to be kind of just treated

as an objectified in bed they tend to be like boss bitches in their life and they just want a little time off that's why when I'm in bed i they tend to be like boss bitches in their life and they just want a little time off like that's why when i'm in bed i just want to be holes i don't want to be like have to think about your pleasure and like think about you liking me and what i look like i've spent so much of my life doing that i just want to relax the boss thing my ex-boyfriend used to be like you don't seem into i'm like i'm here doing it like i don't what do you need me to be like yay i'm just like

enough we've been dating for two years you know what annie the more money do a sit-up too why don't you get hotter you're ugly that's true the more money i make the less work i want to do yes wait because your money fixes everything so i'm like why are you throwing money at this why are you telling everyone about our sex life do a sit-up you're ugly i've said it to you for years you never listen do you guys feel like there's something that's maybe getting in your way from you living the life that you want i think if you were to watch this show you would already know the answer is 100 yes i'm obsessed with better help it's really mental health if you're not working on it focused

on it keeping it up it will maybe you feel okay right now but i promise you it's coming to bite you in the ass and it's you need the upkeep you need to put the work in yeah if we did not have better help and i'll use it this show would be a lot harder to do better help will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. You can connect in a safe and private online environment. It's so convenient. You can start communicating in just under 48 hours. It's not a crisis line.

It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online. And you can send a message to your counselor anytime. We've all been in that position where like, I just need to get this off my chest. I just need to tell someone and that is where BetterHelp really comes through. And it's all this, all this can be done

without ever having to sit in an uncomfortable waiting room. And I think a lot of times we lean too much on our friends. We like unload on our friends and it's really not their job, but you can just contact someone over your phone. An unbiased professional. We want you to start living a happier life today. As a listener, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com slash

trash tuesday join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health again that's betterhelp h-e-l-p.com slash trash tuesday i find the holidays to be very stressful and extremely triggering because they don't have good rhubarb pie? No. Well, yes, actually. Things aren't how they used to be. No, because the holidays are stressful. Lots of travel plans.

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For me, it decreases my stress. I just generally feel calmer. Yeah, helps me sleep better. I do like that. That's my favorite. And you know what? Surprisingly, it actually helps me like after a big workout with my pain and soreness or any type of like rickety feeling I'm having in my body.

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order with promo code trash at tricaliper.com slash trash. Try it risk-free for 30 days. If you don't love it, they'll give you a full refund. That's tricaliper.com slash trash. Don't forget promo code TRASH for 35% off your first order. I just watched this French movie called Titane that Awkwafina suggested that I watched. suggest that i watched and um there is a scene there without giving too much away where she is fully having sex with an automobile what like full-on strapped on she's fucking it she gets pregnant by the automobile and i want to ask you guys a car it was actually an old car which made it even hotter but i want to ask you guys have you ever had sex with an inanimate object made it even hotter but i want to ask you guys have you ever had sex with an inanimate object no or been attracted to one or saw a shape and said you know my room i have like a it's not a sexual attraction dude but i am able i look at my roomba like a pet like it has there's something

about it that i'm like oh i can understand why people have robots and treat them like it's i feed it and i'm like mom i'm not like i name Roomba. You name him? Yeah, well, I call it Roomba even though it's a shark. But I just, I do feel like I could have, because of my relationship with the Roomba and like giving it a personality and really believing that

and even when it gets tangled up in a cord and like in the morning I'll go to its dock and I'm like, wait, where is it? And I have to go looking for it and I see it go,

Roomba, what were you doing? Why don't you leave like a little bread trail so it comes to you? Or like just comes and sucks my clit. But also, you know what I was thinking? I do want a body Roomba.

This is my image of you. I want you to get a dildo and like glue it onto the Roomba and then ride it and be taken around the corner. Yes. I do think I could be attracted to a thing.

Like almost anything. Almost anything. You know what? Because the, this is something i actually did say because that's a common thing you see in my um my strange addiction or those shows where a woman uh will get married to the eiffel tower and although that's phallic so she can she actually uses little um the ones that you would buy at the gift shop she would use them to like fuck herself even though she's married to the actual Eiffel Tower. I got married on Ecstasy once and we did Eiffel Tower

that night so I do kind of like similar runs. Can you please remind those of us who didn't do drugs in their 20s what it is to Eiffel Tower?

Eiffel Tower is not drugs. It's when you're like No, I know it's not. It takes three of them and then you high five each other while you're It's two guys and a girl in guys and girls i think it could be girls honestly we should be girl like you i guess okay while we spit roast this but i remember

i always thought that i had a type of guy that i was attracted to like i have i have a um there's a bar you have to hit and there was a guy you're like i also have a typewriter i'm attracted to that's next for me there was this guy that i like fell in love with uh despite myself just like there was this you know the energy that people talk about that i was just looking at him like i don't there's if you would have showed me a picture of like i want to set you up with this guy i would have been like do you hate me like i would have my i would have swiped left so hard the screen would have cracked on this guy but there was something about the physical, like, just the energy between us.

And after I was attracted to him and, like, truly turned on by everything he had going on, I was like, I understand why women marry Ferris wheels. Or, like, things that you could never. You could never imagine. A woman is closer to what a guy that I usually am attracted to looks like than this guy was. Like, that's why I was like I can date anyone it's it's not about physical it's about energy a million percent it's about the connection with the person how they make you feel how you make them feel like if they let you be like a full lesbian on podcast yeah on the side I mean every Tuesday I'm not this is not a joke

this is not a bit every Tuesday like this show comes out and then like around one o'clock i get a text or like a look in the face from dave and we have to go through all the things i said wait he listens yes that's sweet he says he has no it's not oh he's checking in he has to listen because learn about you no coming out this week to see what i say because like last two weeks ago he was like i noticed kalilah showed you her vagina and you seem to see what i say because like last two weeks ago he was like i noticed kalilah showed you her vagina and you seem to really get excited by it he's like so then he starts doing mangina to like is this what you're into i suck thermometers up their asses i had squishing up my ass for two days it was great what i thought about you but it was it was high

end lube i hope you know yeah what so why did you take your temperatures with um your, it was great. I thought about you. But it was high-end lube, I hope you know. It was. I loved it. So why did you take your temperatures with your ass? It was nurses' week. Oh, okay. And we were like, oh, let's just try that. And Kalilah used to be a nurse, so I was like, I'm comfortable. Yeah. Okay. Wait, what did you feel about Kalilah's vagina?

