Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - More Than a Podcast

Episode Date: May 11, 2021

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be abused i don't understand he's wearing the shirt i actually very much like it's hands drawn on with cigarettes that's very cool It's not really your brand. We know you don't smoke cigarettes. He's wearing... How do you know he doesn't smoke cigarettes? Look at him. It's always the nerdiest. You're right.

I know that type of smoker you're talking about. He's not that type of smoker. He's also done every other drug on the planet. Wait, am I wrong? Did you ever smoke? Only casually. Oh my God. What is only casually?

Just at parties when he has has and he's having a drink that's what we're gonna we're never gonna corrupt you fully i'm not gonna casually smoke it's not cool i've never casually smoked either esther you'd be so no really like how like i'd look like a little smoking child you would look like i looked when i was like at the actually i probably looked older than you when i was like a teen at the mall just smoking outside. You look like a young Russian teen. But there's so many other things you can do to look cool that won't like hurt your lungs.

Nothing's cooler than hurting your lungs, kids. I don't know. Like, okay. Like drinking a smoothie. At night. At night. At night. At night. When the sugar, it will will keep you up but you don't care no you are you know what your bad baby thing is is that you eat sugar at night that is like your parents are probably like no more last night i had like a little big ass thing of like a tart i found a

vegan soft serve that was tart and i went in and I could not sleep. I was up all night. It was cray cray. Speaking of soft serve, you guys heard of the whole Demi Lovato debacle at the yogurt shop, right? What are you guys's thoughts she goes in she says that on her way to pay for her yogurt or on her way to serve herself yogurt she sees um what is it like diet or diet foods in the aisle yeah and it says like it triggered her a mental health crisis for her yeah i go to like honestly the thing that annie said a couple weeks ago like you have to really have you have to be able to be in control of what triggers you and you need to cope yeah

there's no you can't like okay so she walks into this to the frozen yogurt store to get frozen yogurt but i love her and it's amazing i don't love her i don't care about her at all and i don't give a shit like i don't know which song is her song. Bobby listens to her ballads every night. So we do love the music. Anyone? Bad attitude. I'm telling you, I do not.

I know nothing about Demi Lovato. Here's my beef with it, is that I had a friend, my friend Justo used to work at The Big Chill. And I just imagine Justo, who barely speaks English, having to deal with a fucking entitled little LA diva

I mean he is in our country, he should learn a language while he's like trying to just ring her up you know what I mean, like I don't like adult tantrums it's not what I'm into, I would I, and also she attacked a small business, no but she was wrong

she was also wrong, like what she was saying it was was like it was sugar-free and for diabetics and and gluten-free which is for people that have like celiac probably said like skinny or something on it i don't even think it did i literally think and they were like and she was like oh i should have thought that first before i went on this tarot and it's like no again it's like you are all you have in control in your life all you have control of is yourself and how you react to things. Things trigger all of us, but we have no control over that. We just have control over handling our triggers. That's literally all you can do.

I mean, you grow up and you realize this and you go to therapy and you work on yourself. That's up to you. Because if not, you're just like an unsheathed sword, just like slicing everyone around you. You're fucking everyone else up because you're, I would say, twiggered because you're being a baby when you're triggered so just you remind yourself every time i am i got i'm twiggered because then you snap out of it it's just no one else's problem it's your problem yeah blame me blame me is no good that's not our vibe i feel bad like i also have had an eating disorder and i know she struggles with that so i understand i i've been in a position where i'm i see something

food related and i'm triggered but that's up to me to cope and not to point fingers and be mad at other people and i mean like yeah what you said that that does suck that she's attacking a small business although on the flip side i don't think that place has ever seen this much press like that's this and the yogurt shop ended up looking good in the whole case also the way she flipped out on them and was like i'm gonna come for you i feel like she said some kind of threat to them is someone who's like not well right right like you're threatening a little yogurt shop like i think you're off your meds or whatever and they should rename it demi lovato's as seen on demi lovato's instagram uh twitter instagram yeah it's just an

interesting thing where it's like also who cares like i don't know also who cares if she complains about it it's like yeah she also has the right to pop off and be a crazy person if she wants yeah but that's the fucked up thing is telling a small business like i'm gonna come for you like you know yeah that's you don't that's punching down i believe i don't believe in punching down you only punch up i only punch up at me i put you on a stool now i put on a tall stool and i punch up i love your nails i've never been happier with my nails in my entire life where did you get those barbies i got them at this i went to this nail salon near my new place by the beach annie by the beach and it was looked like a shithole which is my favorite type of nail salon and i went in and i liked the lady's nails she

had these nails i want give me what you have and she gave me the guy that did her nails and then he just did them exactly they look so cute they hurt so bad there's a lot of blood oh but the blood heals and they look so cute it looks like if we had a sleepover that i would ask you first to scratch my head i know and then the little bugs or you wait are you into yeah i would take the little bugs and she'd make them fight each other we wouldn't we wouldn't do well then because i like my head scratch you like it's like liking the same part of the chicken yeah you know like i'm not gonna work i'm just here like this yeah you're gonna be doing that's exactly what you're doing i also like this if you take like a compass the the sharp part and you just or like a mechanical pencil and you just like pretend

like you're drawing ever so gingerly on the back on my back that'll put me to sleep i'd love for you to do that yeah annie oh my god you pretty much begged for it with those nails i did think of randy i was like randy's gonna be so happy do dogs like to be scratched though i feel like whenever i touch my dog she runs away even in the back of her special little vagina are you scratching oh annie she does have a, Annie. She does have a cute little vagina, but it's not sexual. She does have a cute little vagina. Oh, I wanted to ask you, so what's an example of an adult tantrum? Demi Lovato.

Yeah. I think we see it more and more now. It's like Karen, somebody not getting their way and having such a fit about it. Instead of just like learning to wrangle your feelings about being told no and then just walking away. Like to me, I don't understand what's so difficult about like being rejected in the moment and saying, okay, well, that's a no going home. Like why does it always have to be a fuss?

It's such a narcissistic move for her to be like, oh, this is like an attack on my eating disorder or whatever when obviously if she took one second to think about it it's for people that have food allergies that has fucking nothing well she thinks she's rallying for a cause that's what's even more twisted about it she thinks that she is you know the commander of all of the other girls who are suffering from eating disorders. And it's like, look, I was bulimic for six years. It was so bad for me that I had ants on the rim of my toilet.

