Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Something's Burning and It's Not Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: February 14, 2023

Thank you to our Sponsors: Zocdoc - Go to https://zocdoc.com/trash and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today.Nutrafol - Go to https://nutrafol.com and enter the promo code TRASH to save fifteen dollars off your first month’s subscription + free shipping on every order. Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 Annie Debates Esther’s Childhood Wounds3:16 Something’s Burning10:59 Waxing15:23 Done With Hot Yoga20:42 The Pamela Anderson Documentary25:44 Clean Girl Culture & the Healing Power of a Shower38:03 Eating Oysters 42:24 Social Etiquette When You’re Staying at Someone’s Place47:36 Flying Coach and Something Smells Foul50:55 Would We Be Ok With the Same Donor?56:27 Esther Doesn’t Sweat, Annie & Khalyla Sweat59:10 Naive About Dating Apps When You’ve Been in a Long Term Relationship1:02:58 Requirements for a Donor1:06:06 Attraction to Trans People & Shifting Culture With LGBTQ1:12:19 Khalyla’s Valentine   Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 My Pleasure - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-pleasure/id1494518220 AnnieWood - https://www.youtube.com/annielederman Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera Editor: Bryce Hallock

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first 10 minutes so we don't have we don't we don't get demonetized but i'm gonna hold it in in oh my god how dare you she dang it well there goes our game yeah bleep it bleep it wait okay so obviously the last two episodes i've like shared a lot about my childhood right so this weekend i went to my parents house they welcomed me back in and my reluct. I'm scared to say this because I feel like it might be triggering, but my dad basically told me that I was so full of s*** that now he doesn't believe anything about Annie and Kalilah's abuse. He thinks you guys are both making everything up.

Well, if I could say this, I was actually going to tell you your f***ing story too. I was seeing your tweets. I was like, are you f***ing kidding me? What tweets? You're like as abused as an inflected child. I did not say that. She's like taking this role on so fast.

I was like, oh my God. Well, I know because now I'm so, I'm really. Maria, I'm with you. She's full of it. You can't just be diagnosed, abandoned by your family that's done everything for you. You can't have your whole brand be your family that's done everything for you you can't have you can't have your whole brand be that you talk to your parents every day and also be the abandoned child i i'm very obviously very confused i really was quick to go with katie's diagnosis i do think

there's truth to it though and i think kalilah you believe me right a wound is a wound is a wound i don't care if it is that kind of wound or my kind of wound. I think it's all relative. And if that's the worst thing that happened to you and it affects you, I can't judge your wound. We don't care, but we can't judge it. We don't give a f*** about it. We're f***ing in every hole. Oh, no.

They didn't bring you the warmer milk. You wanted the warmer milk. It was only the cold milk my whatever we don't need to get back no but it's so funny what did your mom say was your mom like you little she what did she say she's like oh wow you really uh i just that is the perfect marriage like are you kidding i you know i read to you every night and i'm just like yes i know that like it wasn't the book I wanted, though. No, it's just more complicated.

We did agree. Also, my sister has validated what I said. My sister is like, no, they'd never talk to us. And also my sister and I both, I realized very similarly when we were teens, always slept out at someone else's house, always were with our boyfriends. So I think me and my sister finally agree on something maybe they just wanted some grandkids they're like let's knock these kids up early you know teen pregnancies you always tell too like if you're like around teenagers the ones who never want to go home like that always makes me sad when they linger at the gym for four hours i'm like why is this kid still here after four hours

they don't want to go home yeah but when you a teen, it's like you're meeting new people. It's like there's no one to fuck at your house. You know what I mean? Unless. Unless you're me. Lila was like, I was torn. She was like, I want to go out and fuck guys, but I also want to stay home. But I also have a really good electric toothbrush at home.

It hasn't been 10 minutes because i really want to announce my pussy is fucking burning today wait why i i don't know ut no not a ut um doesn't feel like a yeasty a herpes it's not a herpes i checked um it is just like very irritated. Very, very irritated. Do you know what? Syphilis? No, I'm not syphilitic, Carlos. That's what happened to me, that's why. You had syphilis? Of course. You've had syphilis?

Yeah, he flew too high to the sun. So is Trump. To someone's sun. He flew too high to someone's sun. That's what makes it okay. Wait, how did? He's been with many models. Did you know immediately or were you like that guy who had a sudden weird rash on his hip and you're like, what is this? That's not makes it okay. Wait, how did... He's been with many models. Did you know immediately

or were you like that guy who had a sudden weird rash on his hip and you're like, what is this? That's not going away. Yes, exactly. Wait, isn't that secondary syphilis when it's a rash other place?

That's when you get dry hump from the side. From his weird sex parties he goes to at casting directors' houses. Wait, so it's Carlos or Trump? Carlos. Carlos probably has been at the same sex party. I'm trying to go to one called Kinky Rabbit. I don't think I'll get in there. You should Trump your hair. Trump probably has been at the same sex party. I'm trying to go to one called Kinky Rabbit. I don't think I'll get in.

You should Trump your hair. Trump probably has the same hair. I know I can do the Trump hair. I don't want to though. Thank you to our sponsor ZocDoc. ZocDoc is the only free app that lets you find and book doctors who are patient reviewed, take your insurance and are available when you need them and treat almost every condition under the sun. Go to ZocDoc.com slash trash and download the ZocDoc app for free. Then find and book a top rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. That's

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Hey, sluggies. Such an amazing, fun show. Happy Valentine's Day. We love you. You guys are all so cute. I love meeting you on the road. You can see me next in Washington, D.C. at the Comedy Law, February 24th and 25th.

I'll be in Seattle, Washington, March 10th and 11th. Tampa, Florida, March 17th and 25th. I'll be in Seattle, Washington, March 10th and 11th. Tampa, Florida, March 17th and 18th. Toronto, Canada, March and April. I'll be in Raleigh, North Carolina. I'll be in Salt Lake City and I'll be in Calgary. I have a bunch of other dates that we're adding all the time. So please go to Annie Letterman dot com slash shows to see that the meet and greets are

fire. Everything's incredible. Also, please watch Annie. What? It's every Thursday. It's been incredible. I've had all some of my favorite people in the whole world on it. And it's just a fun addition to Trash Tuesday. I'll see you guys on Thursday and next Tuesday. Okay, let's talk about syphilis. Yes, let's die. How and when and like, what was the the vibe it was like four and a half years ago and i got a call from my ex-wife and she was like i have syphilis and i was like oh then i must have when you were breaking up yeah like after and um i went to the doctor and they were like yeah you definitely have it and by doctor i went to the west hollywood uh clinic for free yeah um oh my god what was the

criteria you're you know lgbt well that's insane it's like you don't have to be gay to get in for free um no but i went and i got treatment and they give you two shots and i've told this to a couple of my friends but they're super thick and they do it in your ass and it like so it just went right in muscle memory it doesn't go you don't get a shot in your asshole that's insane so yeah and then after that i couldn't really walk for a couple days it was really painful on my butt and then i was okay and i don't have it anymore actually i think it's dormant yeah you didn't feel the symptoms of it she just told you she had it you didn't get the drip no i had the just told you she had it. You didn't get the drippy? No, I had the...

No, I realized. I was like, is that what that fucking is? Oh, my God. Wait, which one's drippy? The chlamydia? Yeah, it wasn't drippy. Syphilis is actually very different. It's a very different manifestation.

