Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - The Sugar Daddy Challenge w/ Ashley Hesseltine (Girls Gotta Eat)

Episode Date: September 27, 2022

Thank you to our Sponsors: Athletic Greens - Go to https://athleticgreens.com/tuesday to get a free 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchaseShipStation - Go to https://ShipStation.com today and sign up with promo code TRASHTUESDAY for a FREE 60-day trial.Helix - Get up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows at https://HelixSleep.com/trashtuesday  More Ashley HesseltineGirls Gotta Eat Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/girls-gotta-eat/id1348777092Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ashhessWebsite: https://www.ash-hess.com Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 Ashley Hesseltine From Girls Gotta Eat Joins Us4:46 The Scholastic Book Fair7:01 Decorative Kale & Immortal Lobsters10:49 Themed Weddings13:31 Disconnecting From Your Phone14:51 The Hack to Finding the Best Chinese Food22:28 The Sugar Daddy Challenge  27:07 The Marriage Dilemma on The Bachelorette 35:09 Hot Mouths & Hot Skarsgards 41:26 Older Men Influencers & Khalyla’s Dad’s Cremation47:13 Gag Reflexes51:33 The Crisis With Young Men Today56:52 Brittany Snow From Selling the OC Spits From Husband / Selling the OC Drama59:33 Our Boy Slugs1:01:16 Ashley Hesseltine’s Momentary Interactions With Male Fans at Her Shows1:13:38 Girls Secretly Recording Their Guy Friends1:17:10 The Different Looks of Chris Pine Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera Editor: Bryce Hallock

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helix is offering up to 200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash trash tuesday hi you guys i hope you enjoyed this episode i know i did um i just want to let you know i'm doing stand-up i'm coming to phoenix san francisco seattle and portland you can get tickets at esther on ice.com and my solo podcast my pleasure drops every thursday morning can't wait for you guys to see what it's like you You guys, the time is here. My favorite, most exciting date, Coluso Casino. Come gamble and party with me. You know I love to gamble. That is on September 30th, one night only. Then next month, you can see me in Kansas City, Irvine, and then I'm in a whole bunch of other places. Go to Annie Letterman dot com slash shows.

Irvine, and then I'm in a whole bunch of other places. Go to Annie Letterman dot com slash shows. You guys, we are very excited to finally have this guest on our show. She is from one of our favorite. I'll call it a sister podcast. Girls got to eat. Welcome, Ashley Heseltine. Did I say your last name right?

It's Heseltine, but Heseltine. The teen in the time of it all is very. Yeah, like Valentine. You can relate. Lederman, Lederman. I know. And I'm such a natural leader that people always think it's Lederman, but it's Lederman. And then your last name's a nightmare. I don't know. I was going to just... It's a knight. I don't know why I thought that would be a good... I don't think anyone in this room has gotten my last name right, not once. Kuhn? Oh, thank you, Karlo. Oh, it's so disgusting. Wait, I didn't even know that. I don't want it to be Kuhn that gets it right. Yeah, I don't think anyone does. It's Kuhn, not Kuhn. Yeah, it's so disgusting wait i didn't even know that i don't want it to be yeah i don't think anyone knows it's coon not coon yeah it's coon i guess it's racial slur as i know i'm gonna say way less racist i don't know is it racist if you don't even know it's a

fucking slur who is it against raccoons no don't are we gonna start doing the origin story of slurs for us so that's actually not about it that's maybe patreon yeah paywall um but ashley welcome thank you to trash tuesday we're very excited to have you glad to be here um i was listening to your show and i so you're like a reader you're like a big reader i am yeah i'm great at reading and i read a lot that's so rude to say you obviously don't watch the show that's so mean to be like i'm a great reader are you guys are you all bad readers i'm literally unable to read pretty sad bad reads are pretty difficult well my co-host is not like we had this joke that one time she read something so good and i genuinely said right huh great job reading and like our audience loved it they started saying

like great job reading like she we it's it's a thing she's open about it like I'm I'm an exceptional reader I'm so sorry if that's okay no I want you to shine but she knows that she's not so even like when we do live shows on stage like we have to read something

she's like this is really long I have to let Ashley handle this you know I'm the Ashley. I mean, I'm not the Ashley. I'm the Reina. But I do read a lot of, like, I've started just reading more books. I love the way you talk about books because you sound like an addict, but for books. Because you're like, whenever someone posts a photo, I buy it right away. You had, like, the energy that I bring to, like, different flavored breakfast cereals, but, likeals yeah like for books and i was like wow could it could be that way it's it's been i've

been reading more recently but i i grew up like a big book kid my mom was a librarian like it's just like big book energy i don't know did you get a lot of like book fair toys were you always getting a lot of like eraser shaped like ice cream and stuff yeah i mean i saw this meme recently that was like do you remember the scholastic book fair and they named all the things you could get there and they made mention of the lamborghini poster do you remember there would be like random posters yep did you guys have that i didn't grow up here oh i was upset i was i had it the book fair what are they like for someone who doesn't read the book fair was like it was lit okay i like but i was wanted do you remember the books though that had like wait let's explain it to kalilah first so read, the book fair was lit. It was lit. Okay. I like, but I was wanting, do you remember the books though that had like. Wait, let's explain it to Kalilah first.

So the Scholastic Book Fair is when like you go to school one day and the gym is all set up like a huge bookstore. Oh, we had that in the Philippines. And Esther was like, this is incredible. I don't have to work out. And you could buy little things here and there. Yeah, little stickers. Okay, yes, yes, I remember.

It was so much but then and then they would award that week they would award the bookworm of the year which is always my sister well they had that well this is like a really deep cut did you guys have pizza hut reading club or whatever i was i had pizza i don't know where you grew up like i grew up in the east coast yeah like you had this thing and if you read a certain amount of books, you would go get a personal pan pizza. Oh, my God. Oh, that's so cute.

How exciting. And that was back when pizza had the salad bar. Like, it was, like, a night out. Were you doing salad bar, though, as a kid? No. Were you that kid? I also feel like I grew up in, like, the Wendy's salad bar. Oh, I loved it.

Do you remember? Wait, do you remember when they would – The bread, the garlic bread, and it was just the – it was the bun sliced in half and it was everything I've ever wanted in my life. Yes. They had like a pasta. Like people don't know. Where are you from on the East Coast? I'm from Delaware. Delaware. Okay. This sort of lines up with this theory that my dad taught me when I was younger. He said that

people get smarter as you go East. Like everyone on the west coast is dumber and then they get smarter and smarter and then the smartest people are on the east coast so that would make that would track the best readers i live on the east coast you you don't help the theory but then also but then like far like west like san francisco like all those nerds you Yeah those nerds. You know. Yeah. Look it's just. I get what you mean. Look it's just the spirit of it. Also it's weird you guys brought up Pizza Hut because I of course just saw a TikTok about how kale the biggest purchaser of kale was originally Pizza Hut and it was decoration for the salad bar.

Yeah. And then some lady was like I'm a fan of kale and she like rebranded kale so all us idiots would eat it that makes sense because kale holds well it doesn't wilt it was just literally like golden corral decor like it's wild to remember i remember looks like the the rolling hills of a i'm so inspired by this rebrand i'm like if kale can go from like the pizza hut golden corral garbage decoration like and then become like the health trend food like what well it's like lobster well it's like lobster lobsters were the bottom feeders that were like they gave them to the prisoners and stuff and now it's like one of the most expensive items well

lobsters are also um their their season i think is coming to an end i you know i gather lobster you murder you're making them go extinct well every year i gather lobster from the ocean i dive and i grab lobster right but then you forget gilbert this asshole sent me this article about how lobsters actually not only are sentient but they feel depression no no no and so you don't talk about this and when you when they lose like a part of their let's say for because they bond for life and they bond for life. You know, we've all heard him scream. It's like, look, you just don't pay attention to that part. And then you just dip them in butter. That's got to be a good life to just make other people happy. You're depressed. What do you want?