Like my- She was eating some good sweets if the ants were coming. Is your throat fucked up? It is fucked up. I had the ugliest, worst eating disorder, which you never did anything like that hot girls do. I just ate way too much and couldn't stop. But then I didn't like throw up. I just was a binge eater. earliest worst eating disorder which there you never did anything like that hot girls do i just ate way too much and couldn't stop but then i didn't like throw up i just was a binge eater

so i just if anyone wanted to be more attracted to me today there you go but then you just well that's good like you never graduated to actually like destroying your body i didn't even know there were such things as plates i was like we all eat over trash cans, right? Wait, what? Yeah, you just eat over trash cans. My family all is like such binge eaters, though. It's like I've gotten to a place of real, especially since my last family vacation, of real acceptance of how much laughter making food bad has given me and my family. We've made so many foods bad. And then we go, my dad has a has a he calls it what does he call

it like the the dry the wall of shame where he drives this is littering too by the way but my dad will go to the grocery store get a bunch of like jelly beans eat as many as he can and then on this one exit on the highway he just throws the rest out and there's just if you drive by like cupcakes and like he just has a trash pile of all things. My parents are always like putting soap on food. Like they'll get a cake and they'll shove it down the garbage disposal. And I always was like kind of struggling with the shame around like binge eating and not eating a lot or whatever. And then this last vacation, we had so many laughs over shoving cake in our mouths that I realized like icing has really is the glue that

brings my family together and just I have no more there's no more shame it's so funny see that's how I know your parents must have money because my parents would never in a million years destroy a piece of food they would never throw something out the window my mom will eat Halloween candy that's not a money thing though that's I think it is. They can't stop themselves from eating it. It's not a money thing. I know what you mean, though, Esther, because like my mom

is one of those, when we were raised, not a morsel left on the plate. Like food was never thrown out and every single bit of leftovers had to be eaten. If it's half moldy bread, you cut out the moldy part

and you eat the other half. There was no time for food to get moldy. Like it's a other half there was no time for food to get moldy matt like if there's a binge eating like everything's being eaten it's like it's like from beginning to cake to end of cake if there's any cake left it's getting shoved down because they don't want to eat it it's not about like saving money that's the better way to do it you cannot like you need to throw cupcakes away whether it's in you or out of you it's still not good for anybody so it's like a lot caught in yeah honestly when i moved here it was benji that taught me that concept i like

couldn't he was like you you destroy the food that's left and i just was like i don't understand what do you why how could you destroy food i don't understand i will tell you this a lot of my childhood memories are like watching my dad like peel pancakes off the bottom of plates and stuff like just digging back to grab it. I've gone, I've eaten food out of the trash. That George Costanza episode, the episode of Seinfeld where he eats the eclair out of the trash is like, I was like, what's so weird and funny about this? Do you guys, and I told you with the syrup, I already told you guys my dad would chug

like Aunt Jemima's, but I just have come to this like complete like turnaround where I'm just like this is so funny my family's like this we just like laugh and laugh and I mean like Todd will sometimes like he'll put Oreos up high so I can't get them and so I'll have to take a knife to like get them and he'll come in and see me in the kitchen with a knife and he starts slamming like it looks like a slasher film I'm trying to get he's knocking the knife out of my hand and we're like crying laughing. It's like the hardest I will laugh ever. And it's like so many people are like, oh, no, I'm becoming my parents.

I am this this past month. I've realized like I am exactly my parents. And it's so cute. At my peak, I had family just holding my hand. I remember we were at the beach and there's a beach called Malabal in the Philippines and there's this treat called Hopia

and they come in like little roll packets and I had just dusted off like eight packets at that point and I was just in a corner just shoving, shoving, shoving. It tasted so good because I deprived myself. Now I'm binging.

Now I'm going to puke it up after. Takes a village to hold her back. That's like the key. That was what actually really helped me when I went to my eating disorder program was it's like the pendulum will always swing in the opposite direction. So like I would try not to eat and then I would feel really good about myself. But then like if you don't eat, like what goes up must come down. It's like the pendulum swings and then you stuff your face like at 6 p.m. whatever and that's like that was my cycle too my cycle is that and then over exercising oh wow

over like that's how that was my one way of purging i was like i've known you long enough to know i don't know about i've never over exercised but you know how like a lot of like collegiate and high school wrestlers eventually have eating disorders because they always have to like weigh themselves they have to be you know at their they to like weigh themselves and they have to be, you know, at their during weigh-ins they can't be more than like a pound and a half old. Well, Esther will find out soon when she does her weigh-in with Jules.

What's the catch weight? We're going to get Joe Rogan to come commentate. Wait, what's the catch weight? How much do you weigh, Esther? 100 pounds. In my head I weigh 105, but apparently in my last doctor's appointment i was like quite a bit more liars they lied to you i was like 115 which i don't believe oh perfect you guys can be um straw weight 115 is a legitimate ufc weight division it's called straw weight that

is a really humiliating name straw weight the straw that you guys are so little that you're the straw that broke the camel's back. The rest of us are camels. If you go back down to 105, it's Adam. Adam weight. How do you know this? Because I'm an MMA freak. I like literally, do you guys know I wanted to not take Joe Rogan's job, but 15 years ago when I was about 20 years old,

I contacted the UFC because I wanted to be a ringside commentator oh I thought you were trying to get on Fear Factor or to be like one of the aren't there like ring girls no not the ring girls I wanted to not the ring girl she wanted to be in there no because I I was obsessed with MMA I watched a lot of like pride early UFC and stuff like that so like I knew all like the stats of like fighters and stuff. And I wanted to be that. That was my life goal was to be Joe Rogan sidekick. And-

To be a boy. It never happened. I went to- It never went to be a boy. I went to one UFC game and I never have eaten so many nachos. It was, I was so uncomfortable. Do you remember who fought?

No. You're like me at like a dance club where I'm like, oh, is there another drink? Or like any holdings? I don't have to dance. You know some clubs like serve like snacks now, like peanut butter sandwiches. Really? Oh, wow.

Yeah. That actually sounds like you're drunk. You've been dancing all day. Yeah, that sounds like it would be so satiating. Is that the word? Satiating. Satiating. Satisfying.

Yeah. You took the she out. Oh, my God. This is me wanting to be joe wait oh my god it looks like fairfactor by the way have you had plastic surgery now this is before plastic surgery what plastic surgery have you had i just my boots oh and this is before my oh my god george my god your face looks different like asian would be the fourth thing i thought you were. Asian, really? Yeah, it would be down the list.

I'm so full. I want to say that I've actually eaten so much McDonald's just out of like the amount of time that I've had to eat just because we've been moving and stuff. I've eaten so much McDonald's that I literally feel like I'm in supersize me. It's getting ridiculous. Just running out of time. We're just like, all right, we'll go to McDonald's. Moving is exhausting.

I'm just not somebody who loves to move. I know, watching the guys we paid to do it, I or just like all right we'll go to mcdonald's moving is exhausting i'm just not somebody i know watching the guys we paid to do it it's just like oh painful are you somebody that when you move are you somebody are you a hoarder do you have hoarding tendencies or you just throw away the stuff you don't need anymore i throw away a lot but there's polar about it it's like depending in the mood i'm either in the mood and everything goes or like everything stays and i'm just a baby about it well there's some boxes like i gotta be real about where i'm like this isn't gonna make it into the cabinets but i'm like i'll just deal with it later i came up with a remedy what at home um tiny things i call it chichi brichi or aka the bullshit box things that don't belong anywhere and things where i'm too lazy to

sort and find a place for just gets thrown in a bullshit box and if i can't find something around the house that's my that's the last place yeah must be in the bullshit that's really smart i need to get one of those i've done um i mean every drawer of mine is a junk drawer it always happens like it takes about a month into moving and everything is like oh there are scissors and there's like um scissors are a tough item i never know where those are but they also are a good place there i never know kitchen well you gotta have some in the bathroom one in the bathroom one in the kitchen you trim your pubes with like normal scissors yeah i do what do you have special pube trimming scissors it's called a razor i don't trim my oh wait do you not cut before you

shave why would i do that i just trim a little bit and then i use the manscape to take it down to a one or a zero and that's my um my ritual kalilah what do you think about pubes when i see a man properly um groomed down there i feel like he cares about me a little bit more oh that's good to know our sponsors at manscaped the best in men's below the waist grooming have just launched their fourth generation trimmer the lawnmower 4.0 and yes that's right the 4.0 and i know that bobby sort of is a heathen but there's one thing that he keeps very very um pristine is his down there and that's because my boyfriend uses manscaped and it has saved our relationship saved it i no longer get a mouthful of pubes and very happy about that it's kind of awesome that manscaped engineered the ultimate groin and body trimmer by focusing on

