Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Pete Davidson, Friend of the Show

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

Thank you to our Sponsors: BetterHelp - Visit our sponsor https://betterhelp.com/trashtuesday today to get 10% off your first monthRocket Money - Cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way by going to https://rocketmoney.com/trashtuesday Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 Khalyla’s Girl Hang2:44 Lesbian Adult Content4:36 Annie and Khalyla Want to Jump Esther6:37 Khalyla and Pete Davidson?12:07 Jay Leno or David Letterman?14:22 Esther is Not a Weapons Girly25:29 Rare Steak28:09 Light Lesbian Kissing30:02 Plucking & Waxing32:01 The LulaRoe Documentary38:15 Khalyla’s Adult Toy Splurge46:27 Traptox, Botox for Trap Muscles49:39 Are We the Choosers?55:19 The Struggles of Our Moms1:03:34 Annie’s Unresolved Anger From Her High School1:10:31 Caretaking and Providing For Our Parents Send us your Trash Tuesday fan mail!c/o 7EQUIS LLCP.O. Box 5154Glendale, CA 91221 Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 My Pleasure - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-pleasure/id1494518220 AnnieWood - https://www.youtube.com/annielederman Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Andres Rosende

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someone that does not scream easy so this show is sponsored by better help let therapy be your map with better help visit betterhelp.com slash trash tuesday today to get 10 off your first month that's better help help.com slash trash tuesday stop throwing your money away cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocket money.com slash trash tuesday that's rocket money.com slash trash tuesday rocket money.com slash Tuesday. Hi slugs. I am back on the road doing stand-up. I'm having so much fun talking with you guys and answering your very weird questions and I love sharing my material with you. I am going to be in New York City next. I'm going to be at Joe's Pub July 19th through 23rd and I'm coming to the DCc improv september 28th boston i'll be at the wilbur

madison wisconsin um detroit and chicago all this fall get tickets at esther on ice.com and i believe i'm adding san diego as well i love you hey guys i'm so excited to see my sluggies i am on tour always with the welcome to annie wood tour i'm going to be in Philadelphia, my hometown, August 11th and 12th. Look, I know it's summer, but I don't care. Summer ends on the 10th of August now and you're going to come to these shows. Come hang out with me. I can't wait to see you. at the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival with Andrew Schultz, August 27th. And I'll be in Austin, Texas, October 6th and 7th. I will be at the Regent Theater with the Liam McSweeney live show on July 12th. Come see me there as well.

And I have my podcast every Thursday. Annie Wood, come check it out. It's me and Todd and random guests talking about terrariums, baby. and random guests talking about Tavarro's baby. Todd only watches lesbian porn. That's wild. I love that.

I totally get that. I think I most, 95% of the time I'm watching lesbian porn. Yeah. It makes sense to me. It's like he's, he wants to look at pussy. He doesn't want to look at other dick. Doesn't it make sense why he's into a girl like me? Because I'm so like, I'm definitely like a pegger without actually pegging. Do you know what I mean?

You have big peg energy? I have peg Bundy energy. I feel like Todd's going to reveal that he wants to be pegged, but he keeps saying he isn't going to, but it's like. And how would you feel about that? I would one million percent. it try it yeah i'm not a lesbian porn girl like i i want to be degraded like i need to you know you do look like jerry blatter a little bit what the fuck remember when he did oh you didn't watch fucking what did you watch so-called life oh that's right i didn't say they did aCalled Life? Oh, that's right. I didn't either.

Do you like porn at all? No. Wait. I try not to watch it either. I just don't. Like, every once in a while I like it. I used to really like James Dean before you know, all that. But I liked, what I liked about him was that it was like forcing porn

stars to have real orgasms. But then I guess there was too much forcing. Allegedly. Liz, do you watch porn? I do. I feel like now it's like, it's so easy to act because I've met like middle schoolers and even less, you know. Why'd you have to go there with it? Liz, I just feel like that's where it goes.

Like that's where you start feeling. Yeah. Oh, it's easy. Did I tell you guys this happened to one of my a friend of mine has like teen kids and she found uh her daughter had made like a porn video like pretty young daughter i mean that is wow didn't you do that yeah i yeah you're right you need to work on your fear of me I'm scared of everyone hitting me I you know what that makes me think we gotta hit you oh stop Esther but when have you ever been hit I don't know but I this used to always be a thing like with my guy friends and stuff they

would literally just go like this and they're like why are you why did you think I was about to hit you I have a question did um during p during p.e the balls just happened to find your head or your face yes and i you're damn right were they spiking down i mean it should be tall they always hit me in the head and i always went to the nurse's office and made a meal out of it it hit me but you've never actually been stop being such a teen sex thing but you haven't actually been like spanked or or like hit right

what'd you say bitch really wants to do it to you I think we should I need there are two things I need this summer two things I need this summer okay

I need to teach you how to swim and take a hit and then Annie and I need to jump you I wanna hit you jump you the fact that you've never been hit it's like taking so yeah just take it so you know how it's not you never had a friend

in middle school that like punched you in the side of the head yeah oh i was like with people like licking their nails off to fuck me up okay throw you in a bush what about like a physical fight with like a referee like i don't want to just have to do not pass out that many boners right now no like like i want to be able to defend myself but you guys have no shot to defend yourself but you are you want to defend i've never heard you say something like this in your life you want to be able to defend yourself i've never that's the that's the boldest thing i've ever heard you say kalilah fights me but i have annie on my team so it's just you guys fighting each other it's two versus one somehow we're fighting over you you figured this out she's

clip clapping she sometimes how monetized it just for herself pulls out the lube none of us make a dollar she's made like fucking 100 grand an hour all right i'm in um I saw what you did over the weekend while I was lesbianing out. You were trying to set me up with Pete Davidson. Okay. Did he break up with the girl? I don't know, and I don't care. You're mean. No, I'm not.

You're mean. You're mean. Ten minutes of this. You're mean. I performed at Good Nights in Raleigh, which they remodeled and our friend that the manager he's so awesome um i yeah i love him so much but so the next act after me who was coming to town was pete davidson which i'm like why is he playing this small comedy, but he was doing 15 shows. And the guy asked me to sign the wall there.

And so I did. And underneath my name, since I knew, and it's a fresh wall because they just remodeled. And since I knew who was coming next, I left him a little message. And I said, Pete, I think you should date Kalilah. Smiley face. And so he will see that. He will be sitting in that green room for the next seven days i can't wait to get the call sometimes i get calls from pete asking for my friend's phone numbers yeah but i know those friends are are in you know top tier you're up there baby i mean the pussy is but you know what i mean the the image right now is

oh my god i can't he would be so lucky today thank you yeah he's into we both have like ibs i think or stomach problems he has yeah he has Crohn's okay i don't have Crohn's but i have colitis i think he has Crohn's i think he just looks like he has Crohn's no no no he has he has Crohn's i think Ariana like defended him one time he said like only Jewish he has Crohn's. No, no, no. He has Crohn's. I think Ariana defended him one time and said, I thought only Jewish people had Crohn's. Johnny Pemberton has Crohn's. Why do you know this? Stop this.

Stop this. Esther, you have Crohn's. You're so powerful. You're skinny and young. Honestly, you look like you could have Crohn's. It's skinny, young-looking people. No, it's not. First of all, it's not funny.

