Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Return of the Go-Go Queen

Episode Date: July 27, 2021

Thank you to our Sponsors:   BetterHelp - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at http://betterhelp.com/trashtuesday Lucy - Go to https://lucy.co and use promo code TUESDAY to get 20% off all products on your first order, including gum or lozenges! Upstart - Lower your monthly payments today when you go to https://upstart.com/tuesday   Stitch Fix - Go to https://stitchfix.com/tuesday and you’ll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix Trash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Subscribe to our YouTube: https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons Official Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8X Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: George Kimmel & Pete Forthun Editor: Gabby Galon --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/trashtuesday/message

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Everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Just download the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. Hey, trash bag, slugs thrown in the trash can, whatever your names are. I am on the road. I will be at Helium in Buffalo, New York on July 30th and 31st. I will be at the Tempe Improv in Arizona, August 6th through 8th. I will be at Caroline's in New York. Please come to that. I'm so excited to go back to New York on August 12th through 14th. And we'll do the rest of the dates next week. But it's very exciting. You can go to my website, AnnieLetterman.com,

and you can pick up my drawing on a shirt. Hi, slugs. I'm really excited because my clothing line, Sleepover by Esther, has a brand-new drop finally. It's the Twilight Zone collection. I'm wearing the pants right now, black and white with alien green logo. And here I'll model it. Oh, God, my midsection.

Blur it out. Also, in October, I'm coming to Florida, Dania Beach. Where am I going? I don't remember. It'll be on the screen, but come see me in Florida this October. First of all, I have to, the elephant in the room is my beautiful voice i had a cold or something and so i sound what do i do i sound you sound like you're mocking me you sound like you're making fun of me to me i sound so different like you can tell right you sound like annie really yeah but you know what the more you talk i think you had to kick it up a little bit what do you mean like you sound the more you're getting animated and like the life is coming back into you,

the less you sound. Oh, that's good. But this is a point where it still sounds sexy. It could go spiral down into something else. Like frog croaky is definitely in the like playlist. When I first met, when I first talked to Bobby on the phone, because I wanted to talk to him before meeting up with him because I was paranoid if he would be like a dick. I wanted to vibe him out.

Did you think maybe he was catfishing you? No, no, not that. I was afraid. I wanted to know if I even wanted to meet him at all and see how he was on the phone. Like, what's he like? But I had lost my voice completely. And just little spritz of sound would come out.

I was like this. Like, it was so bad. That's like so scary. So he thought I was catfishing him. Like, he was like, I think this is a man trying to sound like. That's like so scary. So he thought I was catfishing him. Like he was like, I think this is a man trying to sound like. And you have those shoulders. I had the shoulders.

The swimmer shoulders never help. Well, Esther, like what I would do in your scenario, which you would never do. This is the obvious opposite thing you would do in the world. I would take the moment of your voice being deep. I would buy like a carton of Newports, right? I would just do it. I would yell into the ethers. And then when it was as deep as it could be, I would leave my voicemail message. Oh my God. I'd be like, hey, it's Esther. But it is weird. Like why is your voice like the way that it is? And like, what is that? I think since the moment I could talk, I've never stopped smoking.

Wait, have you always had a raspy voice even when you were younger? Yeah, I always had a – yeah, but I am – Is there like a scientific – like are your vocal cords different? I was diagnosed with Newports in middle school. Middle school Newports. No, they – I went to – you'll actually really like this. I went to my commercial agent's place in New York years ago, and there was like the head guy was in this like big room and I used to like to go in and like be like, oh my God, I pretend to be scared of him. I was like, oh my God, it's like the big head honcho. And I would like pop in and one day he goes, you know, I'm just like dying for his approval and wanting him to say something that's me. He goes, he goes, oh my God, your voice. He goes, it's so and i i said unique and he was like damaged what happened to you it was so funny but you know when i went to spain all of the women there

sound raspy and sexy and i don't know it's because if like spanish people have to roll their r's a lot or they just have a very like hard on the consonants type of but i've never met a spanish woman that didn't have a sexy sultry voice what. What? You know what it is? It's the spice and the spunk, you know, in the go-go. They're swallowing that and it's tearing apart. I've tried that my whole life and it has not worked. Yeah. It's weird. I don't know. Like it's, I'm just curious, is there something, like if I, if we look at your vocal cords and your vocal cords, are yours like? Polypy, probably. I mean, there's probably herpes all over them or something.

Are yours like, help us. She won't stop. But there is, I did do, I did an episode of this show years ago with Joel McHale. It was this like spinoff show of The Soup called The Soup Investigates. And the episode that I did, we were, it was when Vocal Fry had first come out. It was like the Kardashians were getting big. And I didn't even associate. Bad joke. Big butts. Don't say your jokes bad. They didn't know. We'll clip it. We're clipping out when she said it was bad. But we'll put it at the end of one of my jokes. Like Esther's being mean. But so the, I went and talked to this

like speech expert and she said that they think it started when women were going into the workplace to like have a deeper voice to sound more authoritative. Yeah. That it was like, they were like trying to match men's voices. But then I'm like, vocal fry sounds kind of dumb. But there's, there's a, there's an inflection in vocal fry that makes it vocal fry. So there's like a pause, right?

Do it. So like there's like a long like a pause. And that's what I don't like about it. It's like Hey.

Is that it? Honey, you try. Do it. Everyone do it. You go first, Annie. That was natural. That was an impression of me. Now you're

No, it wasn't a queef. Esther, you go. I don't know. I need to hear Now is your moment. Okay, an impression of me. Now you're. No, it wasn't a queef. Esther, you go. I don't know. I need to hear. Now is your moment. Okay, I'll do it. Like, oh my God. Really?

It's like a long, drunk out. Like, ah. Uh-huh. That's actually pretty good. Well, I did the shot. I learned from this woman. Tell me what to say. Say, I like go-go on my no-nos.

I really like gogo on my no no nose i really like gogo oh my god you did it what this hair changed you wait why are you okay okay you hang on the y long so then it fries out you're welcome boners no this is like a podcast nightmare. I feel like all people hate on podcasts is when someone has vocal fry and now we're just giving it to them straight up, serving it fresh. But they never, people go through trends of what they hate on podcasts. It's a new thing each time, you know. The worst thing ever changes. Yes, it does. It's like in the zeitgeist of what like podcast listeners are going to hate. For a while, it was like people have kind of dropped when people say like because at this point, I blame my so-called life, the show for why I say like so much. I was so obsessed with

that show. Did you watch that show? I've heard of it. That was my sister's big show, like always on and she's obsessed. It's good. So I like hate it because to me it just reminds me of like the time where I wasn't allowed to watch cartoons. You weren't allowed to watch the Twilight Zone you freak. You weird. Oh my god I really actually am getting attracted to you. Why? I mean first the hair and now the voice. You're just becoming me. Oh my god. You're slowly

becoming me. Your sweatpants are higher than usual. Wait she has an extra pair of hoops. Annie throw them at her. No no no, no, no, no. If you, well, these are the ones that went through the nipple. No, and also, those look so heavy.

How do you wear those? They're not heavy. They're so light. Let me feel. Oh my God, they're so light. Esther, put these through your nipples

right now. Put these through your nipples right now. That's crazy. You guys, if Esther doesn't get her nipples pierced, I'm quitting the show. I do think a small barbell in a nipple is cute.

Who are you? Honestly, something happened when they dyed your hair. I've always thought that. The girl, the girl, the cool girls in high school got it without me. I told you guys this. Wait, do you have a twin sister you didn't tell us about who's traded places with you, like in Big Brother when they do that? There's just like one, they trade out.

Do you guys watch Big Brother? Yes, of course I watched that season. You didn't, you stopped watching. I did stop, but that season I did. Esther, can I confront you about something?

