Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Shark Bait

Episode Date: May 18, 2021

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Starting point is 00:02:16 a lot of dates coming up i have a one-nighter in at the brea improv on 5 27 so that's may 27th that was hard. I had to count the whole calendar. But check it out. The link should be live now. So just Google it. I'll post it on my socials too. I will be doing Hartford Funny Bone in Connecticut on the 27th to the 29th of August.
Starting point is 00:02:38 Come see me. It's going to be so fun. It's already been so fun to be back on stage. I can't wait to meet all my slugs. It's already been so fun to be back on stage. I can't wait to meet all my slugs. Wait, can we actually talk about how your aunt looks? Like she's like 41 years old.
Starting point is 00:02:52 How is that possible, Esther? I don't know. She's 92? Yeah, my aunt is 92. She came to my stand-up show and I was shocked. Is your mom in her 70s or something? No, my mom's in her 60s though though the women on my mom's side of the family are just like they're a little hoes like they look good they always got a man like my aunt
Starting point is 00:03:12 like over and over again the husband will die and then they got a new boyfriend in their 70s like they are just they just like are shining bright and people like them i don't have those qualities uh by the way my dad i was talking to him and he was like yeah maybe your mom will have a boyfriend again one day i'm like he's saying some dark shit to me where i'm like wait i absolutely any like if anything happens are we not what are we not jumping onto a new set of pelvis you know sometimes i'm like no i'm done after this but then ultimately if there is someone out there you know i have that thought at 32 years old is so to have what thought that you're thinking about the the person you're gonna date in your nursing home is so the name Esther. Esther, I think you would kill it in a nursing home.
Starting point is 00:04:09 Now even. You would be in a nursing home floosie. I picture myself more like neglected at home than a nursing home. I feel like people just forgot I was there and then I'm just like watching movies alone. It's just you're nursing yourself to sleep at home. There's like 13 dogs around me. I don't know. Dude, I'm going to be fucking ski like fucking.
Starting point is 00:04:36 I'm going to be throwing blue chew and everyone's things and just fucking jerking everyone off. Very boring statistic, but there's actually a staggering rise of sdds in that demographic i love it older people because it's floozy central floozy it's floozy time i thought she was saying floozy isn't i'm gonna i'm gonna um come out of retirement when i'm back in the retirement home i'm gonna come out of retirement at the retirement home and I'm back to skiing. Just blowing everybody. Yes, dude. I'm going out in style. I'm going to be in a wheelchair just like with, I'll pop my teeth out. I'll be like, ah.
Starting point is 00:05:12 I was like moving around. It's going to be so good. I'm going to be sewn up. I'm going to get every, my mouth and my vagina and my butt sewn up. Well, hopefully your place in our nursing home and we'll both pop, pop, pop, pop. We had scissors for that. We're going to pop you back open hester see i just i want to like go out and style you know get like have the last great sex and when i'm young and beautiful and then i'll just close up so you already did your great so you're done okay Okay, good. I'm retired. Wow. Okay. I started crying the other day because, as you know, Todd is- What a sentence.
Starting point is 00:05:55 Todd is 11 years younger than me, as we know. And the other day, and he's promised to die after. He's like, I promise to die after you. I'm like, thank God. So he's going to die after. He's like, I promise to die after you. I'm like, thank God. So he's going to kill you. I would rather that be the way out than him fail me on his promise. Because he goes the other day, he's like, I think I'm going to get a motorcycle. And I just started crying.
Starting point is 00:06:16 I mean, I'm PMSing. I started crying like, he's going to be fucking dead before me. Fucking promised. Like Todd doesn't, you know, he doesn't go to sleep before me. He makes sure I'm asleep first. Oh, I cannot be with anyone who sleeps before me it's it's a deal breaker for me i totally agree sadly i need someone hovering and making sure that everything is peaceful and safe and i hear little footsteps around me it brings me peace if bobby goes to sleep ahead of me it's a huge fight
Starting point is 00:06:41 the next morning oh i'm so stressed out going to sleep oh i'll wake the motherfucker up i do we actually have a problem in our relationship that's very consistent that is i wake up with so much energy and so loud and he has stayed up so much later than me so he's really tired and some days i will just like start a loud conversation he's like yeah and like later that day he'll be like so we need to talk about what you did this morning. That why did you do that? I'd have a problem with that, too. I'm on Dave's side on this. No, Dave's right.
Starting point is 00:07:14 But I just have to say Todd is I've trained Todd to just he just lays and allows me to FaceTime next to his sleeping head. And I go, look at the sleeping Asian. Like I'll be like, say hi, Todd. You get away with so much because his mom's so annoying i'm telling you i get it now it's like he was bred for me i'm very intolerant of very early morning loud noises and i don't even drink coffee i'm not somebody who was like talk to me when I've had my coffee. I just, I'm a slow starter. I need to roll around bed, relax, stretch, ponder life. I can't just have that energy sprung on me. Oh, I spring up like you thought I was dead and someone gave me that
Starting point is 00:07:57 EpiPen, like fucking Uma Thurman. I'm like, I just go so hard. My nose is bleeding. I go nuts. I'm out. And I'm just like, what can I do before Randy notices I'm up? Because I got to take a piss. Do you have that too? I'm like, I will wake Todd up. I don't give a fucking shit. But Randy will ruin my morning.
Starting point is 00:08:17 Yeah. Sometimes I try not to let like sometimes Donut wants to be lazy and just stay with daddy. But some morning she needs to get up too. I just I'm like, I got to pee first. Because I want, I've been doing, this is so pathetic, but I have no habit of doing exercise. Like the habit's so far gone that I'm just like,
Starting point is 00:08:35 all right, bitch, just after you brush your teeth, just do like 10 sit-ups, 10 push-ups, and 10 squats, and then just like do this for 30 days, and you can move forward. That's actually smart because you've got to start small. You've got to start small. That's why you start with her, you go to me, then you go to her. I'm doing height, obviously, not weight.
Starting point is 00:09:02 But, yeah, no, because I really – because what I'll do is I'll be like all right yeah i'm back in the gym let's go baby and it's like i'm like a heroin addict that's like give me all the heroin again and then it's like you know they die what you just have never met someone that's ever done drugs so have you ever had a friend esther with who's you know sadly yes chronically like a drug addict yes sadly even esther that's how bad the drug epidemic is. It's really bad. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:27 Well, theater majors are sometimes cuckoo too. Really? You don't think so? Well, not druggy. I mean, not. You guys have too much to live for the stage. I used to make so much. I was such a theater major bully when I was in college.
