Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Matty Matheson & the Sour Balls

Episode Date: September 7, 2021

Thank you to our Sponsors:   BetterHelp - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at https://betterhelp.com/trashtuesday Upstart - Lower your monthly payments today when you go to https://upstart.com/tuesday   Magic Spoon - Go to https://magicspoon.com/TUESDAYFIVE or use our promo code TUESDAYFIVE at checkout to get $5 off your order Trash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Subscribe to our YouTube: https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons Official Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8X Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: George Kimmel & Pete Forthun Editor: Gabby Galon --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/trashtuesday/message

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Everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Just download the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. Hi, guys, my little sluggy trash bags. I am going to be at Zany's in Chicago tonight and tomorrow. Check me out there. I'm going to be at Hilarity's Chicago tonight and tomorrow. Check me out there. I'm going to be at Hilarity's in Cleveland, Ohio, September 9th through 11th. I'm bringing Josh Potter. I'm going to be at the Life is Beautiful Festival in Las Vegas, September 18th and 19th.

I'm going to be in, how do you guys say it? Rayleigh, Riley. Everyone's mad at me for saying it wrong. Raleigh. Raleigh. Raleigh. We'll spell it different. Raleigh, North Carolina.

Good night, September 23rd through 25th. I'm going to hopefully then be in Hawaii with Kalilah. I'm going to be at the Comedy Works in Denver, October 14th and 16th, San Antonio, laugh out loud, October 22nd and 23rd, and a lot more other dates at Annie Letterman.com. Check it out. You can get some of my merch. Come see me sluggies. We've been having so much fun. It's crazy. Hi slugs. I'm not here today, but I wanted to let you know I have a new drop at sleepoverbyester.com. It's the enchantment under the CDN slug. And I'm also coming to San Francisco and Portland. Those tickets are going fast. So go to estheronice.com if you're coming to see me and enjoy the slug queens. I'm excited.

I've been waiting a long time since day one to just come on and to see your, the flavor, the spice, watch the lifestyle unfold instantly. Can I give you a nickname? Big Esther.'s go proud proudly big esther we're the same esther you look beautiful today thank you so much shout more showered than usual i didn't even shower this morning i was in a hot tub last night so i felt good enough not to shower that's so disgusting and perfect for our show. Yeah. Let the beans soak a bit, you know? A couple of pico de gallo. Whose hot tub were you in?

My buddy Benny's. Oh, Benny. Matty and Benny. Matty and Benny. Do you have friends that don't have an E sound at the end of their name? Annie. Kaliley. Yeah, Kaliley.

Georgie. Kaliley. No, I hang out with just wise. It's easier that way. i have to confront kalilah right now do you have fucking botox where okay i'm tan bitch i just came from hawaii listen it would be fine if you did but you look a little snatched i because that's what why would you be mad it's a compliment you know george said the same thing to me after i got back from Hawaii. He was like, you for once look beautiful. What if, what if,

for once is nice. What if Kalilah never, they get Botox in Hawaii is what you're asking? What if Kalilah never went to Hawaii and it was all a green screen and that you just want to go get all snatched up.

Imagine if it was a medical vacation. You look great. Thank you so much. You're beautiful. Shining. Glowing. I honestly, I feel like.

She's pregnant. By who? A Hawaiian. She got buffed by a dolphin. By a Hawaiian man. By a Hawaiian man. Right as she was spearing a fish, it speared her.

Yeah. It speared me back. Fish insemination. Speared you at the same time. It's the new. Someone nutted in me in the ocean, guys. We don't know who, but it certainly has happened.

Could have been a manatee, a walrus. You're going to have a hawk. A cumber. Wait, I did swim with a... I did see a monk seal. They're critically endangered. I am the last person to see that sperm. The sperm.

Aren't monk seals not allowed to have sex? Aren't they? Guys, I raised my hand for that one. Woo! The dad jokes are back. But thank you so much, Annie. You really are. And by the way, tan isn't your... I'm tan. That's what it is.

It's what it is? It's what it is. It's what it is. Maddie, you're also very tan. I'm not tan. Maddie, taking a hot tub bath is the funniest thing I've ever heard. Now, I'm thinking about that. How long will you go without the shower after the hot tub? Tomorrow.

Well, I'm going to go in the hot tub later after this. Yeah. I heard it near tomorrow. Tomorrow. But you live here. What? But you live here. No.

You live in Canada? Don't you us? Well, it's a bit much. I live in Ridgeway. But here's the thing. Your healthcare stuff was cool until it took six months to get your second vaccine. I got my vaccines here, so that was nice. Oh, look at him.

Just like I got my Botox in Hawaii. Yeah. No. Canada's the best. Canada's beautiful. Well, there's got to be some ugly spots to it. Yeah. Canada's the best. Canada's beautiful. Well, there's got to be some ugly spots to it. Yeah.

It's so big. I've only been to, I've been to Montreal, which. You like Montreal for sure. They were very rude. Honestly, they were so mean to me.

There you go. And when they, a cop, I was jaywalking in a very like, very innocent way. Right. What's an innocent way

of jaywalking? Like I was looking and everyone started going so I just went. I wasn't leading the race. It wasn't a New York way. Yeah, I didn't do it knowing that I was jaywalking. I accidentally jaywalked.

It was an accident. It was an accidental crime. When the guy came to give me my ticket and he found out I was American, he was so juicily excited. His face got so excited and comically. He's bringing you down. He was very excited to be like, I one yeah i got one and then um i fought i'll get the pictures of this because i i fought him like a juvenile delinquent i was like so there's all these pictures of me screaming at the cop

because i saw a fan with a camera who had just said something about the show i had gone to before or that he had seen me on before, because it was the Montreal Comedy Festival. So I was like, and then I was like, because I was like, if I get arrested for jaywalking, it's so good. Like being a comedian is so fun because you can,

everything is good. Yeah. Have you ever been arrested, Maddie? Yeah. What happens in Canada when you get arrested? They like go, don't do that.

Don't do, they tap you on your little nose and they take you on your way. No, I got arrested in high school and then uh it was like for we were at a hotel party it was like semi-formal and we just got into a fight with cops and we were all getting kicked out of a hotel and then uh then my brother punched a cop and then we got into a fist fight with cops that's the difference we would have just got shot in america i feel like you punched a cop yeah so you would yeah so that's maybe a difference do the cops have shields no punching no they didn't have shields there wasn't a riot what if they had a bunch of teenagers swords i want to have swords they didn't yeah canadian cops

have swords like english and the thing they just have the bats, the bobbies. And then in Canada, they do have like little swords. A long like chivalry kind of thing. Swords. Like when you're doing a good deed, a cop comes in nice too. Yeah, if you were to wait for the light and not jaywalk, they would come over and tap you on the shoulders. My lady. Are you? This is what I'm nervous about.