You're a stupid bitch for stopping watching that show. Because you used to watch like live feeds with me and shit. Yeah. You were in deep. The live feeds of Big Brother was, that was like,

I wasn't like leaving my house because I didn't want to. When are you leaving your house to work? You don't leave your house if you can't. I hate to bring him up again, but I didn't want to. When are you leaving your house to work? You don't leave your house if you can't. Hate to bring him up again, but I think Eric Griffin was on board with you when Big Brother Mania.

Really? Yeah. I think he's super obsessed with it too. Hate to bring him up again. Hate to bring him up again. Hate to bring him up. We just don't want to bring up the fact that he told us that we had to wear lingerie. I love you, Eric Griffin.

We've had so much fun together. He's engaged. He's engaged. That's amazing. Congrats, Eric. Holy shit. Eric, you Eric Erfram we've had so much fun together. He's engaged. He's engaged. That's amazing. Congrats Eric. Holy shit. Eric you got engaged before Kalilah. Dude Gilbert got engaged before

me. He did? Yeah Gilbert is engaged. I thought you were going to say Gilbert got engaged before he got circumcised can you believe it? Also a fact. Oh my god. Oh my god what if he put the ring in his like pee skin his pee pee skin yeah and then when she folded it back the ring fell into her hand oh that's romantic isn't that the cutest

you just wipe the little cheese do you hide it in the turtleneck and then you pull back the turtleneck and then there is the ring that is so surprising and romantic it's not it is romantic by the way yesterday um sir what yesterday we're shooting doll face and cat dennings was like oh my god like everything's so different now like shay and brenda have babies i'm engaged she's like esther you're engaged i was like i've been engaged since before the first season like esther got you got a the same car but a newer one esther so i hear there there's been backlash about your corolla. Dude, the people are like coming for me. They're like, you are wrong. Why would you get a Corolla? You should have

gotten a Tesla. People are mad at me about the Corolla. And I have, I have what? Can you pull up the amount? I bet you this is, is this one or two comments? No, no, no. It was like, it wasn't that much, but it was, it definitely has like stuck with me. And I just want to say that I came to my conclusion because, you know, I'm like, did I make a mistake? Like, should I have gotten the Tesla? And now I've decided that a Tesla has bitch I made it energy. And I'm not ready to have bitch I made it energy. I'm like, I'm still on my climb.

And I don't want to like roll around town being like – like there's something about it that makes me feel scared. There's something about you saying roll around town that does fit you but there's no car involved. Push me. No, Esther, they have not – until you've lived a mile sleeping in Moyer's basement, you will not know what it's like to be Esther. Your dad would disown you if he got Tesla. Yeah. And also, you also have to understand that this car is 20 years newer than the car I was driving before. This is very big. It's very big. So I feel like I'm driving around town in the nicest car ever. Look, I stan a Corolla. You guys know this. I will put hands on anybody who says that you should have gotten a Tesla because then

they don't know who you are. Honestly, the white is the issue I have. Why? You are the – as far as cleanness, you are a lazy bitch and they get dirty so fast. Yes. Did you get it to match your favorite liquid death? No, I got it. I told you guys.

I heard once that white is the safest car on the road because everyone can see it at night because everyone's like oh i always thought everyone's like look at that look at that nerd i've never been someone to stop and look to see if a car is dirty at all like i don't look at a car and be like wow they haven't gotten a car well obviously we've seen your your embodied car well that's not my fault. Do you drive? I drive. I drive all the time. But you have no car. No, I had, you guys, I'm from the hood. I used to have an expedition. I used to drive a really big expedition. Was it raised? And Annie knows this story. But when I first started dating Bobby, I parked in front of his house because I couldn't park in like the guest spot. It was too big. My car was too big.

So I would park outside. And then Bobby drove into it like Sam Tripoli. But then it was a difficult part of my life. So this is when I was coming out of nursing school. I was, I feel like I was spiraling, but I racked up a lot of tickets and I got impounded. And then I just said, let go, let God and see ya. That's so hot. Wait, can you do that?

Her car went to prison. Yeah. And then I never got bailed. I never bailed him out. Did you never get, you never got another car so you never needed to do registration? Because sometimes they'll get you with that on the next round. No, I haven't had a car since. I haven't had a car in almost 10 years.

I asked Bobby that the other night. I said, I go, who drives when you guys drive? And he said, he does. He does. With your heart condition. Honestly, he does for short distances. And anytime we go to Palm Springs or anything far, that's when he pins it on me. Yeah. And then what he does is really rude because at least when he drives, I'm always like an active co-pilot. Yeah. Like I'm active on the music. I'm active in conversation. What he does is he lays the seat flat and he knocks out and I'm all alone in this five-hour drive. But do you lead a normal life? Like what if – do you have to be like, oh, Bobby has the car today so I can't like –

Well, Bobby doesn't go anywhere either. So I actually drive more than him. I end up, you know, if I go to the beach, I take the car. Also, I have the hours of 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. to do whatever I want because he doesn't wake up till 3 p.m. So I can live a whole life before then. I know I've told you this off of the show before, but I used to have a boyfriend who would wake up at like 5 p.m. I would have gone to yoga, jujitsu. Like I would have like had a whole day, gone on a lunch date, like had so much fun my whole day. I come home and be like cooking dinner or whatever.

And he would like be like, I never have any space. And I'm like, motherfucker, it's been, I've been up for 12 hours. What are you doing? Without you. Yes. That was my COVID life. Because as you guys know, Dave slept till like four o'clock every day. So all day I was just like, I was alone and talking to everybody.

Yeah. Yeah. You were never alone. You were on FaceTime with me the entire time. Yeah. So all day I was just like – I was alone and talking to everybody. Yeah. Yeah, you were never alone. You were on FaceTime with me the entire time. Yeah. Todd just is like so used to just – he – like he I'm assuming can sleep through this or he just suffers quietly. But I will just – if someone FaceTimes me in the morning, I will just – he's just like it's fine. I'm like is it okay? And then I'll just be FaceTiming while he's still asleep.

I can sleep through that too. That doesn't annoy me at all. Yeah, it wouldn't annoy me either. I like when I'm asleep and the world is fussing around me. That's a good feeling. Do your animals wake you up at night? Because I'm going through a really difficult phase with Donut where at 4 a.m. she does these grumbles, like these like grumbly noises,

and she doesn't stop until you get up and walk her to the water bowl. Like she's thirsty in the middle of the night. It's driving me nuts. Can you move the water bowl closer? We do. But she wants you to like lift her. You have to like stand, you have to escort her. Wow, she really is her mother. She's just mirroring what she sees. Is that bad? Does she make Dave make her popcorn in the middle of the night too? My dogs don't wake up until I wake up. That's how she used to be. They don't dictate my sleep-wake cycle. I dictate theirs. I would never have it any other way. You're the alpha, so you just have to alpha her. Yeah, you have to alpha her.

I am not that. Donut is the alpha in my house. No, but you have to switch it. I refuse. Dogs are above me. Pretend she's Carlos. Dogs are above me. Does Randy ever wake you up in the middle of the night? Randy doesn't wake me up in the middle of the night, but Randy gets up like an hour probably earlier than I would sometimes. But I've trained him now. I went out, well, Todd did, I guess. I went out of town and Todd just ignored him when he whined. So now he just,

if I can, I can be quiet. I can tiptoe out and I can go like take a shit and like go get coffee without him and then take him out afterwards. But if he wakes up for a second, we're going out. Yeah. My dogs are not like super regimented in that way. I also am like – I don't know if you do this, but like maybe you don't. But do you feed her the exact same time every day? No. She has free range to the food like oh yeah but she never eats because she's scared to eat this is like a whole thing Randy eats at night like Randy will wait until like late night he's just like oh I have feeding times I have designated feeding times but then can I was gonna say can I come over for a feeding

time that sounds really fun will you serve me a bowl don't – again, it's like it could be an hour off, an hour earlier, an hour later. I don't like to spoil them in that way, I guess, because it's like – Well, you do have to be their leader. You really do. And they will do what you say. Yeah. So they don't command me to anything. I would love to be a dog in your pack.

