Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Scary Boy Stories & Esther's Big Lie

Episode Date: October 26, 2021

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That's right. It's Trash Tuesday. Welcome, you guys. Today is the episode where we all get canceled or we're extreme feminist icons. I really don't know which one. I have road dates coming up. I'm so excited. My stand-up shows are going to be very personal and you're going to learn way too much about me and hopefully you'll have a fun time. I know you will. You can get tickets at estheronice.com. I'm coming to San Francisco, Portland, and New York and some of those might already be sold out. Thank you so much for your support. I can't wait. And sleepoverbyaster.com for my wonderful new items. It's me, Annie Letterman. I know you can't tell because I look so hot.

You don't even know what to do with your nether regions because I look so gorgeous today. Anyway, it's the Halloween episode. You can come see me live in Philadelphia, my hometown at the Punchline Philly, November 26th and 27th. Right around. Eat your turkey.

Come see me. Wawa. Go Eagles. Chase Steaks. The Irvine Improv. December 2nd. Then you can see me at Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Texas, December 9th through 11th. You can see me in New Jersey at Bananas Comedy Club, December 16th through 18th. Go to Annie Letterman.com. Check out all the dates.

There's a bunch of them. It's going to be really fun. What the fuck am I looking at? How have you not even had a reaction to my bald cap? Literally, what the fuck? Do you see it? What the fuck disgusting shit am I looking at? How have you not even had a reaction to my bald cap? Literally, what the fuck? Do you see it? What the fuck disgusting shit am I looking at right now? I'm a priest. Of course a Jew would say that.

This is really getting very, it's a, this is a religion war. Let's go. And why? I'm your pubic shine. And why is Kalilah like a 10 out of 10? I've had this in my closet for years, guys. It's actually the most

beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. I'm mesmerized. And you forgot to draw my tits in. I know, but I don't know if mine are drawn in enough to counter this wig. And you have deodorant stains all over your costume. I know, and I was going to fix it, but then I was like, I don't care care. No it's on brand for us. We're not perfect. You guys I have a bald

wig on right now. Okay. Does it even show on camera? What the wig? Friar tuck. I'm not Friar tuck. I'm Friar um slut. Okay should we say what's going on? I'm Friar tuck my dick.

That actually is very cute is it really yeah it's very cute unzip it a little let it get some cleave oh my god i did kegel my root chakra queefed oh it has a little tail so i was told that the theme was a sexy halloween costume but based on your child something you dressed up as when you were younger. Correct. The fact that nobody got you booty shorts and a Johnny Rocket outfit makes me so upset. But I was always dressed as a Dalmatian when I was little

because my favorite movie was 101 Dalmatians. You were also a legitimate Dalmatian called Jacob, right? That's right. I did think I was a dog for a brief period of time. And this is actually surprisingly – This is the sluttiest part I don't know really little boot cuts wow oh we yes sir really my favorite Dalmatian was I was Pongo you know what I don't know the Dalmatians that's where it's from Pongo because we had a foster that Bobby named Pongo and I just thought he just pulled it out of nowhere I don't remember that maybe you could name him Pongo and I just thought he just pulled it out of nowhere I don't remember that maybe I watched it

now it was Pongo and Perdita were the mom and dad perdita wait did you watch the the the live action yes and did you like it I did like it I've always had the same thing look whenever someone remakes something I'm just appreciative that I get to experience my favorite thing in another way I don't get like hatery about it. I surprisingly did get hatery about Beauty and the Beast. And Selena. And Selena. I think I saw Beauty and the Beast.

Beauty and the Beast one, except that I was really... What? You just are talking like you've seen a lot of movies and I know you haven't. You're like, I'm appreciative. I'm not hatery when they come up

with the one movie I've ever seen in my life. And then you haven't seen Beauty and the Beast, one of the most popular movies of all time. No, the re-live remake. But I actually think maybe I did. I don't know. This is not interesting.

It was not good. Yeah. I mean, it was okay. I still enjoyed myself because I love all the songs. I know every word to every song. Hermione was... She wasn't it, right? That's right.

She wasn't Belle. I'm sorry, Hermione. You got a character that was very popular. I'll never... From a quiet village. Every day like the one before. Little town full of little people waking up to say. Bonjour.

Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour. There goes the baker with his tray like always. The same old bread and rolls to sell. Every morning just to say, since the morning that we came to this poor provincial town.

Good morning, Belle. Good morning, Belle. Good morning, Belle. Good morning. Yeah. Good morning, Belle. Okay, let's stop because I think this is not good for copyright reasons on YouTube. Oh, that's right.

Okay, so we should probably explain our costumes unless they're pretty self-explanatory. I think Annie needs a full head to toe. I had a fucking staff and I'm really mad. I had a staff. I'm really relieved. Oh, you would have been poked left and right with it. Now, I have questions. I'll just let you take the floor.

What are you? I was Friar'll just let you take the floor. What are you? I was Friar Tuck in third grade. Okay. And so now I'm Friar Tuck now, but I'm sexy Friar Tuck. Grown Friar. And who's Friar Tuck? Friar Tuck is the priest in Robin Hood. Why did you dress as that in third grade?

I don't know. I don't know. And I'm my mother's only daughter. So I think she would have been like, like steered me in a different direction. She dyed a sheet brown and wrapped me in it. And I remember the only Friar Tuck wig they had was gray. So I was like an elderly Friar Tuck. Makes sense.

Every mom's favorite movie at that time was Robin Hood because of Kevin Costner. Oh, really? And then the Brian Adams song to match the, you know, in the soundtrack. What song? Everything I do. I do it for you. This is a musical episode. This is the musical episode, guys. Anything to distract from my wig.

