Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - The Secret Life of Khalyla Kuhn - Ep 155

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Starting point is 00:00:58 offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply statement mobile for details it is the time where i was turning underwear inside out over and over again is this um for us to think that was gonna not make us stinky girls walking around in the world wait you used to have side a side b when you you know when you're in new york for the summer and you're 21 or whatever and you're 19 yeah you don't know how to do stuff is hard laundry in new york is a wash underwear at 19 slugs i'm so excited drugstore june is in theaters we just added a new city so march 1st austin and tickets are on sale now so you can get tickets currently at drugstorejune.com to see us february 23. That is when we open in

Starting point is 00:02:05 New York and LA and then Austin and we're adding new cities all the time. So just check out our website. Thank you for buying tickets and supporting this indie and I can't wait for you guys to have a fun in-theater experience with a bunch of comics on the screen that you recognize, including me. Sluggies! I am on the road. I'm having so much fun. I'm getting ready for my special. So my set is tight. It's good. I'm really working on it. So I'm excited to show it to you. My next road gig is in one of my favorite places, Denver, Colorado at the Comedy Works, February 16th and 17th. My next Annie Wooden Friends is February 20th at the Comedy Store. Then I'll be in Vancouver for the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival, February 21st and 22nd.

Starting point is 00:02:46 I'm going to be in Fort Worth, Texas, March 1st and 2nd. And then I am extremely excited to be going to New Mexico for the first time ever since I moved out of there. I'm going to Albuquerque. I'll be there the 8th and 9th. It's going to be so wild. I'm going to be in Washington, D.C. at the end of March. And then I'll be in Jacksonville, Florida, rescheduled for the end of June. Dates are always being added, so go to andyletterman.com slash shows. Guys, what's going on in Trash Tuesday news? Well, February 13th, there's a lot to talk about because we're having our second live show, and that's where we spill the tea. And it's going to be in L.A. It's in Los Angeles. It's going to be Valentine's Day themed adjacent. It's going to be juicy. Come with a date.

Starting point is 00:03:25 Come alone. Come with your girlies. Maybe you'll leave with a date. Oh, that's a really good point. Maybe we should play Cupid. Wait. Okay, we're doing that. We set Kalilah up.

Starting point is 00:03:37 You guys, get tickets at the link below. We will see you in LA February 13th. We are so excited for this live show. These don't happen often. So get your tickets now and we'll see you in LA February 13th. We are so excited for this live show. These don't happen often. So get your tickets now and we'll see you there. My family that visited from the Philippines, I don't know, one of their suitcases broke. So I sent them off back to the Philippines.

Starting point is 00:03:59 Right there. She captured them. Back with my favorite Erewhon bag. And they don't know what the fuck Erewhon is. And I kept having to tell them, hey, like, this is a very, very. You're going to get robbed. Yeah. High status.

Starting point is 00:04:13 And they're like. Are you ready? I don't think you're ready for this jelly. But my niece understood the value of the Trader Joe's one, but not the Erewhon one. It hasn't caught on yet over there. Because it's too niche. It's too much. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:24 Yeah. It's too niche. It's too much. Yeah, it's too niche but Trader Joe's like everyone knows about America Corps and they want to make fun of us by cosplaying as us. Do you think they're cosplaying

Starting point is 00:04:34 or they actually like it? Like I don't know. I really like it. But there is like a I do find it really I mean obviously like I'm not the group to be offended by this

Starting point is 00:04:43 so it's not for me to speak on. But I like it when Asian people take it too far with like the cholo culture or like things of like Western subcultures that they completely step into. And they like, I don't know if you've ever seen like the cholos in Asia. So these are the Bangkok cholos. So those are the Bangkok Mexican gangsters is what they're. And they learn the lingo. They say things like, do they say like firme?

Starting point is 00:05:09 But I see these guys in the Philippines too, but we just have a different term for them. I just like these two guys because the one guy before this has like my wide head problem where his sunglasses are too small for his head. And then the other guy like could be wearing the same sunglasses and they're like too big for his head. It's like us.

Starting point is 00:05:23 Yeah. Have you guys heard of this concept called pacing your pleasures throughout the day? Basically, I saw this guy talking about this and it totally like rang true for me. He was saying that in your 20s, it's very common that you will place all your pleasures in the first part of your day or the last part of your day. Like people will wake up, they'll have their coffee, they'll get high, they'll do whatever feels good. And then the rest of the day, it's like, it's just kind of going downhill. Or they'll be like, I have to suffer through the whole day with no pleasures.

Starting point is 00:05:56 And then at night, you know, you weed, you're drinking, whatever. And he's like, the secret to adulthood. Is being a functioning drug addict. You just do it throughout the day, a little bit every day, just a little snort every few minutes. A hundred percent. But I was like, wait, I need to make sure that I'm pacing my pleasures because I am just unhappy all day. And I want to, I feel like I have a chance now. What are your pleasures? I have none left. Okay. If you were to be like, okay, if there was, if a million dollars fell right here,

Starting point is 00:06:27 oh, you wouldn't spend a f***ing penny of it. You wouldn't spend a f***ing penny of it. If it was someone else's money and you had to spend it, and it was just for, it wasn't, it couldn't be work-related, it couldn't be anything, like, what would, unless work-related would be your pleasure. If it was like, all right, tomorrow from noon to... The problem, no, it's just I would want to get high and eat chocolate. Okay, so without the baby. If this is a without the baby, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:06:52 This is, will you tell me? You guys tell me. A million dollars and I had to spend it and I had to make a decision. You don't have to spend all of it, but like you could just do anything you want. And I can't, the rules are you can't put it in your mutual funds.

Starting point is 00:07:03 You can't invest. You have to spend it. What if investing it would be fun? No, no, no. I think you enjoy a little suffering. You would like a little suffering while the money just sits. And you're like, one day, that's really not pacing your pleasure. Your pleasure's for like the day after you die.

Starting point is 00:07:17 You're like, the day after I die, I'm going to have the most beautiful funeral. But you wouldn't. You wouldn't. You would just be sitting Shiva. No, it's going to be a very low-key funeral. Because my dad always talks about how like the funeral homes, they upsell you wouldn't. You wouldn't. People would just be sitting shiva. No, it's going to be a very low-key funeral because my dad always talks about how like the funeral homes, they upsell you.

Starting point is 00:07:29 Always. And you're in your most vulnerable place. He's like, I buried my mom in a cherry wood casket. I should dig it up and like sell it for parts. I love you talking about this as you're dressed like Wednesday Addams.

Starting point is 00:07:39 Wait, but this is so true. The chic Wednesday Addams. I'll tell you that I was laughing with my mom yesterday because I was like, hey, remember when we brought Papa's ashes back home in like a laughing with my mom yesterday because I was like, hey, remember when we brought Papa's ashes back home in like a Vons plastic bag? And she was like, that wasn't a Vons plastic bag. I paid $900. It was a Trader Joe's tote, okay? Do you know how expensive they

Starting point is 00:07:54 are? She was like, we paid $900. I was like, for what? It was like a burlap sack. They get you. And they get you because you are in a moment of grief and you're like are you sure you don't want to take this for your loved one and there is that cherry wood right there and it's like your last three five hundred dollars or you could be like you know what yeah i'll pay nine hundred dollars for that von's plastic bag it's it's you're so skewed in the head and you'll do anything to like commemorate this person you're missing. I also just started watching Six Feet Under, which is all about funeral homes. Such a great show. You guys have seen it? Yes.

Starting point is 00:08:30 Are you kidding? It's like my gay awakening. Esther, oh my God. You guys, it's so good. Why didn't you tell me? Don't you love How is it so good? It's so weird and random. Talk about this guy. Eric Belfort? Yes. Who is that?

Starting point is 00:08:44 Is he the hot one he's the really tall dark-haired one who dates the sister the girl oh i don't think i've met him yet no you're not no maybe you're not there yet you guys watch that's exciting you guys watching show premium cable content from 2001 is like the that takes place in LA it reminds me almost of the L word like early 2000s LA based premium cable shows are just hitting me in all the right areas if they're so comforting and make me sad about how this guy's not a thing anymore this is you know that LA sucks now it's too hot here well you know what's actually fun to even watch is like LA story if you go to like 80s like early 90s Steve Martin I don't remember what year they came out but it's too hot here. Well, you know what's actually fun to even watch is like L.A. Story if you go to like 80s, like early 90s.