I would feel so secure. Well, pop out a hip and she'll bring right over. Oh, yeah. Cut an arm off and she'll take you in. We should probably talk about this since this could potentially happen to you. So there's this girl who had tonsillitis and she went to the hospital and she got her tonsils removed. And the next day when she woke up, she had a full-blown Irish accent. What? That's so funny. I swear to God, George, pull it up.

And so I want to know, if you were to wake up with any accent after they take your tonsils out, what would it be? British, right? Like, I feel like you have to say British. It's like the commonly like... If I had an Asian accent.

How do you not say British? What are your guys' answers answers you don't know any other accents it's so funny what else is there i want like a thick baltimore accent what is a baltimore it's the same it's exactly the same as philly it's like so trash it's like it's just the same like like well for philly it's like over easy eggs over air like you guys like oh my oh my god like Mare of Easttown Mare of Easttown yeah oh my god what is that

Kate Winslet you didn't watch Mare of Easttown I didn't watch it it's so good Annie can you like pop your tits out at me girl they're coming for you what is she talking about

I want to see this it takes place in Philly doesn't it yeah it's Philly oh so Kate Winslet has a Philly episode yes and people from Philly

really think that she did a good job is it a murder though it's a murder yeah it's a whodunit actually I don't I don's a murder. Yeah. It's a whodunit. Actually, I don't partake in the murders. It's a whodunit series. I used to be in the – I don't even want to do those anymore. I really am working on not having any darkness around me.

It's pretty dark. Do you ever feel like something is just preventing you from achieving your goals? What isn't preventing me? I am a child of trauma. Do you ever feel like something is just preventing you from achieving your goals? What isn't preventing me? I am a child of trauma. Or something is maybe interfering with your happiness? Yes. Well, you should check out betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday because I know I have anxiety and I really need more than just the normal life. I need help. That's why I use BetterHelp. And BetterHelp will

assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. Yeah, when I realized I'm in fight or fight, you know, you got to talk to someone. You got to talk it out. You need someone that's a trained professional. That you can connect with in a safe and private online environment, which is so convenient. And you can start communicating with someone in under 48 hours from right now. It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It is professional counseling done securely online. And my favorite part about it is the journal feature. So you can send a message to your counselor anytime and you'll get timely and thoughtful responses. Plus, you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions. We want you to start living a happier life today. And as a listener, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHelp.com slash Trash Tuesday.

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that promo code Tuesday. Also, I have to give this disclaimer warning. This product contains nicotine derived from tobacco. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Let's see her accent, George. Lenny, this video is for you. I woke up this morning. I didn't do anything different. I had breakfast. I didn't really talk to my housemates because Lexi had gone to work already and Sasha, I don't think she was up before I left. I took a shower and I, I usually sing when I'm showering and listening to songs. And all of a sudden I was talking in an Irish accent and I thought initially that that was just something I was just hearing that this can't be real. And now I can't shake it. Oh, my God.

What did she have before? What was her accent before? I think she was just an American accent. Oh, she was Australian? My accent is from a cool part of Ireland or not. It's totally not normal. And I'm on my way to the hospital. Stuart is coming soon.

And I'll keep you posted. Shut up. But it is like an Australian. He sounds like Conor McGregor. I do like an Australian accent. That's like kind of sexy. I have a little bit of Australian PTSD because less boyfriend type stuff. But yeah, I love New Zealand.

New Zealand's my favorite. I don't remember what a New Zealand accent is. It sounds so good. So good. It's the best. I can't do it. Oh, I'm kind of hearing it. It sounds so good. So good. It's the best. I can't do it. Oh, I'm kind of hearing it. It's so good.

It's the best. Can you do it? I can't do it. I don't know what Esther heard. I heard you kind of doing something. You just are attracted to her. No, I heard something. No, you're trying to put a thing on her

to like take away that it's not just her you're attracted to. Annie, so Baltimore for you. Esther? Australian? I'm going to say British. I feel like you can't go wrong.

Yes, but this is what part of England? Their class. There's a class system you can tell in their accent. Oh, fuck. So are you like a crikey? No. For example, are you from Essex? Are you like, I think.

No, no, no. I think, I think. I'm like, hello. Would you like tea? You're a posh one. I like how you're a waitress in this. Would you like some tea? Could I get you some water refill? Would you like tea? You're a posh one. I like how you're a waitress in this. Would you like some tea? Could I get you some more refill?

Would you like fries with that? No, I'm Irish. Yeah, I think British, right? I don't know. Do you know what I want to do? I'm going to start doing a hypnosis where I try to teach myself to let loose with accents. Because I do have like, when you do accents, do you get like a fear of being doing a bad job uh no I'm a mimic so for me I just have to listen if I hear it like when we went to when me and Dave went to Australia we like I could nail it but it has to be fresh

and I mimic it and then I'm like fine but it is a listening skill yeah that's all it is but I get really I I was um my ex-boyfriend or this guy that I was dating before, he asked me to do a Trump impersonation once. What? Yeah, he just was like, he was just like, try it. Because I was like, I want to see if I can do like impersonations. But I didn't mean like right then. And he was like, all right, do Trump. And I just like, I don't, I went like, you know, like, I don't know what I said.

Please do it. No, but I really, I couldn't even tell you. I just did like nothing. I was like you know like I don't know what I said do it no but I really I couldn't even tell you I just did like nothing I was like um the country or whatever and he was like he started laughing at me and I had a visceral like breakdown you got like panic fight or flight like red like red like it was like the most I don't know why that was well it's you know that saying in therapy if it's if it's hysterical, it's historical. So there might be something like. Someone made me do Trump voice before.

No, but it was, you know, when you were put on the spot. Yeah, it was like, yeah, maybe. I do remember. Wait, that did give me a flashback. And you know I love attention. It was in that part of your brain where the memory sits. It was in that part of where my clip in is. You can feel it. My track.

Oh, my track. My track's bringing me back. No, I, okay. So I love attention. There's no, I will never hide that. My whole family has attention. However, when I was like eight or nine or 10, somewhere that age group, we went to the Phillies game for me and my twin brother's birthday. And I said to my mom, do not, I go, mom, you're not getting the Philly fanatic to come do, mom, you're not getting the Philly fanatic to come do it. Cause they would get like the Philly fanatic is the mascot and they would come like pour, you know, confetti on you and they put you on the jumbo trunk. And I was like,

you're not doing that. My mom's like, no. And I was like, okay, good. Cause I really don't want that. And she was like, okay. So they get there and the fucking Philly fanatic comes and my swim coach was there. I was like so embarrassed. And, um, my swim coach was there I was like so embarrassed and um my swim coach was oh my god embarrassed I almost I'm turning into Sebastian that's my my tonsil accent embarrassed but so then so then um and I remember feeling so humiliated and betrayed by it my mom was like what was I gonna do I'd already gotten it I was like why you gotta warn me oh no but I was like so but but isn't that weird that I love, I mean, I couldn't want attention more. But that's like being caught off guard though. Yeah.

Because that's what I wanted to ask you, Esther. Like, I know you hate surprises. Yeah. But how are you with surprise parties? Like if someone threw you a surprise party. You know, I, so for my 30th birthday, my best, my childhood best friend surprised me by being at my house. And I was, it was amazing, right? Like it was so

wonderful but then I had this whole night this party plan and I was like well my best friend is here I just want to hang out with her so like I was like I would have done this differently so I still stand by that I don't think surprises are good because there's you can plan better but I do like surprising people but I do want to say I have a... Oh, she likes to surprise but doesn't like to be surprised. Well, like in a safe, like for my mom's 60th, I surprised her and that was like amazing. Like we pulled it off. Can you tell the story? Well, it was just my dad and I for like, for some reason, like for six months, we talked every day about like coordinating the surprise of just like me hiding it. Well, I know why you had to talk about it so much is

because your mom's usually the one that does all the work so you're like we're gonna have to figure out how to do this stuff without her is she a hard person to surprise well it's hard because like we all have each other's locations so I had so I had to like power I had to power down my main phone because I have a second phone so like you have a bat phone yeah I know so like it was just there's all these like little like spy techniques we had to use like my dad oh my dad had to leave his phone at the airport when he came and picked me up so my dad and i had to like plan our meeting space at the airport there was just these little things but you know it ended up being great and my mom was so shocked and it was really fun we've got to

do a reboot of harriet the spy but it's you. I know. But you're a kid, but yourself. I want to be a spy so bad. That was like my pastime in high school was me and my best friend would spy on her brother and his friends. What would they be doing? Playing video games. Touching penis tips? Wait, I want to say though your story about like that scary story at the game.

