Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Pilot | Trash Tuesday w/ Khalyla Kuhn & Annie Lederman & Esther Povitsky

Episode Date: February 16, 2021

Trash Tuesday is a new podcast hosted by Khalyla Kuhn & Annie Lederman & Esther Povitsky Subscribe to our YouTube! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons Trash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPod Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudio Trash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Listen to our other Podcasts:  TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220   Follow Us:   Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster  Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/trashtuesday/message

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the you pushing your hemorrhoid no it's okay we can talk about it later no i don't think we should talk like that's gross we don't need to do it yet. We'll be gross. No shame to hemorrhoids, but I just think you're disgusting. As a hemorrhoid. She actually had a twin, and she was the hemorrhoid, and the twin died. I gotta go home. To masturbate to what I just said to her. I gotta move back in with my family. Are you having a camel toe right now?

Yeah, I don't know. I like being made fun of by people that I know like me. Like if I know you like me, say whatever you want. Like I don't care. Nothing can make me think you don't like me. Well, because it's not a hit. It's just like we're hanging out. We're making jokes. Yeah.

It's not like. But that's part of why I want to do this podcast is because I know I've told you guys this, but like I have strong memories of seeing male comedians speak in interviews and say like, you know, women are funny. But like the thing about guys is that like we can be mean to each other and girls can't do that. And I'm just sitting there watching that at home. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Like women can't be mean to each other and girls can't do that. And I'm just sitting there watching that at home like, what the fuck are you talking about?

Like women can't be mean to each other. And like I almost feel like I've been wearing that on like I've just been living in that interview moment that I saw because I'm trying to like spend my life proving it wrong. Right. I need my female friends to make fun of me. I need to fucking make fun of them. That's not a guys only thing. Maybe typically, but not anymore. Like, no, I want people to see us.

How did this all come about? When did you two become friends? Let's roll it back a couple of years. I feel like this is our true Hollywood story. Yeah, this is our true Hollywood story. How did this start? How did this friendship start? Okay, so I feel like Annie and I were at a place in comedy where we both kind of knew who the other one was and I like had heard she'd come to the comedy store

and she got passed right away and I was really excited to meet her because she's just like young hot funny comic so I'm like oh like I want to see her boobs or something so I saw her in the hallway disappointed you must have been I saw her in the hallway and like right away I just like locked eyes with her. And I think I, what did I, I think I pulled your shirt off. I believe you pulled my tits out or you pulled yours out. Like I remember feeling like you were trying to like shock me and I was like, bitch, wrong girl. And I pulled my tits out too or pulled yours out. Yeah, I just felt like, oh, I know this girl is going to be down.

I can just tell from her energy. There is no shocking her. I just knew that I could tell. But we had the same manager. So we both had this manager back in the day, one of our first daddies. Hi, Hollywood daddy. Sorry we fired you.

I just can't believe you're name your name dropping a person we fired. No, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. But he, so when I saw you at the comedy store, you're very obvious who you are because he had sent me your, your like reel at one point. And then I watched a bunch of your stuff and you're so little and your name was little Esther that it wasn't like I was going to forget who you were, your name or anything.

So I remember going up to you and going, oh, we have the same manager. And then you were great. I mean, the tits were out immediately. It was fast friends. Yeah, it was fast friends. And it was also fast enemies. Because this story takes a turn. So Kalilah, it could be you one day. I can't wait for that day. But also, I hope it's a long time from now.

Well, you know what I want to know is what are your early memories of me? Because I also remember clicking with you right away like seven or eight years ago, whatever it was, when I was opening for Bobby at the Irvine Improv. And it was the first time I met you. And I just, I remember liking you right away knowing not to be too too aggressive but and then I and then I imagine thinking when you meet someone of like what the move is just imagine being like I don't want to come on too much of this or that oh she's look at her just planning it all at home but then I learned you were a nurse. So you were. So I'm like, oh, she's. What?

Just the idea that I just imagine you finding out she was a nurse and you're like, sweet. Now I can complain to her about all my ailments. And that's been our entire friendship. That was kind of our beginning, too. And then when I was in on a tour in Australia, New Zealand, and I got sick, I just remember I was texting with you every day and you were helping me. And I was like, I just was like, oh, like oh me and Clyler like we're in this forever wait but I need to know what is your first memory of me like do you have any yeah the first the first thing you said to me you didn't introduce yourself you didn't say who you were I went into the green

room and you're like you want to see my boobs? Do you remember that? You have one move. But because you're calculated, you knew with her to ask. And with me, you just assaulted me. But you didn't ask to see mine in return. But I know I was trying. I was angling for it. That was my tactic. Did I get to see your boobs? Are you going to come out in the first episode

or are we going to tease it for a while? I don't think you've ever. I now regret never showing you my fake boobs because you don't have any reference for what they looked like before and how disastrous they look now. There's no way they look disastrous. Well

consider this. I had double D's smashed into little A cups. There is some skin stretch. There's stretch but i guess it's probably not that but i guess because i only had them for two years um the skin kind of like held up its integrity do you want to show me in the back room and i can come back and say what i think why does it have to be a back room like it's so creepy it can't be a front room it has to be a

back room oh you're so that's how esther and i met were you threatened by me at all were you like oh keep her away from my man well did you like me did you what did you think i just thought that you were as close of a version to bobby as i'd ever met because i'd met other comics at that point and i was like huh bobby sort of like stands in his own lane he is just this he is just who he is until point. And I was like, huh, Bobby sort of like stands in his own lane. He is just this, he is just who he is. Until I met you, I was like, oh, they're the same kind. They're cut from the same cloth. She's calling you fat.

So you thought I was a lot like your boyfriend? Yes. Okay. And so I felt very, what's the opposite of the most threatened? Secure. Very, very, I wouldn't even say secure. I just felt very okay with your existence in the green room. Thank you.

And immediately I found you really funny. Really? Yeah, because I saw your set that night. Oh, look, she saw your set. That's really, that's odd. Was she riffing? I can't imagine it was her jokes. Annie, on the other hand, I was super intimidated by.

