Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Things Get Teary Eyed w/ Anjelah Johnson-Reyes

Episode Date: February 20, 2024

Thank you to our sponsors: BetterHelp - Become your own soulmate, whether you’re looking for one or not. Visit betterhelp.com/trashtuesday to get 10% your first month. Ritual - Why settle for a multivitamin you’re not 100% sure about? Ritual was literally built on trust, so you know it’s the real deal. Get 20% off your first month for a limited time at ritual.com/trashtuesday. Start Ritual or add Essential For Women Prenatal to your subscription today. Esther’s new movie: Drugstore June!  https://www.drugstorejune.com/. Opening February 23 in New York and Los Angeles.   See Esther on tour. Check out dates at estheronice.com See Annie on tour. Check out dates at https://www.annielederman.com/shows More Anjelah Johnson-Reyes: Website - https://anjelah.com/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/anjelahjohnson/ Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCw4A0C1xVVfGnw7ZVZF0xhQ 00:00 - Gookies and Cream 00:56 - Drugstore June Promo 01:12 - Annie’s Upcoming Shows 01:49 - The First Truly Hot Comic: Anjelah Johnson-Reyes 02:54 - Touring While Pregnant 04:24 - That Strong Maternal Pull 09:24 - Getting Pregnant 23:45 - Undecided About Kids/Freeze Your Eggs 27:15 - Nursery Is My N-Word 28:42 - Pregnancy Test: How Many Faint Lines? 30:30 - When to Have Kids vs. Focus On Your Career 33:36 - Superfetation 35:40 - Mo Money Mo Problems. Whatever. 37:27 - Raising a Kid Within Asian Culture  38:51 - Barf Bags But For Your Ass: Butt Bags 42:20 - Anjelah’s Hittin’ the Road 47:49 - Working Out During Pregnancy 50:10 - Spousal Attraction - Did You Always Breathe Like That? 55:42 - Postpartum Doulas & Baby Nurses 01:03:10 - Pregnancy Then vs. Now 01:04:47 - Anjelah’s New Youtube Special 01:06:54 - More Than This One Joke 01:09:56 - Wrap Up   Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8X Trash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday     Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Rick and Esther Have a Time - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/rick-and-esther-have-a-time/id1694264079 AnnieWood - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/anniewood/id1653515392   Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Theme Song Written by: Bobby Lee http://instagram.com/bobbyleelive Banana Break Song by: Can Nguyen  🍬  https://www.candyedits.com     Produced by: Real Good Touring & Ten42 Podcast Producer(s): Stella Young & Julien Bensimhon Edited By: Andrew Tarr (Audio) & Josh Miller (Video + Clips)   This Video Contains Paid Advertising

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That's betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday. This Friday, New York and Los Angeles, you can see Drugstore June in theaters. I can't believe it. And next week, we'll be in more cities. Get tickets at drugstorejune.com. I'm really excited for this. Hey, sluggies. I'm so excited. I'm on the road. I have an Annie Wooden Friends this next week on the 20th at the Comedy Store. I have Dimitri Martin, Anthony Jezelnik, Andrew Santino, and Robbie Hoffman. It's going to be amazing. So I'll see you there. Also, I'm going to go to the JFL in Vancouver, February 21st and 22nd. March is a huge comedy month for me. I'll be in Fort Worth, Texas, March 1st and 2nd. Albuquerque,

New Mexico, March 8th and 9th. Washington, D.C., March 22nd and 23rd, and Jacksonville, Florida was rescheduled to June 28th, and every month, Annie Wood and Friends at the Comedy Store. See you guys. Cool t-shirt, Esther. Thanks. You know, we have an icon in the room. We really do. I've never met you, but I feel like I know you I know same same same same you've just sort of been in or around my television or in my life or through stories uh stories through Bobby uh-huh for so long my god yeah because of mad tv yeah would you also say like kind of the first first the first viral but then the first viral female comic yes where you're like oh you can be hot and funny welcome angela johnson thank you i love that intro sexy and

funny wait would pioneer maybe the first like truly like hot comic oh my god thank you so much. This is my favorite intro so far. And New Mother, which is wild. It is. Which obviously I'm very curious about. Yeah. The transition of a long life of being a female comic and then everything changes. Is it especially scary because both of you live such an atypical schedule with touring, being on the road, having to travel like while pregnant. Is it especially scary when you first find out you're pregnant? It was nerve wracking, but for me, I was trying to get pregnant. So it's, I wanted it.

And even though I wanted it, the second I found out my heart was beating so fast and I was like, oh my God, what do I do? I don't know anything. I don't know how to be a mom. I don't know how to keep a baby alive. Like, I don't know. As soon as I saw the positive, I was like, ah, I don't know how to do this. Wait, that is, that's actually so different from me. Like where I, I'm so obsessed with like a win, you know? So I, I just was living in the, like, I did it. Like I was so celebratory. Like I can do it. But I think I'm slowly now like, what? The high from the wind has come down.

You're like, oh, wait a minute. Hold on. Is this an L after all? Oh my God. So did you try for a while or? Yeah. Oh yeah. A couple of years.

It was a long process. So I did IVF and it was like a whole thing. We always said we didn't want kids. I'm 41. Wait, this is, I'm so particularly obsessed with this because I just, I identify someone that was never sure. And I'm so curious with people who were never sure or never wanted. And then like that all changes.

Yeah, never wanted. And then like that all changes. Yeah. Just pivot. Yeah. Like that is super interesting because I sort of feel like I'm on the same boat of, I just, I never felt that strong, like maternal pull. I never had like that definitive, like, yes, this is what I want. Like never. And I'm almost 40 and I still don't have that. And what was that point for you? But you're unsure, right? Yeah, unsure. You're not a definite no. No, very just like, sort of like, not a definite no, not a definite yes,

not even a definite maybe. Like I'm just nowhere. Yeah, you're just not thinking about it. Yeah. Or like, I actually, quite the opposite. I think about it too much. And I think because I think about it too much, there's, I may be overly like analytical about like either way. So I think what needs to happen is I just need to like randomly get knocked up and like have the universe make that decision for me. So I'm like, okay, now we're in. We're locked in. Yeah. Well, I guess I'm on this journey. Let's do it then. What made the pivot happen for you? Because you were a literal no child decision. Yeah. So my husband and I decided we didn't want kids, but we were both

like, we weren't so know that we were going to do something permanent about it. Like I wasn't going to like take out everything and get tubes tied in. I wasn't going to do that. He wasn't going to get the vasectomy. Right. It wasn't like a for sure. Never kids. It was just like, not for us. We're good're good you know my career was always my baby it was the thing that I held most high that I just sought after like when I laid my head down at night I wasn't thinking about being a mom I was thinking about being a guest star on Law and Order SVU like that's all I wanted you know what I mean like that's that was my dream so all of a sudden it changed and so keep in mind too all my friends would tell me like my friends in the industry they would tell me like um having

kids is the most fulfilling thing like more than your career and I'd be like really I don't think so and so what happened was it was 2020 COVID. Everybody's on lockdown, right? Nobody's touring, nobody's auditioning, nobody's filming, nobody's doing it. Everybody's home. And during this time, I would, uh, I was enjoying the fruits of my labor. Finally, I was like, I had a balcony that overlooked the city and it was beautiful. And I never put furniture out there because I never had time to sit and enjoy my life. I was constantly touring, working, hustle, hustle. When did I have time to just like breathe and enjoy? And I finally got to start enjoying what I had worked so hard for. And I was like, oh, this feels good. This feels nice.

