Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Stella Barey Proves Why OnlyFans Is Better Than Med School
Episode Date: September 13, 2022Thank you to our Sponsors: BetterHelp - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at https://betterhelp.com/trashtuesdayRocket Money - Cancel unnecessary subscriptions with Rocket Money to...day. Go to https://rocketmoney.com/trashtuesdayNutrafol - Go to https://nutrafol.com and enter promo code TRASH to save $15 off your first month’s subscription + free shipping More Stella BareyTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@bellastareyTwitter: https://twitter.com/bareybabyInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/ana1princ3ss  Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 Introducing OnlyFans Star Stella Barey3:55 Shave or Wax?4:44 Why Stella Barey Chose Adult Entertainment For Her Career6:57 Stella Barey Explains How Erotic Parties Work in LA19:24 Tips on Starting a Successful OnlyFans25:10 How Stella Barey Met Her Boyfriend29:45 Older Men vs Younger Men36:58 The Maternal Instinct44:15 Problematic Pregnancies48:50 Chronic BV52:23 NYU Theory on PMS55:24 Men Who Hate Women57:58 Being In a Relationship You Want Out of1:01:56 Knowing How You Like Your Pleasure1:04:11 Keeping Passion in a Long Term Relationship1:07:44 Open Relationships & Erotic Exploration  1:12:40 Birth Control1:14:34 The Fantasy That Helps Stella Barey Climax1:20:09 Tips For Trying the Backdoor & Backdoor Pleasures1:28:50 Strep Group B1:31:28 The Inconvenience of a Broken Toe1:34:06 Sharing Our Vulnerable Selves on the Internet 1:44:17 The Shania Twain and Tina Turner Documentaries1:46:42 Purple Kitties1:50:58 Phantom Pregnancies1:54:47 Stella Barey’s Mom is Supportive of Her Adult Entertainment Career Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera Editor: Bryce Hallock
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recorded um guess what this weekend i'm in austin texas please come i can't wait to see you guys i
can't wait to be back on the road get tickets at esther on ice.com and me and carlos are looking
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we should intro oh my god okay esther and i have been so excited about this day we're like
we were your fans just so you know so today we have basically an OnlyFans superstar,
which isn't even how I first knew who you were.
I started following you on TikTok.
Same, same.
Because I just liked your TikToks.
But turns out you're like in the top one,
no, the 0.1% of OnlyFans creators.
Stella Berry, welcome to the show.
Thank you.
I noticed on Instagram you go by Anal Princess.
I do.
It's the best handle.
That was my original TikTok.
Well, not my original.
It was like my 15th TikTok account.
But that was the one that blew up on Girls For You pages for the first time.
And so that's because that's when i started answering questions and like not just
marketing to men and then that got deleted but it's so it's my favorite username so i put it
on instagram well that's how i found you as well i just thought you were someone i thought you were
like a tiktok educator yeah like which you are yeah yeah because you had that video talking about the colors of vaginas yeah and i was like no one
talks about this so so smartly and then yeah when and bringing up actual genetics and haplogenes i
was like okay i do have really like random knowledge because my mom is an ob-gyn so she
gives me all this little like information that i never would have found out wait weren't you at
some point considering going into med school as well?
Yeah, I did two years at UCLA after I graduated college.
I decided I want to go to med school.
So I took two years of pre-med at UCLA and then took the MCAT,
was applying for med schools, was about to pay the $500 per school application.
And I was like, I don't want to do this anymore.
And so I just started
uh I had already been doing TikTok at that point and I just went full force into porn okay you know
I have to ask you this as a top only genius move yeah the only smart I'm proud of myself really
proud of myself for doing a genius move okay so you're a top 0.1% OnlyFans creator and your mom
is a gynecologist so you know I have ask you, what are your vagina tips for ugly girls?
No, what is that just like?
Ugly girl vagina help.
Smelly vagina help.
I mean.
Shave or wax.
Oh, I've waxed once and I, it was the worst thing ever.
Hi, Aniie because there's welcome
it's not welcome put a bowl out for me yeah so nice now you know what okay we're fine everyone's
fine what i just want to make very clear to everyone that the person with the best education
in this room is stella a thousand percent. She went to NYU and UCLA.
Yeah.
You're making us all look like dumb dubs.
It's one thing.
Here's the thing about you.
I'm not making you guys dumb.
You're smart enough to have done anything, to be a doctor, to be a rocket scientist.
And the fact that you chose porn is blowing my mind, but also like mad respect.
Smart as my mom says to.
my mind but also like mad respect yeah but i i think that's why i picked porn is because since i was a kid my parents have always told me i can do anything i want and i really always believed
that and i always acted on that too like when i after i graduated college hadn't done any math
or science all of college i told my college counselor that i wanted to go to med school
and i wanted to like figure out how to do it they're like honestly it's kind of too late like you're way behind other people
blah blah and then I went and spoke to my mom and she was like you could literally go to med school
at 40 if you want her mom's a doctor you can't listen to people that tell you have to follow a
certain path like and she would always be like that's why they're a college counselor like you
don't want to end up a college counselor if you want to end up a doctor do what you have to do to become a doctor it's so like so
that's why I was like yeah I immediately started at UCLA and did all that and then once I did the
MCAT and decided hey this isn't what I want to do anymore my parents also taught me like don't be
the dog that waits by the food bowl that's not getting food when it can smell the food in the
other room you know what I mean But it waits every day out of habit
because it's already invested so much time there,
it doesn't want to move.
So they were always like, you gotta be smarter than that
and move when you know you have to move.
And that was what I did.
And I literally look back and I'm so thankful
because it's like now I could go to med school
anytime I wanted.
I have a question.
Especially in the future, I'm sure though.
When, like why porn and what, like, were you like,
just, did you find yourself being like hypersexual,xual good at it what like piqued your interest in that
direction i've always been super sexual like i lost my virginity at 13 and it was just pure
curiosity and i remember telling my mom about it because we were always really open about sex and
we always have been and she was like we're a very sexual family like we all lost our virginities young all the women in my family have like on my mom's side have at least two kids by 18 it's just kind
of what our family does and so it made a lot of sense to her like I never felt judged for it
and so I think I was always really curious about sex that's how I like to get to know people
and so then porn I always liked porn and I always thought that would be so thrilling
to do, but I never actually thought of it as a career path for me because I was so,
you know, as much as I wanted to do what I wanted to do, I also wanted to make my parents
proud and everything else.
And I didn't know much about that industry either.
Then I moved to LA, which I think is how it happens like most people.
And then you get invited to sex
parties from the girls I've never been invited to a sex party Stella it was girls in my organic
chemistry class listen can I tell you I took a whole I took a whole year of organic chemistry
I was 7 a.m to 1 p.m you're like where was my invite with with marlon jones
in in long beach i was i never got invited to one i was in okam for an entire fucking year
not one sex party with that titty i was hanging out i got really lucky yeah for real i don't know
i don't know party so first of all we should go together we should go together. We should go. Okay, first thing, everyone always thinks it's an orgy.
Everybody's always like, oh my God, I don't know if I could have sex with all these people.
I'm like, that's not what happens.
The majority of people there are watchers.
Oh my God.
And he's like, yeah.
You're like, it's me.
It's for me.
I want to be a watcher.
And they're different also.
People think they're the same as sex clubs, but it's totally different.
So these member sex parties in LA,
like everyone knows all these old people in LA are total perverts, right?
So the men pay like-
Can we pause that and talk about that more?
Can we?
All the Hollywood directors that are extremely pervy.
So of course they're going to have sex parties,
but they basically, men pay a ton of money for like five parties a year. Women pay 20 bucks to get in but you have to be a member of it it's very easy for women
um and then so ho house cut to i get there they charge me the old man rate yeah that just simply
off your name they're like this will be like 100 grand a year do you know how much the men pay okay so one of them i know it's like a 200 grand
a year membership fee 20 is nothing lila go find a husband i think if they bring a woman to like
they get to bring women for free and stuff whereas then if you're just a woman going it's like 20
dollars so cheap but then the other one that i, they just recently changed their whole thing. And now
you have to apply to be a member and like say what your kinks are and everything. But I think
they mostly let most people in. Do they let uggos in? Why did you look at me? It was really
disrespectful. I think that they do because I have been, I wouldn't say i think honestly in the sex world like everyone's
hot because everyone's really sexual but i would say some of the men are not hot okay so yeah they
let uggos in okay good i love a good uggo ugly men are my vibe yeah mine too so then they have
like five a year maybe six a year and they always will text you like the day of the location of the
house and it's always a different house in the hills and you show up it's different some of them are themed
and some of them you have to wear like gowns and a mask and a man has to wear a tuck yeah
and then other ones are like you have to show up in 70s outfits or oh that one i want to go to
yeah that was the first one i went to and that one was crazy it was literally like a 70s orgy
so you show up to the party everyone's dressed dressed like really well. Did you wear roller skates? And then I didn't. This was my very
first one. So I had no idea what to expect. And there was bands playing in all the rooms and it
felt so 70s and like the house was super 70s as well. Like truly boogie nights. Yeah. And like
you couldn't show up in cheap outfits. Like you had to look the part. And then people were just
having a sex against the walls. They were having sex with the bands up there and it was like and then and then all the bedrooms too people are having sex now
these people already know each other and you go with friends because i don't want to just randomly
go up to someone so that's what people always think they think like oh you're just having sex
with strangers and that's what i thought too but the more i've gone to them i realized that so what
they do in the beginning is like they break the ice with performances so they have porn girls performing they have couples performing that are like members and stuff and then usually like i don't think that
many people if any have sex with people they just met that night people always bring dates you or
they're watchers so they're either watchers and the best is to go with someone you want to fuck
and you want to either imagine being dave dave and Todd would be just like in a corner like, what is wrong with her?
So mad at us.
Yeah.
And so then you can like walk after the performances.
People start moving into the rooms about like 2 a.m. or something.
And you can just start having sex on any of the beds, anywhere in the bathrooms, anything.
And then you can also like ask couples if you can fuck right next to them.
Are you ever like stepping over people humping to pee?
Oh, a hundred percent. you ever like stepping over people humping to pee? Oh, 100%.
Sometimes I'll be like, pee over here.
Or like you want to go in the bathroom and it's locked
and you know people are fucking in there.
And you're like, why is it locked?
Let me in.
Can you be like kitty cat?
Exactly.
Like Esther could scratch me in.
Please.
Esther, you kind of give like a hot hamster vibe.
I don't even know how to explain it,
but I mean it like from the bottom of my heart.
I feel it from the inside. From the inside of my asshole that's why donut likes her i know wait so did you see
the army hammer doc have we seen that i have not seen that i've heard some things though there's
yeah let's just say his dad's house was sounded like quite a sex party well didn't he comes from
money right yeah it was just like yeah like generations of
well crazy sex old old money and old men with money yeah like isn't it like a 99.9 chance they
are a pervert i just think yeah i think it is right i think it's like money yeah power and
money yeah what do you do did you guys see the Secrets of Playboy doc? Yes. I saw some of that. Yeah, that's pervy.
Yeah, that is quite pervy.
That is a classic.
And it was all old rich men.
Yeah, it was like this.
Playing around with their little power game.
I know.
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At the sex parties, does it ever happen where you have sex with a person you just met like is that what they're hoping because if I'm because that's what
she's paying are you coming out as a day is that what they hope for I'm just
gonna say if I was an old man and I'm getting hundreds of thousands of dollars
I'm going to fuck someone I'm meeting there I think that that's what some guys
probably hope but I also know like a lot of these men bring the women they want to fuck there.
So they're bringing women.
And then I also know a lot of guys go because they're really horny, but they're super timid.
So like they just want to watch.
There's a lot of men that are watchers.
So all men that go in there already pay a premium.
