Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Khalyla's Catfish

Episode Date: September 20, 2022

Thank you to our Sponsors: ZocDoc - Go to https://zocdoc.com/trash and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hoursFansly - Go to https://fansly.com and sign up today for exclusive content from your favorite creatorsBetterHelp - BetterHelp - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at https://betterhelp.com/trashtuesday Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 When Rice Gets Stuck in Your Nose3:34 Esther at Burning Man 7:52 Annie’s FOMO Dream11:36 Motivated by Jealosy14:09 The Time of Day to Brush Your Teeth Debate16:07 Is Walking Exercise?22:48 The Trash Tuesday 2023 Calendar 28:13 Annie Relapsed on Crime Shows33:38 Mixed Races 38:23 Shaming Moms in America42:00 Jerry Seinfeld’s Kith Photo Shoot47:41 The Manti Te’o Girlfriend Hoax & Khalyla Got Catfished56:48 Annie’s Dentist Valet59:26 Esther Thinks Rob Schneider Hates Her & Esther’s Matteo Lane Connection / Rob Schneider is Khalyla and Esther’s Love Child1:03:28 Willing to Try New Foods = More Fun in Bed?1:15:11 Men in Skirts Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera Editor: Bryce Hallock

After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's the catch? But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online. They don't have retail stores or salespeople. Instead, they deliver premium phone plans directly to you. As you guys know, our friend Rick Glassman, he uses Mint Mobile. I learned about Mint Mobile through George Kimmel.

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offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply statement mobile for details zocdoc is a free app that shows you doctors who are patient reviewed take your insurance and are available when you need them i mean speaking of when you need them go to zocdoc.com slash trash and download the zocdoc app for free then start your search for a top ratedrated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash trash, ZocDoc.com slash trash. Today, let's make a special shout out to our favorite adult-friendly platform, Fansly, the best platform to connect one-on-one with your favorite creators in a new and more intimate way than ever before. Chat, unlock exclusive content, watch live streams, and connect your Twitch or Twitter to see if creators you already engage with are on Fansly today. What are you waiting

for? Check out fansly.com. That's fansly, F-A-N-S-L-Y.com for exclusive content from your favorite creators. And now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp, easy and affordable online therapy. When you want to be a better problem solver, therapy can get you there. Visit betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. Better H-E-L-P dot com slash trash Tuesday. You guys, welcome to this trash Tuesday. You can see me this weekend, September 23rd through 24th at the Arizona Tempe Improv. You can see me September 30th. This one I'm so excited for at the Coluso Casino, guys. It's one night only. It's going to be so fun. Then in Octoberup in Phoenix and in San Francisco, Seattle, and Portland

you can get tickets at estheronice.com and check out my new solo podcast Esther Povitsky, My Pleasure and that is available everywhere you listen to your podcasts Wait, anything that I diagnosed her I definitely have a sinus infection when I looked it up, that's what it is

and then he did give me amoxicillin, which is what they say to do. I have a few more days left, so I'm hoping that that's just gone. Look, a former nurse can only take you so far. You need a Jew. I know. I know. With your Jew powers combined. My advice was get a chest x-ray because I was more worried about ambulatory pneumonia.

When it turns out, it was up top. I could hear. I could just. Because it is just, it's the nasal drip giving me the cough. It's going back. You know when you get a piece of rice stuck in your nose? I've never had that. You know, as a frequent rice eater,

I've never had a rice stuck in my nose. This could be my specific deviated septum, but you've never... How do you eat rice? Okay, comment below if you've ever had the thing where when you accidentally inhale a piece of rice and it goes in and out and you're like, you have to hawk it, then suck it back in, hawk it, and then eventually you get it out.

Comment below. And if I get no comments agreeing with me, I'll assume the person choked to death. Also, comment below if you're Asian and this has actually happened to you because we know how to eat rice properly. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I'm not Asian. I'm so sick of having to apologize you're a back of asian wait you've been accepted into the asian community through todd thank you

so much wait no no i am a very messy sloppy eater i've been known to eat macaroni and cheese and have it on my forehead i don't want to be rude but those nostrils are not sucking anything in how do you get rice in your that's like creepy i have a i have a theory that it's probably from your throat and it kind of you know back travels up your nose yes and out that way and you don't actually inhale the rice no no it's not like i'm snorting rice i mean maybe who knows you guys i'm a wild child um annie i love your nails they're sparking joy thank you so much i got this was again ryan at pinky's nails you got to go got this was again Ryan at Pinky's Nails you gotta go to this guy he I just

went I want aliens and he just went crazy he went nuts for me I feel like we missed out on the opportunity at Burning Man no no no guys I'm so fucking pissed I didn't go to Burning Man but I was like the last minute I was like maybe I'll go to Burning Man that's not a thing you could do last minute people prepare for like

and it's like a lottery system and it's like you have no we are not a part of the lotteries we're not we're public figures I actually would like to see you go to Burning Man last minute I with no preparation I'd like to drag your ass like I want to fucking knock you out wait just knock you out and just like you're trapped in fucking burning man wait oh my god you guys esther can't ride a bike how is she gonna get across the playa they have to ride bikes and she would be medevac she would get a fucking they'd medevac her to the other side oh no i wanted to go i did listen this could be this could be real okay i said to whitney i was like because my friend abby, who's this amazing artist,

she's incredible. Look up her Instagram and look at our YouTube together that we did, Sausage Party Presents. But she, I don't know why I'm so promotional today. And check me out on Twitter. So then, so she always goes to Burning Man and she was like, look, if you want to come, but it was during Whitney's birthday week. And for some reason, I thought we were going to all do something for Whitney's birthday. I forgot that Whitney.

She canceled it. Yeah, she canceled her birthday. How did you find out? Because today I said, oh, can we bring people? And she just said it's canceled. I'm like, it's in three days. No one told me. Oh, no.

She texted me personally and said, hey, it's canceled. Did you know? Oh, it's actually not canceled, guys. It's just me and her. She hates you. She hates your guts. Her 9-11 birthday party. This bitch was going to have her birthday party at 9-11.

My favorite holiday. I know. Esther. Esther, she liked that holiday because it just had to do with tall things. She didn't have anything to do with it. Wait, can we get back to how Esther's going to travel across the playa at Burning Man outside of a medevac? I'm like aa at burning man outside of a medevac i'm right there i say dare i say wheelchair fake an injury and he just put a little one of those engines behind it

oh my god you want one of the you're not supposed to call them um electric chairs the power ones okay we'll get you one of those but they don't go fast enough we gotta really they don't need to go fast. Oh my God. That's so funny. We add like a motor on it. Wait, and there was a sandstorm.

Imagine Esther in the middle of a sandstorm. And we're not going to have a seatbelt, so we'll have to duct tape her too. Oh my God. I need to know, do you actually want to go to Britain? I 100% want to go to Britain.

Why? Tell me what you want to happen there. I want to either do drugs or watch people do drugs I am actually currently doing no drugs right now I guess NyQuil counts for Esther oh yeah wait do you know Jay Moore had to go to can you look this up did Jay Moore have to go to rehab for NyQuil that's a lie I don't know I don't know him so this is pure shit talk this is not like a personal attack this is a a non-personal attack. Yeah.

Wait, see? I tripped on it like ayahuasca level, like had to like deal with the death of my family, myself and my dog. I thought I had been visited by my shaman. I had been promised by my new shaman that if I don't do ayahuasca, he will bring me on an ayahuasca journey in my dreams. And I was like, he arrived. He's here.

Should we get high on Day Cool or Night Cool during our next live stream show? Yeah. Whitney did mushrooms. How does Whitney do the exact same thing? Wait, can we try something a little more fun than night cool? We can do mushrooms too, right? Of course.

We did state it before she did it, so I don't want to say, I'm not saying she stole, but I'm just saying. I think weed is the, for me, like I'm experienced at it. No, we don't want you to be experienced at it. Right. Esther, you've got to take mushrooms with me for the first time.