Put out everybody's looking for they they're biologically immortal. So they don't die. You can they cannot die unless someone actually kills them um but they will live on forever what so it we're kind of just like killing like relics basically or like ancestors is how i see it but there's going to be an overpopulation because they would never die we're helping the world true don't Don't take my lobster, bitch. And also bring me some, bitch. I'm reading that lobsters do seek out safe spaces when there's stress, probably in the corner of the little thing. Kalilah, do you coach them in? Do you go like, you go, I'll listen to your problems over here, little lobster.

Oh, my God. Oh, you're not feeling good today? Come on over here. You can be any gender you want over here. And you just spear him. I don't spear him. I grab him to my hand. Well, save space.

But anyways. Well, I think about, that's the Friends quote, right? Phoebe said they. Oh yeah. It's her lobster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they mate for life. That's why you gotta kill them both at the same time.

It's like the notebook. Their life. Okay. Are any of you guys like vegan or? No, no, no, no no i'm about to do all me i'm like i'm this close to believing that vegetables are poison i listen to one podcast then i listen to another one and i'm like it's making a lot of sense here guys plants are killing us salad's scary and dangerous i eat everything my parents are have been vegan for four years and i'm getting a little stressed out about it and and I need them to eat eggs.

What about you? I eat everything. I don't eat a lot of pork. I think that, like, I just chose an animal to not eat, you know, and it's my least favorite. So I steer away from pork, but I eat everything else, and then my parents are pescatarian, which is, like, totally manageable. When you were growing up, they were like that? It started, like, maybe when I went off to college yeah like a couple years back but they finally had the courage yeah because we grew up eating like sloppy joes yeah you know a specific type of i think you might

be the same type of trash i am wait wait where are you from philadelphia oh i mean yeah delaware's Philadelphia. Oh, I mean, yeah, Delaware is like a suburb of Philly. It is. I mean, basically. So, yeah, but it's fine. Like, I just, I don't know. I couldn't do, I couldn't give up like the dairy. I think it's so difficult. Okay. Have you ever been married?

No. Okay. Do you ever like imagine a wedding? Do you have like a, do you think you're going to go classy or are you going to go like sloppy Joes? Are you going to go like an in and out truck or like caviar? No seated like plated dinner. Yes.

I think it's like some sort of buffet, but it's like really good food. Like I could see like a taco bar or I went to a wedding that was breakfast food. Breakfast all day. What a dream. Yeah, it was good. It's at six in the morning. Wake up, bitches. Breakfast all day. What a dream. It was good. It's at six in the morning. Wake up, bitches. It's time. It was cheaper in the morning.

I've been to weddings that are really fancy that were like Stephen Starr catered. It's just never good. Banquet food is not good. For the masses, that's just too much. You can't do it. not good for the masses that's just too much you can't do it it's not gonna be good i have a question do people not ever do morning weddings

is that not a thing maybe like another that would go along with one of the things i do want to do which is a pajama themed wedding or a sleepover wedding oh my god this is i thought you wanted to do a lesbian themed wedding where it was just you marrying a woman. I think that'll have to be the second marriage. What if we did like late weddings? I think a good idea is to do like a midnight wedding. So then you don't have to invite like old, like you can just be like, all right. And no kids.

Yes, no kids. Like past their bedtime. Like you're a bad parent if you bring your kid. Make it really hard for everyone to get there. It's on a weird island and there's only one ferry. It's a rave wedding. Or even at 2 a.m. Then you basically eliminate the thought of people bringing their kids.

Yeah, you have to take Molly. You can't have your kids at a Molly wedding. Either caffeinated or mollied up. You better be both. I know that your main drug of choice is books. Wait, I've gotten misbranded. That's okay. I know that your main drug of choice is books, but do you have other vices? Like, I'm basically newly a pothead. So I'm just curious if what your deal is, if you do that. And she means pot, not a pod. She's not like just getting into podcasts.

I really love yoga. No, I mean, I drink and I stay up late and I'm on my phone too much. And I don't, I've just never done really great with weed, like edibles specifically. Like I'll smoke a little weed here and there, but I feel like I'm off all other drugs because I'm terrified of fentanyl. No more powders. Like I just, I haven't done a ton of Coke but i've i would be like sure if i'm in the mood and it's out but i feel so scared yeah it's like if they asked twice i'm always like i'm like no i don't want to do coke you sure i'm like okay but i don't know i don't have like a ton of of vices i mean it's so boring but i just the thing that i'm always trying to work on is just

like not being on my phone yeah everybody like swollen in bed do you have any moves well i i haven't leaving my phone outside of my bedroom it has helped has any have you ever missed anything where you're like fuck i miss something well i like turn my ringer off at night oh good and then just just so they don't interrupt when you're candy crushing or whatever yeah tick tock but i think it's helped i think that like you when you're really trying to scroll But I think it's helped. I think that like you, when you're really trying to scroll right before bed,

it's like lighting up your brain and so it's like I'm not a neurologist but it just isn't good. Wait, you're not a neurologist? Why are you here? What's going on? I quit med school.

Or even if it's the first thing you pick up, first thing in the morning, so like my rule is always first 30 minutes as my eyes are cracking open, I will not look at my phone i'll take my dogs out do my thing and then pick up my phone afterwards it pisses people off

because they're like why were you what no it's really healthy yeah well i need it and also the where were yous i'm done with the where were yous i have no more where were you in my life yeah no no if you're where was i go fuck yourself i don't know i'm doing anything that's whatever i wanted to be doing you just have to say like boundaries and self-care these days and like it's fine i mean you guys know you live in california like right is that that's our thing no one can fight you on it yeah you'd be surprised wait so esther sent me this thing yesterday um about um looking for the best or it's a hack to look for the best Chinese food in your area is to look for the Chinese restaurant

that has specifically 3.5 stars, not four stars, not three stars, 3.5. It sounds like a prank or like a joke, but then the way he explains it, you're like, wait, this is mathematical, like brilliant. Are we watching it? Easiest way to find authentic Chinese food, assuming you're living wait this is mathematical like brilliant are we watching it easiest way

to find authentic chinese food assuming you're living in a major metropolitan area is to go on yelp and look for restaurants with three and a half stars exactly three and a half not three not four three and a half stars is the sweet spot for authentic chinese food pf chang's two and a half stars bad obviously obviously bad din tai feng four stars too many stars too many white people like it the service is too good. My favorite restaurant, by the way. Dumplings here are better. I've been here. The waiters are not going to pay attention to you. They're going to be rude, but it's going to taste better. That's what I'm talking about. Three and a half stars. That orange 3.5, that's exactly what you want. Why is this the case?

Here's my theory. Cultural expectations for service are different in Asia. It's not as proactive. They're not going to come up to you. They're not going to just proactively give you refills. You need to flag down the waiters. People on Yelp are ins not as proactive. They're not going to come up to you. They're not going to just proactively give you refills. You need to flag down the waiters. People on Yelp are insufferable. They're dinging all these restaurants. Their service is bad. However, the food balances it out. So you end up at three and a half stars.

It's the sweet spot. Trust me. Brilliant. Easiest way to find out that. Isn't that amazing? Can you look up this place in New York called New Moon? So this is like my order place, but I have no idea what. It's like the food is so good delivered so now i'm just so curious if it passes the test i'm nervous you guys oh

it's a 4.1 oh it's a four four is it is the food really good the food is so good but i i literally don't know where it is i'm trying to get a vibe off this photo. It kind of looks like shit in the right way, you know? Right. If it makes you feel better, his example, Din Tai Fung for four stars, is my favorite restaurant of all time. Right, it is. And it is for white people, that means. Dumb.

I saw this meme the other day that said, having a restaurant reservation is so embarrassing. Like, hi, I'm here for my spaghetti appointment. Damn. So funny. Like, when you think about stuff like that. That cuts me to my core. I'm a res girl now because I've been burned too many times. Oh, for sure. Yeah. I've been burned. I did get to slip someone money once, though, and that felt good.