You cannot just bring like, say, for instance, I can't just bring a date.
There's one party that you can and it's like a
fifteen hundred dollars so he already has to be a member so everybody's every single person that
had to be approved as a member so like if i wanted to bring a boyfriend i would have him apply as a
member and then i could pay the fifteen hundred dollar couples ticket price and bring him along
with me does he have to like show his dick in the episode? Yeah, exactly. What are you working with?
I think they literally-
We have too many of those.
We need more of these.
They definitely don't ask for nudes,
but I know they ask like a full body picture
and a face photo.
But I don't think they're turning.
Now, do you go in,
do you see different like hair trends when you go in?
Oh, like bush?
Yeah.
Yeah, because in porn,
it's like everything under the sun.
Yeah.
There's just full bushes. There's full nude. There's dazzled. Yeah. Yeah. Because in porn, it's like everything under the sun. Yeah. There's just full bushes.
There's full nude.
Yeah.
There's bedazzled.
There's everything.
Yeah.
I like bedazzled.
And it's a lot.
I didn't know so many porn people.
Even though the first time I went to a sex party, I met, like I was talking to all the
porn stars that were performing.
And that's where I really started thinking, oh my God, I could like, like I started seeing into the world of porn,
which is such a kind of an underworld, honestly,
of the normal world.
Like no one knows what goes on in the sex communities
at all, unless you're in it.
So I started learning about it.
I was like, oh my God, these people have really nice lives.
They're similar to me.
Like for the first time in my life,
I'm meeting people whose sex is a hobby too
and it's something, a passion, and it's something they want to get better at and it's something they want to
learn more about and also they're making a ton of money they have good relationships with people
who are just like them they live in nice neighborhoods their kids go to nice schools
I was like I didn't know they were just among us you know and so then I started learning that and
it became so much more normalized to me and I was was like, I can do this. Then, of course, I did my research. And at the same time, at the beginning of COVID, OnlyFans was blowing up. And I was like, oh, shit, like I'm only this young for so long. And at the same time, I was already having anal every day. And I was, I had a secret TikTok account where I was venting about all the anal I was having, all the stuff I was learning learning and I was like praying no one found it before I could go to med school and then it was just like this it was a
coping mechanism for sure it was like I had to I had to vent or like release something it was an
outlet for you it really was an outlet for all that I have a question um what are the chances
what are the chances that some mid-30 women can still,
pushing upper 30, pushing 40 women,
really, really see a career in OnlyFans.
Could we soar?
Or have we missed the ship?
Have we missed the boat? I mean, I think that to have a long-term career,
it's easy.
It's best for girls when they start at
18 and literally just like make it as long as possible but also and i wish i could have started
18 but i couldn't have like i was not ready so while that is the best because you can make the
most money you can literally enter at any time like milfs are just as big as like cute young girls like milfs are huge they make so much money
and so many women blow up as milfs like do you guys know who angela white is angela white has
been in porn for like i think 11 years and she's i think she's like 37 38 like see her giant titty
is so hot okay super horny milf um category you have to have big tits because my um a girl i know she
got into the milf category but then she got right after she got the implant so is that like a
prerequisite i don't think it's a prerequisite because i'm out like little titties i think the
the only thing is to be horny honestly like it's just having this natural horny vibe that you can
feel yeah and some guys like big fake titties other guys just like natural bodies of course if you have big natural titties it's like a million followers
overnight yeah immediate yeah there is nothing better than big titties and like they're so rare
you know so angela white is a perfect example though in the last year she has blown up to be
right now maybe the highest paid porn star
like mainstream porn star and also probably making bank on her only fans and um and those are real
tits and she's been doing yeah they're real she's amazing but she's been doing porn forever and it
was she was never very big you know like never like a mayan girl and now she is like the biggest
those are amazing do you have advice if there was like a young lady out there who was going to start an OnlyFans?
Like, do you have like pro tips that like things you wish you knew?
Or obviously, it's probably like anything else you learn as you do it.
Yeah.
But if there's any.
I would say, I mean, I've really just taught myself as I've gone along.
But the main thing is to don't think you need someone else.
I think if i had entered the
industry 18 i would have thought everyone else knows how to make a successful business i have
no clue what the fuck i'm doing but after graduating college i realized oh my god i'm one
of the smarter people in the world like i'm capable of running a business it's not that hard
and so now when i get scammers every single day in my dms like i can help you make more money i'm
like you honestly can't like it's they all they do is steal your money agencies and like girls can do it on their own
they can hire people if they need to and they can make a business by themselves they don't need to
like give away 20 or 50 percent to a manager or an agent or an you're like the andrew schultz of
it's like so many yeah there's just so many parallels to comedy.
Do you look back on your first videos like, oh, man, this is like an open mic.
I should never have posted this.
I had to have so many flops to have my few viral moments.
And that's what people will look at me now.
Some of my friends or girls in the industry, they're like, oh, you just got lucky, though.
You're just naturally good at this.
I'm like, honestly, I have never felt good at this.
Like I have never felt, like I knew I was sexual,
but I had to make a huge mockery of myself
and actually enjoy doing it
and learn how to just embrace all my flops,
which I think is probably the same as comedy.
Because then you get through it.
I'm fucking going on this.
Yeah, it's like you've bombed so many times
you're like, it doesn't even hurt anymore.
And then you kind of break through that exactly if you think you've made
a mockery of your life oh boy check out esther and my uh laugh factory videos don't have to have
that unleash you have to have that you have to have first of all you have to write the come-up
story everybody like wants to start at the top but you don't gain a loyal following if you don't have a come up story from the literal bottom.
I knew that, too.
Did you choose to do like was it like part of your game plan to do more like taboo porn or was it more like a natural?
I think it was like the only I think to be successful at something, you have to enjoy doing it because it's going to be,
especially creating your own business.
It's like every single day, all day long,
you have to do this stuff.
And I couldn't have made TikToks every single day
for the last three years or two and a half years about anal
if I didn't actually do it every day and like love it.
Same with OnlyFans.
I didn't, I knew I wouldn't be successful
if I was playing a character
or like trapped in a character that couldn't evolve.
So I just had to be myself.
And even before I decided to do porn,
I was already doing those anal TikTok videos.
And then it started blowing up.
And then people were like, do you have an OnlyFans?
And so it just became my brand.
And I was already doing anal every day for a year
before I even started an OnlyFans.
And then in the beginning, I was just like posting little bikini pictures.
And then I started doing butthole pictures.
And then I slowly like ramped up.
But the whole time it was always about me loving anal because that's my natural niche.
Like I don't have big titties.
I don't have I don't have like any niche when you look at me other than maybe like natural American girl next door.
So anal just became my niche because you're the national.
You're the girl back door.
Yeah, exactly.
Back door.
I should that should be a podcast name.
Yeah.
Well, OK.
So when you are you in a relationship?
I am.
And then when like have you ever like started dating someone and they're like, do you like save anal?
Is anal for work?
Is anal for pleasure?
Is anal for everything?
So the relationship I'm in now, it's an open relationship, but he is the one who took my anal virginity.
Oh, okay.
And we had anal on the first date.
Okay, I love it. Yeah yeah in the back of his car okay
and what kind of car was like the best nissan rogue okay a rogue yeah big car you know on the
first date yeah and he was also homeless so his car was his house and it was honestly the best
night of my life like it was so good because I was always sexually explorative.
Yeah.
And I was already going to sex parties and stuff.
And I just wanted somebody that was more sexually experienced to teach me new things.
And that was finally someone did.
I was like, yes, finally.
How did you meet him?
I was working at a homeless shelter for veterans when I was at UCLA.
Listen, homeless guys are hot.
I fucked a homeless guy.
That was great sex.
I'm not even kidding.
I got banged out so hard by a homeless guy.
Crazy guys.
He was so good.
He was so homeless Julian.
He did have a house, but he had homeless ass.
But I think that's what you said about Drew, right?
Was that he at that time was choosing to be homeless.
Yeah. I mean, as much as a time was choosing to be homeless yeah i mean as much
as a manic person chooses to be right right yeah he was he was like working as a waiter in south
carolina where he'd grown up his whole life and he really wanted to be a poet he wanted to leave
his hometown and at the same time he's bipolar manic and he got super manic one day and just
left his whole life drove across the
whole country in like two days ended up in la went to the va and was like hey like what do i do
and they just sent him to the homeless shelter i worked at and i checked him in and like showed
him his bed didn't think anything of it he was young and pretty hot but i i didn't think anything
of it and then six months go by of us getting to know each other. And he's just like the most genius, funny, amazing person.
Would you find her asshole kind of like wetting up when you saw him?
No, literally.
Like butt kegeling a little bit?
I didn't know that my butthole wanted him, but it did.
I was so horny for him like no one I've ever had before, probably because it was forbidden.
Yeah.
And also he was so ruggedly hot
like he was one of the first men I've ever actually just looked at and felt like he's attractive
yeah most men I have to know their personalities and stuff but he was an ex-marine super in shape
blonde and blue eyes also manic so he's like super funny walks in every room and like tells stories
and was he like really smart yeah exactly it brightens our eyes like homeless guys with blue eyes.
You're like, oh my God.
And he's wearing a fedora with a with a feather in it.
And I'm like this man just called no social convention.
You ask him how his day is.
He's like living the dream.
He's like a pet goat.
I feel like I've met this guy.
No, but I wish he did.
Was he homeless Julian?
I wish he did.
And I just like it was so hot to me i was like i could
be homeless with this man and i would be happy like it was fine then of course i started fucking
him it was a blast and then he had his first depressive episode went to the psych unit and
i was like oh this isn't all fun and games all the time yeah still the most genius person i've
ever met though and he's been with me throughout my whole, like we were doing anal every single day because he's an anal freak.
So he really brought me into it for a whole year before I even started OnlyFans.
And then I started fucking him for OnlyFans and everything, too.
I heard you say somewhere that if you want to have the best sex of your life, fuck a homeless veteran who has bipolar yeah literally crazy like you have to be crazy a
little bit of mental illness right to be crazy in bed like it's just well the term whole her is in
literally just extremes it's like in him you have to be you have to be broke like broke guys
just fuck better they do it's like you're gonna give them a sandwich i'm telling you i completely
know what you're saying literally i really well one i think it's because it's all
they have to offer to women right like they're not paying for shit they're not doing anything
else so like i'm gonna dick you down and you're gonna fall in love with me and also i think it's
like a coping mechanism like or maybe it's just that guys who are super horny are broke i don't
know yeah maybe that's what it is they can't focus
on making money exactly yeah like eight hours they can't go like nine to five flowering every
girl's butthole and they just can't really work because of that yeah they're deflowering and then
also older older so he is 10 years older than me older guys know how to fuck like they just do i i've fucked a few younger guys in the
last few years and they they can't even stay hard well how old are you because they're nervous and
intimidated by me and stuff whereas older guys they're just like they know what to do i have a
theory that men should have to stay virgins until they're 30 because they're wasting our time. We would have literal war. Like, people would be speeding up.
Like, every school would get shot up.
For real.
For real.
Men nutting is, like, the only thing that keeps peace in the world.
And, like, if you make a man nut, like, when Drew was getting, like, manic or depressed, I would just give him blowjobs every single morning, and he'd be so happy.
They're nice.