I feel like I'm not the most vain person, but it is hard to be in a bald cap. Look, respect. Respect. in a bald cap. I look respect. When George said that I had to dress like a hot version of an old costume. I really did consider this because I told you guys that I was Osama bin Laden. Like right after 9-11. If you were sexy Osama bin Laden. You were. And I just could not.

I could not figure out a hot Osama bin Laden. I think he's always hot because he's always hot. You know that. He's never not been hot. No comment. Os hot Osama bin Laden. I think he's always hot because he's always hot. You know that. He's never not been hot. No comment. Osama Zaddy Laden. Oh my God, it does exist. So there is a sexy Osama bin Laden costume out there.

Wow, that's disturbing. Will you look up sexy friar tuck and see if I'm the first one? I don't think it's going to have something. I could have just cut out some sheets, shown my titties. But you are. Wait, it's like Carlos's hair. Oh, my God. It's Carlos's hair.

He's been a priest this whole time. Okay, wait. So I chose Salinas basically because I don't know if you guys know, but deep down inside, and this is no offense to the Latino community. You are a Latinx person. I feel it. Like if you were to say like, I know I'm Asian geographically, but I. She's Latin next. I feel very, very connected to the community.

I know at least like 15 Selena songs. That's huge. So I, therefore, I'm here to represent. Quince. You look so hot. Quince song. Have you guys been to a quince? A quinceanera?

Yes, I danced in one. No, it's so sad. Oh, really? You were part of the Vals? Did they buy, they bought you? No, it was my best friend, Christina's Cuban. I was like one of the dancers. How fun was it?

It was awesome. Were you wearing the same outfit? As Christina or as right now? Did she have it in a hall? Yeah, it was in a beautiful banquet hall. She wore a dress that looked like a wedding dress. We were all in like pink. We looked like bridesmaids.

Even though we were 15, it was very weird. One of her cousins was super hot. Jorge. Oh, my God. Perfect. I made out. Perfect name for a hot cousin. My friend Melissa's quinceanera, I made out with at least three of her mustached uncles.

What? Oh, my God. Is that true? I just tongue them down. Just hardcore. You went to them they were like no you're a kid well no you dance right we dance too and then we were dancing and they take the lead and you know what i uh yeah and you made out with uncles actually there was a girl but there

but she had uncles that were in their 20s like old like older in their late 20s but I did have a friend in high school that was totally hooking up with one of our friend's uncles. Drama. Or his dad. When you were in high school, what's the oldest guy you hooked up with? When I was a freshman, I briefly dated a senior, like my very beginning. Citizen? But I didn't really really i stayed within high school from high school you think you're ready and then you go home crying is what it is like you talk

about when i had to retell this story to a friend yesterday what is going on i met this guy on like uh the party line because i didn't have like yeah so we would just call and it's kind of like swiping if you didn't like who you were talking yeah so we would just call and it's kind of like swiping if you didn't like who you were talking to you would press a number and it would move on to the wait is this a real thing yeah it was I never called them how much did it cost it was free the party lines were free the party lines were free and so I met this guy he went to Cal State Northridge his name was Brian and he said he was a Calvin Klein model and so he picked me up he lived all the way in the I I lived in Pasadena.

He lived like 40 minutes away here in the Valley. He took me out to Claim Jumper. I was 16 years old. He wasn't, he lived in the dorms for some reason, but he looked like he was 30. You don't know Claim Jumper. It's like a chain restaurant. Yeah. Did you work at it?

No, but I've been. It's fine. Did you work at it? No, but I've been. It's fine. And then he wouldn't give me a ride home until he fucked me brutally. Wait, what? Excuse me?

It was really sad. I had to recount the story, and I didn't think it hurt me until I had to retell it again. It's hurting me, too. Not to hurt you more, but can you tell us more details? Yeah. Tell us the brutal part. Okay, so after Claim Jumper, I was like, okay like maybe we'll just do this and we'll make out and even i was even open to sex but the way that he had sex with me was so like i want to just beat this girl up and then i was like after

sex i was like can you take me home now and he was like no just sleep here and the reason he wanted me to sleep there was because he wanted to wait a couple hours fuck me again brutally and then send me home crying like i've never had i've never had someone just like terrorize me like that it was so rough and so painful and there was no it feels like a confession what do you mean terror terrorize like that's where i'm starting to be like there was no it was story has always been bad you're poking at details she's been poked okay enough yeah it was really rough i remember bleeding a lot i remember just like just it was horrible welcome to the halloween episode guys vaginal bleeding included yeah so this should say trigger warning yeah but you know what giggle giggle were you under 18 i was under 18 and his name was brian and as he was over 18 oh he was probably 30 living in a dorm somewhere in cal state north

ridge statutory rape yes yeah for sure welcome to trash tuesday and this is the very beginning of this episode we have not been through much yet i i have a i have a well one up me one is not gonna one up you i'm so sorry but you know why this is so why am i doing this because you weren't as hot as her. I know. Not as many people. She was. She was a model. No, I was. I was. And I was a big. Keep in mind, I'm saying that as. I was a mall model.

I was a big back swimmer. As the ugliest one here. That's. I'm just. Thank you so much for acknowledging this. This has been so awkward. When you stroll in, you kind of put your tits out a little. That's what I'm saying.

I know I'm the ugliest one here. So I say that from that place. You were not as hot as her. No, I. Unless people raped you because of put your tits out a little. That's what I'm saying. I know I'm the ugliest one here. So I say that from that place. You were not as hot as her. No, I. Unless people raped you because of it. Thank you. And again, I'm ugly. Because I do.