I like slipping money. I also have to say that ambiance, I don't give a fuck about. Don't give a fuck about don't give a fuck about just the food I wish that I was some like culturally special smart person that like cared what the restaurant looked like I just want the good food a view is fun though you is fun I like a vibe I like I'm like music they just don't get it right sometimes I'm like weird about music and it's like I would have to agree with you on that like I I don't know like i i think that's it's important but then also like it's not like they're playing the hits at the chinese place they really do though but they do yeah that's probably like if you go to any asian

restaurant they always have the most nostalgic playlist you're like i haven't heard this but it's your mom's playlist that's true you say that is actually so perfect because i went to a japanese restaurant with todd and they were playing all this like thai music that his mom always used to play and thai dance can you look up thai dancing maybe laos dancing it's like i can do this i'm like a dance i can do yeah it's starting to get a little complicated this i'm telling you the dances that you think they're easy like the kufit dance i'm like i could do that and then i tried it was like it's not which one's the

kufit i tried over the weekend i could do it wait what's that do it it's the fiance kufit song show it it's the show it and it's not esther has been able to teach it's very easy esther you got it well there's people sometimes have problems with the body roll right so it's And it's not. Esther has been able to teach me. It's very easy, Esther. You got it. It's so easy. People sometimes have problems with the body roll. Right. So it's basically. It's this body roll. When you roll. Yeah.

Hit this. Oh. Yeah. That's not that easy. That might be the only thing I can do. So you guys take athletic greens like every day, right? One scoop every single morning. I don't have to think about whether or not I'm going to get my vitamins and minerals throughout the day.

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Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. I've recently come across like an interaction in real time of how sugar babies asked to be sugar babied i'm so intrigued by um so i have a friend who is like you know he does well for himself and whatnot he meets a girl actually at a at a at a friend's party but she was brought in as like a date of another it was a friend's themed party she was feeding they just happened to talk they had and then they hooked up later that night

and then they parted ways exchanged numbers but then the next day she was like sb just as oh hold on sd question mark and he was like like san diego like is that where you're gonna be you know and um she was like oh no like you know just so you know like this is usually like how it works blah blah blah and she was like just wanted to know if you wanted to you know be my sugar daddy like very direct very polite very bright and i was like wow they're just outward there's no trying to be coy about it it's just sd start dating down is the, this. I like that there's like code language for it. Yeah, there is.

I'm so on board. I could do a whole seminar on dating down. I have just, I just have years and years and years. I get dating fat.

I can tell you. What is dating up? I don't understand. I can't relate. It's such a weird thing. I guess the guys that I've dated could relate.

I'm going to text Dave SD question mark. And then he's going to think you say suck dick. weird thing i guess the guys that i've dated could really i'm gonna text dave sd question and then he's gonna think you say suck dick can you actually text him sd right now yeah let's see what he does oh he's gonna be i think it's probably gonna say san diego right like you guys are these things you want to do a day trip let's see what i have never in my life suggested a day trip. So let's see. Sorry, I don't know you. She's canceled a few. We've been together for 10 years.

I've never. OK, SD, question mark. Can you guys start this challenge with your listeners? Because I just. Yes. I think you'll get a lot of suck dick, which is funny. Yes, everybody text your boyfriend. You just got a question mark. Yeah, what should I say back? Wait it out. No, put something in there. dick which is funny yes everybody text your boyfriend you just got a question yeah what

should i say back wait it out i'll just no put something in there so there's a three dots for like five minutes that's that is cruel no it'll get a response did he react to yours or he wrote a question he wrote question mark and then he just wrote what's that look it up you tell me yeah you tell me you tell me yeah do you tell me i feel like you've already asked him this and he's already politely said no many times many many many times wait if he googles it what will happen let me see sd wait is it not polite to ask my ex to be my oh my god do text bobby i'm gonna text bobby right now sd i think guys would be flattered by it they'd be like oh you think i'm rich he'd probably be relieved that it wasn't sucked in the only the only guys that are

crying about gold diggers are the guys with no gold today like that's it guys who actually have gold they're happy to yeah it's like that's part of them gold digging is not one way you can't one way gold that's robbing someone yeah i've every once in a while i'll get a dm of and i mean i don't think that they're like troll accounts like real dms from just random guys like can i be your sugar daddy but it's like you look so broke like yeah i make more money than you like i got a lot of people that want to be my sugar baby but i have my own sugar baby your sugar right i have an update from dave he said what's that i said lol i'm asking you to be my sugar daddy he said oh god and then he said can i just be your husband? I'm going to write no.

It's weird that you said yes once and no for so many years after. I know. It is true. Is this like sexting for you? I wish. No, I literally begged Dave to marry me every day for five years. And then he finally proposed to me. Now I have the power and i'm just like not i won't marry him basically dave had his bachelor party five years ago

yeah you guys aren't married no okay i'm marriage is fun yeah i also i'm too lazy to plan a wedding it's just like when you're ready to have a wedding you're gonna be like excited yeah exactly you're ready to have a wedding you're going to be like excited yeah exactly you're in that 2 a.m wedding yes sleepover when you get the right pajamas you're gonna be ready to roll you're gonna be the only one who like does not have hair and makeup at your wedding that's the rule do you take your hair and makeup off yeah do you watch the bachelorette at all yes yes did you watch it last night no i didn't i started watching I fell asleep. I'm okay with spoilers. This is going to come out for a while because- Well, it's not even spoilers. Because everyone quit.

It's a two-part finale. So they didn't even give us really a finale. So there's a whole other week next week. So it was really anticlimactic. But it's just crazy. Both of these women are like begging these men to propose to them. Yes. And it's so wild because the men,

I'm not being like I'm, you know, on the man's side, but they seem logical and rational. Right. Because they're like, I want to date you. I want to be with you. Yeah. I'm sure about you. I'm in love with you or I'm falling in love with you.

I just don't want to propose after six weeks. And the girls have to like beg. And just you're hearing the producers in their ear like, this is the show. The show has to end with a proposal the proposal it was crazy and it's interesting because i don't know if you saw with gabby gabby's a friend of the show love gabby oh my god love her fucking bitch i went to follow her because i watched last season i was like she's hilarious yeah so i went to follow and she was already following me and i was like oh my god yes bitch i think she was girl code fan but so so she um and now she's on dancing with the stars with val is her partner who's our friend from we met through whitney whitney cummings that she was

on but so she said to the one guy she goes when the guy was going it's just like this just isn't realistic she went she actually went yeah i know can you just pretend for a second like i think they're just like can we just have like a positive outcome? Because like at this point, it's like so many of the people get engaged. They don't end up getting married. They have a year of making a lot of money. Whatever happens to just promise rings? Is Neil Lane, is that the juggler?

They've done it a couple of times. There's been seasons where there's promise rings. I think that they need to like, they're the original. They need to set themselves apart. People want this proposal. But I feel like over time, we've all realized how ridiculous it is. And so many dating shows that I love, like I loved Fuckboy Island and Too Hot to Handle, they don't need to end in marriage because it's just so unrealistic.

So it just is sad to watch these girls look desperate for a proposal after six weeks or two months or however long they're on there. And the guys come across so like, hey, listen, I really like like yeah i wonder how much production well they are like cool i think the production for the is all over it for the that's definitely what it is oh they definitely do that's so sad well um with um what's the other girl's name i forgot just for a second rachel rachel rachel she always says like when things are happening she's always like i'm trying to do a good job as a bachelorette so what i'm getting getting from that is they want like the outcome to look positive. Like they want to get the, it's a game show and they want to win the end of the game show.

And so I don't know how much of it is like this natural, like they don't seem like desperate girls. Like Gabby is the fucking shit. Yeah. Gabby is fucking awesome. Oh, for sure. But they've been so brainwashed. I mean, the way that show is so wild like you don't have

your phone or books or tv you're just like in this crazy bubble but um zach who's like at the end yes and they think he's gonna be the next bachelor there's no way zach's the next battle like i met him in cancun and like you met him and he like dm me late night and he was like he was like sd yeah and i was like you want to suck my dick uh he wanted me to be his shirt like i actually have a dick on the top of my ass cracker now i actually have a pile of nidal cysts could you see it at the pool juice out of it please help so we did this we had a show for jfl in Cancun. And we did it at the pool. It was like full-blown MTV Spring Break.