Otherwise, guys get really aggressive if they're nicer whereas otherwise they're really guys get really
aggressive if they're not nutting you're right but right to hell with your theory yeah sex with
men under their 30s is so bad like we should be paying not always no that's not always he's very
sensitive well because this is the thing i went from old to young and i was so grateful this is
what happens with men when they're young the milfs
fuck them and the milfs teach them everything they know yeah right and then when they get in
their 30s they fuck the 20 year olds yeah but all these guys in their 20s one they they're horny
enough that they love to fuck like 40 50 60 year old women and the 40 50 60 year old women love it
and teach them everything and then when men are in their 30s they fuck the younger girls or the girls their age it's literally every guy that i've had sex
with that's happening so when dave passes away he's 10 years older than me and he's not you will
come live with me we just find his mask was taken off one night i need it's my job to have sex with
like young men and teach them exactly we're back to men now that's what happens
for women too like 20 men in their 20s and women in their 20s fuck the opposite sex or the same sex
in their 40s right yeah and then when when women and men get in their 30s they kind of they start
fucking each other dating each other i fucked like 10 years older when i was in my 20s which
was good exactly it was good because it felt like uh like we were having fairs like yeah they were like taking
and it was like taking me on excursions the the milfs and the dilfs are like teaching the 20 year
olds how to fuck yeah yeah i think this is big yeah this is real this is a thing every single
man i've ever met has fucked milfs in his 20s and no girls know this i feel like but if you ask
them about it you're right i i don't think i've met a guy who hasn't been um with a woman in her
40s when he was in his yeah yeah i i can't think of women are horny for that and they're divorced
or something they need it and the young guys are like yeah this is fucking hot like like even bobby
um bobby when he was in his 20s he hooked up with a woman in her late 50s and he fucked her in the grandma van where she had her grandkids toys in the back of the trunk.
Oh, I thought you meant she like had like the stuffed animals and the like, you know, like just the animals like on display.
That's creepy. that's crazy she had like her grandkids like like tricycle in the back and he um i guess she like
went to one of his shows and i guess kevin christie was like dude she's pretty like she's
a hot milf he was like okay and so he went for it and he said it was so fun yeah yeah and i think
he hooked up with her like twice not just like kevin christie banger like why was he
i have no idea
Kevin Christie's like a yenta
I don't know if it was
I think it was Kevin Christie
but
I think that
yeah I think you're right
it's an infallible theory I swear
like at least maybe successful men
are men that are good in bed
fuck MILFs
and that's why also when girls are like
oh men only like girls
that look like they're
12 it's like honestly milf porn is freaking huge and every guy i know loves older women
wants to fuck older women so there's hope for us yeah well i think the ones that get in trouble
they're like the the really troubled men are the ones that are attracted to the young girls those
are the ones that are well yeah there's always. Those are the ones that are just like. Well, yeah. There's always people on the front lines.
They've been a good life.
Yeah.
They don't like nothing's enough.
Yeah.
The older is for younger.
We're talking about the healthy, the mentally okay men right now.
That's like a whole genre is the older is for younger.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think everybody wants the thing that is different than them.
Yeah.
That's a good point.
Yeah.
You want something different.
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You said something on your podcast with Sophia with an F that really blew my freaking mind.
You were talking about just the maternal instinct of a woman.
And I always thought I was a void of this maternal instinct because I never really
wanted to have children. But you were saying that in itself is a maternal instinct to kind of
not rush into bringing a child into the world that you're not sure about. Yeah, to like know what's best for your child.
If that even means not bringing them in ever
to your environment or because you don't feel
like it will be right.
You know, like that's why women don't have kids.
They don't feel like they'll be a good mom.
They don't feel like their life is conducive to it.
They don't feel like they want it.
That's all, I always think that's always maternal.
That's my personal theory. I just came up with it like over years of watching nature documentaries about
animals and i've always thought that especially when i got my abortion that was something i was
thinking about how old were you i was 17 and uh in my first year of college and i remember just i
was so sure and my mom being a doctor too who's performed
abortions like I always knew they weren't bad like they weren't it was a smart thing to do
at least that's how my mom phrased it to me if I felt that it was right like she had two abortions
before she had me and then my brother and so I was always saw it as like I I know I want to have
kids in the future but I know it's 17 right now with this guy, like this is not the time for my children.
And especially after I had the abortion, I had this just, I couldn't process how I felt for
months. And I felt so different and my whole life changed in terms of like what I prioritize.
And it was some kind of
weird feeling about want realizing i don't want to be this person when i do have a kid and the
woman i want to be when i do have a child and kind of becoming that so it was like a wake-up call to
me a little bit and so ever since then i've always kind of thought that and i never shared it because
it's like recently you feel a lot of times i've felt less of a woman because I've not had this like, you know, deep burning feeling to like bring my spawn onto the earth.
I've had, you know, abortions when because I didn't think it was the correct time for my body or for my relationship at that time.
But I always thought I was a little bit less or I lacked that instinct.
When in reality, I might. That is an instinct that is still very much a maternal instinct.
And it's like something our, you know, our thoughts don't, don't just exist for no reason.
All the thoughts that we have and our decision-making skills and how our brain is wired
is based on survival and, you know, the survival of our children. And if our children survived, more of those traits, you know, are passed down.
So there's a reason that you're thinking these things.
And I don't think people realize that is that it's all an instinct.
And when you're watching lion mothers keep their babies away from society for like three
weeks or three months until they feel that it's time and safe enough for them to be introduced into their community and society. I feel like women can do the same thing, maybe even
since we have even more consciousness, I guess you could say, or conscious decision-making power,
we can do that before we even get pregnant in terms of timing when is right for our children
to enter into society. Because it's always a math equation in my head right it's like how how are my genetics going to unfold here you know
there's a lot of addiction and mental illness and people don't think that that's an instinctual kind
of thing but i've always felt horrible for not for basically calculating these things because if a man
wants to have a child with you automatically you should be like yes but it's like all of these things that i have considered over time has made me feel pretty shitty for not just
bringing life onto this earth yeah so thank you for saying that in itself is something that is
totally maternal it's how i want to do it right and that's why i've been trepidatious my whole
life and like what more can we trust than the maternal instinct like that is something
that has literally kept humanity and all other animals you know alive and functioning and it's
like one of the best guiding forces on where society should go and then we're just gonna like
shit on it and the government's just gonna be like oh you just have to have one if you you just have
to ignore all your freaking thoughts and just have one. Yeah. Like if you get pregnant.
That just makes no sense to me
when the maternal instinct is such a asset
to survival and evolution.
Yeah.
So yeah, I'm glad that you saw that.
Thank you.
I found a lot of relief.
I think a lot, I think that about,
like that applies to a lot of things, I think,
in terms of just listening to yourself and learning to listen to your voice and trusting that instinct
and figuring out why you're thinking these things because i don't think that we you know have
thoughts for no reason i think it's all for a reason right i don't think she's the smartest
in the room i think she might be the most emotional intelligent as well
healthy you guys are really flattering me i do feel like when i was
in my early 30s i did not want to have kids like i was like i don't want to have kids i'm focusing
my career and when i realized i got into a relationship where a lot of like my stuff came up
and i was so angry and i just remember thinking like if i don't deal with this anger like that's
why i can't be a mother like it's like it's like i'm gonna like take this out on my kid and it's
just not worth it right for me to take like how my dad used to treat me and do that and then so
then I worked on myself and now I froze those bitches and we'll see later but it is like it
was I realized like my being like I don't want to be a mom wasn't necessarily as like I was so sure
I remember older women would be like you'll change your mind and I would get so mad because I was
like you don't know I'm going to change my mind.
And I don't think every woman decides.
But I do think it was that same sort of thing you were saying.
But you're right, Annie.
Like I'm changing my mind.
Like every day that passes, I'm feeling more and more like, oh, I can do this.
Even alone, I can do this.
I always used to never feel like I could do it even with an entire community behind me.
That's how unready I was. But now it's like I'm getting to that point where it's like I could do this. I always used to never feel like I could do it even with an entire community behind me. That's how unready I was. But now it's like, I'm getting to that point where it's like, I could
do this alone. And I feel strong in that. Like I trust who I am. I trust, you know, in my skills
to parent, to love someone, to share my life with this growing thing. So I didn't feel that way
years ago. The thing I relate to that you said about after your abortion, you realized that you weren't
the person you wanted to be as a mom. So for me last year, I had a miscarriage and I had that
same thing. I was like, wait, I'm so grateful this happened because I wasn't ready. And now
I feel like, okay, I need to become the person I want to be so that I will feel ready at one point.
And so it's really that like changed my whole perspective on my whole life.
It's literally transformative.
And that's what I was processing for so long.
I was like, why do I feel different?
And I realized that's the first time I felt my maternal instinct.
Like I really felt it and I acted on it.
And then I realized, wow, this is kind of what motherhood is about like I'm now realizing
what I want to be as a mom and I'm going to take those steps to get there there's something about
becoming pregnant that I just you're like you just see your body it's so different I literally
thought I was an alien like I was looking at myself like i was so pretty were you oh my god
for six weeks i was the prettiest i'd ever felt so i have some like heart issues and some weird
autoimmune stuff all of those went away my skin was flawless i was tired a lot but i was like
should i just keep going because i'm fucking stunning right now you just become a surrogate
and you're just always pregnant because you're just like i just feel best the offer stand i was mad sick like i was crazy so i like it was the day after four weeks from
conception so like literally the first day of my like missed period i was like basically one day
pregnant you know i hate that when they do the dnc they're just going there blindly like i hope we get all of this because they can't see it they couldn't see one thing
so they had to vacuum around a time but i was so ill like that's how i knew that i was pregnant
because i was i don't know how i knew honestly but i was in a cab on the way home from school
and i was like i'm gonna throw up out of the side of this car like i had never felt that kind of
nausea before i went home i had an old pregnancy test from like early call like the first week of college from my roommate it was probably expired and I
used it and I was like oh my god I'm pregnant booked the abortion for 8 a.m the next morning
and the next morning the next morning I was I didn't tell anyone I was so deathly ill the whole
it was torture the whole time I was waiting in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood I was like
I'm gonna throw up in the trash can I am going to throw up in the trash can it's gonna
be so fucking embarrassing like i've never felt sicker in my life it was so bad and it didn't go
imagine they did like judge you they're like it would just puke yeah and i was like i think i'm
gonna throw up and the lady was like it's too late right now to give you medicine to like make you
not nauseous because we have to take you in but she was like you won't be the first person that's thrown up on the table she's like it's not gonna come out that
way we still have to go in and then of course i realized like you don't even feel the nausea when
you're just well because i was alone i didn't tell anybody so i didn't even have anesthesia
or anything so i just had local numbing like cream i've been there um you can't really feel
fear in that moment when there's only one option and you feel so sick anyway.
So I was just like laying there,
just had to,
I've always been kind of tough like that though.
I was like, I'm not going to die.
So it was so painful for me because I opted.
Oh, you passed out.
I fully passed out.
Okay.
So what I did was I opted for the raw dog.
Yeah.
Just raw dog.
Because they can put you under twilight sedation
right where you're kind of in you're kind of out but you don't generally feel the pain it's a very
short procedure it's like under five minutes the actual vacuuming but i was like oh no problem i
can do this oh my fucking god right oh my fucking god the pain of even the minute and a half it took
to actually literally it's like
twilight yeah in and out it's twilight sedation they give you like value just a little you're
not like fully asleep i don't know like how romantic they are they're like making you think
about vampires and there's like there's like five hours on the ceiling they're like suck
vampires suck they're watching twilight while it's going. They put fangs on you before you go out.
I highly recommend you get yourself a colonoscopy
and see how it feels.