That is not the point. Okay. Are we going to fuck up? Esther, I can't believe you didn't make a move on Stella. I'm like actually embarrassed. No, I respect. I like love her and respect her. I need to get to know her.

Lila, I already got the name tattoo. I'm ready to just come forward and say, let's rock. I thought you were going to say you had a Stella tattoo too. I'm like, if one more tattoo gets on that fucking body and it's not my name. I had a dream, a crazy FOMO dream last night. I've really been trying to look at my dreams, like what my subconscious needs to tell me. But I was like, that's so so funny that was so genuine and real because i love i love to read into the subconscious of my dreams we were all on like it was all these comedians you guys were

there too and we were on um it was like us theo was there gary veder randomly i don't know if you know him it was just a bunch of us on this like cruise ship But it was also a spaceship Wait was I there? You said us Maybe you know when it blends together I honestly do think you were there I think everyone was there Pete was there sweating his pits out And

There were all these really incredible Activities you could do like weird sky Diving things like this crazy This was a Cruise ship in the sky like this crazy um this was a cruise ship in the sky okay this is the dream of a 12 year old i just want to be clear a cruise ship in the sky when you end up hearing what happens it's gonna be very 12 this is way better than burnt than burning yes it was very it was like you want desert how about cruise ship in the sky so then okay so then yes it was like that it's like the enterprise okay so then but you could

go on like a really cool like water slide that's like down into the clouds right i'm on board things kept happening where i would have to get out of line and i couldn't do the activities oh that everyone else could do them and then i was about to do it and they're like you can't do it we're having a surprise party for Kalilah and I was like I can't miss Kalilah's fucking surprise party so I was like alright and I had to go to and I was like what is this do you know who was throwing it by chance

um I mean probably Theo but Theo had posted this like him going down the water slide I was like are you fucking kidding me oh wait and the reason i was missing everything was because i had found out there was some girl who i wasn't friends with but for some reason i was like invested in her life who had come with her baby and she was living in this apartment upstairs this is so boring to talk about dreams i'm so sorry but and then someone had cheated her boyfriend was cheating on her and she found out

about it and i was somehow in the middle of. And I was like trying to help her through that. And I fucking missed all the fun. OK, I think I can interpret your dream. Yeah. I think it's because you've been sick for three weeks. You haven't been able to like fully live your fullest best life. So you're just like in your head. Your worst fear is like people are on a cruise ship in the sky without me.

I need to get rid of this sinus infection. But it's always sad being there and not being able to do it too. I was like, yes. Well, it's the same thing as in real life because just because you're sick at home doesn't mean you don't know what's going on because you're looking at social media and stuff. Like I think that. I honestly wasn't looking that much. Thank God.

I think I would have if I looked at it. But it was FOMO and it felt like I was jealous of people for doing things. And then I so then I was like, I went on insight timer. Do you guys have that app? Do you ever look at that app? What is that? No. It's just an app of like,

it has different meditations and different like spiritual talks and stuff. And sometimes when I'm just like, I want to hear like some shaman say something, I just will go on it. But I went on it and I typed in jealousy. Like what? Cause I want to know what the root of it was. And I randomly got on this two minute thing by the, who's the guy's sad guru is he good or bad i'm not sure i don't i'm always afraid they

fuck everyone like uh all the gurus are like banging everyone like big room yeah they had to change everything to 26 and 2 take his name off of everything 26 and 2 is like not as sexy at all i know i used to love bikram yoga you can still go it's still almost 26 and 2 is like not as sexy at all i know i used to love vikram yoga you can still go it's still almost 26 and 2 is vikram that's okay i don't feel like it anymore i know it's like i i see the victims the 90 minute class is the one you miss you fucking liar the hour and a half the longest yoga class um but so he there was this story and i can't remember the whole thing even though it's only two minutes but it was like this woman stood up and she was like this was not even on the the train of thought i was trying to go on but i thought it was interesting she goes

um i is jealousy really bad because jealousy has actually like helped me like when i'm jealous of people i ended up like i got into my dream school because i was jealous my friend got in and it made me work harder and he told this story this old story about how they used to bring donkeys into this town and they would put um firecrackers like in a tin and they'd let them off and the donkeys would like run really fast and he's like do you want to have like firecrackers on your tail like do you want to be the donkey like running or do you want to be like enjoying succeeding and then also if you get used to that being your motivation is that your your tail is on fire like your tail is going to be fucked up like i mean obviously i'm paraphrasing this but i thought that was interesting i think i was a super super insane crazy jealous person in my early 20s

like i could not turn my jealousy into like positive aspiration like i was like locked in and paralyzed by my jealousy especially over boys and girls that were that i was threatened by and i think a lot of it has to do with like my mom always pitting me against someone my whole life always like looking outward and saying like things about people look at this person doing this look at this person doing this and me never feeling like i i was that person for her but i i think the how i got over it was doing nothing at all and just growing up yeah like when i got to my 30s and i'm like there's fucking nothing I can do. It just like, I just kind of went away.

It's also so stressful. It's like- But I was destructive you guys, like on Myspace. Like I would- She's like, it's Myspace, not your space bitch. Tom. Tom, you piece of shit. You're on everyone's first number one friend.

I was just so insecure about every everything that happened in my life and it would drive me up a fucking wall like i i would i wouldn't be able to like sleep at night i don't think i know anyone who got through their 20s without dealing with like jealousy or insecurity like i think that's so normal like toxic i look at jules and she's like i don't give a fuck okay well that's bad i'm like how are you sociopath are people healthier now because there's like so therapy online better help better help eradicate yesterday after you left esther said something that blew my fucking i couldn't have more fomo when i came back in and you guys were talking i was like

they're fucking talking still? What are they talking about? On her way out, on her way to the car, she said that, she's like, yeah, as soon as I wake up in the morning,

I brush my teeth. And I thought, I think that's the craziest thing I've ever heard. To hear from her, specifically. Okay, before coffee,

before coffee and before breakfast? Are you crazy? Yes, of course. Wait, you're telling me you want minty coffee or minty orange juice? Because it destroys the flavor of the food. No, no, no, no, no.

Annie, help me out here. I support you. Yes. Do you want to eat your breakfast with the bacteria in your mouth? No, just gargle with water. No. Don't say that like that's a normal thing. As my mom would say. Gargle with water? No, my mom my mom says it darling you just have to gargoyle with water

gargoyle with water explains a lot um wait so what you know you're supposed to brush your teeth like after every meal too right i do that but it is i do like the idea of just getting you don't do that out do you brush your teeth in your shower and the show yeah i do shower shower in your life shower or toothbrusher yeah even my electric yeah me too i have a tongue scraper and same yeah so i my priority is after a meal obviously but before a meal no it's going to um destroy the palate the like the the the neutral the neutrality of your palate i don't eat right away though oh because i eat right i go and i've been here this is one of the good things about my i'm kind of on board with your anti-sadness walk even though i don't

like anti-sadness because you're using sadness in the thing and in hypnosis you're not supposed to have the word in it but i appreciate you we're preventing sadness before it sets yes before it goes in uh we're like preventative botox for your feelings but so i've been walking i was thinking about like the sickness sucks but i can't exercise so i've been just going on long walks and it's been fucking amazing okay well i'm personally attacked oh that's what i'm saying walking are you saying walking is an exercise? Here's what I like about Esther. She can do the least. This is what I like about Esther.

She can do the least and she can spin it in her head like she's doing the most. And that's really all that matters. As a full believer of hypnotism, that's all that matters, Esther. I have a different take. I think when I think about walking,

I think it's the most, it's the most difficult thing for me to agree to do. Working out, doing HIIT training, an hour of that. I could do it. I just like, okay, commit. But walking to me, I will not fucking walk anywhere. Because your thoughts, you have to be in your thoughts, bitch. Maybe.