And he was like one of the single guys in the pool. And we brought guys up on stage. And we brought like three guys up on stage. And then I did like a fuck, marry, kill with all of them. And we had him do stuff. Like I think he kind of like pulled my hair and like choked me a little, whatever. Like funny play stuff. And I chose him to fuck, obviously, like, of the three guys.

And I think he's hotter than he looks on TV. I think everybody is like that. But he was really hot and he was cool. And then at one in the morning, I had, like, just taken off my makeup and he DM'd me, hey, it's fuck. Do you want to get a drink? That's funny. That is funny. And it was nice.

I was, like, the pool was 3 p.m zach like you had all this time yeah to hit me up like i would have been interested and get a drink where it's in the hotel bar like it's one o'clock in the morning so i was like i just you know it's it was also the last day of the trip seriously that works for me sometimes it was a cute opener i i i hooked up with one guy because because he begged me on that way out. He goes, I'm leaving. He goes, come on, let me just sit on my face. I'm leaving in a day.

And I was like, okay. And then it was like he was leaving. So I was like, oh. Yeah. Sorry. See, that was fun. But I made him do too much ketamine. We had like a really intense like conversation

about our lives we should we start sf sit on face sit on face we're like san francisco open for interpretation we're either going up north or down south or sugar father sugar father that's if they're like 80 and above that's like we're not father time we're not fucking but you're yeah right right right that's like you have inner or like decrepit status yeah it's just enough to like go out to dinner and look pretty I'm glad you're you're saying that about him being like hotter in person too because Hugh Hefner the edits yes Hugh Hefner gorgeous now have you seen him recently skip as a board let's exhume him um but because on the bachelor and the bachelorette people get weird edits they they do like you know crazy things or whatever and this season i don't know if you guys

know it's like they don't usually have two bachelorettes it's like right like they just pit and they're thank god these girls are fucking friends a hundred percent because they just pit these bitches against each other completely different personalities completely different looks and then the guys got to kind of choose which one it was just so like they took their power

from them in a way I think they handled it well but it's like I can see where they're like I want like these people but so like that guy Zach he was like really thought he was

gonna marry he was like ready to marry this girl I think he's just like this is fine like I don't think he's a real deep thinker I think he's just like she's hot and she seems, I don't think he's a real deep thinker. I think he's just like, she's hot and she seems great.

And let's do it. What did you see hometowns when his uncle is that like famous guy? Yeah. He was on Seinfeld. Yes. And he was, um, does he play the Lane's boss or something? Whatever. But anyway, that's so funny to like name drop your uncle.

And like who brings their uncle to the fucking hometowns? But, um, but yeah but yeah so anyway so he like he was like she's being fake she's being weird or whatever it's like yeah because it is a weird thing yeah but it's interesting how much people bring to the front of the camera how much they keep behind he's he's a nice guy he's like i i i could see a world and he's definitely like the old school prototype of the bachelor in terms of just like. He just seemed weak. I don't know.

He seemed too weak. We've already had too many weak Bachelors. No, I don't. I'm not really pushing for it. I don't know. I don't. I think I want him to do two now. I feel like it's only fair.

I think the hottest. Yes. To have them do two and have the women choose between them. I think the hottest almost Bachelor was on Rachel season. Black Rachel. Oh, never mind almost bachelor was on Rachel season. Black Rachel. Oh, nevermind. He was on. His name was Peter.

He had a little gap. Yes. The doctor or something. Peter is my number one. Peter Krause. Yes. So hot. No, I keep seeing him on Raya.

He's so hot. Is he on Raya? He's on Raya. Should I get on Raya just for him? No, that's Pilot Peter. Get him out. No, Pilot Peter was a weird. Carlos, not Pilot Peter. Peter Krause. He was a it was a weird problem no he was i thought he was the

hottest one too he's a trainer he's a trainer that's what he is no k-r-a-u-s-s-e is his last name he's not the bachelor he was on the bachelorette he was on the bachelorette and he had the little gap too like yes yeah it was hot but their breakup scene was so heartbreaking for me. It felt real. She cried her lashes off. That was one of the poignant moments. He was so hot. He's so great. He is cute. It's like a different kind of cute.

But he's salt and pepper now, Esther. Yeah, this is like. That's his like audition picture, but. Yeah, he's so. No, he's so. I talk about him all the time. He kind of has like a hot mouth. Really hot mouth.

Yes. Mouths are maybe like my number one feature I look at. Like lips are so important. Now, I have a serious question. You have like a skinny lip. This sounds like a lie. This sounds like a fake question. This is real.

When you saw It, the first new It here with the Skarsgård as It, did you? The movie. Yes. And the juicy lips. can you pull a picture well just look at this picture okay okay because all i thought through this whole fucking movie was like i would love to get eaten out not that one by that totally scary clown scare me they get this guy can get it

and he has a little bit of a lazy eye and for some reason the lazy eye was hot but I'm telling you I was just like ooh juicy especially that angle you're like looking down on him like I picture him between my legs like that's my period on his nose

he's like I'll get my red wings bitch so hot i think but as regular skarsgard i was like really jack nicholson yeah he's too like dainty pretty i love all the scars guards i saw alexander skarsgard twice me too um we had we locked eyes at a party one time for more than three seconds um and then at oak's cafe we locked eyes again and i think he remembered me and then my niece was like i swear to you he like looked like really really looked at you and then he jumped into like a really beat up nissan like centra or something and it turns out it was just a homeless man. It was just a homeless man. Had good abs.

Can you look up if he's dating anyone? Yeah, I already looked up. It's a German model. So it turns out I am not his type. No, stop with the type. Stop with the type. He's always like the wife abuser from Big Little Lies. Yes.

Right. And they killed him. But True Blood, he's so hot. True Blood. Wait, was he hotter in person incredibly hot only because he seemed like a guy

gorgeous everyone's hotter and shorter I feel like no he wasn't short and he was commanding the room Alexa Chung is his ex

and he was commanding the room Kalilah you are you're in you can play his new girlfriend is like a German supermodel

that gets so old so fast yeah come on the girls they get too old but Alexa Chung I mean she's just His new girlfriend is like a German supermodel. That gets so old so fast. Yeah. Come on. The girls, they get too old. But Alexa Chung, I mean, she's just an icon. Yeah, so I was at a party with him,

and I was dating this guy who was like commitment phobic and like not wanting people to know we were dating. And he was like a short, not that attractive guy. And we went to meet with his friend, and it was like we're dating. we fucked before we went there we go to this party and his friend kept trying to set me up with alexander skarsgård and it was just so funny i just kept looking i'm like do you realize like other people think i should be with him and you want to keep like a secret you're with me like do you understand do you understand a person who loves you thinks there's no way i'm fucking you and wants me to fuck the model man you fuck tarzan wait ashley i think you just brought up a

really good point because i think he is not as hot to me since big little lies because he's so evil and such a fuckhead that he wasn't hot. It made him not hot anymore. I know. He is that character. He did such a good job with it. Yeah, he's so talented that it worked. Watch The Northmen. Okay.

It'll undo Big Little Lies for you. It was a dark, dark movie. It's the same guy who did The Lighthouse with Willem Dafoe. But yeah, super. He looked like a fucking Viking in in this one all right we're taking a scars guard card okay is kalilah gonna fuck alexander oh i love this we don't know what any of them mean carlos has to look them up yeah we never we're not really good at this um getting

center of the pile okay what is it? Six of swords. It's a man that looks like Freddie Mercury dancing on a stripper pole. That's a really good sign. He's gay. Oh my God. We just outed him. Yeah.