And what was the conversation that preceded him saying, you seemed excited by it? It was did you, it was just a text. I w I was already in New York and he would just, I, while I was there, I got the text or I was in Skokie or something. And he was like, yeah,

you seem really excited by it. And I just wrote like, LOL. I'm moving on. Like I just try to, I try to move on quick. Right. Every time I'm in like a little bit of a bad mood or anything,

Todd goes, guess what day it is. And I go, and he goes Tuesday. I have Tuesday anxiety for some reason, even though I love the love the show there's nothing I don't know for some reason on Tuesday so now I'm like breath work I'm like meditating I have no clue why interesting I think it's because I have to wake up with a job like when I wake up I have to post the thing do you know what I mean yes usually when I wake up I'm like thinking about my day and like what am I

gonna do but then I wake up I'm like huh and then you don't the best part about not having anything to do with the editing thank you again kalilah and we got muslim gabby and staff um esther and i look at nothing so it's a surprise i forget i forget until i see the clips and then it's really fun that's why i do a daily podcast because i didn't want to feel the pressure of once a week where it's like gotta bring it i would i would feel that way too but because there's four days a week and if someone is like it sucked i'd be like but i do this four days a week where it's like, gotta bring it. I would feel that way too. But because there's four days a week and if someone is like, it sucked, I'd be like, but I do this four days a week. I have so many things built into my life

to excuse why I end up sucking. Well, let me give you a little tip. This is a new thing I'm doing in my career. I have had my, I have now given my assistant a new task. Her task is to read the comments, pick out the good ones and send those to me never is that not the great go for it however she's reading the bad things so it might slip out once in a while that she's like did you ever consider a different like lipstick like you know

what i mean like like i feel like when your friends because i know andrew my co-host reads like every comment and and knows and it's probably validated when I say something annoying and he hated it in the moment. And then he's like, yeah, they fucking hated it too for it. But that's not real. It's not real. Like the bad comments aren't real. It's like the good comments are like. Sometimes they nail it.

You know when they nail the thing that you're like, I only thought I knew that about myself. Well, I just remember one saying, this guy, like I was, he said something about me being hairy or something. I was like, I waxed my mustache. She's like, I was talking about your cheeks. I was like, oh. I have a question about that. So I have hair underneath, like on the top of my big cheekbones here. And then my my threading lady always wants to take it off.

And I'm like, no, no, no. That's my little wolf patch. But is that an unattractive thing to have? Oh, my God. Cheek hair. I think it makes your makeup set a little like off your face that's why i have like do you do the shaving thing though i've done it before where i've literally just raised like with just shaved it comes back stubbly i don't

like that it yeah it's just it it always when you put on your makeup afterwards you kind of forget and you're like oh my god it's so smooth but it'll be like a day but it's yeah it grows back and you have to be in a like a loving relationship because you can't go on a first date i did it before a special one time and i and i cut myself it looked like i was in a street fight like i literally just because i'd never done it my sister had gotten these little like face razors and they i found one in my bag i feel like it's just another thing that i do were you attracted to self-sabotage yeah i just started fucking bleeding everywhere i'll just say this if Kalilah

if like if I if you and I were in some kind of situation like where we were a thing I don't know what that means but I would I think I would think that your face hair

is like very you and it's like very cute I would be like shaving bitch no yeah I think it's fine I just you just choose

what you're insecure about like I just I'm not insecure about it I just was maybe she thought it wasn't a good look my lady they're trying to get an extra three dollars by the way threading women i don't want to like her why do we have to why is it so cheap it's too cheap i know it's ten dollars i'm like you gotta like up your value and they're so sweet women that thread have generally

been very like maternal and i used to get my threading lady used to you know wax my vagina and I used to like almost like to go even though it's the most painful thing I stopped going because she would do the thing where she like goes like this to like kind of distract me after they rip it they go like this they go like they like pat you and it just felt so maternal like you're gonna be okay that I used to feel like this weird attraction to her of like just stick around like wanting to stay with her. Like not wanting to let her go. Yeah.

And it made me kind of sad, actually. Do you guys get, do you get a bikini wax? Like what's the list? I just shave now. I shave like, I shave not like. Really? Yeah, I have hard wax upstairs. Oh, let's do that. I do a good job.

Let's do that. Do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in. I'm signing up. Wait, where do I book online? Full bikini? Wait, just bikini.

You're not doing full Brazilian. I would. I like Brazilian. I like Brazilian. I shave it all off. Do you guys shave? I'll take it all. I don signing up. Wait, where do I book online? Full bikini? Wait, just bikini. You're not doing full Brazilian. I would. I like Brazilian. I shave it all off. Do you guys shave? I take it all. I don't shave. I wax.

You wax, but how often? Because you got to grow a little bit back to get some tug. So here's, I don't know if you'll find this unfortunate or fortunate, but I actually don't grow pubic hair anymore. You want me to show you, Nikki? Yes. Oh my God. This is how it all begins.