Oh, yeah. Like, I'm
addicted to the feeling. Well, that's what
Michael Jackson was hooked on
was one of the drugs
that they give you when you go under for
colonoscopies. It's a very short
acting. I'm still hooked on my wisdom teeth
laughing gas i
enjoyed that a lot i've never had any anything like that like i've never had any anesthesia
anesthesia anything because i've never had like a surgery like this was like general anesthesia
yeah exactly yeah i've never even taken like valium or anything yeah they give you for procedures
do you think do you think that having that abortion at such
a young age like changed the course of your life in like a big way a small way
probably a big way wow for the better for sure just because one i realized okay i can't fuck
around with birth control anymore like i need to make sure i'm on the shit because one i was
taking a short break between pills because i can't take birth control pills they all just make me sick yeah and so i was taking like a month break before i tried a new one
and i was also on my period having shower sex with my college boyfriend then that's what i got
pregnant from on your period yeah i have period sex that's what i constantly have that's the only
i'm so scared of getting pregnant yes i'm like i got pregnant from it
so i was like okay is this when you became anal is this how it changed your life you became the
anal girl it's a lot easier i wish i started anal then honestly because then still the rest of
college i had yeast infections utis and bv like every single time i had sex like i am a girl i'm
a chronic bv i'm a chronic ut chronic girl yes that's always a cycle too
it goes from bb to ye it's always just a chronic fucking never-ending cycle bb is just the rough
one because you can't hide it yeah it just smells so bad you know there is there is a girl at spin
class that i go to who i kind of admire her but hate when i sit next to her she clearly has bb
it's a very distinct smell
I know it I know it too because you're sitting there and you can smell it's almost a creamy
fish there's like a right no there's no creamy element crazy about this I was sitting in a hotel
the other day and I had room service next to me and I had a caesar salad with anchovies on it
sitting there because I'm sitting there watching tv not eating anymore and I'm like oh my god do
I have bv I'm like going down and i'm
i'm touching my pussy and i'm like smelling i'm like where the fuck's that coming from and i
thought it was me and then i look over and it's the caesar salad right there i was like oh that's
exactly it but i think that i kind of so this girl it's been flashed she clearly has chronic bv it's
not something that's a one and done she's not a girl to tell her are you gonna but i think she
knows some people don't want to take the meds though some people don't want to take she doesn't want to take the meds she probably
and she has um the was it boric acid oh god um but i think she's one of those girls that kind
of just owns it she knows it's something that she's that's chronic that she has to deal with
but she doesn't stop her life for it and i really fucking respect it because it's like
who cares at that point she's living with bv maybe
she wants a little fucking space in life maybe she wants a little space and she knows there's
going to be a little bit of an area around her she doesn't have a bubble literally she's got a
bubble she's got her own bubble yeah that's a good point it is like an exercise in people
like getting over people pleasing if you're just watching out everywhere you go. Literally, just let it happen. Because it is just whatever.
Fuck ketamine, just get BV.
That's it.
You got to.
BV infusions.
We're going to insert BV into your pussies.
BV is the fucking worst.
But it is easily fixable, at least I think.
Although I technically have chronic BV where every time or every other time a guy goes inside my pussy, I get BV.
Any uncut?
You know, I think that's not talked about enough,
is when you have a mismatch of your flora with a guy.
And there are partners that I've had where every single time it was one of the three,
either UTI, yeast, or something, you know, like a bacterial infection.
And there are partners where it's just our codes just match and i've never never gotten like any type of the jings do you think it's the
codes match or just that they shower appropriately i think it's a codes match yeah it is because it's
even like people a lot of times think that yeast infections or bv happen because someone's like
dirty yeah but it's really or even utis but it's really just like you have very sensitive bacteria in your
your vaginal flora is just so easily offset and with just someone foreign going in there with
their own flora of their you know genitals which can't it isn't bad it just offsets it was like
even if i even if i were to wear non-cotton panties for an hour, it's over for me.
Wow.
Yeah, it just offsets your pH.
I swear women are like literally our bodies just want us to get pregnant the first time we have sex and never have sex again.
We're not meant to have daily picking down.
Even though I want it so bad.
Well, I was thinking that today because I'm on my period and it's obviously hell.
And I'm like, do we get periods so that we'll get pregnant because i'm like i want this to stop do you
want to know the craziest you know the the craziest theory that my brother learned in one of his nyu
classes the the main theory of why women pms and why they get periods or why they PMS before their period, right? And they get really moody, all these other issues,
is to cause animosity in a couple that's unfertile.
So it's to break up infertile pair bonds.
So if you're not-
My parents were not supposed to be together.
Yeah.
Because I remember my dad like banging on the table and something like,
this has to stop.
Because my mom's PMS was so good.
You must go to a
doctor see that's literally what nature intended it's because like if okay say the the man is
infertile or the woman's infertile it's gonna cause animosity every month that they're fighting
and she's not pregnant because she's getting PMS over and over and it's causing animosity so they
break up and go find people that they can be fertile with and so it basically forces you to go away from people and break up bonds with people that you can't get
pregnant with because what are you yeah you shouldn't because nature you're not going to put
up with that monthly you know um um warfare if if if the person you're that's across you isn't going
to produce um offspring exactly and it's like if they are producing offspring all
the time they're not having that monthly warfare right and that is menopause to just make men find
younger women i honestly think like we just weren't playing we you know our bodies start
dying like we just weren't supposed to live as long i'm been dead girl we're just dying
we're supposed to become the old like witches that like you know raise the younger women yes not have babies anymore oh yeah because that probably is it it's like oh you
have higher chances of having you know babies with issues so it's like push the men away
and every woman in menopause is like divorcing their husband then came dr wong
they changed it all and now we can all freeze them up because older women are i mean i wouldn't say they're the best moms because like the women in my family that have kids 18 and then the like my mom who had me
at 37 both amazing moms yeah but older women like are amazing moms but your mom obviously is great
like your mom taught you to like trust yourself and from what i'm getting maybe I'm no my mom is amazing and for
her it was because she waited to have her whole career and was financially stable and with someone
she loved and knew it was time to bring a kid in the world and so I've I had the most amazing
childhood and so I always have known I want to do the same thing I'm PMSing I'm like about to cry
yeah oh my PMS is so bad I literally am on Lexapro I started Lexapro in the beginning I would only
take it the seven days before my period because I would go I would go so insane yeah I have
premenstrual dysphoria I just get so emotional I just get so like like sensitive I get like nice
oh yeah no I'm I'm I'm a crazy banana I would say 99% of men love sluts.
And I would say 99% of women love sluts.
Everyone fucking loves sluts.
If I look back at my life, it's like I was a baby slut.
I can't even imagine another.
The other option was to be called a cocktease and screamed at by guys that way, too.
I never felt like.
Just accepted.
Yeah.
I'm like, what the hell?
But now it's like all
about accepting myself and not seeing those things but it's just like those comments have just been
like hitting me recently where i'm like what the hell's and i don't know where it came up with this
thing where it's like it's either the comment is like women aren't funny or all women talk about
sex on stage and it's like all guys talk about a sex on stage or whatever they talk about or
who cares it's just like so weird it's just but you know what's funny is like guys talk about his sex on stage or whatever they talk about or who cares. It's just like so weird. But you know what's funny is like guys talk about sex off stage
and in a fucking disgusting way.
Well, they don't want to talk about it in public because they're trying to fuck you.
It's like they don't give away what they're trying to do to the audience or whatever.
I think like a life-changing thing for me was when I realized that every single man,
whether he's an incel and he hates women or like loves women,
every man takes all his actions based off women
like men are terrified of women and men dress how they dress they they change their personalities
all to deal with this like fear and and yearning for for women yeah and um and so it's like if men
are hating on you it's probably it's it's it's because they are like
they want pussy and it drives men to some crazy lengths and i was thinking about it but it's so
true if they're getting triggered by like girls talking about sex it's like they're probably
thinking like you fucked everyone but me like you know like you brought bubble gum and there
wasn't enough for me yeah you gave it to everyone in the class but me women these days suck and it's really because they can't get women so they're just sitting there like well why let me
just let me just project onto them and say it's their fault when really i just wish someone would
look at me lovingly and like take my dick out i know just it's so pathetic like any single man
you honestly can get you can get them to to break down that wall like even the
craziest woman hater if you're just like you know well also accepting and loving and i want to love
your penis i'm also just like is your mommy like what's going on with your mommy yeah exactly so
mad how do you feel like literally just just uh give them some attention some one-on-one time
for a little while and every man will just become nicer this is why men need to nut men that are not nutting become filled with hatred you know what
i'm gonna um start a summer program where you jerk dudes off literally turbo jerk i'm telling you
annie does a perfect shower there's a shower this is at the end of my relationships i always start
doing the turbo jerk where i just have to like I had seen blackfish and you know how like
Telecom they had to jerk off telecom so he wouldn't kill the whale
So I would just I had this boyfriend who I just didn't like I couldn't face him I couldn't even let him look at the back of my head
I just couldn't do it anymore, but I would just wait he'd be in the shower
And I wouldn't even be looking at him. I would give him the turbo jerk
And my it would be like wet my arm would be like wet you were literally fully your
whole body out of the relationship yes i was like i just i gotta let you and he was still like i'm
just gonna ride this dog so he totally leaves i completely broke up with him walk in on me crying
one day and i was like all right i gotta break up with you i've literally had that experience like
most of my younger relationships, I, I,
I wanted to leave them and I was not courageous enough to leave.
I know.
And so I would be like,
I remember the first time I ever had to drink so I could physically stomach
giving my boyfriend a blow job.
I was like,
I was like,
I need to break up with him,
but we are on our one year anniversary trip in Hawaii and I can't break up
with him now.
And I can't, I literally would vomit
if I even look at his penis
because I'm so not into him anymore.
And I drank to do it.
I was at Disney going,
can you dump a guy on his birthday at Disneyland
with his mom in it?
That's always where it hits you.
I was like, oh, what am I doing?
Because I just was like,
I would never be here in a million years.
And anyone who loved me would never take me with their family with no children to fucking disneyland like they would
know who i was as a person that's exactly how i felt on the hawaii trip i was like this is
i hate this and you're like i just have to ride this out because i can't do it now but that's
when it gets so bad that you just do it anyway like literally the day we got home from the hawaii
trip i broke up with him and never spoke to him again it's probably like you with the disneyland and he's probably
fine well i when i broke up with his guy and then he like cried a lot and i did feel guilty but i
felt so happy it finally oh yeah you feel so guilty but then you're so but it's like the guilt
only lasts like one week and then you're like yeah freedom yeah and even if you feel guilty it's so
worth it it's better than having no always you shouldn't
it's like it's like well one time i was gonna break up with him we were on a hike and we were
but like and he pulled me and like the sun was setting he like pulled me like romantically
and it was gone it was gone it just like fell out of me when he dipped me and i went i have no love
for this person anymore i don't have to do and and i like it was just crazy it was instant and
then but we were
going up the mountain so i stayed with him if i've been going down the mountain i would have
broken up with him but i was like we still got a ways to go wow so um that was that was an ick
and it was two years later the ick it hits and it's done and it's so pathetic you're like god
they don't even know it It wasn't his fault.
It just was like, you're not for me.
Right.
At all.
My ick was we were going on a hike in the Pacific Palisades.
A very nice neighborhood, right?
Home of Armie Hammer's family.
Yeah.
The crazies.
Old generation.
You got to watch it.
Get this.
I literally got Discovery Plus for it.
We're on this cute hike and we get like a
mile in and he's terrified of nature no and he's like we need to turn around like i'm so scared i
don't like it he's like freaking out having so bad i'm that guy and i was like we are in the
palisades right now and i was just like i i can't do this anymore like and then i was like oh my god
the hawaii trips in one month what do i do I have to stay for it because it's already paid for.
I know.
There's so many things like that where you're like, you can get out of anything.
Like, especially I lived with this guy right away.
I'd be like, peace out.
And I remember feeling like this is like a divorce.
Like, we're going to have to like, we know each other's famous.
You can get the fuck out of there.
You can get out of anything.
You'll be fine.
Exactly.
It always is so daunting.
Even like my mom got divorced from my dad.