It can make you go crazy. Did it kill a famous mobster? It killed a lot of royals, is what I thought. Al Capone. Yeah. It's what killed the queen. Oh. It's not what killed the queen oh not what killed she's not a mobster oh she's a royal i i watched this show on pbs called victoria and um her

husband's brother was syphilitic i think i'm so that's kind of cool like you don't really hear people walking around me like oh i have syphilis but I see it on the billboards in Hollywood. Because they usually don't brag about it. You should have seen me with crabs. I could not tell more people. It's so funny to get diagnosed with one that goes away. You know what I mean? Right, because it's... Like herpes, you got to like build up the courage to tell everyone, you know? Yeah, but even with like HIV now, it's no longer a death sentence.

I know, everything's fine. Is that true? Yeah, it's no longer a death sentence. I know. Everything's fine. Is that true? Yeah. It's no longer a death sentence. You can. Yeah. And in fact, you can be on Truvada, like a prophylactic medication, have a full vibrant sex life with a partner who has, who is HIV positive and never get it. Like, there's just so many things. It's just not a big deal now. What do you think is going on with. I mean, it is a big deal.

I shouldn't say that because people are like, who cares about HIV? It's a very serious thing. But like, you know, know it's it's not like the big you know if you get aids from listening to this show i'm sorry it's not our fault i can't i can't claim unless you got it from me specifically that's how i got it um kalilah what do you think is going on with your panini? Your sandwich, your pressed sandwich. Your panini press. I think, um,

your Panera. Okay. There was, pick two. I need you guys to solve this mystery. Is it a soup bowl? Is it a bread bowl now? No, I tried this new,

there's some chowder in there. Broccoli cheddar. Okay. Can I tell you what it looks like? Half a sandwich. Half or show? Well, I,

I tried to smell it. Let's get some chips. Let's get in that cheese dip. Apple or chips me and you on panera don't bring up panera at this time of day um so i used an old bottle of lube that i haven't used in a long time and i want to ask you guys are you putting like it inside you're not supposed to insert the bottle. Well, usually I just masturbate like up top

and I never put anything inside. But this time around, I was getting a little feisty. Like I'm in my new place. So I might've like fisted myself with old lube. Did you do the suction cup? Did you fuck the water? No, I didn't. I didn't.

But I did for the first time stick fingers in there. Your own fingers? Yeah, my own fingers. Did you put one in your ass? Hold on. I have so many. But it's such old lube. Like it's like i had to dust it off so it does is it expires i always think about no with lube too you don't want to bring rollover lube to a new

relationship too like you don't want to like you know what i mean like the lube goes with the breakup and you can't like be like oh here let me get let's half use is that a rule yeah it's my rule rollover lube new rule wine why no rollover lube there's fingerprints of others it's too much emotional it's too like yeah it's like fingerprints are still on there then you're still on here is this like an argument for having short nails like you go in yourself well this is why i usually don't go in at all because i have a very sensitive flower the ph gets thrown very quickly so i keep my nails very short and i don't masturbate or put anything up there but this time i did well that's like how many esther close your eyes she'll put them inside you have to count wait esther i'm so pissed that you started waxing your pussy because i feel like i have so many like

i just have so many like harry bush memories of you that are like and so my instinct to make fun of you is always like big bush wait why did you start waxing i like she got pretty friends here's the thing she was hanging out with me all the time. She grew up, wash out. She's like, I'm with pigs. She's got beautiful friends now. like i i don't want to be too graphic but i'll just say i could really like be comfortable days without bathing we more than days without right right you know i don't want to be announcing this like we didn't already know this everyone knows this you have to come out as a clean person right but now i literally like to feel it's also it's i i liken it to you know how if you're at home and they say you work from home like dress like you're going to work like that's sort of i shave my legs now i shave my underarms like i want to have are you working on the farm bitch

she works at pacific sun at the pac sun at the mall pacific sun sorry i'm sorry it's its formal name pacific sun's a government name. I caught myself at the end. I couldn't do the wear. But do you wax? Yeah. Look. Oh, my God.

She talked about waxing. That's why you're waxing. Because of Kaleida? Yeah. I'm like, why did I forget? The thing is, oh, that's wow. Very. Oh, round. Literally, it's the same as when Bobby pulls his pants down.

The exact same amount. Yeah. My pussy's always uh pretty waxed and um i haven't gone unwaxed in a long time only because um i have really weird you guys know this it's like weird hair patterns it's very uh sparse up top and it kind it has the it's the the chemo the uh fryer tuck the fryer tuck yes it's not a good look i don't have i would rather have a full bush but my hair patterns are weird down there it's like yeah it's very irregular do you ever leave anything when you wax no me either you said you no tips no never leave a tip i um no that's me really have to tip oh no I know I always it's hush money I'm like don't fucking tell anyone you just saw there you and me

and Todd okay you and me and a hemorrhoid I literally pay her double like that's the service I go so hardcore baller on well I had a woman a waxer in New York who recognized me like she gets like 50 clients a fucking day you

know she's like high volume waxer she recognized me on the subway and i was like am i flattered by this or was my vajasal like so monumental and memorable that she was like i remember this crazy bitch this is just bringing up such a horrible memory this weekend my mom was like i saw my gynecologist out at a restaurant and then my dad was like he didn't recognize her till she bent over see those were the jokes that were missing as a kid they're in the room just cracking up you're like oh that was another thing my dad said he's like you didn't want to leave your room you want her to be in your room no but that's your whole thing you want to be invited out but you don't want to go yeah oh you you are my daddy you just want to be the you want the invite and then you just hide yeah that's true that's what everyone wants i think wait carlos can we can you search can lube cause itching or can you be

allergic to water based up your pussy bitch you added was it hardened no it wasn't there was no crystallized at the tip it just just started. What brand was it? I don't want to say because it is a really great brand. Yeah, it seems like you can be addicted. Ew. Carlos. Carlos is just chugging. That's not even wine in that glass.

It's just lube. It can contain chemicals and stuff that can cause irritation. Okay, that makes sense. You need like an all natural one or something. Coconut oil, don't they say? Yeah, but coconut oil can fuck you up too. Jenna Jameson always said spit was the best lube. Spit is the best lube.

Like the back of the throat, like the gag spit is the best. Spitting on your own pussy though, it's like, what am I in hot yoga? I'm the bread bowl. Like, come on now someone asked me to do hot yoga hi what do it does that is really and i quit hot yoga yeah we're out oh you are you're out yeah we're out oh i'm glad we're talking about this yeah why i i loved it before do it have your hot yoga phase honestly i think everyone should have it. I don't want a phase.

I just, someone invited me. Oh, is that a Skims? I have that. The blue bra under? Yes. The shirt that doesn't quite fit. I was like, oh my God, I need a bra. I have 50 sunglasses.

I just can't tell like high hot yoga. Will it either be like so magically easy because you're high? No, you're going to fall over. It's going to fuck with your, but it's still fine. You're so hot. You're going to not be high when you leave. I used to go to hot yoga when I was like weed addicted, when I going to fall over. It's going to fuck with your, but it's still fine. You're so hot. You're going to not be high when you leave. Like I used to go to hot yoga to when I was like weed addicted, when I was like smoking weed during the morning. And then I was like, oh my God, I have sets. I don't want to be high for my sets. I would go do hot yoga to like sober it up to get it out of my system. You're sweating everything out of your entire body. Yeah. And Astor, you already have a little blood pressure like me. And so I get like. Your blood pressure is so skinny.