Yeah. Are you telling me the truth and I'm going to be gullible or are you being silly and I'm Canada do we have cops all have swords right answer him

answer him answer Annie answer Annie they have they have pistols they only have pistols what's a pistol like not a Glock

they have like a like a western like a six shooter like a pow pow stop it and then if they get close combat they pull out the sword so then they have they don't have to shoot first it's a little more chill so they if you if you

you know if you're spray painting a cop would just walk up and like cut your hand off oh a tap of the wrist a little slice a slice just to let you know it's like aladdin days you know you steal like a grapefruit or like a persimmon they come over cut your hand off or a loaf of bread or a loaf of bread annie i want to i want to ask about your um wait buy sleepover i really literally feel guilty wearing this will you please buy sleepover by esther because that's not it it's not it and i feel guilty that i'm wearing like a competing brand i'm not gonna tell you what the fucking brand is okay it's a hoodie everybody has hoodies there's 1 000 million i know but you've not met esther yet have you is she fragile no edit this out i'm scared let's just say she's not fragile annie and i could just be dropped from 100 feet

and probably still survive we're just rough bitches, we're rough bitches. So Esther's probably average. But Esther is a very, on the down low, probably would make the best CIA agent out of all of us. Yeah, she's clip clapping on her computer all the time.

She's an intel queen and she asks questions and you don't realize how much you've already divulged. Yes. So she's very, very crafty in that way. About 10 years

into our friendship, I realized she has never told me any information except ask me questions. And she preyed on my narcissism. She preyed on my narcissism. It took 10 years to realize. You told her every fragile moment, every vulnerable little thing,

every trauma, every little crack. Well, everyone's one of those. I can't shut up. Big Esther we should probably let you know that Annie and I have been molested

in every single hole yeah and we talk about it a lot so if for any reason you're uncomfortable with it there's a bell right next to you

that's the banana I like how you jerked it off a little you went right in I'm like if we get too deep on the molest part if we get too just too the molest part if we get too

just too much molestation talk yeah just ring the bell we'll stop I love diddly talks I have some merch coming out if you haven't been molested I feel like you're the weirdo that's what I think I've been doing a joke about how I feel bad for like the two kids

in my graduating class that like didn't know all of our teachers were molesters. I'm like, oh my God, how did you know molestered a molester? Good to you. I've had all varieties of molestation. So has Annie. And all different from preschool to present. It's just been a consistent thing in our lives. Yeah. Before Annie got here, she was telling me about a very, very serious dilemma she's having

about two shamans that are giving her conflicting information. Guys, I have too many shamans. Why do you have any? She has a shaman dilemma. Can you just read like a meme on the internet like everybody else? Wait, this was given to me by a fan. Guess the gender of the fan that gave this to me. Are they?

It was a straight white male. Oh. Him and his girlfriend came and I made fun of it and then that gave this to me are they it was a straight white male oh him and his girlfriend came and I made fun of it and then he gave it to me and I love it and it actually I like it because

it adds a shaman aspect to my yeah what do you what was the thing hanging out of it like was it a bill I thought we should do

what is that we should sage the oh no here I can do some sage the room we had a little bit of a it was a wild episode. It was a rough episode last week. Yeah.

We were all in goth and we laid out our feelings. You were all in goth? Yeah. Well, Esther was like. Emo. Emo. She was like off. Like My Chemical Romance goth?

Yeah. Esther was like. Whoa. Like she found out it was a goth episode while she was walking by like a CVS and she was like do they sell

shirts here and she like found one t-shirt alright so do you have a lighter what was that a crystal what is that a box with a crystal in it

this is medicine animal cards we're gonna get to the bottom of what's going on with you Maddie we're gonna read you read me

I'm so excited to be read and then the most holy of all items is that a tampon yes i have never not either been pmsing or on my period every episode of this podcast like absolutely genuinely not made up like literally someone's got to i'm wearing a nighttime pad right now just so i don't ruin my new pants. Are those really expensive sunglasses or really cheap? I go to the Grove and I get like the five for 25. Okay. I like that.

I like a kiosk sunglass situation because you're going to sit on them. You're going to lose them. She's into future cataracts. It's a look she's going for. Oh no, because this is cataracts look? Yeah, because that's not polarized. Oh, because the cheap ones give you bathroom? They don't do anything for you.

So you look right into the sun without knowing. I've been waiting for an excuse to buy expensive sunglasses, but I was like, eh, just got it. And your beautiful green eyes. Yeah, your beautiful green eyes. You guys, they were yellow last week. Do you have expensive sunglasses? Always. I have expensive everything.

You do look very expensive. Yeah, I do. That's my thing. You look underground expensive, though. Yeah. I think you're my style icon. Yeah. I'm very expensive.

Which car was yours out there? Tahoe. Of course. Rental. Oh, a rental. Yeah. I don't live here. I rent cars.

What car do you drive back home? Four-door. Me? Yeah. I drive a Denali. What is that? A truck. Oh, cool.

I like a good truck. What do you throw in the back bodies by bodies dead deer fences are you a fighter i mean i mean a shooter a hunter a hunter no i've hunted are you a fighter are you a hunter do you want people it's like that that's the only way you ever seen surviving the game with iced tea to hunt homeless people It's always the remnant. It's like that's the only way that you can. Have you ever seen Surviving the Game with Ice-T? Do you hunt homeless people? What's the reverent? The reverent is the one where he's fighting. The reverent. Yeah, where they put the gunpowder, where he gets bit by the bear.

The bear, yeah. That's the revenant. I call it the remnant. The remnants of the body of the bear eater. The sliced up thing. Yeah. But that's how I think hunting goes. Do you hunt, Maddie?

I have hunted. What do you hunt? I've hunted moose i've hunted uh deer uh goats you good at it no no you're not i'm loud i'm loud i'm like walking around oh my god i like i'm making jokes i'm talking like i'm like you just sit there and like whisper to each other for 17 hours and you're like bro can we just talk and then they're just like okay you're like you can hear it there's nothing there's wind it's snowing i'm cold you're definitely the same type of hunter as i am yeah like i like walk out i want to like shoot something like with an uzi out of a car you know like just drive into the woods and like spray the woods

hopefully get something you just send out like a bunch of people to drag it back that's the equivalent of dynamite fishing yeah we just blow up the coral and see yeah also very illegal guys don't do it don't blow don't throw dynamite we know you guys are you've got your dynamite in your hands and you're about to go do it we know our audience okay but put that dynamite away m80s put it back in your basement put it back in your basement. Put it back in your butt. Can I tell you why? Another theory as to why I think I look amazing this week. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tell us. Please expand on your beauty. Please expand on your natural beauties. Hawaiian shells and shit. Well, two things. I think that the universe gave me some good snatched up good luck because I rescued a turtle from a fishing line. I think that the universe gave me some good snatched up good luck because I rescued a turtle from a fishing line.

Is that why you're dressed like one? I don't know why I'm looking at this. This is like turtle outfit. George, pull up my rescue, my video. I'm already disgusted. And he hates turtles. I have to show this. Why do you hate turtles?

Because I did a turtle saving thing and they're gross and I had to catch their eggs, their pussy juice in their eggs. Their pussy juice? Turtles have a lot of pussy juice? Yeah, they ooze out these eggs. It's oozing out. There we go. Where are you?

It's taking out the fishing line. I'm on the left. Oh, look at that. And then what? It's a little guy stuck? Did you catch it? Yeah, we had to catch it. Wait, wait, wait.