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had completely forgot about it and then i opened the trunk i was like my things yeah all my things like i was so happy to like go through them again which is so pathetic like a lost treasure yeah yeah my problem is when i try to take um stuff to donate like my mom always comes she comes once a week and she always fusses she's like yeah you gotta clear your closet you gotta clear your life and i don't have a lot of things but she's a clearer upper that she doesn't like um things that don't have a place she wants a belt and she wants rock salt and that's all she wants she's like you have two hours go through that closet and start and i never finished a task i come out with a fucking lucha door mask yeah things that i'm now

finding treasures more and more things that i will absolutely never throw away and it just pisses her off to no end and i'm in a full like ray mysterio you know wwe outfit and she's like what the fuck are you doing i have so many props like i have the wwe belt like as a fanny pack i have like rick flair socks i've never worn i mean i just have i have fake tongues i have like i have a gavel that's plastic i have five swords like i have like todd's like where are we putting the swords and i was like i don't know am? And I was like, I don't know. Am I still a sword girl? Like, I don't know. I have costumes.

I have like a tutu, a wedding dress. I have like stripper clothes. Like I have all these random for like, I just think that I'm going to have a big costume opportunity. Well, you found it. This is the opportunity. Do we have a stripper episode? I can honestly imagine you getting married in a tutu.

I can't imagine anything else. I was thinking today, I was like, I would maybe have a wedding if I could do like a big musical theater number, like a big musical theater review performance for my beloved. All your guests are like, oh my God. Yeah. Faster again. Here we go. You're doing like a high kick.

There's an encore. We have to do a flash mob like no one can know about it no flash mob that's very surprise everyone with it that's very Diana of you really why very princess Diana because when she felt like she was losing Charles this is what I watched in the crown she put up a theater performance so like on their anniversary the first time on her anniversary she did like like they watched a play together and she went down the stairs. And as the play was like closing up, she did a dance number for him in front of everyone. And he was humiliated by it.

I would have been so humiliated. The next anniversary, she was like, OK, I fucked that one up. I'm going to do it privately. So as a gift, her gift to him was a performance, like a film dance performance. Are you serious? And he also was not a fan of that. Yeah, it's like she was obviously,

it was like forcing that on him. I mean, I would be. Nothing worse. If somebody wants that. Eye contact with the dance. But even like getting lap dances at strip clubs, I'm like, I mean, also I'm not that attracted to women. I mean, just a little bit. But when their bodies are on me i'm like i'm not but it's just like so

awkward for him like it's too much like exact attention on me i don't know i don't have you been to sam's i know george has been to sam's sam's sam's club i love that place um you guys you've been to strip clubs right yeah yeah i'm definitely not as stiff there i feel like i come alive me too when we go to vegas if we ever plan it i would love to go to strip club we get each other some lap dances maybe there's like a room where we all go who were you mad at not planning it all of us i heard a little george yeah i heard that too i heard george oh it was it wasn't secret i want to plan it. Can I say something also about George that I don't want this to get missed? He's wearing pink shorts and they're not salmon colored pink.

They're like, make fun of this motherfucker pink. Barbie pink. They're this pink. And then purple socks and green shoes. It's upsetting. Pinks my color. Do you guys know that George went to Columbia and got drugged and robbed? What? And it wasn't just any kind of, it wasn't even like, what do you guys know that George went to Colombia and got drugged and robbed and it wasn't just any kind of it wasn't even like

what do you call it date rape there's this thing called burudanga and it's a drug where if you slip it in somebody or it's like you can be inhaled or like absorbed it could be ingested any number of ways what's it called burudanga

devil's breath basically you don't he doesn't look It could be ingested any number of ways. Ingested, absorbed. What's it called? Burudanga. Devil's breath. Devil's breath. Basically, he doesn't look inebriated or intoxicated. It blacks him out, but he's still acting normally. So if you look at all his hotel footage, he looks like just a regular guy going back in his hotel with somebody, with a stranger he doesn't know, and the dude fucking robbed him of everything,

including your passport? No. No, my passport was at the hotel. You look so robbable. I would rob the shit out of you. I am not even a thief. I would leave stuff. I would just take it and throw it out.

Just to rob you. The mustache. He's got a mustache now too. I mean, this is a robbable man. I like that borodonga. That's so scary. It is scary. Oh man, I went to college.

It sounds very similar to a lot of i know i i got drugged in an island called baraka in the philippines um and it was not fun i ended up in the hospital thankfully unraped thankfully very unraped because i there was an intervention somebody a friend of mine saw like a dude carrying me like i was like he was i was obviously lost my footing and he saw a dude um bringing me back to the room and he basically stopped it right there because everyone had been looking for me took you and then someone else was like whoa whoa whoa they just like yeah i got passed around i thought i was unraped and he might have no i like that you never get raped

but everyone keeps trying to save you to then rape you but then someone else saves you and finally like a buff woman like your mom comes and saves you and that's how you met bobby and then bob and then bobby saved you he can't carry me he can't carry me there's mystery wet spots in the morning so rough like pee or something worse what is this what's the worst mystery wet spot i think it would be pee no being peeing the bed someone else's semen oh well okay that's bad but or it's like oh my god was i a squirter but i was blacked out yeah the first time i squirted i wasn't even there for semen doesn't really cause a wet spot it's more like a crusty spot the crusty yeah do you guys get it's like wow you just left

do you guys get wet dreams no i don't understand what that is um when you have an orgasm in your sleep i thought it was for guys no it's for girls too let me tell you have you do you do you really think the things that happen to guys wouldn't happen to you what but it's wet dream because nocturnal emission nocturnal emission because the go-go comes out that's what the goo goo yeah but girls have goo goo and go-go too but not no yes but not like when they go-go oh she's nervous they don't have a go-go that comes out when they go-go do you know do you feel me why is everyone looking at me like i'm about to explode what there's no well there's no obvious you know seminal fluid but we got you know the

wet panties for proof stuff comes out yeah stuff comes out esther's like i've never had an orgasm she's like wait that's what no we're just looking at to see if you have an epiphany no one is looking at you in a bad way we're really waiting but you i would think it's like squirting is what you're referring to no not squirting because you can orgasm without you know what you like after you come it's it's more there's more of something there there's a little there's yeah and that would be considered a wet dream well just having uh having a sexual dream and then going uh having completion having an orgasm from that i have i've had them but i'm like a guy i'm a guy and i'm giving it to a girl wait are you serious yeah

but i tried it listen guys it's just in my dreams have you had that kind of dream i have that all the time i well you're a guy? I lucid dream. So I have sex with everyone in my dream with no regrets. And I orgasm so much in my sleep. We actually call her Lucide. That's her male name in the dreams. I've never dreamt as a guy. Well, tonight we're giving, I'm placing this on you.

This will happen to you. My dreams are like plane crashes. And like I wake up, it's, and like I have to go back to school oh school is the worst school dreams are like i would rather like a hardcore rape i don't understand your guys's dreams right now at all like i don't are we compatible you're a man fucking a girl and you're this is your daydream by the way you're acting you're jealous that i'm having an actual experience in the night i just it's so unlike you to be a man fucking a girl in your dream that's not who you are you know that beyonce song that's like if i was like yeah that is like i'm like yeah i would fucking rock that shit dude that's why i'm want to, it's like, how do I get the strap on in?