I didn't want to ask. The top of my pussy oh my god and now show us the bottom of your pussy through the bottom i really didn't think she was going to show me the whole thing but that's a great top of wait when you went over to whitney's for the first time how fast did she show your vagina it was like she facetimed me on the way there oh yeah in case i lost service yeah um and you do lose service at that estate uh yeah i saw every i saw her asshole so it's so great it's so it made me feel really connected to her like i was just like and then you realize she does it to everyone i was like maybe not no but it was she's uh yeah she's free we we actually got naked yesterday and got

like spray tans and i saw her pretty much head to toe naked and i was too and it was like very vulnerable and like i just never get naked in front like i i do sometimes but like just we've we've never got i've never showed she's never shown me her i've never shown her mine and i felt like she and then she was saying the thing of like i want to compliment your body but i don't want to because i don't want to make it a thing and i'm like well you just give me something then you guys eating each other out when this happened or yeah i mean yeah her mouth was full but i could still hear what she was trying to say did your parents ever get naked in front of you no no no no you're a naked family oh yeah we're asian oh right asians are always naked around in the in the

household or like in their just in their Yeah. You had like men in the house just in their underwear. It's always, there's always some form of nudity. And also it's like spa is a big part of Asian culture. So it's like nudity is just not a really big thing.

I like that. But what about sex? Does that come in hand in hand with like, do you guys talk openly about sex? In my family, it was very matriarchal. So all my aunts were,

basically they were the original Trash Tuesday. Really? They were filthy. Really? But that's just, I don't think, yeah yeah maybe that was just my family do we owe them money nikki i have a question for you okay so you i'm a as you know i'm a huge fan of your podcast thank you i have been a listener since the previous iterations i know you listened when i was like

alone at my parents it was really and i still think about how cool a really depressing podcast how cool that was that you were literally nikki talked so openly it's very similar to us but like she's better alone though no but no one to talk like she's your roomba bitch i don't have the time it was at my parents house she shares so much that you really feel like am i on a phone call with her right now? Like she's just telling me so much. And I'm just, I wanted to check in with you like mental health wise

because you were sharing so much that I related to and I was like trying to, I like reached out to you. Yes, you were such a good friend. I'm just curious what, like what's your current mental health? Are you on meds? Like how are you feeling? Yes, I'm on meds.

And it was really helpful because when I was doing that podcast, so I had this show on Sirius called You Up it ended in April of 2020 and then I was still at a deal with Comedy Central to do a weekly podcast but I because comedy was going away I was like I'll just do it daily and just do check-ins and then we started getting ads bought and like so it ended up being like an hour and then I was and then by July I was like so fucking depressed and like the idea of talking for an hour by yourself about what like I don't even know it

was just I went to some really dark places and was kind of like fuck it like I don't care I'm probably gonna kill myself so what do I care what I put out like not like now but yeah yeah it was just like I was miserable and um putting it all there. And a lot of people just kept saying, like, it sounds like you have ADHD. Like and I'd always thought I had depression. But all the things I was like hating myself about being messy and being just just messy, really like being a mess in every way. And like like just all the self-doubt, all, just the obsessive thoughts about self-doubt. Like I didn't know that that was a form of ADD. I always thought it was depression that I like had these thoughts of

wanting to kill myself, but it was really like, I would, I would get on a thought and I would just run it all the way to the place of killing myself as opposed to, I don't know. It was, it was a symptom of ADHD.

People were like, women are misdiagnosed with it. All, they're we all go by what boys have like they run around women can't really run around because we're not told we can when we're in school like we get boys get to run around and teachers go oh boys sit down and it's but girls run around they're like what you're weird like girls aren't supposed to have this boy energy right it's like embarrassing so you just like stay and you're like you get weirder like girls exhibit different symptoms and um and i had always been on zoloft and prozac and fucking everything for depression and then it made like the low lows go away but

it just didn't make me like feel any better about myself my self-esteem was still shit um i was faking it all the time just trying to be someone i wasn't and then as soon as um i really started reading symptoms of adhd it just all of a sudden having a name for all the things you hate about yourself that isn't i knew depression wasn't my fault but i didn't know having a messy room not being organized never not being able to manage my money losing things constantly having like everything stained with spray tan like not having nice things breaking things like that is right hands are a symptom of add folks okay we don't have enough time to lay outside okay feeling stained i felt like a stained person i still do like there are times where i'm just like i can't have nice things

i will stain them because i'm just inherently, I can't have nice things. I will stain them because I'm just inherently bad. Yeah. But here's the thing. You just buy new ones. I know. But I also have a lot of anxiety about buying things and creating waste and like adding to landfills. Like then I have an OCD about that, which makes me hold on to things that are dirty. It's crazy. So that's why I still have Esther. It's just so nice to like, it's just nice when there's a name for the thing you think is just you. You guys, I'm just going to say it. I love my Theragun.

It's so good. It's really. I think it's my boyfriend. I'm in love. Well, another thing for Dave to be jealous of. Oh, God. You guys, don't let the stress of daily life weigh on your body whether you're an elite athlete or someone like me just trying to

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the future. Just go to their site and check it out. And the Theragun app learns from your behaviors and suggests guided routines. I'm telling you guys, this cuts my recovery in half no my lower back was so bad and then i pulled from lying yeah when i pull the theragun out and use it it was completely better like no it it's it's just better and they have all these cool attachments depending on what part of the body you guys can try theragun for 30 days starting at only 199 go to therabody.com slash trash tuesday right now and get your gen 4 theragun today that's therabody.com slash trash tuesday therabody.com slash trash tuesday and i have to say if you're looking for a like a premium gift for this holiday season for someone special this is definitely the way to go oh hey liquid death a tall can of soothing sensual water we

get to feel cool like the drinker slash esther's dream sponsor i mean i'm so she's wearing their merch the other last episode i think you guys may start noticing that there are strange tall boys of beer in the bottled water section of your local stores well it's not beer it's actually mountain spring water from the alps and it's's called Liquid Death, and we all drink it every day. Why is it called Liquid Death, Esther? Because it will brutally murder your thirst, and also their infinitely recyclable tall boy cans are helping bring death to plastic bottles. Whoa! And they also donate 10% of the profits from every can sold to help kill plastic pollution. And they're just, it's just cool.