No, but is it from you, and then you're saving it from yourself? Like you just happen to be at a place where there was a stuck turtle well no we were fishing there oh so was the turtle pre-caught or did you accidentally catch it and then save it from yourself tell me the truth i'll tell you the truth i looked down and this turtle was lame it wasn't moving anywhere and it couldn't use its left arm and then i saw a giant fishing line attached to it and i and so my buddy caught it and then we took the knife and then we cut this thing fishing line attached to it. Oh, boy. And so my buddy caught it, and then we took the knife, and then we cut this thing from it, from its arm.

When Esther comes back, we have to check her for a fishing line. Maybe that's what it is. She's just covered in fishing line? Maybe that's what it is. Her whole body? But see, now I want to dive into why Annie hates turtles. Yeah. I don't.

Listen, it's not that I don't hate. That's very cute, okay? When they get a little bigger, they're very. What's the biggest turtle you saved? They tore this tar out of their eyes. I don't listen. That's very cute, okay? When they get a little bigger, they're very... What's the biggest turtle you saved? They cry and they pour this tar out of their eyes. It's just, I'm not saying they should all die, but if they died, probably a new animal would come that's cute.

Well, tell Maddie where you were trying to do this. Do you think the butterfly effect of the turtle dying would just sprout a new beautiful animal? Well, the way evolution works is it's not like something dies and then nothing comes in its place true but so i uh i think no that's a fact okay so i god gives another animal to the planet yeah i'm glad you brought god up because god's great are you enlightened god is good what's your higher power we'll be going back to these shamis i'm in a shaman dilemma but anyway i maddie i when i was 17 i did a project in costa rica with the sea turtle project right it's called cocaine just

cocaine no i mean i did no drugs i was just 17 fixing helping these sea turtles but i was too young i had to wear all black go out with these flashlights with like a gel in front of them it's red gel and then when the turtles come out in the middle of the night to lay their eggs they go into a trance so once they're in their trance they can't see you and then you had to go under and catch their pussy juice and their eggs in a bag because there's poachers and how delicious those eggs must taste but i've always think about the scramble them up anyway and then so then there was a hatchery yes and so there were two duties you would you them up. Anyway, and then, so then there was a hatchery. Yes.

And so there were two duties. You would catch the pussy juice, and then you'd also be on hatchery duty to, so you put them in the hatchery, and then you would lay there all night, sit there, and guard the hatchery from the poachers who have weapons and machetes. I'm 17 years old, little white girl. How do you get there? What? You got like a brochure in high school?

Like, there's people like this. It was like a whole, my parents. How did you get there? What? You got like a brochure in high school? Like there's people like this. It was like a whole, my parents. How did you get, like what sparked getting to Costa Rica to grab pussy juice eggs from turtles and save them with your life from the machete killers? I, it was a whole program. It was called Leap Now. It was, I don't know how my parents fucking found it.

My parents found any shady situation. They were like, take her. Get you out of her. Take her. My parents found any shady situation, they were like, take her. Get you out of her. Take her. You guys know I have a whole list of things that bog me down in life. Anxiety.

Bobby. Bobby. He literally bogs her down like when she's in the ocean. He grabs her and she falls to the bottom. So a lot of things interfere with my happiness. And to get through the rough days, I use BetterHelp. Check out betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday. BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. You can connect in a safe and online environment, and it's so convenient. You can start communicating in under just 48 hours.

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Find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to upstart.com slash Tuesday. That's upstart.com slash Tuesday. Don't forget to use our URL to let them know we sent you. Loan amounts will be determined based on your credit, income, and certain other information provided in your loan application. Go to upstart.com slash Tuesday. So I am set to do ayahuasca this weekend. And I kind of don't want to do it. I've done it twice. I've never had anything but a beautiful experience, wonderful time.

But I have another shaman. I have this guy's program who I watch, and his shaman says to not do ayahuasca. And I have just randomly come across this video that said, do not do ayahuasca. What are you? Where did it take you both times just to a nice place you were just like it's hard i mean it's dark you go like you go into the depths of your soul yeah i mean it helped me a lot with like my my worries about my dad's death i was always like very worried about my dad's age his inevitable death and then in turn it was like my always

being worried about the inevitable like bad things that are going to happen and not being in the moment and stuff and it did help me with that to realize that being truly powerless well kind of yeah but then also the power knowing that you there's no control and to detach and to not you know to just love carpe diem what's there and i was feeling and i felt very like that i was starting to acknowledge the love that was around me that I wasn't seeing the second time I said what do I need to do for my to bring my career to the next level and I saw powerpuff girls three girls yeah because and it said you need to get your girl audience going there you go and that was like two years ago and then you shit black and had an ulcer and then called me and then I had to get into ketamine and get an ulcer for her to

contact me what'd you get the black shit from from like pepto ketamine no it's you did so much yeah from all the ketamine well how much were you doing you like drooling there were a couple things going esther was annoying me i had an ulcer or i was doing ketamine i had cause the black shit i had um like there's a grinding noise outside that makes me feel like asperger. You got a black shit coming whenever you hear that sound. But also my apartment was under construction. It was just like a lot was going on. Oh.

And I just got a fucking ulcer. But because I shit blood and she had talked to, who did you talk to? I had just shit blood myself. Yeah. So we really bonded over shitting blood. And we talked for five hours on our first conversation. Your first conversation was five hours over shitting blood. And we talked for five hours on our first conversation. Your first conversation was five hours about shitting blood. We've never gone under three hours.

We've never. Unless like literally something. Like our conversation ended today because I got here. Yeah. So the black ship brought you together. The black ship brought us together. And then after that, it's like we've just been attached at the pussy, I think. Yeah.

We're Siamese. Twat twins. Yeah, twat twins. Twat twins is nice. Twat twins. We're twat twins. Have you ever done ayahuasca? No.

Do you do like mushrooms and stuff like that? No, I'm sobs. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. Always have been? No. No, no, no, no. You're not sober by not doing drugs.

No. I used to do everything yeah but you never did ayahuasca so no i never got there i never had to find myself yeah or like build a fantasy thing i don't understand ayahuasca i never i don't understand like the whole like finding yourself thing i don't understand that i i guess maybe i'm like very grounded in who i am, so I just never... I don't get caught up with the... My brain doesn't ever go to a place

where I need to figure something out. Yeah. Where I've already dealt with... I think I've figured things out. Well, you don't have to. You don't always have to be going back and figuring out where things are coming from. That's kind of why I'm apprehensive of doing it this time

because I'm not in one of those searchy places right now. You just want to feel it. No, I don't. I just already signed up for it. Yeah. And now I'm like, I just already bought the plane ticket and showed him a car.