You know what? Every time I have been like, I'm not even going to lie. You said such a good point. Because we need to reclaim our molestations. OK, we actually were hot. So no, I just want to clarify something because you know she's like i was raped and we're like what no it's obvious she was hot where we don't understand because we were i know it's like when you do get when you do get

nobody else like no when you look identical to the middle hansen brother who i will tell is the hottest hansen brother but he is a young boy and someone jizzes on you you go what are you into how was i was the one my okay my rape story is not that good obviously as the ugliest of the raped um so i i was i kind of got up one morning i was like i brushed my ugly teeth and um no i went i was with my friend we went to her uh her i don't know how she was friends with this guy but he was a grown man that we were friends isn't that always definitely gonna rape us it's like why is a grown man it's like with we were 13 or 14 which by the way you think you're you're old then if you look back pictures of you even if you are a mature one

it means you look 15 no you're absolutely right if you're mature for 14 you look 15 years old all this time when i made out with older uncles i was like oh i look old they must know i look old but when i look back at pictures i'm like it's a fucking no we were so little dude when i saw that video of me at 18 speaking i literally what video the high school yeah where i was 18 but me 18 i look like a talking baby i look like a talking baby now i'm acting like a baby the fact that you have any sexual activity is it's criminal dave should be in prison i'm 33 just but it's so weird it's weird i told you i hold your hand when you cross the street i like forget i know I know. And I don't stop you, do I? I'm like.

Wait, OK, so you were telling a sex story? Why did you turn it into a sex story? You whore. You asked for it. Yeah, and my tie-dyed over, my oversized tie-dyed shirt with the goofy picture. Come on, Annie, rank the rape. I wasn't sexy yet. So my friend was like, this guy's going to buy us beer. Let's go to his house.

And she made me go up to his daughter's room and make out with him. And he was like 40. In his daughter's room? And I was 13 on his daughter's little bed. Wait, Annie, what? That's worse than my story. Did you say it's worse? I feel like it's a little creepier because-

I think it's worse. I think it's worse too. Because there was coercion on a different side. My friend did it. My friend made me do it. I think it's worse. I think it's worse too. Because there was coercion on a different side. My friend did it. My friend made me do it. Yeah, that's bad. I'm not friends with her anymore. You know what, bitch?

I'm never letting you do my hair. She's a hairdresser now. I'm never letting you do my hair. Actually, she did my hair. Did she say why? It's actually. You know what? It's creepy that this 40-year-old man was like, get that little one to make out with

you. That's- Yeah. Recruiting. He was using her to recruit you in. We probably banged her. What did you do? You guys just made out?

Yeah. It sucked. I hated it. Why? He was just ugly and I just didn't like it. And you did it for beer? I just did it because I didn't feel like I had another option. Look, when it comes to ugly, that's never the issue for me.

I fucked two boys. One was named Frog comes to ugly, that's never the issue for me. I fuck two boys. One was named Froggy. Another one was named Guac. Like, they called him Guac. That was... Did he cost extra? Was it because he was brown and it was, like, second day guac? Did he charge $1.70 extra?

Oh, my God. Look at her stoner laugh. Are you high right now, bitch? No, but I love a good Chipotle joke. Thank you. You have a guy named Guac? Guac. I took a Mad Dog 2020 to the dome and somehow-

Mad Dog 2020. Do you remember that? Yeah, I think that's what that guy was buying me. Kalilah tells us just now she hooked up with a guy named Guac. And honestly, you've been let go from the show. You're fired. You gotta go. We're going to continue to use the studio, though.

Thank you. And if Bobby could make a cameo every other, that'd be great. Thank you. Good. After this episode, I'm going to need some better help. You're not the only one. Listen here, guys. If you've been tuning in at all, you know that I have a long list of things that have hindered my life.

Uh-huh. Thankfully, though, there's BetterHelp. Yeah thankfully though there's BetterHelp. Dude you guys have to check out betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday. BetterHelp will assist your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. Connect in a safe and private online environment. It's so convenient you can start communicating in just under 48 hours. It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It is professional counseling done securely online. You are never going to regret actually getting help. There is like, I don't think this podcast would still be on the air if we didn't all use BetterHelp. Correct. They have

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Wow. The malls are open. Bummer. And I don't want to walk them. I don't want to do them anymore. You know why? Stitch fix. Stitch fixs are open. Bummer. And I don't want to walk them. I don't want to do them anymore. You know why? Stitch Fix. Stitch Fix has spoiled me. I get my own stylist. My clothes get shipped to my door. I get to return what I don't like. And it's that simple.

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there's no subscription required and they offer free shipping returns and exchanges. Get started today by filling out your style quiz at stitchfix.com slash Tuesday. That's stitchfix.com slash Tuesday to try Stitch Fix Freestyle. So good. Stitchfix.com slash Tuesday. So much fun. Okay, what is this? Wait, what, George? What are we doing? You have a Sharpie, so draw the Trash Tuesday girls on your pumpkin, including yourself and the two others here. Shit. Okay, wait.

Shut up, George. What are we doing? Drawing each other, one person. Why don't we just choose one person to draw? This is so dumb. We suck at drawing. George. It's going to be ugly as fuck. Annie is the only one that can draw. This is so dumb. We suck at drawing. George! It's gonna be ugly as fuck. And he's the only one that can draw. This is

the segment. You know what? I'm gonna give it a shot. Wait, I'm gonna be like, why how Frenemies got cancelled was because Trisha was like, called the segment bad. And that's like what I'm doing right now. I'm like, the producers suck here.

You hear that, George? Pete! Here it goes. I'm drawing Esther first. Okay, I am a little high. Don't tell... Don't tell Annie, though. It's just a tiny bit. I just

want her to be loose. Do not tell Annie. I don't want her to know because she's obsessed with it. She keeps bringing it up and asking me, do not fucking tell her. I'm drawing Esther in that outfit? Is Annie Tahina? Why are you drawing me being raped? Is Annie Tahina shit?