She's like, God, I wish I did it 20 years earlier wow you always feel like that you're like why did i waste all that time it only gets more complicated yeah time i have a question because
you're a very horny sexual girl and you're very in touch with your sexuality and confidence like
do you have tips for women who maybe like don't feel sexy but want to or like
want to get hornier any like how to hype yourself up any kind of things like that I would say one
like make sure you know how you orgasm like that was the biggest thing for me is like figuring out
how to make myself orgasm and orgasm every single day because that's something like at least for me
I think probably a lot of girls are like this too like in college I didn't have a vibrator once because I was like oh my boyfriend doesn't
want to buy toys and I don't really want to like take the leap and go to a sex shop so I'll just
like use my shower head sometimes or use my my toothbrush and so only after I broke up with him
after college was like I should get a vibrator and then I started learning like how to make myself orgasm in 40 minutes and then I started learning how to make myself orgasm
in 10 minutes and now it's like I can almost make myself orgasm just mentally yeah I was just gonna
ask and you because of all of that like internal fantasizing and stuff while you're orgasming I
have unlocked so many of my fantasies and what I find hot and what makes me feel good. And I think that's like having
sexual literacy with yourself or understanding is so helpful because then you start being confident
in your sexuality and you're like, oh, I know what's hot. And I like know how to channel my
sexual energy when I'm with someone. Now, how does that translate sexual literacy when you've
been with someone long term?
So I'm like a super long term relationship girl. I'm always in long term relationships. Ever since I literally lost my virginity at 13. That was like a long term relationship, even though we were
children. We were like, both best friends, you know, in sixth grade and after. And I think long
term relationships and why I like sex so much is because i am always
having sex with people i'm super comfortable with so you can get super kinky you can like teach them
how to you you just become more comfortable sharing your sexuality with somebody else you
know when you're in like a relationship with someone i think it's a lot harder to get in
touch with yourself sexually with another person when you're not in a long-term
relationship because it's like someone you don't know i've been re-listening to esther perel's
esther perel's mating in captivity um and basically you know she talks about people who
feel their sexual aliveness when they are in this familiar safe space to kind of just like
you know act out on all their kinks
because they're like this person i trust this person enough but then there's another half of us
where um that safety and that intimacy and that love and um the love takes away from our sexual
aliveness and i think i'm one of those i think it's unhealthy shit though i think kalilah i think
that is because we were fucking molested and so we're like we're used to using sex like when we fucked people and i'm
just saying we just from what we like have been discussed before but it's like we use sex to like
get attention kind of before we used it we were trying to like be something for other people
i think it's more that like it was more like putting it on than like. I think that what happens with me in a relationship is the beginning,
that kind of otherness of someone,
that uncertainty really brings out this like sexual energy.
You know, that is.
So I do everything to harness that.
I cannot lose this.
So I start introducing the idea of long-term relationship,
of love, of us being long-term
partners because I don't want to lose this brand new thrill but what I'm actually doing is taking
away now I'm like taking away from the one thing I wanted to keep which is the sexual aliveness once
I'm in this familiar safe harbor I become less horny and I I think that's, Bobby said the same thing, where it's like, as soon as we became this force together,
we kind of wanted to like fuck less.
And because like, basically, as Sarah Perel says,
two cannot be one.
Like you have no one to connect with anymore
when you become that close with someone.
Like you go out to dinner and who are you?
You have no one to connect with.
You're too enmeshed.
And that's been my problem is to maintain my otherness has been a chronic issue in relationships i need to be my own separate thing introduce a little bit of mystery even a little
bit of risk and adventure and then i feel more like juiced up honestly i'm the exact same way
same and i think especially because i'm not including you because I don't know you as well.
But I think all three of us, I would say have the like, we want to become one with our partners.
And the only reason that I escaped that is because Dave will not become one.
But I think that and maybe you have this too.
Like, that's just what our natural instinct is we want
all of it me all i'll eat your shit no i'm like i will do anything and let's be the closest
two people have ever been i don't know but i love it i love it i don't know but todd's so
different from me too that's what i love about him just the way that he like interacts in the
world like i learned so much from him he's 11 years younger than me and it's like he's 11 years old he's 11 years old he teaches
me no but he really just like handles things in a very different way than i do and it's so like
calming for me because i'm such a psycho when i dated another psycho it was like people will die
like someone is dead exactly cops were called things. And I just like, I don't know.
And I, but I do think that, yeah, I don't know.
I feel like even though we spend a lot of time together, I do feel like we're two different
things.
I don't feel as like unhealthy as I've been with before, but yeah, I don't know.
I do that exact same thing.
But you've, you've been in an open relationship, right?
I think that's why this has been my most successful relationship in terms of me just staying happy.
Like I get bored really fast with people.
And a big thing is that the sexual thrill dies off.
And I'm someone that needs that.
Like I like to get to know new people through sex.
And so this is my first relationship where, one, the person I'm dating is crazier than I am.
And he's super sexual like super sexual so no matter what happens with me like he will always
make sure we have sex every single day and i'm so thankful for that because i need someone to like
in a relationship when it's three years in to make sure we're still like sexually happy and i think a
lot of women like are really i mean it's hard when the
guy starts not wanting to have sex whereas because i need a horny for you right you're like also
kinky too like both ways though so i need an initiator but i don't need a beggar so like not
a guy you need someone that just sticks it in like i need someone to be like to kind of like
read my body a little better because i have been in relationships where like the dude needed to just drain his balls every day and I just could not
oh yeah they're like can you blow me yeah and it's like shut up shut up and it's like this
is not my job you don't seem as into it it's like I've been into it but I fucked you three times
already like the fourth time I'm not gonna be as excited as the fucking first time what the hell
no Drew is like so good at like when we wake up in the morning, he'll just like roll me over and he'll start.
We'll start having anal.
And like, I don't even have to process it.
I don't have to think.
It's your alarm clock.
And yeah.
And then it's like, I don't have to do anything.
He gets off.
I get off.
And then I am super happy the whole day.
I'm like, yes, I fuck today.
I'm sexual.
And like, he didn't sit there and like, can you blow me this morning?
Like if the begging is annoying.
You need a man that's naturally just so insanely horny for you.
My ex-boyfriend would get so mad.
I fucked him all the time.
And it was, it just would, like, it hurt my feelings
when he would be like, it's not enough.
I'm like, it is enough.
Yeah.
It is enough.
Like, it's like, there's no way.
So you're not, you're not, you're not compatible.
But he also sounds like Drew also just reads your cues. he knows you well enough to be like hey because we're like the same
sexually yeah we just we really are so similar so he we definitely like we're so similar and that's
i think why it works so well even though he's super crazy i'm also crazy in a lot of ways but
then also he respects me and understands me so much that he understands i want to fuck
other people and i'm going to and i don't and i couldn't stay in a relationship where i couldn't
because he he's not the same way right now because he's older but he was like that his all of his
20s and so we're so similar he understands i need that from my 20s he needed as well right now he
doesn't like he doesn't he could sleep with other girls but he just is lazy like he just he fucks me
and then he's happy like he's not gonna go out and try and find other girls would you get a little
jealous like in a good way um yeah probably because i i'm not like a jealous type at all
and i the thing about like we have a lot of threesomes together because i bring a lot of girls over and it is the craziest thing because we're just best friends like we just
understand each other so well when i'm watching him with another girl like when i'm watching him
fuck another girl i'm so proud i'm like yeah he fucks so fucking good and then when i'm watching
another girl pleasure him or when we're both like blowing him or she's blowing him i'm looking at him like oh
like look at him like he deserves this this is so sweet like i'm so like happy to see him i think
it's so cute when todd comes i'm so sorry his sister loves this but it's like it is like so
cute i'm like you are just such an angel yeah and i don't care if he's like we we jerk off to like porn all the time together
and separately we fuck girls together he'll like nut on other girls he'll nut two other girls like
it doesn't bother me like i know we're best friends i know we understand each other and
have a connection so then it's like sex is just so fun and it's so fun to create situations where
he is pleasured yeah like that's a blast for. I'm still shocked when I see or hear about people
who don't approve of their partner watching porn.
They think that's like...
So weird.
It's like a lot of 14-year-old girls on TikTok.
It's like literally they're 14 and they're like,
I will never let my boyfriend watch porn.
Well, good luck bitch because he's going to cheat on you.
He's going to fuck your sister. Don't think about this right now because you don't even understand the thing about porn is like if you
don't understand it that's okay like it's not for everybody not one industry is for everybody
and like it's not it's especially not for you when you're that young like just
just wait you'll see that at some point you might like watching it you might not too
we're a very pro porn household yeah i'll say that i love porn porn the thing about sex and porn and everything is when it's
at its best at least it's play and play is so important for humans right and i have a birth
control question so you said you don't take the pills but what do you do so i've had an iud ever
since i got my abortion in college okay all right i'm not walking around anymore so i've had an iud ever since i got my abortion in college okay all right i'm
not walking around anymore so i've had like every single iud i started i remember with the morena
and so that's hormonal it's like the standard kind of one in the middle and it was too high
of hormones for me i was like super constipated i had bacne it was so like i'm into anal i can't
have bacne right and so but then I did have regular periods.
So I was like, okay.
Your IUD turned you into me.
Two of my biggest issues.
That's why we like each other so much.
Backed up and bacne.
And so then I got on a lower dose.
I think it was the Skyla.
And that at the time was the lowest dose of hormones in an IUD.
And then I didn't have bacnene i didn't have constipation but it didn't regulate my period so then i was just bleeding
like randomly and all the time and it was terrible so then i got on the copper iud
and that's when i realized i hadn't been off of birth control and had like a regular cycle since I was like 13
and I didn't know what my cycle was like and that's when I started having premenstrual dysphoria
because I same as how my mom was when she was young were very sensitive to hormones so I'm
literally psychotic and I go manic the week before my period so then I had to start lexapro while I
was on the copper IUD yeah and so then recently i got and i think i'm uh i think i
have kylena now and that's the iud i have now and it's like kind of medium ground yeah in terms of
hormones and it's perfect i'm so glad like i don't have any constipation problems acne problems my
period is like in the beginning it was just regular and now it's like two days
maybe a month yeah it's really light okay so i'm an iud girly all the way i have to ask a question
that i've been thinking for a few minutes can she kiss you what is what are the fantasies
that you have discovered that help you orgasm oh my god if you would you know what's so funny i've
been thinking about this a lot recently every fantasy i have that i think about when i come
started as a dream like i'll have like not a wet dream so obviously i don't ejaculate but the
female comparison where i wake up or in my dream it's like you feel that full body tingling of immense horniness
like about to come.
And then you wake up.
And then I always remember those or the ones I do remember become my fantasies.
That is fucking brilliant.
It's so weird.
But like I try to manifest in my dreams and I try to really like see what my dreams are
telling me.
And your dreams are literally leading you to orgasms.
Yeah, it's so crazy.
And like, I don't know how, why it started like that,
but it's just always been that way.
And the main one that I used for years,
which is interesting,
was I was going in for my first gynecology visit
and my doctor was a man.
This was my dream.
This is not a real interaction.
And he was like, all right,
we're just going to do your exam. You know, you know we're gonna test put your body through some tests see if it functions
properly and basically teaches me how to orgasm and it's like don't worry like i know i know what
i'm doing just relax i'm gonna make you orgasm and that for years for years and years has made
me just i come so fast that's how they came up with vibrators as depressed women were going to doctors and they were with hysteria oh really
yeah they put vibrators why are you serious i'm connected to like my past self this is your
ancestral not trauma yeah my ancestral sort of trauma i didn't have i don't have that uh
I don't have that joyous links with doctors. She was molested by a doctor.
I was fisted by my family doctor.
Do you think maybe we need to lean into the molestation?
Do I have to stop my teacher or something in my head?
I need to do a reenactment and just, you know,
have a more positive outcome and then maybe I can, you know,
start having Dr. Kinks.