Starting point is 00:09:25 Steve Martin. I don't remember what year they came out, but it's like old school L.A. It's really fun. Wait, what would you guys spend the money on? Okay, so the rules are

Starting point is 00:09:33 cannot invest, can't do anything like smart and adult. Like it has to be a big splurge. I would... This is such an Annie question. I would get a boat. I would get a boat

Starting point is 00:09:42 and that would be like I would feel so f***ing good about it. You only get it for one day though, bitch. I'd feel so sad. That's it? boat and that would be like, I would feel so good about it. You only get it for one day though, bitch. I'd feel so sad. That's it? Yeah, I'd be sad to watch it go. I really would. Wait, hold on a second. I don't get to keep- But would you rent like a great yacht or something? Yeah, I would blow it all in a really nice boat. I had a crazy, I want to come back to this because I haven't answered yet, but I had a crazy thought the other day about you, Kalilah. I was like, I've never asked her one question about diving. She just goes 40 feet underwater. It's, I don't want to,

Starting point is 00:10:08 it's like, I pretend. And we should just bring it up and we're like, anyway. Because I pretend. Like, she just has a weird, there's a life that she has that's so weird. Like, I want to know

Starting point is 00:10:18 what's like a day in the life of Kalilah diving? A day in the life is I wake up maybe at 5.30 in the morning. Let's say i am not here i'm in a warmer place yeah and i pack all my dive gear my wetsuit my fins my mask my dive knife my spear guns do you use the knife yeah because when i when i shoot the fish and it's still um um i have see i didn't want to know about this yeah you spear it like it's i spear it with a

Starting point is 00:10:45 spear gun i take the fish and i brain it i have to kill it because when a fish is in distress i need you to be sitting in the discomfort because i have to hear who are you really it's a dinner bell for sharks and i it's very normal and very common nine out of my 10 dives like i will encounter like a shark and they're usually just cruising they like mind their own business but they will always come what if they're not in the usual mood i've never other than like one time really come across like a a shark that was not even going for me it was going after the fish that i have i think their point is that one time is enough no but i love it i'm like this sounds right up my alley no but it's so weird because I think that like leading up to the point where I actually was swimming with sharks, I was afraid.

Starting point is 00:11:29 And then you're in the ocean and then you actually see them and you're like, oh, it's fine. Yes. But why is it fine? Why are we? Because they really are just cruising for the most part. Like not to say that like shark stuff doesn't happen. It really does.

Starting point is 00:11:42 And you have to be careful when you have like a bloody fish on you and you smell like fish. But for the most part, I would say that's not my biggest fear going into the water. There's so many other things that could kill me when I spearfish, like getting tangled up in my own line or drowning or shallow water blackouts. There's so many other dangerous things that could happen versus a shark. Are you worried about the bends? The bends happens more with scuba diving. But because I free dive and I'm going on my own breath, it's like hardly that could ever happen. And plus, I'm not diving like these free divers who go like 200 feet below.

Starting point is 00:12:16 Did you ever watch the story about the girl that got murdered? I did. Wait, not the murder one. I got worried about you. I was like, oh my God, someone's going to kill her while she's down there. No, no, no, no, no. So the fifth scariest thing is a shark, you're saying, when you are like, it's lower. I would say like any spear fisherman, it's like you swim with them so much and they're always there that they're just not like a thing that you get spooked about in the water.

Starting point is 00:12:43 Does your heart race if you see a shark? Not really anymore. If I were to see like that they were posturing in a certain way. You have to punch it, right? Isn't that the move? No, I have a spear gun in front of me. So unless they're coming behind me, you can poke them a little bit. So you could hurt it with your tools.

Starting point is 00:12:59 Yeah, but I've never hurt a shark that way. I poke the shark like coming towards me. So if I'm swimming in the ocean. We can't imagine this. I know. This is actually already an impossible So if I'm swimming in the ocean. We can't imagine this. This is actually already an impossible scenario. I'm telling a story. The shark could save you. The shark could actually save you. It could lift you up to the top because you're drowning. If you're in the ocean,

Starting point is 00:13:13 it's not a good sign. Let's just say I'm swimming and I see... You're not pregnant. We're keeping your baby out of this. Yes, I can be regular me. And I see a fin. I see the thing. Yeah. The triangle sticking out of the water.

Starting point is 00:13:30 And so you're saying like, just chill. It's not going to come try to hurt me. You know, like I've seen in every movie. You're describing a fear of mine, which is not having a mask on and swimming in an ocean where I cannot see what's under me. That's like a legitimate fear of mine. When I have a mask on and I'm fully suited up and I have a gun in my hand, no, like it doesn't seem as scary. But if I'm just floating around and don't know what's underneath me, like I'm spooked. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Starting point is 00:13:57 Yeah. So that's a normal feeling. I'm having another tangent thought. I want to go back to that and then go back to the other thing. But you saying like not wearing the things, it being blurry, not being able to see what it is. I'm having a flashback to one of my favorite movies, Adventures in Babysitting. Did you see that movie? I never saw it. Okay. There's a scene where there's a girl at, um, this girl's friend. I don't, she's trying to get back to Elizabeth Shue, the main character. She's like trapped at the bus station. She can't find her glasses. Her glasses are gone. And she thinks there's like a dog or a cat. And she goes to like, she's like, oh, and it's like a big rat. And I think about

Starting point is 00:14:29 that a lot. It's a big scene from my life. And then when I was on vacation, I didn't go with my nieces and nephews to, they went to an arcade. And my baby niece, you know, you win like stuffed animals and stuff. So there was what she thought was a stuffed animal on the ground. And she, yes. Operation don't let this become a core memory is like we've all been trying. But so she went to like, she was like, what's this? And she picked it up and she was like, there was blood on it. It was just like a dead rat, like big giant rat.

Starting point is 00:14:59 What did you guys do? Well, I wasn't there, but her mom was like, put it down. And then it was like the rest of the time was like, ha, isn't that so funny? We all just had to like, that's the funniest thing. Ha-ha-ha, Claire. Isn't that so funny to just try to put it in her head as like a funny memory so she doesn't realize that what she did was think she was touching a sweet, safe, beautiful stuffed animal. Instead, it was a dead, poison, probably rotting. This is why laughing at sad, horrible times is— The only option yes i mean that's one that's one of

Starting point is 00:15:26 the reasons why that one scene in dumb and dumber where he where the kid the blind kid is petting the dead bird is one of the funniest things like ever right because they don't know the innocence of it yes the innocence and like the the bird's head was like stapled back or taped back on or something like that i mean it's up but it is okay it's sad and funny okay rat just while we're on rat it's gonna be one of those i'm on adderall today and it's not it's doing the opposite when i was like doing a summer in new york in college to like do a dance program and we were living in student housing i one night like heard this like rattling of like around my food. And I had this like case of Odwalla bars and I woke up the next morning and like all of them

Starting point is 00:16:12 were opened and eaten and I was so upset. Did you accuse someone that did it? No, because it was just me in the room because I had an issue with my roommate. I had to be relocated. They kept munching on your snacks. They were like, your underwear was all chewed up. You're like, what the hell are you doing? It is the time where I was turning underwear inside out over and over again. For us to think that was going to not make us stinky girls walking around in the world. Wait, you used to have side A, side B? When you're in New York for the summer and you're 21 or whatever or 19.

Starting point is 00:16:44 Yeah, you don't know how to do stuff. Laundry in New York is hard. Laundry in New York for the summer and you're 21 or whatever and you're 19. Yeah. You don't know how to do stuff. Laundry in New York is hard. Laundry in New York is a whole thing. You can't wash underwear at 19. Okay. So my whole life I was like shamed for one time doing a side A, side B. And who did you tell that?

Starting point is 00:16:57 And I was like eight years old when I did this. Your sister? And my mom was like mortified. Like as if I was like the dirtiest thing ever. But honestly, it makes sense for some days of the month where you don't have like a whole lot of like discharge and stuff. I think side A, side B is very environmental. I don't really have those days.

Starting point is 00:17:13 I don't want to be like crusty pussy girl, but I'm always, there's always discharge. Interesting. I never wanted to approach this topic with you guys, but since we're here. Are you no discharge? Typically right now. You're snailing. You're trailing. In the third trimester of pregnancy, you're changing your underwear a few times a day.

Starting point is 00:17:33 Let's call it, can we call it a slug trail when we talk about it on this podcast? Yeah, of course. Or maybe it's more like a slush now. It's like a, it's like a gloop. Gloop. Okay, so there's a thing about pregnancy and birth that's your heterophobic just i think about it a lot it makes me very uncomfortable i think i need to say it to get it out oh god the term mucus plug is really it's just an upsetting there's certain

Starting point is 00:17:59 things that i tune out and that is absolutely it's a collylist spear phishing and the word mucus plug and we'll probably get to a couple more today but wait I also like feel like do you remember on live throwing copper

Starting point is 00:18:10 when they said her placenta falls to the floor no on what on lives album throwing copper yes lightning crashes yeah

Starting point is 00:18:18 her placenta falls to the floor what the f**k is that guy talking about but isn't it crazy to like... I love that song. But it's so crazy to just throw the word placenta in.

Starting point is 00:18:28 And what was that song about? It's like about abortions and it's like... Okay, will you put up the lyrics real quick of... Honestly, the thought of a placenta also makes me yucky. Of throwing copper live. Live lightning crashes. Okay, so the lyrics go like this. Lightning crashes, a new mother cries,

Starting point is 00:18:46 her placenta falls to the floor. Right, third line. Third line is her placenta? The angel opens her eyes, the confusion sets in before the doctor can even close the door. Lightning crashes, an old mother dies. It's the cycle of life.