I have to sit there and I have to look down at the concrete. I like hiking if it's like, you know, if it's a challenge. But hiking is aggressive, yeah. But what I realized is like I am accepting it as exercise because I have no other option. Because I can't, I really like, it's in my- Because you're at your rock bottom. I'm at my rock bottom, which also Esther walks at the bottom of the rock. She never goes up it.

But it is like, it's been really nice. My friend, I was talking to her and she mentioned something too where she goes i go on bliss walks oh that's so she goes and it's not like mushrooms are involved i've always been involved since the tail since the dawn of time but but i was thinking i was like i need to just like turn my head off and go out and then it's like i don't have to think about things if i want to i can think about my jokes and stuff it's kind of like a really way to ease fully go through things and i understand why you can't talk on the walk yes walks are the fucking best like i look forward to my walk so much like they they literally give me like you how long do you walk

for an hour um i like yeah 45 minutes to an hour is like a good yeah and i'm sweating a little bit i am actually sweating yeah walking is effective and i also i walk fast i have you do walk fast i thought that was just when i was with you you're trying to get away for someone so small you have really big strides yeah she's also falling forward i do get that comp you've gotten more coordinated thank you maybe as you've lost weight and your tits have shrunk a little bit you're not toppled over

have they? no they haven't I'm just kidding oh my god do not take my insults seriously I haven't been able to work out in three weeks either I know

you gotta do your walks you gotta start doing them I'm trying I ripped my shoulder so I'm going I'm physical therapy today right after this but I feel that same way

where it's like it's like a hell you're in yeah I was in a really good workout routine again too. Like I finally was like, this is like in my identity. I feel like someone that just has to exercise every day. It's just a part of my life. It doesn't feel hard. And I just wham. Yeah. The first week back especially is a big mental barrier. Like how do, how did I do this for so long? Yeah. It is crazy that that never goes away. You never, working out never gets easy.

Like you think you do it so that it'll get easy. Well, your ego like doesn't want you to do anything that's good for you. It just wants you to be safe and fat and comfy where you can't be killed. That's also kind of fun though. That sounds really good right now. I'm sick of being sick and fat and comfy. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of just laying.

Well, it's like you want to identify quality, right? Because if you're a fan of it, sushi is incredible. But gas station sushi is not incredible. I've had a few, but you would have to know that. You would have to know is the special gas station. Which you would know. Yes, I would know. Honestly, it would be be me because finding the right sushi makes all the difference and that same thing goes for finding the right doctor and that's why i am addicted to zocdoc it's really

the best especially my doctor's been out of town and i needed a doctor it's like so hard to find one that has your insurance and all that stuff so when you can just go on zocdoc you can find someone that takes your insurance has good reviews it's It's just so much easier. Dude, I'm so glad you said that because like knowing if they're in your network, are they close by you? Like these things are important and they're all available to find out on ZocDoc. And look, Battleship is a fun board game. A lot of us play this kids, but as an adult, Calendar Battleship is a frustrating game that you play with your doctor. I'm not down for that, okay? ZocDoc is a free game that you play with your doctor. I'm not down for that. Okay. ZocDoc is a free app that shows you doctors who are patient reviewed, take your

insurance and are available when you actually need them. And on ZocDoc, you can find every specialist under the sun, whether you're trying to straighten your teeth, fix an achy back, get a mole checked out, anything else ZocDoc has you covered. All things I've had to do in the past three months. All things in the past three months. All things in the last three minutes. You can find and review local doctors, read verified patient reviews from real people who made real appointments. And now when you walk into your doctor's office,

you're set to see someone that's in your network who actually gets you. Go to ZocDoc.com, find the doctor who is right for you, and book an appointment in person or remotely that works for your schedule. Every month, millions of people use ZocDoc.com, find the doctor who is right for you, and book an appointment in person or remotely that works for your schedule. Every month, millions of people use ZocDoc, and I am one of them. It's my go-to whenever I need to find and book quality doctors. Go to ZocDoc.com slash trash and download the ZocDoc app for free. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today, and many are available within 24 hours. That's Z-O-C-d-o-c.com

slash trash i will be zoc docking today zocdoc.com slash trash truly there's no reason not to today's podcast is brought to you by fansly an innovative adult-friendly platform allowing you to connect intimately with content creators. Think TikTok, but for spicy content and exclusive access to your faves. Follow, subscribe, message creators to chat one-on-one, unlock pay-per-views you definitely won't see anywhere else, and discover new favorites on Fansly's For You page where new creators are suggested based on the ones that you're already in love with. You can also sign up through Twitter or Twitch to see if creators you already follow are also on Fansly.

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content from your favorite creators. After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time, all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan i thought where's the catch but after talking to them it all made sense there isn't one mint mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online they don't have retail stores or sales people instead they deliver premium phone plans directly to you as you guys know our friend rick glassman he uses mint mobile i learned about mint mobile through george kimmel george is a

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Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Okay, so what's the news in terms of new merch?

So we have decided that because we're the three most beautiful women in the world. It's true. We are going, we better, we're going to shoot a calendar for 2023. And we need to decide who is going to get what months. And yeah. Wait, are we doing singles i think we'll do a mix of singles and oh my god that's so sad there's like one people just don't like each of your favorite and your least favorite let's be real okay wait um so february has only 28 days and is this yearly beer or not? No.

Right. Um, so one of us will get the least exposure if someone gets February. I mean, I think the shortest. Well, I think maybe February because it's Valentine's day should be for like the love connection. Ooh, that's an easy. Oh, I'm already excluded. I see what this is. This is Esther making her move.

She's like, we should be 69ing me and Kalilah for Valentine's Day. That's fine. I can be in the back like this with my glasses on, my pedophile glasses. Oh, my God. Maybe we should do that. Do you know that Annie and I have scissored, right? You weren't around for it when you were in Palm Springs. Oh, boy.

We scissored. For a long time. And my mom was taking the pictures. Yeah. My feet were in them, though, so they feet were in them though so they didn't get posted maybe they didn't get posted they didn't get posted i think i was feeling chub i think okay a chub does anyone have a strong feeling about a month that they really want i mean i have to get my birth yeah we should do my birthday yeah okay which is i get november i miss november oh i miss march july oh good. We're not fighting over the birthday month. No lies in Julys. Okay. And I think that I don't want all of the winter months. That seems a little depressing for me. calendar and it can have like a Hanukkah theme for to for the underrepresented out there I guess we're widely represented in media but also I know there's so many Jewish holidays I'm

how many I always know when my agent doesn't pick up I'm like it's a fucking another Jewish okay so when is Passover I uh April okay so you get April then too. You get the big Jewish holiday month. You are the worst Jew. I know. She has no clue. She guessed so hard. It is. April.

Okay. April? I'll take April. I like April. But Easter would be cute if you were like, oh, wait, I have so many ideas. I actually don't want to burn the ideas. Okay, go. I think that I'm going to be a sexy Passover bunny.

Yeah. Passover bunny? Yeah, like instead of Easter. I want to Passover that idea. But maybe people can give us ideas. Well, for July, you're a cancer. Just be a crab. You had crabs, right?

Or should I just be like? Yeah. I know exactly what to do for that actually july is crab month crab awareness it's crab awareness month by the way it's also a pube awareness month turns out you gotta have pubes for it i um it's crabs the symbol is 69 and it's cancer it's a dark one yeah it's a dark one i have that's so weird do you think we include carlos to the calendar at all it really depends on his carlos do you want to do a yoko ono john lennon no let's not do that you've already done one with bobby not the yoko ono one bobby and i have done crazy honestly i might have just looked at

the yoko ono one and thought it was you guys. Oh, no, we did for Halloween. Bobby was Yoko. I was John Lennon. No, but the pose, you know, when they're doing like this, it's like an infamous like Rolling Stone cover or something like that. What's gay pride month? July. Then maybe we should do like a.

