Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - The Pillow Humpers w/ Chelcie Lynn

Episode Date: December 13, 2022

Thank you to our Sponsors: BetterHelp - Go to https://betterhelp.com/trashtuesday today to get 10% off your first monthNextEvo -  Get up to 25% off subscription orders of $40 or more at https://nextevo.com/podcast promo code trashtuesdayBabbel - Get up to 55% off your subscription when you go to https://babbel.com/trashtuesdayZocDoc - Go to https://zocdoc.com/trash and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. More Chelcie Lynn (aka Trailer Trash Tammy)The Viral Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@TheViralPodcastTammy Mukbang and More: https://www.youtube.com/c/ChelcieLynnInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/chelcielynn_/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@chelcielynnWebsite/Tour: https://www.chelcielynn.com Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 Chelcie Lynn Joins Us and Shows Us Some Special Art7:33 A Quick Fix For Gap Teeth 10:24 Feeling Insecure About the Things You Share11:32 Chelcie Lynn’s Rough Upbringing 19:06 What Chelcie Lynn Likes to Talk About30:31 Swimming in a Lightning Storm35:04 Is Chelcie Lynn a Pillow Princess?36:38 The Upside Down Pineapple40:39 We’re Pro Deep Kissing Dogs43:34 When Esther Identified as a Dog Named Jacob46:51 The Weird Stuff People Are Into 56:21 How Do You Create a Fragrance?58:37 All Natural Ingredients vs. Synthetic Ingredients1:00:21 Pleasure Dom Responds to Khalyla’s Mention on TigerBelly1:04:11 The Karezza Method 1:07:27 Getting Close With Pillows Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 My Pleasure - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-pleasure/id1494518220 AnnieWood - https://www.youtube.com/annielederman Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera Editor: Bryce Hallock

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oh my god that was um that's one of my favorite videos we've ever done and we've done a couple where she's farted out powder right and i think she's just just a professional like gas machine oh dude she knows what foods to eat before if we know we're gonna do a fart powder video she she has a lineup of what to eat and surprisingly tomatoes is on there oh tomatoes is horrible for your gut that's why that's what she i could fart out some powder i could fart out some blood if i eat tomato oh god oh god yeah so thank you that's one that that one was we filmed that at the height of the pandemic you know when like if they had different levels of like um like businesses

were closing if it was level i don't even care i can't even remember what it was if it was level green everything was close so we wanted to do like a um a spoof of that like a news spoof we couldn't get through it we were laughing so hard and she wanted to redo it i said absolutely not we're posting that and it went, it went kind of viral. So yeah. Can you pull it up, Carlos, so Esther can see it? There seems to be multiple. There's many.

It's, I think it's pinned to my Instagram. Okay. But maybe the quickest way to find it. But yeah, you gotta watch it. And people always ask us about the powder. We get it from Party City. Oh, shout out Party City. And I don't know what it's for.

It's just colored baby powder. And I will literally... Here we go. That's it. That's it. Oh my God. Oh my... It's already better than I could have imagined.

And she's so hot too. Wait. Wait. hot too wait okay this is this is art like i genuinely feel like this is what art should be you're like creatively expressing yourselves and it's bringing joy what else does art what cut what else could art do it elicits a really big emotion out of me and i think it's like you know you have the maria abramovich and they do these really big performance art installations but that to me is the winner and she sells fart art where she will she will fart powder on a canvas and she sells it this is like okay i feel like this is a technique that you guys should be licensing out to hot girls on tiktok so that they can then like you should sell the powder to them and then they start it out and they sell it to horny men yes but there she is doing a fart art right there.

And this is Paige Jen. She's my best friend. She does the podcast with me, The Vowel Podcast. There it is. Yes. And she will gloss it up with, you know, she'll make it all nice and stuff. And she will sell those motherfuckers. Carl's, I've never seen you fist pump the air.

He's excited. It's just too funny. It's great. Carl's, I've never seen you fist pump the air. He's excited. But it's just- It's just too funny. It's great. It's so cute. Yeah. This week, it's- It's great, dude. Like, I'll be honest,

when you guys start talking about farting out powders, I'm like, okay, I'm a little skeptical. But then you see it and you're like, oh, this is like human expression at its kind of like most unique form. Farting out powders. Oh my God. And we're grown-ass women in our 30s that's the best that's the best oh my god that's that's that's all the comments we

get about this show they're like these girls are pushing 40 and we love that are they doing it's like we figured it out we're just not insecure in our 20s so we're doing whatever we want yes it's like this is the best time of our lives and if you're a listener and you're in our 20s, so we're doing whatever we want. Yes. It's like this is the best time of our lives. And if you're a listener and you're in your 20s, get started now. Yeah. Don't wait for some type of green light to get started on the fart art. I love that. Just start farting.

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That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash trash Tuesday. Thank you to our sponsor NextEvo. The holidays are not all sleigh bells and mistletoe. There are also airports, shopping malls, and dining tables crowded with people, some you're glad to only see once a year. Get smarter CBD from NextEvo Naturals and get up to 25% off subscription orders of $40 or more at NextEvo.com slash podcast promo code trash Tuesday. That's n-e-x-t-e-v-o.com slash podcast promo code trash Tuesday. This holiday season, if you're looking for a unique gift that inspires curiosity, travel, and culture, give the gift of Babbel. Babbel is the language

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My Pleasure it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts Sluggies Insanies Stanies Orphans whatever you're called my new solo podcast is up

Annie Wood you can check it out every Tuesday after Trash Tuesdays it comes out at noon on my YouTube channel, Annie Letterman. Go. We've been live chatting. It's been so fun. Also, I am on the road. I am having the best time seeing all of you guys. You can see me next this New Year's. I'm going to be in Vegas, December 30th and 31st at Wise Guys. It's just absolute heaven. I cannot wait to party with you guys. I'm going to be at Flappers in Burbank, January 7th for one night.

