Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Three Women Walk Into a Korean Dating Bar w/ Nikki Glaser

Episode Date: December 6, 2022

Thank you to our Sponsors: BetterHelp - Go to https://betterhelp.com/trashtuesday today to get 10% off your first monthNutrafol - Go to https://nutrafol.com and enter promo code TRASH to save fifteen dollars off your first month’s subscriptionShipstation - Use promo code trashtuesday today at https://shipstation.com to sign up for your FREE 60-day trial.Manscaped - Get 20% Off + Free Shipping, with the code TRASHTUESDAY at https://manscaped.com More Nikki GlaserThe Nikki Glaser Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@TheNikkiGlaserPodcastTour Dates: https://www.nikkiglaser.com/tourInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/nikkiglaserTwitter: https://twitter.com/nikkiglaser Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 We Perfectly Introduce Our Guest Nikki Glaser6:03 Looking For Excellence in a Potential Partner8:57 The Butt Dial Move 12:33 Group Dating Bars in Korea & Our Hot Girl Friends17:50 Physical Attraction to Someone You’re Dating22:05 Checking Out Our Own Kitties28:09 Finding the Right Partner to Date32:24 Butt Pimples37:15 Super Smellers & Body Odor Turn Ons38:58 Farting vs. Non Farting Families & Holding It In When First Dating49:53 Nikki Glaser on What it Means to Be Your Natural Self54:50 All Comics Talk About Sex & Old People Are Cool Now59:00 The Upside and Downside of Big Boobs1:07:19 Cosmetic Surgery1:14:32  Nikki Glaser on Rehearsed Performative Stand Up Comedy1:24:48 Laziness as a Myth1:40:48 Nikki Glaser Loves the New Taylor Swift Album Midnights1:48:15 Are We Turned Off by a Vasectomy? Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 My Pleasure - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-pleasure/id1494518220 AnnieWood - https://www.youtube.com/annielederman Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera Editor: Bryce Hallock

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whole world comedian host singer um reality tv haver Nikki Glaser hi guys we never do intros it's so weird it's so awkward I always like feel bad for people who have to do them for me

we were talking about this at the comedy store when someone has to bring you up because there's no host oh yeah and you have to like I hate listening to someone

are you talking about when you said Owen Wilson oh yeah instead of Owen Smith are you talking about when you said Owen Wilson? Oh, yeah. Are you bringing up when you literally called Owen Smith a strong black man, Owen Wilson? And when I said I thought I had said Owen Benjamin, which is even more confusing. Which we do not mix Owen Benjamin and strong black men. We don't let that go together, Owen. So I said, I said Owen Wilson.

I thought I said Owen Benjamin, knowing that I know that's not Owen Smith's name. So then I grabbed the mic again. I go, oh, I'm sorry. No, he's canceled. And then they're all confused. Like, why is Owen Wilson canceled? We kind of wish he was a little bit. It's like another movie.

He almost canceled himself. I did like that one. Oh, yes, that's right. Remember when he almost, yeah, he did the ultimate canceling? Yeah. And went to heaven? What do you mean? Oh, the ultimate canceling yeah and went to heaven what do you mean oh the ultimate camp you're doing it too comfy that was i've been practicing you're like one two one that's how she keeps beat his brother did that on uh the royal tenenbaums

yes favorite movie oh that's my favorite too richie a good movie. Richie, right? Oh my God. Now. Yeah, we kind of forgot we did that. Oh, that is your type. Who? Suicidal. Richie, suicidal. Tennis player. Quiet. Like pro at something.

Tortured. I love excellence. Oh wait, also brother. A brother. A brother. Yes. Oh my God. Wait, why a brother?

What are you talking about brother? Oh boy, you got to catch that. Yes, I have, I have a, I'm a big brother fucker energy. She's a serial brother fucker. Yeah, I just have accidentally fucked brothers. Well, are most people brothers? No, no, no.

I've fucked my own brother. Is this what we find out? Oh, okay. We find out that Kalilah just like has sex with black guys and the whole time that's what we meant. I have had sex with more black guys than any other race. Is that what you're trying to say?

Thank you. Thank you so much. And the award goes, give her the banana. No, not that banana. The bigger one. The chocolate covered one. Carlos. Don't do that. They don't know that. Just play with the bit. You can't do that to don't know that just play with the bit you

can't do that to your bananas anymore you're not allowed to yeah you can cancel no I had one I got a this is like I don't know if I would get canceled for this now but it was like four years ago I went to Carney's the like it's a train restaurant it's like a train yeah like the yeah it's like a trolley for the people at home. It's a trolley restaurant. You know what I'm talking about. And near the comedy store. And I went and I got this like giant chocolate covered banana. It's like one of my favorite desserts.

Yeah. And I was like holding it. It looked like a dolphin. It goes, it reminds me of a dolphin, a Miami dolphin. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. As the world's largest therapy service, BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists available 100% online. Plus, it's affordable. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to match with a therapist.

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Can't believe I did it. I was so proud of you. Thank you. Hello, sluggies. It's so good to see you. I'm having so much fun on this episode. I am going to be at Wise Guys for New Year's in Las Vegas. That's December 30th and 31st.

It's going to be so fun. Please come party with me, baby. I'll then be doing a one-nighter in Burbank at Flappers. I'm going to be in Wisconsin in January. I'm going to be in Florida in February and March. And I'm going to be in Canada in April. A lot more shows to come. So go to Annie Letterman.com slash shows. Also stick around after the show. Go over to YouTube dot com slash Annie Letterman to watch my new solo podcast. Annie, what we've been having such a good time and it's so amazing to see you guys there. So peace. Hi, guys.

I am going to be doing stand up in Phoenix, January 6th and 7th. You can get tickets at Esther on ice dot com and also check out my solo show. My pleasure. It's available wherever you listen to your podcasts um wait what were you saying about oh you and uh you like guys that are super talented excellent so if you're gonna be a plumber i need i need to know like when i check the yelp reviews of your of the plumbing company your name needs to be like, go see, you know, Douglas. He's a number one in this company.

I need excellence. It doesn't have to be a very impressive field, but you better be at the top of it. Not that plumbing is not impressive. If Douglas will dug your ass, Douglas will dug your glass, okay? He will dig in there and he will get you. That makes sense.

Bobby was excellent. Right. Yeah. Like you dig in there and he will get you. That makes sense. Bobby was excellent. Right. Yeah. Like you saw excellence there of like, he's the funniest. Right. And if you work for a utility company, I need you to be at least superintendent. Like I need you to be climbing up the ranks fast. I like a man that's on the streets going door to door.

A Jehovah's Witness, a Mormon. i need someone to be respected in their field like i don't need them to be respected by everyone else but i need everyone who's in the know to be like this is the hundred percent and like okay so with todd when i met him in the basement of the comedy store he was doing basement todd he was like so like too good for his position and people only a few people noticed but it was like the people in charge. Yes. Someone was like, you're like the Martin Scorsese of this basement. That's what I'm talking about. And then I plucked him from the basement and I just put him around my friends and I didn't

say anything. And he just got hired by everyone. Now he works on Netflix shows. Yes. Because they saw it. Yeah. Excellence. Underrated excellence. Now, Carlos, have you ever been good at anything annie we're so early in the episode you can't lean on me i like to get you no i want you to be

wait what is carlos's history i don't i don't know that's so funny where did you get him i dare carlos to say yeah no annie has is pushing my buttons lately with excellence, if you want to say that. You think I'm pushing your buttons? I think you do it on purpose. Are you serious? Yeah. I thought we just needed the work to get done. I'm just kidding.

I'm joking. I'm joking. Carlos is, I'll tell you what he's really good at. He gets mad and starts throwing things. It does get scary. He's been excellent at being my rebound boy after my breakup. Not necessarily sexually rebound but some kind of like emotional rebound oh yeah we're like all of my pent-up sexual does that

make you feel just like not sexual like i'm he does everything else i mean i do work with kalilah yeah i'm bobby so i'm obviously the sexual aspect is a little tricky. Sure. He's also Bobby's rebound boy. He's both of our rebound boys. But just sexual. I know. Bobby's always asking me about friends. He's like, are you dating? What's going on with you?

He's always like. With you two? No, just in general. No, just in general. Him and Andrew always want to. Yeah. And what's the answer? No, not really.

Oh. I'm busy with work. He's married to his job. So, well, tell us your butt dial. I did get a butt dial. Well, Kalilah says it was fake. A girl. I don't know why I'm imagining like a dial inside your butt.

I was like, is this a new butt plug? It tells you like what time it is. You put it in front of the sun, you see where the shadow is. You know if it's past noon or not. in front of the sun you see where the shadow is you know if it's past noon or not i met a girl last week um like in a work setting and she had just gotten my number and i got a butt dial while i was at bad friends sunday and i was like huh i wonder why this girl's calling me so i called her back and then she responded with a bunch of question marks and was like oh my bad i didn't mean to call you it was a butt dial but then i got super embarrassed and i brought it up to kalilah and she was like that's

a move for sure a hundred percent i've done that i think it can be a move but the but she seemed confused have you talked to her since yeah we saw i saw her uh like two days ago and it was like fun and normal it was she's been watching all of your stories though okay that is the how much what did we do before stories to know if someone was into us it's so funny i get so excited so you're like oh i mean you can tell if you know you guys are even talking about on the last episode about um people blocking you and feeling like that's a sign that like oh good i'm yeah causing like it's flattering when someone blocks you but like you can tell when girls are starting to be threatened by or like people just find out who you are like or or and then there's the thing of like watching one of your stories

because sometimes i watch it will jump to someone's story because i've been watching the person before and i'll go oh shit i don't want them to think i'm watching this and then i get off it but sometimes like back in my single days i would want to get someone's attention and I would only watch the first one and then purposely not watch the other rest so sometimes I don't know if they're doing that move to me because I've we've done that it's so funny like boys are like not paying attention to us too I know they are like you'll notice like we'd be really good lesbians well Carlos you're not the stereotypical guy but with the earlier guy with the whole butt dial thing i was telling him that um sometimes like the spirit moves me to call a boy that i

like and i think that can sometimes be either intimidating out of the blue like there's no but i'm like oh i really just i had a thought in my mind i feel strong i feel chatty i'm gonna call this boy i like, right? And I do that, but then they don't pick up. So when they don't pick up, now I'm embarrassed because I was coming in hot. And then I immediately text them, oh, sorry, butt dial. And they're like, all good. And it just takes it away.

Oh, I think that. Okay. So wait a second. Did you get a call and did you pick up and you just heard like chatter that wasn't for you? No, I missed the call. You missed it. Oh, that is a great idea. I would never think to do that and say butt dial when I get insecure after they don't pick up. It just eliminates my shame of being like impulsive sometimes because I can do that if I like have a crush on someone.

I'm like, I'm just going to call them. You can't do that for a text that you're like, hey, I haven't heard from you in a while. And I think it's really shit. And you send this whole thing. You're like, oh haven't heard from you in a while and i think it's really shit and you send this whole thing you're like oh sorry but text oh i meant to send that to another person that we have the same circumstances as but i had a boy call me out recently and he was like are you sure that was a butt dial and i was like oh he's on to my shit i'm like it was it was absolutely a butt dial. He's like, three times? It's like, it's fucking like 11.30 p.m.

