Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Spicy Underwear

Episode Date: December 7, 2021

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Starting point is 00:02:16 Hey slugs, welcome to a new episode. Today, stay tuned so you can find out who my new celebrity lookalike is. It's not Rachel Leigh Cook. I'll tell you that. It's really not. And it's not female. It's an it. Wait, I don't think that's appropriate. You guys, I'm coming to Salt Lake City Wise Guys Comedy Club, January 14th and 15th. And I'm coming to Austin Cap City, February 24th and 26th. Get tickets at Esther on ice.com and also sleepover by Esther.com is my clothing line. Tune in. Stay tuned. You're going to like it. You can see me at Bananas Comedy Club in New Jersey, December 16th through 18th. I will be at the Milwaukee Improv the January 21st through 27th.
Starting point is 00:02:56 I'll be in Naples, Florida at Off the Hook, January 25th and 26th. I will be in Tampa, Florida, January 27th and 30th. And I'll be in Blue Room, February 4th through 5th. And there's a lot more. I'm going to be in D.C. I'll be in Tampa, Florida, January 27th and 30th. And I'll be in Blue Room February 5th, 4th through 5th. And there's a lot more. I'm going to be in D.C. I'll be in Austin. We had to move those dates in the summer. Please check out my website, annieletterman.com slash shows and all the infos there.
Starting point is 00:03:30 Wait, can I just say I'm so happy you got these glasses it's my dream to have a twin like the fact that you're a codependency twin like give me give me give me give me people are afraid of me I will say I don't hate it but but people do when they when they dress like me they do go think I'm gonna care and I am a twin through and through I am so happy to be twins with people that is where i think our because in our venn diagram like there's so much that's different about our vendetta venn diagram but the middle the tiny sliver in the middle where we have crossover it's like we wish we were twins together or what twins with everyone i'm gonna say it here and hollywood we know you're watching oh no esther and I need to be in the remake of Twins with she plays obviously Danny DeVito
Starting point is 00:04:07 and I play Arnold Schwarzenegger. But there needs to be a female reboot of that and you know that would fucking kill. Like I'm not kidding at all. I need to see that movie so I can add on. Let's watch, oh my God, we'll do that on our sleepover. That'll be one of our things.
Starting point is 00:04:20 Okay, I'm wondering how much actual genetics you guys share. Because do you know that we share like 97% of the same genes as a sea urchin? Really? Like humans and sea urchins. Then we definitely are related. Wait, I feel like I can see it in myself. Yeah, Esther is definitely at least 75% sea urchin.
Starting point is 00:04:39 With this jacket. By the way, this was, as a joke, I i was gonna come in yesterday wearing a puffy jacket like i was she's like i was um like i was uh here oh okay i thought because i have a new style icon who is it steve bannon i and i feel like it's okay to laugh because it's like didn't he get arrested it's like the party's over but like steve i'm coming for you i have his mustache i understand a nice light one tell me i don't look like this man i he i think you have the same smile okay that actually offended me no i think there's something there i think he's got look um he's got if anything he's got a cute smile do you have any can you pull pictures of him when like close to when he was being arrested what'd you say when he was young and hot
Starting point is 00:05:31 no he does look like philip seymour hoffman would look now if we pulled him up if we dug him up a little extra bloat bloat wait so he does he famously wear a lot of layers is that a thing yeah he always wears multiple button-up shirts. But Esther, you're missing the spray tan. Oh, I think it's, for me, it's going to be fashion only. Okay, got it. So I'm not trying to be like him in any other way. Oh, so you're not saying you guys even look alike facially.
Starting point is 00:05:57 No, it's a fashion. Okay, I was wrong there. I got to tell you, that hair, he looks great. It's feathered. I am attracted to him. Hey there, girl. I think he knew he was going to get arrested, so he got the spray tan, got the haircut.
Starting point is 00:06:11 He got everything. But it's like... It's a big PR opportunity to get arrested. I feel like Steve Bannon has a big dick. Oh. I'd have to see his pecs, because pecs correlate to dick size
Starting point is 00:06:26 they do how? the more concave the bigger the dick are you serious? actually oh my god wait a second my friend Mike
Starting point is 00:06:34 growing up Mike Handel same birthday what's up he's older than me he he had this concave chest and he had a huge dick
Starting point is 00:06:42 oh my god this is like although there was this is wholesome in the sense that there's a he had a huge dick. Oh my God. This is like a- Although there was- This is wholesome in the sense that there's a hole in a big dick's chest. It's wholesome. There's another hole involved as well, but.
Starting point is 00:06:54 I'm gonna really attempt for this Wholesome 10 this time. Okay. Because I feel like we really, so my question, my proposition for Wholesome 10 this morning is which Disney character do you relate to the least? I relate to the most the dick drawn in the clouds. The Little Mermaid. Hey!
Starting point is 00:07:12 All the subliminal messages in Lion King. Guys, we're never gonna do a Wholesome 10. We just have to deal with the fact that our numbers will never be what they could be because it's not who we are. Answer my question, Esther. Here's your shot. Okay, who I least relate to?
Starting point is 00:07:23 Mm-hmm. I i think it's so hard because she does look like the teapot i feel like i'm not like guest on but as i say that i'm like actually i am like guest on i think you are guest on because you're a guest on your own podcast never quite feel like you belong i could always lose you the most you'd have to be Chip. Oh, you're Chip. That's who I am the most? In that Beauty and the Beast world. Chip? The chipped cup?
Starting point is 00:07:53 Yeah, you're awful at stuff. That was Chip. Chip is cute, but Chip has no authority. Sense of humor. I want to... Oh, look how cute. Oh, sir, come on. It's actually too good for you
Starting point is 00:08:05 and I did have a tea set of this and I loved it it was a little chipped cup did you throw chip on the floor? no it came chipped I had chipped stuff as a kid because I had an anger management problem that's what I always say
Starting point is 00:08:20 I love a guy with a chocolate chip on his shoulder I love ex- fat boys oh me too oh i like that that's a good line what are you can you what's it so fat boys are my type i've been with fat boys for um like my last couple boyfriends have been either currently fat or um ex fat boys okay and that's just not you're an ex expat meets ex-fat i love that yeah not an expat expat come here baby wait so is this i'm is there like a skin i've always it's a hot boys i mean sorry it's a fat boys gone hot uh mentality where it's like they are now hot but they're still hanging on to but their personality is really very they they're giving, they're grateful. No.
Starting point is 00:09:06 Yes, it's true. Yeah, no, I was going to say like. There's character development there. No, I dated a big guy who was the meanest person I've ever met. And Esther's biggest gift she gave me was telling me he was on TaskRabbit. One birthday. No, there's nothing wrong with being on, I'm on TaskRabbit, check me out.
Starting point is 00:09:24 Nothing wrong with it the closest I ever came to cheating on Bobby I know I was like are you the rabbit you're certainly not the task oh actually you are a task the closest I ever came
Starting point is 00:09:33 to possibly cheating on Bobby was with a TaskRabbit guy and by me wait was his name wait yeah does Carlos do TaskRabbit was that what you were gonna say no was his name Angel
Starting point is 00:09:42 no no no because we Dave and I always talk about how dave like has no like skills and it's like you know you like the man is supposed to like take care of things but dave literally hires a guy named angel on task rabbit to hire to like hang frames in our house is he cute dave said he dave only dave has met him and dave says he's really hot he's kept him from you did d Dave say really hot? I think Dave's like, he's hot.