Starting point is 00:18:58 What is this about? The 90s is a lot about the cycle of life. What is this about? Is it just like... It's life and death. Look, an old mother dies. Oh, I see. Her intentions fall to the floor.

Starting point is 00:19:07 The angel closes her eyes, so then she's dying. Okay, now the confusion that was hers belongs to the baby down the hall. So now the old lady's going into the young baby. No, and this is the mother of the child that was just born who dies. This is an old mother. Oh, great. This is an old mother. No, this is an old mother.

Starting point is 00:19:22 No, I don't think so. I think Annie's right. This is another. It's a cycle, cycle circle of life but maybe we should call him and have him explain what kind of dark what's the guy's name the live singer who knows it was a the bald guy yeah but i you know speaking of placenta falling on the floor when i was present for my best friend's birth her placenta like it didn't it wasn't like a a slow birthing of it it shot out and honestly like there was a thud on the ground her placenta slapped into the wall and we were

Starting point is 00:19:53 all like like we all like stepped back but her she shot out her placenta it was incredible like you would think that when you get far along in pregnancy that you suddenly become comfortable with these ideas and you just. And you just don't. You just don't get comfortable. I think what happens from what I've heard is you basically, it's a traumatic event, obviously. Very loving with a very wonderful ending. And then you kind of black it out a little. Yeah, no one.

Starting point is 00:20:20 So you have another. The high of it. I also was thinking, oh, it's like a bikini wax. Like, it hurts so much. And then afterwards, you're like, yeah, like you're also was thinking, oh, it's like a bikini wax. Like it hurts so much. And then afterwards you're like, yeah, like you're a little high. Yeah, it's like a bikini wax. It's just like a bikini wax. I know.

Starting point is 00:20:31 I haven't, next week is my appointment where we go over like how it's, what's the birth. The plan. Yeah. Like if, what she's, is she going to recommend a C-section? Is she not? Like, so. Do you have like a loose idea in your mind or are you just going to be open to all don't say loose i just want my ideal would be if she just had like if she could just look at

Starting point is 00:20:51 everything and be like i strongly recommend this so that the decision making is really not up to me because the amount of strong feelings that are so different out there. It's like political. It is crazy out there. Like the people who are extremely pro being induced, extremely anti being induced, pro C-section, anti, like you say the wrong thing and you're out forever. It's like our culture now. It's so annoying. It is.

Starting point is 00:21:19 Everyone's got a business. It's everything. Are you going to share? The moms who are very like pro home birth and yeah like anti-meds crazier anti-epidural and it's like hey dude like you can decide that for your body but like maybe not just like it's just there's no evangelical about it and like force other women to like or make other women feel bad if that's not their decision i think like if you're like a scientist or something and this is your research and stuff like that's cool to like put out what you've

Starting point is 00:21:48 learned or what you think is like best or whatever but it's just weird when it's like people are just like having their own experience giving their. And they're so. Yeah it's so weird. Preachy or like it has to be this way. I will say though shout out to Michelle Wolf. She did this whole piece on the Daily Show that's on YouTube about how she gave a home birth, which I am not interested in at all. But respect. I loved all the research she presented. And, like, there's a lot of shadiness with hospitals and birth. I get it.

Starting point is 00:22:16 That's still the route I'm taking. But it was like, oh, she's presenting a well-researched, like, other side of things. And I think if people are interested, like, it's worth watching. The idea of you not having a doctor present is so psychotic. It's just not for you. It's not for you. I am going to be covered in nurses.

Starting point is 00:22:33 Nurses will be touching every part of my body. You're going to pay extra for more extra nurses. I don't want any skin showing. I want all nurses covering me. What would you spend a million dollars on? You whack job. I need to know this. I would spend it on...

Starting point is 00:22:46 I feel like you'd be at a shooting range. If I give it away, definitely a shooting range. I spend it all on guns. Your own shooting range? Semi-automatic guns. No. I would definitely do like a private jet somewhere, but a short flight. I'd do a short flight to maybe like an island, maybe rent a yacht.

Starting point is 00:23:01 You fly to Catalina Island? It takes 30 seconds? It would be a very fast one. But you would fly private on your millionaire day? I'd fly somewhere short private. I would, it's basically how much can I damage the earth in one? I would want to go see something special. I would want, you know, I've really been craving to go to Antarctica. So maybe I would fly private to another flight and then fly to Antarctica. That sounds really, really fun. I want to do something like that's crazy. Kara's, our friend Kara, the yoga teacher, her mom is on

Starting point is 00:23:30 her way to Antarctica like right now. I like these women. This is what, okay, so my sister-in-law's mom is like this where they just like her and her sisters will just go on trips and they just go to crazy places. And I think when you have like worked really hard and you retire and you have this like leftover money, you're like, I want to experience the world. And my sister-in-law's dad had passed away. So she's just kind of this like lady that has some money and she's just like spending the last of her money, like going on these trips with her sisters. And I think it's cool.

Starting point is 00:23:56 So I think I would pay for like weird experiences. You know what I've always wanted to do? Huge bucket list. And I wonder if I ever will do it. I've always wanted to fly to Paris, like arrive around noon, go to lunch, go to the French pharmacy, load up on skincare, and then literally just go back home. Like I want to do like three hours in Paris. I've been watching a morning show.

Starting point is 00:24:21 Okay. And she does, she goes to fly to like see Steve Carell. You know, morning show with Jennifer Aniston. Yeah. I don't watch it. So she like, Steve Carell gets like canceled. He's like, he's like the Matt Lauer of the show. Okay. And then she was his co-host. So she like goes to like, she needs to talk to him. He's like gone off to like Italy or something. And she flies there just to like see him for a second. And then COVID happens and she's like having all this trouble leaving. She like can't get a flight and stuff. But I think that people do that.

Starting point is 00:24:48 Like really rich guys like set up dates like that. Where you're like, hey, let's go to Paris for 12 hours. Just to like treat a 12-hour international flight like it's just nothing to you. There's something about that. There's power to that. You're right because it's nothing if you have a lie-flat bed. If you can lie flat. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:25:08 I mean, that is such a game changer. And having a full comforter. It's like it's no different than... You can get some Wi-Fi even. You can really just get your day done. I don't know. Are you guys saying you're in or what? I'm down.

Starting point is 00:25:23 Do they fly to Europe in private jets? Yes. That's so crazy. Are there sugar daddies for pregnant women? I don't know, but when you find any, let me know.

Starting point is 00:25:32 I know a lot of people, by the way, Esther, who are like men, my guy friends, who are like, Esther's the hottest person in the world, like right now.

Starting point is 00:25:42 It's a real thing. Pregnancy kink is real. Right now, with the pregnancy, yeah. That's so weird. The pregnant, it's a real thing pregnancy kink is right now with the pregnancy yeah that's so weird the pregnant it's

Starting point is 00:25:47 I really think men it's there's two camps it's either like they're disgusted by it or it just does it for them

Starting point is 00:25:54 well I think the Madonna whore guys think it's gross and then regular guys are like it's hot she's like here why

Starting point is 00:25:59 she's like a woman doing what she's supposed to do didn't we talk about I think it's just biological maybe I don't know but it's just something about it I don't get that because it's like she's doing what she's supposed to do. I think it's just biological, maybe. I don't know. But it's just something about it. I don't get that because it's like—

Starting point is 00:26:07 She's like, she's so sexy. My womb is full. Like, you have no use for me biologically. Yeah, but you're a great cum receptacle. They imagine jizzing in you. It's a tough one. It's a tough one to take for a shy girl like you. Your shoes could be for your daughter.

Starting point is 00:26:22 Honestly, I— Your shoes could literally be for your child. This is what I would get you for your baby shower, by the way. This is a child, this is a baby toddler shoes. The fact that Kalilah just equated pregnancy to being a cum receptacle, I'm not done. I tried to save you. I tried to save you. I tried to save you.

Starting point is 00:26:37 But there is an extra component or an extra layer about you, which is that you look like a teenager. You let someone bust in. You're a teenager that lets someone bust in. In good lighting, for sure. In bad lighting, it's a whole different story. I'm not, it's not, I'm not perfect, guys. No, but you know what your worst case scenario is? I'm listening.

Starting point is 00:26:55 You look a few years younger than you are. You don't look like a small child. You have two options. You either look like a very tiny, small, young child, or you look a little younger than your actual age. Well, I stand by mentally having a teen pregnancy, physically geriatric, and I am the first. Yeah, I think— But I think that's the kind of pregnancy you guys would have, too.

Starting point is 00:27:14 I think the second kid, you're not as much of a teen, but you've got to be a teen. The first time's got to be insane. You're implying that I'm going to have a second kid? No, I'm just saying, are you the royal you? You rude, rude bitch. All right, listen, I think the cum receptacle shuts. I think there's going to be a sewing up of where the cum can go, and I don't think that's a thing, but.