Plastic isn't actually recyclable. I don't know if you know that. It's not recyclable anymore. Most plastics that you throw in the recycling bin actually just get sent to the landfill because it's not profitable to recycle. Aluminum is infinitely recyclable and actually profitable for recycling facilities. I'm just going to say something. You know how when you're at a concert or where you're someplace that's social and you just want to hold something?

Yes. Because your hands don't know what to do with themselves? And you get in a lot less trouble if you hold one of these. And you kind of look like you're a part of the party. Dude, this is what I've always wanted. Like, it's so, you just feel, you feel cool. Also, water weirdly tastes better coming out of this i don't know why you guys can get free shipping on all water and merch at liquid death

dot com slash trash that's liquid death dot com slash trash or grab some at whole foods sprouts and 7-eleven yeah because you suddenly feel seen and validated it's so funny to not have grown up in a family that, my family loves having ADD. All they talk about is having ADD. My dad's 80 and takes like ADD courses still. He loves it. He's like, well, with ADD, he's got his little ADD jokes.

He calls it attention deficit, high definition. Like he's just got like bad jokes about ADD. High definition is amazing. And he, I might have given it to him but um yeah he has that great like he's just like so into it and my parents went and did an add seminar before the pandemic and they showed up i swear to god they showed up to the seminar and they said they didn't have enough chairs and they forgot the pamphlets it started 20 minutes late they were like laughing so hard it was just like the most 80 day disorganized

event yeah i think you can work on it too though you can it's not just something you have to treat with meds like there's ways to manage your life but i think one of the biggest things was just letting myself off the hook for it and not thinking even when i was like you know all i do is ever talk about this but i was anorexic when i was 18 almost died blah blah i always felt like i chose that like it just even when i see anorexic girls now i 18, almost died, blah, blah, blah. I always felt like I chose that. Like it just, even when I see anorexic girls now, I'm just like, eat something. Like, what are you doing?

Like I can't even, even though it almost killed me in my head for years, I still look at them and I'm like, God, why are you trying to be skinny? Like just eat something. Like I still have that. And I went through it. So it's hard to have sympathy for yourself or for others for mental illness. It seems like people choose it, especially depression. Like just get up and make your bed in the morning go for a walk it's for sure that's my dad are you kidding me i literally can't no when i was really really depressed i was sleeping on a couch every day but people were like you just need some exercise in sunlight i was like sunlight like

no i needed medication honestly that would help listen a walk with a friend would those would help but i guess if you were capable of doing it you would do it and i know the door is you could walk out the door you have shoes you have that's why it's depression you have a disease there's something there's something getting in between you and doing the thing you know will help you it's like it's like people that are overweight it's like they know how to lose weight it's not like it's just there's something inside them that is like well that's food addiction which is a whole other thing which that's like but the addiction is like like if you go back like all of the addictions are all childhood trauma exactly what really happened to me to be like completely honest is like it was the depression

but it was also i was finally so my eating disorder just went and like took different iterations throughout, like, as soon as I discovered comedy, I was like, Okay, well, I got to figure out how to not look like a skeleton, because I have a reason to live now. So I started eating. But like, then I just started just, you know, messing around with food, exercise bulimic, you know, throw up bulimic. I never did diuretics or anything. But like I, and then I would do, and then for the past, I would say five years, I was just intermittent fasting, which is like adult anorexia. And so, and now everyone's, it's like fine to do it.

Like I'm not eating all day because it's this crazy. That's what Gwyneth does. And now it's acceptable. It's not something you have to lie about. So I would just starve all day. And this is, this is the past, like five years, not eat anything all day, just do lattes all day. And then, um, and then start eating at night that's a bad fast you're breaking the fast with the i know not if it's black coffee right no but it's a lot it's a lot it just it doesn't it's my

own rules i made my own rules that worked for me because i did it you know i can maintain weight because i was a little bit you make but when i started eating at night like i would i would go to the comedy cellars living in new york at would go to the Comedy Cellar. I was living in New York at the time. Go to the Comedy Cellar. I would order like, the whole table would be covered with my food. And it's all like salads and low calorie things because I can eat a ton of it

and not feel like gross. And people would always come over and be like, you know, Sherrod would be like, Nikki, you eat like a runaway rabbit. Like he would always say, and I would just go,

I have an eating disorder. Like I would just say it because it's like, I just do. And why is your hand on my tip her chance would you got would you eat a banana with us right now yeah one of the big principles from like my eating disorder training what did you learn was there are no bad foods and it's really hard but i i really believe it now i i have ways to go like you always that's so cool though that like

there's no no no foods are bad i can eat any food i want to there's no bad foods nothing is naughty nothing is shameful like and that's a real and then also like always just never what you said like if you're hungry you have to eat like there's there's no like, ooh, I'll just push it. Like that's just going to lead you to binge. So there's no point. And whenever someone goes on a diet and is like, I'm doing this new thing, I go, you'll lose weight, but I promise you it will come back. I promise you, you will have a moment of weakness and won't be able to stop. able to stop because everyone and and i realize also that the the biggest tool i've like learned and this always i always like to share this because it's just helped me in so many ways like

like i recently i like started smoking pot again a lot and depending on it so much because that's why i got so depressed i mean annie every time i talk to you you're either on or totally on or totally off i'm i quit weed every single day i go to my trainer and I go I haven't smoked weed because she was like you're like living this healthy lifestyle you're gonna naturally like it's gonna just

not fit your lifestyle anymore and I'm like totally and then I was like I haven't smoked weed in so long and then I was like wait it's been a day and a half wait why does your trainer

not want you to that's a long time when you smoke weed every day I'm smoking all the time like I'm smoking like you're like you like have a

edible and stuff right I'm smoking I'm not. Like, I'm smoking. Like, you're like, you like have an edible and stuff. Right. I'm smoking. I'm not like, it's not that I believe I can control myself in life because everything's kind of, you got to flow with things.