Well, when did we first meet? I remember seeing you at the comedy show, but I don't know if we met. Maybe we never got introduced until we did Tiger Belly. OK, properly. But I'd seen you there maybe twice. And I remember you wearing all black with like a black leather jacket. Yeah. Your skin was like snatched to the heavens. Your eyes had a really perfect like upturn angle. You had a really like you had a lot of bass in your voice. And I was like, oh, gosh, I need to stay away.

And this is this is a slow. This is this is going to happen slowly and organically. I can't force it. Isn't that interesting? Her first instinct was stay away. Isn't it interesting? Her first instinct was you remind isn't it interesting her first instinct was you remind me of my asian boyfriend and um so yeah i remember thinking holy shit is she i remember

asking bobby i was like is she uh just a super hot girl who's someone's girlfriend or is she a comic because i couldn't imagine i was hoping you were gonna ask if I booked the club a super hot girl this is so fun you know I always thought I was ugly until recently Annie you when I first met you I was like she can cannot possibly be a comic you look too put together well luckily a lot of men in my life when I was a child also that I thought I was super hot so that is why I get to become a comic now and let's ring the bell and he was molested everyone welcome to the show and only a couple times by Esther here's the thing well because my mom I guess was pimping me out I know my mom took those pictures I'm like I saw the picture like they're cute but they're like a little bit they're really very sexy they're very a little bit. They're really very sexy. They're very sexy.

Guys, I'm five in the pictures we're talking about. It seemed like there was always a breeze in all your pictures. Your hair was always flowing in the wind. Well, I was running a lot of times, screaming for help. So maybe that's what it was. So did you really get pimped out? No, no, no. Well, no, my mom just, my parents are Quaker and like really very nice to people and always want to give people chances.

So sometimes that put me in some dangerous situations. Because they didn't want to, like, let's just say like if there was a babysitter that everyone's like, I had boy babysitters. I had a lot of boy babysitters. Which is like, who has boy babysitters? Nobody. I remember we found my one babysitter with his pants unzipped did i tell you this story he was asleep uh-huh and his pants were

unzipped and he wasn't wearing underwear so we went and put got ice and put it in his thing but i never the story was always just funny that we put ice on his dick i never none of my brothers and i've like stopped to be like, why was Jeremy's penis out? Was his penis out? Yeah, it was unzipped and I think it was out. I mean, I don't, maybe. Well, maybe he fell asleep. Timmy would have had it peeked in.

Maybe he fell asleep. Jerking off? No, with his, with his fly down. And then when you fall asleep, you get a version of morning wood. And so maybe it just sort of grew out of the unzipped. I'm trying to defend you but also my parents their porns got stolen by i think it was a his friend who also babysat so i think what was happening was the that jeremy came over found the porns was your parents had porns yeah and we

all stole them my parents did too we all stole them not of themselves well they did make one of themselves but they said they smashed it with a hammer because it was so disgusting they said it just looked like two fat people fucking and then horrified and they just smashed it with a hammer I how can you even handle knowing that I don't like that at all that makes me very uncomfortable thinking of your parents as sexual beings I feel like that's almost I I mean, it's not the thing I want to see or talk about, but I want to honor them as once upon a time young, virile and highly sexual. Because one day, imagine people talking to us, talking about us like this. I'd be heartbroken. But also if you think, I was thinking about this today, like weddings and stuff like, you know, when dads are like, don't date my daughter.

But it's like, no, you want to carry on your name, right? You need someone to date your daughter and fuck your daughter and jizz in your daughter. Oh, right. And get married to your daughter so that your name carries. You need that, right? Were you born in India? Oh, no, wait. If you do that, no, wait.

But then you take their last name. So never mind. You need your sons to. Do you have a dowry? You need your sons to. I do. Annie, can I jizz in the daughter in between your legs? Yes.

With what? My jizz. I want you to squeeze your vagina. Ew. Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay. So.

No, wait. But what I was thinking was if you're. I always thought it was gross thinking about my parents having sex, too. But then I was like, no, your parents are like, I mean, not always always but sometimes parents are in the room when you're giving birth and stuff I mean that is jizz that was a jizz moment and a baby was born somehow I should we hold for a chance hold what if they threw supplies down to us right now and we just didn't know what was going on in the world isn't that isn't that how spam came to be? It was like a military food. Are you guys not on board with spam, by the way?

No, I'm on board with spam. Are you on board with spam? Well, look, I'm a vegetarian now, but hell yeah, on my meat days close to my period, I'm a spam girl. I'm an island girl. What does it taste like? Joy. It is pretty good. I don't think you guys quite understand

the value system for the rest of the world in regards to spam. Spam is something that I have to bring in bulk when I go back to the Philippines because it is to them like better than chocolate. If I go back to the Philippines and I don't have cans of spam in a box ready for them ready to gift to them it's it's not going to be a happy homecoming isn't it mystery meat it's like all different meats ground up until like that is my hope see my hope is that it's just byproduct my hope is that it's shit they didn't want that they made delicious and didn't put to waste well that's what scrapple is that's like a philadelphia food it's the best it's all the scraps from a pig it's like pig asshole all those things and it's

the most delicious thing i've ever had they fry it so it's like crispy on the outside and still like it has the consistency of liver even though i hate the taste of liver but it's got the consistency of liver on the inside it's so good that's another thing that americans don't value chicken scrap liver gizzard we do we have ester on our podcast we eat that as like a main course back home well hot girls eat bone broth now and that's like where they take all the extra bones yeah because of the collagen in it right yeah they boil it i've made bone broth so at least our hot girls are using the bones in America. Esther's like, ew, you eat stuff that's not sugarfish every day? And if you don't live in LA, sugarfish is just the most expensive, delicious sushi.

I just don't eat meat. So when we're like, even just already talking, I would never eat pork. And even just talking about it, I'm like, okay, I don't judge it. But then when we're talking about like chicken assholes. You don't like to eat pig, little piggy? I don't eat my own, okay? Pigs will eat each other. They don't give a shit.