And how it's like, maybe I just have to bang one chick with a strap on. That to me, you know, if that feels, because I know I'm like the token lesbian in the podcast. I know that. We said it after. I know that I am not completely a straight line. More of a camel token, but that's fine. But that is really, to to me what you're saying is like not straight sounding you're upset and i'm like that's my role i feel like but

oh do you feel like i'm taking no i just i'm shocked feeling your lesbian thunder because in real life you're so straight but in your dreams you sound not straight lesbian that got me this is how she got me okay okay, in college. She got me by being like, do you think you not thinking you're a lesbian and not having lesbian feelings towards people is how you're a lesbian? And I remember going, well, I never thought I was gay. And she's like, but don't you think that's because you're gay and you, like, deeply repressed it?

And I was like, maybe. But honestly, how she got me was the guy I was fucking was so disgusting. He brought us in. I told you this. I don't know if I said this. He brought us in to watch Two Girls, One Cup. And she was like, see? Why even have to bring that up?

But she was like, she was like. It takes me like five years to forget that every time someone mentions it. That's how she became one of the girls in my Two Girls, One Cup life. It's because he was like, I got to show you guys something. And we went into the office at the bar he was working at and he showed us two girls, one cup. And she's like, do you really want to date men? That's really what you want?

And I was like, I'll give it a go. But in real life, could you ever see yourself putting on a strap on and having sex with a woman? Just did you just get nervous? With a woman? Oh, I thought that was like an involuntary. Like I gagged. With me?

I mean, a woman? I mean, maybe for the OnlyFans. Oh fans oh Annie that's not the only fans that's not no that's not that's for the public for free no I don't know I'm not I just don't have like like sexual like romantic feelings towards women except in your dreams and my dreams it's more it's not really about the woman that's about me being like the man, like the dominant thing. Do you ever fall? I'm not thinking about a vagina

or anything. It's like me just like being like a good. Having a penis. Kind of, yeah. But I don't see the penis. You know, dreams are like a vibe. You miss their outs or things.

Yeah. Do you, have you ever fallen in love with somebody in your dream and woken up just like forlorn? Yes. Like you'll, I'll have like, i guess like sort of a sex dream i wouldn't call it a wet dream but like a dry dream a sex she's a dry drunk she's a dream where you hook up with someone you know and then you wake

up and like for that whole day you're fully in love with that person but you never would have been exactly and it's always random like i remember I had a swim coach who was like 20 years older than me. Married. Yeah, random. Older dad. He's an authority figure. He helped you in a thing you were really good at. But like I woke up one day and from a dream and I was like in love with him for two days.

And it really made me uncomfortable. I couldn't even go to swim practice for two days because I was like, until this is out of my system, I can't look him in the eye. It's never who you want it to be. It's never who you want it to be. I had two weird... I lose the dream, so it's always who I want it to be. I gave myself dreams about my friend Matt,

who we called when I used to have a crush on him. I would make myself dream about him. How? How do you do that? Before I go to bed, I would be like, dream of Matt, dream of Matt, dream of Matt, dream of Matt. And I would just make myself, if it was the last thing I thought of, I would always dream about him.

But I had a dream about my middle school teacher, Mr. Jones, my math teacher, who was so nice, so supportive, so cool, great teacher. I had a dream that he tried to tongue kiss me and his tongue was slit like a snake. And I never went back and visited that school and said hello to him again like he like his perfect image as my one of my favorite teachers was ruined because he was a scary molester snake in my dream and I've had that too like where I had a at an apartment club because I lived in in Santa Fe there was a one of the groundskeepers I had a very lucid dream that I had those slot um coverings for the windows and I left my door open so it was just the wind was coming through and it was smacking and i had this lucid dream where i was actually there and he

this is what it felt like i don't know if this is what a lucid dream is and he was coming through that window and like put and like raping like he put his neck his hand on my neck to rape the scariest like more than things that have actually happened to me in my life the scariest moment of my life i woke up he wasn't there but i never let anyone i just had like leaky faucets and stuff for the rest of the time i never let anyone in my apartment again that's crazy and he did nothing to me like he just was like a guy that was there lucid dreaming esther is basically having control of your dream and knowing it's a dream while staying in REM or in that stage of sleep. So like, for instance, if I'm being chased by some a murderer, I can say, this is a dream. This isn't real.

Calm myself down, have a strategy and then play in that dream realm. So cool. Like knowing it's a dream. That's can we give you like a dream we want you to have about us and see if you can do it? Yeah, I in fact, I could probably have sex with both of you in my dream and feel like no remorse that's how let's i never cheated on bobby never will because i have that ability to have sex with whoever i want i have reoccurring dreams of being behind the starting blocks and being in lane four being expected to win a race and then me looking around saying like i haven't swam in 20 years everyone knows and you know everyone's saying you're the best from the stands you're the best you got this let's go isn't it funny that her dreams are people

her nightmares are people screaming you're the best that's how good she was that's how good she was that her that it's so ingrained in her um but those are similar to this school yeah i'm like i can't don't want to do this anymore why lane four do you know lane four is the fastest lane yeah you have to do that you have to be seated so if you go in like big meets you can't just join right like you have to qualify lane four and five three four five are the fastest but lane four is michael phelps oh okay yeah so if you're at the top um if you're the fastest person qualifying into that race then you're in the middle my brother okay so my twin brother we were all on the swim team even my mom by the way

she just joined the one day my mom was dropping us off at swim practice and just came with us and had a swimsuit on and just was on the team is Is that legal? It was so, well, there's an unlimited group. So we were like, you know, we were probably 10 and under at that point. Is that when she did, did she do water aerobics next door? No, she was on the fucking swim team swimming against 15 year olds. So there's 14 and under and then there's unlimited, which is like 15 and up. But it's supposed to be like 15, 16, 17. You know what I mean?

Not a master's program. And my mom just joined, she was like, found a loophole. And guess what else found a loophole? Her pubes through her fucking. It was like, she had like, it was so embarrassing. And it was just like, mom, what? It's like so weird. And she was like trying to beat like 15 year old.

She was like competitive. That would be my jam. I would love to join like a dance class for kids. Yeah. No, you are. I think when we get in places because you're my mom. I think you trigger mommy problems in my heart really i i don't think i've heard enough about your mom to feel like it's not like

her it's like i think it's like a like a thing i don't get from her i don't get from you or something oh that's deep that's really deep this weekend i was hanging out with my buddy spear fishing and i took my pants out to get into my wetsuit, but I had to be in a bikini. And they all just did this. They were like, Kalilah. Talk about side bush. They were so disappointed in me.

Like, have you just given up? Permission to tell about Whitney's pool party? What? Whitney has spontaneous pool parties, okay? None of us are shaved. None of us are ready. Yeah. But Whitney is also friends with us and then, like, movie stars who are, like, lasered and gorgeous and perfect.