You can see me in Wisconsin, Florida, and Canada. And a lot more dates are coming. So go to AnnieLetterman.com slash shows to check those out. I cannot wait to meet you. I was, I, my sister who's in town from the Philippines told me something really crazy yesterday or last night. So my teeth, I have gaps in my teeth and they're starting to kind of push out a little bit. So I'm going to be Michael Strahan in about three months. Oh my God, lucky. And so now I'm like, oh my God, like, should I call an orthodontist? Because there's a certain level of gap that I'm

comfortable with. And she goes, oh, she's like, don't even an orthodontist? Because there's a certain level of gap that I'm comfortable with. And she goes, oh, she's like, don't even do that. Let it gap out completely. Because she was like, my sister-in-law did this. Her teeth shifted so far apart that instead of buying braces, all she could afford was an extra tooth. So she put a single tooth right in the middle of where the gap was. Stop.

That's fucking genius. So this woman just rolls around with just a giant tooth in the middle. Just one tooth. That feels more alien presenting than like having a gap. That's so scary. Oh my God. But also so funny. Oh, that's great. That's god so funny oh that's great that's amazing oh god so should i

please i'm serious that's fucking awesome i feel like that is also performance art it is i would love to see you go more in the direction of like, let that gap spread open and just like have it be an expression of like horniness. Like I'm open. I'm ready. Like, you know, like I will make guys think that like, you know, they can fit their wiener in between. Yeah. Did Madonna fix her gap? I think Madonna, the story with her is that she fixed it and regrets fixing it.

Or is that Lady Gaga? That's such a signature look, right? Yeah. She's slaying on TikTok. She really is. What are your thoughts on her body modifications? She looks great. No, she, I, dude, people are like, the comments are just dragging.

Like, what the hell? I think it's hilarious. She doesn't give a fuck. Yeah. Who cares at that point? She doesn't give a fuck. Yeah, who cares at that point? She doesn't give a fuck. This is sort of like the existential crisis that I've been having this week,

which is like, I feel like at 8 a.m. I drink an almond milk latte and I'm like, I am smart and I have things to say. And then like at 10 o'clock at night, I take a weed gummy and I'm like, oh my God, I'm the most, everything I think and say is embarrassing. I hate it's like why am i trying i should just like hide forever and i feel like i the ideal is to just land at a place like madonna where you're just doing whatever you want

you don't judge it you don't care let everyone fucking have their ideas about you like how is that not the best option well then let me have my one front tooth out there fine yes i agree with you though honestly that's the way to do it like what it like i actually feel like i need advice from you guys like if i am in a mode where i feel insecure and i'm like reading like everyone i don't know i'm like reading a reddit that's making fun of people and like i start to feel embarrassed about my thoughts and the things I share. Like, what would your advice be to me? I'm a I'm a big like glass half full person. And for me, if I if I see a negative comment or

someone like that's not funny or stupid, whatever, man, I I think about I put that in the back of my head and I think about the hundreds of comments from people that are like, oh, my God, that was hilarious. That made my fucking day. Like you have to think about that instead of, you know, I guess just rewire. Rewire what your brain thinks is important, I guess. Yeah. Because, yeah, a negative comment is not it literally means nothing to me when I have a thousand great comments. Right.

Yeah. You just have to think about that. Yeah. You know, that's a little cheesy, not it literally means nothing to me when i have a thousand great comments right yeah you just have to think about that yeah you know that's a little cheesy but it's true no i like that yeah because you do seem like a very positive uplifting person like you're just about spreading joy and like nothing else really what else matters right and chelsea you didn't have it easy growing up either oh hell no oh hell had a really rough upbringing yeah um parents were meth heads um i grew up in a in a trailer house we i mean i grew up in poverty you know a lot of people say like oh we were poor growing up i'm like no no you weren't you had a trampoline bitch you you were doing good okay um i grew up i mean our trailer house had just big holes in the floor that we would have to like hop over wait then weren't there snakes that lived in my well in the summer we would have we would put plywood over it so because there's snakes everywhere in Oklahoma so they wouldn't come up. And oh gosh, I remember honestly when I was really

young, I got taken away when I was 12 to go live with my grandma. But before that, when I was with my parents, they would be gone for days at a time when I was like six, seven, eight years old and no food in the house i would literally have to go around the neighborhood and knock on the door and be like can like and i had two little sisters i'm the oldest of three and be like do you guys have any food like that was my so it's hard for me i could i always think shit could be worse life could be worse you know like that's it's hard for me to like focus on the negatives when i'm like bro like it it could just be worse that is such an incredible perspective that you've been given because of that like you're so right like how could anything be that bad if

that's like what you had to deal with as a six-year-old especially if your basic needs are not met right so it's like of all the things like food clothing shelter like if you don't even have that like what else could you even be like upset about you know that's what i'm saying and like my my parents weren't like abusive to us but we were abused in in a neglect way in that way well because neglect is yes yeah yeah and and so i think that's why i'm so like just you know i'm not really like a body positive influence or anything but i just live it and people are always like how are you so like you know i and not even just big girls i will have thin girls come up to me like how are you so confident how do i get that and i'm like bro how could i as a 13 year old girl be worried about cellulite

when i was worried about surviving you think i was worried about oh my god i have a role that was the least fucking thing that was so far back in my mind that did not even matter. So that's kind of a blessing in disguise to me because the whole, you know how teenage girls just struggle with their body? I never went through that. I was trying to live. I never went through any of that. So I've always just been, I don't know, it's just hard for me to it's hard for me to to be negative about myself when it's just shit like that's not important right wow you know yeah no i just got serious on on this pod i love it yeah because i think um a lot of times like there are people that i see

in my life that just feel like I want to model after. I have a friend named Marianne who's very similar to you. When I knew her growing up, she lived under the bleachers. I trained every day in this one because I was a swimmer. And they had bleachers on the side. And she lived underneath the bleachers. I'm still friends with her to this day. And when I look at her, she just has a big joy about her and this like just zest for life and that's very similar

