Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Steph Tolev is Trash Tuesday’s New Veterinarian

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

Happy Trash Tuesday to All That Celly w/ the hilarious Steph Tolev. We take a quick vaca from the regular slug den & talk about our devotion to our pets, Crowie - Khalyla's raven, dog ramps, dance moms, cheese rolling & because it’s TT we end with some pubic hair content. SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE TRASH TUESDAY: https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons LEARN MORE ABOUT EBB OCEAN CLUB: https://ebboceanclub.com THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: *DRAFTKINGS - New players, start playing with just FIVE BUCKS and get ONE HUNDRED BACK INSTANTLY in Casino Credits. Download the app and use code TRASHTUESDAY to book your one-way ticket to fun with DraftKings Casino! The crown is yours. MORE STEPH TOLEV: More Steph Tolev Instagram:   / stephtolev  Bill Burr on Steph Infection Podcast:    • Bill Burr | Steph Infection w/ Steph ...   Bobby on Steph Infection Podcast:    • Bobby Lee | Steph Infection w/ Steph ...   00:00 - Sometimes You Can Have Too Many Animals  00:50 - CROWIE  02:50 - Steph Tolev Is Trash Tuesdays New Vet  06:40 - Esther Broke Up w/ Khalyla  07:20 - Donut Needs Prozac  08:30 - Dogs are Resilient  09:45 - Scary Moms  11:30 - Esther Asks Steph Advice About Being a Dance Mom 17:06 - Does doing something too much as a kid make you hate it?  19:40 - Quitting Stand Up 22:00 - Delusion Helps w/ Show Biz  28:00 - Esther and Khalyla Want to Play Piano 31:00 - Crocs? Y or N Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn -   / khalamityk   Esther Povitsky -   / esthermonster    Listen to Trash Tuesday!! Trash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Creds: Theme Song Written by: Bobby Lee http://instagram.com/bobbyleelive Banana Break Song by: Can Nguyen: https://www.candyedits.com Exec. Producer & Showrunner:  Stella Young  https://www.instagram.com/tinylegends.prod/ Shot and Edited By: Guy Robinson and Sean Wanless Edited By: Andrew Tarr (Audio) & Guy Robinson (Video) Ariel Moreno (Clips)   This Video Contains Paid Advertising This video contains paid advertising. #trashtuesday #khalyla #esther #podcast

After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's the catch? But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online. They don't have retail stores or salespeople. Instead, they deliver premium phone plans directly to you. As you guys know, our friend Rick Glassman, he uses Mint Mobile. I learned about Mint Mobile through George Kimmel.

George is a busy guy. He takes the most business calls. And the fact that not a single call is ever dropped. And you can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all of your existing contacts. Say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with plans starting at $15 a month. And all plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. That is such a steal. To get this new customer

offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply statement mobile for details word to the wise do not adopt as many animals as i have well the wise already know that no offense so um recently i um not rescued but i'm rehabbing a injured raven it's my it's my second one in the last couple years we had lenny lenny lived with me for a month and he we rehabbed his wing and he flew away okay so this is a comedy podcast for sure you guys i'm really not moving away from that yeah my life is a really sick dark comedy i think so we have a section in the backyard that's cordoned off.

He's a raven, but we're calling him Crowey. There's a difference. Crows and ravens are not the same. Steph, please just hang in there. I'm trying. So there's a little area, and we feed Crowey a lot of different things, which is meats, grapes, almonds. But it's away from the dogs because, as you know, grapes are toxic to dogs. Raisins are toxic.

And this morning— In this economy, you can afford to give a raven meat? I was going to say almonds. They are really expensive. A bag of almonds at Joe's, it's like $8.99. Excuse me. No, chicken thighs, like that's a big part of my budget. Anyways.

I boil eggs even. Pasture-raised eggs for Crowey. For Crowey. Pasture-raised. Yes. Wow. So Crowey's in the backyard, but then this morning, I go out and all of Crowey's food is gone. And it's all over the place.

And I asked Jules what happened, and she was like, the dogs got into Crowey's food, ate all the grapes. Grapes are super toxic. I don't know which dogs got into what. So right down the street all four of my dogs are getting vomiting induced. Because I'm freaking the f*** out and because they can go into renal failure from grapes.

And so. What is renal failure? Like kidney failure. Do we know how many grapes Crowey I hate the name Crowey. How many names Crowey didn't eat? Like was it like a bunch of them? Like how many— No, Crowey didn't eat any of the grapes. Okay.

So I'm so OCD. I actually have a video of me putting his food out because I count how many grapes. Oh, okay. So I know there were exactly nine grapes. There were exactly 12 almonds, one boiled egg, a piece of chicken, and some apple. Can I ask why you keep such specific records? Oh, I'm just like, I like documenting like the rehab process. I don't even post it anywhere.

I was like, yeah, just for herself. Before she goes to bed, she's just like, instead of watching Instagram, she's just watching Crowey's meal plan. Is it for your grandchildren? I send it to my mom and sister and I'm like, this is what Crowey's eating. And they're like, wow, what a great diet today. Oh, my God. Okay, so here's—

I'm a mess. No, I'm saying right now— So let's just say each dog had a grape and a half. Okay. How big are these dogs? Okay, one is about 45 pounds. The rest are under 20 pounds. Okay.

So they're small Little kidneys I feel like A great beach is nothing Okay I feel like I don't know who scared The people

You know they say Chocolate's bad for dogs Yeah A friend of mine Had a dog Lived at 16 years old His snacks were Chocolate almonds

Really And I'm talking I watched the man Give the dog Hundreds Literally I swear to god Let me double down on that

My uncle gives my Little poor cousin Maggie this little fat shih tzu. She gets Snickers bars. What? He gives her, they live out, you know, out in the middle of nowhere. I see that she gets Snickers bars. She's fine. And I'm like, ah. And then they're like, no, she gets them all the time.

This is the problem with raising L.A. dogs, I think. We make them little like weaklings and you can yeah so i so susan ate recently i took her on a hike my golden retriever and yes i bought her suck my i i took her on a hike up griffith and i found a bunch of raw this is one of the spot of the hike path there's like a bunch of raw chicken it was out placed so somebody brought up and in my head someone was trying to kill the coyotes. So they pumped something in the chicken. Like rat poison. Something. And Susan slopped back that chicken.

So I freaked the f*** out. So I tried to, because you can induce vomiting at home. Yeah. You can use peroxide. Yes. Or you can use a spoonful of salt. Ooh, that works too. So I tried the salt and I shoved it in the back of her throat and then nothing happened. She just went like a, mmm, salty. I'm like, okay, but that's so annoying. So then I tried the peroxide and it wasn't working

and I'm like, now I'm drugging her and then she's fine. And she just, that's it? I'll say something even worse. Susan swallowed a condom once. Oh my God. Full condom.

Okay? This pig I was sleeping with. I was like, where's the condom? I asked him five times where it was. He's like, I got rid of it

thinking I'm going to shove it in my poop and he leaves sick pig. Three days go by, Susan's not shitting. She finally shits. I see the condom coming out of her anus. Still tied up. Still inside of it.

Stop. I have a drug mule. I have a drug mule. But it was so, fine. So I feel like a condom's worse than three and a half grapes. She mule'd his sperm. She mule'd his sperm.

Also one night, at the night of my, this actually makes me feel a lot better. It should,ed his sperm. She muleed his sperm. Also, one night, at the night of my... This actually makes me feel a lot better. It should, because your dogs are going to be fine. Because I'm draining thousands of dollars of mash right now. I'm draining so much right now. I don't know. You should have brought them here.

I would have put salt in their mouth. Each one. The night of my 30th birthday, I had a party, and I went to bed, and in the middle of the night, Donut woke up and threw up three bloody tampons in my bed that were not mine. What? I don't know whose they were. Someone at my birthday. Ew, ew, ew. Three bloody tampons in my

bed. Threw them up. Three. What size? And she's so small. Supers? If it's supers, I'm going to be sick. She's so small. Also, none of them absorbed into her. Those are good tampons. The blood stayed in the tampons. Hey this is making me feel better. They're gonna be okay. They're fine.