But I would smoke, I'm doing a thing I don't like. Like, I'm smoking in a way where I'm getting too high. I'm staying at the comedy store late. I'm talking to people I don't really like want to talk to. I'm like, I'm eating, like, I'm like eating. I'm going at the comedy store late. I'm talking to people I don't really like want to talk to. I'm like, I'm eating, like I'm like eating.

I'm going to McDonald's. I'm staying up later than I want. It's just like not, I'm passing out before I can bang my boyfriend. Like, it's just like, it's not like, it's like I'm not living like the life that I want. And I know that I don't, it's not that I like being high as much as I like doing something bad it's like I like ooh and my with food too it's funny because like the way I kind of gave myself a break and stopped being upset with myself about like overeating or whatever is I realized that my dad when we were like my whole life has always been like hey let's go to the grocery store get something

BAD and it was like our bad thing we got so then I'm like I'm just being like, hey, let's go to the grocery store and get something BAD. And it was like our bad thing in the golf. So then I'm like, I'm just being like my family. And it's fun. It's like sweet. It makes me feel like them more. And it makes me able to not like go crazy. Or if I go crazy, have no shame in it. It's really just breaking the, for me, the pattern of shame.

And then I just do whatever I want. And my body can be whatever my body is. Because I'm working out now and it's very easy. I made a list of all the negative reasons why I shouldn't smoke pot. What are they? And then I was going to write all the lists. No, Esther, never stop.

Like, you're different. This is what I'm so curious about. I don't think you have a problem with it. It's actually an amazing thing. I have a problem with you quitting. But like, because honestly, Nikki, like you are, I actually think about you because- Can you masturbate because

i think about the night that you shot with us on alone together and oh my god it was so high for that you were so high you told me such a bad idea no no no no you were oh that was one of my biggest regrets was being high for that wait for that show you need to listen to my sentence okay okay let me finish i literally was like wow that was so cool she was like comfortable she was really funny she was like in a good mood easy to talk to i was like i it really i just always clock that as like oh that's really interesting like that was cool and like i look at you as like a good example of that interesting because I let's go get fucked up yeah I mean but what did you feel I felt like I mean I honestly don't think I did as well as I could have done if I weren't high like I know for a fact I'm sure it was fine and I feel like what you've already told me you'd be hard on yourself either way right but at least with this way like

I knew there were things happening because I was high that I couldn't can I say it out of my head I don't blame the weed now if you don't like it. That's why I think I smoked so much weed too. I'd be like, I can blame the weed. If I've ever smoked weed like before a set, which I very rarely do. If the set that I go, oh, I was high. I have a question for you guys that's unrelated to weed. Do you want to smoke a blood?

Food, possibly. But can someone explain to me what, explain to this immigrant what cuffing season is yes oh yeah i think i like this do it okay i think cuffing season is like a social media term for like it's the christmas holiday season and a lot of people are going to get engaged or like start dating is that right i think you're not out like having fun in the summer so you just find someone that was temporary lover yeah just for the season around to your family to be like here i have someone and also it like everyone spends a lot more time indoors so you want to find a partner so it's a winter situationship yes it's just this like anxiety you have before the holidays to find someone because holidays is about family and love and like, you know, warm cocoa looking out a window, like a frosted window or something.

The Google definition, cuffing season refers to a period of time where single people begin looking for short term partnerships to pass the colder months of the year. Cuffing season usually begins in October and lasts until just after Valentine's Day. Okay, I was wrong. I have a question about this. You said it so confidently. So is it like an agreed upon thing you enter with somebody? No, I think it's a subconscious desire

that has a name now. And then I don't think people are like, it's cuffing season. No, you can't because people aren't going to like agree to it. Yeah. And then you sort of just part ways afterwards, like casually and then just bump, you know,

just fist bump and then goodbye. It's probably like a implied. Yeah, like this is run its course. Well, after Valentine's Day

you're like, oh, this is what you got. Oh no, yeah, Valentine's Day goes bad and then you break up. Yeah,

or like the spring, there's spring is coming and that's usually when birds are fucking like squirrels are running around. You sprinkled your house, your life, your love life,

all your friends. That's when you get rid of them. Did you guys during the pandemic get any weird phone calls from exes? I got weird messages and like phone calls of regret from people

I hadn't heard from in a long time. Yeah, because they were living with their parents and they realized they let someone go that could have been hanging out like i definitely was like what did thinking about pouring over the past just seeing people with couples even though i know it was hard during covid to live with you know a partner and it made a lot of people split up i think single people were like fuck i gotta focus on this for the next one because it sucks being alone, too.

Yeah, I had such a like kind of like I had like some obviously I went through a lot of different feelings and some were negative. But at the pandemic was actually like when I look back on it, I like laughed all the time. It's so much fun. And I was like, but that's because I was in a relationship. I'm like a brand new one. Yeah, we just fucking. Oh, that's the perfect situation. I was going to break up with him. So it was like the pandemic was it felt like i was unmarried at first sight what yeah i love that show me to like stay you were gonna break up with him yeah because he's like was so he was 25 at the time this is the guy you're still with right yeah

oh my god what do i do with this guy i can confirm but i remember the call it's weird to think about all the phone calls we had hold on i'm gonna go outside babe and then i would like and you'd be like hey what do i do how do i get out of this because he was young that's why he was young it just i always thought i had to like date an older guy and i was talking to my friend malo mk asante check him out he's the best um he i was talking to him on the phone and i was like yeah it's like i'm dating this young guy and he's so sweet and he's great but it's like if i want to have kids and settle down i gotta go with someone older he goes he's like annie we're the old ones you need him do you want it he'll take care of the kid

you don't want you don't want old sperm annie no i don't want old sperm no no no because then you end up really with a fucked up child like literally this the people who host the show like all of us that's what we are we do you fear the like there's always the fear of he'll i'll get old and then he won't be attracted to me sometimes i just start crying sometimes i'm just sitting there and i just start weeping really yeah because i'm like one day like i look very young for my age now but everyone hits their point there's going to be it happens start for you and he's asian so it's like but you know what i gotta he's gotta stop taking his... What do we use for hair here?