Starting point is 00:27:33 We have a few. Are these fan questions? This one's a really good one. So this girl writes, my boyfriend, or it could be a guy. My boyfriend won't come surfing with me because I'm better than him, and it's emasculating. Red flag. Yes. I have a differing opinion here. What? I'm stumped. You'd have the ick for him being worse than you? I will never set myself up to get the ick. So I'm not going to invite him to something I know he's going to like possibly fail in. Yeah. It's like if we did an open mic room.

Starting point is 00:28:07 Oh yes. It's the same. So basically it's like this, like, oh, why would you, again, why would you even say that sentence? You're making me sick. It's like a swimming, say for instance, if for me, because I spent a lot of my time in the water, if a guy doesn't know how to swim, if I see he's helpless, it's immediately like an ick for me, right? Now, if he was a guy- It's so funny that you would look at him as helpless. Like, is he drowning? Yeah, to me, it's like, you can't survive.

Starting point is 00:28:35 That's so sad. It's true. Like, I totally know what you're saying. But like, if you like took a guy out and he like almost drowned and you'd be like, have to break up with him after his- I would absolutely have to. I'd be like, hey, let's be friends. You's be friends like this is your last kiss is the cpr

Starting point is 00:28:47 it's the last time you ever stick your tongue in because it's the last one i know what you mean though it's like yeah and but on top of that even like furthermore if it was a guy who knew how to swim but thought that he was good and then i see him in the water and there is, you know, he's still struggling a little bit. Like it would be an XO. No, like I think it's- Do you need them to be able to do like flip turns, like Olympic flip turns? I need them to have just a good,

Starting point is 00:29:14 like I need them to be able to not even do laps, but to float comfortably. Right, if the shark's coming for you. Yeah. In fact, I just like guys who know how to swim really well. That's always been my thing. Like, I've never been in a relationship with a guy who doesn't, like, isn't, like, a great swimmer. I think that makes sense.

Starting point is 00:29:32 Like, swimming is such a huge part of your life. It just, can Bobby swim? Really well. Really? Oh, my God. That body type? It does make sense. I don't know why.

Starting point is 00:29:41 Not for me. It's not adding up. And he swam with sharks with me. He's like a turtle, like, flipped over. Oh, my God. He really is. It's like if the front was that. And he did know why. Not for me. And he swam with sharks. He's like a turtle like flipped over. He really is. And he did the shark dives with me. He's done two shark dives. He's done one in South Africa with the Great Whites and he did one

Starting point is 00:29:53 with me with a couple of like sandbars. I want to ask more. I would also I'm down if you ever want to invite me but I Esther can film. She'll be holding the camera. For sure. She'll have Dave doing the paparazzi pics of us yeah

Starting point is 00:30:08 so okay I want to go back to the day in the life so you wake up like 5.30 5.30 yeah you get all your stuff is the boat rented

Starting point is 00:30:16 or is it one of your friends' boats no most of the time like it's a luxury to that's why I'm saying I would get a boat it's a luxury to have a boat and to take a boat out

Starting point is 00:30:23 and and go hunting in the middle of the ocean where there isn't like the shore break. But for the most part, I dive off the shore. So I find a beach. No, no, no. I find a beach. I swim out and I find a fish pile and I dive maybe five.

Starting point is 00:30:40 What's a fish pile? A fish pile is just you start to see like you start to learn like like fish behavior fish movement where the good fish are and you sort of a fish pile is just where you see like a bunch of different fish i'm just triggered because that's what my they call you they called me when i was lost my virginity and so and then i'm out there for five six hours if it's like a good day and i'm diving i'm just shooting fish shooting fish putting it on my line and you're with other people you i'm always with a dive buddy right and then so you just put them on a line and you can just like you just bring them along with you you drive them along yeah and then we go back to shore and then when you get back to shore you

Starting point is 00:31:17 scale the fish and then you um gut the fish and then you take it home you put it in a look at Esther's eyes just going you're so lucky that you have a hobby and that it takes up like the whole day like I that's not common I think yeah but I think you have a passion and it's physically active and it's like you're it's within nature like this is the key that's the whole secret to it you guys realize when i got good at this right like i was always just dabbling before but when bobby and i broke up like i had nowhere to go i was so terrified of existing on land i was so i was pelted by like so much just like internet like vitriol like i was really in a bad place you were getting shot with this i was getting speared maybe you were getting shot with a spear? I was getting

Starting point is 00:32:05 speared on land and like the water was the only place where like I was able to sort of like feel safe and feel held and I couldn't hear the noise and that's where I kind of like retreated to right and so like so much of what I'm able to do now really only happened in the last like two and a half years because like as corny as it sounds, like I had nowhere else to go. That is so cool and inspiring. And I feel like that's always the case. It's like you go through something so horrible. And then that's the time where your brain is like, I have to like obsess.

Starting point is 00:32:41 Breakups are literally number one. It makes you live in the moment. I did that with snowboarding i've been going on solo trips like after a hard breakup and it's been awesome like it makes you really live in the moment and be like it's that this comments don't matter and hone a skill and like it's it's such a relief to fixate on something that is so worlds apart from the stuff that's hurting you and you're like oh no one can hurt me here. Like any one of these internet trolls, I would drown.

Starting point is 00:33:08 I would absolutely murder in these waters. You know what I mean? Like there is like a feeling of like, I'm so safe here. Even with sharks, even with the threat of being tangled up in a line and like doing it all wrong and drowning. But I just felt like, oh, like this, this like place, this like water has my back. You had nowhere else to turn. Yeah. And it felt really good. And it's so meditative because you're dropping to the bottom of the ocean on one breath. And it's

Starting point is 00:33:34 like, you have to be very present. Would you guys consider long walks having owned a skill or no? Just be honest. I think so. I think when walking seems so difficult for the person, when it seems like walking isn't really their thing, where it's more of like this weird waddle. The fact that you honestly walk less pregnant now is the weird thing. Because I've heard that that waddle is like it only exacerbates the pain. So you have to like force yourself not to do the little, the Esther waddle. I mean, it's the swaddle waddle. I've had pregnancy pain my whole life. It's my, I've had a loose SI joint.

Starting point is 00:34:12 The idea that you wouldn't go to a hospital when you're actually supposed to be there is so funny. Like it's a dream for you. Yeah. I mean, it's not a dream because it's. But Dave keeps saying that he's like, you love nurses. You love the way that way you love the hospital you love the way they take care of you and it's true I love nurses are you listening to things when you walk or is it total silence no especially while pregnant no I'm not and because I'm trying because there's so much time in the day where you're just a little bit uncomfortable, I'm trying to separate all my pleasures. So it's like I don't eat a meal while I watch TV anymore, at least for right now. You know, I'm trying, I got to spread it out. Very Japanese of you too. Thank you. So I, when I walk, I don't listen to something, you know, I just, I'm spreading it out, which is a little, I know that's like a little

Starting point is 00:35:04 sad because listening to something while walking and eating while watching tv those are the best best moments of life but you can are you thinking a lot that when you're walking or are you trying to be like meditative and have a clear a lot of the times I'm like hamstring but hamstring but because I'm I'm trying to activate those things so that my back won't hurt that's good then you're having like a like a meditative walk hamstring but accidentally well that's good. My back won't hurt. That's good then. You're having like a meditative walk. Hamstring butt. So you're accidentally. Hamstring butt. Well, that's good because it's like breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.

Starting point is 00:35:29 Wait, can you explain hamstring butt? Because if I don't actively work on making sure those leg butt muscles are activating, it just will weirdly sink into my back and my lower back will do the work. It has something to do with having a loose SI joint, I think. Oh, no. She had someone give her. Is that your sacroiliac? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:35:51 And, like, you, my whole thing now is I am carrying all this extra weight. You're going to, like, get in bad postures and you're going to hurt yourself. So I'm just, I keep thinking to myself, more is coming. More weight is coming. Like I need to build up these legs to hold this up. And that's like been my whole thing the last couple months. Can Annie and I just like attach like little stilts? Like, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:36:15 When you break a toe and you... No, I'm not ready to go back to that. That was actually more than this. It was. That was a lot more than this. Broken pinky toe was harder. I know it is bad. It's just so funny.

Starting point is 00:36:29 Like I know breaking a toe is really painful, but it's so funny. I didn't know that. For you to have the littlest injury is so funny. That's all it took. I broke this finger catching like a shitty football pass. And I didn't know it was broken for months. And I was like, I kept telling myself, I was like, oh, it's just a sprain. It's just a sprain. So every day I would take this broken finger and I would yank it like this and stretch it out. Cause I thought it needed

Starting point is 00:36:55 like the blood flow and I would shake it. By the time I got an x-ray, my doctor was like, oh, like you have like 67,000 fragments of bone everywhere so I needed to get um surgery on this hand and like a fucking pin put for like a long time but that's how stupid I am so I'm glad you took your toe injury seriously because I did not do it with this hand and I caused myself a lot more damage by trying to like you know it's so stupid yeah and it hurt so bad when I did it it's not like I was like not feeling the pain, but I was just like, it's just a sprain because I was in denial. Have you ever dislocated a shoulder and put it back in?