I'm so, yeah. If it was a bag of grapes from Ralph's, I'd be like, oh that's a lot of grapes. Yeah. But if it's literally, you documented exactly six and a half washed grapes, I feel like they're fine. I also just think they say that because of the skin around the grape. Also Susan ate raisins

anyone say don't eat onions Susan literally ate half a whole onion the other day I don't want to tell you she's fine I dropped it I was cutting

I dropped it and she ate it if I drop something before it hits the ground she's like sucking it back I feed her enough this sounds like

I don't feed my dog enough I feed her too much the vet said she's obese so it's just me rude all those onions and grapes I'm giving her the vet

because last week i took donut to the vet as you know i had to call you and get legal permission esther broke up with me via via the vet we now have separate accounts at the vet we used to share an account of the vet but i decided that maybe now that i'm a mom it's time to be able to. And so I had to draft an email saying, I give full permission of donut to Esther Povitsky. Oh, that's so funny. And I felt, it felt worse than my breakup. It felt worse than like my romantic breakups in the past.

I told you that. I was like, wait, why does this hurt me so bad? I know, it's because you are a dog lady and you can't let go of a dog that isn't even yours. I know, I can't. What vet are you at now? No, I'm at the same vet, but now I have my own account. Wow.

Rude, right? Yeah, that is. I thought you moved vets. That makes more sense. Now I'm in the eye of the vet. I am legally Donut's caregiver. Finally, I have custody. But you know what they told us?

That Donut should seriously consider going on doggy Prozac. Oh. Why? Anxiety? Yeah, crazy. Because she's afraid of the stairs. Then she'd not go up and down. She won't go up and down the stairs anymore.

I'm like, Dave, we just need to move to a house with no stairs. Get a ramp. Get a long ramp. I've also been trying to get Dave. Or get her a little doggy thing. You know, they sit in the thing that older people, and they go up, have a little, like, strap on it. Oh, how cute would that be? A doggy thing you know they sit in the thing that older people and they go up have a little like i want strap on it oh how cute would that be a doggy wheelchair lift i mean i do have six

like i think they're called like 80 full ramps in my home why because i have an old rickety dog even one step hurts his uh joint does he go up the ramp yeah he goes up there wait really where did you get your it's a rubber one very Very heavy. I will send you a link. Okay. But it's actually like, it's, what do you call it when something is ADA? Like it's actually disability approved for humans. Oh, wow. They're like human grade rams.

You should go to an off-season ski park. You know how the kids, they put their little skis on, they go up the little hills? Yeah. The little ones that move. Hey, this is some ideas. I got some big ideas. Can I just say something? You girls are solution-based. Yeah.

I just think, I was saying before you got here, dogs are way more resilient than we give them credit for. Okay. Susan literally ate human shit the other day. It was such a big clump. I was so pissed off. I tried to get out of her mouth, and then it was on my fingers, and then I was walking around. I was five blocks from my house

with caca on my fingers, and I was screaming in a way that people were going to call the police. I was like, I was so pissed. So they couldn't wipe it anywhere. I was like holding someone's hands. Who's Susan named after?

Did you ever play the game Guess Who growing up? Is that the one where you flip? Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. So Susan looks exactly like the Susan character, so I'll show you a photo. She has the exact same color hair as Susan.

I can't believe. Like, how does... There it is. Where is Susan? How does Guess Who even stay in your... Oh, my God. In my memory? Yeah.

Me and my sister only had three games growing up. Q-Bert on Super Nintendo. No one knows Qbert. I still don't know how to play it. Super Mario and then... Guess who? So we would play it so much that we started playing it like, we'd be like, oh, does your person live under the basement?

Is he a scary pervert? We're like, oh, it's Alfred, yeah. And then we got so good at it that I can call my sister right now and we can play it without even the board. I know every single name on that thing. You and your sister are really close because you had a common enemy, which was your mother, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll never remember this. No, because it's just very like some, I mean, my mom's not my enemy now, but like growing up, she was like, you know, public enemy number one because she was like our primary abuser basically and i know that she forced you into a world of very obscure dance yes yeah yeah you missed all this last time i was on what kind of dance highland dancing like scottish dancing with the kilts and bagpipes yeah did was she did she do that she did it and then she's a teacher and she's been teacher her whole life so yeah she's doing that. So she was really good at it, and wanted the both of you to be really, really good at it. Yeah, and I was built like an ox,

and so was my sister, so it made no sense while we were dancing. But I just have actually a horrendous memory for today, because me and my friend Allison just pitched this TV show in Canada, and I'm not going into it now, but there's a lot of fucking shit happening right now with it. Out of our control shit,

and we were just talking, because me and Allison both met. She's really funny. both met um at humber college the comedy program years ago and um we're just remembering the first day we were there she was there and her whole family was there and they're all supporting her and she like came out of her audition and everyone hugged her and her mom was like my girl you're gonna be a big star i remember my mom dropped me off that same day and i was like, are you going to stay for my audition? She's like, no, I have to go to Costco. And I was like, oh, can I get bus fare? She goes, don't you have a toonie on you? And I was like, okay. So like very opposite that Allison got full support from her mother. And my mom was like, we dig the bus home.

But did your mom give you full support when you were dancing? Kind of. Yeah. But I was bad. So I wasn't like her favorite student. Was your sister also bad? We were both good until we were like nine or ten. And then we grew into our feet and our bodies and then it was bad.

Okay, I have a specific question. If you were to give someone advice, if they wanted to be a dance mom, what would you say? How could I make it go well? Go well? Yeah. You want to be a dance mom? I want to force my How could I make it go well? Go well? Yeah. You want to be a dance mom? I want to force my daughter. I didn't say force.

I didn't mean force. Okay. I would love for my daughter to also love dancing and for it to take over my whole life. Okay. What kind of dancing? Ballet. I wouldn't do ballet. Why? Because she's going to be anorexic. No. Yes, she is. No. Yes, she is. Her feet are going to be fucked up.

She's going to be very sick. Every Highland dancer that turned into a ballerina got gaunt and quite sick. Okay, what about jazz? Jazz could be more fun. I will say Highland is fun. There's a lot of traveling. Do you have anything Scottish in your background? Finnish?

Is there a Finnish dance? No, we're not we're not doing Scottish dancing why and I don't mean to offend you or your mom do you want to see my legs

I will show you my legs no you can't see my legs I have very nice legs and I'm hiding them under the jumpsuit you have a hot bod no it's the legs I'm telling you right now

I have pristine everyone's always like what's your workout routine I'm like Highland dancing my whole fucking life I swear to god I believe you because I danced growing up. And I have like some leg muscle.

Not jacked. I'm not going to say jacked. What kind of dancing did you do? Like I did basically everything. Like ballet, tap, jazz, modern lyrical. Okay. You know, all the hits. Excuse me.

Dreamed of a full ride to UNLV dance program. Never happened. My parents wouldn't let me go. What happens though? Like, okay, let's suppose you do have a child and you were good up until you were nine. You see that your kid is good at something, but they're not really into it.

What is the move? Do you, how do you encourage them and push them and let them see like, hey, like you should keep pursuing this because you're good at it, but they're like just not into it. Simply ask. I feel like my mom simply should have just like me and my sister were very good at sports we both were like insane at lacrosse and like we were like the head of our like we both were crazy good at like long distance running so and my dad knew that so my dad used to be a runner in school too so he would like run with us and he kept like pushing my mom to be like

i think they should do more into sports this kind of thing and i'm like no they're gonna dance and then we both were not good dancers. So it was like, we should, and we both wanted to do that. We wanted to do sports. So I think it's just my mom had this like drilled in her head that we wanted to do this because she did it.

And she's, and it was like, I will say like all the trips were crazy. We went to Scotland every year for like eight years straight. We got to go like, oh yeah, I went all around the States when I was a kid. We like, but it was like my whole life. But would you have liked to be given the choice to go or not go yeah I would have liked to have

friends I only had dancing friends I had like no school friends because I never hung out for school I'd go right to dance class oh you were really serious oh it was literally my whole life up until I was 18 years old and your mom was up until 18 and I because we used I used to help run the competitions with my parents so I would wake up at six in the morning and I would like line the kids up in the younger age groups. Oh, you're the real deal. Oh, it was psychotic.

