Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Situationship Advice w/ David So - Ep 153

Episode Date: January 23, 2024

Thank you to our sponsors: Quince - Give yourself the luxury you deserve with Quince! Go to quince.com/trash for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. VIIA High Love Gum - Let the gummies work their magic. Head to viiahemp.com and use code: TRASHTUESDAY to receive 15% off + one free sample of their sleepy Dreams gummies. (21+). Take your passion and pleasure to a whole new level with High Love from VIIA Hemp. Trash Tuesday LIVE in Los Angeles! February 13, 2024. Get tickets at: https://www.ticketmaster.com/event/09005F85033B7EE2 See Esther on tour. Check out dates at estheronice.com See Annie on tour. Check out dates at https://www.annielederman.com/shows More David So:   youtube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCt8OnQ7ztuLrPrehlj8ZuuQ Twitter - https://twitter.com/davidsocomedy GeniusBrain podcast - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL91mUNcJ6cuRQQUgY7TNXMeraip4Lx5hD Secret Society - https://www.instagram.com/secretsocietypod/  The Casuals MMA podcast -  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCn_LM5J3HGszLxdbCAyzkkg Junbi - https://junbishop.com  00:00 - That’s Not Annie! 03:30 - New Years: Fireworks vs. Vegan Banana Bread 06:24 - Hunt Your Own Food?! 08:50 - #1 Asian Cheaters 11:25 - The Cozy Destroyer 14:01 - Girls Who Can Handle Their Own Shit 19:04 - 60/40 22:35 - Gold Star Baby 26:40 - What Feels Like a Reward to You? 29:15 - Developing Your Own Personal Identity 36:12 - Coiffed Media 43:41 - Periscope Princess 44:36 - The Generation of Oversharing 46:31 - David So: You’re In a Situationship 48:32 - When I’m Crying, You Should Not Be Crying 51:47 - What It Means To Be a 10 01:03:05 - Aging F-ing Sucks 01:08:22 - Match His Energy 01:10:02 - Hanging Out as Friends?! 01:11:15 - May/December - Relationship Age Gaps 01:19:31 - Wrapping Up   Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8X Trash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday     Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Rick and Esther Have a Time - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/rick-and-esther-have-a-time/id1694264079 AnnieWood - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/anniewood/id1653515392   Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Theme Song Written by: Bobby Lee http://instagram.com/bobbyleelive Banana Break Song by: Can Nguyen  🍬  https://www.candyedits.com     Produced by: Real Good Touring & Ten42 Podcast Producer(s): Stella Young & Julien Bensimhon   This Video Contains Paid Advertising

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are so professional there's a whole little uh what do you call this thing a teleprompter yeah read it read it read your own intro welcome back to trash tuesday addy is out sick today so we have a very special a fan favorite from the end of last year. Comedian, podcaster, the best guy friend a gal can have, David So.

That's so professional. There's actually a typo. Oh, it's okay. Thank you for saying that. That's how I read it. I'm dyslexic. That's perfect. It's great.

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The trailer for my movie, Drug june has dropped it stars me it stars bobby lee so many other people you've seen on this podcast trevor wallace dumbfounded britney furlan is in the movie shaley jill osment miranda cosgrove it's awesome i'm so excited thank you so much to all the slugs who've been watching and commenting we have tickets on sale our screenings start february 23rd i know for sure there are tickets on sale. Our screenings start February 23rd. I know for sure there are tickets on sale for Los Angeles, New York. I'm not sure yet. Check out our website, drugstorejune.com. I really, really appreciate you guys. This is like a huge moment for me. And I can't believe I get to share this with you. It's a really weird movie. I'm the lead of it. I'm

so unlikable. It's disturbing. Check it out. And also this Friday, I will be in Seattle. You can get tickets at esteroneice.com. It's the last stop of the tour. I can't wait. I'll see you guys there. Kalilah.

Yes. Do you know what's happening on February 13th? I do. I'm going to be there. What is it? We're going to be at the Regent Theater for our second live show. In Los Angeles. Let me just say this. Valentine's is not for everyone, but Galentine's is.

And I think you should spend it with us. It's going to be really fun. I'm so excited. We're going to be back in LA for our second live show. It's going to be me, Annie, Kalilah, all in one room. It never happens except when we're recording. It's just so intimate. We get to meet our fans.

We get to say things that we can't say on the show. And there's limited edition merch. Did I mention that? Also, I want to say that my favorite part of the last show was the VIP experience. Dude, there were so many. So many secrets that you wouldn't otherwise know about us. I liked more about you there than I ever do on this show. You can get tickets at the link below.

And we can't wait. It's almost sold out. So we will see our girlies and our guys February 13th in LA. How was New Year's for you guys? Mine was the best, you guys. Oh my God. I just had a flashback. What?

I was obviously in Hawaii, in Eva Beach, and it felt like home. It was like all illegal stuff. It was all illegal fireworks. It was the best time I've had for New Year's in a really long time. Okay. I get like fireworks for Fourth of July. New Year's is not really, that's not the tradition. But it is for Filipinos, yeah. Were there other illegal things or just the fireworks? I'm sure there were plenty of other illegal things. But I think that's what makes it fun.

Like in the Philippines, you were terrorized as a child by this thing called the Judas Belt. And the Judas Belt is like the finale, the firework that they would light up last. And they would like wrap it around the trees, probably wrap their bodies in it. And it was basically like, you know, the M80s, but like a bunch of them. And it and it was basically like you know the m80s but like a bunch of them and it would go off for like 30 minutes what the all the kids would like hide and we would cry and it was super traumatic but like as an adult you're like oh i get it now i gotta do that to my kids yeah yeah oh my god yeah sick what about you um i talked about this a little bit last week but i went to see a movie with my mom and dad and then went to bed at like 9 30 and my mom made vegan cinnamon banana bread it was is your mom

vegan she is i'm not don't worry but um always been vegan or is this like a new thing no like the last like six years maybe health scare huh no we just watched that documentary what the health and then all of us became vegan and i was the first to fall off and then my dad and my mom is still oh really yeah i hated that documentary why because i thought it was extremely biased i now that i look back i'm like how could this be real i don't know i'm a protein girl now is this the one where they talk about certain professional athletes being strictly vegan? Was this the one? And they have a new one, by the way, that's on Netflix right now that is getting a lot of traction.

It's called You Are What You Eat. I saw that. This thing is trash too. Yeah. It is very biased. The reason why is I don't like these documentaries that have all these scientific claims, but they don't juxtapose it with something else right obviously it's great for fucking views and look i think being on a bigger plant-based diet is great but it was just a little too biased for me yeah that's how i feel about like sea spiracy is that the name of the the documentary where they were like the killer whales no that was

the blackfish okay that was also very sad was it the one that was like you can't have seafood or you're evil right yeah well they're talking about tuna and shit right yeah that shit no but it's like obviously there are pretty shitty unethical practices that are probably doing terrible things to the ocean but this is also a way like we've subsisted as humans for a very long time and like there are ways to do it right yeah and it's just the one side because they don't talk about the ways that people are doing it right yeah and i'm not gonna hunt my own food either i'm so sick of people what's wrong with you i'm gonna keep telling you i know but you're talking to me that's like your thing like the

ocean is your refrigerator i can't do that shit that's wild because like you know every time you see joe rogan he goes you gotta hunt your own food who the f**k is gonna do that who the f**k has the money and the time exactly to take a trip to utah speaking just like on behalf of my relatives like one time i was in my grandfather's basement and i opened his basement freezer and i was like it was just all these frozen packs of meat that he killed and i was so traumatized do you know that esther comes from like a lineage of like really like manly like hunters really like floor layers and just like just yeah but it's because i'm half jewish half regular and the regular side is like really like midwest white trash like hunting fishing and i think that because they were so strongly into that like

let's go go ice fishing this weekend let's all go on the atvs i was like i'm gonna stay home with great grandma and make grilled cheese so like it swung me in the opposite direction and that's why the twigs on the floor thinking birds take them away i bet your family saw that podcast like what the they would never know how to turn on a podcast oh they're like that for us people yeah wow i actually follow an instagram account called like survival tips and they're doing this thing where they're regressing backwards where they want to only be in a cab i'd like the the romanticization of that like primary i'm sorry it's called primal there's this one school that i follow i think it's like boulder like

survival school yeah and i think they only like accept a very small percentage of people but it's at primitive living yeah yeah yeah yeah my favorite channel that i used to watch was this guy it was i think it was called primitive living too where he would go back in time and research how people would build shit and he would do it from the ground up like he would have nothing he would build huts he would do like roman shit all this. Like he would have nothing. He would build huts. He would do like Roman shit, all this other stuff. It was the best. And it would take him about like six to seven months to even make one video. Okay. So I used to be like, that's crazy. I hate that. Why would anyone do that? But now that I get older and realize like everything in life is boring and I'm just addicted to like scrolling on my phone,

those people are winning. Like those people are living life way better than any of us, I think. I don't know. They probably stink. But like I think from a viewer point of view, it's very, very entertaining to see somebody live homeless on purpose. It's so – it's kind of interesting. Do we have Asians that do that? Oh, there is.