Starting point is 00:10:08 Oh, I love Dave. Dave is too good for you. I'm sorry. I'm just going to say it here. Yeah, but he was very attractive. And he did a lot of things that usually I can put things together myself, but not this particular thing. Come here, Randy. Was it an orgasm?
Starting point is 00:10:22 But by cheating, I mean, like, I i just you know what i mean looked at him assemble something like and you were like you were just sopping wet you were like now i'm gonna need to clean up the upholstery yeah do you think new task rabbit was he like do you think he was like putting on a show for you because you're actually like pretty hot well what turned me off afterwards was that he was like hey like, like I watch you guys on Tiger Valley. And I was like, oh, no. There is something where it's like once you know, except I did bang one guy.
Starting point is 00:10:53 I probably shouldn't get poked all. It will never happen again. One guy, he was so hot. I literally could not not fuck him. Wait, but he knew who you were. He knew who I was. He was in the audience. I think that's fine.
Starting point is 00:11:04 But I would never do it again. But it was like i couldn't and he didn't go like i hit on him from stage as a joke and then he was from new zealand on top of it i was like he was just so good looking and then he just kept dming me because he was only in town for like a week yeah and i just i finally caved i couldn't help it as you go go that means no no but we had a good night but it was because i gave we had a lot of special k oh we had a k night yeah what does um sex on k feel like i've never i've never successfully done it i've never completed you've never successfully cool well actually no maybe with my ex i did i just don't remember i my ex and i did have really good sex so i don't it never it didn't vary that much when we're on drugs randy come here come here my boy come here
Starting point is 00:11:48 my boy i love he doesn't like when i talk about sex with others he thinks of his father randy come here i had to bring randy wait can i tell you guys why i was i was 10 minutes late does he think of his father like the actual dog that is his biological father no we don't speak of that mexican is his name craig it Craig? It's Craig, his brother. Okay, tell us why. Okay, so I get a call, a text at 1130 where he's like, all right, I'm ready to, I'm going to leave. How's your spot at the store?
Starting point is 00:12:14 And I'm like, your car is going to be locked up. And of course he calls me. Car is completely locked up. He's drunk on Hollywood Boulevard. Todd? Yes. Last night? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:22 I had to go get him. Well, I guess he wasn't drunk, but he he Was on the street. He was like, this is scary He's like, please pick me up. Of course. I ran into two little people that are fans of the podcast. What's up guys? So I was like Todd. I'm busy. I was like FaceTime. I was like, look it we're hanging out Sorry, there are these two little guys and they're there I don't call it little people but and then they have this big like bodybuilder with them that they do internet videos.
Starting point is 00:12:48 But I was like, Todd, you're going to have to stay on the street. So finally I get over, I pick him up. We come home this morning. I have to go drive him and there's traffic. So I have to drive him to Dave and Buster's to get his car.
Starting point is 00:13:00 We have Randy with us. Cause we didn't have time to like walk Randy to pee or anything. So bring Randy. We're getting there. It's starting to like, I realize I'm going to be late for my own job. And so I just started playing
Starting point is 00:13:11 Shallow because he was Bradley Cooper in my career. You're literally ruining my career, Todd. You're damaging my career. And if you're not hanging in a garage,
Starting point is 00:13:24 you don't get it. I broke up with a boy at Dave & Buster's. You did? Mm-hmm. Oh, he didn't make you Dave & Bust? He didn't. Oh, he was such a hot boy, too. But he forgot his wallet when we had to pay.
Starting point is 00:13:38 And Dave & Buster's is getting really racked up. Yes. I didn't get to stay and play skee-ball or anything. Skee-ball's the best. Wait, I want to go. There was a comedy show there. Let's go to Dave & Buster's. I've never gotten to go before. I didn't get to stay and play skee-ball or anything. Skee-ball is the best. Wait, I want to go. There was a comedy show there. I've never gotten to go before. Let's go to Dave & Buster's.
Starting point is 00:13:48 I've never had friends. Well, I feel like also your parents knew you wouldn't like it. No, my parents didn't take me anywhere fun for kids because they didn't care. You never did like bumper cars? I did Chuck E. Cheese when I was little. Oh, that's not it. And my dad still talks about how like it was the worst place he's ever been and he had to sit in the car.
Starting point is 00:14:07 I love your dad. We could go to Dave & Buster's. Dave & Buster's is fun. Okay. Yeah. It's a great place to break up with a guy. I would go with you guys. I didn't get to have any fun, but there was a comedy show.
Starting point is 00:14:17 We were in the middle of Eating Wings, and it was like, announcement, there's a comedy show in room three or whatever. And I was like, oh, my God. And I walked over, and I was like, do you want to do this show and i was like no i have to go but um i just am glad i'm over that place in my career of doing random restaurant yeah wait you guys did that in earlier in your career like david i have performed in a laundromat yeah laundromat sounds that's the only time she's actually been near laundry too which is really weird that kind of sounds like cool and, hipstery.
Starting point is 00:14:46 Okay, what about, like, a pizza place where people are just trying to have their dinner with their friends? Oh, an Amba show. I went to a corporate gig with Bobby where it was someone's birthday in Bakersfield. And so it was, like, this really rich guy who was, like, a farmer. And he just wanted a comedy section of the party. There was, like, hundreds of people there. And Bobby, it was like,
Starting point is 00:15:07 they offered him a bunch of money and it, I was mortified. I was mortified for him. Just even like watching him, like no one's listening. Everyone's like, you know, socializing.
Starting point is 00:15:17 It's just beneath you. If it's not a comedy club, that's like a building built for what you do. You're lowering. Or with your name on the fucking marquee. Like it's just, it's the worst. I felt so bad for him. Not only did I do ambush shows back in the day,
Starting point is 00:15:29 I produced a few. You don't say. Someone even wondered, did you invent them? I said, are you guys enjoying things? Can I interrupt? I like interrupting with jokes, but I do feel bad when someone loses the thought I go oh that is so fucked up
Starting point is 00:15:48 you know I have to say though do you guys follow what's an ambush show that's what you call it when it's like people are just enjoying their night it would be like if you were at a restaurant and all of a sudden they're like and now the comedy show is starting oh god like what like you're just eating your pizza and there's nothing you can do
Starting point is 00:16:04 and it's bad and the comedians are talking about like masturbation and stuff and they're mad at you and they're mad at you for not liking them yeah projecting all of their like anger at their parents on you they start yelling like oh is the soup good well why don't i jizz in it and you're like i'm just eating that's truly like the first five years of our careers. Yes. I had one called Living It Up at Life Cafe at the restaurant I worked at. And it was pretty rough. But I built a thing and then I brought it to another place. And that place was cool.
Starting point is 00:16:35 But it was really, people would be like begging to do it. I'm like, are you sure you really want to do this? It's not good. And it would be like my customers, I would try to like, come back. So some people would come to see come back so some people would come to see it and then other people would just be livid just their whole they're on a date or they're like with their family speaking of dates who are you guys on a first date what are you hiding who are you esther how do you present i can't even imagine how to present myself on a first date because there's like, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:17:08 I think I just have to. No one's ever asked you out? I think I'd have to just be fully like, hi, I'm broken. I have demons that are coming out at the seams of my skin. Have them or are them? I have demons and you are that you are the demon what about you i've never been on a first date ever bobby was my very first first date and it was like a meeting at coffee where'd you meet um we met at a coffee shop i don't because when i um see a guy that i'm
Starting point is 00:17:41 interested in either at a bar or like a public setting i'd be like hey my friends and i are all having drinks at this place and i stage uh friends night right so you just so i'm safe kalilah i love that you stage things that is like totally my what has always been my like dating being fake yeah like staging like a like hey you have to like manipulate and maneuver like my first date with dave because everything i've ever thought of you is true yeah totally no before you came in and we were talking about how i'm a dog and like i sent i'm like always sensing things oh i thought you mean because you're ugly you drink out of a bowl like i'm paying attention and i'm sniffing everything at all times you really are but it's fun because you're doing it in a chiller way now with the...
