Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Kardashians Snub Esther

Episode Date: October 18, 2022

Thank you to our Sponsors: RocketMoney - Cancel unnecessary subscriptions with Rocket Money at https://rocketmoney.com/trashtuesday Nutrafol - Go to https://nutrafol.com and use code TRASH to save fifteen dollars off your first monthBabbel - Get up to 55% off your subscription when you go to https://babbel.com/trashtuesdayZocDoc - Go to https://zocdoc.com/trash and download the Zocdoc app for FREE Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 The Gang is Back Together!4:17 Iliza Shlesinger on Celebrity Jeopardy7:32 Esther Snubbed by Kendall Jenner20:33 Esther’s New Tattoo24:17 Khalyla’s Trip Home to the Philippines 33:24 Let’s Go to Vegas36:21 Carlos Gets Hogtied 46:17 Rumi Neely’s Fashion & Esther Povitsky to Esther King50:01 Khalyla’s Flirty Fisherman & Sushi Chef in the Philippines 54:37 Esther Shares What She Thinks of Us After Her Trippy Experience 59:42 Annie’s Deep Moment With Her Mom1:08:18 The Feeling of Home1:14:20 Married at First Sight1:18:58 There is No There There1:20:19 Khalyla’s Revelations From Spending Time in the Philippines1:24:52 Suing For Unsolicited D Pics  Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera Editor: Bryce Hallock

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You came up and started talking to us about your shaman. Carlos, I don't like you. That's not true. Why are you pretending you don't like us? I didn't say I didn't like you. I said I enjoyed the break. Carlos? No, I'm just kidding.

No, no, no, you guys. I'm happy to see you too. I was kidding. I was joking. You saved me at the comedy'm just kidding. No, no, no, no. You guys, I'm happy to see you too. I was kidding. I was joking. Wait, you saved me at the comedy store that night. Someone went, is that Kalilah? And I just saw this little head peek. It was like a cartoon character.

But you know what happened, I realize, is that Bobby double booked. He had a date there that night. Wait, what? And I had, yes, Annie. And that's why he was going to different rooms at different times, because we had a business meeting there.

He deleted you? Well, no, like we had a person like we had a business meeting there that we had already set out to do. And he couldn't cancel that business meeting. So I met a friend there, that guy I told you I was going to meet with Bob. You should have uh-uh-uh'd him. And then he was like, but I saw his energy was kind of like, make it real business. Such a weird reaction.

And then so he would like, he was leaving. He's on a date. You make it a date. Double date. And so when you saw me there, he had just left me to go escort his date out. And I told him like, you don't have to do that. You just don't double book.

Like next time, just don't double book. You don't have to. I thought what happened don't double book. Like next time, just don't double book. You don't have to. I thought what happened is you didn't know the times of our sets and you invited people to come at the dregs of the comic show. We were all done. You were like, stay. I was like, bitch, I'm out of here. My set ended like an hour ago.

She came late night where it was like, I don't know if you want to be here late night. I didn't want to be there. That was the only time that this person could meet. Because he was coming from Soho House. Was it Brad Pitt? It was. Thank you to our sponsor, Rocket Money.

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that shows you doctors who are patient reviewed, take your insurance and are available when you need them. Go to ZocDoc.com slash trash and download the ZocDoc app for free. Then start your search for a top rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash trash. ZocDoc dot com slash trash. Hi, you guys. I'm back on the road, and I'm going to be in Seattle, Portland, Phoenix. Got rescheduled in San Francisco.

Phoenix is now happening January 6th and 7th. You guys can get tickets at EstherOnIce.com and check out my solo podcast, My Pleasure. Drops every Thursday wherever podcasts are available. Hey, sluggies. I am so excited. I'm going to be at the Irvine Improv again for one night only in a few days on the 20th.

I'm so excited. I'm bringing Jetski Johnson. I'm bringing Josh Potter. And who else? Who knows who else? It's going to be so fun. Please come. Let's sell this baby out.

I will then be at the San Jose Improv November 11th and 12th. And then I'm doing a Michigan run December 1st through the 3rd. I will also be in Florida February 3rd through 4th. And many other dates are being added. Go to Annie Letterman dot com slash shows. I cannot wait. Wait, you guys, I saw. Did you watch Celebrity Jeopardy with Eliza? No. Eliza won. She was Eliza. Reg cannot wait. Wait, you guys, I saw did you watch Celebrity Jeopardy with Eliza?

No. Eliza won. It was Eliza, Reggie Watts and this guy that I love who is off the boat. I never knew him until this show. I love Jeopardy. I wouldn't, I don't think I would ever be brave enough to go on Celebrity Jeopardy. It was like easy for them

but still hard for me. Like there was one that was like 18th century literature. I was like, I'm out. i'm out i would have been like guys thank you for having me i'll be in the audience that's my time but mayim bialik i have my eye on you bitch i'm coming for you you're mine i will we will have a blossoming friendship if you know what i mean she will be mine i'm coming to collect you a good job hosting she's been amazing hosting yeah todd and i watching her like this is like i i commented on things i was like you're the best thing to happen to jeopardy since alex trebek's mustache remember when that went first rip his mustache first it was like alex okay wait well she's like a real life genius she's a genius the way she delivers the lines it's like you have to

be so smart just to read the questions but she's got both in greece she's genius and she's a good actress so it's like i have a pitch i think the three of us as one contestant could do well on jeffrey no i think i think donut might have a shot compared to the rest i think we should get on family feud carla can do listen that's our level of intelligence so bad well let's do it with steve harvey i with Steve Harvey. I did Man on the Street for the Steve Harvey show when he used to have the Steve Harvey show, and he loved me. I did only go once.

Do you think Lori Harvey will do our show? Oh, my God. Yes, we need Lori Harvey on. We need to learn from her. Wait, you know, Steve Harvey technically owes the entire Philippines an apology when he read The Wrong Winner at Miss Universe. That was brilliant.

I think that's my in. But it brought, it brought, it highlighted. She really was the most famous Miss Universe, the Philippine, the one who lost. That was brilliant! I think that's my in. But it brought it highlighted. She really was the most famous Miss Universe. The Philippine. The one who lost. It was unbelievable. Wait, we're supposed to start a wholesome three. I feel like we kind of just nailed it. Yep. Was that three? Three minutes with no

bad words. No saucy. No mention of holes. Wait, I have to see what this I have to see if you know this. I counted one bitch though. Was it me? Was it for me? Yeah, that's okay. Eddie Wong, do you know him?

Yeah, all Asians know Eddie Wong. Eddie Wong is so awesome. This was my first introduction to him. Sunglasses on the entire show. He was the best. And then at the end, I'm going to spoiler alert the end. On Jeopardy?

The end of Jeopardy. Wait, Eliza beat him? Eliza beat everyone. He crushed the Vegas one. It happens in Vegas. It was so funny. He made all these Vegas jokes. He was, I will say, no offense to anyone else.

It's not a competition on comedy, but he was the funniest one. He was being so funny. Everyone was being great. But Reggie had the best joke at the end he they asked like you know in this like 18th century uh book it highlighted these two characters or whatever and he he wrote them and louise that's his final answer but it was jekyll and hud and eliza won hard eliza went hard and she was like she was like rubbing it in their face like you could see they were starting to like gang up against her like eliza you're going down Jekyll and Hyde and Eliza won hard. Eliza won hard and she was like, she was like rubbing it in their face. Like you could see they were starting

to like gang up against her. Like Eliza, you're going down. It was great. Wow. Eddie Huang is a really bright guy too. He's on Vice. He's been on everything. He's perfect.

I'm sorry I didn't know who you were. I didn't watch Vice. You guys, I have to come forward with a story that is so hard to share i didn't even really tell carlos the whole story i guess yes did you do your pants no but that's a really good guess that's what it told me that that's a really intuitive i feel like carlos would have changed her diaper yeah diaper we have to make her say diaper again i just came back from the philippines last night give me a break guys oh you're virgin accent's heavy we will get to that but i this actually is more

important yesterday did a tiktok go bad i did someone not like your tiktokies met kendall jenner and it did not go well it did not i really needed my girls there did you think that she followed you on tiktok no i definitely did did you go i need to see what you eat this is really important how did you open so i went to you bombed with jordan woods okay how bad did you bomb with jordan woods not that bad you were a weird creep behind me like i was blocking your whole body i was like can my friend take a picture with you that's a bomb and then you scooched ahead and it was not a good picture it gets worse okay if you think that was bad you did not use your tire banks uh notes no that was that one went well i was invited to this poosh courtney kardashian wellness event and i was like oh my god this is so cool

like i this is such a big deal i was so excited i go and it's like really fancy it's at this fancy house in west hollywood there's free air one smoothies there's like free facials and they they're giving girls makeovers and stuff and i see chris jenner right and i'm like oh my god like that's her i get a selfie was she little she looked no no surprises but she did look oh you're two feet tall i forgot did they all look tendal so tall like so tall that it really made the interaction far worse than it needed to be but basically so she does not even see you you're like hello hello one of the producers of their hulu show which was filming actually knew me she was like oh esther like i love your comedy like and we started talking she was like i know you're like obsessed with the

kardashian she's like i'm obsessed with the comedy we're like opposite ends i'm like oh my god that's so cool i was like i'd love can i date one of of them? Can you get Chris to set me up with one of them? I was like, gosh, I sure would love to like invite one of the girls to like come to a stand up show at the comedy store. She's like, you totally should. She's like, you should. I'm like, oh, really? Like, are you sure? I'm like, should you ask like your boss?