Starting point is 00:37:29 Never dislocated, but— Have you? Uh-uh. That seems like so— I don't think I would not do it myself. I would be afraid I was doing the wrong thing. I don't believe that that's real when I see that. That is wild.

Starting point is 00:37:42 You can literally dislocate something and then have it shoved. That was in the movie The Holdovers. The kid had that. And it's just like that can't be right. I think it's because it happens a lot to people who have dislocated shoulders. So they're used to the whole. They've seen someone do it. Some people are just like, show must go on.

Starting point is 00:38:02 You know what I mean? Those people, they're just like, you're kind of like that. Not really though. Now I'm really learning to not just, what do you call it? Like toughen up. This is an Asian appropriating Hispanic culture. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:38:16 This is, instead of banana break today, I have brought my own, just coconut and mango with lime, chamoy, and tajin. Yum. Is that from one of the street vendors? Without the spice. I had that at my wedding and it was a huge hit.

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Starting point is 00:41:36 See terms at CasinoDraftKings.com slash new player offer 2024. I wanted to talk about, so this jacket was given to me by a friend that I friend dumped. Okay. So it's been sitting in my closet for two years. And today I was like, I think we're past the statute of limitations. I just didn't want to wear it because it was like the vibes of the friendship were still on it. But now I thought it's time. What do you guys take on like if someone, and it could be like a boyfriend breakup or a friend breakup. I feel like if it's a boyfriend, I would not have as much a problem if there wasn't any emotional attachment to it.

Starting point is 00:42:14 But because it was a friend breakup, that to me is like, that's a little ickier than a romantic breakup. I think some friend breakups hurt way more and for longer. Because you can't blame it. It's not like there was like a, you can't be like the sexual chemistry was off. There was more testosterone on the side or whatever. And when you go through any kind of breakup, you know you're going to be over it once you're on the new relationship. Right. But with a friend breakup, you don't get that. Yeah. And I think usually when I like do a friend breakup, when I've initiated them, it hasn't

Starting point is 00:42:43 been because I'm like oh I need another friend to fill that space it's just like this actually is like not helping my life and not it's actually like triggering me making me feel not good and move forward so it's not like I'm like let's get rid of this one to replace but when a romantic relationship you are always even when you're trying to stay single you are still like you know that there's gonna be exactly that's a specific role that gets filled right whereas friendship yeah that that is a lot harder to get over yeah I don't think I have any friend I don't I don't think I've ever gotten a gift from a friend so that's not a um I did recently um I still occasionally wear like a piece of jewelry that was given by a guy who I saw for a couple months. And like, this is going to sound terrible, but like when I look at it, I really just see how beautiful it is.

Starting point is 00:43:36 Like I don't think of him at all. And I'm sure the purpose of the jewelry was so that I could think of him, but I don't. I just see how like, I'm***, this is such a cool thing. Yeah. And it was a birthday gift, and I'm like, I'm going to wear this forever. Are you having any type of feelings about wearing the jacket? Yeah, when you put it on, were you like, oh. You know what I was thinking?

Starting point is 00:43:54 I was like, you know, if she sees me wearing it, what's her feeling going to be? But then I'm like, if she's still following me and watching my stuff, which I think she might be, that's, like, kind of on her. It's also none of your business. Yeah. It's only like, how do you feel? Yeah. And if you... But I think I would just, I just felt like

Starting point is 00:44:12 the reason I wasn't wearing it wasn't because I had bad vibes about her. It just felt like, it almost felt rude because I was the one that initiated it. I almost felt like rude to wear it. Yeah, but I think that it's okay for, to have long lasting friendships and to have seasonal friendships it's like everyone is sort of like going in and out of different parts of their life

Starting point is 00:44:32 well healthy yeah when you're healthy I think it's yeah and there are people that I never had a bad ending with but I just you know things just phased out like yeah we're friends and that's a that's fine for sure I know I had to like aggressive it was like a hard like i had to oh you had to clean it was like over like it was not you know sometimes it's like get the hint ends and then the not get the hint ends and wait have you guys heard of this extremely discounted clothing chain that only sells in stores and not online called Primark. Yeah. You have? I have.

Starting point is 00:45:09 I live in London and it was like the biggest thing. It's at my brother's mall. We always go to Primark. Wait, can you tell me? Okay. So I had never heard of this, but then I started, I got onto like Forbes, YouTube, where they make all these really like like they like break down businesses there's one like that was like why sweet green still isn't profitable it's the best video I've

Starting point is 00:45:30 ever watched um but then there's like the business of Primark and I'm like I've never heard of this so I watched this whole video and it's really they're from I think Ireland and they're in select locations but their whole thing is like you can only buy in stores so that differentiates them and it's it's like really affordable it's almost like and it's cute like two pound shoes not even kidding and it's cute stuff it's dirt cheap and it is almost like if you could go if you could buy like she in but you could actually go in store and so I'm like I was like drooling thirsting over this place because the whole problem with like fast fashion amongst many many things is that like if you order it you'll get like one piece that's really great and you're like I could have this forever and then 10 other pieces that are literally

Starting point is 00:46:19 trash two weeks later it falls apart completely and they're just disgusting like it's so hit or miss so I'm like oh if you could only get it in stores. So anyway, so I started Googling Primark. I found one. I went over winter break because they have one in the suburbs of Chicago, I think Woodfield Mall. This sweater, the Primark Rita Ora collection. I was right. What?

Starting point is 00:46:40 I said you were Wednesday Addams. That Jenny Ortega? Oh, that's Jenny Ortega. I was like, I got it. Wow, Julian. I didn't know that. So close. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:46:49 You get it. But you guys, $10 for a sweater. Wow. That's so cute. Like, how crazy. I'm just, my mind is blown. Are you feeling like because your clothes are, I mean, even though you wear oversized clothes anyway, do you feel like you're going to wear the clothes that you're wearing now when you're not pregnant?

Starting point is 00:47:06 That is such a good question. I have no idea. And I feel very like I built up this whole closet and then I got pregnant and everything is irrelevant. And then I have to build up a whole pregnancy closet, which is like not that big of a closet. And then afterwards, it's going to be a whole new thing. Like, I just feel like— Maybe I'll be like piecing the different ones together. Because you were on an oversized— oversized of course your oversize were extra

Starting point is 00:47:27 small on me but um but you were oversized i do love an oversized situation oversized is in though isn't it yeah kind of a little bigger yeah yeah i don't know what i hope i go i think you're going to be really oh who knows who knows maybe i'll be making up for all the food you didn't eat for some reason i really identify as the skinniest pregnant woman to be born and then I see myself on camera and I'm like it's it's nice that I have that confidence no you still look skinny you still look skinny this is the same thing as the age it's like you just look a little heavier than you were before when you were the skinniest angles are you were the when you were the skinniest you were the skinny you were the skin you were very very like not bad then you were like you were at a very fit weight this is the other okay i know

Starting point is 00:48:11 it's like a lot of body talk whatever but when i got pregnant i was like i was so my body was banging before then i look at pictures i'm like my body was just fine, it's, you always think things are. Well, it's like when you're now, like, doing this, like, this thing that's in nature for another thing. It's like if you were that skinny and pregnant, like, the baby would be in full distress. So it's like not, it wasn't, like, healthy for what you're going through now, you know? But I'm like, I look back, I didn't even look good. I look, like, weird. I don't know. I just think that. You've never not looked good, Esther. No, yeah, you looked great, I didn't even look good. I look like weird. I don't know. I just think that.

Starting point is 00:48:45 You've never not looked good, Esther. No, yeah, you looked great. Like all versions of you. Like I always just, you're just. Even with this white film on my lips, thank you. You look, you still look skinnier than new girl, Esther. How are you, how is like life treating you? I was getting my nails done.

Starting point is 00:49:00 I did Edmonton, the comic strip strip which is like in a mall did you ever do that no best mall it's like is that the one with the doll the trap yes it's got the well it's not dolphins but it's penguins they may have had dolphins at one point it's the best you could do a meet and greet with a penguin there's there's a full gym there's nail salons i got like the hotel is in the mall it's just the hotel is a themed i got a truck room it was crazy you guys it was so funny that the bed was a was the truck bed was like a you climb up the truck and sleep on it i think those are meant for a different kind of for children little yeah little boys okay well but there was a no of course um and then there's a ceiling mirror so then i was like oh shit people

Starting point is 00:49:42 are like in here and then i looked to the right and then there was like kids bunk beds I'm like ew people are like kids it's so nasty but there's a big hot tub in it in the room it's so fun are you serious it's the best I've never been here it's the best it's the best they got me just a regular room with just a hot tub in it and I was so pissed a hot tub in the room yes they have like an igloo room they have an ice was that a mermaid room they have a mermaid room They have a Polynesian room. How far away is this? Edmonton's only like, it's not that long of a flight, four hours. It's the best.

Starting point is 00:50:09 It's so fun. Wow. And they have like a water park in there. They have roller coasters. They have, they did tell me there used to be a roller coaster and that they're, I'm going to post a clip of me talking to the audience about this, but someone got beheaded on it. Excuse me?

