Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - The Roaring Twenties in Our Thirties

Episode Date: December 27, 2022

Thank you to our Sponsors: BetterHelp - Go to https://betterhelp.com/trashtuesday today to get 10% off your first month Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 A Roaring Twenties New Year4:09 Hot Laura Dern & When Annie Met Billy Bob Thornton8:48 Sleeping with a Virgin & Our First Time14:12 People Who Don’t Pass Your Vibe Check21:36 Sharing a Heavy Opinion About A Friend’s Partner32:35 The Quantum Entanglement Analogy36:51 Boundaries After a Relationship Ends38:25 Khalya Reads a Love Letter She Received From a TigerBelly Fan42:35 Life as a Terminal STD45:29 The Chinese Woman That Went From Brothel to the Leader of the Largest Pirate Confederacy 48:34 Labeling and Being Mad at Sexual Women54:56 Our Highs and Lows of 2022 and Our Hopes for 2023 Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 My Pleasure - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-pleasure/id1494518220 AnnieWood - https://www.youtube.com/annielederman Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera Editor: Bryce Hallock

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offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. This show is sponsored by better help as the world's largest therapy service better help has

matched three million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists available 100 online plus it's affordable just fill out a brief questionnaire to match with a therapist and if things aren't clicking you can easily switch to a new therapist anytime it couldn't be simpler no waiting rooms no traffic no endless searching for the right therapist learn more and save 10 off your first month at betterhelp.com slash trash tuesday that's betterhelp.com slash trash tuesday hi guys next week i can't believe that i'm finally coming to phoenix i cannot wait get your tickets now at esther on ice.com and don't forget to check out my new solo podcast audio only it's called my pleasure and it's available where you listen to all your audio only podcasts

hello sluggies hello and stanis hello stanis hello uh what else do i call you uh or fans you guys are the best i had so much fun um on all these episodes am i on this one it's so fun to be here with you guys i am also going to be on the road it is here my favorite most exciting date coming up is las vegas new year's december 30th and 31st come hang out with me we're going to party it's going to be absolutely the best i am so stoked for that then i'm going to be doing a a one night or January 7th at Burbank in flap at flappers in Burbank. I'm going to be in Wisconsin in January. I'm going to be in Florida, February and March and in Canada. A lot more shows are getting added in different places.

So go to Annie Letterman.com slash shows to check them out. Also after this show, go over to Annie would go to youtube.com slash annie letterman as my solo podcast it's so fun we love it over there think of it as a double feature see you guys later i can't um tap on my phone with gloves on did you know that haha sorry the bully in me just came out yeah i'm tip tapping away over here wait who's that character on the simpsons haha oh yeah who is that i was gonna say cartman oh no they're all blending just for you to like mess up those universes is like really it's like weird why do you think i'm like a cartoon girl no like it's just that could never happen to me. And so seeing that you are capable of- Why? Because your face is so round?

Do you always know the round face characters? Because Simpsons, Family Guy, and South Park, they're just so different. You cannot mesh them. They are very different. Happy New Year. Hey, yeah. Hey, Happy New Year. We're in the roaring 20s.

Oh, we're roaring. We're in our 20s. This is the only way we can be in our 20s is to do this episode that's so sad but do you genuinely miss your 20s no no not even a little bit and you know what's funny is when i was that age and you hear people older than you saying like oh it gets better you're like yeah right and then you get that age and you're like oh my god when you're young you suck you're so stupid you're embarrassing yourself everywhere you go like i feel like my 30s are just an another like try at my 20s where i'm smarter and cooler remember thinking people were old too like people in their 30s were old well my mom like by the time she was my age had 12 year old kids yep you know what i mean so like you view her differently

but no you could i remember being 27 though and fully believing i was peaking i was like i think this is as good as it's ever gonna get boy was i wrong 27 was a good year though but it was like a it was like can you imagine that being it it's a fun age but it's still too young like i don't i know they say your brain isn't developed till 25 i think like honestly 35 because you're under 35 yeah i'm hoping there's more room in there but i remember overhearing a conversation with my dad and his friends once and they were talking about how um life starts at 30. And I remember thinking like, that's insane. I'm like 12. What are they talking about? And now I'm like, oh yeah, it actually does.

I can't wait to be like a hot 50 something Laura Dern. Like that's sort of what I'm striving for. I don't know how my body is going to, you know, look at that age, but I think I'm going to be killing it at that age. You're going to have to go a little white face, I think. Whiten it up a little bit. Do a little bleaching of the skin. I can see this for you. Oh, my God. She goes blonde.

She fucks Ben Harper. Oh, she was with Ben Harper. She married him. Or maybe she had one of those not marriages, but was together so long and had a bunch of kids. Wait, Laura Dern is really interesting to me because of her partners. Yeah. He's not the only, I guess, like, not strange guy,

but you know how she did? Can you pull up people that she dated? He's alt-y. Yeah, he's like alt-y. Like, he probably wore, like, silly jackets a lot baron davis remember that i don't remember that i remember that well this is the man that laura durham has dated so we have baron davis who else ben harper common oh my god i was like that ben harper looks like common billy bob oh billy bob is the weirdest one whoa wait i told you guys my story of when i met him

right i think you did wait what happened it was he was so exactly like what you would expect him to be he um he my friend we we were like hanging out during the this movie the astronaut farmer that they were filming in, in Santa Fe. And my friend was hooking up with, I can't even say who it is, but someone that was on the movie. It's like for her own. It's so embarrassing.

I was like, I remember being like, I had never seen like someone be a star fucker where I was like, that's who you're banging. Holy shit. And, um, and he,

this guy kept trying to set me up with Billy Bob. I was like, I'm good. Wait, what? I was Bob. I was like, I'm good. Wait, what? I was 21. He was like, he's like, I can get you Billy Bob if you want. Like, who knows if he could. Like, it wasn't like Billy Bob was like coming for me.