She's like, I and she goes, she asked her boss and her boss is like, yeah, she's like my boss, who's like the executive producer of the Hulu kardashian show is like she just said go ask her so i'm like okay like the boss said to do it so kendall and her two friends are like standing right literally where you guys are and they're all tall one of them is short and the short one i could tell hated me yeah she was like don't even try to be the short pitch the short one was like not even no eye contact so i go over i'm like hi i'm esther um i'm a stand-up comedian do you guys want to come to my comedy show and they just looked at me like obviously the way you look at a scary person who's coming up to you for no reason. And Kendall's assistant started to engage in conversation with me.

And it felt a little bit like she was just trying to calm the crazy person down. She's like, oh, you do comedy? That's nice. You sound like you invited them to an open mic. I'm aware of what I did. No, I made it sound like I was doing a invited them to an open mic i'm aware what i did no i made it sound like i was doing a bringer show and i needed six friends you have to be your grossest self when you meet celebrities you have to name drop people they know you have to be like you have to do it like this really fast you have to i'm telling you you have to if you're

you have to be like when i met i know jeff probes isn't quite the same too but he is my my kardashians I need to learn from this I'm telling you I had to go I was on Joe Rogan the other day My name is on the wall of the comedy store I'm one of the greats I'm one of the top people I love you you're my guy I never act like this around anyone

But I just like love what you do It's so amazing blah blah blah I needed you there so bad No I would have just taken the heat i would have been like to the assistant could she just talk to her i'll talk to her carlos thank god he wasn't there they would have called the fucking police it would have been done they'd be like what is this person it was so uncomfortable i started like do you mind like um getting on all fours so i can actually use you as an apple box and stand

up and try to make a short friend asks that i put it what if i came over and you were on my shoulders i think that would have been like papa daughter bro by myself it was so not good and i have to shout out rumor willis who i saw there who i actually have met once before thank god she was so nice and treated me like a person she was like hey esther that's more sad on her honestly rumor are you okay do you need help do you need help we had a very lovely conversation it was really just like the kendall energy and i i want to say i take full responsibility but what did she say did she just it was like i don't think she said anything i think she might have said that's nice or like oh cool like it was i doubt she even gave you that i feel like your your ego is like giving you

something no there was some words muttered but she was so i'm sure there were the thing is she's so far up there that it's hard for me to even have heard what she said all the way down here but i just want to say i claim i take full responsibility this is not some like kendall jenner was mean to me i was a fool fool. I acted crazy. And I want to formally apologize to Kendall, not to her short friend though. I know that you were just, didn't want me to. You guys need to stick together.

Honestly, you need to literally stick together, like on each other's shoulders with a jacket around you. But, and then on my way out, I saw Courtney walking in. I just was like, love this smoothie.

She's like, really? And that was my, that was i'm not okay i need this my we gotta we'll just make it happen it's okay i feel very like this is fine you have a good thing to talk to him about next time like remember when i was a loser last time i talked to you you know that energy where you feel like you've been sent back to the mailroom? Like, that's how I feel. M-A-L-E? Look at my shirt. While you were at the Kardashian thing, I was at Calusa Casino partying my ass off.

Blow me for luck. Wait, but Annie, I want to know, what do you think you would have said to Kendall? How can you write this wrong for me? If I were you? Or just if you were there i would have climbed i would have been standing on something if i were you to be like equal but if you were there what would i've done for you yeah what would you have or what would you have been like we host a podcast like how would you have i would have been like we're wait you so you think it's better to be like will you do my podcast so you don't say it. You just say you also there is like an error.

We almost have to like act like they know who you are. And it seems like they have to know who you are or they should just have to have confidence. You can't be just rolling over there like. I do you know me from the Ding Dong show when I was 21? You're acting like a fucking 13 year old. Kalilah, what would you have done? Nothing. I would have stood in a corner just like humiliated. Iahlilah, what would you have done? Nothing.

I would have stood in the corner just like humiliating. I saw her at the comedy store. I humiliated her. I saw her at the comedy store. She would have been standing in a corner. She would have been like this. Really? Honestly, I was like, Annie?

I'm not even kidding. She appeared for like, it was like- I hide, I hide. I try to stay in the darkest part of the room. But she's very tall and striking. She's like a hot, you're like, who's the hot hovering girl? But in the darkest corner of the room where the red lights aren't quite hitting.

So that's where I'll, you know, I'll just recede back into the darkness is usually what I do. Is anyone here proud of me for trying? I really am. Of course. No, you got it. For shooting my shot? It's just the first shot. You're fine.

Okay. It's going to be fine. There's no issues here. Okay. Carlos, what do you think? I'm not proud because it's like- What would you have done, kissed her? No, it's like the bare minimum.

What is kissed her? You know what? You know exactly what it is. Oh. The kissing Carlos. Bandit. Bandit. What you did to Kalilah was unfair. To Kalilah? We saw the cameras, you forced it.

You forced her. You said earlier, pull the tampon out you said earlier pull the tampon out you said remember when he almost kissed the tampon instead i know she i know you she saved you i thought that's what it was the whole agreement i was like oh i'm gonna suck on a tampon and we'll have some laughs for this day i feel like you've sucked on so many tampons doesn't seem like such a tampon sucker anyway do you guys ever wonder why it's so hard to cancel any subscription it's so annoying also i got one just randomly canceled on me my yoga just canceled me i'm like this is the only honest company i haven't been there in six months they're like we'll just cancel it for you i'm like i i

mean i'm telling you i'm still in like battles for when they just turned my my subscription back on for i was a prescription i would say in the last week i have signed up for like four new subscriptions that i don't even know why i don't know how i certainly don't know how to cancel them like it is so stressful the way our economy is treating us do you know how bad how many times i've done like because i just started intermittent fasting so i got like oh maybe I'll take like a fasting quiz online. You know, they're like free fasting quiz. And then you get to the end and they're like, sign up for $7.99 or $4,000 a year. And you're like, and you've already taken the 20 minute quiz.

And yeah, so like, fuck it. I want to see what the results are. We're not alone, by the way. 80% of people have subscriptions that they just simply forgot about. Maybe that's you. Maybe that's all of us here. It could be an unused Amazon Prime account, a Hulu account that never gets streamed. There is an app that we all use that helps us track our expenses.

And because of it, we're not wasting money on subscriptions that we don't even use. And it's Rocket Money, which is formally called Truebill. And most Americans think that they only spend $80 a month on subscriptions when the actual total is actually closer to $200. That's a lot. That is a little for me. Honestly, guys, I'm way higher than that. Also, Rocket Money can help you find subscriptions that you didn't even know you had, which is

really scary. And the app shows all of your subscriptions in one place and cancels what you don't want for you. Rocket Money can even find subscriptions you didn't know you were paying for. And you may even find out you've been double charged for a subscription, something Annie knows a lot about. So bad.

To cancel a subscription, all you have to do is press cancel and Rocket Money takes care of the rest. Cancel unnecessary subscriptions with Rocket Money today. Go to rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday. Seriously, it could save you hundreds per year. That's rocketmoney.com slash trash Tuesday. Seriously, it could save you hundreds per year. That's rocketmoney.com slash. Trash.

Tuesday. Annie, when people are constantly asking you, what's your hair secret? Why is your hair so much better? What do you tell them now? I tell them Nutrafol, baby. I love it. I mean, it's amazing.

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I'm so proud that they sponsor our show because this is a product I've literally heard the coolest people I've ever met talking about it organically so i know we're eavesdropping on kendall what i love about neutrophil too is that they're not promising an overnight fix you know it's legit when it takes a while to see the results neutrophil is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement clinically shown to improve your hair growth thickness and visible scalp coverage Nutraful supports healthy hair growth from within by targeting the five root causes of thinning stress hormones environment nutrition and metabolism through the whole body health you can grow thicker healthier hair and support our show by going to Nutrophil.com and entering the promo

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You guys can get $15 off at Nutrafol.com spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L.com. Promo code? Trash. That's it. After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time, all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's the catch? But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online. They don't have retail stores or salespeople. Instead, they deliver premium phone plans directly to you.

As you guys know, our friend Rick Glassman, he uses Mint Mobile. I learned about Mint Mobile through George Kimmel. George is a busy guy. He takes the most business calls and the fact that not a single call is ever dropped. And you can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all of your existing contacts. Say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with plans starting at 15 bucks a month and all plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. That is such a steal. To get this new customer offer and your new three month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month go to

mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at MintMobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Esther. Now, Esther asked me the other day. She's like, what do you think we can do to like spice things up? And I have an idea. And it's something I already brought in, but everyone kind of ignored it.