June. We should do like a Carlos like sexed up one. Like me and Carlos like this. Oh, wow. Oh, my gosh wait carlos could do that so well because he's so skinny oh yeah i'll definitely be john lennon in that oh guys i'm so uncomfortable that is really i feel i feel remolested right now or actually can this be your dad wait yeah i mean yeah'd think your dad would fly over. It kind of looks like Carlos has that butt.

Doesn't it kind of look like a Carlos butt? That's the fetal position. I have a better butt than that. He's English. You've never seen this? No. Is this like symbolizing that like she's his mommy or something? Probably.

Wait, why do you look like Sean Lennon right now to me? What the fuck, bitch? Pull up Sean Lennon right now. No, don't do it. Pull it up. Wait, I like Sean Lennon. I like Sean Lennon. now. No, don't do it. Pull it up. Wait, I like Sean Lennon. I like Sean Lennon. Oh my God, his song with Lana Del Rey is so good.

Oh no. Just while you were looking at it. Why? Look at him. He's beautiful. Oh no, my doppelganger. It's so funny. Why does he look like he murdered his parents

on that one down there? That one? Doesn't he look like he's on parents on that one down there that one doesn't look like he's on trial for killing his parents that's so specific oh you know what he looks like to me he looks like a a what would be the baby of like todd and dave he really does honestly really does throw a bobby in there too. Guys, I relapsed. On? Murder. Oh no.

That's why I can tell when things look like they're trial pictures because I've been really going into it. Which ones? Which ones? I'm sober from everything. Watching crime shows, I think. I'm not going to smoke weed until I make $1 million. I mean $100 million. Oh, those are so different.

$100 million. What's her figure? a million is not hard wait are you really you're really like not doing weed for that it's it's really fucking my life up it really does not help me it just really really really deters me from all of my dreams i don't think it does that for everyone i really don't but it does for me i overeat i stay up late i don't wash my makeup it's like basic things and then huge things will you i don't show up to things other things instead of weed maybe i mean obviously for special occasions i do things yeah and things like that but i'm i haven't like said i'm definitely not going to do mushrooms or anything like that it It's just, it's not like, I'm just not,

I'm not partaking. Yeah. But murder, I think because I was like getting so depressed from being sick. Because I really do believe it's like, do whatever you guys want, like live your lives.

But it is like not filling you with a good loving vibe. I'm trying to live on the vibrational level of love and peace and if you're watching murders it's just not there which ones are you watching though i watch well i watch the army hammer thing which is just crime that's not a murder right and then um well actually there was a murder in there i think his dad or his grandfather got accused of murder. But I just started watching some basic date lines. It just started creeping in. And I watched one that I'd already seen too.

And I was like, this is really sick to rewatch one. I was like, I know who did it. And I just, yeah, I just, but I was just being aware of it. I was going, okay, I'm going down this road. I'm just aware of it. And I've been good at that. But you know what I realized it is? If you watch Murder, there's a million shows on TV to watch.

Where you have so many. You have everything to watch. If you don't watch Murder, you run out of shows. You know what show I think you're going to love if you haven't already started is Yellow Jackets. Yellow Jackets. I did like the first season, but I didn't see it. The music's really good. They play garbage. They play all the 90s songs. I'm Julie. Juliette Lewis is in it, who I really

want on this show. Christina Ricci. It is such so far. I'm only on like the third episode. It is so freaking good and well done. Yeah. Would I highly, highly recommend. Okay. Highly recommend. Yeah. Is the second season good, though? I haven't started the second season. I literally just started the first season. Yeah. I have a question good though? I haven't started the second season. I literally just started the first season. Yeah. I have a question. I really want to like think this through and figure this out. Why do women like watching murder shows?

Do we know? Like what is it in us that makes us want to watch them? Because men don't really like them the way women like them. But men do like them. Men do. I think we started just like co-opted it as like, oh, it's what we do as like housewives we watch crime and we make it our identity but it's like i think everyone watches them is there any chance that we're watching it to like subconsciously learn how not to get murdered i don't know because every time you see one of those murders there was like

she loved dateline no but i think well my favorite showpped, was women doing the murdering. So I mean, maybe, you know, it's good to know how not to get murdered, but it's also good to know how to murder. I would say if you go on a- Not how not to murder. Yeah, not how not to murder. If you go on any first dates anytime, don't tell them that you like that show. Oh, I watched the Craigslist killer. I watched the Craigslist killer.

I actually have never seen Snapped. Is that? It's a classic. It's a classic. You've seen it too? It's women that go nuts and just murder. Yeah. I like to identify with the victim, believe it or not.

We believe. I'm not really an aggressor. I have no, you know what it is? It's like, I'm really not going to ever be able to kill someone. I'm five feet tall. I'm 100 pounds. They will never guess it's coming. You really not gonna ever be able to kill someone i'm five feet tall i'm a hundred they will never guess it's coming you could murder the shit out of someone you cut their achilles heel like in a pet cemetery oh you just slice it so i can just hide under the bed and slice that is yeah do you remember that movie pet cemetery was do you know you don't do you

know the premise of pet cemetery is it that pets from the dead pets come alive and kill their owners? Well, there's one ceremony that – or ceremony. There's one cemetery where when your pet dies, you can bury it and they come back to life, but they're evil. But they do come back. Worth it. Yeah. And you get killed by Donut. That's me and Dave's dream.

Evil Donut. We literally are like, Donut, please eat us alive in our sleep tonight. We want you to take us out like that would be the best way to go who would get donut jenna um who watches donut me carlos carlos jenna but i think my i think well before covid hit when i thought me and dave were for sure gonna die i wrote a long email to carlos to Carlos and Jenna with instructions on how to take care of Donut. You didn't think they were going to die, just you guys? Yeah, I just assumed that because they're both Mexican

that their immune systems are stronger than ours as Jews. And so I was like, one of them will make it. Such different looking types of Mexicans. You too. Me and Jenna? Yeah. I like secret Mexicans. Well, Jenna's Jewish too.

Yeah. Did you take that into consideration? I feel that when you are mixed, you're stronger. Isn't that like a thing? I don't know. That's what my egg doctor said. I have a lot of autoimmune stuff. My egg doctor was like so excited that Todd was Asian.

Really? Yeah. He was like, this is going to be great. You guys are going to mix together perfectly. Are you serious? Stronger embryos, yeah. Is that a fact fact that's what he said i don't know i believe it dr wong said this oh shit well i gotta have him on here by the way it makes sense because like you guys are less likely to be carrying exactly you wouldn't have taste sacks or i don't know what the other ones are called there's a bunch of them taste sacks is the only one i know but yeah there's there we're not inbred but it feels like

we are what does that exactly mean like you literally make babies with your brother yes can you not act like you don't know what incest is i just don't i'm gonna rape you like a sibling not everyone turns out like the Lannisters or the freaking- They're just like a little blonde. Yeah, slightly more platinum blonde. No, your eyes are a little- Crossed. Is there something you want to tell us?

I mean, you said it's, you know, mixed breeds are stronger. It turns out they come out cross-eyed. They're not cross-eyed. So 0.2% of all marriages in the US are between second cousins or closer. I think second cousins, this seems like... Nothing. Nothing? Yeah.

Because I feel like in Asia, they do that a lot to keep the wealth in the family. I have first cousins who are very hot. Well, that's illegal in most states. Really? It's illegal? First cousin? I had kind of a crush on my cousin. And then he turned out to be gay.

I was like, oh, finally a reason to not kiss. That's why he's not into me. But yeah, like brother, sister, especially if there's like some genetic thing, you're for sure going to have some weird out thoughts. But isn't there like a thing? There has to be a thing where like pheromonally you don't match. Like I'm not attracted. My brother is my twin.