Pigs will, chicken eat each other. That's how I knew. That's basically how I can justify consuming chicken on like the one day out of the month that I eat meat. It's because I used to own chickens. And my last chicken named Kukuk. What? His name was Kukuk. I had him for seven years he died because my aunt um was really angry that he was pooing everywhere in the backyard as chickens do so she caught off his leg and he bled to death on my sister's birthday but Kukuk would eat anything I gotta go and we would feed him chicken scraps he'd eat chicken

scraps so that's why i was like you know if you're gonna eat your own i think it's okay if i eat you sometimes why didn't she just break its neck or something she wanted it to suffer she was cracked out of her mind she my aunt is was a living cockroach, human cockroach. Oh, is she still alive? No, she passed. So Esther, you're the number one human cockroach. And she was my godmother, believe it or not. You know what this bitch did to me?

On my birthday when I was eight years old, she gave me a gold necklace. And when I fell asleep, I was so happy. I'd never owned a piece of jewelry before. When I went to sleep, she took it off of my neck and she pawned it. And when I woke up and I didn't have it anymore, she got mad at me for losing the necklace. It wasn't until like a year later when my mom was like, no, she pawned it. She took it right off your neck. Isn't that like child abuse? Yeah, but that's that's that's my whole childhood. Speaking of you paying for her funeral, I feel like the funeral business is such a racket.

I feel like the funeral business is evergreen forever and we should get on board. Invest? Well, I think we should start a mortuary. Instead of this podcast? Yeah. I mean, death is forever. And then we, wait, no, no, we do the podcast and we start the mortuary and we, it's like a, this podcast is sponsored by our funeral.

Or we say our podcast bombed. Now let us embalm you. No, but it's a racket. Because this is my dad always tells the story of like when his parents passed away and he had to. He always tells that story. What a delightful, fun story. Maybe. Do you always tell the story about the leg bleeding out?

I can tell you do because you told it fast. Yeah. It's one of those traumatizing stories that you just have to say really like you have all the beats. You've said it so many times. Nobody talks about how like his parents died and the funeral person like they take you and they walk you through. They're like, you can buy this casket or this casket or this casket. And they like prey on your sadness. can buy this casket or this casket or this casket. And they like prey on your sadness. And he said, he's like, I wasted all this money on like the best cherry wood casket. He's like, don't do that for me. Give me the cheapest stuff.

Like I think he's just like cheap. We just know it needs to be big enough that you can fit in it too. Because you're going to throw yourself in there with him. I mean, and by the way, your dad thinking that when he dies that you're gonna have anything to do with any of it you're gonna be all of a sudden you're gonna take the reins I'm gonna be making calls well you want to say you're gonna be the killer let me tell you what my dad ended up in we so we went to a mortuary in Pasadena and um we were so broke at this time. My sister and I went back. We're in college. We were swimming. My mom was this is before she went back to nursing school. So we were flat fucking broke.

So my dad, we received his ashes brought back in a cardboard box. And inside that cardboard box was just a little little bag of a plastic bag. And um we laughed for two straight hours when we got it like we were in the funeral home cry laughing like on the floor because it was so fucking sad and pathetic but that's it's funny that you're like this is our dad yeah yeah and then one of the other things was they were like oh is there anything combustible in his body and i was like well no because he didn't have like a pacemaker nothing right and i didn't realize that like my dad had like an old bullet lodged in his like rib or something like that from when you were a teenager because he was he worked in you know my dad was born in 1924 but he worked in like espionage work that That's why he was a linguist. He spoke eight languages. He traveled the world, did shit that I'm not even privy to.

But he had a bullet lodged. And apparently it was highly combustible stuff. I don't know. But they were like, oh, did you know this part? And you're like, oh, maybe we just didn't tell you. I would be like, give me the bullet. Yeah. And so they give you this little ring around the

when they tie up the ashes so i wore that as a as a necklace was your dad db cooper who's db cooper oh my god he's like the guy that hijacked a plane and got away with it and then okay i just want to let everyone know a documentary just came out about this person and that's how esther knows what this is it's not like she knew this for a long time wait did you know richard ramirez before nightcrawler oh personally yes i did too wait no she knew who he was personally he was she was the only one he was like i'm good oh are you talking about the night stalker night stalker oh night stalker uh no i'm i'm very much well versed on the Golden State Killer, but not the Night Stalker. The Golden State Killer.

That's pretty good. That's pretty neat. Thank you. Okay, so go back to D.B. Cooper. D.B. Cooper hijacked a plane. He hijacked a plane, I think in like the 80s. Does anyone know? She doesn't even know the numbers.

And he's the only guy. Like back in the 80s, like people were just hijacking planes. It's pretty fun. But they always got caught. But he got away with it and nobody knew who he was and there's all these people out there who like i know who db cooper was i was married to people on the plane yes but but i didn't know this this is very cool they landed while he was hijacking it they landed it and then the the flight attendant who db cooper like know, was head holding hostage or whatever. She was like, can we just let all the passengers off the plane?

And he's like, yeah. And all the passengers got to leave the plane. And then they flew back up. And it was the flight crew and the pilots. And then where did it end up landing? Was there Switzerland involved? No, no. What happened was is they flew back up.

I think they brought they landed, they brought him his money. They got the passengers off. They flew back up in the air and then he jumped out. And he's still at large? Yeah. So guys, if you want to just watch this episode, you can find out all about this or you can have the actual facts in the documentary. Esther was half asleep when she watched.

No, I wasn't half asleep but i did watch it over the course of like seven meals oh what were they sugarfish sugarfish sugarfish um i i know that we all watched night stalker this i didn't watch the whole thing because i got a little bit you didn't i was fully invested in gil gil carillo i love it detective i loved him love him he's an la, like a true Angeleno born and raised in the streets. He was my hero from the start. You know how the other older detective

Sal Palerno or whatever, the older guy that he partnered up with. He was supposed to be like the big shot in LA, the big murder cop, but it was Gil. I liked that part when he was when he asked him to be his partner

and he had to play it cool. It's like when Esther and I called you to see if you would do the podcast with us. Oh, that's right. Any chance you might want to do a podcast? This is what Esther said. Esther did not take that approach at all. She's like, if you say no,

don't feel bad. We have many other options. I didn didn't say that I would never say other options we also did not have other options who else just so you know Annie and I we've okay Annie and I've been talking about doing a podcast for literally 2000 I have I have emails since 2013 and we started talking about it a lot again this past year because we've been guesting on each other's podcasts. And those episodes always get the most views. And so we've been talking about it. But we are so vile together. We just couldn't do it, right?