But I have an idea. And you have to agree to it before you before. Oh, do you want the show to do well or not? I do. Okay. Get your ankles and your wrists ready to get tied up while we unleash Donut on you. I'm honestly down for that. Is it a hog tie?

Yes, it is. A hog tie? I don't know what a hog tie is. It's a hog tie. She knows the names of things. I thought you would freak. I'm helping you. There's some sort of like sexual tension right now.

No, no, no, no. It's between you. Carlos. But you calling me a freak is like i'm trying to help you people do not understand when you're trying to get them laid i hate to be the esther of the show today but i really do have a stomach ache is it from all the drama around the kiss do you need olives maybe is it emotional it'sives? Do olives help? No, it's just that I, so for 37 years of my life, I hated olives. And then one day, a little bit after the breakup, I started loving olives. Oh my God.

No, it's because of me that you love olives. No, we only bonded after I- She's never getting a tattoo of your name, but it's so sad. She kissed Carlos over you. That's's so sad she kissed carlos over you she kissed carlos over you understand that but like okay wait a second what is the update is it is it fading at all not at all everyone i meet is like you've been fooled they love to bring up that i it's not that it is a real tattoo oh yeah it's darker than it's been exactly a year all the other ones are fading a little though except mostly perversely wait i got a new one

wait carlos oh i got one too wait is yours a fake one too yeah so any what do you think i wait hold on i got what do i think yours is i got my pleasure for my solo podcast and also to emphasize emphasize living my life for my pleasure when have you not i've never met someone that's not living more her fucking pleasure are you kidding me bitch it is crazy it is crazy wait wait till you see believe me that was just a warm-up wait till you hear carlos's tattoo is it of your name? It's way better. Oh, it's a Nike. I like it. I like it.

I like it. I love it too. I like it. Cool. I don't dislike it in any way. Esther, on the other hand. The gay guy didn't want to. It's redundant.

Your attitude shows us. This feels so good to squish around a bag of olives. What makes you think, what do you think, is it because you were like sad and someone just slipped an olive in your mouth or? I think one time I was crying and like hadn't eaten in two days and then all that was available was airplane olives

and I couldn't buy food anywhere. I was like, fuck. And I was just like, fuck. Then the olives came with like the snack pack and I ate it. I was like, this is fucking delicious. They're salty. They're a little sour. They're great. It's just like, fuck. Then the olives came with like the snack pack and I ate it. I was like, this is fucking delicious. They're salty. They're a little sour.

They're great. It's healthy fat. It's very satisfying. I'm like, is it a hot girl food? It is. You know what I was thinking? Why it's so good that you do the hot girl and ugly girl foods because you are equally both.

So I'm the one, I'm the authority on it. No one else knows what I know. You are. You're the thing is you're 100 hot and 100 ugly it's not that is the best thing anyone's ever said to me and i thought about it on a walk on a walk you've been walking i've been walking well it's just because i keep i got re-sick again a new i had like a noose and what yellows because i think i had to take so many antibiotics and now my body's like bitch you better not do nothing bad because you're going well what happened for me was usually when i go back to the philippines i always get some form of diarrhea

always like without fail because how come you don't say diarrhea like diarrhea diarrhea she does instead of diaper no it's diaper and diarrhea okay i wanted more but it's okay um anyways i usually um i'm usually sick either i get a parasite or amoebiasis or something that causes amoebiasis is the name amoeba you can pick up an amoeba and it's called amoebiasis yeah that you know that annie isn't mature enough for words like so that's on you i dare you to tell me what it's called when someone plays the piano never not laughed at that piano player for annie don't be stupid scream it it's the thing you're not attracted to a 12 inch penis

um and then i was really just really proud of myself. I was on the plane. We were about to land. I was like, oh my God, no diarrhea. And I got home and there was no food at all. So I made myself, you know, those chicken nuggets, those frozen chicken nuggets are not very good. I made a ton of rice.

I put a ton of sriracha. And that was a mistake, you guys. I woke up with straight up diarrhea. And my stomach is not recovering well. So frozen American food is what's getting me this time. Okay, she's back. She's gone back. She's now full Filipina.

Yeah, Ari, how did you feel reconnecting with the homeland? The homeland. I usually go every year, except I haven't been since the pandemic. I see your big fat ass. Your ass is getting fat in a good way. I mean this. Not really.

Yes, it's fatter. Not really. Yes. It's fatter. Is it? Yes. What did I do? You jumped. I don't know. You jumped up.

You trunked up. We should call it Trunk Tuesday. Her abs are rock hard. No, they aren't, you guys. I was just starving a little over there. I was hungry a lot. She was like, I want to feel like home again. I'm starving.

Get back to the old days. But do you feel, okay, so for me, when I go to Skokie, you know, touch, touch ground of my homeland,

like I. Touch cloth. Immediately shits her pants. She's like, mommy will clean the poopy out of my butt for my pleasure. So I can clean my butt myself.

Your parents must spit on that. Spit on your tattoo. Are you fucking kidding me, bitch? As they're folding all your laundry. She's ready to take care of herself, huh? She's ready to focus on me.

At least I'm okay with very little, right? Like, I just, all I need is a basement. Just because it's small. You're just small. That's what it is. I'm just curious do

you feel oh my god you are a frogger in your parents house you're frogging your own family that's my goal my goal is to fucking be in vegas this has like jizz stains on it i don't know it's like oh it really does have a jizz stain it. It's making me uncomfortable at work. You know whose house I feel like you should try and frog? Do you know who Dana White is? Yes. He's like the president of the UFC. Yeah, I don't know why I was like, it can't be Dana White. Yes.

I feel like, I don't know, for some reason, I feel like that's a match for you to frog. When he killed her. Because he has big Vegas energy. He has like that kind of just like all-nighter energy. Yes. I'm so embarrassed. I didn't remember Eddie's name.

Eddie Bravo. No. Huang. Huang. Don't. Did I say it wrong? No, we said it right earlier. But Esther, to your question.

I'm kindling. I'm kindling on Eddie. They cannot come up randomly. It's too dramatic. Imagine how dramatic it is for them. They're like, that fucking little boy came up to us. That looks like the guy from, what do the people tell you he looked like? What's the cartoon character?

Gru. You look exactly like that person. Oh, no. You're the hot version. You're like the sexy version. Sexy Gru for Halloween. But wait, by the way, are we doing a Halloween episode? What's going on?

I don't know. Carlos P. I called you feet. Oh my God. Theo on the mind. Just pile them on me. Make me kiss everybody under it. Did you reconnect with the homeland or not?

This is the first time I've truly related to you, Esther, was going home. Because I felt, you know, you go home because you want your nappy changed? Yeah. That's how I felt. You live with your mom, don't you? No. Kind of. But you do, kind of.

You're with your mom so often. Once a week. She lives in LA. But she's changing her nappy are you changing your nappy now are you fingering yourself i need to change i oh my god she's you think i live with my mom no but you my mom do you know how hard it would be for me to see my mom for you to just you're like with every time i see your mom is okay i i want to i want you number one you went to a family party my mom was there right you're like with every time i see your mom is okay i i want to wait you number one you

went to a family party my mom was there right you're right the other time maybe invite me over a little more bitch maybe not the only time i'm allowed over is when everyone else is invited i'm currently homeless where would i invite you to oh yeah also can people on my tiktok live stop asking me to stop filming my podcast in bobby lee's garage i don't film it there okay it's more of a cinema it's not filming it's more of a recording we know we don't film we are we are and i'm so we're not we are guys she's a liar kendall she lies we're literally in a different city we don't film there anymore. We are in Las Vegas, Nevada. We're in Dana White's garage.

We're in Dana White's attic. And also, I'll do anything I want in Bobby Lee's garage, okay? Ew, is that a threat? Yeah. Or a promise? She's just squirting. I don't know why I see you doing like a crab walk, but squirting out of it. Ew, that is so disturbing.

Do you want to meet a Kendall? Do you want to meet a Kendall in your life? You need to stick with me, kid. Where were we? The Philippines was really nice. Okay. Yeah, it was really nice. I think I didn't go with my mom.

She didn't come? No, not at this time. Because we were just there to work. Bobby was there for like half of the time I was there. But when he left is when the fun really started for me. Just because it's like, I got to be with my family a lot. But it's that same feeling, you know, like home, like no matter what, you're always going to want to go home to Skokie and you're always going to want to go home to your family. And you kind of never stop to think why. I don't think your brain chooses, your body chooses where home is. You

start to just kind of like, I've never laughed harder in my life. Like my family- That's so mean to say to your cohost. You don't even consider it? No, not at all. Wow, Kendall's never coming to one of your shows. Kendall, I'm 100% of the time. She isn't even sure of herself.