I think so. Oh, no. Oh, no. We have a costume change. Excuse me. I'm sexy Kenny G. But I put the thing on and I think I'm just Michelle Wolf. Now I have to change my drawing.

I was in my wig. Annie, you're supposed to draw us. Oh, we're drawing each other? Mm-hmm. In the costumes. Oh, okay. Okay, I'm done with mine and don't look please do not look over here i don't no no no i won't okay i have a really sad

story oh good it will fit the theme of the podcast okay go full sad okay my first year of college i was like you know what like i'm just fucking i'm gonna go get free candy and i'm gonna go trick-or-treat and i went by myself and I just dressed really warm and I had no costume and like all the houses they were like what like they didn't understand what I was doing and it was so humiliating but I didn't even give up like I just kept doing it you are strong house after house was like what like you're an adult and you're not in a costume okay i guess we'll give you candy it was really it was really dark i don't like when people question it's like i'm here yeah that's what i thought the candy is there give it to me that's what i thought it was like this is just a formality. The costume is a formality. By the way, great podcasting activity.

Three people sitting silently for 10 minutes drawing. I didn't say you had to be quiet. But listen, it's like, you know, you go through a couple of rape stories, a relapse story. Yeah, you need to kind of like. You need to draw on a pumpkin when that happens, guys. You need more than just a banana break. I would take my banana early. Do you guys have dreams of being

like in a feeder relationship? Have I asked you this? No. You don't, Esther? No. Why is Esther taking a banana break ahead? I thought we all were. You're the only one with a banana

who hates bananas. Isn't it crazy that Esther no longer hates bananas and was just faking it? Oh, can I have more, Pete? To my suspicion. You know, I only like to eat a worm sucker. What's in an ant? A worm. You're new.

You're a new girl. It's a fucking scorpion. Ew. You want the ants? Do you want a worm? Oh! No. Pick your poison.

Wow. Malitol syrup. Here's the ingredients. Malitol syrup. Scorpion. Just the word scorpion. It's horrible. Oh my god, Annie.

You're a fucking bitch. you're a stupid whore i just draw what i see you know did you put horns on her oh i made her so ugly i didn't mean to i'm sorry you know what you're not gonna like your i was trying to make you on this pumpkin either annie annie i it looks like you draw ste Weeby your face looks so bad in this I'm so sorry oh my god why does it say Esther first class

on the board here's what the fuck I'll say about that I have a fear because we've all got Hawaii is official we're all going there

well I need to book my ticket you haven't I haven't booked mine either what you guys I sent you that itinerary last week can you resend it you that itinerary last week. Can you resend it?

You sent it yesterday, by the way, or two days ago. And also, I am about to hit the highest status in my thing, so I have to fly today before I can get my ticket. Here. I have this fear that- You're going to go by yourself? Esther is a Bobby and that she's going to leave us an economy and upgrade herself to first class.

And he literally wants to do that. And already told me last night, she's going to do that. So you, both you bitches are going to leave me. Why extra comfort? Come. No,

you're have status on Hawaiian airlines. I am not going to spend my money like that. You know what? I would never pay for a first class ticket, especially at a time where i'm flying with people i know because that makes it first class if you're with people you're you know no making a first class and watching your friends walk by you to the back is that's what bobby says he says it's a pretty good feeling no no no i usually i i made a um i made a rule to only fly first class. Well, Dave said that you left him in economy.

I had, I had status on Alaska Airlines. It was not, I didn't ask for the upgrade. You didn't ask for it. Well, I guess I checked a box that said I would be down. But I did get upgraded on our way to Mexico and I was in first and he was, but he's. That's funny to leave Dave back there. He sits on the planeave back there he sits on the plane the moment he sits down he falls asleep okay i have a question follow-up question

is um does he have resentment no he doesn't care he but i do think he plays it as a bit like that it's funny bobby has done that to me what do you mean he's left me for first class and how do you feel i hated him for two days why be proud of him because i was like i needed a shoulder to knock out on did he invite you he didn't invite me wait are you serious and then he blamed his manager for he's like abby booked this so i'm and then i called abby i was like did you do this she's like no i didn't he must have upgraded himself that's so funny to be a liar oh we fought we've we scrapped all right this is kal. I gave her her shoulders that she loves. Oh, thank you.

Big and buff. Her big shoulders. Pretty. There's myself. Abs. With abs. Abs for days. So hot.

Just gorgeous. Great hair. Extremely masculine abs. And then these have been very accurate. You kind of look like Stevie Weeby there. And then here's Esther. Let me see Esther. Here's Esther.

Okay, so you think I'm Stewie from Family Guy. You kind of look like Stevie Weeby there. And then here's Esther. Let me see Esther. Here's Esther. Okay. So you think I'm Stewie from Family Guy? I think that your head is fatter than your body. That's what I think. I think you got a smoking body and I think you got to work on that face. I'm just kidding. But Esther, you have a great head to body ratio. You don't have like a big –

No, you've got a hot body. You're secretly hot. I have a big, big, big face. But Filipino. No, you're really hot. But it's, you know, we like no you've got a hot body you're secretly i have i have a big big big face but filipino no you're really hot but it's you know we like you not knowing it yeah last night annie said we have to keep kalilah down and not knowing that how hot she is so that she's gonna run away i'm pretty sure she said the first day we did the show anyways okay so hello esther what's your your it's your big reveal okay so i'm not really an artist i feel like you nailed it on this one you need help with that i've been watching just want to be careful i've been i've been watching a lot of jeopardy what is old rotten

sperm and i wager 10 of the IP of the podcast. This felt fitting to me because I did it in the form of a question, and we are all old, rotten sperm. We all were made from old men, and I just thought on my on my walk yesterday, I was thinking, we haven't talked about that in a while. We haven't. So. Here's a reminder.