Because we just would hate each other. And then one night Annie was like, I wonder if Kalaya would ever do it. And I just looked at her and I was like, I think she would. And he was like, no, she wouldn't. I know she wouldn't I know she wouldn't and I was like oh are you sure we had just been on the phone for like seven hours and are getting to know each other FaceTime and you had you were like you need to do a girl's podcast you're like George really George the producer really wants me to do one but I don't know and they were like I just really don't want to do another podcast you just said it so many times that I was like it would have been disrespectful at that point I thought

she was so so she goes I wish Kali would do it and I'm like Kali would do it I'm like let's do that let's do it no no no she will never do it a week goes by and finally I'm like let's just call her right now I just okay I just felt like I just was like it's's Kalilah. She's going to say yes. I don't know why I thought that. And then we called you and Bobby said yes first. Yeah, that actually did feel good when Bobby said yes. Bobby said yes. And then I went home and then I immediately called George. And I was like, what do you think?

Because he's been pushing for me to do an all-girls podcast for a long time. And he's, you know, given given me options different pairing options and I've shot them all down and this was the first one where I was like oh yeah I just talked to Annie for five hours and that was the easiest thing I'd done that was the easiest friendship yeah that was so the quickest friendship I'd ever made in the last you know couple years and and so I thought okay let me see it um and what were you thinking about me the truth is I felt really really flattered and honored that was my true feeling it was almost like wait why are you guys choosing me there's so many it's so funny you're the way we view you

and how you view yourself is so off I think it's because I i really truly think like and i'm not just saying this but you guys are the two funniest my favorite comics it doesn't mean as much when you say her too but i'll take it because you but it's like you guys's brand is so different but somehow like meshes perfectly together and i would watch you guys on any well on each other's podcast and bobby would too and bobby never watches anything oh my god wow well we are we're an odd couple for sure yeah like we are she makes me very uncomfortable um she's very aggressive and disgusting i'm very quiet and disgusting esther the fact that she bathed for this was the big thing was that she was going to bathe for the podcast yeah and i i feel like we're

an odd couple and you're you're your own things i feel very kindred with you though i feel like we have like a lot of any that's because i i truly think like I don't know if I believe in reincarnation, but I think you were. Your outfit screams I believe in reincarnation. But I truly think you were one of my Asian uncles in a past life. I love it. Am I Asian? You are a Japanese boy. Thank you. But I think that maybe a Japanese,. I love it. Am I Asian? You are a Japanese boy. Thank you.

But I think that maybe a Japanese like boy ghost. Oh, yes. Bobby is the, Bobby like labeled me and I've, this is, I always been my label now.

He says I'm an 18, I have the social skills of an 18th century ghost. And I'm like, yeah, that's a fit. You just watch Wait, in the 18th century, in the 18th century in the 18th century by the way people really knew what they were doing they used their use their hands they were

far more like industrious and real craftsmen that's one of the reasons why that's like my favorite role play is always 1800s no 1700s because before that they didn't use their hands everything was like bobbing for apples. You do century-based. Wait, wait, wait. You do century-based role-playing? Yeah, you have to really go back in time. You look at the whole stretch of history, and then you choose a point in time, and then you use that as a jump-off point for whatever.

Historical role-playing. Do you have to do research beforehand? No, you guys. Yes, a jump off point for whatever. Historical role play. Do you have to do research beforehand? No, you guys. Yes, a little bit. I've been a 1700 shoemaker. No. Are you the boy? No, no, no, no, no.

I swear. Like, I'm always the boy. I go house to house and with my awl and hammer. And then I measure feet. And then Bobby is one of the aristocrats that I'm fitting that day. He's a woman or a boy? He's a woman.

And I'm making her a clog that day because I'm making a fucking, I'm making a clog for a fancy aristocratic woman. There's nothing creepier than wanting to role play as a fucking aristocrat. That is so creepy to me. But she gave him that role. Yeah.

He wasn't like, I'm the... No, whose idea? Whose fetish? Who got off on this? Who do you think's idea was? No, actually, it was Bobby's. I knew it. He started.

He made me the shoemaker. Of course. Yeah, he's never in a... Who cast themselves as a door-to-door clog fixer in a fucking sex act? That is so weird. His creative mind, it all goes to these role play scenarios. What else?

It doesn't show up anywhere else. And then I have to, he shows me his bad foot, her bad foot, because she's a woman in this. No, that's a joke, right? She's like, oh, look, what do you think of this? And then I have to hold his, you know, which foot I'm talking about. I don't know if you guys are aware. We should probably tell our audience. Bobby has what I call a green foot.

And it's been riddled with fungus for years. And it just doesn't look good i didn't know that but i knew that you know like i knew it yeah so i we were we come up with a more what i think is like um a breathable clog so that is so you are inventing even when he puts you in this role yeah he puts you in this role as just like this shit person that's to deal with his. And then you become an inventor. Yeah. Look at that.

One of the greatest minds of the 17th century. One of the greatest minds of that role play. What other historical role play? Esther's getting horny. Look at her stance. It depends. Like pick an era. Do you want to go pre like do you want to go like

dinosaur ages no you really you do not have that yeah we have caveman well not this i guess that's um no we don't have dinosaur ages esther because there were no humans then so over dinosaurs i've only ever done very simple like role play where I'm neighborhood girl. Oh, prettier than me, girl? We've never gotten fancy, like very simple. Well, when you've been together, well, we've been together for eight years now. You have to get creative. You can't keep fucking the same person.