But do you know what I mean? It's like, I'm sure you guys feel as we're like, you're around a lot of comics all day, but no one makes you laugh as hard. Yeah. A million percent. As the people that you love. Well,

you have to match like, it's like matching your comedy vibration. Exactly. It's like when I see you laugh, when your dad says something, it's a different kind of laugh than when I hear you. I hear you laugh at some other comic. That's how I feel when I go home.

That's why I go home for the laughs. Like, so I totally relate to that. Yeah, and it's kind of this borderline. All the L's. It's kind of like this borderline traumatic kind of joy you're having where it's like, wait, this is the purveyor of all of my hurt. But somehow it's so hilarious and chaotic.

It was never ending, just cackling and laughing and obnoxious energy and i just like couldn't get enough of it i think that's what makes best friends too it's like your best friends can mimic that like family level laughter where you're just like crying laughing do you feel renewed or like you know post breakup post trip home like where are you leaving the podcast are you moving you think you'll commit to another year of this like i have to get a job at uh where did you work again johnny rock at johnny rockets again i um it's both uh the last day that i was there i was like crying like snot bubbles and everything because you know you just don't want

to you just want to stay home it's where you just don't wanna, you just wanna stay home. It's where you feel safe. It's where you just wanna be. I got my hair brushed every night. Do you know that kind of like level of my family, my sister, my cousins, like we're really big like girl gang there. So I just always had someone to like,

like coddle me almost every night. It was your dream. Can I go to the- they're not combing your hair bitch you're not one of them don't try to sneak in you try to do that with kendall jenner and it failed yeah maybe i should just keep to myself be so funny if you did the same thing happened with her family just every time you go up to people they're like they yeah i get kindled by everyone um my family's real like they can take a lot like they can take any type of super big energy because they're super big energy too so you can throw anything at them and they'll be like

yeah we like her we love her we'll take care of her we'll brush her hair so yeah let's talk about vegas it's all i think about i dream about it it's the lights the ding ding ding ding ding ding everything but fun vegas season is kind of over. It's always fun. You guys are crazy. I disagree. I think it's so good now when it's like finally not so hot all the time. Excuse me?

Explain yourself. I didn't like going to Vegas in the winter because, number one, I guess, you know, you guys are in relationships, but there's lesser talent, too. There's lesser talent around. Like, in the summer, you have all of, like, the Europeans, Australians, and everyone coming on their break. And in the winter. Are we not done with Australian boys? I'm done.

Are we still turned on by that? Oh, I don't know. I'm not sure. It used to be an automatic for me. And I think I grew. It's like skaters. I don't think so. What?

I don't think so. Okay, that was hot we love australians i'm not saying i don't love australians but like that automatic they just have the accent and you're wet new zealand accent i think like taika waititi you know one of my biggest regrets is when i was in new zealand i didn't go to this strip club when were you in new zealand maybe like when she had tonsillitis yeah oh yeah that was when we bonded it was like eight years ago you are so the fucking queen of creep that creep ashley rose or whatever her name was the girl that pretended to be sick and a baby i'm just so sad because there was a strip club in new zealand that we didn't go to and it was American Presidents themed. No. And I still... Oh wait, strip

club? Yes. Oh. And I'm still just like, what could that have been? Ooh, get a little lap dance from Abe Lincoln. It's just a chick with like a beard with no mustache and a top hat. But I was too sick to go. Who were you there with? Dave? Yeah. Huh. Would he have wanted to go?

He was down. Yeah, he was down. Anything to get me to leave the hotel. You are the worst. But, okay, I'm not kidding you. And I know we always say this. It's been like a year and a half of this. I get it.

But I'm very serious. Just a one-nighter. I'm going to Vegas next weekend. Next weekend? Skank Fest. Oh, okay. But like a different trip. It's a four-hour drive.

It's a 10-minute flight. So you're saying you're always down. I've never not been down. I think we could get Kalilah to do a one-night in Vegas with us. I think that's possible. Yeah. Who do you think is the one that holds us up? Yeah, it's not me, Esther.

You guys thinking it's me me esther you guys thinking it's me it's crazy look at her looking up like a liar just like me couldn't be me no i am always down for you're a potato bitch we gotta get we have to roll you i'm not saying i'm gonna leave my room but i want to be in vegas the same time as you guys. Oh my God. Let's go without her. Oh my God. You would die. That's actually the best prank ever to just everyone except Esther goes, we get donut to come.

Look at donut's little push with the stiff arm. I know. Donito, do you want to eat your mom's butthole out while she's tied up in the hog tie? That is so gross. She would never. She would. When do we plan on hog tying you?

It's happening. Who's hog tying? I feel like Carlos should get hog tied. During the banana break. Hog tied? Listen, I said to Todd, I go, how does this not end with Carlos being tied? How does he know? Look.

Can I see this? Because it's like a porn thing. It's not that extreme. I tied Todd up. Todd goes, Todd's like, is this for me or for you? I was like, Todd, it's so disgusting you're saying that. But I did tie him up in a today and it was so funny. I think Kalilah. Can I have this? have it is that i know we're using it but i tied todd up

with it today and he was starting to fall off the bed he's like no it's gonna hurt and you just i filmed it i just pushed him he's like no i'm the meanest girlfriend why don't i think kalilah should put it on carlos did he not put it back it's right there it's right here oh i was like i will kill god todd's fired he's gonna have to pay oh wow it's right there. It's right here. Oh, I was like, I will kill God. Todd's fired. He's going to have to pay rent. Oh, wow. It's like industrial grid. It's so good. But you can reach them. That's the annoying part. It's like, you're not really trapped. Carlos, come here. No, it's got to be you. I have a new pair of AirPods. But we'll do him too, but he'll be the open mic of it. You're on deck. Okay. Ew, don't. I'm kissing. You don't like,

oh, I just have to kiss my lady before I go. Where does this go, Annie? This is part two. We'll have to. I haven't done this before. We'll black out his body. We'll be like, who's the mystery person getting hogtied? Well, this is for your wrist. I think the other ones are your ankles.

I just want to say to the fans, you guys are such nerds. You are falling for all of this. No, we say Kalilah forced. Who did Kalilah force? Who did Kalilah rape today can you guys guess he's got a silly hairdo harlow's about that kiss by the way i really wasn't expecting you to slip tongue like you did he grabbed her pussy too did you see her trumpet her pussy squat down for me baby he peed a little in her mouth.

Did you guys see that? That's the part I think is really fucked up. You know what's so funny is they're like, when people are like, I can't believe Kalilah kissed Bobby's friend. I'm like, friend? Carlos and Bobby are just chilling. Wait, that's so funny that that's the thing

that Annie pulls out. They're not friends friends he doesn't like he he is officially tied what do we do with him but push him get on his stomach get on he's got a good course i'm not doing the stomach well then get it is gay honestly do it do we got to put like peanut butter on him have no stop not on hisitals. It doesn't have to be his genitals. Wait, how do you feel? Maybe we can unbutton. Can we throw olives at him or something?

Oh, wait, can you try to catch olives in your mouth? No, that's insane. Why? Without your hands? That's fun. I knew you were going to like it. That's what I like. You know what I love about Carlos?

He says no so adamantly. And then the next time he goes, okay, your game, your fun. Are you able to knee your way back to your mic or no? Are you? Don't hurt yourself. Wait, what if we spit them into your mouth? Not me because I've been sick. But what if Kalilah spits them into your mouth?

I can do that. Because now she likes olives. Can I give you like a... Your ability to orchestrate a chaotic... What does Carlos get another kiss if he gets a men? A kiss. Are people really angry about our kiss, Carlos? Who cares?

Yeah. These people are... They actually don't care about us. Is this like WWE at this point, you guys? This is like... I'm a good thrower. Let's piss them off even more. That gives a shit. You queef it out of your pussy.

Well, I can vomit too. Up next. We should do a ping pong ball. That feels like. I do like an arc. I feel my saliva. Oh my God. Look at those juicy lips. Look at those gorgeous juicy lips. Oh! That made me a little horny, I'm not gonna lie.

The weight. Oh! Damn it, Carlos. Wait, the look. Are you giggling? The look in her eyes when she does it. Well, cause she's competitive too, that's the thing. She wants to win. She wants to win.

She's been refreshed by her people. Oh! Oh, fuck. One more, one more. All right, one more, one more. I'm going to have to do this all by myself. This is it, this is it. There we go. Oh, I like how she closed her mouth.

Oh, my God. She Asian-mommed you. Bird-fed you. Oh, Donut's like, let me see what's going on. Donut's like, I'll take it. Donut, you look all... We always called Randy Brush when his face was like, you're Brush. Wait, do you want to be untied now? see what's going on Donut's like I'll take it Donut You look all We always called Randy brush When his face

Wait do you want to be Untied now Or what's your safe word Santino Santino's gonna Kick your ass I don't think it's gonna be Esther who will help you

Out of that You can get out yourself I'll help you Not Houdini Here Oh my god it's right You can reach it I'll help you but

Oh I just realized I have BO Sorry You just realized That should be our just realized I have BO, sorry. You just realized it. That should be your next thing. I have BO, the next tattoo. So people, the other unobvious thing. I have BO.