to you and i'm i always like it is such it is such a grounding feeling to be around her because i'm like dude shit doesn't matter like this bitch is happy like she is just raring to go and i really like i like i look up to that yeah i look up to that i look up to that when i'm having my little first world meltdowns over some shit that doesn't matter and not to say that i'm like like invalidating like my own feelings because any problem small or big is a problem if you feel it right but still it does give you perspective and it kind of shakes you out of whatever fucking tantrum you want to throw that day about some petty shit you know damn i just wonder like how how is it that

so many people more so i think tend to default to like they put the bad things that that they had to go through in this category of like why this happened to me and now i'm screwed and like like carlos and i were talking about this a little bit yesterday, like you go into a loop of like blame and that will just like completely derail your life. And you almost like lose control over it because you're just so focused on blaming these bad circumstances. Like I'm so guilty. I think like everyone does it to varying degrees. And I'm like, how do you how do you like become this aversion instead like that's so remarkable to me i've thought about that yeah a lot yeah because

my life could have gone a big time different direction was there ever a point where you were like oh fuck like i'm not doing well i'm coping, and I'm turning to things that are like unhealthy? Or were you always just like? No, I distinctively remember, I was about 10 years old, we were living in Sulphur, Oklahoma. And right beside the Oklahoma School of the Deaf, I don't know why I remember that. But I was on the front porch. And I literally remember this. And I think about it all the time. I remember, I don't think my mom had been home in like a week. Don't know where she was. And I remember just looking around and going, this ain't going to be my life. Nope.

I'm going to live a good life. I'm going to live a happy life. I, this, whatever has been going on, you know, the last 10 years, my whole life, not going to be me. I remember thinking that at 10 years old and that just stuck with me so hard in in pretty much every like major decision I've ever made. You know, I truly thought that as a little kid not this ain't gonna be me nope it's so interesting it's like you made a decision

that in there and then like because of that decision all of your actions like were in alignment from then on with that decision like that's almost like exactly what manifesting is I know that word is no whoo-hoo, whatever. But yeah, it's like you decided and then you take action. Exactly. Exactly. That's cool. Maybe I'm just in like a need for uplifting today. And that's why I'm directing the conversation this way. But like, I just feel very inspired by you. You have like such a warm, like happy energy. Oh, honey, thank you. You can make me tear up here. you i appreciate that please adopt me yeah what does your shirt say oh god i had to wear it for you guys i just i'm seeing

just the word boner and it's making me so happy right now and was like this is the shirt i'm wearing on the pod i i have explosive diarrhea and a boner that is this show that is all this show is i i was looking through my closet i was packing i was like what am i gonna wear on the pod and i was like yep we're just honestly we're just come dumb sluts same i know you are same that's why i'm so happy you're here yeah you don't hold back no you like to talk about fucking coming real hard all of the things i love it two of my favorite topics right me too i love it and dude people are so oh my gosh like i've been doing this i've been doing the whole social media thing for almost probably nine years now and it has not gotten easier with people being like oh that's inappropriate that's that's you shouldn't say fuck you man like i oh my god and my stand-up is just is even better i love it i just think you

um fuck real good when i look at you i'm like that's a bitch who fucks good oh my god that was the nicest thing you ever said to me i I'm saying it with my whole chest too. Oh my God. I am horny. Me too. I'm not even kidding. I'm horny 24-7 that my husband hates me. It's bad.

I'm not even kidding. What do you ask for if he's just like, I cannot fuck you right now? That's him 24-7. I can't. And it's been, we've been together for, God, 16, 17 years. Yeah. And it really hasn't, you know, oh, I'd love a fresh piece, you know. But I just stay horny and I don't know what it is. And I just talk about it.

I masturbate a lot. I talk about that. Dude, I've had, this is mind blowing. Because when I post shit, I don't expect it to do anything for people. I'm just posting shit because I'm fucking dumb. You know what I mean? You're expressing yourself. Yeah, I'm just whatever.

And I post about masturbating a lot or whatever, which, you know, is probably a lot to a lot of people. But I have had. It's never enough. Not for me. I mean, I literally will get messages messages people at shows come up to me like i oh my god i've had women come to me crying being like chelsea i have been like ashamed that i master i keep it a secret i tell people i don't i've been so that's such a big thing for women. It really is.

I remember being really like feeling such dread and shame the first time I stuck a toothbrush up my pussy when I was in high school. Because that's all that was available. It was like the bristle end. Perfume bottles. What? I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. Go ahead.

Mine just seems so not kidding. I'm not kidding. Go ahead. Mine just seems so not fun. But I remember because I grew up in a very like Catholic nation. And even though my family was very, the women in my family were very vocal about sex. You just don't really talk about masturbating. And it's like there I was like just 15 and horny. And the toothbrush looked like a great solution at that time but i remember coming and then feeling like what have i done and then i wrote in my journal like dear god like please forgive me because i thought it

was a sin this is that pussy was clean it was cleaned out you clean that thing out well it's like i feel like this all goes back to my new platform which is being anti-capitalism which like that we never are taught or encouraged to have like female pleasure because all that matters is like a man go goes inside of us and then we raise children that will work it like in a in our country and so like there's just no acknowledgement that we even should or get to have joy and fun from sex right but the way i talk to my nieces now who are 14 and 21 every day it's a reminder it's like you're you come good you come hard and you make you you his job is to make you come like don't forget that like tattoo that

shit on your arm i come first i come first dude i asked my nieces a couple weeks ago i was like you guys humping your pillows yet they were like what no one of them got all weird and i go bro look at her face you're humping your pillows. She got so embarrassed. I go, she's the one that started. I love that. But like I, you know, what am I? Let's go back to perfume bottles. Okay.

