Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - The Period Séance
Episode Date: April 27, 2021Thank you to our Sponsors: Nutrafol - Go to https://nutrafol.com and enter code BLOODBATH to save twenty percent off your first month’s subscription. Plus FREE shipping on EVERY order. BlueChew - Tr...y BlueChew FREE when you use our promo code BATHGIRLS at checkout--just pay $5 shipping at https://go.bluechew.com/bloodbath Subscribe to our YouTube! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons Trash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPod Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudio Trash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: George Kimmel & Pete Forthun Editor: Gabby Galon --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/trashtuesday/message
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editors up all night tirelessly editing these things okay their fingers are bleeding we're
calling them no not that one no our chins look bad in that one our hair looks shitty in that
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All right?
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Don't forget to check out
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Subscribe and like all the videos
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What's going on?
Oh, and on top of that,
go on iTunes, please.
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Aren't you lucky?
Esther, what are you sad about well i saw sea spiracy on netflix and it was really difficult to watch because you were born underwater well i wish as a bottom feeder i really like sushi so i went vegan four years ago and then after a year of
being vegan i was like i'm gonna have just sushi that's gonna be my cheat so that's like my only
non-vegan so i know that makes me not vegan but like i love sushi so much and but she does she
only has it like once or twice or three times a week. So it's not. Esther, did you become a vegan because of a Netflix documentary?
Yeah, she's a, listen, she's a Netflix vegan.
What the hell?
You're a Netflix vegan.
I watched What the Health.
And honestly, you're the reason I never watch these podcasts
or these Netflix shows anymore.
Because they, so you didn't watch Seaspiracy.
I watched What the Health after.
And then I was like, should I be?
And I'm like, I don't want to be fucking vegan.
There's no part of me that wants to be vegan. And when I look at Seaspiracy and I see what the health after and then I was like, should I be and then I don't be fucking vegan. There's no part of me that wants to be vegan. And when I look at conspiracy and I see what like, I already like blackfish was enough. I can't go to SeaWorld anymore. I can't jerk off telecom blackfish. I can I can stand by a lot more than conspiracy. Like there are a lot of truths about just industrial fishing that's so fucked up. But there's also a lot of like, like like willful misinformation by that documentarian i
think that's really pushing the agenda of um veganism and really and that's what i got like i
and also like i had a lot of qualms about it like even when they talked about the philippines and
like the animation that came up it's this thing called alibata which i write it's a dead language
like they the documentarian thought that
that's our written language like we haven't used it as a country in like 500 fucking years so
there's tiny little things like i had issues with but um um i have a friend she's a spearfisher
woman her name is valentine thomas and i think that we should call her with your sushi questions
okay now i will say that i did also just watch jaws and i was like
all right fuck the sea creatures they're evil eat them before they eat you and it is by the way have
you seen jaws yes i have do you guys do you guys know that it's like it's like um it's like a
precursor to covid because they're like we can't shut the beach down for the economy but it's like a precursor to COVID because they're like, we can't shut the beach down for the economy.
But it's like COVID.
But do you do realize that if we wiped away sharks, apex predators, we'd be done?
Right.
We need them.
We absolutely need sharks.
I love sharks.
Don't talk shit about sharks.
That's like if you got rid of me on the podcast.
Annie, this is a good question to ask about your hashtag plastic straws,
because I think that
that that was mentioned on there as that was my one like the woohoo moment when they're like the
plastic isn't even that big of a deal and i was like all my friends who've bitched at me for
buying cheap things on black friday made of plastic are drinking with plastic straws i'm like
i was vegan okay i was doing better than you bitch what are you buying on black friday that's that's
causing a stir with all your friends i went to menards in the midwest on black friday two years
ago and i bought like this plastic neon cactus for 4.99 and one to two people complained yes
you've been holding on to it yes i'm still upset i was too poor to shop on black friday i work
black friday we're for 18 straight hours at abercrombie and fitch at the Glendale Galleria. Just folding, folding, folding. Oh, you still, I didn't know you still work there.
Wow. Lila, maybe take a break. They call you a gold digger, but.
Okay, let's call C-Sppiracy, your friend who knows stuff.
It's weird.
Her name is C-Spiracy.
Here.
C.Spiracy.
Hello?
Hi, it's Kalilah.
So you're on the show.
You're on Bloodbath.
And Esther has some very, very important questions to ask you about her sushi intake.
So I'm going to pass the phone over to you if that's okay.
Okay, perfect.
Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to us.
So what do you do?
So I have a job that doesn't really exist.
I'm a professional spearfisher woman, which is not really a thing.
I'm a professional spearfisher woman, which is not really a thing.
I used to be a lawyer and then, like, kind of quit everything to dive around the world and educate people on sustainable seafood.
It's unfair.
I am just stressed out from watching this show, Sea Spearcy. I'm like, there's no such thing as sustainable seafood.
All those labels that say things are sustainable and dolphins safe are
lies the how they catch by catch in the nets like is it true should i never have sushi again is it
really evil and there's no safe friendly way to do this no it's actually not true i mean there
are quite a lot of true like fact that you know there are horrible things happening in the fishing industry
but people should not stop eating seafood actually the united states has probably one of the most
sustainable fisheries in the world so what actually you can do is keep it in excess but just keep
eating local fish eat local fish yes so we want domestic united states fish we don't want fish that needed a passport to get here
all right id only now what what like on what's on the sushi menu that's local uh you probably
have yellowtail yellowtail amashi amashi that's local uh you have mahi-mahi is also very sustainable. Mahi-mahi. Yes.
Some of the bluefin tuna fisheries are also sustainable.
It really depends on a lot of bottom fish like flounders.
Flounders.
So the entire ground fish has to treat it.
Careful with salmon.
How about careful with salmon?
Yeah, because it's like farmed salmon is probably not the best way.
Because there are farms that are pretty shitty and there are farms that are pretty great. Okay.
So there is a way. You just have to ask around
try to find local. How do I find
the good farm fish?
It's sadly by doing
research.
Oh, I see you doing work.
You don't have time to do that.