But they fake it. Trash, dude. Oh, I know what you're talking about. Like the ones in China, the Chinese videos. Yeah. And they're like, I'm building a mansion in the forest. And clearly you can see tractor marks in the back. I dislike that shit, dude.

I don't… And also to the reputation of like Asian people cheating their way through things. It doesn't help us. You know what I mean? And I dislike it so f***ing much. Who do you think are the number one Asian cheaters? Asian cheaters? I have my answer, but I don't want to offend you.

I don't know this stereotype at all. Just chinese it's okay it's okay there are so many stories of like out of all the places that i've traveled to i'm chinese people can they'll agree to like going back to china's a little sketchy dude a little fucking sketch you go into their fucking airport dust everywhere and i don't know why it's a fucking airport i just want my iphone to know i'm extremely pro china okay hear me i love you don't want to say that so look i love i love the chinese very much the food is fantastic the women are beautiful the food is fantastic and the women are beautiful my japanese aunt is like low-key race like there's like a thing about China. But then Chinese husbands are supposed to be the best.

Yeah, that's what Asian girls say. That Chinese husbands treat their women the best. I'm planning this for my second. That's not true. Is that based on Bobby? Maybe not like… Bobby's like not even Korean though. He's not.

I'm talking about like the older school Korean gentlemen. So I didn't know about this until my wife told me this. She said that she didn't want to marry a Korean guy because Korean guys are very aggressive and mean towards their women. And I had no f***ing idea about this stereotype. But the interesting thing is when you go to Korea, right? I've talked to my relatives and I've seen all these relationships in Korea. It's very traditional, right?

So I just had this revelation recently which is so interesting we're having this conversation korean girls do this thing called aegyo right which is cutesy shit they like to be this damsel in distress like if if you watch korean drama shit like you'll see a girl there's a specific show right now what's it called like loves paradise or some shit uh-huh there's a girl who's very good at aegyo and what she does is like makes these guys feel like they're empowered I love this

right so girls she'll do stuff like oh like that and guys in Korea they eat it up they f***ing love it

just bricked up they want to be the dude that takes care I'll hold your back I'll do this other stuff because the girl does a very good job of manipulating the guy

to think that he's always in charge but the girl's in charge because she's getting him to do everything that she's been doing it all wrong my whole life that they need to teach a class on that because that's such an important life skill that i'm always working towards like yesterday i couldn't reach something and i was like dave can you get it and he was so happy he was he was in such a good mood he's like yeah of course babe i got it babe what do you mean but that's i feel like a majority of guys are like that my wife found out that i hate that shit what it's disgusting what do you mean because because my mom is not like that

my mom is i do it myself type of woman so when mariel thought that this was going to be pity for mariel yeah so she was like she'll do this shit like for example like this is what girls are really good at by the way that i hate you will you will notice that a guy is comfortable and then you figure out a way to undo it oh yeah no no no there's a term for this in my house it's called the cozy destroyer what is that oh we destroy the cozy as soon as i see you start to get to relax up you go watch this shit like we got into like you know a funny argument about this i'm in the kitchen and i look at her she's sitting down on

the couch right before i come out the kitchen i go hey do you need anything she goes no i'm okay uh are you sure you need water you need something else no i'm fine just cuddle i step one right into the living room right i'm thirsty can you. Can you get me water? Bitch, I fucking swear to— I got so mad. I was like, why did you— I looked into the windows of your fucking soul, and I asked you, do you need water? You said, net, no.

Our minds can change, David. No, bull— I have the same problem with Dave. Like, he'll be downstairs. Are you sure there's nothing? And then, like, goes back up. Are you sure there's nothing? And then like goes back up. And I'm like, actually, and he gets so mad. But I'm like, I don't know what I'm going to want from one second to the next.

I know, but what's the problem? Do you have rickets? You can get up. You're an able-bodied person. Make a choice, bitch. But sometimes it takes time for me to figure it out. Make a choice. I don't know in that moment.

You're putting me on the spot. If I said Do you need water all right, and I made a stand to it wasn't like sweetie do you need water? I said hey look look look me in the fucking eye, but you that's put so much pressure on you to make a decision I'm like I don't know I almost want to make sure that I I wait for you to be in your most comfortable position Before I strike like I'm gonna wait. wait. That's manipulative as hell. You're pregnant. You get a pass. You get whatever you want.

I don't give a f***, all right? Do you think Bobby's been eggio with me for the past decade? Bobby a different creature, though. He's like, me? Do that? I don't think so. That boy built different.

He got three teeth, all right? You need to do whatever he needs. Like, okay. I just, I just dislike that. I like girls who can handle their own shit. I'm okay helping you with things that you cannot do. But if it's something like, can you, can you cut my pizza in half for me? I'm like, you better.

Oh, hell no. I hate it. What about the pickle jar? Okay. Here's the thing. I like how, you better. Oh, hell no. I hate it. What about the pickle jar? Okay, here's the thing. I like how girls now too, they're strong as shit. Bitches be strong. Deadlifting things. You know what I'm saying?

Fuck out here. Crossfitted. All of a sudden, peanut butter charts come. Babe, can you do this for me? I saw you deadlift 400 pounds. That's why thumbs don't work. It's also nice to have someone do something for you. Yeah, you know what it is, David?

You know what it is? It's just a bid for connection. Ask for a kiss. Ask for a hugs. Ask me to tell you that you're beautiful. I'll do all that shit. You know, in the show Singles Inferno, do you watch it ever? Is that the Korean one?

Yeah, it's the Korean one where was talking about matched up on the beach and the guys basically choose who they want to be matched up with a hundred percent of the time the hottest chick who is really fit looking lean gorgeous is the last one to be chosen they're gonna pick the daintiest most frail looking girl who looks like she hasn't seen like a ray of sunshine. She's like so pale and like helpless looking.

Oh my God, me? Yeah, you'll be chosen a hundred percent of the time. I will never get chosen in Singles Inferno. Dude, give me the strong bitch with the big back. That's the one I want.

Wait, but okay, here's the thing. I wasn't, I wasn't pawning myself. No, there are guys that want to like take care of the girl right you want to carry her things whatever but no guy wants to do that all the time i've tried trust me they're not out there like it's they because they get tired of it they get sick of it they want you to be able to do things on your own what they really want is like a mix-up they want to not. It's like a slot machine.

Everyone in life just wants to not know what's going to happen. So they want to be surprised like, oh, she doesn't need me. And then they get a little bit like insecure. And then next time you do need them and then they get like all hot about it. You got to work your game.

Like that's really what it is. Wait, but so I heard this woman, I could have been Shira Seven, you know, sprinkle, sprinkle, goddess of all time. But she said basically like never, it could have been shira seven you know sprinkle sprinkle goddess of all time but she said basically like never it could have been her never be a man's piece like never be the one who makes his life so easy that's just not what gets you guys is blood flowing in your you know i would like it loins i would know you would get bored. Oh, I would not. I find different things.

I like toxic women that can do things by themselves. So I don't get bored like that. You know, she f***ed up my life in other different ways. Oh, that's interesting. Wait, let me ask Kalilah and Esther a question. How do you feel about guys that are always having you, like, rub their heads and, like, be that person? Are you insane? You hate it.

That's not happening. Yeah. I'm. That's disgusting happening. Yeah. I'm. That's disgusting. So like I'm by. You get that when I choose to do that. Okay. Like I will when I'm in the mood be awesome on that front.

But it's like if you're coming to me asking for it, I'm like get, go to, go home to mommy. This is gross. Esther, I need you in my life. Like ew, men are not allowed to ask for things and then if you don't ask that like one thing that i like to do oh my god this is sharing too much keep doing it keep doing it i like to like be like a bath attendant so like i like to draw asian or white i like to draw a bath for a partner.

I won't say who to protect his privacy and like set it up and be like, welcome to your bath. Lord of the Rings over here. Me lord. Do like a scrub, you know, like bathe. I like to bathe an old man once in a while.