Starting point is 00:09:41 Really? Oh my God. I had no clue. I didn't realize that like oh like every famous person that I watch in movies was like a theater major. I didn't make that connection so I was always like oh I just couldn't but every party I'd go to with you guys it's everyone just there's always a piano that comes yeah gets rolled out. I'm like there was no fucking piano when I walked into this place and then someone someone's lounging on top it's like the connie chung situation some drunk bitch falls off it's just i just assume everyone that lives in la who isn't from here is uh a full blast cokehead that's just cokehead yeah why do you
Starting point is 00:10:18 assume that just everyone from every um sect of life like ceos or someone who's a techie george kimmel my fucking you know someone who's like my bible thumping friend they all do cocaine no how do they like to me coke was like in the 80s and then now we all know it's bad for us and we don't do it so what do you think is uh like flaca is is what's hot right now i don't know what flaca is but can i just tell you esther if esther doesn't like it's not in her orbit she thinks everyone stopped doing it on esther club esther once had a thing with carlos where they were like talking about foods that were 90s and they said tuna fish sandwiches were 90s we didn't say that it was exactly tuna fish we said fettuccine alfredo we said like i keep my mind is blanking i forgot the key word what was 90s what did we eat in the 90s i don't need anymore george can you pull up
Starting point is 00:11:13 a video of someone on flaca flaca is like kind of like i think it's like a variation of like bath salts so people look demonic so you know how like with heroin it's like a turndown meth is a turn up this is like stratosphere level like people are eating people is that a boy stabbing themselves if i saw that in the middle of the street i wouldn't even think drugs i would just think straight demonic possession i would think performance art she's like there must have been a theater major i would go up and start bullying them he's doing a monologue would you give money give money you know like they do like the someone who's performing by the subway they have their little guitar case out you give money bust it you know i don't busking busking i don't do i don't have cash anymore do you use cash? Were you giving a lot of money out before?
Starting point is 00:12:05 Yeah. No, but I really don't. Like I, that's, I always feel bad about that because I literally, like, I don't like cash. Ever since COVID, I'm like, it's just another germy thing. Yeah. Do people, I'm curious, did everyone else stop using cash in COVID?
Starting point is 00:12:20 I still use cash because I like, if I travel, like I have to tip in cash. And also with that outfit. I can't just have them bend over and swipe you know what I mean so that outfit you need cash fucking I'm rolling with some hundreds with that outfit same I feel like we have not yet acknowledged that this is the island theme I feel like your outfit still hasn't either I know I look like a fat man at an oyster bar. No, you look like fucking Bernie from Weekend at Bernie's. You look like a drag.
Starting point is 00:12:51 What do we have, George? Oh, my God, George. George Kimmel trip. George almost got a leg paper cut. And boy, would I have loved to see that blood squirt. He's bleeding from his shins, guys. Sam Masubi from L&L Hawaiian. Thank you. what is that
Starting point is 00:13:06 are you gonna try i guess i have to it's in suit we can give you gross things if they're in sushi shape right is it cooked yeah it's spam it is cooked okay oh i'm so excited to eat this i'm very excited that i get to break my vegetarian habits on this show i'm glad to drag your ass down too. Will you tell me what's in Spam? What are your restrictions? And I'll tell you if you can't have it. Meat wise.
Starting point is 00:13:30 Scary stuff? No, Spam is mostly pork. Oh, I... And that's why I was going to say she's Jewish. Well, it's not that. I just really don't like eating pork. A lot of people don't like Spam now. So you're actually in good company.
Starting point is 00:13:44 Also, my sister-in-law, let me tell you this. I just haven't had pork in like six years. It does not care if no one cares if you eat it or not. Honestly, Esther, me neither. Nobody cares. I don't know if I'm feeling high, but I really haven't had pork in years. This is giving me some kind of thrill
Starting point is 00:14:02 that I didn't know could happen. Is it delicious? It's really good. I like that they i didn't know could happen is it delicious it's really good i like that they were so sure that esther was gonna eat it that they got like a catering size there's like a tin of a hundred of them george do you like it oh of course really i got 40 worth and i think we're about through uh 75 oh my god is this a mukbang do i have to eat all of them okay fine that's cool though that it's like sushi I guess I'll just sit here we're almost done I'm an extremely fast eater me too we're all pigs I don't know I was reading our reviews just to kind of remember how great we are and um
Starting point is 00:14:39 all the bad ones are like disgusting eating noises there's like three bad ones by the way but they're all like disgusting beware beware it's so funny but that's a real thing yeah yeah that's true because we had a guest he's um he's from the band pixies and he's bobby's friend um and it drives him crazy he doesn't want to be driven crazy because he wants to be able to eat with his family and whatnot but it just drives him crazy he can't want to be driven crazy because he wants to be able to eat with his family and whatnot but it just drives him crazy he cannot control eating i will say no i know so i know i'm the worst offender of it i know someone that like had something traumatic happen to them and the person was chewing gum when they wouldn't and so like this person now has that where you saying you did something to them no okay so we should probably we did announce
Starting point is 00:15:25 that this was a special island episode um inspired by our desire to go to hawaii together right now right now um annie is i really like your outfit thank you so much she came in full grass skirt slides that's such an island thing to wear yeah and i'm and the feet are looking gorgeous you'll never know but they look great i want to know um what your experiences are you have you ever have you ever been on an island esther uh i you know my tropical emotional place i went to hawaii when i was really little a couple times, but I don't remember it. So no, not really. What's the last warm, tropical, humid place? I know Chicago gets pretty humid in the summer, but besides the Midwest? In college, my parents took me to Mexico once.
Starting point is 00:16:17 That counts. Do they try to leave you there? They try to sell you? I'm not a big vacationer. So in my adult life, I've never done that. But actually, and then once in high school, my dance teacher got a job on a cruise ship. So a few of us went on the cruise to like support her. And one of the girls from my dance studio was really rich.
Starting point is 00:16:40 And so we all flew to Florida. And then we all got on the cruise. And then like a few hours later, there was a note from the really rich girl and her mom that said like the quarters were too close for us and they flew back home because they thought the cruise was a dump. Oh, my God. I mean, cruises are just absolute trash. They're all dumps.
Starting point is 00:17:01 Well, cruises come back. It seems like nobody remembers what even happened. May I say something? They're all dumps. Well, cruises come back. It seems like nobody remembers what even happened. May I say something? My friend made the smartest investment with her money when Carnival Cruises took a big trashing
Starting point is 00:17:11 because everyone's like, cruises are dead. She just doubled down and put all her money there. And surprisingly, they're coming back. Listen, people love malls and they love water. So you put that mall in the water people are there they be shopping i know i thought oh my god cruises are over forever and now i'm like i would go on one that's we should actually go on a cruise i'll have a panic attack why it is the worst experience not even like an elvis cruise i cannot do cruises i cannot i will not i refuse you'll have to drag
Starting point is 00:17:42 me tell us why um i just don't like, like, I love boats. I grew up with boats. I don't like being stuck in places with people that I don't relate to and who are unlikely swimmers, but who choose to put themselves in the middle of fucking ocean anyways to eat for a whole fucking week.