When I was little, I was at a birthday party where there was a magician and the magician came up to me and was like, have you cleaned your ears lately? And I was like, I don't know. And he pulled something like, you know, like a ribbon or whatever out of my ear. And I just started crying. It was like, I have to go home now. It was like the same thing. Is that why you've never cleaned your ears? Well, you're not, first of all, you're not supposed to clean your ears. You're not supposed to put anything in your ear. You've told me about this about vaginas. You've told me about this about a lot of things, Esther. Pretty soon every inch of your body will be just like mine. But it is like scary to be put on the spot like that. I don't know.

It's like embarrassing. It was embarrassing. I felt embarrassed. At Halloween when I was in fourth grade, we were doing this like all the kids were painting each other's faces, chasing each other around. And I had a crush. What color? All colors. Okay, good. Just making sure. I don't know about what your people were up to. But we couldn't blackface blackface, Annie. We're tan. We're black people of Asia. No, but so all the kids were painting each other's faces. And I saw my crush and he was having a good old time. He let all the girls paint on his face. We were just doing this and doing that. So I was like, this is my moment. So I got a big wad of paint and I was like, hey, Paul John. His name is Paul John. Paul John, let me paint your face. He turns around. He's like, fuck off in front of everybody. And I

ran crying. Why? To this day, to this day, I am not over it. I am not over it. That was one of the most humiliating things I ever got through. Why did he do that? I don't know. Let's find him. George, pull him up. PaulJohn.com.

Paul John. PaulJohnsMom.com. I was going to say, I have a boy story that I'll never forget from when I was in kindergarten, but it's kind of the opposite. Were you the mean girl to him? No, no. A little boy in kindergarten, like he liked me and he gave me a ring. And I was so, I know I've talked about this before. I was so like grossed out and like scared and like hated it. Like, you know, when you just, you know, when you're that, you know, you that you know you know under that age like where boys are just awful like it's gross yeah i went home and i buried it in my backyard i was like i don't want this to exist i don't know how to get

a version of him grew into the tree every day this is not what i wanted but it was like it just you did you do you have any memories of being younger when the opposite sex was so icky to you? It scared you? I remember being so boy crazy and having a situation like, at my summer camp, there was this counselor named Brady who I was like, I mean, we had a quiet time that was like. You failed it. No, well, I think I had to be quiet.

This might have been my only time. They implemented it for No. Well, I think I had to be quiet. This might have been my only – They implemented it for you. Well, think about this. I also was like a Quaker where we had like meeting for worship was silence. They've been trying to – the universe has been trying to silence me for quite a while and I won't be taking that. It won't be happening. But so during quiet time, you're supposed to be like writing your parents or taking

a nap. I would like white knuckle and be like, great. He's so hot. Like I just like, like hugging a pillow. Like I just like couldn't like deal with how hot he was. And so then after quiet time, the bell would ring and they would have like free time and you could go, they would have for snacks. You could go get fruit.

They would have a bowl of fruit. So I go to get the fruit. I'm probably like 11 or 12. Full Hanson, like looking like such a boy like you can't look more like a boy do you have the voice uh i don't know i'm sure i probably did have the voice i mean not the singing voice but obviously the husk and i there's one orange left and brady also comes at the same time right to get the orange but i already have it and i go haha i got it and i throw it at him but i nail him in the nards.

I get him in the balls and he like, and he like topples over. And then I'm like, what do I do? Like, I don't know how to save this. So then I was like, I got to double down. So then I took the thing and I squeezed it on him and he was like, what the fuck? And I was like, so you don't want to go to the dance with me? Yeah, it was really. That is a good move to double down, though. Why? Well, I'm like, I might as well just because it's like I take the control back. So now I'm like, now he doesn't like me, but it's like because I.

Well, now you're just because now you're just a bully. I can't even say the word, a bully. Is that the moment like that changed you forever? Were you like a nice girl until that moment? Hmm. You were just a little girl who liked Brady. No one really called me a little girl at that time. I was on this Facebook live audio thing with Christina P and Katie Morton, who's a therapist. And one of the questions-

It was a group therapy. You're like, it was this Facebook live thing. It's therapy, but you get paid. But she asked us, she's like, what would you tell like your 14-year-old self? Like what would you say? And oh my God, I never really thought about it because I think about what I would say to like a young, young me, like eight years old, but not like a teenage me. And I got choked up. Was it because you were gagging on Dr. Cock? Doc Cock? What did you say? I don't remember now, but it was something along the lines. You don't remember? No. How long ago was this? It was. Short-term memories. Oh my goodness. No, I said something

along the lines of just hold out. Life does get sweeter. Or I know you hate your mom now, like hold out, like life does get sweeter or like I know you hate your mom now, but you do. She's a really good cook. Yeah. She cleans well. She's going to drive you to Palm Springs one day. Let me tell you. That is really going to feel good. I drove. No one drives me on these long, long distance road trips. I have to drive those. One time my ex-boyfriend and I went on a road trip. He, by the way, cheated on me the entire time. It was so weird. I'm like,

we were just going on a tour of him to like bang. Anyway. What? Wait, hang on. It was really just one girl. He cheated on you while you were with him? He was, okay. We were still friends with him. We're cool.

So we had been friends in college and I had had, I always had, was like the person that would have the prospective students stay with me. So like people that wanted to go to my college would stay in my dorm and I would like. On recruit trips. Yeah. And I would like, we would just give them, my friend, my boyfriend and I would just like give them like the best time they could like. Yeah.

We're like, what do you want Coke? Yeah. What do you want? We're going to get you what you want. What? Yeah. Recruit trips are hardcore. I came back.

We weren't going to have them do, we told them to cut out all the stuff. Dude, it's true. I went on a recruit trip to Ohio State and I came back with double pneumonia and I was hospitalized for two weeks. Why? Yes, because that's how it should be. Because it's, that's on recruit trips

you just get so fucked up. Yeah, you're showing them like the school's cool. Yeah. So I had two, I had two prospective students and the one girl was like kind of

like the sweet one and she lived in Napa Valley so we were in Santa Fe so we were like why don't we go after like, it was like a month after spring break so we were like why why don't we go after like, it was like a month

after spring break. So we're like, why don't we just go on spring break to go see this girl in Napa Valley. So we go on this road trip. And I didn't really like want to be girlfriends with my friend. But he was like, he pulled the move where he was like, you're either my girlfriend or we're not friends. And I was like having so much fun with him because he's, his personality disorder was really fun sometimes and then not fun other times and really fun sometimes and then not. But I don't want to out him. But he was a Kanye of sorts. Yeah, he was Kanye-esque except less of the Yeezy part.

Wait, how was he Kanye? Bipolar. Yeah, he just happened. It's okay. So we go on this road trip and we took my parents' car. I had my mom's credit card he ran out of money like immediately so then i was and he was like a rich kid but he just like lied and said he didn't have money like for this trip so then i was like fuck so i had to charge the credit card so we're in

the middle of this but i was still gonna have to pay the credit card off so then it ended up like being eighteen hundred dollars we drive to napa he starts banging this girl i'm like i didn't even want to be your girlfriend i would like go take a shower and they would hook up. And then when we drove back, he slept and I listened to Angela's Ashes. Oh, my favorite book. Oh my God. Frank McCourt. Of course that's your favorite book. And Tiss. Tiss is after. What is that about? Angela's Ashes? Let's just take the part ashes. No. What is it about? Angela's Ashes? Let's just take the part ashes. What is it about? It's dark.