I'm stinky. Don't you hate when you're like, is there a hoagie? Oh my God, it's my armpits. I'm going to smell. Wait, you guys, I'm going to. Yeah, I like BO. Guys. I'm nervous.

Speaking of BO, smelling like hoagies. Guys I'm nervous Speaking of B.O. Smelling like hoagies I have a Wawa cup coming She's making me a Wawa one It's in the mail What color?

I don't know We'll see Can I smell your B.O.? Yeah Which one of us Is getting up? I'm I am nervous

Like Just give me the truth I guess It is B.O. But I I like it I feel like you're wearing JonBenet's actual shoes

like how did you get those for the record these are the hottest shoe of the season they're the Mew Mew but in a size like toddler one they are a size 4

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Yes, my girl's getting it. She's getting it. Oh, by the way, I didn't realize that the dress that you wore at Benji's wedding is your friend's line. And I've been obsessed. I've been looking at, I didn't even like look at her i don't know why it didn't even occur to me to look at her website i was looking at all of it she is talented that stuff is so beautiful she is like the queen of slutty i gotta get rid of my

back roll because all of them are backless but once i'm rid of that back roll girl i'm coming for you get ready for the american express you know what top I have of hers it's the yeah it's the turtleneck crop top the tie on the side I literally texted her

I was like when is this coming that's out of stock I literally almost ordered I have one the red one's really pretty I know I was like which color should I get

but I'm like it really like it would be so back roll high lady we need to do an RUMI themed episode 100% and she

she has an old daddy yeah like that old sperm yes get her on the show sperm she um no is she too cool for us well she could do the show she's we can just wear the clothes she's definitely not too cool for us but that doesn't mean that i think for sure she would do like she's so like a creative fairy all the time like i don't know i never know pretty she's stunning i a creative fairy all the time. Like, I don't know. I never know. She's so pretty. She's stunning. I saw her at Erewhon and I was like, who is?

Oh, everyone I've ever seen at Erewhon. I go. I know. I saw Diana Agron there once and was like, I know. The most beautiful human I've ever seen. And you don't. It's like people that you know are pretty, but then you see them at Erewhon. You're like, there's an extra glow.

It's like, did you have the Hailey Bieber? Is that what it is? No, but Rumi actually offered to design my wedding dress and that's is that why you changed your last name that's the first sign i've ever been like okay i actually might have a wedding wait that's what i wanted to ask you are you secretly married no my dad asked me that last night he's like are you married or something that's the first thought i had because that's how little we think of you like you we know you won't even consider inviting us to it here's why do it without us for your pleasure here's why i thought it here's why i thought it because like right after you change your handle to esther king dave posted a picture of you and in your hand it looked

like there was a wedding band and i know it was in your middle finger but i was like oh if esther would put a wedding band on the middle finger so let me see the middle finger to say fuck you to straight relationships well so i did change my name i do think i want to start going by esther king but i'm doing things out of order i'm going to change my name for you to have kept your long truly annoying i might not even know it at this point last name when it could have been king for so many years is actually i'm offended at this i have to say i'm on your side it was esther king is like that's what everyone like people are responding so positively to it that i'm like, wow. So I also thought he might have like threatened to kill you. And there was like a near murder suicide because of how much shit you talk on this podcast.

No, he would never. He no, he like barely noticed or cared. It was just like, whatever. But it's cute. It's like the best last name. I'm so glad you guys like it. Yeah, I'm into it. And like I said, I think think if i'm gonna approach marriage at

all um it's gonna all be like out of order and chaotic and random and not make sense and so that's why i'm like i'm gonna change the name first and just like see how that get divorced first yeah i want to have a shotgun wedding like with a rando okay i like that energy for me i love a vegas midnight wedding you're not a rando at this point. You've already had a full blown relationship on the internet with her that everyone seems to know about. I was in the same boat. You guys are watching wrestling.

You do get that, right? Okay. You guys are taking this whole series. I did almost have like a random affair with a local fisherman. And then it turned out he was your cousin. You're like, I don't have any of my family members. I actually want to tell you, you have a ban on fucking anyone on your island.

I can't have you fuck another family member. You know, the chances of them being related to me is high because my mom has like 10 siblings. So there's a good chance. Yeah, but there was this fisherman who took me to this like very, no one is supposed to dive where he took me, but he was like, oh like.

That's such a move for you. He was like really impressed with like my breath holds and he was like, let me take you to a spot. Breath holds? Was he hot? He really was. He was, I mean like, his whole life is under the sun. So he had like kind of bleached hair and like lighter eyes, really tan skin. Does the sun change your eye color?

Yeah, over time. Scary. And so, and he was telling me all like the scientific names of the different fish that he fishes. And he was like, see if you can see this grouper down there. That's like foreplay for you. And so I would dive and I could be like, what is this grouper with this spot? And he would tell me the name. And we were just doing this for like a whole hour

and no one else was there. Yes, Annie. But I made the mistake. I made the mistake and asked him if he, you know, I started asking him about his family. He was like, oh, I have two kids. And I was like, I'm out. But this is like Zoom.

I'll just hold the hand up. Okay, I'll go next. Is your safe word grouper? This is reminding me a lot of an experience i had once with a cemetery groundskeeper where like he we remember he like he took an interest in me and like gave we remember we thought he thought you escaped from the grave you don't remember this and he was like how did the corpse from jean-monet is it you we just saw your feet he like gave me he he took an interest in me and gave me a little golf cart tour and took me into judy garland's new tomb like before it was open to the public i got like all this special was he a gay groundskeeper he was uh i don't know his sexual identity actually i i thought we had some

vibes certain points, but... You got to do the self-esteem thing where you go, he must be gay. He didn't lean in. He's got to be gay. Oh, you guys. So I really need a lot of like practice and help just being single in general, because I think that I don't, I haven't nailed the far away flirting. Have you ever had to put the tits back in? Put the tits back in. They handle the far away flirting. I was at this restaurant and the owner and the sushi chef, he was like just sweating in the corner and he was really cute.

And the food he served was really good. But he kept like looking in my direction because I had like a bra top on with like some like big oversized pants. Esther's. Oversized lips. Oversized lips. Juicy pillow lips. And he kept looking my way.

But I didn't know. I'm really bad with eye contact because I'm like. Cross-eyed? No, I am. I'm just kidding. She says about herself. I only make fun of them for the things that they also make fun of themselves for. But then I looked at him and I did like the most awkward, like kind of like claw thing.

I was like, and I had to get out of there like immediately. Because he was like, he like nodded at me. He was like, hey, like this. And I was like, I just, it came out all wrong. And I told my family, he was like, Eve, quickly, we got to get out of here. Was this in the Philippines? Yes. That is way worse than my Kendall giant.

It is. I'm telling you. I need help. But that's kind of fun. Maybe you thought you were like Nell, like you were like a blind mute, or not blind, but maybe mute, can't speak. And then on my way out, he was like, hey, thanks for coming in. Where are you going to be later?

And I couldn't bear it. I was like, I'm thanks for coming in. Like, where are you going to be later? And like, I couldn't bear it. I was like, I'm just going home. And then I left. But this, I couldn't. Well, you don't need to have a relationship with someone in the Philippines. Okay. Maybe he thought you were. You got it.

No, he opened. Can I just say something? Yeah. You have a job. Okay. I don't need you here, bitch. Okay. Don't be start dating a guy in the fucking Philippines.

We're like, oh my God, we got to shoot every. We're flying to the Philippines every week. Like, okay, we're getting the text. Can you guys be in the Philippines this day, this day, this day, this day? I would be down. Vegas. I want to go once. No, I think one of my core wounds from Kalilah is me being like,

take me home to the Philippines. And she's like, mm-hmm. I was like, oh. I didn't know we could have core wounds for each other yeah that's a really fun concept for me i feel like i could do that with anyone i know yeah you go my core wound it's so dark it's so deep it's so like dramatic wait speaking of deep and dramatic you guys i had a trippy experience i i'm not gonna explicitly say what I did. Acid?

I know it. Or mushrooms. It has to be mushrooms. Okay, I'll just say. This is what, this is a core wound of mine. Every episode we've talked about doing shrooms for the first time together. It was, the way I did them for the first time was a terrible mistake. I think Kalilah might be a mistake too. She's very aggressive.

She's like, are you tripping as hard as me? But if you don't think, wait, I have to. No, you'll be nurturing. No, I don't think so because I've never been on it. I'd probably be a mess. I'll be the,

I'll be the shaman. No, you guys, I just need you to know. Jump off this ledge, girl. I'll be the shroom sherpa. That I would book a flight right now to Vegas to do shrooms with you guys. Like, I'm so on board. But I wanted to read to you all.