Starting point is 00:18:26 No, I'm always... You've never been chill. You thinking you're chill is... What did you stage for Dave? We went to my stand-up show and I could tell... First date was stand-up show? Listen, just hear me out. So we walk in and it was a laugh factory and it was like half full.
Starting point is 00:18:43 And I just, in my my mind I could just hear all the stories I've heard from Benji where he took a girl on a first date and bombed and then like the date was over and I was like don't do it don't do it and I was like you know what it's really light in there tonight let's just go to let's just go get a coffee and he was like okay and later Dave was like he was like oh I thought was cool. You just don't perform if you don't want to. And I was like, yeah. Oh my God. That's so funny.
Starting point is 00:19:09 Remember when we were cancelers? Oh yeah. I used to, yeah. We made a, we made a pact and no longer cancel. We had to really make a commitment. Well, you know, I did a thing that changed my life. I'm not kidding you guys. Like I forgot if it was 2019 or 2018, but it was me and my college friends.
Starting point is 00:19:24 And we all did this thing. I think we called it like no it was 2019 or 2018 but it was me and my college friends and we all did this thing it was like I think we called it like no canceling 2019 or whatever and we had this policy that if you ever said yes to a plan with anyone in your life for that whole year and you canceled it you had to do a punishment and our punishment was like my friend who lives in Santa Monica and I live you know on the other side of town you have to like in rush hour meet for coffee, which is so annoying, or like do an airport pickup. That's how I feel every time I have to come here, by the way. So after I did that, one year of not canceling,
Starting point is 00:19:53 I pretty much never cancel anything anymore. That's how much Esther hates driving. My feelings just fluctuate so much where it's like when I'm on a high, it's like I'll make i'll make all sorts of coffee dates yeah and then just it just so happens that like the coincidence is always this on the day of i don't know what happens to me but it's like i want to kill myself yeah forever even considering making a plan with that particular person and it's like why did i do this you get yeah you run and you're like running with the moment and how you feel and I want to be nice. Yeah, yeah. So you do it. But I don't do it. And I don't do that. But in that moment, I genuinely want to meet. And then on the day of I genuinely don't want to.
Starting point is 00:20:34 It's just come to us guys. Our podcast is a hit. We no longer come to you. One thing that has become very important to me is looking really cool and fly in my outfit when did you when did you start i i know you're joking but it's gotten a lot better since stitch fix okay but honestly you guys know that feeling when you stumble upon a piece of clothing that is just so perfect for you that you don't even know you needed it but now you're like i can't live without this that is how you feel when you use stitch fix freestyle and you know what if you don't feel that way you just send it back your style isn't one size fits all it's about what suits your body and what suits the moment so why not shop at a store that is actually personalized to your size
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Starting point is 00:21:53 and they offer free shipping, returns, and exchanges. Get started today by filling out your style quiz at stitchfix.com slash Tuesday. That's stitchfix.com slash Tuesday to try Stitch Fix Freestyle. That's stitchfix.com slash Tuesday. That's stitchfix.com slash Tuesday to try Stitch Fix Freestyle. That's stitchfix.com slash Tuesday. Growing up cereal was actually like the greatest memory of all time. Honestly, when your parents would let you eat cereal for dinner, wasn't it awesome? Even though if you think about it now, it's like your parents were just being the most lazy.
Starting point is 00:22:19 We were doing them a favor. Yes. But honestly, cereal that we ate as a kid is so bad for you. And it's just junk that I don't want to have it anywhere near me. And that is why Magic Spoon has solved all my problems. Magic Spoon has zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, and only four net grams of carbs in each serving. Only 140 calories a serving is such a light dinner. I know. And it's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, and low-carb.
Starting point is 00:22:48 Plus, you can build your own box and the available flavors to build your very own custom bundle or cocoa, fruity, frosted, peanut butter, blueberry, cinnamon, cookies and cream, and maple waffle. You know what I do because I'm so healthy these days? I do fruity and blueberry. Double the fruit. Boom. It's a fruit salad. Look at that. I had a
Starting point is 00:23:06 fruit salad for breakfast. Honestly, every time I hear the about the fruity flavor of magic spoon, it's like I can't rest until I go home and have a bowl. It's so good. You guys can go to magic spoon.com slash Tuesday to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try it today. And be sure to use our promo code Tuesday at checkout to save $5 off your order. And now with Esther's new recreational fun, she really enjoys the cereal. It's so good. And then you don't feel as guilty because it's healthy. And Magic Spoon is so confident in their product.
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Starting point is 00:24:09 It's like it's just it's not my day. I only want people like that in my life because the worst thing to me would be if I'm hanging out with someone and they don't want to be there. Oh, my God. Entire friendship. Set you up. Set you up. I was never. I wasn't joking.
Starting point is 00:24:24 I've been dead serious um i've been on i would break up with a guy because dates like when you're a comedian you meet people it's like you're just already in a social situation do you have them choose the place or do you always call the shots well i i only had two dates there were online dates one i met this guy at a bar in new york and and then he picked the restaurant this was the guy with the hand that was like lobster and then he took me to a lobster restaurant it was crazy i was like i gotta do a joke i'm sorry i wasn't gonna do a joke until this but um did you he forced my claw um wait did you do a joke on the date no oh okay i thought okay but certainly a lot of times after he that was one and then another one was this guy i met online and i had never done
Starting point is 00:25:13 online dating so i thought like you would just be attracted to people that look like you would be attracted to them in a picture i just forgot about like pheromones and people's cadence their voice everything and i so i went so hard i thought i was gonna i was like oh i'll like bang this guy i'm like you're so hot i'm like ice bucket challenge me with your jizz like i was like so aggressive i was like glaze me like a donut i don't know what i just didn't know how to like internet date an ice bucket challenge reference but make it sexual thank you if you didn't do that you weren't on twitter during the whole thing oh my god that was quite we should we should bring the ice bucket challenge
Starting point is 00:25:51 where can we collect that much cum though we need to do a cum ice bucket after no not november we'll do it we should just have pete and george like not into a bucket for like a whole six months oh my god it can't be our people and whoever doesn't eat spiders gets not dumped on their head literally fuck you bitch can i tell you something about spiders do you know that spiders are afraid of spiders so maybe you're a spider you're a fucking spider why are they afraid of each other spiders have arachnophobia they what how why i don't know it's just the same way humans are afraid of each other spiders have arachnophobia they what how why i don't know it's just the same way humans are afraid of certain humans like me and annie okay so go ahead annie
Starting point is 00:26:34 so i like meet up with him and immediately he's disgusting i mean he is the least attractive person how so he's this gay voice like just not hot like all of his pictures i was like he said he worked in music i assumed it was hip-hop i got to his place his bike was on the wall he's like he may as well been wearing a bike helmet he had like raw cashews as a snack i was like wait that's funny it was just like but you know what i mean you're describing me kind of it's like on the nose or something like raw cashews it was just like well cashews are sweet so they don't necessarily need to be flavored it's a big import um nut from the philippines it just feels very like thought out and like calculated yeah but it's just like he
Starting point is 00:27:16 was a loser it was just like he was a fucking loser can i interject that you saying that just now about the online like the pictures and stuff it made me really it really sealed for me that i could absolutely never be on a dating app because i could never get swiped on here's something that hinge did here's something that hinge did i think is groundbreaking i change it for everybody you can leave an in your bio a little voice note of a voice intro of who you are like there's this guy on tiktok he left a little his voice note on his bio is you know this is how i eat pussy and then he makes a sound but his when i look at his picture i was like would have i've swiped on him
Starting point is 00:27:57 and i'm like nope i wouldn't have but then he when i listened to it it was so funny and he was hot no way i was like i would have absolutely gone on a date with it's so funny because he has to eat the girls out like you have to you can't like you but i just felt like and this was the last time i felt this way this was the way i felt a lot through like my 20s a lot of the reason i drank was i always felt like if i like said i was gonna fuck someone or alluded to it or like what like i couldn't handle like rejecting them so i would literally sell myself out and like get wasted so i could like just like starfish and they could fuck me and hopefully we'd all forget that it happened but it was like i did that so many times i would like choose the comfort of strangers or like these guys i barely know over myself and
Starting point is 00:28:42 this was the last time i did that and i ended up going so i what's one more round gonna hurt you i know you though i know it'll be disappointing we just all go and pretend first dates let's ask permission from our partners it's just for to pull it's like a i i like the idea i just it's well i would it would be much easier for me to talk about what what would i want a first date to be like. I don't know. Why am I saying that? Here.