You're like, I accidentally text just waxed. My bad. I didn't mean it. I was my car guy. Sorry. Car sitter. What do you guys think about this new trend in Korean bars? I don't think there are any of them yet

in the United States, but it's basically like they're dating bars. You go with a group of four of your girlfriends and men go with a group of four of their friends and with the idea that you're going to commingle. But if you were to bring three of your friends along with you, would there be a strategy to which friends you would bring to a dating bar i think i think this is a great idea because you want your friends

there when you if you're going to a dating bar it's like we're here to meet people that we're gonna have sex with which is a lot of pressure and it's like when you're talking about this i think on tiger belly of like i hate going on dates because you sit down and you're just like are we gonna have sex or maybe end up together the rest of our lives and it's just that permeating the discussion of like how many siblings do you have but you're still thinking about am i gonna lick your penis or do i have to like fully reject you and tell you i don't i would rather be in like such a weird position where i'm like hurting you so bad making you feel so bad honestly you're nailing it like that it was more my anxiety a lot of times on dates is like what if I don't want to yes how

badly the best case scenario is you're like do I want to fuck in the first night or the second night but yeah I think you would want to bring a friend that is uh already with someone so they aren't a threat but they're like fun and they're just like wing woman. And then two people who are less attractive than you. Okay, that's what I was thinking, right? She said it so cold-blooded. Didn't make eye contact with me, rude. You don't show up with three at a time. Neither of you are meeting with me

to the Korean bar, by the way. But bringing three equal hotties could up your chances of getting the four hottest boys. I gotta bring one Korean friend to translate. I can't be the only just whitey not speaking any, not knowing anything. But I wonder if that would translate

over here and how that would work out. Like there's so many types of bars around the world that America hasn't caught up to. Like the 28 and over bars in Australia. Those, I think that's genius. That's so smart. It's so fun to like just-

No men will want to go there the ones that matter will yeah but like um you know what i was thinking the reason why it can't happen here is because our nasty little pervert american boys would 100 end up raping some of the girls and then the the bar would be liable do you know what i mean they'd be like oh we like set you guys up instead of it just being, oh, we like set you guys up instead of it just being like, oh, it's a place you guys

could meet to fuck. Right. If you're like, you're coming here to fuck or I guess you could say find love. I actually take back what I said about less attractive.

I kind of want my friends to be more attractive so that if the person chooses me, I know that they're like, they, they up against the odds. I still won.

Like I want to, I don't want to set it so that I'm not, you know, I like the competition. Yeah. I like to win. Against your friends. Against your dear friends. Your closest friends. Yeah.

I mean, I don't know. In high school, I always, I kind of liked being, I was scared of boys. So I liked not being the one that the boys liked. But I think now it just bums me out. I have a friend who's like a model and every time I would like a boy and I would bring her with us because she's just fun and like was never threatening never like she would she's so pretty that she has developed techniques to make other girls like her and comfortable around her because other girls hate her so much so she's always like oh I just farted or she'll be like yeah god I stink or

she'll just do this face where she like tucks up her list and she's like, but she does it right away. As soon as she senses somewhat, like any girl that is a little bit insecure, she does this. And then suddenly the girl likes her. I've seen it happen. My friend, like she just is so used to girls not liking her off, off the jump that she has developed this technique. Like it, sometimes I'm around her. I'm like, you don't have to be smelly today. Like it's okay just be like it's okay you're just a pretty girl but then it would annoy me she would come no makeup farting smelling her pits and then this guy that i like she knows i like him and i'm like you know like meet this guy that i like i have a crush on i bring her the comedy seller he's like hanging out with us in the booth and she would get up to go to the bathroom

and i mean this happened so many times as soon as she would get up to go they'd go oh my god she's so good looking holy shit i can't even focus oh my fucking god and and like bro down with me about and then i go i yeah i know and then it's done i can't be i can't ever like them ever and that used to happen with me with my sister all the time in high school every time she left the room my friends guys would just go oh my god how are you around that all the time i'm like i'm anorexic that's how i literally can't leave i legally have to stay here um so but yeah that is that's happened a lot i mean do you you guys relate to have you ever had that happen where a guy no i've always been sometimes i'm just kidding no you guys are hot i can imagine you're the ones that get up

no I had a thunder stealer friend who she didn't even mean to do it yeah she was just so charismatic so pretty perfect tits like she just was like so like sexually like outgoing everything about her was just so charming and I would like bring her around and every guy that had been like following

me around like a puppy dog with a crush on me that I was like deciding between I was like should it be jake or tom they would come they'd be like oh my god they'd be like following around with like their tongues drooling and i'm like okay this is nobody getting her scrapped well have you guys been watching love is blind do you watch that show yeah i am still on the fourth episode i only watch fuckboy island i don't know what you're talking about thank you but uh it is true like when they get out of the pods and they pick their person and then they the other guys see the other women that they were got close there's this thing in the later episodes i'm not giving anything away really where it's because this happens every season on that show

the guys see the girl that they would say on in the real world that's the kind of girl i would go for and then the girl that they are with who's like they fell in love they're like i love you i love your soul but that's and this one guy is getting in so much trouble because he's like well that you know colleen is a 10 out of 10 you're a 9 out of 10 but like she's i'm sorry it's just true she's hot like and they kind of do that thing of like but it's am i supposed to lie to you and it's like the casually cruel in the name of being honest. Well, do you watch Married at First Sight? No. Okay.

They have a guy on it that's like told his wife that he's not attracted to her. Like after they get married, it's like, you just don't, I'm just gonna work on it. And then she got so anxiously attached to him

because he had rejected her so hard. I was like, been there, bitch. He's like ugly. Sorry, you're ugly. He's ugly. He's like a nerd. Like he's just like annoying and she's like so cool yeah and she got these big titties and she's so like she's just great and she's just doing everything she can to accommodate him and it's all because of that

initial like how do you bounce back from this fucking yeah i i you know i as a serial dater of uggos um i i let the record play until the very the very end and i would never have there was this one boy i swear i'm not like this is not trying to be mean at all but i'm pretty sure he had an extra chromosome like for certain i was like huh he could be he could not be but we what we're gonna talk about him again oh which guy is this i thought we were done talking about it it's gonna go crazy now i'm talking but i liked him so much he he was a great musician he was a great artist he was so smart like everything about him what and i remember thinking telling my mom like i think this person is perfect but anytime like i roll over when i wake up in the morning and i see his face like there's just i'm

like fuck like this is rough but never would i ever imagine telling somebody like this like oh yeah you're just i like you but like typically you're not you know your face is a little yeah no i had a squint hot boyfriend like where he was like he had it all except up close we're like things were too close together like me he actually looked a lot like this ugly bitch have you ever told him ugly i think you are. I've been holding it in. You make me want to throw up. Because it'll look hotter. Don't we all get ugly eventually? So that's the thing.

We were young. We were young. Yeah. You could get better looking maybe. Men get better looking. Yeah, they do. That old age app. Remember that?

That app that all the men were throwing their face in that day? And it really ages you in a convincing way. That you're like, this is the truth. I remember taking a break their face in that day and it really it really ages you in a convincing way that you're like this is the truth i remember taking a break on social media that day because i didn't want to remind anyone i exist to maybe throw my face in that i remember like respecting that day like black lives matter like i'm taking a break because i was like out because i'm so scared to see because it was so real looking those and i was like if someone does that to me and i see it i'm gonna like bird box i just had to i can't i will not be i'm too scared i yeah i just had as bird box when you spread your legs like i never even thought of the movie but i think you

just spread your wings and go on only fans are like i'll distract you oh shit this looks old too fuck Um Those look like baby birds you know like That's kind of what your pussy does look like sometimes A baby bird like the baby bird skin when they don't have Feathers yet and they're just like and they have Those like black like blue eyes But their skin is like that mine have feathers

I'm so Sorry yours don't have feathers Wait does it have a beak? Mine there's a beak It's just beak like It's my clit. It's just beak-like. It's packed a few eyes out in its day. I was forced recently to, I had hooked up with a guy and he was, we were facing the

mirror and he was fingering me while facing the mirror. He was looking right at me. And I was forced to look straight into my pussy this whole time. And I hadn't really like. Wait, how? Okay. So if there's a mirror in front of us, he's like, sit, we're both sitting like. Oh, you're sitting.

I was like, I thought he was just violently pulling your pussy forward. I was like, what is this? Your legs are weirdly suspended in air upwards. I don't know how. But I was just so fascinated by what my pussy looked like. I mean, I didn't mind it. pulling it out of showing your legs are weirdly suspended in air upwards i don't know how but i was very strong fascinated by what my pussy looked like i mean i didn't mind it i was like whoa whoa whoa yeah it was shocking no i remember my boyfriend's recorded or someone i've been with before has recorded um i'm trying to be more private about my relationship so i always go

this guy i used to date oh yeah you say your ex yeah yeah you say your ex girl in the past i have broken up with him before so he was my ex so my ex uh would videotape like close-ups or whatever and um and i was always like that's for him like i don't want to see that and one time he showed me and i was like not bad i was kind of proud of myself i was like i do have another career if i ever get to that point well tiktok uh it's tiktok not tiktok um yeah i look at yours yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i look at mine well i'm like too lazy to like shape my pussy hair so like i will, it's either full or bald. Like that's one or the other. Manscaped.

Thank you so much. I always get a little help from my sponsor, my AA sponsor, but also Manscaped. But yeah, so I see it usually like once every month. Yeah. I see it.

I check it out. I do a full shave. In action though. In action, it's a little different. It comes out of its cage. The bird comes out of the cage. It grabs it, brings it back in. Yeah. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Unfortunately, life does not come with a user manual.

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That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Are you so you're getting action right now? No, but I have hooked up with somebody. Yeah. Yeah. Not not girls yet, though. She tried. with somebody. Yeah. Yeah. Not girls yet, though. She tried. Not girls, no.

Yeah. But just one person. And it's been really fun. Good. Yeah. Really, like, really, really fun. Like, fun just keeping it casual. Like, just.

Yeah. Casual to a point because I have a hard time having sex with men that I, there has to be a mutual, like, liking or fondness for each other for me to fully feel sexual towards them yes um because you can't just do like one night never yeah i don't have that in me i wish i could yeah me neither you were you're okay with that well i wasn't okay with i was just blacked out drunk yeah i wasn't yeager i wasn't like it didn't feel yeah because i want more. Fill me up with emptiness.

Let's just say that. Yeah. I want longevity. Even if it's a casual hookup, I want it to be something that I can have for a long period of time. Maybe even like a situationship type. Yes.

Right now, was it George Kimmel told me this? He was like, I think all you can give right now is 80%. He's like, if someone is, if you can talk, tell a dude. He marries one right now is 80 he's like if someone is if you can talk tell it he marries one asian he thinks he's good at math thrown out numbers but he really helped me out because i was like trying to be like okay well you know what if like there are feelings involved but i'm not ready for a relationship because it's so brand new off a breakup he was like then you just have to be up front like 80 is the max that you can give the 20 commitment you're just not there yet i'm like thank you george kimmel you fucking nerd it

would be psychotic if i mean people do it jump from one to i mean we've seen some on social media that are wild yeah we know like we're like you're engaged like you're like whoa it's like meeting the parents like oh and that's like that's a personality disorder i mean that is a that's something but also it's like meeting the parents. Like, oh. And that's like, that's a personality disorder. I mean, that is a, that's something. But also it's like that person will just like those type of people just will find like a filler. How do they do it? I don't understand where people. Because you have to be with that person all the time.

All the time. But they fall so fast and so hard. And yeah, I'm the same way. Like, I feel like. Do you think it's a narcissistic thing though, where they're seeing how the person feels about them? In the case that we're talking about to each other through our eyes. No, I think it's a deep insecurity of like needing someone to love you all the time because you didn't get enough love from your mother.

But I also like please find someone to love you all the time. Yeah. But find someone who's nice to you. Yeah. I don't know. Not someone who you're attracted to because they're mean to you and not giving enough like that is something you know i i i've gone for that in the past too it's it's i think it's it's so hard not to i don't know i don't understand people who can like people that give them enough right out of the gate like i had to work so hard to get to a place where like someone giving me what I want and like loving me unconditionally feels good. I know it does take a while.