I wrote down after my spiritual experience, like, what I think of all of you. Oh. Oh, are we ready for this? I've had my eye loss feeling. So I'm going to start with Annie. I was feeling so I'm gonna start with Annie I think that like your absolute core essence of who you are is to spread and make joy like that's literally who you are that's sweet like truly just like boiled down like you just want to spread and make joy it's like that's your whole thing like whether you're at the dmb with someone

whether you just like met a barista like you really want to make everyone that's so sweet coming from someone who i've yelled at thank you but see i know deep down i know i always was very sorry about that i'll never yell at you again no no no and then i love being yelled at Lila, you're like, you're a creative, artistic voice. Like you are, you're just a creative artist. And I feel like people don't necessarily know that. You know, all the comments are like, why? She's not a comedian. It's like, you don't get it.

You're stupid. Like she's a creative artist. She also does not read the comments. And all we're doing is like bringing her the comments. No, but you know what I mean. That's like an angel thing. She's not. It's like she's funnier and smarter than everyone I know.

Like, but yeah, creative artists. Like, because your poems and like, I think there's so much you have to express. Like, I feel like we haven't even started to see like what your creativity will share. Oh, thanks, Esther. And then the guys, I did you you guys too but it's not as good oh my god i can't wait carlos's was the hardest because you are fighting it your body was like i don't want to do carlos is a little okay pete your core essence is to just keep everyone safe oh you just like keep us all safe we could take more risks but thank you and i'm just gonna catch up is your show daddy yeah no handler remember the night there was a night where i think it was just me

annie and carlos and like pete like staying too long and poor pete was just like keeping us safe yeah the computer okay and then carlos i will i will say that i have pitched like live creatures and he has kept you safe really but live creatures i knew it okay carlos this is a little weird i just wrote down okay so carlos is a hardcore texas mexican who had to come to la to be near jewish people we look up our crosses crying he's like that's the most beautiful thing you just like i feel like you were raised in texas like all these like tough guys but that was so not who you are but it's still in there because that's how you were raised but like you literally had no

choice but to come to la and like be friends with like Benji and Sandy and like little Jews that that's like where you thrive I like that yeah you do soak up the Jew in a good way you're a good Jew sponge but I found out when I met his sister that when he was born he when he was really little he lived in Mexico City and that is so weird were you like chickly chickly no he had bad allergies there and I'm like that's why he connects with me and other Jewish people. Well, also, it's like the altitude there is so high. Like everyone's like barely breathing. Yeah, we lived like in a high rise. It was, yeah.

Oh, my God. He's like, we were so rich. I forgot to remind you guys. We were really so rich. It's like Chick-fil-A. We own the Chick-fil-A factory. really so rich she's like chick-fil-a's anyone we own the chick-fil-a factory anyone who has a story of i used to live in mexico city or df usually comes like from money including me like my my parents live there in the 80s that's why my sister was born there because my dad had put a lot of

money into like the mexican cartel yeah the cartel wait really yeah yeah so i have like that's just like we can get free drugs i do feel like i've gotten along with you better since i had a sinus infection you understand me now i had such a weird thing i talked about this i shot my first episode of anyone i'm like so excited i feel like so high off of it because I've been so scared to do it it's just like it's just like fear to like put yourself out there like just you and just like all my ideas but the set is so cute I'm so excited about it and it was so fun with Todd and we did it last night but I talked about this a little bit on there or more in depth on there but I want to talk about it here too because you're my girls but I just feel so happy right now like I just feel so the way that my relationship with my family is so unbelievable and so a place I never thought

I would get and now everything just seems to make sense and everything was worth it and everything's so good I had this experience yesterday that felt like I was on ayahuasca. My mom, okay, so I flew my parents to Arizona because my aunties live in Arizona and my aunts were not getting along. They haven't talked in years. And so my dad was having a lot of anxiety because he feels really like, you know, responsible for them because he's their older brother. And so like last time I went to Arizona, I had to see them separately and stuff, but they decided that it was okay and they were going to like hang out. So we all hung out together. I flew my parents first class.

They've never flown first class before. It was so cute. They were so excited. We beat that out so my parents can't do that. Because once they get it, they'll never go back. Like I really need to take out a mortgage. I don't even have a house. I have to get a second mortgage on this cup, okay?

Because I must. I have a daddy warbucks complex I realized and I am like this is all I'm doing for it I just want to get as rich as possible to just make it rain for everyone and so flew them first class it was so exciting put them up at this hotel I had a weekend and um at the uh Tempe Improv it was so fun it was my second weekend there that I like I don't I don't know if I sold out all the shows, but it was like really a great weekend where I sold out most of the shows. And then my aunt and uncle who are like Tea Party, Fox News, like hardcore, like religious, not, I mean, no, I guess they are pretty religious, but people that I would be like scared to see my set that's like, you know, 75% about my asshole my asshole they came this was the second year in a row they came and they laughed their fucking

asses off my whole family was like dying laughing so proud of me and i was like i can never be seeking the approval of anyone else ever again like if i start seeking the approval of other people now i know that that's a bad habit that I have that I have to stop because all of the people who, when I was a kid, didn't give me, quote unquote, the things that I needed or whatever that caused these sort of anxious attachments that I have, they are here for me. They 100% support me now. There's no, it's full love, unconditional love, acceptance. So if I start going back into those stories with like what internet com like anything it's that's on me because there's just no denying that i'm getting everything i want so anyone or that i've ever like desired so anyway so we had this amazing

time we went to like escape rooms it was so fun you can watch any wood we talked more about it but then so we um so then my mom was telling me she wrote a book over the pandemic about just like a little girl who grows up in the turn of the century and she ends up working at a mill. And years ago, my mom and dad and I had gone and like checked out this mill. And my mom was asking these questions, doing research for this book. So she's been working on it for a while. And so she wrote this book over the pandemic. And I never pay attention to my mom's stuff that much. You know, I'm like self-absorbed.

But I, you know, I kind of like listen. And then she was telling me, she's like, yeah, I do this thing where I read chapters of my book to a bunch of my girlfriends and they over Zoom and they give me notes. I was like, oh, that's so cool. And then she just sent me a Google calendar invite. And I was cleaning my house yesterday. And I was like, oh, I'll just like, partner was like, oh, I won't listen. I was like, my mom wants me to listen listen and my mom will be gone one day and I

will be like so pissed I didn't join this thing and then is it George I feel the same way um but but so um so I just like joined the thing while I was cleaning my apartment. And it was like the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. It was my mom reading a book that she created into my fucking ears. I was crying so hard. I was couldn't stop crying. I was like, it was like the most love I've ever felt in my life. Like I felt like I was like back in the fucking womb or something like my mommy reading me like a story.

It was so precious. And I was like I will like cherish this for the rest of my life and I have to remember that every time I'm like I don't want to do that for someone or like like to really like revisit why I'm feeling that and why I'm having the resistance and to maybe just surrender to it because it was fucking unbelievable it was so beautiful and then at the end they're all like giving her notes and I just started like crying I was like mom I can't believe this and her friend goes i feel like when you're on here i feel like i'm talking to abby from high school and i was like from high school it's her fucking high school

friends are there it's her friends from high school my mom's 71 years old she wrote a fucking book over the pandemic your mom is so cool she's fucking amazing my mom is amazing she's an amazing artist she put aside all of these talents of hers to like raise me and my brothers and now she's just taking it back and and doing it she has friends from from um high school there friends from college friends from um doing landmark friends from her woman's group she has an elder's group like my mom is a fucking g she has like collected and kept friends her entire life that all are so excited to hear the book they're like it's so fun like they're like abby thank you so much for doing this it's not like a weird thing like it's like it feels like such an even exchange it's just so it was just so amazing and my dad was sitting next

to i didn't even know i was like dad why the fuck aren't you here i text i was like dad i'm watching mom's thing she's amazing he's like she's incredible and then i saw his little arm he was like her tech support sitting next to her it's just like nothing makes me happier than seeing um older people with a really strong community behind them i know it's like sometimes you fear like getting older alone and you see when you see like if i were to see my parent having that much support from people she's known since high school that would that would really really like warm my heart yeah and it's like incredible because they're all going through stuff too she's like well so-and-so has parkinson's and so-and-so's like husband is on dialysis and it's like they all have like this time to meet up and and they're they're the ebbs and flows of life

they've seen it all but i think what's really sweet is when you said um that you felt like your mom was like reading something to you and all of a sudden you were kind of thrown back to being that child that maybe needed it so much and isn't it weird that even in your late 30s like those childhood wounds can heal even though you think they're there forever and it's a core wound that will never close up it's like it it can and it will and sometimes in the most unexpected way. And that is like so, so fucking sweet. It's just unbelievable.

It was like so, I was like, I can't believe this. I was just like bawling. It was so precious. I just like got to see my mom as like a full person. That is so cool. I'm just so inspired. And I agree with you about like having community. That is so cool. I'm just so inspired. And I agree with you about like having community.