Starting point is 00:29:08 Well, let's offer one day. Go on Hinge. Choose one person. I'm going to be canceled by every guy. Like every guy is going to be like, these three cheating whores. Bobby doesn't give a fuck. We should call this the new cheaters. And then we kind of take inventory of who we are in those first dates,
Starting point is 00:29:30 what we don't want to say about ourselves, what we do say about ourselves. This is so interesting. Because I have no idea what I would do. I would love to know. Yeah, I want to know too. I actually had a date with that musician that was kind of fun. We went to church.
Starting point is 00:29:44 Oh, that's cute. That's cute. It was fun. We had a date with that musician that was kind of fun we like went to church we went to oh that's cute that's cute it was fun we had a good time it was and it made me like like him even though not like romantically but i like i'm always like i like that guy even though he did text me too long i was like why are you still texting me you don't like me i would want to have like an activity that's like really random like that like that sounds we had a whole day i went to tj maxx he was like holding my jacket while i was trying stuff on and stuff it was fun that's like put this on try that i think i saw um kristen stewart on um maybe an early date with her ex because they were a marshalls and they seemed like they were having a blast yeah that's so cute i remember jules and i were like oh my god how cute is it that they're here and i'm buying sports bras because they're super cheap
Starting point is 00:30:22 i definitely wouldn't want anything like work related because I do feel like that's a cheesy move that Hollywood guys make where they're like, oh, we'll go to this taping or like, oh, I can show you this. Like, I don't know anything work related. Where it's like bragging about your work. Yeah, that's just like cringe.
Starting point is 00:30:37 I wanna see this. I wanna see both of you on a first date with someone who absolutely does not know who you are. What if we fall in love? Like, what are you, like, what is this bit? No, we signed a contract with our partners where it's like, What if we just called this triple X's and we just themed it about our exes? What if we call this hot holes?
Starting point is 00:30:56 Oh my God. I honestly haven't thought about it. Esther, something happened in space that I feel like you'd very deeply relate to. Okay, I'm listening. Wait, can I guess? Yeah. Did a monkey drown in its own piss? Close.
Starting point is 00:31:11 Kalilah, I do feel like we are not as connected as we used to be. Why do you think that? That's so dramatic. I just wanted to see a reaction. All right, we're good guys. I just wanted to check.
Starting point is 00:31:20 You just have to, you got to catch them off guard, make sure they still like you. You know what's funny is i literally walked in this morning i just can't wait to get fucked up with you esther honestly i think vegas is going to be the best place wandering around vegas with you incredibly high will be more fun than i'll get high then you will yeah yeah yeah a thousand percent yeah let's get the smoke though can i because i don't like edibles yeah yeah Wait, can we get this on the books?
Starting point is 00:31:46 December? What's up? Okay. George? I'd like to circle back to what happened in space that I feel like is primed for. I think it's a dream come true. The monkey drowning in its own piss is not very far. Annie.
Starting point is 00:31:59 Okay. Yeah. I know my girl. Yeah. Something happened in the SpaceX capsule where their bathrooms are all broken. So now they're going to return. They've just had to use diapers. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:32:15 Dude, I want to go to space. That's perfect for that astronaut bitch that wore the diaper and did the drive-by. Exactly. How happy would she be, though? Imagine the announcement in space. She's an astronaut. I'm just sitting there doing my work.
Starting point is 00:32:26 Well, where do you think they got the diapers? She's the one that brought them as her one item. She broke the toilet. Here we go. On purpose. I'm like, oh wait, what? Oh, did you guys see the toilets are broken? I have got the diapers. I like the idea that you have those sunglasses
Starting point is 00:32:44 on in space. Wait, did the size of shits correlate to the person's body size? Like, is my poo bigger than your poo? Your asshole might be in charge of some of that. Bobby and I talk about this literally for 300 episodes of Tiger Valley. We can't come to a conclusion. We got to call Brad Williams. He's the only one that can tell us. No, you guys, these guys last night.
Starting point is 00:33:01 Can we ask him how big his shits are? These guys last night are so awesome. I almost was like, will you crash my podcast? While they will be returning in diapers. I wonder, like, how do you feel like a badass space guy when you come back and everyone in the world knows that you're wearing a diaper and it's probably full? Is this supposed to be?
Starting point is 00:33:21 How do you still stay cool? Now you don't think diapers are cool? No, I love them. You have to make a choice. I love diapers. I think diapers are cool. Are you pro diaper or are you anti diaper? I am pro, but I'm just saying there's a lot of like macho men out there.
Starting point is 00:33:32 Can we sell diapers? Any. We haven't even done our three person underwear, our two person underwear. I know. Where did it go? Did you give it back to me? Oh, wait. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:33:42 I got that for your birthday. For your birthday, she got you a two person oh i'm good pete today is the day pete's like i'll get it somebody didn't scrub no i did take a bath this morning a good old morning bath i can't imagine waking up and taking a bath well speaking of like the three-person underwear i think two bears is kind of biting our style here. What? Oh, let's see. What? Let's take these boys down. So it's a long bit.
Starting point is 00:34:09 So I cut out just the main part where Tom left with a butt plug. A vibrating butt plug. Butt plug? In his butt? Did you get it in? Oh, he's putting his butt plug. Did you get it in? Oh, wait, I I wanna put mine in.
Starting point is 00:34:25 This is like us, I love it. Yeah. I know, we should get things where we can control them in each other. Kalilah, you haven't missed anything. It's just, Bert has been like, oh my God, you're putting it in, you're putting it in? And then he's sitting down.
Starting point is 00:34:38 I don't think you're supposed to sit. Are you serious? All right, I'm gonna go put mine in. We would've put it in on camera. On each other. Why does Tom look so happy? We're going to jerk off in here. God, it's so weird that there's no chicks here.