I still have the speculum from when we did the
gynecologist that is terrible I think I don't know I don't know how you process that like that
would have to be you'd have to if you're comfortable reenacting it because the thing is like
thinking of a fantasy in your head where it goes exactly how you imagine it to go
versus something happening in real life you know is like so different well it goes back to what i was saying earlier where i truly think that my real
life has nothing to do with my sexual life because i am able to reenact rape fantasies and all these
things that had happened to me without too much of a cost to my mental state that's how because i
the line between my real life and sex is so clear that I think the
doctor reenactment wouldn't really bother me.
Honestly, I think that could be a kink.
That's amazing.
But I think TBD.
I think you should have sex with Carlos's dad.
Oh, Carlos.
Carlos was like so excited until he said dad.
He's like, what is sex with Carlos?
Carlos, what does your dad look like?
Better if he's an uggo.
Yeah, can we see a picture of your dad?
Yeah, he's like Mexican doctor.
Can you please bring up your hot Mexican dad?
Wait, is he still with your mommy?
Just bring him up.
Oh, yeah.
Do they want a third?
I feel like he'd be into it.
Maybe Carlos can just put his dad's clothes on and help you.
I'll wear scrubs.
Okay.
Yeah.
You're like a really nice doctor.
You have to ball gag me in case I want to bite you because I have trauma from doctors.
It's called balled gagging when he does it.
Well, when people, when I tell people that I have that fantasy, they always think it's doctor related, but it's really not.
Like, especially because my mom's an OB-GYN and she does my exams.
Right.
That's so cute. But I swear, like she's put inGYN and she does my exam. Right. She's like related.
That's so cute.
But I swear, like she's put in all my IUDs.
Oh.
Yeah.
But I really like, I really don't think they're related.
I think that it's just a channel in my brain when I was dreaming that created an environment
where someone's like, don't worry about coming.
I'm just going to make you come.
Oh.
You know, when guys are like, oh, can you come?
Like, come.
Like, it makes me not come.
But then when someone's like, I know what to do.
It also makes sense to me because your mom was always your gyno.
So it's like a fantasy maybe to have a stranger do it
because you've never.
Probably.
Like, you've never.
I was like, oh, my God.
That's so true.
I've never had, like, someone I I really not familiar with go down there.
Well, that's what I've been with.
I can't even imagine being comfortable with a person that's shoving a fucking duck bill in my.
Well, I would be as long as I don't see their faces.
So I'm not good with like, even when I watch porn, I'm always looking at the woman.
I never care about what.
Oh, trust me.
Cut off his head.
No one wants to see the man.
Like it is a rare person on the Internet that wants to see the man. Like it is a rare person on the internet
that wants to see the man.
His face, I don't care about it.
So like my dream business is a rub and tug for women
where we just don't see what he looks like up top.
Where it's just a glory hole.
Yeah, it's just a glory hole, but for women,
but it's, you know, well monitored.
We have professional men.
It's a glorious diamond hole.
It's for women.
Or just, we just create men that
have no heads yes that's genetic a headless male population my dream come true wait i would be down
for that yeah very much so yeah they don't even need to eat us out we just don't care we're like
we're down to suck i'll blow your neck hole i'll blow your neck what is like some of is there any content that you provide on only fans that's
like most popular or like things that you're surprised people are super into have you learned
anything weird about our general population that way i mean people one thing i've learned is like
there's someone into everything like there you can find porn of literally anything you have ever thought of and there's gonna be at least 100
people that are into it and probably follow the subreddit for it and I've gotten a mix of just
so many people on my only fans that are into different stuff and it's opened my eyes so
much something I think I didn't know before porn
was like how many people are into messy anal like people want to see the anal where it's not clean
and i mean like when i have sex with guys in my personal life and it's not filmed and it's messy
they don't give a fuck yeah you know they're like oh whatever i know i'm going in the butthole
and so i guess it makes sense that there's guys who want to watch real anal like that.
Yeah, I only had anal once with this guy.
And it was like this agreement.
We were going to have anal.
And he was like older and really cool.
And I spent all day like trying to clean my asshole out and make sure I wasn't going to shit on it.
I was like, I'm just nervous.
I don't want to shit on your dick.
It's like, if you shit on my dick, I was involved.
And like, we're like equal partners.
It's like a queef.
And like what usually happens or what should happen is you shit on their dick and you never see it.
They pull out.
They go wash it.
You don't have to face the fact.
You don't have to deal with it.
We have joint custody over that.
Exactly.
It's like, yes, you might be worried in the moment, but you don't have to see it.
They have to deal with it.
They have to deal with their consequences, their actions.
And I bet you they will want to go back in your bottle yeah they do not
care guys will literally clean it off and then put it right back in do you have like double dip anal
tips like is there certain rules to follow to be are you a popper girl do you like to do a little
no i've never done poppers i'm actually like i've mostly done anal sober i've never done anal after drinking
because i don't really drink and i've done anal maybe a couple times after smoking weed
which actually is amazing but i do i'm like i fuck every day sober and i like it sober um
but yeah i have a lot of anal tips i have a a ton. Do you want them all? Yes, like from start to finish?
Yes. Okay. So first of all when I lost my anal virginity, I obviously did not plan it
Like it was just a first date. So I wasn't prepared. So I had first date with were you like he's going rogue
He's yeah, I was on my period and he was eating my ass and he just started going in my butt
I was like, holy shit. That's my butt and then I was like, oh my god
This is the most euphoric thing I've ever felt in my life
And I was the best night ever best sex probably ever just because it
was so new am i taking it that you don't you don't have like a hemorrhoid issue that's never been no
thing i think that might be like maybe a genetic blessing of mine yeah you weren't born to do this
yeah i honestly like my butthole is so stretchy and also i have i have a high pain tolerance so
i think that's also and like I have a thing where I like
to be able to breathe through painful challenging things and get the euphoria on the other side of
it yeah so that's a big thing for me and I think that's like if you want to try anal that's like
a big thing you should probably prepare for but there also is I didn't know for like the first
year that you can use lube that you can use numbing lube or desensitizing lube,
which like relaxes your muscles in your butthole.
And you still feel just as much, if not more,
because you're not feeling like that tight pain
and you're actually feeling the sensation.
And you're probably surrendering more, right?
Because you're not as like resistant.
Yeah. So I don't use that anymore.
I've used it like a couple of times.
So I don't really need to because I can relax my body enough.
But I think that a lot of people could do anal a lot easier if they use desensitizing lube.
So I study hypnotherapy and I'm like, maybe I should make a hypnosis for people to get good at anal.
No, for real, though.
Because it seems like porn is a big thing.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah, I was.
So Alex Adams is this porn guy that I fuck for Pornhub videos.
My two Pornhub videos are with him.
And he used to do gay porn and now he does straight porn.
And so he's like into gay stuff as well as straight stuff.
And he introduced me to sissy hypno compilations.
That's what it's called.
But it's sissy hypno porn basically.
And it's like to girls it's called but it's sissy hypno porn basically and it's like
to girls it's like normal porn because it's the whole time it's being i want to be a cum slut i
want to be drenched in cum i want all your cum but it's a niche kind of porn because men watch it
so it's like they're like living out this trans sissy cum slut fantasy yeah and it's hypnotizing
them the whole time into being a cum slut and a sissy cum slut and men and it's hypnotizing them the whole time into being a cum slut and a
sissy cum slut and men watch it i like that yeah it's amazing but it's hypnosis porn and so if
women watch it like when i watched i was like oh my god this is just me like this is just normal
and uh i have a question about um when you do orgasm when you are getting anal do you have to stimulate your front simultaneously so
i have a really hard time having clit orgasms or like pussy orgasms when i'm having anal because
i'm so overstimulated that i like i'll be vibrating my clit and i won't feel anything
like i don't feel my clit at all and that's also what anal does to me like after anal i will feel
euphoric like i don't have one ache or pain in my whole body i get very because it's such an intense feeling that like afterwards i'm just
like floating on a cloud but you can orgasm just even just anal so the only orgasms i mean sometimes
i can have a pussy orgasm during anal but it's really hard for me but i have ass orgasms which
i didn't know were a thing but it literally it's really terrifying because it's
kind of like in the beginning you think you're gonna shit it's like you know that you know when
you have like explosive diarrhea and your whole body's sweating and you're like your whole body's
tingling and you can't think and you're like i'm gonna shit everywhere yeah that feeling just do
do on her chair yeah just shit yourself poopy snail trail so that feeling during anal if
you lean into it because i would say probably usually it's not because you're shitting like
i've never heard and kind of is for me too it's like leaning into that resist the thing you usually
resist yeah yeah and so when you lean into that feeling it like gets more and more intense and
then it's exactly like an orgasm where my whole body loses control. And like my butthole, you know how when you calm your, yeah, my butthole will like quiver like this and like lose control.
I'm so immature.
I'm like laughing so hard.
It kind of makes sense.
It's crazy.
I didn't know that existed.
Like, you know, like after a big sneeze, it's kind of like orgasmic.
But after a big shit is the same feeling.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
Or as you're shitting.
Oh, I can't believe it. What a joy. Yeah can't believe it and sometimes it's so painful you know that you're
like that you're like start hallucinating you know it's not a psychological orgasm it's a real
physical ass orgasm yeah i think because it's like it's such a physical feeling like my whole body
basically loses control right before that i'm like oh my god i almost feel like sometimes i
almost feel like i'm gonna throw up like it feels it my whole body feels crazy it's like
and it's like oh my god do you like colonics no okay is that when you is that like suck the
shit out of your ass so true i have never done that before they shoot water up your ass and
then suck it up i guess i mean i've done like douches where i
shoot water up there and then like push it out yeah to clean out before anal which i never used
to do but then i started doing it recently it's risky yeah water gets trapped up there and then
you have like poopy water come out of you mid scene or mid sex which is terrible yeah but there's a
hundred people that are into it there's a hundred people that are into it there's actually probably a good million or two so many people um yeah in this in this county alone there's
a million or two but recently i've been filming with a lot of girls and we've been doing anal
content together for the first time like i normally only do anal with a guy and so then
we're doing like ass to mouth and stuff and we're putting dildos in our butts in our mouths and i want like it's nice if my butthole's actually clean yeah like i wash out
like every even if it's clean you want to make sure there's not like certain bacteria and stuff
like strep right yeah exactly strep b exactly strep maybe that's why you feel like you're
about to throw up strep b is hardcore i mean that's that's been something that i always worry
about when i've eaten a guy's ass.
It's just like,
cause I feel like girls, exactly.
Cause the girls, like I feel like really tend
to our lady bits really well.
I don't know, guys are a little bit less conscious about it.
Yeah.
Also balls I feel like are like extra.
But thankfully, thankfully every asshole I've eaten
has been like pristine condition, thankfully. And I always feel like really respected in that moment. I've honestly, thankfully, every asshole I've eaten has been like pristine condition. Thankfully.
And I always feel like really respected in that moment.
I've honestly, yeah, I've never gotten strep from eating ass, which is.
But it's a risk.
It's a risk.
And actually I realize now.
So I got strep like five times in a row in the last two years.
And I.
In two years, five times.
Yeah, it was really bad.