Wait, but that is in the same vein of like... Geisha over here. That is super bound feet geisha while. Wait, but that is in the same vein of like Geisha over here. That is super bound feet geisha shit. Wait, really? Do you wash said person? Do you sponge bath? So you have a lot of dead skin on your back. Let me rub a dead skin.

Oh my god. So I like to I'm super nurturing like i do like to rub heads give massages even if they ask or just move out of your own so it turns out if the wrong guy asks me if like we're not in a committed relationship it will be an absolute ick if you ask me who the fuck do you think yeah exactly i'm like we're not official how dare you But if it's someone that I really like, I really like to kind of maybe do too much of it. I love that. Yeah.

I'm a golden retriever, so. I'm a little bit of a golden retriever. But I also like, so it's like mutual. We're both golden retrievers. Exactly. That's the kind of relationship I need. So Esther, if said person requested the bath. Depending on my mood.

Okay. Yeah, it's possible. One thing on the golden retriever front, like I forgot this was, you know, I think Dave even said this to me maybe a decade ago. He was like, and not in like a way of it has to be this way, just kind of like general life advice. He was like, in order for a relationship to function, like he had heard, like heard like just always assume you're gonna do 60 and the other person will only do 40 and if you both come in with that attitude like it'll it should work i don't know i don't i don't like percentage talk when it comes to relationships i think it's asinine because there's whenever somebody feels in your 60 there's always going to be a 40 the other way back and around all the time

to do that percentage thing always causes fights because you start tally marking things well i did this for you what about this but the point of it is is just always assume you're going to do more and then you'll be pleasantly surprised like when you don't but because you're right for sure if you're tallying and if you're like counting what you do you're gonna that that relationship's not gonna last because what happens is i think like everybody falls into this thing. It's like that mentality tends to be perfectly fine when things are good. Yeah. But when things go bad, this is when you go back to the 60-40 thing.

That is so freaking true because like I was really trying to study Brittany Brown, which she says what her and her husband do, which is like- I just wonder what her deal is because I feel like she just makes women get divorces in their like 40s. So yes, keep going. I think it's her. God, I feel like she just makes women get divorces in their, like, 40s. So, yes, keep going. I think it's her. God, I'm getting all my sources wrong. You're like, this sounds bad, but continue.

But she's basically like her and her husband, they know they have good days and they have bad days. So every day they check in. And sometimes she's like, I'm operating at only 20% today. So the husband is like, I'm stepping up for the 80% that you're lacking. But that's given that you have it in you to communicate that in a nice way when you're having the worst day ever, right? Because like, I've tried this. And there's some days where I'm so shut down where I will literally gouge my partner's like eyes out of their head. And I don't want to even like come to a negotiation at the moment. So it's like, you're right. It works out when people are at their best

and at a healthy part of their relationship. And those things also take time. I think a lot of the times when young people hear this advice, they don't take things with a grain of salt. It's like when you're in a relationship, and you can verbally communicate this to your partner, they're not going to get it. It's going to take years for them to pick up on small cues.

For example, when I was sick, my wife decided to, okay, I'm going to just take care of things. And I didn't have to verbally tell her, hey, I'm sick. I ain't going to take out the trash. She took out the trash. She asked me if she took care of me. And then after I was done with my flu, I, like a good husband, gave it to her. And so I had to take care of her. She didn't have to ask me to do these certain things, that stuff that I would never normally do, but stuff that she cares about that needs to get done, I will do it. So like that takes time, right? And like those type of things too, I feel like a lot of people think that when you read these books, you go, oh, this is how it's

done. It's a lot easier said than done. Always easier said than done. I seen like the healthiest relationships. They went through all this bullshit to finally get to that spot yeah right yes and i kind of like that journey too and like like like some of the best qualities about myself is because i stayed with my wife and she helped fix these bad things along the way this is how i feel about my partner too i'm like oh he like helped he raised me to be the woman i am. But it's true. It's like we've gone through so much that like now where things are easier, but it's not because they were just easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, shit had to really go down.

One thing in the last few years that I've noticed has really helped me is I love positive reinforcement. Like when I get compliments for doing little simple house chores. You're a gold star baby. God damn it. You need a gold star sticker. It is so motivating and I love to give lots of praise. Praise is a huge thing

I think in our household now. That's so hard for me because I didn't grow up with that. At all? You get praise for doing things outside of the ordinary. Like? So let's say I got a gold medal in something.

Yeah. Great job. If I just made food, they're like, yeah, you're supposed to do that shit. So I didn't know this, that other people like small things like that. Gestures. So my wife is like that. Had no f***ing idea. So she would get mad at me.

So she would come up to me. She goes, I did the dishes. I'm like, I b***h. I just like walked by. by cool i farted what the what else happened during your day and then oh you mean bare minimum you know what i mean like yeah no yeah see i know what you're talking about and like when you add this little sprinkle of spice it makes everything so much happier yeah and so i started doing that you know almost 10 years i started doing that this year so this year well because when i do 2024 yes two weeks two weeks in when i do it it feels like

somebody is stabbing me in the gut it's so it's that hard for me but isn't it shocking like how it's no it's actually so easy to go so far like it's such a bargain what you get out of it it's just not it's not in me but Esther you didn't receive that either right no that's why it's like this new discovery for me and I'm like oh my god this is such a it's just something new is unlocked in my life where like if you if I can get a little bit of praise for doing a basic thing like I'll be I'm like a little doggy like I'm so excited and I love to give praise back I don't know it's just been because I'm like you like there was not praise and there was nothing maybe this is how comics some comics are made

I mean it's the love language thing yeah it is a hundred percent that love language because like I mean even for the stuff that I was extraordinary at as a kid, I was not allowed to like celebrate my wins. Like even though I was this incredible athlete in the Philippines and I swam for the national team, my mom would, I would get into the, on the podium, you know, first place, second place, third. I'd be on first. Oh no, no, not far off. Oh really? Not far off. I would break a Philippine record,

get the medal around my neck, and as soon as I was off the podium, she would make me take my medal off and give it to her and never to be seen again. What was the point of that, though? The point is to instill a level of humility and the kind of like, this is what you should be doing. This is not,

you're not to be celebrated. This is what you are expected to do humility you're in the philippines i have a weird opposite take that is kind of in support of your mom's abuse always um because like it is technically all the like great advice in life about being a high achiever it's like it is about the journey and not the destination it's about the system and not the goal you know that book atomic habits by james clear it's really cheesy and good but whatever but he's all about like if you're just focusing eyes on the prize like you're a loser and you're not going to do anything but if you build out your system on how to get there so So there is something about her just being like, this is just about the journey.

But as a kid, it's like absolutely no joy to be experienced or no pride in your own work. Like I'm not even allowed to take pride in something I worked hard for or be acknowledged and say like, hey, a pat on the back. And guess what? I found it in other ways. Like in high school, I became a whore. A whore. I gave blowjobs. Like, I just handed out blowjobs.

Did they give you a medal after too? I didn't even care. They were talking shit about me. I was like, well, they're saying something. I want to correct myself because part of that system is that you do get rewarded. And so removing the reward is not great, actually. Rewards don't make me feel good ever. Ever?

Ever. What do you feel? What feels like a reward to you? When I complete a task that I wanted to complete, I feel really good. That's your reward. So if somebody else was like, oh, you did this great project. Here's a work of f**k. Like I got the joy from doing this thing.