I'm just about Amish when it comes to drugs. Yeah. I've never done anything like hallucinogenic. No acid, no shrooms. No, I used to smoke a lot of weed when I was younger

and I drank maybe three times a year. Right. And that's it. I'm pretty, I don't even drink caffeine right i'm a big big square but all of this to say that i've had deep throat a fucking banana though yes i don't look at like ayahuasca and the hallucinogens i've done as like they're not like recreational drugs like i'm not you're not doing them to get high like if you're doing

them to get high you're going to be sorely upset with yourself right no you need like a shaman there's a whole thing like it's just one-on-one or you go like groups there's a group that i go with i mean you can go one-on-one where you go like joshua tree um i did go to the desert the first time i went it was like in the desert outside of san diego yeah and then i'm going to like the woods in chicago which is where i went before the woods and it's just my my shaman is from brazil or he's from south africa but he lives in brazil and he trained in peru how much does that cost to have somebody spiritually enlightening um it's like over the years it's gone from like 400 to 600 i think there's a little inflation yeah it's not and you do it for like a

whole weekend and i know people that do it in like apartments in new york and stuff but it's i've gotten really like i've never had a negative like feeling around it. I've always gone into it very open and very excited and I'm very trusting of my shaman and his expertise. But just seeing these videos of this other guy saying not to do it, just got in my, I just have never had any hesitation to it. But I am feeling like I really liked the work I'm doing with just hypnosis

and, you're doing hypnosis. Yeah. I'm doing a lot of self-hypnosis wow where does that bring you it's just I've just dropped a bunch of things like the thing I've mentioned on here a lot which is like the biggest yeah get for me so far is that I no longer clench my jaw which is something I was doing since I was a child so it's like I've got I'm getting rid of a lot of my like fight or flight stuff that i've been in and really like yeah it's been really cool it's it's been amazing but so now that i realize i can do these things without like diving into the depths of like i can dive into the depths of my soul like through meditation and stuff like that i kind of i'm like fuck do you meditate every day i do hypnosis every day you do hypnosis every day yeah i didn't do mine yet today but

that's so wild that's so cool the fucking when i was a kid i remember we had do hypnosis every day yeah i didn't do mine yet today but that's so wild that's so cool the fucking when i was a kid i remember we had a hypnosis or a hypnotist come to our high school not a kid but i remember my mom being like you do not go up there and you do not like the things that i remember as like a teenager like i was never my mom was always very adamant about never letting anyone crack my back yeah, and like never do hypnotism. Did you grow up religious? Yeah. Religious.

Yeah. I grew up like Mormon. Oh, okay. Yeah. I was in it for like born into it, but like 13 years. Wow.

We left when I was like 13. Interesting. That's an interesting time to. Do you then just excommunicate yourselves? Is that how it works? Well, my sister got excommunicated. Well,

we were, we moved like from province. So like a way out of the one state where we grew up in like dartmouth was a massive like uh fellowship big church lots of hundreds of people every sunday like packed house every sunday it's like super bowl and fucking and then when my family got it we moved there was no church there was like one church and we'd show up and there's like two families and then all of a sudden it's just when you leave something it just becomes like indifferent and then you're just like ah and i just my dad stopped going one day and then all of a sudden we didn't have to go and then all of a sudden my dad drank like a non-alcoholic beer and we're all just like

what's happening yeah and then all of a sudden my dad started drinking beer and then i was just like what's happening do you have a nostalgia for um, do you feel like when you walk into one, do you have like a childhood nostalgia or a feeling that you get? Like, huh, this is like familiar. Yeah. I went to, like, I got kicked out of public school in high school, so then I went to a Catholic high school. And it was just like, I don't know.

When I walk into churches now, I just feel nothing. I don't feel. They're beautiful. They're beautiful. I always like looking at them. Like I feel like a comfort of like nice millwork, you know, stained glasses are cool. Great millwork, great stained glasses for sure.

Because the feeling that I get, cause I was raised Catholic, having to do the math, get my confirmation, being baptized, all of that stuff. But when I go back home and I go to midnight mass, I get very emotional. I kiss the statue of Jesus' feet. I light the candles.

And I'm like, I'm an atheist. Yeah. But I kiss his feet. You feel it's like a muscle memory. Yeah, it's muscle memory. You've been scared into kissing feet. Yeah. Some white dude.

Maybe that's where foot fetishes came from. Yes, kissing God's feet. Now, do you think it's because it's like bringing you back to a nostalgic time in your childhood? It's reminding you of maybe your dad? I think it reminds me of serenity, of my family being together during Christmas time

because it's called Simbangabi where at the beginning of December, you start going to mass at midnight and your family all kind of walks there together. It's like a rave. You light candles. Yeah, it's sort of this like.

It's God rave. And you get to be up late. That's so exciting. Yeah, if you're a new year young kid. So I think I feel like some sense of excitement because of that. But not because like I super love Jesus or anything like that. That's how I'm reading it. Yeah, I don't believe in the God, but it's.

Do you believe in any, like what about like people who believe in like 3,000 gods? Because I'd be more likely to be into that. No, I don't believe in any gods. I believe in like 3 000 gods because i i'd be more likely to be into that i don't believe in any gods the uh i believe in like a higher power i believe something that is i believe in spirit i believe in like you and you and me and every you know like i believe my religion was was quakers and there's little lights in everyone everyone's god quaker okay beats and stuff you know who, that's Amish, but do you know... Wait, turning butter. Quaker is like flour. Do you know what my higher power

was in AA? What? Shaquille O'Neal from Kazam. Everyone was so mad at me. You're just like, gotta send an email, gotta go, you know? I used to pray to him. You're just doing your gratitude list in the morning? I would pray to him with his genie outfit. You're like, Shaquille O'Neal. I would say, oh, my shack, instead of, oh, my God.

Everyone was like, you're going to drink again. I was like, no, I'm not, but I will do ayahuasca. There you go. George has stuff for us. Oh, no. What is going to this be? So here we have Barnett's Mega Sours, the sourest candy in the world. Now, some would say Toxic Waste is the sourest candy, but we've done our research.

These are actually sourer than toxic waste. And what's the goal? Do we have to eat the whole thing? Straight face. Poker face. Yep. Ready? Which color are you going?

I got blue. I got green. I'll change. You got orange? I'll do blue. I'll do blue together. All right, let's all do blue. We all got blue?

Take the blue pill. Okay, blue pill. Blue pill. Let's go. Okay, let's. What? Did you suck it? Mm-hmm.

That's what I always say. Did you just suck it? Did you just suck it? This pill. Let's go. Okay, let's. What? Did you suck it? Mm-hmm. That's what I always say. Did you just suck it? Did you just suck it? This seems like it's sour. For how long? It's salty. Why is it salty? This is disgusting.

Mine over mine. Wait, is this a chewing? Does it get sweet at any point? Does it sweet on the inside? It gets foamy if you eat it. Why is it foamy? That's disgusting. Ew, why is it foamy?

Yeah, exactly. Eat it. Chew it up. Like a lot of little chews. Really worth the foam. Why is there jizz in my mouth? Yeah. That's like turtle jizz. That's a turtle jizz bomb. There it jizz in my mouth yeah that's like that's like turtle jizz that's a

turtle jizz bomb it's just on me oh maybe you waited too long i've already been jizzed on i know chock full of jizz um manny what are your thoughts on shitting in the shower like recreational or just like for use well Well, I hear that people do it for use. No, that's gross. That's not nice for anything, especially I have like hairy thighs. It would catch the shit? It's a lot more cleanup for me.