It does. Well, I was I think I've said this before, but because you know him, it's funnier. Dan St. Germain was like he was like, Annie, you always date your mom. Then you date your dad. Then you date your mom. Then you date your dad. Yeah. And now I just date Todd.

Yeah. He's got my Todd. But it was like I was like living out all of my like it's like your dad. Yeah. And now I just date Todd. Yeah. I just got my Todd. But it was like, I was like living out all of my like, it's like my dad was like the funnest, coolest, meanest, right? But that would be mean. My mom was like,

someone mean with you. But she was like not paying attention to me. So what is that like in a relationship? Cause you're just so sharp, quick, cutthroat. Someone, not in a, but you're not a mean person you can be

i know you could yeah i wanted to be um what is that like when someone's like mean back to you like what's not back they're abusive i have like abusive like toxic really mean i'm not you shut down in that i'm guessing you don't know why they bring the worst and yeah they bring out the worst also like sexually fucking yeah like really bad yeah really bad. Yeah, like really, really like wake up in the middle of the night screaming, not blowing them enough. Oh no, I'm so sorry. Not good.

But I'm not mean to guys. No. Yeah, you're really sweet to Todd. Anytime I'm on the phone with her, she's not talking to me. She's like throwing sweet nothings at Todd. I love my Todd. I called him today on the way over because a song came on.

I called him. I was like, oh, the song came on. It made me think about how I love you. It's like so good. You've been together a while. Like three years, yeah. But we have frozen embryos. Yeah, yeah.

I'm talking about the ass pimples. Oh, yeah, today. Okay, so the other day, I joined the – we drove by an accident, and I was like trying to figure out what the accident was or what the commotion was they're a bunch of cops so i downloaded the citizens app and the next door app to try to find out nightmares so lame but i found out that in a neighborhood near mine it's not my neighborhood there's a drone someone said that there's a drone that's going through people's windows like like spying on people and i was laughing because i was thinking about it today when todd was like fully like spreading my asshole and like popping zits like

inside my ass i was like this is gonna be wild like i hope it comes and finds me now wait how does this go down you like i'm naked right and todd's like bring he'll be like bring your ass over here right oh my god and then so like but he'll call it like he loved pimping popping pimples like yeah he'll like he'll still go like oh I see what you know yeah and so I'll go over and it's like you know it's like is this gonna be like hot or not and no it really depends on you so then he's like he's like you have to like bend over bend over so it's like it's me like positioned fully and like doggy as he's like spreading my ass and like popping my zits because the inside the pimples are always on the usual yeah it's like it's me like positioned fully and like doggy as he's like spreading my ass and like popping my zits because the inside the pimples are always on the usually yeah it's like the friction and then so there was just like full i mean windows open it just would have been the

funniest time to see the drone it's just hovering outside your window and then it you see it just like shake its head yeah it's like i'm good and then zip away yeah i know it's like a guy like a fat like nasty old guy's just like ew that's crazy sweet i this past weekend i put a couple um pimple patches on my butt pimples yeah funny and but what happens is that it causes the head to come out right so it pushes the the white head out and um but it makes it really hard so now you have the white head out. But it makes it really hard. So now you have a white head in your butt. So this morning I just scraped it off. Left a big, big pothole, bleeding pothole.

I don't have a Todd. It'll fall in. Yeah. You do need like a handy Todd. I think I do. That's why you got to date a plumber. You got to date a plumber. Yeah.

Listen. Todd is available. I think I do that's why you gotta date a plumber you gotta date a I just I listen Todd is available he's on TaskRabbit yeah it's good to have someone to pluck and and

squeeze your odd areas but you guys are super super close I feel as though the last time I played that game of being just so and squeeze your odd areas. But you guys are super, super close. I feel as though the last time I played that game of being just so like that close with someone, I eventually lost the traction for them. Yeah, does that ever falter? No, I feel like we get more attracted to each other as we get. We just like love each other.

Because you get to be two friends, like just pals popping each other's zits because i want my i think for me is i love like my dream like type of intimacy is that yeah but then i have this other side where i can easily be desensitized to someone's like skin on my skin the closeness of it all so i have a hard time um um separating the two so todd did not have yeah because but that is my dream right that amount of clothes me too it is like it's like you guys it's a building with the door open 100 i have a picture of him today and he's farting yeah he was in his timberlands like i was like look at my working man i took a picture of him

laying his pipe just taking a shit I'm always like can I post this yeah yeah I want that too I don't have that in my relationship he's very much like he doesn't like toilet jokes like he doesn't like fart jokes like if we're watching tv and something like poop related or fart like it's one of those things where you have to like kind of I just get awkward for him because i know he's so uncomfortable with it well is it because his family was like too farty in front of him or never farty never farty they are like very like it's but then i am talk about doing having anal and like shitting on someone which may or may not have been him and it's fine like the first time i remember something like that kind of happened with him because I knew his toilet humor thing, his aversion to it was like so strong.

I thought it's over. But he was so fine with it because it was, you know, I was it was an intimate moment. He's he's a good person. But I thought it was going to like he would never. But he's you know, it's so weird that some people we can they can be so weird about like sometimes I drop my retainer on the floor and pick it up and put it in. I don't care about germs if I don't see them. I just don't care even though. And he'll go like, oh, God.

And I'm like, but you like lick my face. Like we like make out and we like spit on each other. Like why is this weird? Or like sharing drinks or like I drop something on the table. He's like, yeah, it makes it grosser now that I know that your fucking mouth has been on the carpet. No, it's true. I mean. No, I don't like that.

Like, I dated a guy who was like, he was like, I have a like hypersensitive smell. I was like, goodbye. I want. Oh, yeah. Goodbye literally forever. Yes, I know. It was the greatest day of my life. I was like dropping so many.

I threw my, I like threw my fucking pussy wipes in the trash start using them to clean my car but just because he's a super smeller because i'm a super smell but he was like a judgy guy too he was like a guy that was never fully letting you in so it was like he was one of those guys like looking for an excuse to get out and he's like gross you're not gonna make it i have a stinky pussy to get out okay it's not gonna fucking happen we're not doing this i'm not stinky pussy bitch we're not this. It's not going to fucking happen. We're not doing this. I'm not stinky pussy bitch. Can you smell when people are about to be on their periods and stuff? Are you one of those?

I can smell everything. But I'm also obsessed with... Where am I in my cycle? Annie smells really good all the time. Yeah, she does. Yeah. You are... You are on your

luteal phase. You are one week, a couple days away from your period. I am just starting to ruin these underwear. I like saw the spot and I was like, we'll just see how this goes. Well, I was, for me, even though I'm like a super smeller, I love people's, like if I'm into a man, I love his body odor. I'm really into it. Even if it's strong, I'm really a super smeller. I love people's, like if I'm into a man, I love his body odor. I'm really into it. Even if it's strong, I'm really into that.

I used to pick up my boyfriend's like dirty underwear and just. Oh, you sick bitch. I loved it. I love getting in there. Like, yeah, it's not, it's nice to want someone's stink on you. That's when it's good

when you bang your brother because there is like a lot of laundry around. It's like laundry day. You're like, fuck it, I'll just grab his too. Hand me down. I'm like, I remember these. What you were saying about whether or not her boyfriend grew up with a farty or non-farty family. I didn't know that that was a thing until I met my best friend when we were teenagers.

And I remember I never heard her fart for like the first three years of our friendship and then one day like she heard my somebody fart and she was like whoa you do that i was like you can too she's like no i've never farted loud like in my life oh my god and i was there when she farted for the first time loudly and we were all just like yay oh my god that's what her ass was doing too and then now she's like the loudest farter in existence yeah because she's taking back the night yeah yeah so you some families just don't fart around my mom would let out ass flappers that would shake the chandelier okay it was like an earthquake hit and it was just like mom's farts like we're like oh another one of mom's farts and like if one of us farted like that like my brother like was just like mom's farts like we're like oh another one of mom's

farts and like if one of us farted like that like my brother like that was like mom's fart and then i always have like a memory of my mom randomly getting mad at my brother for farting once we were like on a road trip yeah and she's like max you fart you're farting and he's like it's a bodily function mom and she's like but i'm seeing you push and i like never forget it on your neck but you have to like respect the people who weren't brought up that way because it's just like it's so crazy to them it's like and it is it's like polite to not just like fucking blast fucking ass smell in people's life yeah because it sends particles in the air there are poop particles let's just say i wake Todd up with poop particles Wake up

I feel like once you go to sleep And you're both on each other's phones And they could be asleep That's when you can let them go And the other person doesn't have to call it out They can hear it but it's a safe zone Wait I'm so sorry Have you ever farted in front of a guy

And then they don't say it Like you move first That is my hell just leaving the fart to sit there and like not like not even like no i'll just say start kicking the covers and making like like like to make more noises so that it's like sounds like it could have been a throat noise i feel like probably having my my diarrhea constipation back and forth sort of ping pong of a yeah of a gastro system that i think that i like have just like had to just be like you have to accept me as i am or we can't do this because i can't i can't handle well

i think that's i don't censor my words. Why would I censor my ass? The first three months of dating? I think that's the roughest part of it all is spending the night at a boy's house and then holding your farts in. Yeah. And they always there's always something you forgot. They always come out to the car when you just like release. Oh, that's the worst.

Like weekend fart. And you're like, oh, they're knocking on the window and you're like, it's broken. Or they leave your place and they come back for something it's always everything always and you've just released and there's just nothing 18 hours of gas oh my god and i anytime i have these first weekends with a boy if it's three four days long i come home with flank pain like the my my gas has like bubbled up into my lungs where when you breathe it hurts like a stab and you're like oh it's so bad i do not miss that i do not miss beginning and then it turns into

poop farts because you haven't shit yeah and by the time you it's like the worst part you know by the time you do poop it alternates between gas and poop yes poop gas it's like oh my god and you can't tell sometimes you poop and you're like oh it's gonna be like just a solid poop with no fart and then at the end there's like a trumpet solo you're like i thought this song was over it's just like oh god my mama don't like you oh Oh, but I muffle with toilet paper. I create a muffler. No, you just have to extend your ass. I know, but sometimes my colon will blur.

I will use Todd's face as a muffler. I don't give a shit. I have no respect for Todd not getting partied. Even in the beginning? No, listen, Todd's younger than me. He's lucky to be around. That's how I felt in the beginning. I was like, you're welcome, kid.

But it's like, no, I mean, I think it was like maybe like two weeks in when it just I just I remember once my boyfriend we were watching tv and I I guess I was just like gassy and I like burped which I don't even register as like the same as fart you know like not even a gross thing really but they smell way now i do but i think at the time i just like was too comfortable and i just maybe i'd gone home for christmas break and was around my family too much which is letting burps and farts out yeah really got too comfortable didn't realize i was doing it then i tried to like throw a move on him and i remember he was just like i'm not i'm sorry like i'm just you were like burping a lot oh my god I just I'm not gonna lie like I'm just not into it right now it's not like it's it'll be fine but like right now and it was so humiliating

but I have kept that in check so much now and I needed that sometimes you can't you have to like cancel the night sometimes depending on what you do right oh yeah no I had one guy hooked up but then the first night I hooked up with him I was just burping but again it was like sort of like a like sometimes I date guys where I feel like I'm giving them like my week with maryland do you know what i mean where i'm like you're welcome you're getting this experience and he was one of those where i was but it was like fully like i mean i couldn't help myself some week some women do that entire relationship where they like makeup all the time always look perfect for their husband they never the husband will never know the stinky side of them or like the bads they're wearing makeup i couldn't pull it off it's just never

it's just i'm not like i'm not like crass or loud or any of these reasons like on purpose it's just the energy energy it would take for me to like pull back just it's not yeah i think i go crusty in three weeks yeah like if three weeks is my max and it's like because i don't want to break it make it too, like, I have like, clip in hair. Like,

if a guy's coming to my house, like, I'm going to be like, all right, these got to come out, like this. Yeah. Like,

they know things are going to change. Yeah. The makeup thing, I've gotten over. Like, in the beginning, putting on makeup before they woke up,

like, you know, just, just touching yourself up. But yeah, now I, I think I show that side right away because that is inevitable.