And once it's completed, I feel amazing. It feels f**king great. So money doesn't feel like a reward? Money doesn't feel like a reward, no. Verbal or like affirmations don't feel like a reward. doesn't feel like a reward no verbal or um like affirmations don't feel like a reward it feels only good if i say to myself so like i don't need it from an external well that's because you never really good yeah i mean it was kind of hard like i was trying to explain this to my wife too because she needs the verbal affirmation from

somebody else and i told her like it's just i think from when i was younger it was i never got that from i didn't need it so it's like if i enjoyed you not need it or you just didn't get it and you told yourself maybe i mean that's something maybe there's something to that but i get joy of just completing something that i love so let's say i put out a video right it does trash views i enjoyed it that's all i need that's the key that's the key because it just makes me feel good when you i just don't like tying my happiness to what somebody else says about me it just makes me feel f***ing good when you I just don't like tying my happiness to what somebody else says about me

it just it's exhausting this is beautiful because you know what I always say like if I'm gonna post a video or whatever anything on social media

I need to know how I feel about it before I put it out because that's what matters everyone might hate it if I know that I like it that's all that matters like that's

with any art it's like how do you feel it's like kind of the Rick Rubin stuff too yeah that's what Rick Rubin is yeah yeah he's just like you know if you really are a true artist like perception should really have no bearing on what you put out like you know what I was just listening to this episode of Ezra Klein about like the like the loss of taste amongst all people now because basically algorithms and AI we're all being fed the same content so we're not like seeking out what we specifically like we just are like liking what everyone likes it's not our fault it's just kind of happening to

us and so like a new big commodity is going to be people who really can curate and have their own taste and find ways to discover new things. And so, I don't know. I just think like something to think about, like what is your true taste and like really try to seek it out and not just fall into like watching the popular things and, and like just doing, cause I find my,

I'm like, Oh, I only shop by, I like by skims. I go to all the same coffee shops as all the cool girls it's the same top 10 shows that we're watching I everything I do it's like it's what everyone else does and that's not who I am and it shouldn't be who I am and so I'm like really motivated this year to be a little bit more like try to find my niche things yeah it's

hard right and I and I will say this cause I want to look back to when I was like in my early twenties and even in my teens, developing your personal identity is one of the hardest things that everybody has to do growing up. It's hard. Cause you have to sit there and be okay with your choices every day. And then you have to stand your ground. Why do you think people like being a part of groups? Because they don't have to do that. They don't have to be the person that sticks out. Everybody wants to be grouped up. So many people say this constantly.

It's like, I'm not like everybody else. I'm different. No, you ain't. You're not different. You're the same like everybody else. And that's actually not a problem. It's comfortable being like that. That's why you see so many times later on in life,

around their 30s and 40s, they go through this existential crisis. Because during the time when you were younger, you didn't choose to stick out and you didn't choose to figure out who you are. And now that you're older, you're left with all these choices and you don't even know what the to do. Yeah. Right. And I see that happen a lot with people in my group and my friends are like, oh, I'm re-identifying myself. Well, because you invested your time into what everybody else wanted from you, you forgot to focus on number one here. And so when I see this a lot of the times, like

you'll see this with like young creators too, right? They always go through the same cycle because I've been in social media for so long. They start off, they do everything that everybody wants. And when they get this verbal affirmation, these numbers, they tell them that they're great. And guess what? They make one bad video. What did I do wrong? Am I falling off? What's happening here? Then they start doing crazier content. Oh, these views are back up and they go back down again and then they get into the place like i've never created once for myself how do i do this they don't know how they never started that way they started doing content based on what other people wanted and now they're left as this creator with zero creativity creativity takes chances it takes risks sometimes you have to fail multiple times to figure out what you want. Possibly get canceled a couple of times. Yeah. Bomb in front of thousands of people.

And by the way, those are the easiest people as a producer to work with. The people who have a point of view or like don't just go with what they think is going to be popular. Like those types of artists are the easiest because it's just like, you know, and they believe in it and it is hard to do, but I just want to say like it's better one of my hacks for this not that I have this all figured out at all by any means but like one of my hacks for it is always I if I'm like I don't know and it seems so basic and so simple but I just go how do I really feel and you have to like dig in and ask and find it but like that's my prompt that always will help me get out of like some sort of the sameness

just like how do I really feel and that like digs it out for me yeah this takes me back to my favorite post I ever posted on Instagram and it wasn't a Bobby post it wasn't a post that anyone really saw but it's literally a video of my mom in the car she's completely asleep but she's still playing candy crush somehow and it is something that i found to be so funny in the moment yeah like i remember cry laughing looking at her because she was still scoring points so scary that is kind of scary actually but i remember thinking this was like maybe five years ago i remember thinking like no this isn't like podcast really this isn't this and i'm like no this is this genuinely makes me happy so i'm gonna put it out there and you're right like nobody said anything no one even thought it was funny

but you enjoyed it i enjoyed it we're enjoying it right now it's amazing you know you'll like young content creators too like it gets hard because you kind of just want to go for those views but like you said like creativity tends to die this is like the graveyard of creativity here is where you only base your stuff on what everybody else wants and everything starts to look the same when youtube started out years ago everybody's stuff was different because there was no real trend to follow right you just kind of did what you wanted to do and if it stuck it stuck and then you stuck with it because it was something that you enjoyed well you'll see a lot of these how many times have you seen like these young creators they go oh i'm depressed i'm this this and that and everything on you know externally seems great

but i get it you've tied yourself to likes and now you're gonna have to live and die by this stuff that's rough and it's so i actually feel really really bad for them i almost feel as though to be a creator nowadays the one service that you can do for yourself is to maybe not look at anything to not listen to podcasts and not watch youtube to not go on tiktok listen to ours listen to this podcast but do you know what i mean to kind of just like go by by what you think like completely unadulterated uninfluenced it's so spot on that you're saying that because in stand-up like at the very beginning i don't think this advice is always right but i there was that

advice of like don't watch other people take a take a minute don't take a break from watching other people because you will be influenced and sometimes it's sometimes it's time to get influenced and sometimes it's not and it's good to just only figure out what's in here and what's coming out. And I also want to say, like, I don't judge the creators that don't know their voice and don't know who they are yet because it's hard. And if you're young, it's even harder. And it takes time and it takes failure and it takes not being who you are for a while to figure out who you are. So it's like we see these things, we observe them, but also it's like that's okay if that's you

and if you're on that journey and you haven't figured it out yet. That's almost a good sign that you're going to figure it out. Yeah, and also too, when you listen to this stuff, take everything with a grain of salt. You know what I'm saying? Some of y'all listen to these quick little reels of stories and you take that as like a mantra for your whole life gospel just take a little bit of it you know what i'm saying

just a little smidge and apply just a second because guess what what works for me might not work for you except for shira seven sprinkle sprinkle i feel like she is do you know what she is david what is this she's a tiktoker she's not even tiktoker she's a TikToker? She's not even a TikToker. She's a YouTuber, but she gives like relationship advice. And she, all her videos on TikTok are like reposted and they're all grainy. She doesn't have her own account, but she honestly spits out the funniest shit ever. That's the best. Yeah. But that's what I'm saying.

I don't think that she gives a fuck. I don't even think she gives a fuck to even make money't even think she gives a f**k to even make money off of what she's saying she's literally just spreading gospel saying whatever the f**k that you want but that's that's also very refreshing too and that's very reminiscent of old youtube to me you know just saying whatever right and also too it's like i like the freedom of just being able to do what you want and you could take it however you like either one thing that too i feel like people when they put out content they expect a certain reaction. When they don't get it, they get sad, disappointed, and angry. Once you put it out there, it's for the, it's for,

it's up in the ether. Everybody gets to decide how they feel about it, right? They can hate it. They can love it. You can't dictate that stuff. So how you feel about it, like I said, it goes back. If you enjoyed it, just enjoy it and let it go and then make something else. Then make something else after. Then keep doing it over and over and over again until you're tired of it so i just i don't know i don't know until you get pregnant until you get pregnant i don't know if it'll make you successful that way i think people who are more successful they'll kind of do the trendier things but if you're just doing it for fun just do it for fun leave it alone at that i mean i think this is the reason why a lot of really big name like a-list celebrities try to podcast and they fail

and they don't do well it's because it's happening so much it's very curated it's overly produced they are it's you know the reason podcasting was fun at least like the comedy ones is because everyone was just shooting from the hip right like we didn't give a shit like we were just so like very clunky um production value was low like that was the beauty of it and now everything is so like coiffed and beautiful and like you know everyone's speaking with like the perfect like um what do you call it vocal whatever it is yeah and i think that is going back to broadcasting terrestrial radio shit. And it's like, you're circling back to that when the beauty of podcasting was

that it was just so clunky and cool. And we were just shooting the shit, right? I always call it the good morning America. Like it almost goes from the podcast to the good morning America setup where everything's produced, it's segmented. And it's the same with YouTube. Like, well, yeah.

And we have a heavy history and experience in like Twitch and everything. And that's the same with YouTube. Well, yeah. And we have a heavy history and experience in Twitch and everything. And that's kind of blowing up. Do you guys have any thoughts about media becoming different now? The desire for Quaft is kind of going out the window in terms of everything. I feel like I've been hearing that a lot for a while. And I think it's real. And I think authenticity is what everyone wants and probably what everyone should have always wanted from the beginning um but I also I have like no predictions or like I don't know I don't think anyone knows what's coming what's gonna work what's gonna magically land but I do hear that a lot I hear that like live

streaming just kind of nothingness is what people actually want. So they can just listen to that while they're scrolling. Like, I don't know. I have no idea what people want. Because the pendulum could also swing back. Like who the hell knows, right? It always does. Yeah, we get lazier and lazier.