Starting point is 00:34:52 I feel like we should have offered to put it up their butts. I'm going to call Leanne and ask to see if they can come on the show. Let's go through the wives. How are you sitting down? Is it making it go further with you sitting? Can we not even tell the guys what we want to do and just coordinate with the wives i think so yeah it's just different objects we shove up their ass what if the wives are like what if the wives are like okay annie and esther yes but kalilah cannot go near my husband we can't it's already been an issue i um i'll give christina p a list of um objects that she
Starting point is 00:35:28 pre-approves oh my god and then funny will as a nurse she'll insert yeah yeah i'm just i'm doing it as a podcaster not as a woman correct this is my job it's a very two very different things there's a very big distinction there i I'm a professional. Remember how excited Kalilah got when I said we weren't friends? She goes, what do you mean? We're best friends. You're going to hold on to that one? You guys aren't wrong, by the way. I also have like seasonal affective, seasonal depression.
Starting point is 00:35:57 You know what cures that? What? Annie Letterman. FaceTime, baby. Hawaii is going to cure this. I am so certain that... I'm working with an insane person and I'm rocking
Starting point is 00:36:09 because I'm so happy about it. This is Esther's hard work, by the way. She's got her heel up her fucking crotch. She's that girl. Did you guys have that girl in class? No.
Starting point is 00:36:18 Yes, I did. That rocked on her heel all the time? More than that. The edge of the chair. She was always self-stimulating. Yes. And then she... So initially I went to an international school school but i moved to an all-girls catholic school
Starting point is 00:36:28 called stc after called esther and there was a girl there she would constantly be suspended because she could not stop yes that was like her like tourette's tick was yes that was and she would use rulers she would just always be doing this maybe that's what louie has i really don't want to have a daughter. I feel like how embarrassed I would be. You would have so much in common with your parents. I'm so proud of her. So what do we want out of Tom and Bert?
Starting point is 00:36:55 Because I have a dream of doing a BDSM episode with Bert. Oh, that's fun. Because I feel like he's really adventurous. Yeah. And so I'd like to extend the invite out to our dear friend Bert. But what hasn't been done to his balls already? That's really the question. Well, we're going to have to ask him and find out.
Starting point is 00:37:09 And we're going to do that thing. I would like, I did do the shot collar on my, I'm down to do some fun pranky things too. Should like Kalilah like wax their asshole? Definitely. Oh yeah. My hard wax is a very, very good brand. You have to make sure you go around the hemorrhoid. Don't pull it out further, you know?
Starting point is 00:37:26 Maybe that's like when my whole colon comes out. If you do that and it just pulls out. Like a prolapse? Yeah, it's just, it's like a clown with the handkerchiefs, but it's just my intestines. What if we prearrange it with the wives that as a Christmas gift, you're going to wax their asshole.
Starting point is 00:37:44 It's a Christmas gift to the wife. Right. And so they don't know what's happening until they get there. Yes. Should they not know it's us too? What if we pretend it's like a spa or something? We could wear those Kanye masks. Wait, we should wear those early 1920s pandemic masks,
Starting point is 00:38:03 you know, that look so grim. Oh my God, those are so scary. With the duck bill and everything. No. Have you seen those? They're so scary. It's really scary. I can't imagine it's worse than what I'm looking at.
Starting point is 00:38:15 Well played. I have a question for you guys. Oh boy. Get ready to take a nap, guys. I can't wait to hear this question. I am in a weird position where you guys know this uh my i'm my dad's only child and and you're you're engaged to a man but you're attracted to women no what should you do i am my dad's only child and he was an only child
Starting point is 00:38:42 and so when his mom died his parents died before i was born and when and i was raised in their house dodged a bullet didn't they and when you were raised in their house yeah so when my grandmother passed away my dad was like i'm in my 40s i'm never gonna have kids i'm never gonna get married and he gave all of her stuff away like every last inch of her stuff away. Like every last inch of her jewelry, her clothes, everything was given away. Are we going to do a break in? So here's my question. I've heard that there's a really nice watch. I think it's a Rolex. And I know who he gave it to. Oh, it's a family member? A distant family member. He gave it all
Starting point is 00:39:21 to family members, but all of them have since like passed away. So like, I don't know where everything is lost. But there's one thing that I know is with someone who's still alive. We don't have that close of a relationship. She's rich as fuck. Like she's way like this relative is distant and she's got money. So it's not like a money thing. Here's what you have wrong about rich people. They're greedy. They'll never they'll never give away because also the rich thing they can buy anything they want, but you can't buy sentimental items. But I'm like, this isn't sentimental for you. It's not your grandmother.
Starting point is 00:39:49 Like, I'm just like, here's my question. Wait, my question is, did your dad give the Rolex away or did he lose it gambling? No, no, no. That's a good question. Why would a gambler give away a Rolex? Because I think he... I think he plopped it on a table.
Starting point is 00:40:05 No, the thing is because he said that they all, all the people helped take care of her. So he gave all her stuff to them. So I was like, should I ask this woman for the watch back? You're going to have to take care of her. Warby Parker was founded with a rebellious spirit and a lofty goal to create boutique quality eyewear at a revolutionary price point. And when I tell you that is not a lie, I'm addicted to their products because I'll get into it, but they're so affordable.
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Starting point is 00:41:30 And they're actually good quality. And they're not, yeah, they're like lightweight. They're nice. It's just, they're good. So you guys can do what I just did this week, what I'm doing right now, which is try Warby Parker's free home try-on on program where you order five pairs of glasses to try at home for free for five days there's no obligation to buy and they ship free and includes a prepaid return shipping label you can try five pairs of glasses at home for free at warbyparker.com slash tuesday and i want to say i did this literally eight years ago i couldn't believe i was broke i was like i can try the glasses on for free without leaving my house. Perfect. Did it. Ended up falling in love. Got to bought two of them. And ever since then, like every year I buy a new pair of Warby's because it like updates my look.
Starting point is 00:42:13 Yeah. And it's not. Yeah. You don't have to. I've I've so many times I've spent like eight hundred dollars on glasses like to fit my face. It's very hard. So for them to be so affordable and have the wide face option is really tailor-made here for me you can try five pairs of glasses at home for free at warbyparker.com tuesday you guys that's warbyparker.com tuesday and you can try five pairs of glasses at home for free i'm telling you like if you want to be looking cute for the holidays and just spice up your look, this is like one of my biggest secrets. Santa baby, it's holiday season and you don't know what to get as a gift or stocking stuffer. Well, today's sponsor Manscaped has the tools to guarantee you win this year's stocking stuffer competition. If you want your stocking to get stuffed, you need
Starting point is 00:43:01 Manscaped. Well, it is actually such a good stocking stuff for good it's great it's kind of funny and it's funny it fits in like all the names of everything is hilarious it's like it really is good it's useful i mean todd seriously wears the underwear the manscaped underwear you can get 20 off plus free shipping at manscaped.com with code trash get 20 off plus free shipping at manscaped.com with our code trash i i definitely think this is like a great just get the holiday shopping done get the funny thing and also it's helpful listen we all don't want to floss our teeth we're not trying to be coughing up hairs all the time ladies but we still want to be a ho-ho-ho for the holidays. So we need to give guys the best gift ever, and that's Manscaped.