Because I want to know which perfume bottles you have. It was, I don't know if y'all have heard of this brand, but it's real big in the South. Brighton. I got to see this. Can you pull that up? It's really big. And you may even find the perfume bottle it's really uh a lot of older southern women wear brighton jewelry and they have that's the bottle right there right there that's it and it had live laugh love on it

that's the bottle stuck that in me that was the that was the very first thing wait which end which end the round end yep yep that's a great and i didn't get more than the lid in there because i was scared you know yeah i stuck it in there is this do you think there's any connection to why you like to wear a lot of perfume to this day is it like a very like intimate i never thought about that but you're probably right like that's like your first sort of experience the first penis you're probably right but that was it it had live laugh love on it i'll never forget that but um yeah my i talk about it a lot and my you know if i'll do like a q a on instagram and somebody says how do you you know relax i'm like i'll rub

one out you know like i just because it's the truth and one of my best friends since childhood she was raised in a very religious household and god she told me not too long ago she had told me her whole life that she'd never masturbated never never once and I kept saying you are that is the craziest thing I've ever heard in my life and she came to me not too long ago and she was like Chelsea I just gotta tell you like I've been masturbating this whole time and And I'm like, you lied to me? She goes, I had so much shame. What? From the way she was raised.

And she goes, and I know that I know you and you were like best friends. But she goes, just like watching your Instagram has like changed my life and my mind about that. And I get that all the time. And here I am thinking, I'm just talking about rubbing one out you know but it's true it like it that just goes to show like the shit we post that we think is like not a big deal is a big deal to a lot of people which is wild this is like the thing that i feel like i'm continually learning it's like the more i share even though i feel some shame and like embarrassment about it sometimes when I'm really high like but the more I share the more I feel like I'm really deeply

connecting with others on like a human level and the more I'm reminded that we're all the same and having like a human experience and I'm like at least there's that yeah like at least there's that at least it's not just me. Like, you know. And you would, I would much rather present myself as a walking disaster of a human than anything else. Yes. Because like, truly, like my, my biggest fear is that I ever present as a put together adult because I certainly don't feel that way day to day.

And if anyone ever comes up to me and says, hey, you just like, you look like you know how to do it. I'd be so disappointed in myself. I'm like, because I don't. I don't know how to do shit. I just know that coming feels good. And I talk about that a lot. Yeah.

That's it. No, I love that. You're not fake or trying to pretend that, you know, your life's perfect. And that's, you know, a lot of people on social media I love that. You're not fake or trying to pretend that, you know, your life's perfect. And that's, you know, a lot of people on social media are like that. Yeah. Not us. I wouldn't be jack shit if I didn't have therapy in my life.

Same, same, same, same, same. Like therapy has, we've talked about this a lot. It's like, it's made me a person that focuses on solutions and not problems it's made me a person that can um sit with my feelings and not just like act on them like therapy has done so much for me that nothing else could have ever done for me it's the most self-loving thing that i um do in my life Like even if I'm not necessarily having like a challenging week, even just a check in with someone who I know has good insight or tools to help even with like small things that you don't necessarily think I'm like, wait, I think I can handle this.

But no, just checking in with a professional, it really just sort of like, cleans the windshield a little bit. Yeah, it helps you get out of like the feelings of things and just be able to look at what is happening, observe it with someone that can help you pick out patterns and stuff that you- Yeah. And these therapists are trained to help you figure out the cause of challenging emotions and learn productive coping skills. As the world's largest therapy service, BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists available 100 online plus it's affordable just fill out a brief questionnaire to match with a therapist if things aren't clicking you can easily switch to a new therapist anytime it really could not be simpler no waiting rooms no traffic no endless searching for the

right therapist learn more and save 10 off your first month at betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash. Trash Tuesday. Look, I have trouble sleeping. I get hyper after my sets. I'm so hyper. When I get home from the comedy store or when I'm on the road, I am, my body is exhausted. My brain is wide awake and I am not, I am not interested in any THC anymore.

I am all CBD. Next Evo is changing the game for me. I totally relate to that. And I totally agree. Like that feeling of not being able to sleep. I really need something to relax me. And also for the holidays, I love my family. I am so excited to see them but that doesn't mean

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suffered when I was younger I was a swimmer so we would swim twice a day every day since I was like eight years old but my mom I just had this memory that my mom would make us swim through lightning storms. So like we didn't have, like it was an outdoor pool. And it would be like a full-blown electrical storm. And then she would look at the sky. And then we would be like, Ma, should we get out of the water? And she'd be like, no, you're good. And for two hours, we would just like hear like the thunder.

And we were just praying that it wouldn't strike the water okay there is something kind of cool about that like your mom is so badass so that is crazy she's like if my kid turns to powder you know that movie like fuck it he'll come out as farts later oh my gosh but then isn't that like an insane way to parent to put fear in you like that like i could die at any minute well she was playing god she was just like i think no we're good like she was sure it wasn't gonna hit the water oh my gosh look i have to say this do you want to grow up as an and become an an Esther? Your mom did something right. I am so scared of my own shadow.

And I feel like if I had had that experience, I would be braver and better for it. But I might be speaking so out of turn and totally wrong because clearly it's trauma. I'm terrified. Yeah. God, I don't know what she was trying to do, man. I don't know. Was she hoping for some lightning? I don't know. Damn. What was she hoping for some lightning i don't know damn what was

she rooting for there was a part of me she always wanted boys and there was a part of me that truly thinks like sometimes i thought as a child i was like i think she wants us dead damn i think that you know she's just praying for just one bolt to hit me right at the top of my head as soon as you said that story that's what i was thinking damn do you have a good relationship with her now i do yeah she's she's a completely different person that's good you should straight up ask her were you trying to kill us back then no she um she probably would say that's why well okay so having that experience like how do you think like swimming in like a very being very scared you're about to be struck by lightning like how does what has that done to

you um i i want to touch my armpits like even talking about it like i'm sweating it's just it's it's one of those things that like you know like you can intellectualize all of the bad things that happen to you and you can even put a positive spin to it. But it doesn't mean it's not going to find its way into the way your body acts. Like your brain can be fully accepting of all the situations. But sometimes your body just reacts in ways you don't understand. And I think that's where the lightning storm comes in. Where it's like, why am I in the middle of Disneyland

and I'm having a panic attack? And I'm like, oh, because my mom made me swim through lightning storms. Like you just don't know how it's gonna present in your body, I think. Yeah, that's scary. And I hear you. Like there are things that you don't know

why they're happening, but like you also are kind of like, oh, okay, oh okay well well I just saw this thing that was like um childhood trauma it was in a TED talk like childhood trauma is like your doctor should be asking you about it because it could like take 20 years off your life like it's actually this like a serious health condition and I'm like well fuck like I don't know anyone who hasn't had any like some form of childhood trauma like who had a i don't know who had like a perfect childhood carlos did you have a good childhood yeah i had a great childhood oh okay so that's why he eats hookers out okay that is like such a such a powerful move. I know you bring it up every episode. It turns me on.