Like one thing that I'm really surprised by myself, and I don't know if this is because I'm pregnant I have like less things available to me to do but like in the last like eight months and I it might just be literally because of the Barbie movie I have been going to movie theaters and I don't give a shit what's streaming I'm like what's in the movie theaters and it's usually not a lot of options but like I want to go out and see a movie i never thought that was going to happen i never in a million theory i'm like there's so much free shit on the internet but i don't like i'm sick of sitting in my bed on my ipad that is true it's like there is an options paralysis thing that happens for me where it's like i don't know why everything looks the same whereas in the

movie theater you have eight ten options and you have to pick out of those 8, 10 options And it's an experience and there's popcorn Smaller menu Have y'all tried streaming before? That shit's f***ing tiring dude Really? You gotta perform like a clown for 14 hours Oh my god

Hey let me tell you something I talked to these kids, I did live streaming for a little bit right? Performed for like 2 hours, I wanted to kill myself I was so tired and these guys were like hey when you gonna do it again you're gonna do it later tonight go get a job i'm tired like i was so you have no idea how tired i was i enjoyed the fact that i got to connect with fans but but the way maybe the way you connect is like you're very like high intensity right you always feel like you have maybe like dead air is not something you feel comfortable i don't want to watch that shit but they kind of just want to

watch you just like pick your nose and i'm like but even then being on camera like that bothers me i just can't do it and i tried it people enjoyed it it was fine but i saw i know you know the great thing about that i could ask them questions about something i don't know about i was like hey on average how often do Twitch streamers stream or YouTube streamers? They go about six hours a day. Oh my God. How six hours?

It's because their fans want to be part of their lives. It's like social media, but live. You know what I mean? And you're inviting them into your life and knowing who you are as a person and not how like other people are presenting you. After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for

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periscope princess i was live streaming all day every day but the but you know what got me into it was that i became a fan of it first so So I had a few live streamers that I was obsessed with. Every time they went live, I was so excited and entertained by it that I was like, oh, I kind of get this now. And then I started doing it. And then when the app like went away, it was just kind of like, all right, forget this. What did you like about watching them? It's just like so exciting that someone, if you like someone's personality and they're like your, they become your friend and then you get to hang out with them on demand or whatever and watch the replays. And I don't know.

It's just an escape from what's boring about my life. It's so fun. See how they deal with things. See how they eat pizza. See how they pick their nose. They'll update you on their relationship situations or they'll just be like okay so today i'm organizing this like you know what it is the generation of oversharing right now people be sharing their trauma like nothing else trauma dumping hey can i tell you something i love therapy but i hate

people who take therapy like if you do understand what i meant it's like some people take a one therapy session and they try to therapize you after it's like hey, hey, chill. Go take a few more sessions. That's a conversation between you and your therapist. No, like they'll literally, like Jonah Hill, right? He weaponized therapy. I'm like, listen,

that's a conversation between you and your therapist. You guys have this thing. You don't take that and try to therapize me, right? That's your life. That's your story. Keep it here.

I'm at fault for definitely oversharing what's wrong with you girl no but it's apparently a trauma response and it's to keep people at a distance wait how i'm gonna give you my deepest darkest or what i think is disposable um information about me and i'm telling it to you in a very intellectualized way i'm not really showing you how i feel about it so it's like it's actually keeping you at a an arm's length bobby does the same he will tell you the color of his asshole the the color of his rectum. He'll tell you how, you know, a family member did this, all of these. And I do the same thing. And I think it's because I'm telling you, I'm not showing you how I feel. And it's just a way of keeping you away. So you don't ask me

anything. The moment somebody comes up to me and they go, do you know what my therapist told me about that? I'm like, ah, get shut up. Get away from me. All right. I got my own therapist. All right. We talk it all out. I don't need you. All right. You didn't even take a shower today. Your breast thing. David, on the subject of oversharing and people needing you to therapize them, we have a great segment. Oh, great. Well, let me, you're our therapist. Oh, great. I'd love to get into it. Well, let me dethrone this banana.

Here we go. Load up on your potassium. A lot of people love your advice and sort of your perspective. I feel like you are a real girl's guy friend. So we have a new segment. You're a real girl's girl, David. Okay. It's called David, so you're in a situation ship. And then we have the slugs reach out for advice for you.

Oh, here we go. So question one. I dated a guy from September to October. We kept seeing each other and in December, we had this emotional night where we both cried. I thought we were dating exclusively after that based on context

and feelings, but a week ago, he said, we're sneaky links or secretly hooking up. I ended things, but I feel attached and can't logically talk myself out of letting it go. How do I do that? Number one, dude said sneak links. He's whack.

What the f*** is that? That's embarrassing as shit. Did your p***y dry up after you said that? What the f***? Are you out of your mind? You know what we are? We're sneak links. Hey, get the f***? Are you out of your mind? You know what we are? We're sneak leaks. Hey, get the f*** out of my apartment, dweeb. Let's start with that s***, dude. Girl, you could do so much f***ing better.

But one thing you could improve on, by the way, is communication. You can't just assume s*** with the guy you just met. You don't know him. There is nothing that should keep you attached to somebody you just met. That was one month I've been with my wife for 10 years And I just started giving her compliments Are you out of your mind?

Set your expectations right, dude You're young, you're fine But you think that maybe because they have this emotional Mutual crying session What was that? I want to know more about that But hey, we just talked about that People do that with people on Twitch, right? What you talking about? Oh, you cried in front of somebody? Guess what? I cried in front of a

cash register, cashier yesterday. We're not connected. It's all good. I just had a sad thought. I started tearing up, whatever. So are we going to f***ing f*** now? That means nothing. It really, you're right. It means nothing. You carry your heart on your sleeve too much. You got to guard yourself a little bit feel things out man it's okay and by the way this is this is gonna happen to you multiple times relationships especially when you don't have something committed it's the wild west you don't know what's gonna happen i think sometimes people do that they f***ing they love f*** each other they love bomb each other too fast that might be a you issue that is sounding like love bombing Like one thing that is coming up for me is I don't think I love it when both people are crying at the same time.

That feels big and like dramatic. I think like if I'm crying, you should not be crying. Esther, I could not agree with you more. You are absolutely correct. And I'll tell you why. When someone is crying in front of me, I need to sit there and hold space for them and listen and allow them to have

their emotional moment. I'm not going to, because my mom used to do this where it's like my sister would cry and then she'd be like, and then she would cry and I'm like, you are literally not giving her

her moment to grieve or to do whatever and now my sister is taking care of my crying mom. So at a funeral, you just punk people to stop crying when you're crying? No, I mean,

we could collectively cry. It's my turn. We could collectively cry at a funeral you just punk people stop crying when you're crying no i mean there we could collectively cry we could collectively cry at a funeral there are places where we could you know group cry but i think i i absolutely agree with you yeah that doesn't mean that a man can't cry like i fully support that but when he's crying i want to not be crying too well i can get teary-eyed if you're it's what you're telling me is really like moving me yeah but to then cry as hard with you or maybe i don't know one person's gotta stay strong when the crying is happening take your turn take turns yeah i don't think i've ever had equal sorrow at the same time with somebody i don't know if that's natural either right usually some person one person processes and the other person cries well i think one person has to be on survival mode to take care of the person in distress when when when you and bobby split right did you did you guys have a serious conversation where it was like hey and then both did you guys

cry at the same time or did were you just like hey this is we're done so in therapy we were in therapy for two years before we decided that okay this is not like working right and in those therapy sessions we would take turns crying but when we ever like then and when he would talk about me two years before we decided that okay this is not like working right and in those therapy sessions we would take turns crying but whenever like then and when he would talk about me in a way that would that really like moved me he would say things like kalilah is this to me i would be in tears and when i would say things about him he would be in tears the only time we did cry together is when we finally you know i i was in bed and he had just come upstairs and i know that he had had he had just had therapy and i already knew what the conversation was going to

be and then basically what i said is like should we like just be brave and see what's on the other side of this and he was like i don't want to hear that i don't want to this. And he was like, I don't want to hear that. I don't want to know about this. And he was like, yeah, I think we should be brave. And then we cried together and then said, it's okay, sweetie. Like we both tried. We tried like our best. And then we went to a Korean spa.

We went to a wee spa. And they're like, let's live together for another two years after this. And continue to be in business together. Let's never leave each other's side ever. Let's live in the same bed and hold hands.