And then, you know, you push it along with your foot and then stomp it down. Who really does it? And then you stomp it down the fucking... Like Play-Doh? Yeah. So brown people have their own mythology and have our own urban myths.

And one of our urban myths that we tell each other... I mean, she gets a tan and now she's really pushing the brown agenda. So we tell each other that white people should shower. That it's a hobby. You're told that white people should past time i've never met anyone that shits in the shower i've never not pissed in a shower ever once even when it's not i piss in the shower every time me too the warm water it's always after i wash my hair and i wash my hair and condition and i just feel so nice i'm just like oh it's not the first thing i just let it loose and And I just let it go.

I like to pee on my boyfriend. Yeah. Piss parties are nice. Water sports are good. I love the best feeling is if you're in the ocean with a wetsuit to pee in your wetsuit. And it traps it. And you're swimming in that warm pee. It's the best. But then it gets cold.

It doesn't. No? No, not in a five millimeter. It just stays there to keep you warm. It's insulated. It's like a Yeti cooler. Now, okay. So I like to, okay. It just stays there to keep you warm. It's insulated. It's like a Yeti cooler. Now, okay. So I like to, okay.

So I always have to pee. My boyfriend and I are moving today currently. Wow. This just happened. So successful. You're not even picking a box up. The Lord had to happen to move the day to, and the exact time the movers came to when I came.

Was George Lord? The Lord. No, no, no no it wasn't this was already set and then things got messed up in the apartment so they had to push it where are you moving we're moving to the same apartment complex but with now it's two bedroom two bath so now i don't have to pee while my boyfriend's shitting i was always having to pee in the tub that's so nice i had this one bedroom apartment uh my wife and i or whatever trishy and fucking it was so small it was like like smaller than well it's maybe same size as this and like you could shit you could

see yourself shitting if you were any if the door was open like anywhere in the apartment you could see the person shitting or using the washroom or anything and it was like all we wanted to do was get a place big enough to like not see your partner like shit. Because it's like, you know, using the water. It's like whatever. It's not like a complete turn off. But like always. It's always.

I have an open bathroom door policy in my relationships. You have to. What do you mean just relationships? You mean FaceTime. Yeah, that's true. I'm always. Yeah. But no, you shit pretty fast on our.

We go. We go with it. We shit together. I shit together with all my. Yeah. Always. Yeah. Do you FaceTime your guy friends? guy friends a lot yeah it's great well it's just nice everyone's relaxed so like just doom scrolling you just call your buddy you're like hey yeah you can't ever be you can't even be in a moment by yourself just being normal not looking at your phone or talking

to a friend getting validation and just shit regularly you have to you know you sit down look at your phone for two seconds switch out and then you fucking call a homie you get your first push out so you don't look stressed and then your second push you can be on the phone but the first initial push you don't want to hear a strain though you gotta mute yourself

when you strain I've never strained it just comes that's from your asian squat well and you know my method of shitting is the most efficient way you got like the step up thing well here's the thing you have to blur out my feet so when we were in the philip when i was growing up you learn to shit like this because our toilets are set up a little different in the province you kind of have to shit in the rocks, in the bong bong. Yeah, in the bong bong.

In the bong bong. So this is the correct way to shit. So you put your legs up like this. Yeah, so that's the same as the step. So your body's in the push. So it's been crying. Do you stand on the toilet to shit? Now?

Yeah. I don't anymore because I think I no longer have to. Because I spent so many years shitting like this so it's like it just it slides out yeah my my um anatomy has now sort of like um upped a level so that i can now shit without straining now is childbirth easier for the filipina um i don't know we're gonna see about my my fish come baby fish come baby soon nine months maybe it's even sooner. Who knows how fast the shit.

Gestational. It was a gestational period of a fish. That's when I'm giving birth. I have to make a public apology. It'd be months away, weeks away. Oh my God. Will you birth my fish baby? I've already done three.

He birthed his own baby. Oh, I was just going to ask that. Yeah, home birth. Home birth. How old are they? Max, like five. Rizzo's almost three. Ozzy, she's going to be one in October.

Those are great names. Yeah. Good job. MacArthur. What's your wife's name? Trisha. Trisha. Trish.

Trish. Trisha and Maddie. Maddie. I like Maddie. The choice of Maddie out of all the options is good. Maddie's good. It's the best one. Yeah, 100%.

Out of all my kids, they're good names, but my name's better. Yes. Well, of course, you have to be the best. One of the biggest bummers of adulting is having to quit cereal. What a joy it was to just be a kid and eat the cereal you enjoyed. Just diving into it, not knowing that you were lactose intolerant, just diarrhea-ing everywhere, but so worth it. The good news though, you no longer have to give it up because there's Magic Spoon. That's right. Magic Spoon has zero grams

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guilt-free cereal on the regular at magicspoon.com slash Tuesday Five and use the code Tuesday Five and save big. Thank you, Magic spoon for sponsoring this episode. What do you, how do you think truly Bobby would be in the pocket during a home birth? I would be playing a video game. Yeah. He would be indifferent. He'd be indifferent.

He'd have his headphones on like world of Warcraft or fucking. How's your phone? Are you good? I just, my boyfriend's moving. So it's like, I gotta make sure i put mine on airplane mode i guess you didn't fuck it i know but i had he's moving i'm like pretty famous i think he'd do this i think he would have about a 10 second period of really giving an earnest shot at participating in the home birth and then he'd be like oh i can't do it babe i can't do it and then the umbilical cord uh i don't think i don't think he'd be present for that either i don't think he's a bit i don't like the blood but what if it changed him what if he what if i didn't think i was ready and then in the it's like one

of those things i didn't i went to like the birthing class with like megadoula and like all of a sudden she had dreads no she was hippie zone though but she fucking she did like over 900 births wow and and because i was like at one point right before the birth i was just like yo like trish like what is it's like midwife this that like how many home like how many people gonna be in the in the crib and she was just like it's you and the and you and the midwife and like the doula and i was just like what was she what you know because it was the with the first one a tub no we all dry like all on her back cookie tray like a baking tray wrapped in a towel for lower back support wow bun in the oven for real that's it that's all that happened but it's amazing i think whatever i think bobby would be great in the pocket i think he would's it. That's all that happens. But it's amazing. I think, whatever.

I think Bobby would be great in the pocket. I think he would do good. Have you ever seen him in the pocket? I haven't, but I can imagine he would find the place

he needed to go mentally and he would zone in and get into it. He once told me, he was like, great, if you ever get pregnant, I'll just make sure

to book as many road dates as possible. That's nice. So I was like, oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Bob. That's great. Thank you. Oh my god, potassium? Do you guys know? We have a banana break on this show. That's what it is for. Yeah, let's get the blood.

Let's do it. You guys get tingly legs? What's going on? We just get a little I get tingly legs. I cramp up easy We just get a little. I get tingly legs. I cramp up easy. So hence the potas. This is so nice. I know. It's great, right?

This is a really nice podcast. Is it the nicest one you've been on? I think so. Because it's always like one-on-one. Or like, well, Taco Bell was really nice. I think it's just like, I don't know. We had the sucker thing. I need you to say we're better than Rogan.