Just hire someone to do it. annie okay well valentine thank you so much i'm gonna hand you
off to kalilah in case there's more questions annie do you have questions no i don't care i'm
eating i i don't care where the fish comes from eating it i don't have any children
what does that have to let's sink this ship i sink the ship, I'm saying. Let's sink the... Donut will be gone in 10 years.
Hey, thank you so much for answering.
Esther has just been grieving for a whole week
over her possibly never eating fish again.
Thank you so much for answering our questions.
And I hope the next time you come out to California,
we can all go on a boat with you
and we can teach Esther how to...
Swim.
Maybe spear a fish. Catch a fish. Oh, yeah yeah in the sun bye esther you're gonna go from netflix vegan to a fish murderer this is gonna be the best
thing i've ever seen that's what i wanted to tell her that you were a netflix vegan
oh but she's she's honestly she's all goals i love finding a woman that is goals that's like
i can't even imagine anymore the days of like oh someone who's perfect and i'm jealous i'm just
like you're i'm working towards you although i will admit one day when i discovered kate upton
and that she was like five years younger than me and that my time had come and gone i was like
you know what it is it's when they're younger and they already they're like super rich, super like a seeming
like they seem very happy and they already have kids and it seems very chill.
It's like I'm like you have like five kids already and you're seven years younger than
me.
Like what the fuck?
Like the days of thinking I was going to be a young mother have been gone for like a decade.
You know?
Yeah.
Speaking of you said, let's sink the ship i when i was in boston
i met someone who's an ancestor of a survivor of the titanic how cool i was like tell me everything
like isn't that cool tell me about how your great grandmother's friends all died and their family
his grandma jumped into a lifeboat and was on a lifeboat with 70 people on it. And they were on it for like five hours.
And he said that the lifeboat was so heavy,
like there was too many people on it,
that there was only this much of like, you know,
six inches of the boat above the water.
And that like her hair was in the water frozen.
Who did you most identify with in the movie?
Like which group of people?
The diamond being just like so precious, but people just throwing me away,
just losing me in the scene.
Who did you identify with?
I identified with the drunk musicians.
Do you remember them?
They just kept playing the band.
They just kept drinking, but they didn't hop into a lifeboat.
But not to be cocky, but i really feel like i would
have survived it i have said that every tsunami i'm like i was a tsunami i can't survive i was
a swimmer it's like so and then you watch and you're like oh i guess annie let me tell you
about a tsunami like oh i guess maybe not i've thought about it when i was younger i was like
oh i'm just gonna grab a boogie board and just go with a direct yeah why are they fighting against it but it's not these things go 500 500 miles per hour and there's debris and
shit smacking into you and you can't i have reoccurring nightmares about tsunamis that's
my number one tornadoes are second but first a tsunami all the time that's so interesting i never
have a nightmare like that i think it's because i grew up in the tropics yeah but it's funny you
say that you think you'd survive the Titanic
because it sounds like the way his grandmother survived
was because she was hot.
Because the night before had like sparked a connection with a guy.
And then when it was sinking, the guy like ran into her
and was like, come with me.
That's why guys never date musicians.
They'll stay on the boat.
They'll get drunk.
They'll stay on the boat.
They won't help you.
Also, when I was little and I saw the musician thing like them you know playing i was
like so confused but now as an adult i sort of understand yeah i'd be up there and i'd be like
listen uncircumcised dicks are crazy i'm like let's go now stand up people are like i'd be like
what people are jumping into the water oh they're already in the boat because women and children first.
That's right.
I'd be also doing a black sign all of a sudden.
I'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Can't culturally appropriate on your way out.
Actually, you can.
I'd be wearing these.
I feel like if there was a club in there, Annie, we'd die.
We'd still be in the club somewhere, like sucking dick,
like sucking some rich man's dick.
I'd still be asleep.
She wouldn't even know it was happening.
She'd sound asleep um there was one time in high school where in high school we had three separate
buildings and you'd have to go from building a b and c but there was a tunnel to connect them
and one time someone blew up um an m80 which is really loud and um during um in the middle of
periods when everyone was in the tunnel and um initially I thought it was a gun shot that had gone off
and everyone like ducked down,
except for my sister and I.
My sister and I stood up, zigzagged,
stepped on everyone's heads in the tunnel
and ran the fuck out of there.
Like we ran past the school.
Like we just skipped school.
We didn't even go back to school.
We were like, oh, we're fucking out of here,
which is why I think I'd survive a Titanic. When there's a and also i don't read it's also i can't read it
was reading class that day and when there's a fire drill say for instance any building at all they're
like oh it's everyone's like it's just a drill let's fall in line that's run out i'm out that
i'm in my car i'm driving away in case the whole thing collapses like that's my
instinct what was with the running zigzag out in case someone had a gun oh you didn't watch cops
you didn't watch game of thrones either wait but why did everyone duck
uh well i think that's the natural response is to kind of do that hide from it yeah she was
escaping rather than i was escaping i didn't want to be there so we were like my sister and i were
so in sync she was like how did you guys both know
she would have stepped in her head we were new to this country didn't know watch some bad movies
we just knew we had to like get the fuck out of there cops is what taught me the
they're like they can't get you with they're trying to get you with the light
they just get your heel i mean like you have to consider too that all i watched when i first came here was jenny
jones ricky lake cops occasionally an old episode of cheers very educational you learned all the
good things yeah i mean jenny jones was yeah jenny jones they all were doing what was your favorite
did you watch the show the makeovers the makeovers the best when you'd have like an old bully come
and see your glow up oh my god that was the best one but then jenny jones they had to cancel because that guy killed
his like the guy that had a crush on him oh really that's why jenny jones got canceled jenny jones
did like where people would come out as like crushes to each other like it would be like i
would come on and then you would be like i've been trying to figure this whole time i'd be like i
have to act surprised like oh my god um but so they would like do crushes and there was one where
it was like a guy had a crush on his neighbor and the guy and he like played it off on the show like