I sometimes wish my parents had more of that, even like, Do you think maybe you take up their time? How could they possibly? But I agree. It's like, that's all I want for everyone in my life. They have J-Wolf, they have Jess. Yeah. They have my super fans. Like, I want that for everyone that that i love for everyone to have a community exactly what you just explained your mom has like i wish that for everyone because that's so important to like our humanity yeah and our spirit yeah yeah i'm really impressed with that and it's cool to like i feel very fortunate because even though i had a lot of like trauma and stuff and and felt really abandoned by my parents at times, I'm glad that I'm at a place where they're still living and I can reconcile that because I know a lot of people have to do that after their parents pass away, which you can still do. And then some people have on Don't Bore Me, my Spotify thing on Mondays, like people have told me some crazy stories about their parents.

And I know that there's like people that have families where it's like it's not healthy to to heal it with them you have to heal it on your own but and i respect that so much people that can step away from their family and like take their own life not take their own life but take themselves back you know so i don't want to say like you have to forgive your parents but if there is a chance fucking forgive them yeah i think so sorry that i brought it to a weird no no no i also like one oh banana break um thank you when i like think about i don't know how quite to articulate this but like basically I'm like how do I say this the most cared for I have ever felt when I like go back and therapy I've done this exercise

and it was like when I had to go home for lunch during a play rehearsal on a Saturday in high school and my mom like made me lunch and there was something about that where I was like busy and stressed out with this important thing at school and then like racing home and like my mom being there to make me a meal that is just such an emotionally charged memory of like I wish I still had that or like that was so of a way i felt love which i feel is similar to what you're saying like your mom reading to you there's just this like care that you get or something i don't know you're smart what do you think that's exactly what you described of like that like your body knows where home is. Like you don't have to intellectualize.

You don't have to ask where home is. When you're home, your body just knows it. You feel it. Like you just feel it like so deeply in your gut. And that's exactly how I feel when I go home to the Philippines. And let me tell you, it's not the same island I grew up in. I grew up in a very peaceful, very not like not a really big city. It was still very like parts of it were still very provincial and quiet.

And I go back now and it's worse traffic than L.A. So much of it is like completely like dilapidated, broken down. It's a third world country, you know, like it's not it's not for the faint of heart, basically. You know, like it's not it's not for the faint of heart, basically. But when I look at just like all of the chaos and all of this, it's a it's a really broken country. It's in a broken island. I go home and I'm like you know when dr drew came on and said that like i'm not in my own body a lot of times and i'm always just surviving the moment and i i only have like i only see things after they happen or i can only make sense of what what i can only make sense of a moment after it's happened because i'm just surviving it. Over there, I'm so in my body. Like I see things, I'm able to like process things as they're happening. And it's such a weird

feeling, but it's like home is home. No matter where it is, whether it's Skokie, whether it's on a Zoom with your mom, whether it's in a dilapidated, you know, third world island, like home is home. There's nothing you can do about it. I believe that. And I can't tell if this is about to contradict or support it. But basically, when I was in high school, we got this writing prompt that was like, home, if home is where the heart is, like, where is your home? And I remember thinking like, well, then it's obviously my childhood home. But then you start to think and you're like well that could burn down like that could we could no longer afford to keep it like there's all these

ways that you could lose it and I'm like that's so scary so then I don't have like that's if home is where the heart is and my heart is in this place that can be burned down like that's really terrifying and so I had to sort of adjust my framework there and be like well actually like my home has to be a feeling inside of me. Now, that doesn't mean that I can't still go there and like get a fulfillment. But I have to always be safe and comfortable knowing that like I might never get to go back to somewhere that I believe is my home. My parents sold my childhood home when I was 20 and i was so devastated it was like they had to paint over like the wall where all of our like heights were and stuff i mean i was like

the people were buying the house and i was throwing myself on the stairs crying like i was like no like it was crazy i was way too old to be doing it i know you can relate but but i sometimes i just walk through it you know like in my in my head. I think that's it. That's exactly. I go through my it's still always there. And there's this like Welsh word called here. I hear I think it's like it's like loving a place you can't go back to. Or it's like having feeling for a place like you can't go back to.

But when I was in the Philippines. Homesickness. Yeah. But it's like a different kind of homesickness. It's something that, you know, you cannot go back to or when i was in the philippines homesickness yeah but it's like a different kind of homesickness it's something that you know you cannot go back to or you don't even know but when i was in the philippines let's be what you said about the the writing prompt makes sense because even if i go back to the philippines there's no way in hell i am walking past my old street because so many horrible i tried to a years ago, walk past this yellow house on Malawi street. And I felt like I was going to vomit. Like so many horrible things happened to

me there. So many family tragedies happen. I dream about it constantly. My nightmares are all about this yellow house. Like I have, there's just chronic nightmares about it. So no, that's not home. Even though I grew up there at home is a feeling. It's a feeling. And sometimes it can exist in the place and it can exist in a Zoom meeting. So I think you're right. And home can be many places. It doesn't just have to be one. And home can be a person. Sorry I thought that you lived with your mom.

Good timing, honestly. I was like, that is so crazy to think about. Honestly, I wish I could um but she's too like ocd and symmetry like everything i couldn't like leave a banana peel for two seconds on the table it would be a problem your eye makeup looks great did you do it in response to not wearing eye makeup last week no but what happened last week was you look cute though no no no it was i went full panda because what happened was i had intended to put makeup so i put the primer on the white stuff and it made it look even but it made it it was like a look it was a look i've been

watching married at first sight and um who's in it this season there's this cop yeah there's this couple that's like the guy's like an environmentalist and like an extreme environmentalist. Like, it's so annoying. And he's such a nerd and like, not hot, but he's like, told her in the beginning he wasn't attracted to her, which was, and she's like, she's like really cool and like huge tits and cool and awesome and huge tits. I'm like, you're so lucky you had this huge titted bitch.

Is he good looking? um no he's like a weird bald and um and he's fine like no judgment on anyone like they're all fine it's you know they're obviously like you know interested in some weird shit if they're gonna do married at first sight but he so the first week he tells her he's not attracted to her and so obviously that's like a wound and then um they kind of like work through it and he gets into her stuff but her he's not attracted to her and so obviously that's like a wound and then um they kind of like work through it and he gets into her stuff but then he's like meeting up with her sister and it's like i don't know how many weeks they're married but it's like you know a couple weeks before the decision day and he so everyone's talking to like someone close to the their spouse

to kind of get like last minute things and he talks to her sister and he goes i'm wondering if you can help me speak to her about like i'm really like more into hippie girls and i just think she's so much more beautiful without makeup and her sister's like halt her sister was like excuse me we don't wear makeup for you bitch like right we don't change our appearance to like attract it was it was so crazy because he thought he was being so nice and generous like i like her the way she is and it's like why would she have to change and then she her sister told her and then she just gave it to him it was like so awesome like oh bitch go good i'm just thinking about that i have a question for you guys um if you were forced and hypothetically if you're forced in that position where you had to marry on first sight, like I could do with anyone I ever meet.

What they would be divorcing and running like, is that the right route to take to be like, hey, like, just so you know, like, I don't have a natural attraction to you. Or do you just hold that in? You don't have to tell them that you might want to let them know i want to be let's get more attract let's do attractive things like i have dated so many physically hideous men okay but you probably had a chemistry match with them that made you feel attracted to them still i was not attracted to them for 10 years and then they made their move and we were already moving in together and it was weird. And I was like, am I moving back in my car?

Oh my God, I guess we're dating. And it ended up fine. But like I've had situations where I was not attracted to the person and I became attracted to them. Yeah. So I know that that's possible and stuff. But to tell someone you're not attracted to them. No, see, that's your story of what you just said is exactly why. It's like, look, I'm not feeling it yet.

Right. Like, let's get there. Because I actually, I watched Hailey Bieber on Call Her Daddy, and she said something about Justin Bieber that I really related to, which was that he, like, has to, like, have a conversation before they have sex and i'm like that's so me like i need to be like vibing like i need to be like in a we need to be and like doing a podcast like we'd be talking in front of microphones before i can really jump into it running and donut at my side i know, no, I, like, so I do think that if I wasn't attracted to the person,

but we could like really engage on an intellectual, silly level, there's no problem. I don't know, because even if we intellectually engage and even if they were attractive, just the aesthetics were right i'm such a uh a scent person like uh if it's so weird it's like if your scalp smell doesn't match you don't have that if the direct pheromone yeah if it's like a direct pheromone match then it's

just not there's just nothing i can do about that even if they're like making you laugh and you're connecting and you're like you guys both like the same kind of things and you were just having such a deep connection yeah because then i would just be like let's be friends let's be really close friends but like i can't imagine being like too physically close with them i don't know it's just i think we should test it and we should all have to marry a stranger and see who gets horny first. That's just one episode. This is for one episode. We do it.