I've never heard of him doing that. Isn't that amazing? He's such a great guy. I wanted them to have a good time too. Wow, what a cool dude. I almost want to get I come second. If you're getting I come first, I'll go, I got second. That's great.

Wait, should I be third? We all know, Esther, you're never going to be third in any situation. Thank you. Thank you. We talk sometimes about a pillow princess era and just being a receiver in bed. Do you ever identify as that oh i i've identify or do i live that or hell no i have to active participant oh yeah yeah oh yeah oh i could never just lay there and just and and just be the one getting it all hell no okay so i've

been an active participant my whole life and i I'm really inspired by Esther's like pillow princess nature. And so now I'm trying to enter that phase in my life where I'm just like, I just want to sit back and receive, but I'm having trouble. Like, it really is hard for me. I'm an athlete. Yeah, you want to hop on that thing. I do. And get to riding. Yeah.

Yeah. You want to put some work in? Yeah. I do. It's like I want to burn calories. I want to sweat on that thing i do get to riding yeah yeah you want to put some work in yeah i do it's like i want to burn calories i want to sweat a little bit like let me earn this cum you know that's funny oh my god i was recently talking to this actress and she was telling me like how when she was younger she like if she needed to like lose a little weight she would just start hooking up with guys because she was such an active sexual partner like that was how she like did got her fitness in got her heart rate up yeah burned a sweat i was like is that the ultimate hot girl plan hot girl workout plan dude that's great yeah better than going for a jog i yeah yeah that's awesome

spreading joy like making people happy i don't know chelsea when you've been with someone for 16 years like like what are the conversations like around sex like you always joke about like oh let me i would you know i would absolutely like have a fresh piece but like um i feel like we don't talk about about it much anymore i'm like the one that's like hey you want a threesome he's like no and i'm like hey you want to try this toy he's like he's like very vanilla not into anything and i'm like the one that's like let's like get wild and do something like let's swap with the one that's like let's like get wild and do something like let's swap with somebody or let's like let's like you know uh use this toy or whatever and he is the complete opposite so i feel like it used to be not a fight but it almost used to be like a frustration

and now i just realize that that's who he is and this is who I am. So it's just it's chill now. But it used to be more of a more of a conversation, more of a frustration. But God, we've been together so long. It's it's you know, it's not anymore. So we don't even talk about it anymore. Honestly, I know he does not want a threesome. He does not want to swap. He does not want a cock ring.

So I just let it. threesome he does not want to swap he does not want a cock ring so i just let it well i just learned from esther that the symbol for swingers is pineapple yes do you know this i knew this yeah upside down pineapple right oh i didn't know that have you come ever come across it or been like approached no not with the pineapple no no but. But I put like, I did know that. And I put a pineapple wallpaper in my office without like knowing. Because it does have to be upside down. I didn't know that. But this was just pink pineapples.

And I thought it was cute. Oh, it sent an uproar on Instagram. No. Messaging me like, I knew you guys were swingers. I'm like, chill out. I have heard that though. Whoa. Like if you have your pineapple upside down in the grocery store, that means another swinger

can approach you and you guys can give each other information and then y'all will hook up with. Yeah. I like cannot. That's so small town to me to like picture like you're finding your swingers at the grocery store. Like that's inspiring me to want to like meet people at whole foods silver lake yeah like i just want to make new friends well

apparently they do that at cruise ships too where they put the sign on their door so they know like who's swinging and who's not and you know whose door to knock on if you want to switcheroo i feel like also this stuff may have been like old school. People now just hop on websites. That's true. But I have been on that website

and I do not like it. Why? Any like, I think it's called Swap Finder? No, it's like it used to be Thrender. But then now it's

And it's just couples on there? Yeah, it's the one... ...told me about it. It's where she's had successful threesomes with people. Right, where she was the... Wasn't she a third or did she bring a third in? I think if you're the third, they call you the unicorn, right? I have heard that.

Right? Yes, because apparently that's rare. Right. To find a good third. Right. So you're like a unicorn. I have heard that. Oh, that's rare. Right. To find a good third. Right. So you're like a unicorn. I have heard that. Oh, that's kind of fun.

But I've been on it and it's so limited. I almost feel like going to the grocery store and just flipping the pineapple is the ultimate way. Especially at Erewhon. Oh. When I go to the grocery store, I'm looking. I am just to see if it's that i have yet to see an upside down pineapple what of it what about if it's a can of pineapple oh i don't know that might be hard to hard to spot you can spot a pineapple yeah all the way but i am honestly looking because i want to know like does this still happen

haven't seen it wow i know it's a real thing i am now just like is it bad that sometimes me and dave called donut our third like is she our unicorn i mean she does come in for the deep um mouth kisses right yeah my dog oh my she's the third yeah y'all are making out yeah he's the third that's cute is it is it okay it is i think making out with dogs is fine yeah okay good i'm a big make out with dogs same person um i know that people are weirded out about it because of what like are freaking parasites it's like that's a small price to pay diarrhea is a small price to pay for me feeling my dog's love i agree agree wholeheartedly people are repulsed by it i posted a video of um my dog goby kissing my mouth while i was singing