he was fine and then he went and he killed him oh shit wait who killed who the guy this the straight
guy but he obviously I mean that's it seems not very straight the guy that i like triggered by the guy who was the guy that had
the crush on him got killed so there was a there was a gay guy that was neighbors with this
apparently straight guy but i think that action is the gay man came out and said i have a crush
on you my straight neighbor and then the straight neighbor later afterwards killed him i do think
that's kind of tricky though because in a way you're sort of outing somebody right like
even though he's maybe not going on there and saying like hey I'm not gay but then you're kind
of like I and back then like you couldn't that wasn't a thing like we didn't know not to out
people like we would out anyone we knew we'd be like oh he's gay for sure he's gay like we don't
do that now you know certainly not on like there was no outing though because it was a gay man saying he was
attracted to the straight man but i think the straight man was so triggered by like the yeah
or being on stage with another with a gay man professing his love like because back in the day
like i had some really really homophobic friends who would like beat up like like gay dudes that
would like express interest in them they'd be so defensive
and probably because they were gay themselves yes and they would get aggressive the standard
response that ever that guys you say like i don't care if you're gay just don't hit on me yeah that
it's like first of all you don't get hit on take the fucking compliments i know but i feel like
those days i don't i don't see that as much no but i also i'm not gay so i'm
not seeing what happens to gay people but we i could see how like the straight man in that
scenario in like our hyper masculine is important culture like felt ambushed in yeah and like scared
and like a masculine or something but you have to be so mentally ill yeah like there's obviously
like triggered like no i'm not defending if he was secure in any way he would have been
like andy said like oh thank you thank you no thanks not interested but thank you yeah but i
feel like i feel like guys are now like catching on to that where they're like oh i can get
attention from like everyone um i found this quarter the 2020 quarter it has bats on it let me see does it really have that it
has fucking bats on it they're cute bats but they're wait this is crazy is that like a troll
from the mint from the fucking i don't know how they make decisions with coins and what who green
lights it's gotta be that's so weird it really does have a bat on it is this a fake prank i don't
know i don't i don't
it looks very real but i oh this is a quarter dollar oh that is a quarter i was like oh a
quarter dollar i'm keeping this isn't that crazy why does it say that it's thirty thousand dollars
on etsy oh it's a little baby bat wait it's like a rare quarter worth money esther it's three dollars
three dollars esther i still wants it she got her grubby little fingers on it you see i touched it
first why is it uncirculated let me see what does it say why is it a bat guys when the bats brought
us this maybe because it's a mola maybe it's like a fruit bat thing how did i get a quarter
who i haven't used cash in a year and a
half oh you have laundry in your house you rich fucking bitch i i can't wait for the day i don't
need quarters when i look at them like esther like it's a quarter dollar what does that mean
i do think that's a collectible item. Esther, you, this is crazy.
My vagina also is.
I've only seen this look once before.
Do you think that we should sell molds of our vagina?
What?
You just said collectible item and vagina.
Listen, listen, listen.
I didn't know where you were going with that.
Porn.
That's porn?
But also to me, it's like, you're not going to see my vag. Yeah, I don't. That's like... Porn. That's porn? But also to me, it's like, you're not gonna see my vag.
Yeah, I don't.
That's like,
you gotta earn...
That's for me and donut.
That's for me and several...
Which is weird
because it looks like a donut,
but they go donut to donut often.
No, like,
yeah, that's for me and about...
Well, who knows how many guys
this could be.
Kalilah,
the episode of Tiger Belly with Trisha Paytas is like unbelievable.
Yeah.
And well, Andres oversaw that whole thing.
And I think he probably, he had six pages of notes after that, sweating from both of
his armpits.
I could really see a connection between Trisha and Bobby.
Like towards the end, I was really seeing it, how they are similar.
And it was interesting how Bobby was saying he was like jealous of her freedom to just say whatever.
It's amazing what she can do.
And also from that episode when Bobby was talking about how he is like around like basically a gargoyle, as you said.
Yeah.
And he's interested in like long mean i was like
oh that is what truly why when bobby looks at me he just sees like nothing because i really look
like him to him yeah he's always been with tall women that's his thing i think he's trying to
offset his genetics it is like funny to think of him hanging off of you he does have a considerable climb like he does have to climb he actually
climb esther just to kiss you just to get on our shoulders we gotta put a trench coat on you guys
you need to be regular size is my height exactly
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Is there anything that got cut from the Trisha Paytas episode
that you can share with us here on Bloodbath?
Yes, a lot.
A lot.
Give us a piece.
It's not stuff that you guys don't already know.
She was basically, that's why I sort of felt like,
I wasn't shocked by anything she said.
It's stuff that like just generally like being around like female comics,
like you guys have either experienced yourselves
or kind of have like similar opinions.
That male comics are disgusting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She's correct.
And because she's really open about it,
like what she,
she was an escort for six years,
like in LA.
She just,
she put herself in the position
to really know the nasty part
of all of these people.
Did you ever hire her, Esther?
Oh my God. No no but i relate to
that putting yourself in the position to like knowing the nasty stuff because it's like when
i moved to la i hung out at the comedy store till 3 a.m every night for like a year and a half and
it's like yeah you just come across the wrong people at the wrong time and they're like they're
gross i am still like annie letterman until the pandemic stops me
that is exactly what i've been doing for about seven years till three baby but i think i sort
of did the same i used to pride myself in being like the bro like the only girl that like dudes
would spill all their sea and i felt really now i feel really gross about it because i'm like i
don't want to know that who you're fucking on the side.
Yeah.
And but then my my therapist was like, why do you feel some type of way about it?
It's not yours.
Yeah.
It's not yours.
And it's it is weird, though.
Like, I remember seeing this one guy who like cheats on his fucking girl all the time.
And he's hit on you.
This guy is hit on you.
Yeah, he slid into my DMs.
He's hit on me too.
Like slid into my DMs.
He's hit on you?
Yes.
He's in everyone's DMs.