But farts, I feel like. I'm a mouth breather. So it's like, I'm going side right away because that is inevitable. But farts, I feel like. I'm a mouth breather. So it's like I'm going to be like waking them up. You know what I mean? I've always wanted my boyfriend to take a picture of me sleeping just because I think it's sweet when you're like you just admire you just watch someone sleep. And then they're like, she looks so angelic. I'm going to take a picture because he sleeps like a little like he seriously like has a slight smile and his lips will be closed.

And he literally puts his hands like this. He looks like and I'm always like he's like has a slight smile and his lips will be closed and he literally puts his hands like this he looks like and i'm always like he's so beautiful he's never once taken because i look my face fall andrew my opener is set on planes my face falls like a quarter inch like all the skin like i it's so disgusting no i say i look like my parents have to make like a really tough decision by the time you're shy it's like literally like like the masks are the greatest thing that's ever happened to me i put eye mask on mouth mask my mouth my mask is always down to here i look like i've been yeah i put remember that though the years of terry shivo oh yeah when we just like every day we were checking in on whether or not she was going to depart or stay

hoping she didn't get pregnant we're like we can't deal oh my god oh my god i did not even think of that that's well you know that happened to who was it well there was a movie about that happened called um was it not real i think it was a real story hablar con ella no no no when the there's like just a paralyzed woman that all of a sudden or a coma woman who's all of a sudden pregnant oh my god oh my god who a sudden pregnant. Oh my God. Oh my God. Who did this? That does not surprise me one bit actually. Listen,

I don't mind playing that. Like that's a good role play for me. We can do it, but real life. What? Jezebel is the movie where that happens. Jezebel?

Yeah. Oh well, don't get Jezebel'd. The most wonderful time of year is also the most hectic. Especially if you have an online store. Yes. Esther, you got to use ShipStation all the time.

Yeah, I sell my underwear. I sell my... Your socks. I sell my nipple hair. I sell your nipple hair. Sometimes I sell my Q-tips. And I don't even tell you which hole I put them in. More important.

It's a surprise. If you're still using the default shipping option to run your online store chances are you're putting up with a lot of unnecessary hassle and limiting your potential growth shipstation works with all of your favorite places to sell online including amazon etsy ebay shopify and more over 130,000 companies have grown their e-commerce businesses with ShipStation and 98% of companies that stick with ShipStation for a year become customers for life. Life. It's a good product. This holiday season, give yourself the gift of stress-free holiday shipping. Use promo code TRASHTUSDAY today at ShipStation.com to sign up for your free 60-day trial. That's Shipstation.com promo code trash tuesday okay here's what i love about manscaped as a like a holiday gift for your guy or for whoever it does it's like it is a little bit

of a like okay you need to do some grooming right but it is there's a sexual undertone to it right it's a call to action yeah it is and is. And it's a call to get action. Yes. It's interactive. It's cute. It's funny. It's kind of a very ideal gift. It's a way to like get him to be more clean and trim, but like cute.

And sexual. We don't really care about you having hair. We just need to know that you're thinking about us. And sometimes that means taking your little trimmer in the shower, using the LED light for extreme accuracies and, you know, making us happy that way. And inside the Performance Package 4.0, you'll find the Signature Lawn Mower 4.0. This electric trimmer has propriety advanced skin safe technology, and it's also waterproof so you can use it in the shower. And it's like a gift to yourself with less mess. The Manscaped Performance Package 4.0 also includes the Crop Preserver and the Crop Reviver,

an anti-chafing ball deodorant, moisturizer, and toner. Keep his North Pole feeling and smelling fresh. And be careful when you put your tongue on it. You don't want it to get stuck. Annie, I feel like if I was someone like you, like you have brothers, you have your dad dad like you have so many men in your life like you're someone I'd be like oh so easy just get everyone manscaped I thought you were gonna go I feel like you're someone with a huge bush I don't know why I thought

you were gonna like come for me yeah I know everyone's getting it they call me santee balls okay that's 20% off with free shipping at manscape.com and use code trash tuesday get your man a gift you'll both enjoy the gift of manscape his jingle balls will thank you do you think if you give it to your dad your mom will be like thanks girl i think my mom will have to do she

cuts his hair already she'll probably have to be the one doing it they're codependent after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time, all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's the catch? But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online. They don't have retail stores or salespeople. Instead, they deliver premium phone plans directly to you. As you guys know, our friend Rick Glassman, he uses Mint Mobile. I learned

about Mint Mobile through George Kimmel. George is a busy guy. He takes the most business calls. And the fact that not a single call is ever dropped. And you can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all of your existing contacts say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans mint mobile is here to rescue you with plans starting at 15 bucks a month and all plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5g network that is such a steal to get this new customer offer and your new three month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month go to mint mobile.com slash, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday.

Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes additional taxes fees and restrictions apply statement mobile for details there's some times when a boy um is either just a little too ripe oh yeah and you're but you can be cute about it just like oh we're gonna shower i'm gonna like scrub you down you stinky boy yes yeah hold your balls because i'm getting in there can you hold them up get the windex yeah but there is a point it's like i like your bo i like your bo okay like

we've gone over yeah yeah there's the line here yeah i'm trying to like remember like uh where i'm like fail we gotta get there's this whole thing of be yourself. But then there's... I feel this conflict as a woman of be yourself, Lizzo, love yourself no matter what you are. And then this other thing of do all of the microneedling, do the cool sculpting,

do the extensions. But that's also yourself. But it's also not myself. But if you want to do it, do it. If you don't want to do it don't do it but i'm like but i'm all i only would want to do it if you want me to do it and i want you to is is the real me wanting people to like me more so should i do it like do you ever have that conflict you don't seem to you just do whatever the fuck i do whatever the i you know what my like hack is that I am I just like tell the truth so it's like whatever I do I'm gonna tell everyone so I don't feel like there's no secret I'm not like hiding

anything like I think it's funny if my track show I think it's like my eyelash falls off I'm like bonus like I like that my app my fake abs look fake I like you know like I always make my fake tits look like really fake like I think it's funny to like be playing on it. But then also the, the plus side is, is it looks cute. Do you? It's like when you squint and you go,

are those abs? Yeah. But I know what you mean. It's almost like even, even people will admit to microneedling or getting lasers done, but not to fillers or to other parts of it because that's a more, I don't know, like a more, you know,

a real shameful cosmetic procedure, but it's like, it's all the same. It costs just not. It also doesn't like matter. People used to lie about their highlights. Like it used to be shameful to like, oh no, this is the hair I was born with. Like they used to be shamed.

It was almost like the way filler is now. Like, it's kind of acceptable, but a lot of people still lie about it. Now highlights, no one hides that. It feels like the same. No, you'd be a psycho. Like, if you did that, like, I'd be like, you're fucking crazy for trying to pull this off. But I feel like the farting and that with me is the same thing. I'm not like, I am like, am like just so like you know i'm just

so honest and it's like it's too hard for me to not be it's like almost like asperger's a little bit like where it's like i just fart and stuff because it's like i just it's too hard for me to upkeep the like lies of it all but todd loves that about you he feels closer with you guys for me i have to basically put it up front for somebody i burping does gross me out yeah i don't want a dude like if you're in the bathroom and i hear a couple farts here and there but like i i've been with someone who was just too a little too free with it and it took away the sexual energy between us and that's just a me thing and i'm not saying it's it's a correct thing for everybody but i know that it zaps it out of me and so i don't want to partake in your little

fart fest um to kind of preserve my sexual feelings for you and them respecting that boundary is like a turn on like it means like my boyfriend doesn't like fart stuff. I would love if he did, but he doesn't. Yeah, that's just his thing. Yeah, and I just respect that that grosses him out. And he can't help it. It's just a part of his fiber and who he is. He's not doing it to, like, keep you down. Yeah, he's not doing it to shame you.

You're not getting the dick to you because you burped and you're a bad girl. I feel like you like that, though. That turned me on. I know. I'm like, Nikki's talking to herself right now. Nikki needs to be alone can we get a divider i used to when i worked with special needs kids or kids with special needs that we would like there was always like an orientation before each summer it was a summer camp

that we'd in every orientation you have to talk about um self-stimulation and so we would because the kids just start jerking off yeah and because it was like it was like kids up to like i thought you were like teaching them how to do it yeah we're showing them yeah um it was like sit yeah sit indian style um rest your balls on your heels no um but so um wheel your wheelchair over here no but we were like you know we had like changing stations for them with their the mats yeah and then so like the rule protocol was when they started jerking off you can't stop them because it's like they're right they don't realize they're doing something wrong it's like so you would just take like the mat that you change them on and just like create a barricade for them give them my kids were higher

functioning and they weren't they weren't the jerk off ones so i didn't have to do when did you start jerking off um well i was uh i was catholic so very early suppressed yeah yeah no i i had a lot of shame around masturbation when i was younger um even around sex i think um i it it wasn't until i was much older that i was like oh i can do this every day and i should be doing this every day but as a teenager no i was like i did it but when i did i was like well what did i do like how shameful i couldn't look at myself in the mirror i think that is why annie you were talking about female comics everyone thinks all we do is talk about sex yeah we're you know and no all comics do you just watch if you just blindly watch all comics are only talking about sex it's good though to show the

general public what we get yeah met with because they don't know but i can't go down that road anymore i've done it usually one of my period it's like i can't respond to these people i create accounts to defend my friends i get mad i get i do like it does like the women aren't funny it's like i'm like, you're trash. Like, get away from me. That pisses me off. And then the all women talk about is sex. It's like all guys are talking about jerking off their dicks, fucking like the ones that

aren't are like predators that are trying to fuck the audience. So they're trying to pretend that's not what they're doing. Like, oh, I don't want to remind them. Right. I'm like, they keep their shows kid friendly so that they can fuck. Yes, exactly. For a reason. But I do feel like it's like it come I talk about sex so much I'm so comfortable with it and you because I just had the same thought that I'm sure people have with me when I say that I didn't have

sex I was 21 I'm scared of it very ashamed by it like you the person that's so comfortable with sex like you seem so comfortable talking about sex but that's so ironic that it was something that you weren't comfortable with but of course that makes sense because now that you once you learn you like oh wait this whole time i was like ashamed of this thing that's totally like fine i don't want to talk about it a lot so that someone out there that might be as ashamed as you were and living in this like prison of like feeling just like i don't know what's what it is and you just want to like get all the information out there it's like it's like with um they say like what is it guys think about sex every 10 seconds but we're not supposed to fucking talk about the thing everyone's like

thinking about and talk it's like that's the thing it's so annoying it's like but guy but april had like one of her responses was like well guys always talk about this this and this and it's like no no no they talk about sex yes they do specifically but you guys infantilize us and you look at us like we're objects or we're not allowed to have like thoughts so all you're thinking about you're only thinking about sex so then that's what you hear like i've done jokes that have nothing to do with sex and they'll write that under my thing i'm like that's not sex yep life if that's sex and everything in life is sex you know don't watch any special with your kids it's like why would you be watching a comedy special with your kids yeah get grandma out of

the room before you see annie it's like by the way grandmas are my fucking target and they're the best yeah yeah they're it's like well someone was saying this to me i can't remember who it was it was like maybe grandma who had 10 kids was it carlos doesn't know what i don't think it was car it was someone that reminds me of you was like a carlos like but they were like the grandmothers of now are not the grandmothers of when we first started the grandmother now are just like grandma like the the older the old people now are like cool as fuck yes they're like dirty fucking they are like people at my shows are so old my came to one show and was like your audience is old and i'm like i and they're cool i always

meet people my parents age i'm like you're my fan like yeah parents get so proud but yeah you're right it's not when we say grandparents like those people are like gone the ones that are like that are like you the greatest generation they're done they're gone and it's just it's fun it's like and i always feel like i'm like judging if i see like an audience member that's older and i'm like i always am wrong they're always wrong because i'll even get like a group that i i want to do crowd work i find out they all met at church they're all still laughing and all the yes yes and my stepdad is 75 and he watches this show and every time every week he texts us and he's just like that was just so entertaining sweetie

you know it's so like he's a 75 year old like teacher he can absolutely they can all handle well I keep calling my family with those fake boobs on and family is a different story well my nieces are like

My baby niece is like She's six now She's like She's like Let me see the neeps Let me see the neeps And then my brother and sister are like Do not

They look too real And I'm like I always like flash her a little nipple And she's just like laughing so hard It just cracks them up But it is weird Because they look so real They look so real

It's crazy The comedy star there And I was wild I'm so glad i don't have big boobs i i know exactly why you got your tits taken out wait tell me what what did you experience it's a different i am so so happy this is what i was given because they're so real you can see what how guys treat you too much it was too much nice at all? No, it's nice. When you got yours taken out, did you see the perks? So the upside was obviously this was a time when, you know, I was still drinking, doing that.