I have a question. What? Are you watching Mayim Bialik? Yes. As the host? You're down? Are you liking it? Yeah.

I think she's actually great. Yeah. Because she's, it's just fine. Like, you just want someone who's just fine. And that's what she is. But also, she's got, like, the credential. She's like a whiz. Yeah like a whiz she's like a or did she just play one on that show no no she went to like harvard i she went she's like a real like neuro she's like eliza i've met her before it's been really it's it's shocking to me blossom i she's been in my life a long time i was like

i don't care how smart the host is just are they like a good simple host and are they getting us to where we need to go i love that's great that means you can like me on this podcast here we go here's mine oh my god i love it oh i love you you got esther's arm to leg perfect well so why is one of my legs a stick and the other is like a cankle you're gonna be a penis one's a really long thin one's your penis yeah what's going why does she have a boot oh you made us all hot and he looks pretty good yeah it's pretty gorgeous you forgot my tits well they're in there oh she didn't forget her own tits wow cute are we um um judging this george who's the oh god oh no you guys this is binding you didn't know that

no this is just a fun activity no judgment over here we're not gonna have the man of the show judge everybody oh george oh really the guy that wanted part of our OnlyFans money? Come on, girls. Spread the cheeks. We got money to make. We got members that gotta see those assholes. Esther, you better eat that asshole like you promised. That's what we should have. Members-only jackets.

Yes. For OnlyFans subscribers. Yes. I don't know what that means but yes i want to have like pink lady jackets i want letterman jackets yes george george get to work also can you just make something happen we want one piece of merch by next week for fuck's sake we're we got teslas we got first class i'm staying in um extra comfort economy we got teslas i'm going in the stowaway can you can i be your carry-on i don't want to pay for my flight wait i want to say that you're my dog can we please try to get my emotional

support dog let's just attempt it let's just see what they do. I will. I will. We'll say they're kink shaming. I will play the character. We got to find a Sherpa bag to shove you in. Can I just tell you I will 100% pretend to be a dog. Listen, I pledge right now

that I will say this is my dog and we will ride this bit until they almost kick us off. And I pledge that I will not be on the same flight. That's my pledge. We're going to be flying private, bitch. Enjoy your freaking bullshit.

Oh my God. And he bought a plane. I bought a plane, you guys. George! George, can we sell some merch? Wait, wait, wait. Guys, my Tesla plane is... This is what I said when I said I had a topic.

I have a proposition for you. I was thinking last night after I saw you this morning, I think I should be your business manager. And I want to know what you think. You would be terrible because you would be, you would come in and be like, you're spending, like you would literally. I think I should be your business manager. I think the audience should vote.

I want to tell you that she, okay, wait. She, he, sorry, he. I don't want to misgender it. He was like, last night he was like, you spend too much money. And then also he goes, I need a popcorn machine too. Send me the link.

So this would be a business manager that's telling me like like like getting a tesla is a bad idea but definitely get the popcorn machine i don't know i think this is what i look for in a business manager keep spending baby thanks thanks buddy i just want someone to go you're doing great keep doing it what do they do for you that i can't do i'm genuinely this is a genuinely you know what they do? Where would you put your money? You know what they do? They don't annoy me. I'm never annoyed by them.

Esther, where would you take let's say Annie, he's like, here's my savings account. I want to invest it. Where would you put it? Here's the thing, because I don't even I think the business manager just like pays the bills, organizes and tells you your budget and I think

I would be, I'm not saying I want the job. I'm not saying I really – Are you good on QuickBooks? I'm just saying I think I would be a good business manager. Let's role play. Hey, I'm at this Halloween shop. I just bought my Friar Tuck outfit, but there's this other outfit I really want. It kind of looks like Michelle Wolf.

It's $400. Should I get it? It's for one episode. But it's so funny. $400 for Spotted Day. Why are you calling me for an individual purchase? Like that's just this is already too much and you owe me more. So you're now you're quitting. You're resigning. First roleplay. I would say, okay, wow, $400 for an episode. I think that that might be like... So you think I should charge the other girls for it? Because they're kind of a part of this. Wait, maybe you got it.

All right, here's another. Let me think of a real purchase. I hit my bonuses this weekend. Okay. Made a lot of money i would i really want to buy my boyfriend a 300 jacket i would say like just because you just made bonuses or you just made money that doesn't mean you have to buy something every time like i'd actually as your business manager i'd like to get you out of this well you know what you don't know who you're working with because you're working with annie bonus letterman she lives a different life than you i bought that tesla after a bonus i go wild oh my god i go wild oh my god and these bonuses when i talk about these bonuses they're low why do i feel why do i i'm not i'm not listen you'd see these numbers you go

i just can't help but feel like one day I see myself, I'm like 65, and I'm singing in a jazz club in Vegas to pay off Annie's gambling debts. Like, I feel like that's where we're headed. Oh, my God. Do I remind you of your father? Is that what it is? No, because he doesn't spend. He saves to gamble?

Kind of. Some would argue that. I got to say gambling's fun. I don't know what else to say other than Murray, I support you. Actually, I would, I'm looking, I would have a, I need a private eye if he does go to Vegas. I think I'm going to hire Carlos to just go and watch him from afar. Is he going to Vegas? It's, this was the whole controversy.

I think he is now not going, but when he was going to go, I was going to vegas it's this was the whole controversy i think he is now not going but when he was gonna go i was gonna have carlos on it like secretly just go because he's my dad's 78 like yeah he needs like a handler yeah carlos he needs a carlos we all need a car i got i got um followed to vegas you did by an ex-boyfriend that's how good that ass he caught me slipping oh he was your boyfriend at the time he wasn't really we were an exclusive but um i did go to vegas and um he had someone follow me to like the pool party take pictures of me like hooking up with someone else we weren't even was it a girl no it was a guy but um yeah um how would you feel if someone followed you out or would you feel violated oh my god it was deserved would love it be like

great like watch over me this is what she has to say to me because of what she is it's like the political statement it's like no we here at Esther Incorporated we stand by we would love to be watched as well this is all everything is normal but she's like Scientology

you're Scientology everything is normal this girl has more cameras out on people than Scientology literally. That's a fact. No I'm a spy. I'm absolutely a spy. One of my big fights with Esther is she was one of my location. Oh yeah. I was like bitch I will never give you my location.