It's a disease. I have cousins who have it. You don't give a shit about your cousins. I act like you care have crones it's it's skinny young looking people no it's not first of all it's not funny it's a disease i have cousins who have it you don't give a shit about your cousins i act like you care about your cousin that's also true both things can be true get over your you were supposed to be a boarded cousin no now you care about that was my uncle but anyways i just i don't know i'm cooking up a little i think a little doo-doo because you have Crohn's? No, you fucking bitch. No, a little love narrative, a storyline. She's sick. A manifestation because you know what? Oh my God, they gave her one commercial to direct

and look at her go. She's like, yeah, I can direct the world. She's like, you're going to need a morning after pill after this. Did you do a Julie? It's all a secret commercial for Julie. Wait, this this is oh yeah i submitted to the brand they're like esther we did not ask for this but no because subliminal messaging works just so you know all those advertisements we see over

the years where it's like doritos gushers whatever when we were kids we'll never forget those he's going to be sitting in that room staring at that wall for eight days and it's gonna say that's what you do in the green room you don't work on your jokes or like you don't wait you don't sit by yourself just read the car i don't you don't read the wall the car read the room not the wall. Read the room, not the wall. Yeah, so it's not a prison. You don't do push-ups. You're there by choice. You choose to go perform. You can leave.

It's a gift we get to do. It's a lovely job. Me before I go on? Well, thank you, Esther. I think you've done a really good job trying to set me up. I would love that. That would actually be so cute. With Pete? I like Pete. Yeah, I think you've done a really good job um um trying to set me up I would love that that would actually be so cute with Pete I like Pete yeah I think so I want that big dick in my girl it's oh my god I don't I want that big cock no does he really have a big cock yes you know I'm

not a really big cock kind of girl it's time I'm through enough here's why see he is dating a lot right like Pete we love you we're you know he's in love i think right now he's currently in love maybe maybe who knows but i'm just saying it's like he needs a girl did you say friend of the show yeah friend of the show pete davidson so sad hey he was on my old podcast weird adults that makes him a friend when he was underage. His dad was still alive. 9-11 hadn't happened. It was pre-9-11. I think that what he needs is a woman who is beautiful.

You thinking you know what a person needs is so disgusting. And calling them a friend of the show when there's no way you have his phone number. There's no way of anything. I have a phone number associated with his name at one point we have a couple old versions of people yeah are you guys gonna change your phone numbers by the way what kind of a question is that that's the dumbest what that's such a cool question are you thinking i think that is a cool question to ask you stupid idiot by the way this fame hungry loser to say that like starve to be like this fame you're going up to kylie jenner you're disgusting you think kylie

jenner doesn't change her phone number it was kendall bitch i don't know the difference i'm not i feel like kylie would have been nicer kylie would have been nicer thank you chose the wrong one no one would be nice to you by the way i'm so sorry none of the kardashians would be nice to you i disagree and i'm gonna prove you wrong one day i hope you do i'm gonna grasshopper were you guys a jay leno or a david letterman household both david letterman for me i have to draw a very very very important line in the sand right now i'm tired of these rules okay well i'm it's just not a thing and i know what you're gonna do one last one this is like when you sign filter friend yeah no i actually how about this how about i'm the bitch

that doesn't i pick it all i get it all do you want to be like me i can have it all no i can have it all right business manager can i have that purse from this moment forward I will only associate with people who were Letterman households you fall you do because you are both I will make an exception because here's what I'll tell you Letterman obviously was like our our main because he's fucking so sharp and mean he was mean he's just the coolest so mean it was so good he was fucking mean and then but jay i personally really love jay and then having i love jay leno have you worked with him at flappers anything he's around he is amazing he's so good he'll talk to you he'll like he'll tell you stuff i'm i'm standing strong in my line in the sand leno as a person is a separate

issue then what late night show did you grow up watching how about that we separate it i i i watched them both i watched them both i liked them both i'd flick back and forth i have add i choose them i choose everything i don't have there's not one thing I choose I choose it all do you want me to make a choice right now? bless you thank you I sneeze in threes sorry did you guys have TV in the Philippines?

we did mommy we sure did you were Letterman? mom I think things got to us a little slow so my dad was still stuck on like reruns of like Gary Shinn you were like Carson

oh yeah Johnny Carson Johnny Carson that would be who your dad liked I'm sure stuck on like reruns of like gary you're like carson oh yeah johnny carson and johnny carson that would be who your dad liked i'm sure that would be who you like shut the hell up i only watch the twilight zone i like black and white aren't i so intriguing i'm cool i'm different oh god i'm a quirky girl you're a pick me girl but for like grandpas yeah no lies detected that is correct you know what i was realizing i have a pick me thing in my that's so okay so i when i was going through and getting rid of all of my like um things that i'm mailing this i'm subscribed to i mean my my gmail is wild i mean it is just yeah memorial day sales no digital clutter is

like scary it's like all i have like i think back in the day when i wasn't working a lot i was like i want to feel like things are happening so i was like click subscribe all of it send me your but it's out of control like i do not get work emails i was very close to being late to our work meeting today because i could not find that fucking i couldn't find that email but one of the things one of the mailing lists that i will never unsubscribe to is um true swords what's that which is a it's a website that sells swords because in my pick me years i realized the best sword to or the best present to get a boyfriend is a sword you will never i probably you buy a man a sword that is i promise you you will be getting him his favorite present he's ever been you're not okay here's where i

think you're absolutely right so um when bob Bobby and I moved from apartment to the new house, he basically didn't care what was left behind except for some swords. Some swords. Yeah. And so when we keep it by the door and there was a time where we thought someone was breaking into the home. And you've grabbed the sword, the present. He already had it in his mind how he was going to defend me.

And he went for the sword and um it was really and was he pushing you in front yeah yeah yeah exactly so he like threw me in front but he had the katana it was a katana um right behind me so i do i do this is my brand of pick me girl being that girl do you understand that is i have so many swords so when i used to do me inspiration my original solo podcast people kept wanting to send me presents and i was like really uncomfortable with that at that point like i just didn't feel comfortable having people send me things so i was like all right there's one stipulation it has to be a weapon because then i figured if

they send me them it's i can protect myself against them you know the energy of but so i do have a lot of swords esther i get the feeling you're not a sword girl i'm just really because they're taller than you the swords no i like maybe it's just like the cuck liberal in me but i am not a weapons girly are you coming out as a cuck liberal no i just don't well i'm not a weapons girl you just said you needed to defend yourself how are you gonna do that i'll weapons weapons like make me so cringe cringe you need weapons you're the one that needs weapons ding dong like i'm sure dave has you know system in place but what is he gonna c-pap him to death hey you'd be surprised if you watch your oxygen is flammable

he could do that and then light them on fire oh wait a second also your dog is like the least protective dog i want to dive into this because i think this is a real thing so you're just like not a weapons girly no like you've never had like a taser you've never had pepper spray you've never as a girl as small as you you've never had that wait i have a trash tuesday um this is we're gonna actually i didn't actually ask you guys this ahead of time but we're gonna start going on road trips okay we're doing like we're doing field trips we're doing field trips i know what you do on road trips and I'm scared. Adderall? Snort.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm going to be able to read all of the signs really well. Zizek's Road. Actually, you on Adderall driving me around is ideal. The amount of time people think I'm on Adderall where I'm like, I'm on Adderall like once a year. And people are like, she's on Adderall. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. This is literally, this is my every day. I just feel pity for Todd.

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plans directly to you. As you guys know, our friend Rick Glassman, he uses Mint Mobile. I learned about Mint Mobile through George Kimmel. George is a busy guy. He takes the most business calls. And the fact that not a single call is ever dropped. And you can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all of your existing contacts. Say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with plans starting at $15 a month.

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You know what we used to do in the desert is we used to fill up like pumpkins. Scariest sentence ever. With water and certain things. I didn't think it was going to be about a pumpkin. You guys, I lived in Vegas for years. You don't think that I've shot ARs? I have. Like I'm a fucking, I'm a fucking assault rifle bitch.

I dated a guy. I lived with a guy who's like assault rifle guy. Like he has. So I, that's what we did on the weekends was like shoot guns and shoot up, up into things. The many lives a pretty girl can have just based on the different guys she's been with.