Oh my God god but it was really sad and there was a moment of like yeah i guess mutual that's after 10 plus years this is two months and they're both crying on an emotional night that is my red flag here oh yeah she might she might be the weirdo in this case because i mean he's probably a weirdo too it always takes two yeah it always takes two and one is leaning one on like i don't i think saying sneak links yeah that's pussy dried up dude yeah i don't even got a that's just dry that's fucking crazy sneak links question two was talking to the guy i'm seeing about what it means to be a 10 i've never had anyone tell me i'm not a 10 i asked him what he thought. Oh, this is horrible.

And he said eight and a half. All my girlfriends are like, ew, f*** him. And my guy friends are like, why did you even ask that? Should I keep hooking up with him or is that a deal breaker? You ain't a 10, b****. Nobody's a 10, girl. Nobody on this f***ing earth is a 10. Hey, let me actually tell you this.

So there was a study done that a buddy told me about, right? It was, they basically interviewed a bunch of young men and young women. So the question was, if you had somebody that was 80% of everything that you like and 20% of the things that you dislike, is that good or bad? So the result was, men said, yes, that's amazing. Majority of women said, no, I would be settling for less. Really? 80-20. those women are delusional right you're not getting 100 yeah so this is that thing right nobody is a 10 you could feel like you're a 10 but nobody else has

to agree with that right it's that same concept too when i see some of the wackest people online they're like oh i'm bad as yeah to you gargoyle but not to everybody else it's fine if you think that that's all good i'm sorry if if if my partner tells i i would be like what the just say it yeah that's rude just say it it takes no time no effort and it's gonna like it's going to avoid a discussion and read this first sentence Was talking to the guy that I'm seeing. So what is the level of commitment here? I don't know. If a guy is hitting it, just say 10.

Just shut up and say 10. I did a poll. All the girls said what you said and all the men said what David said. So that's why I wanted to bring it up. Oh, really? Wait. All the girls said. That guy never talked to him again. Like, you have to say 10.

You can't ask to be rated no also if you're coming into this like not to be a hater but if you're coming into this like every guy thinks i'm a 10 the guy is like he's gonna be like gross no i i that would turn me off if some guy my wife ain't a 10 i love her i fucking love her and i don't want her to be a 10 I don't want that 10 bullshit can you call Dave right now and ask him to rate you yeah yes

you know I like that even though I was the first one to say you should never ask but sure also I think David should call his wife and get his rating

can I tell you why I'm a negative 6 I think it's because 10 guys have different definitions of what a 10 is yeah everybody does. Yeah. Dave?

Yeah. Hi. It's me. What's up? Yeah. I'm being held hostage. No. I have a question.

What is going on? What would you rate me from 1 to 10? 10. Are you to 10? 10. Are you kidding? Absolute 10. Oh, my God. I love you. But I do want to say it's inappropriate of me to ask that.

And I'm sorry. Sticking to that. And I apologize. But thank you. Yeah. I've never been a fan of the 1 to 10. Yeah, it's gross. It's gross.

Yeah. I agree. Are you kidding me? Absolute Yeah, it's gross. It's gross. Yeah, I agree. Are you kidding me? Absolute ten. Oh, Steve, I love you. Okay, I'll see you later. Bye. Okay, let me.

Should I call Bobby? You should call Bobby. Bye. He's not going to pick up. He's still sleeping, guys. It's only 4 p.m. But Dave and I are very anti-number system. I'm in a nail appointment.

What's up? Are you getting your nails done? Yeah, yeah. I have a question for you. Yeah? Oh, what color are you getting? I don't know. Like white, like a white.

Oh, your toenails or your hands? Both. Oh, okay. I have a question. What would you rate me from one to ten? A ten. would you rate me from 1 to 10? A 10.

Thank you, sweetie. That's all I wanted. Bye. Bye. Great. Oh my god. Yeah, I think that answers the question. What? Like you're asking a guy you barely know to rate you. Like you're asking your fiancé. Also too, girls are very good at gassing each other up so they'll always call the home this is like y'all ever notice how like guys go out let's say it's a guy's night out right

fellas we're all going out right we don't ever look at each other like boy this fucking white sweater be f***ing killing oh wait where you get that head oh you see my head would look better on you right girls when they go out when you get that necklace oh my god are you serious your hair i was gonna do that but i did it it looks better on you than it would me that's how y'all talk y'all gas each other up so fucking well well that's what i'm saying don't expect that from a guy because a guy you know what i'm saying like a guy will see a dope shirt it's like oh where'd you where'd you cop that and then they go out yeah you know what i mean this is how like guys communicate but that's what i'm saying don't

you think that in the courting stages if you say anything less than 10 you're you're this would be an immediate turnoff for me though if somebody asked me to rate them that's what i'm saying there's only like a few women i've ever seen in my life in person where i was like dude are you like ai created like you're fucking gorgeous right whatever though yeah being a 10 is pointless like yeah it's like AI created and it's something that you just you remember seeing once like no one wants to really date that I will say anything above an eight I'm out like who wants anything above an eight anyways? A lot of people want it. You know, everybody wants it. Everybody wants it.

Let's be f***ing real. Or do I just know I can't get above an eight? So like I'm just. Well, I saw pictures of your past. So I understand. Like it makes sense. You're actually not going to anybody. It's like, I get it.

You know, you want to meet people where you were before. You know what I'm saying? You were a solid two and a half. He's not lying. This girl had an eye this way, another eye this way. I swear no one believes me when I say that I wasn't the cutest girl growing up. And I went through a very f***ed up awkward stage. And he is not lying.

And when people, when really hot chicks are like, you know, I was once an ugly duckling. And you look at their old pictures and you're like, you've been hot since they were born. Not me. Not me. I needed time to cook. I had to take a couple of shots before you kissed this woman. That's why you're cool.

If you were always pretty, you wouldn't be cool. I needed like 30 something years to cook. I'll tell you this, right? We just had a conversation with a couple of guy friends about this where it was like, I wonder what it's like for as a guy when you see like hot dudes, right? They are the lamest motherfuckers you've ever met in your life. And I understand because it makes sense. Why develop this thing that you don't have to develop?

Everything's just given to you. Same thing with hot girls, right? They don't have to develop the personality having to, you don't have to like giggle your way into a b****. You just stand there and then people walk up to you. Same thing with hot girls, right? They don't have to develop the personality having to... You don't have to like giggle your way into a You just stand there and then people walk up to you. I've seen this happen to a friend of mine, but he's like a really like Chase Demure guy, right?

I don't like the way you do this. So like women will come up to him like, oh what are you doing? And he would just say, he'd be like nothing and they would laugh. And I'm sitting here like a troglodyte just looking at him like what is this how do you do this he goes I don't know these f***ing girls just keep coming up to me and he's asking me to scare them away like I'm a bulldog right which is very easy you know I just go hi my name is David

but it's very interesting to see these people work right but I will say this though the people that you always end up with later in life they're never the hottest f*** fucking people it's the people you enjoy being around yeah i'm not saying hot people don't have good personalities or whatever but you didn't have to go through trials and tribulations to figure out how to talk to somebody to develop good conversation but don't you think that is in itself like sort of this um affliction to be that good looking that the moment you open your mouth you can only move downwards like you are already at like peak physical shape right and then now you can only really go down from there yeah it's like also too it's like i mean i think we should all try our best to look our best right but then you see people start hitting the age of 40 maybe even early 30s they start getting shit

done constantly over and over. And I'm saying put your lotions on, do whatever. You want to get Botox, whatever, right? But the hard part about that is like you're investing in something that has no return. It just keeps going down and down. That stock will never go up, right? You predicated yourself on this one thing that just will not stay around, which is your looks. And it sucks because every day you

have to look at your face and you have to watch yourself age. Then you look at younger girls on Instagram. You see the attention that you used to get, and then you start to hate yourself. Then you change more things about yourself. And it's the saddest thing ever. My mom, when she hit her, when she hit like 60, she asked me, she goes, if I got like face stuff done, would you like it? I was like, you do whatever you want, but that's not the face that I grew up with. And that's not the reason why dad loves you. That's the reason why I love you, why your son loves you. I don't ever want you to change the stuff that I care about.