And so I thought that it was from ass to mouth
like when because there were a few times like a girl would pull out a shitty butt plug and i would
put it in my mouth right right and so but what i actually after going to a lot of doctors about
this what i figured out is one every like probably 50 of people give or take carry strep group b
in their vaginas on their skin just anywhere harmlessly it's not
like an std or anything it's just there you don't notice it and i'm hypersensitive to it and the
first time i got introduced to strep group b was when i worked with this other girl and i put her
shitty butt plug in my mouth and she had it you know in her colon which is where it is in most
people how did you know did you well i because i got strep right i got i got really sick like a fever like super super sick
and they they tested me for strep normal strep which is group a and i didn't have it and they
did way more tests found out it was strep group b which is like oh you've been in contact with
the intestinal tract i was like yeah i do eat ass a lot and so then I thought that's what it was from but then I started
getting it just randomly where and then the the the last time I didn't do anything related to a
butthole I just worked with a new girl and a new guy at the same time and I got strep after and so
then that's when I started going to a doctor like why am I getting recurrent strep and it's because
my I probably have to get my tonsils out if it happens again but basically my body is just hypersensitive to that so even if I like
am with a new person and kiss them and they carry strep group b just on their skin or a girl in
their vagina like I will get a strep infection from it so which is not yeah most people don't
get that and like they haven't ever dealt with that before but for some reason I'm just like
hypersensitive to it.
But yeah, I did think it was always from like eating ass
or mouth, but it's really,
it could be just as well from a vagina or anything.
So I had to have Drew take antibiotics
cause I think I was like getting it from him
just being on his skin.
He got it from me and now I haven't had it in a while.
Now, okay, you're successful, you're horny, you're young.
We've talked a lot about sex.
Clearly, you kind of have made it financially on your own.
What do you do for fun that's not sex?
Because now sex is connected to work sometimes.
I don't know.
What's your fun times?
I read a lot.
I love to read.
I run. Well, I broke my toe last month lot. I love to read. I run.
Well, I broke my toe last month, so I haven't been running.
Esther.
I broke my toe the day before I flew to Japan, so I had to go to Japan in a wheelchair.
It was a big moment for me. You and me, baby.
Broken toes suck.
Yeah, I haven't been able to run in a month.
And I'm like, I'm going a little bit insane.
But I should be able to run like starting next week again.
Esther, why don't you give us some tips about broken toes? Yeah. I'm going a little bit insane, but I should be able to run like starting next week again.
Esther, why don't you give us some tips about broken toes?
Yeah.
Well, it sounds like you're through the hardest part. I don't know if I have tips, but I will just.
It's so much harder than you think.
You really you don't think you need that.
People are like stop being a pussy.
No, you can walk.
And I literally couldn't.
I think it sent me into like one of my bigger depressions.
Yes.
Yeah. I think it's why I had to go on Lexapapro because i think we're both on lexapro too
yeah we have way too many similarities which toe oh my god so it's this one right here that was the
one i broke really okay so this like it's it still looks a little wonky because when i looked down at it after stubbing it
my nail like my it had flipped like this so my nail was facing sideways oh no and it's still a
little bit sideways because i broke it and dislocated it at the same time so they'd pop
it back into place which was terrible and then they had to like align it is this esther's wiki feet yep oh god wow you
little toes oh my god that's what mine looked like i was so bruised it was like the scariest
how did you break yours am i okay so funny you asked i had just heard that a new episode of 2020
was coming out that i was really excited to watch so I ran in the other room to get my glasses and I was too thrilled that I smashed my foot into a foam roller at a high speed
foam roller broke it yeah yeah I know I look frail and fragile and it's I am yeah that's what I
thought when I when I stubbed mine I was like I've stubbed my toe so many times in my life and I stub
it this one time and it dislocates and breaks when I stubbed it in the same spot like last week and
nothing happened yeah you feel so betrayed I was like are my bones getting frail like do I need to
take supplements yeah weird angle you get it at that one moment oh and that's how I knew it was
different because at first it just was searing pain like all stubbed toes are but then I started
going into shock which I've been in before when I broke both my wrists at the same time so i knew what it was it's like your vision goes black and white and
black and white and i was like about to fix their dicks and your broken wrists like where they're
like yeah exactly i was 13 so
rollerblading um mountain biking mountain biking hardcore so outside of you know like esther said only fans
being this like successful star like what do you ever like tap into what you think is like you know
your wholesome self like completely separate from that i honestly feel like i'm such a wholesome
person and i said i said work that i do is my sex life like Like my porn that I put on OnlyFans and my nudes and stuff are just my regular sex life
and what I'm already doing and would be doing.
So first it like doesn't feel like work at all.
And it's just me getting to live my life and fuck the people I want to fuck.
And like, you know, Drew will just take photos of me when I wake up and I'm naked and that
will just go straight on OnlyFans or we'll fuck in the morning and just put it up on only fans and then i just go about my day like i read a lot i
always go on runs every day i love interior design so i'm like always furnished or shopping i want
to buy property really bad so i've been looking at that i'm about to help my mom buy a house oh hey yeah i i love my mommy um i i think i'm like i'm a very like
fun goofy wholesome person even in all my porn the nice thing is i actually get to live a full
life outside of work which is why i went into porn in the first place because so many people
like their lives become their work whether it's you know you're a doctor
and you're working for yourself but you're still like having to focus on patients all day long
every day and then you get two hours in the evening before you go to sleep to be yourself
and then you get two days on the weekend to be yourself and then you're back focusing on work
or whether you're like a person that's working at a grocery store or something and you're getting
just paid to take chunks of your life out for a company and you get to live your real self and your real life an hour a day
or something right and I get to live my life how I want to all day long every day and maybe I work
for an hour to a day on like posting my content and then than that, I just get to just bounce around,
travel and play and figure out what I wanna do.
What would you say is the biggest drawback
of sharing so much of who you are?
I would say it's nearly impossible to not question yourself.
Like I've been always very confident,
but when you start putting your real vulnerable self on the internet, which I think is necessary to really gain a community. Yeah. At the
same time, there's just going to be so much hate. And it as much as like it didn't affect me in the
beginning, because I was putting a certain part of my personality out there. So it felt kind of
like a character, like it was just my super horned upside as i've had to
evolve on the internet i've had to share more of my and wanted to share more of myself and what i
actually believe and talk about like it was a big deal to even say talk about i went to college
like a year and a half into making content online i told people i went to school which is something
i value so much about myself and it's so sacred and i was so scared to put out there because i
was like people want to ruin everything for you and so then of course the moment I put out is everyone's like
oh I don't believe you like show your degree blah blah and it's like I'll never do that because
they just try and ruin everything that's special to you and so I've had to learn to you know not
read comments and like yeah over that but it's a lot easier in the beginning I think and then as
it goes on with time and and your job and your content becomes so personal to you and you're sharing such personal stuff it's really
hard to to see so much criticism and hate all the time and like that's definitely it's that's
definitely i think we could probably all relate to that that's universal if you're and it's like
this is my punishment like for going into this amazing job and doing all this like the one
thing is like i have to be perceived by people and
you can't control how you're perceived by yeah maybe that is the healthy way to look at it too
i always try to think of it as this there is this balance like we get to do this like amazing thing
you know and be ourselves and all that stuff so maybe that the counterbalance is that there's
just going to be this and in the beginning i looked at it smarter i looked at it more like
a business person whereas now it's like i share these things and i just get my feelings hurt but in the beginning i was like the more hate i get on
videos like this is a scientific fact the more hate i get on the videos the more they blow up
and the more money i make so if i you know troll the internet and i hate farm i make way more money
and so in the beginning when i was playing this like horny character i was just saying crazy
because i was like this is the one way i can get a lot of attention and make a lot of money.
And so it was positive to get that hate and I didn't take it personal.
And then I started shifting and getting girl fans and like saying how I
actually felt about stuff and sharing my other parts of my personality.
And then when people hate on it,
it's like,
fuck,
I totally relate.
This is like my only thing I have.
Dude.
I know.
Cause on Tik TOK,
I'm just like putting myself out there,
my ideas
my thoughts and then when a whole group of people like hates it you're just it it does it's something
that i'm constantly working on of like how to get that not to and it's i think it's like so
for me it was like fuck when i realized that i was like this is such an and i'm a strong person
like i'm a really strong person and this is such an unnatural thing for humans to have to do is to deal with thousands of perspectives on you every single day.
And I was like, maybe I shouldn't fucking do this job.
It's not natural.
But who else will, right?
Someone else will make that one.
But then the job's so good.
It's like we just have to be like, look at it as like love.
It's like people sending you love in their own way.
It's the same as like with the incels, what you were saying before with guys where it's like,
you know,
it's all like their shit.
And,
uh,
we totally can like get past it and rise above it.
But it is so fucking weird.
Like I posted,
um,
like just a clip of me telling like the story of when I lost my virginity.
And someone's like,
this is so cringe.
Like the story from my life is cringe.
Like how can just an experience in my life be cringe?
And the thing is, too, it feels like something I have to deal with because I'm making content.
But it's actually something that every single person in the world deals with.
Because there's always people that aren't going to be happy with you.
You might go to school to do something that your parents think is good, like the right career.
But there's going to be a ton of other people
that hate that job.
Even my mom, her next door neighbor, hates doctors.
My mom tells her she's a doctor.
She's like, oh my God, you're part of the complex.
Like you're the problem of the world.
I'm like, even if you're a doctor,
even if you're the president of the United States,
you have a lot of haters.
Like no matter what you do in life,
not everyone will love you.
There will be a subreddit
once again that hates on you yeah except i my dream job is to be a fedex delivery guy but hear
me out it's a fedex delivery guy on a rural route with every household having a dog i can say hi to
i found this guy on tiktok that's basically what does. And you're like, this is the life.
He records the dogs.
He says hi to,
he drops off the packages.
Everyone says hi to him.
Everyone loves him.
All the dogs are friendly.
I'm like,
this is what I want.
But he's only posting
the ones of the dogs that like him.
But also there's probably
more.
There's dogs that hate him.
Listen,
you want to aim for this.
I heard like,
you want to aim for like 51%.
Like you're successful
at 51%.
No, I bet you how how there's so many men too
on the internet they're like pathetic
that guy's living a pathetic life
what a loser
like blue collar worker
you're right
but cowardly to trash my dreams
guys
it does explain your outfit today though
dress for the job that you want
honestly it sounds like a beautiful job and it sounds even more beautiful if he didn't have She does explain her outfit today, though. You can't say that. Dress for the job that you want.
Honestly, it sounds like a beautiful job.
And it sounds even more beautiful if he didn't have TikTok and he just did it.
Exactly.
Those are the people that live the nicest lives when they live in their little bubble where they don't have haters.
They don't know they have haters because they do.
But if you think about the people that are like, I mean, I don't know who is, but if
you're like loved by everyone, you suck probably.
That's the thing is like if you're loved by everybody, you're not pushing hard enough
and you're probably not going to get like a really big profitable career because like
the shit that blows up and this was before the internet too, but it's especially true
on the internet, has hate.
Like hate is way more powerful than love.
Yeah.
So shit goes viral because so many people hate comment.
People don't love comment nearly as much as they hate comment.
And your people will love you more
if they see people hating on you.
Every time someone hates on me,
there's so many girls in the comments defending me.
It creates some real ones.
I know, it's so interesting when you get the girl,
when you're like this, you could get girl followers.
And this is what I tell them.
Oh my God, you guys are so nice.
I love girls.
It just happens. Girls on the internet are wonderful know i have never been more bullied on the internet
than when i started getting girl fans oh really like men will just be like l slut fatherless you
know but secretly they're like hot you know yeah women are like they will tear apart every part of
your being they will either support is it the christian thought of women it will be anyone
interest women it will be anyone like literally any type of girl like will just if they don't agree with you or they're
threatened by especially i think honestly i think porn girls experience this a lot because i think
a lot of women are intimidated by girls that do porn and feel like you know they're taking their
husbands yeah they're insecure about their own sexuality or something and we they feel like we're
you know stealing yeah they're they're prospects and so like women can literally tear every single part about my appearance and
my voice and everything down like they will hate oh that makes me so sad but men won't create
subreddits hating on you men will just be like you'd be surprised yeah yeah we have a different
experience so it's weird for all of us. It's literally the opposite.