So it's like the male attention is heavy, but it's the wrong kind of male attention. It's not the male attention that I seek. is heavy but it's the wrong kind of male attention it's not the male attention that i seek and usually if i go to a bar and if i hit it off with somebody there is something more than just like usually i have to like find my way or like i usually there's a conversation that sparks it all and they're like oh i like that girl because she said this one thing about this one no it was like just my tits and that's my tits it's like wearing glasses it's like they go glasses girl like tits girl um it was crazy though like jeff died's like wearing glasses it's like they go glasses girl like tits girl um it was crazy though like jeff died i didn't even realize he hasn't spoken to me in

three years until i was wearing those tits he was like i know they're fake but it still works he was like opening doors right people were like rolling out a red carpet for me i was like but it made me like so appreciative of the amount of attention i get without tits i was like wow this feels like real yeah yeah i feel like awesome i feel really uncomfortable when i have cleavage because i feel like it's creating and this is so me kind of uh i'm embarrassed to say this i feel bad creating a just like creating something that men have to like fight to look at it's a disturbance like i feel bad for them that they are like being drawn to it and they can't it's yes it's full restraint you're surrounded by people that aren't being themselves that aren't being open yes like i was talking to like a couple of my married

friends it was like benji and um and uh ryan o'neill yeah you just got married oh my god that's so weird thank you for not inviting me. I'm like annoyed I didn't get to reject it. I would have said no, but no, but I was like talking to them and at the comedy show the other night with it and I was like going as a nip slip. So I had like the nip out and I was like, you can look at it like this isn't cheating, but like, how is it? It's like so because they're so real looking. Everyone was like, can I grab them?

I was like motorboating joe url the comic with cerebral palsy it was like really um it was just it was but you're right it's like it was like um yeah like throwing like a grenade and being like you can't look at the explosion even even for women like i know i can't if someone had their cleavages out i'm looking me too straight into it probably longer than the man like i'm really looking at it apparently well when did you get yours not out when did you get them in 28 and what made you get them um my sister had just gotten them at At that time, I was, I had, the last person that I dated before that was a Spanish footballer. And he loved girls with boobs.

Yeah. And so when that relationship ended and I started, and that whole summer I decided I was just going to get them. Somehow this was going to be my hot girl season. And then I started dating Bobby. And I remember I had already made my appointment to get them this is somehow this was going to be my hot girl season and then i started dating bobby and i remember i had already made my appointment to get my boobs done and he was like i will pay you the exact amount of money you're about to pay to not get them done um but in my head like let's split the difference i only get one and i i remember i was like he doesn't mean that he's a guy like he's just saying that to be this like sweet guy who,

but it turns out he really does like small breasts. So I got them anyway. And as soon as I woke up, I cried right into my double Ds. I'm like, I hate these. I hate these. I hate the way my body looks with this. You never enjoyed that. I think I took them out at a year and a half or under two years after.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Wow. It was like they were in there fast. And probably knowing that you were going to have to get them redone again is probably so daunting to know that you're going to have to go through it again. Oh, yeah. You have to do it once. You're just like, fuck, it's something I'm going to do again.

It's like buying a house. But also my body just fully rejected it. I started feeling all of these weird symptoms. I didn't feel good in my body. And I generally, I, I, I, all the clothes that I love being in, I could no longer wear. I had to change my entire wardrobe and I wasn't like cool tomboy anymore. I usually like baggy shirts. Like I just had a look to me that I could no longer be. So what your idea of what you thought it would be, was there anything that you invented in yourself wearing or like doing in that kind of like bikinis or anything? Did you take advantage of that at all?

Yes, I did. So like, I remember feeling like, oh, I don't ever have to wear a bra. So I never wore a bra. That was, they're so taut. They were just, if I could just wear white shirt, my nipples out, you know, so I had that freedom. That's, I think, what I was chasing. But I remember when I took my implants out and I, my boobs were back to normal and soft and a little bit, you know, saggier. I liked the look better without a bra. They were up here. They were tight. They were high and tight

i hated them um i look back at pictures now i'm like that is not me like that is not me recovery was that brutal yeah i feel like we just don't even when when women get their faces done or um liposuction or these or get your tits on they they're so shamed of doing it i mean some some of them are like before and after and it just seems like instant but that the recovery is so brutal right like just the blood and the pain and like having to walk around and like especially women getting their faces done they don't talk to anyone about it i've had friends do it and they i just had like vocal cord surgery i need and if there was no blood it was you know not painful but i needed so much support around me to get through that when did you have it um two months ago how hard was it to not talk it was awesome i mean oh you liked it i would never

be able to do it was so hard were you like that like the dad in legends of the fall where you had like a anthony hopkins you're like oh my god i don't know where he writes down i'm happy oh my god that makes me cry i don't't even know. You didn't watch this? No. You are going to die. Nikki, you don't know Tristan? I'm like wet right now. Really? Just thinking about it. Wait, is that the one where he falls for someone that kind of looks like you?

Yeah. Yes. Okay, I have seen that. Okay. Sorry. It's so crazy that you're not. Her name is Isabelle. I know.

Yes. We're so her. Okay, I have seen that. Don't remember to talk about it. This is why we're pretty sure she's going to end up dating Brad Pitt, but it's fine. Oh my god, yes. We are pretty sure it's gonna happen that makes so much i don't want to brag but everything i say comes true wait don't give me another alcoholic no you don't know i don't think he drinks anymore oh i would wish that for you for like a couple like no just so i can be right yeah yeah exactly it's not your it's not your husband right right right but i feel

like just yeah a lot of people get how to go through these surgeries and they don't they go through it alone because they're so shamed and they can't be like if i have a facelift which i'm going to have at some point i'm going to be like honest about it like yeah do you know there's no what why create content about the recovery but i think that we i wouldn't have known did you know how was it that painful or am i exaggerating like did you know the recovery was going to be what it was were you cared for it um pain yeah no i think that everyone is like oh yeah you can you can get back to work in two days is what they tell you right well you knew from your sister probably what it was going to be like right or did you guys do it two days apart no my recovery was rough like my my blood pressure

dropped a couple times like i just didn't my body didn't take to it like maybe other people did you guys do it two days apart? No, my recovery was rough. Like my blood pressure dropped a couple times. Like I just didn't, my body didn't take to it like maybe other people. Did you regret it right away? Were you like, fuck. Yeah, immediately. I was like, something's not right. And especially with Bobby being like, don't do it. Like you had someone that was like there telling you not to.

Can you imagine getting like, tits is one thing and like regretting that. That's got to like you crying into them. That's such like a scene. At least you could get them removed and it could go back to normal but like doing something to your face and then waking up and being like no like that's why the filler nose jobs i'm like ladies filler nose jobs also like yes filters on look at my nose yes filters on tiktok baby i think it's very brave for contour bitches stuff and i feel like we shame a lot of women for getting work done, but sometimes I'm like, that girl took a fucking risk.

It is a risk. And people go, what did Meg Ryan do to her face? Why would she? She didn't want to look like that. She got some bad advice. No one told her no. It went too far. She's just trying to look like she did in Sleep is in Seattle. She's trying to get that back.

But I think men especially oh and especially when they find out their girlfriends want to get stuff done they go no because they think of they see those bad plastic surgeries and go don't do this and it's like that woman didn't want to look like that we're all trying to stay young for you like better if you just don't say anything but also i'm not gonna know they're gonna be like oh my girl she's aging they don't know they don't. But they start to get so threatened because they think you're trying to get hotter for someone else. It's not about that. I want

to be perceived as hot, but it's not to fuck other people. I just want people to be nicer to me. Well, the culture of younger girls now is all the preemptive or whatever. Oh yeah, it's preventative. So it's like everybody

looks like but if you're 70 when they're 20 70 is the new 20 yeah it's like who cares it's like it's just like it's just like the look now like i don't think it looks better or like it's just like it is it's a lie because if you look at pictures of yourself when you're 11 and 12 we've always had these wrinkles yeah i've never not had these like all of my younger i've always yes always have had this yeah now it's like you have people telling you that oh no it's preventative take these out and i'm like wait no they're meant to be there they've been there since you were a child i'm just like where what's taking up the slack like if we shaved our heads like all the girls with botox just have like wrinkles i always think about my nose if i got my nose taken down

it's a tent pole for my face Like it's pulling the skin up If I do this It will drop Like I want to build up But your face has to Your face has to have like a certain I always feel like you have enough

Like the same amount of face meat right So like when you see a girl that's like Or a guy Like I can I see nose jobs Just because my One of my brothers had a Oh I see them all the way

I can see them I always tell Is that like my The proportions out Is that like my collapsed nasal valve yes oh oops i just see them because they're always tiny and they have a little boop yeah they do like uh like there's like a ski slope situation but which it looks cute but it's like you got to put that meat somewhere else gotta go to the chin the cheeks somewhere like that's interesting i feel like the same amount like you can just move it to different areas and when you fill your skin has gotten the reason that you're getting wrinkles is because your skin is getting looser okay so then when you fill it's this it's just you your face gets big

because it's just filling out the more skin so that's why women's faces just get huge with filler so you gotta you gotta watch it but i i mean i i do fill it so i got like like right when i smile there's like a dent here i can't i saw it on the tiger belly video and i'm like i can't deal with it there's a dent but i think everyone eventually gets that you get i don't know if it's natural or not but like it's i need to get it like filled in but when they go in they fill it that's i think it's because you and i like you're cheeky i'm cheeky as well so we get this little like it's yeah dimple right here yes yeah but it's i don't know it's you feel i feel great whenever i get stuff in my face i'm like you're so brave you took a shot and it like worked out and then a couple days later i'm like oh why did

you do that do you notice like if someone else has like a dent or something oh i i know everyone and what they've done i've i would have thought you've had stuff done but you are just like a gorgeous person i would think if i didn't know you and i just saw you i would think you've had cheek filler but not a lot and i think you'd have a maybe a chin job like a chin like a chin sharpening i actually have like a scar from my my scooter accident have you ever had any filler or anything wow but she made a good point because she has um she doesn't make a lot of big facial expressions like ever yeah you are kind of like you are you're like sociopath everyone no you're like you're a mean doll i'm like no i literally have like a

yeah yeah i just i have a resting face yeah i'm arresting my dad called me a bitch face my dad was mean okay he's very nice now yeah kim Kardashian never like does not smile and i remember hanging out with a jennifer lawrence once and she like was like stop stop making me laugh like and holding her face so that it wouldn't oh my god i don't want to live like that i don't want to i had but you look great on camera that's all that matters yeah right yeah thanks for adding one no but I mean no no I'm just saying like like you are in this like world like you're maybe not like the movie star status yet but you're like you're like hosting these Netflix shows and stuff and you're like on and you look great so it's like isn't is that what telegenic I'm not photogenic but I'm telegenic I mean I think you're photogenic too but I'm just

saying like you know what I mean where it it's like, like she seems so worried. Like we were talking about to Stacey Bacon about how she was in Smile and she's like, the whole movie is her face. Yes. And she's like, it was before I got Botox. But I'm like, no, because she's being an actress. Like if she had had Botox, it would have been weird. You need to move your face.