What does that mean for dating? That or he has six penises. Enough for everyone in the room. Six inch sword. I'll take a six. Oh, a six is husband dick all the way it represents overcoming obstacles and moving forward he's done with that bitch he's ready for you you've overcome hardship kalilah and healing is headed your way calmer waters are finally ahead

he's very calm he's gonna beat you like nicole kidman but other than that look that is I'll allow it that kid that played Joffrey was like everyone hates me poor kid yeah or I just remember an actress having to come out

and say like hey that's I'm not that character yeah like can we separate well that's what happens she was getting like

who was it was it on Insecure I don't know she was like I'm do you understand how like acting works? What if I did that

for the show where I played myself? I'm like, for this podcast. I'm like, that wasn't me. They're like, your character's name

was Esther and you wrote it. No, no, no. Yeah. Did I tell you guys that the guy

who plays Freddy Krueger lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico and I used to live there? Do we know the guy who plays? Krueger lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico, and I used to live there? Do we know the guy who plays? I can't remember what his name is. Will you look it up? Robert England. Okay.

So, and what he'll do is like, you can recognize him. Like, he does kind of look like Freddy Krueger. But so people, when he would be in line, people would be like whispering about Freddy Krueger and he would turn around and go. Oh my God. That's so funny. Yeah. He's the best. Look at him. He's the best. whispering about freddy krueger and he would turn around and go oh my god that's so funny yeah he's the best look at him he's the best i have an update text from dave it says i thought i thought sd was

the initials of a place you wanted to go for dinner tonight and i couldn't figure it out anyways he had high hopes everybody has to do this trick and see yeah because i some guys will just take a different they just take a different direction. Yeah. It's so cute. If you guys are watching, will you please text this to someone in your life and tag us and let us know what happens?

This is a guy called Mr. Steal Your Grandma. Has the hots for Mr. Steal Your Grandma. Yeah, he's a math teacher in houston at an elementary school but he's gone viral as kind of like an older influencer and i love these older influencers are i heard about this one grandma who's like cooking and she's blowing up i kind of like this movement yeah there's a company called i think it's like oas they always have these types of models old ass i think he's probably a model for them. I feel like my dad,

not as like a model, but as like a kind of a funny character could do it, but it's like, I would have to do all the work. I used to have this Instagram account that got pretty big called fashion dads. And it was like dads, people would submit pictures of their dads.

And I, my dad was on it too. And I would write the captions in a fashion anyway, like the way the fashion influence would write it it was like very that sounds so my but were they fashionable or just like dads it was like dad fashion like the new balances yes like like Esther my favorite such dad shoes I love these oh yeah those are the dad shoes of 2022 you guys I have been sleeping on a helix pillow for the last like three months. I love it so much. It's so good. Can I say something? Yes. Every person in my family has been gifted a Helix

mattress. This is not an exaggeration. I mean, everybody. If it's someone's birthday, they've gotten a Helix mattress for me only because it's like, why wouldn't I share the joy of sleeping on the most comfortable mattress I've ever slept on? I mean, we spend eight hours out of our 24-hour day vertical on a – not vertical, hopefully not vertical – horizontal on a bed. It's like, why wouldn't you choose the best thing for your body to lay on? I have the Helix mattress in my guest bedroom, and literally me and Dave fight. I'm like, we need to move it into our main room because it is so good Carlos has slept on the helix and the guest do you love it it's yeah back doesn't hurt I'm so happy that helix is our sponsor only because like I am a legitimate fan my favorite thing about helix is their sleep quiz so you fill out a quiz and it

it basically prescribes you a mattress that is right for you based on how you sleep so there's no guessing games it's not like i have to learn some crazy system i don't understand it's like no they ask you the right questions you tell them and they know what mattress will just like make your life better for example i run a little bit hot when i sleep and i'm a side sleeper. So I got prescribed the midnight and I am obsessed. And Helix is awesome, but you don't need to take our word for it. Helix was awarded number one best overall mattress pick in 2021 by GQ and Wired Magazine. Everybody's unique and Helix knows that. So they have several different mattress models to choose

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will and i just like that there's really no risk involved in getting this mattress you guys helix is offering up to 200 off of all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash trash tuesday that's helixsleep.com slash trash tuesday after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time, all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's the catch? But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint

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That is such a steal. To get this new customer offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. mobile for details. My favorite TikTok account is one called dad advice from Bo. And it's just this cute little dad giving advice on how to like, change your light switch, how to do a car trade in. Oh, is that the thing for boys that don't have dads? Is that one? how to do a car trade-in.

Oh, is that the thing for boys that don't have dads? Is it that one? For me, it really hits home because my dad has perished. So like tiny little things like that, it's so warm. I love that. When you say perish, it makes it sound like he- Was lost at sea, yeah. Or that like a wind blew and his ashes, he like- Well, yeah, we threw his ashes in the wind.

We were like, where's that going? But that advice from Beau is this tiktok no but it's the same thing oh okay where did you um where'd you spread his ashes in the sea um we he came this is when my when my dad died i was 19 um we didn't have a lot of money then and they gave us an option he wanted to be cremated so we cremated him but i don't know if you guys have see the tier of your options your box options um if you don't want to pay the extra 35 he basically comes in like a to-go box and that's exactly what he came in is a to-go box and so we were like did you have a little nibble um i like the bag that says thank you for coming you're like is there fentanyl on this no it's really what

they handed us how many sets of silverware and they guilt you they really guilt you because they're like okay so this is a 3500 earn but if you don't love him you can also just take him in this plastic bag oh my gosh and so you know we kind of like not look this guy in the eye we're like we'll just take that one thank you and then we left spread them my ex-boyfriend had like a little like i guess they split the dad's ashes i don't know if they spread some of them but he had like a little urn i just kept like being like is there a world where i'm accidentally yoni egging this bitch like i mean it was like yoni egg size i was like well can we banana break as we um so yeah we're gonna do it anally but we've heard what happens now we'll do oral i can't stick anything my vaginal what was like vaginal we I won our shows

we did a banana eating contest it was wild was it like watch these girls just deep throw these bananas oh like to see who does it was it like stars that already do that

or there's just girls in the audience oh that's I find that on the live show men's capacity for taking this down the hatch is far more

you know what I mean impressive yeah yeah ours is like maybe to here they can take this whole thing okay so in my

like hypnosis journey there's one there's hypnosis downloads is a place I go when I don't have my like personal hypnotist

that made a specific thing for me and I need it you can go in and you can like get different hypnosis recordings for different things and i was just scrolling through

and they have one for gag reflex i wonder who invented that asked you um i do to that i say a gag reflex is what you need guys are into the whole sound of you choking rejecting your throat we've been here before i don't want to repeat stories but we've all thrown up on it and gag spit is so much better of a lubricant than just regular saliva so it's like they i don't want to get rid of my god can we like discuss this yes so when we we had asa akira on our show i love her she's a friend of mine okay and i love her she's a bitch oh i mean I love her. She's a friend of mine. Okay. And I love her too. Love her. She's a bitch. Oh, I mean, I love her. No, no.

She like made me want to do porn. Like the way she talks about getting into porn is so inspiring. She's brilliant. It was really like find your passion and like do it for your career. And she was, we,

I like was obsessed with her. I was like attracted to her. She's like, I'm straight. I'm like the straightest person. It's so embarrassing. But I just found her to be like so wonderful in every way.

But she said her blowjob tip was that like deep gagging spit. But this is like so gross. But isn't that just like your like loogie spit? No. I wouldn't say loogie. It's like your gastrointestinal, like your stomach acids. Okay. I was thinking of like phlegm.

I'm like are we – we're not lubing up with like phlegm. But phlegm, that's like when it's combined with like nose juice, right? Like to me, that's like boogery. Like your nose and throat. Well, where you swallow is opposite from your trachea and your windpipe. So when you're swallowing, your trachea is closed. So it cannot be phlegm because the phlegm would come from your lungs.