I should think he's gorgeous. But I don't like, I'm not attracted to my siblings at all. at all like i never was like damn when they were like putting on their shorts or anything like i never yeah yours was your stepbrother too so it's not like it was my paul rudd yeah so that's fine but it's like isn't there something there's got to be something that keeps you from like wanting to fuck i know but if you're let's suppose like in a deep in the forest somewhere and that's really all and you've never seen anything else because i was so boy crazy i mean i joined the boys baseball team to be around boys like i was around i loved boys i was like you know just wanted to be near them and but i did not want to fuck my brothers yeah that's and i i want i mean it from the bottom of my heart

i'm so sorry max and tim i love you guys i can understand you're good looking guys but i don't feel it in my loins that's i mean that is how i feel about my guy friends too it's like when i think about them i'm like when people say that i'm like i love them so much i love them but no yeah like it's just yeah but that different. But it feels the same. You've never had a brother though. No. Well, Duncan. I want you to have a brother. Duncan.

But he was, that's incest, right? Wasn't Duncan, didn't he start as yours? No, that was Pepper. Oh, okay. Incest. Duncan died? Yeah, Duncan passed away last fall. My mom's going to start crying.

So let's talk about how to mom. He had a good life. I mean, you know, he had an okay life. get another we gotta get another one did she get another one they have pepper and so they don't want they say they don't want anyone peppers pepper is really putting them through the ringer these days yeah shit in their bedroom a couple nights ago i was thinking today i was thinking about what we were talking about with Stella about like motherhood and and not um not having kids is like a form of like motherly love and and paternal or maternal instincts and so I was when I was walking Randy and I was like I just love him like I'm always like come on guy let's go little one like I love you like whenever he's like being annoying

I'm just like scooch ahead come on like i'm so kind to him my old dogs i would be like if you don't take a shit i will die like i would be so i wouldn't like hurt them or anything but i would be so mad i would like have anger towards the dog do you know what i mean like the dog that's my fault if they don't know how to take a shit but also it's like i motherhood can really test like you can go into motherhood being like i'll never you know rage out at my kid but that shit will test it when you're sleep deprived i know when you don't it's hard when you have like all these tools but if you're sleep deprived it's like you can't access them because you're just fucked yeah yeah it's i can imagine how a lot of women can probably feel

like what the fuck like why do i fucking hate this kid right now you know like to hate something and love it at the same time but i guess i was just like it was i felt like it was a testament to my growth where i was like i just have never mad at my it's like seems insane i used to be mad at my dog i also don't like the way like we treat motherhood as in like our society i saw this this tiktok of this guy he was filming a woman who was on the phone and she set her child like on bare concrete and obviously like that was hard to watch and made me uncomfortable but it's like the guy is sitting there hot out i'm not i don't know but it's just like she was kind of leaving it unattended on the concrete and he's sitting there filming bitching about it but i'm like

well maybe if society was better instead of filming it to like shame her the mom or go help how about this just in general like support mothers also don't come near me and my baby also don't fucking shame her with your phone i don't want your fucking help you psycho so more than likely she's way more able and capable than you will ever be sir like shut the fuck up like so in america here's what i like the difference between living in asia growing up there watching how motherhood works there seeing my friends have children and families there versus here it's like we're supposed to be a first world nation we number one do not support mothers and shame them all day shame them all fucking day but don't want to fucking help them or put in or implement things into law that actually like create like happy mothers. Back

home, it's like the whole community is involved. You could pass your baby around. There's always someone to help. No one is shaming anyone for a crying baby. No one is shaming anyone for anything. It's like you want to, you know, if the only means of transportation is on a fucking Vespa and you're holding your baby because you need to go to the fucking doctors, that's just how it's going to be. And it's like no one's fucking, you know, you know, putting it on TikTok saying, look at this, you know, neglectful mother. It's like, dude, everyone's doing their fucking best.

Shut the fuck up. I know. It really rubbed me the wrong way because it's like, oh, yeah, you want to rally behind this. Like, oh, my God, she put a baby on the concrete. But, like, she's struggling. She's doing her best. Can I see how the baby's sitting on the concrete?

I don't understand why that even – it doesn't sound that bad. Was it head first thrown on the concrete? No, I honestly don't – didn't save it. Who cares, yeah. No, I'm glad you didn't save it. That's a weird one to save. TikTok's going to be sending you some weird ones. Or, how like everyone shamed like britney for i think like being in a car and like holding her baby this way it's like those are very like american-centric ideas

of raising children you go to the philippines so you can fucking stack them up on top of your head and no one will bat a fucking eyelash you know what i mean it's like she's she's a fucking country girl like it we don't have the same laws to you know around like car seats and whatnot because it's not no one can afford a car seat so it's a very like american centric way and i understand why those laws are there it's like to prevent the baby from being ejected out or whatever but also it's like if it's like a one-off, like give her a fucking break. Like nothing happened. Like just give mothers a break. I agree.

I think. Brittany's just like driving around with her big Starbucks. I'm so happy for Brittany right now, by the way. Talking shit to Kevin Federline. And talking back to her son is so iconic. We're snotty kids. Like, your dad has not had a job for 20 years, 15 years. And he gets $40,000 a month from her.

Yeah. And he has the nerve to try to, like, cancel her. That is absurd. Kevin, you are nothing, okay? You're a fuck nothing. Hate him. You are my type, though um you're not not my type uh so keep it up um speaking of kevin federline as a type did you guys see jerry seinfeld's uh

uh photoshoot was there anything i think it's cool he's like uh i can't say the W word, but he's like W word. Look at him. I was honored to be part of Ronnie's big brilliant idea to do a Kith collection that will benefit CNY and my alma mater, Queens College. All right. I thought this was cool. I love seeing a comedian in mainstream fashion.

What do you guys don't like it?'s the vibe it's so funny look at him it's a little hard to go from very simon to that he's like that's hot come on i mean he looks like sebastian does he look like he's possibly targeting a younger audience he's hot there you don't think so that's a great jacket that's hot um i don't like that one i i is he reading a fake book what's he doing he's like the world is in your hands how do you guys feel about like a comic jerry seinfeld eventually becoming so fucking rich that they become like out of touch like is that like i just can't wait to have those struggles uh like is someone can someone still be funny when you're

completely like just living in a bubble of like fame and money i think you can probably be funny to like your close friends but yeah probably not in like a mainstream way like how can you do observational comedy when you have nothing to observe but your compound you know what i mean that you live in i think you can do a different type of comedy i think that would be a hard one to do but also i think it's like i think what happens with these guys with with the older richer comedians is they don't want to like look at other comics they don't want to see other they don't they're not seeing what other comedy is they're not seeing what's going on on facebook they're not seeing about like memes and stuff so then their comedy ends up being like things we've all heard before a lot of them where i'm

like this is not a hot take like if you went to one open mic you'd see like 50 versions of the thing you just said i have to say though i saw chris rock at the comedy cellar earlier this year before the slap pre-slap chris rock and uh his set was really good and it was i felt like he was commenting on all the right things and all the right ways and it was almost like why why i was kind of like why isn't there more hype around chris rock like he's killing it he's the comic we need and then he called up will smith and he goes you gotta do me a favor. True. Like, why is that the thing? And isn't he dating Lake Bell? They're such a hot couple. That's so crazy.

But she was dating Nick Thune and then went over to Chris Rock. They're such a hot, hot couple. Can you believe that? But I think that Chris Rock. She went from Thune to Rock. Chris Rock, Chappelle. They still, like, immerse themselves in this scene, right? Like, you're not going to see Jerry Seinfeld doing spots at the comedy comedy store chapelle does chris rock does you're right they're not out of

touch yeah if if chris rock is showing up the comedy seller he's not out of touch he's checking in with the right people look at them and probably watching everyone yeah that is hot they're so cute no i got to go up after him it was so. He did an hour and then I went up and smashed. Now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. Listen, I'm all over the place. It's like I will get so busy. I will forget that I'm even like, I'm not focusing on my health. I'm not focusing on the work I need to get done.