Starting point is 00:18:03 Like, that's my nightmare. My friend Graham k is he's a really funny comedian from canada he um his parents booked a cruise before the pandemic and they didn't realize it was a spring break cruise so they were just these two like older people that wanted to go on a vacation just like kids like tits out like jaeger everywhere it's like the funniest thing i've ever seen what about you guys what's your island experience i grew up in the islands oh yeah that's all i know i grew up in an archipelago with 7 000 islands so my whole childhood is just island hopping island hopping did you have like a lot of tourists around you as a kid that's what we hate the most i mean
Starting point is 00:18:43 our our economy relies on it but just you know like when you come from a lot of tourists around you as a kid? That's what we hate the most. I mean, our economy relies on it. But just, you know, like when you come from a country that is highly touristy, you start to build a resentment because they trash your homeland. Yeah. You know, and they write on the coral. They fuck up the reef. They don't, they just have no respect for it. They don't even have respect for the people, you know?
Starting point is 00:19:05 Well, when we see theirs, they're not very respectable. So I'm very, very, I have many bones to pick with tourists. Especially when I go back home, I'm like, you motherfuckers, man. Like, you can't take them anywhere. Like, some people really just are mindless with the way they act when they're in a different country. And do you remember Americans being the worst? No. I think if you guys ever come with me to the Philippines, you're like fuck, like, or I don't know what
Starting point is 00:19:32 kind of vacationers you are. I'm gonna Karen myself. I'm gonna Karen myself I don't think you have a Karen in you. I don't think I have a Karen in me quite often. I have a Karen that's about this big. And when you add period blood to her, she's like one of those little, those little.
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Starting point is 00:22:29 and it is only available to U.S. customers for a limited time. Plus, free shipping on every order. Get 20% off at Nutrafol.com, spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L.com, promo code BLOODBATH. What are you guys Karens about? Like what's the one thing that. It could happen at any moment.
Starting point is 00:22:50 I, I, it really is something the wind blows. I will tell you mine. It's, it's, it's when I see someone else not like I, when I see someone else get shit on, because I know how hard it is to speak up for yourself when you're in that situation and especially in a work environment I when I see someone like be left out of something that I don't think they should be left out of I get really really pissed off and like I you know what it is it's like we're in a situation where maybe someone would really focus on being really polite I really am so fucking direct I just turn into really really direct and communicative because I don't like seeing people and because in my family my mom and my sister are those people that never stand up for themselves and so I just feel like and I'm such a loud mouth little bitch like
Starting point is 00:23:45 at least I was when I was little I'm not anymore she's also still little you can take that as you want but yeah and then also like I don't know I'm trying to think of other Karen things I'll give you a Karen-ing of my own okay so I'm going to this pre-pandemic I'm going to see my nieces I only have like two days with them, okay? My phone, something happens with my phone where it's broken. So we have to go to the mall. Everyone's working. It's a very tight schedule.
Starting point is 00:24:14 So the only time my brother can take me to the mall is during the day when the girls are like can't come for some reason. So I don't get to spend time with them. So we go to the mall. We go to the Apple store. I am wearing my own merch. Luckily, this is when I knew I wasn't famous and I was very happy I wasn't.
Starting point is 00:24:32 And so I bring in, I bring my phone to them. They go, oh, you just have to do a factory reset. That's all that's wrong with it. And I go, well, I already did that. And they go, no, you just have to do it like this. And I go, are you sure? And they go, yep, that's it. And I go, okay okay and then we leave
Starting point is 00:24:47 and it immediately shuts off again and I have like work and stuff like I can't not have my phone so now I'm fucked so now I have to we go home my brother has to drop me off I have to then get an uber to go back I'm fucking livid at that point because I said to them like this is very important you get it right. They promise. It was just like you lazy piece of shit. Didn't want to go get the fucking whatever the the geek guys are called at the Apple School. Genius.
Starting point is 00:25:14 Genius. The geniuses. It's like you didn't want to get a fucking genius. You were being fucking lazy and you just fucked my time with my niece. That's how I felt. Like if I feel like there's like that type of thing and I was pissed and they were just being so difficult. But they ended up giving me like a new phone with for only like $150 or something when
Starting point is 00:25:30 it was supposed to be $200. But it was like it was a fight where I was like, you guys fucked me. Like this is on you and your employee. And I was more than willing to be here and figure out what was wrong with it. And you guys sent my ass back even when I second guessed it. So I was pissed about that. I mean, I could always trace it back, I guess, to being my fault because I should have just known they were full of shit,
Starting point is 00:25:48 that it's just someone working at the fucking mall that doesn't give a shit. But I was so pissed. But I think that the Apple Store is a great place for a meltdown. Oh, right. And I see meltdowns all the time because it's like it's a long wait. You're frustrated. You can't communicate with who you want to communicate with because my best friend, who's a really patient person, like, she was just screaming at me right now.
Starting point is 00:26:07 She's like, are you at the fucking Apple store? It's always that. It's bad. Every sentence where someone rages out, it's always, I was at the Apple store. Well, because everything looks so sleek and clean. So it should just happen easily. And it never happens easily. And they're very smug, too, the people that work at the Apple store.
Starting point is 00:26:22 They're always like, we have a new product. Like, you ain't we bitch. You're making fucking minimum fucking wage. I don't think you get a discount on your fucking Apple watch. I know you paid full price and that's a fucking third generation. So you're a fucking loser. I think they do get 20% because I had a friend who was fucking an Apple store employee. Oh, I do.
Starting point is 00:26:40 I know this friend. Hang on. We share this friend. When we were all trying to use the discount before she cut it off. She must have been real hot. Another time I can't. It is always when I'm visiting my niece, too. It is always my sister-in-law's.