It's really fascinating. Like, yeah, it was a Fox news baby. I mean, yeah. Like this is like, if is like if i stayed there a little longer you know maybe i'd be the opposite of a rich super rich super rich right wing super

rich right wing i would have been you know do you ever feel the carrot dangle in front of you like just be like should i just go full fucking no because that's me wait so we're gonna go out and shoot guns is what you're saying. I like everyone being on all sides and not knowing where I am. Esther, are you down? Are you going to have a weapons day? I think I just got eyeshadow all over my eyebrows. You didn't.

No, you didn't. No, that would be great. I didn't know you were wearing eyeshadow. That's eyeshadow? That's you with makeup on? Wait. I'm so sorry. Did you put makeup on?

Sir? Is that from yesterday? No, it was. Never mind. Never mind. Wait, I have a, I have a, I want to propose something to you, Esther. So in the Philippines, like the Philippines is like the birthplace of a lot of weapons fighting.

Arnis, Eskrima, Balintawak, like a lot of these really cool, like most of the choreographers Did you say Eskrima? Eskrimama eskrima eskrima arnis so basically a lot of like the choreographers for like weapons fighting even in hollywood usually have a background in like filipino martial arts because that's where most of like weapons fighting happen i would love to have one of those guys teach you how to do like a you know a belly song like a butterfly knife she's not gonna do a butterfly or even the stick fighting what about stick fighting she's scared of butterflies if you're able to do like a you know a belly song like a butterfly night she's not gonna do a butterfly or even the stick fighting what about stick fighting she's scared of butterflies if you need to be able to do a butterfly they are scary if you ever seen a big one get close to your head

it's it can be very scary are you sure because you're the same size as it butterflies are not like the monarchs esther no butterflies are not scary at any stage in their metamorphosis oh so we're scared of just spiders? Butterflies are still bugs. I'm not scared of bugs, you ding. You know that Todd has turned into a terrarium guy. We just have like... I'm listening.

Frogs. Frogs. You better keep that man away from me. Frogs. I know you actually would fit in some of the terrariums. I love frogs. He's a dart frog. Poison dart frog.

Two of them. He has a gecko. Yeah, he's a gecko. He has a gecko? Mm-hmm. a gecko. He has a gecko? Mm-hmm. He killed one of our crabs and I'm like really not okay. I did my mind bloom ketamine treatment and I came out of it and I started crying about how he killed one of our crabs. Wait, you had a crab in the same place as the gecko?

No, Todd has three terrariums. It started one week ago and he has three terrariums now. That's not going to end well. But Esther, do you know that, do you eat like shellfish, like lobster or any of that? Can you get me a fucking lobster? What? If lobster season's over. Wait, did you just think she was the

waiter? No, I wanted to spear it. You can't spear it, you just grab it with your hand. You could do it. I would love to do choreographed for the stage fighting. That I'll do any day. Okay. That's my school.

By the way, hello. Oh, shit. Great idea. Yeah, I'll fence. Do you understand how funny that actually is is a true idea? Yeah, I'm down. Well, for our live shows.

I feel like she'd be really good at jiu-jitsu because you're a dancer, so you're naturally very coordinated. Oh, my God. I would love a pass guard on coordinated. Oh, my God. I would love a pass guard on you. Your little limbs could submit. Oh, my God. I think you'd be really good.

I think you'd pick it up so fast. The earrings. You have to take the earrings out. It's annoying. I don't. Those are just cuffs? Yeah. Is that a real one?

No, this one is not. This one is. Wait. I have a really important question. Do you guys- Want to change your phone numbers like we'll get back to that i do want to get back to that but this is more important right now do you like steak yes yeah okay i'm having a like something is wrong with me because we went to a

steak dinner last night for dave's birthday and i literally like i was like oh i like eat more meat now like i'm gonna actually have to take it does nothing for me it has like no taste you're like oh can i just put my stuff in it and carry it around so annoying uh i don't like steak what is it doesn't well how did you get it cooked well dave got it medium rare. Oh, good. Good, good. You were ready to... I was like, oh, I knew you were going to get like well done. You're on autopilot with me.

Oh, I was disgusted. I was so mad. I actually think well done. I would like it better. I hate you. I hate your fucking guts. You don't deserve to be here. But it's like soft and red.

You like that? I like rare, like where it's cold soft and red you like that i like rare like where it's cold and like yes right like on the inside it's so good what is what can you tell me why you like it because i'm a real woman a real person why don't you just graduate to medium rare start with medium you would be so dead do you understand like if you were born earlier than this you'd be fucking dead what do you mean earlier than this like if you ever had to hunt or gather or do anything like i understand why you flinch because you're like so little like you're not you didn't survive here's how i would survive are you ready

they would rape you to death to death no they don't you'd start talking you're annoying you know you're annoying right just mid like there's like a support group for people that have worked with you we know you're annoying right is the funny sentence wait because i know i'm annoying but i don't know if you know you're you don't think i know i'm annoying are you kidding of course i know i'm annoying i don't think Kalilah knows she's annoying. Oh my god. That's because I don't get out of the house. Who am I annoying to?

My dogs. Jules and my dog. No, because I am willing to consider and examine that I am annoying possibly on this podcast or wherever I'm heard. In my real life. I was just trying to include you. I didn't want you to get FOMO. I want to be annoying but like to who like my inanimate objects at home I just do stay home and I play legos I just imagine her putting them all inside

herself all day what no you sicko you're sick you're so sick you guys am I a les are you only you can tell us that sweetheart sweetheart. It's true. Maybe I'm just in an era. Maybe I'm just. You don't like big dicks. That's pretty gay. That's pretty gay for me not to like cute dicks. That's lesbian as shit.

Really? Well, it's not not lesbian for sure. Well, the girl that I did easy kissing with, she is really into straight girls. So I was like, what a torture. I was like, wait a second. I was like, am I like, do I read really straight to you? And she's like, yeah, yeah, straight girl. I'm like, oh, thank you.

But also like, let's make out. Did you ask her what she thinks of Esther? I mean, could you have been more lesbian? You put your hair back, her shoulders out. What? Do you? Yeah, I wonder. Yeah, can she diagnose me?

Diagnose you? Well, prescribe. Oh, get her TikTok. Diagnose. Yeah, like give me what my reading is.'s getting red she's getting nervous she's seeing herself on tiktok getting taken out the teens um wait can i just though spotlight my uh hbo britney spears live from it's so great shirt that i ordered from uh ebay from like 2004 thank you it's a great top i'm really proud of it

it's really really good it's really me i like the hair stubble too on your armpits oh oh god that was no it's good that is a lot worse than i thought it's true it is true it's on does dave pluck your nipple hair no it's not like that with us oh really yeah no i'm just like i don't have anybody for that and you wear like no tweezies like what do you guys like my favorite activity to do with um a lover is she can't say boy anymore because we don't love her is for them to tweeze my shin hairs what hurts so but it's like an itchy hair yeah it feels so good and it's so bonding because they wear like a little headlight oh my god were they spelunking what is this i will okay i swear on everything i am not trying

to like you don't have hair no no we've seen i'm not trying this is not romantic at all i just think for bonding if we did the three of us have a sleepover i think that's like the perfect activity to do if we all do it together pluck each other's chin chin hairs chin chin chin chin chin hairs i'll pluck the hair off your chin no no No, I'm going to pluck your ass hair. Fine. Come get it. Ew. I'm okay with that. Yeah, I don't really, when I get waxed in my backside,

I don't feel anything, do you? No, but that fucking... The front pad is the worst. Oh my God, guys. I had the worst wax recently because I hadn't gotten one since I got that. Oh, did you go back? Yeah, finally.

And it was so bad. It's not okay. I'm traumatized. I haven't gone back. I go into fight or bad. It's not okay. I'm like traumatized. I haven't gone back. I go into fight or flight. Like it's so painful and horrible. Well, I told you I did my legs, my beave, my butt, my... Your beave?

Yeah. I'm trying to get Les for you. Beave, baby. You have not heard that one in quite some time. Leave it to beave. But, and armpits. And it was just it was a long it was like two hours. I was losing my mind.