We, I do want to, for a second, go back to the conversation about like you going back to the Philippines. Cause this is one of my favorite subjects of like going back home. And it reminds you of this quote that is like my ultimate ultimate favorite quote i think it's by gertrude stein and it says it's there is no there there and it basically what it says is the way she meant it has to do with spending part of her childhood in a certain part of oak Oakland and then leaving and coming back years later to find it developed over and unrecognizable. So it's like, there is no there, there, like what you are picturing and thinking of and wanting to be there. It's not there. And I find that that's like a hard life lesson I've had to learn. It's like this thing that I'm romanticizing and fantasizing

about from my past, like it's not there. You can't go back. I feel like I've even brought this up on the show before, but I don't know. I guess it's, yeah, I just wanted to share that. Yeah, I think that's interesting. But I think it's so much of that there you're looking for is really just in the, for me, it's a lot with, it's the people. It's like my older sister lives in the philippines sometimes there's not

there there either yeah sometimes they're there where's their where's their hair there where was their hair there camp counselor story but being around like my cousins and them like um connecting the dots for me that maybe some like memories were blurry for me and we were all laughing about it they were you know what we were laughing about over dinner like hysterically was a time i ran away from home and hid in a trash can for three hours because my mom was chasing trash tuesday dude it's in my blood i'm the original filipino raccoon because um it took them three hours to find me i was so afraid my mom was just gonna beat my ass for something so small like leaving a shampoo bottle at did you use the thing as a shield where you're like like it started trying to stop

and so them just like retelling the story and everyone having their own account of it like putting bits and pieces of information together just and i try to blur that out so much but for them to kind of just make it a vivid memory again and then us like cry laughing about it is so cathartic and we call my mom and then she's laughing about it and I'm like you heinous bitch you know and she was like I do remember that

but your mom was beat that way too right? oh worse than me way worse than me so yeah there's a lot of I accept you know why she did it she didn't know any better but you know it's it's it's you know everything tracks you go home and you're like oh this is why i'm so you know this is why this is why i am who i am and it's just everything just makes sense you connect the dots about yourself did your dad protect you from her um she did most of the stuff when he was away. He was very stern and I was probably most afraid of him

cause he was very like, he had a very big voice, but he never beat us. My mom was the person who just was relentless. But yeah, maybe there's no there there. I'm just killing myself. No, oh my God. Way to go Esther. You wrote there. I'll just kill myself. No, oh my God. Way to go, Esther. You wrote a poem that makes her kill herself?

It was like when I went home. No, let me read you another poem. It's going to make you want to live. Hold on. Revive me, Annie. This is my favorite poem. And a lot of people hate it. I don't know why.

So you type on your phone. My nails are in a full nightmare. And I have grease from the olives all over. She's's doing this it's a full nightmare with these nails all right come on come on all right when you are old by William Butler Yates when you're old and gray and full of sleep and nodding by the fire take down this book and slowly read and dream of the soft look your eyes once had and of their shadows deep how many loved your moments of glad grace and loved your beauty with love false or true but one man loved the pilgrim soul in you and loved the sorrows of your changing face and bending down beside the glowing bars murmur a little sadly how love fled and paced upon the mountains overhead and hid his face among the

stars that is that's sweet but it's about getting old and i don't maybe it's about a man maybe that's bad but no but they be old don't kill yourself yeah don't be young be old no but i felt strong enough to feel weak does that make sense yeah yes like i went home and i was like oh i'm like i could acknowledge how like broken and weak i was like oh i'm like i could acknowledge how like broken and weak i was like over here you just think that you've got to be this you can't care about this you can't care you've got to show strength you got to be this i'm like when i went home i was like oh my god like i'm so sad and insecure but i felt strong enough to say it out loud there i don't feel strong enough to say it out here because i feel like um maybe that will

be preyed on in a different way. But when I was there and getting my hair brushed nightly, I was like, oh my God, like, I'm just a sad, sad baby. And that's okay. I'm so hurt. I'm so, everything hurts me. I'm hypersensitive. Everything affects me. But I don't want to say it out loud. So then you're just silently suffering. Yeah, but I think I'm okay now to say out loud that like, dude, like I'm fucking sensitive. I cry so much, every tiny thing,

every fucking shift of a wind affects me and fuck it. That's just, I'm a fragile little thing. It's okay. Yeah, I'm fragile. I'm not fucking strong or macho. I'm tired of bro-ing down. I'm'm a fragile little thing it's okay yeah i'm fragile i'm not fucking strong or macho i'm tired of broing down i'm just a fragile little thing just surrender to who you are it's all good yeah perfect now baby me oh my god you're not the baby of the show anymore you're like you're like fresh and then mommy suckle up bitches oh one on each of your teats

yes like my mom just kidding i wouldn't breastfeed only one i got one hanger i think i have a get rich quick scheme for us and it has to do with this article i saw can i can i just fix your grammar get richer quicker yes thank you actually thank you about unsolicited dick pics oh and there's a new law in california i think that basically says that women can sue men for sending them an unsolicited i'm a fucking billionaire move over and you were the first person i thought of the flash law sued up to thirty thousand dollars you know why i would i it's not that if you send random dick pics, there's no proof that it's that person's penis.

But so many guys these days have their face. All the dick pics that they show me have part of their face on it. So there's actually proof of them. That's when you know they're truly mentally ill. It's like, you are fucking so crazy. You're asking for a lawsuit. Yeah.

My favorite dick pic, I mean, I don't like any of them, but my favorite that was sent to me was, this guy had his heels together like this it was indian style together like this like this yes and his penis was resting over his heels and it was so disgusting it was so bad it was so so wait can we get paid retroactively for all the peanuts we've had to endure on earth right now can you sue the same person for continuously sending them i don't know but i'm just saying like if i get one or if you guys got one like i'm pursuing i'm gonna i'm gonna un i'm gonna start allowing dms now yeah my question is where does the 30k come from the person is unlikely to have that just you know like where's the faith from these dick pic guys look i just the fact that

they're humiliated they're sex offenders it is a it is sex it's so annoying okay so one time this is a story i want to tell you guys so i was on um there used to be a podcast called race wars with charade small and kurt metzger and i was on it and i was talking i said directly on there i don't want dick pics okay but we were looking at like we were looking at um michael phelps like speedo or something and we were talking about penises and i was going i don't like dick pics like i was saying it as we were talking about it um this is to give this person any sort of leeway like maybe he misheard me and said i love dick pics and i was like i hate them please do not ever and then so um this guy sends me a dick pic and i'm incensed i can't believe it after

i just had spent like five minutes doing like this whole diatribe about how i don't like dick pics i don't know what the word diatribe means, but it's the first time I said it. Anyway. It worked. Did it work? It worked. Okay. Didn't need to doubt myself.

Five minutes is a diatribe. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Right, Pete? A diatribe. A diatribe. And then so I was so pissed that I had just so blatantly said I didn't want it and then he did it.

It was such a violation that I screen grabbed the dick pic and i posted it on his facebook wall with his name sending it to me and he freaked out for some reason he had kurt's phone number or got hurt some and then he's on the phone and kurt's like talking and he's like you know i'm a teacher like how could you do this and i was like can you explain to him that the incident started with him and all of our issues with men that we've had on this podcast let's remember the issue started with you doing a thing okay our reactions to it cannot be something that we're in trouble for you do a thing there are consequences that is the most epic thing that anyone i know has ever done and for him to be be like, I'm a teacher, you sent it. I don't give a fuck. I said no. And he was like, I was just kidding. It's not funny. I was kidding. Ha ha ha. It's these guys where it's like, how could you do this to me?

You started it. You sent the picture or the DM or the request or whatever. You started it. or the DM or the request or whatever. You started it. You did the bad thing. We reacted to it. Okay, we're allowed to react. We're full humans that are allowed to have experiences and talk about them if we want. And we don't have to leave names out.

We can actually say the names if we want. Ooh, bring names back 2022. We're going to start saying, I'm just kidding. All my guy friends block me um well welcome back to me welcome back to me welcome back to you annie hi guys fun i'm so happy to be reunited with you guys you have no idea my life has been very sad and lonely being rejected at parties i I needed you guys. Like I need this. It's we needed this.

This story is getting me through. Your rejection is such a win for me, Esther. I was going to fucking say. What did we learn today? We're getting rich off dick pics. Rich off the dick pics. Home is inside of you. Home is inside of you.

Carlos stuck it. We stuck it in Carlos. Carlos stuck it inside of you. Home is inside of you. Carlos stuck it. We stuck it in Carlos. Carlos stuck it inside of you. Your ears. Carlos and Kalilah took it to the next level and Bobby is genuinely really pissed. Everyone's really mad. Guys, everyone's super mad and there's a real drama.

And this isn't wrestling, you fucking dings. Oh, damn. I love you. you and guys blow me for good luck um you guys in all honesty and seriousness we appreciate our happy positive slugs out there so much we could not do this without you and the fact you guys come back every single week means so much to all of us we are always thinking of you and we will see you guys next week. Hell yeah. And I wasn't depressed the episode with Ashley. I was on Xanax and I felt like my arms were really long.