You know what I mean? Like I can't have sex with him as bobby anymore he has to be someone new like imagine just him as bobby i don't think i could do it i'm just thinking about if i've like ever seriously role played before i mean i've definitely had my own little fantasies in my head but i remember with my ex-boyfriend the first time we fucked we had been friends for a long time and the first time we've and he'd always been really nice and the first time we fucked we had been friends for a long time and the first time we've and he'd always been really nice and the first time we fucked he was like you little fucking whore i was like whoa whoa see okay we should probably talk about this then army hammer oh yeah yeah it's it's very weird i i here i don't want to kink shame anybody but give us a quick synopsis

first i'm totally down to kink shame people but but I don't feel like this is. Armie Hammer, we see leaked DMs that he's basically saying things like, I want to suck your blood while I fall asleep and like get your minerals out of your body. And that he says he ate a animal's heart. He cut an animal's heart out of its body and ate it while it was still warm. And he said that he wanted to eat this woman's heart. And he wanted he's he goes, I'm 100% a cannibal. It's hard to admit that. But I am so something like that, you know, and here's the insight I got from my therapist, because we have our couples counselor, at least she said definitively that who you are in your bedroom has nothing to do and should have nothing to do with who you are outside of it. Fantasy is just that it's fantasy and there

should be a very clear line. But Esther is you are right, Esther, in the sense that I think that you can let's say you have a really messy divorce with somebody. They can't use that in court to smear your character and say he was into cannibalism. They can't use that? They can. Yeah. Well, my reference is the Daily Mail, so I don't know how reliable this is. But I'm told like in divorce proceedings that that can be a thing where they bring in your bedroom ethics. Well, you know, they probably over the years have done that to women.

Like, oh, the floozy, she has a boyfriend. No, they definitely, they still do that. And so I, and I know this might, I think there, at least for me, there is a peer separation. And I know this because I'm somebody who's been sexually assaulted by different people at different parts of my life but i was jealous she wasn't one that did it i am into rape fantasies so that i mean you would think i would

not be into that you would think that would trigger trauma but eroticism is eroticism like that that goes into a different part of my brain that does not at all um draw memories at least for me and i know everybody's different, but it doesn't trigger the things that have happened in my past. Yeah, I used to be like that. And then now I was watching The Hills Have Eyes instead of The Election, which felt very similar.

But the fucking rape scene, like horror movies, I think it almost feels like it's on purpose that there's such bad acting usually because you need it to be bad acting because the acting was so good in the fucking rape scene that I was like can we turn this off I have like PTSD twitching for a week now I'm like I but I really have noticed the things that I think I'm cool with um I have I just have PTSD and then I because I'll have physical like twitches and stuff I'm like oh and it's like you know I think I'll be over something and then I'm

not so I just don't even and my mom was always my mom was not sexually assaulted or anything but she always was like i hate gory things and i was always like oh come on bitch my dad would always take me to like was she murdered what was she murdered not yet okay i don't think that that's analogous though saying that oh you were sexually assaulted but you like rape fantasies. Like, I don't see that correlation to like, oh, he wants to punch me while we're having sex. There does seem to be like a difference between a guy going in wanting to rape. Right. So here's the other thing that I think it's a matter of like, you know, consent too.

It's like if Armie Hammer is going in there and that's just the one thing that he gets turned on by, but the partner is not on board, but he somehow overpowers her or kind of just think that, you know, it's we shouldn't necessarily like that. That's like thought crime, right? Like we would be like persecuting thought crime. And I don't think that that's right. Do you think that we are judging cannibalism with American lenses? cannibalism um with um american lenses sure i'm oh i'm only a i'm american yeah so i'm always judging everything through my lens and the cannibalism makes me uncomfortable and i think i am kind of allowed to right yeah totally no and i think that look i'm i'm not i'm not you know foaming at the mouth wanting you know a chunk of bobby's thigh any day now but, you know, foaming at the mouth wanting, you know, a chunk of Bobby's thigh any day now. But, like, you know, in other cultures. Is it because of that green foot?

Exactly that. That's what I want. That's another story I want to tell you. You know, clock that, Annie, because I have a story about that. But let's say in, like, Papua New Guinea, right? Up until the 1950s, they would eat their dead. What? It was a sign or a show of like respect and honor like when a

person's that's how expensive the funerals were getting they're like let's just eat them fuck it so let me ask you guys this then esther um so in papua new guinea up until the 1950s when it was considered um they they basically the world health organization made it illegal because the women and the children would eat the brain exclusively. And then they developed this, yeah, this brain swelling encephalitis that they called Kuru. Was that the name of the chicken with the leg cut off? I know. Kukuk, Annie.

Have some respect. Kukuk. My poor chicken. But yeah, they would have Kuru. And people were, it was basically like they would almost like go mad from it and then die. And then postmortem, when they would crack their brains open, they would see that the brain had really like spongy texture and giant holes. And then they'd eat that and then the doctors would go crazy. Right. So it like wiped out two percent of the entire population.

But it was only men and it was only women and children who ate the brain. Why? I don't know what their rules were, but... So if you eat human brain, your brain will get messed up and you die? No, no, no. There was a particular prion. A prion is like an infectious protein. And it basically, they ingested that from whatever sick brain. There was a prion.

There was a pathogenic protein that was existing in Palau at this time. The people ate it. They got it like it's like mad cow disease we eat a cow that has a prion and we end up going mad is that what you call going down on annie eating a cow that has a prion a prion it's instead of a trap a strap-on i cover my dick with a vagina it's called a prion. It's instead of a strap-on, I cover my dick with a vagina. It's called a prion. If you were stranded on an island, and it's just you and Todd, Annie, and then you and Dave. Oh, I'll kill Esther. I'll kill her. I would never eat her. I wouldn't disrespect my own body by eating her.

I'd just kill her and let her sit there. I'm not even on the island with you. Oh, I'll find you. I'll cut your leg off like that. Cuckoo-choo. Pikachu. He added like six syllables to his name. Cuckoo-choo. Pikachu. He added like six syllables to his name. Cuckoo-choo.

Pikachu. I'm like, is that a Beatles song? What song is she thinking of that she thinks that? Cuckoo-choo. I think that's Phil Collins. Sa-sa-sa-mo-de-oh. I also get so humiliated when people are like what's the song you're thinking of? I'm like I can't sing it

I can't sing it I can't sing it It's like one of the things that just humiliates me That's so funny that you can get on stage and talk about your pussy Don't Oh because that's what my act is Esther talks about sex on stage

She's like I'm a pizza she's like wow it's like so much more offensive than anyone talking about their vagina esther if you're on an island with dave yes and dave has expired r.i.p you're crying you're really sad but you know she would make dave right before he died start cutting his own leg up to serve her. Okay, so you know it's going to be at least another month before your smoke signals are seen or your flare is seen. No, she doesn't eat spam. She's not going to eat Dave. First of all, I would never be on an island.