That's horrible. And I was just butterfly to open the whole time. Just like, OK, here we are. Yeah. It's just that one main pad, though. The sides don't hurt. The lips don't hurt that bad. It hurts.

But right up front and center is a pain i just don't even wish it was so upsetting and i don't know if i can ever do it again did you guys watch any of the lula rowe documentary oh my god i did i didn't even know lula rowe was a thing so i went in just with fresh eyes didn't know this whole like culture existed, didn't know that there was a multi-level marketing scam that was happening and I with like fancy leggings because I could have been a victim of that. Well, they were $25 a pair. I don't think we should call them fancy leggings, but. You're right. It's like, are you Jewish or not?

What do you mean? Well, I wouldn't call them fancy. Also, let's be real. The LuLuRoe clothing makes me so physically uncomfortable. Like it's the most ugliest clothing I've ever seen to the point where I'm like, I'm so uncomfortable with it. I think we need to do a themed episode and I'll dress in it. Well, I was. Oh, my God. Can we buy it from that that black lady that was like. Yeah. With a son. Oh, my God. She's not selling it though anymore. She has it all in her. Oh, she does. In's not selling it though anymore she has it all in her

oh she does in her garage yeah let's buy it all from her okay they're just storing it there she felt so like um she like when she felt she was like blaming herself for not selling it she was like the only one that hadn't like snapped out yet i feel you guys we watched this all three of us watch this documentary on max called the rise and Fall of LuLaRoe. And it's basically about a multi-level marketing clothing brand. And where people were basically scammed into selling clothes. Basically similar to, what's another weird? Herbalife.

Arl Terra. They have like nail ones. Nail things. Yeah. life they have tara they have like mary k nail things yeah like i got you guys know i got like invited to a meeting for one of these things once to look for lula rowe no for our bond i don't know if you've oh our bond yeah i i had to unfollow all of my our bond this is what they're saying is now i know yeah you said they're not cute look up there compared to what it was it it was. It's L-U-L-A-R-O-E. LuLaRoe. Why do I feel like Annie's going to become a LuLaRoe, like...

Rep. I got to get that Louis Vuitton purse. Wait, and you get me to work under you? What I found the most interesting, though, is that... Somehow you get above me and take all my money. Here's the thing. I know. I can guess what they meant.

Remember they were saying it's buttery soft yeah i used to like for um christmases i would always get all the women in my family like ugly leggings that was like a thing and we would take pictures in our ugly leggings and they rip immediately like i know what material these are like the cheapest but i don't i don't think it's buttery soft because true buttery soft is like i i have a beyond yoga and like aloe yoga and the buttery soft ones are not the shiny ones like this these ones are soft but and stretchy but they're not this soft i just don't know how they tear like i know like i used to get these weed leggings all the time i'd have to rebuy them constantly because they would always tear well the thing that sucked so bad in the documentary where you're like oh my god they really just made

this like a game for everyone is they would encourage the reps to buy boxes of the clothes but you didn't know what and they would send even uglier ones yeah so you would just get these uglier and uglier leggings to have to sell and no one wanted to buy them and then the worst part is how they talked about like if you got a box of black leggings those would sell like that and i'm just like why can't everyone just get the black leggings then like why is this why is the system is yeah and this is why we haven't seen any sleepover by esther in a while she doesn't know anything about my little reps out there i think it's fucked up that they had to spend anywhere from like 5 to 10k up front to even get this mystery box of clothes that they would have to sell but

what i didn't find surprising is that dina and her husband the people who started lularoe were from a mormon church and so that to me that whole evangelical kind of really good at marketing their message types it makes sense that they were able to convince people to really get on board because i think they have the background of church like that exceptionalism kind of mentality aren't you mormon i was brought up hormon uh no i um had one of my campers when i worked at easter seals i used to go hang out with his family all the time is that what i am to you one of your campers from easter seals i don't know what that is but it's special kids with special needs okay just carry on with your story i could

see you you're about equal like inabilities as some of my campers thank you my cerebral palsy but um i used to hang out go to like pizza night with them and they um they had a they would call it their business and it was like a a place where they would buy all their groceries and they would only go to that website and then they would get other people under them and then they would each get money from all the people that were under them but it was like you had to buy all your groceries from there and get other people to buy your groceries from there i have an idea let's do a a scam no but like one of our why don't we just like in our merch site i think we should have our own special line of tupperware okay we can be we can, we can like re, you know, we can, how do I say, rebrand the whole like Tupperware

party. Do you understand that literally in the last two weeks I've been thinking about hiring an actor to play out what a classic like 90s, 80s Tupperware party was like? Like I literally want to have friends over and like have a fake Tupperware party. Like I want to have that experience that like all of our moms have i like i would be fake but you like somehow end up with money at the end like all of us are broke and you have all our money maybe in our live show we should have like a segment that's us like trying to sell everyone tupperware remember in like the early 2000s like right out of college i would go to these like sex toy parties where

they would oh yeah those were fun those didn't feel like like they'd give you like blowjob lessons yes i thought those were really cute and fun and they didn't feel super like culty i do think there is like a place for like being a woman or dildos yeah there is a place there's two places actually oh my god if you want to speak in your mouth speaking of dildos i have a really huge update for you guys okay um you know how i've been like anti-toys because didn't you give yourself a infection or something no that was the old lube oh the old lube the roll over i remembered i learned so much from you you cannot have roll over lube i didn't know that it's a curse you cannot have roll over lube from one partner per per bottle and that's a good rule so i um i was away for a little bit and i was really bored and i was going through some type of

like mental spiraling that day and i was like what am i gonna do to get myself out of this funk so i was like i'm just gonna sex death marathon spiraling i'm. And I was like, what am I going to do to get myself out of this funk? So I was like, I'm just going to sex death marathon. I'm going to sex death marathon myself. I'm going to fuck myself to death. Right. And so I was like, it sucks when you can't feel it anymore. When you're like, what am I doing this for? Well, that's what happens. It starts to hurt. And then you go into the numbness. And I went, everyone out there is always, you know, a random Sunday afternoon. Like I'm going to sex death marathon they are esther well you're not relatable i'm busy bed rotting okay so i am relatable and so you're just too lazy to finger yourself all right what is a sex death marathon please so it's when either you're on the verge of like extreme panic, like a panic attack, which I felt like I was. I was pacing around. And I remember one of my good friends saying like I went through like years of like extreme like anxiety. But when I would verge on panic attacks, I would just jerk off furiously and like come and come and come. And it would get me out of my own head because it is such a primal feeling.

And like come and come and come. And it would get me out of my own head because it is such a primal feeling. And so I was having like a mental health day. I was like, what do you do? What do I do? I'm alone. And so I went to Sensually Yours. And then I bought a whole lot.

I channeled my inner Annie and Esther. And I bought like $400 worth of toys. Wait, fuck you. What? But you guys have toys, right? Yeah. I have them. I have a toy or two. I it's like esther you said you don't leave town like you panic when you don't have sure yeah that's true i bring two as if i have a backup one and i was at the charger but

okay but the clit suckers all of this stuff like you guys have that stuff that i've never tried because i'm like oh i don't want to play with any of that stuff so i bought four hundred dollars worth of stuff which is really only two things but i i had like a mini haul and i was really excited i was like sex death marathon it was not an unboxing it was a an inbox and so i whipped it all out i just you know i write out the package do you boil your stuff or do you not yeah right yeah right i'll throw boiling water on myself to feel again afterwards no i've never cleaned a vibrator are you insane oh my god it gets cleaned listen

it gets cleaned at some point but it's like it's because there's a point of no return something has to happen. The vagina is a self-cleaning oven and that applies. This is unacceptable. Actually, we are gross. We are bad. I disagree. Don't.