If your mouth is open and it's coming from that end, it's more likely to come from your stomach. So it's a mixture of probably hydrochloric acid and a bunch of other stuff that you just ate getting kicked back up. Okay. Which makes it even grosser to me.

3.5 chinese food but i'm so glad you brought up assa egg drop soup baby she's a perfect example of um being hypersexual being very business-minded about it yeah and just kind of doing it all right and plus she's so funny and brilliant and can do anything i just i'm in love with her yeah she's it just was such an i've never i mean i haven't talked to a ton of porn stars but the way and i'm i know not everyone has the same experience but her experience was like pretty good and she was just like i like having sex it was like fun with an audience right we had the anal version of that on our show right we had stella

berry on and i was just like oh my goodness yeah really are it was a breath of fresh air weirdly the healthiest guest we've ever had yeah yeah it's fun to like learn about that i know there's so many haters though about it like so many sex worker haters but we're just like we don't care we like sex workers and the people that hate sex workers also probably like sex workers it's like they just don't want them to like it they don't want them to be happy about it yeah like when you're homophobic you're like you're the gayest person yeah you're the so gay well that's what stella says it's like like mike pence is the gayest person there's just no he gets pro talks he doesn't want to have And he doesn't have lunch with women. Yeah, no shit.

Because you don't want to. I have something from HBO last week about the problem with young men nowadays. Oh, I think I saw this. Let's play it. Oh, my God. Okay, so Scott Galloway is like my dream zaddy. He is a zaddy, just so everyone knows. All right, here you go.

We have a crisis among young men, and it starts at a young age. Young men are twice as likely on a behavior-adjusted basis to be suspended. Seven in 10 high school valedictorians are women. For every one female, for every two female graduates from college in the next five years, you'll only have one. The scariest stat,

walking down the avenue that is America, only one in three men under the age of 30 have had sex in the last year. And you hear sex and your brain fires. But the bottom line is, it's a key step to the elemental foundation of any society, and that is relationships. Young men aren't attaching to work. They aren't attaching to women. They aren't attaching to schools. We are producing too many of the most dangerous person in society. And we are losing out on a key. We're not going to have kids. We're not going to have a productive society.

We're going to have more violence. And also, we're going to have a society that does not value young men. And they do not. Young men are different. They develop later. And by the way, if you're a young young man this work from home thing is a disaster they need young men young men young many guardrails they need to know how to read a room they need to put on a clean shirt they know not to get high or drink too much during the week sounds like and then get into

the office the next day we have a crisis among young men it is it is it is it is one of the most in my view one of the most dangerous things in our society wait does it keep going there's something else that he says that um i think also carl did you just fart did you just do a little fart in this equation no because i thought i would love high up because thank you because so you sometimes. You asked about the phone. Simply put, it's a disaster. Whenever technology comes into an industry, it consolidates it. Mating has been consolidated in the worst way. 50 men on Tinder, 50 women.

46 of the women show all of their attention to just four men, leaving 46 men pursuing just four women. If mating was a country, it would be more unequal than Venezuela. We have huge mating inequality. And here's the problem. When people don't get together and there's no pheromones and there's no vibe, women, and we don't like to say this on the left, primarily try and make very quick assumptions about this individual's ability to garner resources in the future. So what you have is this concentration of interest and you're ending up with porsche polygamy where 10 of the men get 90 of the attention which does not lead to good behavior well i was the girl banging the other guys so i was doing god's work i'm scared i i i mean

it's almost like yeah i already i didn't need to hear it i already knew it like there are you feel it yeah you feel it in the culture especially like being women on camera and you know like sharing our opinions every week but it it's sad and i'm like what do we do do we just have to fuck all these losers like how do we get out of this dude i will i've done my fuck quota of losers i'm done okay and then everyone gets mad at me for that. All these fuck faces. I think I've been extra charitable to uggos my whole life. I've been a serial uggo fucker.

I'm the tax write-off bitch. I'm looking to get a discount in the future. Me too. I thought that I was going to get some social discount at some point in my life and say, you know what? Maybe the men will be nice to me because i have just fucked uggos my whole life turns out that's not the case wait you're on to something i think we should start like get a

lobbyist and i think we should get tax write-offs or tax rebates for fucking sad young men right i'm not gonna i'm not gonna do it this is for what we've already done the word retro it's like uh retroactively paid yeah i just i'm sorry i'm like now i i'm just really in my head about all that stuff i mean it's just i it's not like such hot takes but it's it's it is so scary it's like women don't have a lack of structure and have lack of sex and even lack of education and are violent in retaliation like it's just it's all bad and he made such a good point about the working from home thing like they need to be in the world and like socialize and we keep hearing this sometimes on our podcast about this the not having sex i mean that stat sounded crazy to me of three men under 30 and one has had sex

is that what he said yes well imagine too how much covid made that worse yeah because if you're not in high school like seeing people and and like getting energy and from people you're not gonna fuck like yeah and i there's just so many different things i mean i think that there are still so many women in the world that just don't want to do apps and want to meet people in the wild and i think it's so so many guys that would never dream of approaching a woman and i don't know there's a lot and then some of the ones that do i think we know let's just say britney snow and then broke up no with tyler from selling the because of the no way scandal

what wait what happened because i'm not no wait what's going on are you guys watching this show listen i don't even know the show but i know the drama from last week where he was, he like outed one of the other girls for trying to kiss him, trying to make out with him twice off camera. Do you saw that part? Yeah, yeah. I've watched the whole, I've binged the whole series. But she was saying she was getting mixed messages from him.

So how is Brittany Snow not going to go like, were you giving mixed messages? Why would a girl think they could lean in and kiss a married guy? Wait, they're married? Yeah. So they're married. And all the women that, you know, it's all women in this real estate office and then three guys. And so they all flirt with him. But he flirts back.

One of them was hitting on him, like propositioning him to sleep with her. And he said no. He was like, I'm married. Yeah. I mean, they didn't show the actual encounter but they spoke about it and they they they talked about it afterwards she apologized to him and he was like you know i felt uncomfortable i married this girl alex hall and him are very flirty and she's kind of alluded to having a crush on him and she like gets in his face and like sucks his nose it's weird i don't know i never heard of this and that's the girl in the middle that but yes kayla guys i'm obsessed with the show and i binged it i guess but it seems like that there had to be like problems before they didn't they there's no way this like show i mean maybe maybe i mean if i honestly if a girl sucks dave's nose i'm out that is horrible i would rather see him

fuck someone else and get his nose sucked that is so intimate we're jealous and it was like why are you sucking my nose i have a cute butt like they're in like a cuddle pile on the beach like see i mean that's the that is weird it's just not right i mean i get it but don't you think that you would know if his wife embarrassment too though like for her that people are like messaging her and being like your husband's cheating like that sucks and then there was this weird moment where one of the other guys from the show was like so you were away for a while you guys like you know fucking to make up for it he didn't say those words but that's what i would say and he he kind of stumbled on and he was like no we're not really having sex like it was a little weird and then the other guy just assumed because he like was having some erectile problems

and like took it and ran with that but it was a weird moment so it does make me think that they were having problems before if he if he got asked if they were having sex yeah and he stumbled yeah just to go back to the really scary thing we were just talking about from scott galloway i have i want to give it a positive spin okay i think that our show is so clearly we are 50 50 men and women for our listeners so i think that we are like we're we're starting this to solve the problem right here today. Yes, we're finding many boy slugs. Oh, I forgot a boy slug I wanted to shout out.

What is your name? That hot one that Carlos posted. Joey, Mikey, something. Oh, I know. My boy. I want to tell you, the slugs come through in the moments I need them. I was in Atlantic City with my boyfriend and his friend. His friend's like, I got to meet this girl at a club.

Will you come with me? I don't want to go to the club, right? But I'm like, of course, I'll go along for the party. There's a line. We're going to pay 20 bucks. I'm like, ugh, Danny. Danny comes up. He goes, oh, my God, are you Annie Letterman?