Okay, I don't travel. Well, no, you guys were flying over an island. The plane went down. Great. You were going to Skokie and they had to take a weird turn. I'll never get on a plane again. Copy that. No, I would not eat. I don't think I could do that. I think I would just commit to losing a lot of weight, looking awesome. And you know, I'm, I'm like almost vegan. I eat sushi, but otherwise I'm vegan. I don't think I... I mean, can I just tell you, Esther went through a baking phase, a vegan baking phase that was really hard to get through.

She's like, I have cookies. Because Esther wants you to come to her house all the time. So she has to give you little treats and stuff to get you to come over. She has to trick you. And so then you get there and she's like, I bake cookies. And it's like the worst most

disgusting thing I've and it took me a month to even admit it I loved those cookies and I knew you I could tell you didn't like them and you lied I didn't eat them but do you lie any well she baked for me so I didn't want to like I whenever Esther does anything I want to encourage it because I'm so shocked that she is these cookies were so fluffy they were she made them like Esther like was like i have a plan i'm gonna follow this recipe i'm gonna get all these ingredients dave will pay for them but i will do it and then i will force him to eat and dave has been battered down by her for so many years that he's like they're good i'm like no one thinks this is good but we're excited

that she's experimenting she's trying she's there. Mama. So one month you would just wither away. Would you eat Todd, Annie? There's no way Todd would die before me. There's no way. Are you kidding? Blackest would protect me. He would die by protecting me. No matter who you're on the island with, you're the last one standing.

I think so too. You're so meaty. You're beefy. I know. I would be one of those girls at the end of my season of survivor I would not I would look regular can I give you a confession when we had our falling out for three years I was and I didn't see you we didn't when we are falling out we didn't even see each other but we lived one street away from each other yeah

wait what why was the falling out? What happened? You tell it. Well, there were two things that happened. So we were fast friends. One thing happened. No, because we had just had the podcast thing too. But that was like that week.

So it's 2013 was a falling out? It's 2013. Yeah. We had been friends for like a year. Maybe even not a full year. Not even a year. But honestly, Dave and I were like hot and heavy. We had just friends for like a year, maybe even not a full year. Not even a year. Like, but honestly, Dave and I were like hot and heavy. We just started dating and then he wouldn't move in with me.

And so I had, this was like my first. Are you heavy in that? And he's hot. So I had to kind of like step away from Dave and, you know, play the game. Play the game to get him to agree to move in with me. I met Esther. She was living in Amy Chippo, who is a... Does she do comedy anymore? No, I think she's

in QAnon now. She's in QAnon. She's a QAnon comedian. She was living in her... Amy had... She's a avocado heiress or something? I don't know. She had something she told us all the time, but she... So she... We shared a studio apartment together. Now, Esther just had a

small single bed in the corner of someone else's nice. It would have been a great studio apartment had you not been in the corner. It was my place first. And she came in and cleaned it up and made it hers. That's so funny. And you took the corner. You love being the little thing. That's right.

You're sick. You're sick. But like Amy had like a huge bed. It was nice and fluffy. And then she was in the corner. And Amy would like cook and clean for her and take care of her. And I remember you had met Dave and Dave was like writing on something. Dave was like making good money.

And you were just like. We should live together. Why am I sharing a studio apartment with a grown woman? Two grown women. Her weird choice, by the way. It wasn't like this opportunity happened and Dave wasn't ready to move in he's gonna kill me for talking about this I can't believe I'm doing this on the first episode he doesn't want me to talk about him at all and so I had to like

you know lay lay low and then I meet Annie perfect Annie and I go fast and hard this is perfect like I'm trying to give the guy space. I got Annie. She got a new guy. New guys in town. We're going hard and fast. Anyways. We're going to Runyon every day. We basically, we have a mutual friend and I go to this mutual friend's house.

I was like driving in the neighborhood from a meeting, stop by. We have like, I walk in, it's me and him. It's kind of all. Can I just point out you said from a meeting? It was a meeting you just wanted to let everyone know I Hollywood meeting not AI so we're talking for like 10 or 15 minutes and all of a sudden Annie walks out of the bathroom and they were talking near the bathroom and I'm like near the door oh it was it was this guy's studio whatever studio apartment and I was like oh what so you're just hiding in the bathroom at while I'm speaking and I don't know you're there it's it's a three-way call from junior high right yeah what do you think

he didn't ask me what do you think about any but it's that it's like what do you think about Annie she's on the other line like it was that yeah experience and i was just like she and he walks out of the bathroom i'm like what is it esther's like you know i don't like surprises i'm like i don't i just fucking met you no i wasn't even like angry i was i was more like wait no you were so mad you stormed out you were so mad i was on the phone no it wasn't a phone she's just saying it was like when you you did when you would do those oh but i don't think you guys had phones where you grew up no not a lot we also had three like when you had a phone number it was only three numbers but so listen to this so this ad it's like when someone was on the other end of the conch shell i literally remember my childhood number 85533 there was no area code nothing but go ahead esther

so we are i'm pissed right so annie and i we don't speak for three years because i'm like why is she so fucking mad i had no and i'm like why is she hiding in the bathroom why are you guys mad at this listen listen listen listen listen okay so we we fall out we don't speak for three years we reconnect because i think i asked you to be on cocktails that web series i don't know i i just remember being like what am i doing i can't remember how we came back it was pretty fast it was just instant we realized this was stupid yeah so we come back together we're friends for a while and then it takes like almost like six months of being friends again to be like wait why were we mad at each other it's the monkey in the middle who told me to hide he goes oh my god esther will think this is so funny like literally

because we had been friends for we were hot and heavy heavy, but it wasn't, I didn't know you. Yeah, we didn't know each other that well. And then I'm like, he knew that I don't like surprises. He knew that I would be so uncomfortable if someone was hiding and I didn't know. So now we're just like, oh, the falling out was not. Let me get this straight, guys. You guys fell out because someone was hiding and and someone didn't like someone hiding and popped out of nowhere yeah we also though i mean the podcast thing had