It is about a family in Ireland. It's sad. But it's back during the time when the consumption tuberculosis. They lived in like poverty. It's just this story of this. It's sort of as a rags to riches because he does end up in college. And I remember liking this book a lot because. Angela's children died. It was sad. It's really lot of dying, like consumption children. It was very,

very sad. What I loved about it is the way he wrote. There was almost no periods or commas or proper punctuation. If you think I've ever read a book and haven't had these motherfuckers read it to me in my ears, you're crazy. Oh my God, it's a memoir. It is because, and it's also like a stream of, he writes more like a stream of consciousness. It's so casual the way he writes that it's so transfixing. I swear to God, Esther, you'd love this book. It's just so sad. But so I'm listening to this. It's raining. He's just, he's cheated on me. I'm like, is this like, my tears are the raindrops. I don't know. It was like so sad. I was so depressed, but we got over it. He paid me back years later. Years later, he bought me a bunch of stuff.

Oh, that's nice. Like what? Like really nice sunglasses. Actually, I think he stole me expensive sunglasses. But he bought me a lot of dinners and like took me shopping and stuff. Yeah, I like that. He's cool. One of my best friends married his brother.

So we're all cool. I don't – this is okay i don't know if taking me out to a meal is a good way of paying someone back because then i'm like well you we have to i have to hang out with you to get the food well it was fun to see him he's okay bipolar so he's very very very very very very when he's on he's on and when off, scary. No, he was not violent. You guys, let's talk about upstart. Okay, if you're carrying a credit card balance month after month, it can feel like you're in a never ending cycle of debt. But upstart can help you make that final payment so you can get ahead. If you're like me, and you dread looking at your credit

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It's so, it's genuinely so easy only way you're returning stuff is if you're getting it from yeah stitch fix and they're helping my favorite part is that there's no subscription required okay so you can try stitch fix once or you set up automatic deliveries if you want to you'll pay just a 20 styling fee for each box which gets credited towards the pieces that you keep and And there's no hidden fees ever. Get started today at stitchfix.com slash Tuesday, and you'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That's stitchfix.com slash Tuesday for 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. stitchfix.com slash Tuesday. stitchfix.com slash Tuesday. It was really like, it was so fun to see him because the way I saw him,

I was, this was five years later, he had moved out of Santa Fe and I had harbored like a lot of anger towards him. Like my mom had come for some reason, was just visiting me and he was out the window. And my mom like went down to go like get the money back and he like drove off. Like he had been avoiding this money, which was so funny because he couldn't, they're from like Greenwich, Connecticut. He could have just spent the money, but for some reason he just like didn't want to give it to me, which is a good lesson because if you do end up like footing a bill for someone or lending someone money or whatever happens, like you are giving money away because you just have no control over whether someone's going to, you know, it was just really, so I'm working at this restaurant, the cowgirl, and he just walks out of the bathroom. I haven't seen him in five years.

And my instinct was just like pure joy. Like I was just so happy to see him. There was no anger. And he's like, I'm sorry about the money. He's like, let's go shopping. Oh, that's nice. He's just so – like it was really fun. We had a great time.

And yeah, I mean I've had like tons of good times with him since. And I'm – you know, it's all good. But you're right. It's not like the real thing. But that's why you live in the world of contracts. And that's where I think you should stay. You should really get the – because that's the only way you can really take him to people's court, you know. How would you like not my immediate family,

but my grandpa lent someone in our family money. And instead of paying him back- They bought a new Camry? No. This person paid him back with vitamins. Oh, what kind? Because did it extend his life? No. Because she had like a vitamin company. Okay. And like- Was it a real vitamin company or was she like doing new like was it like herbal life it wasn't quite like herbal life but it was just this running joke in my immediate family of like you can't

fucking pay someone back with vitamins bro like but how did your grandfather feel was he pissed or probably yeah like when his own children didn't pay him back, he was mad. Like that was, he was very, like, you know, he was, took that seriously. That's a reason for a lot of resentment in my family, like in the Philippines, especially because at first it's like, oh, I'm a little bit more in a position of, of like financial stability compared to them. Right. So I obviously like, I put several of the girls through school or the kids through school. Only the girls.

But then it turns, actually mostly the girls. But it turns into this. It turns into, then they ask for something else. And then when you say no, they forget that you're putting their children through school.

They're just remembering that no. Now they're going like, you're the bank. So now they're like, but you already gave it to me, so give me more. Yeah. And then they're angry when you can't give them more than what you're already giving them. And, and, but they, that gets thrown in my face a lot. Well, you know, we're not as lucky as you, or we're not this, it's like the guilt trips.

It's like this really sick, sick, sick cycle to a point now where I'm like, all my money is taken care of by my mom. And I'm like, at your discretion, because I don't want to ruin my relationships with these people. Everyone knows to go to my mom now, not to me. I should do that. I should give my dad all my money, but then Las Vegas would have a really good weekend. But it still wouldn't have hearing aids.

Well, you could do this, Esther. I give a set amount now, like every year, and I hand it to my mom. And I'm like, this is at your discretion. I don't care who you give it to. Because my mom is really – Yeah, she's the business manager, right? But it's not more than what I would be uncomfortable with. It's not more than I would be comfortable with.

Yeah, I'm like in a similar position as you. Like my immediate family like knows that like I'm the one, if there's an issue, come to me for money. But I'm also not, like, I don't know. It's definitely a complicated situation. But I'm, like, I'm. You're not rich, but they know that you're the most, you're the closest to being rich. Yeah. I'm, like, just let me know what you need.

Like, let's talk it, like, you know. I'm trying to, like, empower my parents to make their own money. Like, where it's, like, my mom. Because my mom, she was, like, yeah, she's, like, you're. I'm trying to like empower my parents to make their own money. Like where it's like my mom, because my mom, she was like, yeah, she's like, you're just so young. You have so much like opportunities. I'm like, mom, you're fucking writing a book. Why are you writing? Like my mom's like doing all this research and she's writing this book about a mill girl back in the day. And she's like doing this like children's book and everything.

And my mom had, when I was growing up, she wrote, this is so gaggable, she wrote romance novels. Like, oh. That is so embarrassing. And they never got published, which means they're just like fuck journals. But she can self-publish now? No, but here's the thing. She did end up self-publishing a book, but that was about me and we don't talk about

that because it's from the dark. Wait, what? I know this, yes. It's too upsetting. It's too upsetting. Okay. I can't be triggered. I can't be triggered.

We love mommy. I do love my mommy. I love my mommy.. We love mommy. I do love my mommy. I love my mommy. Your mommy is the best. Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy. I'm like, do I? Why'd you write that book, bitch? Mommy, mommy, mommy, bitch.

Do I know this and I'm just forgetting? I'm sure I've screamed it towards the area you've been standing. Annie, look at me, your mom and you holding hands in the rain. I know. I love her. You love her very much. I love that fucking bitch who wrote that fucking – no. She wrote a book about raising troubled teenagers loosely based on me and the –

for it is so dark and so mean to me and so nice to my brothers who were so bad too. Like you got to understand, my brother, he would – like my mom would take the car after my brother would have it. She would press the brake and like empty 40 bottles would roll. I'm like he's drinking and driving in high school. I'm the bad guy because my friends went to prison. Excuse me. But this is a common, that's a common thing of like mom favoring the sons. Like I feel like everyone I know who is a girl with brothers, this is.