Thank you so much. I am a pick me girl with my blood pressure. Yeah so I get like. Your blood pressure is so skinny. Thank you so much. I am a pick me girl with my blood pressure. Yeah, I feel like. Your pressure is high though. I feel like some of these hot yoga studios here that are like 100 and 203 are not. I just don't think they're that healthy. I go to the ones that are maybe like slightly heated, like 91, 92, and those feel good because you can get into deeper stretches. But the ones that are over 100, I'm like,

this is just like, I don't think I'm burning calories. I'm just dehydrating my head. I was doing it to like, I think the reason I was attracted to it was because it was getting me out of my head because you're just so hot, you can't like think. But then I realized it's activating all my cluster cluster headache like pain

map like the map of where my pain goes it's activating this thing here and I have to think back and I have to be real but every time I get my cluster headaches every two years it's always when I'm very active I'm very fit and every period of my life when I'm doing that I'm hot yoga is a part of it so I'm just I have to be done with it wow okay i just have to i was done with it too but then i would like this became this interesting invitation and idea of getting high and i'm like maybe i'll do that then try it yeah try it i'll report back people love it and i've there's been times in my life where i've loved it too but my body's like no bitch i've said it before and i'll say it again i like to generate my own heat i like to know what my body

is doing i don't like to enter an environment that's forcing my body to be a certain way that's why she left the philippines well i miss it that might go back and she's like that's the only hot no wait but okay so do you think because we sweat so much it's because we're so hot already we run hot so it's like adding the heat is maybe like bad like we're in hot yoga every day the opposite actually if you throw me into humid weather my armpit starts stop sweating if you throw me into cold and dry my armpit starts sweating it's this really weird thing because and i went to i learned this at a nail salon my the nail tech this um older this older lady she was like because my she's my feet

and my hands were sweating and i was like oh can you get me like a cold towel she was like no the opposite i'm gonna get you a really hot warm towel put it on you and then magically my shit just started stopped sweating she was like it's actually the opposite i was like it's no wonder when i'm in hawaii my armpits aren't sweating like they do in california wait this is like how they say if you have dry skin you should not put oil on your skin because then your skin will not produce any oil of its own like it's like a reverse thing i'm not sure or like when you have add if you take adderall you're like it's calming you down oh yeah yeah but what is that called like paroxysmal i think you have hyperhidrosis oh no yeah we have i do obviously yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but what is that um thing that

effect call is it called like a paradoxical effect when something has the opposite effect of it's like like for instance that's exactly what it's paradoxical right yes paradoxical reaction happens when a person i googled it that's why i'm confident the son of when a person experiences the opposite of what the drug is intended to do. Oh. Like, again, with like ADD medication. But I do have ADD and I'm high as hell. I'm not taking Adderall to, I'm taking Adderall to be like, this is Coke that a doctor handed me? This is incredible.

But when you take like Adderall, does it kind of just slow you down and clear you up? Or does it speed you up? It's both. I'm definitely not calmed by it but also my friend that works on annie wood with us he takes a lot of adderall and he's like no no it calms me it calms me and it's like you're tweaking you're like you're a fucking tweaker i asked him i was like have you smoked crack recently he's like just adderall i'm like oh my god well for bobby um when he started taking ritalin he was then able to sleep at night he was having such bad insomnia Some people Whitney takes Adderall to sleep

I'm always like are you fucking kidding me It works on Bobby he's able to sleep At night finally because of his medication It just puts him down when I was little My best friend had ADHD And one time We flushed all of his Ritalin down the Toilet and we got in a lot of trouble

Was he a real person or Did anyone think that was a real person like esther just found a pills on the street and just had a pretend friend yeah basically you're right um your best friend when you were little was a guy yeah yeah what just makes sense with your outfit today thank you And you had behavioral issues. This is why I have problems now. Do you guys watch the Pamela doc? I watched a little bit of it and I was a little bit bored.

What? I was bored. The first she was walking through the thing, I go, okay, let's get to it. Who raped you? I mean her babysitter. I didn't get there. I didn't get to that one. Oh, my God. Yeah. who raped you i mean her babysitter i didn't get there i didn't get to that oh my god yeah i thought it was actually i have a prediction that this doc is going to

make other docs like this happen because i found her to be so honest and vulnerable like when do we ever hear celebrities that they're like i was doing these drugs i was we were drinking like it was just such an eye-opening like tale i don't know i i thought it was really interesting but it did make me sad because it was like oh she's like she's a love addict she's totally love addict um i thought she was so gorgeous i thought she looks so beautiful you know she is still pretty fucking gorgeous no but that's what i was saying because i think she looks so beautiful you know she is still pretty fucking gorgeous no but that's what i was saying because i think she went there was like a time where they were showing pictures of her they were using her as like the clickbait where they were like adding like the

you know the like add like a face filter to people oh yeah yeah yeah and i never knew what she looked like and she's so beautiful she looks so great she's so pretty what did you think of it i yeah that's i same takeaway that she loved feeling intensely and deeply in love with people and she would get into like a lot of these relationships it's kind of relatable when you're that young and with the type of trauma that she had i mean she was fucked up as a kid also how old was she when she really blew up she was very young wasn't she like early yeah and she Yeah, and she basically got discovered at a football game and she became a Labatt blue girl, right?

Yeah. And then all of a sudden they were like, come to LA and pose for Playboy. And then was she Tim the Toolman Taylor's girl? Was it Baywatch first and then that? Probably Baywatch first. Yeah, Baywatch first. Baywatch first, okay.

It was interesting also like a lesson in if you just kind of go i feel like she was just went with the flow of where her life went which is totally awesome and when your life is like that exciting it makes sense but i could tell like a takeaway i had was it seemed like she wanted a different kind of career. But because she was like, oh, you guys get implants, I'll get implants. And like just followed like what was right in front of her or something. She seemed really free spirited, but also so funny and witty. And even back then when she would do like Jay Leno interviews or she would go on Howard,

they were saying some crazy shit to her. She always like snuck it in there and they never heard what she said, but she did try to stand up for herself a lot. I loved seeing that. Yeah. And the way that they treated her and talked to her, it is so shocking to see how they're just like Matt Lauer is like, I never thought I'd ask a woman about her breasts. And she's like, it like it's like yeah you usually just grab them without asking yeah that God forbid for you or Larry King being like are those implants like what the fuck dude I mean I totally do that to everyone all the time though I've never not been like are those I'm the Larry King of this group but you're allowed to be a Larry King in that way but him Larry King is not allowed to be. Yeah, you're right.

You know. Also, do we think that like basically the leaked sex tape is why they're as famous as they are? Is that like, if that had never happened, would- Would they be more famous or less famous type thing? Like would she have taken a different direction in her career? I don't know. It's just, it was a lot to think about as a, as a young woman who aspires to be a young blonde. Babe.

A 22 year old of faked. Yes. You can do it. You honestly are the only one that could do that. Thank you. I loved it that day you came in looking like her. I really liked that. I'll come back.

I'll do it again for you. I'll never tell you when. It's going to be sad when I show up and it's a day you're not here. Oh my god, Brittany's on. I'm like, oh, sorry, Brittany. Yeah, no. I clicked out. It was not giving me the vibes I wanted to have the first.

Honestly, Annie, it might have been really triggering for you. It starts off with a heavy diddle. She has ADD. That's why you didn't get through it. Yeah. That's what I really think. Yeah. I'm diagnosing you.