And she's screaming. I mean, the whole part is like, it's a close up of her face screaming. Yeah. So it is just like, what's the, what's the move? Wait, my friend, oh, my friend told me

that she heard somewhere or maybe she just noticed that great actresses, especially Jennifer Lawrence, speaking of, never blink in scenes and that's the, that's how to be a good actress

is that you just never blink because blinking just kind of makes you look nervous and like you're out of your element. You're like, what's my next line? I'm going to start trying. That's why i can never be an actress like i have excessive blinking you do yeah yeah yeah when i even if there's like a tiny thought in my head

my eyes start to go like this oh my god that's how we know you're thinking shit about us oh she's blinking again she's head talking shit about me what do they call me like somebody like somebody wrote something they were like they called me like blink 183 or something blink the number of times you blink it was so funny which is our year before 84 84 yeah 1984 blink 184 it was so funny when i read it i'm like they're so right i'm just an excessive like he's hot dogs um blinker so i really really um i'm always in awe with people like who can just maintain i also i'm not great with eye contact like i have to reset reset yeah well do you say um do you say filler words a lot i say like and um all the time all the time and i'm done trying to not do it i'm i think it's a

way to dismiss women again i think it's just a way all they say are like it's just a thing that you hear women well here's the thing the reason why saying like and um is a negative thing is because you're not sounding like concise and to the point but you guys aren't listening to us anyway so who cares you don't like what we're saying so bye it's and it's for people we i talk fast and if i talk fast i to put in likes because I'm not, you know. No, you and I are. I'm not good at doing stand up like this. And taking my time with a punchline.

I have so much respect and also disdain for comedians who just don't care about getting laughs. disdain for comedians who just don't care about getting laughs they can just take a really long time to get to a punchline and tell a story and take someone through a moment and we know exactly who you're talking really oh i don't even know who i'm talking about i can just think there's just so many people who just go did you do like a half smile there no i swear i don't have anyone in mind but i think it's most comedians. I mean, even Chappelle. I mean, Chappelle has a right to do whatever the fuck he wants at this point. Well, Chappelle takes the pause break so he can slap the mic on his knee.

Yeah. I'll do it. I'm not above a knee slap. I'll do it. I can't do it because I really wish I could take more time on stage because I think audiences will go with you if you're captivating enough. I mean, you don't want to go at your own speed. You don't want own speed but I like I need to like last every second do you feel like you're like performing like I'm going up like as myself saying things yeah that's like people that are

like doing a show which a lot of people are but it's like you're doing a show like I would be so unhappy doing a show of just doing it the same way or you every time and always getting a little bit whimsical at one point. But at the every time. This made me laugh. Like I said it for the first time when I said it literally, like I hate Broadway shows. It's too rehearsed.

I don't like rehearsed. I remember when I first started comedy. So I started like hanging out with a specific group of people. And one of the guys I hung out with, he was like, had been in comedy maybe four years when I started. And one of the guys I hung out with, he was like, had been in comedy maybe four years when I started. And I was, I went to two shows in a row and I couldn't believe it when I saw him go like, what's that word? Two times in a row. And I was

like, what is, what did you do? Why are you doing that? And he was like, well, you know, it gives the audience like, it makes them feel like you're coming up with it right then, which is like, I guess, brilliant in a way, right? Yes. Yes work he did like kill but i'm like you don't do comedy anymore because you probably wanted to die doing that every day yeah i don't i want it i'm just like get into any kind of like and like i had this bit about you know guys saying that like dating younger women and being like well she has an old soul and i really when i wrote it it was i was like furious at older men saying this and so like i wrote it with a lot of anger then i went through a stage where i was just like i don't care these let people be with who they want but when i did my special i like something happened

that day earlier with like a guy older guy that with a younger girl that i just i don't even know what it was but it enraged me and i was able to access that I didn't have to fake it that night on stage and it felt so good and then it god I was even more mad about it but it is hard when you write a bit that is like really written in like anger then you kind of get you work through it yeah you're like you're like I don't the other end of it lame to be mad about this now I have a question so I remember hearing I remember where it was but someone had asked you like they're like oh you're coming back to this place is it going to be the same set or whatever like what's the set and you were like I it's going to be you're like I'm pulling from several hours of comedy like yeah it was something does that do you remember saying that I mean like it could be

like well yeah me too I mean yeah yeah but like I would when do you start when you're going to do a special because I have to do a special soon it's's like when you do a special, how far ahead of time are you going? Like I'm locking these jokes on. That's so embarrassing to answer. I mean, honestly, it varies. But I procrastinated so much on my life. When are you taping? Because it's not fun.

I don't have the date yet. Well, when you get the date, I'd say like I lock, I would lock mine. I didn't lock it minutes before and then change it for the second show because i can't i can't like survive in uh just like saying the same it sucks i it's not fun you like a month before you start like maybe thinking about what works and then dropping the things that you're like it's a c it's not gonna become an a in this amount of time stop fooling yourself that this joke that's been a c for five years is gonna finally find its way and then you start just doing all the a stuff even though you're bored of it or a b and then you make a set list like

i don't know like a week before and then i just run it a ton and i have like an ipad on stage and i just follow it to a t to time it out and then have friends come see it and then help tag it out and then you'll come up with news and then it'll then it feels fresh because you have like new stuff because i just cannot going on the road it's like people can come see me you can stay the whole weekend you're not gonna you're not gonna see the same set yes same for me it's gonna be totally wild you have i have no clue what's happening i don't know what i'm gonna say sometimes i am gonna laugh at my own jokes because i'm like oh that was fun yes what just came out if i laugh at my own joke it is genuine yeah i'm really backing myself up yes and that's what I like about watching you,

too. It's like it's just there's no performative. And I know that a lot of people do like that in their comedy. They want to go see a show. They like they don't mind it to have a performative quality. But I also think that they don't know that it's performative. I think that person is tricking them. And I want people to be better purveyors of comedy. Is that the right word? I want people to be a little bit more savvy when it comes to comedy and not get tricked by the laughing

at your own joke. The thing of like, what's that word? What was it? It was on the tip of my tongue. This happened this morning. Speaking of tips of your tongue, why were we talking about the tip of the tongue? happened this morning those kind of things that like tips of your tongue why were we talking about the tip of the tongue yeah oh god or or flubbing like i've done we've all done this where you flub a joke and then you may in the moment you make like a funny joke off of that and you're like oh i'm gonna have to recreate that moment and so if i do that i will make it

very obvious that that's it will be so rehearsed looking that i feel like i i hope the audience knows that that is not me faking it. But I just want people to be more savvy. But I think anyone who watches your shows is a savvy. But don't you feel like, but don't you feel like too when you're like feeling like sometimes I just go, let everyone do everything they want to do. I know you. Because last week we were talking about how, did you see the article that was like making, it was like talking shit about all the guys doing talking about their kids and comedy no it's like let them talk about their fucking kids like

then i'm like what was their point about it like that they were that it's like too earnest or something it's like you don't decide like they have an earnest moment who cares i like your thing of like no no no you saying just let them do like who can't don't police anyone's stand because it is like it's always like a time i'll be honest i get jealous of performative comedy because i can't do it it's too hard it's too much work to come up with a script and like those are people that sit down and memorize lines and work and then listen to their set afterwards and i'm jealous i've taped every set and so i'm shaming it so that i don't have to do it. Nikki, do you ever feel like do you, because I feel like, because I have ADD, it's like I always have this

sort of like the grass is greener or like tomorrow I'll figure this out. So I always am like maybe there's going to be a time where I figure out just the sitting down and writing stuff and not just be like and then like, oh shit that worked, okay. I've taped every set. I've taped every

single set and never listened to a single one i have thousands of hours on my phone uh say hard drives never will listen i always tell my parents like if i die put out that like have someone go through it and put that out as like the lost tapes how sad would it be if it's just all the same set you realize like you really have only been doing the same set like if you go to like a set from 2012 and you're like, oh God, fuck, am I still doing that? How'd that happen?

I wouldn't be surprised. Yeah. Sorry, this is boring. I wasn't like saying. it's not, no, no.

No, it's fine. No, you got finally escaped. Oh my God. You escaped comedy. I know you got away from people talking about comedy. We are.

When I look at Olivia Munn, I'm like, how did you get roped into this? Like Olivia, you're on the road? Like you're Olivia Munn. Run. What are you doing i forbid my openers from talking to me about stand-up on the road like i i hate talking

about stand-up so much and it's that doesn't seem like it from this conversation but i hate going over a set and being like i think this really worked what about this tag like i male comics i think really enjoy doing well that remember we're talking about i was i was talking to the comic so i'm like i there's so many of my comic friends I just saw from New York that I haven't seen in a while and it's like it's been so long since I saw them that I'm like what do we talk about like I was like I don't even know what like you like I don't even know how to like please you like what compliment do you want to hear like in LA it's like nice shoes we all just want to fuck each other and now that we all just like flirting or something you know we're all like

married and like not into each other yes everyone got fat it's like yeah but it's but then I realized what the New York male comics want is they want you to go like they really like when you use that word instead of that word and I'm pleased to the timing and he went it was really on rhythm like i can't yes i found out one of those i could give you one i just i've i've barred like my my friend andrew who would open for me and i do a podcast with he knows like don't be like did you did you think i should do this line or like i just go why would you ask i don't think i watched your set he knows that i don't either i like, if you ask me to watch your set, I'll watch one minute of it. Yeah. You know?

And this could be you're doing a whole hour. I am. It's so hard. When people go, I'm sorry, other comics, I'm sorry I haven't seen your special. I'm like, ew, why would you watch it? Like, you're a comic. No offense. No, it's so crazy.

I do. I'm just getting back into watching people stand up. And it is good to do because you realize like you realize how important how good the art form is and i forget because i think i was jaded for a while but you are like man this is actually like i get it now it's weird to but there are people who and i heard the thing of like would you ever listen to a musician that's like i don't listen to music it'd be like ew no i would never so that kind of sounds like bobby he never watches um comedies at all yeah like any funny movie so everything he watches is very dark so horror is his number one genre that or like

super like sci-fi did he see terrifier too yet no i don't think so we were supposed to watch barbarian oh barbarian was good you like horror stuff i Mm-hmm. I like gore. Really? I like slicey, slicey. Oh, my God. But no rom-coms, nothing where- Remember when Jake Gyllenhaal was like a half-man and his appendix were coming? What's that one? In the train movie. What was that train movie? Oh, yeah.

And at the end, he was just like- Source code? Oh, source code. He was just like- Oh. He was just like, you could see his intestines. He looked like a genie. What do you guys think of laziness apparently being a myth?

To call someone lazy is not a thing. What are they saying about it? That it's actually very detrimental to call someone lazy. It's usually... It's like a human made... Our jokes aren't lazy lazy remember that laziness is a puritanical myth based on the sin of idleness and used to oppress people into forced labor you either need rest more inspiration or are denying yourself something you want because

a part of you feels like you don't deserve it. Well, she seems like she was a little lazy with that brush, huh? Brush your hair, bitch, huh? A little comb? Come on, we're looking at you. Laziness is like it's the thing of, no one's ever deemed themselves lazy or

been called lazy and felt inspired to do something about it. It always makes you more lazy. It makes you go into shame. Like what I always think about when I was kind of doing eating disorder recovery and they were talking about binge eating, like if you go on a binge and let's say it gets out of control and you kind of stop and you go, Oh, I'm such a piece of shit. I ate like, you know, 20 cookies when I only wanted one, the shame that you feel about those 20 cookies, it's going to make you eat the rest of the bag of cookies.