But that's still what you got to do. She's never done it since. She hasn't even brought up that question again. Because like I just find it so stupid to just hold on to something that will never last. It will never fucking last. When you die, when you're with somebody, let's say you and Dave are together, do you think he's going to look back and say, oh, I remember when you were the youngest, blah, blah, blah, blah. He's going to

look back at all the times you guys laughed together, shared a meal, all these other things. That stuff is fleeting. Who the fuck cares? You know? Yeah, but it is really a difficult thing to be an aging girl. I will say that. I can intellectualize it all I want and say I don't want to predicate my existence on my looks alone. I did get a lot of attention in my 20s and in my 30s, but even though I know what you're saying is correct, inherently that's what I want to feel. I want to feel that. It is hard to live by that it's it's a very tricky subject because even though you're speaking on it with such like kindness and warmth and in such a positive way it's hard because this topic is so often weaponized against women by men and you're not doing that at

all you're doing the opposite but like it's so often where men are like she's hit her wall or her looks once her looks go they really hold on to that as like this weapon that they have and then the other way around when you do get work done and you're like look at all the work she's done she's so desperate to look younger so it's like a lose-lose don't they look like this don't the guys judging you look like literally yes a little bit like this to be fair the men in our lives are are not those guys no and we would never keep people around but look at the people who are like that stones at you yeah that's amazing look at the dudes that cat calls these women right oh what's i can't wait to that bitch you wouldn't know what to do with that ass you would never know you would not like i remember i would ogle women when i was

younger and like what would you do she'd come up to you haha run away because there's no way there's no way right so you also have to look at the audience who says those type of things about i love that right look at the audience there's no way any of those dudes would come up to your face and say that shit to your face they're all p***y they would never do that look at their personal relationship look at the people that they're with I've seen guys who say that online you click their profile their women look like garbage the f*** are you talking about yeah I think you barking at I think that what you're saying is correct like I'll give you a perfect example like there was like some tiger belly clip was posted and the most like benign comment ever

which is like wow kalilah is like really aging rapidly right yeah and the truth is like what do you say but there's truth to the fact that of course i'm aging i'm gonna be 40 but that little thing hurt me so bad even though it was true and even though I don't rely on my looks for, in theory, it's all wonderful. But to practice it and to really not be affected by what people say is really hard. is right yeah but if you kind of take a step back and you look at everything right like am i on this podcast because i want to f**k you too or am i on this podcast because i enjoy your company right that's young people talk yeah that's there's stages in life there's a time for that type of shit young people will say that shit scummy people will always say that shit but you have to look at your interpersonal relationships and the people that you're around on the daily to kind of judge how you feel about yourself to a certain extent right like i get it aging f**king sucks i don't like it my knees be popping i don't like that sucks. I don't like it. My knees be popping.

You know what I'm saying? I don't like that shit. You okay? I don't like it when I walk in a park. I now put my hands behind my back like this. Old Korean man walk. Old Korean man shit. Yeah.

I don't like it. I accept it though, right? Because as we age, as corny as this f***ing sounds, things get a little bit better. They do. Because you're a little wiser. You're a little smarter. And I never look back at my youth and I say,

I wish I was that age again. I have never. That is so true. Yeah. I don't look at old pictures and I'm like, God, I. You're out here

fucking sucking for change. You want to do that shit again? I don't. Don't make me do it, daddy. You found the ugliest person in the room

and you're like, that's the penis I want. You want to be that Kalilah again? I did it so well to completion. That's what I'm saying. You don't want to be that. Because they gave me a gold star sticker and they said

good job, little immigrant girl. This is what I'm saying, right? If you go back, I don't want to change that shit. I like who I am now. And all this other shit that happened in my past is what makes me who I am now. And it just is what it is. We're all going to f***ing die. I don't think people really understand that concept. In the defense of

Kalilah though, I understanding die. I don't think people really understand that concept. In the defense of Kalilah though, I understand that mentality. I remember my aunt once said to me, you will remember the day when you aren't like goggled by a guy. Like when you're walking past. I hate that. That's so depressing. Sorry. Why would she say that to you? Because she's a psycho. But also,

by the way, like I am relieved to know that the highest number of STDs are in nursing homes. And so if those women are getting ogled and they're smashing, like I'm good. Also, when I look at these TikToks of when you see like couples that were together when they were teenagers in the 70s and who they are now, I love seeing different versions of them. So I think you're right. Like, I don't want to see the same version of my partner forever. No, you do not.

Like, I want to see them change and grow and grow a beard and see their first salt and pepper, you know, the white strands come in their hair. That is really, like, cool. Also, as someone who literally studies hotness online, I will say that it really all does come down to how do you feel? Yeah. How do you feel?

And once you really can internalize that, like the worries are gone because you can do anything to feel. You know, for me, it's like if I go to Pilates, I feel my best age, my best everything. Like that makes me feel good. And so that's been my focus because there was phases where I'd, like, look at pictures of me from, you know, 5, 10 years ago and be like, oh, I look different. Now I just don't look and I just focus on how I feel. Yeah. I mean, like, look, I think that's, like, the best, right? And look, you could go back and old folk.

It's just going to keep happening. Yeah. Like, what are you trying to change? You're trying to fight time? What the fuck is that? Right. Do you want to lose every time? Like, I don't want to lose.

I'm not going to fight it. Like I said, once people become very aware that you're going to die, you'll start getting rid of the shit that doesn't fucking matter anymore. I have a very limited time on this earth, and I'm going to be as happy as possible. I don't f***ing care. I really don't f***ing care. Whatever happens here or not, I'm going to choose to be happy and try to be the best person that I can be. And if I am in the way of my own happiness, I'm going to get that s*** out of here. I don't want to look back at the stuff I didn't have. F*** all that s***. Comparison is the thief of joy. How many times have we f***ing heard that s***? That s*** is true. It happens in the comment section. It happens in your life.

If you look back in your stuff and you go, oh, I used to be so beautiful. Who the f*** cares? That was a good time. Cherish it. It's great. Now you're in a new stage. You'll figure it all out. Cherish it.

Make sure you profited off of it. Move on. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like, I think it sucks for a girl, though. Like, I do see it a lot, specifically in the comments. Because guys sometimes can be so f***ing back and forth with their bullshit, right? Oh, I like a girl with f***ing no makeup on. No, you f***ed up.

Don't say that. You don't want to roll over and use the drill stand. Don't say that shit. Don't be dishonest with that type of stuff. Like there's no point in saying that thing, those things, right? And it kind of sets women up for disappointment because you tell them that they look good this way and when they don't you start saying all this other shit all that stuff that's why i said don't even look at that type of stuff i feel like today we're so philosophical i love it i know okay so the next segment is we're

gonna they're just like quickies okay i can feel him pulling away texting wise mainly do i bring it up or just stop messaging do not bring it up just match his energy match it that's right yeah that's a good girly match his energy give him what he gives you that's very tinks which by the way tinks does want to come on the show oh i love her i know texting etiquette is weird right that's the hard part not everybody's good at texting oh come on no listen i know some of my homegirls i love them to death i hate texting them they're the worst texters on earth some people just aren't really good at it but that's homegirl stuff if you're interested in somebody yeah but it's always going to be the

best in the beginning that's how it always is and once you get comfortable i'm not saying that it's right but it's going to happen not everything's going to be new and exciting right and after a while it's just a couple of words here and there. I think what matters the most is like the interpersonal interaction. That's true. Yeah. But if this is happening, he's pulling away via text, but he's still making plans. You guys are still having fun. Don't bring it up.

No, definitely don't bring it up. Then I think it's okay. But yes, no matter what, don't bring it up. Yeah. You'll just, I know you want to. I've been there, but just don't. Yeah, match the energy or just don't even think about it. I don't even do the match the energy stuff. I i know you want to i've been there but just don't match the energy or just don't even think about it i don't even do the match the energy stuff i text how i want to text

that's how it is that just is what it is yeah but i feel like if it's very early in the relationship and the effort is already waning when it was here and now it's here like i'm gonna read into that no matter what oh yeah yeah yeah yeah and i'm gonna be like oh this is information that um he is giving me and i'm going to act accordingly. And I'm going to go have sex with your friend. Ooh, that's tight. Can they watch though? Okay, number two.

Asked to be just friends but now wants to hang constantly. No hooking up. Why? Wait, what do you mean? So they just asked to be, they used to hook up but now they're asking to just be friends. And now wants to hang out consistently as friends. No hooking up. Because you're bad in bed.

Ooh. Probably. You probably suck at fucking dude. I'm confused. Who asked? Okay, so I think these two people were together. The guy was like, I just want to be friends. But now he's constantly hitting her up wanting to hang out.

Like as friends? As friends. But she doesn't feel the same? No. That is weird. Maybe she's really cool hang out. Like as friends? As friends. But she doesn't feel the same? No. That is weird. Maybe she's really cool. Who asked you? This is a question for you because this is you right here, right?