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like really involved and it's obviously not going to grow that way and stuff and I'm like oh I think I do want to like delve into it but it's so overwhelming can I be given maybe some challenge twitter tiktok challenges like a certain amount I have to post or things I need to try from you guys and maybe I just still stand by my same like old advice with tiktok is like it's just like whoever you are is who you'll be on tiktok and so just be yourself and then how many do you do how many do you have to do whatever you want to commit whenever you feel like it you do it you know what i mean yeah oh god i wanted to ask you guys if you you've watched the mantay teo um documentary i did watch it i did watch someone educate so mantai teo is a was a star from punahou high school in hawaii um and he eventually played for notre dame for the saints um but in somewhere in like the early 2000s that's is that what are

they what's the name of it just the fighting who did he then go to is that what they are he ended up on some chargers chargers yeah yeah but basically he um in high school he was a star um very very religious um mormon boy good boy never um never strayed always walked the very straight line um everyone in his community loved him he was also loved at notre beloved at notre dame um but he always talked about his girlfriend in interviews and um before one of i think the last game of the season he um he announced he he dedicated the game to his grandma that had just passed and his girlfriend that passed the very same day. His grandma and his girlfriend died the very same day. And later we find out that there was no girlfriend and that basically he had been catfished.

But the worst part is that he was accused of being in on the hoax and people accusing him of being gay. And Katie Couric, how fucking rude of that bitch to be like, are you gay? accused of being in on the hoax and people accusing him of being gay and katie couric how fucking rude of that bitch to be like are you gay dude the entire football community owes this guy he was like very much not i was like whoa yeah it's so fucking sad esther wait so did his grandma really die yeah his grandma really died but so this this just wishful thinking that he was gay everybody wants a piece of that look how cute he is his girlfriend who her name was lanae kakua um turns out to be a young man from la pretending to be this girl it was before catfishing was even a term yeah like we didn't know what catfish was but right around that time i got fucking catfished this was the time where you just kind of couldn't

trust on myspace i did and um he went by amorcito888 his name was lorenzo and i thought he was a guy from australia my friends were like i was like hey do you know this guy and they're like yeah we know him but i didn't ask how they knew him they knew him just based on the same thing on myspace so i totally understand how he could have been catfish because i fell for the same bullshit but he also made up a bunch of different profiles too and like hoolanay the yeah yeah the catfish talked to yeah so this was the um but now she's trans she's yeah she's transitioned um and but i like her hand tattoos henna is that what that is she's Samoan oh

yeah so that was the girl whose images she used and yeah he had somehow like befriended this girl

well they went to high school oh okay and then got her to send so like the one that was really convincing was because every time

Mante Teo was asking to hang out with her there was always an excuse and he's like are you real what am i going to see you and so he sent up she sent a picture of herself with like whatever he had said to put on this yeah this is the day this is the time you know how they used to do that like prove to me that you're real yeah so then it's like okay this is definitely a real person yeah but so what was the catfish yeah had asked this girl since they had gone to school together hey can you can i take a picture of you holding this sign and she agreed

because she was told that it was for someone dying like sick something yeah yeah and so um this poor freaking star of an athlete um basically didn't get chosen in the first round draft because people were like we don't want to deal with that and he also started to the sad part was when he was like how can you lead if you don't like trust yourself like he had lost his confidence in himself yeah and he couldn't lead the team the way that he had been doing before it was like really sad but then he had like a moment in therapy i think that most most people have had. I know I've had this moment. The Matt Damon and Robin Williams moment where it's like, it's not your fault. It's not your fault.

And so he had to like learn to forgive himself. Forgive his younger self for making that kind of mistake that cost him a career, basically. Here's where I'm stumpeded how do you become boyfriend and girlfriend without having sex because it's more man they didn't talk that much apparently and it would like heat up every couple months and i think he was just a young guy who like got really really fucking tricked by also he didn't need to see her to like feelings right and he was also really she was such because ranaya or the catfish played football in high school and also came from a football family so the catfish knew so much about football that he was able she was able to give him really good

tips and really good like hey babe you got this do this this next time. Do this. A really strong connection. Yeah. And I also think that here is a guy from Laie and like Hawaii Mormon kid thrown into Indiana, right? Freaking cold weather. And I think he sought solace in this person, like, you know, miles, miles away. Weird take. Is catfishing that bad like if you're like i wouldn't mind like somebody throws up a picture of like a really pretty girl and you know maybe it's carlos on the other end but they're just like my you know oh esther like

we're good friends and they give me me, like, words of encouragement. I'm like, oh, this beautiful girl thinks I'm beautiful. Makes my day better. I can speak to this. So when I got catfished, yes, it was helping me through a time where I had a boyfriend who was playing video games. It's a chronic thing. It's a video game. Lana Del Rey vibe.

He was playing video games all day day every day in the living room i was paying like rent for and i would go to my computer download songs on limewire and talk to my catfish and every day he would call me from australia but i knew that he wasn't who he said he was because when i asked him his favorite song every single time it was always some like early 80s like banger like he was i remember asking i was like what what what's your favorite song and this is a song i love by the way i can't knock it he was like you know caribbean queen i was like i love that song but then he would be like yeah also you know how do i get you alone by heart i was like, these are my mom's fucking favorite songs.

This cannot. It was your mom the whole time. She's like, you should be swimming. I really, I really want to. I think the. Are you sure you want to eat that? How do you know what I'm eating? But he would just create this world for me,

which I could escape to. And I think a part of me was probably um probably new but felt really attached to what he was giving me in that moment so i don't think that you're wrong but can we find him her um yeah so here are the details we need to know who this person is because like there's closure for mentai tail like friends with neve we can make this happen okay so this person on myspace went by amorcito888 he said he was from australia he did have an australian accent and his first name was lorenzo and that's all i got i could see me being catfished knowing it's a catfish but like not letting go that is just not giving up hope i i actually think that that's possible because when he wrote me three years after and he said

i'm in miami now like you know i'm in america and i knew he had he was a catfish at that point like i still got the flutters oh my god were you gonna meet him was he trying to meet you no he wasn't like he would always pretend kind of like mantai tail like we'll make plans but the plants always fall through there's always an excuse but they do that just to maybe i should catfish dave that's happened to me after i've met people where they keep trying to hang out with you and then the plans fall through i was like what the hell is that so weird i'm like why are you post catfishing me wait i don't follow like you hang out with you and then the plans fall through. I was like, what the hell is that? So weird. I'm like, why are you post catfishing me? Wait, I don't follow. Like you hang out with someone and they're like, I want to hang out with you again. Let's hang out this week.

And you're like, okay. And then they just keep not hanging. And like, why do you keep setting up plans with me and canceling? That's an LA epidemic though. It was just so weird. I was like, you're setting up these times to hang out with me. You know what? That is such an LA thing.

Like I remember when I first moved here, people who never wanted to hang out with me. You know what? That is such an LA thing. Like I remember when I first moved here, people who never wanted to hang out with me would text me. I miss you. And I was like, what? I'm right here. What do you, why say that?

I don't, I don't care. It's just so, yeah, it's so like, you're like, yeah, you're like just setting up a situation for me to like,

you want me to feel like disappointed or something. What are you doing? Another thing that really pertains to comedy it's like people being like i really want to come see your show and i'm like okay like sure i'll set it up anytime oh then like sorry i can't make it uh then it keeps going i'm like i this is my job like you're just making it harder work more work for me and i don't care and it's like now you're apologizing it's like what just well you know me you know who i befriend okay so at my dentist at my dentist the guy who

um works in the valet i'm always like joking with him and he's like he was like what do you do he's like what do you do and i was like oh i'm a comedian he was like oh where do you perform i'm like telling him where i perform and stuff. Side note, I want this to be our origin story that I was originally. Imagine Esther actually parking cars correctly. Imagine like her opening your car door and putting three phone books. Imagine parking all the cars on a stairwell. Sounds efficient. Ready to go.