And her mom is the real deal. Like her, your mom still is like a figure in Highland Dancing, right? Yes, she is. If anyone's listening and they know Highland Dancing, they know who my mother is.

Yeah. Wait, but you don't, so you did this all the way to 18 and it sounds like you had good memories, but you're not into it. No, I just, I knew I wasn't good. So, and I sounds like you had good memories, but you're not into it. No, I just, I knew I wasn't good. So, and I would, like, then I stopped, like, getting, because there's four dances you do every competition.

Flaming Sword, Chantreuse, and Highland Reel, and then you get judged. One judge would be watching you, and there'd be a group of, like, say, I don't know, 10 to, like, 20, 30 kids in your group. And you get, every dance gets one to six place. So, I would sometimes squeak by, the sword dance was the one I would always place in because you dance over like an actual sword. You dance over, this is so psychotic when I say it out loud. You dance over a sword and if you touch the sword, even if your foot

nicks it and the judge sees it, it's qualified. So I would never touch it because I would just I was like, fuck, and I would just jump around over it and then I wouldn't, I'd place in that dance because also I didn't give a fuck. So once I realized I wasn't good anymore, I was like, why am I here? I'm here because my mom's here. I'm just dancing, whatever. So I would always get like a sixth place or something, but like it sucks.

And then I started getting no placing. I'm like, well, this is just embarrassing now. Were you ever like funny in your dance classes? Um, I don't think so. That's something that I always, I look back and I'm like, oh, one of the things I loved about dance class was that I was like the class clown there. And I don't know, you didn't have. I don't think so because I got in shit because my mom was a teacher. So I couldn't hold it in.

I would try to like just fuck around. And I'm like, this is so annoying. But controversial take on all of this is just because you're good at something or your child is good at something doesn't mean that they have to pursue it or continue to do it because I think that's what happens what that's what happened a lot in my life was early on my parents saw that my sister and I were very fast swimmers and we were athletes our whole lives right but there was so little joy in that and there was so much trauma in that and so much of my bad memories and revolved around the sport like i can't even smelling chlorine is like very

triggering for me i mean i still do swim i love the water now i love like diving in the ocean which is completely separate but i will say like you're right like i would have loved to been have been given the option even if i knew I was good and winning races felt good, the amount of pressure and everything that just went into it was not worth it for my young brain. I couldn't process the difficulty. Yeah, I would say until I was like maybe 10, 11. Before that, it was like fun.

I was like whatever. And then it got a little too serious. Yeah, and then I was like, yeah. What do you think, Esther? Well, what? Okay. I really think that it's very likely, and it's interesting that you're saying the opposite of this, that as a kid, if you are good at something, you will like it.

Like, I think that might, maybe that's not always true. It's not. It's not always true. Is there something that you think you would have rather done than swimming i think here's here's where my parents got it wrong if they had made it um less of an intense environment and didn't put so much pressure on winning or just say like hey kalilah you're really fast like create an environment where it would be fun and like it wasn't high stakes then i probably would have been probably not only faster but it would be fun and like it wasn't high stakes, then I probably would have been probably not only faster,

but it would have stayed in it much longer. But because of they just zeroed in on the fact that I was good and fast and that I was in the Philippine national team made it so fucking miserable for me because every day I woke up with a big burden on my shoulders. Like two a days and just became this like, yeah, it's not fun. You don't have time for friends. You just swim,

practice, swim, practice, swim, practice. I really do think though that if I was good at highland dancing, it would be a whole different mentality.

Really? Yeah. Because I would see like, I'm like, oh, I want to win. I want to like, it was fun to win.

When I was young and I was winning, I was like, my dad had all his home movies of us as kids. And like, and there's like a bunch of them of me like winning

and my smug little face up there. I'm like, so I would step this big step forward and grab the thing I'm like I'd look at everybody I knew I would I was so good at the moment I knew I'd get first so I just wait for my number and I'm like like it was so insane but then I'm like then you see me when I get older I'm like I hated it well no my parents didn't make winning fun they wouldn't even allow me to hold my medals oh that's they wouldn't allow me to wear my medals around my neck for more than five seconds and be like, take it off, put it away. Like, what are you? Like, you're nobody. No, that's so important. Like the dance recital. Like I always hated, I'd be playing with my friends and then it'd be like dance class, time to go to dance class. And I felt like, oh my God, my friends get to keep playing and I have to

go. There was years where I really didn't like that but I do look back and I know there was times where I wanted to quit and I'm like so glad that I didn't and to me the lesson is like you're gonna want to quit things but just like stick through it like because for us I don't know about you I've wanted to quit stand-up so many times every day of my life right every single morning but then you stick with it and years go by and suddenly you're like oh I've wanted to quit stand-up so many times. Every day of my life. Right? Every single morning. But then you stick with it and years go by and suddenly you're like, oh, I haven't been – oh, you turn around and you're like, I've been honing a craft for over a decade. And like I have something to show for that. I'm good at something now because I've been working on it. I don't want to say I'm not amazing, but it's like I know that from point A to point B where I am now, like I've grown and that's because I didn't quit.

And I'm sure you also have seen so many people quit. Yeah. And it's like that could have just as easily been me, you know? Like who's quit? I might, by the way, I canceled my set tonight. I might have quit. But that's different. I'm a mom now.

But this is what, okay, yeah, yeah. So I don't even know how you're doing anything besides looking at your child. I just feel like when it comes to stuff like that though like I look at my stand-up like I think the people that stayed in it this long and are like you know doing things getting stuff it's because we actually had talent at it like I every time I wanted to quit I would like I remember all my friends like you can't you're funny like it's when I see comics that are so bad where I'm like no one's ever said you're funny once in your life even off stage I'm like can I tell you to quit because you're so bad but I'm like but when I was like dancing I'm like I knew I was bad you're saying like I'm saying stick with something if you actually have if you actually do have like a skill

in that if you're getting little glimpses of yes yes exactly you're getting you're getting you're getting like you know movies or you're getting parts and stuff and you're getting like past the bigger clubs. If you're getting actresses out there. People are laughing out there. People are laughing out loud. But people still, that doesn't count because I saw somebody bomb so bad last night and literally was like, that was a pretty good set. I'm like, you didn't get one laugh. So I don't know on what planet you thought you were doing a set, but it wasn't at the Hollywood Improv.

On what planet you thought you were doing a set, but it wasn't at the Hollywood Improv. What does it feel like, though, as a comic, when you see someone bomb and they have, I think it's called, I forget the term, but it's a type of delusion where they're not able to take a real assessment of their set and they really do think that they did a good job. What do you say to them?

Well, I don't know. What do people say to me when I do that? Oh, Dunning-Kruger effect. That's what it's called, Dunning-Kruger effect that's what it's called Dunning-Kruger effect when you think you're better than you actually are at everything I okay yeah I want to hear your opinion on this okay I have this problem I have this condition where I will go do a set and I will be like that went really well and then I'll listen back and I'll be like, why is no one laughing? Like that has happened to me so many times.

And like, well, I'll be playing it in front of Dave. And Dave's like, I thought you said this went well. And I think there is room for that kind of delusion to help you in this field. But I, so if I saw that on someone else, I would not, I would not intervene. Because I think if,

the opposite is worse. I think if you go up and you're good and you think you sucked, I think that's really bad, actually. Well, Bobby does that a lot.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Bobby does that, and I'm like, you just fucking go, oh, shut the fuck up.

I don't know what that's about. No, that drives that's too much that does hold him back I bet he annihilates that's all shame based and that comes from an upbringing of basically never given positive reinforcement or always being like having parents who are always mad at you for everything

so it's like to temper your expectations you tell yourself that oh this is gonna go bad or I just did bad so that if someone says no that went great then that feels like the reward because you already expected nothing out of yourself okay I relate I oddly do relate to that too in ways. I feel like though what you said, I am against that completely. About how, I feel like, maybe it happens once in a while

where you think you do well and then you listen back and it's bad. I feel like that's a level of delusion that's strictly a problem with the scene. That's the biggest problem with, I think, the scene. Okay, true. It only works for you, Esther, because you're in fact talented.