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Starting point is 00:44:33 Cheers to rocking the best gifts of all this season. A gift for him, but it's really a gift for you. XOXO, Manscaped. Can I tell you something else, sir? That really this is this is speaking to me at the moment because yesterday I watched an episode of antique roadshow Bobby Knight. That's like a show. I love the watch the highest ever upraised on that show that like made the like everyone in the room like
Starting point is 00:44:59 pass out was a oyster Rolex from the from the 1970s and it was worth upwards almost a million dollars uh-oh so if you want to go heist this thing i'm down i'm in sign me up i just want to know can i ask her yeah you can always ask my dad told me not to ask for the watch he just said that's not right he just got weird no but i'm like because he didn't give it to her because he lost it in vegas like it's i think annie's right i think maybe there's a reason why you don't think it's it's there i just can't conceive i just can't conceive someone just pushing a rolex over and saying i can't conceive either that damn vaccine esther yeah i don't know i just here's the thing it really scares me to the thought of asking for
Starting point is 00:45:59 it but i'm it's definitely the two themes I'm seeing, okay? Because I'm trying to eagle view this. Yes, thank you. I knew this. You, okay, two things are, one, how long are you going to live your life following the rules of your parents, okay? You're a grown up now. So whatever your dad says, it doesn't matter. Also, there's no, like, what would be your fear and, like, are you afraid of the rejection? Are you afraid to look tacky? Yeah, tacky.
Starting point is 00:46:26 Your dad's not going to unlove you for asking. No, I'm not concerned about my dad. I just thought it was interesting that he said no. But tacky is, I feel like, a very... It's your brand. Tacky's my show. I don't... I couldn't be happier with tacky.
Starting point is 00:46:38 Yeah, and you're also reminding me that like I have a total like life policy of like no embarrassment. Nothing should ever embarrass me. So it's like like what do i have to lose exactly i just call this long lost aunt up and be like hey isn't it funny that we get like we could even be possibly embarrassed and with our stupid jobs yeah like it's like my like a thermometer was put in my ass on camera yeah and it's your but you're afraid to ask an old lady for a watch. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:07 Because if she says no, you just go like, okay, and it just doesn't change your life at all. If she says yes, you have a sweet watch. Right. But also, maybe she can give it, how old is this woman that has it? She's older, right? She's like probably a little younger than my dad, but yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:18 So maybe you just say, can you just leave it to me? Well, she has a daughter and a son. But she should leave it to you. Why don't you, because that's a better angle rather than oh i'm going for bank but then you do you are reaching this distant cousin or this distant honor whatever she is and you're going hey you're gonna die soon when you die soon can i have that rolex it's really shitty but the thing is i don't even want it because it's a rolex you like i want to be one sentimental what if she said esther i'm not going to give you the rolex but i'm going to give you in cash what it's worth i don't want that at all oh so okay fuck no i don't want i have no interest in anyone else's money at
Starting point is 00:47:55 all you guys i work on trash tuesday i'm doing um dave did you hear her we know what he's being mad about now and i would actually even if she was like, oh, I have this thing that's costumed Julie and it's fake that was hers. I would take that. It's not about that. There is something about having, because it's your, it really is. It's your lineage.
Starting point is 00:48:13 It's your history. Their DNA is in you. I'm her only grandchild that ever existed. I never met her. She like, I have her name. I lived in, I was raised in her home like i have nothing but so your dad gave it to her before you were born or were you already born uh but no but before i was because that would be so funny just be like the day i was born he's just like reaching over you to give it
Starting point is 00:48:36 to him the day i was born he looks at me he's like not cute enough which actually is a real thing is there any other stuff that he gave out that you could ask? He just doesn't know. My mom told me all those aunts have since passed away and they have their own relatives. There's no way to trace it, basically. I would be knocking them down. I would have a chart with their faces and each one that passes away, I would just put a cross over it
Starting point is 00:48:59 and then ask my dad what assets they have. You're supposed to do it before you kill them. You cross them out before you go, I'm coming for you. But I... Kevorkian them. All this talk does make me go back to something, Annie, that you say a lot. It's like, it's not going to solve my problems.
Starting point is 00:49:15 It's not going to like, I'm not going to meet her like if I get her watch. But like, so I know that I know those things logically. Right. Are you good at keeping memorabilia? Are you good at keeping things safe and clean and in an appropriate place? I think those things logically. Are you good at keeping memorabilia? Are you good at keeping things safe and clean and in an appropriate place? I think a little bit.
Starting point is 00:49:30 Or would you lose it in a move? I delegate. This, no. Like if I thought I was... The delicate delegator. The grim groomer. So Carlos would know where this would be hidden, but not you.
Starting point is 00:49:42 Oh my God. All this would be was Carlos would get a Rolex. All this is is Carlos ends up again with a fucking big, with something that's really expensive that belongs to another woman. Wait, is Carlos coming with us to Hawaii? Yeah. Oh, poor Todd. That's his hang.
Starting point is 00:50:00 Todd was like, wait, Dave's not going? Because Dave and Todd would literally love each other. I know. I know. I have one request for hawaii i want to eat or see i want a really really tasty pineapple a fresh pineapple we'll go to the dole plantation can we is that like cheesy to do it's cheesy okay but that's no there's pineapples everywhere because like in my hometown there's this restaurant called blind faith cafe and they have this smoothie called the hawaiian sunrise and like on winter days i would always get it and like fantasize that i was in hawaii so i want to just like i want to have that the real experience i watch my friend i drink a smoothie and i
Starting point is 00:50:40 fantasize you're in hawai I go, how do we get her out of here? I watched my friend Rob break up with a girl right in front of me because she didn't know how pineapples grow. We were at a party at my house. Well, color me that girl because I can't even imagine it.
Starting point is 00:51:00 I can't even imagine where it comes from. Can you guys tell me how you think pineapples grow? A tree? They're grown palm trees With coconuts Esther your answer I think they come out of the ground I honestly don't know Wait okay wait hold on Pine
Starting point is 00:51:15 Wait pineapple Pineapple It must be Randy Pine Pie like how she's trying to figure it out Pineapple An apple comes from a tree Pinecone comes from A tree. Pine cone comes from a tree.
Starting point is 00:51:28 Okay, so if you put them together, it cancels it out. It's not a tree. Good math. It's a bush. There is some algebra rules. Does it come from a bush? This girl had such big boobs and she was beautiful and she was a flight attendant. And he just straight ended it with her.
Starting point is 00:51:42 When she was like, do pineapples grow on trees he was like can you leave i had a boyfriend who said that he had a dream that um that that i was on an elevator with him or something and someone else came on and i was really dumb i was like what and he was like yeah you were like really dumb you couldn't like answer any questions they were like quizzing you on american history and you couldn't answer any questions and i was like i was like oh that's kind of feels like you think i'm dumb here's what the pandemic really fucked for me is like these old school mom and pop shops that i thought were going to be around forever that i took for granted you're so pretty i would kiss you if i was closer look at her mouth look at her her eyeshadow matches i mean honestly you guys we have to admit we're all pretty ish
Starting point is 00:52:25 yeah but but you know i don't want to do you remember um beverly soon tofu yeah i really stopped listening to what she was saying it was just like a vision in her fucking mushroom shirt oh yes i thought you would like this i love it what is What is it? Tell us everything. It's a men's brand, and I just saw this shirt at a... God, what the fuck is the name? I forget. But doesn't it look like a random vintage piece? Will you text me the info for it? Just so I know.
Starting point is 00:52:55 I just want to know more. It's my most favorite sweater recently. Wait. Is it banana break time? Is it banana break time? I want to manifest a plan because I was just thinking there is still a Jewish deli in the Chicagoland area
Starting point is 00:53:13 that's really good called Max and Benny's. Mm-hmm. Are you taking us home? What if we went on a Skokie trip? I would love to. And you guys got the Skokie. Should we go to each other's?
Starting point is 00:53:22 Oh my God, we'll go to the fucking Philippines. You guys. Let's take each other home. I god look at the philippines you guys let's take each other home i'll take you i'll i will take look at randy right now but also you know why this makes me so happy esther because for years i've been friends jenna has been my sister for years and i'm like please take me home please take me to chicago your way the chicago that you love we grew up 10 minutes from each other, but in completely different neighborhoods. She would never have been seen with you in high school.