Freaks out, gets me right into the club, gets us right in. And I was like, I will shout you out. And I forgot. But we went to Kiss Kiss Bang Bang on Danny. Thank you i forgot your name wrong sorry but you're in my heart i i love that you guys have the audience like that i can't relate even my instagram followers 97 women it's like no i would love that too i mean the girls are amazing too it's like i think i started out with so many male followers because I did like Opie and Anthony back in the day and like all the guy things that I did so to get girls is like a fucking dream I mean yeah it's amazing yeah but it is fun to have both and the boys are always like

they're like I feel like I'm learning to be like a better boyfriend yes it's it's like so heartwarming like I hate to give men so much credit but the men that email us and say like listen to your podcast to help me change change my relationship or my the way i view women or sex or whatever and we don't really get like single guys at our shows every once in a while we do and i will try to fuck them it's like one of my favorite stories is this guy i fucked after one of our shows um but will you tell us yeah oh yeah but women are bringing their boyfriends more we noticed that like post-covid yeah like for whatever reason um but yeah this this girl brought her guy friend to our show in uh esty um we brought him up on stage and he and i were really flirty and uh i was like do you want to

i was like very into it i was like do you want to connect after the show i was like do you have instagram i was just thinking i would dm him and he was like no i don't i was like that's so hot so or you're married i was like when you leave the stage just leave your number with our assistant she sits on the side of the stage and like controls the show and the like the presentation and everything i was like i feel like a male comedian i feel like this is what they get to do like leave your number with my assistant and so we go back down in the green room afterwards and i was like i want to connect with that guy he was super hot he was cool and we were flirting on stage and a couple girlfriends who had been at the show come in and

they're like he's up there and all of the girls are swarming him i was like sluts like how disrespectful you knew he was mine i'm just kidding but i was like the disrespect i was like someone just could go get him so our like assistant actually she outsourced it to this like live nation rep i was like what is going on here this is now i feel like an athlete now i feel like it's like go get the go get that hot person that was like sitting, you know, courtside and bring him down here. So they went and got him and brought him down. And it was like immediate chemistry. We were just like flirting. Raina was like taking all these photos of these cute photos of us like in the green room.

And we ended up going back to the hotel and had like a great sexual experience. And then he was in California for the week. And we went to la after we were in san diego and he drove to la and it was great i mean that was really what it was it was just a fling and i i got some really good material out of it yeah i did one but i don't talk about on stage because i don't i mean now i'm in a relationship but it's like i i was like i never wanted to break that seal because I would get guys coming up that would just hover.

I'm like, you came to fuck me? Like, you really came to my stand-up show. I've been doing this for 13 years, busting my ass, got funny as fuck, and you came to fuck me? Well, there's another guy. It was on the same trip. Then we go to San Francisco. And this guy is, I'm not like scared.

I think he's harmless but he dms me every day like and he he's just talking to himself for years he's written love letters that come to our joint emails like reina's read them it's so mortifying you know and he's just obsessed with me he's just like middle-aged little man you know and he came to the San Francisco show and at the very end of the show I knew he was coming

like because he I don't I forget why I knew he was coming and I was like I just told the venue like can you just

keep an eye out like I just I'm not scared but I just don't know what he's gonna do and I couldn't spot him the whole show and at the end of the show

right as we're like doing our toast and all the music's going off he came up to the stage and he dropped this like box on the stage so scary it was this like jewelry box and I wish I have the photo but it basically had like a room key to his hotel and it said something like I want to eat your ass tonight he texted you yeah he can eat it now yeah what's going on back there but yeah so it goes that was all like in the same week but it goes both ways no the conversations themselves I turn my dms off I can't even I can't do that like it's always on red but I

like see it at the top like I don't I don't know I guess I could like block him but I don't open it I don't know yeah it's just like a weird thing I don't open it I don't know yeah it's just like a weird thing I'm just so psyched that you like got that moment where you got to say leave my number with my assistant and you got to seek him out like I've never ever done that I've and I but I've seen so many men do that over the years so I'm just like so thankful that you did that for all of us it was funny because then she I was like our assistant's name Bella I was like text him to make sure it's like like his number she like responds back from the side of the stage she's like it turned green and the whole audience is like boo like booing his android like it was just very funny

it was his number you're like it's a fling guys he can have an android okay i was like that green text dick but then you can't but then you can't um facetime i hooked up the guy hooked up like it was so hot like i couldn't resist like i had that rule in my head i was like i'm not hooking up with fans order but he was from new zealand he was so hot he was so ripped yeah there's a picture that he sent me on an old phone that's gone. I'm in love. I met my person. But God damn, was that picture impressive.

I was like, oh my God. Do you still have it? No, I don't remember it. What was the picture of? It was just him in a towel in like a locker room. He was an athlete. It was just, he was one of the hottest guys I have ever seen in my life. But he was like a fan?

Yes, he was a fan. was just he was one of the hottest guys i have ever seen in my life but he was like a fan yes he was a fan and then he came i like talked to i did crowd work with him and then he came like hung out and then i was like he was the one that was like just let me sit on your like or sit on my face please like what if it was like can i sit on your face i'm like no no just let me teabag you come on um teabag before i go but um i had him come to the comedy store and i had like my friends with me and they were like he is precious like you've got to yeah all of us made fun we stayed friends he was a nice guy one of our like main stories in the podcast that the listeners are so invested in this is over a year ago now but for a while they were on this like cia mission was i did meet this guy crowd working him i have the video it's like on tiktok and instagram people love to watch it because you watch it happen in real time of me like what who is this guy is he

a plant he's here alone he's single he's tall he's drinking a martini like what is going on and after the show we met up and we ended up like going to dinner at midnight at little frankie's in new york like we shut the place down. We came back to my house. We were like making out. It was like this epic night. And I was like, this is like, I mean, he was a lot younger, but I was just like, I'm like very much vibing. And I feel like he's really vibing with me. And I know what it feels like to be with somebody. You're like, you're never gonna hear from him again. And I just didn't feel like that and gave him my number. Didn't even think to like get his. I was like, he's probably going to text me like as soon as he walks out the door.

You know, like I'm, this is it. And never heard from him again. And I don't know his last name. I had them like just for my, then everyone was on this mission of like what possibly could have happened. I know, it's so weird. Like was he lying about something? And then I checked the ticket sales from the show and like what his first name allegedly

was. He wasn't on there. And then he had told me that he had come to the show because this comedian named Natalie Cuomo, he knew her from college and it was her show. And then she didn't know him. Like it was wild. It was like all these things. Did you check obituaries?

You're like, he must have died. Well, I don't even have his last name. Like I've never not been able to find somebody. the hospital is there a hot guy there i have a positive he had a nice watch i have a positive take on this i think leave it because i think what he gave you is such a gift because there have been many times where okay i'm not i've had these like for this guy i would like 12 hour just like find his address somehow and drive by like for like I I had this one one time in Vegas it's 12 hours just a small window of time we I mean just the best time I've ever had with a single person one of those like yeah

it was like a music video it felt like in 12 hours and at the end of it all I didn't we didn't exchange numbers. I don't know why. I think he, his friends exchanged, I don't know. It was like 12 years ago. And if it had ended there, it could have gone down as, it could have just been a fantasy bubble. I would occasionally look at or remember and feel good about.

But no, I pursued it. I found him three months later. And it turned out, he turned out to be one of the most horrible people. I know. But if I had just left it there, it could have been just this one thing that I just constantly turn to when I'm having a blue day. I'm like, oh yeah, remember that time?

That Rihanna song? Staying in the strip club till 10 a.m. together, me sitting on his lap. All of these things, these memories come flooding and I could have just not popped the bubble. Yeah. I think that's, I think about that a lot of just leaving things as this memory. Like I fucked our driver in Greece this summer. And I just was like, this is just, needs to, it's just one night.