He's got to stop taking his... Nutrafol. Because I'm going to need him to bald. That's what I said. Okay, if I date a young guy, if I were with a young guy, there's three things he has to be. Pale, broke, and bald.

Why? I cannot date a young guy that is extremely hot. I can date a hot older guy, but not a hot young guy. Wait, I'm really concerned that you just described carlos but she has to be able to get him hard she wasn't able to i couldn't get him i couldn't get him even with those shoulders i was a little surprised and that cheek hair i thought maybe you'd be able to do it

is there any like age discrepancies that come up that are just so glaring that you're like he's so mature it like very rarely does and honestly he knows everything i know and i'm like is it because your brother was older because your parents are right but they're always laughing together yeah like i've been around them and they're always giggling at something like you have an immaturity to you no offense like you have like a fun young you have a high school cool girl fun energy to you so it makes sense um whenever i'm like like there's like a younger person i'm like oh i can't date them because people will be like that'll they'll make fun of me for it and i'll feel older than i already feel right because in comparison but i i think that it's and it's not

the same as men dating younger women because i do feel that men date younger women because they look good you're not taking this guy because he looks young or because he's less like we're like i feel like guys date younger women and they're like she's she's so mature and it's like that's not really the case it's because you want like someone that looks young no he is and i do think that it's also by the way wait i just want to throw shade at guys that like younger women because it's like did you just not get laid in high school and also are you jealous because they could have just dated you because you look young you act annoying and old sorry i thought i i i got lucky with bobby being 13 years older than me but the motherfucker just won't crack no No, he will not.

That shocks me. Every year I look at our pictures together and I'm like, fuck, he might look younger than me. Was there any question in your mind like when you guys got together? I don't know your story, but did that weigh in on you being with him? No, the moment I met him,

I was like, this motherfucker acts like he's 12. Perfect, I love you. Yes. He's I I love how he's forever just like this Peter Pan. Yeah. Sort of. Yeah. I love that about Bobby, too.

I know. I love him so much. We had so much fun at the comedy store last night. Wait, you touched his penis? You kissed his penis? We kissed. We kissed on the mouth, too. Yeah.

Like he he always like starts to introduce me and I always come out and just like start my own intro like before he's done and then we're in the main room of the comedy store and then he we had like a real good moment where he's like i love you and then we like i grab i always like grab his nipples sorry esther that triggers me because my nipples are so sensitive i like that i'm gonna get him no no i'm gonna get him them. Enough weed. I'm going to numb them. In Hawaii. I'm going to numb them. Put some CBD cream on them. With your tongue.

Yes, with my tongue, Esther. So tell me how you kissed my boyfriend because I know this really makes me happy. And then it was like this. It was like really slow. It was like. And then I was like, wait, wait, wait. And then I had him turn around and I went to his penis. To his penis? Oh, my God.

That makes you so happy. I knew you would like it i love that that makes me what if she was really mad i'm no longer on the podcast it makes me horny no because i had the same thing when when annie got naked in front of dave while he was on a zoom writer's room it made me like i feel butterflies and when whitney's naked on face i love like sharing my naked friends i do too i i i like i mean this is a weird thing about but i like when someone i'm dating like maybe hooks up with other girls and like tells me about it i don't like the actual i really do i'm into it here's

what i'm really into like in the beginning of a relationship when i'm before i get fully emotionally invested i want to see him fuck someone else in front of me what when i'm before i get fully emotionally invested i want to see him fuck someone else in front of me what so i'm oh i like that because then you can see but you're not in the corner like no no no no it's not cuck it's hot it's hot husband explain because it doesn't think about my wife where they're like fuck my wife she's hot i'm proud of her we're hot husbanding but it's very it's it's a lesser i like i like when i i like when girl when girls hit on my boyfriend but i don't want them i'd like to always be the one they're like no i want you kalilah let's go back yeah let's go back kalilah kalilah yeah tell

me what did you just say you said you want before you date someone, you want to watch him. You want to watch him fuck someone. Wait, can I make it better? Before she dates a woman, she wants to watch him fuck another woman. Do you like it now? Esther, before I get fully emotionally invested, if we're in the first three-month window of being together,

I need there to be a threesome, and I need to feel that feeling of like, it makes him hotter and more desirable to me. Yes. So watch him fuck another girl. But I just want to know girls are,

desire him. It's funny, I went with Todd to the comedy store and I wasn't actually mad at this girl at all, but there's like a cute girl who does Roast Battle

and she like didn't see me. I was like coming in behind him and she was like, she was like, he gave her a hug, but he like kept his like pelvis out. And she was like, whoa, why didn't you give me a real hug? And I was like, because this isn't like trash. I was like, you bitch. And it was like a very good moment.

But I was like, but it was funny. And it was fun. And I liked that it happened. And I wasn't like, I didn't think she was even like doing a thing, but it was just like a fun. Yeah. Bobby missed his window with me because I gave him not three months, but a whole year. Right. I was like, we should, you know, bring someone else.

And then after the first year, I was like, you know, it's I can never like I love you. Now I'm in love with you. What if we got one of your ex-boyfriends to fuck Bobby in front of you? Would you like that? Wait, to fuck me? No, to fuck each other in front of you. Would you like that? I kind of would.