Starting point is 00:26:54 I get more amped up, too, when I'm around my family. I feel like the protector or something. Everything has to be right. Like, don't fuck with us. Oh, if it's to defend someone in my family? Yeah. When my dad came to New York to visit me, he't fuck with us like oh if it's to defend someone in my family yeah when my dad came to new york to visit me he had just had like it was he was recently recovered from open heart surgery so it had been like six months but he was still like pretty weak when we were on
Starting point is 00:27:15 the subway and anyone bumped it i was fucking like knocking people in the face like get the fuck away from my dad like just so mad but that felt good i like doing that i have that i don't feel like that's being a karen i think it's being a good member of society because if anyone fucks with my family like god god save them yes god protect your fucking souls my brother too when we were like my twin when we were in high school or in middle school and people would fuck with him because he was a lot smaller than me i would just i was like the biggest girl in the middle school i i was they called me the jolly green giant because i wore my dad's like army jacket and i was like a foot taller than everyone i was this height and i just when i started smoking cigarettes young this is me
Starting point is 00:27:57 stunted i would take their book bags and i would slam them into lockers like my brother would like be crying and he was so humiliated by me doing that but I just couldn't help it was the flip modes have you guys ever heard of like the flip mode squad no what's that well it's like this thing that kids did in high school where if you weren't looking they would flip your backpack backpack inside out they would put all your books back so when the bell rings and you're trying to put your backpack on you didn't have the arms for it and everyone would just point and laugh so if you got got by the flip mode squad like it was humiliating god save the person that tried to do that to esther god say they are in prison still if that happened to esther they did not make it out of juvenile
Starting point is 00:28:40 jail i do not handle pranks well surprises pranks i just i don't like being fucked with at all i have my things touched like i just i mean annie knows we had like we talked about that in the first episode but when there was like a surprise incident which is so fucked up that the mutual friend did that because i didn't know you didn't like fucking surprise why would i know like i mean i guess it's like a shitty thing but he was like she's gonna think it's so funny like that was a direct sabotage yeah i got thrown in a bush in high school by a boy named pookie who had had a really big crush on and he was fully cross-eyed i'm about to throw you in a bush for the only fans why did he throw you in a bush um i think that he was a had a crush on you he's a kind of a crack
Starting point is 00:29:23 baby like he just was on he was not well in the head and he was like on drugs for sure but he was a had a crush on you he's a kind of a crack baby like he just was on he was not well in the head and he was like on drugs for sure but he was the only other white boy in our school and when i first came from to america i was like that's what i see on tv even though he was cross-eyed i was willing to just be with whatever white boy was available really so i really you know like you revere whiteness when you first come here. You thought he was like checking you out, but he wasn't. He wasn't. He was just cross-eyed. And then he went in for a hug, but I didn't know it was like a prank hug because as soon
Starting point is 00:29:51 as I came in, there was like a, over the fence, there was just a tiny little bush and he threw me in a bush. And then that's just what he did to girls. Not just me, but a lot of people. Maybe he was just trying to dip you, but he was like. And he threw my ass in the bush. Sounds like he was. In love dip you but he was like i hate my ass in the bush sounds like he was in love gay he didn't want to touch you you know but he went he he just thought it was funny to throw people in bushes because he was so strong wait he went in for or was it like you went in to hug him he was disgusted you probably sweaty pits he was like
Starting point is 00:30:21 well and then he ducked and you fell into the bush no we had health class together we were friends and i just thought that i was i was very enamored and i thought that he i was gonna get my first solid hug from my crush and that was not the case guys speaking i had wait can i just say speaking of health class can you stand up and show us the pants that you're definitely gonna get your period in it's so epic i got a lot of makeup on it but look at this we're gonna get a lot of bobby's a lucky guy turn around oh no we're not turning around guys i've seen it and you're missing out kalilah don't feel too bad i also had an incident in middle school where there is a cool guy that i liked and we were aiming after school and we lived like somewhat close like he lived right we like there was a park right by his house
Starting point is 00:31:11 it's kind of close to my house to park at and watch and he and he was like oh i'll meet you there at like four o'clock oh no it's so upsetting when people do that. I know. It was so, and I think that it's really stayed with me because I'm really afraid of like friends and like people like that, like not showing up or just leaving. I want to find this guy and kill him because he has ruined a lot of my life.
Starting point is 00:31:41 I mean, this has really made things difficult for me. He is probably in jail he was not he was kind of a tough boy a little bit older well like teenage boys were just really different or teenage courtship was really different here so when i first came here i thought that you had to do like you had to write letters to boys like i didn't play the cool girl were you bringing them like shells you're like i got you this i remember writing this boy benny carry on um a valentine's day letter and i was like you have my heart and i don't want it back something like that and after we after chemistry class he was walking ahead of me and i was like benny benny i got something for you and i missed like two steps and i just basically
Starting point is 00:32:20 just like rolled down the stairs and he turned around. He didn't bother to help me. And he was like, he just walked away. You know, that's these little traumas are like why we're on this podcast and not normal. Like these things on the spectrum. No, these things that seem like, oh, it just was a little thing, but they fuck you up forever. But that's why you have to work on yourself because those little things happen all day every day and it's just like those boys were doing that for whatever weird little
Starting point is 00:32:50 thing they were working out too yeah of course yeah and girls here they shave their legs at what middle school oh when you start shaving your legs and i didn't know that that was a thing so i'd wear shorts to school and i remember the student english class he was like ew what the fuck he's like why are you showing that he was like ew what the fuck he's like why are you showing that i was like what do you mean he's like shave that shit girl i was like why i only shave for swim meets yeah you're like i'm gonna shave my body trim some time off my i um i just remembered getting bullied in middle school okay so there i our desks were like across from each other,
Starting point is 00:33:25 like they were in little like sections. And there was this girl, Michelle Weintraub, who was very nice. She was an innocent bystander in this. She was across from me on the desk. And there was a note getting passed around behind the teacher's back and everyone was laughing hysterically at it, right?
Starting point is 00:33:40 It gets to me. And it's a picture of me with a dick. It goes like arrow pointing and there's like a penis and i i mean i hulked like i like got up and i was already bigger than everyone okay poor michelle you're watching i'm so sorry you're married with children i know you're doing good i stood up and i pushed that bitch like she might have gone out of the window like she is so lucky like i just remember her going oh and then she had to get up I couldn't I was like and I like ran into the bathroom my teacher Mrs. Storobo like chased me she's like they're assholes Annie they're just assholes and then that's never good when the teacher's like comforting you I know just they're
Starting point is 00:34:19 making it worse well you know I got a little extra comfort in high school. I got followed into the bathroom in high school. But it was, I remember just being so mad. And then we had to have like a meeting with the disciplinarian of the school. And the reason the kid gave that he was mad at me was because I had said that his friend or his sister was hanging out with a guy that I knew was a druggie. He's like, you called my sister a druggie. And I was like, no, I called that guy Mike. She was hanging out with a druggie.
Starting point is 00:34:51 It was like that type of fight. Oh, I love middle school drama. Druggies. For me, all my drama was on the stage. It's also still middle school drama. I feel like every fight we get, we could be 12 years old. It was cool. Since this is a very special Island episode,
Starting point is 00:35:08 Annie, you mentioned that you have beef with turtles, right? In the past episode, you were like, fuck turtles, I'm team straws. What is it about turtles that you have a personal beef with? Well, when I graduated high school at 16 because i was molested by my teacher and they all of a sudden were like congratulations you graduated um i had this year when i was like 16 to 17 where it was like i'm not going to college yet so instead i did these service work trips so one i went to hawaii to honolulu and I did the dolphin training. I think I told you guys about that.
Starting point is 00:35:46 Wait, you were a dolphin trainer? Just like I worked with a program where they trained dolphins and I like learned about echolocation and did some stuff with them for a month. It was like everyone was so old and I was just like 17, like hey. I was hanging out with like a British Bobby,
Starting point is 00:35:59 this woman who's a cop in London. It was just so weird. But all the dolphins are dead. I didn't talk about this. No, you've never was just so weird but all the dolphins are dead i didn't talk about this no you've never talked about dead dolphins all the dolphins are dead what do they kill themselves they commit suicide because isn't that what they do when they're depressed and yes and close are you serious yeah i think like flipper committed suicide one died yeah how do they commit suicide they just they go to the bottom and they don't come up for air because they have a blowhole so occasionally they have to come up, right?