And then I was like, man, I don't know when this is all over and I go back to touring. I don't know if I want to go back as hard as I have been, like just nonstop, go, go, go. Like if a show sells out, you want to add another one? Yes. Add another one. Like just yes to everything. Yes, yes, yes. But by the way, that comes from such a real place of us being in this for so long where you're not maybe selling now or at least for me you know so or like they're not answering returning your calls yeah so once you get to a place where they are adding a show you can't your body can't say no uh-huh you're like oh my god I've wanted this for so long strike while the iron's hot yeah that's what they always say you

know and that's what I've said to myself. And also I would watch movies and TV shows and I would see roles and I'd be like, I could do that. What the heck? Well, how come I didn't go out for that? Well, I could totally do that. Like that's how I would watch movies and TV shows. And during COVID I would watch and I would just enjoy TV and shows. And I had the thought, I was like, if I never act again, like I think I'm okay. I think I did enough to where I'm like, I did it. It was fun. And that was the first time that I was okay with my career not being my all. It almost like makes me emotional a little bit because I'm like.

I know. Like this positive COVID story where COVID made you stop for the first time. Yeah. Like, isn't that the biggest lesson in life though is that what we're so what programmed to chase after especially like as women where it's like we have to put this over motherhood because this is what you know this independence it's at the end of the day like you're right like yeah like it cannot be your number one love. No. And it was the first time that I realized that my career was not as fulfilling as I thought it was. Because here I was saying I didn't need it. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah, you were like, I'm just going to relax. Hi, Nelly. Hi, B. Hello. Hi, beautiful. Hi. You look gorgeous.

I am late. Traffic started in front of me. No, I totally, I was the same way. There was like three helicopters circling over me and I was like, well, I guess I'm rescheduling again. This isn't going to happen. I was going to be like two minutes late and then the train over there came and then to the river. Oh yeah, like right here.

Oh yeah, the strip club adjacent to a train station. We will go there one day. The strip club we never made it to. You look gorgeous. Thank you so much. We thought we were going to start out light with just a deep, meaningful, what is life conversation. So it was at that point where you were like, oh, like I, my career is not number one anymore.

And there's more to this life than just touring. So it was in that moment that I was like, oh shoot, did I mess up? Should I have had kids? All my friends were telling me like, it's the most fulfilling thing. Should I have done it? Did I mess up? Then I start questioning. And then I'm like, well, I don't even know if I have any options. I don't know if I have eggs. I don't know what my, I've never looked into it because I never cared. And so I was like, I guess I should like go to the doctor and like find out. And so that's where my journey started. I went to the doctors that we

did blood work and, and they did like ultrasound and stuff. And they're like, okay, you do have eggs, but it's like minimal situation down there. Like if you want to do something, you got to hurry up and do it. I still wasn't sure I wanted kids at this time. So I was like, okay, I'm going to save my eggs. And so at least I can do that. At least I saved my eggs. And I had had friends who'd done that before.

And like my friend, she got like 16 eggs. And this friend, she got like, you know, 20 something eggs. And I was like, okay, cool. I'll just like save my eggs. The first time I did, I got two eggs. Wow. I thought you were going to say I got egg. Yeah, exactly. And it was like, and that number drops like each round, right? When you test it. Well, so going through the process and every week you go do your ultrasounds and, and it was like, okay, you have 12 eggs. I'm like, oh yeah, I could do 12. And every, every appointment it was like, oh, okay. Only nine of them are growing. Just kidding. Just only seven. And then it kept going down and it kept going down before retrieval day. And then it started becoming a conversation of,

hey, this actually might not be for you. And the more I got bad news, the more they told me this might not be for you, the more I wanted it. I had the same thing. So I had a miscarriage a couple years ago. And also before that, I had tried a few times and didn't get there. And there's something about when you start trying and you can't get it that I'm not thinking anymore, do I want do I want kids do I not want kids I'm like I just want to get pregnant or you want to win like you said yeah you want to win in this situation um not everyone's like Annie with her 22 eggs right out the gate no but I I did embryos there was only four embryos out of like I think I did have like 20 something 22 right yeah what a crazy too. So you did more than one agri-tribune? Yeah. So I did the first time. And at the time too, talk about like, you know, that hustle and

we're working women and all of that. I was touring during that time. I was living out of a suitcase, not just touring, but also we sold our house. Like during COVID, that was another thing that we discovered. We were like, okay, if I'm not going to go back on the road as hard as I have been, then I don't think we can afford this big, huge house. Like, so I didn't know if I was going to hit the ground running or if I was just going to like sprinkle in some tour dates. So we decided to sell our house just in case. And so we sold our house and then we split our time. We bought a smaller house in LA and a smaller house in Nashville. And then we go back and forth. So we're like, okay, then we'll get rid of this house in the hills that I worked so hard for. And we'll just go buy a fixer upper. So we bought a fixer upper and we started fixing it up.

And we were living at our friend's two bedroom apartment at the time with them. It's not like they left and let us live there. And their dog, us and our dog were living in a two bedroom apartment in North Hollywood. And that's when I was doing my IVF. So I'm like shooting myself with hormones in their apartment kitchen. You're such an athlete. Wild. While I'm touring.

And like at the time, I booked this show. And I had to like cancel some tour dates to like film the show. And then I ended up to like film the show. And then I ended up getting fired from the show. And then, so it was like all this emotional stuff while I'm shooting myself. They thought you were a junkie. They're like, she keeps coming in with these track lines. Yeah. Off the show. She's injecting it in a weird place. She doesn't even know how to do drugs. Get her out of here. Um, and. And so it was like a really hard on my body process. So it's almost like, of course, I only got two eggs.

Look what I was putting myself through. I was stressed out. I was like traveling. I didn't have like a home to like come and like be peaceful at. Like I'm living out of suitcase. So I only got two eggs and they're like, okay, we got to do it again. And IVF is expensive and it's expensive on your body. It's expensive on your wallet. It's like your mind, everything.

I have a question about IVF. Did you ever consider going to Tijuana for it? What? No. So a couple of my friends now. You're like, how did I get skinnier? Oh, wait, they took all my organs out. Oh, my God. Not only do I not have eggs, I don't have my kidney. No, but so my best friend had to do multiple rounds of IVF. By the end of it, she found a really great doctor across the border.

And it was like an eighth of the price and with like basically concierge service. And she got, she did the duo stim where apparently you don't have to wait to retrieve eggs just on one phase of your cycle. You can do back to back so you can get it in your luteal and your other phase. So it's like hardcore in Mexico, but she got it done and she would just drive from LA. She's like a little Korean girl. Do you remember when we were offered, a doctor offered to do our eggs for free? And I was like, I don't want to do that. And then I'm like, what the fuck? Why did I do that? I was like, what the hell's wrong with me? I was like, I don't trust free for some reason.