Whereas if you just go, well, yikes, looks like I needed 20 cookies. I'm going through something emotionally. You could stop at the 20 cookies. Right. So like,

I think the laziness thing, when I call myself lazy, it's, it's cutting. It's like to hurt me more. Right. It's never going to be calling someone's lazy has never gotten any, we have a flashback to earlier.

Just like the devil. Like, remember the devil sticks? Yeah, devil sticks. Yes, I do. Oh, my God. I want to play with them so much. But I truly don't think if you think about it, no one is lazy. Ron Babcock is like an excellent.

Do you remember him? Of course he would be. Ron Babcock is like a number one devil sticker. What is a devil stick? You don't know devil sticks. I don't know devil sticks. You fucked a devil stick, bitch. No, you didn't.

There are two batons, and then there's One long one in between that you like Hit back and forth And you can throw it up in the air When when I've never seen this in my life It's like you're having your own like dirty dancing It's so fun Oh that seems fun

It was fun No camp I was always like oh my god he's such a good devil sticker But Ron Babcock's still good at it It was fun. No, camp, I was always like, oh my God, he's such a good devil sticker. But Ron Babcock's still good at it. Do you guys feel lazy? Like, do you feel like, because I feel like I always call myself lazy and people go, you're the least lazy person. I go, you don't know. You don't know that.

It looks like I'm doing a lot from like my tours and podcasts, but that's. I'm pretty sure I have some form of dysautonomia like like like they call it pots like postural orthostatic like hypotension my blood pressure drops a lot a lot of words for me to but it's called pots and it's basically i feel chronic fatigue and i have to fight it every day every time i work out it's like this battle in my head. And I've always shamed myself for being like, why don't I want to just get up? Is that why they call marijuana pot? Probably. I think I have some milder version of it.

And how do you get through? How do you motivate yourself to work out when you are? She's just a hot person. No, she has a habit of it. No, wait, can I say what I think? Pretty bad, though. No, but you. no she has a habit of it no wait can i say what i think pretty bad though no but you okay so in your blood because she was raised as an athlete and she was like the the meal ticket for the

family they're like swim bitch swim so this is just me imagining i didn't know you were a swimmer yeah she was a swimmer college and through college wow girl she was like the champion i was a 200 meter butter were you a swimmer i mean just in high school i was a swimmer really yes i love i miss it i started to get a butterfly and then i Were you a swimmer? I mean, just in high school. I was a swimmer. Really? Yes. I love, I miss it. I started to get a butterfly and then I got in a car accident. I'll get you back there. Oh, shit.

Butterfly was like, I was like, once I started to get the rhythm of butterfly. That's my party trick. You can bust as an adult doing butterfly at a pool and just go, and then your tit falls out and then everyone loves it. It is because you're like, oh, it's like one of those motivational posters that's like succeed that's coming over to see you. I had those posters. But I think that the trick with butterfly is not in your arms.

It's your leg and you have to have a strong second kick. It's like the rhythm too. Yeah. But if you kick once, your second kick has to come. Like it's not a one kick, one pull, one kick, one pull. It's one kick, pull, second kick. So I'll get you there, Annie. Anyway, so her mom was.

Yeah. But so I think you got the habit, though. And like in your head, your identity, this is just like all my hypnosis stuff. Your identity is of an athlete and someone who exercises. So you're going to feel like so bad if you don't exercise, right? How often do you exercise? I've been pretty bad in the last couple months. But bad for me is not that bad.

Right. But bad is probably like three times a week which is average and when i do work out it's like uh i'm i'm working out like i'm not what are you doing i'm lifting i'm making sure that i break a sweat are you like i've worked out with annie no no no no but if i can if i'm doing 30 minutes or 45 minutes it's going to be a hard consistent it's you're not taking breaks to just like walk around, strut around. No, which I'm trying to change. I'm trying to be easier on myself because I'm like, what is the point of all of this? Why? This is dreadful. So I'm trying to find ways that are like, you know what?

If this is a 30-minute workout, but I can pause and even if it takes me an hour and a half to get through it, at least I'm being nice to myself in the process. And do you feel more energized after you do it? Love it. I'm happy. I make better decisions. I'm nicer to people. I'm nicer to, in my relation, I'm more content in my relationships. It's really fucked up and psychological,

but I am so chronically tired to the point where sometimes I just, it's hard for me to immediately respond to emails yeah responsive text messages and they sit there and i'm like why can't i just fucking reply to well we know that bobby has the same problem but we know it's not from x why when did you get diagnosed with this because i feel like i really i'm relating to this so much of just like my boyfriend comes home from work and he wants he's been working all day longer than goes to work before me right and then he gets home and he's like let's go shopping for that blanket you wanted to get let's go to let's go let's go for a walk to the beach let's go and i'm like how do you want to i wish i was someone who wanted to do these exactly so i'm

you have your dogs no because dog walking too that's the thing that like i have to save my life and it's like i have to do it and then i i made a decision where i was like i i when my boyfriend asked me to go out for a walk with the dog, I always say yes, even though I fucking want to just lay there. And he's always like, you can lie. And I'm like, no, because I want to go. And then the dog wants us together. It's cute. Yeah.

It's happy. So I just have to force. And then once I do it, it's fine. I actually have more energy for later things. But it is like, it's not. I think for me, all of my laziness is procrastination. It's all like some fear of something on the other end of getting work done. Maybe.

Or that, I try to think of it. I'm like, what is happening here? Even when I procrastinate. But truly, like my body does just, it wants to like be one with the bed. Like I just cannot get up. And like you're saying, where it's like your boyfriend comes home and he's still energized to do more things. I'm like, how? He's been like your boyfriend comes home and he's still energized to do more things. I'm like, how?

He's been holding all those farts and he's got extra gas. How? He's ready to go. I really do envy people who wake up and then get shit done because I work well in 50 minute increments in big bursts of time.

That's nice to know. That's a good amount of time too. You get so much time. And then I need a break. So like when I have meetings with George or the guys, guys after 50 minutes there's a glaze that comes over me and i'm just tired and i'm i've completely checked out and i need to go lie in bed yes yes and have my phone like like this and put on white noise and just go like oh and it's bright and beautiful outside and there's a friend that wants to go to lunch with me and i'm like i can't i just need how hot is she you know she's a friend she takes you to the green bar

sometimes i look at you and i'm so envious of like how much you can get done in a day like you're up and adam in the morning that's so weird that people see you in the exact opposite way you see yourself yeah and i think you're right because people see me as like always busy. I would think the same thing. But you know what it is? It's because we don't reward our wins. We highlight our failures to ourselves. And it's like Bonnie McFarlane gave me the best advice the other day.

It was like so weird and so like it seems like bad advice. But because I do wake up so early a lot in the day, it becomes a problem where I'm like too exhausted. I can't use my tools. I'm like I'm just like not fresh. I'm not getting stuff done the way I'm like having anxiety because I'm just so tired. So she was like, you need to start like rewarding yourself for sleeping in. So I did it the other day where I was like, I was like, oh my God, you made it to 9am. Like, yes. Wow.

And then I like slept till 10. And then I did have like this great day because I did have like a busy couple of days coming up because I just get so overwhelmed by there was like a thing on i think it was daily stoics instagram and it said oh that guy he stresses me out but he's like you're gonna die remember you're gonna die yeah oh god marcus aurelius said that you every morning like he was always breaking down things that the stoic said like that that guy stresses me out he's always getting things done he's like writing eight books a day but it is also like he has a family he's like there's a these people dump some trash i'm gonna pick this up then i'm gonna write a book and marcus really said like and but here's the thing he probably does the same amount of stuff we do i know because i want to see his downtime because we like i want to see everyone i want to

see people's downtime i asked my friend the other day i go i i want to see everyone's i want to see people's downtime i asked my friends the other day i go i i'm on a girl's chat with my friends and i asked them the other day take me through your day i want to see i want to know what you do oh my god i really am tired of comparing myself my friends like to go like shopping at like for new plants for their house so they like to that's why i don't like when people go nikki you need a day off and i'm like a day off to you looks like going to go to the grocery store to meal plan and then making meals for the whole week and then you know doing your front stoop and making it putting up decorations for halloween like i think days off to people are full of chores and i don't

i want a day off where it's literally nothing and i don't think those exist in america like you're a lazy piece of shit if you we our job would allow us that though like it's just would you allow yourself that because well because our work does this is fun like this doesn't feel like work even though it is but sometimes it does it just depends it's a because it sometimes it's like depending on how many we've seen those people um um i'm I see red flags. And people who are chronically busy really alert me in all of the wrong ways, especially if it's somebody that I'm interested in and I see a guy who's always busy. Because someone asked this question. I don't know where. I forget what it was.

But are you healed or are you just distracted? And I think a lot of people throw themselves in these like busy work mode to try to not deal with anything else in their lives like are they gonna crash eventually yeah it's like or maybe i'll just like cry like i'll just like be like all right but i've been called or like i've been i've maybe shamed myself into thinking i've been lazy my whole life so much so that before i date a guy seriously i have to be hey, like I'm a lounger. Like I have to tell him, like I like to loaf around and kind of chill.

So if that's not like your thing, like we're just not going to get along. But Kalilah, do you have social anxiety or just not like enjoy being out that much? I love being out. I feel exhausted when I talk to people I'm not fully comfortable with. Like I'm like, I'm always tense.

Yeah, like you, like how many nights a week would you have like what your birthday was last year? Oh, by the way, when was your birthday? Yesterday. Happy birthday. I knew it was round here. I'm 38. Nearing, yes bitch.

Welcome to the club. But I'm 39 now bitch. Oh my God. I feel feel i always feel a year older i'm just i get myself there so that when it happens it doesn't feel yeah yeah well i just feel i'm enjoying it all it's all fine it's all been good and a big night out no but i'm thinking about like you're like so kalilah's birthday party last year was it yeah was like a karaoke room and it was like all of her friends and her family and so it was like it's a lot of work yeah but those are all the people that i was very like i'm already

super close with so fun and easy so how many nights a week would you do that if that a week okay well i'm finding out once every once a year because i like going out i like so much i guess so it's like i love going out and doing stand-up so much that it's like it wouldn't even like occur to me to not but i feel like you are energized by other people and you energize them back and i don't feel that same way i feel absolutely drained afterwards um but i'm proud of myself after like i come home i'm like oh i did that i had that but do you ever have i feel like you have the dread of doing something. And then when you do it, it's fun.

Exactly. It's rarely not fun. Like, it's rare that we really get caught in a situation where we have to talk to people that we're like, this sucks. I mean, it happens. Right. But we, I think, anticipate that more than it really happens. Yeah.

I think I dread every single thing in my life. I think I dread. Yeah. Oh, no. I have, over, well, this was what I was going to say. So the Daily Stoic guy, he had a thing where it's like, you're not overwhelmed. You're just not managing your time. But I think on top of that, I have my dread. Like I just shot this thing this morning and then I knew I was going to have to shoot this.