Starting point is 00:53:50 And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll go home. And then she never goes home. I know she doesn't go home, home. But I'm like, take me to the places that you love. I'm like, take me to Kevin Bacon's ranch because that looks so fun. I love Sosie, by the way. We really have bonded over the challenge. And there's lots of DMs nonstop. And Sosie, by the way. We really have bonded over the challenge, and there's lots of DMs
Starting point is 00:54:06 nonstop. And Sosie is one of us. She will straight up send a picture of her labia to you. Look at who her best friend is. It's Jenna. Of course. Speaking of sending pictures of labia, Esther, do you do panoramic when you... Take a picture of my pussy? I'm gonna
Starting point is 00:54:22 need a fish angle for this one. I've got some sodas for you guys to try. Oh. picture of my pussy I need I'm gonna need a fish angle for this one I hate soda don't tell us what it is don't tell us what it is I miss I hate soda why are they in cups like because they don't want us to say okay this is where I'm gonna shine because it's not look at him look at him look at him I'm gonna need a chaser So this segment is we're guessing the flavor. Can someone give me alcohol? Okay, so based on looks, looks like we got one is green apple and one is like cherry, but I'm sure it's fucking not. What does it smell like?
Starting point is 00:54:53 It's going to be like spicy and booger. Oh my God. This smell is so fucking bad. Why did you smell it? She told me to. Drink it. Is it like cough syrup? Because I'll vomit.
Starting point is 00:55:04 Look at her. She's kind of horny cough syrup pete what the fuck hey come on this might be my weakness is liquid oh oh my god i'm not smelling it first i'm not smelling it first do it you go first i talked such a big game because it was soda and it's so nasty tastes good i'm trying it they're both trying the brown one it's so nasty. Tastes good. I'm trying it. They're both trying the brown one. It's brown? I thought it was red. I don't like the way you said brown.
Starting point is 00:55:31 I can't see it from over here. Oh my God, I'm gagging. No, you're making this up, Esther. It's not bad. Esther, what are you thinking? Spit it back into the cup. Esther, Esther, Esther, Esther, something to spit in what okay wait are we doing the the red one it's so fucking bad it's so what's going on
Starting point is 00:55:53 okay i'll go i don't think we have the same taste buds it's like everything's fine we both have covid let's be real yeah i don't taste anything we've been eating each other's assholes out all week we've just been we've been just um fecally transferring covid back and forth okay here we go oh this all tastes great are you guys serious yes esther you're so full of shit it's not good i'm not full of shit at all it's really gross is it like um it tastes like apple no it doesn't it tastes like shit honestly like feces i'll finish them it's like It's like a rotten vanilla thing. Like a rotten bean. I wouldn't, like, choose it.
Starting point is 00:56:28 It tastes like trash. It tastes like rotting trash. Yeah. That's my guess of the flavor. Rotting trash. Rotting trash. I didn't know you could eat yourself out. I don't know what rotting trash tastes like.
Starting point is 00:56:52 can i tell you that sometimes like every three months i'll be like something's rotten around here listen we've all caught a self whiff okay here we go the green what's the green oh she totally is faking it. I don't. I hate soda, but this is like what soda tastes. It's all shit. I finished it. Can I have more?
Starting point is 00:57:12 No, I don't really want more. More, daddy. I'm sure they love that sound I just made. Is that going to be on your hinge profile? Oh, yeah. This is how I suck dick. If you were to put a voice note on your what would you say this is what it sounds like when i suck dick i have covid wait say that again one just one sentence a voice of on your bio it's a little
Starting point is 00:57:39 voice note i'm half jewish half regular my first first joke I ever wrote. I thought you were gonna say the first joke you say every time you've been on stage, ever since I met you. I'd say, I know Joe Rogan. I don't know what I would say. That's actually really hard to... It feels like a full career trying to figure out how to, like, sandwich in that I know Joe Rogan to everyone. It's like, how do I let them know without being...
Starting point is 00:58:03 You know, like, want to drop the name but you got to find like an opportunity to drop it i think bios are so high pressure that's where i fail like i don't put a bio in but we should probably guess okay i'm guessing that the red one is uh i said rotting trash what is it pete dirt soda that the brown one is dirt soda but here's the thing they still have to make it taste good enough for people to drink. No, they didn't. That's what you're wrong about that. I think Annie's right. No.
Starting point is 00:58:30 It's bad. It does not taste like dirt at all. Why does it have no ingredients? Okay, that's a concern. Oh, wait. Okay. Carbonated artesian spring water cane sugar. Okay, you're right.
Starting point is 00:58:41 Artificial flavor. Esther gum. Wow. That's why it tastes like rotten trash i told you ester gum i've never seen that on a label speaking of ester gum how is your discharge you want me to you want me to check your discharge guys in 16 candles you saw the movie right you probably didn't no see the fucking most classic amazing we should really do a move-a-thon with her move-a-thon movie that's so like by the way the classic signs of like early in a relationship when you're like i want you to see all the movies that i like like i like i'm finally warming up to
Starting point is 00:59:15 you after 12 years i'm like you know what i like the kid what do you what do you watch a second date maybe i will go on a second date with this one. It's been a long first date. Woo. First three movies you want to watch with him. For a date? Uh-huh. Psycho, Sunset Boulevard. Oh, God. She's mentally ill. Back to the future.
Starting point is 00:59:33 She's mentally ill, folks. Annie, what's yours? 12 Years a Slave. 12 Years a Slave, Hotel Rwanda, and... I love Hotel Rwanda. That movie... The Hills Have Eyes. I want to see how they react to me.
Starting point is 00:59:47 PTSD twitching during the rape scene. I mean, there's nothing scarier than that. I'm literally like, Todd, turn it off. I wake up and Todd is just watching the most gruesome. I'm like, just not rape. I can have anything else. But it can be a light implied rape scene. I don't want to watch.
Starting point is 01:00:04 It's like, what is this, a home video from my childhood mine would probably get this out of here mine would probably have to be old boy okay um being there and then um drop dead fred oh i've never seen those do you remember drop dead fred annie go on yes i love drop dead fred um what about bob i haven't seen in a while though i used to watch it over and over again. Yeah. I don't know. Remember that movie Dave with the two presidents? Oh, yeah. That was a fun one.
Starting point is 01:00:31 Eh. Eh. But wait, what was... Ew. Can you catch halitosis? That's so cute. I told you about when Whitney put his head in her mouth and then... He had just eaten his own shit? He had eaten so much of his own shit.
Starting point is 01:00:46 Todd and I were like, and then we told her months later thinking like the, she didn't care the time when she, and she was very like, Oh, she was. Yeah. It was surprising.
Starting point is 01:00:56 I would think she wouldn't care. Wait, what was I going to say before? What was the movie I brought up? Oh, 16 candles. When, um,
Starting point is 01:01:03 Molly Ringwald gives her underwear to the kid, what's his name, Michael? C. Hall. C. Hall, yeah. She gives her underwear to this guy, and I'm like, in what universe are there not just snail trail, crusty? Yes. Like, I would never give my, like, crusty underwear.
Starting point is 01:01:17 So crusty. I've never been like, like, I've never been like, oh, are these clean or dirty? Like, there's never been, like, a question. Do you side A, side B? Never. No. side b never no I did that one I don't either no I used to do that when I was younger when you were younger right yeah like when I was spent the summer in New York I changed she was just in New York last week guys this is what she's talking about no I was like 19 and I always turned my underwear inside out and I washed them in the sink is not that young Esther I was thinking more along the lines of like eight years old. Really? Yeah, 19 is old.