Yeah. Yeah. But so you were living in North Hollywood. Yeah. And you were just. Got my two eggs. Two eggs. That's so cute. Two bedroom, two eggs, two couples, two dogs. There's something in the two. It's a Noah's Ark. That's cute. And so like, hey, you got to do it again. Oh, also something I found out during this journey was that I had fibroids that were

so large and in a location they're like, you can't get pregnant with these fibroids. So you have to get these fibroids removed. And this is like, so it's after COVID, all these electoral surgeries are being canceled and pushed out. And this was considered electoral, right? And so I'm like, well, I don't have time to wait to try to get this done. And then if they call me and I'm on tour, like how does that work, you know?

And again, back to being like a working woman trying to like make this happen. I get on a list for like backup if there's cancellations. And then I got somebody canceled and I was able to go in and get my fibroids removed. And then when they went in, they found out I had endometriosis everywhere. So it was supposed to be like a two to four hour surgery ended up being eight hours. Oh my God. So they can like scrape out endometriosis,

take out fibroids. Like my body was not capable of having a child. It was like, no. And you were under for this? Yes. But your husband's probably freaking out because your surgery was like. Honestly, I don't know because he was home. But so they take out all the stuff so that I can get pregnant. And this was, again, back to like shout out to women, like how we just get it done. This surgery, they called me. They had an opening two weeks before my book came out and three weeks before my tour started. Wow.

So I go in and I have this surgery, put my body through all of that. Two weeks later, my book comes out and it was, I think it was like a week later that I had my book launch party and I was like full on pain meds, just like, Hey everybody. Yay. Like most Hollywood book launch parties. Exactly. And then my tour started like two weeks later and then I'm on stage and I had like some really like active jokes where I'm like running across the stage and I'm like okay well let's hope hope I got it you know and then I started my tour where we did like a hundred cities what that's insane I just can't believe how many roadblocks came up for you in this process. And like, that's why I'm so glad that we're talking about this because like, there's just, you have your baby.

Yeah. But when you're telling this story, I'm like, there's no way. It's almost an impossibility at that point. Like everything was just stacked up against you. Yeah. So I had that surgery and then I do the IVF again. And this time I got four eggs, right? So I still don't get anywhere near 16, but I got four. So now I have a total of six eggs, right? So then we go to, at this point,

I'm like, now I want kids. So it's not about saving my eggs anymore. Now I'm trying to get some embryos and make me a kid. And so in the beginning of this, my husband, he got his sperm tested so that we can see if we're compatible to have kids. And they're like, yes, you're compatible. He had like billion count sperm. He was great. When they go to do the, like the, the mix it up thing, um, all of a sudden he didn't have any sperm, zero count. And we're like, wait, yeah, exactly. It was like, wait, what do you mean? Zero count. How do you go from a billion to zero? How is that even possible? Well, my husband was on testosterone supplements. When you put in a foreign testosterone,

it tells your body to stop making your own testosterone. And your own testosterone is what creates sperm. So he didn't have sperm because he had been on testosterone. So then we have to put my eggs on ice. We have to wait the time for his sperm cycle to come back. Were you mad? How long is that cycle? I was disappointed.

But he's also ripped. So then you have that. We were like, wait, what? We had no idea, which also meant like when we were trying naturally, it was for no reason. He didn't have no sperm. So I mean, not for no reason, but. How long was that cycle? I'm getting my numbers mixed up.

It was either six months or 90 days. I don't remember what it was. But so we had to wait for his sperm to come back and then they put it together to make the embryos. And then we got four embryos and then they sent them off to testing and only three of them made it through the testing process. And then by the end of it, none of them were viable. Wow. And I got that call after a show while I'm in the car driving to the next city to do another show. Oh my God.

Because they grade the embryos, right? A, B, C. Yeah. It just makes me feel like shit because I just think of like getting a call that's so scary and it's like, you didn't get the job. But like to imagine that's the bad call you get that's the job you don't get is that mother like I'm just I that sounds so difficult I will never bitch and moan again after today

about anything like no we still can we still can we got a lot I will I still complain if I don't get the job I'm like damn it, well, I can do that. But were you like, how did you feel where you're like, okay, I did everything on my side of the street. The eggs are ready. Yeah. And then you find out that your partner was not ready. Yeah.

It was more disappointing. We were both baffled. We were like, what? We didn't know this was a thing. Like, we wouldn't have been doing this you know this whole time and it sucks because he did get tested so we thought like oh he's good we didn't know that right after that when he started supplements that it was gonna change everything i mean i didn't know that either me either now we know also hot saunas for men right i know that one

definitely hot tub spa hot tub yeah and they're saying now like julian knows a lot about spas and sperm also like the type of fabric of the underwear apparently matters where it's like and how tight your pants are right it's a whole thing what else julian yeah julian can you give us some more also like keeping your hot computer on your lap really you're not supposed to have your yeah when you're watching salt burn. And also if you have... Yeah, wonderful. And also if you have the microwaves

that are down at like counter level, don't... You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Don't start with your penis. Don't like... Your balls are not

to be touching that. Wait, Julian, how do you know all of this? Look at him. I don't know. As a gay man, you really want to protect your sperm that bad?

I mean, yeah. Julian wants to be a pregnant woman i'll talk you out of it um okay so you you're you get this call that says none by the way no none of them are good none of them worked it's always on the way to a gig too huh yeah it's always like hey guys yeah totally uh-huh yep and um it was and i tried to do all the things like they said it wasn't viable and i'm like okay but like what does that mean like how yeah like what if we just like give it a go like you never know you know because i've read things like oh they said it wasn't viable and then turns out like it just needed more time to incubate or whatever. I don't know what it's called. Or it's like a low grade, but then it turns into a perfect child. Exactly. Why did you give it a low grade? Yeah. So I was researching, asking other people and they were looking at my report and they were like, no girl, these are bad.

You can't do it. And I was like, all right, well then they're like, you got to start over from scratch and go get some more eggs. And I already knew how hard that process was for me. And so I'm like, I'm on tour. And, um, I'm like, all right, well, I have November off. I had just so happened to take three weeks off in November. And I was like, I guess I can just try again in November. So this is like early in the year, maybe like March, April, somewhere around there. I go, okay, my taping, I was taping my hour special on October 1st. And so I was like, all right, well, since I'm not doing the IVF thing, I'm just going to like go hard and work on me, my body so that I can get snatched for this taping. So I was like, I'm going to work out every day. I'm going to not eat club food after 8 p.m. because, you know, as soon as you come off stage, you're like, where's the tendies and fries? It's not even the spinach artichoke chip dip.

I know. I know. There's a vegetable. I was like, I'm not going to eat after 8 p.m. I'm not going to drink alcohol. I'm going to work out and I'm like going to make.m. I'm not gonna drink alcohol I'm gonna work out and I'm like gonna make healthy choices because I'm trying to snatch for this taping and so that's what I was doing in my mind I was getting my body ready for the taping but what I was really doing was getting my body ready to get pregnant because I ended up getting pregnant naturally wow incredible Wow. Incredible. Goosebumps. Oh, my God. That's so exciting. The week before my taping. Because imagine having to do that shit all again, too.