Or they expect it from the boy or something. And the girl's supposed to be like a little younger. The girl has higher standards. But also she was a good girl. And so she's seeing's seeing herself you know whenever there's like a fucking me too thing that comes out and all the guys are always like but i mean what if he's being and we're like we were raped do you know what i mean where i was like everyone you kind of like see yourself in like whatever gender you are in that remember your joke that was the funny will you please say it the fun about like when me too started happening you're like guys are i'll say it guys are all scared that they're going to be accused of rape

like don't you think we're scared of being raped like isn't that worse i remember getting in a fight with one of these comics i'm friends with because he was like my biggest fear is being accused of rape and i'm like you're like're like, I could think of something worse for me that's bigger. I'm like, so it all leads to you eventually getting butt raped. But like, we're just raped very, like on the first level we're raped. But also I've been thinking about how I love men recently. So I've been thinking about how I don't want to be a man hater anymore. I want to like release that sort of energy.

I don't like that's man hate.ater anymore. I want to like release that sort of energy. I don't think it's man hater. And I just surround myself with like the goodies. But that was a dark time in comedy. Oh my God. Right. Where everyone was like, I'm like just like, it was just like trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger. And I also understand like that that's a real thing too.

But I would have to have these conversations with guys where I'm like, oh, I don't know what to say. I know that's a fear, but mine happens more often and more holes. I learned a lot about – I'm not a man hater at all. I have a lot of, like, wonderful men in my life. Why did you say to the man in the room? But – In my face.

Man voice hater. When it comes to that topic, like, I've been able to recognize what deserves my voice and what deserves my silence and and it's one of those things like annie says where it can it can really spiral you especially if you've been assaulted especially if you you almost have to like protect your peace right so you can't get into these like it's just not my like honestly it's like i sat in court i'm good you know what i mean you had your day in court. I did my time. I just don't want to be on jury duty anymore. But I do notice that it's like the guys, just because it's human nature, the guys are going

to go like, oh my God, my worst fear would be that part. And then ours is like, oh my God, our worst fear is this part. But it does all end up in some sort of vaginal or anal raping, if you think about it, if you really break it down. You know, you really gave that story a beautiful ending. Yes. You know, I just wanted to give it a delicate sort of like brown flower at the end what's your guys's experience with jury duty i'm so glad you didn't say rape

oh boy i'm so disappointed give me a second chance let me but and that but the reason i was saying this because i think my mom was thinking like well well, I was a good girl, so she should be a good girl. Yeah. And like, boys are boys. But anyway, I forgive her. But she did write this romance novel. This is what I want to say, and we'll get back to jury duty. My mom wrote this romance novel. The most exciting topic in the world. I know.

We must get back. Well, from the woman whose favorite book is Angela's Ashes. It's not my favorite. It's just top 10. She's going to be like, I love jury duty. Actually, jury duty can be exciting, but sorry. Okay. Well, if it's a murder, it could be fun. No, but like, but then you see real pictures. I don't know where I'm trying to go with this. Go back to your story. This will bring

this to you. So my mother wrote a romance novel and she was a part of this thing called Romance Writers of America. And she wrote a book and it was called Selena's Revenge. It was like an action romance. And there may have been time travel. I can't really remember. But, you know, I can't read. So that was just like a thing that happened when I was, you know, in middle school or high school. Then I go to like some meeting at Comedy Central or someplace. And one of the receptionists is there and she's reading a book and I go oh what are you reading she goes oh nothing and I go why are you embarrassed what are you reading and she's like it's just a book about writing romance novels she's like I write romance novels and I go oh my mom uh used to write romance novels and she wrote a romance novel she went to Romance Writers of America she goes oh I'm a part of that

and I go yeah she won best like best book or something, best new book. She had like won this award. And the girl goes – Newberry. The girl goes, she goes, that's such a big deal. She's like, that's such a huge deal. She's like, when did it get published? And I go, oh, I don't know.

And then I talked to my mom. She never followed up. She won and could have had like a hit book. But she just like was I guess got like ahead of like in her own way and never followed up. So then when I'm talking to my mom now and she's like, you have all this earning, but I'm like, bitch, you're writing a book. Like, why don't you just like make it a money maker? Just make money. Esther, you, um, I talked to you last week and you asked me if you, what I thought about you, how you would fare in nursing school or as a nurse.

Okay. Oh, my God. I was thinking about this because my uncle's girlfriend, or I guess fiance, she had just passed her test. And, like, everyone in my family was so happy for her. And I was sitting there secretly. I was like, you guys think you're happy for her? You don't know how happy I am. Like, another nurse in the family?

Like, this is so huge. I was so happy. And then I started thinking like, because she was talking about how hard she'd been studying and how nervous she was to pass this test. And it got me thinking like, should I like become a nurse? Like I love nurses so much. How big of a deal? How hard? Give me the real like. I have a theme for the next episode george sexy a work attire okay sexy nurse you'll be something funny i'll be something sexy construction worker i don't know why but kalilah like how how delusional am i like how just tell me what you think can i tell you how i delusional you are? I think Annie can do this. I'm so sorry. When I said I'm going to bring Randy's balls, what was your reaction?

Okay. Well, that is – what's Kalilah's reaction? I think you get queasy very quickly. Yeah. Especially if it's not your own fluids you're dealing with. Yeah. Nipples are involved with nursing school, you know, sometimes. It seems as though you're okay with your own fluids and maybe someone close to you but if it's a stranger like it's a very thankless job oftentimes

wow um and on top of that um i i do think you're a loving person i just i can't view you in like a caretaker role she's lying look at her i just said i don't know i do think you're really i caretaking is even me i can't do it there's a reason why oh my god you're such a caretaker what about if i just went to the school part but then like i just like use that knowledge like in real life i feel like when i said i wanted to take math classes you're a fucking idiot so i'm gonna say to you you're a fucking idiot esther you will get through the the through the actual like the tests and the books and all of that stuff. But you do have to do clinical rotations. You have to be in the hospital the whole time.

Are you interested in being able to like diagnose yourself more? No, I just feel like being a nurse is such a fucking like life skill. Like just knowing Kalilah, I feel like has elevated my world. And I'm like, oh, what if I could be that for like other people? I'm just thinking of all the misinformation that's going from Kalilah to you out to the world. It's like a game of telephone. And also I never finished college. So I feel like I have this bug in me of like wanting to like finish something out, see something through, learn something.

Here's where I have a little bit of beef with nursing schools in general and how they can be so far up their own asses. I went to Cal state long beach and it's one of the top nursing schools in the country. Surfing schools too. And surfing schools, good volleyball team. Wow.

Um, but they basically tell you this when you get accepted into nursing school, say goodbye to your friends, your family, your social life, your volleyball team. But they basically tell you this when you get accepted into nursing school, say goodbye to your friends, your family, your social life, your travel plans. And they paint this picture like it's some sort of like the hardest thing you'll ever do in your life. And it just simply isn't true. I think anyone can do it. I think that if you while nursing is a really hard profession, it's just school. if you and i know you do school well so if you just commit to it like i don't like how they discourage a lot of people from doing nursing school because they say you won't have a life i fucking i've never traveled so much when

but do you think when you're a nurse it's going to be hard to have a life no because you work three usually it's three on three off right when you're finally in three days yeah three days on three days off well how long does nursing school take um for me it was uh stupidest idea i support it but typically it's two years two years okay yeah and i i do think you'll get through do they do they let you out in time for your comedy show at night when did you become canadian to get your tonsils out wait i a question. How far did you get into college? I got halfway through my junior year. But your classes have since expired, so you have to take all your prereqs all over again. Wait, really? Yeah, I think so. What was your major? Hand modeling?