I really thought you would give me your location. I mean you did 10 years of groundwork on that and never will you get it. Yeah. Now you know. And that's hard. Whose location do you have? Dave, my friend Nick, my sister. You have a Nick?

Yeah. The Nick I know? Yeah. Just to have it. I saw him the other day, by the way. Where? I was on Abbot Kinney and I was like, is – You should though.

Oh, that's so funny. Great. Do you have George's location? I wish. That would actually be the perfect location to have. Like, George, where the fuck are you? I have my mom. I have Carlos.

I have my dad. I have John. I have my friend Kristen, my friend Lena. I have my second phone and then my childhood best friend, Christina. Give Jenna. You have your second phone? No, I should. No, Jenna. Jenna, no. Don childhood best friend, Christina. Do you have Jenna? You have your second phone? No, I should. No, Jenna.

Jenna, no. Don't do it, Jenna. Why? I would love yours, Kalilah, but we can- Kalilah, don't do it. And we also know where Kalilah is here always. It's true. I'm a homebody.

If she's not here, we just put a location on her mom. We'll know where she is. No, we should put something on her car. Oh, let's put a bomb. No. It's like the Pelican Brief. You guys know that 30 million women are impacted by weakened or thinning hair. And if you're among them, you are not alone. And there's a solution that we all trust that can deliver results.

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Theragun app learns from your behaviors and suggests guided routines try theragun for 30 days starting at only 199 go to therabody.com slash trash tuesday right now and get your gen 4 theragun today that's therabody.com slash trash tuesday therabody.com slash trash Tuesday. Esther, didn't you send me an article about how there was like an article written about how we have it wrong as a society and that we should and friendship should mean more than like romantic relationships. Oh my God. We should live with our friends. We should live with our friends and that we shouldn't like hyper focus on finding the one, the partner when we have. It's like, yeah. Do you know what that sounds like? It sounds like a lesbian who's dating a man going, we should hang out with our girlfriends more. We should put more emphasis on the women in our

lives. It's just like, I, I handed it to you oh there it is what if friendship not marriage was at the center of life our boyfriends are significant others our husbands are supposed to be number one our worlds are backwards i think it's true said the saddest girl in the whole world no because the more that i share and focus on my friendships the better it is with my partner because I'm not like going to him for everything yeah like like sex and being hot like a hot girl you can't be he can't be like your one-stop shop for no he doesn't have a pussy of course not and I used to think that the partner is everything and now I'm like no the friends are everything come here girls'm like no. The friends are everything. Come here girls.

Who's your oldest friend of all time? Your best best best friend? Christina. Does Dave outrank her? No. In some ways no. Drowning? They're drowning. Sophie's choice. There's no way that there's a scenario

where they're. There's definitely a scenario where Dave's drowning. Yes because you can't save them. Because you don don't swim in this first of all this scenario is i'm drowning it's who saves you and it would be christina because she actually christina would save me way faster than dave would well rank your favorites on your phone that's how you can tell i don't have favorites i don't have favorites either i used to but. I used to, but. I call you guys. I call Todd. I call. Honestly.

My sister outranks everyone in my life. Really? She'll probably outrank my kids. That's cool. I think so. Like, I don't think I could love a being more than I love my sister. I can't even fathom it. Oh, I'm so jealous.

A year. I'm so jealous of that. That sounds awesome. That's how I feel about my twin. He never picks up though. I haven't spoken to him in three years. My twin's the most called yet never picked up. I don't know who is above who, but I know that like there's definitely, you know what?

When someone that I was friends with passed away, it changed my perspective on everything because I just realized, oh, people are the most important thing in your life, period. What did you think was important before? Popcorn? You're like, I got to stop eating so much popcorn. There are people out there. There are these people out there living so i'm gonna put these kernels down i really like my friendships i'm like upset like i love them so much but i right now i talk to carlos and john the most oh god don't miss it. No, that was very fun. I love them. Oh, I guess I would pick Todd over everyone. Yeah. I love my Todd. But then you think about it.

It's like you have broken up with boyfriends before. Yes, that's what I'm saying. You never see them again. And your friends are like. Yeah. And my friends aren't going anywhere. We're not breaking up anytime soon. Most of my friends I've broken up with, we get back together too.

It's not like. Yeah. Unless they were just like not good. And they weren't my people to begin with. Well, that's what i'm saying it's like we're you know we're so primed to believe that this is your person and they're supposed to be your best friend and you're you know this life that you're supposed to you then you force yourself to live together and do this and it's like yeah i i do kind of agree that i would be so happy to live with my sister and my best friend,

Jess, for the rest of my life. Yeah. And we'd fight. That sounds awesome. And we'd have squabbles. But it doesn't matter. Like, we were not ever leaving each other because it's determined. Yeah. Like, we're best friends forever.

Would your friend, Jess, ever side with your sister over you? She has. Yeah. Yeah. We go back and forth a lot. It's a swapsies. Yeah. It's a swapsies between the three of us.

And my sister and I. Dynamic of three is fun. Three is the. It's a swapsies. Yeah, it's a swapsies between the three of us and my sister and I. Dynamic of three is fun. Three is the greatest. Three is so much fun. Yeah. I love a trio. Three is the number. Because when you want, you can just kind of sit back and go.