Starting point is 00:36:26 That's why you should name this podcast Blowhole. But dolphins commit suicide out of depression. They have, they have a melon. They have a very, very complex set of thinking. They're very, they're very bright. Yeah. The whole thing, the whole research that they were doing was at the University of Hawaii and they, so they have these like fatty melons which is where like their their blowhole is why
Starting point is 00:36:48 do you what's a melon cetaceans with melons like dolphins whales tend to have more intelligence I guess cetaceans so they are oh god she's so smart I did the whole program I don't fucking remember any of that shit but they would like so echolocation is how they sort of like send out like a radar to understand shapes and stuff. So we would cover their eyes and then have different shapes that were quite similar in these pipes and put them down. And then they would have to match it with the one where I showed them.
Starting point is 00:37:18 And they would usually get it right. Then feed them a fish. I knew how to like make them do different. This was kiss. And they can make them kiss each other. Back flip. Like they could do a bunch of stuff. But.
Starting point is 00:37:29 Will you make us kiss each other? Just do that. It's not that hard. We're all just kind of waiting for it. As Dave said in the last episode, this is something different. This is not really a podcast. It's something else.
Starting point is 00:37:44 But it was like a big it was fun really working with them like phoenix the best i remember like on her rostrum's the back right dorsal fins are here her rostrum had like this little notch and i wanted i'm so glad i never got a tattoo because you know i'd have a dolphin tail on my fucking tramp stamp my whale's tail would have a whale's tail i'm so surprised of all people that you don't have a tramp stamp. Do you guys not have a tramp stamp? My whale's tail would have a whale's tail. Wait, you, I'm so surprised, of all people, that you don't have a tramp stamp. I had, I got piercings. I was saved by a fucking piercing gun.
Starting point is 00:38:13 I was saved. You have no tattoos. Zero tattoos. That is unbelievable to me, Annie. This is mind-blowing. And I lost my virginity on a waterbed in Northeast Philadelphia when I was 14 years old
Starting point is 00:38:23 with DMX blasting, and I do not have a tramp stamp i have a tramp stamp matches angelina jolie's dragon on her arm before she covered it up because that's how like that's i just wanted a tattoo picked one off the wall it was in vegas that's 16 and i was like i'm gonna be the only high schooler with a tattoo and i got it on my back and boy do I regret it. Shout out to Injun Joe though. That's his name. He did a tattoo. I am so glad you didn't get it to be like Angelina Jolie and then she got hers removed. I love her. She's so pretty. You should get her Billy Bob on your arm. Oh my God. Get Billy Bob. Get Billy Bob.
Starting point is 00:39:01 Oh my God, get Billy Bob. Get Billy Bob. Esther, what is HelloFresh? Hey, Annie. Well, with HelloFresh, you get pre-measured ingredients and mouth-watering seasonal recipes delivered right to your door. HelloFresh cuts out stressful meal planning and grocery store trips so you can enjoy cooking and get dinner on the table in about 30 minutes or less. Try meals ready in 20 minutes or less,
Starting point is 00:39:24 lightning prep recipes, and quick breakfasts and lunches. Perfect for your busy schedule. I love this because I can pretend I cook when I do this. I go, I'm a chef, and it's 30 minutes. It takes no time. It tastes delicious, way better than anything I would have made on my own. Can I tell you the two facts that sold me on HelloFresh? One is that they have been named Newsweek's most trusted meal kit company of 2021 with over 4 million households served and it's better value. You guys, HelloFresh is actually 28% cheaper
Starting point is 00:39:55 than shopping at your local grocery store and 72% cheaper than a restaurant meal without sacrificing the quality. That to me, it's like you're saving money. You feel good about yourself because you make the food yourself and the ingredients are all there for you it's easy go to hellofresh.com slash bloodbath12 that's bloodbath12 and use code bloodbath12 for 12 free meals including free shipping so you guys can go to hellofresh.com slash bloodbath12 and use code bloodbath12, and those are the numbers 1, 2, for 12 free meals, including free shipping.
Starting point is 00:40:31 So all you have to do is use code bloodbath, the number 1, the number 2, bloodbath12 for 12 free meals. You guys, we love HelloFresh. We know you will, too. Okay, so we all know that we should drink more water, right? But by the time you feel thirsty, it's too late. You're already dehydrated and you can't focus and you feel tired. Your lips are peeling and bleeding. You can keep feeling your best though by maximizing your hydration, correct?
Starting point is 00:40:58 Did you know that hydration can be tied to improved mood, better focus, and mental clarity, more energy, clearer skin, and more? That's why the girls in our show, we use Hydrant. Hydrant is a refreshing drink mix powder made with four key electrolytes, sodium, potassium, magnesium, and zinc. It's made with real fruit juice powder and no artificial sweeteners or synthetic colors. No nonsense, all science. Hydrant Sleep is a new bedtime mix carefully formulated to promote restful sleep and hydration hydrant sleep includes melatonin magnesium l-theanine gaba and chamomile to promote restful high quality sleep these products i have to say rule and i was really dumb about this like
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Starting point is 00:42:14 for 20% off your first order. drinkhydrant.com slash bathgirls and enter promo code bathgirls to save 20% and we thank them for sponsoring this podcast. Hydrant, where water meets wellness is jaws possible um so let me tell you a real a story you might really hate the largest shark carnage in history actually happened in the philippines and it was in world War II. I don't remember the name of the vessel, but hundreds of sailors got ate up. No.