Yeah. Thank you. 100%. I'm need you to say we're better than Rogan. Yeah. Thank you. 100%. I'm not going to get canceled by three national newspapers coming on this show. It's fine. My mom. Canadians did not like me being on that. Dude, my mom sent me a message where she goes, oh my God, Annie, I'm so proud of you. You got mentioned in this article.

And it's an article about how since Rogan joined Spotify, his numbers have gone down. I'm like, Mom, this is like a bad article. You were like one of the comedians. Yeah, the comedian Annie Letterman saw a low return. And it's like, also, that's actually not true. I got like over 30,000 followers every time. They're so crazy.

I'm like, where are the numbers you're crunching at? I thought it was going to be. It's crunching you i thought it was gonna be it's so funny i thought it was gonna be like i i think joe's like a double-edged sword obviously for some reason but i think it is a um i thought it was gonna like blow some shit up it really just kept i got like 1500 i think i lost more followers really oh i got so I got so many followers. I don't know. I, but I, I don't know. I,

I've been friends with him for forever. So I don't, I don't think people are like surprised that I was on the show. Yeah. I was a lot of people that didn't know me before. I mean, I did a fight companion. Yeah.

Rogan wasn't there, but it was his studio. And all I got were dick pics. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Wow. I had a broken without Rogan. You're like, all I got going on a podcast was dick pics.'s the saddest thing i've ever heard wow you're like all i got going on a podcast was dick pics oh my god it's a fucking ton of dick pics oh my goodness i got some dick pics too but it's if did he did you get a picture with him and he posted it or was it no i was on the day that he was like getting ousted by the white house for being like

the new face of like anti-vax oh so i was like on that day that he was getting ousted by the White House for being the new face of anti-vax. So I was on that day. When that was happening, I was literally on that day, and then I posted a photo, and I was just like, boom! And I just had like, it was like, yeah. It was like every paper in Canada. It was just like, because we were making jokes about some stuff and it wasn't good. Jokes are always good.

Jokes are always good. But it was just like, when the newspapers got involved, I was just like, huh? I was like, really? Okie dokie. I need a statement? I was just like, what? No, no, no.

You didn't give one, did you? Well, it was a scenario because it was, I didn't argue enough when he was like, we were just talking about, like it was right after there was police, there was a funeral in like Montreal, like a secret funeral. And the police went.

Is it because someone jaywalked and got hit by a car? No, somebody died. It's a funeral. It's not a jaywalk. They got hit by a car no somebody died it's a funeral it's not a jaywalk you got hit by a car and died they got hit by a car and died and but it was it was the police went in and like raided it the funeral and because of the pandemic was like you guys can't be in here oh my god and so rogan was just touching on that being like yo like what's up with this fucking canadian government like you can't have funerals like well no there's a i don't i don't fucking know and whatever and i just didn't argue it i didn't know what i mean i didn't argue i hate when i don't know anything i'm not gonna i don't know i'm just like no and i got in trouble for like

yeah yeah my way through a conversation but you're like you would have gotten in trouble i talked about aliens you would have gotten in trouble if no matter what anything it doesn't matter but that's the thing so i had to literally i gave a statement saying like i was just like sorry not even sorry but i was just like, sorry, not even sorry. But I was just like, I could have. Sorry. I could have. I could have argued more.

Yeah. And I was like, I don't know. I'm sorry. I was just like, you're making me do the Canadian. I was just like, I'm sorry. I was just like, I'm a clown. Okay. I'm here to make jokes.

I know. I'm the guy who eats burgers and talks about eating cum and cooking food and doing drugs. I'm like, I'm not anything. I'm the dumb fun guy. Maddie, what would happen if you cooked cum? It depends. I think there's- Are there any recipes?

There's definitely some things you could fold. There's a whole book. Of cooking cum? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look up the book. It's like we talked about it on Just a Dash because we were talking about eating cum. And there's a whole book about semen cookery.

And it's just recipes. And they're like, man, throw some cum in. Esther's going to finally start cooking. Yeah, semenology. Is that it? Or what's the natural harvest? Oh, and they put a flan. It's a flan.

I like that because it's deceiving. A little dulce de leche with some jizz. I would love a dulce de leche with some cum. Some cum. Just cum,

but I feel like if you were doing that, just make something really nice and throw some cum on top. Like glaze it? Do a little glaze. Or like why cooks, it's like,

you know, it's like adding alcohol and you burn the alcohol off. It's like, why even add, like, you know it's like adding alcohol and you burn the alcohol off it's like you know it's just like you want the jizz just chuck the jizz on top wait so how would I

approach this do I go to any rando and say hi sir you're like eating a sandwich I like you know you go to Irwan and you walk outside

and be like oh my god oh my god you have to make Bobby cuck cakes yeah cuck cakes make him cuck cakes as he's eating he goes that's another man's semen.

I jerked him off. I got it. Yeah. Cream pies. Cream pies. Cuck Cakes. Cream pies. Cuck Cakes.

That does well. Wow. I'm sure you can sell a lot of Cuck Cakes. You're a genius. We have our merch. We have our new name. Yeah.

Yeah, Cuck Cakes. Welcome to Cuck Cakes. Trash Tuesday's out. It's trash. we have our merch we have our new name yeah yeah Cupcakes welcome to Cupcakes Trash Tuesday's out it's trash Cupcakes is back is there reviews? yeah it's four and a half stars

dude this book is like full of fucking just check out a review read a review for the pictures alone are you fucked? can't put this book down.

Way too sticky, it says. My gay cousin and his boyfriend got this in a white elephant party. And they threatened to make us a whole dinner using the recipes from this book. 11 out of 10 would buy again. What's a white elephant party? And there's also another one. Well, when you're talking about cum, it sounds like a different thing. But I think it's just when you, it's like when you, like a Pollyanna. Or is that what it's called? Thank you for this recommendation, Maddie. Well, when you're talking about cum, it sounds like a different thing. White elephant? It's like a Pollyanna.

Is that what it's called? Thank you for this recommendation, Maddie. Yeah, you can probably get that and make a couple of recipes. Get Bob cum. I just want a whole array of cums. A couple of Bobby drips. I don't want just his cum. You want all of it.

He has like a single thick dollop. It's not going to cover a whole pie. Just a pinch out, eh? It's a pinch. Less than a pinch. He needs to drink more water. Yeah, he's a little dehydrated. He needs to drink water.

Spray it everywhere. I like a little bit more propulsion than that. Yeah, like ah. A little bit of a champagne celebration. I never get that. Todd takes an unnamed hair product that I'm not going to say unless they sponsor us. And it does work. But one of the side effects is that your jizz is like more clear.

He has not had that side effect. Celery. That's the best one. What? Celery. Eat like two heads of celery. Like two full things of celery. 24 hours before you're going to a party.

And then jizz town. But wait, it's more jizz. Extra jizz. Just all of it. Yeah. It's great for all of the jizz. Every aspect of it. Even for us? It's milkier. It's more. Milk extra jizz just all of it yeah it's great for all of the jizz every aspect of it even for us

it's milkier it's more milkier do I want milkier not milkier but like more volume more volume

maybe liquidies I think I want less volume less volume I like the volume grass is always greener you have too much jizz she wants I know

give me Todd I'll give you Bobby oh my god switch your route twat twins forever. See? Twat twins. No harm.