But I was like, I'm good. We were just like these, you know, waitresses and college students in Santa Fe. Wait, can we pause here for a second? Like, isn't Billy Bob like a hot man icon? I never wanted to fuck a celebrity i never was like interested in that okay this is i was like a crew fucker i liked i liked the guys with the calluses on their hands that are just carrying around sandbags check in with you are you attracted to billy bob thornton uh personally no carlos anyone can i tell you my favorite billy bob moment

is when he got interviewed for his band and they kept bringing up his acting career and he was so mad will you look that up it was so good okay wait okay so okay so anyway so my friend was hooking up with this guy on the movie who was very old and very not Billy Bob and you rejected Angelina Jolie's ex i didn't reject he i'm like i want to be clear this was this other guy being like you want billy bob i'll get you billy i'm like what um but so we go on set and we're in the um craft services and billy bob thornton comes up and he goes um like he puts his hand out and he goes i'm billy bob thornton international superstar and i i think i said something like oh i heard you were looking for me it was like what and i

was like i don't know i just i don't know i'm not famous anymore and then um heard you were looking for me i said something stupid i just like said something i was like i don't know and um i just wasn't allowing i wouldn't allow the dominance and um his thumb was hurt for some reason I don't remember why but anyway so he goes um he said do you know any virgins immediately and I went I actually do know virgin he goes can can you give me your number and I go no and then it was can I ask you a personal question I said sure and he said um is three inches too small and I said it depends on the direction you're holding the ruler I was really proud of how quick I was and that was my whole Billy Bob and then like my friends like I think I was like I think you can get him too I don't know

wait it was just like but I think he was he was playing up being like a creep like that's disturbing it just seemed to be a very like it seemed to be like a i think we have a lawsuit on our hands that is disturbing he was just being a thing i don't know exactly who you thought he would be it was just very surprising how billy bob he was yeah he's like so every girl he meets he's just like do you know any virgins i think he was just fucking around Okay I do, I do believe No, I think he was fucking around He was doing like international superstar Everything he was doing was kind of like this bit

For like the craft service people Okay, but don't you feel like we know Actual men who like are looking for Virgins? And I do know that And that's why I can differentiate That he was like doing a bit I 100% do We know men who want virgins? Yes! And that's why I can differentiate that he was like doing a bit. I'll take that. I 100% do.

We know men who want virginity. Yes. I mean, yes. Okay. One. Oh, maybe two. But I just, how is that fun? It's power.

Yeah. It's like a psychological like insecurity on their part. I love like on The Bachelor and stuff when you're watching and a girl will be like she'll be on like the you know almost to the final episode and she'll be like i gotta tell him i gotta tell him and she's like i'm a virgin you see them be like yikes some of them are like great and it's like ew why do you want that yeah let her live her life pop that cherry somewhere else carlos if you want that yeah let her live her life pop that cherry somewhere else Carlos if you want come bring me the

pre-bloodied if you want to date with a girl and it was like going there maybe you're back at someone's place and then she said

she was a virgin would you be more turned on or turned off can I answer for him would be turned on because it's a tighter pussy and it mimics the asshole of a man

it would be weird it's too much pressure right it's not even pressure on me i would just be like confused as to why they're a virgin like what am i going out with a 19 year old it's just strange or you're like super religious that would freak me out oh my god i just got i just remembered something one time in college i was hooking up with this guy we're making out and then he told me he was a virgin and i was like ew so you were the guy i was the good guy that's like ew i was the opposite i would say i i slept with a lot of um when i was 16 i slept most of the boys that i slept with between 16 and 18 were virgins.

I feel like everyone was a virgin at that age. I never had virgins. I was always, I was always the lesser of the. Wait, Esther, the chances of a 16, 17 year old boy being a virgin is pretty high. So if that's the pool I'm picking from, it's probably 50, 50, right? That's true true but what was

that like for you were they like too excited um but i had just started fucking too so i guess it didn't feel weird it's like yeah the chances of fucking a virgin when you're that age are pretty big it's like the guys our age and older that are we're like guys come on you had to really go you had to go find these people but what but nice it was i remember thinking like oh my god they're gonna remember my name forever that is okay that's cool and also like at the safety it's cool and sick and kind of sick but i remember thinking like oh i'm there first like i feel honored i wonder how many kalilah tattoos there are not just in this room oh my god i'm the leader of the virgin no you're like a hack like you like like so many have come before you yeah

like they're like another kalilah we've got like four today whoa i guess this is kind of new year's eve themed like a rebirthing a virgin yes yes yes it's a virgin year if there was a way for you to put your hymen back together. Humpty Dumpty's, I don't know. Humpty Dumpty's a yoni egg. I will say this. I was really disappointed when I had sex the first time and there was no blood. I was like, what?

Like, I thought it was a virgin. Like, I swear. The type of pain was a different pain than I thought it was gonna be too yeah it didn't hurt at all oh no mine hurts so bad you big pussy bitch no oh my god on that little body it didn't hurt Jesus Christ like it was a good hurt like no mine was like was like a like a like I felt like i was being bruised and cut at the same time same wait what i sure thought that since i had been diddled and i got into a pretty um brutal biking accident that involved my pussy being impaled she got her she got swing um i for sure thought that my hymen had just been like, like, like dissolved.

Yeah. But it turns out it was excruciating for me. I remember after the first time I ever had sex, I was like, I never want to do that again. That was horrible. I was traumatized. Yeah, it was not sick. I my pussy ache. I had no romance either. Did you have any romance involved in yours?

There was, but I didn't have sex again for a year and a half after my first time. That's how much I hated it me too what wait but weren't you like haven't some like haven't you been like yeah that's what i thought i was like oh for sure like i got fingered when i was 12 you not saying the word is so crazy you are so crazy i go like this i want to be polite you guys forget i got fingered but by a 19 year old and i was 12 i do forget that often i really black it out i really black i do forget it's so traumatizing every time i relearn it it's like as exciting as the first so it pops back in my head usually in the middle of the night i wake up sweating twitching no um and i'm more to be formal i'm very sorry child abuse i didn't know it was wrong at that time so who cares it's not one of my core wounds yeah isn't that so weird like i had a thing happen where i was filming this like hooter sketch

i think i talked about before but i was filming this hooteroters sketch. I think I talked about it before, but I was filming this Hooters sketch and I was getting pushed out. The whole reason I came up with the idea is I was with this girl and we stopped at a Hooters because I thought it'd be funny. And there was a drunk guy in a suit and he was being so annoying. And I thought he worked there originally.

And when I realized he didn't work there, I was like, we got to make a sketch where he's the guy that works there or something. So then I made a sketch where he was like, I came in to get a job application and he pushes me on he goes, You have no tits like how dare you try to work here. And it just it all came because this guy was drunk and annoying. So I knew when I asked him to be in the sketch, like I was getting myself into a situation with an annoying drunk man in a suit.