Well, I was thinking— So stressful. As you were telling, like, the whole ordeal of, like, getting your fibroids, endometriosis, like, the testosterone blocking the sperm, it, like, it sort of started to make sense that you weren't getting pregnant naturally because there were all of these like barriers to pregnancy right yeah and i was like just thinking like oh because i'm old i waited too long my bad and what was that like where you were like oh my god like that's why i'm saying when it happened my heart dropped and i was like, and then it was like, I don't know what I'm doing. Wait, what? This actually worked? I was just trying. I've always been like undecided about whether I want to have kids or not. And then over the pandemic, after I got vaccinated,

I got my FSH tested, but I got it tested at like the wrong time of my cycle. So it was really like low or high. I can't remember which is bad, but it was like bad where I was like oh fuck and then I started thinking is this from the vaccine and then I started to get really like mad like I was robbed of this choice and then I that's when I was like oh I gotta like freeze my eggs because I'm like I wasn't sleeping I was so like like I'm still kind of undecided but I was just very like, I got to get something in place. And then I have four embryos now, but it was, that was such a hellish time. At least you have those. Yeah, no, it's nice. But then you hear people that are like, they try that and that doesn't work too.

So you're like, there's no. That's true too. I could have done it again, gotten my embryos and they're like, okay, you have one that's viable that you can do. And then we can try doing the implantation and it doesn't take and then you start over or you just call it quits you know it's such a difficult topic and like my heart goes out to just anyone that is out there that is trying that is like in a pregnancy where they're not sure what's going to happen or like it's just so hard and because our society now leans towards a way where like literally all

four of us in this room I'm sure all of us went many years without even giving it a consideration yeah it's like it's like what you're saying with touring it's like my body is my money like my body being on the road is my money so I'm like it's so scary for me to think about taking time off even if it's only like I mean Esther's like still doing stuff yeah i mean but i wasn't my first trimester i had to cancel every gig like i couldn't do anything now what is it like doing this movie tour promotion when you're this pregnant i'm promoting my indie movie drugstore june comes out in theaters congrats february 23 23rd yes it is I will say for me and I'm curious like your experience

but like first trimester life was a zero couldn't do there was no chance at anything she had too much saliva in her mouth

I think I still have Dave driving you around it was just so sad you looked really sick it was bad it was really sick

for all of us there was a lot of blotting second everyone I don't know everyone goes you, you're going to be amazing. It feels so good. I didn't get that. Like for me, it just went straight to like debilitating acid reflux, throwing on fire,

spitting, whatever. I think now towards the end, I'm feeling the best I've felt, but that doesn't mean good. Yeah. So it's kind of like, okay okay like the most common thing for me is like i wake up i didn't get any sleep because i wasn't comfortable all night and there's so much i want to do and i'm like i can't get out of bed yeah did you have that experience yeah all of that yeah and i was touring too so i was like while pregnant i wish i didn't book so many dates so i can like make a nursery i don't even have time to like build what my nursery is gonna look like I don't have time to

do any of this and then by the time I was done touring it's like finally well now I'm exhausted now I don't have energy to do it yeah somebody do it please right now nursery is my n-word because whenever someone brings it up I'm like how dare you how dare you? Because my mom keeps being like, well, so you haven't gotten, because I'm 33 weeks and I just, I'm in denial. I haven't done anything. I feel like this is a perfect thing for your mom to do. Maybe she's just asking for you to go, can you do this, mom? You know, my friend Johnny wants to build your nursery. Great. Send him my address today. Yeah, I will. I think he's been asking since like your first trimester. He's like, I want to do it for Esther. Great. Um, Angela, when you first got the first positive pregnancy test where you were like, this can't be real. Like this is not. Yeah, I did. Um,

my, I had a good friend of mine who knew that I was kind of like on the fence about it. And I went to visit her in Connecticut and she gave birth to her third baby in her forties. I think she was 43. So she was very much like in my ear, like you can do it. Like don't let age stop you or make you scared. Like you could totally do it. So when I left her house, she gave me a handful of pregnancy tests that she still had from when she was trying. And she's like, here, just in case, you know, like, so I had these little strips. They weren't even, they're like, you buy on Amazon, a whole pack of them. Right. And so I did her little strip. And when I saw

the pregnant, like the two pink lines, then I was like, wait, am I reading this? Right. Like it's not. So I'm like, what, doing the instructions, going back and forth. It's like in like Chinese characters. I'm like, I don't know. I'll read this. And then I remembered that I had one that was like the, that just says pregnant or not pregnant. And I was like searching for it. I needed that one too. Yeah, I started searching for it.

I found it and I did that one. And it said pregnant. I was like, oh, no way. It's like a digital clock. You're like, do I have to read the odds? Two lines is always positive. There's a control line and then there's a second line. I know, I know, but yeah, she's right.

Some of them are faint and then you read, is it an evaporation line? Oh, you're right because my best friend said there is, you know, she's in this forum of women who really want children. She says your mind can create the line. Yes!

Because you want it so bad. You're like, oh, I think there's a really faint line there. You know how many – You have to have a friend tell you, be like, oh, babe. Yeah. You're delusional. I've got so many Reddit threads where people are – they post it. They're like, is this a positive? And everyone like weighs in because I was looking at all those because I couldn't tell if mine was or wasn't.

But I remember the first time that I did sort of see a line, I got in my car, went to CVS and got the yes or no, whatever. Because it's like, yeah, just have those in stock at your house. The words, not the lines. The words. Full sentences. You are. Some of us need the lines because reading's

troubling for us. Annie gets the words one. I need to have a baby just so they can read things for me. You should have just like colors, like green or red. Oh my God. Green or red's Christmas colors. Oh yeah. Colors would be good. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I feel like, so I'm 40 now and then I have like, there's like different trains of thought, especially in this business. Like a lot of moms that I know in this business will be like, some will be like, you have to have kids now. Don't care about your circumstances. Like don't care if you have your money right or anything. It's all about like not being too old or whatever. And then I have

my other friends that are like, you got them on ice. Get your career where you want it and stuff like that. How do you feel about? Your career can pop off in your 60s, 70s, 80s. It's up to you as far as that. Our bodies, however, unfortunately, we do have a time clock. Like, I would love to be just like gung-ho, like, yeah, do you first. Babies can wait, but unfortunately, they actually can't. Like, you have eggs up until a certain time, and then once you cross this threshold, then it's like, sure, you have eggs, but the quality of them goes down. The number of them goes down. Then you actually

carrying a baby, like you have more health issues and risks. And even though they consider 35 geriatric or whatever, that's high risk after 35 35 it just becomes more high risk and my whole pregnancy was fine up until like the last two months they considered me high risk because my baby wasn't growing where she should have been and they're like she should be at least you know four pounds in there by now and she was like coming in strong at like two and a half or whatever and so they're like now you have to come in to do weekly monitoring twice a week and i'm like wait what i have to drive to the west side twice a week like this is are you sure if you guys aren't from la driving to the west side or driving the opposite direction yeah i don't care where the good doctors are i

don't go yeah so it's like i would say at least you have your embryos. So there's that. So you have done your due diligence, you know, and then it becomes. I did the open mic. Yeah. Then it becomes like depending on how you would want to raise a baby, right? If you're in a relationship, if you don't care about being in a relationship. Like I have a friend who she's approaching 40 as well. if you don't care about being in a relationship.