No, I think, well, I also use it, like I use that mentality in a helpful way. Like, I don't know, like I'll listen back and I'm like, I'm making it better. I don't know. Do you register when you listen back and you're like, oh, maybe it wasn't as good as I thought it was? Or are you still like, yeah, this is still good. No, no, I'm like, oh, that's, no one laughed there. Okay, hmm, No, no. I'm like, oh, that's, no one laughed there. Okay. Hmm. That, yeah.

I'm like, I feel like I'm where I am today because I'm so fucking hard on myself. If I don't annihilate, I bombed. I will, I still. You're a Bobby. I still come off, but I'm like, but I can register when I don't hit with the crowd. Yeah. I know when I, I can walk on and hit immediately and be like, here's my fucking show. And then I can tell when there's times, especially at the store where immediately I'm like, I came up too strong.

Something happened. I'll watch back my set and be like, holy fuck. And I'm like, I still will. I will take a bomb and I will sit in it for such a long time. And I will like, I usually cry after a bomb still. See that I'm against this. You got it. You're a bomb.

I, this is, I have developed this defense mechanism after years of letting the bomb hurt you. And I'm like, it's not going to hurt me. It's part of the process. I'm good. Sure, it was silent and I ruined the show. I'm still good. But I'm like, I go home being like, I know I normally kill. So I'm like, I fucked up. So something fucking happened. So I'm like, what did I fucking do? That's okay. It's not okay. As somebody who's like a touring head like, I fucked up. So something fucking happened. So I'm like, what did I fucking do? It's not okay. As somebody who's like

a touring headliner, I should not be fucking eating my own dick off jokes I've done, especially. True self-assessment, but also, delulu does take you

a long way. And I think that a healthy dose of delusion combined with that and you just alternate is perfect. If we can combine eggs and make one of us,

they'll be like really right. Yeah, they'll be right in the middle, ready to go. I just, yeah, I don't know why. I think I've just watched, I know this one comic, I'm not saying his name,

but he's literally, you don't know him. He's not out here. He's the worst comedian on planet Earth and he's been doing it for 20 years. Wow.

And someone told me recently that he's gotten worse and I cannot, it keeps me up at Wow. And someone told me recently that he's gotten worse. And I, I, I, I cannot, it keeps me up at night. It keeps,

the fact that this man gets up every night, zero laughs for 20 fucking years straight and is like, smug. Is he making a living? I don't know how.

And here's the thing, if he watched me say this, he would have no fucking clue what I was talking about. That's how I would say it. I could probably say his name and he'd still be like, there's another guy with the same name as me. this, he would have no fucking clue what I was talking about. That's how I would say it. I could probably say his name and he'd be like, there's another guy with the same name as me. Like there's no way in hell this person would literally think this. It's that crazy.

Wait, Kalilah, do you have any sense though, what would you have done if not swimming? Like do you know? Yeah. Everything. Enjoy my childhood. Go play some games. Play play guess who you know who Susan was right it just there was no room for anything I remember wanting to get into like anything creative it wasn't allowed it was like sports sports sports sports I wasn't allowed to like

water my creative side until I was on my own water plants I'm. I wasn't allowed to water the house plants. I wasn't allowed that either, Steph. It was just such a rigid, rigid household and everything revolved around my athletic prowess. And it was just too much pressure. I wanted to play soccer. I was good at it. There were other things I could have been very good at. Volleyball. Nope. Swimming. Do you think there's any of those things that you would do like nowadays to sort of like – because that's one thing I want to learn. I never played an instrument and like I'm thinking I want to learn how to play the piano because, you know. Another thing. Is there something like that as an adult? Yes.

Would you play soccer as an adult? Not soccer, but like I would have loved to get into the arts a little bit more. Just wasn't allowed. My dad was a really good pianist and I think that's in my genetics i also have great long fingers you really do have good piano hands and never ever i marry had a little lamb that's my max on a piano after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers if we've learned anything it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time,

all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's the catch? But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online. They don't have retail stores or salespeople. Instead, they deliver premium phone plans directly to you. As you guys know, our friend Rick Glassman, he uses Mint Mobile. I

learned about Mint Mobile through George Kimmel. George is a busy guy. He takes the most business calls and the fact that not a single call is ever dropped. And you can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all of your existing contacts. Say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with plans starting at $15 a month. And all plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. That is such a steal.

To get this new customer offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash tuesday that's mintmobile.com slash tuesday cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash tuesday 45 up front payment required equivalent to 15 a month new customers on first three month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan additional taxes fees and restrictions apply. Statement mobile for details. Lila, you better crank that AC because things are heating up at DraftKings Casino. The excitement is endless, the vibes are right, and the cash prizes could be huge. Play hundreds of games all summer long, Esther. Dive

into a casino classic, I know you know all the classics, or blast off with DraftKings exclusive Rocket. New players start by playing just five bucks to get 50 bucks in casino credits in your pocket instantly. All you got to do is download the DraftKings casino app and sign up with code trash Tuesday. You'll be soaking up the fun in no time. The crown is yours. I think DraftKings casino is so much fun and I love all the different options. They have all the games like it's kind of fun to just chill out on your phone and do that. Maybe mentally you're in Vegas, but physically you're bed rotting, obviously. And if you're not ready to play with real money, they have practice mode.

Yeah. Which is what I do. I live my whole life in practice mode. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or in West Virginia, visit www.1800gambler.net. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly.

21+, physically present in Connecticut, Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only. Void in Ontario. One per opted-in new customer. $5 in wagers required. Max $50 in non-withdrawable casino credits that expire in 168 hours.

See casino.draftkings.com slash get50 for eligibility terms and responsible gaming resources. Hey, my boyfriend plays piano. He's very good. Maybe he can teach you guys. Really? He's like an insane pianist, yeah.

But if they're really good at it... Fucking... Oh, yeah, he's like an insane pianist yeah but if they're really good at it he's like awesome fucking oh yeah he's crazy but don't you think people who are really good at something don't necessarily teach very well?

I thought you were going to say shouldn't they be good at fingering and he's not and I was like actually that's the one problem how does that happen? wait let's go back to that

it makes me insane no we talked about it today I got so mad I'm like I have no joke about you about how you can't finger me and he's like what? I'm like I've seen the joke about you about how you can't finger me. He's like, what? I'm like, I've seen the way you tickle those libraries.

How is it not even close to when you go down there? It's like, I don't know what he's doing. It's Mary Had a Little Lamb and then I see him play fucking literally concertos on the fucking,

it's crazy. It doesn't make any sense to me. Wait, so he has real finger dexterity but not for you. He's ambidextrous. So he for you. He's ambidextrous. So he can do anything. He writes with both hands.

He plays the piano like literally no other. Jefferson McDonald, look him up. He's unbelievable. But he has like his fingers freeze when he goes down there. I don't know what's going on down there. I don't know what. We've discussed it, so it's been a bit better. But I'm like, I don't know what's going on.

There's got to be some psychological block as soon as he sees Poseidon. It's different down there. I'm like, just try it. Try the piano down there. Maybe I like it. I don't know what's going on. There's got to be some psychological block as soon as he sees pussy. It's different down there. I'm like, just try it. Try the piano down there. Maybe I like it. I don't know. Why don't you just pick a song for him to play? I should.

I'll play it. I'll just play the music. I'm going to play it long. I'm like, let's pretend you're playing. Use his foot sometimes. I'm like, use that. Bring the foot out. Slam your foot on my pussy.

But don't you think sometimes when someone is really good at something, they have trouble teaching it? Yeah, of course. Because it's like all intuitive and instinctual for them they they they expect you to just figure it out the way they did like read music without ever like there are some people who just hear it and don't have to like read like sheet music right but also it's like what's it saying like those who can't teach that's really sad yeah and those who can't teach teach gym we all teach gym yeah you don't know you've never heard that yeah those who can't teach those who

can't teach teach gym it's a dig at gym teachers i love i love gym teachers oh wow everyone got really sad it's bruised i can't do bruised bananas. I will gag. I will take your bananas. It's the bruising. I literally have a gagging problem. I only eat bananas that are like borderline green. Oh, but that's better for your digestion. Is it? How is that possible?