No, well, okay. Dr. Drew was on my podcast, my podcast last week, and someone commented, because he started, he was like, I really want to talk to you about Adderall. And I was like, okay, great. And then someone's like, wow, they edited that part. And I was like, no, none of us were on Adderall. We just forgot to continue the conversation. ADD got us in the middle of an ADD conversation. But I want to know his take on Adderall.

Well, he talks about it on Tiger Belly. He goes really into it because Is it out yet? It's out maybe... It'll be out by the time this comes out. It'll be out. But he goes into it. He explains why. Thanks for doing our rounds.

We love you. Watch the episode with him. It's so cute. Esther, so you're officially in your clean girl era. No, I definitely reject clean girl culture. I think clean girl culture is like so quintessential millennial, which, by the way, and I think you guys will relate to this i have realized i and i think you guys too we are so we got left behind in millennial culture because like it was so about

especially social media like perfect curated like clean girl aesthetic your house is clean and like your white kitchen and i just feel like the tides are shifting and like the dirty bitches yes and now we can kind of be ourselves like we're more accepted in the mainstream culture well you know what i'm seeing in you now right now is you're being grunge grunge wasn't necessarily actually dirty it was the appearance of filth i definitely am leaning into like 90s slacker but we were there that's what's such an exciting thing. Like to be to for us to not embrace this new like bringing it back would be so devastating. Yeah.

I don't know why. Like, I don't know why we would ever not just fucking lean back into that shit we wore. Right. I'm for sure still fixed, like mentally fixated on like cleanliness like my own personal hygiene is like super important to me i get we've talked about this i don't know if it's like conditioned or if it just if i just feel better when i'm always bathed twice three times a day wait scrubbed scrubbed scrubbed but i i shower very very frequently if i'm in a bad mood i know i just need to jump in the water.

I feel better. Do you think this is like why you were thinking like nurse was the way, because you were already like fucking surgically ready. You're like ready to go. You put the fucking gloves on. She's halfway there. Yeah, like she's already scrubbed.

Just by having clean hands. But I think that's why I allow myself to dress pretty sloppy most days, because I know like I'm super like scrubbed up i like that contrast do you um okay what is it about a shower that will like fix your problems everything it's a baptism it's like you get baptized every time whatever it is like it's the same way that the japanese like when they say like if you're going through a heartbreak heartache you cut the end the end of you trim the tiptoe your hair because that's where the emotions are because

you're splitting so yeah so you're just like you know kind of as a way it's like um i guess it's like a a way to get rid of whatever excess feelings are there i feel the same way with water and not just showers like going in a pool or, like, getting in the ocean. You just, like, rinse off the bullshit. Yeah. I think if I didn't have hair, like, if I was a boy, I would shower a lot more. It's the getting your hair wet. Like, obviously, you can put it up in a ponytail or whatever, but then you're not getting,

like, the full being under the stream. But I love doing – do you ever go in the shower and visualize that it's all light coming on you i can answer you i never go in the shower guys like i think if there's one thing we all agree on it's neutrophil neutrophil is it it works we love it it's our it's our mommy and our daddy and our baby i have so many bottles of Nutrafol. I put one in each of my luggages because if I forget it, I'm devastated. I have it in my backpack. I have one next to my bed.

I just have it with me. Four pills a day. My hair is good. My hairdresser is always proud of me. If we ever went on tour, it should be neutrophil presents trash tuesday because we are so in like we're in bed with neutrophil yeah we i i use it dave uses it you guys use it like we're just all in on it and neutrophil is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement clinically shown to improve your hair growth thickness and visible scalp coverage

and i've totally learned this from you kalilah like the whole thing with neutrophil is that they don't promise an overnight fix like all these other brands out there it's truly like they're focusing at the root causes of the issues it's the it's vitamins it's minerals that actually will help fix you it takes time it's not like a quick fix like this is a real deal it's it's working inside out basically and um for me i knew neutrophil was legit because it's you know again like you said not an overnight fix but by i would say even as early as like the two and a half month mark i started to see my baby hairs and like what was previously like kind of like a thinning area or what i considered to be a bald

patch that would never grow back i was sure would never grow back and all the scene all of a sudden i'm seeing these like my hair sprouting up again and just like just overall being more like oh like also my hair grows really fast on neutrophil i just had a haircut like three months ago and now it's like back down to like my waistline when i'm on the road people are always like is it true about neutrophil and i'm like yes no i know there's always comments like is neutrophil Nutrafol? And I'm like, yes. No, I know. There's always comments like, is Nutrafol? Yes, you guys. It is. I swear.

I swear. It's pretty simple. You're putting in the correct vitamins and minerals into your body that supports hair health. And it's as simple as that. And I jack my hair up. Once Nutrafol grows out, I curl it, I dye it, I clip shit into it. So it's like, look look i need to do everything

i can to and in a clinical study i'm going bald and in a clinical study 86 percent of women reported improved hair growth after six months you can grow thicker healthier hair and support our show by going to neutraful.com and entering the promo code trash to save 15 off your first month subscription this is their best offer anywhere and it is only available to U.S. customers for a limited time, plus free shipping on every order. Get $15 off at Nutrafol.com, spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L.com. Promo code? Trash. If you're stewing over a medical problem, anything from, hey, you know, my eyes are a little dry and leaky. I said my eyes are little. I was like, guys, that's a you problem anything from hey you know my eyes are a little dry and leaky i said my eyes

are little i was like guys that's a you problem doctor can't fix that or you know my my nether regions are feeling a little you know some type of way as of recently i don't need to go to sorry to say this i don't need to go to my um trash tuesday group chat to the doctor anymore but you should i mean we're the ones that go to you. We have nothing to offer you except questions about our own vaginas. I can go to ZocDoc. And over there,

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Statement mobile for details. Have you guys, this is something that has gotten me willing to get in a shower. Showering in pitch black. I saw TikTok about it. People were saying like it really increases the sensations and the pleasure of being showered. So I'll tell you how I shower. I don't turn my lights on. I have a nightlight.

And that's all that illuminates my shower. I put good music on. And I just, I don't know. It feels so fucking good, you guys. Just the heat on my skin. Probably a little too hot. Probably dries out my hair a little bit. But it just is so fucking hot. I hell yeah todd's always like why is it so hot i'm like grow up but i think that okay so i have this theory that women can handle i think we really are like mother

of dragons i think that women can handle more extreme shower heat than men can i don't know why but i think girls take hot fucking showers and guys are like that's too hot your bath hot it's so hot like i need to burn my skin i need to hurt are we gonna ever see is this ester gone the hairy leg and then the shaved leg is that ester gone or she's still here look no esters are ever gone because that's a good ester that was an ester wow there's never gonna be that annie really i would never show my hairy leg like that really wait that's shocking to me because i felt like that was purpose like you might catch an ankle okay because i feel like in our ester annie venn diagram that felt in the middle to me no because annie and i were baby sluts. Yeah. And when you're a baby slut, you really pick up on these habits very early on of shave

your leg. I was humiliated when I first came from the Philippines. I remember a boy like my first week in America looking at my legs and being, ew, what are those? Why do you have hair on your legs? And I remember just shaving every other day after that. Well, we talked about this on here. I've been really working on it, but where it's like when you go to get a massage from someone you like shave your legs or you go to get a pedicure like but it's like i don't want to have a sexual like i i want to deter sexual relationship with this person who's giving me the service so i've been really working on going gross yeah we're even going to the nail salon and you have to expose this yeah i'm just