Ready to go. Sort of. Very Italian job of you yeah she's just a great driver it's not that she's the worst driver she's the best driver she's escaping this is that's exactly what i think about asian drivers by the way i think we're too good for the road i that's it everyone's like oh asian driver i'm like no no no no no we're just ballsy we take risks and we don't follow rules because we don't have them back home i have a personal asian driver i like i'm trying to break the stereotypes like i refuse i

force an asian man to drive me around you will only be driven by i will i refuse you i must only be driven by people of color and we must be asian what so what happened with your dentist valet i'm like okay i'm like listen all right he's like i want to come I'm like, okay. I'm like, listen. All right. He's like, I want to come. I'm like, okay, Eduardo. And I like get his, I get his full name. And I'm like, all right.

Yeah. Just go to the comedy store on Wednesday. You know, I get him a main room, like two seats or whatever. Then, you know, two weeks go by, I go back to the dentist. I come out and he's like not making eye contact. I'm like, I'm like, did you go to the show? And he goes, I'm so sorry. I go, I don't care.

I don't think you understand how much I was overextending myself to begin with, how weird it was that I gave this opportunity to you. And he was like, I'm so sorry. And I didn't know how to be like, I, the shows are sold out. It's not like we needed to fill the seats. You just took two seats away from other people. But it was just so funny. He was like, so guilty. I was like, I don't know how to explain it.

Yeah, now you, you have the emotional. This causes congestion. Wait, does it really? That's what I read, yeah. Koala, do you? Yesterday. Look, it turns out I'm no longer the most educated one about sinus infections in the room. I wonder what that is.

Is it like the sugar builds up or something? I don't know. Are you also snorting it like you're snorting rice? Wait, do you guys know what I am doing? I'm taking a vitamin regimen that Rob Schneider gave me because he used to have a vitamin company. Oh, Annie. I'm on Schneidamins. I have a vitamin company oh annie i'm on schneidemans i'm on schneidemans i'm on schneidemans rob schneider gave me a whole list i don't know

what they are i just take imagine you wake up looking like him that's how the that's the theme of the animal you know he's my nemesis right why we like had he's my friend i perform i perform with him all the time you know that he's's Filipino. I love him. What? Yeah. Is it because you guys look eye to eye in each other's faces? Why are you nemeses? We just didn't really get along well on David Spade's show. Two divas?

I don't know. Like, he just didn't really like my commentary. I don't think I'm for him. I think he's like... You do look like him. It could be a competitive... Yeah, I think I steal his roles. It's just so weird because he loves me so much he seeks me out he calls me i have him in my phone as robbie i get

calls from robbie all the time we're like not on good terms i'm not even kidding look at him he does have anger and it does seem towards you like it does seem at you oh is that mateo oh i want him on this show like manteo like me and norm had our fight but we made up we were cool but rob and i like it's not really i gotta figure it out i'll get to the bottom of honestly i don't i kind of like you know how pissed i was that you were the greatest outfit and then they were like after you did that they're like you can't wear nike i'm like you have to let me wear nike that's looks so good in it i know that was my tony soprano moment i loved it yeah look how mad you are that rob schneider's being mean to you wait also both of this so much is happening in in this there's even more than than you know

mateo lane do you guys know this one day okay i do the story about me why did you try to hook up with them and is that okay i have talked about this that my parents were married by a blind judge and like because my dad always likes to make a joke like he should have gotten a discount whatever and um i got this dm once from this this comedy fan who was like, I just heard Mateo Lane on a podcast say that his grandfather was a blind judge in Chicago. Oh, my God. And I'm like, oh, my God. And so I asked my parents to get the name on their marriage certificate, and they were married by Mateo Lane's grandfather.

Doesn't that, like, kind of make us cousins? I think so. Thank you. Yeah. Oh, my God. You're trying to kiss him? Get up. Leave him alone.

My sweaty palms will not permit. Oh, you get to have a masculine moment. It's so sad when they can't open it. Sometimes I'll give Todd a jar and he can't open it. I'm like, Todd, this is so embarrassing. When I was on the road with Marin, I had this Air One jar of nuts that I couldn't get open. It was driving me crazy. And I was like, do I ask him?

Because what if he can't open it? But he did. He was able to open it. Of course he was. He was like. If I was a dude and I was tasked to open something that I couldn't open in that moment, I would grab a rock. Anything.

I am not. I am not not opening that thing. I'm not going to give it back to you be like i can't do it over my dead body wait i need to know rob schneider i need to know more do you want to do it off air no there's no there's there's honestly nothing more and i don't need it repaired i'm happy with where we're at you know he's he would be like the product if you and I had a child. Really? He's like Jewish and Filipino. Are you serious? Now I have to like him.

He's kind of. He's our love child. Oh, my God. Esther, you have to like him. I can't believe he's Filipino. He's Jessica. He's so Jewish presenting to me. He is, yeah. He is.

He might only like be like a quarter maybe. I saw this article for this, like, health food guy, follow Max Lugavere, who's awesome. It says people who are willing to try new foods are perceived as more desirable and less sexually restricted. But perceived. It doesn't mean that they are. By how many people are knowing what your new foods are?

Is he just talking about himself because he like he posts new things he's eating or maybe he's talking about like anthony bourdain he's always trying some beating heart i here's the thing i get it in theory it's like oh if you're willing to try any food like obviously you're a different hole you're gonna go down on me like that but i don't like trying new foods and i feel like i'm a sexually open person i think there is no correlation you do i don't think there's a correlation i think annie's right i think he's someone who tries new foods and he's like viewed as like sexually unrestricted i feel like it's the opposite because for me like one of the main reasons i don't like guys eating

my asshole out is because i have so many like food allergies and i do try new foods i didn't know that about you i know that you don't like your asshole being because there's it's a war zone i like that it's a war zone down there i like that you have main reasons why like what are the non-main i don't want to wash the doo-doo out. Wait, but apparently there are real studies. Yeah, in an initial study, 193 undergraduate students were randomly assigned to read a brief description of an opposite-sex person who was either willing or reluctant to try new foods.

The researchers found that the person tended to be rated as a more desirable sexual romantic partner when he or she was described as being willing to try new foods. So it is all about perception. It is perception. I will say this. Which is everything. I don't think I can ever date a guy

who isn't a big just lover of food. It's so boring to date someone. I can't do it. I mean, I... It's so boring to date someone that doesn't want to eat a lot of food. But I'll tell you why this theory is wrong because the guy who ate my ass religiously every day with his whole goddamn chest.

And I mean like his whole goddamn chest. Like he would just like foam at the mouth at the sight of my asshole. I hope it wasn't after your asshole. That battery acid got in there. He was a rabid for my asshole, right? Just wanted to fucking like. I remember when we called him. He was like, hello. He was a rabid for my asshole right just wanted to fucking like i remember when we called him he was like hello like he was like is this my asshole wait yesterday hello yesterday he sent me pictures that he had taken of my feet a decade ago and you didn't know and he said no no

no he had cropped out my body and kept my foot pictures like a fetish i didn't know then but later on he was like nothing like your feet literally no to this day i've never met i'm like oh shit okay um but thank you for i'm looking at my pictures i'm like at dinner with gene hong you thought he liked your asshole but it was really just because he could see your feet my crusty ankle they were like up here i was like uh wait side note now that i know your feet are so desirable we do need a trash tuesday only fans okay yeah feet and greed like annie said okay i've been hiding these feet for years um no but um for someone as big of an ass eater as he was he didn't like sushi um i would remember i remember i didn't like your pussy and he only

wanted to ask i'm not into tuna he was just the most like square about food in general and it really like bummed me out and i remember no pun intended bum hold her out that makes sense because i think he's getting all of his nutrients. Definitely know what I was going to say. Amazing that you both thought that. He gets his thrills in life out of your asshole. So new foods don't mean anything to him. Or they're bland in comparison.