So the guy ended up I had this girl who I was friends with at the time filming. And, and the guy ended up like pulling my hair, he did something with at the time filming and um and the guy ended up like pulling my hair he did something that was like too much but i knew like going into it that this guy was gonna end up being like a problem sort of like pulling my hair or something and i was like dude don't fucking pull my like i was like you're going to you know i had to like slap him or whatever you know and my friend like and we ended up doing the sketch and everything ended up being funny we leave and the girl i was friends with was like she was like what he did to you was so unacceptable and I was like no it's fine like I and she was no and she's like I need to have my feelings about it was like no bitch you're trying

to make this into like a core wound for me I go no no no no no because I could go there where I get traumatized by this but I am accepting responsibility for the fact that I got it. I literally said to a man, talk to me with my tits and push me physically. So you know what I mean? But it was like she wanted it so bad for it to be a core wound.

That's such an interesting analogy to like when a little kid falls and if you're like, are you okay? Then they start crying. But if you're just like, you're fine. Like it's okay.

Like she did the bad version. Yes. Right. You cannot like force delegate a pain onto someone no i think it's wrong because it's like but also did you think it was wrong or are you trying to have an emotion because it didn't happen to you yes that was like what the hell because i used to with the same girl i used to have a lot of like problems where she would be like telling me gossip about a person i had already told her i didn't want to be friends with like not in a mean way like it was just someone that I didn't find interesting and um do you know when you when you encounter people especially in this business and you go like oh like I see my own

death when I'm talking to you like like time is like ticking like I go like oh you're wasting like what I have left on this earth like that's who this person was to me and it wasn't like it's no like disrespect like I know that sounds so disrespectful but like it's just like this is not my person this doesn't make me laugh this doesn't elevate my life yeah i'm like when i'm talking to you like i could be doing anything else in the world that makes me feel better than talking to you and i just was like i don't want to get like in this person's drama and so we had this this person was like a mutual friend and she kept bringing this person up to me and i kept going you're making me sound so mean I don't want to have to keep like defending that I want to be friends with this person it's just a boundary it's not like no offense I'm happy that you're

friends with this person but she would always come to me she's like you're not even believe what happened with her this and I go this is I go I don't want to talk about this person she goes I'm allowed to tell you my feelings but it's not your feelings it's your feelings about someone else and I started to notice this pattern with this person where it was like everything was like an emotion about something happening to someone else it was like all gossipy and i was like if it's about something that happened to you i'll talk to you about it but you know what i love what you said is like you talk to someone you see your own death you could be doing anything else and then you're like but no disrespect like i actually relate to that so hard it's like there are people i just like i don't want

to go there and then it's like but it's not an evil thing on my part it's just like our venn diagrams don't like they don't need to touch like we don't need to overlap at all we can just be like living our separate lives and it's like i want the best for you in your life it's just it cannot it i'm bored to tears around this person bored to tears but they're sometimes like instinct is everything like i i always i always go back to my sister having worked in um jails for over 10 years so she's a very you guys have just been there so much you've seen it all and you say it i forget it is like i relearn everything every time you say it but she she already did jails for 10 years so she is very discerning of types predators

murderers she has to medically treat people who just stab their wives so she's almost like you almost kind of have a she has a sixth sense for certain types and i remember her meeting a particular comic but she's like pointing pointing to like when she met you. She met a particular male comic a couple years ago and immediately she was like, no, no, Kalilah. He is not even just a bad guy, but dangerous. He does bad things. Yeah, interesting.

And I was like, Kawinda, you're being like really prematurely, like you're being judgy, like he's a, you know, he's blah, blah, blah. And she was like, no, I'm telling you. It's like, just wait. And a couple of years later. Shit went down. Yeah. And she, and, you know, but she is like high on the discernment. And sometimes like people, like if you get that feeling, I think that you should listen to that feeling about somebody. I don't think you should just brush it off as, oh, maybe I'm being judgmental. You should listen to it a little bit.

I don't think you should just brush it off as, oh, maybe I'm being judgmental. You should listen to it a little bit. Let's just, you know, I was listening to like one of my mentors or one of the people online or something. And I remember them saying, whatever, if someone doesn't like elevate your life and doesn't like bring you that joy, like you don't owe them. Like, why would you? Because that's like a weird codependent thing. Like if I'm now worrying about this person that I've just, and it's not like like i'm not like if i see this person i don't go like oh i'm out of

here or anything it's just like i don't choose to like on purpose hang out with this person or or like i don't want them to text i don't want to they're just not yeah and by the way just to prove it's like so not even a rudeness i feel like i'm learning so much about how when the way you're raised that dictates like what kind of personalities and people you're drawn to so it could literally just be you guys like you and this another person are just not a match like culturally yeah and if you look the same whatever it is um but i also i really trust people like that who can read someone and tell you like i trust that way more than what you're saying about like your friend who would just tell you like talk shit about someone else

it's like that I don't trust that's like someone else's experience but like when someone's like no I have this weird gut instinct because I've been around this type like that's so valuable to me can I have your sister's phone number oh scary take scary. Her sister, sorry. She's met you. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Navigating any of life's challenges can make you feel unsure, whether it's a career change, a new relationship, or even becoming a parent. Therapists are trained to help you figure out the cause of challenging emotions and learn productive coping skills, which makes therapy the closest thing to a guided tour of the complex engine called you. As the world's largest therapy service, BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists

available 100% online, plus it's affordable. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to match with a therapist and if things aren't clicking, you can easily switch to a new therapist anytime it couldn't be simpler no waiting rooms no traffic no endless searching for the right therapist learn more and save 10 off your first month at betterhelp.com slash trash tuesday that's betterhelp.com slash trash tuesday after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time, all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's the catch? But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's

secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online. They don't have retail stores or salespeople. Instead, they deliver premium phone plans directly to you. As you guys know, our friend Rick Glassman, he uses Mint Mobile. I learned about Mint Mobile through George Kimmel. George is a busy guy. He takes the most business calls. And the fact that not a single call is ever dropped. And you can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan

and bring your phone number along with all of your existing contacts. Say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans mint mobile is here to rescue you with plans starting at 15 bucks a month and all plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5g network that is such a steal to get this new customer offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. mobile for details okay so i actually have um sort of an align just like a friendship question that i

really feel like it is my issue but i want to get your guys's advice i have a friend who i love so much and i feel like i see her making decisions that like are not good for her. And like, maybe like hung up on a guy that it's just, I think that's like the big issue. And I find myself wanting to be like, hey, here's what I think. I think this and I think this and I want to help you. And it's all coming from this place of like wanting to help her but I know just like through experience nobody listens to you when you do that right like I just want to confirm that I'm like there's nothing that can be done right it's you cannot do it unsolicited if she comes to you then that's the only time you speak because if you push your like heavy opinions on her you're you're no longer going to be the person she turns to or even opens up to because she's going to be like, oh, she's going to expect that I told you so vibe.