And I almost said no to this like really fun thing that I did because I was like, wait, I'm gonna have to get up at five in the morning. And then I'm also going to have to do something like in the afternoon. And then like, who knows if I'm gonna have to get up at five in the morning and then I'm also gonna have to do something like in the afternoon and then like who knows if I'm gonna have to do a spot or whatever like just the dread of being tired for one day was like so much of not getting enough sleep and then I ended up like having so much fun and I'm like fuck I would have been so sad if I didn't do that and it and it's like I always look at myself like I'm burdened by my opportunities like when people ask me to like do yeah like they're like come be on my show or something like like i i go through like a whole like spiral i hate when it happens because at

first you're just like i because i you feel that you feel like you should say yes you know it will be fun afterwards you know it yeah but there's just that dread and that fear of not getting enough sleep and um and also just of yeah i really just relate to not when you get asked to do things. I'm like, how fucking freaking out about it and being like, how am I? But then also not having anything to do is horrifying. And I don't know what to do with my time and thinking that someone else is doing that thing. Like, I just got jealous that you've been up since five and you like work today. It was really fun.

Like, I'm like, I just got jealous. I was like, Nikki, you should have done a thing today why did you turn that down it's like i just sat and got like i got an iv drip today because i needed one for this inflammation i've been having and i just was like sitting there and just like you lazy piece of shit and they're like you're going to the spa getting a massage those kind of things it's like the self-care that we're all shamed into if you don't do it you're shamedamed. And then if you do it, I just feel guilty. Well, we have to stop worrying about what other people are saying to us. And we should be like, what do we want?

Like, that's just like, you always have to silence that because it's like, you're never going to. No. It's a million people with a million ideas. Yeah. I think also it's the idea that you have to earn rest. Yeah. It is really, really the most fucked up thing.

My friend once said, I was living with, she goes, you're the only person who I've ever heard say I didn't earn a nap today. And she's like, what does that even mean? I'm like,

you can't just, those are treats. That's dessert. You have to eat your dinner for, I see that nap is the fuel though. The nap is the fuel for the nap thing. Yes. I love,

and you know what? Like, I love sleeping. Me too. I love dreaming. I don't understand. I love it. Same. I don't understand people who are like and you know what like i love sleeping me too i love dreaming i don't know i love it same i don't understand people are like you know i'm like that is the one of the most waking up after a deep slumber and having nothing to do immediately and just sitting scrolling i never give myself that feeling though scrolling i like sleeping i like being in a bed with my partner next to me and not talking to him

and we're both on reddit i like all the things that you're not supposed to read it bad girl reddit i love reddit too dark i know i love this intervention reddit that's where i get all the learn from annie and i yeah no reddit's too far oh i don't worry i don't i do my own subreddits it's like taylor Taylor Swift Wait have you listened To the whole album yet? It's memorized Midnight Rain is like my favorite song I love it so much and it's so

I felt like there are so few songs That women in like Taylor Swift is like her stuff is so relatable But that one I'm like oh I don't know that Every woman can relate to this because it talks about like He was feeling comfortable I was chasing that fame like chasing fame pain he was comfortable i'm like i don't know that i'd be like a woman in the midwest being like chasing that fame chasing like and being able to but i when i heard that song i was like oh i relate they made it for

me and there's a song made for esther it's called mastermind i swear that song i haven't listened to the whole thing what so mastermind is about tricking a guy into please love it to mastermind and tell me i dare you to not think of s i was i was thinking about you though because by the way you have completely merged yourself isn't it funny that i did not get a taylor swift press box that fucking spencer pratt got one like all these people got one and they I've never I follow them I'm like I've never seen you post about Taylor Swift ever and I got no I'm like I'll buy the things that she threw in the box already teasing you I feel I cried I cried because I was so hurt I was like not that I want anything from her I don't tag her in things

I don't want to bother her because I want her to be able to create I don't want her I don't want to meet her I don't need to have her go like calm me to be able to create. I don't want her. I don't want to meet her. I don't need to have her go like, calm me down. And like, that's so funny. The idea that we thought you needed her to calm you down. Then you thought we were all like Nikki. It's like,

she doesn't have time to come. I would cry. I would cry and be like, you just, and her just being like, Oh, thank like, that's too much.

She could put that towards a song. I don't want to bother. I wasn't. It's not that I was like, I always like, like Taylor Swift songs and stuff, but I never was like, like when you were obsessed with her. I wasn't. It's not that I was like, I always like Taylor Swift songs and stuff, but I never was like, like when you were obsessed with her,

I was like, okay, Nikki, that's like, okay, that's your person you're obsessed with or whatever. I was listening to some of the songs and I was like, I get it because it is like so inspirational that she just did all this shit by herself

this way. Like, it's like, it speaks to me. I'm so happy I have it. It's so, I know it's so lame. I can't, I'm just like, it's it it's so lit i know it's so lame i can't i'm just like it's just

it feels like almost the way like it feels like an identity and then like as a white girl i don't really have one like it's sad that that has to be mine but i feel it just feels it's something it's something i care about more than anything well with the competitiveness can you use her as like would taylor swift have time to be looking at this person's thing? Oh, you know what I mean? That girl, that girl has,

I mean, her new song, um, uh, antihero is about like hating yourself and always like reading what everyone says and not ever being enough. Imagine having that many fans and reading them though. That's like endless.

There's this one line there about, she talks about being a covert narcissist oh yeah did you uh but the oh my god i can't come up with it right now but the line about like sometimes i feel like everybody is a sexy baby and i'm a monster on a hill and you're just like oh and she's just like crawling around in the music video like a big old monster and like the fact that taylor swift thinks she's a monster and that they're sexy babies like there's she's comparing herself she has this song called nothing new with phoebe um bridgers on her red album that if i know that you probably have phoebe bridger phoebe bridgers it is so good because it's about being like we started out

young right we were like we got the attention for being young and then you start you go oh my god i'm not the young one anymore i was getting attention for being the young cute one and then you become eclipsed by the next thing and it's about people kind of like getting tired of you there's just so much to compare to but what was the did mike did you i was my covert narcissism disguises all true that one where it's like some kind of congressman the the she goes did you hear my covert narcissism i might disguise as altruism oh my so she's acknowledging that she might be a covert narcissist which is hugely i mean she's more calling out people who've called her that yeah but she's giving him a nod to it and i felt like this album of every single one before it i just felt like man she is just digging it made me

want to be a more honest artist well wasn't her like wasn't the wasn't called midnights because it was like different nights that kept her up yeah that's so fucking awesome up thinking about and i mean it is cool to like break the fourth wall with your audience and like let them see and then her last song Dear Reader so good it's so she does this whole album that's just like and we're just eating it up being like she's I'll do anything Taylor Swift said like for me I'm just like she's a saint and then she goes the last song is called Dear Reader and it's like don't trust a narrator who has problems yeah basically don't don't take advice from someone who's falling apart and I'm falling apart clearly so like don't put me on this pedestal and it was just like and then our song and then mastermind is like i thought that was so honest to admit that you

like this thing that this she's like sorry babe you thought it was fate that we met that night like i i had i planned it all yeah like us gently touching in that crowded room that was planned us like and she was and then it just it just being just so honest and i felt like she is someone that is very um curated and she's been called orchestrated which is just a way to call like dismiss women like or calculated it's like so i'm not supposed to plan anything you know and so i think it was just an answer to it then pick where we're gonna eat yeah but it's um i was in her documentary like talking shit about her yeah and it was like it was a wake-up call of all the humans on earth that didn't want that to happen so ironic that it happened that way but i i care so much about her i was like because my

friends go no way that she was just my voice going she's too thin and all her model friends ugh enough like i said something like that that's too thin and all her model friends. Ugh, enough. Like I said something like that. That's so funny. And it was during the 1989 era when she was struggling with an eating disorder. She had all model friends. I was like, she wouldn't let me be her friend with the way I look right now. And I was just.

Yeah, it was like all just like. Yeah. And so I, my friends were like, there's no way that's your voice. Like, because it was just my voice in the trailer. And I go, I'm in this fucking documentary. And they were like, you would never say that about her i'm like they're like you love her she's like your best friend i go yeah i've talked about you this way bitch like i this is the way you talk about your friends when they get too skinny and like get friends

better than you and do you um how often have you had dreams where you're hanging out with taylor swish often yeah and you're hanging out let's be honest. I love that she works with Jack Antonoff. Yes. Who's from The Bleachers. And I think I always recommend if you ever want to watch like a great live show, The Bleachers is it. Yeah. So entertaining.

Yeah. He's so fucking good. He's such a hot boy too. Yeah. Do you like, would you ever want to like work with the people she's worked with? Do you have eyes on that type of thing? My friend asked me the other day, this is a good question to ask yourselves if you could get a call right now on your phone with an opportunity or just any call really and it in within reason

you know um what would it be what would be the call what would they be saying what would they be i'd still be like god damn it why are you asking me to do something i know i'm busy i can't make that movie it's an interesting question because i don't i don't want them of course i want to be asked to host snl at some point but when that call comes in i'm gonna be like god damn it like this is a lot oh my god how much pressure i got it's hard to read it's going to be a hard yes this is when america learns i'm not kidding i cannot read yeah i just did a thing with um t Killam and Bobby Moynihan today. And it was like crazy to be like reading prompter.

And I was like, oh, God, you guys are fucking so used to this. I'm like still learning to read. Sorry. Before we end, I wanted to ask you guys this question that's been on my brain, which is a friend of mine's husband recently got a vasectomy. And she basically was like, I'm afraid that once he gets it, because they already have like a couple of kids together. I'm afraid when he gets it, I'm not going once he gets it, because they already have like a couple of kids together, I'm afraid when he gets it, I'm not going to be as like sexually attracted to him anymore.

And is there something to our biology of knowing that we could get pregnant from someone that turns us on? The amount I like anal says no. She's got that Catholic girl in her. That's interesting, though. I would have never thought of that, but that's a really good catch for her. Because after the vasectomy, apparently, you have to masturbate 50 times to make sure that you empty out the gun completely. I don't want to see a medical masturbation, okay?

That's what they are. Like a prescribed masturbation, like you got this one. Also, the number 50 just are like a prescribed masturbation like you got this how and also the the number 50 just seems like a wild guess to me yeah like around 50 50 that's how much that stuff sits around in there i guess masturbation locked and loaded a lot but do you think that like how do you would that change the way you feel like i i like that there's like a breeding fetish of yes get me pregnant there's like a it's hot i say it all the time i don't want to get pregnant i we do not we you know there's no plan of that but like it's brought up every single time well i i when i sleep with boys i tell them beforehand no matter what i say you cannot come inside but nothing but then during

it's like give me that baby like just blast full load like really are like and i gotta pull him in but then beforehand i'm like no matter what i said before yeah so it's kind of like when your biology takes over and you're in like the heat of the moment like you do want to be cummed into nothing feels better than a nice but i guess maybe the vasectomy though you get to get cummed in and so maybe if you when you enter that mammal brain you're not thinking about vasectomy he had it taken out it's just cum is cum like any kind of fluid in you or you maybe i can still get turned on knowing that it's reversible yeah it's reversible and they're not like 100%. You're just like picturing him going in for a fucking reverse. Or maybe

like maybe the challenge of maybe him still getting me pregnant even with a vasectomy. Oh, that's hot. Yeah. Like, let's see. Because there have been that before. Yes. Yeah. And just getting come in freely. Like I think that without the fear of actually getting pregnant, I think would. But is that

hot or is that less hot? I think it's, I think you're right. It's maybe we can beat the odds. I love a slot machine. But it doesn't look different, right? It's still the same and tastes the same. It's just a little higher. It's like a nose job.

It's just like a little. The sperm does have little X's in their eyes. Well, you guys thank you so much for watching us yet again for another episode thank you so much Nikki

oh my gosh thank you for having me yeah thanks for coming back I just I'm sorry I didn't do the Esther thing of sitting like this and like wearing

a really big hiding her tits in her big shirt Annie you disgusting whore fuck that Esther she wouldn't say whore she'd be like ew like if you say whore she's like whore dad asked her she wouldn't say whore she'd be like

ew like if you say whore she's like whore ew no she'd be like slut she'd be like slut slut

slut oh you stupid slut um it was so fun I love you guys thanks Nikki see you guys next week Thank you.