I disagree. I think you're, I think you're good. I think you're so good. You're, this is misinformation. We didn't have like the COVID thing on the bottom. This is misinformation. We're going to get canceled canceled you can go and talk to drew's podcast please don't carry on about your inner annie and esther is that what you call your each labia yeah each labia annie one's bigger one smaller both very annoying

get in the way and um so this is what i. I had a whole afternoon to myself and then I went hog wild and I. This was yesterday? No. Oh, I thought it was like after us. There's been some time. Therapy. And I, at the end of it all, I couldn't feel my clit. My clit was completely dead. That's when you do the stranger when it feels like you're.

What's a stranger for girls? The stranger for girls is where you finger yourself until you can't feel it, and then it feels like you're fingering a stranger. Oh, my gosh. You're fingering someone else. Oh, my gosh. Did you just make that up?

No. Why did you know about that? I made it up, but I didn't make it up just now. Because I've numbed my pussy many years, many a times. But you guys, after I was done my pussy many years, many a times. But you guys, after I was done, I was like, I hated that. Like, I don't I couldn't. It just wasn't.

I lost all sensitivity. And I put it away. I put the boxes away and I put them on such a high shelf so that I'll never use them again. You will use them again. I will never use them again. That was a one and done. My clit is dead. R.I.P.

What did you use? Everything. I even use i had an anal plug i had everything you did yeah i had everything well you made it went a little crazy wait you put an anal plug i don't have an anal i've never done that i've done i seriously like i gave you one i give you a cute one remember it was real it was like real rabbit i need to find that hey oh my god i should have brought that up in therapy bitches remember when i've dropped money on you bitches fucking drop money i don't have cash my business manager's like why'd you buy a 500 butt plug look i think they like acts of gifts i don't know i don't know i'm trying to figure out these bitches fucking love language so i dp'd myself and then after that i i'm

you deplete you dp depleted yourself i did what no here's the thing it's double pen and that's it i'm done everything's dead down there it's i remember someone once saying to me that they went masturbation's healthy i go not the way i do i go like four hours past it feeling good oh why are you still here no okay that's what i was doing because i would come and i was like, oh, got one more in there. I know I have one more in there. And I was this. I don't usually watch porn in this way, but I had it on for hours.

You're pillow princessing yourself. You're like, oh. And if I had even one negative self-thought, I was like, oh, back in there. Press play. What is it? It was insane. It was an insane thing, but it did get me out of my head that day it just kept me in primal mode that is true it's i could see that being meditative

and it wasn't hitting the spot okay yeah well what's your review of having a butt plug in by yourself um it was okay so i'm not a big anal girl like i'm afraid of anal so i was like why don't i just control the narrative here because when dudes usually do it i'm like you know like i don't oh my god and it is that has to be a part of why they like it too it's like guys do you like that it's like there's you know it's kind of hurting us i think so i think that's part of it i don't know what is yeah i think it's just that it's like forbidden yeah and like no no really naughty yeah i think that's just that it's like forbidden and like really naughty. Yeah, I think that's what it is. I don't know.

But it does feel slightly better when you do it yourself, I think. I'm like, you don't have to go in my ass. You can be around it. I love around. Around is like, that's, oh my God, Esther's an anal princess. I didn't say that. Why are you saying that? I just feel like if a dick went in your ass, it would, like, poke your head. Oh, my God.

It's like, what is happening up here? Why is she with the crown of her head? It's a full kebab. Pull it out. An Esther kebab. You guys are cute. It's lule. Oh, my goodness. You two are really honestly sickening me remember when i told you

one of your ex-boyfriends was like she's a freak shut up who said that well there's one of two i can be telling you and it's i would say the nicer one uh the next one maybe more embarrassing one stop just stop right there you're done but i but you reacted better to it this time you're like he did stop last time you were like ew why did he say that and i was like i think it was before you were on lexa pro honestly probably well anytime like yeah i'm i'm at peace now with my past now we know you're a flexi i am not though that's not's not even true. I don't even think it's true. I think that same person was the one going around telling, like, other male comics that, like, your asshole was delicious. I think that was someone else.

Oh. Thank you so much. Do you guys think I should get trap talks? What's that? It's Botox on my traps. You know, I'm overdeveloped here and i'm like you know i'm kind of like you're something is gonna pick it up somewhere else and be fucking weird as shit you know that right no wait what some other muscle is gonna pick that up because i'm

having popping out in some weird spot you're not gonna have to stop asserting the same amount of energy it's just gonna go to a different area you're right because i think i've overdeveloped traps because i hold tension here and i do this a lot but also i was learning to relax just work on relaxing the thing is the dildo up again with trap talks put your butt plug in bitch what i see people talking about is like that they think it makes them look better which i think is actually so disturbing like literally what you're like I was born without traps and I look like shit. No, but like, what won't we do to our bodies? Like to just, they literally get Botox in here so that who gives a fuck about this part? It's not for pain?

No. No, it's not. It's literally so that you have like less. And your neck looks longer, I think. I actually want you to get it. Now I want you to get it. I want you to get all of them. For pain, I would like support that.

But for looks is weird i've always had overgrown traps no it's not a thing it is you're doing a position though to make it look that way guys there's a reason why i'm like i i'm an amazing take your shit off and stand up straight i'm amazing at deadlift actually the deadlift is here but i was a i swam butterfly so i've always had overgrown traps i've had over cool that's great that's a badge of honor do you want trap talks i don't know you you're the one who sent it to me because i just think oh that's so rude i didn't i sent it what can we can we have her um she didn't send it to you too i'm glad see sometimes but can we do a fat transfer of your shitty fucking shoulders on her

non-existent shoulders i sent it to you i like my body you guys i just want to like myself no this is so this is actually really interesting i did not is it you're not just saying about yourself i didn't send it to you to because i thought you should get it i sent it to you guys because i thought it was absurd that women are like going around being like, look at how beautiful I am now that my traps are gone. I've been seeing a lot of women before their weddings because they have to wear like tube dresses or expose their shoulder and neck. They're getting like. Have to? You know, they don't have to.

But girls are like, I absolutely gonna let me see before botox in my traps but what's it for what was initially like why did someone try this this is like your traps are holding up your head and shit this is like what are we doing i have a big head to hold oh it does look cute oh annie i kind of see no oh no is it cute you guys i gotta look not why i brought it up oh my god i want to put a butt plug in and look at before and after it's so cute look how good she looks we should do an episode where we all wear butt plugs and just our ass is on the you don't want to use it if you don't want to save it for the sleepover or that if you prefer your idea yeah i'll take your idea after years of fine print

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slash tuesday that's mint mobile.com slash tuesday cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mint mobile.com slash tuesday 45 up front payment required equivalent to 15 a month new customers on first three month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan additional taxes fees and restrictions apply statement mobile for details saw this old picture of kendra wilkinson of girls next door fame the best show of all time um she was wearing this tank top was very like y2k and it said i have the pussy so i make the rules and i know that is like meant as a joke but when you think about it as like from an existential place we are because we have the womb literally men's survival

what i just it's like you learn things that are like very obvious yeah but very late in life and it's so weird no no no you we are the choosers this whole time i thought like a man has to a man a man has to choose me but no it's like we are their survival depends on our wombs so we actually are in charge this i know that's meant as a joke i have the pussy side of the car but it's actually true any clip it have you never felt like a chooser in your life oh no chosen one no i've never felt like a chooser i've always felt like a like the the chooser have you maybe not when i was super young but like you know maybe 25 and over definitely yeah i mean as you evolve as a person yeah and i was never like choose me choose me i've never been in that you're like a tadpole of a person this is crazy you've always known this you like

are you pandering to a younger audience right now why because i look small this is a child like no no i i know what you're saying no it's just you just grow out of it you just grow out of that you didn't but that's a good message for no so you're ultimatum bitch you're totally the chooser yeah like once we got together but i just i truly always wanted him to like you you know what also this is like fucking sex in the city brainwashing rhetoric like oh we're gonna be single we need a man like no we're supposed to that's that is the opposite of what we're saying i just flash forward to like 20 years from now when i'm like i won't do a cameo on this and then you guys pay me enough when i do a phone