happened and i was i think i was pretty resentful i don't remember that but essentially we were going to start a podcast and i guess i pulled out but i don't remember why i pulled out i had it was our we we recorded two episodes which we are we would really like to find if we could find because it would have been good we've always had good it was going to be called esther and annie make out or yeah we're just like let's play on the fact that we're girls and um did esther choose that yes name probably i don know, but it did not, it was not a hard name to come up with. It was very honestly, we either would if we had continued that podcast,

we either would be so successful or dead. Murder, suicide, like dead. We were not ready. We were not ready to do that. I believe that. I believe we're ready now, eight years later. Okay, so before we came here today, we decided to all prepare questions that we've always wanted to ask each other, but haven't asked yet. I'm going to go first. So the questions I have are, let me preface

it. These are questions that if you have the same answer as the person you're dating, it means it's a really good sign you guys are compatible. Okay, wait. So what Esther is trying to say is she didn't come up with these questions. She got them from something else? No. Well, these are quite – just wait. Do you like roller coasters? Hate them.

Ugh, love them. I'm so sick of everyone hating them. I've had so few people in my life recently that, like, the last two guys I dated hate roller coasters. That's why you broke up with them. I'm so sick of everyone hating them. I've had so few people in my life recently that like the last two guys I dated hate roller coasters. That's why you broke up with them. And really? Dave and I both hate roller coasters and that's like a good. Bobby loves them. So even though I hate them, I get on all of them. You do?

Oh, you're so nice. All of them. How do you handle that? I just suck it up, put my big girl panties on, and have heart palpitations for nine days after. The one time I went on a roller coaster, I remember thinking I would rather jump off this seat to my death. Yeah, because it's more exciting. I would rather do that, too. It's more exciting.

Okay, next question that's very similar. You will probably have the same answers. Do you like scary movies? I like the camaraderie of watching scary movies with people. But I would never watch them alone. So the answer is probably no. Annie? I used to love them.

I do like being scared. I like all that stuff. But I have recently... Todd's really into them. I'm like, can we stop watching horror before I go to sleep? But then I'm like, let's put on a Dat date line I want to see a real one date I like I don't like scary movies I don't like a jump scare I don't want to feel scared yeah I love that you are like a freak I love you're like you are like Bobby no there's a whole genre drug

addicts that could be it yeah that no that's what it is it's the drug addicts. It's the adrenaline. Do you believe in ghosts? No. Absolutely. And mind you, I am a science freak, and there's no way that I could ever explain a ghost. Again, you're wearing your I believe in ghosts outfit. But no, I absolutely believe in it because I think I was raised Catholic. You cannot not believe in ghosts if you've been raised Catholic. Yeah, I understand that. I feel like I

don't want to say like, I just, when the people with the things and they're having the seance. The metal detectors. Yeah, I'm just like, this is the most ridiculous. But I do believe that when you die, you like fizzle into the infinity of it all and you're still here. And you're, you're, I believe in ghosts in the sense that our

parents and our ancestors are all within our DNA and and we're all part of them so we're living on through that i just think they exist to torment us like that's the only way that i believe in ghosts like i don't think of it in you are a ghost esther i know esther do you believe in ghosts i want to but i kind of don't like pretty girls like I really want to and I just it's like hard to but sometimes I try to feel like energies wow that's what she calls genitals I try to feel them wait I have my last question is if you were to go back to college tomorrow what would you pick as your major I know mine you go Annie oh I would save that money I would take that money and run are you fucking kidding me I was in college for eight years. My college went out of business two weeks after I graduated.

What did you major in? Counseling psychology. My mom wrote all my papers. I don't know if the E or the U comes first in Freud. Like I have no clue. I hated it. I had panic attacks all night, every night. I never got my work done and then I suffered over it I felt like such a failure such a loser my parents like right before I graduated they were like you we don't care if you graduate or not like you can just like the jigs up if you want and then I was like no I have to I put this like pressure on myself that I would be a loser if I didn't graduate and now I'm like everyone I respect not I do not respect you. So just be careful. But be careful what you do next. No, but a lot of the people I respect didn't go to college or graduate college, finish. Yeah. God.

Go U.S. or what would you? I think I would. I know it's like a cheat answer, but I think I would want to be a dance major. I was as a joke going to say dance. What are your guys' questions? You want to go in here? Sure. Mine are not like that.

Those were good. What was the first time you got dumped, like where your heart was broken, dumped? And how did you retaliate? And how did you come back from it? I got dumped in high school. I was working at Johnny Rockets and I got my boyfriend a job. Oh, now we know how you got, why you got dumped. No, no, no, no, no.

I got him a job at Johnny Rockets and I got my boyfriend a job. Oh, now we know how you got, why you got them. No, no, no, no, no. I got him a job at Johnny Rockets and then he started dating the new hotter waitress at Johnny Rockets. And did you, did you get him hired there so you could keep an eye on him? I got him hired there so he would make money and that too, kind of. It's completely backfired. It was the worst, worst scenario. So I had to quit and I still miss my managers there because they were so they babied me um i never really i think like my retaliation is like my whole fucking career i i'm so pissed

still you're like listen i bought a six flags you guys are gonna be so jealous yeah i was i couldn't it was like the first time in my life where I couldn't eat I was such a mess but did he come up to you and go I'm dating this girl no he lied you no so you broke up with him no he dumped me and I found out later why they always hide it you know they're like it's time to break up and it's like no you fucking French wait why is this French girl at my Johnny Rockets at a Lordchard mall? Get the fuck out of here. Was she like an exchange student or was she older?

Probably. I don't know. I've never officially been dumped. I've just been rejected a lot. Oh, my God. We have to get Bobby for the show to dump you. Bobby's never been dumped in his life either. What?

But he also feels very similar to me. He's also just been rejected a lot. I think the worst heartache I ever felt was the first time. Now I realize that he was a full blast narcissist. But I was 22. He was 37. He was a really good looking tattoo artist, but just not a tattoo artist. He did specifically a Filipino tattoo artist, a Filipino tattoo.