Starting point is 00:50:27 And then they kept it going. And then, look at the fucking pirate room. And then, just because of cost, they ended up getting rid of it. Well, I've always wanted to, and I still have never played the comedy club that's in the Mall of America. It's the same thing. It's basically the same thing. It's the same owners, but it's the one in... The Mall of America is basically the the same thing. It's basically the same thing. It's the same owners, but it's the one in—the Mall of America is basically the American

Starting point is 00:50:47 version of this Canadian one. Yeah, it's the best. Because I grew up going to Mall of America because my grandparents are in Minnesota. They live like five minutes from it. And it's the best. It's like a full vacation. It's so fun. It's so much fun.

Starting point is 00:50:57 We used to be Camp Snoopy, then Viacom bought it over. Now it's like Nickelodeon land or whatever. But it's—here's why i love mall of america the rides are not that scary i know it's annoying but it's like they're all manageable that would be so fun oh my god would you trash tuesday live at mall of america i mean they're the it's literally the most fun i was like i got um when i went to the mall of america one it was like right after covid was my first weekend after covid um you've done that comedy club yeah i'm a mall bitch and there's no if you think there's a mall that i haven't performed in you're crazy if there's a club in a mall i've been there

Starting point is 00:51:32 and there's no sales tax on clothes in minnesota yeah i didn't know that but i don't know how much i was buying then but it was like but i went i did like the i got single like i got like the uzi pictures like i went to the… God, I need you. Will you be my mall runner? I'm a mall bitch. What's a mall runner? Because I think I probably go to the mall. I'm not kidding.

Starting point is 00:51:52 It's not an exaggeration. Once every five years. Wow. It gives me a panic attack. I love the mall. Well, what are you going for? That's truly the most un-American thing you could ever say. I just can't deal with the crowd, the pressure of having to

Starting point is 00:52:06 shop for like Christmas presents and stuff. Like I did recently go to the Glendale Galleria because I had to buy this one specific thing that this one specific family member wanted. So, and it was inside the mall. It wasn't outside at the Americana because the outdoor shops are fine. It's beautiful, yeah. But the Glendale Galleria. It's actually gorgeous. By the way, where I used to work there, I used to work at the Abercrombie at the Glendale Galleria. Well, I think when you work at the mall, you have a different, because I did work at Gap Kids too, but it's like, you can't go, shopping is so stressful if you need to get something. Yes.

Starting point is 00:52:35 Yeah. Like, just going to the mall and being like, all right, I'm going to be able to eat. I'm going to be able to shop. Okay, so that's what I need to do. I'm going to be able to like, wander around. So I think the key is to just go with no purpose. And maybe I can learn to enjoy it. Because I enjoyed it when I was young.

Starting point is 00:52:50 That's where I get my IVs is at the mall. So I go to the mall a lot. And then it's like if I need something else. I'm trying not to shop as much, but I had to get skims. What's your favorite mall? My favorite mall would be these malls because they're crazy. I just was thinking, is it worth it to fly my nieces across country and then into canada to for them to be here because it was just like going there with your there's an ice skating rink it's just like there's so much shit

Starting point is 00:53:13 it's so fun i do like mall food like the food courts make me happy i love a master walk that's right master walks i never had master walk but i they're um always love a good panda sash just a food court and there's no i'm sorry but there's just no good food courts left when you were teenagers that's true when you were teenagers did you hang out at the mall our high school was across the street from the mall all the time that was like it yes old orchard mall the first outdoor mall in the country not to flex reference to mean girls yes huge deal and our food court is gone there's a really good food court in a korean plaza mall really it is so good it's mostly korean food but it is you have so many fun options so many fun like dessert options and it's just like really

Starting point is 00:53:58 fun and pretty and kind of retro i highly recommend i'll give you the address i don't know if you guys have ever been to an outlet recently but but they have the best food courts. It's literally like it's from the 90s. What makes them different? It's just back in, it's like they haven't changed. Like they have this Barro's. Cinnabon. Orange Julius.

Starting point is 00:54:15 Orange Julius. The funniest one. Like Cabazon Outlets has a fantastic. When my brother's friend worked at Sbarro, it was so funny. I was like, what is Mike Goldstein doing here? Like, why are you here right now? You're fucking embarrassing me. Can we get a couple more of those questions?

Starting point is 00:54:30 So on Christmas Eve, we went to the movies at Northbrook Court Mall, which used to be like a great mall in the suburbs. But it has gone downhill in a major way. However, they still have an Aunt Anne's. Is that a pretzel shop? Yeah. You have to ask. I know she's being weird.

Starting point is 00:54:45 Let's pretend we didn't hear that. It's really weird. Can we edit this out? Was that cookie? What was that? What was she doing? Who is she playing to right now? I hated that.

Starting point is 00:54:54 Okay, so. Who is she trying to impress? We walk past the Aunt Anne's. We just had our big Christmas Eve wherever we went. Wait, can I just defend myself? I only know Wetzel Pretzel. Oh, that's fair that's more west coast yeah okay yeah okay so when my credit card got stolen they immediately

Starting point is 00:55:11 went to wetzel pretzel i was like that is so funny i support i have never had someone steal my credit card and not go to places that i'm like but okay like was it expensive you're a queen you're a king or a queen you deserve it do you even like dispute that charge then or you just let them have that well they don't think it's oh my god you guys my credit card got shut off and then i had a call to get it turned back on because i tried to buy a book they said it was suspicious that is so funny i was like touche bitches but so we i have not had an aunt ann's in forever, right? Because that's just like. It's too much. They're so good. It's a spiral. It just doesn't lead to the next decision being good.

Starting point is 00:55:50 You don't do one. You don't do one. If you go to Aunt Anne's, you're doing a run. So we walked past and I thought I heard her say something. The woman working there. I look at my family and I look at them like, did she just say free pretzels? And they're like, what? This is the saddest.

Starting point is 00:56:04 This is going where I think it is. We went back and they're like, what? This is the saddest. This is going where I think it's going. We went back and they're like, yeah, every day at five when we're closed, we give away all the pretzels for free. I thought it was going to be that she did not say free pretzels. You went to get a free pretzel. No, so literally everyone in my family got a free pretzel and we ate them like on top of our big dinner. And it was so disgusting, but so delicious.

Starting point is 00:56:24 And I couldn't control myself and it was so good. What do you eat when- Cinnamon sugar flavor. I was going to ask you. Obviously, I got cinnamon sugar flavor. But I'll take just the buttery ass ones. I like the little nuggets.

Starting point is 00:56:33 I like the little bites. I was regretting not asking for those. I'll get a cheese. There's not really a- I used to love the onion ones. They had- I don't know if they still have them, but they had-

Starting point is 00:56:44 What is the potato chip that's sour cream and onion? They had sour cream and onion flavor. Y'all ever do the little mini hot dogs? Oh, a little mini hot dog. I'll take a little dog. Todd loves a little dog in a blanket. But my nieces, I was FaceTiming them for the mall and I was like, do you guys think about me when you go to Auntie Anne's? And they're like, no.

Starting point is 00:57:01 And I was like, oh. My nieces, I do have to say this is a full nightmare and this is my niece's fault. I was pandering to an 11 year old. I got one to match her. Why is it a nightmare? Oh, yeah. It's not. It's a nightmare.

Starting point is 00:57:13 It spills all over my shit. It's like there's no benefit to it. It's very heavy. It's annoying. It is huge. There's no. Can I hold that? I wanted to get like.

Starting point is 00:57:23 Oh, my God. It's just why does this exist? I hate trends. I hate I hold that? I wanted to get like – Oh, my God. It's just – why does this exist? I hate trends. I hate them. Why? I don't like it. I think it's cool, though. Well, you –

Starting point is 00:57:32 It's just really big. It's the worst. It's really heavy. It's literally bigger than your child right now. It's a workout. What's the pros of that? You look cool to an 11-year-old. Oh, okay.

Starting point is 00:57:42 For me, my whole thing with it – because you know I would have been the first in line to buy it but I'm like it's not much I have so many hydro flasks I went through this I have the hydro flasks is it the straw no there's nothing good there is you ever hold 18 things in your hand at once I do that's why I had to get a bigger purse because Todd's like you and your things and then we're always leaving and I'm like wait stop here and I have to run back up I live up the stairs so I have to run a bigger purse because Todd's like, you and your things. And then we're always leaving. And I'm like, wait, stop here. And I have to run back up. I live up the stairs. So I have to run up the stairs and grab like three more things. He's like, I just am a thing bitch.

Starting point is 00:58:10 But I'm trying to get rid of all my things. Like I'm going through my house and I'm like, I can't like live like this anymore. I have too many things. I'm just throwing out all my bullshit. I'm not worrying about how much I paid for it. It's over. It's done. I just am decluttering because it's like, there's just too much stuff.