oh for um samantha is that all she did was a phone cameo wait are you serious but all the headlines don't you want to know that well we have a pipeline towards it oh yeah but he doesn't know where he's at yeah he doesn't know anything he doesn't know what day it is he hardly remembers his name you think he's gonna know he knows the freaking kim cattrall they're just sjp drum i love when she's like i like when she goes i just feel like that character's done and everyone's like we want love when she's like i like when she goes i just feel like that character's done and everyone's like we want it and she's like sorry i mean that is fucking bold and she's like all right i'll come back well how much money do you think that fucking voice cameo is

she's goals that's like crazy she's like okay i don't know she calls in it's like a 10 million dollar phone potentially so smart and everyone's just like you know slaving away day to day on set and she's just like sarah jessica parker's wearing like birds on her head still for the 25th year in a row but do you do you really do you you're trying to tell me that you already know and have that in your body that like it took me a while to get there it took me a while but you i always knew that was like the goal and i knew that like i you do know like the power that you have is you're like i make the baby you know what no you know what it is i think it's when you when you get old enough to realize i think for me when i was younger i if everyone didn't like me

i didn't think anyone liked you know what i mean so i needed every guy to like me or every and that just was oh so i would take like the rejection of like oh if they don't want me i'm not like a value but it's like i do like understand that the woman's body is but i mean we also need guys sperm so it's not it's just we have to do all the stuff so i do think that's an important thing to remember especially if you're in a position where you feel like oh like i hope he chooses me to be like no no no no no like you you have the control you're in the freaking driver's seat but anxious attachment is like for me i would be dating guys and i'd be like oh i hope they like like i'd want these answers from them and i didn't even get to a place where i could decide whether i wanted to be with them yet because i was so overwhelmed with like that they're figuring

out whether they like yeah yeah but i also think specifically with that shirt it's like i would probably have looked at that like 10 years ago or whatever and been like oh yeah like you have the pussy of the power like men want to have sex so you're in control but it's so much deeper than that it's literally like no you can't your genes can't be passed on without this pussy yeah your seed can't grow without me yeah you're just a seed you're just spunk like you're just white creamy thing there's like so many sperms too like so many two million or something how many sperm are in a load you. And only like one or two gets through. It's like really actually quite pathetic.

It's pathetic. But, you know. There's a hundred million sperm in each load. Wow. A hundred million. Isn't that crazy? What? For cream pie.

Just one cream pie, a hundred million sperm. And like one. A million babies? Can you believe you survived out of that many? That is amazing. How pathetic were those other? That's amazing. sperm and like a million babies can you believe you survived out of that many that how pathetic were those other that's amazing and the fact that they were maybe a little slower since their daddies were old yeah and you're a twin what does that even mean i have no clue i still don't understand

same egg no two eggs fertilized at the same time by different sperms yes i don't know i'm you think i'm a co-sperm we would have identical twins this is you know what after i feel after yeah we're split before yeah oh i feel like your brother got in there first and you're like no no no i kicked him out when he was born when we were born he came out first and then I came out feet first like I kicked him physically out and no one can tell me like my mom would be like we were just kidding and I'm like remember that joke and she's like oh they weren't kidding does does your mom ever talk about like that it was really hard to carry two at once she I have never in my life felt like my mom chose to have me anyway she was always like she's like I was so overwhelmed I

only wanted two children oh I'm like okay playing baseball so I wonder which kid you wanted the boy or the girl their short hair and her baseball hat oh I wonder which one you were but that is crazy can you imagine like you already have one and then you want one more and you get two well my my when they were in doing the ultrasound and they found out it was twins my dad was like yes and my mom just started like crying but my mom like my mom had um her mom died right when she was pregnant with me so right before she found out we were twins so that was probably like the most devastating thing and her mom had been her mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer when my mom was 15 and she she went to, like, boarding school.

And they brought her into the office and were like, your mom has, like, six months to live, but she doesn't want you to come home. Oh, my God. Because she didn't want to, like, disrupt her education or whatever. So then my mom was like, like, couldn't be with her mom. And then her mom ended up living for another 15 years after that until my mom was 31. And then she ended up dying right when my mom—she got to meet Timmy, which was good. Oh, that's cool. and then she ended up dying right when my mom she got to meet timmy which was good but then she died right when my mom was right before she found out she was pregnant with twins so like i think that's like everything and she was adopted like there's like a lot with my mom you know i think um that reminds me of something that i often overlook about my mom when we when

we came to america we didn't have a lot of money at all. Like a lot. Like paycheck to paycheck. My dad's like veterans pay. Like very, like our rent was like $350 a month in like this one bedroom place. And my mom, my grandma, my mom's mom. So my mom's brother died maybe two years into us being in america we still didn't really have a lot of money and he was in the philippines yeah and so one of her brothers killed the other brother and then a month later my grandma died right and imagine my mom who's so close to her

so wait your uncles that are the murders are your mom's brothers your mom's brother killed your other brother wait then that's my grandma then died from the heartbreak of that. I'm taking it in, honestly. Hold on. But she could not go home, you guys. She does say these things very normally. PTSD. Yeah, it's just... To say it normally.

It's for intellectualizing. Yeah. But she could not go home. She was still on like... I don't think her green card had been like finalized. How many other siblings were there? Their total of 10. But it was her mom.

She recently told me, she's like, I couldn't go home to my mother. I couldn't be by her side. And it's not like, it's because she couldn't. Like just her visa wouldn't allow it. The money couldn't allow it. And it was just heartbreaking. I was like like my mom endured this trauma in her 40s of not being able to go back to her mother and i really feel for her like

imagine that imagine if something happened to her parents and we couldn't get to them we couldn't grow that happened to so many people during covid and stuff my mom was just telling me that she met this woman at a memorial that one of my for one of my dad's friends and um and she was saying like her husband got sick during covid and she had to put him into and she couldn't take care of him so she had to put him into a nursing home and it was like i think right before she put him into the nursing home and then covid hit and she couldn't so she didn't get to be with him and she's like still recovering from it just the trauma of not being with him it's like it's so sad it's like it's so i think it's like why it's so important if you can like do all of your work with people

like as soon as possible and your forgiveness and your talks with them while they're alive because you will be able to get there but it's like so much easier when they're like still with you'd have to process all that stuff after someone dies is like but the fact that a nursing home has the right to not allow you to it wasn't all right it was covid it was like no one was allowed to go anywhere remember no one could go in and see anyone i know it's so sad it's so sad but i i know what you're saying and then my mom like my mom's been really um she's been doing a lot of meditation stuff and she's she's just like was saying to me she's like i i think about you every time i do it because i think about my mom and she's like there's just this like woman connection

that i have with you guys and she's like i just am and she's like always so sweet like she's really we're like in a really good wow vibes place and sweet but i always think about it too like with all this stuff like because i told my fucking high school story on Ryan Sickler's podcast again and got it just like I just get fucking torn open every time I fucking tell it as much as I think I'm okay it's like it really gets me and then it's like you know people always want to like I mean that's definitely not the episode to read comments on it's like one of those but it's like you know the people that like get mad at my parents for like not protect me or whatever like i just i always try to say like it's like when when i die and when my parents die like the only thing that i will take with me is like the way i love them

you know it's not i'm not gonna hold on to like any yeah a hundred percent other shit like imagine if you were to look at life based on like just one season of your life one season of your parents life you've lived a ton of lives like think about where you were when you're 19 where you are now like even in between that like i feel like how many lives have i lived yeah the fact that also you're even saying that with like the words youtube comments even in the conversation it's like of course that doesn't matter of course it doesn't matter at all yeah but i mean i guess for me it's like because that was something that i like struggled when i when i tell the story it's like i'm i'm conscious of the fact that i'm now giving this to like be interpreted by like strangers or whatever i think that's a good right i think that's a good thing to

um talk about it's like you know we talk about our parents in a very like factual way this is what happened this is how they hurt me whatever whatever but like we're all really close to our parents today yeah like a reminder to everybody that like like you know parent-child relationships like a very nuanced like ongoing journey but like just because my mom was that person back then to me doesn't mean she's this person today. Also, we don't even remember. Yeah, I thought you were going to say we're all unreliable narrators. But also that.