They would do it for you. I hear how they pick up the phone when of would. They would do it for you. I hear how they pick up the phone when you call. They would do it for you. Look, I think that while Bobby is mostly heterosexual, I do think that he would, you know, suck a dick or two. And it would not turn me off. I'd be into that. I used to make my boyfriends in college kiss boys.

It was like I wanted to just, I wanted to force them into that like openness. That's like a dominating, you're like dominating them. that's like pissing on them yeah yeah oh my god did you see the the band who peed in the yeah that was so good absolutely amazing that was I love it I mean I want to do it to Carlos on stage wait you've never peed on Esther you've never been peed on right we've already established that uh no I have I haven't can we do a switcheroo this might be a salt but I would do a switcheroo wherelos closes his eyes and lays down and it ends up being john pissing his mouth the mouth part i wouldn't mind it on my skin but like the mouth i don't think i'm gonna pee on my head and hair oh okay and my eyes and my face is that part of the neutrophil plan it's part of the hair

and um it was after being like i wanted to be completely like dominated by a man so i was like you know i'm a hole treat me out whatever but that was the end of it he didn't even ask permission he just like threw me in a tub and he was like don't you fucking move don't you fucking move and then he like peed all over me on my face and everything and i was my my natural instinct was to be so grossed out and offended but then after it all all, like, I couldn't have felt better. Like, I was, like, skipping. That's what we skipped out of there. She's into water, though.

She's been doing water sports for years. My poriest moments where I feel so degraded in the moment or, like, maybe on paper it would seem like a degrading act, I literally say that. I've skipped out afterwards. Like, i remember skipping to my car after i like jerked a guy off into a toilet one time a guy that i like wanted it was my first hand job i ever gave but i remember being like you're so gross and then

i saw myself in the mirror i'm like hey girl this is actually kind of funny like this is hilarious like push through like uh i have such fear of like sex with men and doing sex acts and like and so when i'm able to do it I'm like it gives me more self-esteem being a whore than than doing. Well it's control too like it's like a control thing and it's like I feel like with role playing and all that sort of stuff it's like and I think about back in the day when I would like I would hook up my mouth, like all this crazy stuff. And it's like I never was going to be in a relationship with them. But the sex I could like, it was almost like disassociating. I wasn't me. I was like in this crazy thing and it was like getting me through it. But I did do for my, through my coach, through Jim Fort and I did, I'm doing this course and I, one of the things in the homework is to like write your life story in three pages

and then to see like where your stories and your kind of like themes are and mine is just literally I moved around a lot my mom told me to be smaller to like fit in and I was raped a lot is that why you're jealous of me because I'm small well I have to be yes you wish you could be smaller you don't shine the way you the way you're very uh matte as a person the way you're very uh matt as a person i'm able to very shine very naturally that is kind of true wait i i'm i'm like so stuck still on you wanting to watch the guy fuck someone else like because i'm almost like getting confidence in myself i'm like am i like a daddy that like i know you can only fuck me like i know so esther know. So, Esther, so what did you just say? Nikki's like, yeah, it's normal.

You're normal. Oh, like, we're the outliers here. And, like, it's, yeah. Well, no, I don't think it's creepy. But I don't see why, like, I don't know. I think it's kind of strange when you're in a relationship to expect the guy that you're with to, like, never someone else oh no for sure i think it's a control thing ultimately for me yeah where it's like porn um i like i realize i'm very much accepting of the fact that

you will always find someone else attractive so therefore i have to pick her. Yeah. So I will always pick them. I'm still in control of. And then you're observing. Right. And it's almost like a release. It's a release of my own fear. Dude, you know what is so much fun? Going to a strip club with a guy. Yes.

Picking out a girl. Yep. Make her give him a dance. I could see Dave being like, come on, no. And then he's all into it. Did you go to a strip club without us? I did.

You are so annoying. I wouldn't. With John and Carlos? Yeah. Corinne, I hope, was there. Corinne Fisher. Okay. Don't worry.

Corinne is so funny. She's like, at Skank Fest, like, spreading her out. I'm like, their pictures are so funny. She did. She had such a boss night there because she brought her young, hot boyfriend and got him all these dances. And it was so it was really cool. And we were just chatting while these hot women are like grinding on her.

I did that to a boyfriend once. I had this boyfriend years ago and I took him. He's so hot. And he came to visit me in Santa Fe. I took him to this like shitty club named Cheeks where the great line was, you don't need the ocean to catch crabs. And so so we I brought him there and he like wasn't having a good time. I was like, come on, come on.

Like, what the hell? And then he's like, my mom, my moms are lesbians. Like, I don't want to see, like, he didn't like me being like into the girls and stuff. Because his mom left his dad for a woman. Oh, wow. And he was like, yeah yeah i'm not into this not about you the time that i've had had like my the guy i was seeing like hook up with another girl and it was always when i wasn't in town i was like you know he's on a trip with like for a bachelor

party or whatever and i'm like yeah you can fool around if you want like don't go down on a girl don't like our rub and tugs cheating no but I rub and tugs like massage I wouldn't mind it I would want to hear about it but I I prefer a professional situation than them

going and getting for sure like a girl whose feelings are involved I don't want like what guy has ever gotten a blowjob from a random girl

at like a bar on like Nashville and gone I want to leave my girlfriend for you like that's never happened so I just am like

go get a blowjob tell me about it. And the thing is when he has gone and done stuff, he doesn't, it's not like he's like dying to do it. Like he's not like, please can I do this? And I'm like,

I guess it's like actually my idea. And he is like, it's interesting because when I'm doing, when I'm fooling around with another girl, if I was cheating on you, I would try to keep you out of my mind the whole time. Like you would have to, I would have to like you out of my mind the whole time like you would have to i would have to like kill you in my mind but when i'm hooking up with her i'm thinking about

you the whole time and i'm like oh that's interesting he's like oh nikki would really like if i did this and i can't wait to tell her about this and then he saves the story for me until we're hooking up so he'll like the time he did it he went on a trip and then we met up um afterwards and we went through the whole day just like not saying anything even though i knew we had a story and i did no details he was just like i'm gonna get something done tonight i was like okay and then we were like the whole day like had this fun day and then like as soon as we started hooking up he's like do you want to hear what happened i was like yes and it was like the hottest it was so hot and i didn't need to know what she looked like or uh if her pussy was tighter than mine or any of that. Like, I just like that.