Like I have a friend who she's approaching 40 as well. And she was like, I want kids so bad, but I know I don't want to do it alone. So if I don't have a healthy relationship, I don't want to have kids. And so then there's that aspect too. She's like, I'm going to work on finding a healthy relationship and do that first. And so there's that aspect too. There's like,

how would you want to raise a child with a partner without a partner? You know? Yeah. I feel like I'm engaged in stuff. I have a good partner. It's just, I don't want to have a kid in a rented apartment. I just don't want to be like stressed. I don't want to be like stressed. If it doesn't feel right for you, it doesn't feel right for you right now. I know. I could also just not have kids too. Yeah. That is also an option. Which is so weird. And also, like, if that's how you feel, that's – but I do want to say there's nothing wrong with having kids in a rented apartment in general. I'm just talking about for me.

Yes. Totally. Totally. I don't want that. Yeah. No, I just don't want to be, like, stressed. You know what's nuts is, you know, there's, like, the universe really is so tricky in that, you know, there are women who really struggle with getting pregnant. And then there's this other thing that I just found out about through TikTok called superfetation.

I think that's what it's called. Where a pregnant woman well into her pregnancy gets pregnant again with a baby that's like younger. So like there's this woman on TikTok. She was like, you know, if you guys want to know about how I have a one-year-old and a six-month-old. And I'm like, what the fuck? So she basically, her body goes through a second ovulation while she's pregnant. And then when they do the ultrasound, they're like, oh, like you actually have twins, but one is really big and one is really small. But in reality, it's just that this one is the new pregnancy and this one is the small. But in reality, it's just that this one

is the new pregnancy and this one is the latter. So then there's two births six months apart? Right. And you birth them. That's wild. Some birth them at the same time and one is just a preemie and one is, you know, fully cooked. And others, I think you have to give birth at separate times. And I was like oh my god I don't know what's scarier than getting pregnant while pregnant I like this feels like a horror movie that you're just it's crazy because don't they encourage um sex while pregnant especially kind of yeah I think towards the end to try to like induce, I think. But they also say in your second trimester, the woman's hormones changes to a place where you want to have sex a lot.

I wonder why, like biologically, like what is the purpose of getting horny again in a second trimester? Do you know what I mean? Like the mission has already been accomplished. There's a baby in there. Why do we need to get horny? The relationship between those kids must be so weird. The like six-month-apart kids, they like to have probably the weirdest.

Like we were kind of in the… We're kind of twins. The second one's got to have crazy abandonment issues. Like I was with another baby and then now I have six months off. Then the first one's like, this was my thing. Yeah, you came in and stole my shit. Yeah, this was my thing. You stole my thunder.

I do want to say when you were, like, not having a baby in an apartment because I don't want to be stressed. I do not live in an apartment. And I feel like I'm doing pretty well for myself. And I still get stressed. Yeah, you're still stressed. Because it's, like, you know, the, you know, more money, more problems, whatever. you know, the, you know, more money, more problems, whatever. But then you start thinking about like, um, providing a type of life that I live. Right. So it's like, okay, well I'm used to this life.

That means I have to keep working to keep providing this life. And then, so I still get stressed out. So I think whether you're in an apartment or in a big house or you have multiple houses, the second you bring a child in, everything changes regardless of your status and like stress is going to come. But it's like we were talking earlier. I think it comes down to just balance in your life and adjusting. It's always constantly adjusting. I used to live life like this. All I had to worry about was my phone bill, my rent, my groceries, just for the two of us.

We can go like on, you know, this and that for a whole week and we're fine. And then now you have a baby and you're like, oh wait, I have to think of another person. And it's just that slight adjustment, constantly adjusting. Because when you fight it and you're like, ah, but I don't want to change this.

It's like more stressful. That's when it's stress. But when you radically accept my life is going to change constantly. Like we're going to get used to this rhythm and then she's going to get a little bit older and need something new from us. Then here goes adjustment again. You just grown, Julian. It's hard. I think

you ought to be grown. How dare you? I got very stressed. Yes. No, I know the thing that hit me like a couple of months ago, I was like, oh, so every time Dave and I want to go out, it costs a babysitter. Yeah. I have a solution. Move to Asia. I grew up in the Philippines and you get so much help with, like, I don't know if you guys have heard of like a Chinese confinement nanny, where when you give birth... Sounds illegal.

You have the option to have it in the United States. There are, I know there are confinement nannies here. But basically, it's to fully take care of the mother and allow her to heal in the first month. So she's being, all the meals are being cooked. It's 24 hour round the clock service to the mom, making sure that the mom gets sleep, is fed. And that is so common in Asia. Like in America, like we're expected to kind of just get out of that hospital and then just do everything, just suffer, neglect your own needs and just like be somehow be proud of the fact that like you're a wreck. Right.

And then go to work in six weeks. And then that's just not how I grew up. So it's like a lot of my mommy friends back home, they have five kids and they are just way younger looking than me. Their lives are just like i love my kids it's it's so different than here it really is the american mom is a big contrast to i think the rest of the world in a lot of ways yeah i also feel like shit for all the times there's been a crying baby somewhere near me and not that i've ever said or done anything I just but in your head you're like yeah totally and I'm like what a little bitch like that I am for having that reaction but

I also still understand people will still have that reaction and they're allowed to but I just feel like that sucks a crying baby has never set me off in that way like someone with bad breath on the plane will like far like i have yeah angry i have sat next to a bo where i'm like can i move into next to the baby yes can i trade the baby's chill this baby's cool i would give me a crying baby a tantrumy toddler who's trying to like get up in my space like that's cute to me but a dirty motherfucker who's i have grace for my the youth too, as well. Yeah. For young, yeah.

I don't get it. I totally get it. And then people that are older that should know better, you're like, what the hell? I know. It's like, sir, you have a fully formed brain.

Why didn't you shower, brush your teeth, know that you're sitting next to somebody? I saw an article while I was driving here, so I didn't really get to read it, but it was something about someone getting kicked off of a flight

because they used the bathroom too much. What? I don't even know why my phone was on it. I don't know if you're going to be able to search it or whatever, but is that so funny? What? Like maybe they kept making their row get up or something? Like I think maybe they just like they hogged the toilet so much. It says Pastor Joanna Shue was removed from a WestJet flight in Mexico, citing an upset stomach. I feel like if you go to Mexico.

She just diarrhea-ed too much. I mean, I saw that where the person diarrhea-ed down the aisle. Oh, that's wild. I like that. It's like, should have let me stay in the bathroom. The images of that were horrendous. Poor thing. I felt so awful for that person.

Like, they didn't, the whole plane has to turn around and everybody's life is like, JK, they were four hours into their flight overseas. They'll remember you forever. That's why I said, give me a baby. The doo-doo is contained. They should have the barf bags, but for your ass. Yeah, something.

Butt bags. I will say it's really unfortunate when someone shits their pants, though, and then you're stuck with that smell. Esther and I had that. I told this story a hundred times, but we definitely had an epic moment. You guys shit your pants? No. There was a shitty pants in front of us on a flight. For a Montreal Comedy Festival flight.

An adult. You guys thought it was a kid? We thought it was a kid. We thought it was a kid. We thought it was the baby. I had to have an altercation with the mom who was French-Canadian, very pissed at me. Hold her baby's ass

while I was like, it's clean. I was like... And then we realized just the darkest realization that it was just the elderly man next to them had just shouldn't have come.

He was incontinent. And he's listening the whole time knowing it's him. I don't think he could hear, luckily. No, I don't think he realized until later. Do you guys have never shit your pants, like, ever in your adult life? I haven't. I did in high school.