Starting point is 00:58:24 There's too much stuff. It feels so good to get rid of stuff. It's just why am I making my life so difficult for no reason? It's like when I have like a big house, maybe I'll get more things, but it's like I'm like putting it all into an apartment and we have reptiles now. It's like we got living things. Yeah. Don't need all the other ones. Okay. So this question. I mean, need all the other one okay so this question i mean divorce guys i'm reading ahead divorce annulment annul immediately my husband didn't tell me he had herpes until they got until we got married thoughts on how i should feel annulment he lied to you not telling you something is the same as lying that's pretty you should be able to tell your the person you're marrying also the the crazy part is that like so many people have this thing that's like who gives a shit i know like gen z people they're

Starting point is 00:59:11 super upfront and open about any of their stds herpes whatever and it's like just not a big deal right you're lying i had a friend who um i mean they're married and they have like kids now, but they like the beginning stages of their relationship. She got herpes from him, but she was just like, worth it. I'm in love. I'm not going to like. Did he know he had herpes? He actually didn't. He just sincerely didn't.

Starting point is 00:59:36 He's like, I've never really had like an outbreak. But she was like, there's no other person I could have gotten it from. So then they both got tested. He was like, oh, shit. And he he was like, but she didn't give a so i think that this guy like has it wrong the husband because i think that if we love you like we're fine there's valtrex there's so many other like i mean i can understand the shame and being like afraid but that's so crazy to not tell you before because this is like second marriage

Starting point is 00:59:58 type of guy this is like crazy yeah it's also just really keep that from how do you get away with that also like that's what I don't understand about herpes. Is it something that lies dormant? People don't have outbreaks all the time. Yeah. Yeah, it can lie dormant. But you can be shedding. It's like really... You can really get it when there's absolutely no symptoms and stuff.

Starting point is 01:00:12 And that's what kind of sucks the most about it, I think, where it's not like... You know, that's where like... But Valtrex is really very... Works really well. We're also assuming this is like genital herpes and not something like, oh, I have a cold sore. Because for the most part, like most obvious cold sores are herpes, right? So it's like, if it was that,

Starting point is 01:00:31 maybe I would be like, oh yeah, like that's not something anyone should get. Yeah, if he had shingles when I was 20, I don't think you need to announce that, but I did. But if it was very like strategic on his end to wait until after they were married, because he thought like that i

Starting point is 01:00:45 feel like is super deceitful and i would be so bummed i just don't even know how you pull that off because you don't people don't you can it's very easy to pull off it's very very easy because it's like if you have your um outbreaks like under control like the first sign of even feeling some nerve pain here or some nerve pain in your genitalia, you can take a Valtrex and you almost will not get any. Valtrex is what they give to reality show people like dating show contestants. Yeah. So that there's no outbreaks on set. Right. I mean, but it's so, it's so common. It's so a nothing thing. Like acyclovir,

Starting point is 01:01:24 Valtrex, that's, that's at your disposal. So it's like, especially like years after your initial outbreak, you're not having as many outbreaks. So this guy. I'm so sorry, Julian, you having that in your back pocket to tell us is so funny. My producer friend told me. It's very interesting. Oh my God. I am really, I am really confused by herpes too. I don't understand how it works. I'll give you the breakdown after. Okay. Yeah, I know a lot about herpes. So if someone is on Valtrex, they can't pass it on.

Starting point is 01:01:52 It's a lot harder, too. So it sounds like herpes is actually not this crazy serious thing that I feel like we all thought it was when we were younger. It just sucks so bad. My friends have had outbreaks, and it's just so fucking painful. And it's like they're and it's like in a place where you have to like move and they're open they can be open so it's like open sores like it's like but if you can take valtrex and you never get it but when you first get it and you don't know you have it you have like yeah and your first outbreak is usually the worst yeah your first outbreak and you're and you get like a fever you get like sick yeah you your lymph nodes are like inflamed and then but like especially if it's like i think like herpes one is not as like well i was

Starting point is 01:02:32 told like not as like outbreak heavy as like like herpes two i think i don't know but my friend had herpes my friend had herpes and she was wouldn't tell guys and it was really pissed me off because i thought it and this was like i don't think she was on valetrix guys, and it was f***ing really pissed me off because I thought it would, and this was like, I don't think she was on Valtryek's set. It was just like, it just was so dirty. So she would like be flirting with my friends and I'd be like, just heads up.

Starting point is 01:02:51 This is what you're getting into. And then it was always this thing of like, was I being shitty? But I'm like, no. It's just not a deal breaker for me. If someone were to be honest and upfront about it and say, hey, I have this thing. And there's ways around it and stuff.

Starting point is 01:03:03 I'd be like, okay, cool. I have a girlfriend who has it and she specifically like before hooking up always would be like, I have this. Which is annoying. It's annoying. You have to do it. It sucks. That does suck. And it also like the herpes test is very separate from a regular STD panel. So like unless you specifically ask because it's a blood test, right? So someone could be like, oh, look, STD, like I'm free. I like I have no chlamydia, no gonorrhea, HIV negative, whatever, syphilis negative. But the herpes is not part of that STD panel. So you have to order it separately. So what I do with partners that I'm going to sleep with is I will ask for both. So I will get like, hey,

Starting point is 01:03:43 get an STD panel, but also can you get checked for this? And I do ask for both so I will get like hey get an STD panel but also can you get checked for this and it I do ask them for the extra thing I can't believe you have to ask for herpes that should really be on the main menu the menu but is there is there any STD that like you don't need to like you shouldn't you don't it's not necessary to tell the product yeah HPV because like eight out of ten people have it. And also, men cannot test for HPV. Unless they get warts. Yeah, unless they get, like, warts or some type of, like.

Starting point is 01:04:12 Guys, when I got crabs, I learned so much about. I used to call the STD hotline and, like, hang out on the phone with them. Because I was, like, didn't know there was one. And I learned so much about STDs. They would send me stuff in the mail. I would have all these, like, pamphlets and stuff. I learned so much. And then when my friend got herpes, I was so much about STDs. They would send me stuff in the mail. I would have all these like pamphlets and stuff. I learned so much. And then when my friend got herpes, I was so like,

Starting point is 01:04:27 I can have compassion for the fact that it sucks that she was in this position where shit. But I was like, it just was so, I felt so dirty. I felt so torn as like a human morally. It was just like, are you f***ing serious? And we lived in Santa Fe. It's such a small town. I'm like, you're just like, it's a small pool, bitch. So she would hook up and not tell.

Starting point is 01:04:43 She would f*** up without condoms. Yeah. And then sometimes if she felt like she wanted to date them, she'd be like, I just got tested. We have herpes. I feel like we need to de-stigmatize it a little bit. I'm just like, bitch. That's fucked up. Someone who got to my brother, though.

Starting point is 01:04:56 Yeah. He's going to get maybe, but they like hooked up with him. And then he called me. He's like, oh, my God, I hooked up with this girl. And she was like, it's not the sister-in-law that watches the show. So don't worry. And she told my brother like she, like a day later she got tested and she had herpes, which was like, there's no way like the day later you got tested. One time I had this rash, these dots on my stomach. And I went to the, it was really weird. Like I just, and that was

Starting point is 01:05:17 when I went to the doctor for everything. Like I was before I started Lexapro and it just kind of let things go. But like the doctor was like- Lexapro and let it go. Or the dermatologist was like, oh, this could be secondary syphilis. And I was like, what? People love to think things are syphilis. This is a thing.

Starting point is 01:05:37 And I would Google, I'm like, I have a second round of syphilis. I missed first round. It was not that. That's so funny to me that they went straight there. People love to say things are syphilis. And the rash is later more, it's like syphilis. It's actually a sign. You're right. Not secondary, but it's later on in the progression of the disease. So it's like you missed the whole first tier and didn't cure it. And then you get

Starting point is 01:06:03 the next step i get rashes all the time that's so crazy no one's ever thinking oh shit this is syphilis i know but it is syphilis is back on the rise people love syphilis why they love to diagnose you with something like syphilis i always wondered why people were named phyllis like how long has syphilis been around forever right that's so funny that's a good nickname syph for syphilis been around? Forever, right? That's so funny. That's a good nickname, Sif. For somebody in Philly. Come here, Sif. We used to call Max Pad, my brother, Max Pad.

Starting point is 01:06:30 Okay, so I had, when I first started dating Todd, every time we would f***, I would start bleeding. And people were like, it's gonorrhea, it's syphilis. Like everyone was like, it's this every time. And of course, Todd's like, that's right. Like boys are like blowing that up. But it was like, oh my God. I was like, Jesus, I don't know why this happened. But what was it?

Starting point is 01:06:48 It was just a yeast infection. Oh, yeah. It was just a f***ing yeast infection. But that's the thing. But doctors, like, everyone's like, you better come. Like, my friends were like, why? Everyone I would talk to was like, this is something big. This is a horrible thing. I'm like, what? I mean, I got HPV when I was, or I found out I had HPV when I was 19. And I thought it was the end of my life.

Starting point is 01:07:07 Like, I reacted like it was the worst thing to have ever happened to me. I remember crying. Because, like, at that time, like, no one really told you. You're so, like, young and sexually active, too. You're, like, so, like, excited to meet people and stuff. And then you have, like, they tell you that you have something. I know. And then it was, it just so happened to be the strain that was a little bit like sus.