Starting point is 00:42:50 It was a blood soup. No, they fell. The ship sank, and it was shark-infested waters, and it turned into, you know, like sharks, they like chum. And hundreds of people. How many people was it george uh looks like 75. uss indianapolis uss indianapolis but for shark to hunt us no i that's impossible sharks are actually really really i've swam with sharks what i went outside of a cage i swam with galapagos i how is that safe it is safe because there's a way for sharks to determine
Starting point is 00:43:24 whether or not you're prey or just another apex predator in the water. Like if you're flapping around like a fish in need, they're going to see you as a fish, a weakened fish, and they're going to come for you. They treat you like I treat you, Esther. But if you're just confident, they're not going to eat you? you esther but if you're just confident they're not going to eat you yeah so there's a way we were told when we swam um when we did the uh when we swam with sharks that it's like you stay on top of them because there's a hierarchy and in that shark hierarchy the the smaller sharks stay at the bottom and the bigger sharks stay up top and when you see a shark look it straight in the eye so it knows it's it's not threatened by you it doesn't see you as a prey at all for a middle
Starting point is 00:44:05 school would really have some trouble huh so when you're swimming with sharks you're doing this constantly i'm in the water i'm looking i'm looking i'm always looking around me it's like a way to establish like dominance no but then i think you're crazy how are you not mermaid no no because i honestly think like sharks anytime they take a bite out of a human they don't eat that meat it's all by accident are you serious yes it's never they take a chomp they take a bite and they're like oh shit this is horrible and then the person bleeds to death but it's never like the shark ate the leg i yeah they don't usually eat the whole person right they never eat the whole person sharks are so misrepresented they don't swallow they spit good sharks
Starting point is 00:44:42 oh wait no people i promise you will you go shark diving with me are you cringe this is what you would have to do if we go to hawaii this is all i would ask of you is that you hang on to the side of the boat you wear a mask and snorkel and then you look down and i promise okay nothing will happen to you there'll be about 30 40 sharks around you usually galapagos um some other reef sharks an occasional tiger shark but it nothing will happen to you do normal people do this normal people do it all the time in fact the girl that the last time i did it i went with a girl who was a really poor swimmer but her boyfriend dragged her into it she was frightened but she did it anyway and she got out of there feeling like a fucking like the baddest bitch on earth she's like oh my god i had it wrong the whole time what if your whole personality changed
Starting point is 00:45:28 okay i'll do it i i beg you it will change your life let's go now she's like i'll do it if we do it in the next 24 hours shout out to ocean ramsey that's who leads that's her i can't wait that sounds so fun to watch esther get eaten by. I mean, to watch Esther enjoy crossing something off her bucket list. You guys, I was watching Jaws. I was banging this guy watching Jaws and I got my period. What? And I forgot to say last time we brought up Jaws. It was unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:46:02 That reminds me. I once hooked up with a guy um and we were watching that um matthew mcconaughey movie where it's in a swamp like i think it's called mud yeah mud yeah and i remember we were about to hook up he pulled his pants down and i had never seen a bigger penis in my life but the one thing that i i drove home crying i never even hooked up with your pants the dick was hooked down oh yeah i had never seen anything like that bless his penis i i literally this these are the words that came out of my mouth i was like i think you're so hot i just don't know what to do with that and i ran out the door and i
Starting point is 00:46:34 drove home are you like i don't know what to do with that like i think that might actually like take out my pancreas the only way that could have a better story is if you said and i ran out and had jules drive me home i'm bobby or bobby drive you've never seen an underhook i this is the only issue with the hooks is if you're if you find a hook match because you know all of our like right i might shit tilts to the side yeah i have a side how do you know because my gynecologist told me she's like oh you have a tilted uterus which is i think it's like yeah it's very normal like 20 of women have a tilt but i definitely have like my like g spot is on a specific side and stuff so there's certain dicks that are your uterus is backwards right
Starting point is 00:47:11 yeah it's inside out someone flipped it and put my books in it oh that's like when babies are born with um their intestines outside of their body what no that's way sadder than what we were talking about i was just making a call back to the middle school thing we don't have to talk about that's not like that it's called gastroschisis it's really sad they survive yes it's actually yes very survivable and he just killed them off i just stabbed it right away i didn't know okay sorry reverse uterus and hooked penises continue yeah i'm just saying sometimes you get one at the right angle, but if it's at the wrong angle, it's bad. Yeah, tear you up.
Starting point is 00:47:50 It's really bad. It's like you get ripped from side to side like the Joker. It just, look, I'm all for the mild hugs. Are you coming? Your face is very surprising. Have you always just had straight arrow penises? I think so. Like, I don't know what you guys are referring to and i can't picture it was like this esther a really big dick that's curved this way the head is almost like i can't picture how that would even get inside and what
Starting point is 00:48:16 hooked my this guy was i've seen a side hooked i've seen one that looks like a harry potter scar i thought i had to fuck him upside down. I'm like, all right, we're going to need to get a strap coming from the ceiling. But I don't want to. Jules, lower me. I want to make sure that we're not penis shaming. I'm not. Look, I literally I'm just saying there's they like it's like a fit, a size fit.
Starting point is 00:48:41 Like you can get the right. Correct. Because I talked to his best friend two weeks ago and i was like hey remember so and so i was like did he tell you that i ran away from from his penis and he was like oh yeah like that's a that's something that's like a something that happens a lot in his life because it was massive yeah sometimes you just you were like i wasn't expecting to hurt oh yeah i just wasn't down for the experience at the time. Now that I think about it, I like missed an opportunity to. No, you definitely could have done like a really like good core exercise
Starting point is 00:49:11 where you kind of like flip your legs up and under. You really could have had some experimenting there. Do you ever watch a porn and then the guy's dick is so big that it's like you can't even watch it. You're just like, ow. Like you could see how hard that would hurt. I am not a queen i will never be a size queen it's not my thing i like very average size sticks very average and i'm talking like five and a quarter is perfect for me six max anything over it's just not for me i'm down with average if you do have a micro penis it's it's fine it's just you better be
Starting point is 00:49:46 eating me out for breakfast like i hooked up with this guy who had a he definitely had like a micro like there was like a issue like it was very small but he i mean that boy could eat puss like a really that's what i'm saying he always had like, I always noticed he had long-term girlfriends because I think, I do think like cunnilingus is a lot more of a relationship-y thing than like you're not just going out to the clubs and just eating girls all the time. Some guys are. Some guys are down for that. But some guys are like, they're picky.
Starting point is 00:50:20 But he just, I think he didn't want to go through the trauma of like showing his, because I was, it was really wild i do imagine that that's how you get good at it is having a like a long-term girlfriend yeah but i think he also just didn't want to like deal with i will agree guys who have a lot of one-night stands are never good in bed men who've been in long-term relationships always the best yeah especially when they're just coming off a breakup and then now they get to like you know give you all they've learned this like five years worth of skills but also it's like it's such a like grown-up thing to be able to communicate sexually with people yeah yeah i just remember how many times like in my 20s like everything it was so bad it
Starting point is 00:50:59 was like oh when is this over and i would never fake my i fake my orgasm one time and the guy fucking called me it was so annoying he was fingering me it was my friends we lived in Santa Fe and Albuquerque is like an hour away and it's like the city near there so we're like let's go to Albuquerque my friends like I have all these friends from college so her friend was there and he was like fine I was drunk it's like it was just like sure we'll hook up he was like had read our body ourselves or something recently and he was just trying to be so hook up he was like had read our body ourselves or something recently and he was just trying to be so like mansplaining about his like pussy fingering and he was like no yeah just you could you feel like you have to pee but i'm like no bitch i have to pee i just
Starting point is 00:51:34 did like five shots of jaeger like i'm about to piss jaeger all over you and he was like fingering his nails were just like scraping me i was like dude call me in two weeks let me know if i have hpv and then he like he's, and it was like hurting so bad. And he was so sure he was going to make me like squirt myself into the next room. I hate that. And it was so annoying. And this was like before I even knew what squirting was. I was like in college, you know, this was in the 1970s.
Starting point is 00:51:59 And he, I just like faked an orgasm. He was like, that wasn't real. And I was like, all right, good night. That's it, see ya. I never fake, like I faked in high school. And have I told you guys this? In high school, my high school sweetheart dumped me and I was just a wreck.