And I know what you mean. It's really difficult not to intervene. and I've definitely been in this situation where I want to shake somebody and be like, look, can you not see that, you know, one plus one equals two. The result of everything that you're experiencing is because of this person. But you just, you just can't, Esther. What the fuck? That's crazy to me.

Like, what would you do if you're- I would just tell them. I don't give a fuck. I would just go, look, like maybe this isn't what you want to hear. But the problem is like, I hate when i get into that part of relationships friendships where it's like things get snappy like i hate because people will get mad because they'll defend they want to believe this is a person you know like people will defend these guys right like they'll be like all right no but he loves me even though he doesn't like call me until it's like

three in the morning or whatever i'm just making up an example and you can see that this is a guy that's like not treating your friend well you know you can see that but it's like like even with i feel like you've done this for me before you've been like look i know you probably don't want to hear this but like as your friend i i really like the approach my sister takes with me when she knows i'm dating a scumbag and i take a very different approach from her because when she was dating an abusive fuck for six years, I was always in her face like, look at him. He's a fucking this. Like, look what he's doing.

But she was so in it that eventually I sort of like there was a distance between us because she couldn't come to me anymore about problems regarding him. Eventually they broke up um i wish a lot of times that i held my tongue because it wasn't my place it's her journey it's her life my sister takes a different approach with me when i have dated scumbags she just waits she's like i trust my sister to figure it out she's gonna have a maybe a couple years of a lot of pain but when she's ready to talk about it i'm going to give her my honest opinion but she just doesn't meddle and i really really respect her for that okay she lets me learn my hard lessons but in your case it's been going on for 10 years and also it's like i think you hold you hold back as much as you can and then when you can no longer say it there's a reason you can no longer say it because maybe it's crossing a boundary for you at this

point where you're like i'm just getting all these like terrible tales and I have to just sit by them. Do you know what I mean? Would you want it if someone intervened unsolicited with you and say, Esther, look, I actually think you're a lesbian. I actually think back to a time where I was dating a guy where he was clearly just like would come over after he got off work and have sex with me and leave and didn't sleep over because he said he couldn't find parking like I was in that situation and I had my friend who was my famously crazy roommate that we all know she sat me who was older than me and wiser and she's like here's the facts like he doesn't respect you he doesn't like you he comes over't like you. He comes over after work.

And even though I was like still, I remember still being like, I like him. You know, I did hear her. I was like, okay, those are interesting things she's saying. Like, but I almost, I like, I like to digest feedback. Like, I weirdly like love it and welcome it, which i think a lot of people do i would think but it seems like i don't know i think oh sorry i can promise you that if you were to come on strong to this person that you're not going to get the intended result i could promise you that but maybe you don't have to come on strong maybe you do like what you did with me where you were

like look this is like probably not what you want to hear but this is like my opinion and this is what i'm seeing and like as your friend who wants you to be treated well i don't this isn't like a way i would like you to be treated because i find myself pulling back as a friend because you don't want to yeah exactly and i hate that and that makes me so sad but i'm like well this is kind of the right boundary i think is to just be like okay they that like and this even with my sister i go through this and a friend here friend there it's like okay this person is making a life choice i don't agree with my instinct is to like fucking bum rush them and tell them everything they're doing wrong that

doesn't work i've learned that so like just sit back and but also working is like feeling like like what you say has to have like a specific outcome you just need to say what you need to say like because it's it is affecting your friendship yeah it is it's affecting your friendship so what do you need to say for yourself to help your friendship the difficult part is if this person is coming to you always downtrodden you know saying i feel my life is in shambles that's when it's like all right like you you want solutions or do you want comfort right like choose one choose a fucking lane you know what i've heard whitney asked me that before do you want solutions or do you want comfort and i was like comfort obviously and i was like that was so smart and i forgot about that i should ask people that because it is about your boundary and what you're willing to to take in this situation

because she's in a habit of like a bad but wait for an opening and the opening has to come from her okay because then it's going to cause like attention and like i i just don't think that that's the way like i think that's very meddling if you come like unannounced and you're like hey what's up so here are my thoughts no you're not gonna do that well really wait that's so funny like hi i need to talk to you i would kill myself if you called me we're like hi i need to talk to you i would jump off a bridge like no you don't no one's talking to me i don't know what do you guys think like um i'd love to know how people handle yeah because tricky situations and friendships i do think this is a common thing that comes up and like i feel like i'm just the one that's feeling it this week you know like i just feel like if it's if it's frustrating you that's the issue it's like what

is frustrating you about it is there something you can detach from but it's like you can't give advice expecting people to take it either it's like you can say something like because i feel like with you what you said to me was like a sentiment sort of like for the future like you might not want to hear this now you know but it was like good to hear it's like even though it's annoying because you want someone to be like no i think he really does like you it's just he you know he's just going through something during the day, during the time. Sorry. Other people see you out together. That's not my story.

I had a friend who I intervened very hard with. And she was with this guy who was just very like 50% in with her. And she was this gorgeous, successful, longtime friend of mine. And I just saw this dude just completely take her for a ride, take advantage of her time. But she was like, Kalilah, I think he's just going through something. I was like, he's not. He's just, he doesn't like you. And I was so firm on that.

I was so firm on that. But she stuck around. She hung in there. She's like, I just have a feeling. I think he can get there for me. And you know what? I was wrong. He got there for her. And just have a feeling i think he can get there for me and you know what i was wrong he got there for her and they have three kids now and yeah and that's where it's like her

instinct is overriding yours because she's in it and there's things that you're that you're not seeing that's weird though but if you're always prefacing as this is my opinion like i i had a friendship that actually ended over this girl that i really like I cared about she was dating someone who she had said like the the person had broken up with her and then um she told like was trying to still be friends with her and she was like no my feelings are to her like my heart is broken like I can't be friends and then that person kept pursuing this friendship and I was like this person sounds like a piece of shit like I was like what the hell is this like they're breaking your boundaries like and she got so mad it started screaming you don't know you don't know this person sounds like a piece of shit. I was like, what the hell is this? They're breaking your boundaries. And she got so mad and started screaming,

you don't know, you don't know this person, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, I only know what you told me. I know all of the information you told me. And I'm not saying, I'm just telling you, as your friend, I care about you. I would like people to treat you with the respect. And then there was a quick boundary set with me. And I did respect it.