So, like, Whitney will just have swimsuits and be like, pool party time. There was an outfit. Oh, just remind me. I don't care. It was, remember when she put you in the long sleeve one oh yeah i look terrible and then it was it was bikini cut but let's just say it looked like long shorts i never wear swimsuits i i we've talked about this like i only wear shorts and a t-shirt because i just can't be held responsible for what's going on in between my legs like the hair is pube level from like the

pube area to a few inches below like the thighs are pube type you know what i get the same and that's why my buddies my buddy this weekend when he was like dude like oh you're with guys i was with guys not girls well yeah my my sister was there but it was my buddy who was like holy shit kalilah like have you just given up that's so funny but it's also like it's not for you sometimes i feel like feminists like that and then he pointed out this mole on my thigh because i haven't shaved my legs either he pointed out a mole in my thigh that had two coarse hair sticking out oh i hate that and he was like what about that one but don't you kind of like it to have a mole that's like a thing it's like a project to go back to you know you know it's a healthy one

my mom always says oh it has hair in it that's a good one don't take it out is that real though i don't know it's not real hair it's okay this episode is sponsored by apostrophe a prescription skincare company for people that are ready to take their acne seriously prescription acne treatment really works but it's hard to get you have to take time off to see a doctor and you sit in line at the pharmacy for your medications until you guys apostrophe apostrophe makes it easy to see a board certified dermatologist online you'll get treated immediately and your medications are delivered to your home simply fill out Apostrophe's online questionnaire

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It's not like you're not just going to the store and just guessing. I think it's also just really convenient to sort of have this like dermatologist, like a virtual dermatologist. Yeah, but they're a real dermatologist. Correct. And that's why they're able to prescribe you oral medications as well. And honestly, I got used to during COVID not having to go to the pharmacy. So it's really nice that Apostrophe just sends everything straight to your door. Get $15 off your first visit with a board-certified dermatologist at apostrophe.com slash bathgirls and use your code bathgirls. This code is only available to our listeners.

To get started, just go to apostrophe.com slash bathgirls and click begin visit. Then use code bathgirls at sign up and you'll get 15 off your dermatology 15 off that's like almost apostrophe that's a-p-o-s-t-r-o-p-h-e.com slash bath girls and use that code bath girls to get your dermatology visit for 15 off and we thank apostrophe for sponsoring this podcast and honestly going to see a dermatologist like this is a non-negotiable. It's something you should do regularly anyways. I highly recommend checking out Apostrophe. Kalilah, you're always dressed so cute.

Want to know my secret? Yes. Stitch fix. Wait, really? I love stitch fix. I have so much fun on stitch fix. You guys, shopping for new clothes can be needlessly stressful. So why not let Stitch

Fix make it easy by doing the work for you so you can spend time doing other things you love instead? Esther's a great delegator and my mom wrote all my papers in college. So do you think either of us want to pick out our own clothes? No, we don't. Getting Stitch Fix really helps me sort of like re-enter society because I don't even have to think about um which or what to shop for i don't like thinking i don't like making the choices stitch fix has someone else make it for you and then you're cute and you didn't even have to really try and you only keep the stuff you love you can send everything back stitch fix has free shipping easy returns and exchanges and a prepaid return envelope is included honestly after i tried stitch fix i was like this is the easiest way to get new stuff I've ever encountered.

And also, guys, it's not just for women. This is also for men. Doesn't Bobby use it? Yes, Bobby uses Stitch Fix. Yeah. There's no subscription required. Try Stitch Fix once or set up automatic deliveries. You'll pay just $20 of a styling fee for each box which gets credited towards pieces

you keep and there are no hidden fees ever get started today at stitch fix.com slash bath girls and you'll get 25 off when you keep everything in your fix that's stitch fix.com slash bath girls for 25 off when you keep everything in your fix stitch fix.com slash bath girls faster my mission honestly when we do a swimsuit episode i am not i am gonna keep my side bush there and i'm going to just when you say side bush it sounds to me like it's only like it's parted to one side like you're doing like a side part like one side will be clean and the rest is pushed over listen when we do the bikini episode i'm gonna accidentally be out of town i don't know what you guys are fucking up to you guys are crazy and also i'm gonna look the back i'm gonna come

in fully spray tanned like i'm gonna have gotten filler in my uh cellulite that's a new thing they do on all of my abs you know i think that that's not a bad tactic to just sort of not draw in your abs but like contour your ass yes i'm not into that i don't like fake it's like i don't you either well i don't want to have it to show people i have it i want to have it for myself right so are we talking about a bush i'm so confused what are we talking about which part if you're exactly like my mom my mom has a 16 pack and i'm like ma you never wear like a two-piece bikini she was like you think i do this for other people it's for me i was like all right bitch you're like really it feels like a personal attack to me bitch because i have now an exercise problem trying to look like you i don't like fake grass either i know you i think you have someone now i feel rude but she also used a big tent we

record on that fake grass i always i prefer even though fake grass i think i have a love hate with it because it is beautiful and i every time i see it i'm like it's so beautiful but i like refuse it because it's so unnatural one of the biggest arguments bobby and i had was regarding that grass back there because it's so like overly manicured and it doesn't have like a natural thing about it but also it does save me from allergies and it does save me from having to water that grass yeah it's it's it's good for the environment we just got a bunch of fake plants and i was like fighting with todd about it was like it's just i know i kill plants i know i like randy's the only thing i've kept alive like i i know that but it's like they look like shit yours don't look like that bad but it's like ours look bad i'm like this looks

fucking terrible i can see like seams in my plants well then you can i think the more expensive ones are better you sound like you bought some dollar store shit i went to ikea it's like todd and i are like because we're like leveling up monetarily it's like we're trying to like figure out what's real and what's not like what's like old patterns and what isn't because todd just got this like really sick job on netflix it's just like really exciting so we moved into this new place and he's like let's's get fake plants. And I'm like, is this like old us or like even Ikea? I was like, can't we go to like CB2 or something? I love CB2.

I want to go to CB2. And we also trying to like get our like styles together. It's just like different styles. Annie came over once when I like got my first sample pair of sweatpants and I wanted to like fit them on different size bodies. Oh, ouch. No, because I'm short. And so she came over and so we were like sitting in the, standing in the backyard and like

she was trying them on and Dave was on his. On an actual like real job. He was in his writer's room Zoom and Annie, I'm like, do it, do it. And she just takes off all her clothes and is like dancing in front of Dave. And he was so upset. There's nothing funnier than like flashing someone than being really upset. Yeah.

It's just like a perfect, it just brings everyone joy except Dave. I know. And then he's, cause he's the same way with Whitney. Like sometimes we'd FaceTime Whitney and she'd just answer tits out. I mean, not even, it's like asshole spread. Like we've seen insides of Whitney. Like sometimes we'd FaceTime Whitney and she'd just answer tits out. I mean, not even, it's like asshole spread. Like we've seen insides of Whitney.

Dave gets so upset. He's like so uncomfortable. And I don't care. I'm like, whoever wants to show my boyfriend naked stuff, go for it. I'm confident. That's how I feel too. I'm like, I don't give a, well, Todd films stuff for Whitney all the time. And it's like, he has just probably so much footage of naked Whitney. And it just she says it herself she's like don't worry my personality kills it and I'm like you're right would you care about that like Bobby seeing like girls naked does that bother you in what what what context like let's say just simply like me and Annie were here we were naked oh god no no no no no no Jenna is always naked around the house. Really?

Yeah. She's another one that flashes. Yeah. She's always like pussy up into the sky in her backyard, trying to tan like a random part of her body and like eating like elote or like corn on the cob in the backyard. And Bobby just walks past her, talks to her like she's not even naked. But Bobby's sort of a nudist himself so it doesn't phase him um and yeah if bobby were to care about other people being naked i would be like excuse me i've never seen bobby naked have you have you are serious were you ever with him

in the five years ago ever any minute i've seen bobby's balls several times several several times because his dad used to walk around the house naked with just a string of toilet paper coming out of his butt. That's why he was called a Korean kite. Because he had, like, a leaky butt as he was getting older. And he would, like, beat Bobby's mom and, like, beat the kids. And then he would, like, rage out, like, naked with just this little thing, like, flying out of his butt. And so Bobby sort of, like, mimics his dad in that way. But honestly, I'm not going to lie to you.