Hmm. Asked to be just friends. Yeah, but like Bobby is not my friend. Like we're so like entrenched in a very like family type way. Like I wish we were just friends. They could be like, bye. But it's no no we do really like hanging out together though that is a good point i mean this doesn't even seem like a problem though

yeah how about you be an adult and just set boundaries i think she probably wants still has feelings oh then you can't be friends then so is this you you're like talking about it really no i just i there are a lot of very long ones, so I had to kind of simplify. Ooh, number three. Should I date a girl that's 31? I'm 19. She's super nice, but I'm unsure. Is that weird?

Let me say one thing. They're both women, too. Oh. Very different. Hot. I love me. Oh, wait. Yeah, no, that's like a 12 i love a 10 i love a decade i guess it's legal me and dave are 10 years apart yes it was a very hard first five years for him dating someone so young and stupid but i love i love an age gap what uh what how old were you when you started dating i was 24 24. So I was a psycho till I was like 30.

I think that's a little different than 19 though. Very different. That five-year gap from 19 to 24 is very different. As someone who was a teenager that was constantly preyed on by men either in their 40s or upper 30s, at that time when I was that age, I didn't think there was anything wrong with it. I thought I was being like the super cool girl who could just be mature enough to hang with these older guys when i got older i was so icked out by it i'm like these dudes could not pull from their own pool so they go younger women so they go down to the most naive girl who thinks that the reason he's choosing her

is because she's mature enough oh hey hey i hate eh. Yeah. I hate that shit. I hate it when girls do that. Young girls, I'm f***ing so mature for my age. Bitch, no you not. I was that. Oh God. And it was validated by the fact

that these older guys would be like, wow, you're very mature. Like, here, have a drink. It's because they're losers and the women their age

know they're losers. Exactly. Yeah. Except for Dave. I don't mean that. I pursued him, so it's my fault. I wonder like what you find in common

with the 19-year-old, though. They just finished their SATs. What are you guys going to talk about? Yeah, that sounds boring. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? What's the conversation you're going to have with a 19-year-old? I don't understand. Even when I went to, I would do these college shows, right?

So I started out when I was like 25. They weren't kids. We were around the same age, like 22, 21, 25, 24. So it's fine. Once I started getting older, it was like, like like we have nothing to talk about here and i feel that you start getting to an age of like mentorship now like you start talking to them like you're older and now you mentor them versus having a conversation on equal you're not equals we're not equals okay i have a question for you guys how do i address a family member who's a woman in her 40s who constantly seeks dudes that are 19, 20,

sometimes younger? Like, I truly think that she's a pedophile, but like, she's barely, she's getting them right at legal. So like, I can't say anything, but I'm like, dude, like, what, what the is wrong with you? Is it any of your business? Do you just have to leave it? You know, there was this case where there was a school teacher who was hooking up with a young student. Mary Kay Letourneau? I don't remember the name, but that's very interesting. And Billy? Okay.

All right. You be studying, huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know them. Wait, there's a movie about it. Yeah. May, December. Okay, maybe there's multiple stuff.

I don't be doing this on my spare time like that, like y'all. But, you know what I'm saying? Y'all freaks. I don't be doing this on my spare time like that, like y'all. But you know what I'm saying? Y'all freaks. You don't investigate crimes? Well, like at first I was like enraged. Like not enraged, right? But I'm like, oh, that's still a little weird. And then I thought, man, would a young David So

want to be finagled by this older woman? And I do feel, and it feels terrible saying this, but for a guy, it's always different because it's that imminent danger, right? Guys don't feel scared when a woman does that even though it's wrong right and I always look at that situation I think about myself in high school with this teacher named miss Oda and miss Oda was like show me your dick that shit would have been out you know instantly no questions told all my friends about it yo miss O older me yeah but it's a safety issue right because like because i do um the um the guy that i'm seeing now when he was 19 he was in a relationship with a woman who was like in well into her 30s and i was like did it feel wrong um were you ever he

was like no like physically like i oh i was so much bigger than you know what i mean like there was no sense of danger to my person like at any point and he was like she bought me a car like she was like really just she bought him a car yeah and so i was like oh like he was in control then i was like okay because if i was in his position i would be terrified if i was a young teenager yeah But you don't know. That's it. Like our brains don't fully develop till 25. I say 30 even. It's like just because there's not physical danger doesn't mean there's not this like huge mental like unfairness. It is weird.

I feel bad that I initially was like, hell yeah. But you guys are right. 19 is just you're just the, you're disgustingly young. It is weird too also that the woman is older. Like I love it when young men date older women. And so I'm like, yes, get it. But like it's, it contradicts the fact that it would be really creepy if it were the other way around.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, that's fair. I mean, and I'm product of a 36 year age gap. You know, like imagine like my dad was this fully formed 36-year-old man and my mom was just sliding out of my grandma's vagina. It's a really disturbing thing for me. Like I've had, it took me a long time to reconcile with that because I saw my dad as a really stand-up individual. But he didn't meet your mom when she was zero. Correct. zero correct but he still met her when they made me when he was in his 60s and she was what 22

esther oh that's a big age gap it's like 36 right so but then it's so i hate the feeling of thinking that i truly believe my dad was a really great man and i truly think my mom like loved him and they stayed together till the day he died and she took really good care of him he took really good care of her so i feel very confused and conflicted about age gaps because i'm like well grossly it worked and i hate that i'm a product of that but also thank you for my life. Thank you for being predatory. Interesting. That's a huge 38-year difference. 36.

36-year. That is really complicated. Yeah, that's really complicated. And interesting and fascinating. And it's just interesting that it bothers you, but you also need to kind of like it, like love or appreciate it in some way because it is your parents and it's who you are. And they were, my dad was great. Like legit, like very honorable even. It's your dad. You love him. He also bagged a 22 year old at 60. You know what I'm saying? That's my hero.

Yeah. All right. Kalaya, have you watched May, December? I did. Yes. What'd you think? Um, so I followed the Mary Kay Letourneau thing like pretty closely before. I loved it. It's super uncomfortable because then like when Villy finally comes around and says like, which happened in real life, right?

Like where he confronts Mary Kay Letourneau and says like, hey, like, should we talk about the fact that like I was this young? And she was like, who's the boss? Who's the boss?'s the boss have you seen that scene I haven't finished it she said this in an interview and she was almost like brainwashing him in that moment to being like who came on to me who's the boss and he was 13 oh this is a really young boy yeah 13 13 is crazy she was was his teacher. Hot teacher, though.

Very pretty. Yeah. They, you know, did the thing. And then she went to jail. And then they ended up. Didn't she give birth? She got pregnant in jail. In prison.

This bitch crazy. Yeah. And you know what? She comes from a very political family. Her father ran for president. What? Like in the 60s or something like that. She comes from a big very conservative

Republican family and she was r***ed by her brothers allegedly when she was young and I think that had to do with the fact that she was now you know, she proceeded to prey on a 13 year old student. That's really sad. I was thinking like an 18 year old boy

13? Yeah. He just hit puberty. That's crazy. And they have like kids together. They have like three kids. So it's really interesting to watch him as a father. It's an interesting movie. You should watch it. Okay, maybe I gotta watch that one.

Wow, you need to watch it. Maybe I gotta watch it. Spank bank. Yeah, dude. Okay, hold on. Maybe I should watch that one as I put it on my pants. You guys, I'm so sad we're out of time, but David, thank you so much for coming today.

No problem. And like we got real deep and weird and disagreed. I loved it. Where should people come find you? What are all your amazing podcasts? Genius Brain Podcast. We also have, oh damn, I forgot the MMA podcast name. You always do.

I know. It's not We Out Here. It is The Casuals. That's what it is. Genius Brain Podcast, The Casuals. You could check out my store in Hawaii and all across the nation. But Jumbie, if you're in Waikiki area, go ahead and check that out. Also, we have stores out in Jersey.

We have it in Texas. We have it in Portland. We have it in Portland. Just all over the f***ing place. I say this is right up your alley. Oh my God. Junbi Matcha is so legit. I need it. Well, you can't have that right now.

You got baby. But afterwards, we'll hook you up. That is so cool. And then Secret Society, S-C-R-T-S-O-C-I-E-T-Y.com. High Fashion Basics. One of my lovely passion projects that I have. But catch me everywhere else. And by the way, y'all are very beautiful as you age.

Say tens. We love you. Say tens. Relax. Very beautiful as you guys get older. It's a different type of beauty. Don't trip, all right? Because I ain't trying to be around annoying ass women.

Y'all are fucking fine the way you are. We're good. Thank you, David. And thank you guys for listening. We'll see you next week with a brand new episode and don't forget to get tickets to our live show in la february 13th tickets at the link below see you next week