Do we have this? I saw it on TikTok. If I saw a bruise, I actually have to look away because if I see a bruise in your banana, I will gag. It's a problem. Sorry, Steph. I'll eat it. I don't know what it is. It's honestly like I can literally deep throw a cock, but I can't look at a bruise on a banana.

It's so bizarre. No, it's fine. I'm just about Crocs. My first pair. And what are your thoughts? I haven't even put them on yet. I just put them on the box. Will you text me after a week? Okay. Does it change your life? People either hate it or love it, right? Okay.

But these are fun. I want fun ones. I call them my all-terrain 4x4. I hike in them. You hike in them? You hike in them? I do everything in my Crocs. I leave them on during sex.

Here's the problem. What I just realized. Are you serious? I have to see them. They're like my pride. How does the man finish? There's no way. On my Croc. Oh, my God. I mean, easy them. They're like my prize. How does the man finish? There's no way. On my croc.

Oh my God. I mean, easy clean. There are holes in there. I think my middle toe is going to stick out the top though. It's freaking me out. Your little toe cannot be that small. No, no. My second toe is going to flop out of there.

Oh my God. Can we take a picture? I'm fucked. I'm going to have to. It's so gross. I'm going to be at the airport with my two little fucking toes hanging out, clamping. Because it's good for travel. Wait, speaking of Crocs,

I finally have this. Is that a Stanley? It's not a Stanley. It's a Swell knockoff. Oh, thank God. But like, I have to say, I was like,

oh, that's so stupid. And that, right when they're the most embarrassing thing to have, there's, it's so good. What is good about it?

It's, it's water. Water? Okay. With electrolytes. I think it's the steel straw. Water tastes better out of steel.

Hot take. Does it? I know just when I became a mom, I get everything like three years when it's not cool. So is it more like an ASMR thing for you? You like the sound. And the taste. It tastes clean. It tastes steely. I hope you guys just chew me up in the comments for this.

I want to be chewed up. I don't want to be cool at all ever again. There is something cooler, though, about waiting three years to actually buy into a fad. I'm like 10 years into Crocs here. I'm way too late for the Crocs. No one's ever too late for the Crocs. I feel like this is a very personal journey to get to the finally Crocs. No one's ever too late for the Crocs. I feel like this is like a very personal journey to get to the finally like Crocs stage. I bought the little spikes.

I'm like, I got to make them look kind of cool. They're called gibbets. Wow. Excuse me. And you know what? I have some very special ones that I could gift you that are very like rare. We'll see if I can make it with these ones. I can look not to the airport with these stupid things.

We'll see. The only gibbets I have on this one are french fries, which I thought you'd both appreciate. Yeah, I did like that. make it with these ones. I can look not to the airport with these stupid things. We'll see. The only gibbets I have on this one are French fries. Yeah, I saw those. Which I thought you'd both appreciate. So that was specifically for us? Yes.

Yeah, specifically for you. It's an insult. Obviously. It's rude. You do love fries, right? I had some last night, yeah. I did too. I love fries.

Really? From where? Well, the improv. I was eating some. Okay. Yeah. I had burgers never say die, but they were too cold

by the time I ate them. So it's, I'm not, it's not a happy time. Are you guys smash burger gals? I've never had. A smash burger? No. What? There's so many.

What kind of burgers do you eat? I don't eat that many burgers. I love meat. I don't know why I'm not eating burgers. Oh, I had one two weeks ago, I guess. But you don't like rank your burgers? I don't go, I try eating so fucking healthy that, even though I just ate fries, it was off my boyfriend's plate. But I try eating so healthy that I'm like, I don't get, my, like, my cheat food is like a taco or like if I'm hammered, I'll make like something.

What about like a lettuce wrap? Instead of bun? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'll do that. That In-N-Out is so good. It is good. And then the sauce.

And then you see the calories. I'm trying to count calories right now. It's a whole thing. I got to lose 20 pounds by October. Why? I'm filming a special. Oh. Uh-huh, yeah.

So I'm like, I can't. My goal is to not wear Spanx on stage. 20 pounds feels like a lot for you. Like, I feel like you're going to be really small. No, because it'll be a lot of muscle, too. I just, I need, the gut needs to go bye-bye. I'm about to do Kybella on my gut. I've done Kybella before.

Is that where they freeze the? It's where they put acid into your fat cells. What? Oh yeah, I had a double chin before. No longer. Rest in peace. So it works. It works.

Yeah, it doesn't work for everybody. Yeah. But I had it done over the pandemic. I had a double chin that was so psychotic. It was like literally everyone would be like, what's that? I guess it's from drinking I don't know what it was but I would lose weight everywhere but the chin and like every photo on stage I was like I was losing my fucking mind and you only did it once no no no it's oh no you had to put money into it so if you're listening you're thinking about Kybella it's like for my chin alone cost three do you have to wear

the chin strap after no are you it's literally So what happens is I had like three injections put in and it's like a bunch of acid and then it makes you, it swells you up for two weeks, like fucking bullfrog, like swaddling around. But because it was during the pandemic, I'd wear my mask all the time and I just put an ice pack in there. Oh, smart. Yes. So that's why I'm going to do the gut. It's going to be a lot.

They said it's going to be at least 5K. Wow. Yeah. Because it'll be like three or four sessions. So does it just like dissolve? Yeah. It dissolves the fat from those places. It's going to be a lot. They said it's going to be at least 5K. Wow. Yeah, because it'll be like three or four sessions. So does it just like dissolve? Yeah, it dissolves the fat from those places. And what it's supposed to do is the fat doesn't go back there.

And it does it in a uniform way. It's not going to leave like little like bumps of like adipose. No, and I barely bruised. But yeah, some people it just doesn't work for them. But like it worked really well for me. So I have a question. I'm not saying that you need this at all because I think you look so snatched, but why that over something like Ozempic?

I don't, we don't know that much about Ozempic, I feel like. And I don't, I mean, I would do Ozempic, but I feel, I don't like the way Ozempic does stuff to you mentally.

Yeah. So I'm like, especially, I'm not gonna film my first special and feel weird and not feel like myself or something that's why like

Kybella's just like and I looked into I'm also working out people are watching me being like I work out every fucking day for literally fucking an hour and a half

but my gut no when I walked in here like you're snatched no the gut won't move I'm telling you right now I wear Spanx every single fucking day I can't stand it

I'm wearing Spanx right now it drives me insane because I'm so self conscious of my stomach so I'm like at this point I've tried Spanx right now. It drives me insane because I'm so self-conscious of my stomach. So I'm like, at this point, I've tried everything. I've always,

even when I was a kid, I wore like tight tank tops to like hide my gut because I was so embarrassed by it even though I didn't even have a gut when I was a kid but it's just been a problem area. I looked into lipo

but the lipo is so much more invasive because they go in, they suck it out and you're like doing a bunch of stuff and so people are like, do suit ups. I do fucking like 200 suit ups a day. Suck my ass.

So yeah, I'm like, this is the last straw here. We're just trying to get, because I'm like, I really don't want to be wearing a romper on stage doing fucking two sets back to back and be like, sorry, my spanks are falling down the whole fucking set. It's going to drive me insane. Oh my God. Wait, that's so exciting. Where are you filming it?

Boston. I know. I love Boston because the fucking Bill got me all these fucking Boston fans and they're crazy so I wanted to do like I'm not filming like I can't say I'm almost about to announce where I can say it but I'm not saying it yet but it's not a normal it's not the Wilbur it's not like a normal theater it's like a it's like a rock club now when when your mom um does she go to your shows now and is she like wow like she is really good at this and i am so proud of her no no no i think she's more proud now but she um

yeah i don't know she'll go she better fucking special and does she give it up is she like holy no no no no i just kind of see in the back kind of like watching other people i think she's still not loving the comedy but um yeah she's not loving the comedy but yeah she'll come to this yeah she better come to this but yeah I'm pumped for Boston because Boston the crowds are crazy

have you done shows in Boston? yeah no it's amazing they're unhinged they're like standing up for no reason they're screaming like I want it to be like there's conversations

happening with you and the person in the crowd and it's just part of it yeah no I had the best time in Boston yeah I want it to be like I don't want it to feel like you're just sitting in a theater and it's just part of it. No, I had the best time in Boston. Yeah, I don't want to feel like you're just sitting in a theater and it's just like, it's just not my style. Steph, don't take this the wrong way.