like let's go bushed let's go out check it out i will say though that um i know that maybe i wanted to put out a psa um on behalf of my favorite lady waxer and i've been seeing a lot of like waxers on tiktok basically trying to um you know put out the same psa is like you have to wash your shit oh before you get before you get fucking stink it's not their job to clean you with a baby wipe and just you know take in the aroma like that's so fucking rude nasty yeah they're already doing a service for you like here's what you can do if you're having a busy day you don't have time to fucking go home and take a shower whatever go and wash pretend you're going to hook up with a guy like put your fucking butt up on the sink and scrub that shit in the bathroom before you go in every

time i go into a waxing place there's always a puddle of water next to the sink because bitches know what they're up to yeah i just remember I always go clean, go super clean because I'm. Nobody believes you. It's so crazy. Like even your own face. No, I just remembered why I got addicted to, why I wax inconsistently is because I got addicted to, after I leave the wax, I'm like a shell of my former self because of the pain. Feels great. You get a high. Yes. I forgot. Yeah. It's getting through the fear the pain god it hurts it feels so bad no it does not feel good it's like a good hurt yes it's like a slap

no the sides don't hurt as bad the asshole doesn't hurt but the pussy pad oh my god i i always do like a half jolt up it's so painful i just never feel like i had a good waxer or maybe i have a great problem that you have where it's like i my hairs are going and so it's always like i'm always like this is not all done like it doesn't feel done i have a great waxer maybe i'll oh no we've talked about me at i'll do both yeah oh yeah you can see i'll do better because i've just been honestly i just manscape you can bleep it if they're not our spots but i do i fucking um what are you guys's plans for valentine's day um comedy store here i know but with your partners With your partners Do you guys do valentines? No he's gone that's his time off He has a different valentine

No he's gonna be out of town So I'm free I um Don't yeah I don't know What about you? Nothing I don't have a partner I'm available for galant

This is so funny so uh guys i got you a special valentine's day food i see them pete oh yeah they're oysters i want the biggest okay before i consume um raw shellfish i also just want to say something i have a couple questions to ask okay so we have oysters here uh One thing, in case you don't know. Just got them today. Pete, what is the one? Kingfish. Okay. Oh, great place. Great place. I get fish there all the time.

We have more. Can we get a little bit of Tabasco or something? Or we don't have, y'all don't? No? Well, if you look in your presents, I do have a little bit of like, yeah, there's some presents from Air some presence from heroin are we gonna be charged for this if this comes out of my payment i'll fucking kill you i love oyster on on us i got salt oh i'm the crushed pepper i'm the guy hang on hang on guys gonna be thai seasoning rice oh no it's sesame seeds oh

that's cute okay so i i'm glad you got it at king fish i love it there so i feel like this is um that's fine i know you don't want no i i can't tell you i'm not i'm not kidding you i tried oysters for the first time two weeks ago in new york I did not like it. But why? Was it on camera? Do we care if you like it? Do you want numbers, bitch? What do you want? Esther, they're delicious. Pretend it's Kalilah's puss.

Actually, it's so good, Esther. I, try, try it. Honestly, my tummy hurts. I'll have it. You have to put the shell on your vagina can I have more yeah reinforcements Carlos I love oisties

me too all day dozen or bus we got Randy's balls out and we got them no back in the day we put them back in we went we and we had the as you i probably told you guys i had the vet yes please oh i had the vet give me the i know balls and a jar i hate this and that night todd and i went out for oysters no and i'll tell you identical if you want to if you want to be me for Halloween, you get two oysters, you throw them in a jar, you

carry them around, you say, those are Randy's balls. Esther, what about oysters do you not enjoy? Okay, so I am actually a new seafood person. This is so funny. Put one here. I love scallops. I love sushi. I don't like the consistency.

And you guys all know my famed story. Of pussy? Of when. This is not helping your queerbaiting argument. You all know when Dave tried to get me to eat octopus, I started crying. Which he should have fucking known. Yeah. Dave knows better than anyone else.

Just give her some popcorn. Shut the fuck up. Okay. So it's a consistency thing. Yeah. is very mild is it though it's very mild it tastes like maybe a little bit of the ocean which is like a wonderful flavor wait can i just say something about bryce bringing us this brand new chalula where was the ketchup when we needed it no all the thing is that bryce is like, has like unused kitchen, fully stocked. Who has this? I've never seen a Cholula full size like this. To have that and not ketchup is very suspicious.

Maybe he had the ketchup, but he didn't give it to her. That's what I'm hinting at. He didn't have a care that day. Kyle, you look frozen. No, is there more? Yes. It's me just hungry for more esther um i feel like this eating this pussy is healing my pussy yes wait i have a question so the cut recently came out with this like list of like new like rules for behaving in society or whatever oh i saw that yeah okay so one of them

was actually saying that you should take the last bite and i'm really yeah yeah i thought like tension you're not right okay i like that as a we're all just not gonna have the last bite i came from a family that was very we don't take take the last bite. And I broke the cycle of that bullshit. Because it's like, what are we doing this for? Yeah, okay, good. And then you inspire others to take the next bite. Yeah. Because they know it's not just going to sit there forever.

There was also one that said if you are staying over at someone's house, that even if they don't ask you to, you should strip the sheets. Always. Really? So, okay, this is what I want to ask you. Because people stay at my place all the time. Do you ask them to strip the bed? I don't ask them to,

but I don't let people stay in my house that aren't bed strippers. Okay, so does that, because I would not have known that I'm supposed to strip the bed. That's why you were never invited to her. That's what I'm asking, like, because I feel like-

She's honestly only kicked you out of her house. Would you ask me to or would you be mad at me if i didn't i wouldn't be mad because i know that people like have um if if i'm hosting you i'm i'm a really easy host and i'm not going to give you grief about your maths or whatever like i'm i've but only because i've been hosted by other people who like what most recently i stayed for a weekend i had a i had a plan to stay three days with a friend of ours and um i was gone after the first night i mean the rules of her home was when you walk around the house can you please tiptotoe so that the wood floors don't creak and wake me up? Also, when you close the door, can you make sure that you're hanging on to the knob and close it before you release it so I don't hear the clicking of the door? Not like I'm shutting the door.

Also, can you not fucking breathe basically that she was telling me not to breathe or move or do anything like i was fucking out of there so fast i'm like i'm getting a hotel bye i do not thank you so much i do not blame you although i will say that i know me and my childhood best friend we had memorized what parts of her grandma's house floor would make sounds and what wouldn't so that we could spy on her brother it wasn't to sneak out and have fun no it's to spy on the people that were having fun i was really an early adopter at like watching live stream things but in real life um okay so because i was just i the strip the bed one really made me think of you because I was like, oh, I wonder if Kalilah would tell me to strip the bed. I feel like that'd be a good exercise for us.

i hold for myself because like i'm telling you like i think that airbnbs do not need to charge me personally a cleaning fee because the way i leave airbnbs is better than how i than how i got well airbnbs that's the annoying part too they'll be like do all of these things and also we're charging you right so i which i think is bullshit because like not only like i do all the dishes i wash the laundry i wash the towels. I go overboard. Me too. Now, I have a counter argument to this whole strip the bed thing. How do you know I'm going to change the sheets when you leave? Maybe I want to keep your sheets there. Maybe I want to smell you.

Yeah. Maybe I don't change the sheets for each guest. Maybe we don't care what you want. Maybe we don't want you sniffing our stench. Maybe we don't care what you want. Maybe we don't want you sniffing our stench. Just saying. I would opt not to strip the bed because I don't want to assume that you're going to wash the sheets. You want to think that there's a chance someone will roll in your filth? There's no filth in a bed.