But also that. Like they say 50% of like your memory is like exaggerated or whatever. It's true. And you're able to convince yourself of like if you were coping in that moment at 16, like that whatever you believe can then be your new truth like you you can form like synapses with the wrong memory like that that can happen but also the like the moment you're talking about which is like it is funny like you're that they found out it was twins your dad was excited your mom was crying like that if you take like take that microcosm it's like so of all men and women like because the women have to do so much yeah so it's

my dad was looking at like ego style like my fucking sperm made twins and my mom's like are you fucking kidding me motherfucker like i totally empathize with your mom there because she's like knows what that and then they're growing in you and you don't know what that does to your body her mom had literally just died too it's like it's just so and it had been that like long like to be told your mom has six months to live and then she lives 15 years and then like so it's like the anxiety she must have had that whole time also i imagine that if i if i were to ever get pregnant that my mom would be my number one ally. Like she would be the person who would be my fucking coach from beginning to end. I need that.

I can be my worst self with her. I don't have to worry about how my hormones are going to either end this relationship. She's there no matter what. It's just I can be my most ugly hormonal self and she can just kind of walk me through this season in my life. Like that's how I see my mom. How old is your mom? She's in her 60s.

She's 62. But by the way, I want to say that when you mentioned your whole like teacher story thing, the reason that the girl that I made out with over the weekend and I actually made out is because she told a story about um like we had just like we were talking about like sexual traumas and she had a very similar story as like yours and immediately i felt like super like bonded to her she had just watched the thank you to my high school teacher again lesbos together so yeah and so her thing was like this teach she hadn't had her glow up yet she's really pretty now but like she was this kid who like no one kind of paid attention to

except for the teacher and she was like oh he sees like my potential so he would like give her gifts and things like that then she told me this story and i felt like i was like oh i think and then you know we let it out because that's because you really want to kiss me yeah that's all i did not love that story it is it is like it is weird like okay because i'm like i thought like i could intellectualize it i could be like you know i'm doing ketamine treatment like i'm you know i can separate myself from it the other night i just went crazy I was in Baltimore I was in my hotel room alone I went deep diving finding these people I was like I mean there's just things that feel unresolved I think and I don't know if I have to resolve them myself or very publicly I don't know what it is

but well we've talked about this amongst each other it's like do we out these people because I asked you guys you know I sent you like the court case of the doctor and he's obviously like the doctor who um sexually assaulted my sister and i he's lost his license he's like not oh you know you saw the court cases that i sent you he's in big big trouble right but i think for you like i feel for you because it does feel more unresolved when i look for my perpetrator it's clear he's out of business he's done he's still out there he's like fine it's like and i did the thing i sat in court exactly so i didn't sit in court but i have more of a resolve like a resolution in mind because i see that he's being, he's paying the price for what he did to me. Yeah.

And I think for you, Annie, like what really breaks my heart and I think why. He did block me on Instagram. Oh, well, that's a win. And I saw like there was some like, he's not like that. Like he can't be. Oh, you must be his worst nightmare. Oh, I can't wait. And then he, and then so, and then he like, there was something like one little clip of him on youtube

and the only comment was predator wait oh really something please can you imagine if you molested someone and it's wrong girl wait can i just tell you that's how i felt the whole time i was like are you crazy like obviously i'm gonna go to the police like I'm gonna go to the bodega guy I'm gonna go to everyone a podcaster and comedian yeah it's like duh and then and like okay so then I looked up this is where I got triggered I looked up his ex-wife who was like 100% involved in the grooming of all of it was she in court with him um I don't think she went to court no she didn't get any no nothing happened to her but she lives very close to us she lives an hour drive from us and i looked i found her on instagram and i saw all of her she follows a bunch of female comedians that i'm friends with

and i'm like oh do you like female comedians you fucking and she makes mugs I want to be like cute mugs where's your mug shot bitch like do you know how close I was to commenting that on one of her things whoa you like female comedian like it just triggered me so much and by the way like this is like my anger inside of me that's still there so it's like I don't know I just I'm like there's just something like and I don't know if it's this is this thing i can just like fold up and like bury or if it's like i just don't know what if it's for me to like release more information publicly or if it's for me to like release my ties to this or maybe question because i'm like yeah what is it i at least for me it's the acceptance that

i allow it to affect me however which way it affects me that day because some days i feel stronger some months i feel stronger and then some days i want to fucking rage out and burn someone's house and i think that i i'm nice to myself in those days and i'm like okay this is normal it's you know my my rage bubbles and then it's back down my rage bubbles and i think the acceptance of knowing that this is probably gonna be something i carry with for the rest of my life in different ways makes me like sleep a little better yeah it's just like you know but yeah but i know i mean i know what you're saying and it's like it's just for me like i had just like

one like very crazy and you're right it's like forgive yourself for that but it's like i was like texting josh potter like picture screen he's like stop sending these just for me, like I had just like one like very crazy, and you're right. It's like, forgive yourself for that. But it's like, I was like texting Josh Potter, like picture screen. He's like, stop sending me these pictures. Like, no, I don't want to see them. I'm like sending him pictures. I'm like, look at this fucking asshole. Look at, and he's like, oh my God. He's like, and he's like, Annie, you just have to like focus on how good your life is. Like, you know, like really, which is good advice.

Cause I'm like, I was like spinning. And, um, and then in the morning I was like oh my god delete those pictures i'm sorry but i was like we're taking them down like we're gonna go find you know because like part of me just it's like i get it the rage fantasies i get but it's like it's just like it is there and i do have this platform and it's like there are i could scorch the earth yeah and i'm like why am i not is it out of like protection myself or am i still protecting but even imagine if you go scorched earth and you still don't feel better you know what i mean like it's just there's this part of me that's like the school's not being held accountable they've had so many other predators that i found out about that were not this was not just this person this was

like an establishment as well so there's like this larger thing and the fact that some of those teachers are still there not the ones that i that anything, but the ones that were like complacent in it and involved and were the, it's just like, how is that school still going? How is there no like newspaper article about it? I would do it. What did my parents sign? What the fuck did they sign?

Some sort of like silence thing or whatever. I never realized that. There's no, like, I can't find it. I'm the public record of it. Yeah. That can, I see how that's like like super and i'm sure i can find court documents like i'm sure like my dad was like at one point like i'll help you but they it's like it's also so upsetting for my parents like they

cannot so they're like they just shut down when i bring it up they're like stop talking about it like don't worry about it like stop annie like yeah and my dad will like defend the school like the school is good for some kids it's like but I don't care like if the school is good but like that will show itself in the more I investigate and stuff but they want me to be good and they also I think it's just too much for them exactly no that to me that makes so much sense it's like they love you so much that it's probably so challenging to their reality to even go there the reality that's what it is and it's like i don't want like right now my parents are 72 and my dad's turning 82 like

i they have like anxieties my dad like last time i was home he's like he's worrying about like he doesn't want to be a burden to us and it's like i want to like help him understand that it's like my pleasure to like take him however he is yeah and it's like and then like a lot with the money i'm having such like anxiety about money and how i like i've spent and i don't have a house and stuff because i would love for my dad to like to take care of my parents like i love that and todd's like todd's family always had all of his grandparents and stuff so now i'm like i'm starting to like regret the way i had been with my money in the past you know but i still want that louis vuitton and that's normal one little one like one little one what you're

saying now are like such normal relatable anxieties it's like literally i don't know a person in this country that's not like stressed about how they spent their money and we're like like what you're saying is literally the most normal but it's so important also to not like i enjoyed spending every fucking penny i spent last year like yeah and it felt really good and it was like so exciting for me and i do still feel like i live in abundance and stuff but it's like right now the fact that i can't like snap my fingers and have like a fucking compound where like todd's parents and my parents can all just like live with us and like hang out but like everyone everyone wants to snap their fingers but i think what's

so special about what you're saying like even though like you're expressing it as something that is like a stressor in your life like a financial thing like i see it as like wow you've come to the part of your life where like like not only are you able to do these nice things for your parents and provide but now there is like you're getting closer to the dream of like having your parents live closer to you and maybe like you know see them at like you know this time in their life like i don't know i think like you know it's a privilege for me now to feel the stress, the financial stress, because I've taken on the responsibility of my mother, of a lot of people in my family. And even though it's a difficult responsibility, like I do it with pleasure. Like you said, like it does bring me, it makes me happy.