Like, honestly, you need to re-evaluate
your look
I mean we've had
a couple conversations
and it just never went there
these comedians
don't want me
it's not just
the comedians Esther
we're glad you're here today
we wanted to tell you
but anyway so
yeah so
I see this guy
with his like
family
and at the mall
and I felt so guilty what mall is it century city yeah
and but it was just like i felt like my face was like hot when i met and it wasn't like i've done
nothing i've only rejected this person's advances yeah i've never like seen him hook up with anyone
else i just know from the way he talks to me that he talks to everyone else like this and it was just so i mean i was just bright red i i mean i pulled it off i
made some joke about you got a rich guy that's what i'm saying it's like that second hand like
embarrassment or that second hand guilt that shouldn't even be guilt but it's there because
you just happen to be like the object of their like you know what i mean right but then it's
like the trouble you'd be in if you i mean right but then it's like the
trouble you'd be in if you you were the person that like pulled them aside and were like hey
oh yeah that would just and it never you always are the one that gets fucked when you do that
you never ever ever help this that's oh the girl will like call you a liar or whatever you know
it's just like such a well it is also not your business to do that yeah but it is being other
female comics used to talked about this,
it's like we're put in an uncomfortable position
when people are coming out to the clubs with their, like, mistresses or whatever.
And, like, what are we supposed to do?
Like, I don't know.
It just, it puts everybody in an uncomfortable position.
If Bobby were to bring in a 11, an 11, really super.
Your old girl?
Yes, I would tell you.
And she is so hot,
but also so nice and so funny.
Like funnier,
prettier across the board.
Made you guys laugh.
And he was like,
hey, just don't tell Kalilah.
But you guys really liked her.
What are you saying?
Would you tell me?
What are you saying?
Yeah, we would never tell you.
We wouldn't tell you.
We don't care about you.
And we want to keep this podcast. We want this studio. Well, no, podcast we want this studio no because we don't want to have to move studios because i'm
different like we're actually because you don't want us it is our business if we're friends yeah
yeah that's and the truth is like it's just i don't know i just feel like i'm like i didn't
i live a i live a life where i make my choices. And you never know.
Maybe they have an open relationship.
You don't know what they're into or what they're doing.
Kalilah and Bobby?
I mean, yeah.
I'll tell you.
It's very fucking close, guys.
It's very fucking close.
We don't do that, okay?
It's so close they don't even bang each other.
I've been running solo for years.
The knees are closed.
Let's just say that.
Bobby's.
He's getting pegged currently
but there's male comedians that i've been friends with where i like they've said to me oh that girl
so you know hot or whatever like don't tell and then they say their girlfriend's name yeah and
i'm just like okay yeah i don't know it's just i just a tricky situation. I just am glad I'm not in those situations myself.
But yeah, Trisha, that Trisha Tiger really episode was incredible.
I really hope we can have her on our show.
She said she would.
We were waiting for this to naturally happen for us to all just naturally get our periods
in sync.
But since that's not seeming to happen, I wanted to do a ceremony.
What do you mean?
This is our period syncing ceremony.
Oh, we were trying to period sync today?
Yes, because here's the thing, guys.
What you don't know is that pretty much every episode,
one of us is on our period and it's a tense sitch.
But you know, I'm about to be on mine and I don't get bitchy.
I just get emotional and teary-eyed.
I think we're the only ones that can really tell you what you get.
And both of you.
Okay, tell me how I am premenstrual.
I cry easily.
Like I'll cry at something and I'm like, oh, that's my period.
That's exciting.
I can't wait to find out when that is.
So we're going to do a seance?
Like we're trying to sync our blood days.
We're going to sync our, I have a little period blood here for everyone.
A what?
Annie has harvested her own period blood and are we doing a transplant
yeah it's like how does this work but we have to get down do you guys know the um bridge pose when
you for your ass yeah i'll get down in it and we're gonna wait hold on we're gonna do this
then like backwards like the exorcist coming down no no it's gonna be like it's gonna be like uh ash wednesday but it's gonna be oh i thought it's trash tuesday no i think we should do the yoga
wheel like the exorcist and then you can um um badge in the air badge in the air i am out you're
the only flex you're the only one who can do this wait esther you're out the blood's dripping from your finger annie
if you think it's dripping from my finger all right so i'll start you gotta go you have to say
um tampax what are the other ones called
tampax tampax it's like Candyman. Okay, Esther.
You have to do it.
Fine.
Oh, my God.
Do you have any harvested clots?
Give me a clot.
This better not make me break out.
I hope it makes... What?
Of what?
You're boring.
Oh, it feels...
Hold on.
Let me prepare myself.
It feels good.
It feels good when you touch me.
All right.
Hold on.
Let me put my...
Let me come from under.
Oh, my God. The chair is gonna just save me while we're here just don't okay this is real this is for my pussy 10 packs 10 packs 10 packs
okay
what is this made out of i can i want to taste your period blood do you want to try some i'll taste your period blood annie can i get a clot
okay i have a question are clots miscarriages
what do you mean you're just like losing a baby every month well like no not every month but you know
okay sorry to the guys or people who are squeamish whatever we deal with this okay sometimes when you
have your period it's there's chunks in there and i'm just wondering if when there is a chunk
when there's a chunk does that mean that there's a possibility that that was a miscarriage no it's
an endometrial lining that you've just been pregnant like several times?
We call it, in the Philippines, we call it apul-apul.
No, isn't it the line, the uterine lining?
Yeah, it's the uterine lining.
It's the uterine lining, Esther.
Sometimes it's thicker.
Yeah, why is it chunky sometimes?
I think everybody's different.
You never get a big...
You tend to have more cramps, right?
Yeah, really bad.
And does it usually coincide with the big chunky days i don't know because i i didn't grow up i don't
i very rarely have cramps and i very rarely have clots so i don't know if there's a correlation
there but my sister not only is her body skinny but so is her period so is her uterine lining only three days
max no fudgies oh my god i'm like seven days gushing blood just clots everywhere i had a
boyfriend who literally like i went in the bathroom goes how did it get up there i don't know
that's like when i eat macaroni and cheese and it's on my forehead i'm like i don't know
babe i can't believe est Esther wouldn't eat crickets,
but she's totally down with my vaginal fluids.
Yeah, she offered to scoop our juices last week.
Wait, okay, going back to Titanic talk,
because you do think you would survive.
How do you think each of us would have survived the Titanic?
I'll go first.
If you guess this right.
Actually, I want to guess everybody's i think that i would
do some sort of scam like pretend i'm somebody's child or like you're a boy i'll be like oh my mom
is in that one you'll pretend you're a girl so you can go first i i think kalilah's beauty
like someone would just be like oh that beauty But I don't have like regal beauty.