I just felt. Yeah, you can't get into comparison. No. You have to just, it's a completely separate thing. Yes. But that's hard, easier said than done. Yeah. That's why I know you're always going to tell me.

I hope she's hot. It's almost like I don't want to know because if she's not, I'm like, do you like hot girls? Like, am I? I hope they, that gives him some clout to me if hot girls want him and i'm like good luck like you might be hotter than me but you're not gonna be funnier than me yeah i mean now like hot girls are funny i always no they're not um yourself i who are you um i really um had times with my boyfriends where i would go, I would feel that way.

Or like guys that I was like hanging out with, I'd be like, I'm the funniest. Like there's no way those, and then I realized like, oh, there are so many guys that do not want you to be funny. They don't want a funny woman. They don't want it. Look at every comedian man. Well, Rogan always says that. Rogan's like, it must be hard to be a girl.

Like, you know, guys don't like funny girls. What? I get so many guys. Guys, yes, there hard to be a girl. Like, you know, guys don't like funny girls. What? I get so many guys. Guys, yes. There are some guys that do. It's like a type of guy that doesn't like it. Feminine energy men are not threatened by a funny woman. Right.

But generally, being funny equals intelligent. And it's hard for them to admit. And funny women talk a lot. And men don't like women that are loud. Dude, if you're a guy and you don't like a woman who's funny, women are objects to you. And funny women talk a lot and men don't like women that are loud. Dude, if you're a guy and you don't like a woman who's funny, women are objects to you.

Saying this to the camera? No, they can't help it. You think women are objects because you don't want them to talk. You don't want them to be funny. You're not even funny. No, but they can't help it. This is nothing

you need to fucking talk about. They can't help it though, Esther. You don't get mad at them. This is the new thing. It's not your fight, bitch. No, they think we're objects we're not when you say we are you being hot or funny but i also said at the beginning this i want to be holes yeah we did start this we should just change the podcast name to holes three holes

no it's actually how many holes nine three holes I feel like I was sent to this earth to hurt you, but it never works. No, to give you what you want. No, they like funny women. They'll buy tickets to our shows and be fans of us, but they don't want to marry. A lot of men don't want to marry funny women because it's like a loud woman. It's just true. No, that's men who are- It's the guys we don't like.

No, but it's based on- A loud woman? What are you- I'm not even joking. It's just true no good guys it's the guys we don't like no it's but it's a it's it's based on a loud woman what are you like this i'm not even joking it's it's just science because a loud woman doesn't help your survival a loud woman doesn't help men's survival when we were all like with thousands of years ago we have iphones i know but we haven't updated to modern we're still operating on like our need steve jobs he was supposed to update us yeah fucking died on our ass it sucks but like i was even you know you could let's just think about the male comics that we know like bobby is obviously different because he is attracted to a funny woman who's like yes okay that's all the way no that doesn't count kalilah's super hot

it's like she is super hot, but she's also funny. She's smart. I feel like an object in this room right now. She's also soft spoken. You have a very like feminine, like your voice is like soothing to me and almost ASMR. And it is, there is a feminine energy to your voice that it's like relaxing and makes me feel sick. Tell that to my shoulders. Oh shit, I didn't look at you straight on.

This is from the side. Oh my God, Nikki. Oh, shit. I didn't look at you straight on. This is from the side. Oh, my God. Look at her dick. That's a mess. Do you guys think you would have big dicks if you had a dick? Yeah, I would. My dad's dick was pretty sizable. Did it fit in your mouth?

Let me see. You're a kid, so you're going to have a big dick. Nikki, thank you so much for being here. Oh, my God. You guys, I could talk to you all day thank you for being authentic hilarious women that are so beautiful and funny and good friends

like that trash each other but like are also just kind to each other and supportive keep each other in check good writing and good makeup do you see the joy she gets when I trash her and I just like the divine goes through me to make fun of you. I'm telling you,

I can make fun of anyone, but with you, it's like I'm heaven sent to you. It is special. The connection is special. Nikki, what would you like to propose? Oh, you know, yeah, my podcast.

I do a daily podcast that's kind of like a morning radio show. You can jump in anytime. You don't have to listen to all the episodes to fit in. And it's Monday through Thursday. It's called the Nikki Glaser Podcast. And that's it. You can jump in anytime. You don't have to listen to all the episodes to fit in. And it's Monday through Thursday. It's called the Nikki Glaser Podcast. And that's it. And you're on tour.

I'm on tour. Oh, yeah, that too. I'm so bad at promo. I'm on tour as well. And coming up. Yeah, I know. Denver, San Francisco, Portland, Calgary. And I think that's it.

Are you doing all theaters now or are you doing clubs still now? Yes. Yay. Well, thank you so much to all of our listeners. Another crazy day where I have to go home and think about what I said and potentially have long conversations at home. I just let it go. I go, if you got offended, I'm sorry. I definitely didn't mean it. And I just say the things I think as fast as possible because that's how the comedy comes. Forgive yourself.

Yeah. I forgive myself. I forgive you. Only make the positive comments, you know. And guys, only make the positive comments. I'm paying this girl to do.

What's her name? Maybe they could write directly to her. Portia. Say, Dear Portia. Isn't that a great name? Such a good name.

I love her. She's wonderful. All right, you guys. We'll see you next week.