like an abba song and people were upset like really genuinely upset oh I know it's so I kiss my dogs all the time my dogs aren't really tongue dudes but I will just oh my god I will I will borderline smother them and when I feel them needing air that's when I give up but I will just hold my dogs are real little and i'll just hold them and just just kiss until they're fighting for air love dog kisses me too i feel like that is like my most raw form of joy is just like the moments with my dog like what else on life in life is is important or is is i don't know that's when i feel like a human creature having the full experience oh i'm obsessed with my dogs yeah they're mama's world i could sit here and talk about them for an hour dude like they are mama's world so i get it dude i get it

how many do you have i've got two um they're real little tilly and gary gary gary great name for a dog he's a japanese chin and they're both real little i mean gary's like that big tilly's like that big and their mom is everything but dude they're and i don't have kids and i don't plan on having kids and people always ask me are you gonna get a third dog and i'm like hell no why these they are a full-time job they really are tilly's easy tilly i don't have to mess with don't have to care for gary is like watching a toddler and i that that solidified that i don't want kids i think getting gary big time so they're a lot dude yeah dogs it's a lot i have four so and they're my all four were like unadoptables they came from like rescues and they were

dogs that just had a hard time um being placed in home because they either had a behavioral issue and so full-time job it is oh bless your heart that's sweet but four of them oh my gosh uh-uh couldn't do it. Barely handled two. When I was locked up in a psychiatric hospital as a teenager, there was an adult area. There was like where the teenagers were and there was an area that had like more minors in it. And there was a kid there who was eight years old

who was nonverbal, but she wasn't nonverbal because of a learning disability. She was nonverbal because her mother or her parents raised her like a dog. I know this is a touchy subject for you, Esther, but kept her in like a dog shed in the back, leashed and everything. And I remember hearing that story and thinking like, geez, like my upbringing. So what about the lightning storms? Like, I'm good.

Yeah. Which goes back to exactly what I was saying. Like, bro, it could be so much worse. Yeah. It could. And I've heard of, it might've been that same story. I have heard of that. That is crazy.

Does that bring up feelings for youester well of jealousy no well because she was a dog for a part of her life oh i know she's jealous she wasn't raised i as a child identified as a dog named jacob and i really just i really wanted to be a dog and i have trying to laugh, but they're laughing over there. So it's making me laugh. It's good to laugh. And I've noticed that years later, inanimate object like is sort of a safe place for me for how long you know when you were a dog uh i was probably only a dog for less than a year okay i was little you know full time or like in in between schools? I'm being serious. Okay. I think like mostly full time. I would bite people.

I would only eat off of the floor. And you're so tiny now. I imagine you being so little. I was a small dog. You're like the teacup dog. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for that.

But it is. I don't know why as a child I wanted to be a dog i think i just met a dog and wanted to become it and now okay is it this because i talk about this in my stand-up like is it that crazy though to want it was like a 34 year old woman to want to a little bit be treated like a dog do you guys get what i'm saying this pup play pup play is a real thing that is a thing yeah play is where they dress up and they really really take on the spirit of a dog and it's it's very sexual but maybe you can do pup play but more just in your real life like a furry

i don't think anything's weird and i'm being serious like if you're like you know if it makes somebody happy and you're not hurting people i don't think anything's weird if you want to get a collar and i'll i'll fucking walk you out in the parking lot you know like i think you should do it whatever makes you happy for real people do weirder shit man like what oh god people call into our podcast we take calls from people and shit sometimes it's so wild like we can't even play a call man like people just people do the weirdest shit we had a lady call in and she was like i found out my my brother his wife called me and was like i have have to tell you, like, your brother. She, like, I think had to tell her because she had to tell somebody.

Your brother loves to put soap bars up his butthole. And just keep them in there. And I guess just push them out when he's done. Like, people just do weird shit. That I can kind of understand because maybe there is some type of like Freudian thing happening there because I know that the anal stage is real and maybe that was not properly handled when he was a kid.

Wait, the anal stage, what are you talking about? There is like anal, like you could pull it up, the Freudian stages. The anal stage in Freudian psychology is a period of human development occurring at about one to three years of age. Around this age, a child begins to toilet train, which brings about the child's fascination in the erogenous zone of the anus. The erogenous zone is focused on the bowel and bladder. I cannot have kids. This is like too complicated. You have to deal with a kid becoming obsessed

with their anus. Yeah, I don't wanna do that. But you know when parents are like, well, they don't remember anything between one and three. Just kidding. If you get that shit wrong, they're gonna stick soap bars up their assholes as adults. But last night, my family and I

brought all the mattresses to the living room because my mom wanted to watch Pretty Woman as a family. And then randomly Bobby comes through the living room and he wants to ruin this perfectly sweet moment. He was like,

Richard Gere? He was like, yeah, he puts gerbils up his asshole. And you're like, what what and is that like a he says it's like an urban i've heard famous urban myth yeah that he did it yeah that people do it that richard here does it yeah i feel so bad perpetuating this but i have to ask like what does your mom act like or think, like, when Bobby Lee walks in the room and says that? Like, what does your mom think of you and that whole thing? My mom and Bobby are two peas in a pod. Of course. No two people get along more.

Of course. They just get each other. There's a language barrier. It doesn't matter. They're both fucking crazy. I should have known. Like, I upset my mom the other day and he completely sided with her yeah he was like you're dumb no apologize i'm like

yeah what are you talking she's my perpetrator but there actually is an origin to the richard gear story oh god which is that uh sly stallone apparently made up a rumor on the 1974 film the lords of the flatbush and the two actors got into a tiff over lunch one day something about chicken grease and um they got in an argument and that's how the how it all started oh yeah me and annie's biggest fight was about chicken grease as well. Really? Why? No, I'm just kidding.

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plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan additional taxes fees and restrictions apply statement mobile for details oh my gosh but i have heard people people love to do weird shit and i have heard that gerbil thing people love to do that all right that one makes me sad because it's hurting an animal. I agree. Big time. Yeah. I agree.