Twat twins. That's what TT stands for. Twat twins. So when I first started to get to know Annie, she was telling me some pretty wild stories. But one of my favorite stories has to do with her school nurse. But do you remember what I told you about? Well, there's two stories.

Right. So today she goes, all right, I have school nurse written down. And I go, that could be one of two things. One of two. It could be high school or college. I'm going to go for college because college was the funniest thing that's ever happened to me. Right. I got crabs in college, okay?

Adam Sandler had the movie The Longest Yard was in town. They were filming it right and i lived in in santa fe new mexico and the movies would come would be like insane when everyone would come out there was like unbelievable so all these guys were out there i started hooking up with like one of the assistant directors i met him at a party or whatever he was like you know 30 and i was 21 and um like an la guy. And he was like, take me out to these dinners and to the spa and stuff. And then I go out of town for a week. He's still on set or whatever.

I start to itch in my fucking nether regions. I go, what is itching? What is this? I get home. My mom is in town visiting me. I go, mom, something's wrong. It's the grand army. I'm itching.

I'm itching. And then I look down. I see things crawling on me i go that is fucking so crabs are actual crabs yes they're actual crabs so then i go i go to the school nurse i go to the school nurse yeah and i go i have crabs she goes no you don't have guys i go i have fucking crabs and she went okay critters in here she took it she took a second look and then she found out it crabs. Now,

six months later, maybe even two years later. Okay. Time has passed. I've gotten rid of the crabs at this point. It took two years. No, no,

no. Time has moved forward. The crabs are in, are in ancient, are in the, the, they're in the rear view mirror. Yeah.

Can't you imagine them? I missed them. I actually was so sad when they went away. They were so funny. It's what I knew I was going to be a comedian. I loved having lice as a kid. When I would use the sood, it's like a really fine tooth comb, and I would pop them. Oh, the joy.

My mom and I still talk about it. I never had lice. Should we get lice again? Or crabs. There's still time. I've never had crabs either. Love lice though. I've had bed bugs.

But I'm at Whole Foods two years later after the crabs and i i go to i go to the guacamole thing i reach for the same chip i touch hands with a woman i look up i go oh my god you were the school nurse that diagnosed me with crabs and she goes oh yeah i remember you and then i forfeited. I gave her the chip. Here's the chip. She was like, I'm good. I think that they made a movie out of that. I think it's called Serendipity with John Cusack.

Right? I think that's exactly what it is. Either that or like The Boathouse. Yeah. Wait, there's a boathouse? That was a lake house. Lake house. With Sandra Bullock?

Yeah. Wait, Boathouse is the new one? What house with Sandra Bullock yeah wait the boathouse is the new one what's the one that I just saw in the movie theater the dark house is it good or the night house

it was bad the night house by the way going to the movies sucks yeah the movies need to like they need to let you do more I went to one

have you been to the movie theaters where they like let you lay down yeah but they let you lay down but only so far so I'm sitting with my boyfriend and then they have this like

this barrier here so you lay down and then it's far. So I'm sitting with my boyfriend and then they have this like, this barrier here. So you lay down and then it's like, so I got to like, literally every, every fucking hand job is a reach around because you got to go around the thing.

You got to go around and then you just. And it's like, I just want to cuddle on his fucking chest. Yeah. So then you have to sit up and do it.

It's just like, and then it's so cushy that you're like, there's so much COVID in this. Like you're like, oh, it's so squishy and it probably captured all the COVID from the person before me.

And then it's just like, and they bring you the food. They're kind of interrupting the meal or the movie. And it's just, I don't know. The popcorn's still good, but you've got to do something bad. They have to do something because everyone's been at home depressed for two years. But more so in Canada. But I think it's just like, but I think you guys over here it's just I don't know

like everyone doesn't even want to go back yeah yeah nobody even cares anymore Maddie did you draw any of your tattoos me yeah

uh yeah I drew that oh an inside hand yeah did that hurt yeah this is the worst one I've ever had and they wear off or no

I don't because you use them more no people just don't get them because they hurt yeah well just take a pencil and touch your palm.

It's crazy. Last time I went to Vegas, some guy hunted me down. Kalilah, Kalilah, it's me, Brian. Do you remember? You tattooed me three years ago, and he lifted his leg. Oh, no. And dear God, it was the ugliest tattoo I've ever seen in my life. Where did you do it?

Back when I was like a shop girl. My ex-boyfriend was a tattoo artist. Oh, okay. And'd you do it? Back when I was like a shop girl. My ex-boyfriend was a tattoo artist. Oh, okay. And I looked at it. I was like, I am so sorry. Most horrible thing I've ever seen. Yeah, shit's fucked. But I wanted to get blasted in the neck. What is

the sensation in this area? Don't do anything. Stop. What do you mean? No, I love neck tattoos. Don't. You have a nice neck. If you don't have a lot of tattoos, like, don't cover shit up. You're good. That's nice.

Yeah, don't get a neck tattoo. Or do whatever you want to do, really. I just, like, I don't fucking know. Oh, my God. She's going to get a fucking neck tattoo. Yeah, what are you going to do? Like, just like a design? No, I wanted to extend my Filipino tribal into that. Yeah, okay.

I guess so. My boyfriend told me he doesn't think I can handle. You would look good with, like, face, like. Yes, I would want face tattoos. No, you really would. Like a neck tattoo would look really good on you, actually. Burn it up. My boyfriend told me that he doesn't think I could handle the pain of a tattoo.

You have zero? See, I wish I had none. It's cool to have none, right? Yeah. It's way cooler to have... Because every jabroni has tattoos now. It's just like, I don't know. He's a joy boy.

He doesn't need saging. No. He's pure on the inside no i i went i had like the most depressing time of my life i think the last six weeks or some shit six weeks i i've never felt depressed in my life ever and and try ayahuasca yeah and uh that sounds nice and and um sage the uh and i just felt depressed and not happy with anything i was doing and i never felt it before was there a trigger was there something that happened that you can maybe sort of like i

think i built up a business where i have to put so much output you know like it's it's a lot to do what everyone does right yeah you know just output and give and give and give and give and give and then be criticized about everything that you give but are you reading comments where are you finding the criticism no i don't read comments i'm very good at like not reading both sides like i don't i don't like to get gassed up and i don't like to be torn down but how do you find out about the criticism i just it's how i feel it's it's i i feel more just like the amount of stuff i'm like i want to just get to the point where everything is about how much work you're doing right like how about oh i got a show on

netflix i got a thing here i got a fucking tour i got books i got fucking and it just like turns into you i i don't know i think i'm just like my brain is still in a point where i'm like i just flipped on myself and like was just like you're not punk you're a loser you're a poser fuck you you're just doing stuff for money and i was just like i am doing stuff for money but i also just i don't know it just sunk in deep in my own head yeah like without it's not about the comments you started like overthinking your i just overthinking my yeah and my thing like my intentions and just like what i'm doing what i'm putting out there and like it's um i don't know and then it just went deep and i was just like felt like i'd never felt

like before and i canceled all this i canceled like a series and like all this other shit i was just like i'm out on all this fuck fuck you and then i was just did i quit everything and then now i'm just gonna start figuring out some stuff cool but i was just like i don't know it was just like a thing where i hit a wall and then the wall i was just like this is so crazy because i think with the pandemic and stuff it was just like you know how everyone lost like I had like you know it's like everything everyone lost yeah and then and then rebuilt and then how did you rebuild and at what costs yeah what did it take to rebuild and then and then you're like wait I was just rebuilding all this other stuff but zero like spirit shit yeah and like not taking care of myself and working

every day to make sure that I built stuff that isn't taken away. And then, and it's just like, I just think I got burnt and then, and then sad and I'm never sad.