Talk about Asian home. We're always half naked. We're always walking around in like underwear and stuff. Todd's mom FaceTimes us like with the thing like just over her nipples. And I'm like, I can't tell you how much I love that you are calling your son naked. I just love her so much. Like I take the phone from him now and I'm like, enough of you. And we just like go around.

She like, I told her that I called her annoying on the podcast. She's like, send it to me. It feels like it's very real between you and Todd'm listen can i just say i met todd's mom dad uncles like every i loved everyone like all of them my parents came there you guys just got a new place like where what's going on it is like the first time i've gotten a place with someone where i'm not in a full panic can i like be a girl for a second like what's happening it even felt boy when you did it like what what does this mean do you shower with your parents what now anytime i showered with my parents when i was young little yeah do you shower with your siblings or yeah no max and i did we did baths together for

my sister uh told me when i was little that i was covered in dead skin cells and she didn't want to be near me oh esther that's so true that's not very nice that was like the first little slice of reality you guys i'll shower with you no but i shower you're making some promises you're really gonna have to fulfill oh i i shower with everybody can i tell you something i would love to shower with you guys. I always shower with my friends. Yeah, and then you know you're going to shmeg fight. I can flick my stuff at you.

Until you, until like our pussies are out. I'm out. I'm out of here. Also, fucking sharing a shower sucks. You just don't like showers. There's not enough warm water for everybody. So then you're like out of it and in it. No, you just do a circle.

Because you're not. Okay, let me tell you this. When I'm shampooing, then my sister or whoever friend, possibly you, is in the shower getting ready to be shampooed. When I need to wash and you need to shampoo, we switch. There is a method. I promise it works. My best friend Tara from college,

when we went to Chicago to hang out with her family for spring break, we were showering in the shower. We were laughing so hard because there's like a squeegee. So one of us would be squeegeeing and like your body's all like soaked up. So we're just like laughing and like slipping off of each other and squeegeeing. It was one of the funniest. That's what I'm saying. I feel really lonely in the shower. I like to have company. Jenna and I shower together all the time. Does that make you jealous? All the time. No, again, I'm sharing is like a challenge for me. I don't want to share my hot water. I'm sorry. Is the reason you don't like showers

because it's not enough water on you? Yeah, it's not warm enough. I'm always cold. You need the bath to hug you. Yes, the shower. And also I grew up in a house where the hot water was very limited, like, you know, limited access. who got it first your dad um i don't know i honestly don't remember

fighting over i feel like nobody wanted in and i i recently tweeted about this dave never showers he and i are so filthy together and it is such a happy safe like concept to me I just love it I'll look at him and I'll be like I when was your last shower and we just laugh just like you and your family laugh about food we just I look at his greasy hair I yeah Todd showers more than I would like I mean I want people to smell good I don't want you to smell bad or anything but he showers so much it feels like an attack like I'm like now i'm supposed to shower and he doesn't care exactly my first but my first like stinky boyfriend it was such a dream when i've had that first boyfriend that was like i like his stinky i was like yeah you do like i've never i'm like you

know i'm the girl that was like washing my pussy in the sink everywhere like everywhere i went i was like if there's hand soap it's getting it's going between my legs like just always like so scared i was like stinking up the joint i dated someone who would always sniff my armpits and it was really it was like funny who was it i'm not gonna say but you know him so he's really cool comedian um but dave doesn't mind that i'm dirty but he doesn't see like a popular comedian or less popular i'm not answering that is he more popular or less i'm not answering that i'll just know if you just say more or less no you i don't think you would actually you would no married annie is he married still i'm not is he married separated that was. It's the one. It's the third one. It's the one I wasn't thinking of.

And then I know. No, I don't think. No, it's not. No. I forgot that you know about that one. Okay, let's move on. It's that one. I know that one.

It's not that one. It's not that one. This is cute. This is cute. I like this game. Guess the one. Is it this one or that one? Does it scare you that like some people have all of your information, like all of your

secrets, everyone you dated? How about when I accidentally responded to you guys, my full bank account, all of my numbers? I don't remember that. That's right. You made a mistake. You hit reply all instead of just reply. So now all of you have all my information.

I'm like, everyone on this production has my bank account. But you can't do much with that. Except put money into your account. This is the one I know could do something. Yeah, I was like, deposit only, guys, please. Should we take a banana break? May I just say, you guys, that for once. Wait, what other snacks are there this is

a perfect banana for once George can somebody wash my blueberries oh my god they taste like pesticides you have to always say like that though will you peek in the organic they're not organic oh they are oh my god I'm a star did you think that organic after what they've seen happen? Esther, how was Phoenix? So much fun. I, you guys, I was so nervous. Like, cause I hadn't obviously done the road in over almost, probably almost two years.

And I was really, really nervous. But all those stupid ass Zoom comedy shows I did, like, all the material that I wrote for those ended up translating so well. Way better. You're like, your mic's on. I, and so I did, everything I did was new material. Like, everything from the special is obviously long gone.

And then my 92-year-old aunt was there, my grandma's sister. And I brought her on stage and I asked her questions about what I was like when I was little. Ooh, I'd like to get my hands on that. I know. Those answers. Is this the, she's the sister to the grandmother that doesn't like you or the one you never met?

The one that doesn't like me. Are you sure she doesn't like you? I mean, my mom says I have to stop saying this, but. She probably reminds you of her or something. No, we're nothing alike. She doesn't, I don't know, whatever. She sounds like a real fucking bitch. Well, don't say that.

Just kidding. I'm joking. She has a disease. She's sounding more like you as we talk. But yeah, it was really fun. I don't know. How was the comedy store? I have a question. Did you do it personally? I did. Um, but yeah, it was really fun. I don't know. How was the comedy store?

I have a question. Did you do your purse thing? I did. I went through two purses. Esther's purse moves are unmatched. Thank you. On your special, I watched all of Esther's, well, maybe I missed one of the special tapings.

I think you were there for the whole thing. I think I saw both, all of them. The one where you took the girl's phone and you were like, oh my God, someone loves you. They sent you this like peanut butter whole thing. I think I saw all of them. The one where you took the girl's phone and you were like, oh my God, someone loves you. They sent you this like peanut butter cookie thing. And she goes, that's my own number. I sent it to myself. It was the funniest thing.

It was like the most brutal moment. I know. And so funny. No, it was so good. I have the cutest, the cutest people come out. And the clubs are always like, you have the nicest fans. I'm like, that's so weird because I'm a fucking bitch that's so funny my when i do clubs they're like your fans had their shoes off and we're rubbing their feet i was thinking like whose fans are bad and then your your friends

your fans wrote i love annie letterman and shit on the wall okay and that's my brother's urine everyone's been peeing in their seats there's a lot of jizz stains I don't know what it is wait I'm dying to hear about the comedy store though okay so Bobby was there too right it was so I didn't see him I was on the next night was it the same or different it was it was it's different but it's so good so it's and I don't know what the OR situation is going to be but so it was two shows in the main room there was one Friday and one Saturday and the lineup was just really good. It was so fun.