Anything in your butt. My dad told me at the ER that he would see just the craziest stuff in the world and that like he wouldn't be, he said he couldn't even like talk to me when he would come home from work because he would see such insane stuff. Like animals, like rodents and stuff. And this is what your dad has to do to buy you Cotton Citizen. How do you feel about that? That was 20 years ago.

He was an ER doctor. Oh, my gosh. We had somebody call into the pod, and she had said that her husband, she had caught her husband. I guess he had put a plunger up against the wall, and he was putting it in his ass. I don't know. i can't remember the call exactly what had happened but somehow they needed to go to the er and he was mortified and

he told the doctor instead of being like yeah i stuck it up my ass which everybody knows that's what happened yeah he told the doctor that he was walking across the room and tripped. Landed. And it landed in there. Literally, that's what he told her. And she was embarrassed by that. That's way more embarrassing than what actually happened. Oh, my God.

Yeah. See, if guys were to just openly admit that Aspley feels phenomenal, none of these ER visits would be necessary. Just tell us you want stuff up there i'll put stuff up there whatever it is you want yes the answer is yes wait so guys like ass play like yes i haven't been with a guy um and even the most resistant ones if i'm just like hey just relax i don't i need you to just take all of your preconceived whatever out the way. Just let me touch it a little bit and see if you like it. And it's usually a very lubed up finger, not to go in, but just to touch it. And I'm like, be real with me.

How does that feel? And the answer is always, that felt pretty good. Always. It's such an erogenous zone. This is very in align with this theory I have about you that you very, there's a Venn diagram and here is sex acts. And here is like being a medical professional. And you're in the middle.

Like you are this like sexual medical experience for people. It's like sexual icky guy. Yeah. And the calming voice. You're like, sit back. Cause it's like sexual icky guy yeah and the calming voice you're like sit back because it's kind of like no judgment like i just want to know like let's see and if you don't like it you don't like it no big deal i'll never touch you there again but can i just try let's just try it yeah we're taking a banana break yes i need it i I love this.

It's just, it's not, nothing sexual. It's just for potassium. Yeah. Just a snack. Just a snack. Just to fuel up. Yeah. But if it starts to resemble a perfume bottle, feel free.

Love me a banana. I die without bananas. I live and die by this thing. Do you like banana pudding? I love without bananas. Mm-hmm. I live and die by this thing. Do you like banana pudding? I love anything banana. But wasn't, we kind of all at least agree that like the banana flavor Laffy Taffy was not. That's my number one. What?

You're one of those people. That's the only one I like. Oh, the banana is so good. It's so strange to me. Oh, God, it's so good. That's my only one I like. Oh, the banana is so good. It's so strange to me. Oh, God, it's so good. That's my number one. Which is the best one, Nestor? I think they all taste the same, except the banana just tastes weird.

Like, they're all good. Because it's more of a synthetic banana flavor. Yeah. Right? Well, isn't banana – how do you recreate the flavor of a banana like i don't or recreate a scent how do you do that you know like they'll have like i don't know scent like candles and like i've always wondered that how do you recreate scents and tastes don't know chemists that's wild they're smart yeah science or something like that

you got like banana sunnies oh i i like to save mine and make it into a milkshake when i get home smart i know that isn't like the intention of the banana break but i i'm jewish and so I'm doing it my way. This is actually how they recreate frequencies. They put a sample into this machine right there that costs thousands of dollars. They break it down to its molecular level and their components, and then they recreate it synthetically. Whoa.

Yeah. So big-time science stuff. Yeah like i think it's a very serious that's and that's why mcdonald's french fries taste good because of science you know people are very against synthetic um ingredients or synthetic like chemicals like put into their cosmetics and things like that and everyone always pushes that for the, on the label, all natural, natural this, natural that. I'm like, bitch cyanide is natural. Like most poisonous things are natural.

Like a lot of synthetic stuff is actually safer for consumption than all natural stuff. But people don't wanna like, they're so hell bent on like what that labeling looks like it's kind of this like weird brainwashing especially skin care uh-huh skin care is a big people all natural but a lot of a lot of all natural skin care will break you the fuck out i have eczema so things like peppermint me up like a lot things. And also highly toxic for animals too. You can't just have peppermint oil.

Right. Wait, why? Why peppermint oil? I think that's toxic for dogs. There's a lot of essential oils that you have to be really careful around animals. A lot of flowers, you have to be very careful with tulips. Or lilies, not tulips. Lilies around cats.

It can cause renal failure. Yeah, peppermint oil is not safe for dogs. I think it kills roaches. Yeah. I mean, citronella kills mosquitoes, right? It's like natural is dangerous. Yeah. Nature is a beast. Just because it's all natural doesn't mean you're going to react well to it.

Yep. My PFA for today. Amen amen amen well it's like when people say like no chemicals it's like okay well you know that you're a chemical bro you're a fucking chemical so chelsea you know what a pleasure dom is no dominatrix oh you're gonna like this one i know you're gonna like this one. I know you're gonna like this one. What is it? Pull it up. Okay, so a pleasure dom is basically a guy and his only desire and his job is to make you come over and over and over again. And so on Tiger Belly, I had talked about also on this show, I had talked about this one guy named Yenny. And he's an adult adult film star and he's a pleasure dom and so basically i was like oh i have a celebrity crush and his it's this guy and um i thought this was a trolly ass comment

but beat this oh no i do have a celebrity crush but maybe he's not a huge celebrity yet he's like this guy he's like a pleasure dom his name is yinny but he. He's like this guy. He's like a pleasure Dom. His name is Yenny He's like really hot to me What the actual fuck she is so so attractive also She wanted to like, you know DM me on Instagram. You know, maybe she sees this. Hold up. I thought this was a joke. There you go.

Kalilah. Have you boned him? No. Are you gonna? He DM'd me on Instagram. I don't know what to say back. What did he say? Can you tell me? Yeah, here.