Yeah. One of you can be late. I've sat back, but I've never stopped. I don't have one person that is above Dave, but I would say like Dave, friendship, family, like all are equals. In the same concentric circle. Who do you like better, your mom or your dad? I like them both. You need both.

The way you paused and already knew the answer but decided not to say it was so good. No, it's the dynamic between them that is the toxic comedy that keeps on delivering i i would say to todd when we first got randy how do you talk to i'd be like todd i love you the most out of everyone the whole world and i go even randy i'm like oh i guess i gotta pick you because randy's a dog is gonna die pretty soon oh i pick my dogs over some people we say that all the time it's like i love you so much but but I love Donut more. It's so funny. Do you know what I like to do when someone goes, I love you so much?

You go, why? Make them tell you why. Make them tell you why. But why? Okay, that's good. The other day, I was looking up in the space where at brunch and Todd goes, what are you thinking about? And I was like, I'm thinking that I, I go, I'm so glad you asked.

I was like, I was hoping someone would ask. You don't say. She's thinking about I love every single thing about myself. And he started laughing. I was like, yeah, I was just thinking about like my thighs. Like I kind of like my cellulite. And he's like, I want to drink water out of this. And I was like, chill.

It's not like water level cellulite, Todd. That's so funny. And the other day, Lizzie Cooperman came with me to Colorado. I had so much fun in Denver, by the way, to anyone that came out. Oh, my God. Have you been to Comedy Works in a while? Not lately. It's the most fun.

It's cool. It was crazy. It was so fun. Do you stay in the condo? Yeah, condo. Yeah, I actually started painting again. In the condo? Oh, I remember that.

Yeah, they have like. That comedy condo, though, it has like a creepy like chain man. Chain man. What are those called knights yeah man made of chain chain link yes chain link yeah like a chain link armor and it's like i don't want that there's a lot of them or a chain saw that they don't even read to me as like a scary thing but because they're taller than you yeah i can see thank you no it's cool they got a lot of crazy stuff in there but i started painting and it was fun my painting was good you want to see it i've painted twice this is my third painting i've ever done in my life really yep wait i have a question for you guys are you guys coming to my

birthday karaoke extravaganza i wasn't invited yeah you Yeah, you were, Esther. When is it? It's next Saturday in Koreatown. It's just karaoke. In costume, though. I literally was not invited. You weren't? No. I said I'm only going if Esther's not invited.

Where was the invitee? Wait a second. No one. No one has been invited except I was here. I was talking to Pete and George and I invited everyone. Annie! If I did this every day, I would get really good at it. That's so good.

Whoa. I was proud of myself. I was like, oh my God, I'm good at this. You should be proud. Yeah. Wait, Kalilah, can I come? No. Where? We're going to do karaoke? You have to find us though. Can George film? By locations. Yes, George can film. We're going to invite one of the people karaoke you have to find us though can George film by locations yes George can film we're gonna invite

one of the people that you have their location we're not gonna tell you which one you have to go to all their locations to try to find us thank you

a scavenger hunt to get to my co-worker's birthday costumes are optional since I know we dressed up today but I gotta get another costume

I think I'm gonna go as a dead shaman to Whitney's thing are you going to Whitney's thing yeah i'm out of town you're such a liar i've never she goes i'm out of town i am out of town i'm gonna be in the desert am i not out of town on the 27th what are you doing in the desert you're out of town way too much in the next couple i'm always in the desert that this my birthday week is i'm always in the desert can we go to that part yeah but that was a long no pause i know it's definitely not a yes yes it's my time to um where do you go would you go alone um no i usually go with my family

oh you don't oh yeah and you guys just look at the cactus yeah we just look at cacti joshua trees all day shouldn't it be cacti is one and cactuses is the rest yeah i think it's like cactuses the other ones it's so annoying. Yeah, and the fact that octopus is not octopi. Yeah, it's just get with the program. Right, isn't it octopuses? I thought I heard it was octo-twats. We haven't even had a banana break.

She's not stopping me. Has everyone noticed? Has anyone seen this? Let's do the banana break. Let's do the non-Esther banana break. I ate a banana already. Fuck, I'm the only one that didn't banana break. Let's do the non-Esther banana break. I ate a banana already. Fuck, I'm the only one that didn't banana break. You stupid bitch.

On your birthday week? On the day of my rapé? It's her rapé! Did anyone see how Esther did not flinch one second while I fingered her vaginally? Try it again. It feels good. It's a woman's hands with nice nails. I'm tickling the clip. Why would I stop that?

Women have soft hands. Would you be okay being fingered by long nails? That sounds kind of fun. Oh my God, surprising. She thinks that's fun. That's fun only on OnlyFans. But only like if I'm like having BV or something because it's itchy.

Oh, that's true. I woke up with an itchy vag today is it just regular feminine the jinx or like a full on yeasty not a yeasty totally fine it just i woke up like very like i couldn't like my headphones dropped in a box like i don't even know where they are i was i couldn't walk i felt like bambi you know first born and um and then i like clinked and then i went out my pussy itches you know we had rape and we wasn't going to be a full episode until we had vaginal discharge chat george until kalilah says it ain't over until kalilah says da jingy do you ever look at your underwear and go maybe i am a squirter i've never squirted in my life. I have a big squirted and like pedo on somebody.

Oh, that's fun. Oh, my God. Esther, if we ever hook up, I'm pissing all over you. If it ever comes down to it, I'm going to. Oh, yeah. I'm going to squirted. She's going to put right on your squash her instead of a squirter. No, I have not been peed on.

No, no, no. A squirted. No, I have not been peed on. Is that what you said? No, no, no. A squirted. Oh. I like how you answer this like this hasn't been asked like 75 times in this podcast. No, I have not squirted. Yeah, me neither. I'm not a squirter. Me neither.