That you're in? Carlos, as someone that lays in bed with her, is there not a puddle of blood when she gets up? Those are usually Dave's puddles. Yeah, Dave has his own blood yeah i am weird about my bed um and if it's like a stranger like my friends i don't care like we can all hang out in the bed but if i don't know you that well and like your drool and your scalp smell and your dead tissue is all over my shit like i don't like the idea of that but if i like it was rough scalp smell is a big thing for me thank you i feel so validated when you get someone's hat you're like oh exactly you guys are prissy scalp smell please you never walk into an elevator she's so terrified that

we've smelled her scalp before i mean you are like under our nose. Scalp to nose ratio is tight. You've never walked into an elevator and it's an empty one, but then there's like this lingering thick smell of like someone's three-day-old scalp unwashed. Yeah, because boys I think don't think they need. Yeah, I hate it. They don't need the washing. Esther's like, I like it. It reminds me of myself.

Human smells are cool, I a lot are i had um to fly coach i had to because they don't have a place in intercontinental flights for dogs in first class so we had a flight coach and i was that's so fucked up actually i'm on your side wait that's crazy well it makes sense because you can't really take a dog to another continent oh okay do you know what i mean like you you would usually need to like board them or whatever so they're like we'll just have the layback it's the layback seats but with the layback seats there's no place to put the dog underneath now look I don't think I'm better than people that fly coach I just don't ever want to do it again and so I had to and Todd and I on the way out there was an empty seat next to us it was beautiful I was like this is not bad coach is

pretty good we saved about 5,000 we're chilling we're feeling great like this is awesome randy was being a good boy the way back i was in my head i was manifesting i was gone mdc mdc mdc and then i went there's something in my head that was like that's greedy don't do that just go don't let them smell don't let them smell but let me tell you about the universe when you're manifesting they don't hear the don'ts all they heard was someone that smells someone that's I was so mad I was trying to not I was trying to let go my anger at his family because he was in a full family I'm like none of these people told him he smells like shit his wife his kids oh my god remember this happened to us it was that is one of the funniest things that's ever happened in my entire life that was painful yeah a man who shit his pants was sitting

right in front of us and they gave us a thing of coffee they gave us a thing of coffee to just break open the coffee just shove up our noses it's like put it in his pants wait but coffee doesn't eliminate the smell it just cleanses your palate doesn't it that's what they that's all they offered us that's all we what were we gonna do pull the man's pants down and wipe him yeah i already i went to the child i literally went to the fucking french canadian bitch who was already fucking hated my existence okay her baby was sitting there and we were like it's got to be the baby like it's just so much annie the people sitting near us on a flight hated us so weird esther kept putting the thing down i was hitting that lady's the woman was like leaning into esther's face she was like but anyway so yeah i went i approached i had to say to the woman like you there's shit in your

kid's diaper and she was like there is not she was so mad she pulled his asshole she showed me and then it was like oh my god it's the man in front of us he was not that old well what was the deal? Like, was he... He shit his pants. Everyone knew but him. But was he, like, disabled? Like... We never talked to him

because it was too awkward. We're not still in touch with him. Our self-esteem is a little bit higher than that. Okay, fine, I am. I haven't told you anything. Esther's cheating on Dave with doo-doo butt.

What, is she going to turn down a guy that's got extra diapers in his butt? But the guy, when he stood up to go to the bathroom this is how bad it smelled when he stood up to go to the bathroom finally every person on the plane looked to see if there was a doo-doo mark on his pants like it was crazy and when he came back he must have thrown his underwear out or something that was the flight where john campanelli was up in first class with Jim Carrey. It was just like, what did you do? Suppose we were all single and we all found, which is highly unlikely. Highly unlikely because I feel like we all have very different tastes in dudes.

But suppose we were like, you know what? That's one guy I would want to be pregnant by. Would we be okay we're treating sperm from the same donor sister moms like a guy i just can't imagine us all like in the same guy i can't either i don't think you you have always been in a relationship though since i've known you so that never has happened happened to us. But I've never, no offense. And no offense to you. There's no one in your roster that I would go near.

Same. No, I honestly, there's no one in my roster except Todd I would go near too in retrospect. Actually same. I love Todd. We love Todd, but.

We share. We have some crossover, but I have crossover with her too. No, no, we've not hooked up with the same guys. She's like, I forgot to tell you all of the bank bobby there are some guys that we both find attractive and there's some

guys we both find attractive as well and i feel like we're giving one man too much power no it's just a donor oh a donor we're not in a relationship with him so do we know the guy you know what would be fun? Would it be to see what half of our... Oh, whose is hotter? But just like, who is like, how much of us is in this fucking kid? Like whose egg has like the most... They would be friends with each other though, the kids. They'd be siblings, idiot.

Yeah. I mean, if my first one... I think Lila's might try to fuck ours. Oh, you're right. But yours were a step. A step. You have to keep clarifying that. No, a half. It wasn't a half step. There is a half. No, we don't know that. That was a cousin possible.

Yeah. But come on, who hasn't accidentally fucked their cousin? I keep trying to, like, reach out to him and nothing. He's traumatized. I gave my cousin opportunities and he did not take them. Will you try to fuck your cousin?

Let's just move on. I used to have a crush on my cousin when I was little. Really? Gay as hell now. My molester was my older cousin. You jealous? How much older? Like 10.

Damn. You guys jealous? You want it? You want it? You want me to be jealous? You want it? You want it? I would rather relose my virginity than be in this moment. I would rather get... I did lose my virginity on Valentine's Day. You did on the waterbed?

I did on the waterbed. It was Valentine's Day because I remember he got me... There were four roses. I was like, that is a weird number. And then when I went up to the bathroom to pee out the condom he left inside me that his mom was missing four roses from her bouquet that's sweet you guys i just did something so sacrilegious no one called banana break and i

just started eating the banana i think if they got here then it's like yeah yeah it was just a part of the this has been a five hour podcast if hour podcast. I think it's been 30 minutes. Really? I was like, damn, we're going, going, going, going. Split it into two, two parter. Wait, that's kind of. It's been 57. So he stole roses from his mom's to give it to you.

Yeah, he also stole jewelry from her, furniture from people and ended up in prison. Left the condom got left in your panini panini and my panini i you know what's so cute my sister and i call it non-bread wait why is we're like how's your non feeling oh i love that but non is just one these little girls my sister used to babysit and then I would go with because I was lonely. They called it a tootie and they would say ouchie tootie. But why was it hurting?

How often were they ouchie tootie? Why were, why was I there? I'm like, oh my God, the origin story is coming out. No, my childhood sexual abuse was with girls my own age okay and they said no and you said yes you said yes loud enough for two no it was my mom was always like today we have a lesbian whenever i was in college she was visiting she was like does has anyone ever had a lesbian experience raise your hand and we're like what are you doing your mom did that

yes it was like we weren't playing truth or dare she's like this oh mom was this at swim practice we were all waiting we're lining up

you know I do wish that my mom had been we'd been in the same age group at some point because I would have liked to beat her ass at swimming I love you mom I forgive you but I would have beaten your ass at swimming

mm-hmm wait my welfare my My guy Jan who I've been going to the massage guy He told me today. I'm very sturdy He goes why first story like her bottom half such a compliment. I feel sorry ass That's because I feel so sturdy and Your center of gravity is like real good. Like a typhoon can knock you down. He told me, he's like, you would have been a great farmer. But you know, like being, you seem really sure-footed.