I shit my pants the other day. In high school? What happened? I talked about this in my special, Hot For My Name on YouTube. I shit my pants at Cold Stone. I thought, yeah. What? And they chopped up and put it right in.

It was a cookies and cream. I ate you so much. And then I, and I actually, I was technically wearing a skirt, so I can't really say shit my pants. But then I had to throw my underwear away at Mangiano's next door. No. To rally like an 18-year-old? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I forget. I know. But yeah yeah so I also then saw on Instagram you are going on a big tour coming up right well I'm writing my new hour okay so it's not necessarily a tour like the such and such tour it's more so like I just booked out a lot of dates at clubs yeah oh yeah and write some new jokes to me that's a tour I know I'm like is that not a tour yeah no you're hitting the road like I'm it's not like yeah yeah you don't have I did a tour or whatever it's just like and then I always

feel not bad but like I feel like I have to preface to the world. I'm writing new material, guys. Yeah, totally. So some of these will be bangers, and then there may be a period of time where you're like, is she losing it? Right. I have to say, I know that I don't speak for everyone, but as an audience member,

I enjoy those shows more. I think people do like those, yeah. Because it's a more live experience. I don't know. So I understand the caveat you're making, but I think those do like those. Yeah. Because it's, it's just off. It's a more live experience. You don't, I don't know. So I, I understand the caveat you're making, but I think those are so much fun. And so what, like, does baby come with like, so she's coming with me on weekend gigs where I'm doing like multiple, multiple days in a row. I'll bring her with me. Um, and she said that the hotel shouldn't come to the club, but she'll stay at the hotel because I'm still breastfeeding. And so the only time I leave her is when I'm doing just like a one night at a casino or something. And I'll just fly there 24 hours and fly back.

And that's changed about my life. Typically, I'd be like, I'm going to take that like 11 a.m. flight so I could sleep in a little bit, you know, and then now I'm like first flight out so I could get back to her. Right. And those little adjustments that have changed for me, like that's my preference is to get back. And I used to always laugh at Mal Hall. He opens for me a lot. He has two kids. He has another one on the way. And he would always like after a full weekend of shows, he's like 6 a.m. flight. And I'm like i'm like bro sleep in like enjoy that you get to like sleep for a minute and be away from your kids and he's like nah man i want to get back and i never understood it i'd be like that's wild and then here i am now i understand and we're having that

trying to get that um off camera i asked you a little banana break we do this every episode yeah we just eat a banana you don't have to be weird about it okay good thank you i have a hard time with banana texture but i would like to take it home yeah put it in a smoothie later yeah that's what i do okay thank you after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers if we've learned anything it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time, all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's the catch? But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online. They don't have retail stores or salespeople. Instead, they deliver premium phone plans directly to you. As you guys know, our

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Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. So very on theme with today's episode we're talking about ritual which is my favorite prenatal vitamin and before that it was my favorite multivitamin but did you guys know that 95 of pregnant women are not getting their recommended daily intake of key omega-3s enter ritual their prenatal contains 350 milligrams of eco-friendly vegan omega-3 DHA, which you need in every serving, sourced from algae and oil instead of fish. And isn't like the first 28 days of pregnancy, like the most crucial time for like neural development and when you need that DHA,

when you need that folate. And you probably don't want fish anyway at that time. You're probably like, ew, keep fish away from me. No, it's like you need to live off those prenatals. And also it has like a nice mint coating, so it doesn't have that vitamin smell or taste like ritual. I personally did a lot of research like long before they were sponsoring us. This was the vitamin that I chose for my prenatal. And then I've now been working into my like nightly, I really do my smoothie at night, but like I use the prenatal ritual protein powder, which has choline, which is this random thing that you've probably never heard of. And then all of a sudden you get pregnant, they're like, you need it. Okay. And so ritual has just made

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I think the most important thing that I've learned through therapy is self-love. Whether or not you're in a relationship, your soulmate should be yourself. And I think through years of therapy, I have finally learned to sort of step into that place where I'm like, you know what, Kalilah, I like you. And I think that's really important for people. Well, the other thing too is like people just assume like, let's say you're in a new relationship or it's an existing one that it should just be easy, right? Like and if it's not easy, then it's not good.

No, relationships can be hard and they might need therapy and like therapy tools. For me, oh my God, I've learned so many tools in therapy that have saved my relationship with my mom, with friends, with Dave. Like I just would not be able to get through without therapy. And if you are someone who's thinking of starting therapy, highly recommend BetterHelp. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Become your own soulmate, whether you're looking for one or not. Visit betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com

slash trash Tuesday. Earlier off camera, I asked you, like, cause you are someone who like, you know, takes good care of herself. You work out. Is it harder to work out during pregnancy or after or when when a baby comes so rude so rude oh I know her her routine she's been so diligent about walking Pilates she is a good on you mommy I'm trying I think because I went so long where I was just bedridden that I'm like, I don't care what it takes. I'm moving. I'm moving. And even though I keep bitching, I'm like, every walk I go on, I'm like, this is a bad

value. I'm working so much harder. I'm getting way less out of it. Like, I'm so grumpy, mopey about it, but I'm forcing it. And do you go to prenatal Pilates? Like, specifically? There's some of those and sometimes eliza's is wild eliza's instagram is fucking wild i'm like damn girl and then i'll

just go to a regular pilates and just kind of like you know not do it all which is how i do pilates anyway so that's what's fun about it it's like i could get fit or not. Yeah. For me, it was not easier when I was pregnant, but I enjoyed it. Like I liked watching my body change. And so I would work out and I liked challenging myself to a point where I'm like, look at me, like I'm pregnant. I'm still doing these moves. And like, I still had like the energy of like a girl who's never given birth before, you know, my body was still able to move and do certain things. Then after I had the baby, I had a C-section and it took me a long time to recover. And I was scared to move. And I was like, oh, I don't want to like mess up anything with like my insides or my scar or whatever. So it took me a long time to be okay with moving again.

And then now it's honestly just like getting back into it. Like getting into routine is really hard. Like I'll, I'll work out for like a couple of weeks in a row. And then I'm just like too exhausted. I'm too, I need to go. I didn't pump. I'm not going to go to the gym. I need to stay home and pump. Like, and then I missed my opportunity to go to the gym. So I'm like, well, I guess I haven't gone to the gym for the eighth day in a row. So for me, it's harder after. But then I have friends who like jumped right back into it

and they're just full on like, hey guys, I'm back. And I'm like, okay, good for you. Are you ever more attracted to your husband when he's being a good dad? Are you ever like, oh my God? You know, it's funny. That's a good question because this is what I'm actually talking about right now in this hours.

I don't know what happened, but when I came home from the hospital, my husband just annoyed me more than ever. And it's like, did you always breathe like that? Like that was, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know what it is. And I've talked to some moms that are like, yeah, I went through the same thing where it was just like, roll my eyes, like go away. But I don't know if it's because there's so much of us going to this baby that it's just like, I have all this, like, I have to keep a

baby alive. Like I literally have to keep a baby alive. And then like my energy goes to the baby, like my heart, my love, like all the things. And then I'm like, oh yeah, you're here too. Okay. You hear about this with dogs. You don't hear about it with the husbands. Nobody's has talked about this yet. Yeah. So it was like a whole thing. And then my husband had to like kind of call me on it. I didn't realize I was doing it, but he like hey so like you don't really smile at me that much anymore and I'm like oh yeah sorry about that and it was like you used to like touch me you know and because I'm very affectionate and so if he's near me I'm touching him I'm like scratching his head I'm like his face like something I'm like his face, like something.