Oh, I am. But just because of your background in highland dancing, I feel like you're really coordinated. I came across this really obscure sport, which is apparently like a huge deal, and it's called cheese rolling. Have came across this really obscure sport, which is apparently like a huge deal. And it's called cheese rolling. Have you seen this? Oh, you roll down the hill and you catch the cheese rolls in England? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ireland? And it was an Asian girl who like won it. So that's even why I know about it. Because I was like, AAPI month, is it over?

Because we need to give this girl the crown. This bitch just rolled down. And I mean, like, girl, the crown. This bitch just rolled down. And I mean, like she was going, I mean, she was. It's crazy. Crazy. And. Rolling like a log?

Like. No, no, no. Your body's just rolling down a hill. What do you mean? No, like, are you like, like you're rolling like this way? No. No. Like you're just like. You're throwing yourself off a hill and seeing how fast you can get to the bottom of the hill.

But it doesn't even, you don't have to have a style. You can slide down if you want, if you think that's going to be fastest. But this girl was like, like fully, like there's no way she came out of that. In my head, I was like, oh, she has a traumatic brain injury. She's dead. But she comes out of it being like, this is my second year. I can't believe I'm, you know, national champion. And she's like this 17-year-old Asian chick.

And I'm like, holy shit. There are some people just built for. She's rolling. But she, I feel like down the line, she might have something. Right? Yeah, that's a lot of jostling of the body. But she must have a way where she's not hitting her head every time. Right.

She must have like a tucking and rolling. Because I've seen like a bunch of drunk Irish men like, like going down the hill, like just completely, they're like, they're for sure brain damaged at the end of it. Wait, so this isn't as obscure of a sport. Like you know about it. I know about this just because I know weird things. But that's.

Where does the cheese come in? The cheese is. Don't they roll it down first? They roll the cheese. It's like a thing of cheese. I feel like maybe you'd be. I'm trying to get more information and really assess myself. Yeah, they roll like a roll down.

I think it's like a hard. A hard cheese. Yes, and it rolls down the hill and then you're trying to like roll down. With it. With it, yeah. And what country started this? Ireland, I think. Wasn't it Ireland?

Maybe, but this girl was American. Not too dissimilar from Olympic curling, which is just brushing eyes. But apparently also something I was making fun of a couple years ago, but now it's like, oh, I get it. I watch curling now. No, curling's incredible. Yeah, yeah, it's hard to watch. I can't peel my eyes away.

It's so cool to watch. Wait, would you guys drink raw milk? Is that something you would drink or is that gross you out? I have thoughts. Straight from the thing? Well, technically, I guess. It's just milk that's not pasteurized but like in theory you would find it at like a niche market and in a bottle like you're not like 26 yeah this is all my boyfriend drinks we have raw milk in the fridge right now you do no my boyfriend drinks it he's a

old farmer he's a farmer and you've never tried it i don't i don't love milk because i just read that raw milk like is you know how it's been like almond milk oat milk whatever but now it's like literally raw milk is like being sold out everywhere and really like it would you drink it i've never tried it i have i have i mean i just think that everything is like it's just very intelligent marketing it's just we're trying to go back to like what's just very intelligent marketing. It's just we're trying to go back to like what's allegedly pure when there was a really bright man who went out of his way to pasteurize dairy so that less people would get sick. Like there was a reason for pasteurization to happen. Right. And that was like that was groundbreaking at that time.

I feel like you're talking about it like you were alive during it. Is it Louis Pasteur? Or like you were around, like you worked next door when they- I was, Esther. I come from the Philippines. I was sucking milk out of a goat's teeth my whole life. That's true. Pasteurization is groundbreaking to you? I mean, it was groundbreaking.

And people forget that there was a reason for that. There was a reason for the polio vaccine to exist. There's a reason for groundbreaking scientific things to have happened. And now I think we're just really trying to understand what's necessary, what's not. But I do think as a whole, like, no, I don't, I'm not sold on the effects of raw milk yet okay and I think that selling it for 26 dollars at Erewhon is a shtick fair enough look I have not gotten it I'm just curious about it I have obviously fallen for the marketing because to me it's like yes I'm sure pasteurization is groundbreaking but like with anything we think it's great like this is probably

why you're like I'm not not trying to Zempic yet. Like, and then there's, we later find out like, oh, maybe we didn't need to do that. Perfect example. I've been buying Irish Kerrygold butter forever because I was told like early on when I was trying to do like paleo diet and stuff, they were like, oh yeah, you have to get really high quality butter. So for years I've been doing Kerrygold and apparently their packaging has PFAS. like paleo diet and stuff they were like oh yeah you have to get really high quality butter so for years i've been doing carry gold and apparently their packaging has pfas and now there's a class

action lawsuit oh fuck and now i've just i'm like oh for the past eight years i've just i've been sucking about carry gold me too that's like the gold standard right yeah get it at costco yeah you buy five at a time. There's no way to survive if you don't just move to a farm, is there? Like that's the only choice to be safe for no microplastics? Yeah, I guess that's it. So that's fun. Look at you.

Yeah, big milk head over here. Big milk head. I actually don't even drink like oat milk. I try to avoid that stuff. Really? It doesn't seem right. Because I like dairy. I like cow's milk. I like animal milk. I drink almond milk. Do you ever milk your raven?

I don't even know if it's a boy or a girl. Raven milk feels like it would be... Did you try your breast milk? Oh yeah, have you? No. Really? I was like, I tried my sister's, not from the tit.

She had put in a little, I had to, I've always wanted to try it. It's very sweet. Very sweet. I tried your sister's too. We were together. We both sucked the tit each.

No, it sounds weird, but I was like, I felt weird, but she took it out of a bottle and put it on a little spoon and I was like, when am I ever going to try this again? Yeah, and it it on a little spoon and I was like when am I ever going to try this again

yeah and it's like a little bit more like runny it's like water it's thinner than you think I can't believe you can try your own I think that was what scared me

is how thin it was I was like ew it's like body water or something body water sounds so when you say that that sounds disgusting

see okay so you see now well no it's not body water. Body water makes it sound so... Now I feel gross when I try my sister's. Yeah. I'm sorry.

Her own body water. I think breast milk is amazing, and I think it's great that you tried it, but I was... I did not want my own body water, that's all. I just, I needed to know. I would have tried my own. Sucked it right out of there. Yeah, same. No, you'll get in the moment, and you'll...

I don't know. We'll see. We'll see. Wait, I read this. I found this study that I want to share. It's very Trash Tuesday coded. Okay, so I found this study, a poll of 14,000 women about their own pubic hair. And I want to share the results and see what you guys think.

Okay, so 82% of women remove some of their pubic hair, right? 82%. That's a pretty high number. Most people are doing something. But only 15% of respondents are completely nude. How do we feel about that? Does that feel low? No.

No, it doesn't um also in like what period are they in their relationship are they single there's so many factors that go into my state down there that initially i might be more inclined to you know do things and get the regular wax when I'm in the beginning stages of dating. But that goes out the window six years in. What percent of people do you think said that they don't remove the hair on their anus? That's got to be like my mom. Oh, a lot. 80%?

I would say that they don't remove. Oh, I go higher. Yeah. Maybe like 60%? Because I don't think everyone has butt hair. Wait, you're saying 80% don't remove it. Yeah. And you're saying 60% don't remove it.

Klyla, did you read the study? No, I didn't. No, oh, really? 60 is pretty high. I'm sorry, it's not a study. It's a poll. Oh, I guess. 60 feels low to me.