Like, and just like, nothing's going to knock you down. But you throw some dance steps in there. It's all, it's all over. That's where I come in. I know. I do want to knock you down. But you throw some dance steps in there. It's all over. That's where I come in. I know. I do want to learn to dance. I want to play. I made my nails shorter so I could learn guitar.

I thought you were going to say because you did. This is a midlife crisis. Maybe. I'm like, am I gay? Can I play guitar? After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time, all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's

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New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Annie, throw me your napkin. It's showing in your shot. Oh my god. Kalilah has one in her hand every day. It's true, but that's for my sweat.

So do I, bitch. Just not in my palms. Actually, not in my palms. I don't want to brag. Not in my palms. Do you sweat weirdly anywhere? No. It's so weird. Do you feel left out at all? Are you proud of it? No, because I am jealous. Because we have a thing that you're do you feel left out at all are you proud of it no because i i'm jealous i am jealous i do because we have a thing that you don't know it's because i think sweating is

very good for you and i think it's weird that i'm holding on i'm keeping it in i don't think that's what it is i think the body normally regulates itself that you are slowly sweating but it's not like uh well you know the reason why people sweat it's trauma no i mean natural sweating let's say when you work out why why do you sweat when you work out don't say you that's confusing or general like people not you but like humans you're releasing oh it's your body's way of trying to temperature regulate. So it's trying to cool you down. Oh, like a dog panting. I just pant.

We have to speak in Jacob turns. Thank you. Armpit sweat is weird, Esther. It's like every time you put something on, it's just soaking wet. Like when I was in fourth grade is when it started happening. I would just be sitting there in class and just drips. It would just start dripping like tears were coming out of my armpits. And then I bet you're like embarrassed.

So it gets worse. Humiliated. That makes it worse. It was such a relief for me. The first time I saw Cameron Diaz, I think she won like an MTV movie award. She had a pen. And she made fun of herself

and made fun of her armpit sweat. And she like put it on like maybe Lucy blue or like Drew Barrymore. She's like, oh, these girls are here for my armpit sweat. The first time I saw that, I was like, oh my God. That's not just me. That's how I felt when Fergie pissed herself. Fergie pissing herself is, I do have to say Fergie,

what you did for America. Wait, I didn't even know this. What happened? Pull it up. There's like a famous photo. And who knows what it is, you know? Did she own it though? It's pee.

I think she did. She had to. She pissed all, she was wearing khakis. Look, it's a rock star lifestyle. Sometimes you pee. It's like the greatest thing that's ever happened. Also, what an iconic outfit. Maybe it's sweat.

That looks like, I don't know. I think sweat might be worse than pee, honestly. My sweat marks after a workout though do look like piss oh no i've listened i told you i was on stage when i was in dc which i'm coming back come see me at dc comedy loft last time i was there a girl in the audience goes oh my god it's so wet and i'm like what and then i was like oh my god i sweat bitch fuck you she was so horrified she had to heckle she couldn't even like yeah let it happen another thing that was on the cut article was that like if you're in a relationship it's really rude to openly be naive about dating apps and i'm wondering if you what

i i understood that yeah oh wait can you explain it to me like don't be loudly naive about dating apps if you're in a relationship so i've so been guilty of this and i never knew that it would be so triggering for people but i will be like i've never been on a dating oh that's rude to the person that's on dating yeah right but but from my perspective i was always like oh my god like fomo like that seems fun candy crush but you have a crush on the esther you never took your they eat your candy out i would take my friends um who were single get on their dating apps and choose the dude swipe for them so i was like a i could never feign like that's trust yeah and they would be like what the fuck lila and i would just do that for them because it was

fun for me and also because anytime iOMO, like what is out there? Were you doing the job or were you being evil? No, I was never. I was really genuine about it. Because I'm like, I was curious to see what was out there. Right. And boy, was it grim. And that's why I think I hung on for 10 years with Bobby. I was like, if that's some, you know.

But I was never, I could never like feign like not knowing because i was actively going to people shit yeah going to other people shouldn't choosing their partners for them i don't think it's not no i mean i understand that it's like you swipe one way or the other but i think there's still like a lot of mystery around it for some reason like oh like i don't know what it's a culture that you weren't involved in because it's like, you've been dating Dave for so long that it like, even if it was kind of around back then, it wasn't like a thing you,

it wasn't the way you meet people. Yeah. Now it's like such a, the number almost. Have you ever had an online boyfriend? MySpace boyfriend, Friendster boyfriend, Zanga boyfriend. I don't know facebook boyfriend nothing so in that no tinder say i i met bobby through tinder so that's right i forgot about that so i guess i've you know like partook in that must have been right when tinder like opened yeah it was right he was

my first and only date and so that was kind of like fun i I was like his 90th, I think. You knew who he was? Yeah, I did. I had seen him like a year before. I was just like, well, I saw him a year earlier at the comedy store. Did you follow Chris Rock? No. But I was so impressed because I went there to not see him at the comedy store. And he followed Chris Rock.

It was like an Oscar weekend. And he like just crushed. I remember that weekend. And I remember thinking, oh my God. And I remember crossing him in the hallway and like hearing his voice. I'm like, oh, he's a really hot voice. But I always like, I just grew up in Asia. I think Asian guys have always been hot. Like it's not weird that Americans are just catching on to like Asian guys.

I like can't believe that like I met my guy and he's Asian. It's like I wish I had had like access to this knowledge that I have now of how fucking amazing it is to date Asian guys before. Not to banishize them. I know you're in a relationship, but do you start to slowly look at Asian guys? I think Asian guys are so hot now. Full Asian, half Asian, quarter Asian. I smell it out too. I'm like, ooh, that hair's a little darker than the face shape.

I go, there's some asian in there oh yeah yeah dude i was so the guy the guy from white lotus is so hot oh you anyone would think he's hot no i didn't think he was hot at all until he beat what's his name's ass in the in the water then i was like oh there you go they have to take it to like your place like the the water yeah take it for land because previous to take it to like your place, like the water. Yeah. Take it for land. Because previous to that, it was almost like, what are you about? Like, why are you so like stiff?

Why do you run every morning? Oh, I don't mind the stiffness. He's hot. He is really hot. He's our sperm donor. Okay. Should we DM him? We could try. I'm like, Todd, it's yours.

We need three sperms. That's all we need. Esther. Three. let's up our chances esther no we even get one out it's what 200 000 each time they just is it yeah damn or more than that no it's not it's millions it's millions i was wrong it's 200 million oh i thought you said dollars very cheap no i was like i thought i was gonna be like one just comes out at a time one sperm i was like yeah i think you get like 500 000 or something right dave has this frozen sperm from like he he froze sperm in his 20s and i always bring it like at

the frat in harvard he was like no like and he has a like some medical facility and i always like accuse him of gatekeeping it from me because i always bring it up and i'm like some medical facility and he i always like accuse him of gatekeeping it from me because i always bring it up and i'm like we have that and he's like no you can't have it i'm like who are you saving it for wait is it for public use or something no it's not for public use no it's because in his 20s when he was diagnosed with um uh arthritis ra or jia the same thing but um the medication he went on, like, could fuck with your sperm. So just as a safety precaution, they had him do it. So you have a young Dave sperm?

Yeah, but he won't. He's gatekeeping it. He won't let me have it. If you, he'll let you have it. What's crazy is that that might be more optimal sperm. I think it's better, yeah. That's what I've said to him. And he's weird.