I'm always like touching him. And he'd be like, you haven't like touched me in a long time. And I'm like, oh, sorry. Like it really has become intentional. I have to actually choose to be affectionate with my husband as opposed to it's just a natural like thing that's like happening for me. And I'm hoping that, and it has like around the six month mark, I felt a shift where I naturally started like touching him like out of nowhere. And I noticed it and I was like, Oh, look at me. I'm scratching

your head. Like I wasn't even like choosing it. Like I just did it like good old days. And so I'm hoping that like more of that starts coming back. And I think it has to do with our hormones as well. A different thing like shifting. So the more I'm getting back in alignment with my hormones, back in remembering myself, taking care of myself, the more that I'm like, oh yeah, I feel good about myself. So I can like give you love too. But if I'm still like, I don't feel happy with where I'm at. I'm exhausted. I'm like, am I being a good mom? Am I doing enough?

And like all the things. My brain is multitasking. Like was the decision I just made for her the right decision? What I'm doing right now in this moment, is this the right decision? What I'm going to do tomorrow when I pack her suitcase to go on the road, is that the right decision? So I'm constantly like questioning myself and then the mom guilt and all of that. So I don't really have a lot of capacity to just be like, baby. Yeah. You're just, your bandwidth, I think, for the extracurricular is kind of lower because like her full focus is the baby. My mommy friends

explain it like this. They're like, my body is just dedicated. It's devoted to this thing, this life. It belongs to no one else. And because she feels as though she is constantly being touched by the baby, always has this skin on skin on her that like the touch of her husband almost like repulses her. Yeah. Where she was like, I'm busy doing what the fuck I have to do. Like, don't fucking touch me. Yeah.

And I have enough touch, basically. She's like her, she's touch overload. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I fully get it. And for me, I had a, I felt the turning point at six months where my hormones started coming back. I started exercising again. And I feel like once I was getting back in touch with me, not just mom version of me, but like, oh yeah, me, the things I like, the things that make me happy, the things that make me feel sexy, the things that make me feel good and healthy.

Once I started like tapping into that again, then I was like, oh, I have for you. I remember this. Yeah. It just took me a second, you know? You jog your memory. Yeah, it really does. That's really good to hear because I am trying to really prep myself like whatever changes that come or they are temporary, like you will come back, everything.

Like I just am trying to really be prepared. I don't, I'm, I'm not in the mindset of like, my baby's going to come and everything's going to be magical in my life. I'm like, this is going to be a challenge and hopefully it will feel those magical things. And also I'm sure there will be a lot of like lows as well. And so I'm trying really hard to prepare myself. Wasn't a time in the first trimester where you were just like, I can't even like look at my partner? Yeah, I had, but I had that with like literally this plant,

like anything that was in my vicinity, I was like, I hate you. This is disgusting. Like my, even my dog, I was like, she's yucky. Like- Yeah, cause that's what I hear a lot, right? Like the first trimester when like things are just, maybe it's because you're just feeling pretty off

with that surge of hormones. I don't remember if I, I was very nauseous, but for me that didn't happen until after the baby came. But no, first trimester, I was still just very excited that like we did it, you know? Like, so it was like, and we kept every time we would look at each other, we'd be like, can you believe we're doing this?

Like, whoa, you know, it was more of like that for us. I met Greg Fitzsimmons' wife, Erin. She's a postpartum doula. Oh, shit. Isn't that cool? Whoa. So she just deals with women after the birth. And she was like, I would love to be like a birth doula, but she's like, the hours are

too hard because you just get called in the middle of the night. So she's basically like a newborn specialist. Yeah. Isn't that cool? I love that. Yeah. And just to support the mother and the relationship. Does that mean she's like a night nurse or she?

I don't think she's a night nurse. No, I think she's like the support during the day. Like, and I don't know that she's coming. I think she's just like there to kind of help you transition into the role. But from what I understand, like newborn specialist kind of cross over into doula, cross over into like night nurse. Night nurse just means like that's a doula available to you between these particular hours. But you can have that 24 hours. Right.

Well, Whitney's girl is amazing. I mean, that's so cool to just have someone. She just has someone really like with her supporting her that knows all of these things can educate her on what's going on with the baby. And I feel like I wish we lived in a society where that was available for everybody, where that was something that was like government provided for and that mothers could actually breathe and enjoy like the, you know, the early weeks of having their baby and feel taken care of. And I don't know, it makes me sad that that just isn't the reality for so many new moms and it makes me like if I were to ever get pregnant it makes me want to like just straight up move back home to Asia and like peace out because I know that it would be a far easier

experience there yeah the nuclear family is a scam it is right isn't it like a capitalistic yeah move yeah i see you on tiktok explain it esther explain the nuclear family and capitalism it's just a scam we're all just but it's fine it's working whatever but it's a scam no i agree with you i had a baby nurse as well and i feel like the fact that i had a baby nurse really contributed to my mental health and the fact that I didn't deep dive into postpartum depression. Like I had postpartum anxiety, postpartum, all kinds of other issues, but I didn't get depressed. And I feel that having my baby nurse really helped because it was some relief. It was like partnership. Even though my husband is my partner, this woman was educating me along the way and teaching me. It was kind of like a mom because my mom lives far away. So she came in when she could because she

still works full time and then she would have to go back home to work. And my sister came in for a little bit and then she had to go back home to work. And, um, so I had this woman here who was like a professional mom basically. And she was like teaching me everything from like how to like hold the baby to like feeding and like all kinds of stuff. How to like, I don't need to be super super delicate like she's over here one hand in the baby and like doing stuff and i'm like oh my god how do you do that and it she when she left after she was with me for three months after she left i wept i wept probably like three weeks in advance when i knew we were approaching the day i was already like when I would see her I was like quiver lip and like she'd be like don't get mushy you know and it was I wept I was so devastated it was like kind of like the end of a relationship like we're breaking up you know but we're on good terms but we're breaking up but you're also my mom yeah exactly like my mom's leaving like all it was

wild but I will say that I didn't talk about it much on social media because I'm very active on like Instagram stories I like to share my life with people I didn't talk about having a baby nurse until the very like end of it because not that I was ashamed maybe there was a little bit of that but it was kind of like, um, I knew what I was experiencing was a luxury that not everybody can have. Damn, I get emotional again. Like I think about my sister who like worked so hard and she did it on her own. And she, when I was having my baby nurse, she'd be like, I didn't know that. Like like I didn't know that's how you're supposed to do it and I was like I hate that I you couldn't have had this too and there's so many moms and I'm like I wish like you just said like this was something provided for us like everybody gets this and

we just we don't and I was I'm lucky enough and I worked worked to be able to you know I'm glad I waited until I'm in my forties and I could afford this because I saved a lot and whatever, but even like women who work their hardest and save their hardest still can't afford this. And so I knew it was a luxury and I felt uncomfortable sharing it on my social media until like the very end when I started thinking about, okay, like, how can I present this in a way where it's like, don't have to be ashamed that I have this person here helping me. But I also am aware that it's a luxury. And it was like that dance that I had to do like with my social media. help with your child is considered a luxury and something now you have to feel shame or guilt