I never do it like, oh, fuck, I have to do this. I'm like, no, I get to do this. This was my dream. I wanted to make enough money to do this for them so that they never have to worry so they my mom never has to take out her credit card like yeah i feel good i know but i also like look into it i'm like there is an unhealthy aspect of it big time where it's like it's guilt like where i'm like i'm almost like apologizing for my existence like i want to like pay and that's the thing that like worries me like that well because I've been having a lot of like what do they call it nocturnal panic attacks where I keep like waking up in the middle of the night put it here girl like yeah that's all

like and I do I can't tell you how much work I do on myself like I mean I literally like I do treatments therapies everything like I mean I'm really working on it and I do have like I am realizing I have like an an addiction and a habit to anxiety and i just have to like really work on on esther you don't get nocturnal panic attacks no oh my god i hope we don't curse you with them it's like a period it's so not fun you're oxygen depleted you're not breathing it's fucking scary you're disoriented you don't know where the fuck you are i don't have but i don't have night terrors which is like crazy my ex-boyfriend had night terrors where he would like he would lunge like i would wake up and he'd be like in my face like i'm dead i'm dead i'm like

you're not dead but am i about to be dead please why do i have to be scared for my life too but he wouldn't know at all where he was or anything i just wake up like with full like know at all where he was or anything i just wake up like with full like like worry and it'll be very mundane things that are not like that but it is all i think surrounding really like taking on a lot of my parents anxiety and like but so in these situations it's like if they're going like i don't want like we like when you talk about this it's like upsetting to us it's like hard for me to imagine doing like a documentary about it you know what i mean but that but it's their separate thing yeah exactly yeah but honestly everything you're saying right now is like so spot on relatable like in to everyone in different ways like yeah i just think like i relate to everything you're saying i'm like oh that's so something i'm

working on too is like my anxiety like yes yours pops you up at night but like my intrusive thoughts throughout the day like i'm constantly working on managing that it is so hard like yeah i just feel so connected to everything you said and also like i used to always be like i need to move my parents out here and then i remember i did maria mononis's podcast and her mom and dad had like moved out from Boston to live with her and her husband. And they were like, well, like it may not like they were very much like you need to like put the brakes on any kind of like that may not be the right thing. And that shifted my perspective. And like, I love my parents. I fucking love them.

I love taking them out to dinner. Like, I love visiting them, but I don't necessarily want them like next door anymore I love you guys yeah and it's also like I don't know how it's gonna end up like I don't know but it's like I do like I feel like the the idea that's not an option for me right now is that's where it's like oh you know but they don't even want that either it's just like it's like they don't want to fucking live with me but they're like what are you talking it's just you know I just want them to like i just want them to have like the least burden on them right now what did our parents do to us that we like are so desperate it's really interesting we're so pathetic about them so obsessed with them i don't know what

happened yeah thank you for sharing that annie i think that's going to resonate with a lot of people only because it's like we are at that age where we do have to consider that our parents are aging. And we at some point we will be their caretakers. And that is a reality for so many people. And we unfortunately in America, we live in a very like nuclear family system where we don't live with, you know extended family members who can assist in the caretaking or have those different jobs like that's why i always tell my mom when you're ready to move back to the philippines i'm still gonna do this podcast um but you know everything there is a community effort we are with her yeah i would buy her a home there you guys gonna do episodes

there too but you know it's kind of like that thing where it's like there's always someone there to help it's not just a two three four person household there's usually like 12 to 15 like todd okay so yeah like they obviously they have so todd's three brothers or two brothers they had both sides of the grandparents live with them and like i mean todd saw them die like i mean it's like the whole thing yeah they never went in nursing homes i love that i think that also is part of like capitalism right and the reason why i think a lot of you know americans in general like are generally sadder and you go to other countries that are live in abject poverty but you see their families and you're like okay

fucked up things happen but there is a feeling of support and motherhood and aging and a lot of different ways that i pose an argument against you both which is like i because i really did used to be all about this like i want to live with my parents forever like i grew up in my this the house that my grandparents bought like but like doesn't it feel really great to like go home and it's just you and todd and it's like no no i'm not saying that this is like the but it is it is like and same to you are you you really want to live with your mom like not my mom but like having people in the house hearing the buzz of like family and support and someone always going to play with my hair like i love it but what if you just met like some great guy and you want to like he might die and then it's gone

that support is gone that's what she thought that's what she thought that was her first thought wait what if i rely if i put on my eggs he might die i didn't even look i didn't even look she just immediately went to he might die and then i'll be gone okay so you're planning something this is why she has 47 dogs i got them stacked so no i'm not i just learned that the reason that i have 47 dogs by the way is from complex ptsd that is a hallmark sign like throwing all of your like effort into things that yeah like dog people usually have some type of like complex trauma. Yeah, no sure. I'm like, oh, it makes sense.

Even when my plate is so full, I'm going to get two more foster dogs, usually blind and usually like dragging their legs. And I need to because it's soothing myself, even though it's like I would love to be like, oh, she's so, you know, she's so great. She really wants to help dogs. I do. But I also want to help myself. It gets me out of it it to check on whitney and miranda costgrove hearing this news a thousand um i yeah my dad i was always like i'm gonna buy you a house dad and he like he would be like i think at this point it might just be a really nice urn but i know you're saying too it's like i don't have to it's not like

it's not like i have to but it is something i would like to have as an option i think the compound idea is really nice like we need to be so awesome so awesome to just imagine esther and be rich enough to have people like you know helping out i just think honestly what's coming up is like if your dad like thought that you in any way felt like you yeah he wouldn't want that he'd be like fuck you he doesn't want to be a bird i mean that's like the whole your dad loves you you're all that matters he was just like he's like my two great aunts like they needed to be strapped down i'm like you're not going to be strapped down but i'll strap your ass down. Strap you down. My dad took a diaper

full of his own shit and like slapped my sister with it. He had a moment of no lucidity. Were you a little jealous? You're like, what about me? He was like, who the fuck are you? And then he then called me

on the phone because I wasn't there. And he was like, there's a stranger in my home. She's trying to rob me. And I could hear my sister in the background be like papa it's me and he was like wiping shit off her face trying not to get pink guy he was trying to fling his shit at her i love that kyle already went through all the trauma of elder care when she was like 14 i did i really did that's okay

again it was my pleasure yeah like it was all of our pleasure's okay. Again, it was my pleasure. Yeah. Like, it was all of our pleasure. It was very painful, but it was good to be by his side to the very end. Yeah. Well, you guys. To the very end. This isn't going to be our last episode. Just kidding.

We will thank you for being here. We love you. We shared. We laughed. We cried. We got a little wet in the butt um we'll see you guys next week plug it up brand don't forget to plug it up let us know what you think about plugs in the comments bye guys