Wait, also, can you, like, what does he do? Like, is that his thing? Like, does he? He's that his thing like does he porn star and he like gets off on yeah he just makes him come like hard over and over again but is he like that in real life or is that a well we're gonna find out yeah yeah yeah yeah but what if you get all this hype up and you bone him and he just sticks it in and comes and leaves okay i mean, maybe. No, that's not happening. It better not. Oh, he's hot. He says the little

crush is mutual. If you ever really wanted to have me on or if you wanted to grab dinner sometime, I'm sure we could coordinate something. Oh, my God. I haven't said anything back. I think he needs to be a guest on the show. I think so, too.

And then go to dinner that night. Or just skip dinner. Just skip it. I have a sweat mustache. That's how you know I'm really nervous. I'm officially inviting him to guest on the show. You know where to find us.

We want to bring you in here. We want to talk it out in person yeah you gotta you gotta just sit back relax you can be the pillow princess i think yeah so i think he's a perfect guy um to really push me into that pillow princess era because i imagine me like fighting back and him like just pushing me back down and say telling me to do nothing like not move a muscle oh my and i'm gonna resist right like this is this is how i'm romanticizing it in my head that starts now message him back it's it's a little bit giving to me like the vibes that you also want to be

an inanimate object slash dog you want to like have someone just be like sit stay that's funny yeah make me fight my own nature is the best way to like turn me on because like just tell me no i can't do it yeah i think i'm about to come right we have to take a break oh my gosh oh my what are you nervous about i i just like i haven't been a single in a really long time and so god you gotta keep us updated yeah i will i want to know i want to know what's the caressa method for sex esther i don't know carlos what is that i'm pulling it up right now it's more it's like when you embrace while fucking i believe it's like sensual it's basically not chasing the cum ah not chasing the cum it's all about yeah it comes from the

italian word carezza which means caress and it's all about into intimacy without orgasm as the goal oh that's more eloquent way of like edging um yeah well it's more like the idea that sex isn't like orgasm isn't the point of two people coming together, like embracing, kissing, touching, you know, feeling all of the the sensations that comes with two warm bodies together. I kind of get that. I do. But I'm skeptical. Like, was this invented by a guy who doesn't want to make a girl cum? Like, that feels a little lazy. So are they not cumming at all? Like, when you get close, you're done?

Like, you stop? No, you can cum. You cum, but you just enjoy the... Right. Because there have been... I think if I can look back at my favorite sexual partner of my entire life, it was a guy who, like, we would just start fucking, but then we would just sometimes stop

and it'd be like, it will finish later. But it was nice to just be close and fuck for this long. Yeah. This says if orgasming feels like it's the best thing to do in the moment, then great.

Let whatever happened be okay. Okay. Yeah. Esther, I feel like you're not on board. It's very vague. i'm just skeptical like i do understand it though like obviously there's times where it's just about like physical touch but you want a nut i look oh yeah you want a nut yeah i think as a proud leader of the feminist sexual orgasm movement i think it's my job to make sure that i don't leave a sexual experience without

a nut yeah i love coming i get that i love coming too but i think that it um i like all of it i like anything i like feeling horny feeling horny is my favorite feeling in the world more more so than feeling safe like feeling horny that's so funny like you that's so funny. It's hilarious. That's so fucked up. Like, just take away safety and you might not think that. Oh, my God. No, but I mean, just like even like that moment where you're like, oh, I am a little bit horny. It's a great sensation and that carries over into just making out with someone and edging. I love that because it's like a thing that builds. It's almost like the pressure.

You don't feel that way. Do you feel like if you had only just been horny and turned on, you would have been okay in the swimming pool with a lightning storm? Like that that would have made it all right? Rub one out. Looking at the sky. Safety would not matter. Yeah.

And I was a horny. I don't want to talk about me as a horny kid did you hump your pillows i made i i had two bears named emno and emny and they would just were they like discount elmos why did they have those names i have no idea but it was emno and emny and they were just two teddy bears and they would violently fuck. Yeah. Did you hump pillows? I would hump pillows.

I would hump my dolls. I would hump the furniture. When everyone was gone, I would fuck the whole house. I would hump everything. I'm not even kidding that was my only fan's idea to hump pillows without my face oh that's right yeah so we had this idea for carlos where we think um we think he should have sex with pillows but different kinds of pillows and see like you know like a target pillow versus a marlo pillow versus like a four seasons

pillow right because i don't think all pillows are built the same no definitely not and you talked about previously like liking humping pillows i mean i come from the chelsea school of masturbation for sure yeah wait what you fucked the house no i mean i i didn't go whole house i just did pillows pillows there was a girl right there was a girl in my catholic school and all girls catholic school and she was like horned up all the time and she got suspended because she started um humping the edge of her chair because it was like a pointed chair and she would just back up into it like. In class? Yeah.

I waited till I got home, man. In class. In class. Chelsea, thank you so much for coming today. Oh my gosh, this was awesome, dude. You are such a ray of sunshine. Thank you. We love you.

Thank you, I love y'all. I hope you come back every time you're in town i will thank you for having me and maybe page can maybe come on the show someday oh she would love that show us um how to properly um do fart art because dude we're coming back and you'll have to have her on and she will do live fart art for you guys please serious are you a big fart guy that was just so funny to me it's just funny to him he's very energized today we we love that for you we're happy for you be open-minded oh i just announced um a tour i'm going on tour so come and see me um tickets go on sale this week um so yeah come see me on the road and i have a podcast called devour podcast and yeah and chelsea will you send

us um your new calendar yes i will i should have brought some i'm sorry i will send them to you i do a calendar every year i don't know if you knew this it is a topless calendar and i do it in in the trailer trash tammy character and they are hilarious it's the number one thing i do each year i mean like this is like a big thing like i sell so many fucking titty calendars and i will send each of y'all a titty calendar. Thank you. That's all I want. Wow. I'm really inspired today. You guys, thank you so much for listening. Check out Chelsea on Tour and her podcast and her calendar,

and we will see you next week. As always, the brand new episode of Trash Tuesday. Bye, guys. Thank you.