I have like, you know what I mean?
Like street beauty.
No.
I don't have like old fashioned, like evergreen beauty.
I don't want your low self-esteem to go away because it keeps you with us.
But you're so delusional and crazy.
I think I know how you're going to survive, Annie.
How?
I think she befriends the ship butcher.
Oh, she stops talking. i know how you're going to survive annie how i think she befriends the oh she's not talking
i might it actually is like an utter uh uh motor motor it's like she just goes somebody ride me
she cleansed my coattails i think that's what you guys are going to do you're going to pretend to be
the mother and that's your kid i was literally going just i was gonna just use you as a buoy it was my plan no push esther under
and me up everywhere annie goes she's makes friends with everyone she meets she's chatty
kathy all over town too like that's what i'm saying like you would have been the the the
staff the kitchen staff you would have known like you would have like threatened people with
knives i'd be requesting shit to the band i'd be like let's play like semi-charm kind of life
let me get some fucking crab rangoon someone on the staff or someone in the lifeboat someone
would be like we want her like save her yeah but when the boat is too heavy you are the first to
go we're gonna go wow this is hour seven we're done i'd be
off the boat very fast i was thinking um we used to go to foam parties did you ever go to i know
esther didn't because she would have been enveloped by the foam well she would have walked away with
hives all over her body she would have been like completely unseeable they they just released
foam you would have died at a foam party i think when i heard of that in college i was like
what like no how like i was so excited like When I heard of that in college, I was like, what?
Like, no.
How?
Like, I was so excited.
Like, the little kid in me that likes baths was like, how do you get the foam everywhere? Did you think it was like, it was like foam, like stuffed animals?
No.
You like set them up and pretended you were at the club?
My sister got a really bad rash all over her body.
Yeah, it's really pretty gross.
I mean, it's pretty gross, but it's fun.
And it's like very like genital grabbing.
Like, you can definitely like do things no one can see.
But Esther, you would be like at crotch level.
Like you would be getting face fucked accidentally like the intestine.
Doesn't the foam just disappear really fast?
No, it's just there.
They just keep pumping it out.
Have you ever?
I've never done a foam party, by the way.
It's fun.
I refuse.
We should do one in here.
But I've been to Ensenign when i was 18 or 17
sometimes i would go drive to mexico and one time i showed a picture of um myself at papas and beer
with my tits out and like a really old man like licking tequila off my tits and i showed it to
bobby and he cried oh he was like you were just a young young girl and this old person like you
were like i have the best you're, I have the best throwback Thursday.
You're not even going to believe how funny this is.
I had that where, okay, I have a friend
who's a photographer.
I thought we were talking about foam.
My first headshots were,
I was a waitress at this place, Life Cafe,
that I mentioned in the Lower East Side,
or the, sorry, East Village.
And there was my friend mario used
to come in and you know obviously i became friends with everyone but mario was a photographer so i
was like hey will you do my headshots for free and he's like i don't really do headshots but
okay so i was like i have this really good idea i'll be like the girl that fell asleep first i'll
draw dicks i'll write like slut and stuff in my face but um it was an attempt so i did all i did
like draw the dicks and everything and like had jizz like going to my face but um it was an attempt so i did all i did like draw the dicks and everything and like
had jizz like going to my face and then when the pictures came out he was like these are the least
funny because he's a getty photographer so he photographs war and like and bat like his friends
have been killed in battle and it looked like i had been raped on the street and he was like the
first person to like catch me before i went to the police it's like the saddest headshot you've ever seen i will send it to you guys to post i have to see
that okay this is really weird because kalilah you said that your cats go crazy for your earwax
don't my dog is walking around the premises and she would keep sniffing at your earbuds
oh here should i try putting her near my ears i'm like
is do you have magical earwax that animals love are you jealous are you gonna start collecting
more earwax i can put it in a petri dish for you do you q-tip i i don't q-tip because you're a
healthy person no i have really fucked up ears i have swimmer's ear and i have sometimes my
hearing just goes out um so she must be sensing
the fact that i have some type of cancer yeah you have like my auditory nerve a fungus wait i have a
question chris de stefano when i did his podcast told me not to get botox in my armpits because
it can give you cancer i i wouldn't take any medical advice from chris de stefano that's why
i'm asking that's why i'm asking you i mean HPV, I'll take his advice because I know he's got it.
And nobody should be taking medical advice from me either about Botox, by the way.
By the way, you're our doctor.
I used to get Botox on my hands and feet for six years.
I did it with Kaiser.
They were very wrinkly.
She went and saw a palm reader and she didn't like what they said, so she took the wrinkles out.
She wanted to live longer.
I think that's why I have such pretty hands.
But they were atrophied so bad.
The muscles were just – my fine motor skills were all gone.
I would walk around.
I couldn't even hold a pen anymore because it paralyzes your muscles.
But your hands were so dry that the pen would stick to the traction.
It never even really got dry.
I had to do this every three months.
In each hand, I would get about 50 shots, like 50 pricks.
And it was so painful.
And my feet even more painful.
Just to not sweat?
Because it's not just the sweating.
It was excessive sweating.
Like I couldn't walk around without a towel.
Like I couldn't go to school without smearing all of the myelts.
My armpits are dripping so hard right now.
And they're hairy.
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Has your banana been on a break too long?
Let's get it back.
Have you guys heard of the term pick me girl?
No.
It's like so relevant and useful.
I just learned about it.
It's like cool slang so a pick me girl is like
a girl who's like i'm not like the other girls and basically the idea is that they're like
performing so that a guy will pick her so they're like i love sports like they say and act like so
the guys will like them and what ends up happening is there's a girl with short hair with that's
about knuckle deep trust me it's happened to me.
What do you mean?
You eventually just attract women.
Why?
Because you're pretending to like sports.
You're doing all these like guy things.
Here, I'm going to pull up the real definition.
A pick-me girl is a girl who seeks male validation by indirectly or directly insinuating that
she is, quote, not like other girls, kind of like a simp, but for girls,
otherwise known as internalized misogyny.