about is what's inherently wrong, I think, about motherhood in America. The fact that you had to hide that versus saying, hey guys, I needed this help. We all need this level of help. Someone with us constantly giving us the education, giving us the lactation tips and i think that it's it is a lose-lose if you were to just share that right out the gate but it makes me sad that it even it is even called a luxury i'm so glad that we have your point of view on this because you're from a different country so it it's like, oh, you actually like came up knowing a different version. So you have a strong... Yes. And can I tell you, Esther, I live in a country that is quote unquote,

third world developing nation. A lot of people living in abject poverty, the poorest person living in a shantytown, living in a dump site has help when they are young moms, when they are during pregnancy. It is even a person living in abject poverty gets help because we don't live in nuclear settings. There's always someone in the home and having a nanny or we call a yaya is just like the most common thing like it's just like i had three i think you know like i had like my sister and i had two each and then there was a person washing my mom like it's just so part of our culture to like support motherhood and when they say it takes a village yeah that's where it came from it was actually the whole village would be a part of

raising children and i always tell people it's like if you want to have a really great vacation with kids it's not going to stress you out go to southeast asia go to the philippines there's always going to be someone who wants to hold your baby who wants to help you who wants to support you who's not going to give a shit if your kid's crying throwing a tantrum who's not going to shame you if you know like your kid's just having like a meltdown and i more and more more, like if I were to ever like have children, I do like fantasize about, I'm like, how can I move back home for a couple of years

just to protect like my soul and my spirit? And because I've seen both sides and it is a very stark difference. I also think about like my mom says this a lot. She was like in the 80s when you're pregnant, you have to like, you had to really hide it. stark difference. putting your belly out or whatever but she was like when I was younger when I was pregnant like I did everything in my power to not let people know that I was pregnant because it was like in getting in the way well it's so true because then that was also which I think this still happens then like your boss or people are like oh they're pregnant they're not they can't work anymore they're on their way out and it's just your true yeah so you have to be scared of that now maybe a little bit back then a lot.

I'm thinking about the Diane Keaton movie. What was that? Baby Boomer or something? And she's, like, pregnant, but she's, like, in a really baggy suit with a – Well, it's because we're so culturally – America is so obsessed with just making money and keeping your job and all that stuff. So it's like we are second-class citizens, you know? keeping your job and all that stuff. So it's like, we are second class citizens, you know?

Honestly, in order to be considered or praised as a mom here, like you really do have to be a fucking division one athlete. Basically, like you really do. It's like, it's insane to me how much it takes to be considered a good mom here and how little it takes to be considered a good dad. You know, it's right here. You can do so little, but just post one Instagram post with your kid. And you're like, he be considered a good dad. You know, it's right here. You can do so little, but just post one Instagram post with your kid and you're like, he's such a great dad.

I know, if I could be a dad, I would have kids. Me too. I would be, I would have a lot of kids. Absolutely. Just spread my seed. More testosterone though. Wait, okay, so is it true you have a new YouTube special? It's true.

I didn't know this until I got here today. And I'm like, I, how have I not watched it yet? Is it true that it's already up to 3 million views? Wait, what? I mean, it's, it's, it's approaching, it's almost eight, nine months out. It came out in May of last year on YouTube. And yeah, so we're almost at 4 million views. Oh my God. I'm very proud of it. Self-produced, self-financed. This is my sixth hour special. Incredible. And thank you. I'm lucky enough to, I've had a special on Comedy Central, on Netflix. You can go on Amazon and see some specials that I've done before. And as you guys know, my career started on YouTube when this nail salon video went viral and I had no idea how that was about to change my life forever. And I had no idea I was going to be a comedian. So with this one, I was producing it myself. My husband and I put a big chunk of money into it. And we were like, I want this special to look

as good, if not better than what you see on Netflix and any streamer, HBO, wherever you watch a special. I want this to look amazing. And so we did it at the Ryman in Nashville and it was beautiful. And, um, I put it back on the platform that started my career for me all those years ago. And it was kind of like, here it is for free, everybody. Like, thank you for riding with me for this long. Thank you for everybody who ever shared that video with your friends. And like, here's my special and I hope you enjoy it. And it was my most favorite hour that I've done so far. And I had so much fun with it.

I had so much fun touring with it that once I was done, I was like, oh man, I have to write new jokes. Like, I like these ones, you know? It's so funny. I watched it this morning. Thank you. Especially the sister. Thank you.

It's called Say I Won't. Say I Won't. Oh my gosh. Say I Won't. Do you have people. Oh my gosh. Say I Won't. That's what it is. Do you have people screaming out that they want the nail bit at your shows forever? That's like your You Can Do It for Rob Schneider. If I don't do it, I mean, I have to do it.

Somebody's going to shout it out. A lot of times I have to say, just wait for it. Wait, you know what I mean? You like long or short nails? Short nails, please. Thanks. Oh, honey, that's why you don't have a boyfriend. I do for you. Long better.

All right, fine. I'll have long nails. Thanks. It's okay, honey. Only $4 more. That's okay. But there was a season of my life, where I tried not doing the joke and it was the wrong move. I was listening to the wrong people is what happened. I was hearing through the grapevine, the word on the street was, oh, she just has that one joke. All she does is that one joke, you know, that kind of thing, right? And I all of a sudden felt like I needed to prove myself to other comedians that I know I'm more than this one joke, but I'll show them I don't even need that joke and I'll still crush it. And the first time I did a show without doing that joke, I was at Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco. And it was years and years and years ago where like, I think Facebook was

like the main mode of social media. Like that was it. And after that show, I got a message from a girl and she was like, Hey, I, I drove in from, you know, four hours away to come to your show with my mom. We love your nail salon joke. And we were so disappointed that you didn't do it. Like, it was really sad. Like, we bonded over that joke. And we were really just looking forward to hearing it live in person. And it was just really disappointing.

And it wasn't like a mean message. Like, I got what she was saying. And it was kind of in that moment that I realized I was listening to the wrong people. And I was like, how stupid. Like, I'm listening to these idiots and it's like lower comics care like never it's never someone doing better than you saying that ever in a million years they don't care about me they don't like my post they don't buy tickets to my show these people care about me they buy tickets to my show I need to be writing for them, you know? And so it was kind of, that was my switch for me. I was like, I don't care.

I'm still going to keep doing this joke for the people who want the joke. And so now here I am 16 years later and I present this joke kind of like a thank you to the audience, like at the end of my show, just like, this is probably how you know of me, how you heard of me. You probably bonded. It's wild. That is so cool. Really crazy.

Like to have, to be a comedian and like you have a bit that is like, it's like just a rock star playing their hit. Like it's just got to feel so good and so rewarding and so fun like I think that's awesome um Angela thank you so much for coming by this was like the most I just feel so educated so connected like so related to I don't know I'm just so glad that and again like my theme this year personally is like women who went a had a lot of life and then they're like oh I'll throw a baby

in there. So it's been really cool to hear all this like experience that you have and that you're balancing being yourself and a mom. Thank you. Thanks for having me. This was a great conversation. Thanks, ladies. Thanks, Angela. Yay. Everyone go watch her special. you