Starting point is 01:07:27 So they had to like freeze my cervix and it had to like swath off for like a month. Everyone I know. The thing where they like, they like take like some, some kind of heat thing. And yeah, that's what I had to do.

Starting point is 01:07:40 I literally had a meltdown coli when that happened. I was like, I have cancer. Like it's over. Same. Wait, what do you mean? Is it if it's untreated or it's just one strain? Yeah, because HPV, they used to say like, if you have a very specific, there's like two specific types. The high risk strain? Yeah, the high risk, right? That will, could later progress into like cancer or whatever. So that's why I got my stuff like frozen. But I remember thinking HPV, that was like the first std and i was

Starting point is 01:08:06 devastated the opposite of a fire crotch but it's like a chill one because you can just get it out right no i mean you don't even need to do anything for most things if it's not like high risk yeah but i guess it was it fell under some high risk group but i also i think back in the day they were like they it's different like they've had vaccines now but they really do go they went in and like zapped like it's the most painful experience I don't know if it was for you yeah it was terrible I remember going to we can bleep his name out but I have to say his name because it is a kind of a funny name his name is Dr. and Dr. said that this would not be painful. You're going to not feel anything. And I'm telling you, I was close to passing out from the pain.

Starting point is 01:08:50 I was like, I couldn't believe that. Like, how dare this man who doesn't have this body part of mine tell me that something lie to me and tell me something's not going to hurt. And then pry me open, hurt me in the way that he did and said, OK, we're done. You can walk away. I was dizzy, lightheaded, felt like I wanted to vomit from the pain. Did he numb it or anything? Even if he, he might have, but I don't remember anything but like utter pain. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:09:17 My numbing thing didn't work and it was the most painful. I was screaming in pain. But it pisses me off how like women's pains are like so dismissed and it's like And they have the tools to make it not hurt. I know. They have it all. They've got it all back there. The Vicodin, the fentanyl, get it out. When I was 12 and 13, I had really, really bad headaches. I just had like basically a headache every day. It was so bad. And we went to this headache specialist in Philadelphia, which was like so cool. I was like, oh, it's in my town where this like the top headache specialist. And we went and he had this needle that was like this

Starting point is 01:09:53 big. And he was like, oh, I'm just going to put it in the back of your head to like see what's going around. Like it won't hurt. And my mom was with me. It was, he stabbed me in the back of the neck. Okay. He was moving around. I was like, you have so much scar tissue. It was, he stabbed me in the back of the neck. Okay. He was moving around. I was like, you have so much scar tissue. It was like crunching. You hear that mom? I'm screaming and crying. It was like the most painful thing.

Starting point is 01:10:11 My mom was like so pissed. My mom was like, we're never going back to this person. Why did you have scar tissue? From a car accident. Wait, really? Yeah, I was in a car accident when I was 12. That's why I stopped swimming. It's also shocking they don't talk about the IUD.

Starting point is 01:10:24 Like the old placement. IUD placement is one of the most painful things ever. And isn't it painful for a while afterwards? Like, isn't it like painful for like a... Yeah. And I remember the woman was like, well, just try having a baby. Sorry, Esther. But I was like, this is, I was like, this is not right. No one talks about it. I almost passed out from pain. Well, all your story and every other girl's IUD story is like identical. And it's so crazy to me how like they don't talk about it. No, it's like women's pain is so just dismissed and not heard. It's when I had my miscarriage two years ago and I had to get a DNC like the day before the doctor asked me to come in so she

Starting point is 01:11:03 could put something in called a luminaria, which I was like, what? It's like some weird like sponge that I guess they put in there and like preps the cervix, like loosens it up, whatever. That was horrible. And the way that they were so casual about it, just come on in. I'm like, you didn't tell me. I would have. I should have been on something like it was. So, yes, it's quick, but it's like'm like, you didn't tell me. I would have, I should have been on something. Like it was so, yes, it's quick, but it's like, you don't want to be. It's also

Starting point is 01:11:30 such like a, like a rough time too. It's like, you're going to just add. And then they say like, you're okay. Might like prepare you. Yeah. Although I did have one of the best doctors at Planned Parenthood when I terminated a pregnancy, like the sweetest man ever. I thought that I, the drugs were available and I did not take them because I had to drive myself home. And so I was like, oh, I don't want to be kind of like sedated driving home. And so I was like, I'm going to opt out of the drugs. And he was like, ooh, and i was like yeah i'm sure like and he goes well it's really only a minute he was very specific it's gonna be a minute and a half of this specific type of pain he like he like really explained it really well and he counted me down you had a dnc

Starting point is 01:12:17 without drugs or yeah what just like do not recommend it and then i told the girl who was like next to me before I went in I was like she was like do you think I should take the I was like no no need I mean it's such a short procedure and I felt so bad because I saw her getting like wheeled out after and she was like in shock I'm like when you give people the wrong advice I gave I gave her the wrong advice take the medication that's like a full procedure where I was out, I was put under for that. Yeah, but it's really only a minute, right? Because, and I was awake for the whole thing and he counted me down. He was so sweet. He goes, this is what you're going to feel right now. And it was so specific. So it prepared, I was able to like prepare my senses for it. And I was like, this

Starting point is 01:12:58 man is the sweetest. This is how doctors should be. It's like, you should, he's like, you're supposed to take the drugs, but if you don't, this is the kind of pain you, he wasn't lying. It f***ing sucked and it hurt. Oh my God. Never again. Don't get abortions raw. My egg doctor. Raw dog. Wear your sponge. Yeah. Don't raw dog your abortions, guys. It really, really hurts. And maybe don't raw dog and you might not need one. So I think the lesson is no more raw dogging. Yeah, let's take it a step further, yeah.

Starting point is 01:13:27 No more raw dogging unless you're doing it for this. Annie is all about the prophylaxis and the preventative medicine. Guys, listen. Prophylaxis. Do we know

Starting point is 01:13:35 if vasectomies hurt? You know, we'll never know because men are like always being like doted on and given all the right drugs. So we'll never know. Oh my God, these little babies.

Starting point is 01:13:42 These little babies. But you know what? Julian's like, what about the men's pain? Julian, we need you. We might need to hear more about the reality show Valtrex. He was so excited to tell us that. It was just so cute. You've just been waiting.

Starting point is 01:13:54 He has little notes like that that he likes to share. But you know what? To that I say, bring back raw vasectomies. Let's try it out. I want nothing raw ever again in life. Not even sushi. Like I'm so traumatized by the word raw right now. The fact that you had a raw abortion is like absolutely the most psychotic thing I've ever learned about a person. And shout out Planned Parenthood. They do great things. PP baby. It's like if I had to drive myself home and be like, okay, I'm sleeping

Starting point is 01:14:22 over tonight at Planned Parenthood. That's fine. I'm getting the f***ing drugs. By the way, my sister was at home making my abortion porridge. And she was like, please let me drive you back home. And I was like, I'll be fine. Do you think you were feeling like guilty that you had to do it or something? You were like punishing yourself? Maybe.

Starting point is 01:14:42 Or maybe I was just in a state of like i just got to get this done yeah you know like don't even think about it and bobby was asleep oh you know so yeah and also it wasn't my sister's job to be there for me like she has a regular job she had things and bobby was not there could not be there he needed to soften you up you're too tough i i'm not anymore she said that earlier right it's funny because you just said that earlier in the episode you were saying you're gonna stop being like i'm the tough person oh yeah i'm not anymore. She said that earlier. It's funny because you just said that earlier in the episode. You were saying you're going to stop being like, I'm the tough person. Oh, yeah. I'm not tough.

Starting point is 01:15:09 Like, everything hurts me. Let's soften her. Well, it's just the faking that things don't hurt. I have that too. It's like, you're just like, oh, I'm so… Hardy. Yeah, I'm not hardy. Isn't it more brave to be, like, vulnerable?

Starting point is 01:15:21 Yeah. Yeah, it's brave to be weak. I said vulnerable, not weak. It's brave to be like vulnerable until yeah yeah it's brave to be weak I said vulnerable not weak it's brave to be scared it's just but I do like being scared I do like it oh yeah you're like a if if a roller coaster doesn't have the potential to like kill someone or behead someone like you're not interested I was excited when they said the beheading i got a little excited i was like that would have been not great to see but not not a memory not not a memory um all right guys what a fun week i know we have a there's a lot of feelings in today's episode i'm feeling so many things we got through STDs we've tackled STDs

Starting point is 01:16:05 a lot of vaginal talk a lot of vaginal talk vaginal talk we needed it we were due we were due don't say due don't

Starting point is 01:16:11 you're right mucus plug we're never saying that again don't say that three times snot cork we will see you guys thank you so much

Starting point is 01:16:20 we'll see you next week with a brand new episode and don't forget to get tickets to our live Trash Tuesday in los angeles regent theater february 13th have galentine's day with us it's gonna be crazy we'll see you there and see you next week

Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - The Secret Life of Khalyla Kuhn - Ep 155

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