Not the easiest to explain, but when you see one, you'll know she's one for sure.
Usually this does this to be accepted by one of the boys
and considered one of the good ones.
Got it. So it's basically a simp, but a girl.
Yeah, but I just feel like you can do that if you want.
A simp is basically a girl yeah but i just feel like you can do that a simp is basically like um like
male like feminists um esther's definition makes sense to me i'm not like other girls
simp is someone who does way too much for a person they like okay i need a simp
i was i'm a i'm a reformed simp of yours
he's not easy he's a simp like for like tiny tasks and only
when he knows like i'm mad really then it's like i have so much leverage is it for sex or is it for
admiration um for apology he's definitely a bottom sexually and i love that what does that mean
his energy is of a bottom. Like he, he.
He wants mama to take control.
I'm a top.
A top or a bottom, Esther.
I'm a middle.
I'm a child.
Yeah.
So in some situations like he is, I love that he's so like kind of a sim sometimes.
Esther's wherever it's the least amount of work.
The bottom.
But you can be on the top if they really worked it.
But you can be a very active bottom.
And when they're spinning you, it's like you're not really doing anything.
Oh, my God.
I spin Bobby on my dick.
Have you ever pegged Bobby on my little ass butt?
I have never.
And I've asked him.
He's so afraid, terrified of any ass play like
terrified like i can't even yeah he's i don't know what it is but i can't no finger no nothing and
i've been with most men that i've been with definitely like ass play except for him have
you pegged anyone have you put like a strap on and i've never pegged anyone but i've definitely
fingered asses i feel like i would like to peg but i would never be attracted to the guy because
i want my man to be a man you
know like if todd was like fuck me in the ass i'd be like i'd be so into that man i love that
it doesn't make them not a man but it's okay it's okay that you're not into that but i don't think
it makes someone not a man to me it does to me sexually my vagina doesn't feel like they're a
man i would be so turned on i'm'm just talking about my own like sexual thing.
There is something if I think that if Bobby would let me peg him because it is something
that like I think that would really, I'd really enjoy because I have natural, a natural desire
to thrust forward.
Really?
I would like to try.
I would like to try it but I'm telling you it can't, it would ruin my relationship.
You should do it to a woman.
Oh.
Do you have any that are available?
I've never done it, and I'm not – I don't have that drive to do that.
I think you do, honestly.
No.
I think it could unleash you.
She'd be eating crickets.
She'd be like –
I'm just, like, happy with what I've got.
Yeah, me too.
I have a friend who there is this,
I try not to give too much information away here,
but she would basically like take an Uber
to this guy's house like three times a month
just to number one,
warm up with eating his asshole
and number two, peg him.
And that's what he was into.
And he was a straight guy.
He was a successful CEO.
But you can like come from, because I think it's a lot of, like, it's guys that are, like,
powerful in their life.
And then they want to not be, like, they want to be, like, dominated in bed.
Yeah.
But do you, do girls, like, doesn't it hit their clit while they're doing it?
I'm not sure how it works.
I don't know the mechanics of it.
Does Adam and Eve have, should we talk, is this a good segue?
Like a strap-on?
You know, we should ask a lot of, I should just ask one of my best friends.
She's a lesbian.
So, of course, she's had strap-ons before.
I can't imagine she couldn't explain it to us.
Every time I've asked a lesbian, like, what they do, they're always like, won't, they're
like, you'll find out.
I'm like, oh, just tell me.
And you have found out.
Tell me how you found out for a second.
They do scissor.
I actually used to think that scissoring was like just something that guys like thought was funny.
But I recently talked to a lesbian and she's like, no, scissoring is real.
What part of you talked to her?
My mouth.
I just can't.
I just like from a ergonomical standpoint, it just doesn't seem like you get the most bang for your buck.
With scissors?
Yeah.
It's like you're working too hard for not a lot like once you get this the the scissors in they're in
well you're not like de-scissoring each time so it's like then you're just mush mush then it's
just a forest fire i would rather where's the insertion like i look all i'm saying is there's
so much more you can do like there's so much more i can do with my
electric toothbrush than i could get from like a scissor session that's what i would think but
my lesbian friend was like no it's it works we want to try only fans guys only fans i know this
is we're all like in we're all platonic friends but let's see if we just blindfold each other
and then we get into a scissor position.
We're trying to figure out who we're scissoring.
Esther's legs come to my mid-thigh.
That's not fair.
She's like the little kid scissors that have the scallop.
Let me tell you, a fire would erupt.
The condition that I'm in right now.
Oh, hair?
Yes.
Can I just say, oh, I actually used my Manscaped today and I shaved myself.
It's not for you.
It is for me.
Everything.
Listen, there's two razors in my house.
One is a regular razor and one is Manscaped and they're shared.
You got to get more intimate.
I tried that once and I used my friend's beard trimmer on my vagina.
I thought it was funny.
He's like, jokes on you that I use that on my asshole.
But it's like scissoring.
There you go.
Scissored through one appliance.
I wanted to say, though, when you were like, I don't think it makes you not a man.
I just want to say my sexual what what makes me horny doesn't mean anything about what anyone does.
There's no you cannot take what I feel and what I think
and make it mean that you're being shamed.
I hate that about what's going on right now.
It's like, I'm allowed to feel the way I feel.
Like someone was writing something about my,
like Annie shouldn't be saying anything
about her arms being fat.
It's like, no, I like think like as a woman
and as like someone who believes that people can like
freely speak and feel what they want.