Bye. See you later. A boundary that i also learned for myself is i don't tell my family um uh difficulties in my relationship i don't share that because i always want them to have like a good good feelings for my partner so it's like if i if i'm like if he did something to really piss me off like my first phone call isn't to my family it's like i we're gonna work it out first because it stays fixed in their head yeah and that version that of whatever information you're telling them becomes a different picture of who they actually are so you've already moved on from the problem but they haven't yet now they think that this guy is just this and that and that's why i never that's like

my number one rule i don't turn to my family about like relationship problems I think we've all made that mistake before where you like talk so much shit on your boyfriend and then like you're at Thanksgiving like why does nobody like him yeah why are you guys mad at him yeah I don't know I guess I'm just like I am brutally honest and it's just the way I am and it's you know maybe not the right thing for people that want to hear a certain thing but I just that's just how I operate yeah maybe maybe that then I need to sort of take inspiration from what you just said and be like you know what this is how I operate too and it's like if if this the next time this person like complains about something in that area like

maybe I'm just gonna be who I really am and respond honestly and like be true to myself and i think that is being true to them as well and like what happens because because if you're worried about like the way she reacts it's like you're not it's like so codependent it's like you don't have control over how she acts anyway and even though like you can know you can have some ideas of what might happen it's still bothering you so the way like it's bothering you enough to bring it up here you know yeah and it's just so it's about you you're busy you have shit you're doing you're like creating a whole thing you're entertaining you're doing all these things so it's like do you have time to just sit and swallow your thoughts or do you need to just speak your your mind and trust that whatever's going to happen the friendship is what's supposed

to happen with the friendship yeah i like that now happen with the friendship. Yeah, I like that. Now, I know earlier we talked about codes when you meet someone and your codes just don't match and automatically you feel like, I don't want to know this person, waste of time. Recently, I was reading about the Nobel Peace Prize winner, the woman who basically proved the theory of quantum entanglement, which is if you split two particles, no matter the distance, seven centimeters apart or seven light years apart, if you charge this particle, this one will also charge.

Oh, so cute. Max. I don't know. I know. I was thinking, I thought of you. Maxie. But do you think like, I don't know what that proves in terms of like how like humanity is interconnected and whatnot. But do you think that, because I always never used to believe in fate or destiny that's making me so emo i'm like about to cry that's so confusing with my brother i was thinking that too i was like you are forever too charged part of yeah you were just split part of oh my but now it's like

science like fully accepts it they've always talked about it but now you're like science like fully accepts it. They've always talked about it. But now you're like, oh, like this is a thing. And I always thought like fate or meeting someone and even manifestation is like all bogus. But when I read more about it, I was like, oh, shit. Like have I been wrong? I've always loved the idea of just everything being random. Everything is just chance. But then I'm like, no, like what if there's a charged particle out there for me?

But you know what? Also, I think the theory, not that I've read the fucking thing, I'm just going off of literally the two sentences that you fucking said. By the way,

I also have, I don't understand any of it. But maybe the split particle idea, it's not that they come together, right? It's that even separated, they can charge each other. So it's like you,

it's like, it's like someone, maybe you don't even ever need to meet or maybe it's someone you already met yeah oh ex-boyfriend girl she loves this shit she loves ex-boyfriends i was thinking about this i'm 50 50 on the ex-boyfriends because you're growing you're growing why you could put one ex-boyfriend in front of me right now and i would rip his dick off his body i hate him so fucking well of course you don't have to have all you don't like all of them yeah i only have like two ex-boyfriend friends or like not friends but like you know like brian redban i love my i love brian i love my exes so much we're like a family

except one estranged family member let's lock you out bitch that one cousin that just don't want to come to the reunion i'll find you, maybe he's your split particle and that's why you feel so strongly connected. And you don't need to see him. He can just charge you. I don't even want to think that. I fucking hate him. I don't want any connection to him. I love.

Yes, you do. That's the funniest part. No, it's like. It's so hard. No, like the fact that he has like has banned me from his life so permanently. I'm like, then stay banned. Well, that's why you know you're not over him because you said hate and hate is the opposite of love hate is not the opposite of nightmare is the opposite of a nightmare what is the opposite of love um disinterest this

or like interest like a um indifference indifference yeah yeah so if there's hate there there's still some love there unfortunately well i yeah i am mad at being having a life ban from him i don't like being banned it's so funny don't worry i'm still seeking out bradley vanderkamp he has not accepted my facebook friend request in 17 years did you tell him that carlos worked at his grandmother's dog shop oh vander camp sorry sorry i respect this boy so much um he was a college boyfriend i dated him for three months and i cheated on him with a boy when i went to mexico and he was like we're done and he was so done like he never forgave me, never gave me.

He like straight up just iced me out, even to this day. So I know the feeling, Esther, but I don't feel like a hate or a love. I just, I respect it. I just keep thinking of when I'm in Mexico. I'm trying to do the Tupac song. Every other city we go. But I'm trying to make it Mexico.

Every other video. No matter where I go, I'm going to fuck another guy in Mexico. What is this? Tupac. The Tupac song. And Nate Dogg. Yeah. Oh, and Nate Dogg.

Nice. Groovy. I like when my ex-boyfriends are like, I'm good. I love a boundary. But know what I think I had no boundaries as a kid like I used to always say when McDonald's like let you have breakfast all day I was like this it was devastating for me that was the only time in my life someone was like no bitch and I was like okay thank you you needed that I was like okay all right that's never happened you like that too I actually totally agree yeah it's like I okay, all right. That's never happened. You like that too. I actually totally agree. Yeah. It's like I, you, you, I like discipline as well.

Like set, tell me where to go. But you like discipline so you can get in eventually. And he's not letting you in. He's just giving you the. Yeah. Cut me off. You want to be cut off. Yeah.

Cut me off. You cannot over, allow me to overindulge in anything because I will. Yeah. It's no longer fun to consume you should cast him in your movie who the boyfriend shows up i i think that this age esther like 34 i'm like cut me off i love it but i think like i'm it's like from that age it's like traumatic to be cut off well you can't believe it well you i think my idea of friendship and everything was so forever for me when i was young it was i used to have like a my like phone list you know from before cell phones i had like my phone list of all my friends and it was just like i just had

all you know i went to these like quaker youth retreats so i always had friends that like lived in different places that I met from different things. And I just always like thought I was going to stay connected to everyone. So when people were like, I'm good, it was so like devastating. But then a really good lesson because now I'm like to other people. Can I tell you guys a cute story? You know how we're like our phone numbers are basically like obsolete.