Starting point is 00:52:19 And so I remember one day, like I kept calling him and he kept hanging up on me and I kept calling him like five times. And then finally I call him and i'm like i faked every orgasm and i hung up and the phone rang and i was like oh that's power and he was like are you serious and i was like yeah and i finally like got his attention and he was destroyed by that and i couldn't i was like wow i can't i didn't think a guy would care about that but after that i never ever faked again because that just feels like why am i exactly why would i yes give you the compliment when you didn't earn it and they'll never get better it's
Starting point is 00:52:56 like you're doing such a disservice to the future women and then they're gonna go around thinking that they they got it and it's like i I don't know. That's everybody hurts in that situation. When it comes to sex, meritocracy is everything. You got to earn your shit. I'm not going to give you anything for free, especially not the knowledge of thinking. And by the way, I got this. You guys have been calling me a gold digger. But the truth.
Starting point is 00:53:21 Oh, no. Do we want to finish your story uh story with the turtles so fucking sorry guys no it's crazy anyway so i did hawaii then we went to i did a trip in central america we went to guatemala belize costa rica and honduras and in guatemala i had the most fun but i fell off a horse so this is two weeks into a three-month backpacking trip i fell off a horse. So this is two weeks into a three-month backpacking trip. I fell off a horse. Did you get right back on? That's what they say to do. I think I had to be carried on a horse on my stomach
Starting point is 00:53:54 because my back was raw, Esther. I mean, it was, I bruised, you would have actually really enjoyed this. It was like raw puss back. And I bruised ribs. Like I had to go to like the hospital in Guatemala and they didn't speak any English. And they kept, I'm on the x-ray table and they have me like my bare pussy back on this table. And they keep moving me and they're just moving me and like
Starting point is 00:54:25 scraping it against it i'm like screaming and they're like um and he kept going no breach no breach and i'm like i what i was born breach yes what and he goes no breach and i'm like what are you saying and finally he said don't breathe so it was like a 45 minute thing that could have been two minutes because i kept breathing during the x-ray anyway so I had bruised these bones I luckily it was in a fucking Central America so I was able to just buy all of these like I got great drugs yeah drugs for it but I was 17 everyone had to carry they fucking hated me everyone had to carry my stuff for me you would have been so proud of me and um so we went to do the sea turtle project where you had to dress up in all black and have this like red gel thing over your
Starting point is 00:55:07 flashlight and you had to go out in the middle of the night and like stalk the beaches for a big leatherback sea turtle to come up to lay its fucking nasty pussy juice eggs. Let me tell you. So they come up and they're in a trance. So they don't like if unless you're like bright lights in their face, they don't see you. And they dig these holes with their little thin things. And then they just drop this goo and eggs down. And you have to get under with the fucking bag.
Starting point is 00:55:34 And you're just smelling the fucking. It catches these nasty ass eggs. And then you go back to the hatchery of like hatchery duty, which by the way, I'm 17 fucking Costa Rica. People poachers make like 200 an egg or something it was like something crazy so i'm watching like thousands of dollars worth of eggs in this hatchery by myself and i just remember i was sick i'd eaten a bad coconut and there was like just the empty bag with all the pussy juice like i could smell it and i'm just so disgusted and i just they used to set
Starting point is 00:56:05 they sell sold these like little like leatherback sea turtle necklaces and i wanted to make one that had an egg with like a bite out of it because i was like i'm team poacher we gotta get rid of these fucking they're like oh and i cried like black it was just it sounds cute speaking of poachers if we were all in an archaeological like excavation site and we were on like a dig if you found what you knew to be let's say an 18 million dollars sought after treasure would you tell your other excavators or slide it under your sleeve and take it for yourself i'm thinking honestly the safest thing to do is to like let everyone know if it's people you trust so that you can all work together to like safely i started to be dead so fast but but yeah no i know i i want to work on a joke where
Starting point is 00:56:52 about how i know that if i was involved in a bank robbery i'd be the person that gets shot right after we get the money like well what would you be what would your service be in the bank robbery though like what part no but are you the stick like what part are you the stick them up person are you the stick them up she's definitely not the driver because there's too much trash in her car no but that's a really interesting question because it's like what's the safest smartest thing because maybe keeping it to yourself is the safest but if i was there with you guys i'd be like okay we have this now we need to get the fuck out of here we'd have to split it with george george would be like what about my cut and we're like get out of here nerd
Starting point is 00:57:26 no that's the question it's like do you take it for yourself no sell it on the black market because you know at the very least you'd get a 10 million dollar cut or give it to the your the museum and do like the protocol or whatever and then get like two hundred thousand dollars the museum would have to give us a reward but i this is what okay this is what i learned from johnny bananas on the challenge my favorite show love him sometimes they at the end of the challenge they'll like be teams and they win but the person in the partnership that had the fastest time gets a choice to be like do you want to keep this like five hundred thousand dollars or a million dollars for yourself or do you want to split it with your partner
Starting point is 00:58:07 and he said he wanted to keep it for himself and a lot of people were mad at him but i was like fuck yeah dude because he decided he said that friendship was not it was like how much is that friendship worth is it worth this amount of money that's true so it would really depend for me how much i like the people around me like if i was digging with you guys i'd be like yeah let's all get like our two million dollars split if it was some bitch that's been nagging me for nine days and i was forced to bunk with and i'm an under i just hate her i thought you just said you'd share it with me i'm sharing everything forced to bunk with as i said in a car in the back seat she's like i don't want to sleep in bobby's car you're just shoving her head into the fucking car um this is a great segue actually for a question we have
Starting point is 00:58:51 from jonathan okay hi bloodbath girls i have a weird question for you if you three were to rob a bank what role would each of you take in the robbery? One of you has to be the driver. One has to be the muscle. And one has to be the lock picker. All right. Thanks. Esther's very good at picking her nose. So I think lock picker is for her.
Starting point is 00:59:15 I have really sweaty hands. So I'm out the lock picking game. I'm not a very good driver. So I'm going to muscle. You're obviously the muscle and I'm the driver. What's the muscle do? I'm the stick them up girl. I'm the one who runs, gets the money. I'm the one who does. What's the muscle? i'm the driver what's the muscle do i'm the stick them up girl i'm the one who runs gets the money i'm the one who does what's the muscle ask your fucking trainer
Starting point is 00:59:29 okay and what's the and what does the lock picker do though are you serious the safe you pick the lock oh yeah okay i have tiny hands i'll watch a few youtube videos and figure out how to do that she doesn't even need tools she just uses her little fingers to get in my long like long nails like okay i got that i feel like you'd be very good at that and we don't have to worry about her messing up her manicure because her manicure messes up her manicure i'm gonna assume annie you're the best driver out of all of us three and i'm not great but i still think i am a better driver i'm the fastest driver you're the fastest because i'm a grandma driver i follow the rules i don't you know i always put my turn signal on nah bitch i'm fucking i'll take some snort some adderall be ready for
Starting point is 01:00:10 you oh my god if annie's driving we're gonna end up in the ocean you're gonna eat my sharks finally with a big bag of money oh that's how we go out guys i love that with elma and louise we drive off a cliff accidentally rich but dead est would be so mad on the way down. She'd be like, I fucking knew it. I knew you shouldn't be a part of, you shouldn't be the driver. I knew I was going to eventually die by your hand, bitch. We gave you too big of a role. I'm like, it should have been called Bitch Beach.