You know what I love is that I think you really believe that. I started as a dance major and then I switched to acting. You thinking those are different from hand modeling is crazy. And then I landed on journalism and then, yeah. Oh, my God. Did you learn anything in journalism? I did. I took – well, nothing comes to mind, but I took an investigative journalism class and that was so much fun like just learning about like a deep dive into like how journalists what they do is i was like oh this is cool they

like really go digging i was what what why are you laughing the trackers on the phone it's all i'm thinking of you sure now actually digging. You would be a great CIA agent. Thank you. I don't think you'd be a great mortician. So cute. I know CIA agent is like my dream. CIA agent? I think they should. CIA agent? Oh, wait, I thought you said CIA. You said CAA. You actually honestly might be a good CIA agent. No, I don't want that. No, you are good at gathering intel. There have been times where I've talked to you for five hours and I realize literally you've only asked me questions. I'm a questioner. How good are you at keeping secrets?

Very good. Oh, my God. Look at her. She's dating a man. She's engaged. I mean, she's really taking this one far. No, like I'm yeah I can definitely

do that cause I yeah foot fetish men are gonna go wild cause I'm itching my red feet they're just so cute

and little you see how I've covered mine you'd make their penises look so big that is a I think that is a plus with you Esther

I think you'd make any penis look enormous thank you so much for that amazing compliment, both of you. They look small on your tits. You're giant. Oh, yeah. They look so small with your tits.

My boobs are not even that big. I'm just short, so they look big on me. Your tits on me would still look giant. On mine as well. What if ours are the same size? No, Carly and I, Carly, Akua, and I have twin tits. You guys are. When we've been topless together, it's like, oh, my I, Carly, Akawilo, and I have twin tits. You guys are. When we've been topless together, it's like, oh my God, that's the same boob.

Oh, you were topless together? Tell us more. Then what happened? Well, okay, engaged to a man. I've been topless. I saw Jenna the other day. Yeah. And I was like, oh, I've seen your vagina and boobs.

On Jenna? Wait. I saw her. It was like the third time I'd met her. Oh, at the comedy store. The main room show had ended already or there wasn't one that night. So it's like pitch black in there. And we just had enough light to like kind of go in and hang out.

We were sitting on the stage. We were sitting on the stage. In a circle. Like this empty, like little semicircle. And we were talking about vaginas or tits or something. Female body parts. And we're like like for some reason i like you know how jenna jenna is a friend of the show jenna is short for genital um you know

she's always whipping that puss out jenna is so jenna for people who don't know jenna is my friend from college but she's very close with you and bobby and when i met jenna in college it was jenna was like a star to me. Like, I just remember seeing her on the campus and being like, I'm going to see her vagina. That girl is so cool. Anyways. I don't really know Jenna, but unless you think seeing someone's full vagina is knowing that. We didn't really see full vaginas. It was probably full vagina.

No, no, no. It was like, I mean, I didn't see that where it ended in the back, but. I didn't see. vagina. No, no, no. It was like, I mean, I didn't see where it ended in the back, but I didn't see. If I know Jenna at all, you've seen her actual cervix. That's because But she was saying that I think you had just been waxing her vagina.

Did you ever wax her vagina for her? I've done other things to her vagina. No, not waxing. What other things? Well, no, like sometimes where You gotta taste it sometimes. Like when I first met her, you you know it was just a whole lot of like what is your vagina what does mine look like let's look in the mirror together we're all so disgusting and we're like is this an ingrown or is this herpes you know like that kind medical

news medical news did you pop uh ingrown hair for her oh my god no just this one hamstring hair that she had that was like coiled in there for years oh oh like years yeah I call dibs on certain ingrowns on people if I see them I'm like do not touch that I'm coming back tomorrow with my gear and I have my little lancet it's a whole thing here I just picture you suiting up I do I do I wake up extra early go for a jog like that's my day I want to know what kind of helmet goes like this like she's such a theater major she can't help herself you go for a jog. Like, that's my day. I want to know what kind of helmet goes like this. She's such a theater major. She can't help herself. You go for a jog. Like, that's so Clarice Starling of you. Like, I just picture. But is it you're going through a jog because you've grabbed the end of the hair and you have to run around to pull the whole thing out? No,

this is just all prep for what is going to happen, which is I'm going to pull out this 40-foot long ingrown and it's going to blow my mind. Do you like Dr. Pimple Popper? Yeah, I've been following Dr. Pimple Popper. I was probably her second follower. I've been on her. She's never responded to me, ever. One time I tweeted at her.

Esther, I'm sure you got something. I got a connection. When she was on The Rise. Oh, I meant like something to get popped. I made Bobby tweet her one time a picture of my friend's, what we think was like a pilar cyst on Twitter. This was when Bobby and I were first dating. I was like, well, like my friend, she doesn't have insurance.

She can't see a dermatologist. This thing has been there for a long time. We need your celebrity. Yeah, I was like, I need you to do me a favor. See guys, she's not a gold digger. She's a pimple digger. Do you understand? Do you get what we're talking about here?

See? And so I was like, please tweet this. I was like, he has a check mark, a gold digger. She's a pimple digger. Do you understand? Do you get what we're talking about here? See? And so I was like, please tweet this. I was like, he has a checkmark, a blue checkmark. I was like, he's going to get – I was like, Jessica, hang tight. We're going to get this cyst taken care of. And she never wrote back. So that was a big bust. The cyst has grown and grown and grown.

While we're talking about these other like second career possibilities, me as a nurse or CIA agent, is there a possibility for you to have like a pimple popping clinic or something? Pimple popping clinic. And we'll do the dance and the merchandise. That would – here's what it is. I don't want to be a facialist. Pop-up pimple popper. I only want to do – honestly, I want to be a blackhead queen. I just want to do straight

blackheads or deepows. What's deepow? Dilated poro-winer. What is that? What's that? It's basically like a giant blackhead. Oh, I've seen them. Yeah. So you'd be like an extractor. I just want to be an extractor, but only for obvious ones that I, because

if I don't get a thrill it's not worth my time like some of them you can work hard for the money i'm not in it for the money i'm in it for intrinsic reward she's not in it for the pussy she's in it for the bus wait annie what would your second career be oh what would you be if you weren't work at the zoo because i got so much fucking uh what practice with you guys uh no. What would I be? I don't know. A zookeeper? Wait, weren't you supposed to be a dog trainer? Oh, I really was supposed to be a dog trainer. What? We should call Rex because this does sound like a lie. I met this man. I was drunk day drinking literally weeks before I quit drinking. And I was wasted smoking a cigarette outside a bar.

This ripped like bodybuilder guy walks by with two Corsos, like these giant fucking guard dogs, right? The candy Corsos. And they walk by, he walks by and then he like snaps, they sit, they lay down, they do it. Like, it's just so impressive. And I went, I went, oh my God, what are you? This is my exact words, I'm wasted.

I'm like, what are you? Like, are you selling. I'm wasted. I'm like, what are you? Like, are you selling an energy drink? I want to buy it. Are you giving a seminar? I want to take it. And he's like, I'm a dog trainer. And I was like, I want to be a dog trainer. I need a job.

And he was like, okay. And then I like met up with him again. And he was like, all right, before you start training the dogs, because his job was to train guard or fight dogs. They would rescue fight dogs and then they would train them to be guard dogs. So this wasn't just like training fucking Donut and Randy, right? Even though it's probably way harder. They are out of control.

Even though no one has mastered that yet. So I like before I could work with the dogs, he's like, you have to work on your leash work. So he gave me a leash and I would have to work on fences. I would have to click to a fence outside and I would have to like train an invisible dog. So I'm in my peak alcoholism. I'm just wasted on the streets. Jacket zipped open.

It's snowing. I probably have my tits out. I'm just like pulling a leash and going like, no, sit. Good boy. And like petting an imaginary dog on the streets of Brooklyn.

And they always have you over accentuate the good. The good. Good dog. And I'm petting this dog that doesn't exist. And so I did that for a while and then he sent me to the,

they had a farm with this guy, Roland, that he worked with. And so I went to the farm. I remember calling my dad ahead of time and be like, hey, I'm going to this farm. No, I have not met these people. It's in upstate New York.