Who gives a shit? You can just about get a hold of anybody instagram social media directly you know um tweet at them but i got a love letter okay so tiger belly has um obviously our factory like our merch guys and somebody sent this love letter to our customer service and i just think it's so cute because i'm like what is the mindset here like what is he thinking and why did he send it to customer service of our like that's how easy you seem can i read it to you i do you not feel scared i do well i find stranger danger of these i've gotten i've gotten love yeah i don't like them from from prisoners well anyone that's sending you a love letter could be in prison wait what what is what

are you saying that we're gonna encourage more of this stalker but i thought it was really sweet and i thought i think maybe it's she doesn't go do you really think it's sweet or yeah because when you read it okay yeah well maybe not she doesn't go on the road you just need to do one meet and greet girl you'll be fine you'll get it all. Oh, no. I've been groped. I've been groped by drunk men after Bobby shows. Yes, I've been there many times. Heavy hot breath on me. I've done it all.

Hot breath? I'm sad to hear of the breakup news between Bobby and Kalilah a few months ago, but I'm happy to hear now that both Bobby and Kalilah are doing well and moving on with their lives. Tell me if you feel a stalker vibe. I'm already scared. I've often thought. I'm shivering. I've often thought when watching the podcast that Kalilah is amazing in so many ways,

and I'm just wondering if you would consider forwarding my email to her in case she's open to meeting a good dude. Yes, with a belly and a chaotic life, but a good dude. I'm nothing special looks wise and I'm certainly not famous, but we could get along great for a number of reasons and her smile truly makes me melt. Love George Kimmel. Anyways, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I would love the

opportunity to communicate with Kalilah sometime and possibly become her friend or who knows, dot, dot, dot. There's like 20 million of these. I know, but customer service. Doesn't, if it was a DM, I'd probably be like, oh, who cares? It's like the effort that gets you.

Yeah, I think so. That's the scary part to me. If you go to a second location to send me something, I'm terrified. What other lengths will you go through? Carlos, what are your thoughts? Is it banana break time? I. Oh yeah, sorry. location to send me something i'm terrified what other lengths will you go through i oh yeah sorry my thoughts are that um that's really easy to write and any crazy person yes put together a bunch of sentences it wasn't nice enough to you either yeah and also your smile lights up a room what do you say is hacky like it's like hitting a girl up on linkedin or

something it's like a weird route like yeah i think the yeah i think that's creepy linkedin well we don't have linkedin because they want to get their link in banana break i don't know why i'm always trying to find you a husband like we gotta get her married you know you're very filipino in that way i don't know you're very wifey though you're wifey you've been through enough i'm like i you're just ready to find someone that's just gonna i really do think that no like play more but for like a year i just feel like your mother how long do you think i should play around for i have a hard time i think it's like you don't even give any thought to how long it's like just

i i do think that we're all kind of like boyfriend girls like i feel like we're all the kind of girl so you're trying to get her to fuck for us no like that's like never single long like i always run right after when i get dumped because I've only ever been dumped, I always think, like, oh, my God, I'm going to be single forever. And then I always get a boyfriend really fast. I've been single for years at a time. Really? Years and years.

No. Uh-huh. I would go through just bouts of being completely asexual. Oh, sorry, sorry. Say that again, Annie. I thought my hair was, like, uh. Being completely, like, asexual and stuff like that. But wait, this is what i wanted to tell you that wayne dyer said today on this thing that was listening to that's so good he goes life itself is a sexually transmitted

terminal disease is that so good what does he mean it's like we're gonna die we're sexually transmitted and we're gonna die oh that's funny because he was talking about like like using your imagination and like i am statement so like whatever you want to be you just create you know just i am i am i am and he was saying that um i am that he d well he had he had leukemia while he was talking about this so he was like i'm not saying to say that you're he's like i know that i have i have leukemia and i know that this does like i have an understanding of what it does to your body and what the limitations people say it does he goes but um you can't say like i am going to live forever he's like but i do think that you can live each moment like its fullest and its brightest

and he's like since my diagnosis i've had had such amazing bursts of brilliance in my life or whatever. But it was cool. It was just a random thing I listened to. But I thought that was funny. I always trust when people, either at the end of their life or going through some terminal illness, I always listen extra carefully to what they're saying. Because I feel like they sort of crack the code of life in those really difficult moments and I love to hear the morsels of wisdom from them well they probably drop the like ego part of it you know because it's like they're not like

it's not about like flashiness or anything like all of like the superficial stuff it's got to go away at that point I would think because you're like all right I don't have time to fucking focus on that I only have time to focus on the real like deep stuff where you say, sorry, I don't have to do. No, I just agree with all that. It feels like people in those positions like know and feel things that we just can't reach or grasp yet. And like there is something to going through difficult, tragic things. Like I feel like all of our great thinkers always are commenting on how like life is just about how you react to your,

all the tragedies that are coming. Like because what you were all walking STDs, it's like there's no other. And we all lose our loved ones that it just happens, you know? Yeah. It doesn't matter if you're fucking bella hadid it's like you're still a human you're still gonna experience pain and all that shit so like don't we can't hide from it have we moved on to bella now we've been rejected we've

been rejected by everyone else she says i'm gonna get one of you. You're next, Bella. I know your sister. I feel like she wouldn't diss you like Kendall. I actually kind of agree. I disagree. I like the idea of like everyone's going to diss you and then they'll come around. Like they're all going to be like, do you remember when we thought this was a creep? After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time, all Mint Mobile

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unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mobile.com slash tuesday that's mint mobile.com slash tuesday cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mint mobile.com slash tuesday 45 upfront payment required equivalent to 15 a month new customers on first three month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan additional taxes fees and restrictions apply statement mobile for details um i listened to a podcast called the history of fire and i was so energized and inspired by this one story where basically in the 1800s this chinese woman who was a prostitute she was working in the floating brothels like i guess she was one of the women that would have sex with like the pirates and a floating brothel and that shit. And she worked her way up to being the leader

of the largest pirate Confederacy in history, bigger than even like who's the most famous like pirate ever like Blackbeard. She really blow hold her way to the top she really fucking did like they're they're saying like her fleet or her her confederacy was like 80 000 people and blackbeard only had like an eighth of that and this woman power of the pussy baby relatively unknown are they gonna say this woman is still something i was like she's alive 1800s but like I don't know why I was like, holy shit.

There isn't a lot of literature about her. You know, everyone's always like, black beard, black beard, and this badass bitch basically- She was black beard's beard. She looks cool. Black beard was gay, guys. Yeah.