I think my place on this earth is to just like say exactly how i feel and be responsible for myself yeah that's that's
crazy to like encourage on people's preferences i think and like i'm not here for your self-esteem
like you got to build that yourself like you got to go inward locus of control and love yourself
inward locus of control well like if you're looking for like outward validation and you
can't feel good
unless you get outward validation you have zero control over those people so now all you're doing
is you're really deflecting your own moment to like learn grow and get good inside yourself and
you're now placing the blame outward and it's like you're going to live a miserable life you're going
to be constantly like telling people they can't do that and that and like comments are just comments
whatever but and they're we haven't gotten a lot of those comments but i just that type of comment
really i am not responsible for how other women feel about their bodies i hope that me being honest
and being like fucking raw and real will let you be raw and real and fucking love yourself because
i love myself and i'm not going to fucking ever not make fun of my fucking arms if i want to make
fun of my arms that's i i to make fun of my arms that's i
think that you're right about that yeah i've had that experience too where like my humor especially
like a few years ago was very self-deprecating and i used to have like all these comments even
from people i knew that were like don't say this about yourself like don't be like this but i was
always like well i'm just expressing myself and like being trying to be
funny so it's actually like I don't really appreciate you telling me that I can't say how
you know I used to be like my mom a funny joke trying to be funny like my mom says this about
me and how I'm fat whatever and it's like again that's how humor is how I express like my
insecurities she also eats binge eats obviously and so yeah i just relate to that like it is a fine line and
yeah you were i think you are allowed to express yourself i think like that's what's good about our
it's like we're not it's not we're far from role models let's put it that way and if you are
inspired by us or whatever be inspired by the fact that we don't give a fuck whether you're inspired by us.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, live your life.
Be like.
Live as authentically as you can.
Yes.
I think that's the message.
Even if it doesn't necessarily align with woke culture.
If it doesn't align with things that were, you know, just the general climate of how things are today.
You know, another thing, too, thing too is i you know how we all
have a friend who's like i'm so fat today and you look at them and in your head you're like oh my
god they're so not fat like they're so beautiful and skinny so i would i used to like when i was
younger i'd be like i'd be like oh my god yeah it is you what are you talking about you're so perfect
but now i try not to say that because i don't want to invalidate your reality like if you're feeling insecure like oh like that sucks
like I get it and also it's like not we shouldn't be able to make someone feel
like that's like something journey someone's got to get to them yeah you
know that'd be pretty wild if someone was trying to if I was imagine if I was
doing that to like seek just or was I was fishing for validation yeah you're not
else you were spearfishing for validation when I was spearfishing for validation but
the truth of the matter is like I have hated myself for a really long time and um that's just
the journey that I'm on like I fluctuate there are days where I feel like really secure and
wonderful and living like authentically like you know like
honoring like who I am at my core but other days I am just you know a mess and that's a few too
and it would not be helpful if you said I hate myself and I was like why do you hate yourself
I don't hate you you're yeah but instead to be like okay i hear you today you hate yourself i hear that my best
friends and i we went through more than just the freshman 15 like we all got really really like we
put on like 30 40 pounds yeah man quarantine hello and literally but there would be times where let's
say like oh we all decide to go on a night out and let's say my friend jessica's just like you
guys like i'm feeling really ugly i've
tried on nine different outfits i'm just not feeling it today i would look at her and i would
be like you need to stay home you're right you're not looking your best and vice versa she would be
like either she would just be so blunt with me because we're that close like she knows what i'm
insecure about and if i'm really just not having, like, a visually good day,
she's like, stay your ass home, bitch.
Like, don't go showing that shit around town.
Like, you're not looking that good.
I would be like, come on, you ugly bitch.
I'm getting all the good dick.
Come on, you ugly bitch.
Let's hop on in.
No, I feel like, but I mean, I will actually,
I mean, even though I'm, like,
I hear what you're saying about, like, I hear you or whatever,
but I will still tell you guys you're pretty,
because it is, like, you know, you are.
And that's truly what you feel.
Yeah.
But I'm like, I understand you don't see this,
but I'm just going to let you know from the outside point of view,
which shouldn't matter.
And it won't affect me then when you say, Kalilah, shut up.
You're really pretty.
Yeah.
And then at that moment, there's, like, no net effect.
But later on, like, at 8 p.m., Ani did say I was pretty.
I'm not gonna lie i
won't lie to you it does help yeah i i will only like i like calling esther ugly because it's so
funny look at her it's ugly it's not is that funny for her look how ugly she is but if she feels
ugly i would never say that to her i believe that esther knows what she's got
or at least can manipulate people into thinking she's got it.
Okay, hang on.
So I grew up, did you guys ever learn to like make haikus or write haikus with a 5-7-5 parameters? I don't like any rules like that.
Are you just going to freestyle then?
Are you just going to rap?
Yeah, I just, I don't like, I don't like you get this many syllables this many.
Give us your bars then.
There's no, there's no rules then. Okay, what was was my poem I had one for Esther remember oh that's right that's
right she I had to transcribe this for for you hang on one second I have to have a right see
this Esther you that's something Esther would be jealous of you ready Esther me saying a thing
and someone writing it down for me Esther this is Annie's love love poem for you here it goes there's no title i want to punch you
into space i want to punch you into the stars i want you to get a concussion hit your head into
mars it was originally written for todd but it just seemed fitting you. I would love to be in the stars.
So thank you.
Did you guys know that?
You are among stars.
Did you guys know that in the beginning of my relationship with Bobby that I told him
that I want, ew, I forgot that was there.
I told him that I wanted to be a poet and he laughed in my face.
Oh, it's so embarrassing.
For like three days.
He was like, well, what do you want?
Because I was having a meltdown about nursing. I i was like maybe i'll just do nursing after all he's like it's not
what's in your heart what's in your heart and i was like i want to be a poet and then he laughed
at you and he laughed for three days he was like you cannot do that and i was and i had just read
him all my poems and he was like they're sweetie, but you can't be a poet.
Really, that one is tough for me.
That's a crisis right there if I've ever heard one.
Let's just say I'd rather peg you.
What made you quit nursing?
I was going to say, what made you quit poetry?
You guys are being supportive of my dreams.
It was never something that I was really serious about.
Wait, what's your favorite poem that you wrote?
Oh, one about my dad, but I can't read it because I'll cry.
Well, what's your second favorite one?
I told you I wrote a poem about pigeons walking me home.
Was it slam poetry?
No, I don't do slam poetry.
I do very, oh, there it is, Esther.
That is poetry.
I finally got my kiss from my little princess.
Esther, no haiku from you?
It's on my computer at home.
Here, let me read you.
Did Carlos write it for you?
No, I wrote it on the plane recently.
A real poem?
Yeah, a haiku.
Oh, a haiku.
You guys, I have to go on a plane soon to see my parents.
I have to leave in 15 minutes.