I don't quite know where. The place is called Skinner Road. And he's like, Skinner Road? He's like, this is a snuff film, Annie. This is a snuff film. But so I went and they had like the kennels and stuff and they had an area where you would put on a bite suit. I did not get in the bite suit yet.

That was going to be the next hang. But you get in a bite suit and you have to train them to bite to train them not to bite. So I just helped like clean up their shit and like learned about different training techniques and stuff. And then I went back to New York and they're like, all right, let's talk about money. And I go, okay, cool. And they're like, all right, we're going to need you to be on call. And I think it was like $10 an hour.

And I was like, oh, no, I'm a comedian. I can't do that. I was like, I do open mics. And then so I just stayed friends with Rex and never did anything. But that's what happened. Well, that's a dream. That must be a common thing for comedians. Because when I trained to work at the Hard Rock Cafe in Hollywood, I literally went through like three weeks of training. And then at the last minute, I was like, oh, I have a show. And they were like, oh, it's over now. Yeah, it really is. Like, oh, fuck. Why did I just train for this job I can't do?

Let me see if Rex picks up. Here, let's do a banana break while we wait for this. Oh, yeah. Who is this? This is Alba Facilities. Alba Facilities. Well, watch our podcast. It's Trash Tuesdays.

Thank you so much. It's on YouTube. You really will like it, Trash Tuesdays. It used to be called Bloodbath, but it's a long story. But you should watch it. It's on YouTube. You will like it. Oh, thank you.

Will you comment if you do really watch it? Okay, thank you. You're going to like it. All right. Okay, bye. What if that's how we got all our listeners we just called random numbers i'll take a banana today that felt validating that other people had called it's available something's happening to you it's the bleached hair no you

know what it is it's there's less stress about eating the banana because it's it's in its package so my parents uh really got like shamed me for not eating bananas when I was home. They're just like, you should eat bananas. I don't know all this shit. Kalilah says. A weird thing that they didn't discipline you in so many ways and that's the way. They just like whip you with the. Do they beat you with the.

No, that's what her mom did. I thought. It was a joke. I keep forgetting. Oh, yeah. Remember the picture? Yeah. Oh, my God.

That's so funny. Did you guys hear about that man who got swallowed by the humpback whale? Is that Moby Dick? Why do you keep bringing up books? You know I don't read. He was like a fisherman. And I think he was scuba diving. It's a plot to Moby Dick.

I know, but this happened three weeks ago. Is he okay? Is he okay? Yeah, he's alive to tell the tale. How do you know? It really happened. Michael Packard was lobster diving in Cape Cod on Friday. Get me that.

When he says the humpback whale sucked him right into his mouth before spitting him out after 30 seconds. He was just going along and I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Whale of a tale sounds fishy, goes this headline. You would expect more serious injuries, one Cape Cod doctor was quoted as saying. He had no soft tissue damage and no broken bones. But this 54-year-old scuba diver says he totally believes this story. I believe it fully. It is possible. Why? Because Reiner Schimpf had an almost identical experience back two years ago

and has the photos to prove it. That's his body sticking out of the mouth of a whale who'd swallowed him off the coast of South Africa when he was filming footage of the sardine run. We've got to get us to swallow a fucking whale. This would really piss me off. Imagine being actually swallowed by a humpback whale, surviving it, and then inside edition being like, well, this is fishy. Here's the thing. They always, they're going to go with the- Yeah, motherfucker, it was fishy. I was was with a thousand fish in there gonna go with the pun yeah they're gonna go with the pun as someone that makes tries to make clickbait himself but um are you him are you referring to yourself i was pointing at george's young ginger let's go with succeeds. Well, the last one, wedding woes.

It couldn't have been Esther's the cum queen. I think we might have gotten a little bit more. Oh, my God. Esther, how are you doing with all that? Esther, how are you feeling about being crowned a queen? Oh, my God. We really have to revisit this. It's the funniest thing that's ever happened on the podcast.

This is the highlight of our entire podcast. Still George. George is the highlight of our entire podcast. I can't even frame anybody's new photos. Still George. George is still you know it is what it is. She came down with a cold soon after. Yeah. So back to my humpback whale Esther. Do we think that this is real? That it

did happen and this man did? Yeah right? Like you really think he could get this far with that lie? What what's he trying to ink like a deal with about his story but the story's already been done right so here's like what is he what is there to gain from saying that you got swallowed by a whale you know i wouldn't have thought that it could be a lie but then again there are those people out there that like will make up those crazy things just you know you said wouldn't And there are those people out there that like will make up those crazy things. It's cute how you said wouldn't.

Wouldn't? Yeah, it was cute. Wouldn't. Oh, maybe I'm British now. Like I said. No, I always notice when she says cute things. Wouldn't. I got to even it out.

Wouldn't. I don't know, Annie. What do you think? Do you think it's real? You know what? I actually don't care. Here's how I feel about it. Here's how I feel about it. If this man wants to go into the trouble.

Go, go. If he wants to go, go inside. No, I just think honestly, it's like if he wants to make up this tall tale, I'm proud of you. You're creative. Do your thing. If he did get swallowed by a whale and people are calling him a liar, I hope he has the strength inside him to not give a shit. And obviously he knows whether it's true or not, but you're always going to get called a liar. I've been called a liar a million times. It's like, I don't lie. I know I'm not lying.

But it sounds also, though, like he didn't really get swallowed. It sounds like it took it in their mouth and then they spit him out. Oh, that's going to be memed. Oh, my God. Fuck. The meme. And go, go, queen. Damn it. No, but I mean, it's a cool story. Cool story,

bro. Cool story, bro. Chill. Fucking gets wild by something. Another thing. Annie's only interested in the lobster that she saw on that screen. I am thinking lobster. I'm thinking lobster. I actually saw the clip of Esther talking about how disgusting crab legs are from two episodes ago and I'm upset. They're not my preference. That's what I've learned to say when you don't – not to like yuck someone's yum. It's not my preference. Yuck someone's yum. Again, that's a memer.

Oh, I'm sorry. That's gum someone's dick. That's what I meant. I'm so sorry. Oh my God. I am going to That's gum someone's dick. That's what I meant. I'm so sorry. Oh, my God. I am going to be such a good blowjob giver in my 80s. That's all I can say.

Well, I guess this has been another ridiculous week where the cum queen was referenced for no reason out of nowhere. Well, sometimes cum comes out of nowhere, you know? Just right in the face. I don't know if I agree. I don't want to bring up that I've been molested, but. Oh, gosh. Oh, boy.

You know what I want to do next week? This is what I'll tease. I want to talk about the sunblock, the sunscreen poem from Baz Luhrmann. I think we should write a new one. I think we should write a new one. I made you and Dave listen to it, or did Dave bring it up to you or something? There was something. You talk, yeah, where he says wear sunscreen.

Yeah, wear sunscreen. I think that's what it's called. But there's like a whole, it's like really great advice. It's really beautiful advice. But I think we could rewrite it in our own words. We should do because Baz Luhrmann, we should designate line by line to each other and then we'll read it out loud. Okay. Put it together and then we'll read out a new version without looking at each other's first.

Okay. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You'll explain it to me better later and then I'll know. Yes. Well, we'll write you the instructions, but also the, like, you just write each other's part and then the other person has to read it. Okay.

Right? Is that what you mean? Like what happened to Rudy the other night? I explained it poorly, but I'll do a better job later. That's a good example. Like you think you understood and I know I didn't. Like that's how bad we both have our own way of being bad. But then I'm really codependent, so I could have easily said, yeah.

You're like agreeing with both and none at the same time. Yeah. Well, thank you for joining us for another episode of Trash Tuesday. We'll see you next week. One day we'll have a better name. One day. We promise you that. We do promise you that.

We promise that Trash Tuesday is very temporary. We'll figure that out soon. Yeah. Thanks, everyone. And next week I won't be this sexy husky voice girl, so enjoy it while you got it. And I will still be this. But you'll still have Annie. You'll still have Annie you'll still have me