Starting point is 01:00:41 I cannot believe that just happened. That's crazy. But I'm glad he gave us options of what the plans were. Because we would have been all over the place. I feel like that's the one thing we've, the fastest we've ever agreed on something. Lock, pick, muscle, driver. We had an open mic of it.
Starting point is 01:00:56 No, because we're all so fucking different that we'll never each be the same of something. We'll never be the same Spice you know like we'll never be the same spice girl we're all always so different i'm posh i think we fought about this oh yes we're both ginger oh fuck never mind wait so you guys are not i definitely don't feel like my essence is ginger yeah so i'm gonna go ahead and say that i'm not sporty i'm scary i'm probably baby realistic yeah you're obviously baby no but i but baby's really like baby's good baby's great and she's one of the only ones that can really sing but i really do
Starting point is 01:01:30 i think you are a ginger thank you i think you got the sass in you thanks you're posh yeah ginger's a little bossy you're first of all i'm here i want to be the headline here is that you're not posh no not posh i get to be posh i already called it there's absolutely i called posh. No, not posh. I get to be posh. I already called it. There's absolutely no posh. I called posh. Listen, we get it. I'm sporty. I'm also Stephanie on Baywatch. We get what I am. I know it.
Starting point is 01:01:51 Okay. We have no banana break. I'm the flat chested one. Do you realize that Stephanie had the best body on Baywatch? Yes, Kalilah. But did she? She did. Guys, they just always put her in like. Short hair?
Starting point is 01:02:03 Unflattering stuff. Guys, let's have a banana break. Yes, let's go banana. Esther's mad. She's not posh. No, I don't want to be posh. No, you want to be posh. You want to be posh.
Starting point is 01:02:16 But you're not posh. No, I'm posh. We don't have a posh. I said it and it's too late. George is posh. Are we going to do. It's me or George. George.
Starting point is 01:02:24 Are we going to do a Spice Girls episode then? Yeah. Oh, we got to get those shoes. The platforms. At least with that part. I feel like Esther and I already own platforms. No, Esther has geriatric like. I did, but my dog, my old dog ate them.
Starting point is 01:02:40 Oh, no. Those are vegan and there's some that you can share if you want to. She's so excited. That is really cute. Oh my god, what is this? Is this, was this just for me? Well, you can share if you want to, but I gave you the option. You don't have to. There's
Starting point is 01:02:53 pork in one of the pieces. Did you go here for me? What is it? It's just some pastries. Do you know what they are? Two guava turnovers and then they had a special thing for the blueberry one. Oh my god, can I have a guava turnover? Yes. I would have loved it if you were like, I don't like guava turnovers and then they had a special thing for the blueberry one. Oh my God, can I have a guava turnover? Yes. Oh my God. I would have loved it if you were like, I don't like guava.
Starting point is 01:03:10 I love the guava cheese from Porto's. Oh my God. Wow, which one's that, Esther? It's the blueberry special. You have to eat it like it's this body part. Ooh, it's the pastry flakiness is very impressive. How do I share? Will you come get one?
Starting point is 01:03:25 I'll eat it later. Oh. It's not a good look. I'll stick with my massive rotten banana. Thank you. Suit yourself. Esther's things get better. Ours get worse.
Starting point is 01:03:41 There's no way we're going to make all three happy at once. It looks like someone sat on this banana. Well, Esther was trying to learn how to Kegel. She looks like she's on that drug, Flaka. Okay, you guys, I am going to introduce some Hawaiian treats sent to us by my friend
Starting point is 01:04:01 who's a chef in Hawaii. His name's Aaron Mattson, and he sent us all of these fancy treats. So you get to choose one. This in particular is my favorite. It's lihingmuy. And it's like dried plums in like a sort of tart sour powder. Esther, there's ahi jerky. There's hurricane popcorn, mochi crunch, and nori.
Starting point is 01:04:24 So seaweed. Oh, wow. I'm always game for some sort of popcorn. There's lihingmuy mango, and then there is macadamia. Oh my god, it's matcha chocolate. Are you guys into matcha? Should we just try one of each? Very matcha.
Starting point is 01:04:39 I want the plums. Okay, here. Do you like sour stuff? Yeah. Okay, this is sour. If you don't like you never have to eat it again super ingredients plum sugar okay she doesn't trust she's been traumatized you ready one two three
Starting point is 01:05:06 that sour it's really really weird you got this tower when you got in it's like weird it's like weird that's are you looking at yourself in the fucking mirror bitch it tastes like like we're just so i don't know there's like like a duty taste not duty wait is this tamarind or plum uh plum it's plum right there's a little salt in it it's so sweet and so salty it's like our podcast oh like my whole mouth is coated shout out to lihimoi oh yeah thank you sorry i love it This one is Mochi Crunch and Nori Hawaiian Popcorn. Oh, it smells so good. Wow, this one I feel like you'd like, Esther. I don't know if I trust you, though.
Starting point is 01:05:52 Smell it first, I think you'd like it. Okay, yeah. It's good. It's not nasty i think i prefer it's actually pretty good it's mild i could be addicted to that actually it's good the nori at first i was like oh it tastes like seaweed but because it is seaweed but it doesn't bother me i do you never eat seaweed packs of snacks i have but they just they're it's a cotton candy disappears so fast oh my god carlos eats
Starting point is 01:06:31 them like that's his meal carlos is really losing a lot of weight manorexic it's not funny but we gotta laugh at it um what's the final thing george oh matcha chocolate i mean this it's like you can't go wrong with matcha chocolate in my eyes matcha it makes me throw up really yeah like it actually does matcha and spirulina whenever i drink something with those it makes me sick matcha is not spirulina i I like matcha a lot though. Thank you Erin. Thank you Kalilah's friend. Next time can we get a fresh pineapple? George can you hand me just one more musubi?
Starting point is 01:07:16 Of course. Can I have another one too? Oh thank you. Or where are we at with names? No idea. Oh. So thank you for listening. Thank you for supporting whatever it is that we are with names no idea oh so thank you for listening thank you for supporting whatever it is that we are and make sure you like this video subscribe on youtube and write us a review on itunes why not look at annie she's wearing a fucking she's not she's not dressed i'm undressed and unwell she's earned earned it. Okay. I want a goddamn review.
Starting point is 01:07:45 Bye, guys. We'll see you next week. Bye, guys. Thank you.

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