I went after Tim Dillon and just to be back there. So it's like in the main room, which is usually packed. And then the spots that I was getting put up before disrespectfully, usually after some people that clear the room. I don't know if it was strategic, but it's disrespectful. So usually I would go up at late at night and the audience, half the audience or more would be gone. And there'd still be a lot of people there, but they would be scattered around in different

areas. And it just kind of never felt like connected. So this, even though it was not at full capacity, it was still a good amount of people, but they were all placed like evenly. So it was so nice. It just felt really good. And in the green room, I want it. They put like a table on stage.

I don't know why, put like a table on stage I don't know why but like a waist level table and so Tim Dillon and I are in the back in the green room and he goes we're talking about how much New York it's like we couldn't imagine ever living in New York again because we started common together in New York he's like yeah imagine going up four flights of stairs right now and I was like well it wouldn't be as hard for me as it would be for you, Tim. And he goes, well, it's a little harder than it used to be, huh, Annie? And I have not laughed so hard in my life. Like it was like, I'm back, bitch. And then like my whole, he went before me and he stood behind the table and I came out and I was like, Tim, why don't you stand in front of the table? Like below your waist is the skinny part. And it was just like

these sort of like hits at each other just felt so good the audience was just so awesome I just really was in the moment I don't know you probably feel this way too it's like less like pressure than I used to put on myself yeah and you were doing a special right before the pandemic so doing I mean that's like so like having to hit the exact jokes every time and I just realized how much like weird pressure I was putting on myself it's like we're the funny thing right it's not like our words are coming from us so I just made this pact with myself that it's like I'm just gonna be in the moment and be my funniest I can possibly be and not worry about like what words go where and it just was really good I did a whole bunch of

new jokes and it was just really fun was it the same kind of thing where people comedians could kind of come and hang out or no? No. There was like maybe a couple in the parking lot, but they were, I think, working. It was like there were like maybe five people out. I think I'm going to do it this weekend. I was like, it looks like cool. No, definitely do it. It's so good.

I mean, I would go back. Obviously, I'm going to do, I'm doing a set Wednesday night. Oh, I want to go. In the OR. Yeah, do you want to come? We'll get you in. But that's another thing like that used to be my big like move with people. I'd be like, I'll get you into the comedy store. And now because it's COVID, I can't do it, which is kind of a blessing, too, because

it's I always overextend and I'm like inviting every fucking bank teller. I never invite any. My bank tellers, you know me. every fucking bank teller. I never invite any. My bank tellers, you know me. Don't run errands with Annie unless you want to not

see your bed for a few days because you'll be out all day. I used to live in a really like busy like populated area in Brooklyn and just walk into the coffee shop would take me just hours because I'd run into so many people.

I like talking. You're very much mayoral, gubernatorial. Like in a different life, I think you would have been a great politician. You're very good with just making conversation with people. I'm a bad liar. Really bad liar.

I wanna be the mayor of my hometown. Well, let's do it, Skokie. Dave won't move. Do you have to be a resident? Can you be a virtual leader? All right, guys. We asked you for questions on our Instagram and you came through. So here they are. What is the dumbest way that you've injured yourself?

Mine personally is sneezing into a wall somehow and almost knocking myself out and that was Brenna hi Brenna that's cute Esther's like you think that's silly I mean Annie knows mine I was really excited about a new episode of 2020. I got in bed to watch it. I didn't have my glasses. I got up. I ran into the other room to get my glasses, and I hit my foot on a foam roller, and I broke my fucking toe.

And that was the first time she'd used exercise equipment in 10 years. And that's a really stupid injury. I mean, she really – foam rollers are also kind of known known for their like lightness. Yeah. It was like, I don't know how it happened. And I've never broken a bone before. When Esther said she broke her toe, I was like, can I please guess which toe?

I knew it was the baby toe. I knew it. What about you guys? Stupid injuries? The dumbest thing I ever did was um a skateboard up the very top of a hill and my friend was in an electric scooter and we were camping in san diego so this was at a campsite i found the biggest hill because i thought that i was like a legitimate skater and i wasn't and i bombed this hill and then this couple came out of nowhere with her two chihuahuas and i supermaned into

the concrete and i had gravel from yeah the top of my head to my toes and i spent all three days camping trying to pluck shit out of my hands and i had my road rash on my titties like my yeah i almost lost a nipple when i got my same my scooter accident mine all, both my nipples were just like, that was my pickup line. I would go to guys. I'll go, do you want to rub Neosporin on my titty? I would,

I would pull out the tube. Yeah, no, I did a lot of stuff like that. Like I definitely, you know, drove things drunk. I shouldn't have.

Oh, in Hawaii. One time I broke my toe from a fucking hydro flask. Oh, yeah. You dropped it. Yeah. The most L.A. thing happened to me on vacation. I had a hydro flask full of ice.

That's more like white girl, not L.A. That's like basic white girl. I had a white girl moment then because I was coming out of the beach and it was hooked onto my finger. It dropped. It fell on my toe. It broke my toe. And I almost passed out from the pain. And I remember telling my sister, i almost passed out from the pain and i remember

telling my sister you gotta go get the car you gotta drive it back this way because i can't take another step like it knocked the wind out of me and um i remember bobby saying like how'd you break your toe i'm like i can't tell you i i simply can't tell you i um i fell off my bunk bed my parents reminded me of this when i was at summer sleepaway camp, we stayed in these pavilions. So they were already off the ground about this much. And then I was on the top bunk. So then on top of that, then the floor, then the bunk, then the other bunk. I mean, I was like many feet off the ground.

And I rolled out of the bunk onto the root of a tree. I must have been like 12. And I just had the wind knocked out for two weeks of camp just like that was the funniest bachelor episode i had ever seen it was the bachelorette when one of the male contestants had to be taken to the hospital because he fell off of his bunk beds in the middle of his sleep and like he fucked his face up like he was like toe because you're not awake to protect yourself in the fall you're just like you fall the real fall when i was a baby and we were on vacation back before my parents lost all their money um we were on vacation and i was in one of those little like we were at dinner

those little high chairs or whatever that kids are in and i don't know how but i tumbled out of it and we were eating tacos and were you trying to get some that fell on the ground I was like a tiny baby and when I hit the ground the tacos like made that crunch and my parents were like oh she's dead they thought it was like your skull like it was so traumatizing for my family but I just had like a you know like a bruised lip I actually looked really sexy you're high you're a happy I was a really just had like a you know like a bruised lip i actually looked really sexy you're high you're a hot baby i was a really sexy i'd say you're still a hot baby i don't want to be weird about it i remember um being having a mild allergic it wasn't that mild

an allergic reaction to something i'd eaten probably eggplant and bobby saying that i had never been hotter because like my lips like puffed up a lot. My friend who works on, I guess I can say this, when I was working with Sacha Baron Cohen, my friend that works with him, they had to do something for one of the movies

where they wanted to inject like saline into their lips to make like, it might have been Bruno or something to have like really big lips. But he was like the guinea pig that produced my friend

that works there. And so, and he like, he showed me this picture of him with these like big, and I was you honestly look like gorgeous like i don't even know how to like tell you like you look i mean lips that were this i was like this is like the most attractive wait that's amazing can we why don't they do saline in the lips i'm not sure i think it hurts a lot like i think he was in a lot of pain and it was like a ah yeah i i think that

you would probably just absorb it into your body very quickly i imagine because it's just saline just water it's so like when you want to like i do want to be like this hippie that's like how we look is the best and then every once in a while you like get the your lips get so chapped that they kind of swell and you go i look fucking or like you know like, you know, you get a cold and your voice gets a little, you know, like, ooh, this is hot. Like any little alteration. You get sick and you see a rib cage. What's the next question, George?