Are you excited?
I'm so excited. What are you going to do? I'm going to see my parents. I have to leave in 15 minutes. Are you excited? I'm so excited.
What are you going to do?
I'm going to hang out with my dad for a little bit,
like nap a little,
and then we're going to take their car and go to Todd's house.
His mom's going to make us pho.
She's Laotian, but she loves making pho,
so she's making me pho.
Wait, your parents are meeting?
I actually haven't planned them meeting each other,
but we were going to just kind of take the car and go.
How far?
His parents are in Jersey, so it's like probably a half hour, 40 minutes.
That's it?
Yeah.
I have always managed to date guys that their parents live so close to my family.
So basically the whole trip is going to be going back and forth?
Back and forth.
And then on Thursday, we're going to Boston to surprise my nieces.
I've surprised them three times before.
One time I was wrapped under the Christmas tree.
One time I was in a box, like I rang the doorbell,
and then I just popped out of a box.
One time I was in the trunk of the car when they came back from school.
And then this time, my sister-in-law has industrial size trash bags so i'm
just gonna be in a trash bag next to them i'm gonna jump out it's like i want to scare the
shit out of them why that one's a good one they love it because they're always like when's auntie
popping out my niece was like why is auntie in a box she was three she was like why is she in a
box she was so confused like her little brain couldn't but they love it and they know i'm like
one day i'm gonna pop out of somewhere like when i found my folder of poems read us a read us one you have to hold on are we doing a
love poem or are we doing impress us a sad poem or embarrass yourself actually i would rather you
be embarrassed love poem is embarrassing probably love poems the most embarrassing i think i can't
read you the one about my papa because no don't yeah okay here you go it's called the fourth i really need you guys to get in is this because
you wanted another guy to join your threesome no it's like a fourth co-host of black bath
it's trisha please come onto our podcast this is a seance this is a seance the fourth please join it's called the fourth okay
i often wander annie hates rhyming stuff so i already know the judgment so i'm just not
gonna look at her i often wander straight under into places left unseen and in those spaces where
i plunder old versions of me convene.
It's really hard for me to pay attention.
It's just so hard.
I kept trying.
I was just hoping we were going to stare for a really long time until she really, really like put like a bullet hole in to match that little blood.
It's just hard.
It was at first, though, I was like, oh, it's pretty.
I like it.
But then I just zoned out.
Yes, I hear you.
Wait, wait, wait.
But I have a question.
So this is about the different versions of yourself.
And the decaying mind is a woman when you're an old person?
I'm not, you guys.
When you're an old person?
No, wait.
When you're an old person, the decaying mind? The fourth is Trisha Payting the fourth is okay no but is it the decaying mind is when you're an old lady
um no the fourth is who i am today the first the second and the third are old versions of me that
no longer serve me okay so i don't like it i don't like it as much as i thought it would be
i did when i thought she's. When I thought you were doing like
like the decaying mind
was like you as an elderly woman
in your mind
and I was like
this is brilliant
and she's like
you're thanking them
even though you haven't
even met them yet.
I was like this is brilliant
and now I'm like
I don't know.
Can we just bleep out
that entire poem
and just keep Annie's comments
about it
and just keep it a mystery?
Oh no bitch.
No way.
I think we should.
Okay wait.
I had to
I'm not going to disclose too much information
but i had to sing on a video for something and i would rather my nudes be leaked and when i say
nudes i mean really bad angle nudes like really like not certified not agreed with like will we
will the public ever hear this singing never why why did you sing on a
mystery video it's for a thing i can't disclose how would you rate yourself as a singer overall
oh it's really bad and it's it's truly the most embarrassing it's like a boiling like my blood
boiling like i can feel heat in my face yeah my toes it's just the worst that's okay we found
something that i'm not afraid of doing that it's free it's like your cockroaches or your your crickets
there's more than crickets it's a lot of things can can um our banana break be like a singing break
then I want a banana I want to I want a banana too does Esther like bananas I feel like Esther's
gonna start liking all these things wait but esther you don't like bananas because of the taste or the texture
it's it's almost there i just don't like go for i don't reach for them because other people
like them i like them in a smoothie though they make a smoothie amazing would you say you're like
other girls like bananas but you don't you're like not like other girls i'm a picnic are you pick me girl not at all
i hate men she's a pick me last yeah i'm a don't pick me i like all those comments about my tits
last week like i'm covered the fuck up now i have fucking unleashed mine i'm like excuse me no i
will i will wear shirts like that when i find cute ones but i'm I don't know I am not I don't I don't identify
as a pick me girl do you don't you think that trying to not be a pick me girl is one way of
being a pick me girl yes that's totally true yeah because you're trying to just be go against the
grain yeah trying to be like the cool wallflower in the corner who doesn't dress up and goes in
all sweats because I'm not gonna wear you know but i think that in itself is being a
pygmy girl this is all such like young shit though too it's like you eventually you just
chill the fuck out you learn who you are hopefully right you forget who you are
kalilah no because the difference between when i go out and i'm in my normal t-shirt and sweats versus if I'm in a
in a skirt or shorts or even just a dress the male attention is night and day I don't it's
really weird how the male brain works I'm like literally just me wearing a dress you view me
as like a possible mate that's why I do feel bad for like the super beautiful perfect body model women because i'm
okay i'm fine the men that are the men that are attracted to them i feel like are not
maybe not so not so good whereas the gargoyles that khalil and i attract
number one i like to dress slightly molested. That's my look.
What does that mean?
Like just like things are a little smaller than you would think for someone my age.
I really do love the fact that you dress exactly the way I did in high school.
Yeah.
To the T.
Because I was a baby slut.
Well, thank you for listening.
And please like this video.
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And I'm coming to phoenix april 29th so if you guys want to go out of town that's a great weekend to get out of there
nothing going on standuplive.com i have some special things planned and a special guest i'm
very excited so standuplive.com for tickets to see me in phoenix april 29th what else i will be fucking nowhere i have no dates i will
be here i have a bunch of dates coming up but they're i don't have them confirmed yet but they're
soon and they're gonna be great bye guys we'll see you next week bye guys subscribe like smash
all the buttons Thank you.