But I had a guy try a bunch and it was like his ego was just so. I can sort of feel it. Yeah. It does feel like you're peeing. They're like, you just have to pee. I'm like, I don't want to though. Yeah. You're just not trying to ask me to pee.

George, are you, do you like your asshole? Oh my God. Are you a squirter? No, no. No, no, no. Really? That's weird. All men are squirters.

Vanilla. He's such a puss puss. It's because his dad's in town. He can't talk like that. His papa's near. Is your dad gingy? No. I love his dad.

His dad. Dark hair? Yeah. You're the freak? I blonde come on i mean come on blonde blonde is ginger if you really look at it um would you go um there's this in um this is old um it used to be uh i guess an insane asylum i hate using oh i word insane. Oh, I love this. In Pasadena. And do you want to go ghost hunting? Yes. Are you fucking kidding?

Of course I do. What are the gadgets that you would use? Tell me what you would bring to this thing. I don't have gadgets because I'm not like in the Men in Black, but I did have a nebulizer from Burger King Halloween toy. Those are aliens.

Oh, what? Men in Black was aliens. That's right's right thank you thank you so much um i would just like i loved 100 and dalmatians the cats are so cute in it i love those cats i'm getting almost upset at you even bringing up us going ghost hunting because like then let's fucking actually go do that like literally tell me when and where i will get i will dress in all black i will get warm we will go at night do you have a third eye do you have a portal you think it's her cervix i like when you touch me it's weird that she's not ticklish oh my god she has skim socks that is i'm going to tell you that last night i literally that was the thing I wanted to tell you was,

have you checked out the Skims socks? Because they're pretty good. They did come out with that purple color today. I ordered it this morning. You got this one? Don't they have the new neon ones too? Yeah, there's a, it's like a purple neon. Ultra violet.

Esther, I just feel as though you're not a susceptible person to have a being jump into your being and i think that's why you have no fear really she's been possessed by an elderly woman this whole time you're unpossessable thank you and i think that's why you have no fear i think that i have a portal i think that they they would sense it and they would jump into me really oh my god we're gonna have to like stop a ghost raping. It's like Jesus guys. We get it. We're not hot. Alright? She's the hot one.

It's so annoying. She gets raped so much more than us. I just want to know is this real because I will go ghost hunting with you guys. Let's just take a spot. Let's go. Let's make a video. These guys film it let's bring this to the to the fans let's bring it to the fans a little bottle of holy water right

you're gonna bring that um friar tux cross bring the wig too i'm gonna bring my full catholic i'll tell you this i'm definitely not bringing religious stuff oh i am what religious stuff do you have i'm not bringing it no but i'm not there's no i don't need anything religious you're gonna answer you're like brooke cut an eye i'm gonna bring snacks i'm gonna bring my myself and my spirits i've never met a ghost okay all the spirits that come to me are real look at this scary esther you sure he's talking about I have been ghost hunting so if you want me to oh George is plugging

himself oh George is bringing up his own oh my god George is bringing up his own content his own content from 2015

do not watch this even Rick Glassman wouldn't do this unfollow him by the way Rick Glassman is going to clip you saying Rick Glassman yes that's so funny

oh wait Rick DM'd me and was like I'll have you in my pockets but i have a list of um demands and i go my my number one demand is i have to be able to read the demands on air holy shit why don't we no let's have let's have rick on this show when you're here i have a birthday request i need you to recreate Rogan's ice bath but into a freezer okay into that freezer

no I want to do an ice let's oh my god let's recreate that I'll do it I'll do an ice bath on the show I mean you know I won't really

on the show we need to buy we need a sauna and an ice bath put in here thank you and that comes out of your cut George

don't be a dick as long as I can keep them afterwards all good no they're gonna be installed in here well um so you bitches need to buy your hawaii tickets fuck um promise sign a waiver let's go somewhere else let's go to a different island sign a waiver that you're not gonna leave me for first class no we'll sit in this shit no it's gonna be esther first and she's gonna do it slyly no no no and she's like guys i didn't ask for this i want to be Esther first. And she's going to do it slyly. No, no, no, no, no. And she's like, guys, I didn't ask for this.

I want to be with you guys. Esther's more codependent than she is. I'm going to fucking party on the plane with you guys. I will tell you something. I have never had more fun than I had on that plane with Esther. Flying together. I laughed so hard. George, you have to post these on the episode.

Because you understand that when we're on the plane, it's going to be exactly like when we're on the plane it's going to be exactly like when we're together but we're going to have an audience it was so the plane passengers are our audience the chairs are our stage you know when you laugh so hard that spit is like coming out of it like you can't control it just it was like that the entire flight esther was closing this woman was like leaning into her seat and Esther kept closing the thing on her back, like it would stop on her back. And then and then the lady would like look and we'd have to like pretend like it wasn't happening. We're like crying, laughing. We're

going to be sitting next to this lady for the entire fucking flight. I'm going to be that lady. I'm going to be that lady. We have to get our seats together. How do we do that? I gave you my seat numbers. Where do the boys go? In stowage. Yeah. Stow away. Todd's going to fly it.

Todd's a pilot. No, Andy's going to meet us there on our private plane. She goes like this. Esther goes, she's asked me about the popcorn machine. She's like, oh my God, how do you make, like, was it hard to put together? I'm like, it's so crazy you think that I have any of these answers. She's like, is it hard to make the popcorn? I'm like, 20 batches of popcorn have been made in my popcorn machine and not one has

been made by me. I do nothing. Todd does everything. I'm so jealous. That's the rules. Well, thank you guys for watching yet another wonderfully broken episode of Trash Tuesday. And can I just say, if you want to support us, we'd love for you to like this video. Make sure you're subscribed to our channel.

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