No, because a lot of people have fair hair back there or they don't give a fuck. Or they just don't have them. I mean, even if they're maybe like one or two stragglers,

it's not like a tuft. I have a tuft. I got more than a tuft. I hate to brag to you. I have a spina bifida tuft. I got your hair on your head on my ass.

I hate to raise you. It's bad. What percent do you think rock either a full bush or a slightly trimmed full bush? I feel like, I wish there was an age thing on this because I feel like women from like 30 up are rocking a bush

nowadays and I think 30 under are like getting waxed up. We just got 14,000 women of all ages. Okay. I want to say I don't know, like 50? Only 29.5% of people are rocking a full bush or a slightly trimmed full bush. And 40% maintain a bikini-shaped bush where they only remove the hair that would stick out of a bikini. Yeah, yeah, yeah. maintain a bikini shaped bush where they only remove the hair that would stick out of a bikini yeah yeah which i feel like that is probably what i'm visualizing is like the right move

yeah personally i feel like yeah i i'm at a different phase i'm full sugaring now because i get ingrowns that are so fucking bad that i'm just i'm doing it all so i go in i wait the six weeks i get everything removed yeah because Because my hair grows so quickly. If I do just the bikini, the hair, it's like, what are we doing down there? Do you exfoliate in between? Yeah, I have to. I have a special thing. It's like, it's so fucking bad.

But since I started sugaring, my, like, ingrowns have gone down like fucking 80%. It's insane. What is sugaring again? Is it just like kind of the same as waxing? No, they actually use this like actual like fresh sug sugaring i don't even know exactly what it is they go faster they go faster and they like it removes the hair more naturally because waxing leaves part of the like the bottoms in it sugaring removes the whole uh root does it wait not to like depress you but can i show you the top of my pussy and how my hair has not grown back at all

it didn't why would that depress her? No, because they're supposed to. They say mine comes in a bit less. Because. But it's still. If you're dealing with like ingrown and stuff like that, and you're somebody that like deals with like coarser hair, like the top of my fupa is very like envy worthy.

There's like maybe two hairs that grow. I wish. I know. What the heck? Cons that grow. I wish. I know. What the heck? Consent stuff. I want to see this. I'm going to be pissed off how fucking hairy I am right now. Look, there's more. That's it? Yeah. What the hell is that? Are you insane? My fucking nipple right now looks like that. Are you crazy? I haven't touched it

in a long time. Are you insane? There's no hairs there. You counted three, right? There was three exact hairs. Is that how it is the whole way around no it's very like some grow on the side I can't believe that I know and it's just from

years of waxing it just never really grew back I've never more jealous of my life of anything I swear to god this is my pussy if I leave it I swear

to god every every crane even when the sugar I come home there's still a bunch I'm like how the hell did you miss that

that's insane I know right I'm so do you have any arm hair no you have no hair I do I do I do have arm hair

and I grow armpit hair okay yeah it's just there I can't believe that my poor boyfriend he's fuck

that's a nightmare for him maybe he doesn't know where to start there's nowhere to start there's nowhere to end there's no beginning middle or end down there

are you guys ever on TikTok and you're scrolling and like it's things are hitting She doesn't know where to start. There's nowhere to start. There's nowhere to end. There's no beginning, middle, or end down there. Are you guys ever on TikTok and you're scrolling and, like, things are hitting, you're seeing good videos and stuff, and then, like, all of a sudden you get a video that has zero views and zero likes and you're like, why am I the guinea pig? No, that happens to me all the time. But, you know, I stick around. Do you not stick around or do you scroll? It really depends. You stick around. You have to stick around. They need it. No. I can't believe you stick around or do you scroll? It really depends. You stick around. You have to stick around.

They need it. No. I can't believe you stick around. I stick around because I'm like, look, I'm the very first person to view this. What an honor. Oh, I take it as a total insult that like TikTok will just give me anything. Like I'm such a dirty. They just give me the bullshit.

I test it out. I'm just a guinea pig. I have a disease in my head where I cannot scroll past a dog like ever. I have to give it at least 10 seconds of my time, even if I'm not that interested because I'm like, no, this is someone's dog that they love. And there's zero likes, zero views, zero. And I'm like, no, I got to stick around. I support that. That I support.

But I'm like, if it's just some weirdo in a basement in the dark, I'm like, I'm watching this fucking shit. Someone was like about to give me some kind of presentation on the subject that I've never, I'm like, what is this? Wait, but that's even better. There's like a voyeuristic like sickness where you're like, I'm literally the only one here. Same with Chatterbait. When you go into some chat rooms on Chatterbait and you're one of four people giving tokens. And it's just a woman who is like newly lactating. Oh my God. And she she's and you're like oh

my god it there is an honor there it's very personal it's very like i've never heard chatterbait chatterbait's just like basically chat rooms and you can enter and like give money to it's like a porn site okay yeah yeah yeah it sounded like it was yeah yeah But there is like if 10,000 people are watching, how do you feel special? Wow. I cannot believe the opposite take you have on this. You know what? There is this one TikTok thing I keep seeing now

where it's like a guy who stumbles across some guy playing video games alone. And then he goes, hey, man. And the guy's like, oh, hey. And then they start talking, becoming friends. And then I see those videos. I like that it was nice yeah or my i made the mistake of watching too many dog rescue videos so i was up last night oh my god i was sobbing holding found at the yes found inside the river and it was all ribby and i was like i can't and then i

watched the whole thing i'm like weeping i'm is this? Yeah. That's just tragedy porn. It is. Yeah. Why do we like that? Like, or not like it, but why do we not, why are we not able to look away?

Because I know, I sometimes will scroll ahead to make sure the dog gets saved and then I'll go back and I'll be like, oh, the dog's good now. The dog has no more ribs.

It's thing. Yeah. You know, my favorite account right now is, um, one of the two Down Syndrome guys that are cooking.

Oh. Theo Vaughn just did it. Ian and, what are they called? Getting Down With, it's Getting Down With Something. Yeah, they're so great. It's the only content I watch right now. They're so good. They're so wholesome. Theo Vaughn just did it. Okay. It's made me a Theo Vaughn fan. He is amazing.

I love him now. I don't think I've ever really watched his stand-up. Now, because of this, these clips of him, I don't think I've ever really watched a stand up now because of this these clips of him I'm obsessed with Yvonne okay you need to watch him interview Roseanne Barr cause they like

he's just a guy chilling there talking with her about like her post menopausal vagina like it is awesome I'm like I respect him

so much he was so good on what is it called right yes right it's you will you're just gonna change it they're so adorable him so much. He was so good on what was it called? Right. Yes. You will, he's gonna change it. They're so adorable but also like low key mean sometimes

when they just say what they say, right? And I think it's so funny. I think there was one clip of them or him comparing the one guy to Bobby. Oh yeah, that's the funniest guy on the planet. Yeah.

Where he's like, do you know any Asian guys? And they're like, no. And he's looking, one of them is Asian, and he's like, no. And they're like, he was like, yeah.

And it's literally, Bobby hasn't watched it. Yeah. I asked him, if you don't see this clip, he's like, no. I'm like, what the hell is your problem? It's the best clip on the internet right now.

Nothing will be better than this clip. It's so perfect and wholesome. Anyways, they're the best. And they have good recipes. and they have good recipes they do have beer chicken the other day I'm getting into the recipes they're making stuff I'm missing out on so much of like regular TikTok because it's all moms I really was so determined to go into motherhood like I'm still me I have this I'm like being a mom is definitely not my whole identity whatever like I want to get back to my hot girl walks and all this stuff and now I'm like that was a crazy person like I don't want anything to do with the person I was before I was a mom I don't like it's all gone I thought I was after pregnancy I was gonna be in this rush to get back to her and

I'm like everything before this is meaningless to me now and I don't think that's everyone's journey at all but that's just like what I'm experiencing like I I want to like have a tattoo that says mom across my forehead like that's all I am now you can be like the undertaker he has Sarah across his neck really big but you could just put mama I'm a mom and I love it all around the whole neck. Yeah, like the identity of who I was before is completely gone. Which I worry. I'm like, oh, years down the road, am I going to regret that? And maybe it'll level off, whatever.