There she is. Oh, she's cute. But that's like my favorite storyline. Same in Peaky Blinders with this woman who was just one of Tommy Shelby's whores eventually became like one of storyline same in peaky blinders with this woman who was just one of tommy shelby's um horse eventually became like one of the strongest in the show look at that's a power bitch she banned rape amongst her fleet wow ching shi yeah is that her name what happened back in the day if you gave like a toothy blowjob there's three of the sharks they're like this is

a floating brothel bitch you're done well that's how like the well one of when i took a marine biology class one of the stories that my professor used to say is like the idea of mermaids actually came from drunk pirates accidentally having sex with manatees right like i don't know how true that is but it's apparently like these drunk pirates would just your face is so funny don't you feel like if we were pirates, Carlos would be the first one to fuck a manatee? No, we'd think he was a manatee. He would get

fucked. They'd think he was a manatee. Carlos, come on. I wouldn't fuck a manatee. Oh my God. Did you stop at man? Did you say a T or did you just stop? I didn't hear. I wouldn't have gone on these fucking boats. I would have been royalty in Spain. I would have been killed.

What if it's like no homo? I would have never came to the new world. What if it's no homo? You would be getting manipulated by all these boat whores would get you. Oh, I would give them all my gold. You love a prosti. I would give all the prostitutes my gold on this ship if I was there. Your mom's gold?

Yeah. Your dad's gold? I'd be like, from the land of Herrera, Spain. But I thought of you, Esther. I was like, oh, I think you have that kind of like a perfect strategy in you to go from whore to like, you know what I mean? Like working in a brothel. Don't out her.

This is her secret. She's like, you do look like you're about to get outed for something. You're like, don't tell them. For being an escort secretly. Isn't that fucking cool though? Oh, I love know i love stories like that i mean i i idolize growing up i idolized i know everyone hates you for this but like amy fisher jenna jameson trisha paytas like and nicole smith like i love when a woman like uses her sexuality like Emrata even does it and like even though I don't like even though her work isn't like my thing exactly I love the concept that that Emrata is like was so hot in this music video that there were three naked

women in it and the only one everyone remembers is her so she's clearly like this like like do you think any of them are gonna have their like kelly moment though i hope so but like and then she's taken that success and is now a podcaster an author and like i just think that is like goal. That is so wonderful that she's doing that. And like I said, even though I'd not, it's not like content for me necessarily. I love, I see you, I love you kind of thing. What did you love about Jenna Jameson?

Her book was incredible. Her book, her life story of how she was 15 years old and wanted to work at the strip club and fucking took her with pliers, ripped her braces out herself. I just, a woman who's in a troubling situation and takes action and makes choices, that to me, I love. When the woman is in the driver's seat, making her life happen.

Wearing, sitting on so many phone books. Yeah. It is such a complicated area where men get so angry and i know like i've seen the comments where people get so mad at me that i look up to these women that are like supposedly bad whatever but i feel like people don't understand that when you're a girl there's not that many powerful icon idols that we had to look up to, right? Like, I understand if you're a guy, you think, oh my God, I can be president and I can do anything.

All the powerful people in the world are men. But like when you're a girl, you've got to be more creative. And so I like, why does someone like Jenna Jameson have to just be like all the bad things you want to say about her why can't i look at her story and see the good in it and think that's cool and same for like bad baby and like everyone else like i'm just give us like some wiggle room to view things differently and to be inspired and see the good in stuff but it is this like misogynist um like preaching that or whatever like that people just you're not allowed to do that and even in rata to her credit is like people tell me they don't want

like why is she writing why is she podcasting like well what is she supposed to do just like shake her tits that's all she's allowed to have like no let she can do it might not be for you you don't have to listen right but you don't have to trash it like let us all do our thing just people don't see it from our perspective because they're usually guys and they're mad at us because we won't one trick pony is all you'll be yeah but also easier to digest it's like you are one thing and one thing only it kind of uh short circuits a lot of people's brains when you are four things, five things. Yeah. You can do more than just podcast.

When you can do more than just be a model. It's like, God forbid you allow us a 3D, like the respect of knowing like we're 3D. But that's why we have to just ignore those people like and not either. But that's the fucking annoying part, right? It because you do you're just like what the hell is this like it's so crazy to be like i know i talk about this all the time and i've talked about it on annie wood um but like it is just like so um like you're like mad at me for being a slut when i was a kid like why is anyone mad that i was a slut when I was young like why would a stranger care if I was like a slut in high school after being like why is that like a problem but then I'm like why am I even like paying it that's crazy for me to even pay

attention to that it's like everyone like when people used to say that I there was like a rumor spread that I like hooked up with the booker to get into this um festival which was just so asinine it was like so crazy to me I was like what the when have i ever done fucking anything like that except like reject people that are trying to do that with me and so that was like so upsetting and then i remember whitney being like she's like yeah but even if you did if it was true like why would it matter i'm like no no no i'm not no but it didn't happen like so it's like it's a separate thing it's like but that's not the truth. I didn't do that.

I don't use those things like overtly in that way to get things I never have. However, that doesn't mean I'm judging someone else that does or whatever. It's just like, and maybe sometimes I am, maybe sometimes I'm like, Oh, I don't like that. That's not for me. But everyone should be making the best out of like whatever their situation is like, get your exit out. This is, we're all in our own fucking escape room you know it's like find your way out solve the riddle

the way however well you i don't know why i'm making an escape room analogy i've never been i've never been to an escape they're actually so fucking fun i'd never want to go to one but okay no you would be so annoying in an escape room that little princess in the escape room she's like i'm cold to those people though who want you know whether it's a woman whoever to just be that one thing to be the naked girl whatever the and whatever one thing you want to be are you one thing out there are you just an incel is that all you are no you're more than that like we all have more than one thing about us so like we're all the fuck and

also we're all the same you know it's so funny that we literally do have like such an audience of people that just watch us to like to hate us be mad at us it's so funny like normally i'd be like who are you even talking to but it is crazy it's like they're getting like you guys are our fans that's the thing you guys like us we're just here to work if you keep watching it to complain about it like you like us wait you guys um i know that you like us you like us either way he has to click him you know yeah i care about um do we believe in new year's resolutions did we already establish this last year um i feel like what i remember the sentiment of it was like we don't like to put pressure on a specific time yeah but can we can you give me your high and your highs and your lows this year give me one high one low and one hope for the next year okay okay i have one okay go okay so i am i just started my annie wood podcast and i feel like

i'm really excited because i'm putting like um it feels like my artwork kind of like i'm really like trying to create something and todd's helping me that's like really cool and i want to grow it as like things that i really like and not worry about what people think about it like numbers like I want to be doing it like true to like what I really like rather than like trying to get like anything out of it do you know what I mean I want to and I want to go through that with like my project but I want to do that with like all of the stuff that I do like with my stand-up and stuff too like I don't want to get like caught up in like people's like I don't know. I don't want to be like focused on the result.