Yeah. You know, we're not going to keep in touch. Like I have a great bit out of it and it's that's what it was like i think sometimes we have the tendency to be like yeah but this is like my romance like my yeah yeah we like to kill our own joy but also like i have the instinct with kalilah where it's like you kind of just like end it but then when they pursue it's kind of hard because you're like you don't want to pursue all of us you're like rejecting i had a i have a insane thing that happened on this podcast where i i had hooked up with this guy on a plane he like fingered me on an airplane no stop

it was at the beginning it we just hit it off he missed his plane i was on standby yeah he had like a cheek he was like he looked like channing tatum he was like in like sweatshorts that's my like number one but he had like uh he's just the boy could dance you know you could tell and he had like he had like a cheek piercing and he was like in a sugar ray cover band I mean like there was like a lot happening you know but I was telling the story about it because we had continued talking and then he started sending me all these bondage porns where I was like I'm not gonna get ball gagged by you sir but we kind of stayed friends or whatever and then he finally like blocked

me because I started reading his sex on stage and I guess I hurt his feelings but the sex was it was too good I read it on here before 100% it was too good and and then so I was like Carlos like pull up a picture of him because there's all these like shirtless pictures of him looking so hot from a stupid band and then Carlos goes he died

last week no no are you serious I found out on on this show we found out he died last week no no are you serious I found out on camera on this show we found out he died my finger bang guy died and then I chose to not go

this is unreal I don't know how he died and I chose to not go I'm assuming probably fentanyl is how everyone's dying for sure for sure but I like

chose to not go to the memorial service because he blocked me I wanted to I wanted to respect his boundary but it's killing me i want to know what it was even post-mortem that is wild is that crazy yeah how did like you ended up sitting

next to him on the plane yeah well we like we we had to walk to a new plane because he had missed his plane and i was on standby and i didn't get on yeah so then we like walked to the second plane like hung out and stuff and he went up then when i knew it was going to happen is he took both of our licenses and went we're together and i went i was like sopping wet okay he sat next to me smelled good he like got up to go to the bathroom his like shirt came out be like perfect body was it just was there a third person in the row yeah there was some israeli kid that was kind of just did you guys start making out sorry i'm very yes we're making out on an airplane well there was the blanket it't like, he didn't get up too much, you know,

but it was like, it was like a, to him it was like, to him it was like the beginning and to me I was like, this is going to be a great story. Yeah. And then baggage claim,

he was pulling me close. I was like, no, no, no. I think that if someone blocks you, that when they pass away, that that expires and that you're allowed to do whatever you want.

I'll have to like check with his friends. He was like, he was like, he was a nice guy. He was really into bondage. Maybe he fucking choked himself to death. Oh my God.

Asphyxiated? Yeah. That would be so crazy if you went to a funeral and someone's friends had to be like, he wouldn't want you here. Well, I always think like,

I'm not. That will happen to me one day. I am not suicidal. That's my goal. I am not suicidal and I will never it will never happen but i was saying like i think one of the like you do want to leave that mystery of like maybe you were i was jerking off that's the that's the yeah i was about to come i'm gonna hit any of these one what's the leaving phone and car full of guys oh yeah yeah yeah what's the first women's tiktok we got sent a while ago um these girls leave their phone in the car with

a bunch of guys just to see what they say about them oh that gives me anxiety i'm not interested in that yeah i mean like for myself we can watch the thing. Okay. Yeah, my feelings are already hurt. It's just not my business what you say behind my back. That's why the internet's so annoying. It's like, why are you saying it in front of my back? I know. Why are you saying it to my tits?

Okay. All right, here you go. This on TikTok, this girl was like, you want to know what we used to do with our guy friends in high school? If it was like a car full of people, the girls would be in the backseat, they'd be chatting, the guys would drop them off. And one of the girls would leave her phone in the car recording.

And then about five minutes later, they would text the boys and say, you need to turn around. One of us forgot our phones. And so then the girls would grab the phone, the big thing, and then they'd go listen to everything the guys would say after they dropped Him off, but they go don't do this unless you want your feelings completely hurt. How

Up is that? Oh, I was gonna say it's kind of genius I honestly right when I saw that I was like, how can I do this by myself without friends? I used to I want to do this so bad like I mean, hopefully not my own partner. But if you're like the hottest girl in school, it's probably going to be positive, but it's probably going to be like vulgar too. But unfortunately, it's the wrong friend's phone.

Yeah. They're like, Susan's so hot. Stacey's a fucking pig. It's weird they're friends. Yeah. Esther Ives, you look mad. I'm like, because I can't, I'm trying to think of a use for it in my life but i can't think of one and i'm kind of surprised but i know there's one like i'm like

do i do it to my parents oh my god yes like who do i i think like honestly edit it out to the point that's how much i want you to do your parents i don't want them to know oh my god make sure before you leave the leave your phone recording that you cause some type of issue yeah you know you can't leave peacefully and they're gonna be like oh she's changed she's so sweet these days no you have to cause like a stir i that will happen organically for sure um ashley thank you so much for coming and being a part of Bonnie McFarlane says hi I was just talking to her this morning oh I love her

and I hope everyone goes and listens to your hugely widely crazily popular successful podcast Girls Gotta Eat and anywhere else people should be looking for you yeah Girls Gotta Eat and we also have a sex toy company with a paired app called Vibes Only. So you can check all that out at vibesonly.com and download the app for Android and iPhone

and shop the toys at Vibes Only. And on all social media, I am ashess. Yeah, here's our Instagram for Vibes Only. So we just introduced a new blowjob gel in a vanilla flavor. What does it do? It's just good to give a blowjob with. Like, it makes it taste good. We have a mango and a vanilla frosting.

And people, like, love it. Do the ice cream cone? Yeah, like, lick around the edge. And we have a great lube. And then we have three toys. We have more coming out for the holidays. And then you pair it with an app that's erotic content so it like pairs via bluetooth and then it pulses along with the

story oh like the story starts out kind of slow and it's like did you guys create that that's awesome like taking over our lives but yeah we're really proud of it um so it's it's been fun okay one question just cause I'm seeing the picture. What do you guys think of Chris Pine's, uh, blonde Bob? It's like feminine and kind of a hot way. He looks like a baby girl.

Power lesbian. Like I, but I'm like, I am attracted to it. I'm into it. I'm so into it. Like I didn't know he looked like that now. I can't keep up with all the Chris's.

I think he's a great actor yeah I'll leave it at that that's not gonna hurt his feelings we know I like when he's like the zaddy look yeah

is that no I do like look at when he has the the full gray beard gray beard gray hair that's super hot that's scary actually

what is your guys's favorite chris he's skinny of all the chris's what's what was that was it pine evans evans does nothing for me i'm the same way and they were all like he's single and i was like i'm not interested i mean i i pretended to be but deep down i feel like he's out there i don't think i would wait who are the other chris's pine um Hemsworth. Hemsworth. Oh, and Pratt. Pratt's Christian. Sorry. Yeah, but his body, that thick boy body is what I like.

I do like a guy who worked out. I love his look. Gained fat over the workout body. Right. Gained fat over the workout body is the best. Yeah, where it's like you used to have dreams. He's too wholesome for me. I just really, now that I saw the Chris Pine looking like a.

Yeah. I do like baby girl Chris. I Chris Pine looking like a. Yeah. I do like baby girl Chris. I liked him looking so annoyed. Yeah. Like during those interviews. Like when Harry Styles was talking to you, just I liked his vibe. Right. Agreed.

I think we all like Chris Pine, but a different version of Chris Pine. I like your. Stripe shirt. Stripe shirt. Bottom right. No, no, no, no. That's a little. That makes me not like him forever.

Was this for a role? No, that's what he looks like when he's just hanging out. Okay, that makes me be done with him for good. Actors are weird. I don't know what to say. I'm over it. Actors are weird, guys. That looked like the teacher that molested me.

Literally, that's what molested me. Except that was full dreads. Do you see why I'm upset? Okay. It wasn't even the jizzing. Take it down. We shouldn't have gone there. You guys, thank you so much.

We will see you next week for an all new episode of Trash Tuesday. We all can't wait to check out everything that Ashley has to offer. Yes. Yes.