And then that, that was the thing where I was just like, I like, I talked to my therapist. I was like, I think I genuinely depressed. And then she's like,

let's do a depression test. I'm like, let's. And I did it. And she's like, you're not depressed. I was like, perfect.

Why? She's like, you're just sad. test. I'm like, let's. And I did it. And she's like, you're not depressed. And I was like, perfect. She's like, you're just sad. And I'm just like, oh, okay. What do I do? You're like, but that makes me depressed. And then I was just like, I'm just going to take time off. She's like, take a week off. And then I took a week off. And then I was like, I feel better.

And then I came out here. It took like a couple of days to just like ride motorcycles and stuff out and whatever. And then I was like, I feel really good. But I just needed to get out of my own little world that you create these little worlds and then you get burnt. And then you're just like, I hate my little world. I've always never wanted a job.

And that's why I went and did my own thing and did all my shit. And like, you know, I have my own production company. I have all my own shit. I don't have a boss, you know? And just like i like not having a boss but then i put the pressure on of doing everything well we we can also very they do a great job of burning ourselves out yeah because we we think we've created a world where we don't have to answer to anybody you have to answer to the world yeah exactly and so it's like now the pressure is on to sort of just always keep moving yeah

and kind of proving the theory that like you know i i've i create this is all mine but sometimes what's all yours really is a big weight to carry on your back if you want to be depressed kalilah has some poems oh yeah i have some i kept all my teenage emo poems. So if you ever just want to have a good cry. You probably want to dabble in the darkness. Yeah. I'll slip it into your DMs. I need a couple. Yeah.

The opposite happened to me a couple weeks ago with my therapist. Right. She was basically like, I'm referring you to a psychiatrist. It's time for meds again. Yeah. Because you are a blue bitch. Like you are so blue and so down, like a good 60% of your life. Now, do you feel like since you went to Hawaii, do you feel different? Okay. So here's what happened. You got healed by the ocean?

I realized, and I know this is going to sound so cringy, but when I submerge my body and when I can feel, when I don't hear the noise of the outside world and I am so hyper-focused on my own breath and I don't hear, there is not a noise in my head, I feel that I am relieved of all of those feelings that I feel on land. And I did that every day for eight days straight. And I feel baptized. And now I'm like, I don't, not to say that those feelings won't come back, but it's certainly- Halaia's quitting the podcast. I'm quitting. She's going to live at sea with her husband, the fish man.

I thought about that. I was like, maybe I'm just a seafarer and I just need to leave. Do you float? Do you do that float shit no i i submerge i go like 25 30 feet down and i just like no i mean i mean like the float capsules like i never do that though you mean the uh where you lay in the salt things the sensory deprivation tank where it's like you get to that sound of the nothingness right but it's so i've never done it but i don't want to have to pay you know what i mean i would like go to the ocean you paid for a flight in a paid a couple bucks to get to hawaii got an ocean down here just ride to fucking venice yeah go to jump on santa monica pier it's free i do that once listen once our schedules like

honestly the scheduling is is the reason it's crazy right now is because with stand-up it's a weekend job with with acting which esther's doing now it's a it's a weekday job so now we're like our scheduling is crazy yeah when our scheduling is better we can schedule around you going and having these moments as much as you want but right now we're gonna have a moment of honesty i think that's so much of my existence in the last eight years, my identity has been tied to Bobby. And I sort of, you know, I live for the man. I love him so deeply. But I think that I stopped. I forgot how to like live for myself a little bit

and sort of tap into other parts of myself. And that's where I think it comes from. It's like you forget that you are a whole entity, you know, irrespective of your relationship with somebody and self and finding your whole self and you know continuously every day showing up for yourself you know living under shadows of whatever the fuck you're living under because everyone is under a thing you know whatever it is everyone is under a thing yeah of course everyone's under a thumb of something i'm not i'm over everything, guys. She's the best. Number one. Guys, I don't want to brag, but I'm a comment. Number one.

She's a goddamn trophy. Perfect. I'm a trophy. I'm perfect. Well, thank you so much for coming to do this, Big Esther. Hey, Big Esther's here. Big Esther's house is always open to you, too. Big Esther's house. That's great well big esther come

back big esther would love to come back are you kidding me when i when i got the ask you know big george oh my god big annie big annie big kalai i was so i was like more excited than tiger belly to be honest and more excited because i was just like i don't know i was like you excited than Tiger Belly to be honest. And more excited because I was just like, I don't know. I was like, you guys don't have guests often. And then I showed up and I was like, oh, I'm a filler. But that's fine. But I'm still just like, you know, I think it's really cool to be here and to be trash talked or whatever the fuck you guys call shit.

But I think it's. You know what we are. Yeah, just fucking twat twins. We can do it in depth next time. We could think it's. You know what we are. Yeah. Just fucking. We can do it in depth next time. We could do a more in depth sobriety. What led us there. Help the audience get there. How did you become such a big comedian?

What's that? Stand up is so hard for just normal people. I just feel like a nine to five is so much harder. Whenever people like, obviously you don't have them, but like when audience members come up and like, you're so brave. I'm like, you're a brave bitch with a nine to five. You're brave. Yeah.

It's, I always look at it like, I always say that standups like an ocean job. And, and I think that your guys, what you guys do too is the same, you know, the living in the entertainment business and stuff, but it's like, it's an ocean job. And I do this cause I was like thrown into the sea and I would never like live in a land job, like a nine to five, knowing where things are coming from what's happening like it's just I can't exist there so I like the turbulence of like being sucked under on top of a wave like I like that sort of chaos and I think now that I've been doing about 12 years and I am starting to like get my groove and really connect with an audience i'm able to be more grounded in that because all

anxiety and all fear is past or future thought right here's nice we're doing good right here and if we're not we're a little too busy to worry we're fucking figuring something out you know trash tuesday yeah well the name i changed so what about um again what is called now well it's trash tuesday now it's Trash Tuesday now. It's Trash Tuesday now. But it will be changed. Yeah. To Big Esther's house. Big Esther's house. And now I'm just the fourth.

I'm the fourth Esther. But you and Esther have to share the chair. She just sits. We don't have a budget for a new chair. Yeah. She sits on my belly like my baby. You've got to figure out if you're a top or a bottom. Both.

And if you're the top, God, I would love to see it. I would love to see that. Bob and Weave. Well, thanks for having me on. Thank you, Maddie. This was good. World peace. Bye, guys.

We'll see you next week. Losers. Thank you.