Starting point is 01:01:48 Remember when you were a kid, didn't you like the smell of your underwear when you were a kid? I still smell my underwear today. I like knowing where I'm at. It takes that turn. Like it can be like a good bad smell. And then it takes that turn where it got spicy. I know when it gets spicy. I know now exactly when it gets spicy. If I'm having a very anxious day, stressful, if like something in my life is not working out or if I'm around social situations, I feel high pressure, it's a spicy panty day.
Starting point is 01:02:14 Is that like why you're stinky now? Oh no. Yesterday, yeah. Today I'm just hemorrhaging. I've never had a period this strong in my life. Really? Oh my God. I bled through, not just four underwear yesterday, three sweatpants.
Starting point is 01:02:30 What? Like as soon as I put a tampon in, I stood up and it bled through. I've never because I always have light periods. But yeah, so. You bitch. I know. I have the lightest periods. I have sex throughout my periods.
Starting point is 01:02:39 I don't even know. I forget I get my period until I stand up and look at the furniture and go, oh. I don't even know. I forget I get my period until I stand up and look at the furniture and go, oh. I don't even acknowledge it periods. And then it's like, well, now I guess since this podcast, because I have a rage attack once every two recordings, I'm like, oh, I guess. One time, a guy that I was dating, the first night I slept at his place, I woke up and I had got my period on his bed. And for a split second, I was like, I could just tell him that I was a my period on his bed. And I for a split
Starting point is 01:03:05 second, I was like, I could just tell him that I was a virgin. Yeah, no, it's there's never been a mattress or nothing's ever escaped. My crimson way. Let's just say my crimson wave is a tsunami. That's a that's a movie right Crimson Tide Crimson Tide Bonnie Annie's period. It's about my period. It's a horror film. My mom killed in it. Wait, my mom almost diedide, yeah. About Annie's period? It's about my period. It's a horror film. My mom almost died.
Starting point is 01:03:26 Astro gets killed in it. Wait. My mom almost died of red tide. What does that mean? What does that mean? When there are a lot of toxins accumulated, well, toxins in a fish. If you come from like a fish faring nation, a sea faring nation, sea faring nation, they have a lot of fishermen.
Starting point is 01:03:42 Red tide is when there's an algal bloom,'s an algae bloom and um the fish sort of um have these toxins accumulate in their body and then you end up eating that fish and then you get the talk you get the red yeah you get the toxins but should we were how we were around a family lunch and she ate the fish first and then all of a sudden you could see her not feeling well and my dad like pouring sugar in her mouth for some reason and then taking her to the hospital it was really scary oh my god shit out of me when i was young it's very scary to see your mom faint i know she's not a she's not someone you could ever imagine my mom's like sturdy she doesn't have abs but she's like a sturdy strong yeah like for my mom to ever like not be to trip even yes it's just very weird to see my mom not just like totally like own life like yeah whether she's very sure-footed things just my mom does twist her ankle out
Starting point is 01:04:31 actually one time she twisted her ankle on the subway and instead of helping her a guy showed her showed her his day wait that's similar to how my sister did a double ankle sprain we were at my friend's party in in koreatown and she walked up to the bedroom she wasn't supposed to walk up to because there it was like a house party and apparently his korean mom was full on like fisting herself oh my god she was like i'm so sorry and then she tried to go down the stairs and she did it too fast so she twisted both of her ankles and then slid down the stairs walking on them because she's like i'm gonna get out of here for six months for six months she couldn't walk properly but it's the same thing
Starting point is 01:05:08 it's like i think you have to see something so horribly sexual for you to break both angles hey wait you know what i was thinking i'm thinking about all these like ex-boyfriend talks do you know who i am still friends with guys i never fucked but i like kissed when i was young i'm still friends with them yeah Yeah. Because it's, there's something about if we banged, I can't. Yeah. That makes sense though. I feel like that's a very healthy thing you do
Starting point is 01:05:29 where you're like, you're out, you're out. But I never used to be like that. I used to cling to them. I would call them when I was feeling down and needed some sort of pep talk. You've grown.
Starting point is 01:05:37 Yeah. You've grown up and now. And you have a good partner. Yeah. I do. Are you talking in podcasting? Yeah. Kalilah.
Starting point is 01:05:44 And you have a really good friend right here. Yeah, no. But I was thinking about that because my friend Nick, I just was thinking about him. And I can't remember. What were we just talking about? Why was I thinking about him? Double sprain. Dick out.
Starting point is 01:05:55 Oh, I broke my foot in the Virgin Islands. Did I tell you this story? My mom sent me to – so I was like kind of bad. I wasn't like fully bad yet, but I was like, well, actually I was way worse than they knew. I was like sneaking out, hooking up with like grown men. Everyone had weapons that I was hanging out with. I, they just, Philadelphia, if you cross the border and you go into a certain area, you were just, and we were just like dating gang members all of a sudden when we were 14.
Starting point is 01:06:21 But anyway, so my mom, I was like acting out. My mom and I were fighting a lot. I had this cousin that's, I don't even know how she was was anyone's cousin but she was like a little older than my mom and she lived in the virgin islands and she was like i'll take annie for the summer why don't you send her for like three weeks and she can come hang out with me and i was like 14 i was like okay i'm going to the fucking virgin islands so i went to saint croy and i stayed with her she kicked me within three, I think it was like four days. She was like, get this bitch out of here. But in that four days, I got wasted.
Starting point is 01:06:50 I met my friend Nick. I can't remember how I met him. But I met him and then I fell down the stairs drunk and I had a broken foot. And Nick just carried me on his back the entire time. And he would go climbing, get me coconuts and stuff from the tree. It was fun. We'd go to the rainforest. But the whole point is I broke my foot.
Starting point is 01:07:09 And you're still friends with Nick. And I love Nick. He's great. He's going to design the set for the Annie Letterman show. Sorry, I'm bringing it up on here. I feel like I'm cheating. I have to run friends and family. No, bitch.
Starting point is 01:07:20 For once, I actually have to be the one. I have to take my car in because someone swiped. Why does this always happen? It's like when you get something new, someone swiped the back of my car. Was it in your driveway in one of us? We don't know. It could be. I'm checking my cameras right now.
Starting point is 01:07:35 It's probably Bobby. Bobby definitely did it. We'll be in touch with lawyers. Guys, we had a lot of fun today. We never wanted to end. But alas, I have to go to the car dealership because someone swiped my car. And it was definitely Bobby in her own... The taillight is broken. There's no way it wasn't
Starting point is 01:07:50 Bobby. I'm checking the cameras because I think it's one of you two. But thank you. We'll be in touch. Thank you so much for watching this week's episode of Trash Tuesday, formerly known as BB. We're getting it back. Don't forget to like this video and comment for the algorithm and...
Starting point is 01:08:06 Follow us on Instagram. All the things. See you next week. Also, just one more thing. What do you guys think truly about the name Hot Holes? What about when the guy said three sixes? When he said... Three sixes was good. Three sixes is pretty funny because it's like the devil, but... I'm forever hanging on to Skullfuck, the faith-based
Starting point is 01:08:22 podcast. It's honestly heading more in that direction than I ever thought it would. Goodbye. Speaking of head, speaking of head, goodbye. Bye guys. I'm off to suck a dick.
Starting point is 01:08:29 Bye. We got to go blow, blow.

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