I want to be like in the moment of what I'm doing and like make everything like just love what I'm doing. Right. So that's the hope. Any highs and lows of 2020? I don't know what that means. Oh, of the last past year? Yeah. Highs and lows? that means oh of the last of past year yeah highs and lows i have a high which was okay i was so terrified and it's not even that big of a deal but in february i flew to new york like just with the purpose to get past at the comedy cellar and like i was so scared and even like days leading up to my audition i was like i don't need to do this i was like i don't even need to do this why am I doing this I'm never in New York like I don't need to be past there

I my brain like tried to talk me out of it I was so nervous and I fucking somehow some way did it got past and it just I think knowing how scared I was and that I actually went through and got the positive result and like feel that I don't know i just why did you do that in february so weird and like so i just feel good about that because i feel like stand-up is just a thing where i don't know i think the new york scene when i think about it's like all these like angry old guys who just like hate everybody and i'm like well no i went up i went to your club i got past there like i can perform that there now whenever i want to So that was like a good like high badge of honor. They're fun too.

The New York people are so, the New York comics are fun as hell. Fuck yeah. They are fun. I would say my low is pretty obvious. I went through a breakup and the pain of that I am just getting over. But a high for me is definitely going home,

reconnecting. But a really recent high for me is definitely going home, reconnecting. But a really recent high for me is finding my friendship with Bobby again in like a way that is like I could cry thinking about it. It's so much more meaningful than I think it's ever been. And it feels like genuine and it feels like it's like very life affirming. I'm like, holy fuck. Like I really love this person. The romantic door is closed, but like I fucking love this person and I'm going to be friends with them for

the rest of my life. So it was kind of like an ending and a beginning again. So yeah. Like finding my love for him in a different way is a high for me. I'm so happy to hear that. That's so cute. Both of yours is very special because i love you both so much and like i need i needed that for me but also it seems like

better because it's like you it was like if you're in a relationship that's like not giving you what you want then you're like upset all the time and it's like you miss like the whole reason you were together anyway is that you like enjoyed each other and there's then you don't have like those same expectations of each other and you can just kind of like let it breathe and be good yeah yeah my my low was probably i feel like this summer which carlos maybe remembers like i feel like i just like meandered a lot of time and i was waiting for stuff that like wasn't happening and i just feel like i let that like control me and i didn't and i feel like i didn't really like till the fall start learning to like look within and like

be more creative and so i feel like i meander time just like because of insecurity or something this summer a little i feel like that time is also really necessary though i'm learning to like live in the in-between the discomfort the not knowing for some i'm usually the type of person where it's like nope i need to be super decisive i need to know an answer almost like immediately and um one of the things that i work that i've been working on in therapy the most is allowing the discomfort of the like she calls it like a liminal space and even if liminal space is just an in-between space, like between here and there, and I'm so uncomfortable in this space and I meander a lot and I wake up like,

what am I? And I have all these things swirling in my head, but I can't seem to pull the trigger on anything. But I'm learning that that is time not wasted. That is time necessary to actually get to a place where you need to be. So meander all you want. I don't not wasted that is time necessary to actually get to a place where you need to be so well under all you want i don't think that that's a bad thing i need to take that in because i that is like painful to me like the meandering i think about it and it but like waiting for things to sucks it's like we just do something else yeah you started a fucking um tie-dye business you know what i mean like there's a million things to do yeah so i'm like mad that i let that get the best of me but you know but it's nothing and you probably just

needed rest too it's like yeah just like listen to your body it's always the right thing like i feel like that's what like always helps me it's like whenever i'm upset about something it's like everything's happening exactly as it's how it's how it's supposed to happen and i feel like just from my like ego deaths and doing hallucinogens and stuff it's like i feel how it's supposed to happen and i feel like just from my like ego deaths and doing hallucinogens and stuff it's like i feel like the lesson i'm always getting is like oh shit everyone everything's like was always supposed to be like this so it's like no reason to like fret carlos a hope for next year a high and a low and a hope. A low. Aloha. Maybe it was like the butt tape moment.

Yeah, right. That was a high. Yeah, I felt like we gave you the highest of highs. I feel like, yeah, maybe that was a high because I was surprised that my butthole was like not like horrible to witness. It was so pretty. Thank you. I appreciate that. Annie, I feel like you liked it.

I was indifferent. the opposite of love such a flex um and okay so hi hi hi from this past year i really liked our trip to new york when we went to flagrant that was a lot of fun yeah and it was the first day of the ukrainian war oh my god you want you know what that says to me that you guys were sitting in a hotel watching the news that's all that says to me you're right and my hope for next year just that like bad friends does really well and that i have a good time on bad friends that's mostly it is that i more focus on that show what um yeah i hope bad friends does well their tour goes well and yeah yeah hope andrew sells a lot of tickets yeah santino that's sweet

thanks carlos Thanks for sharing. My high, wait, I want to say my low was working with Carlos. You can do it over again. I didn't do mine yet. I didn't do my highs and lows. I just had my hopes. My high was not being on Carlos's high. One time he wasn't hanging out with me.

That's cool. No, my high was, I don't't know my whole year has been so good i feel like i've been so happy i love my boyfriend i love my dog i love my family i feel like really like forgiving my parents having like really a new relationship with them has been amazing going on the road has been a high i love meeting everyone and starting my new podcast has been amazing and then um my low i don't really feel like i had like a low i mean i think i went through a lot of stuff but it's like it was just like processing things and it was good everything's been so good no lows baby yeah wait i think my hope is um i'm choosing this sorry it's apple juice anyway she doesn't I'm choosing this, sorry.

It's apple juice anyway. She doesn't. The shuggies. I actually already had apple juice today. Really? Yeah, it's complicated. My hope is I want to read and journal more and get more introspective in 2023 because that I think is what I wish I had done this summer

and I didn't. What did you do when you were meandering? I don't know you don't have memory of it even no i'm like what did that yeah there was like i feel like you wish you had learned that's so cute i feel like i just did nothing but like stagnant yeah yeah like i don't know what i did yeah stagnation also I don't remember what was the summer what was the summer see I don't know what time is like I don't I'm like I have a jacket is that is it winter it's new year's what's happening well on that note it's a fun trip honestly been fun with you girls let's cheers to another year with all of our sluggies yes cheers you guys thank you for a great year with us it's been kind of a ride we do realize yeah

yeah we love it all the same yeah and we we were appreciative that we found our tribe of slugs and we're on to new things no more bullshit we're dropping some things okay happy new year happy new year everybody