But like right now, I'm like, I just want to be considered a mom. I also don't think you will ever regret that. Really? I don't think so. If it's a feeling that comes naturally for you and it feels good and it's so strong yeah and you love it there's no way yeah yeah I think you're right I think motherhood does it does it does change something and you in that way like the brain really does change like the way my brain is different I feel it I'm that's what I'm saying it's so different

from my old personality like i can just i'm not like lazy like i watched this whole documentary on netflix a couple years ago it might have been during the pandemic about um just babies from like all the stages pregnancy to like later on in life and they have this whole episode dedicated to how a woman's brain changes i need to watch this yeah it's an older documentary i think it's called babies i'm it is called babies right but oh we do okay um but they do talk about specifically how the brain morphs and warps into motherhood and how you have you think you have a set of anxieties pre-motherhood but the kind of anxiety is very different like It's almost like triggers this whole cascade of a new brain. Yeah.

I feel like a whole new software system has been uploaded and I'm like sort of adjusting to it, you know. And what's interesting too is like I don't feel like it happened immediately, right? It's like, oh oh I was in the bliss bliss but still me like those first few weeks I was like mom can you go grab me a Starbucks like I still wanted to like do all the normal things I was so but the change was is gradual and now I'm like actually I don't drink coffee anymore like I don't want it I don't because it's too annoying to have to deal with that and I don't want to have it's too annoying to have to deal with that. And I don't want to have like a caffeine crash and have to be taking care of my baby. Like my energy is so important to me. So there's all these things I never thought I would have been cool with and that it's just so different. And maybe that's just me and where I'm at in life. I don't know that that happens to everyone. I'd be curious to hear from other moms, but. But the fact that you're open to it, flexible to this new version, I think that's, that's key. You're not fighting it either. You're like, okay, this is just where I am. No, I am so into the change. Wait, I like, how do you guys

feel hearing that? Like, do you, if you were, I don't know what your plans are, but like, if you were to become a mom, does that, cause to me that would have scared me if I heard someone talking like this, does that scare you? Like you don't want to lose who you are or you would be okay with that? No. I mean, I hate to be the person to be like, when I got my dog, but when I did get my dog, I was raising her by myself. I was so fucking depressed before I got her. It was a problem.

And then after I got her, I literally, I became happy. And I was like, oh, fuck. Like there's something that is with me. I completely agree. Getting a dog saved my life. Obviously not the same thing. Not the same thing. No, but can I tell you? That's my something that is what I mean. I completely agree. Getting a dog saved my life. Obviously not the same thing. Not the same thing at all. No, but can I tell you?

That's my only comparison is just like I felt. Is it the exact same thing? No, but you know what? It kind of is because I was so worried that I was going to love my dog less or this connection with my baby would be so much stronger. It is very strong, but I love donut just as much, like if not more, like there is no lessening of my connection with

Donut like I I worship her she is my first baby there's no doubt about that so whatever you feel like oh I feel like I'm my my dog is my real baby like you're correct I like that's true I mean I do feel it I mean same it changed me because because it just pulled me out of myself. All my little like self-centered thoughts were like dimmed because now I had something that fully relied on me and I could just get out of myself. And it was a really nice feeling to not have to turn everything like inward. It was like, okay, here I feed you. I bathe you. I keep you safe.

What do you need? Like it's always something. Sorry. You know how much it might cost? They gave me the estimate right before I got in here, by the way. No, if they're going to be monitored, all four of them, for one night, it's $12,000. Oh my God. Bring them home. Bring them fucking home. We'll go with them right now. Look, the mic fell off because I said $12,000. Oh my God. Bring them home. Bring them fucking home.

Look the mic fell off because I said $12,000. We will go get them right fucking now. So they said I know so I was like what can we do? They were like well we can do some outpatient thing where they come back every day for like a week to be monitored. I was like okay let's do that because I don't have hundreds and thousands of dollars for four dogs but like I

need them to be safe. Like they are my life. The fact that you even took them in shows how good of a dog mom you are, but they're fine. You're not leaving them overnight. It's absurd. Okay. For half a grave that may be in there. What's going to happen is they're going to shit it out and you're going to see a piece of grave and oh, there it is. They shit the grave. Okay, thank you.

That makes me feel better. My dog eat a whole, my parents dog eat a whole sock and shit it out. A fucking sock. A live turtle? Like this is, these dogs are stupid. that's like full salmonella yeah the dogs are dogs are fucked oh okay esther i really do like this version of you thank you and i've loved all versions of you but this feels like you've never been more sure of who you are this is nice it's something like that yeah it's never been more sure of what's what I want I'm but at the same time I don't know it's my there's still uncertainty like I really am feeling very pulled away from want anything to do with like career which is complicated and I don't know

what that's where I'll land on that in the next few months or years. But I definitely am feeling like this is where I like being with my baby is where I belong. And like, obviously I like when I come somewhere like here to do this and talk to you guys, I have so much fun talking to you. And like, this is so fulfilling, but at the same time, I also have like some separation anxiety and I don't like stepping out of the flow state that I'm in when I'm home with her. So there's, it's interesting. Like they, I know they've been saying it for years, but it's like, it's an impossible, you can't balance it. Like there's no perfect. Right. Well, you're not missing much. I got bumped at the law factory last night. I hate to break it to you. You hate missing much out there. Boom to your goddamn baby. That's that. And there it is. Also Esther, it's a good thing you chose baby. Cause I mean, you're four, almost 40 and you don't have a baby. That's that and there it is. I love you. Oh my God. Also Esther it's a good thing

you chose baby because when you're almost 40 and you don't have a baby you know what you end up doing? Rehabilitating Crowey. Yeah. You want that for yourself?

I might be getting a crow pretty soon. You're going to get a crow next week. I think I might. I promise you. Do you want kids? I do now

that I met somebody that I want kids with. Isn't that such a great feeling? It is but now I didn't freeze my eggs so now I'm all panicking. Oh, you're fine. Don't, don't. I learned this statistic that in Italy, their 20s and early 30s are meant to just explore,

build relationships, build a foundation with their partner. They don't even start to consider motherhood until after 35. Oh, really? Okay. We're good. Okay. We're good. Don't buy into the fear mongering.

Just, you know, keep your body healthy. You're doing the best that you can. And just, you know, don't don't get so caught up in your head about that stuff. I will say and I do have some anxiety that I, I wish I would have done it sooner. But but to counter that in a big way, one thing I know is, like, I was at the grocery store a couple nights ago. And I saw these two young girls, like, having fun at the grocery store. And it made me think of me and our friend Jenna and, like, how we used to go to the grocery store and be silly, whatever, like, on a Friday night. I know that's, like, not exactly what the typical thing is. Wow. Very.

I know. But, like, we would have so much fun. I was sucking three dicks in an alleyway somewhere in Europe. Trust me, we had a ton of fun. But like it made me – like I was like, oh, that's so fun. Like I used to do that. But because when you do it older, there's no like – you're not – there's no FOMO for your old life. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no.

And that is one thing that is really nice about doing it older. Like I have – I'm so happy to be there now and i'm never gonna be like why did i do it you know that's never gonna happen yeah and i i always do i there's this girl on again tiktok but she was just like i think you know when they say if it's not a resounding yes it's a no and I think that's wrong I think that um people who are unsure about parenthood turn out to be the best parents because I think that's a sign of you really thinking about it in depth and thoroughly like the pros and cons you're weighing it out you're not just blindly being like I just I'm horny and I want your you know you're really thinking about it so if you are ambivalent if you are somebody that goes back and

forth about being a mom I do think that's a sign that you will be a very like strong parent I I see that I also think that that's where sometimes the people who do end up like complaining and having to be really hard are the people that were like, this is what I want. And then it's not perfect when you get it. So I don't know. That's just a theory, but yeah. Um,

Steph, thank you so much for doing this. Thank you. Thanks for having me. You're so fun. Very close to my house. Very convenient. Where can people see you and find you?

Find me on Instagram at Steph Tolove. And if you like, um, podcasts, Steph Infection. It's all about gross body stuff. You both have to do it once I get into a new location. Oh my God. We love you guys. Thank you for tuning in.

Follow Steph and we will see you next week with a brand new episode.