Like, I don't know. He's, like, very traditional. He doesn't want to use do anything yeah but we have the requirements right here to become a sperm donor if you want to see i don't qualify by the way too short yep and it's healthy legally allowed to work in the u.s we know he's a mexican he's not really wait this is where we let him do this wait why is it fucked up because it's like five eight or taller where it's like why is that college graduate? Because it's like 5'8 or taller. Where it's like, why is that? College graduate too.

So you have to be wealthy and tall. Yeah, that is such bullshit. A college graduate. Bobby wouldn't qualify. Yeah. A lot of great people I know wouldn't qualify. Listen, I don't know if Todd's associate degree really counts. They say it, but it doesn't.

I think it does, actually. There's nothing funnier than Todd's. I love Todd's associate's degree. You know, a think it does there's nothing funnier than taz i love taz associates degree i you know a lot it's so much better than why did i go to college for no reason by the way wait by the way is this the government's way of telling women like only breed with men who fall who fall under this these criteria boring this is such a boring criteria fucking um five foot nine college bro get the fuck out of here like give me a broke artist yeah give me his weird sperm i want a short short sperm donor me too i want one who's a jerk off in the

cup i want the cup to be taller than okay i want assistance to be needed hoist him up oh and what automatically disqualifies you is obviously having an STD. Having ever had it, but like, what if I never disclose it? You likely get tested. No, no, no, no. Currently, let's say I've had, let's say I'm a man and I've had gonorrhea. I've had chlamydia. Like I wouldn't be allowed to donate.

I don't know actually. Kalilah, if you had a a penis do you know how much you would change all the trans arguments like people would be like what do you so trans positive if if that bitch came out people would be like we're no longer looking at gender we're gonna all just fuck kalilah oh imagine if i was just like i had penis this whole time yeah people would be like okay it's it's ended but would that shock you if i said like hey guys like i've actually you know i've shock wetter up yeah i would just accept you however it would be the best of all worlds whatever you have under there is just fine with me thanks esther someone

who could be people could think is a trans guy i've several times in the comments i'll say this i know you want to bang me there was a woman i'll just i'll say this there's a woman who i i have like a few women that like i you know, I have like particular crushes on. And there is this one woman was kind of like, you know, she was kind of a public figure and I kind of knew her casually. And I was really attracted to her. Like I really had a crush on her. And she came out as trans. And like she's transitioning.

She's, you know, a male now. So i guess it's i don't know what the right pronoun but they are a man now and i will admit like i was like damn like i was attracted to the previous version is that am i allowed to say that like yeah yeah but i like trans guys are so it's nothing against trans guys it was also great know no obviously we're trying to be careful we don't want to like hurt anyone obviously everyone do what you want yeah yourselves and we support you but i was like why do i love trans guys so much they're just cute guys that aren't i'm not scared of do you know what i mean wow and like there's so many yeah i don't know well because there are men who also have our women i'm Are women, I'm not, yeah, I'm not as.

So they're more understanding of what our lives are. Not that I'm scared of all men or whatever, but I'm like, ooh, a non-threatening cute boy. Yeah. But. I think I really relate to what Dr. Drew said about how we're very deterministic when it comes to our sexual orientation like even when i said oh i don't eat pussy so therefore i probably am not a lesbian

and i'm like yeah like that is so limiting like but i do like just about everybody i find like when i look at a girl look at a guy look at a anybody it's like it it is if someone is sexual they'll turn me on like i don't think it it is if someone is sexual they'll turn me on like i don't think it really matters like in what shape they come in if i'm attracted to you i really just am attracted to people will sneak up on you too like people that you don't think you're attracted to all of a sudden you'll be like dude i watch a like every episode of the first iteration of the l word yeah and i was in love with shane i was in love with shane and jenny oh jenny shane was so hot i love that Shane and Jenny. Ooh, Jenny. Shane was so hot.

I love that show. And for a while there, I was like, oh, I could fully live like this. It's just like sexuality. One of my, we'll just call her a friend. When she had TikTok, she was like, am I a fucking lesbian? Because she was just getting all these like super like, no, I don't even want to say androgynous but like masculine gay females who are still like like shanes like the shanes of the world she just kept getting them and getting them and getting them like her husband better shape up or she's gonna i do think what you just

said is like where we're we obviously are moving as a culture where I think we were so programmed that, you know, you're heterosexual. Like that was taught to us that that was the right thing. And if you were gay, it's like weird and not normal. And now that we're all like, oh, we we can be all these things. We're all kind of like awakening to those options. And you really just are circling back to how it was in history. Yeah. Like if you,

even like in Filipino mythology, if you inhabited or felt like you were more, or you didn't identify with a certain gender or you, you were both genders, like you were revered in the communities. Like you were seen as almost like, like, like a demigod, you know, and so it's like, we're just circling back to our original ways, basically, which I think it's the most natural way, I think, to, to add like gender constructs is to just an attempt to simplify life, but i think it just does the opposite well not to go back to being esther the anti-capitalist but they did it to us so that we would all mate and have babies and so our babies would join the workforce yeah that makes sense but it was when you really that's

why you need that frozen sperm yeah you're a hard-working kid i've you need that kid on that fucking conveyor belts to fill in the toothpaste or whatever the fuck your kid's going to do. Where are they going to put your kid to work? When I was little and I thought that I was gay, I'm sure I've talked about this on here before, but I was literally prepubescent, which is I was suicidal.

I thought if people at school find out that I liked a girl and kissed a girl. She's definitely a lesbian. Esther's a full-blown lesbian. I was like, I there's no, I would not survive. I would commit suicide. I don't want to be alive if kids at school knew that. And like in our lifetime, people, they still feel that way. It is surprising when people still feel that you're like, oh.

Yeah. I wonder if it's like, yeah, if it's societal, if there's just like this little part of you that feels like different. Yeah. I mean, imagine living in a country where this is straight up not allowed, you know. Because it was like that where you were, right? No, no, not where we were. Like, I think not in the Philippines, but like, you know, certain countries in like the Middle East and stuff, you know, where it's very big no, no.

Yeah. Like we would have all been i mean done away with with they would have knocked us out for something 15 things each of us have said in this episode no we'd be handmaids hey girl hey commander handsome today oh you're of todd what todd of david oh that's a good one of of big stuffed animal man yeah big stuffed animal man where is my boyfriend will you may bring him over it's valentine's day i was like where the fuck is valentine's day i'll tell you why my pussy really burns i try to fuck the teddy bear big big bear man you got some plush puss in there you get some plush i lubed up his paw and i try to shove it in we should get a build-a-bear thing inside it where he's coming he's like oh here's my boyfriend he's so thick butted he really is so like wide butted he's so hot that's one of the funniest

things you ever said to me i think we were at the airport and we kept objectifying this one guy i remember the guy and we kept looking at him and you're like oh my oh sorry i just kicked your bag you were like look at him he's just so thick butted i was like you're right he's just so thick but so sturdy i'm finding my people oh my god well you guys we hope that you all have a happy valentine's or galentine's day i i know i have no plans tonight um yeah we're gonna something will happen maybe we'll all maybe i'll make you eat a rare steak bloody oh Guys, if we don't go for steak, it's their fault, not mine. I'll do steak dinner with you guys for V-Day. Okay.

Yeah. I'm down. Done. Yeah. Extra blooty. Galentine's Day. All right. What's up?

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