This is a case where Esther's actually, she's not with the victim on this one. Is he the victim? No, she's with him. You're the victim. He's ravaging your asshole. Something really sweet happened to me today that this is reminding me of. There's this woman at the grocery store near my house. It doesn't end with her eating your ass.

I don't want to hear it. It doesn't, but it is about an ass eater. So Randy, the ass eater, she is scared of dogs. And she's always like, and Randy just wants to play with her so bad. So for like months and months and months, I've lived there for a year. She's just always like, and she's like, look, it's no offense to your dog. I'm just scared of dogs. And I'm always like, Randy, leave her alone.

Leave her alone. He wants her so bad, right? Today she goes, goes he can come over and she let him come jump up and she's like okay that's enough i i it like made my day she conquered her rose yeah that's so sweet i wonder what like how she that's so cool but also she literally went it's okay he can come but also that it was randy i know you know she chose randy he is so choosable i love randy he's so popular it's crazy i've never seen anything like it's he's more popular than your asshole and your feet can't be how do people make money off of feet finder asking for the three of us because i know that that's the thing sometimes i see tiktoks they're

like how do you how many how much money do you have in your bank account and she'll be like you know 900 000 all from feet finder it's like is that a real thing or people just like you know lotion my feet are out there i am not trying about it you have great feet no my feet are out there too i don't and i'm not like ashamed of my feet no i know i just but there's a bit that i never want i like your bit i like the origin of your bit it's like you don't you don't need to be sexualized for free um this is actually reminding me of the trying new foods of a story i don't think i've told on here yet which is like a very pivotal story in me and dave's relationship so we're first dating we

were in vegas and i think i was like I kind of wanted to see Dave like take charge and like get into his masculine energy and so I said to him I was like let's go to dinner tonight and I want you to just order for us I want you to just like take charge have I told this yeah on the show yeah but I can't remember the end I'm gonna tell it anyway yeah retell that because this is a good one so he's like um I'm like take charge like i don't want to do anything like i don't want to think you know and so he does he's like okay fine so he orders a bunch of stuff and one of the things he orders is octopus and it gets the table and he's like try it and i'm like he's like no you're gonna try it you're gonna try it and he's like like this new dave persona that i've never met so hot like that's what i i wanted

right but literally i i start crying i was so scared i also have seen that, Dave, with you every time I've hung out with you. He's like, Esther, stop. Was he rolling his eyes? Like, I just, it's so, it's such a massive fail on my part that I, like, asked him to do it. And then he committed and I fucking flailed and ruined it. But you banged anyway. You banged anyway while you were crying the way everyone likes it anyway. That kind of reminds me of how Bobby was when we first met he has a joke that um he basically says yeah you know I'm tired of dating white girls because you know you go to a restaurant with

them and they're always like what's that you know with an Asian girl they eat and ask questions later so I was like oh this dude must really throw down. So, you know, I took him out. I was like, hey, you know, like, how adventurous are you with food? And he was like, I'm Asian. I'm like, all right, let's go. So I took him to this place and they were snails, everything, everything. And I'm telling you, like, he was the same way. Like, you could see, like, tears.

That's so funny. I want to go it's bobby my soulmate like i think so but endless this ruse this charade and he was like oh you're asian asian i'm like oh my god here i thought i've had found somebody who was down and he was just he said he's a poser i um would love to take a challenge because I have fucked myself up before like I've gone to places where I've spent like $200 and been like just give it to me like I'm not asking any questions and I am about to throw up like I am like this is too this is like alive still and it's too much but I would rather have that experience than not try I I really respect that i do the one thing that i have um that really

enrages me especially when i was like younger or like having to bring my own lunch to school that was you know like fucking it smelled great to me but let's say i brought adobo with rice right and i would open it during lunch break and then someone would be like ew what is that when someone like yucks my yum i want to fucking gouge their eyes out also they're just jealous they want to try I'm like bitch is this better than your fucking dry chicken patty I don't know bitch why don't you close your legs that's what you said I had the same experience in elementary school and like it's so traumatic I'll never eat bologna again. People made fun of me. There's something when people shame what you're eating.

Are people still eating bologna? Definitely not, actually. And not in Los Angeles. I think there's a ban on it in Los Angeles. Maybe those kids were right. I only ate. I would eat them. I would fold it up and make the hole, the bologna hole. What is bologna?

Now I'm like, why was my mom feeding me that? I have a question. I was eating mortadella the other day. You know, it's like, it kind of looks like bologna, but it has like little marbling. It has the olives on the inside. It's so good. But I brought it as a snack on a boat one time and someone was like, hey, can you pass the bologna?

And I was like, I'm eating bologna. I thought I had purchased something like expensive, like a fancy deli meat, which I like. And someone's like, pass a fucking bologna, bitch. I'm like, no. Oh, man. That was a good lesson. Get over yourself, bitch. Just pass the fucking bologna.

You know what? I won't knock any food. I like canned ravioli. I like bologna. I love spam. I love it all. Fucking anything. When I'm hungry, I will eat anything.

I just feel like I am at a point where I have to stop eating the things that hurt my body. This could just be four weeks sick Annie talking, but I am like, I cannot fuck with myself anymore. Todd and I are not eating out anymore. We're not going to restaurants. Really? We're maybe going to only go like, he's coming on the road with me now. I'm so excited. He ended his Netflix show.

So for now I've got him. Yes. And we're bringing Randy. Oh my God. I'm going to cry. Randy's coming on the road with me now. I'm so excited. He ended his Netflix show. So for now, I've got him. Yes. And we're bringing Randy. Oh, my God. I'm going to cry. Randy's good on planes now. I don't know what happened. He's just he's over his.

What do you call it? They have like a teenager period. I think he needed to be in first class. But yeah, so so we're not we're like cooking at home. And when I say we, he's cooking for me and it's so nice i love it it's like i know what i'm eating i'm not like my stomach doesn't hurt i'm not fucked up so it's nice you know the thing about dave that is so shocking to me he is a 44 year old man who graduated from harvard and this motherfucker still eats lunchables and Uncrustables. But those are not bad choices.

If you're going to go processed, let's go with the freaking Uncrustables. Let's go the saltiest of the treats. That is so filthy. That's so funny. That's so juvenile. I know. But it's nostalgic and it's comforting.

That is true. Actually, like the turkey Lunchables sounds so good. Yeah, he's just doing it to save money because Esther's trying to get him to buy another house how do we feel about men in skirts and we're talking about you andrew schultz we saw you at burning man i love a man in a skirt only because it's like i watched the tutors and every like people are like what happened to men these days everyone is like wearing i'm like you guys don't fucking never picked up a history book or looked at pictures everyone was in the

fucking dresses and amulets back then dude guys have been wearing eyeliner for right so long they're wearing nail polish i think it's cute it's fine super cute and i yeah I think that I mean if Todd wore a skirt I don't know if I'd be like let me hop on it but I think like anything that I'm not used to at first I'm always like whoa okay because I have a high school friend that Carlos and I hung out with in New York last fall and he wore a skirt the whole time and I was like I'm surprised but it was all right totally yeah it's just like you need that moment to be like i'm gonna have to get used to this but i feel like it's funny like brad pitt doing it's like all right we'll see that i mean i don't love it i i'm not a big fan of the kilt either it's just you know what it is it's like i feel like i've accidentally seen so many dicks and balls already

in my life that it's like we're just upping the amount it's like i saw a guy's dick yesterday a guy was just pissing i'm like it's like the amount of just unsolicited peen is yeah and i'm just gonna see your balls i love i don't need less between me and penises out in the world i think like i was happy with pants i'm happy for people to be doing what this is the cute look though that look is so good i mean he's so cool you guys whether you're wearing skirts or um whether you're rob schneider rather rob schneider we we support you you gotta get on a schmiedemann regimen guys and as always we will see you guys next Tuesday

with a brand new episode thank you so much for being here we would be nothing without you or something really bad