Okay, seriously and genuinely, what do you guys think is the hottest thing about yourself? And don't turn this into a fucking joke. And why did Esther pretend to be someone else when she asked that question? That sounds like me. That's from Dana. What's her name?

Dana. Hi, Dana. Physical? We're going physical, right? Yeah. Only physical. Yeah. Okay.

I know mine, actually. It's very easy. Asshole? No, idiot. Say it with your chest Esther it's my it's my it sounds like I'm flexing because it is but that's the question I really I have really nice breasts I can confirm and I really want to tweak those nipples no fucker that's why I got these nails not to scratch your head to scratch your boob hair. I also like my lips and my nose.

Great boobs, great lips, great nose. Great ass. Great ass. Great everything. Good waist. Great waist. Cute belly, like cute little, I told you you got the little donut belly. Who's next?

You go, Annie. What's your favorite thing about, is that the question? Sexiest thing about you? My favorite thing about is that the question sexiest thing about your favorite thing about me i do like a lot i know yours is easy what my butt your ass i like my tits though too i really like all of it but i feel like you have like a like you you're known for your ass i have a good butt i don't know how it's going to age. I don't know where it's at. I'm at that place now where... Butts don't age. But yes, they do, Angel.

But yes, they do. You're just a couple years younger. Oh, God, do they age. Really enjoy this time. What happens? Because things are just different. I don't know. Like, I always think that, like, and this is no diss to all the moms out there,

but I always feel like sometimes what happens is the baby pulls the butt cheeks out with them no i don't know but but asses but then i realized it's not the baby it's just age i think and asses fall on men too on men i mean boy do they fall on men my dad's ass wow wow it's gotten even flatter it's unbelievable is there any way to preserve prevention yeah work out prophylaxis squat saline what else annie your eyes i like my eyes i like my nose i like my mouth i like my tits i like my butt i like my thighs my, I used to not like. I like them now. My feet, boy, are you guys missing out. They are gorgeous. Yeah, no, I'm just over not liking myself.

I like my whole body. I'd like to get fit though. Your voice is good. My voice is good. My jokes are fucking great. Yeah, my boyfriend's cool. My friends are cool. I don't know.

Producers are awesome. It's really just a good life. I like cool. I don't know. Producers are awesome. It's really just a good life. I like bananas. I don't know. Everything's good. She's in a mania. I'm about to get my ass beat. She just turns around.

Yeah, I like everything except Esther's nose. What did you say? She's like, her lips and her nose. I just destroy the things you like about yourself. Coco? I i really really love my big cheeks and my jawline oh yeah my big cheeks i know for a fact people pay to have big cheeks you have a wonderful face my mother has big cheeks it's something that i was very insecure about when i was younger because i just was very like round up here but i love them now i don't

know why i ever hated them and i would be devastated if my cheeks got taken away and i like my jawline a lot you have that your cheeks and your jaw are impeccable thank you exquisite we all have big cheeks yeah that was unrelated i feel like it was related you were getting you were kind of keegling like you were seeing you were looking at kalilah's beef as you were keegling you guys have to teach me how to keegle it's not it's a muscle that's hard it's hard i you that's how i orgasm i keegle real hard and then it gets me there really fast why i can come in three seconds will you teach me how to we should do it yeah maybe holy you know what you do you put your finger inside me and i'll keegle

and then you put your finger this you're gonna feel this it's gonna capture your finger can i put it on a glove or go through the underwear you can go gloveless baby that's like all is permitted that i feel like i'll get in trouble with the old what if i ask dave dave look this is strictly for experimental purposes it will actually help him i'm just trying to teach her how to properly no it would help him because you never kegel on a dick that gets so excited it's so funny because of yoni eggs i was like you guys you don't need a yoni egg just use a dick it makes your partner like really happy do you want to call him now yeah like we can call him now here i'm gonna hand it off to you he's gonna answer you should be like there's been an accident. Hello? Hi, Dave. It's Kalilah. Kalilah?

Hi. I've dreamed of Dave speaking to me like that. I have a question Esther wanted me to pose to you. Would you be okay with her, for experimental purposes, sticking her finger up my vagina to show her what a Kegel exercise is. What is going on right now? Am I on the podcast? You are.

And she insisted that I call you an ass. No, it was a natural. It was a natural call. She didn't insist. I insisted that I because she we're talking about like a female exercise called kegeling. And she's like, I don't know how to kegel. And I was like, wait, it's the easiest thing. She's like, how do I learn?

And I'm like, look, basically the only way to know how to contract is to feel the contraction yourself. So I said, from a medical standpoint, all we really have to do is for you to, you know. Dave, I just want to be clear. I offered to wear a glove and she told me not to and that's why she that's why we're calling so i just want to know what you think i think that this is like no longer a podcast and this has become something else that is like unfamiliar to me i want to support it but it's also like something is happening over there that transcends podcast it's an only fans i guess my first reaction is i trust Esther and I appreciate that she's calling me or you're calling me to check on this.

I don't love it, but I also don't see how it's not going to happen eventually. It won't be today. It's not. Yeah, this is in the foreseeable future. It's very, very not a sexual thing. It's more like... It's very educational. Esther, by the way, didn't realize that.

She was putting her chapstick on, getting ready. She's now going back. She's like, oh, it's not happening now? But when did it become sexual? Like, some things start educational, and then it's like, oh, wait. Hold on a second. That's the plot to a porn.

I'll make sure that... I'll sign make sure that I'll sign a contract. I'll sign a contract saying it will never escalate. Forbidden love. Forbidden love. Clandestine. But I will consider all your points, Dave, and I'm going to pass you back to Esther, and we will reconsider this, all of this.

Okay. All right. All right. Bye, Dave. We love you, Dave. I'll talk to you later. Bye. Dave, you're a king.

Dave's like when he answers when he's excited to hear someone's voice it's so excited neither of us have ever heard that i've gotten it a few times and you know i remember them you can never take those two times i love dave i have regrets because i want i i really do yearn for dave's respect i feel like you have it it's so annoying yeah you don't even have to try you unfortunately you do have it I have to like show I'm like I worked for it doesn't help that I worked on the Sasha show okay I give him my credits and he tries so hard when she the day she got a big laugh from Dave was really special for everyone I wrote I but I ruined it because I kept bringing up like do you remember like two minutes ago when you laughed at my joke and i said this and then you laughed that was the day that we told him we were gonna do the podcast i know we're gonna become podcast stars and he's like yeah

right and then look at us now he wasn't like yeah right but david like just doesn't live in the podcast world he also doesn't ever want to deal with me being disappointed because of how horrible i am so he he's always trying to keep me low, like keep low expectations, low expectations so I don't crash. I know. I hate that. Managing expectations. I like fake.

I like let's fake it. Let's just fake it. Let's pretend we already got it. Let's buy crab legs. Let's buy crab legs with our last $15. It's like crazy. Like, Esther, how many times was I eating crab legs over the pandemic where no money was being made? It was it was a serious issue. Like a few of us were starting

to like huddle together and be like, we need an intervention. She's eating crab legs again. You can't take them from me. You'll never I'm just throwing butter at them like no. So this has been our show. I'mher that over there is kalilah with the beautiful cheeks and over here with the big ass is annie juicy and swampy yeah bye guys we'll see you next bye thank you enjoy your wet dreams