So he was specifically a Filipino tattoo artist a Filipino tattoo so he was like a historian yeah and he likened himself a poet a writer all of these things that a 22 year old would be so impressed by because we don't have a lot of life experience did he smoke cigarettes um he didn't but he had both nose nostrils pierced equal that's the equivalent. It is. And he cheated on me with a tattoo client that I had booked for him. And I found out because I got a really bad bacterial infection when he came back from San Francisco. In the vaginis? Yep, in the vaginis. And it was really weird. She got it in her ear. It was so weird. But they role play that she got it in her ear it was so weird and i remember but they role play that she's the her ears the vagina and and um i genuinely um i remember my vagina

burning really bad and i remember confronting him saying i could either go to the doctor and confirm i got i caught an std or you're gonna tell me the truth and he told me the truth and I pretended to take him back anyways and forgive him because I needed my own way of ending things and retaliating so two weeks go by and um one night I decide that I'm gonna clean the house cook dinner do the laundry and then I left and then i never came back and i i blocked him let did not give him that's so good wait what did you do you have to figure this out so that's a good move that is like when he got comfortable again i was like just kidding go fuck yourself forever and then disappear from someone's life is so good. We must do it. Bye.

Annie, when did you get dumped? I got dumped when I was 14 so hard. And it sounds young, but I was fucking, you know, so it was like intense. Wait, what? What age did you lose your virginity? When I was 14. Very Eastern European. Everyone else, I thought it was so normal.

I was so pissed when I found out everyone else i thought it was so normal i was so pissed when i found out everyone else waited i was like are you kidding i thought i was like a late bloomer you mean i had the option to say no i was i lost my virginia on this guy brad's waterbed in northeast philadelphia off of philmont avenue was the water supplied by you certainly not my tears maybe certainly not i was so i hadn't even like touched his dick I was just so pressure peer pressured and um yeah his mom would come down and my nipples pierced his mom would come down the laundry room he lived in the basement in the waterbed and then the laundry room was across the hallway in the basement that was the whole basement so but and he just had a curtain

instead of a door so she would come down and just like to do laundry and pop her head in. And he was like a wigger, which maybe we'll have to take that out, but there's no other word for it. Sorry. And he would wear his pants like low under his ass. And so he wouldn't get naked. He would just pull his dick out because his pants were already that low. So he would throw his clothes on and then I would just be naked there. I like what what does this look like are you drawing me you fucking talentless fucking loser and so he we dated for eight months i was so he was so mean to me i was so in love with him we would smoke out of two liter bottles he turned into bongs we'd like blasting DMX. He had a neon, a red neon, Chrysler neon, and he was like so low back in it. He would be so low in it with his head that you could only see like the little nub on the top of his baseball hat. And I was like, he's so cool. And he would just have one thing. And we smoked Newports together. And I just thought that we were like, I was like, he may be an asshole, but he's my asshole. I was so in love with him. And then he broke up with me

after we went on a school trip to Mexico, which is an entire episode of this show. I will tell that it's a Mexico trip. He broke up with him because he said he didn't like the way I treated my best friend on it, which is another episode. You were allowed to go to Mexico? With my juvenile delinquent school at 14 yeah

okay with my juvenile delinquent school by the way every teacher was like a I mean almost everyone was right I feel like you're caught as as a child molester almost all of them I feel like that should be three episodes yeah that's a big that's a big one but the retaliation was so then he started dating my he said that he didn't like the fight i got with my friend which was so crazy i'm like what are you talking about so then they so then they ended up dating behind my back for months and then the disciplinarian at the school told me she had gone to another school and she was like called to say hi because they were all friends with us and all the teachers were friends with all the students yeah good friends um and then she was like how are you dealing with like Hannah and Brad dating and I was like what and the whole

school had known except me for months that they were dating and so I called her and her dad was like she's an asshole I'm sorry I told her to tell you and then I could hear him going like ow and the mother was like beating him with a spatula like how dare you not like take her or whatever I'm like but she there's no side or someone just lying to someone and so then I was just in hell at the school I think I took a like a month off where I got tutored at home because I was just like I can't go to school which by the way who lets a kid do that but um my school was just like sure we'll tutor you no why not what and then I became friends with her again because she was like I want to break up with Brad like do you want to call like I'll do a three-way

call so we did the three-way call and she broke up with him and he was like so sad and it just made me feel so bad and I I just like it wasn't there was no like feeling of triumph and then years later when I was 19 I did the landmark forum with my parents which is like a there's like so much coming I know I'll tell you I'll tell you the rest of the story another time but I called him to like I remembered his number and I called him to kind of be like, I really took our relationship seriously. Like, we were just kids. I was 14. You were 16.

Like, young love. Ha ha. And he pretty much was like, I'm really glad you called me because I felt so bad because I was always into Hannah and I never liked you. And I was like, oh, we're breaking up. I can't hear anything. It just backfired so hard. I thought he was going to be like, you were so hot. You know what I mean?

But he's been in and out of prison. God bless him. Shalom. You guys, thank you for listening. She loves wrapping up. She doesn't like starting. She likes to wrap up. What do we tell them to do? Like and subscribe? Do we even have to say that? I think Annie does the whole smash the button, right? Yeah, smash the button.

We had to say it in the beginning. Smash the button sounds like sexual. Who smashes whose button in sex after? You don't know? I guess smashing is a button. But you don't smash a button. Oh wait, you smash. You kinda do. You like. Look,

smash that like button. No, you guys, please. Tickle the like button. Do we keep doing this? Tell us. Do you like this? Do you want more? Like it. Subscribe. You fucking like it.

If you've made it to this part of the episode, you like it. Comment. Follow us all on Instagram. It's linked below. You guys, we're going to. This is a bloodbath. And this is all on tape for the court to see. She's gone down.

Say bye to Esther, everybody. We'll see you guys next week. Bye. Bye. Klyla, you're a delight. Fuck you, Esther. Just kidding. Love you, ladies.

Next week on Bloodbath. I'm wearing a mask because there is a smell in this room that is so vile. She almost threw up. And that's just part of it. Kalilah makes me face the infamous Kyle. Do they become friends forever or do they become mortal enemies?