So that's what it says is everyone's a hater.
Yeah, it's the opposite for us.
Like our girl gang is so strong.
I have a strong girl gang, but I also a lot of haters. I also never have people come up and say mean things to me ever in my life.
Oh, no.
I never, ever, ever.
Oh, it's all online.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I feel like maybe we just need to.
Radical acceptance.
Yeah.
Of it all.
Yeah.
Of course we have
to and also it's just like it is the price we pay and like we if everyone else is getting it
why wouldn't we and what i tell girls going into porn i'm like one you need the haters to blow you
up but two you don't need a lot of fans to live a nice life and to make good money and have a good
career like you don't need to win over the entire world that's literally insane and it's not possible you just need to foster a small community of people who love and support you and that's it
and if that's your focus then being getting approval from everyone really doesn't matter
i've been watching so many documentaries of like like i watched the shania twain documentary
oh my god they're all so good but they're all it's all the same thing it's all like
i saw the Taylor Swift one.
But the Shania Twain one really broke my heart because I didn't know this about her, but
she lost her voice from Lyme disease.
She was doing big arenas.
And what I love about Shania Twain is she didn't make it in her twenties.
She was a 30 something woman who was absolutely destroying.
Like her trajectory was a little bit slower to start out.
I love women like that
and it's like all of a sudden she had one big like arena show and then she was like something's
happening like i can't sing anymore and then she later got diagnosed with lyme disease and it was
right when her husband had just cheated on her with her best friend best friend slash assistant
and then she ended up she ended up marrying her ex-best friend's husband oh my but
she didn't really talk about it on the did she talk about on the documentary no but he was way
hotter than the original he was so hot but you know what i mean but what i related to was so
her husband was this guy mutt i can't remember his last name is mud lang yeah mutt lang so he
was like this huge music producer and he really helped her take her career to like the next level
and really like launched it big big and so she felt so afraid her take her career to like the next level and really like
launched it big big and so she felt so afraid when they broke up to like go back into the studio
without him and she had to like find her own voice again and I feel like um I relate to that when I
dated comics where it kind of like they almost like they were more successful than me or older
than me in the business and they kind of like I felt like i had to break like i had to break my ties with them to kind of find my own voice
and everything so i really like related to that too that's so beautiful it was so cute i'm gonna
watch that i love her really inspiring she's so pretty i just love her and the other one you have
you guys have to watch is tina turner's documentary i haven't watched so freaking good because not only was she a black woman in her 50s but she didn't she wanted to sing
rock and roll she was a freaking rock star so she her career didn't she didn't make it in america
first she made it in the uk first because the uk was very accepting of this you know of just
rock and roll in general they didn't care if she was
like a middle-aged black woman what a badass dude fucking the the most badass ever um i think this
has been my favorite episode yeah this was so good thank you so much i flew by i know wait i have one
more question that i wanted to ask from a previous episode we talked about but you talked about having
a purple kitty.
I'm so glad you're bringing this up because I was like, purple pussy eater.
I kept going purple pussy eater.
You talk about being a purple kitty.
Having a purple kitty and the genetics behind that, the haplogenes.
Can you explain?
Yeah, so my mom taught me this.
And I don't know how she, like, doctors have a lot of knowledge that I don't know where she gets it from but she did a 23 me test like three
years ago and figured out that we have the h1 gene which is in the H haplogroup
and the h1 gene is it there's like certain genes that show where your
ancestors migrated throughout evolution, right?
So the working theory now is that like humans started in Africa, right?
Like as a small, small community.
And then we slowly spread out throughout the world.
And the H1 gene is traced back to the group of people that as they were migrating out of africa migrated
through lebanon and syria and then up into europe and is that why they call it labia labia labia
only them developed labia only those women but um so it doesn't mean like it's so far in the past
obviously we're all traced back to to that that it's not like I'm Lebanese or anything, which some people like think when I say this.
But it's that that's where my ancestors migrated through when humans were first migrating from Africa.
And that is associated with having darker genitalia.
darker genitalia it's not like a hundred percent of the time but it's associated with having more melanin and darker um areas on your your pussy on your darker lips darker nipples darker asshole
maybe yeah darker asshole because my asshole is the same color as my pussy and i want to show you
guys my pussy so bad i'll show you later we're not it darker too? We're not stopping you. It's kind of like it's multicolored.
Some parts are.
It's tie-dye.
It is tie-dye.
Some parts are a little pinker.
Some parts are very like a neutral brown.
And some parts are a little bit darker.
So maybe those are the H1 parts.
And like I'd never called my pussy a purple pussy.
And my mom didn't call it purple either.
We just have the same darker pussy but then when i was uh when i first got with drew he was
like oh my god you have a purple pussy and that's like a thing a lot of guys say which i didn't know
but it's like when he had latina girlfriends in the past he was like they also had purple pussies
and that's like a lot of latinas and a lot of Spanish heritage to have the H1 gene.
And then, of course, there's like there's like other people, you know, that migrated out of Africa through Siberia.
And they have completely different genetic traits and like completely different shapes of vaginas and different colored vaginas, you know, a lot pinker.
Like there's a lot of women that just have fully pink vaginas.
And then I'm just a white woman that has a really really dark pussy butthole and now i kind of
know why and why and why every woman in my family has the same one too yeah so you guys ever line
them up and just yeah the craziest thing is my mom and i have because she's always naked around
yeah oh a nakey mom we talked about this Mom. But we literally have, we have the same nipples, the same lips, and the exact same pussy and
pussy lips.
Like the exact same.
And she was like, my mom's look the exact same because she like was her mom's doctor.
Wait, do you have darker nipples too?
Yeah.
Okay.
So I don't.
I have really light pink nipples.
But my pussy is not the same.
So you're really a mixture.
Yeah.
You're a mixture of a lot.
Are mine dark or light?
Let me see.
Let me see.
Light. Very light, Esther. I mean, mean actually ours are really similar colored right now see mine but yeah but when i get horny which is a thing or when i'm on
my period or like you know if you get pregnant oh they're your melanin aren't they light is this
light yeah this is yeah pink it's like it's actually like the
color of mine but it's when you um get hornier and when you're on your period or your hormones
peak they get darker also when you're pregnant yeah exact same thing oh shit just one more thing
guys i swear to god because i i need to get your mom is a is a ob-gyn but um i heard of this thing
called a phantom pregnancy that i always knew dogs had when they
weren't about those dogs so dogs i i've always known about the dogs that when they don't get
spayed they go into this like fake pregnancy they get all the hormones they start looking for babies
they'll never have they start like crying oh my god but it turns out that women can get phantom
pregnancies you guys that's crazy and it's not just a psychological thing where it's not like oh i think i'm pregnant and then you think they're just crazy no like
their cervix gets softer their uterus gets big hormones their hormones are doing everything like
a pregnant person except when you do an ultrasound there's no baby oh you know i do feel like my mom
has maybe mentioned this to me before i really do what i'm gonna ask her about it so it's a cycle it starts off psychological and it's women who sometimes have had multiple miscarriages
um um there's a lot of different reasons but it starts off as a psychological thing but then
you almost trick your body into fully having all of the pregnancy um no you don't test positive
on the test i don't know the on the test. I don't know.
The babies, the phantom babies, they're like.
Our bodies are so.
Incredible.
First day of school, put on your backpack.
Because they're such a fine, a fine little machine.
Right.
And our thoughts and everything can affect it so much.
Everything.
I'm telling you, those people hypnotize their bodies into being pregnant.
Well, it's like the law of attraction, right?
Like you can look at a single atom and you can recreate this in the lab and you can almost will it to operate a certain way.
So amazing.
You know, without even touching it or manipulating it in any way.
And our brains do control our whole body.
You know, they control everything, every hormone that's released, everything.
So it's not like we fully even understand.
And even like, you know, when they say like men have sympathy pregnancies and that's people just think that that's like, everything. So it's not like we fully even understand. And even like, you know, when they say like men have sympathy pregnancies
and that's people just think that that's like a myth.
That's a real physiological phenomenon that happens.
Imagining Todd like lactating.
This is like mildly unrelated, but sort of.
It's like the opposite.
My mom always told me growing up,
like to go into the doctor
when I thought something was wrong,
because she would always use the story
of how many women would come in with a belly this big like a full pregnant belly
and they had had it for like two three years and they thought they were pregnant the whole time and
it was really just a tumor that was growing and since it was growing they literally just thought
that they were pregnant and they just kept it there and they never saw a doctor and they just
assumed they were pregnant for three years were they elephants well then then it's like a mental illness right but it's like she was always
like just go get checked out because there are women that just assume they're pregnant when
really it's a massive tumor that's destroying her body that could have been just cut out like
in the beginning that'd be kind of fun to you know get cosplay pregnant cosplay pregnant and
you know get all the pregnancy perks because people do treat you
a little bit nicer
definitely the parking perks
the parking perks
I feel like this is
something Esther would
I know
I'm like
I'm gonna manifest it
you're like
how do I manifest a tumor
as far as like a
like a placard
that says pregnant
but you could do that
even if you don't have
a pregnant belly right
but then people probably
don't believe you you have to drag your leg a little you have to drag you have to like waddle
a little you have to yeah you have to like i think you can settle for a fake pregnant belly
instead of a tumor yeah thank you yeah thank you for that i won't judge you get that back girl you
you get that parking face face i'm about to piss my pants Thank you so much Stella For being here and joining us
I've been keegling it with excitement the whole time
You need to come back
I would love to
I will come back with updates about the phantom pregnancy
Yes let me know
And other fun
And I will keep you updated on what was it earlier
My doctor kink
Yes your sex life in general
Reenactment see how that goes
I honestly want to know
Where does your mom live?
She lives in Orange County.
Maybe we should have you and your mom.
You know, she has been recently like,
because she's so proud of me now.
And she like her employees also,
they know who I am and they know I'm her daughter.
And then their friends will be like telling them,
oh my God, I love Stella on TikTok.
And her employee like won't tell them,
oh, my employer is like her mom because we keep it confidential but recently she's been like
because i send all my porn friends to her even sawyer has been to her yeah i want to see her
recently she's been like take us on yeah recently yeah she's literally so amazing i'll give you guys
her card but she um she's been recently hey, I would happily educate alongside you.
Like I would happily like be associated.
That was kind of amazing.
I would love it.
Hit podcast.
I love my mom.
But also she's a freaking genius.
Like she's a genius.
And she, because she's able to communicate things
so simply about your health.
Well, it's like, don't they,
I mean, Jada and willow do it on red
table talk you should have your own version of that mother daughter exactly i honestly think
that would be so smart but it's also you're like breaking the stigma of like that it's like
unhealthy to do porn or that your family or you have to come from some like horrible background
but i learned that stigma was all bullshit very early on because one of my good friends is asa
akira and from the moment that i met her I found her to just be absolutely fucking brilliant and she
comes from a really good family a lot of people are like that in porn because it's just and they're
a lot of them are brilliant because it takes a lot to do something society doesn't look well
it takes a lot of courage to do that i have to say i learned
a lot about business from my friendship with brie olsen she is a smart bitch yeah are all our mentors
porn stars yes moving forward especially yeah yeah porn girls they are like they're ballsy
well please tell your mom she is open there's an open invitation that would be really cool
on trash tuesday yeah if she's ready to face the world we're we're ready for her um we will be
showing her i'm gonna show her this she's gonna love it so much immediately be spread leg yeah
like can you tell me do i look normal what part of me is h1 again when we had dr drew on we were like like when we get a doctor and we
go nuts yeah my mom is the best you guys thank you so much for listening and definitely check
out stella's work i know i will be doing that um with my never mind you pretending that you have
with with my hands i will be checking it out out and we'll see you guys next week
thank you Stella
thank you